ReportWire

Category: Humor

Humor | ReportWire publishes the latest breaking U.S. and world news, trending topics and developing stories from around globe.

  • Would You Call Yourself a Hard Worker? Absolutely…

    Would You Call Yourself a Hard Worker? Absolutely…

    Welcome back to our site for more valuable (but totally free!) advice how to answer job interview questions! Today we take a look what to say when you get asked if you consider yourself to be a hard worker.

    The post Would You Call Yourself a Hard Worker? Absolutely… first appeared on Crazy Funny Pictures.

    liver

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  • 35 Times People Spotted “Easter Eggs” In The Most Unexpected Places (New Pics)

    35 Times People Spotted “Easter Eggs” In The Most Unexpected Places (New Pics)

    Most of us love finding hidden gems scattered around us. From searching for Waldo in crowded illustrations to identifying Easter eggs in your favorite movies, there’s a certain type of joy in discovering something others usually fail to notice.

    If you’re snoopy enough, you might have noticed that the real world is also overflowing with these fun, disguised additions. In fact, there’s even a subreddit called “IRLEasterEggs,” where its members share and celebrate the art of finding such peculiar surprises. You can find some of them hiding in the most unexpected places by scrolling through the list! We can’t promise that it’s going to be easy, though.

    [ad_2] Viktorija Ošikaitė
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  • A Brand New Bag!

    A Brand New Bag!

    We've all been watching programming gaffes come and go, and they're almost always
    some variation on a set of usual themes I've been trying to classify and name. But
    today, we've got one for you that is amazingly, excitingly, fabulously novel! I'm
    calling this one ecrash unless somebody's got a better idea.

    Not to keep you waiting any longer than absolutely necessary, here's
    Ian M.
    with this week's winner:
    "I don't even know how you do search like this, it's
    somehow both way more complicated and way more
    unsettling then it needs to be."


     

    I know. Let's take a moment of silence and pause to recover
    from
    that before rushing into something more lighthearted.

    Ready?

    A frist submission from a
    Long Time Lurker
    leaks some medical history but that's okay.
    "I was pleased to see that back in the old days, a hospital visit cost $0."

    dates

     

    An anonymous contributor shared a good way to destroy
    an airline's earnings in just one flight:
    "Take off in a Boeing 787 and land in a 737."
    Uh, boss, can you spot me $200 million?

    virgin

     

    While a different anonymous hobnobs with accountants or lawyers or some such:
    "Last year, my kids' sports club invited parents to write
    articles for inclusion in the end-of-year magazine. I guess
    nobody spotted how one submission came from a work email account."

    baseball

     

    Finally, this is either horrifying or fictional.
    Are we seeing Poe's Law in action? Yes we are.
    Jussi
    reports
    "The validation error in Office365 seems to be a bit
    frustrated. Same title seems to be also for other languages."

    office

     

    Can someone please confirm if this is real?

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    Lyle Seaman

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  • Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State, national security advisor, and lover of carpet bombing innocent civilians, passed away at the age of 100. The Onion asked Americans how they felt about his death, and this is what they said.

    James Kessler, Psychologist

    James Kessler, Psychologist

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Look, being nice in life won’t get you a Nobel Peace Prize.”

    Sharon Thatcher, Teacher

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “He wasn’t just a war criminal, he was our war criminal.”

    Whitney Plainfield, Administrative Assistant

    Whitney Plainfield, Administrative Assistant

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “He would have hated to see anyone die painlessly and peacefully like this.”

    Lisa Johnson, Dietician

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “I don’t want to diminish his legacy by citing the Cambodian government’s official death toll because I know the real number was much, much worse.”

    Gina Garroni, Delivery Driver

    Gina Garroni, Delivery Driver

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Is that what I ran over last night?”

    Christa Deacon, Guidance Counselor

    Christa Deacon, Guidance Counselor

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “May he be as bloodthirsty in death as he was in life.”

