Humor | ReportWire publishes the latest breaking U.S. and world news, trending topics and developing stories from around globe.
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By now, it’s been pretty well documented that Brad Pitt’s characters love to stuff their face on screen. They do it early, they do it often. It’s such a strange phenomenon, that we decided to collect as many instances as we possibly could where food ends up in Brad’s mouth. And to celebrate that special moment where skin and sustenance meet, we’ve captured it all in GIF form.
Please. Enjoy your meal.
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Zach Nading
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Following a procedure to reduce an enlarged prostate, King Charles III, 75, was diagnosed with “a form of cancer” and is stepping down from public duties while he undergoes treatment. What do you think?
“I’m shocked. He’s always been the picture of health and vigor.”
Andrea Byrd, Shoe Rehabilitator
“Has his next of kin been gleefully notified?”
Marco Sharp, Yam Salesman
“Can I wear his crown while he’s sick?”
Bryson Finnegan, Dictionary Auditor
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Even if you love dad jokes, you still might be wondering if you are dad enough. No more guessing and wondering! Finally you can find out how much of a dad you really are! Each checked box gives you 1 point. Let us know in the comments how many points out of 20 you got!
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liver
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After winning Song of The Year at the 66th Grammys for Barbie’s “What Was I Made For?”, there was one person Billie Eilish wanted to thank: her brother and co-writer, Finneas.
Taking to her Instagram account, the 22-year-old singer wrote, “Can’t even believe this jesuuuuuuus. Thank you to the @recordingacademy and to @finneas for being the best brother and musical partner in the entire world. This is crazy. Thank you thank you,” alongside a photo of the two smiling siblings holding their gilded gramophones.
The song also won the Grammy for Best Song Written for Visual Media earlier in the day, while Barbie The Album, produced by Mark Ronson, Brandon David, and Kevin Weaver, won the award for Best Compilation Soundtrack for Media.
Image credits: Kayla Oaddams/Getty Images
“Damn, dude! I’m shocked out of my balls!” the nine-time Grammy winner said while accepting the award with Finneas. “Everybody in this category; that was a crazy list of incredible people.”
The song beat Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift, Jon Batiste, Dua Lipa, Miley Cyrus, SZA, and Olivia Rodrigo.
The young star also thanked Barbie’s director, Greta Gerwig, “for making the best movie of the year” and referred to Finneas as her “best friend in the world.”
Image credits: Recording Academy / GRAMMYs
Image credits: Recording Academy / GRAMMYs
Eilish gave an emotional performance of the Barbie ballad during the ceremony while her brother and longtime collaborator accompanied her on the piano.
The duo have been working together since 2015, when a then-14-year-old Eilish recorded a song, “Ocean Eyes,” that her brother had written. Ever since then, the two have been working side-by-side, including on the “Happier Than Ever” album, one of the most successful albums in Billie’s career.
Barbie’s end-credits track had previously earned the pair a Golden Globe for Best Original Song, which marked the second Golden Globe for the talented sibling duo after winning in 2022 in the same category for “No Time to Die,” which was written for the James Bond movie of the same name.
Image credits: Entertainment Tonight
When receiving the golden statuette in January, the California singer opened up about how she felt writing the sentimental song, which came at a time in her life when she was dealing with depression.
“It was exactly a year ago, almost, that we were shown the movie, and I was very, very miserable and depressed at the time,” she said while accepting the award on stage.
“Writing that song kind of saved me a little bit,” she revealed, and added, “a year later, and here we are, and it’s really surreal. I feel incredibly, incredibly lucky and grateful.”
But the songwriting pairing could get even luckier if they accomplish a feat on award shows that was last achieved by the legendary Céline Dion.
Eilish’s and Finneas’ “What Was I Made For?” stands a shot at being the first number since “My Heart Will Go On,” from 1997’s “Titanic,” to win both the best song Oscar and the song of the year Grammy. The important Grammy/Oscar dual victory wasn’t even awarded to globally successful tracks such as Frozen’s “Let It Go” or A Star Is Born’s “Shallow.”
To mirror Céline Dion’s impressive achievement, “What Was I Made For?” will have to beat another song from Barbie, “I’m Just Ken,” as well as “It Never Went Away” (American Symphony), “Wahzhazhe (A Song for My People) (Killers of the Flower Moon), and “The Fire Inside” (Flamin’ Hot).
If the powerful song wins at this year’s Academy Awards, set to take place on March 10, it will confirm the idea that numbers made specifically for films also hold significance in broader cultural contexts.
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Donata Leskauskaite
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It’s a talent, really. When asked for specifics, she morphs into a linguistic contortionist, dancing around the question like it’s a game of verbal Twister.
The post Everyone Has a Weakness, Even This Employee first appeared on Crazy Funny Pictures.
