Newly elected House Speaker Mike Johnson of Louisiana was a vocal supporter of Donald Trump’s efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election. The Onion asked House Republicans why they unanimously selected an election denier as their leader, and this is what they said.
Humor
Republicans Explain Why They Support An Election Denier As House Speaker
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Rep. Ron Estes (R-KS)
“Our two-party system of government works best when one party accepts election results and the other doesn’t.”
Rep. George Santos (R-NY)
“Lord knows I’ve been asking my colleagues to overlook some shit.”
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA)
“Why would I abandon the strategy that got me this far?”
Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX)
“As the representative of a grossly gerrymandered district, I kind of forgot elections were a thing.”
Rep. Chip Roy (R-TX)
“It seems like he never recovered from his parents’ divorce, so I thought the speakership might cheer him up.”
Rep. Mike Johnson (R-LA)
“That’s not fair. A lot of my colleagues voted for me because of how much I hate gays.”
Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY)
“If America didn’t want us empowering election deniers they would have voted the right way and not forced our hand.”
Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA)
“Because I’m going to be raking in seven figures lobbying for Wal-Mart by next year so who gives a fuck.”
Rep. Paul Gosar (R-AZ)
“Anything’s better than that cuck Paul Gosar taking charge.”
Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH)
“He said I could use the speaker’s office when he goes home for the night.”
Rep. Greg Pence (R-IN)
“He had the little ‘R’ next to his name.”
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO)
“How are we supposed to deny the results of the next election if we don’t have a speaker?”
Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA)
“My entire existence is centered around not making Donald Trump mad.”
Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC)
“We need to make Mr. Trump feel good. I mean, look at him: He’s mad all the time. Like, all the time! Don’t you just want to do something nice for a big ol’ grinch like that?”
Rep. Patrick McHenry (R-NC)
“The beautiful thing about elections is that they’re subjective, like a work of art. They’re not determined by who had the most votes, but by which candidate spoke most eloquently to your heart.”
Rep. Barry Loudermilk (R-GA)
“At the end of the day, we all just want what’s best for our wealthiest constituents.”
Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL)
“Because we’re laying groundwork to steal the next election. Was that not clear?”
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