    Melissa Stevens, Mortgage Banker

    Melissa Stevens, Mortgage Banker

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Love him or hate him, he’ll always be remembered as the best goddamn contestant Rock Of Love ever saw.”

    Dan Potter, Fireman

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “I sprayed some agent orange on my kids today in his honor.”

    Brook Pratt, Pest Control Worker

    Brook Pratt, Pest Control Worker

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “But he still had so many war crimes left in him.”

    George W. Bush, Former President

    George W. Bush, Former President

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “I remember the first day of my presidency, he was nice enough to send me an unexploded IED.”

    Greg Bentley, Graphic Artist

    Greg Bentley, Graphic Artist

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “But he looked so young in ‘Oppenheimer’?”

    Al Preston, Copywriter

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “If we all close our eyes and say a racial slur at the same time, maybe he’ll come back to life.”

    Carter Jacobs, Electrician

    Carter Jacobs, Electrician

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Say what you will about the guy.”

    Barack Obama, Former President

    Barack Obama, Former President

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “He taught me that war didn’t have to be fair. The most important part was that it was pointless and bloody.”

    Tom Buchner, Woodworker

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “That’s what he gets for breaking into a house in a state with stand-your-ground laws.”

    Alejandro Sotolongo, Art Director

    Alejandro Sotolongo, Art Director

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Let he who has not carpet bombed Cambodia throw the first stone.”

    Paul Flannery, Line Cook

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “This is just like Paul Walker all over again.”

    Lisa Hitchens, File Clerk

    Lisa Hitchens, File Clerk

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “He put Cambodia on the map and almost took it off.”

    Dick Cheney, Retired

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Nobody’s perfect, but he came pretty close.”

    Dean Verecci, Software Engineer

    Dean Verecci, Software Engineer

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Oh thank god, the last war criminal in the American government is finally dead.”

    Kevin Spell, Physical Trainer

    Kevin Spell, Physical Trainer

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “It brings a tear to my eye thinking of all the innocent people that will never get to die by his hand.”

    Gene Schaefer, Bus Driver

    Gene Schaefer, Bus Driver

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “If you think that man was impressive, you should taste my wife Beth’s homemade potato salad. It’s out of this world!”

    Irene Stobbs, Accountant

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Oh no, Paula and Louis’s kid?”

    Nick Farrington, Dentist

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “I just hope we don’t start tearing down all the Henry Kissinger monuments.”

    Jessie Untermeyer, Music Teacher

    Jessie Untermeyer, Music Teacher

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “I hope he had just as much fun killing all those people as we had watching him kill them.”

    George Huntington, Retired

    George Huntington, Retired

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “I’m not going to sugarcoat it—Henry had the mind of a supervillain, the heart of a serial killer, and the elegant gams of a va-va-voom showgirl.”

    Bashar al-Assad, President Of Syria

    Bashar al-Assad, President Of Syria

    Image for article titled Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    “Game recognizes game.”

    You’ve Made It This Far …

    You’ve Made It This Far …

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  • We’ve Only Taken One Family Photo, Because It Was Perfect

    We’ve Only Taken One Family Photo, Because It Was Perfect

    “While we were never the type of family to sit for a studio portrait, someone stumbled across a coupon and decided to give it a shot. Mind you, this is the ONE AND ONLY family portrait we ever took. I am on the bottom left with the too-big-for-my-face white fashion glasses and the poorly chopped bangs and I vaguely recall that we had a family meeting and decided to try and look “cool” — hence the sunglasses and the emotionless faces. I’m not sure what’s more entertaining: the fact that no one is wearing sleeves? Or that there is an honest to God ALF t-shirt being worn in all seriousness?”

    (submitted by Erin)

    The post The Shady Bunch appeared first on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.

