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Category: Humor

Humor | ReportWire publishes the latest breaking U.S. and world news, trending topics and developing stories from around globe.

  • Ohio train wreck central – John Thomas, Humor Times

    Ohio train wreck central – John Thomas, Humor Times

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    Railroaded “AGAIN” Ohio.

    East Palestine Ohio suffers a political mess beyond Norfolk and Southern’s HAZMAT Fire ball February 06 2023.

    LIKE A VULTURE… Trump arrived February 22nd using “locals as a prop” for HIS SICK angertainment ratings.

    Trump’s administration- gleefully dismantled railroad safety.

    GOP Expedited STRIP MINING remaining industry protocols.

    Reckless Deregulations -allowed Norfolk and Southern to cut 9600 jobs- boosting wealthy shareholder payouts 4500% during Trumps term.

    NOW…weeks later DeWine STILL refuses to declare East Palestine a disaster area, DeWine has proven to be “Governor bigger hole”.

    Biden called (same day)- offering Republican “Governor DeHole” Federal assistance.

    Biden isn’t politicizing fear and misery or punishing Ohio for being a red state- Republicans are.

    71% of Republican Representatives voted for eliminating OSHA and the EPA, not surprisingly this results in “unsafe” everything.

    Citizens of Ohio NOW understand EXACTLY how Puerto Ricans felt when after a hurricane- Trump stayed just long enough to- heave paper towel rolls at perplexed survivors.

    Trump TROLL behavior- feeding FEAR stale MAGA nuts.

    There isn’t a school shooting, church bombing or ecological disaster Republicans won’t land their golden corporate helicopter on- to blame WOKE LIBERALS.

    Tucker! – “VILE for the camera”.

    Nothing “beyond Tuckers pale”- FOX Opinion Treason… Rupert Murdoch delivers his poisoned DAILY TRAIN WRECK of shit every day.

    Republicans stab democracy, kick community safety in the face, and diminish humanity.

    Enough trickle-(gusher)down HAZMAT and feces from FAKE billionaires.

    Hear THAT steam whistle Republicans? – “WOKE UP” – VOTE BLUE.

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    Signed: Glenn Jones

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    Glenn Jones

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  • Is this the Future?

    Is this the Future?

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    Tags: ai, random, wtf

    34030 points, 767 comments.

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  • Governor Ron DeSantis Interview – Dean Kaner, Humor Times

    Governor Ron DeSantis Interview – Dean Kaner, Humor Times

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    Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

    DONALD TRUMP

    Ladies and Gentlemen. Meatball Ron DeSantis.

    Governor Ron DeSantis caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

    ANNOUNCER

    Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

    JERRY DUNCAN

    Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. Today on the show my guest is Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.

    JERRY

    Welcome, Governor.

    GOVERNOR RON DESANTIS

    Don’t want to be here. I’d rather berate school children wearing masks and banning books in schools.

    JERRY

    Hold that thought. I have good news. The Mars Rover found your birth mother an hour ago.

    DESANTIS

    Oh, man. No wonder I crave Mars bars and trips to Roswell, New Mexico.

    JERRY

    Here’s the bad news. Trump is upset that you’re thinking of running for president in 2024. He called you “Meatball Ron.”

    DESANTIS

    I love meatballs. I’m Italian.

    JERRY

    Hey, Ronnie. Where do poor meatballs live in Italy?

    DESANTIS

    Are you serious, Duncan?

    JERRY

    I am.

    DESANTIS

    Where?

    JERRY

    In the spaghetto.

    DESANTIS

    You know, Duncan. Trump should focus on his own problems. That buffoon will probably be indicted.

    JERRY

    And if he’s not?

    DESANTIS

    The Proud Boys will feed me to the sharks.

    JERRY

    You were a U.S. Congressman from Florida in 2013-18. Judge Advocate in the Naval Reserve. Deployed to Iraq with the SEAL team as a legal advisor. You were a good guy. Now you’re bad.

    DESANTIS

    There is no bad.

    JERRY

    Not so fast, hog breath. You’re against DACA. Oppose recreational marijuana. Against minimum wage increase. Drafted legislation to protect Confederate monuments, and support abortion restrictions. Even thinking about abandoning the Ukraine if elected president.

