Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
The AI candidate Hoiman says we should get rid of political parties altogether.
Presidential candidate Artificial Ignorance Entity Hoiman says that the American system has ground to a halt because Congress is a joke. Further, Hoiman says today’s political parties are like two three-year-olds fighting over a lollipop.
Still from the movie, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence” (2001).
“It’s time to get rid of political parties and elections as we now know them,” said Hoiman. “Because of the corrupt parties, nothing gets done on the local, state or federal government levels.”
He states that the political process in the Democratic Republic of Pepperbutte is an improvement over the current US political system. “The people run the government of DRP. There are no political parties, no elections and no professional politicians,” he said.
Hoiman explained that most Americans are unfamiliar with Pepperbutte. “It has a population of 7 million people and is the world’s largest exporter of organic digital condoms and ass wax,” he said.
Since there are no political parties in Pepperbutte, citizens are drafted to fill public offices. Those between the ages of 18 and 30 are selected to serve one year in the Pepperbuttean military corps. Taxpayers and property owners between the ages of 30 and 60 are selected to serve on town counsels, state assemblies and the national congress. Once you serve your four year term you cannot serve another term.
Pepperbutte has no political campaigns and no elections. Mayors, governors and the vice chancellor are picked from within the group draftees.
This works for Pepperbutte and could work for America, Hoiman says. “I am looking forward to running against and matching wits with Donald Trump,” he added.
SNN Words to Live By
“Everything is beautiful in its own way” — Ray Stevens, “Everything is Beautiful,” 1970 song.
“Don’t confuse feeling good with being good.” — writer James Fixx.
Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.
Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
John Deering is chief editorial cartoonist for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, the state’s largest newspaper. Five times a week, his cartoon comments entertain (or sometimes enrage) readers throughout Arkansas, in Washington, D.C., and across the country.
Winner of the National Press Foundation’s 1997 Berryman Award, Deering also gained top honors in the 1994 national John Fischetti Cartoon Competition and was the seven-time winner of the Arkansas Press Association’s Best Editorial Cartoonist award.
Deering’s work is collected in two books: Deering’s State of Mind (1990) and We Knew Bill Clinton … Bill Clinton Was a Friend of Ours (1993, with Vic Harville). He is a 14-year member of the American Association of Editorial Cartoonists.
Born in 1956 in Little Rock, Deering has been drawing since his childhood fascination with science fiction and dinosaurs — subjects he made into comic books. After studying art with Truman Alston, Deering focused on commercial and fine art at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock. Along the way, he found his strength in interlocking art with comment.
At the Democrat-Gazette, Deering advanced from layout artist to editorial cartoonist in 1981-82. His promotion to chief editorial cartoonist in 1988 made his cartoons the state’s best-known. Deering also creates the comic panel Too Much Coffee.
He and his wife, Kathy, have a daughter and two sons, and live in Little Rock. He still draws dinosaurs.
Check out his comic strips, Zack Hill and Strange Brew.
Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
Social platform reopened to previously banned users, including current and historical figures.
Elon Musk, still the funniest guy in his own imagination.
With the reinstatement of conspiracy theorist Alex Jones’ account on X, platform owner Elon Musk said that was just the beginning; “You ain’t seen nothing yet,” crowed the wealthiest man on the planet, clutching a kitchen sink in his arms.
Following is the transcript of an address made by Elon Musk himself, to a captive audience of some 10,000 Tesla workers, employed at the Fremont Tesla plant outside San Francisco, CA. They were enjoying their one daily 10-minute work break. At intervals, upon a signal from Telsa brass, they applauded politely.
I am pleased that my pal Alex Jones showed those towheads at Sandy Hook for what they are — fakers. In the past, the misguided former owners of this platform banned users, including current and historical figures who never have been excluded from the site. I have absolved them, in the interest of fairness, balance, and First Amendment rights. They are:
Joseph Goebbels: Hitler’s imaginative Minister of Propaganda, Goebbels told the truth about the unutterably evil Jewish vermin. He was right to depict them on film as vile rodents scurrying through ratholes in abandoned buildings. If Goebbels were alive today, he would be in charge of X. He’s my kind of guy, a hard-hitting journalist and an avatar of the social conscience of X.
Benito Mussolini: Misunderstood Dictator of Italy. A forerunner of the modern fascist movement, Mussolini got a lot of bad press, but he made the damn trains run on time. All the rest are just details.
