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  • Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

    Wives, Submit to Your Husbands

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    It’s a word that often makes us feel icky- submit. We’ve been led to believe submitting to our husbands makes us weaker or less valuable. The Merriam-Webster definition of submit is: “to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; surrender” or “to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.” Christian submission has nothing to do with the weaker sex. It has nothing to do with traditional gender roles. It has nothing to do with complementarianism versus egalitarianism. We could have a lengthy conversation about those ideas, and I’m sure it would be a lively and passionate discussion. But this is about the written word of God telling wives to submit to their husbands. 

    It is important to note that the passage on submission begins with Ephesians 5:21, telling everyone to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It is not only wives who are to respect and listen to their husbands’ opinions and ideas, and thoughts, but all of us, as children of God, are to submit to each other as we recognize we are each made in God’s image.

    Cultural Expectations

    As with many parts of the Bible, it is important to know some of the cultural implications of the time. Most societies at the time Paul wrote that women should submit to their husbands did, indeed, expect wives to submit to their husband’s authority. While different areas defined what submission looked like differently, Paul suggests continuing the tradition of wives submitting. In a chapter full of advice on how to live a Godly life, Paul writes 

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24, NIV).

    Merriam-Webster defines “submit” as “to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.” As wives, submitting to our husbands means showing respect for his authority as the leader of the family. It means listening to his opinions without criticism and allowing him to make choices with our full support. It does not mean that he is the only one who gets a say in decisions. Submission is more about respect, support, and encouragement than about being a doormat. As we submit to our husbands, we also must remember how important their role is. As head of the household, our husbands have an enormous responsibility, and they are being guided in how to treat us, as well. 

    Husbands

    After the guidance for wives to submit to their husbands, Paul goes on, with a longer message, to instruct husbands on how to treat their wives. He writes in Ephesians 5:25-33, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” More succinctly, Paul writes to the Colossians, 

    “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Colossians 3:19, NIV). 

    It is important to note that we, as wives are not the only ones called to action. We are not to let our husbands use verses about submission against us. Men are to love their wives. Submitting to your husband does not pave the path to abuse. Submission is a mutually beneficial relationship in which each person is called to treat the other in a loving and respectful way. 

    Christ-like Submission

    We are to be like Jesus, and Jesus submitted more than we will ever be expected to. Jesus submitted by sacrificing His residence in heaven and coming to earth to live as a limited human. He submitted to death on a cross because of His love for us. We can become more like Jesus when we submit to one another. We can also live a life of freedom when we submit. James 4:7 tells us, 

    “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Submitting to God not only enriches our lives with His blessings but also builds a discipline that can help us resist the devil in times of temptation. 

    It may not be our natural inclination to submit to others, but it is a skill that can be improved through prayer and practice. James 3:17 tells us that “the wisdom that comes from heaven is, first of all, pure; then peace-loving, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere.” This wisdom, which is submissive, can be obtained only from God. How? “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Matthew 7:7, NIV). God wants to give us good things! When we ask Him, seek Him, and spend time with Him in prayer and in His word, we will be rewarded with wisdom from Him, and this wisdom will help us in our relationships. Having trouble wrapping your brain around what it really looks like to submit to your husband? Ask God to teach you! Not sure that you can step back and let your husband lead? Ask God to help you! Don’t respect your husband enough to submit to him? Ask God to change your attitude, your relationship, and your outlook! The Lord wants to help us. He wants us in marriages that are thriving and healthy, and happy. Tell God your fears and concerns about submission, and listen to where He leads you. If your husband is not a believer and is not leading the family in the way you think it should be led, continue to pray for him but also remember that you are accountable to the Lord for how you treat your husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says 

    “Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the Word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 

    Our relationships grow stronger and more Godly when we submit to one another with mutual respect, and we may just win over souls for the Kingdom while we are at it. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/LaylaBird

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • What God is Teaching Me about Getting Married

    What God is Teaching Me about Getting Married

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    I’m getting married this week, and to say I’m overwhelmed is an understatement. From last-minute preparations to never-ending questions, I think my head might pop off. Nevertheless, the Lord is revealing something to me in this sweet season. And it’s something that I pray I never forget. 

    Growing up, I wasn’t the typical girl fascinated with boys, makeup, and showy clothes. Honestly, I was the nerdy girl, obsessed with the latest novels, writing prompts, and aesthetic activities. And to this day, I rarely wear makeup or concern myself with such affairs. Life is too short to cover up your face, disguising what you truly look like. But in High School, I tried to change how I looked and acted because I wanted someone to like me. Not only did I start wearing makeup, but I cared entirely too much about my clothes, appearance, and worldly means. I was still a nerd, but I was a nerd trying to be someone and something she wasn’t. 

    For years I battled this demon—the demon of pretending to be someone you’re not. I couldn’t understand why the guy I liked didn’t like me back. And no matter how hard I tried or what I did, it was no use. I was single and mateless, just like all the discarded and lost soles in your laundry room. I understand now that the Lord was teaching me a lesson I wouldn’t understand until many years later.  

    The Height of Longings

    When I entered college, I stopped wearing makeup and clothes I thought others would like and tried being myself. When I reached 21 and had never been on a date, I started to fall back into my old ways. Every time I liked a guy, I attempted to pursue them. I’d bake them cookies, write kind notes, or offer to help them with homework. I genuinely meant the actions, but time and time again, I was friend-zoned. 

    I reached my breaking point near the end of my fourth year of college. All my friends were graduating, but because my degree was new to the school, I was forced to take an extra year of classes. Not only did I feel alone and fearful, but I honestly started to wonder what was wrong with me. On the outside, I was thriving. I’d started a dance ministry at the college, volunteered in numerous ministries, hosted Bible studies, was a small group leader, and was involved with a large friend group. But underneath that was a girl constantly wondering if she’d ever be enough for someone. Anyone. 

    The Grace of Waiting

    At twenty-twenty-two years old, I looked a dear friend in the eyes and told her how I felt. She asked me if I’d ever surrendered those longings to the Lord. Of course, I muttered. I was a Christian, so I’d certainly done that. But the longer I stared at her, the more I realized the depth of her words. 

    That day, I surrendered my desires to God. And despite the years I’d spent crying and praying on my bedroom floor, I felt peace that day. Not because I thought God would put me in a relationship but because I trusted Him even if He didn’t. I knew that single or not, God had and would fulfill His promises to me. He would not leave me broken and void of feeling, regardless of my relationship status. Not even one week later, I met my soon-to-be husband. Though at the time, I was certainly not interested. 

    After giving God my desire to be in a relationship, I was focused on attending a mission trip He’d called me to go on. No matter what, I vowed to stay focused, pursue the Lord’s call, and serve Him on this adventure. When I was notified that all the female slots on the trip were full and that I’d need a male to travel with me, I was dumbfounded. I was friends with a lot of people, but talking to and convincing a guy to attend a mission trip with me for no other reason than serving God seemed a bit far-fetched. Nevertheless, I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. 

    A Promise Fulfilled

    In less than one month until the trip, God brought Ben into my life. My dance partner, also a male, had already committed to going on the trip with me, but I wanted two to feel safe. If I was going to travel across the globe, I was going to have ammo! Ben and I were polar opposites. He was the IT nerd of the school, and I was the dance captain. He was introverted and awkward. I was extraverted and confident. He found leisure in sports, video games, and nature. I despised two of those three things. But as we prepared for the trip, Ben and I found a connection with the Lord. I was impressed with his commitment to God, and He was surprised my faith was so genuine. Attending a Christian college, you’d assume everyone you meet is authentic. Unfortunately, that often wasn’t the case. 

    By the time the trip rolled around, I thought Ben was interested in me but was in denial. I told God countless times, “I don’t care if he likes me; I am focusing on you and this trip. I will not get distracted by a boy.” I hated the old adage, “When you’re not looking for it, that’s when love will hit you.” I equally rolled my eyes every time it was suggested to me. Yet that’s exactly what happened. 

    When You Question the Plan

    Shortly after returning from our mission trip, Ben asked me out. He was my first date, my first boyfriend, and the first guy to express interest in and genuinely pursue me. I didn’t need to chase him. I didn’t need to prove my worth. And I didn’t need to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. After just a few months, however, our sparks fizzled out. Our Fourth of July love seemed to be a fluke, and I was crushed that I’d prayed to God to date and marry one person yet was now breaking up with them. I told God I was stupid and sorry. I must’ve had it all wrong. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this after all. 

    Over the next month, Ben and I remained friends but kept our distance. I knew he was still in love with me, but every time we hung out, I was greeted by a different version of Ben than he thought I’d like. Remember when I mentioned the irony of my High School impression age? He was cute, kind, and faithful to God, but I didn’t know the real him. I knew we needed space. As November of that year morphed into December, the change of seasons also brought a change in me. I never imagined Ben and I would get back together, yet here we are. Because once he was himself, I fell in love. And so did he. Not for the love of perfection but for the love of two imperfect people being themselves, learning to love one another in the Lord. 

    July 2023 marks a little over five years since we first met. Our wedding is utterly the fulfillment of a promise that I prayed for over thirteen years to come true. Over the years, I doubted God would hear my prayer and answer me. You can imagine my face when Ben and I made the leap to get back together. And yet, here I am, about to marry the only man I’ve ever dated, because that was what I prayed for. 

    The Goodness of God

    While last-minute wedding preparations still threaten to overwhelm my mind, I write this post to praise God for His overwhelming goodness in my life. And as excited as I am for this journey of marriage, I know that it’s just the beginning of His marvelous plans for me. My love story is one that I never could’ve conjured up. It’s not what I expected. It’s not what I had in mind. But it’s so much more. It’s everything He knew I needed. And then more. It’s more than I could ask, think, pray, or imagine, and I’m grateful.

    As the to-do’s pile up, I want to never forget the goodness of God that has been written in my life since day one. This marriage and covenant we’re about to enter is just one of His many promises being fulfilled. Marriage is often placed on a pedestal. I suppose that’s why one would recognize the faithfulness of God in something majorly broadcasted to the bulk of society. But marriage or not, I want to learn to recognize the goodness of God in every area of life. Especially the small and mundane ones we miss every single day. 

    • The kisses my dog Lucky greets me with after a long and hard day. 
    • The gentle breeze of air amid the harsh and striking sun. 
    • The small talk I share with the allergists who give me my weekly shots. 
    • The pain I endure reminds me that this is not my home.

    Each of those things reflects the goodness of God just as much as my upcoming marriage. They are not special but because God is good in all He does. And while marriage is a big deal that symbolizes Christ and the Church, a sacred and holy covenant, it’s not everything. God is good in all. Faithful in all. And marriage is just one of His many blessings.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/bfk92

    Amber Ginter is a young adult writer that currently works as an English teacher in Chillicothe, Ohio, and has a passionate desire to impact the world for Jesus through her love for writing, aesthetics, health/fitness, and ministry. Amber seeks to proclaim her love for Christ and the Gospel through her writing, aesthetic worship arts, and volunteer roles. She is enrolled in the YWW Author Conservatory to become a full-time author and is a featured writer for Crosswalk, ibelieve, Salem Web Network, The Rebelution, Daughter of Delight, Kallos, Anchored Passion, No Small Life, and Darling Magazine. In the past, she’s also contributed to Called Christian Writers, Southern Ohio Today News, Ohio Christian University, and The Circleville Herald. Visit her website at amberginter.com.

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    Amber Ginter

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  • Opposites Attract Until They Bump Heads

    Opposites Attract Until They Bump Heads

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    When my husband and I were dating, I would get completely enthralled just watching and listening to him. He was witty, bold, daring, and very convincing. He had monstrous dreams and was such a hard worker. His sense of humor was the cherry on top for me. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who so effortlessly made me cackle. He had a flurry of traits that got me hooked. 

    And although it was apparent to me that his personality was in many ways different from mine, this didn’t detract me one bit. As a matter of fact, it only made me feel more drawn to him- if only to savor and benefit from the traits that I lacked. The adage that opposites attract held true for me. Within the first two years of our marriage, the same traits that had lured me to him like a magnet seemed to have morphed into points of irritation. 