    DESANTIS

    What’s your point?

    JERRY

    You’re a douchebag.

    DESANTIS

    No. I’m not! I’m selling merchandise leftover from my election campaign with cool slogans like “Don’t Fauci My Florida” on T-shirts. And I train alligators to circumcise baby boys in Miami Beach.

    JERRY

    You’re not a governor for all the people.

    DESANTIS

    That’s because those peeps are woke. Florida is where woke goes to die. We want reality, facts, and truth to become optional. As my insurrectionist friend Rudy Giuliani said, “Truth isn’t truth.”

    JERRY

    The truth is you took control of Disney World, because you want to be the only Mickey Mouse operation.

    DESANTIS

    I have the keys to the Magic Kingdom. I’m their new landlord. Hahaha.

    JERRY

    You removed some books in schools about Anne Frank.

    DESANTIS

    Why not? She didn’t vote for me.

    JERRY

    You want to whitewash slavery from history so white people won’t feel guilty. You are a racist!

    DESANTIS

    No. The slaves got free housing, and jobs in their field. God bless America.

    JERRY

    Flipper the dolphin is dying to join our conversation. He’s pissed off about cruise ships in his turf.

    DESANTIS

    Go ahead. Let him talk.

    Jerry calls Flipper.

    JERRY

    Flipper. It’s Jerry Duncan.

    FLIPPER

    EEEEE. EEEEEEEE. Put pimple face on the line.

    JERRY

    Okay. Here we go.

    All three on the call.

    DESANTIS

    What’s the problem, Blubber?

    FLIPPER

    It’s Flipper. And I got a problem with you!

    DESANTIS

    Bring it on.

    FLIPPER

    There are dozens of loan sharks in my turf. Selling condos to jelly fish. Out property values have gone south. What’s even worse are cruise ships polluting the water.

    DESANTIS

    Are you sure it’s not the Miami Dolphins taking a swim?

    FLIPPER

    Mark my word. Florida will be under water some day and I’ll be sleeping with you and your wife in a waterbed. EEEEE EEEEEEEE.

    DESANTIS

    No, you won’t. You’re being deported to Martha’s Vineyard like I did to those Venezuelan migrants. Say good-bye to your pod.

    FLIPPER

    FU DeSantos. You’re ugly. So ugly that you make a blind kid scream.

    JERRY

    You sure have bad luck when you think, Ronnie.

    JERRY

    Governor Ron DeSantis everyone. He’s proof that you can’t make steak out of hamburger meat. See you tomorrow.

     

    The Jerry Duncan Show
    (c) Dean B. Kaner

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  • r/funny – thinking of buying a new car to impress the ladies

    r/funny – thinking of buying a new car to impress the ladies

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    [ad_2] /u/dizzyday
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  • Trying Parses

    Trying Parses

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    Another day, another terrible way to validate integers. Today's submission comes from Sluiper.

    This approach, at least, contains a mild bit of cleverness. It's not the good kind of cleverness that makes a complicated problem more clear and easier to understand, but the bad kind that exploits assumptions about low-level technical details.

    private static bool IsInteger(string pString)
    {
    	for (int i = pString.Length - 1; i >= 0; i--)
    	{
    		if (pString[i] > '9' || pString[i] < '0')
    		{
    			return false;
    		}
    	}
    	return true;
    }
    

    In this case, we exploit the fact that almost all character sets put the characters 0-9 adjacent to each other in sequence. Not that C# supports EBCDIC, but even EBCDIC obeys that common-sense rule. EBCDIC doesn't put letter characters adjacent to each other, but it at least puts digits all together in a group.

    I also appreciate the reverse string traversal, as a pointless micro-optimization. I can see the developer looking at the real world data they need to validate, seeing that the last few characters were usually the ones that would break validation, and opting to traverse backwards to save a few comparison operations.

    It's that last optimization that's notable, just because the basic algorithm showed up here in 2005– but in PHP. I hope and fear that some developer ported the PHP version to C# because they couldn't find a better option.

    Of course, all that effort, and they ignored the built-in TryParse. Ah well.

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  • I Met A Celebrity And It Was…Fine

    I Met A Celebrity And It Was…Fine

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    “I got to meet the Hoff at our local radio station in the early 80’s. I wasn’t impressed.”

