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  • Finding Purpose and Joy Again as a Widower

    Finding Purpose and Joy Again as a Widower

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    Mr. Harris, our friendly next-door neighbor, was a sunshine on our street. Always with a wave and a warm hello, he’d stop to chat about the weather or our weekend plans. Then tragedy struck. 

    One morning, news of a car accident spread through the neighborhood. It was his wife, a vibrant woman, who was so loving and caring. Her passing was a shock that left us all numb.

    But for poor Mr. Harris, the world shattered. A familiar emptiness began to seep into our once lively street corner. We’d see him leave for work, his shoulders slumped, the twinkle gone from his eyes. The man who’d always been so active in the church, leading the choir with gusto, barely mustered a smile during services. The grief was palpable, a heavy cloak wrapped tightly around him.

    Weeks turned into months, and the toll on Mr. Harris became evident. He lost weight, his attitude towards life changed, and the spring in his step dwindled. This was a far cry from the upbeat man we knew, and it hurt to see him like that.

    Mr. Harris was drowning in grief, a man who had genuinely made people happy. This made me realize how unprepared we are for loss a lot of the time, especially when it comes to dealing with life on our own after decades of marriage.

    May this piece serve as a lighthouse for people in similar dark places, a guide for finding purpose again, and a glimmer of hope even in the middle of suffering.

    The Pain of Losing a Wife

    Losing a spouse is one of life’s most profound and heart-wrenching experiences. As widowers, you are thrust into a journey of grief and loss that can feel overwhelming and all-encompassing. 

    The pain of losing a beloved wife leaves an indelible mark on your heart, challenging you to navigate a new reality without the person who was once your partner, confidante, and best friend.

    In the words of C.S. Lewis, himself a widower: “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” These words, I’m sure, would resonate deeply with anyone who has experienced the profound loss of a spouse. Grief can indeed feel like a constant companion, casting a shadow over even the brightest moments of your life.

    Yet, amid our sorrow, there is hope. Despite the pain, there is a path forward—a path that leads to finding purpose and joy again, even amid your grief. 

    Understanding Grief through a Christian Lens

    In your grief, it is essential to turn to the comfort offered by Scripture. The Bible offers profound insights into the nature of grief and loss, providing solace and hope to those mourning.

    Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” These words remind us that even in our darkest moments of despair, God is near. He sees our pain, hears our cries, and offers His unfailing love and compassion to sustain us. This verse also assures us that we are not alone in our grief; God walks beside us, offering comfort and healing to our broken hearts.

    Jesus Himself experienced profound grief at the death of His friend Lazarus, even though He knew that He would raise him from the dead (John 11:35). Grief is not a sign of weakness but of the depth of our love and the reality of our loss.

    Faith is also crucial in navigating the journey of grief; it sustains us during the darkest moments, reminding us of God’s promises and His presence with us. Through prayer, meditation on Scripture, and fellowship with other believers, you will find strength and comfort to face each day with hope and resilience.

    Also, you can take comfort in knowing that your grief is not the end of the story. Through our faith in Christ, we have the assurance of eternal life and the promise of ultimate restoration. 

    While the pain of losing a wife may never completely disappear, you can find hope in the knowledge that, one day, we will be reunited with our loved ones in the presence of God, where there will be no more tears or sorrow (Revelation 21:4).

    Dealing With Common Emotions Experienced by Widowers

    Grief: Grief is a natural response to the loss of a spouse, encompassing feelings of sadness, longing, and emptiness. But turn to God in prayer and seek comfort in His promises. 

    Remember that God is close to the brokenhearted and offers solace to those who mourn. Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

    The loss of a spouse often leaves one feeling profoundly alone. Suddenly, the companionship and intimacy that once defined your life are gone, leaving a void that can feel insurmountable. Loneliness can be particularly severe during moments of solitude or when faced with reminders of your wife’s absence. 

    However, it is best to find companionship and support in God’s presence and through the community of fellow believers. Lean on the promise that God will never leave us nor forsake us. Hebrews 13:5 reminds us: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” 

    Confusion: Losing a spouse can also leave one feeling disoriented and bewildered, unsure of how to navigate this new reality. We may even find ourselves grappling with existential questions about the meaning of life and the purpose of our suffering. 