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liver
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ST. LOUIS—Expanding its product offerings beyond its long-running line of chewable tablets, antacid manufacturer Tums introduced a new sternly worded note Tuesday that reportedly works by reminding consumers they know better than to eat that stuff in the first place. “The best method of heartburn relief remains having some goddamn self-control and saying no to that fourth slice of pizza,” the letter read in part, adding that while a dose of calcium carbonate could help mitigate the symptoms of indigestion, it would hardly be necessary if a person showed even the tiniest bit of respect for themselves by avoiding foods that upset their stomach. “You are an adult, right? So clearly you know how this works: You go nuts on a chili dog, follow it with French fries, and 20 minutes later you’re in a world of distress. Has it ever occurred to you to eat sensibly? Hmm? It’s as if you have complete amnesia every time there’s a bucket of hot wings and a six-pack of beer in front of you.” Officials from Tums confirmed the sternly worded letter would be available in its original scolding tone as well as an extra-strength what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you formulation.
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Created by Ben Kirby, PreachersNSneakers is an online project that juxtaposes religious authority with materialism.
With a knack for spotting designer labels and their hefty price tags, it offers a glimpse into the world of faith and fashion by pairing images of pastors sporting high-end clothing items and their eye-watering costs.
In an age of appearances, these figures continue to talk about modesty and self-sacrifice, however, their words begin to sound a little different when you realize that the price of their fit could fund numerous charitable endeavors.
More info: PreachersNSneakers.com | Instagram | Book
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Indrė Lukošiūtė
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One of the "features" of the Oracle database is that, in addition to the "wonderful" PL/SQL language for building stored procedures, you can also write stored procedures in Java.
Now, the skills of "being a good database programmer" and "being a good Java programmer" are not necessarily overlapping, especially when you're deep in the world of Oracle's approach to programming. Which is where this submission, from Tomas comes from.
private static final short m_maxCharWidth[][] = {
{
1, 1
}, {
2, 1
}, {
3, 1
}, {
4, 1
}, {
5, 1
}, {
6, 1
}, {
7, 1
}, {
8, 1
}, {
9, 1
// ... some time later ...
9998, 3
}, {
9999, 3
}
};
The first thing to note is that this 2D array uses its first dimension to store index+1. Maybe someone really liked Matlab and wanted 1-based indexes. It's hard to say for sure.
It's also hard to say what this is actually for. My first thought was that it was mapping numbers to their number of digits, for display purposes. Given the name, it seems likely- but that would mean they're using 3 characters to display 4 digit numbers, which would be wrong. Maybe it's mapping Unicode code points to the number of bytes they require to be represented? That doesn't jive either. Or perhaps it's (short)log(n)– a truncated log, but that would be wrong for all the single digit numbers. Our submitter snipped the 2 digit range, so I'm not sure what was inside of there, and that might answer the question.
But then again, why am I even trying to answer this question? This code just shouldn't exist.
.comment { border: none; }
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Remy Porter
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We have only one question: who buys these? Actually, we have another question: where would one apply for a job where these stock photos are used?
The post Dark Stock Photos: The Weird Side of Stock Photography first appeared on Crazy Funny Pictures.
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liver
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WASHINGTON—In an address from the White House carried live on television, President Joe Biden gave the nation the nuclear launch codes Monday in case anything were ever to happen to him. “Folks, I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, but the fact is, I’m not always going to be around, and you need to be prepared to oversee our long-range and tactical nuclear weapons on that day,” said the commander-in-chief, who added that he had been holding onto the highly classified sequence of letters and numbers until he thought the nation was ready to responsibly operate its arsenal of 5,244 warheads. “Just write the codes somewhere safe so you don’t lose them. Because, listen, if I have to go away, you’re the president, understand? All of you are. Okay, you ready? The code is 3X52-4980.” At press time, the American public had reportedly launched an intercontinental ballistic missile at East Timor.
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Managing money in a family with multiple children is no mean feat. Parents have to balance saving for the future with giving their children the best possible life right now. A caller to money management expert Dave Ramsey’s show caused some surprise when he revealed that he spends $80,000 a year just for daycare.
Commenters debated Dave’s advice and whether or not this was a reasonable amount to spend. We reached out to Dave Ramsey via email and will update the article when his team gets back to us.
More info: TikTok
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: I’m expecting my income to increase pretty dramatically in two years, but in the meantime, I’m having trouble paying costs, including two kids in daycare. My wife is doing a medical residency, so in two years, she’ll be done with that and get a job as a doctor.
Dave Ramsey: Yeah, that will increase things pretty dramatically. And how much debt will you guys have?”
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: We own a house, and aside from the house, we have about $25,000 in student loan debt.
Dave Ramsey: And is she borrowing to finish medical school?
The caller: No, she has no med school debt. So the student debt is mine.”