    It suddenly irked me that he was a social butterfly, thrusting me into public spaces, whereas the introvert in me preferred to be holed up at home. I started frowning at the fact that he was a risk taker, making bold decisions for our new family, whereas I would have preferred taking my time carefully looking out for any pitfalls. His spontaneity also started to tick me off. He would, for instance, phone our friends at the spur of the moment and invite them over for lunch or dinner. I, on the other hand, preferred organized planning where hosting guests was concerned. 

    Needless to say, we spent lots of time embroiled in conflict because of our differences. We were both simmering in frustration and wondered how to find harmony. Thankfully we somehow managed to wiggle out of the resentment rut and figured out how to live with our differences. Here are some useful tips if you are smack dab in a conflict-laced season in your marriage. 

    1. Stop trying to Change Your Spouse.

    There’s a wacky joke that states love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. The differences you spotted and probably fancied in your partner during dating and courtship tend to get magnified in marriage. This is mostly because you are now with your partner around the clock. You no longer have to part ways after a coffee or lunch date. You now hurtle home together and wake up together the following day. You have a front-row seat in their lives and are well acquainted with both their strengths and weaknesses.   

    One of the injustices you can take out on your spouse is trying to change them. It’s downright unfair and selfish. Besides, it’s nearly impossible to change an adult. Only God can redirect the heart of a man or woman. Jeremiah observed the heart is deceitful above all things and exceedingly wicked, and no man can know it. It is the Lord who searches the heart and tests the mind (Jeremiah 17: 9-10). 

    Only God can yank out a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). Nagging your partner and coercing them to change will only breed resentment in your marriage. Your partner will feel condemned and rejected. They signed up for acceptance and unconditional love and won’t take it lying down if you give them the opposite. However, this does not mean you cannot challenge your spouse to embrace healthier behaviors. By all means, respectfully let your partner know the areas where they could be and do better. But desist from pestering and manipulating them to change. 

    2. Bear With Each Other’s Weaknesses.

    “We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself, but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.’” – Romans 15:1-2

    What is your attitude towards what you consider to be your spouse’s weaknesses? Do they aggravate you and cause you to say or do things you later regret? Paul teaches us a more excellent way where other people’s weaknesses are concerned. We are to bear with each other’s weaknesses – and not to please ourselves. This means when one of your spouse’s weaknesses rears its (weak) head, it’s time to please them and not yourself. 

    This means it’s not time to scold, berate or rebuke them. On the contrary, it’s time to extend the unconditional love of Christ. The love that is patient and kind. Love that does not envy, boast, and neither is it proud. Love that does not dishonor others is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7) 

    Paul remarks that as we please those weaker than us and not ourselves, it leads to their edification (Romans 15:2). This implies the way to stir up change in our spouses where their weaknesses are concerned is not by disparaging them but by bearing with them. 

    3. View Your Differences as Blessings.

    So your wife is a health freak and loves to whip up low-calorie foods and snacks. You, on the other hand, have always loved calorie-dense greasy food. You can either pout about the revolution in your kitchen or view it as a blessing. With healthier eating habits, you are less prone to lifestyle diseases and may shed some weight. Couples should learn to celebrate their differences as opposed to getting irritated by them. 

    Besides, wouldn’t life be painstakingly vanilla if we were all the same? Paul taught that just as we have many members in one body, all the members do not have the same function. (Romans 12:4). It is absurd to wish your partner was just like you and even more absurd to try and change them to your liking. Couples should instead celebrate their differences and revel in the value, spice, and flavor their differences inject into their marriage. 

    4. Arm Yourself with Forgiveness.

    “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4: 32

    It’s baffling how often we are quick to extend forgiveness to everyone else around us, save from our spouses. It’s much easier to dish out forgiveness to our co-workers, relatives, neighbors, shop attendants, children, etc. But when do our spouses need forgiveness? That becomes a different story altogether. We don’t take their offenses lying down. We turn the offense over and over in our heads, scrutinizing it from all possible angles. We allow the offense to simmer with us for a long time so that we can feel every ounce of irritation it bears. 

    The scriptures brim over with the admonition for believers to forgive each other. Nowhere does the word of God suggest our spouses are an exception. In fact, being the closest people around us, it goes without saying they are the ones we should be forgiving most. Peter asked Jesus how often one should forgive his brother who sins against him, and Jesus gave a baffling answer – seventy times seven (Mathew 18:22). Here, Jesus was indicating we should never run out of forgiveness for our brothers- the people closest to us. Your spouse is the person closest to you; therefore, you need to fill your tank of forgiveness for them to the brim. As your differences come to the forefront in marriage, be ready to dish out forgiveness.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/izusek

    Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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  • Making Friends As An Adult

    Making Friends As An Adult

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    I have moved eight times as a military spouse in the last fifteen years. I have become skilled at being a Navy wife. I know how to purge, pack, and research new areas. I have all the school enrollment paperwork organized, can find a church home within the first month, and have ways to discover all the best restaurants. I have made friends in every single location, and I cry every time we have to move away. But, even with all of that, it is scary. It is stressful. Every time we move, I experience all the toddler tantrum feelings of “But I don’t want to!”

    I get it. Meeting people is intimidating. Plus, it’s hard. Our schedules are full, our walls are up, and we are all just so tired. Maybe you are new to an area or have lived there for years. Either way, if you are looking to make friends, I have learned a few things with all the opportunities I have had to make new friends. Take a deep breath. Some of this might make you cringe with nervousness and yell, “But I don’t want to!” I know; I’ve been there. But like we tell those toddlers throwing tantrums- sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. Sometimes the best things in life are really hard. Sometimes, those hard things are completely worth it. 

    Go First 

    The absolute best thing I think you can do to make friends is to go first. People are lonely and want to connect, but most of us are too nervous to take the first step. It’s like there are rooms full of people who want to make friends, but everyone is too intimidated to make the first move, so we all remain in this loneliness. Be the one to put yourself out there and maybe look like a fool. Other people will be so, so thankful that you did. You will be so, so thankful that you did. Smile, introduce yourself, and start asking questions. We all love to talk about ourselves, and listening is the best way to get to know someone, so ask questions and be genuinely interested in the answers. I cannot tell you how many friends I have made by being willing to approach someone to say ‘hello.’ It is super hard, but also really quite easy.  

    I admit, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, though. I have had my fair share of strikeouts. Some people don’t want to connect or clash with my personality. That can hurt or be embarrassing. That’s when we take a deep breath, remind ourselves we are children of the one true God, and accept that while we didn’t get a friend out of the interaction, we did get a story. In my experience, the interactions will be positive most of the time. 

    Unplug

    Take your air pods out of your ears and put away your phone. Stop scrolling social media when potential friends surround you. When we are open to connection, we are more likely to connect. A fantastic place to make friends is at your kids’ events. Other parents are also looking for friends, and if you are both in the same place, that means there is some shared interest or at least a shared schedule. Talk to other parents while you sit at practices. Host a cookout for the team. Don’t have kids involved in activities? No worries! I bet you have your own times when you could unplug and connect with others. Maybe chat with someone you always see at the gym instead of listening to music. Perhaps sit with a coworker for lunch rather than listen to a podcast. Look at the times you are closing yourself to others by focusing on technology and making adjustments. Others will likely follow your lead and put away their devices when they realize the human connection is available because that’s what we crave.

    Join Something

    Follow your interests! Search online for groups you might like. Many areas have groups for different stages of life, like motherhood or retired groups, or gatherings based on interests like running, geocaching, or knitting. You will likely find helpful groups for specific situations like grief or adoption support. While having a similar interest does not guarantee a friendship, it does offer a good starting place. Surrounding yourself with a large number of people, you are bound to find someone you connect with. Going into your first meeting with a new group will likely be intimidating, but jumping in is sometimes the only way to get involved. You can do hard things, friend! Remember, everyone has been new to the group at some point. And once you are settled in the group, be on the lookout for new people! Remember what it was like to show up that first time, Making people feel welcome is another great way to meet new friends. 

    Start Something 

    Can’t find a group that fits your needs? Start your own! Use word of mouth or social media to spread the message. When I was homeschooling my children, our town did not have a regular playdate for homeschoolers. There were plenty of field trips and the occasional park day, but I needed a regularly scheduled event to plan our schooling around. So, I talked to the staff at my church and posted on the local homeschool page that we would have a weekly playdate in the church’s children’s room. We brought out toys from the classrooms and let the kids play while the moms chatted. Almost every week, someone new came in slightly intimidated, and returned week after week. Some people even started going to church there! I made friends, my kids made friends, and other moms made friends, too. If you don’t have children or just sitting around talking doesn’t interest you, come up with your own ideas. Maybe you form a group that picks up trash at local parks or a book club or meets weekly at the pickleball courts. Whatever you are into, invite others along! 

    Serve

    Volunteering is a great way to connect with like-minded people. There are plenty of opportunities to volunteer at either church or in the community. When you regularly give back, not only will you be making a difference and feel good, but you will also have the chance to meet new people. Many volunteer opportunities involve lots of talking, so you can really get to know someone when you serve alongside them. You can hold babies in the nursery on Sunday mornings, sort clothes at donation centers, serve lunch at the local soup kitchen, play with animals at a shelter, or take a mission trip with your church. Think about how you would be interested in serving and find a way to get involved in that area. There is a good chance you will make friends who care about that thing, too!

    Photo Credit :©iStock/Getty Images Plus/SeventyFour 

    Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.

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  • Seven Pocket Prayers to Pray Over Your Friends

    Seven Pocket Prayers to Pray Over Your Friends

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    Proverbs 27:9 tells us there is nothing quite like a sweet friendship. They can refresh our souls and draw us closer to the Lord. Wow! What a blessing it is to have a God who designed us for this special kind of fellowship with other “sisters.” 

    We all need friends. The kind of friend Proverbs lays out for us! The beloved friend you can rely on for just about anything. The sister that builds you up and encourages you, pushing you beyond your limits – in a good way. The woman that helps you become a better version of yourself while gently pointing out your blind spots. The one that walks beside you cheering you on during your greatest victories and crying with you in the deepest, most sorrowful times. Due to the seasons of life and busy schedules, she may not always physically be there, but you never have to wonder where you stand with her. You are free to be yourself and know that even with your many faults and quirkiness, there is no judgment with her. Your friendship is based on love and wrapped in grace and forgiveness. You feel the honor of sharing your heart and pouring it into her as well.

    Many of our friends may be silently facing battles. It’s important to connect with friends intentionally, extending the love of Jesus as the opportunity arises. The beautiful thing about friendship is what we learn about them, ourselves, and how loving our God is. Lifting up these crucial relationships in prayer allows us to soften our hearts and gives way for us to be the loving friends we are called to be and wield our greatest weapon against the enemy. When a sweet friend is laid upon your heart, pause, and pray. As you meet with a friend for lunch, pause and pray. As you hear of trials a friend is facing, pause and pray. We have so many precious opportunities to place our hearts at the feet of Jesus and bring our friendships before Him. If words seem to fail you as you come before Him, you are not alone – take heart, friend. There is no need to say the right prayer or have the perfect words. Thankfully, God knows the nature of our hearts. 

    Below you will find seven simple (but powerful) pocket prayers alongside a verse of Scripture. Pray and recite the verses over your friends, personalizing them to meet their needs and requests. 

    Pray for Her Faith.

    Heavenly Father, I humbly come before You with an open heart. I sincerely ask that You step in and boldly proclaim Your unfailing and unwavering love over my dear friend. Open her eyes to see Your wonders and soak in Your goodness. Reignite her faith and give her a passion and zeal to see You in her life. Amen. 

    “For we live by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7

    Pray for Her Family.

    God, Your design for the family unit is indeed good. I pray that you dwell in the heart of my sweet friend’s home. Speak love and life into her marriage. Give her wisdom and strength to be the mom You are calling her to be and restore fragile relationships that need Your gracious mending. Amen.

    “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10

    Pray for Her Career.

    Lord, we are so grateful for all the beautiful roles You have blessed us with as Your daughters. I lift my precious friend up to You and pray that as she encounters career shifts, she can find a healthy work/life balance. Please ignite her passions and use the gifts You have given her to do great things. Amen.

    “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23

    Pray for Her Heart.

    Faithful Father, You are a God calling after our own hearts. You long for a deep relationship with us and draw us in through sacred moments. Thank you for Your faithfulness. I pray for my friend to have intimate encounters where she can be still before You. Let it prompt her to rejoice and delight in You, God. Amen. 

    “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” – Matthew 22:37

    Pray for Her Strength.