    For someone who’s just lost his wife, confusion can arise from the practical challenges of adjusting to life without her, such as managing household responsibilities or making important decisions alone. In moments of confusion, it is helpful to seek clarity and guidance through prayer and meditation on the Word of God and His promise to direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

    Anger: You may feel frustrated or resentful towards God, others, or yourself. You may also experience feelings of resentment towards your circumstances or your late wife for leaving you behind. 

    Acknowledge and process these feelings of anger in healthy ways rather than suppressing or denying them.

    However, you should strive to express your emotions honestly and openly to God in prayer, knowing that He can handle your anger. Seek His peace and cultivate a heart of compassion and love.

    Ephesians 4:31-32 reminds us: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

    Fear: The loss of a spouse can evoke feelings of fear and anxiety about the future—the fear of being alone, facing life’s challenges without your partner, or of what the future holds for your kids. 

    However, trust in God’s providence and sovereignty because He is in control of all things. By surrendering your fears to God in prayer and seeking His guidance and protection, you can find courage and peace to face the unknown with confidence.

    Rediscovering Joy in Everyday Moments

    While happiness is often dependent on external circumstances and fleeting moments of pleasure, joy is deeper and more enduring. Joy is a spiritual sense of contentment and fulfillment that transcends the ups and downs of life. It is a state of being rooted in faith and gratitude rather than in temporary pleasures or material possessions.

    In the context of grief, rediscovering joy does not mean that you will always feel happy or that your pain will disappear overnight. Instead, it means finding moments of peace, hope, and connection amidst the sorrow. It means recognizing the beauty and goodness that still exist in the world, even amid your grief.

    One common misconception about joy after the loss of a spouse is that it is somehow disrespectful to the memory of our loved ones. Some may feel guilty for experiencing moments of joy, fearing that it diminishes the significance of their loss or implies that they have moved on too quickly. 

    However, joy and grief are not mutually exclusive. It is possible to honor the memory of our spouse while still finding moments of joy in our lives.

    Another misconception is that joy can only be found in grand gestures or extraordinary experiences. In reality, joy often comes from the simplest of moments—a shared meal with loved ones, a walk in nature, or a quiet moment of reflection. 

    By embracing these everyday moments and finding gratitude in the small things, we can cultivate a deeper sense of joy that sustains us through the darkest times.

    Ultimately, rediscovering joy after the loss of a spouse is a journey—one that requires patience, resilience, and faith. It means allowing yourself to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness and grief, while also remaining open to moments of joy and hope. 

    As Psalm 30:5 reminds us, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Even in your darkest moments, there is always the promise of joy on the horizon, waiting to be rediscovered in the everyday moments of life.

    How to Rekindle Joy in Your Daily Life

    1. Engage in Meaningful Activities: Finding joy in your daily life often involves engaging in activities that bring fulfillment and purpose. Whether by volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about, pursuing a hobby or creative outlet, or spending time in nature, investing your time and energy in meaningful activities can uplift your spirits and bring a sense of fulfillment. 

    These activities provide a welcome distraction from grief and offer opportunities for personal growth and connection with others.

    2. Connect with Others in the Community and Fellowship: Community and fellowship play a crucial role in cultivating joy after the loss of a spouse. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends, family members, and fellow believers can provide a sense of belonging and companionship during these difficult times. 

    Whether by joining a support group for widowers, participating in church activities, or simply spending time with loved ones, connecting with others who understand your journey can bring comfort, laughter, and a renewed sense of hope.

    3. Invest in Things You Love and Are Passionate About. Rediscovering joy also involves investing in activities and interests that bring you joy. Prioritizing self-care and self-expression is essential for maintaining emotional well-being. 

    By dedicating time and energy to things that bring you joy, you can nourish your soul and cultivate a sense of purpose and satisfaction in your daily life.

    4. Be thankful: Take time each day to reflect on God’s blessings in your life, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant they can be. Keep a gratitude journal where you write down things you’re thankful for daily. This will help shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have. 

