U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy has called for warning labels on social…
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The Onion
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Report: Every Place On Earth Has Wrong Amount Of Water
RESTON, VA—A new global report released Monday by the U.S. Geological Survey…
Joey Chestnut Banned From Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest
Sixteen-time champion competitive eater Joey Chestnut was banned from Nathan’s Famous Hot…
4 Russian Warships Arrive In Cuba
In a show of force amid tensions regarding Ukraine, Russia sent four…
Stalky Mountains
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New Rule Requires Migrants To Find Lawyer Within 4 Hours of Border Crossing
According to U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, migrants crossing the border into…
Boeing Launches Astronauts For First Time After Years Of Delay
Boeing launched its first Starliner flight bound for the International Space Station…
Grandfather’s Eyes Light Up While Describing Memories Of Old Country Buffet
ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL—Describing the serene smile that spread across the 87-year-old’s face,…
Biden Signs Executive Order To Deport All 340 Million Americans And Start From Scratch
WASHINGTON—In an effort to respond to rising concerns about immigration, President Joe…
Trump Found Guilty On All Counts In Hush Money Trial
Donald Trump was found guilty on all 34 counts of falsifying documents…
Everyone At Café Disgusted To See Parent Spanking Crying Busboy Like That
MINNEAPOLIS—Condemning the father for resorting to such a harsh and outdated treatment…
Everybody celebrate! It’s that special time 3:48 P.M.!
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Nation Shrugs After Hearing Trump Guilty Verdict, Unpauses ‘MILF Manor’
NEW YORK—In the wake of the landmark trial that made him the…
Pope Francis Issues Apology For Using Slur For Gay Men
Pope Francis has apologized for using a derogatory term about gay men…
Basement Pit
Stumble inside and you will be fed daily for free. No heat.…
College Student Visiting Friend Shocked To Discover Other Schools Have Tradition Where They Drink To Excess
PROVIDENCE, RI—While visiting a hometown friend at Brown University, college sophomore Caleb…
Biden Bounces Back In Polls As Americans Notice Netflix Added A Few Good Shows Recently
WASHINGTON—With his approval rating recovering among people likely to vote in the…
DOJ Sues Live Nation For Ticketmaster Monopoly
The Department of Justice filed an antitrust lawsuit seeking to break up…
Report: School Shootings Either Way Down Or Too Depressing For Media To Cover
WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the possible reasons for a dip in such news…
Study Finds Daily Marijuana Use Outpaces Alcohol In U.S.
A study based on the National Survey on Drug Use and Health…