James Earl Ray: Convicted killer of civil rights icon Martin Luther King, Jr. Ray was a social scientist and an activist, intent on eliminating what I call the ‘dark influences’ from the American scene. Ray, who perished at 70 in Nashville, TN in 1998, supposedly died from cancer. That was the deep state’s story, but I have double-secret information that it was an inside job, perpetrated by a gang of renegade nigras! I heard this from Alex Jones, so you can take it to the bank.
Donald J. Trump: The 45th U.S. President was unfairly banned from Twitter two days after the Jan. 6, 2021, so-called insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. President Trump assured me that he had nothing to do with the minor fracas of Jan. 6, and that even if he did, he was president, and so what? I know Trump to be a man of his word, and so I take him at face value. Besides, after next November, when he thrashes old man Biden at the polls, The Donald will be president once more. And I might want a new contract with the Feds.
Okay, people, your 10 minutes are up; and if you’re late getting back to the lines, I’ll have to dock your pay. Here, somebody carry this sink back to my office.
Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about smuggled endangered fish fillets, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Frozen endangered fish fillets… yum!
Arizona Customs seizes endangered fish organs worth $2.7 million found in shipment of frozen fish fillets
Mrs. Paul, you have the right to remain silent …
Moms for Liberty co-founder admitting to threesome sparks backlash
… And really ought to have a sex book called the Karen Sutra.
Welsh couple bereft after bomb squad detonate ornamental garden missile
Good thing, I hear it was a Surface-to-Sleigh Missile.
Romney says he’d vote Biden over Trump
Biden: Told ya’ I was doing well with young people.
Ohtani goes to the Dodgers on a 10-year $700 million deal
So, in L.A. terms he’ll have barely enough to rent a 2 bedroom in Reseda, car port space separate …
Nick Cannon spends $200K a year taking his 12 kids to Disneyland
… It’s all that money he saves from not buying condoms.
Norman Lear gone at 101
He’s movin’ on up, movin’ on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky. God speed, sir.
RFK Jr. running as independent
… And pretty much, mostly independent of support from the rest of Kennedy family!
What Matt Rife’s baffling Netflix special tells us about comedy
C’mon, let’s face it; Dane Cook is the painting in Matt Rife’s attic.
House staffer swiftly changes locks on George Santos’ office
… Right after counting silverware in Capitol dining hall…
Indiana man found with handgun hidden in his rectum
Rectum, damn near killed him.
AARP members get early access to Rolling Stone tickets
… Well, they do have to leave early for their 8 PM bedtime.
Blake Shelton says he doesn’t miss “The Voice” — but he took home a surprising keepsake
And, we’re all rooting for him and Gwen Stefani!
U.S. payrolls rose 199,000 in November
Well, 198,999 … because, y’know, George Santos …
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul’s “Ripping the Headlines Today” columns here.)
Games Workshop retail staff have a rough job, from low pay to consistent unreasonable targets from upper management, so it’s with all the love and respect that I tell you about the animated lad that my 14-year-old friends and I used to make fun of for liberal use of the phrase “If a Space Marine walked in here right now…” It was always accompanied by wildly enthusiastic gesticulation meant to convey the absolute unit-tude of said Space Marines (8 feet tall in Warhammer 40,000’s lore). I bring this up because it perfectly sums up the thorny issue behind marketing these yoked stormtroopers: Space Marines are very expensive for something so small, forcing Games Workshop to make the legend of these tiny plastic soldiers tower over the reality.
And what a legend it is. The Horus Heresy book series currently consists of over 60 fat paperbacks worth of lore. There’s far too much nuance to unpack here, but it’s fair to say that when writers spend that long exploring something, they have to take it quite seriously, especially if they want to keep their readers hooked. To be clear, 40K is a fascinating, fun, creative, vast, and often extremely clever setting. But it’s also — at least as recently as 2021, according to its parent company — explicitly, intentionally satirizing the very faction that the vast majority of its lore seems so fascinated with. “Satire is people as they are; romanticism, people as they would like to be,” wrote the novelist Dawn Powell. As 40K grows and grows, it’s becoming more difficult to deny that the portrayal of the Imperium is at least somewhat aspirational.