Image credits: daveramsey
“Dave Ramsey: So what’s she making in residency?
The caller: About $70,000.
Dave Ramsey: And what are you making?”
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: About $110,000.
Dave Ramsey: Can you explain to me why you can’t get by on $180,000? And you have to borrow money because you can’t get by on $180,000?
Jade: No, something’s not right.”
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: The childcare costs are about $80,000.
Dave Ramsey: $180,000 and you’re going to explain that with child care costs?
Jade: Hold on, how much are you paying a month in child care?”
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: It’s about $80,000 a year.
Dave Ramsey: Why? You brought them in college?”
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: The base tuition for the child daycare we use is $25,000 per kid, then we pay extra for early care and aftercare, and it doesn’t go during the summer, so during the summer we need a nanny.
Dave Ramsey: I’m going to be as nice as I can. You guys have lost your minds.”
Image credits: daveramsey
“Jade: There’s cheaper routes.
Dave Ramsey: Oh, you think? You got them in some kind of dadgum… I mean, are they going to Harvard? What the hell?”
Image credits: daveramsey
“The caller: it is a pretty fancy daycare.
Jade: you can downgrade.
Dave Ramsey: They’re not even in school and you’re already paying 25, 000 a head? Yeah. Come on, dude. That’s just dumber than c**p.”
Image credits: daveramsey
“Jade: Seriously. Downgrade. It’s time to take the kids off filet mignon.
Dave Ramsey: I don’t care how much money you make. There’s not enough money in the world that doesn’t make that stupid.”
Image credits: daveramsey
“Jade: Find you a free summer camp. Anything. During the summertime.
Dave Ramsey: So we’re going to borrow money now. We’re going to take out student loans for the four-year-old because that’s what we’re coming down to. You make $180,000. Yeah, I think you need to become frugal. If that’s what the definition of living on $180,000 is.”
Image credits: daveramsey
“Jade: Look, daycare can be expensive, but it doesn’t have to be that expensive.
Dave Ramsey: $25,000 a kid? Yeah, I think not. Unbelievable.”
Image credits: daveramsey
Image credits: daveramsey
Image credits: daveramsey
Image credits: daveramsey
@daveramsey This couple is spending $80,000 a year for child care. #childcare #daycare #moneytok ♬ original sound – Dave Ramsey
@johnbmortgage #Duet with @Dave Ramsey Obviously Dave is clueless about real life childcare costs for American parents. The truth is a majority of households pay 20% or more of their total income on preschool, daycare, aftercare, nannies etc. And that doesn’t mean those are the stupid people and the other third found a “cheaper route”. The remainder either have one parent or other family member at home or they have a high enough income to keep the cost under 20%. So here in the real world childcare costs are a serious burden on our financial stability, and Dave needs to wake up and realize that envelopes and being thrifty won’t cut it here. Get your act together @Dave Ramsey . It’s 2024 let’s lose the 1984 mindset. #cluelessguru #daycare #childcarecosts #householdfinances #expenses #daveramsey #inflation #income #johnbandme ♬ original sound – John Birke 🏡 Mortgage Hacker
@sheisapaigeturner There is a childcare crisis in our country. The cost of childcare is astronomical. The cost of childcare is typically the biggest financial burden for a family with young children. The cost of childcare is rising at a faster rate than any other expense for families. People like Dave, pretending that this isn’t happening is wild to me because it is documented that this is indeed the cost of daycare. Dave should not be giving advice unless he’s well-versed in the topic. ##daveramsey##childcarecrisis##childcare ##daycare##daycarelife##millennialmom##workingmom ♬ original sound – Paige
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Mindaugas Balčiauskas
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Unfortunately for Elena, the laboratory information management system (LIMS) her team used was being sunsetted by the vendor, Initech. She’s a biochemist working in a pathology department, and this software is vital to tracking the tests need, the tests already run, and providing critical notifications about abnormal test results.
Since Initech was sunsetting that product, the hospital system put out an RFQ for a replacements, and after a multi-year bidding process, offered the contract for replacing the software to Initech.
And thus, IniLab went away, and was replaced by IniHeal. Gone was the classic terminal interface that everyone had learned to use, and in its place was a “user friendly” GUI- a GUI that buried functionality behind fifteen clicks, had no meaningful keyboard shortcuts, and was constantly changing as they pushed updates, making it impossible to adjust to.
Also gone was the IniLab scripting language. IniLab’s scripting language was how they had assembled workflows for laboratory processes. You could have fine grained control of which scripts tied to which kinds of tests, and even build custom workflows as one-offs, if necessary. They had many thousands of lines of code that needed to be ported over into IniHeal. The problem was IniHeal’s approach to scripting was… well, bad.