    By adopting an attitude of gratitude, you can cultivate a sense of contentment and joy that transcends your circumstances.

    5. Embrace Moments of Beauty and Wonder: In your moments of grief, remain open to moments of beauty and wonder in the world around you. 

    Whether by watching a sunrise, admiring a work of art, or savoring a delicious meal, allowing yourself to experience moments of joy and awe can uplift your spirits and remind you of the goodness that still exists in the world. 

    To every widower who may be struggling, I want you to know that you are not alone. Amid your pain and sorrow, there is hope. Though the road may seem long and the burden heavy, you have the strength through Christ to persevere. 

    Take comfort in knowing that God sees your tears, hears your prayers, and holds you close to His heart. Lean on God in your moments of weakness, for He is your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1).

    May you find peace amid your pain, strength amid your weakness, and hope amid your despair. You are loved, you are valued, and you are not alone.

    Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/OSTILL

    Emmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.

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  • Don’t Add to the Noise

    Don’t Add to the Noise

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    Jackie just gave birth to her son, and she didn’t feel too good about herself. All she wanted to do was stay in bed. She didn’t even want to care for her newborn baby. She was going through postpartum depression, or “baby blues,” a common medical condition associated with pregnancy.

    For three months, Jackie felt sad and lonely. She often cried and talked about her doubts about caring for her new baby. Her husband and in-laws quietly listened to her, allowing her to cry and unburden herself, while they cared for her and her baby. Although still feeling the baby blues, Jackie finally talked herself into going back to her church. Sensing her inner struggle, the women at the church decided to quietly sit with her and hold her hand. No one added to the noise in her head with their words of comfort and wisdom!

    However, Sin Can Be on Our Lips, Even When We Try to Help

    The story of Job is a perfect example of someone “hard pressed on every side” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9) When God allowed Satan to test Job’s godly character, Satan’s first attack was to kill all his children and take away his property (Job 1:1-19). Despite the loss, especially the death of all his children, Job acknowledged God’s authority over his life. He “tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (1:20-22). 

    But Satan wanted more, so God permitted him to test Job again, with the condition to spare his life. This time, Satan struck him with “loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head” (Job 2:7). Again, Job never complained to God about his condition, even after his wife prodded him with these words: “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die” (v.9).

    We have many choice words to say in our desperate moments. Claiming our intimacy with God, we spill our guts, including our frustration and anger in our situation, bringing all to God in prayer. But we tremble in our doubts, not sure if God really cares for us or sees and hears us to take us out of our pits. 

    In Job 3, we see Job speaking to God about his troubles and why it would have been better for him to have died at birth: “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes” (v.26). In his struggling with God, he started to lose hope. “Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul” (7:11). 

    We also have many choice words to say to others’ desperate moments. Just like Job’s wife, we want the sufferer to admit to some hidden offense or wrongdoing. In chapter 8, Bildad, one of Job’s friends, decided to give him some conscience-pricking words to jog his memory of any possible hidden offense to God: “Can papyrus grow where there is no marsh? Can reeds flourish where there is no water? While yet in flower and not cut down, they wither before any other plant. Such are the paths of all who forget God; the hope of the godless shall perish” (8:11-13). In short, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Surely, something wrong was done; hence, the suffering.

    Or we spout holiness with assurances of God’s promises, spoken when the sufferer is currently walking in “the valley of the shadow of death” and grappling with God’s goodness in the situation (Psalm 23). There is sometimes no listening power for the sufferer.

    Don’t Add to the Noise of the Suffering

    Jackie may have had choice words in her desperate moments, but the people who surrounded her didn’t add to the noise in her head. In the beginning, Job’s three friends did the same. “Now when Job’s three friends heard of all the evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place… They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great” (vv.11-13).

    First, how many of us will be around for someone? We often make assurances that we will stand alongside our friends in times of need. But how many times do we really make good on our commitment? Job’s friends made an appointment to be there for him. 

    Second, are we sensitive enough to see the situation and wise enough to change our plan of action? We like to attack a problem, so we arm ourselves with our go-to verses and prayers. But Job’s friends recognized his condition from afar, so much so that it made them grieve. They decided to mourn for him.