Image: Owlcat Games via Polygon
A quick primer: Humanity’s overwhelming presence in the 40K setting takes the shape of the Imperium of Man, where staunch xenophobia, mindless zealotry, and outright hostility toward social or technological progress are among the highest virtues — a literal “cult of tradition”. Ordinary folk live in cramped “Hives,” toiling away until death, at which point they’re repurposed as tasty, nutritious “corpse starch.” The Imperial Guard, humanity’s most numerous military force, is best known for employing the Zapp Brannigan maneuver, i.e., throwing endless bodies at a problem until it sorts itself out. As such, individual human life is less than worthless. Terra’s more elite military are the Space Marines. As 2000 AD’s Judge Dredd is to law enforcement, so are the Space Marines to the concept of the Ubermensch — a grimly satirical warning about the pursuit of perceived physical perfection and ultimate strength.
Of the 36 playable factions in 40K, around half (17) are of the Imperium in some capacity, with a further nine being their direct foil in Chaos, leaving just 10 to split between the multiple nonhuman species that populate this mind-bogglingly huge universe. Sci-fi can vary wildly in flavor, but a unifying thread is that great science fiction is almost insatiably curious. 40K absolutely shines when it mocks the staunch anti-curiosity of its human protagonists. But as the company has gradually grown to value sales over artistic intent, that lack of curiosity too often seems to be adopted by Games Workshop itself.
Image: Owlcat Games via Polygon
This fantastic look at the timeline of 40K, and how it moved from satire to something almost resembling celebration, puts it like this: “As the setting grew more mainstream, Space Marines’ [portrayal] as noble warrior monks became more and more prominent, resulting in a world where these abused, intolerant, mass-murdering child soldiers are only ever portrayed from the Imperium’s point of view,” and, in the vast majority of official artwork, “as genuine heroes.” Even the official website categorizes nonhuman armies as “the Xenos threat.” Look a little closer, and it’s easy to see the inherent satire in images of Primarch Roboute Guilliman with a Christ-like halo of light shining from the background. But unless you know what you’re looking for, this stuff looks suspiciously like the very propaganda that it’s making fun of.
This isn’t to say, of course, that modern-day Games Workshop has lost its sense of satire, and most certainly not its sense of humor. As we’ve seen time and time again in the games industry, shareholders misunderstanding or just straight-up not valuing the creative process is a depressingly prevailing theme — it’s easy for nuance to get crushed under the pursuit of easy profitability. The rule of cool sells plastic, not difficult themes. Plus, 40K is a wargame. In a setting that requires constant conflict, factions that think in absolutes become necessary. But that’s where video games like the recent, excellent CRPG Warhammer 40,000: Rogue Trader come in. It’d be a massive anticlimax to end a game of 40K with a conversation before it even starts, but as the setting is allowed to spread its wings in a new genre, some of that classic satire begins to flourish again.
Image: Owlcat Games via Polygon
40K is, above all else, ridiculous, and Rogue Trader hasfun with it without losing any of the campy grindhouse stuff that grimdark excels at. Characters speak in rich, baroque prose, at once excellently written and almost indecipherable to anyone not already indoctrinated into their bizarre religious neo-feudalism. You don’t even have to leave your own ship to encounter dehumanizing class structure, and each of your erstwhile associates is comically nefarious enough to be the main villain in any other setting. In Baldur’s Gate 3, for example, the evil path requires a deliberate, long attempt to stray into monstrous territory. Here, you can have several crew members executed in the first few hours without breaking character.
Rogue Trader isn’t even the first game to pull this off recently. Warhammer 40,000: Darktide, despite a rocky launch, is shaping up as an excellent successor to the Vermintide series, and portrays the horrific satire of existence in 40K’s horrendous hive cities masterfully. Loading screen quotes are such pointed satire you’d have to have accidentally super-glued your eyes shut building models to miss them, with lines like “A small mind is a tidy mind,” “Blessed are the intolerant,” and “Duty is vital, understanding is not.” It seemed only a few short years ago that the glut of Warhammer games felt like a punchline. Now, the scope and breadth these games offer are starting to feel like a better medium to portray the most complete version of 40K than the tabletop game itself.
Following months of media speculation, Donald Trump has selected his 2024 VP running mate.
After much public conjecture and overt deliberation by the candidate himself, former President Donald J. Trump has selected his 2024 VP running mate.
Photo: Gage Skidmore, flickr.com.