    Jesus, You are our source of strength, and we thank You for covering us in Your mighty power in our weakness. With a grateful heart, I ask that You intercede on behalf of my sweet friend, who desperately needs Your grace, mercy, and wisdom. When she feels forsaken, discouraged, or alone, please come alongside her and give her the comfort she needs to rely on You. Amen. 

    “You are my strength, I watch for you; you, God, are my fortress.” –  Psalm 59:9

    Pray for Her Hardships.

    O Lord, You tell us that we will encounter trials and hardships in this life. However, in the midst of trying times, it can be difficult to see the light through the thick fog of pain. So, with a heart that longs to console my precious friend, I ask that You give me discernment on how to bring her comfort. I pray that You draw near and provide rest for her restless heart and peace to her soul. Amen.

    “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

    Pray for Her Hope and Healing.

    Faithful Father, as your daughters, we long to cling to Your promises and glean from the hope You provide within the pages of Your Word. Please help us submit to Your will and ways, and forgive us where we may fail You. As my friend yearns for hope and needs healing, I pray that You restore the fragile parts of her heart and mend her from within as only You can. Provide her a pathway forward and allow me to encourage her in ways that draw her back to You, Lord. I pray this in Your precious name. Amen.

    “And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” – James 5:15

    My Prayer for You.

    Lord, I lift up the sweet sister reading this and striving to lift up and cover her friends in prayer and shower them in Scripture. I pray You capture her heart and remind her of Your incredible love for her, first and foremost. Bless her friendships, drawing them closer together while allowing them to draw closer to You. Place sweet friends in her life that grow her faith, enrich her family, and encourage her to use her gifts to glorify You. If she finds herself in a season of loneliness, equip her to use that time to rely solely on You and develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with her spouse, children, or close family. We are so thankful. You provide us with friends we can do this life with. You are such a good Father. May we aim to please You in our sweet friendships. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Zorica Nastasic

    For more verses on healing, click here.

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • How Long Should the Love of a Marriage Suffer?

    How Long Should the Love of a Marriage Suffer?

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    Suffering long is probably the last thing on any couple’s minds as they exchange vows on their wedding day. At that moment, the new couple is completely immersed in the love they sense so strongly. They exude confidence that their formidable love will help them sail through the varying seasons of life. They are right on one hand because love conquers everything. On the other hand, they may be completely wrong if they peg their hope purely on the romantic love they share -sexual attraction, passion, fuzzy feelings, emotional attachment, care, and exclusivity. 

    And while romantic love is a critical phase in any relationship, it fades away with time. Your palms will eventually stop sweating, and your cheeks stop flushing at the sight of your spouse. Your heartbeat will eventually assume a steady rhythm, and the feel-good hormones will come to a grinding halt as your relationship evolves. Enter intentional love. This makes a couple stay true to their vows and trudge on despite the hurdles that sprout up unexpectedly on their path. Believers have an advantage where love is concerned because the Bible offers us the blueprint for loving each other. 

    Love Suffers Long

    In 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, Paul points out the futility of the believer’s spiritual gifts if not motivated by love. Love is the epicenter of the believer’s life; without it, the believer lives in deception. The entire gospel is a relentless love story. It’s about a God who loved the world so much that He offered His only son to redeem it. God is love, and we cannot claim to know Him if we do not practice love (1 John 4:8).   

    The first attribute Paul uses to describe love is that it is long-suffering. The Collins Dictionary defines long-suffering as patiently putting up with a lot of trouble or unhappiness, especially when caused by someone else. Peter taught that God is long-suffering. He warned the early church against scoffers who would claim that the return of the Lord Jesus was taking a tad too long. Peter explained that what looked like a delay in Jesus’ return was actually God exercising long-suffering. God “delays” Christ’s return to offer the world more time to repent since He desires that none should perish (2 Peter 3:9).

    Jesus, too exhibited long-suffering while on Earth. He had to leap over many hurdles to fulfill the father’s will. He endured the cross and despised its shame to redeem humankind. He humbled Himself unto death. As the author and finisher of our faith, Paul urges us to emulate Him by running our race with endurance (Hebrews 12:2). If Jesus needed to suffer long to do God’s will, we too must be ready to tread the same road since we are not greater than our master. We are not to back down from the race at the first sight of trouble. We are to stick it through and endure hardship like good soldiers (2 Timothy 2:3). We are to suffer long as we fight the good fight of faith. 

    Long Suffering in Marriage

    Long-suffering is critical in all your relationships, but you will most likely need it more in marriage than in any other relationship. Seeing that marriage is the closest human relationship, disagreements and disappointments are part of the package. Like you, your spouse is not perfect, and their weaknesses become more apparent in marriage. 

    Your marriage will present you with countless opportunities to exercise long-suffering. But isn’t that what you promised to do at the altar as your eyes glistened with tears while saying your vows? You vowed to be with your partner for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health. You signed up for a life of long suffering as you ceased being two people and became one flesh. How can we then exercise long-suffering in our marriages, and are there limits to the same? Here are four thoughts to consider.  

    1. Do Everything as Unto the Lord.

    “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” – Colossians 3:17

    “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31

    God asks us to do everything to His glory and in His name. Our lives are not to be compartmentalized. We should not glorify Him in some areas but live mindlessly in others. This means that your relationship with your spouse is no exception. Every deed and word uttered should be done in the name of the Lord to bring glory to Him.  Does how you communicate with your spouse bring glory to God? What about how you meet their needs? If we embrace this careful attitude, weighing our words and actions against God, we will inadvertently find that we are exercising long-suffering in our marriages. We will be more patient, forgive more and bear with each other’s weaknesses.  

    2. Observe How Christ Relates to the Church

    “Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, let the wives be to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” – Ephesians 5: 22-27

    Paul urges the married folk to use the relationship between Christ and the church as the template for their marriages. He asks wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and in everything. That is no easy task. Wives will often need to suffer long to fulfill this command. How do you submit to your husband when all you can see are his glaring shortcomings? Husbands, too, have the arduous task of loving their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. How can husbands possibly measure up to the towering standard Christ has set for them? They, too, must exercise lots of long-suffering to love their wives selflessly. Long-suffering is embedded in the marriage template Paul recommends, and there’s no way of escaping it. 

    3. Remember Your Own Failings

    “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’ and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Mathew 7: 3-5

    When tempted to judge your spouse harshly, withholding mercy and forgiveness, take a moment and reflect on your own failings. Are you perfect? Far from it. Does your spouse also have to contend with your weaknesses? Most definitely. Realizing that you also have many failings that your partner has to put up with will help you put things into perspective. Jesus warned that if we don’t forgive others, our heavenly father will not forgive us (Mathew 6:15). If you expect your spouse to bear with your weaknesses, how about you start by doing the same?

    4. Know the Boundaries

    Love suffers long alright, but there are boundaries. Our long-suffering should not put our lives at risk and cause us harm. God does not ask us to languish in our marriages in the name of long suffering. Though the scriptures consistently urge spouses to bear with one another, there are exceptions. For instance, God outrightly says that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). However, Jesus taught that divorce was acceptable where sexual immorality had crept into the marriage (Mathew 5: 32). Additionally, if a spouse becomes abusive and risks the life and well-being of their partner, long-suffering should not be exercised. Couples need to operate within healthy boundaries in their marriages. Boundaries protect spouses from exploitation and manipulation by spelling out limits and assigning responsibility. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Hispanolistic

    Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.

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  • 5 Celebrities with Strong Christian Marriages

    5 Celebrities with Strong Christian Marriages

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    I always find it encouraging to read about what other Christian couples say about their Marriages and any helpful tips they’ve learned over their lives together thus far. It’s wonderful that there are celebrity Christian couples out there who are open and honest about their relationships and any tips they might have on keeping their Marriages strong. Here are just five of them and two quotes from each duo on their Marriages, amounting to a total of 10 tips you can apply to your own:

    Candace says of her beloved Valeri.

    Tip #2 Refine One Another:

    “We’ve refined each other, which only happens through sifting out the ugly to get to the beautiful. And while I don’t want the years to rush by, I’m looking forward to many more wrinkles and gray hair together.” Candace says.

    I can relate to Candace’s sentiments: falling more in love is important, and in order to do this, it’s essential to realize that your spouse will not stay the same as the person they were when you married them. They will grow and change, and so will you. And as you grow and change, focusing on loving all the different parts of your partner in life will strengthen your marriage instead of focusing on the parts that you perhaps don’t like so much.

    Refining one another is also a beautiful thought for your marriage journey: and it is the hard things in life that refine us. My husband and I have learned through deep difficulty that you will go through these hard things together when you’re married, and they will either refine you or rip you apart. So this word picture of refining one another is key to a strong marriage.

    2. Ree Drummond and Ladd Drummond

    Tip #3 Touch Feet at Night:

    “We always touch feet at night,” Ree told People.com. “Even if one of us is a little bit miffed, or if someone’s not feeling it, if our feet touch, I always know, ‘Okay, it’s all good.’”

    Tip #4 Worship Together:

    “Both Ladd and Ree are committed to their relationship with God and attending church—even when life gets hectic. ‘This isn’t the answer for everybody, but we go to church together every Sunday,’ she told People. ‘It’s something that we do no matter what comes up. No matter how tired we are. I’ve seen the times that we’ve slipped away from that, and disaster is lurking in the bushes.’”

    I love this idea of touching feet at night; my husband and I have tried it. I once suggested it after an argument when we would have preferred to turn our backs to one another, and it really does make a difference. Worshipping together can mean quite a few different things; my husband and I enjoy watching sermons together and listening to praise and worship music while working out or driving in the car. Make worshipping together a regular part of your day, not just a Sunday thing.

    3. Denzel Washington and Pauletta Washington

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Kevin Winter/Staff

    Tip #5 A Spiritual Foundation is Important

    In regards to marriage, Denzel says:

    “There is no secret to the perfect marriage. I have been married 27 years to Pauletta. Everybody has their ups and downs; we’ve had ours. It’s hard work, you know. But we made a commitment. A spiritual foundation helps everything – marriage, work, peace of mind.”

    Tip # 6 Listen Twice as Much as You Speak

    In a joking manner about listening to your spouse, Denzel says:

    “I do what I’m told. I keep my mouth shut,” the 63-year-old Academy Award winner jokingly told PEOPLE.

    I love this mention from a celebrity of a spiritual foundation: this is not something we often hear. Many build their foundations on fortune and fame and things that will eventually crumble: so this was refreshing to me and so important for any Christian Marriage. Build on God’s Word and His love. Everything else is secondary.

    I also enjoy the sense of humor here because any good marriage needs a good sense of humor on both sides: I know there are many times my husband and I can relate to doing what the other person asks instead of starting an argument. And listening in marriage is key. Even when it’s something you might not want to hear: listening will take you through all the ups and downs.

    4. Mark Wahlberg and Rhea Durham

    Mark Wahlberg, Wahlberg to star in his first faith-based film

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Leon Bennett/Stringer

    Tip #7 Spend Quality Time Together

    In regards to spending time with your spouse, Mark says:

    “Spend quality time together,” the actor, 44, told Us. “Really, that’s what matters.”

    Tip #8 Be Best Friends

    “Mark and Rhea keep their romance alive by being one another’s best friends, and it is obviously working in their favor!”

    Spending time together makes a world of difference but is often a challenge for modern couples: it becomes one of those things you need to commit to regardless of what comes up. We’ve had seasons in our marriage where we could only sneak 5 minutes together and seasons where we’ve had an entire day to ourselves. Don’t focus on the amount of time: focus on the fact that all of it adds up, and all of your time spent together matters. And this coincides with being best friends: most of us want to spend time with our best friends, and the same should be true for our spouses.

    5. Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher

    Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher

    Photo credit: ©YouTube/I Am Second

    Tip #9 Support One Another: Sacrifice and Compromise

    In regards to her marriage, Carrie says:

    “It’s all about being supportive of one another. He’s my best friend and we love our family; that’s what it’s all about. We sacrifice for each other and compromise for each other and do our best to spend as much time as we possibly have with each other.”

    Tip #10 Remember that God Brought You Together

    “We know God brought us together and [we] trust his judgment,” Carrie says.

    Support, sacrifice, and compromise are all such important words when it comes to marriage. We can’t always put ourselves first and expect to have a strong marriage: because we are looking out for the needs and wants of our spouse and not just our own like we did when we were single.