First, IniHeal doesn’t allow you write scripts. Instead, it has a pair of “rule” files. The marketing copy calls these “declarative”, and promises that they’re an upgrade. In practice, these are gigantic files that contain a set of rules that are evaluated for every test and every sample.
But the worse problem in IniHeal is how it lets you handle data. In IniLab, if you wanted the patient’s age, you might reference the field by name: Patient.age. In IniLab, you need to use the PPPPLL. What is the PPPPLL?
PPPPLL stands for “position” and “length”. Instead of referencing a field by name, you have to reference the field by its byte offset and length. So Patient.age might be [091001]. And no, there’s no easy way to create constants or variables to hold your PPPPLLs, you just have to know that [091001] is age, and hope that the input data never changes its layout.
Now, one of the things Elena noticed while techs were on-site is that the length of the date time fields was 32 bits, and the data was seconds since the Unix epoch. So she asked one of the senior developers “Hey, is this software Year 2038 safe?”
The developer laughed. “I’ll be retired by then.”
The final insult to injury is that this software wasn’t installed on any laboratory workstations. Instead, they had to use Remote Desktop to access it inside of a VM. While the environment was theoretically locked down so that the only program you could run was IniHeal, in practice it was trivially easy to get to a desktop inside the VM.
Curious, Elena poked around. She not only found the installation logs from her lab’s deployment, but the installation logs from several other labs. These logs included various internal and private details, including account passwords. Somehow, log files from client installs had ended up in their installation media and were deployed to every client site.
Elena reported the potential data breach. The final finding was that the password in question was long defunct, which led management to decide “well, that’s no problem then.”
IniHeal has a slogan about equipping customers with innovative tools, but Elena proposes a new one:
“The Q in IniHeal is for Quality.”
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Remy Porter
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One of the key aspects of being a modern-day human being is the concept of being antisocial. You know, hating phone calls, hating going outside, and hating dealing with difficult people (because everyone is difficult).
Well, there’s a place to celebrate this state of… being(?) and that is the Fear Of Going Out Instagram page, which is chock-full of tweets (sorry, posts) and memes all about that please leave me alone lifestyle.
So, Fear of Going Out (also known as FOGO) is an Instagram meme page that focuses on all things antisocial. In the light sense of the word. More on that further down.
Anywho, it’s home to over 8,150 posts put up since the page’s conception in 2017. 270,000 followers tune in to the page daily for some antisocial goodness.
Just to get this out of the way—being antisocial in the true, medical sense is a much more serious thing than what we’re on about here.
Having antisocial personality disorder means being impulsive, irresponsible, and often expressing criminal behavior, being manipulative, reckless, deceitful, and the like. Seeking therapy can lead to recovery.
However, both we and the Instagram page are referring to a different kind of antisocial. It’s about people who very strongly prefer not to be surrounded by energy sucking vampires whose subtle-cue communication facilities are in denial. Or in the literal Nile. They’re non-existed is what I’m saying.
And, you know what, that ain’t bad.
Studies have shown that being antisocial in the light sense of the word can have positive benefits for those expressing their anti-society.
Take creativity, for instance: autonomy and independence as a personality trait is associated with creativity.
People like artists and scientists—two of the most creative vocations out there—are characterized by lack of interest in socializing.
But that’s not all. Less socializing means more time for everything else. Focus is one of them. The brains of people who work in isolation (i.e., home) don’t do overtime by having to drown out the biggest distraction in the office—other people—which it can’t fully drown out anyway.
Another thing antisocial folks have time for is daydreaming. Letting your brain wander off into the distance of your own thoughts, frolicking in the meadows and riding off into the sunset actually stimulates your brain to work in a sort of “default mode”, which is known to improve memory and foster empathy.
It goes without saying that keeping a distance from people also means you can focus on the few relationships that you have and those in turn are higher quality. It’s no longer about quantity, and that means the relationships antisocial people have will have a more solid foundation, they will be healthier and more civilized, and that will ultimately mean that they will be happier for it.
And that leads us to our last point—antisocial people tend to have a deeper and more developed self-awareness. Spending time with yourself allows you to reflect on your own individuality and better understand what you do, what you think and what you feel. If anything, solitude is an expression of relaxation for some, allowing for introspectiveness and self-awareness.
The biggest struggle comes from the fact that we’re all, as a species, social beings. Everyone falls somewhere in the continuum between energy vampire and I can’t find you on the internet, but it’s never on the extreme end and you sometimes can’t avoid social interactions. But the key here is to learn to respect everyone’s position in this spectrum.
So, what are some of your antisocial life takes? Oh… wait… you don’t want to share? That’s fine. You can also click that upvote button and that’s going to be just as good!
But if you want more antisocial in you, Bored Panda has more where that came from. Oh, and, of course, the Fear Of Going Out Instagram page.
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Evelina Šiukšterytė
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