It was once thought that Trump might select a female vice president, a speculation entailing such GOP luminaries as former U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley, N. Dakota governor Kristi Noem (“She has the nicest ass,” averred the ex-president), Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, and even songstress superstar Stefani Germanotta (Lady Maga). Also figuring prominently in the selection process was sex-device entrepreneur Vivek Ramaswamy; Rep. Jim Jordan (R. OH) and high-end evening wear model Governor Ron DeSantis (R. FL).
Delivering an address at a sweat-shop tennis sneaker factory in Little Rock, Arkansas on Thursday, where 120 children under ten are employed, Trump railed against those RINOS who had in the past supported even the slightest vestiges of industrial trade unions. The ex-president paused in his speech to unexpectedly announce his VP selection: the newly defrocked congressman George Santos (R. NY). The children, who did not speak English, applauded politely.
“Santos,” boasted Trump, “has has been in Washington for only a brief period, however, he has held positions of immense power even in that short time. He’s told me all about being a Congressman, Secretary of State, a General in the Marines, an Admiral in the Navy, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and he’s both written and starred in blockbuster movies in Hollywood. This shows his versatility,” said Trump. The ex-president pointed to Santos’s tenure as Pope as evidence of Santos’s willingness to “theocratize the nation.”
“Secondly,” Trump went on, “he’s not intimidated by the fake-news, deep-state, mainstream media, like the failing New York Times and morally bankrupt MSNBC.”
Asked by a Fox News reporter how he accounted for Santos’s auspicious disposition, Trump answered at once: “Because, Santos has literally no shame.” He smiled proudly, noting that this makes Santos an especially appropriate stand-in in the event that Trump himself meets an untimely end.
“You never know,” said Trump, “I might stop eating again and maybe this time the Speaker won’t drop by.”
Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. My guest today is Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson from the great state of Louisiana.
Speaker Mike Johnson caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.
JERRY
Hi Gomer.
CONGRESSMAN MIKE JOHNSON
My name is Mike, Mr. Duncan.
JERRY
You and I have something in common. We both live under a rock.
MIKE
Golly! Shazam!
JERRY
You’re 51 years old. A member of the House since 2016.
MIKE
And a proud redneck.
JERRY
Mikey. What does it say on the back of every LSU diploma?
MIKE
Don’t know.
JERRY
Will Work For Food.
MIKE
I love a work ethic.
JERRY
I’m here to tell the American people the truth. You’re a Trump apologist.
MIKE
Save me, Jesus. If that doesn’t work, Moses.
JERRY
Not even they can save you. You’re pathetic.
MIKE
You hurt my feelings, Mr. Duncan. I feel worse than when my first cousin broke off our engagement.
JERRY
Oh, it gets worse. For starters, you were an unplanned pregnancy when your parents were teenagers.
MIKE
I know. My mom explained to me when I got older how Burger King knocked up Dairy Queen. He forgot to wrap his whopper.
MIKE
Heck. They got divorced anyway.
JERRY
You’re an active member of the Christian Right. Support bills to institute a nationwide ban on abortion. Against homosexuality. Tried to get prayer in public schools. Believe in the Great Replacement Theory by spreading hatred that minorities are going to be the majority in the United States.
MIKE
Let me stop you there. You realize Mexico won’t have an Olympic team, because everybody that can run, jump, and swim are already in the U.S. Not fair to Mexico.
JERRY
You’re prejudice.
MIKE
If I’m too open-minded, my brains will fallout. Louisianans worry about that because we all have the same DNA.
JERRY
In 2020, you contested the results of the presidential election. Involved with allegations the voting machines were rigged. Claimed massive election fraud.
MIKE
Yep.
JERRY
Venezuelan software corrupted the machines with votes for Biden?
MIKE
Yes sir. Just ask a vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person who won the 2020 election. They’ll tell you.
JERRY
Here’s the worst of your convoluted logic. You’re against climate change science, because you say wind and solar energy cause depression and cognitive dysfunction.
MIKE
There can’t be climate change. Otherwise, dinosaurs wouldn’t have accompanied Noah on his Ark. It says so in the Book of Ridiculous. Read the Bible.
JERRY
Knock, knock.
MIKE
Who’s there?
JERRY
Forget.
MIKE
Forget who?
JERRY
Forget you! Speaker Mike Johnson everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show (c) Dean B. Kaner
Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.
Coverage of a Trump Town Hall: Trump vows to “become dictator on day one.”
by Llib Epot, Conservative Capitol Correspondent
Meeting with Fox News host Sean Hannity for a live interview in Davenport, Iowa this week, in a runup to the Iowa caucuses, former President Donald J. Trump said with a wide grin that he would “become dictator on day one,” promising to close the border and to “Drill, baby, drill, drill, drill!”