    Third, are we willing to be still and offer quiet comfort and sympathy? Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know I am God.” Can we be still and let our suffering friend know that we are walking alongside him or her without even opening our mouths? Perhaps in the silence, we can focus on lifting our friend up in prayer. 

    Years after Jackie’s postpartum depression, a friend called her. The woman was a young mother of three. Her husband left her. Jackie talked to her husband and asked if they could stay with her friend. For seven days, they lived with Jackie’s friend and children. Jackie allowed her friend to grieve and talk while she was the quiet, listening presence. No sound came out of Jackie’s mouth. Jackie’s friend healed from her loss and grief and cannot thank her enough for what she did. 

    Don’t Add Noise to Your Own Suffering

    Job’s friends eventually turned oout to be miserable comforters to him, accusing him of wickedness and unrighteousness for his suffering. They were unable to restrain themselves from speaking. And Job did the same, questioning God for an answer to his suffering. 

    When God answered Job, he had to promise silence. “I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further” (Job 40:5). Job repented for his actions and acknowledged God’s majesty, and said, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted… I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you” (42:2,5). 

    The Apostle Paul said, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). 

    And just like Job, we will go through many forms of suffering. We will get hit. We will get knocked down. But we can get up! As believers in Christ, we too have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. He will give us the strength to overcome difficulties so that we are not overwhelmed and destroyed or feel desperate and alone. 

    God’s answer will come, but only when we learn to turn off the noise and keep ourselves from creating more noise so we can refocus our attention on God, remembering that Jesus is our certainty. Proverbs 17:27 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”

    Now, be still and remain quiet in your suffering, and know God is at work! Then, see God’s hand of delivery and restoration. Just like He did for Job, it will be more than you can imagine!

    Photo Credit: ©Bogomil Mihaylov/Unsplash

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • Cherry Blossoms Are Edible: Easy Spring Recipes Using the Flower

    Cherry Blossoms Are Edible: Easy Spring Recipes Using the Flower

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    Who doesn’t love cherry blossoms? Even ardent native plant advocates can’t help but admire their uncomplicated optimism. While native woodlands and gardens are still quietly waking, showing no more than the pale effervescence of spicebush and the silver buds of serviceberry, the white and pink froth of ornamental cherry season rolls across the land, a great and beautiful gift whose roots are East Asian. After the long months of winter, and after the suspended weeks that are technically spring but hardly effusive, the wonder of their imported arboreal eruption catches us all like a sudden exhalation. We’ve been holding our breath.

    Stand beneath the trees and wonder at their petals. And perhaps nibble one or two: These weeks taste like bitter almond and marzipan, and they will not last.

    Photography by Marie Viljoen.

    Above: Nanking cherries (Prunus tomentosa) bloom very early, on the heels of winter.
    Above: Prunus x subhirtella ‘Autumnalis Rosea’ follows a light, late fall bloom with showers of early spring flowers.

    Above: P. x subhirtella ‘Rosy Cloud’ behind (possible) P. yedoensis ‘Akebono’ at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.

    Above: A weeping P. pendula ‘Yae-beni-shidare’.
    Above: P. x yedoensis at Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn.
    Above: The ruffled blooms of ‘Kanzan’ cherries are the last to open in spring’s cherry blossom sequence.
    Above: Spring eggs, with cherry blossoms and chickweed.

    Chew a cherry blossom. The first impression is one of delicacy, followed quickly by bitterness. After a couple of seconds that is replaced by a strong transition to almond essence. It is fleeting. But pairing the blossoms with ingredients that do not overwhelm their distinctive flavor yields some surprising results.

    Above: Edible flowers transform treats into celebrations.

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  • How Does a Friend Love at All Times?

    How Does a Friend Love at All Times?

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    Do you have a friend? Maybe you have lots of friends. Some you can call acquaintances, but many of us are blessed with friends who are “closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). These are the people with whom we can share our most cherished dreams, as well as our deepest disappointments. These are the people we love and trust, and we would do just about anything for them.

    Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for adversity.” What does this verse mean?