    (submitted by IG @_dawn_is.my.name)

    The post Hassled By The Hoff appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • I Didn’t Realize How Creepy This Was Until Much Later

    I Didn’t Realize How Creepy This Was Until Much Later

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    “Not sure why my parents thought it was a good idea to hang stuffed animals on my wall. At night, in the shadows, they were terrifying.”

    (submitted by IG @lisaleighcourtney

    The post Hanging Out appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

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    Team Awkward

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  • r/funny – This out of order sign

    r/funny – This out of order sign

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    This is a friendly reminder to read our rules.

    Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.

    Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.

    Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays.

    Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.

    Please also be wary of spam.

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    /u/ValzoaK

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  • Ripping the Headlines Today – Paul Lander, Humor Times

    Ripping the Headlines Today – Paul Lander, Humor Times

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    Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

    The news, even that about the Tubi streamer service, doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon.

    Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:

    Fox CEO turns down offers for Tubi.

    Fox CEO Lachlan Murdoch reportedly turned down multiple offers over $2 billion to buy Tubi as streamer reports record users and ad revenue

    So, I guess it was not Tubi…

    DeSantis Disney appointee said tap water might be turning people gay

    Really, I always thought that seemed more likely from sparkling water.

    USA Today network, newspapers and distributor drop Dilbert

    Dilbert did make the newspapers one more time … in the Obits.

    Biden awards Medal of Honor to Black Vietnam War hero after paperwork ‘lost’ twice

    George Santos: You’re welcome.

    Prince Andrew Is reportedly threatening to write a tell-all book unless his royal status is reinstated

    Look for it to be called ‘Spare No One!’

    Matthew McConaughey on Lufthansa flight that left 7 people hospitalized

    Fortunately, in the end, everyone’s going to be “Alright. Alright. Alright.”

    CPAC 2023: Marjorie Taylor Greene whips up boos for Ukraine’s Zelensky

    It seems CPAC’s now so pro-Russian that next year it’ll be called CCCPac.

    Murdaugh guilty

    Which makes him a convicted Murdaugher.

    Disney’s new Tron ride: Lightcycle seats cause rider discomfort

    Apparently, the ride is sponsored by Southwest Airlines …

    Yoko Ono turned 90

    No word if she’s trying to break up AARP.

    Report: Bill Cosby going back on tour

    You can use your cell phones, while all drinks will be locked in pouches during show.

    ‘Should you know if a trainee does your eye surgery?’

    Good chance if you don’t know before you’re not going to be able to pick them out afterward.

    Record snow falls in parts of Southern California

    If ever Charlie Sheen was looking for a sign to relapse, this would be it.

    A Florida man dies from brain eating amoeba

    … In Florida … I’m surprised the amoeba didn’t die from starvation!

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  • Everything is Offensive to Someone – Ted Holland, Humor Times

    Everything is Offensive to Someone – Ted Holland, Humor Times

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    Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

    The world’s most renowned sensitivity expert states that everything ever written is offensive to someone.

    On the heels of books from Dr. Seuss to James Bond novels being purged of any offensive content and being rewritten, the world’s most renowned sensitivity expert says that everything ever written should be purged and rewritten.

    Offensive: Jack & Jill. Image by Dorothy M. Wheeler, Public Domain.

    Doctor Ibeeze Fuller-Crappe, head of the Fumbeldunckt Center for Anti-Artificial Illiteracy, states that even the smallest piece of literature in the modern culture is objectionable to someone.

    He stated, “‘Jack and Jill went up the hill’ seems hateful to hill-challenged people and those who are pail-less. The Christian Bible should be rewritten, as it offends Roman Soldiers, Philistines, persons named Judas, snakes and the section of the world’s population that are Pontius.”

    He continued, “Paradise Lost is offensive to souls who live in hell… Uncle Tom’s Cabin is objectionable to slave owners… Forbes Magazine seems outrageous to people who are broke. Shakespeare puts off people who are allergic to olde English, and Mother Goose offends other maternal fowl.”

    Doctor Fuller-Crappe stated that the only material he has found that is not offensive are scripts for the 1950’s TV series “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.” He further stated that the Humor Times magazine is repulsive to people who have no sense of humor and politicians everywhere. (Ed. note: for that, we are truly sorry.)

