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  • 5 Christlike Ways to Handle Disagreements

    5 Christlike Ways to Handle Disagreements

    In life, there will always be conflict. No matter how much we try to avoid it, there will always be people who share different opinions than we do. If both parties are passionate about their opinions, believing each is correct, this results in conflict. Christians often avoid conflict because they think it’s not Christlike. They believe it’s not being gracious by asserting themselves or their opinions on others. Christians also fear not being liked. Jesus embodied grace, but he also set firm boundaries with others, especially those who did not want to put God and his will first in their lives. 

    Handle Conflict in a Christlike Manner

    Consider the rich young ruler. Mark 10:21-22 says, “Looking at him, Jesus showed love to him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”  But he was deeply dismayed by these words, and he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.” 

    Jesus did not run after the man; he allowed him to make his own choices. Jesus rooted his identity in his father, and being right was not on his agenda. He came to do the work of his father on earth, and he often paid the price of rejection and persecution (and ultimately death) because of it. In the same way, being Christlike does not mean being liked or not being assertive. Certain situations require us to set firm boundaries against people who may hinder our spiritual growth. This often results in conflict. Although all conflicts in our lives may never be fully resolved, we are called to deal with them as Christlike as possible. 

    Here are six Christlike ways to handle disagreements:

    1. Pray About It

    When we disagree with someone, the first thing we can do is pray. Give God the situation. Pray for the person with whom you are in conflict. Ask the Lord to speak and reveal to you anything you need to know about the situation that you may not know already. Ask the Lord to show you anything about the person you may need to know. Reflect on their story—their background, childhood, and current standing with your local church body. Ask the Lord to soften your heart towards that person. During the disagreement, you may have said things that attacked their character, and they may have done the same. Redeem this behavior by confessing your sin to God. Offer an apology to the other party. They may or may not accept it, but you have taken the first step toward resolving the conflict in a Christlike manner.

    2. Bite Your Tongue

    In the heat of the moment, it is easy to use hurtful words and harsh comments to win the argument or to protect yourself from further rejection. Yet, when Jesus was on trial and falsely accused, he did not snap back with a quick comment or a word of knowledge about their lives. He instead remained silent, knowing that the ultimate judge had already found him not guilty. 

    When our identities are rooted in Christ, the rejection of others is secondary to our standing with God. If we can remain blameless in a situation before God, we have already won the argument, regardless of whether we have come to a timely resolution. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Seek always to build others up rather than tear them down. We will not be perfect at this, yet striving to put others first even in the heat of conflict reflects Christlike character.

    God’s will is for all people to be at peace. Paul writes about this in several of his letters to his churches. Since the church is the Bride of Christ, its members are our brothers and sisters. With so many opinions, we are bound to conflict with one another at some point. But it is how we resolve the conflict that counts. Be the first to offer a sincere apology to the other party. Practice active listening by listening to their point of view without asserting yours. When the other party is finished speaking, state your position again. Ask if they can see it from your perspective. Sometimes a shift in perspective can help us truly understand the situation from another point of view. 

    3. Forgive Always

    Forgiveness is perhaps the hardest part of conflict because the other party might offer an apology, but trust has not been achieved. Therefore, you may be suspicious if they might repeat the action again. Scripture is clear that if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us of our sins. We must understand that forgiveness is a process. It is a result of processing through tough emotions and resolving them in a way that cultivates Christlike character. When we seek to forgive others even when we feel they don’t deserve it, we are becoming more like Christ because Jesus died on the cross, taking on the world’s sins but having committed no sin himself. The other party may not forgive you, but that is no excuse for you not to seek forgiveness. We are obligated as Christians to forgive one another, regardless of the other party’s response.

    4. Pinpoint the Underlying Needs

    In the heat of the moment, it is easy to argue about the conflict at hand. This may result from a current situation where the two of you are entangled. Yet, the emotional response to the conflict may have nothing to do with you. If this is someone you know personally, recall what you have observed in their lives. Is there any unresolved trauma or other wounds from the past that may be interfering with your current conflict? Sometimes people seek justice in this current situation because they did not receive justice for a past injury or victimization. If this is the case, kindly state what you believe to be true and see if there’s a grain of truth to it. If there is, help them seek to resolve the previous pain so that pain does not interfere with your relationship today. By doing so, you will not only seek to resolve the conflict peacefully, but you may gain a true friend in the process.