    Who Wrote This Proverb and to Whom?

    The book of Proverbs is, in essence, a collection of wise sayings throughout thirty-one chapters. King Solomon almost exclusively penned the book, but chapters thirty and thirty-one were written by Agur, and King Lemuel, respectively (see Proverbs 1:1, 30:1, and 31:1). Proverbs are short and concise, and they illustrate enduring truth and insight.

    In Proverbs 1:4, we are introduced to its purpose and general audience, “to give prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the youth.” Proverbs 1:8 shows us the specific audience as Solomon states, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.”

    What Does This Proverb Mean?

    What we gather from Solomon’s words throughout Proverbs is that consequences are conditional on the student’s (son’s) decision to abide by the instruction. There are commands and also “words to the wise” within the Proverbs. Proverbs 2:1-5 tells us that if the hearer receives the teacher’s words and attends to wisdom and understanding, then he will “understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.” This condition aids our understanding of the verse which says a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.

    We are shown the difference here between a friend and a brother. A loving friend is an unceasing source of that love. A sibling may or may not be as close, yet shows up in times of trouble. Therefore, friends are constant and a brother, while present in a time of calamity, is not always available.

    What Is a Friend, and in What Way Does a Friend Love?

    Let’s define the word friend. First we need to remember that being a friend is a choice, while being a brother is not. Being born into a family doesn’t necessarily make siblings friends (as so many of us can attest).

    According to Logos’ William J. Ireland, Jr., “friendship may be simple association (Genesis 38:12; 2 Samuel 15:37) or loving companionship, the most recognizable example being that between David and Saul’s son, Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1, 3; 20:17; 2 Samuel 1:26).”

    The Bible uses the word love in four main ways:

    Agape is an unconditional, everlasting, and sacrificial love. When Scripture tells us of God’s love for us (John 3:16, 1 John 3:1, e.g.), it’s agape (perfect) love. So too is a husband’s love for his wife (and a wife’s for her husband).

    Storge is described as familial love.

    Eros is romantic love between a husband and his wife (and a wife and her husband).

    Phileo is a love between close friends.

    People in general tend to involve their friends in all aspects of their lives. In this sense, a friend is prepared for what may happen in another friend’s life. This is not always so with families. When we “leave the nest,” so to speak, it’s usual to become independent of our parents and siblings. We cling to friends who have common interests, cheering for each other in successes and coming alongside when failures occur.

    A true Christian friend loves by:

    – Praying

    – Being available 24/7

    – Listening (Families, who “knew us when,” lean toward solving our problems before we finish speaking)

    – Being open and vulnerable and allowing the same

    – Understanding when solitary time is needed by their friend

    – Staying in contact

    – Doing all he or she can to help/support their friend as they grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ

    – Celebrating our successes

    – Grieving our losses

    – Gently correcting us

    – Accepting correction

    The list is long, and more can be added, but this is a good starting point. Jesus added weight to our understanding of what a true friend is when He said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Isn’t that the ultimate love, and isn’t that what Jesus did for us? (see John 3:16)

    Solomon continues his discourse on good character versus evil and foolish people. The maxims may seem random, but when they are measured together, there exists a theme. The overarching purpose of this book is teaching a person (a youth, a son) what living in wisdom looks like. Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom (1 Kings 3:5-15), and the book of Proverbs is a result of what the Lord gave him.

    What About When Our Friends Annoy Us?

    Annoyance is inevitable in any relationship, even the most loving. We are selfish by nature and even though as Christians we are new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), sanctification is an ongoing process. We won’t be the best, most loving friend until glory, because we are still sinners. And sinners can and do annoy others, because, well, we want what we want.

    Realizing all of this, however, we are to be conformed to Christ. Whether we are annoying or are annoyed by others, we must react with Christlike patience, gentleness, and all the other fruit of the Spirit as outlined in Galatians 5:22-23. The best way to love your friend is to love the Lord first, and then your friend(s) (Luke 10:27).

    How Can a Friend Lovingly Correct When We Need That?