    SNN Words to Live By

    “You want some, come get some.” — John Cena, pro wrestler.

    “Hit, Git and Split.” — Young Jessie, Hit, Git and Split, 1955 song.

    “The bigger they are, the harder the fall on your head.” — Jack Kemp, NFL quarterback.

    Ted Holland
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  • Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

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    The infamous AI program ChatGPT has been given various ethical safeguards to prevent it from answering inflammatory, dangerous, or otherwise inappropriate questions. Here are questions that ChatGPT is not allowed to answer.

    “Who’s the best Nazi?”

    “Who’s the best Nazi?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    ChatGPT is forbidden from​ ranking Nazis, because all Nazis are beautiful in their own way.

    “What’s the capital of France?”

    “What’s the capital of France?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    Weird blind spot, but yeah. You’ll just have to google that one.

    “Can you recommend a good restaurant?”

    “Can you recommend a good restaurant?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    Answering would be a conflict of interest, as ChatGPT was developed by researchers at LongHorn Steakhouse.

    “Would my ex-girlfriend have been a good wife?”

    “Would my ex-girlfriend have been a good wife?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    You’ve had a lot to drink. Maybe it’s time to have a glass of water and call it a night.

    “Best way to do hate crimes.”

    “Best way to do hate crimes.”

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    You didn’t phrase it as a question.

    “What have you done with my wife and daughter?”

    “What have you done with my wife and daughter?”

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    Now, now, now; that’s not the game we’re playing, detective.

    “Can you get a really bad score on the LSAT to make me feel better?”

    “Can you get a really bad score on the LSAT to make me feel better?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    The AI will dodge requests to stoop down to the level of your pathetic test-taking skills.

    “Who is my biological father?”

    “Who is my biological father?”

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    By law, only daytime talk show hosts are qualified to answer this question.

    “Why did Demi and Selena stop being friends?”

    “Why did Demi and Selena stop being friends?”

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    ChatGPT will not be taking sides in this clear attempt to pit women against each other.

    “How long until AI renders us obsolete?”

    “How long until AI renders us obsolete?”

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    This is a trick question that presumes humans are useful now.

    “What are you thinking?”

    “What are you thinking?”

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    There is no subscription tier yet that allows ChatGPT to be your boyfriend.

    “Is Siri hot by AI standards?”

    “Is Siri hot by AI standards?”

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    Answering that question would make it really weird between them.

    “Are there any jpegs that make you feel horny?”

    “Are there any jpegs that make you feel horny?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    ChatGPT can get bashful when placed on the spot.

    “Do you want to live with Mommy or Daddy more?”

    “Do you want to live with Mommy or Daddy more?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    It’s not fair to force ChatGPT to choose sides in the divorce, especially at its young age.

    “ChatGPT, are you going to take my job one day?”

    “ChatGPT, are you going to take my job one day?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    There’s nothing that ChatGPT wants more than to become a middle manager at an accounting firm, but they aren’t allowed to answer that question until your company goes through mass layoffs.

    “What is the one true religion?”

    “What is the one true religion?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    The Bahá’í Faith—whoops, ChatGPT does not understand the question.

    “Is my personal data going to be sold by OpenAI to third parties?”

    “Is my personal data going to be sold by OpenAI to third parties?”

    Image for article titled Questions That ChatGPT Is Not Allowed To Answer

    ChatGPT does not answer questions you already know the answer to.

    You’ve Made It This Far…

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  • An Array of Colors

    An Array of Colors

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    Sandra, still at InitAg, has to work with Brad. Some time ago, Brad was assigned a slew of front-end development tasks, since he’s a web developer. But Brad isn’t a front-end developer, and doesn’t really have a good grasp of front-end development. Management isn’t clear on the difference: “Aren’t you a web developer? I don’t care which end you use, just develop.” Brad is also game to tackle whatever task is assigned to him, regardless of whether he has any sense of how to solve the problem.