    For me, this final tip was the most important tip of all: Remembering that God brought my spouse and me together.

    This is so important, especially when times are tough. It can often be so hard to see past our current situation, but when we step back and look at the picture of our marriage as a whole, instead of focusing on the hard things, we can see a much clearer picture of God’s plan for our relationship.

    The beautiful thing about marriage is that we don’t go through the hard things alone: we have someone who walks physically beside us. Sometimes we will need to comfort and support our spouse, and other times they will need to comfort and support us.

    Marriage is also a picture of our relationship with God and His unconditional love for us. He doesn’t fall out of love with us, and although there is no perfect human relationship: We have a God of perfect love who always wants and desires what’s best for us.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Rick Diamond/Staff

    Kali Dawson bio photoKali Dawson graduated from St. Thomas University with a B.A. in English and a Minor in Journalism and Communications. She is a School Teacher, Pilates Instructor, and Mama of two young children and a beautiful 2020 baby. She is married to her real-life Superhero. When she’s not holding small hands or looking for raised hands you will find her writing fervently about faith and family. To read more, you can find her on Facebook at Faith, Family, Freelance.

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  • Finding True Friends in Life, and Faith

    Finding True Friends in Life, and Faith

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    Finding true friends in life and faith can be quite a task. As someone who has struggled with friendships, I can relate to others who are going through the same challenge. As nice as it would be if we could just make a friend by talking with strangers at a coffee shop, friendships don’t always start this simply. God didn’t create us to walk alone in life, as He wants us to have friends and relationships with others. To be alone in this world is a scary thing, which is why we need true friends in life and faith. 

    The concept of finding true friends is extremely difficult. As a child and a teen, I remember my parents talking about how true friends are a treasure and something that should not be taken for granted. Like myself, my parents also had difficulty finding true friends in life and faith. My late mother was always someone who made conversations quickly and could efficiently work a room. Since my mom could do this, I was always surprised that she never really had many genuine friends. Out of all my mom’s friends, she only ever recounted one as her actual true friend. This friend of my mom’s was her best friend and always stayed by her side throughout school. While it is true that my mom and her friend lost touch after my mom married my dad, their friendship remained at the front of their minds. I had never personally spoken to this close friend of my mom’s until after my mom passed away. Her friend told me about their adventures and how true of a friend my mom was to her. Her only regret was that they had fallen out of touch many years ago. 

    It’s so important for us to hold onto our true friends once we find them. We’re never assured the time and frequency these special friendships will come into and remain a part of our lives. Sometimes we don’t recognize a true friend in life and faith until we lose them. This is a sad reality that should encourage us to self-reflect on our lives and relationships with our friends. God places people in our lives purposefully, but to have true friends, we have to be true friends ourselves. Being a true friend means we care about the other person, recognize their boundaries, and support them in every way possible. True friends never hurt their friends, nor do they put them down. Rather, friends should build each other up and help them in their struggles. While it can be hard to find real friends who are there for you, not only during the sunny days but also during the dark days, they are treasures to keep and cherish. 

    I used to consider many people true friends in life. But once they knew I was struggling with anorexia, depression, and anxiety, everyone kept their distance from me. Slowly, one by one, people stopped replying to my texts. I ceased to be invited to meet-ups anymore. I’m not going to lie; it really hurt. These were my friends in life and faith, who I thought would be my close friends forever, only to realize they were never my true friends in the first place. 

    A True Friend

    A true friend doesn’t expect you always to be happy, nor do they push unreasonable requests on you. Rather, a true friend is there with you through the highs and the lows. They aren’t only going to stick around when things are going well. They will be there when you are depressed, frustrated, or hurt. If you have a friend that stays by your side even during the hard times, you know that you have a true friend in life and faith. It takes more energy and commitment to stay beside someone in their struggles and difficulties. Sadly, not all people choose to stick around. Instead, they decided to return to other friends having sunny days and avoid the friend undergoing depression, mental health issues, or suicidal thoughts. If your “friends” have done this to you, know they aren’t real friends. These are fake friends who were never your friend, to begin with. 

    If you’re like me, maybe you found most of your friends aren’t true friends, leaving you feeling alone and hurt. Know that your feelings are valid, and it is okay to feel them. No emotions are too big, as it is okay to cry and go to God in prayer. I remember going to God in prayer the night I realized my “friends” weren’t my friends. I asked God to help me find real friends because I needed someone to talk to, who cared, and who could encourage me in my walk with Him. He led me to the person I was overlooking most of my life, who was already my best friend–my sister. My sister has been with me through every difficult season, and in a way, she is my built-in best friend. I can talk with her about anything, including the hurt I’ve had from the ones I thought were my real friends. Maybe once you talk with God, you will also realize your true friend in life and faith has already been there the whole time. 

    Even if your true friends haven’t been there the whole time, God will help you find the true friends you need. These faithful friends will be with you through every difficulty and won’t leave you when things get complicated. Rather, they will stay by your side, point you back to Christ, and encourage you daily. Go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you find real friends in life and faith. He is faithful, and He will guide you to the right people. It might take time and work on your behalf; however, it will be well worth it, and you will have faithful friends you can always turn to when things get hard. It is also important to always remember that God is your true friend in life and faith. He is always there for you and will never disappoint you. 

    “He will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5 

    Even if all your friends leave you or you can’t find true friends, remember that God is your friend forever. He is your best friend, and never will He let you down. God won’t leave you when times get tough and won’t turn away from you when you struggle. As a true friend would, God remains by your side, encourages you, and uplifts your heart. God is a true friend in life and faith throughout every struggle, difficulty, and trial. It will be hard to find real friends sometimes; however, with God’s help, they are never too far from us. We might find them in unexpected places, such as at a bookstore or an outreach event. God can work wonders and lead you to the right people who will be true friends to you. In the meantime, you can work on being a true friend to others and deepening your friendship with God. 

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Sabrina Bracher

    Vivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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  • Lysa TerKeurst Opens Up about Finding Love Again following Her Divorce

    Lysa TerKeurst Opens Up about Finding Love Again following Her Divorce

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    Author and Proverbs 31 Ministries founder Lysa TerKeurst revealed to her social media followers over the weekend that she is in a new relationship following her divorce.

    “The hard parts of our story aren’t the end of our story,” TerKeurst wrote on Instagram. Her post included a video of moments with her new boyfriend.

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    A post shared by Lysa TerKeurst (@lysaterkeurst)

    “If you would have told me this years ago, I would have thought “that sounds good in theory, but it’s not my reality,” she added.

    TerKeurst’s announcement comes nearly a year after she filed a divorce from her husband, Art TerKeurst, after 29 years of marriage. She first filed for divorce in 2017 due to Art’s infidelity, but the couple later renewed their vows in 2018.

    In January 2022, TerKeurst announced she was splitting from Art for good due to his continued infidelity.

    As Christian Headlines previously reported, it was later revealed that Art spent more than $100,000 on an extramarital affair with a woman he met online.

    “I will never understand the twists and turns of life,” TerKeurst wrote in her post. “But I am so grateful that when everything else feels so uncertain, the goodness and kindness of God is something we can count on.

    “There were so many days, months, years where I didn’t feel it. I had big doubts. Deep hurt. A sadness like I have never known before,” Terkeurst captioned last week’s Instagram post.

    “But in time, He wrote a story that was the sweetest surprise. I know many of you are still in the thick of the hurt and pain. And I’m still right here to walk beside you. I’m not through it all yet. But I am in a really beautiful part of this journey, and I wanted to share it with you,” she concluded.

    In another Instagram post shared late last month, Terkeurst hinted that she had met someone special in a post reflecting on her life in the past decade.

    Almost ten years of tears. So much fear. Devastating heartbreak. Countless hours of counseling. Wondering. Asking. Years of being in crowded rooms but feeling absolutely alone. Feeling awful. Making a tiny bit of progress. Then regress. Feeling so intensely unsettled,” she wrote.

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    A post shared by Lysa TerKeurst (@lysaterkeurst)

    “But by the grace of God, I eventually made peace with my life,” TerKeurst added, “I learned to be where I am. To show up. To smile. To take photos of just me, awkward but happy. To be with those who are still here. To be thankful. So grateful. To dance solo. To see life as a gift and laughter and praise music as the greatest lift for my soul.”

    “And then, when I was healed enough to not need someone, I was freed enough to want someone. The right one. It’s been the biggest surprise… love, real and honest and true. Oh, I have so much to tell you. Soon, very soon.”

    Related:

    Photo courtesy: ©Getty Images/Terry Wyatt/Stringer

    Milton Quintanilla is a freelance writer and content creator. He is a contributing writer for Christian Headlines and the host of the For Your Soul Podcast, a podcast devoted to sound doctrine and biblical truth. He holds a Masters of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary.

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  • How to Lavishly Love Your Spouse

    How to Lavishly Love Your Spouse

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    The word lavish describes a love that is rich and abundant. It isn’t a word we use often—especially in marriage—but it paints a picture of extravagant love.

    As you read this, I can only imagine the thoughts that are going through your head. You might be thinking you don’t have the time, energy, or motivation to lavishly love your spouse. You might even be wondering what that type of love looks like.

    I get it. Most of us are too busy to put extra work or time into our relationships. But what if lavish love was less about work and more about living in the overflow? God’s overflow of love—in us—is like a fountain that never runs dry. And when we allow His love to flow through us, loving our spouses lavishly not only becomes a possibility, it becomes a way of life.

    Here’s how to lavishly love your spouse:

    1. Fancy Them Again

    Remember the honeymoon phase of marriage when you “fancied” your spouse? This British word for “attraction” isn’t one we typically use to describe our feelings, but it reminds us that we were once enamored with our spouses.

    Lavish love is willing to revisit the early days, remember the vows that were made, and rekindle the passion you once shared. If your feelings have changed over the years, pray and ask God to fill you with a renewed sense of love and commitment.

    Here are a few practical ways to fancy your spouse again:

    • Let them know they still cause your heart to beat a little faster when they enter the room. 
    • Reminisce about past romantic getaways.
    • Assure them you only have eyes for them, and you love being married to them.

    Remember why you fell in love in the first place, then lavishly love your spouse by reigniting the spark that brought you together.

    “See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” Song of Songs 2:11 & 13

    2. Invest in Their Emotional Treasury

    Emotions are part of our God-given design, yet we tend to stifle them, ignore them, and even deny them. In marriage, both men and women have emotional wells that need filling up. While only Christ can fill the need for salvation, husbands and wives can help fill each other’s emotional needs. Here’s how:

    Offer words of affirmation.

    Words of affirmation are listed as one of the love languages according to author Gary Chapman. But whether words of affirmation are your personal love language or not, everyone appreciates sincere compliments and positive expressions of love. 

    Thank them.

    Everyone wants to be appreciated. Look for opportunities to thank your spouse and let them know how much you appreciate their efforts. This can be as simple as saying, “I see how hard you work for us and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”

    Validate them.

    Many husbands and wives do not feel validated by their spouses. Instead, they feel ignored or even dismissed. Validating your spouse requires you to listen to them and acknowledge what they’re saying. It means that even when you don’t agree, you still affirm their wonderful qualities.

    “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” Song of Songs 1:15

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Bobex-73

    3. Elaborate on Their Value

    When you value something, you pay close attention to it. You care for it. You devote time and energy to protecting it. Lavishly loving your spouse includes elaborating on the value they bring to your relationship.

    How is your spouse valuable to you? In what ways do they enrich your life? Have you let them know just how valuable they are? These are key questions to ask yourself as you lavishly love your spouse and make them feel appreciated.

    Here are a few things you can do to elaborate on their value:

    • Point out their strengths.
    • Offer your undivided time and attention.
    • Esteem them above yourself.
    • Give them gifts “just because.”

    When your spouse sees how valuable they are, your marriage will reach a new level of respect. And respect is essential to lavish love.

    “Who is this that appears like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, majestic as the stars in procession?” Song of Songs 6:10

    4. Be Extravagant in Your Affection

    There’s a right kind of affection and a wrong kind of affection. The right kind is considerate, tender, and in-tune with your spouse’s needs. The wrong kind is selfish, hasty, and unconcerned. To love your spouse lavishly, ask God to ignite the right kind of affection between you.