    5. Wish Them Well

    Paul and Barnabas had such a sharp disagreement that they had to part ways: “Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord” (Acts 15:37-40). Scripture never says whether that conflict was resolved. While we may wish every conflict in which we are embroiled comes to a peaceful agreement, that’s not always the case. 

    Seek reconciliation and peace as much as possible. We can live at peace with someone and not be in conflict with them. Yet that conflict was not completely resolved. Romans 12:18 says, “as it stands with you, live at peace with all men.” Despite our passionate position and extension of grace, we may never resolve every conflict in our lives. Process any unresolved emotions or pain from the incident. Live at peace with yourself and accept that you may never be in a relationship with that person again. If reconciliation cannot be achieved, wish them well and pray for God’s blessing over their lives. 

    Conflict is always difficult. No one likes to be involved in conflict with others. But it is a necessary element of living with other people. Do your best to seek resolution and reconciliation with others. It may not always be possible, but peace and the Christlike character that results is always a guaranteed outcome.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio

    Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services and a certified writing coach. Her new children’s book Who God Wants Me to Be encourages girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.

    Michelle S. Lazurek

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  • Titus 2: Woman-to-Woman Discipleship

    Titus 2: Woman-to-Woman Discipleship

    Women have become a highlighted topic not just within the culture but in the church as well. There is one discussion that is lacking in the church when it comes to women: discipleship. 

    A healthy implemented discipleship program is the marker of a healthy church. 

    Discipleship is intentional in building not only relationships but addressing spiritual health areas that sermons cannot. This is essential to spiritual growth. It is so important, in fact, that teaching is part of the Great Commission in Matthew 28:

    “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

    Woman-to-woman discipleship is crucial to the Body of Christ. It is vital to the health of a female believer in their walk. 

    Men cannot speak into the lives of a woman in the way another woman can. 

    Paul’s Teaching

    Titus 2 is the model for woman-to-woman discipleship within the church. Paul is writing to Titus in Crete, where he was left to help set up and equip the newly established church. A great deal of the letter focuses on the health of the church and the roles of leadership. 

    Paul was likely either addressing issues that the church was facing by giving specific instruction to Titus on how to teach and appoint the church’s leaders. 

    Within Titus 2, there is instruction specific to women regarding discipleship. In a way, it is descriptive of the discipleship life cycle of the church. 

    Looking at the full passage, it speaks to men and women equally, but we can note the special instruction for women specifically:

    “But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women, likewise, are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:1-5

    There is specific behavior from older women that should be present if they are to teach younger women. 

    Reverent in their behavior – For a woman to disciple another woman well, she must lead by example. She is to be a woman seeking to walk holy as God is holy. The phrase I use often is that she must be a woman who practices what she preaches to other women. Older women are to live out the example of spiritual maturity.

    Not slanderers – Unfortunately, women are known for gossip. Our words matter to God. What we say about others has a great impact. Women who are seeking to disciple, just like I said before, should be the example. Their words should be as reverent as their behavior. 

    Not slaves to much wine – Being a slave to wine will directly affect your behavior. If we are to guard our hearts against sin, we must put off what can cause us to stumble. 

    To teach what is good – Women and men are called to teach sound doctrine and the scriptures and to point to the gospel in all things. They cannot teach what is good if they do not know what is good. Older women should be trained to disciple younger women. This is what I call the life cycle of discipleship. Older women train younger women. Younger women will become older women, and the cycle will continue. 

    What Are Older Women to Teach?

    What exactly are older women called to teach younger women? We know they are to teach sound doctrine and what is good, but there are specific areas where only a woman can speak into the life of another woman:

    To love their husbands – Older women who are experienced in marriage can speak to the areas of marriage where a woman may struggle. They can encourage and even reprove where needed. Older women can give knowledgeable advice when it comes to marriage. This doesn’t mean you must be married for fifty years to qualify. To a newlywed in her twenties, I am an older woman who has been married for sixteen years. (There will always be a woman younger than you). 

    To love their children – This could look twofold. While older women should encourage younger women to love and care for their young ones at home, they should be encouraged to disciple their children. Those we love should be our priority for discipleship. Mothers are the first line of gospel truth in the lives of their children. 

    To be self-controlled – Self-control is a skill refined over the course of our lives. It is one that we often must be reminded of daily. For a young woman, self-control often comes in battling selfish desires or even dealing with disappointment. Older women can help be a constant reminder of what really matters in our day-to-day lives as believers. 

    To be pure – We are to be pure, chaste, and holy women. One of the main things we should be doing as believers is pursuing holiness. It is a day-by-day action of walking holy as God is holy, and we are to be encouraging one another to pursue holiness. 

