Positive Pregnancy Test Immediately Sprouts Robotic Legs, Scans Woman’s Face With Laser

DALLAS—Releasing the appendages from its sides after two pink lines appeared in the results window, a positive pregnancy test was said to have immediately sprouted robotic legs Thursday before scanning local woman Trish Nehorai’s face with a laser. “Identity: Trish Nehorai,” confirmed the Clearblue stick, its once-concealed ‘transmission progress’ lights illuminating as the test leapt from one surface to another to avoid the terrified Nehorai, who attempted to swat at it with her hands.“Transferring biometrics to law enforcement. Transfer complete. Trish Nehorai: Your pregnancy has been successfully registered with the state. Congratulations.” At press time, the pregnancy test had reportedly reassembled itself into an ankle bracelet and clamped onto Nehorai, with the purpose of delivering a high-voltage shock if the woman attempted to go within 100 feet of an abortion clinic.