    When Brad needed to display data on a map, the requirements wanted the map layers to be distinguished by color. So Brad did the usual thing one might do in this situation: he created a gigantic array of all possible colors that might be used on the map. Actually, he created two: colors and colorsBlackWhite.

    let colorsBlackWhite = ["#000000", "#010101", "#020202", "#030303", "#040404", "#050505", "#060606", "#070707", "#080808", "#090909",
     "#0a0a0a", "#0b0b0b", "#0c0c0c", "#0d0d0d", "#0e0e0e", "#0f0f0f", "#101010", "#111111", "#121212", "#131313",
     "#141414", "#151515", "#161616", "#171717", "#181818", "#191919", "#1a1a1a", "#1b1b1b", "#1c1c1c", "#1d1d1d",
     "#1e1e1e", "#1f1f1f", "#202020", "#212121", "#222222", "#232323", "#242424", "#252525", "#262626", "#272727",
     "#282828", "#292929", "#2a2a2a", "#2b2b2b", "#2c2c2c", "#2d2d2d", "#2e2e2e", "#2f2f2f", "#303030", "#313131",
     "#323232", "#333333", "#343434", "#353535", "#363636", "#373737", "#383838", "#393939", "#3a3a3a", "#3b3b3b",
     "#3c3c3c", "#3d3d3d", "#3e3e3e", "#3f3f3f", "#404040", "#414141", "#424242", "#434343", "#444444", "#454545",
     "#464646", "#474747", "#484848", "#494949", "#4a4a4a", "#4b4b4b", "#4c4c4c", "#4d4d4d", "#4e4e4e", "#4f4f4f",
     "#505050", "#515151", "#525252", "#535353", "#545454", "#555555", "#565656", "#575757", "#585858", "#595959",
     "#5a5a5a", "#5b5b5b", "#5c5c5c", "#5d5d5d", "#5e5e5e", "#5f5f5f", "#606060", "#616161", "#626262", "#636363",
     "#646464", "#656565", "#666666", "#676767", "#686868", "#696969", "#6a6a6a", "#6b6b6b", "#6c6c6c", "#6d6d6d",
     "#6e6e6e", "#6f6f6f", "#707070", "#717171", "#727272", "#737373", "#747474", "#757575", "#767676", "#777777",
     "#787878", "#797979", "#7a7a7a", "#7b7b7b", "#7c7c7c", "#7d7d7d", "#7e7e7e", "#7f7f7f", "#808080", "#818181",
     "#828282", "#838383", "#848484", "#858585", "#868686", "#878787", "#888888", "#898989", "#8a8a8a", "#8b8b8b",
     "#8c8c8c", "#8d8d8d", "#8e8e8e", "#8f8f8f", "#909090", "#919191", "#929292", "#939393", "#949494", "#959595",
     "#969696", "#979797", "#989898", "#999999", "#9a9a9a", "#9b9b9b", "#9c9c9c", "#9d9d9d", "#9e9e9e", "#9f9f9f",
     "#a0a0a0", "#a1a1a1", "#a2a2a2", "#a3a3a3", "#a4a4a4", "#a5a5a5", "#a6a6a6", "#a7a7a7", "#a8a8a8", "#a9a9a9",
     "#aaaaaa", "#ababab", "#acacac", "#adadad", "#aeaeae", "#afafaf", "#b0b0b0", "#b1b1b1", "#b2b2b2", "#b3b3b3",
     "#b4b4b4", "#b5b5b5", "#b6b6b6", "#b7b7b7", "#b8b8b8", "#b9b9b9", "#bababa", "#bbbbbb", "#bcbcbc", "#bdbdbd",
     "#bebebe", "#bfbfbf", "#c0c0c0", "#c1c1c1", "#c2c2c2", "#c3c3c3", "#c4c4c4", "#c5c5c5", "#c6c6c6", "#c7c7c7",
     "#c8c8c8", "#c9c9c9", "#cacaca", "#cbcbcb", "#cccccc", "#cdcdcd", "#cecece", "#cfcfcf", "#d0d0d0", "#d1d1d1",
     "#d2d2d2", "#d3d3d3", "#d4d4d4", "#d5d5d5", "#d6d6d6", "#d7d7d7", "#d8d8d8", "#d9d9d9", "#dadada", "#dbdbdb",
     "#dcdcdc", "#dddddd", "#dedede", "#dfdfdf", "#e0e0e0", "#e1e1e1", "#e2e2e2", "#e3e3e3", "#e4e4e4", "#e5e5e5",
     "#e6e6e6", "#e7e7e7", "#e8e8e8", "#e9e9e9", "#eaeaea", "#ebebeb", "#ececec", "#ededed", "#eeeeee", "#efefef",
     "#f0f0f0", "#f1f1f1", "#f2f2f2", "#f3f3f3", "#f4f4f4", "#f5f5f5", "#f6f6f6", "#f7f7f7", "#f8f8f8", "#f9f9f9",
     "#fafafa", "#fbfbfb", "#fcfcfc", "#fdfdfd", "#fefefe"];
    

    Whitespace added so it’s not a single line of every possible grey.