    Team Awkward

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  • The Funniest Cat & Dog Cartoons by Scott Metzger

    The Funniest Cat & Dog Cartoons by Scott Metzger

    Scott Metzger is a cartoonist from US who has been cartooning since 1996. His main themes are funny situations cats and dogs find themselves in while acting like (and interacting with) humans, so his single-panel comics are very relatable to pet owners. He has also published few books which you can order online: Being Awesome Is Exhausting for cat owners and Squirrel! Bacon! Ball! for dog owners. Scroll down to see the funniest examples!

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cat cartoon.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    Funny cartoon by Scott Metzger.

    If you like these cartoons and are a pet owner, you might like to check out Scott’s books on Amazon: : Being Awesome Is Exhausting for cat owners and Squirrel! Bacon! Ball! for dog owners. Please note that this site is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate affiliate we earn from qualifying purchases.

    liver

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  • Hey Greg, Wanna Play Hooman?

    Hey Greg, Wanna Play Hooman?

    Greg ans Steve here pretty much nailed the human condition. All you have to look forward in your life is driving to work just to afford gas for driving to work the next day. And some depressions also. Keep following our page for more uplifting stuff!

    liver

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  • Input Validation is a Sure Thing

    Input Validation is a Sure Thing

    Validating inputs matters. It’s also a challenge. Validating that an input is numeric might be easy, but validating an email address is orders of magnitude harder (and technically isn’t a regular language and thus can’t be parsed by regex, though you can get close). Validating a URL is also a pretty challenging task, since URLs can contain all sorts of surprising information.

    Daniel‘s co-worker, when tasked with validating URLs, looked at the complexity, and came up with a simple, elegant solution, in JavaScript.

    function isValidUrl() {
        return "sure";
    }
    

    The beauty of this is that JavaScript is actually incredibly forgiving about how you pass arguments, so you can invoke this as isValidUrl(), or isValidUrl(someVariableContainingAPossibleUrl), or even batch a bunch of validations as a single operation: isValidUrl(a, b, c, d, e, f, g).

    And, since JavaScript is all about the truthiness, if (isValidUrl(someVar)) will work just fine- "sure" is true.

    Are those URLs? Sure! Is this a terrible approach? Sure! Does the fact that it’s been like this for years and nobody actually complained imply that they didn’t need URL validation in the first place? Sure!

    Remy Porter

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  • Rep. George Santos Faces Expulsion From Congress

    Rep. George Santos Faces Expulsion From Congress

    Rep. George Santos (R-NY) faces a another motion to expel him from Congress this week following a House Ethics Committee report that found “substantial evidence” that he broke federal laws, including deceiving his donors, filing false campaign finance statements, and using campaign funds for personal expenses including travel, Botox, and OnlyFans. What do you think?

    “I wish him luck in whatever identity he assumes next.”

    Phyllis Sadler, Bell Toller

    “I pray the people of New York’s third district will find an equally entertaining replacement.”

    Lamar Eriquez, Microfiche Archivist

    “It’s only his first term—if we give him a chance, I’m sure he can get better at crime.”

    Conrad Campos, Systems Analyst

     

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  • “Brilliant Work”: Shimmering Mole Rediscovered Nearly 100 Years After It Was Presumed Extinct

    “Brilliant Work”: Shimmering Mole Rediscovered Nearly 100 Years After It Was Presumed Extinct

    A rare animal that was thought to be extinct was unexpectedly found again by a dog.

    The animal in question, a shimmering mole that swims through sand, was just rediscovered almost 100 years after wildlife experts said it had disappeared forever.

    The species, called De Winton’s golden mole, was reportedly last seen in 1936 before being found again living on beaches on the northwest coast of South Africa.

    The Endangered Wildlife Trust (EWT)’s team along with experts from the University of Pretoria reportedly sampled soil in the area looking for mole DNA, before deploying a scent-detection border collie to sniff out the creatures.