    Working at home – There are many places within scripture indicating that women are the managers of the home. Women handle the day-to-day activities of the home, delegate tasks, and even control the emotional temperature of their homes. Women have a great deal of control over the home and should be encouraged to embrace the task with grace rather than resentment. 

    To be kind–- All believers should be marked by kindness, not just women. 

    To be submissive to their own husbands – The word submission leaves a bitter taste in the mouth. However, wives are called to be submissive to their husbands. They are not to be submissive to abuse or to be lorded over. Just as a wife is instructed to submit to the leadership of her husband, so her husband must submit to the leadership of the Lord. In the case of discipleship, older women can instruct in what submission is and is not. Older women can also be the first line of defense in abuse that may be taking place within the home. 

    The end result ensures that the Word of God is not “reviled.” According to Webster’s Dictionary, the word reviled means to criticize, abuse, or angrily insult. Proper discipleship leads to a proper attitude towards God’s Word. It protects believers from erring and guides them in how to walk rightly.

    All these things are written so that we may know God and honor Him with our lives.

    Related Resource – FREE Discipleship Podcast for Women!

    Check out Coffee and Bible Times – a podcast for Christian women to be encouraged and grow in their faith. Ashley, Taylor, and Mentor Mama are founders of the Coffee and Bible Time ministry. Their passion is to help inspire people to delight in God’s Word. Listen to every episode on LifeAudio.com, or click the play button below to listen to an episode right now!

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/monkeybusinessimages

    Michelle Rabon is a wife and homeschooling mom of three who feels called to help women thrive in their walk with Jesus every day. In 2012, she started Displaying Grace, a ministry that is focused on helping women engage with God’s Word. Michelle has also served in women’s ministry for the past five years seeking to equip women in the local church through Bible study. When she is not writing or teaching, she enjoys reading, being close to the ocean, and drinking a lot of coffee.

    Michelle Rabon

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  • White Creek woman indicted for allegedly trying to kill cops

    White Creek woman indicted for allegedly trying to kill cops

    WHITE CREEK — A White Creek woman has been indicted for her alleged role in an incident where her husband is accused of firing multiple shots at police.

    Jane Jenkins, 43, is facing felony charges including two counts of first-degree attempted murder and three counts of second-degree attempted murder for the incident that took place on July 7.

    State police responded to 210 Jermain Hill Lane at about 10:43 p.m. for a report of a landlord-tenant dispute.

    Police said 38-year-old Matthew Parant, who rents a home on the property, got into a dispute with the property owner and got a rifle from inside his home. He then is accused of firing shots at officers and the property owner.

    Parant then barricaded himself in the home as numerous law enforcement agencies responded to the scene. The State Police Crisis Negotiations Unit responded and communicated with Parant for several hours to no avail. He left his residence just before 4:30 a.m. and attempted to flee the scene in a van when he was taken into custody.

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    No one was injured in the incident.

    Parant was arraigned in Washington County Court on Sept. 16 on felony charges including three counts of second-degree attempted murder, two counts of first-degree attempted murder and reckless endangerment. He also faces two counts of misdemeanor second-degree menacing and misdemeanor criminal mischief.

    Authorities said previously that a woman on the property was not cooperative with the investigation.

    Washington County District Attorney Tony Jordan said on Thursday that Jenkins is being charged as an accomplice to Parant. He would not discuss the specifics about her case.

    The attempted murder counts allege that she intended to cause the death of a state police trooper, Washington County Sheriff’s deputy and the landlord, court documents showed.

    Jenkins denied any involvement in shooting at officers in a court filing. She alleged that the property owners had driven by that morning to take photographs and/or record her and Parant. Jenkins said the landlord had indicated they wanted to move the couple to another home on the property, so they could rent it out as an Airbnb.

    Jenkins also alleged that there were issues at the property such as a leaky roof, mice and bird infestation and problems with appliances.

    Jenkins denied any wrongdoing.

    “I stayed in the residence the entire time. I did not participate in my husband’s conduct, (or) condone his behavior,” she wrote in a statement.

    In addition to the attempted murder counts, Jenkins was also charged with a felony count of first-degree reckless endangerment and misdemeanors of second-degree menacing and fourth-degree criminal mischief.

    She was arraigned in Washington County Court on Sept. 23 and is free on bond.

    Jenkins’ attorney, Brian Premo, did not return a message seeking comment.

    Michael Goot is night and weekend editor of The Post-Star. Reach him at 518-742-3320.

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