    One way to be extravagant in your affection is to take the time to get to know what your spouse desires. Ask them what makes them feel loved and cherished. Try to catch on to their physical and verbal cues. Most of all, let God lead your heart to lavish your spouse with the right kind of affection.

    Here are additional resources to help you show the right kind of affection:

    20 Simple Ways to Show Affection in Marriage
    Affection Confusion In Marriage
    How to Truly Love Your Spouse 

    “Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” Song of Songs 5:1

    5. Invest in What Matters Most

    One of the best ways you can lavishly love your spouse is by investing in what matters most. What matters most to them? Is it time spent talking about life and faith? Is it doing things together and making memories? Whatever matters most in your marriage, invest in that. 

    Hopefully, you are both walking with the Lord and are on a spiritual journey together. If not, pray about ways you can invest in sharing the Gospel with your spouse and making sure they know what salvation means.

    If you’re both Christ-followers, invest in a couple’s Bible study or join a small marriage group. By investing in your Spiritual growth, you’ll be investing in your marriage. Don’t allow work or other activities to get in the way from devoting time and energy to your spouse. Together, make a list of what matters most and build your life around those things.

    Remember, lavishly loving your spouse comes from God’s overflow. Whenever you feel like you have nothing left to give, allow God’s love to flow through you. Before long, it will become a way of life for you, and your marriage will experience lavish love like never before.

    “This is my beloved, this is my friend.” Song of Songs 5:16

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/simonapilolla

    Jennifer WaddleJennifer Waddle is the author of several books, including Prayer WORRIER: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer, and is a regular contributor for LifeWay, Crosswalk, Abide, and Christians Care International. Jennifer’s online ministry is EncouragementMama.com where you can find her books and sign up for her weekly post, Discouragement Doesn’t Win. She resides with her family near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains—her favorite place on earth. 

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  • 4 Things My Parents’ Marital Struggle Taught Me

    4 Things My Parents’ Marital Struggle Taught Me

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    My parents were married for over 50 years. Although the length of their marriage may cause some to think it must have been easy for them, it couldn’t be further from the truth. It was a struggle, and even though my Dad was a pastor, it didn’t keep him and my Mom from experiencing conflict throughout their married lives, even looking once like their marriage was ending. Thankfully, Mom and Dad stuck it out for the long run, and we, their family, are deeply grateful to God for helping them. 1 Timothy 6:12 describes what my parents accomplished and, as a pastor and wife, the many witnesses they had outside our family:

    My purpose in discussing their struggles is not to expose their weaknesses or failures but to encourage struggling couples to hang in there. I also hope it encourages children to be compassionate and understanding concerning their parents’ failures rather than despising them for their shortcomings and faults. Ephesians 4:2 urges us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

    Although my parents struggled in their relationship with each other, it didn’t keep them from being wonderful parents. Mom and Dad were faithful in teaching me to love God, loving and caring for me, and generously providing for my needs.

    No finger-pointing, please.

    There are different ways to view my Mom and Dad’s marriage issues. One perspective is to be critical of them because they struggled in their relationship, making life extremely difficult for their family and easy to point fingers at their failures. Still, too many adult children are unforgiving towards their parents for several reasons, including marital conflict. Still, Colossians 3:13 urges, 

    “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

    Another way to look at my parents’ marital struggles is that they were fighters, not only literally in conflict with each other but also in fighting the temptation to give up on their marriage. So, rather than focus on ways they disappointed and let us down, we can look at their strengths, such as enduring their marriage amid personal suffering. Whereas many couples succumb to the pressures, distress, and weariness of a trying marriage, my parents stuck with it, an accomplishment worthy of their family’s respect for hanging in there. 

    God works all things together for good.

    Although it seems like life would have been much better for us all if there had not been conflict between my parents, perhaps seeing them work out strife in their marriage has, in the long run, helped us in ways to face our own marital challenges, ones we might not otherwise have had the fortitude to face. Gratefully, like my parents, we can trust God to work through our difficulties in a way that brings benefits and blessings into our lives. Romans 8:28 assures us, 

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

    4 things we learned through their struggles:

    Below are four things God taught us through my parents’ struggles about not giving up and fighting the good fight of faith in marriage.

    1. Difficulty isn’t a reason to quit. 

    Amid my parents’ marital struggles, they taught their children how to stay the course in marriage even when it’s hard. Seeing their struggles and how they worked through differences helped prepare and strengthen our family to commit to our own marriages, especially during tough times. Although most individuals want to point fingers at the wrong actions in their spouses as reasons to divorce, Matthew 19:8 pinpoints the heart of the matter, explaining, “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” In life and especially in marriage, God urges us to, 

    “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23).

    It’s too easy to let our hearts grow cold and hard, but as painful as it can be to suffer in our marriages, God tells us, “I can do all this through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13). Mom and Dad taught us that with God’s strength, we could resist hardening of the heart as a couple.

    2. Longsuffering for the faith of our family is worth it. 

    Although it may seem like my parents weren’t thinking of us on the surface, they ultimately put their family’s well-being and future ahead of their own happiness. By being longsuffering in their marriage, they were able to reap the reward of seeing a family intact, of gathering to celebrate their 50+ years together. We witnessed “for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and till death do us part” triumphantly played out in life. When I think of my parent’s marriage, I don’t think of their failures but of their success in running the race, even if, at times, they stumbled and tripped up a bit. 2 Timothy 4:7 explains, 

    “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.” 

    3. This life is just the beginning. 

    As much as my Mom and Dad struggled with living together on earth, they believed in the life to come with Jesus. Instead of thinking they had to chase after earthly happiness before it was too late, they realized that their actions lead to eternal results. 1 John 2:25 explains what we as believers in Jesus Christ have to look forward to, “And this is what He promised us—eternal life.” Likewise, following God’s will ultimately brings lasting joy in this life and the life to come. To chase after temporal happiness on earth is to throw away the eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 encourages us, 

    “So fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 

    4. Reconciliation brings long-term rewards. 

    Sadly, my parents went through a time of separation. Although I was grown, married, and with children of my own during it, it felt devastating. Adulthood does not shield children from the suffering of their parents’ broken relationship. The breakdown of a marriage shakes a family to the core. Family members begin questioning their parents’ foundational teachings growing up, wondering if they are true. During the separation, my parents experienced the hurt it brought to our family, the loss of togetherness, and the absence of joy and peace. As much as they struggled with their relationship, Mom and Dad believed God’s words about marriage. They wanted to honor Him and not take His word on divorce lightly. 

    “’ The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:16).

    It was important for them to fulfill their covenant with God and to keep their vows to Him. Even though it was difficult, they put His will for their marriage over their own, staying with each other and being faithful to one another and God. With their decision to reconcile came relationship restoration and a renewed commitment to love one another regardless, no matter what, to stick together through thick and thin. 2 Corinthians 5:18 describes, 

    “All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” 

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/eggeeggjiew

    Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

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  • How to Be a Witness to Your Grandchildren Who Don’t Share Your Faith

    How to Be a Witness to Your Grandchildren Who Don’t Share Your Faith

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    There’s no question that we are in the end times and that things are more and more difficult for kids these days. Just when you think one generation has had it tough, the next one faces more societal problems. Kids today have to deal with the effects of a worldwide pandemic, drugs that are much easier to access, racial and political tension, discussions in the classroom of gender and sex as young as kindergarten, exposure to transgender and homosexual ideas on television (even children’s channels), brands that promote anti-Christian lifestyles, easier access to pornography, greater homelessness and violence. And that’s on top of dealing with the everyday pressures that the enemy brings against our kids that cause anxiety and depression.

    It’s difficult enough to navigate these waters when our kids and grandkids walk with the Lord. But what can a grandparent do when their children don’t share their Christian faith, and as a result, your grandchildren have no hope of the gospel?

    How Did Your Kids Get Where They Are?

    Whether your children are non-believers now because you didn’t lead them to faith in Christ when they were younger—or they fell away, you need to know the story. In conversation with them, siblings, or other family members, you can get an idea of what they believe and why. Is there a way that you can minister to them if you uncover a hurt? Was there an experience that soured them on God and church? Was it your own hypocrisy when raising them that turned them away? Confess that sin to God and your child and ask for their forgiveness.

    Next, how do they feel about you talking about God in front of their children? Are they okay with it, or are they militantly against it? This will give you a basis for how you will be able to talk to your grandchildren.

    It’s easy to be vocal about their faith because you know what is at stake. But ask the Holy Spirit to keep you humble and give you the words to speak. Too often, as believers, we can come across as a steamroller, and we need to leave room for how God wants to work in these people’s lives.

    What Are the “Universals” That You Can Always Talk About?

    I have a sibling who is an atheist, and yet we still can agree on many things (even though she doesn’t realize yet that all of these things have to do with God). Most people can agree on love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness/loyalty, and self-control (the Fruit of the Spirit). I would also add honesty and fairness to that list. These are always topics to speak with your grandchildren about, and you can begin to weave Jesus into the conversation as the creator of all these good things.

    Know the Parents’ Boundaries

    I know a family where the grandparents can talk about God all they want, but when it comes to Christmas and Easter, a line is drawn with the parents. They insist that Santa and the Easter Bunny are practically worshiped, perhaps because it drowns out the holiness of the holiday. But there are still ways to talk about Santa being a man named Nicholas who gave generously to the poor and sick (he loved children almost as much as Jesus) and became Saint Nicholas, who is recognized every year for his care and concern. If the parents are open to it, you can invite the family to your church’s nativity story (put on by the children) and Easter egg hunt if you have one. Our church does a Christ-centered hunt that promotes the gospel and draws in non-believers.

    Volunteer to Babysit and Do Outings As Much As Possible

    More time spent with your grandchildren gives you greater opportunities to talk about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, especially concerning whatever problems the kids may be having. Talk about what’s going on in their lives and say, “When I deal with something like that, I remember that God said/did X.” Share Scriptures of hope to back it up. Kids and teens are so used to seeing “positive” messages that are self-focused, so sharing Scriptures of hope shouldn’t seem weird to them. Isaiah 41:10 is my favorite!

    With little ones, you can buy Christian games or Sunday school materials to have at your home and participate with them. My granddaughter loves a board game called “Noah’s Animal Rescue” that emphasizes working together to reach a goal.

    Teenagers have so many more things they are dealing with, and work and friends take up much of their time. But show your support by connecting with them and asking if they can hang out with you over a meal. If they make time for a free dinner, you have an opportunity to share the truth. They may not appreciate it now, but in future years they will treasure this positive, loving time they spent with you and how you were like Jesus to them.

    If your children have relied on you to take care of their children for an extended period (maybe because of their work schedules), you have relieved their stress to a great extent. You’ve done them a great favor and have shown love to their child, so they may be much more open to you inviting your grandchild to church, Vacation Bible School, Youth Group, or another special church event.

    Make Sure Your Walk Matches Your Talk

    You can say all you want about the good news of Jesus Christ, but if your grandchildren don’t see you living out your faith, you may as well be mute. On the other hand, if they see that you act on your faith, they will be more likely to listen to what you share with them. Teens will be more likely to absorb some of that faith for themselves, even if they don’t know that’s what’s happening. I’ve heard it said, “You may be the only Jesus anyone will ever meet.” If that’s the case with your grandchildren, you have a very great responsibility, “for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Matthew 10:20.

    Let them see you reading the Bible and Christian books, listening to Christian music, giving to the poor, and helping the sick. Tell them why you do all of these things. This will surround your grandchildren with the gospel’s truth and show them how it changes every life it touches.

    Enlist Another Family in Your Church To Pray and Influence

    Perhaps your teenage grandchild goes to high school with one of the kids in your youth group. Can that student invite your grandchild to an event at church? Your grandchild may be more likely to go if they know someone there. And definitely ask this family to pray for your grandchild, and see how their home can be another place of sanctuary and witness when your grandchild is hanging out.

    Don’t Let the Enemy Keep You From Leading Them to Christ

    It’s hard work to influence your children and grandchildren if there is opposition. But remember that it’s not you they are rejecting. In her article, “How to Share the Gospel with Your Grandkids if the Parents are Non-Believers,” Annie Yorty said, “Your non-believing children, or even your grandkids, may tease you or mock your faith. Take on the humility of Christ (Philippians 2:5) rather than taking offense. Forgive and love rather than defending and arguing. God may use your meekness to prick their conscience.”