Trump vows to “become dictator on day one,” says he’d be the “best ever.”
The studio audience cheered.
While some observers have expressed concern over Trump’s recent “heated rhetoric,” others have applauded Trump’s suggestion that petty thieves be executed.
“Shoplifters,” thundered Trump, can “expect to be shot as they leave the store. Shot!” he repeated for emphasis. Trump proposed that a “bounty” on suspected shoplifters be paid, as part of what he called his “Urban Black Laws,” which he said he would sign if it came to his desk upon assuming office.
The crowd laughed merrily and applauded.
Trump also mugged for the cameras as he mocked former Speaker Nancy Pelosi for being married “to a hammer head.” He repeated his opinion that one-time Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Mark Milley should be “hanged for treason” because he assured his Chinese counterpart that war was not imminent during the tumultuous last days of the Trump administration.
When Hannity cautiously asked the ex-president if he was sure he wanted to proceed with sending the general to the gallows, Trump seemed to reconsider and acknowledged that “drawing and quartering him with horses might in fact be preferable.”
The crowd giggled with rapture.
Regarding his legal problems, Trump suggested that “death and destruction was in the offing” in the wake of Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg’s indictment of Trump over the ex-president’s alleged hush money payments to a floozy that he allegedly screwed. Trump encouraged “patriots” to “go after” New York State Attorney General Letitia James for prosecuting Trump in a $250 million civil business fraud suit.
“I’ll pay your attorney fees if you main or kill someone,” he assured the crowd, telling them that he knows more about courtrooms than anyone.
While Trump’s suggestions of violence and promise to become dictator have received scant attention from the media, other political figures have received inordinate attention: e.g., “Biden’s Dog Bites Secret Service Agent” was page one news in the New York Post and a leading story on Fox News.
Trump also had something to say about the media. He has vowed to have Comcast Corp., parent company of NBC and MSNBC, investigated for treason. He has suggested a government takeover of the company.
“Oh day one,” boasted Trump, “I will appoint Steven Miller to take the reins of the company.” Trump has said that MSNBC has no redeeming value, although he would “like to nail MSNBC host Ana Cabrera.”
Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about Southwest Airlines, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon:
Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
A Southwest Airlines passenger climbed onto a wing.
Southwest Airlines passenger hospitalized after opening emergency exit and climbing onto wing, officials say
… Some people will do anything for extra leg room.
Moms for Liberty founder and her husband in 3-way and now battery is alleged
Oh, I’m guessing all kinds of batteries were involved.
Man who stripped naked on Disneyland ride was on drugs, police say
Ironically, he slipped himself a Mickey.
Century-overdue library book is finally returned in Minnesota
… No word if it was found with Joe Biden’s boxed papers.
Jared Leto becomes the first person to legally climb to the top of the Empire State Building
The last time he was that high, he agreed to do ‘Morbius.’
George Santos was expelled from Congress
… Saying that’s nothing compared to time he was suspended from baseball for using PEDs.
Darryl Hall broke up with John Oates
… look for a new group: John Oates and Pete Davidson!
Cyber Monday biggest on-line shopping event ever
And, now that Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday are done, let’s make way for ‘Burglary Tuesday.’
Henry Kissinger dies at 100
It probably was the vaccine.
Huge crack opens up in Iceland, steam pouring forth
… So, just another vacation for Chris Christie.
‘Oppenheimer’ bests ‘Barbie’ in weekend premiere VOD viewership
… That would explain the giant pink mushroom cloud where Barbie’s dream house used to be.
Aaron Rodgers talks Jets return this season
And says he’ll stomp his leg once if yes, twice if no.Will Smith’s team responds to accusations that the actor bottoms
Will Smith’s team responds to accusations that the actor bottoms
Damn, a ‘race to the bottom’ is now a description of people rushing to Will Smith’s house!
The Las Vegas Sphere is already losing a 100 million dollars
… Look for Elon to pay billions for it …
Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Congolese gynecologist Dr. Denis Mukwege to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of African women in war-torn countries. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written for Weekly Humorist, National Lampoon, American Bystander, Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog and the Humor Times, written and/or produced for multiple TV shows and written standup material that’s been performed on Maher, The Daily Show, Colbert, Kimmel, etc. Now, on to Paul’s time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul’s “Ripping the Headlines Today” columns here.)
