“Feeling Guilty for Not Being Productive? Drop ADHD Shame to See Real Change”

On a recent Saturday, I woke from my daytime ADHD hyperfocus coma (which I didn’t realize I had slipped into) and was horrified to see that I had fallen behind my usual schedule. I write a few stories a week for the web, and weekends are critical in getting these ready to send off. But as the day drew to a close, I only had one story done.

How could time be so slippery? I went back and counted all the things I’d done earlier, because there surely had to be more accomplishments in my day. And there were — dishes, laundry, work tasks. Not bad — I’d assumed I’d only accomplished one thing, but I’d accomplished four, though three of those tasks could in no way account for all that time.

I went back through my day with a magnifying glass and — ah-ha! There they were! More accomplishments. Except these accomplishments were in the form of low-value but highly alluring distractions.

Was I mad at myself for wasting a precious Saturday? For once, I decided not to be.

A Guilt Trip Won’t Drive Me to Productivity Land

I looked down at the self-reproach stick I keep close at hand (if you have ADHD, you know the one) and flung it into the corner. Words came tumbling out of the stick and onto the floor. You shouldn’t have done what you did! How could you?!

[Read: “Shame Spiral Advice from the Counselor with ADHD Who Needs to Take Her Own Advice”]

I stepped on the words, squishing them. No mercy. Sometimes, we just need to be firm with our inner critical voices.

Instead of succumbing to self-reproach, I saw the opportunity to learn. I looked at how to prevent future Saturdays from looking like this Saturday.

I started by identifying what needed fixing and what needed encouraging, neither of which I could have done if I continued to harass myself over my missteps.

I decided to install a website blocker on my phone to deter me from reading the news, a big distractor. This worked for a while, and eventually it taught me that I don’t want to be looking at the news all day, anyway. These days, I don’t need the blocker. Instead, I purposely moved my news app four screens from the home screen. Every scroll to get there gives me a moment to mindfully pause and consider if I really want to read the news. The gap affords me the opportunity to choose better because I want to do better.

[Read: Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself]

I also set up a decent, doable game plan for my weekends. Instead of thinking I can get everything done, I now have a good balance of tasks. I don’t crack the proverbial whip — well, at least not as much as I did, or at least not as wickedly. I settle in and enjoy my work, task after task, and revel in crossing each one off my list. I acknowledge each completed task to myself, which fuels me on to the next thing.

Finally, I decided to program fun at the end of the day to reward myself. It’s not major – online puzzles before bed are very fun and simple treats, if I do say so.

All this, and no self-berating sticks, no “wasted” weekends. It’s such a luxury in comparison to the alternative. The pivot from being mad at myself to being happy with my progress is such a life-changer. The more I gently encourage small steps, one after the other, the more I’m rocking Saturdays like you won’t believe.

Feeling Guilty for Not Being Productive: Next Steps for ADHD Brains

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