    Most Importantly, Pray For and With Your Grandchildren

    Never stop praying! Today may be the day your grandchild makes a decision for Christ, or their heart may be changing bit by bit. Either way, God placed this child in your family for a reason, and God is enlisting you in an effort to bring another into the kingdom. You bring Him honor and glory by trusting these children to Him in your consistent prayers and gospel actions.

    Don’t give up, and don’t lose hope. Raising children to love the Lord may not be easy, but the eternal reward will be beyond your wildest expectations. Don’t believe that anyone is beyond salvation; with God, all things are possible!

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Mary Oelerich-Meyer is a Chicago-area freelance writer and copy editor who prayed for years for a way to write about and for the Lord. She spent 20 years writing for area healthcare organizations, interviewing doctors and clinical professionals and writing more than 1,500 articles in addition to marketing collateral materials. Important work, but not what she felt called to do. She is grateful for any opportunity to share the Lord in her writing and editing, believing that life is too short to write about anything else. Previously she served as Marketing Communications Director for a large healthcare system. She holds a B.A. in International Business and Marketing from Cornell College (the original Cornell!) When not researching or writing, she loves to spend time with her writer daughter, granddaughter, rescue doggie and husband (not always in that order).  

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  • Strengthening Your Marriage through Shared Spiritual Practices

    Strengthening Your Marriage through Shared Spiritual Practices

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    Spirituality plays a vital role in marriage, providing a strong foundation for the relationship and deepening the connection between spouses.

    One of the fundamental aspects of spirituality in marriage is the shared pursuit of a deeper relationship with God. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” When both spouses actively seek God and align their lives with His principles, they create a strong bond that can withstand the challenges and storms that may arise in their marriage. Shared spirituality encourages mutual support, encouragement, and accountability as both partners grow in their faith journey.

    Engaging in shared spiritual practices, such as prayer and worship, enriches the marital bond. Matthew 18:20 says, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Praying together as a couple allows you to invite God into your marriage, seeking His guidance, strength, and blessings. It fosters unity and intimacy as you share your hopes, dreams, and concerns with each other and with God. Likewise, participating in worship together, whether it be attending church services or engaging in devotional activities, strengthens the spiritual connection between spouses and deepens their sense of belonging to a larger faith community.

    The Power of Effective Communication 

    Effective communication is essential in expressing one’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences related to faith. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” By communicating in a loving and uplifting manner, spouses can encourage and inspire each other in their spiritual growth. They can openly share their prayers, reflections, and insights, creating a safe space where their faith journeys can flourish.

    For effective communication in shared spiritual practices, couples must be mindful of potential barriers that can hinder their connection. James 1:19 reminds us, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” It is crucial to be attentive listeners, allowing each other free expression without interruption or judgment. Couples should also be aware of their emotions and avoid responding in anger or defensiveness, fostering an atmosphere of understanding and empathy.

    Active listening is another crucial aspect of effective communication. Proverbs 18:13 reminds us, “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” By actively listening to one another, couples demonstrate respect and validation for their partner’s thoughts and experiences. They can ask open-ended questions, seek clarification, and reflect on what was shared, ensuring a deeper understanding and fostering a sense of connection.

    Using words of encouragement and affirmation uplifts the spiritual journey of both partners. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” By expressing appreciation, acknowledging growth, and affirming each other’s faith, couples can strengthen their spiritual bond and create an atmosphere of love and support.

    Identifying Spirituality in Your Marriage

    Self-reflection begins with examining your own beliefs, values, and practices. Psalm 119:59 reminds us, “I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies.” By taking the time to reflect on your spiritual journey and the role of faith in your life, you can gain insight into how it influences your marriage. Ask yourself questions about your personal relationship with God, your prayer life, and your engagement with Scripture, allowing you to understand your own spirituality more deeply.

    Observing the dynamics of your marriage and evaluating how spirituality manifests are additional aspects of introspection. Galatians 5:22-23 reminds us of the fruits of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.” Ponder how these fruits of the Spirit are present in your interactions with your spouse, examining whether your marriage reflects the love, joy, and peace of a shared spiritual foundation.

    Engage in regular times of solitude to seek God’s guidance and wisdom, allowing His Word to illuminate your path and reveal areas where spirituality can be strengthened within your marriage.

    Incorporating Spiritual Activities into Your Daily Life

    Starting the day with prayer, meditation, or reading Scripture sets the tone for the entire day and allows us to align our hearts and minds with God’s presence. Setting aside dedicated time each day, even if it is just a few minutes, demonstrates our commitment to deepening our spiritual relationship as a couple.

    Consistency in spiritual practices is also vital to developing a firm foundation of faith. By consistently engaging in spiritual practices, we create a rhythm that nurtures our connection with God. It becomes a daily reminder of His presence in our lives and helps us cultivate spiritual discipline in our homes.

    For spiritual practices to become a habit, it is essential to prioritize and create a conducive environment. Prioritizing God in our lives means intentionally carving out time for Him amidst the busyness of our schedules. It may require adjustments to our routines or boundaries with other activities to make room for spiritual practices.

    Creating a sacred space can also enhance our spiritual activities. Mark 1:35 reveals that Jesus often found a solitary place to pray. Designating a specific area in our homes or finding a quiet place outdoors can help us enter into a mindset of reverence and focus during our spiritual practices. By eliminating distractions and creating an atmosphere of peace and tranquility, a couple can fully engage with God.

    Strengthening Emotional Connection through Shared Spiritual Practices

    Engaging in shared spiritual practices creates more profound love and compassion within the marriage. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “And above all things, have fervent charity among yourselves, for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” By coming together in prayer, meditation, or acts of service, couples demonstrate love and care for one another and develop a shared understanding of God’s love and compassion. This shared experience of seeking God’s presence fosters a higher level of empathy and compassion toward each other’s struggles and joys.

    Engaging in shared spiritual practices also enhances trust and intimacy in the relationship. As couples engage in prayer and seek God’s guidance together, they develop a shared reliance on His wisdom and direction. This shared trust in God strengthens their confidence in each other, creating a safe and secure environment for vulnerability and intimacy to flourish.

    Shared spiritual practices provide a powerful tool for relieving stress and anxiety within the marriage. By joining in prayer, couples can pour out their worries and concerns to God, finding solace, comfort, and peace. This allows them to support and uplift each other during challenging times, alleviating stress and fostering emotional well-being.

    Nurturing Your Marriage through Shared Spiritual Practices

    Engaging in shared spiritual practices fosters a sense of shared purpose within your marriage. Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together except they be agreed?” By coming together in prayer, worship, or studying Scripture, you align your hearts and minds toward a common goal: growing closer to God and living out His purpose for your lives. This shared sense of purpose creates a strong foundation that unites you and gives your marriage deeper meaning.

    Shared spiritual practices also renew appreciation and gratitude for each other. Ephesians 5:20 says, “Give thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” As you engage in acts of worship and gratitude together, you develop a greater awareness of God’s blessings in your lives and an appreciation for the unique qualities and contributions of your spouse. This joint practice of gratitude fosters a spirit of thankfulness and contentment within your marriage.

    Connecting with God as a couple is a profound source of strength and unity. Ecclesiastes 4:12 states, “A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” By intertwining your hearts with God’s presence, you create a sacred bond that sustains and strengthens your marriage. Praying together, attending church services, or participating in spiritual retreats or conferences together also allows you to experience the transforming power of God’s love and grace as a couple.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • What Is God’s Purpose for Marriage?

    What Is God’s Purpose for Marriage?

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    When it comes to my wife, I have no shame in affirming the wisdom of Solomon who wrote:

    “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

    “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband” (Proverbs 12:4).

    “An excellent wife, who can find her? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10).

    Unfortunately, not everyone holds marriage in such high regard or treasures their wife with such esteem. It’s no secret to say that our society has developed a serious marriage problem. An institution once considered sacred is now treated with scorn.

    Marriages around the world are falling apart at record pace, and even the ones that have remained intact are often broken, loveless, or weak. Divorce is also seen as a normal quick-fix and easy-way-out of marriage when things get too difficult or the fire and passion of young love flickers. To be clear, I am not shaming or condemning anyone who’s been forced to flee or break away from an abusive or adulterous relationship.

    But if anyone knows what it feels like to be cheated on and betrayed by an unfaithful bride, it’s God.

    However, while Scripture conveys God’s disdain for divorce (Malachi 2:14-15), it also makes clear the love God has for those who’ve been betrayed, hurt, or abused by an unloving or unfaithful spouse.

    God gave marriage to mankind as a blessing, and it is His purpose to see marriages thrive in love, in faith, and in unity. God hates divorce because it breaks His heart to see His children hurt and the covenant He brokered for their benefit dissolved.

    That being said, as the divorce rate climbs, the marriage rate has been in decline for the last few decades. Young people are waiting longer and longer to get married and start a family these days, if at all. Some of this is for financial reasons. Other times, it is born out of fear. Furthermore, many young adults would rather focus on their careers or cohabitate and engage in sexual relationships outside of the covenant of marriage altogether.

    Being single is not the problem. The tragedy, however, is that fewer people see marriage as a treasure even worth pursuing.

    Needless to say, Satan has wreaked havoc on the institution of marriage, both in how it is viewed from the outside and how it is treated on the inside. And as marriages continue to fail, so also does the health of the family, the church, and society continue its steady decline.

    However, what society views as frivolous and inconsequential, God treats as sacred, glorious, and worth fighting to preserve. Why? Because He created it.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStarStudio

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  • The Deep Impact of These Biblical Grandparents

    The Deep Impact of These Biblical Grandparents

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    Have you ever wondered about what the Bible says about grandparents? We hear a lot of Scripture verses that mention parenting and focus on the roles of fathers and mothers. However, there is also plenty in Scripture that can inform us about the unique calling of being a grandparent and what God says about it. Today we are going to see what we can learn from grandparents in the Bible.

    The Value of Grandparents

    Wayne Rice from Focus on the Family shares about his time as a youth ministry worker, where he studied who the most spiritually influential people were in young people’s lives. He shares, “Researchers found that parents and grandparents, not youth workers, were at the top of the list.”

    In pondering this research from Wayne Rice, it causes us to think about the value that grandparents have in their grandchildren’s lives. Think about all of the wisdom collected by these individuals over time. Think about all of the treasures of Scripture that they have heard and learned throughout the years. Think about the mistakes and the sinful struggles that these people have wrestled with, and how that can be an asset as they encourage the next generation to avoid these mistakes. God is very clear that He believes there is a voice and a purpose for grandparents.

    Also, stand-in grandparents hold great worth. Perhaps you are someone who doesn’t have biological grandchildren, but you are stepping into young people’s lives as a voice of wisdom and encouragement to them. These are valuable opportunities that the Lord would have this generation pass on to the next.

    Deuteronomy 4:9 – “Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you don’t forget the things your eyes have seen and so that they don’t slip from your mind as long as you live. Teach them to your children and your grandchildren.”

    This verse in Deuteronomy reminds us that the things we have seen and the memories that we carry hold great worth when God can use our personal stories and testimonies in the lives of young people. As directed by the power of His Holy Spirit, they can impact those who come after us.

    Grandparents in the Bible

    The Biblical Jewish culture valued family in a beautiful way that we can often miss in our cultures today.

    Lois is a grandmother who is spoken very highly of in Scripture. She is the grandmother of Timothy. 1 Timothy 1:5 says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.” Lois helped shape young Timothy’s life and was influential in his ministry. We do not have many more details about Lois, however when we look at the life and character of Timothy, we know that his mom and grandmother had a profound influence and impact over who he became. Maybe you were one of those unsung heroes in the life of a grandchild. You may not see the fruit of what you are investing in them now, but the Lord sees you in all the behind-the-scenes moments and in the mundane, and He is working in that child’s life.

    Think about the impact of Methuselah. He lived for 969 years, and during all of that time he was able to minister through his family line for many years. Thinking about this might just overwhelm and exhaust you, wondering what it would have been like for Methuselah to have that much time for his children and grandchildren. But this was a calling for him, and he was able to be there for those who came after him. In fact, it was through his family line that Noah, his grandson, would build the ark and be a part of a redemptive time in the history of humanity in the midst of a fallen world. Through Noah, God was able to fulfill His covenant and continue His promise to one day send a redeemer for his people. Methuselah’s investment not only impacted his direct family line, but the lives of believers like you and me today. Being a grandparent is a powerful gift that the Lord can use if we surrender to His call.