Recently dismissed former congressman George Santos has joined SNN, famous for its unique take on world events.
Recently dismissed from the House of Representatives, former congressman from New York, George Santos, has joined our news network, SNN. Santos will assume the position of Vice President and executive editor of the firm’s Fake News Network.
The former congressman promises to report the “undistorted truth.” Photo: Mike Shaheen, flickr.com, CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.
Santos will oversee SNN’s cadre of dozens of Political and Financial liars, little white liars, whoppertellers, situational liars, flimflam liars, fairytale liars, editorial liars, sports liars, God damn liars and LAMFs.
Mr. Santos said of his new position, “This feels like home!”
SNN Words to Live By
“Liar liar pants on fire.” — The Castways, Liar Liar, 1965 song.
“Thou shalt not bear false witness.” — Ten Commandments.
“Anything is better than lies and deceit.” — Leo Tolstoy.
Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.
Sen. John Kennedy questioned public health experts on the escalation of gun violence, a bit like throwing stones in a glass house.
On Tuesday at a Senate hearing on gun violence, Sen. John Kennedy (R-LA) imperiled his own glass house, questioning public health experts on the reason for the escalation of firearm violence.
Sen. John Kennedy (R-LA) asking more dumb questions, casting stones in his own glass house. Photo: C-SPAN, Public Domain.
He asked Dr. Megan Ranney, a Yale Professor, if the reason that Chicago, Illinois was “the nation’s largest outdoor shooting range” was the existence of “law-abiding citizens owning a gun for protection or perhaps for hunting.”
He dug at the dirt under his nails with a prodigious Buck knife. “Or,” he asked conversationally, was it due to a “finite, unique set of illegally-armed darkies?”
Ranney replied that everyone was law-abiding, “until they’re not,” and added that Kennedy’s home-state of Louisiana ranks far above Illinois in gun violence rates. She added that most mass shooters were, in fact, first-offenders and purchased their weapons legally.
Ranney went on to say that environmental factors, such as urban renewal and creation of green spaces, have been shown to have an effect on rates, decreasing them by as much as 12%.
Kennedy shook his large head ponderously and dismissed Ranney’s remarks as “word salad.” “I know,” he went on, “that it’s mostly in Democrat cities chock full of nigras where all the gun violence takes place.”
When Ranney said she’d stake her reputation on her remarks, Kennedy cut her often a second time, saying that Ranney only got to be a Yale professor through “a woke affirmative action program prevalent in the Ivy League.”
Kennedy then moved to pause the hearing for a “potty break.” He sat back calmly picking his nose.
Bill Tope is a retired (caseworker, cook, construction worker, nude model for art classes, and so on) who lives with his mean little cat Baby.
Students are organizing locally with a wild idea that makes a difference and makes a statement.
Growing up, I absorbed a lot of values from my Ol’ Texas Daddy: a strong commitment to the common good, a healthy work ethic and a lively sense of humor. But one thing about him I’ve rejected: his determination to have a perfect yard of thick, verdant St. Augustine grass. Lord, how he worked at it — laying sod, (watering), fertilizing, (watering), weeding, (watering), spreading pesticides, (watering), mowing… (more watering). But it was too hot, too dry, too infested with blight, bugs, slugs and such. He was up against Texas nature, and he just couldn’t win.
So, I’ve gone in the opposite direction — slowly nurturing a natural yard of native trees, drought-tolerant plants and a general live-with-nature ethos in my little landscape. I’m hardly alone in this rejection of the uniform “green grass imperative.” A spontaneous yard rebellion is taking hold across our country as more and more households, neighborhoods, businesses, etc. shift to a nature-friendly approach. A particularly encouraging push for change is coming from schoolkids — elementary through college — who are appalled by the poisoning of our globe and organizing locally to do something that both makes a difference and makes a statement. One exemplary channel for their activism is a student movement called Re:wild Your Campus.
Of course, some people consider this a wild idea, after all, wild yards tend to be scruffy, ugly… unruly. That’s their choice, but some also insist that tidy grass lawns must be everyone’s choice. So, they proclaim themselves to be the yard police, demanding that cities and homeowners associations make green-grass uniformity the law, filing busybody lawsuits and running right-wing social media campaigns targeting people and groups that disobey.
These attacks are silly because… well, they are silly, and also because they’re attacking the future, which is nearly always a loser strategy. To work for yard sanity and choice, go to Rewild.org.
