Tag: The Onion

NEW HAVEN, CT—Saying the singer-songwriter clearly had ulterior motives when she made The Tortured Poets Department, local Taylor Swift fan Fiona Johnson told reporters Monday the artist had purposefully released a big dud as a commentary on the music industry. “Although at first glance, it looks as though Taylor simply miscalculated with this meandering, overproduced, and underwhelming album, she actually did so intentionally to make a point about capitalism, rabid fandom, and its effects on art at large,” said Johnson, adding that Swift was smarter than she seemed, and would never write 31 songs and record over two full hours of music that sounded so flat and uninspired unless she was trying to reveal something deeper about modern culture and the music we consume. “Yes, many of the tracks like ‘I Can Do It With A Broken Heart’ and ‘The Albatross’ sound like a pale, tired reflection of her former self, but what if that was her goal all along, and she spent years diluting her artistic vision in order to make us think? Taylor is always 10 steps ahead of her fans. Why else would she release one of the worst albums I’ve ever heard?” Johnson also said that Swift would not currently be dating someone as dumb as Travis Kelce if it wasn’t a commentary on toxic masculinity.