    Ruth 4:21-22 says, “Salmon fathered Boaz, Boaz fathered Obed, Obed fathered Jesse, and Jesse fathered David.” Boaz is another unsung hero who was a grandfather. He was the father of Obed and grandfather of David who became the king of Israel. Boaz married Ruth; he was the kinsman redeemer. Think about the type of family line that David grew up in. This would have been a unique situation considering his race and family dynamics. David’s grandfather modeled such kindness, mercy, and faithful character to marry Ruth in the first place, even giving up his own family name.

    The Bible says that David was a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22). In order for a young boy to have a heart for God, someone had to show him the love of God. It causes us to think about the impact Boaz must have had through parenting Obed and grandparenting David.

    Helping to Break Generational Sins

    The concept of generational sin is seen throughout the Bible, however through the power of Jesus these can be broken in any generation. Romans 5:19 says, “Many people were made sinners because one man did not obey. But one man did obey. That is why many people will be made right with God.”

    With this in mind, we have the power to share our testimonies and encourage grandchildren to turn away from the things that they might be more genetically predisposed towards. There is definitely evidence of genuine struggles that are passed through generations which can be fixed, or at least lessened, by decisions that are made.

    Grandparents can impart Biblical truths and experience from these situations to their grandchildren, helping them to either avoid or find freedom in these areas.

    Grandparents matter. This is a mission. This is a calling. Glory to God in all generations. 

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images

    Emma Danzey’s mission in life stems from Ephesians 3:20-21, inspiring young women to embrace the extraordinary. One of her greatest joys is to journey with the Lord in His Scriptures. She is wife to Drew for over two years and mom to baby Graham. Drew and Emma serve with Upstate CRU college ministry in South Carolina. Emma is an avid writer for Salem Web Network and provides articles on the Bible, life questions, and on the Christian lifestyle. Her article on Interracial Marriage was the number 1 viewed article on Crosswalk for the year 2021. All the glory to the Lord! She had the joy of hosting Her Many Hats podcast where she explored the many roles that women play while serving One God. Most recently, Emma has released her first Bible Study Book, Wildflower: Blooming Through Singleness.

    Emma enjoys singing/songwriting, fitness classes, trying new recipes, home makeover shows, and drinking tea! During her ministry career, Emma recorded two worship EP albums, founded and led Polished Conference Ministries, ran the Refined Magazine, and served in music education for early childhood. Emma also had the privilege of having been a national spokesperson for Mukti Mission based out of India. Mukti has been working to restore shattered lives in India for over 120 years. You can view her articles through her blog at emmadanzey.wordpress.com and check out her Bible Study videos on Instagram @Emmadanzey.

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  • 4 Steps to Take if You Are Unhappy in Your Marriage

    4 Steps to Take if You Are Unhappy in Your Marriage

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    Unhappiness is a common issue when it comes to marriage. The thing they don’t talk about when you buy that fabulous wedding dress, exchange those heartfelt vows, and drive off into the sunset together is that there will be many times that this relationship will feel a lot more like work than play. Where emotions will fly high, misunderstandings will create gaps, and forgiveness will be required. Unhappiness is not unique in marriage, and if we are honest, we should expect to weather some tough seasons when we consider remaining faithful to loving one extraordinarily flawed human for a lifetime.

    Acknowledging this big elephant in the room is important because our culture tells us that happiness is the way to a good life. Reality teaches us that life comes with many challenges, and almost anything worthwhile in your life requires that you fight for it. Consider getting an education. Learning to read, write, add, spell, subtract, and more is challenging, yet, we parents can agree that even if our kids are not blissful as they struggle to learn these skills, they should still keep at it until they achieve some sort of mastery. What about parenting? Lord knows if we as parents quit this job when our kids made us unhappy, committed sins against us, and got on our nerves, none of us would make it past the terrible twos! We stay with our kids, loving and growing with them because we know they are worth the struggle.

    Somehow though, we see marriage as separate from these other clear pictures of how struggle brings us beauty. The romantic comedies of the ’90s have brainwashed us all to believe that we all have a perfect soul mate waiting for us that we can’t live without. They will complete us, and with them, at our side, our lives will feel joyous and easy forevermore.

    This is a lie. And it’s one from the enemy of our souls. Falling in love is sweet, but staying in love is work. Staying. Forgiving. Learning. Growing. Fighting for your family. These things are so incredibly hard, but when we refuse to let our happiness tell us what our future should be and instead surrender our lives to our Creator and ask him to show us the way forward towards his joy and healing, that’s when the beauty unfolds in our stories.

    I know this firsthand because I’ve wanted to let my unhappiness with my spouse lead me away from my marriage. I hoped that he would leave me. I justified my deep bitterness and cast so much blame on the man I told that I would love forever. As I see the error of my ways, I still have to work daily to choose radical grace and forgiveness rather than holding onto the hurt that wants to drive me away from my spouse. Letting go is a constant choice because I can’t rewrite 15 years of miscommunication. I can’t undo it, but I can move past it. I believe God is showing us a new way forward that will be filled with a joyous commitment to each other that goes beyond our momentary feelings.

    So what do we do when we face those unhappy seasons?

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/PixelsEffect

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  • 3 Ways to Respect Your Spouse When Upset

    3 Ways to Respect Your Spouse When Upset

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    After reading Genesis 30 this morning, my mind stopped in its tracks on the above phrase in verse 27: “I have learned by experience.” I am not sure about you, but I certainly have learned by experience “how not to” respond to my spouse when I am upset, and after nearly a decade, my spouse has learned “how not to” respond to me. Some things in life cement themselves in our minds forever simply because we have learned them by experience. For example, I have learned that my husband does not appreciate it when I don’t take the time to listen to what he has to say because I am formulating my own response that I hope will be better than what he just said. He prefers that I listen before spewing my myriad of thoughts and options at him.

    On the other hand, he has learned that I do not like when he interrupts me when I am in the middle of expressing my myriad of thoughts and opinions. We both do not like being accused of things when we walk into a discussion with one another, and we both also do not like feeling attacked. We both shut down when responses from the other person make us feel hurt, unloved, or disrespected.

    So here are three ways (we have learned by experience) to respond to our spouse with respect, even when upset.

    1. Start by Saying “I Love You”

    We went through a long haul in our marriage where when one of us was upset, we would withhold saying “I love you.” I can remember being so angry at my husband for something he said that when we went to bed that night, he said, “I love you,” and I refused to say it back. So he said it again. Again, I did not. I learned from that experience that he needed to know that, of course, I still loved him even though I was upset with him. Our children are no different; when they do something wrong, we always tell them we love them, we never want them to worry that a mistake could ever make us stop loving them. Adults need this affirmation too.

    So next time your spouse says or does something that upsets you, respond with, “I love you, I just need some time to process my feelings.” This way, they know that your love for them has not changed based on their behavior. It also gives you the freedom to feel your feelings and step back into the conversation when you feel calmer.

    2. Start by Saying “I Respect Your Opinion”

    I can’t tell you how many times my spouse and I have discovered just how different we really are and praise God for our uniqueness. Did you know that it is possible to be married and have different opinions? I didn’t know when I was newly married; I naively thought that if we didn’t have the same opinion about a topic, perhaps something was wrong with our relationship.

    Vocabulary.com defines an opinion as “…a belief or attitude about something that isn’t necessarily based on facts. It’s your opinion that dogs make better pets than cats, but your sister thinks that cats are superior. Too bad your parents’ opinion is that pets are too expensive.”

    We can see in the above example that the individuals in this family truly have different opinions about cats (so do my husband and I!). Our children think a couple of cats would be a wonderful addition to our home. I like the idea of adopting some cats because my kids like them, but my husband jokingly says that the day we get cats is the day he moves into the garage! We have varying opinions about cats, and we all love each other very much.

    So next time you are arguing with your spouse over the best way to discipline your child because you both have different opinions on the matter at hand, respond with, “I respect your opinion. I just need some time to pray about this.” This way, they know that their opinion matters to you. They also know that you are concerned more with God’s opinion than you are with your own, and you can step back into the conversation with a fresh heart (and perhaps a new perspective) after taking it to your Heavenly Father in prayer. Even though your opinions vary, you both want what’s best for your children, and that is something that you can keep at the forefront of your mind when you don’t necessarily see eye to eye.

    3. Start by Saying, “I Understand”

    I can think of so many times in our marriage where a tiny disagreement fanned into a forest fire, simply because one or both of us were feeling misunderstood. Leading with “I understand what you are saying” and even repeating back to your spouse what they just said to you is a great way to keep the argument from spiraling into places it doesn’t need to go. When I was newly married, I felt that if my spouse didn’t understand why I was upset, perhaps they didn’t love me. Just as much as we all desire to be loved, we also desire to be understood. When our spouse understands us we feel accepted by them, which in the end makes us feel loved and respected by them:

    How many times have you been upset about something, and you only wished your spouse would have responded to you with the words “I understand.” I bet it would have kept you from going to bed angry. These two words are powerful for our marriage relationship and our relationships with our children as they grow up. Remember Jesus came to earth, and in doing so, He understands our sorrows and is acquainted with our grief (Isaiah 53:3). We can take comfort in knowing that even when our spouse doesn’t know how we are feeling, He does.

    As two imperfect human beings, we will not always respond to our spouses with respect when we are upset. It truly is something we learn by experience. We learn through disagreements how our responses affect our spouse in the first place: there are things my husband can say to me that would have me knotted up in a ball of frustration while the same response to him would not bother him in the least. We need to work on our responses and pay attention to how they affect our spouses. One final tip: my husband and I refused to have stressful conversations when we are tired, hungry, or the kids are screaming. We have learned our responses to one another are not great when our basic needs of sleep, food, and a peaceful environment are not currently being met.

    If there is one verse we can meditate on when it comes to how we should respond to our spouse when we are upset, I believe we need to look no further than Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

    Kali Dawson graduated from St. Thomas University with a B.A. in English and a Minor in Journalism and Communications. She is a School Teacher, Pilates Instructor, and Mama of two young children and a beautiful 2020 baby. She is married to her real-life Superhero. When she’s not holding small hands or looking for raised hands you will find her writing fervently about faith and family. To read more, you can find her on Facebook at Faith, Family, Freelance.

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  • Growing Together through the Journey of Marriage

    Growing Together through the Journey of Marriage

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    Marriage is tremendously gratifying but obviously a tedious developmental journey. The road to developing a deep connection and mutual understanding is fraught with stumbling blocks, and achieving a careful balance between our unique needs and our partner’s objectives sometimes demands tremendous work. Throughout my personal journey in marriage, I’ve realized that accepting the concept of dependency is the key to growing together as a pair. While it is easy to concentrate simply on our individual wants, we must also acknowledge that our partner’s wants matter. Recognizing the presence of our spouse enriches our individual journeys as we lay the groundwork for a relationship based on shared development and collective resilience.

    However, when we embark on this journey, we face several obstacles that threaten to impede our progress. Communication, or rather, its absence, is often a powerful enemy of relationship growth. We bridge the gap between our emotions and heads through open and honest communication rich with empathy and active listening. When we have healthy communication with our spouse, our words, delivered with purpose and compassion, have the potential to heal wounds, clear up misconceptions, and create deep understanding. We build bridges via good communication that allows us to navigate the tumultuous waves of life hand in hand, reinforced by a deep connection.

    The quest for progress needs the fortitude to address our weaknesses and anxieties since genuine power is found in these times of vulnerability. Even though we are a couple, each carries a distinct trait of fear, past hurts, and firmly held beliefs. But we create an atmosphere for development in the relationship by building a safe place inside our union that is free of judgment and adorned with compassion. We establish a culture of acceptance, support, and development by accepting vulnerability in ourselves and our partners, which drives us forward on our shared path.

    Prayer and Worship

    Prayer and worship are pillars of strength in a Christian couple’s relationship. Prayer and worship are essential because they serve as holy channels for you and your spouse to speak with God, seek His counsel, and develop the spiritual link that connects your hearts and souls. Worship becomes the symphony that uplifts your spirits and connects your souls with God; prayer is how we communicate with Him. As a couple, you pour out your souls in prayer, exposing your joys, worries, hopes, and challenges to the One who listens with boundless compassion and understanding. Prayer becomes a hallowed area for you to seek direction, find consolation in times of adversity, and show thanks for the benefits that come your way. You align your wishes and intentions with God’s will via prayer, allowing Him to guide your choices and actions.