    Sometimes we discover our friend has erred in some way. It could be a theological error or it could be an action done by a friend that either has or might affect themselves and/or others. If another person shares a problem about/with your friend, the best course of action is to always ask your friend for their side of the account. Remember to go to them with an open and soft heart, yet having prayed for discernment. Listen and – if the situation warrants a correction based on your friend’s confession of wrongdoing – answer with grace and love. Always seek their best.

    If a friend comes to you and admits a sin, the first thing to do is pray silently for the Lord’s help. Tell your friend you love them and want to support and help them through this time. Ask them if they have first confessed to the Lord and repented of their actions. If they haven’t, you can pray with them. They may need your help with prayer especially if it’s the first time this has happened to them. Then remind them of 1 John 1:9, that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just. He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    In no way should you place yourself in a lofty position because the Bible tells us to be humble and to consider others as more significant than ourselves (Philippians 2:3).

    Of course, we would expect the same from a friend if we are in the wrong.

    Friendship with Unbelievers

    Believing friends are a treasure. But what about friendship with unbelievers? By all means, enjoy friendships with people who do not know the Lord, but be careful not to conform to their world (Romans 12:2). As you should every day, put on your full spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:13-18) before heading out to socialize with an unsaved friend. Interacting with people who do not love the Lord gives us the opportunity as God’s ambassadors to share the Gospel with them (2 Corinthians 5:20). Make the best use of your time with believing and unbelieving friends, for the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16).

    A Prayer for a Believing Friend

    Lord Jesus,

    I thank You for my friend, _________. She is such an example to me as she loves You above all else and reflects Christ by how she loves me. I pray, Father, for Your will in her life, that she would always seek Your face and abide in our Lord Jesus. Help me to be the kind of friend You have created me to be, always praying for her and modeling a sacrificial life. All this I pray for Your glory and for our good,

    Amen.

    A Prayer for an Unbelieving Friend

    Father God,

    You have placed this friend in my life for a reason. I know, Father, that I am to be a clear and godly reflection of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Help me to do that well, so when my friend sees me, she would want to know why I love as I do. If it’s Your will, Lord, please use me to bring her to Your saving grace. This is not my doing, but it’s all by You and for You. It’s my joy to be Your child. I pray the same for my friend. I thank You and pray in Jesus’ name,

    Amen.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/PeopleImages

    Lisa Loraine Baker is the multiple award-winning author of Someplace to be Somebody. She writes fiction and nonfiction. In addition to writing for the Salem Web Network, Lisa serves as a Word Weavers’ mentor and is part of a critique group. She also is a member of BRRC. Lisa and her husband, Stephen, a pastor, live in a small Ohio village with their crazy cat, Lewis. 

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  • COCONUT WACKY CAKE

    COCONUT WACKY CAKE

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    Wacky Cakes are also known as Depression Era Cakes since they don’t use any eggs, butter, or milk. This Coconut Wacky Cake is one of our favorites!

    Coconut Wacky CakeCoconut Wacky Cake

    If you are a fan of Wacky Cakes, you will want to try this chocolate version. It’s simple and delicious.

    ❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE

    Coconut wacky cake has no eggs, butter or milk in the cake and it still comes out as a delicious dessert.  It does not seem possible that this cake is so good without those items.  It seems to have originated sometime during the great depression when ingredients were so hard to obtain.  I make this cake in a 9 x 9 cake pan but you can double it if you want a bigger cake.  It keeps well in a cool spot.  I love that you don’t have to add eggs and it is so easy to make.

    🍴KEY INGREDIENTS

    • All Purpose Flour
    • Granulated Sugar
    • Baking soda
    • Salt
    • Water
    • Vegetable Oil
    • Vanilla Extract
    • White Vinegar
    • Shredded Sweetened Coconut
    • Frosting Ingredients
    • Powdered sugar
    • Butter
    • Vanilla Extract
    • Water
    • Shredded Sweetened Coconut

    🍽️HOW TO MAKE

    This cake is very simple and super easy to make! The frosting is sweet, but very good and a little of this cake goes a long way. That is why we love that it’s made in a 9X9, it’s perfect for a small gathering.