    A shimmering mole was just rediscovered almost 100 years after wildlife experts had said it was extinct

    Image credits: JP Le Roux

    Image credits: JP Le Roux

    Cobus Theron, a senior conservation manager for EWT, reportedly said: “Though many people doubted that De Winton’s golden mole was still out there, I had good faith that the species had not yet gone extinct.

    “I was convinced it would just take the right detection method, the proper timing, and a team passionate about finding it.

    De Winton’s golden moles swim through sand

    Image credits: JP Le Roux

    “I think it’s just fantastic that in 2023 we can still rediscover species.

    “All of our stories around conservation are doom and gloom.

    “Here we have an opportunity to say that, actually, there are opportunities to make change.”

    Subsequently, the team recovered four golden moles including De Winton’s mole, which had been a hard task at first, because it had been hard to tell them apart, as they are genetically quite similar.

    A scent-detection border collie was deployed to sniff out De Winton’s moles

    Image credits: The Endangered Wildlife Trust

    The team was reportedly only able to make a match upon finding another golden mole specimen in a Cape Town museum.

    Cobus explained: “Now not only have we solved the riddle, but we have tapped into this eDNA frontier where there is a huge amount of opportunity not only for moles, but for other lost or imperiled species.”

    The golden moles’ shimmering fur is caused by oil that the moles secrete to make it easier to swim through the sand

    Image credits: JP Le Roux

    Image credits: JP Le Roux

    Christina Biggs, manager for the Search for Lost Species, Re:wild, which provided assistance with the search, recalled: “The search for De Winton’s golden mole was not easy by any means, and it really speaks to how persistent, thorough and resourceful the EWT team was in the field.

    “They left no sandhill unturned and now it’s possible to protect the areas where these threatened and rare moles live.

    “The successful use of the eDNA technique is now a case study on how such forward-thinking technologies can be utilized to find other lost species.”

    The golden moles hardly ever leave tunnels behind that are visible from the surface

    Image credits: JP Le Roux

    As the publication stated, De Winton’s golden mole is a small, blind, insect-eating mammal that owes its golden name to its pearl-like iridescent fur.

    Moreover, the little creature’s shimmering fur is caused by oil that the moles secrete to make it easier to swim through the sand.

    It is the moles’ burrowing habits that make it hard for researchers to track them down, as the animals have hypersensitive hearing that is reportedly able to detect vibrations from movement above ground.

    Their delicate sense helps the species avoid being seen from the surface.

    Image credits: Nicky Souness

    De Winton’s golden moles differ from the British moles in the fact that they hardly ever leave tunnels behind that are visible from the surface.

    The creature’s rediscovery marks Re:wild’s Most Wanted Lost Species 11th “lost” species to have been found since its program launched in 2017, New Atlas reported.

    De Winton’s golden mole is a small, blind, insect-eating mammal that owes its golden name to its pearl-like iridescent fur

    Image credits: Nicky Souness

    The website revealed that previous rediscoveries included the silver-backed chevrotain in Vietnam, the Somali sengi in Djibouti, Voeltzkow’s chameleon in Madagascar, the Fernandina giant tortoise in the Galápagos, and Wallace’s giant bee and Attenborough’s echidna, both in Indonesia.

    Animal lovers were very happy to learn the news

    [ad_2] Karina Babenok
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  • Mike Luckovich for Nov 29, 2023 – Mike Luckovich, Humor Times

    Mike Luckovich for Nov 29, 2023 – Mike Luckovich, Humor Times

    Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.

    Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win.  In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.

    After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.

    Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.

    Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.

    Mike Luckovich

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  • Women

    Women

    Tags: meme, funny, wtf

    3607 points, 154 comments.

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  • Kringle Unwraps His Dating Profile – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

    Kringle Unwraps His Dating Profile – Marilyn Sands, Humor Times

    Kris Kringle

    Mrs. Claus gives Santa aka Kris Kringle aka BowlFullofJelly a ‘Deck the Halls Pass’!