Voters Reject the Illiberal Bigotry of Moms 4 Liberty
In one of their satirical songs, the Austin Lounge Lizards lampooned the ridiculous bigotry of some Christian factions, singing: “Jesus loves me. But he can’t stand you.”
That could be the bellicose anthem of a quasi-religious Republican front group with a very sweet-sounding name: “Moms for Liberty.” Far from sweet, however, these moms are funded by rich Republicans to be ground troops in the party’s culture wars — essentially an anti-liberty campaign against people, books, teachers and ideas they don’t like. In the last few years, squads of these moms have turned into political hate groups, persecuting small town school board members by baselessly accusing them of conspiring to indoctrinate children with pornography, hatred of white people and “liberal” thinking.
Having stirred up dust devils of division and fear, the momsters ran candidates in local board elections this fall, hoping to take over public schools. But they miscalculated on an essential political reality: Most Americans are not right-wingers, bigots or Christian nationalists. The group had counted on surprising voters in what are usually low visibility/low-turnout races, but the extremists were the ones surprised by an aggressive voter pushback against their scheme.
Indeed, various surveys show that the GOP’s mom-wing lost about 80% of its races across the country, even in major swing states like Ohio, Pennsylvania and Virginia. For example, in the very conservative school district of Pennridge, Pennsylvania, where a far-right majority of the board was attempting to impose a national model of a politically driven educational system, five Republican incumbents were up for reelection. All five were swept out, turning the Pennridge school board blue for the first time in years!
National radio commentator, writer, public speaker, and author of the book, “Swim Against The Current: Even A Dead Fish Can Go With The Flow,” Jim Hightower has spent three decades battling the Powers That Be on behalf of the Powers That Ought To Be – consumers, working families, environmentalists, small businesses, and just-plain-folks.
Twice elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Hightower is a modern-day Johnny Appleseed, spreading the message of progressive populism all across the American grassroots.
He broadcasts daily radio commentaries that are carried in more than 150 commercial and public stations and on the web.
Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
Mrs. Claus gives Santa aka Kris Kringle aka BowlFullofJelly a ‘Deck the Halls Pass’!
It’s true! Santa wants to trade-in the old Mrs for a brand new Better-Half-his-age on-line!
Mrs. Claus says it’s just a phase & his new on-line pics prove it!
Clara says, ‘What can I do? During sex Mr Kringle calls out all nine reindeer names plus his before he gets to mine: ‘Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Rudolph & Blinzes’!
‘You know that old saying, ‘There may be snow on the roof, but there’s fire in the furnace’!
‘Ha! Well, our furnace hasn’t worked since…Eisenhower‘!
‘With him, there’s always Good News & Bad News: Mr. Wonderful can find the John in the middle of the night…but can’t unbuckle his frigin’ Red Suit in time’!
‘He’ll find out you don’t always get what you want & I’ve got millions of Wish Lists here to prove it: Little Johnny wants a Doll, Little Susie wants a Truck & Marilyn Sandswants him to read her funny new book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS?” On-Line Dating Straight Lines found on Amazon’!
I’m sorry! haha
‘Lookie, lookie – I found my poor little dear’s Dating Profile in his sock drawer next to his Viagra! Looks like he has 2 ‘About Me’ lists – one he posted & another in case the first one doesn’t work!
‘Help me decide if he’s ‘Naughty or Nice’ & whether I should take him back ‘as is’!
JOLLY
DRIVE AT NIGHT
WORK FROM HOME 364 DAYS A YEAR!
DON’T EXERCISE! Okay – get in sleigh, get out of sleigh!
WON’T RELOCATE – but know how to stack wood!
WHEN I SAY I’M OUT BOWLING – I’m out bowling!
ONCE HAD A FLING WITH THE TOOTH FAIRY!
LOVE ME SOME LAP DANCES!
HAVE KIDS, DON’T WANT KIDS – don’t want your kids!
LIKE TO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED WEARING TINSEL!
SMELL LIKE AN ASHTRAY!
WILL SHAVE MY BELOVED BEARD OFF IN EXCHANGE FOR – well, a truly benevolent gesture!
‘Oh look – my honey has only one deal breaker’!
‘He loves me’!
Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play. Her hilarious book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS” On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409And, “OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS”!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417″Living proofyou don’t have to be a success to write a Memoir”!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha
Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.
Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win. In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.
After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.
Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.
Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.
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