“How I Would Rewrite My Childhood Report Cards If I Could”

When I was diagnosed with ADHD and dyscalculia at age 38, I wept for 10-year-old me. For the little girl who could not make sense of numbers, whose legs would shake and voice tremble when forced to stand and recite multiplication tables. When I fumbled, my teacher would smack the chalkboard and shout “Wrong again!” as the class erupted in laughter. “Stupid, dumb me.” I whispered to myself as I retreated.

I also wept for teenage me, who was called “dumb” and told countless times that she just needed to “try harder.” For the girl who felt she needed to wear a mask. No matter what I did, it never felt like it was good enough.

The tears I shed after my diagnoses have been like healing rains. The grief and shame I feel are real, but I don’t want to stay in these places for too long. I want to move beyond them. So, I have decided to try to find the victory stories I never experienced as a child.

I wish my teachers knew about my ADHD and dyscalculia. I’m going to imagine what life would have been like if they did, and what they might have written in my report cards had they known the truth about my determination, suffering, and self-esteem.

1. Tends to lose concentration easily.

Erica’s wonderfully wired mind works hard to help her manage her focus and attention. To our delight, we’ve found that coloring, drawing, and playing with putty also helps her focus. I am so proud of Erica for her continued efforts to focus in the classroom. Erica, you are doing so well!

[Read: Your After-Diagnosis Acceptance Guide]

2. Is not an attentive listener.

Erica tries really hard to listen, which is so impressive, as we understand that her mind is constantly flooded with millions of different thoughts, some of them intrusive and overwhelming. I am really proud of Erica for trying, even with such a busy brain, to slow down and wait her turn. These are not easy things for her to do, but she keeps on trying.

3. Has confusion with number recall; needs to work harder.

Erica works so hard to remember her numbers but faces the challenge of dyscalculia, which is a significant learning disability. I encourage Erica to be kind to herself and know that she is doing a spectacular job. She will thrive and succeed in school and beyond because she is brave and creative. Knowing numbers is not the sum of a life well lived. Keep going, Erica!

4. Must try harder to be attentive and polite when others are talking.

Erica cares for others so deeply that, when her classmates share stories, her mind, eager to know more, explodes with questions. Sometimes she blurts out those questions, but she isn’t being rude or self-absorbed when she does so. She experiences impulsivity issues, and she also wants to make sure she can squeeze her thought in before she forgets it. She works hard to be attentive, and her zeal, kindness, and passion for connecting with others is remarkable! She has started writing down things when others talk so she can remember what was said and ask her questions later on. Good job, Erica!

5. Has allowed outside problems to impact her work.

Erica has had a tough semester. Though a bully assaulted her, it was Erica who received punishment for swearing at her bully. This incident was, understandably, massively disruptive for Erica, who also experiences RSD and justice sensitivity. In any case, Erica’s wellbeing is far more important than her schoolwork. I recommend she take a mental health month and that the incident with the bully be properly addressed.

[Read: “What Is Wrong With Me?” ADHD Truths I Wish I Knew As a Kid]

6. Disappointing results from a student with potential.

Erica will never be a disappointment. The challenges she faces with her diagnoses are plenty, and her courage and ability to continue trying and keep laughing is admirable. This is a student who is living beyond her potential every single day!

From report card to report card, and each challenge in between, onward I go with the liberating exercise of rewriting my life pre-diagnosis, no longer carrying defeat but walking in victory.

What I Wish My Teacher Knew About My ADHD: Next Steps

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