    It’s true! Santa wants to trade-in the old Mrs for a brand new Better-Half-his-age on-line!

    Kris Kringle wifeKris Kringle wife

    Mrs. Claus says it’s just a phase & his new on-line pics prove it!

    Clara says, ‘What can I do? During sex Mr Kringle calls out all nine reindeer names plus his before he gets to mine: ‘Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Rudolph & Blinzes’!

    Kris KringleKris Kringle

    ‘You know that old saying, ‘There may be snow on the roof, but there’s fire in the furnace’!

    ‘Ha!  Well, our furnace hasn’t worked since…Eisenhower‘!

    ‘With him, there’s always Good News & Bad News: Mr. Wonderful can find the John in the middle of the night…but can’t unbuckle his frigin’ Red Suit in time’!

    ‘He’ll find out you don’t always get what you want & I’ve got millions of Wish Lists here to prove it: Little Johnny wants a Doll, Little Susie wants a Truck & Marilyn Sands wants him to read her funny new book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS?” On-Line Dating Straight Lines found on Amazon’!  

    I’m sorry!  haha

    ‘Lookie, lookie – I found my poor little dear’s Dating Profile in his sock drawer next to his Viagra!  Looks like he has 2 ‘About Me’ lists – one he posted & another in case the first one doesn’t work!

    ‘Help me decide if he’s ‘Naughty or Nice’ & whether I should take him back ‘as is’!

    • JOLLY
    • DRIVE AT NIGHT
    • WORK FROM HOME 364 DAYS A YEAR!
    • DON’T EXERCISE! Okay – get in sleigh, get out of sleigh!
    • WON’T RELOCATE – but know how to stack wood!
    • WHEN I SAY I’M OUT BOWLING – I’m out bowling!
    • ONCE HAD A FLING WITH THE TOOTH FAIRY!
    • LOVE ME SOME LAP DANCES!
    • HAVE KIDS, DON’T WANT KIDS – don’t want your kids!
    • LIKE TO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED WEARING TINSEL!
    • SMELL LIKE AN ASHTRAY!
    • WILL SHAVE MY BELOVED BEARD OFF IN EXCHANGE FOR – well, a truly benevolent gesture!

    ‘Oh look – my honey has only one deal breaker’!

    ‘He loves me’!

    Kris KringleKris Kringle

    Marilyn SandsMarilyn Sands
    Latest posts by Marilyn Sands (see all)
    ShareShare

    Marilyn Sands

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  • Welcome To The Assumption Club

    Welcome To The Assumption Club

    Welcome to the Assumption Club, where everyone boldly jump to conclusions and leap to ludicrous presumptions faster than you can say, “Wait, what the hell just happened?”

    The post Welcome To The Assumption Club first appeared on Crazy Funny Pictures.

    liver

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  • A Caught Return

    A Caught Return

    When John takes on a new codebase, he always looks for low-risk ways to learn the code by changing it. Things like beefing up the unit tests, tracking down warnings that have been left to languish, minor quality-of-life changes.

    Well, a few years back, John inherited some C# code, and started tracking down some warnings. That lead to this method.

    private void ClearAllFields()
    {
    	bool bReturn = false;
    	try
    	{
    		bReturn = true;
    	}
    	catch (ApplicationException)
    	{
    		throw;
    	}
    	catch
    	{
    		throw;
    	}
    }
    

    This doesn't ClearAllFields. It doesn't clear any fields. It doesn't do anything. I especially love the bReturn variable in a void method. I love the bonus exception handlers for an operation that couldn't throw an exception.

    This kind of uselessness is scattered all over the codebase. Some of it may be vestigial- it used to do something, but gradually got whittled down to uselessness. Some of it likely was premature- they intended the method to eventually do something, but never got around to it. They certainly didn't track what was and wasn't implemented. The result is a minefield of half-finished, half-working code, where you never know if what you touch is going to cause problems later.

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    Remy Porter

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