NEW CANAAN, CT—Sources familiar with the man’s role in his child’s life confirmed to reporters Monday that local dad Marcus Weir’s parenting strategy is solely focused on ensuring his son doesn’t become a New York Yankees fan. Beginning shortly after his son Miles’ birth nine years ago, Weir reportedly concentrated the entirety of his fatherly influence on making the boy a supporter of any sports team besides the Yankees, a project he initiated by acquiring several Mets onesies in his son’s infancy. Several reports indicated that as his son has grown older, Weir has provided little encouragement for the boy’s budding interests in Legos, hockey, and books, instead looking for any sign that his son might be entertaining thoughts of liking the Yankees. To date, the strongest show of emotion the father has displayed to his son reportedly followed an instance in which Miles said “This is boring” when Yankees slugger Aaron Judge was up to bat during a Yankees–Red Sox game. However, sources close to the family noted that Weir also expressed concern that his son won’t like baseball at all, which would undermine the careful work the father has put in to raise his son as a devoted Yankee hater. At press time, reports stated that Weir had shown his first interest in his son’s social circle, offering a tactful suggestion that a boy in Miles’ class who wore a Yankees hat to school was the kind of bad kid his son shouldn’t associate with.
