Tag: The Onion

ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL—Describing the serene smile that spread across the 87-year-old’s face, sources reported that local grandfather Murray Lowe’s eyes lit up Wednesday as he recalled his halcyon days as a regular at his town’s Old Country Buffet. “There was a sparkle in his eyes as he talked of all the good times he had back then, when he was younger and hungrier and always grabbing a fresh plate to go back through the line at his favorite all-you-can-eat chain,” Lowe’s granddaughter Kelly Williams said during a visit to his assisted-living facility, reportedly becoming emotional as her grandfather reminisced about his old haunt and the trays piled high with boil-in-a-bag macaroni and cheese, green beans, and mashed potatoes. “He’s never opened up about it before, probably because of how painful it must be knowing those days are gone forever. But today it was like he went back in time, feeling the warmth of the steam trays and the heat lamps as he stood in line for another serving of dried-out pot roast or fried chicken. I could almost see the buffet-goer he used to be, marveling with his head cocked upward at a mountain of wet coleslaw, and beaming with pride at the opportunity to provide us grandkids with limitless soft-serve ice cream. I think a part of him may still be there, you know?” Williams added that her grandfather later asked her to cut his prime rib extra thick and “pour a little bit of the beef juice on there if [she] wouldn’t mind,” having apparently mistaken her for an employee working the buffet’s carving station.