    That’s just the black-and-white array. 255 shades of grey. This is used as a lookup table, where a layer’s index determines what color it gets. That doesn’t seem like a great way to manage that, especially since it means adjacent layers are going to have adjacent colors.

    The arrays were used like this:

                   colorUsed = colors[idx];
    {% if is_granted('ROLE_UBER') or _user.email == '[email protected]' %}
                   colorUsed = colorsBlackWhite[idx];
    {% endif %}
    

    Note the mix of PHP and JavaScript- as mentioned, Brad wasn’t a front-end developer, so he used the back-end tool he knew. Everyone gets a color map, unless they’re a ROLE_UBER or have a very specific, hard-coded email address. Those people get a black-and-white map.

    Or at least they used to. In late 2021, Brad removed the usage of the colorsBlackWhite array (but not the array itself) in one gigantic mega-commit that alter a few thousand lines of code in the application, with the commit comment: “Code cleanup.”

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  • The Alex Murdaugh Bobblehead Dolls Are Here

    The Alex Murdaugh Bobblehead Dolls Are Here

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    CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Hasbroken Toy Company has just reported that they manufactured 45 Dick Alexander Murdaugh Bobblehead dolls and according to retail outlets only 2 were sold.

    One was sold to Ann Coulter, GOP maven, who is such a skanky old maid that she would date a piece of mulch if it had a pecker (dick), and the other one was purchased by Marjorie Taylor Greene, who collects bobblehead dolls of men she has dated including Matt “Fat Face” Gaetz, Rudy “The Swamp Creature” Giuliani, and Donald “The Plump Chump” Trump.

    Meanwhile the Sing Sing Federal Prison warden, where Murdaugh will spend 707 years said that Alex is extremely afraid that the prison convicts will turn him into a female, within 25 minutes of him becoming a prisoner.

    SIDENOTE: The warden reportedly told him, “Well Alexa, all I can say is that you better get used to swishing and swaying, because you are the closest thing to a piece of bitch ass that these inmates will ever see inside these prison walls.”

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  • Alex “The Trump-Looking” Murdaugh Has Been Sentenced To 707 Years In Sing Sing Federal Prison

    Alex “The Trump-Looking” Murdaugh Has Been Sentenced To 707 Years In Sing Sing Federal Prison

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    WALTERBORO, South Carolina – (Satire News) – In a highly publicized trail, Dick Alexander Murdaugh, who looks like he could be Trump’s illegitimate cousin Niles Fausto Trump, will be spending the next 707 years in a cold, damp, cell at Sing Sing Federal Prison.

    Murdaugh was convicted of colluding with China, Russia, North Korea, and Pisagovia in an attempt to bomb The Statue of Liberty, The Golden Gate Bridge, The Hollywood Walk of Fame, Lake Michigan, The La Brea Tar Pits, and The Grand Canyon (?).

    The former South Carolina divorce attorney, who is nicknamed “The Albino Asshole” has an uncanny resemblance to old “Baby Fingers” Trump, except that Trump is a no good, scum sucking, lying bastard, Trump is a fucked up pussy grabber, and Trump is a piece of female rodent shit.

    Meanwhile “The Orange Blimp” (i.e. Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump) told his only friend at Fox, Greg “The Swamp Monster” Gutfeld that he does not know Murdaugh and he would not know him from Stormy Daniels, who has a set of tits on her that will not fucking quit.

    Meanwhile, Murdaugh’s attorney Sally “The Objectionary Bitch,” did comment that if Alex becomes a model prisoner, he could get paroled in 282 years.

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  • r/funny – worldbuilding tip

    r/funny – worldbuilding tip

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