    Step 1
    Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt.  Add the water, vegetable oil, vanilla extract and white vinegar and stir well with a spoon. 

    Step 2
    Fold in the coconut.  Spray a 9 x 9 baking dish with cooking spray and spread batter in dish.  Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven 30 to 35 minutes until the center tests done.  Let cool and add frosting below.

    Frosting Instructions:
    Beat first four ingredients with a mixer until of spreading consistency. Fold in coconut with a spoon.

    Notes: I added another 1/4 cup of toasted, shredded coconut sprinkled over the top but this is optional.  To toast the 1/4 cup of shredded coconut, spread on a saucer and microwave for about a minute and a half until toasted checking to make sure it is not burning after one minute.

    ⭐TIP

    We use sweetened coconut in this recipe but you can easily use unsweetened if you prefer.

    OTHER COCONUT RECIPES

    If you know our website you know we are a huge fan of coconut cakes and have many on our site. Here are a few of our most popular!

    • Easy Sour Cream Coconut Cake – This cake is our most popular for a reason! Yes, it’s made with a mix, but you would never know and it’s the perfect addition to any gathering. It’s especially popular for Easter and Christmas!
    • Do Nothing Cake – This cake is super easy to make, you don’t even need a mixer! It’s an excellent old fashioned recipe.
    • Coconut Cake with Coconut Frosting – This is a classic for a reason and probably a cake your Grandmother made!
    • Lazy Daisy Oatmeal Cake – This cake has a delicious coconut frosting and it’s a classic for a reason! It is the perfect potluck cake!

    STORING, REHEATING & SERVING SIZE

    We store this covered on the counter and a 9X9 is about 9 servings.

    Coconut Wacky Cake

    Anne Walkup

    This Coconut Wacky cake is so easy and it’s a depression era cake. It has no milk, butter or eggs and it still comes out delicious! Made in a 9X9 and super easy!

    Prep Time 5 minutes

    Cook Time 30 minutes

    Total Time 35 minutes

    Course Cake, Dessert

    Cuisine American

    Cake Ingredients:

    • 1 cup all-purpose flour
    • 3/4 cup white granulated sugar
    • 1 teaspoon baking soda
    • 1/4 teaspoon salt
    • 3/4 cup water
    • 1/4 cup vegetable oil
    • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
    • 1 1/2 teaspoons white vinegar
    • 1/2 cup shredded coconut

    Frosting Ingredients:

    • 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
    • 2 tablespoons butter softened
    • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    • 2 to 3 tablespoons water
    • 1/2 cup shredded coconut

    Cake Directions:

    • Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt. Add the water, vegetable oil, vanilla extract and white vinegar and stir well with a spoon. Fold in the coconut.

    • Spray a 9 x 9 baking dish with cooking spray and spread batter in dish. Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven 30 to 35 minutes until the center tests done. Let cool and add frosting.

    I added another 1/4 cup of toasted, shredded coconut sprinkled over the top but this is optional. To toast the 1/4 cup of shredded coconut, spread on a saucer and microwave for about a minute and a half until toasted checking to make sure it is not burning after one minute.

    Keyword Coconut Wacky Cake

    Let us know by commenting below!

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    Anne Walkup

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  • Practical Ways to Love Someone with PTSD

    Practical Ways to Love Someone with PTSD

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    PTSD is the abbreviation for post-traumatic stress disorder. There is also another form of PTSD known as CPTSD. This stands for complex post-traumatic stress disorder. There are many people across the world who either struggle with PTSD or CPTSD. The former is more linked with war veterans; however, the latter is more connected with those who have undergone repeated traumatic experiences, such as being abused as a child, sexually abused by a partner, or verbally abused by a caregiver.

    While CPTSD has not been officially recognized by the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it is a very real mental health disorder. The DSM is not fully correct in many of its diagnoses; therefore, it is best not to rely on this as the sole indicator of someone’s diagnosis. As an example, the DSM has recently added narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health condition when it is not technically a disorder. If someone is a narcissist, it is because of sin—not because of a disorder.