    Worship, similarly, creates a harmonic beat that vibrates throughout the couple’s souls, linking them to something higher than themselves. They sing praise songs in worship, their emotions overflowing with thankfulness and devotion for the love and grace given to them. When accepted as fundamental components of a Christian couple’s relationship, prayer and worship will help to build unity and spiritual connection. The couple gives testimony to one another’s goals and dreams by praying together and interceding on their behalf before the throne of grace. They receive comfort and encouragement in knowing that their partner’s prayers support and elevate them and that their emotions and needs are in God’s loving hands. Similarly, worshiping together unites their souls, enabling them to feel the transformational power of God’s presence as their voices mingle in songs of respect and wonder.

    Communication and Conflict Resolution

    Effective communication and conflict resolution are critical foundations in a Christian couple’s relationship, allowing them to traverse the ebbs and flows of their journey with grace, compassion, and understanding. As couples, we experience the transforming power of open discussion, active listening, and the direction of their religion in resolving problems and promoting deeper connection through the lessons we learn and the progress we achieve. Though communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, and opposing viewpoints threatened to tear the fabric of our relationship, our unwavering faith in Christ teaches us to approach these challenges with humility, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand one another.

    Active listening has been one of the most vital things my wife and I have learned. It’s easy to slip into the trap of merely hearing words these days rather than genuinely listening to our partner’s heart. We have chosen to open the channels of greater understanding and empathy by actively putting aside distractions, providing full attention, and attempting to absorb the emotions underlying the words said. We value each other’s points of view, validate each other’s feelings, and create an environment of trust and safety in which honest dialogue can develop.

    Grace and Forgiveness

    With its transforming power to heal hurts, bring about peace, and build the basis of love and devotion, forgiveness is crucial to the sacred tie of marriage. Colossians 3:13 urges us to 

    “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others..” 

    Through this divine direction, we understand forgiveness is a mirror of God’s unfailing love and compassion for us rather than being based on our partner’s behavior. We follow in the footsteps of Christ, who offered His forgiveness to everyone who sought after His grace by embracing forgiveness.

    Forgiveness relieves us of the weight of sorrow, anger, and resentment that may corrupt our hearts and weaken the foundation of our bond. When we forgive, we let go of the hurt and reach out in the spirit of reconciliation, restoring, and healing to our union. We are endowed with a spirit of harmony and compassion when we learn to forgive. It makes room for development, understanding, and commitment. The road to forgiveness isn’t always smooth. It calls for vulnerability, humility, and a readiness to face our own failings and show our partner compassion. We find encouragement in Ephesians 4:32, which says, 

    “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

    This heavenly guidance gives us comfort and motivation to develop a gentle and tenderhearted attitude, creating a conducive atmosphere for forgiveness. A marriage based on forgiveness, resiliency, and enduring love is possible when we embrace forgiveness because it creates a place where our past errors do not determine our present. It also allows God’s grace to thrive and have the transforming power it deserves.

    Growth and Purpose

    Christian couples journey together beyond romantic love to a shared commitment that fosters and encourages mutual development. We begin a holy effort to raise and empower one another, realizing our unique callings and desires are connected with God’s bigger purpose for our lives. Ephesians 4:16 says, 

    “ He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love..” 

    Support and encouragement for each other are essential for individual development and our joint pursuit of God’s purpose. Mutual love, support, and understanding are essential to progress, and it depends on them. Our relationship develops into a loving space where people may share their aspirations, appreciate their abilities, and find their purpose. We help one another pursue personal progress by appreciating the talents and interests that God has given each of us. We also provide a steady presence and support as we follow our particular callings. As we embark on this path of encouraging each other’s development and purpose, we are motivated by Proverbs 27:17, which says,

     “As iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens a friend.”

    This helps us understand our union’s transformational power in developing and honing one another’s character, abilities, and spiritual journey. By pushing and supporting one another to achieve our individual potential while being led by God’s unwavering love and grace, we become each other’s growth-promoting catalyst. My wife and I encourage and support one another as Christian spouses, reminding one another of God’s promises and fostering spiritual practices and routines that feed our spirits. Together, we pray, asking for heavenly wisdom and direction. Through prayer, we are endowed with the power to overcome challenges, discernment during times of ambiguity, and a closer connection with the source of all knowledge and meaning.

    When married couples assist and encourage one another, they connect their lives with the bigger purpose and plan God has for them as they travel down this shared path together, enjoying the divine symphony of development, meaning, and love.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Vasil Dimitrov

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • 7 Real-World Ways to Love Your Enemies

    7 Real-World Ways to Love Your Enemies

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    May those that love us, love us, and for those that don’t love us, may God turn their hearts, and if he can’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so we know them by their limping.

    I’m not sure if that’s exactly what Jesus had in mind when he talked about praying for our enemies and blessing those who persecute us. In Matthew 5:43-45, he said it this way: 

    “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” 

    Do we go the cynical way of praying for those who persecute us by turning to imprecatory prayers? Can we simply say that we “love our enemies,” “bless their hearts,” and then move on?

    Or is Jesus calling us to something different here? What are real-world ways that we can love our enemies?

    Here are seven ways we can love our enemies.

    1. Pray for Them

    This might not seem like a “real world” way to love your enemy, but this is the first step to truly loving those we might deem an enemy. Jesus explicitly tells us to pray for those who persecute us.

    When he says this, he doesn’t mean to pray for their destruction or find your favorite imprecatory prayer to recite. Instead, we see Jesus modeling this for us when he prays that God would forgive those who are crucifying Him.

    It’s hard to pray for someone and loathe them at the same time. It’s difficult to harbor ill feelings and wish ill will against someone as you are taking them before the throne room of God. Yes, they might have hurt you.

    Yes, we might be entirely the victim. And yes, praying for them might mean praying for their repentance, and it might mean praying for the exposure of their sin. But even in these, we are not praying vindictively, and we are praying that the Lord will bless them.

    2. Be Genuinely Respectful and Represent Them Accurately

    One of my favorite television shows is the classic The Dick Van Dyke Show. In one particular episode, both Rob (Dick Van Dyke) and Laura (Mary Tyler Moore) tell their friend about a fight they had last night.

    In each instance, the one telling the story is the hero, and the other is a scoundrel. It’s humorous because we know our own temptation to present our “enemy” in the worst light possible and to then present ourselves as charming and innocent as a dove.

    One way to truly love our opponents is to represent them accurately. It is the respectful thing to do. I think of this when engaging in online discussions.

    Am I representing them in a way in which they might be proud to own? If I tell others of their position, would they be willing to say, “Yes, that is exactly my position?” Am I finding the best arguments for their position or for their cause?

    We love our enemies by doing this — and it’s hard to do this. It’s much easier to make them monsters. Or maybe they truly are monstrous. In such cases, it can feel as if we’re defending evil by casting them in the best light possible.

    But in reality, we want to see the truth stand. Being people of truth by portraying our opponent in the best light possible may actually be the means God uses to expose the darker side of things (and this, too, would be for their greater good).

    3. Look for Common Ground

    If you’re into politics, think of your political “enemy” for a moment. Do they desire happiness? Do they want to see their family healthy, happy, and secure? Do they want to make friends, have good relationships, live in peace, and have hope for a brighter future?

    Probably. At the end of the day, your “enemy” on the other side has the same basic desires that you have. The difference is that you have opposing strategies for acquiring those. And sometimes you have even dissimilar definitions of those desires.

    This little exercise, though, shows that we often have much in common. One of the ways to love our enemy is to find common ground. That’s part of what you see in Matthew 5.

    God causes the rain and the sun to shine on both believers and unbelievers. There is common grace, and because of this, there is common ground. We can build from common ground.

    4. Keep from Bitterness

    I am a little hesitant to include this one because this statement is often used by abusers to DARVO their victims and community. DARVO is an abusive strategy to deny, attack, and reverse the victim and offender.

    This would look like someone sinning against another person, deeply wounding them, and then making the narrative about that person’s awful response (bitterness) towards the perpetrator.

    Telling people to stop being bitter has been an effective tactic that abusers use to move the conversation away from their sin.

    While this is true, Scripture is also true. Bitterness really does poison us. We really should sever the root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:14-15). One of the most damaging things about spiritual abuse is that truths are hijacked for sordid ends.

    Abusive people can use good tools to accomplish wrong ends. It’s true that we should try to keep our hearts from bitterness — and doing this is a way of practicing love towards our enemies.

    Bitterness is a way of cutting off hope from the one who has sinned against us. It’s giving up hope that the other person might change. It is forever confining them in the prison of their guilt.

    Yes, they need to repent. And yes, that repentance ought to happen before we start talking about reconciliation. But I should be aware of the danger of bitterness creeping into my own heart.

    5. Proclaim the Gospel to Them

    The best way to love someone is to share Christ with them. But doing this also impacts our own hearts towards our enemy.

    When we think of them through the grid of creation-fall-redemption-glory or God-man-Christ-response it changes the way we view them.

    We begin to see them as God sees them. This will absolutely wreck my own definitions of “enemy.”

    Oddly enough, there is a passive-aggressive way we could proclaim the gospel to someone. We could distance ourselves and take a cold posture. Kind of like saying, “Help them, Jesus, because I can’t stand them.”

    This is far from how the New Testament paints our task of being ministers of reconciliation. Our hearts should be broken, and we should long to see their redemption, pleading with them to grab hold of Christ.

    6. Listen to Their Story

    Another way to love our enemies is to simply listen to them. Take an interest in their life. Hear their story. Let them speak. Why are they passionate about the things they are passionate about? What unique brokenness do they have in their life?

    For one, this can help us gain a new perspective. But simply listening to someone else’s story can be incredibly diffusing. Doing this also will help me see them in a new light.

    And as I do this, I can better love and serve them because I will know their unique strengths and challenges. What if “be quick to listen and slow to speak” is not only counsel for our loved ones but also for our enemies?

    7. Highlight the Imago Dei

    Every person is created in the image of God. This means that there are things that we can encourage in the life of anyone — even our greatest enemies. What if we view others through the lens of hope instead of hatred?

    What if rather than making a list of all the things, which I disapprove about another person, I made a list of all the ways in which I can see the fingerprint of God on their life? What would happen if I was intentionally encouraging in those areas?

    Understanding that every person is made in the image of God helps me to see people as they actually are. Our battle is not against flesh and blood. My “enemy” probably isn’t actually my enemy.

    And even if they have made themselves my enemy, or they have made themselves the enemy of Christ, it is a store of a broken and marred image. God’s glory is being shattered in their life. When I think of it this way it changes the way I interact with them.

    Find where you see the image of God in their life and highlight it. 

    For further reading:

    ristian-life/what-does-it-mean-to-love-your-enemies.html”>What Does it Mean to ‘Love Your Enemies’?

    Why Are We Told to Love Our Enemies in the Bible?

    What Does it Mean to Pray for Your Enemies?

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/PeopleImages

    Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is http://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake.
    This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit

    Christianity.com.

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  • Is Judging Others a Sin?

    Is Judging Others a Sin?

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    When Jesus encountered the woman who was found committing adultery – she had been judged and sentenced to death by stoning – it was Jesus who stood to free her from the wrong judgment (see John 8:7). In this account, many scholars believe that Jesus began writing in the sand all the sins of the woman’s accusers. Perhaps Jesus was prompting them to consider and deal with their own sin first before they were to stone the woman for her sins.

    “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:2-5).

    Part of judging correctly is that we must first deal with our own sin, then we can see clearly to help others who are caught in sin. Judging others becomes sinful behavior when we judge with pride, comparison, or to belittle another. Judgment like this can harden our hearts, increase arrogance, and can hurt those that we judge.

    “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?” (James 4:11-12).

    We should not judge others out of anger or deal with them harshly. The apostle Paul warned against contempt toward another and judging other believers over minor differences that causes internal strife (see Romans 14:1-13). Wrong judgment can divide the body of Christ. It can draw us away from God and the work He is doing in our own lives, and from bearing the fruit of the Spirit and furthering God’s kingdom. When we judge correctly in love and humility, we honor both God and the other person by helping them pursue righteousness.

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    Pamela Palmer

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