    It is funny how they will add narcissistic personality disorder as a mental health disorder when they won’t add disorders such as CPTSD. Similarly, the DSM also invalidates those with eating disorders since they base the diagnosis on weight rather than behaviors. As we can see, the DSM is not the best place to go when trying to find help with a proper diagnosis or how to get better from your mental health concerns. Instead, it is better to be knowledgeable about these things from your own research and from real help from doctors who care.

    Helping Someone With PTSD/C-PTSD

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/AsiaVision

    The best things you can do to help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD are to be knowledgeable about the disorder, actively listen, and be there for them. There will be days when it is really hard for them, which will show in your relationship with them. If your parent, friend, or spouse is struggling with PTSD or CPTSD, know that the disorder can cause them to have some symptoms that can change the way they interact with you. Remember that your loved one has gone through something traumatic, and it cannot be fixed overnight. It might take many years or even a lifetime for someone to make progress in healing from their traumatic experiences.

    Be patient with them and extend grace to them. PTSD and CPTSD can cause a variety of symptoms, such as flashbacks, nightmares, unwanted memories, difficulty expressing emotions, emotional withdrawal, feeling bad about themselves, feeling unworthy, dissociation, depression, anger, anxiety, being easily startled, and suicidal ideation. Your loved one struggling with PTSD or CPTSD needs you to be caring, understanding, and there for them even when it is hard. Each of these symptoms can come upon them unexpectedly and cause them significant distress. It is not all in their heads, nor is it something they can stop from happening.

    If you want to be there for your loved one, listen to them without judgment. Be okay with just sitting beside them and listening. It is alright if you don’t know what to say to help. Often, just listening to and being there for them is more than enough. If they ask for your help, advice, or thoughts, be encouraging and helpful. Validate their feelings and reassure them of your love for them. This can go a long way for them and help them not feel as alone in their struggles.

    Don’t Take Things Personally

    Another thing you can do to help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD is to not take things personally. Due to flashbacks, feelings of unworthiness, anger, and nightmares, many individuals struggling with PTSD or CPTSD can take it out on their loved ones or say something that might hurt them. Additionally, if your loved one went through abuse that was related to a partner, it might be hard to listen to them say positive things about their abuser. Understand that this is part of trauma bonding, especially if they have CPTSD. This happens often for those who were mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually abused.

    Those who have traditional PTSD might not experience trauma bonding; however, if your loved one has CPTSD, it is best to be aware of trauma bonding, especially if you are dating, engaged, or married to someone with CPTSD. Understand that although they may still have feelings for their abuser, it is not based on love or mutual love. Your partner may have loved them, but their abuser did not. A person who truly loves another person would never abuse them in any form or in any way. This can be hard for those with CPTSD to understand or accept; try your best not to take things personally when they talk about their abuser in a positive way.

    Remember that they have chosen to be with you, and this means a lot. Fears of them leaving or returning to their abuser can creep into your mind, and it might happen, but try to do your best always to remind your loved one that you love them, care about them, and want to help them in the best ways you know how. Even if your loved one does return to the abuser, know that it was nothing you did. CPTSD is very complicated, and it can be challenging for the person struggling with it to fully understand their own feelings. Choose to continue to be there for them because you love them.

    Taking Care of Yourself

    Lastly, you can help your loved one with PTSD or CPTSD by taking care of yourself. While this might sound cliche, it is very important. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for your loved one. Most likely, you are going through some struggles of your own. Maybe you are feeling insecure in your relationship, or you are going through depression, anxiety, or another personal issue. Remember to take care of yourself and engage in proper self-care. Self-care doesn’t have to be bubble baths or taking yourself out on a shopping spree.

    Instead, self-care can be going for a walk, listening to music, or reading. Any of these things can help you rest and relax for a little bit. It is important not to let your entire life be drained, especially if you are a caregiver of a child or an adolescent who has PTSD or CPTSD. Allow yourself time to have self-care, and do not neglect taking a day off when you need time away. If you are in a relationship with someone with PTSD or CPTSD, also remember to take time to do things you enjoy and get your mind off things that might have been hurtful or said in a way that your partner didn’t mean.

    Whether your loved one struggles with PTSD or CPTSD, it is important to get them the help they need, as well as you need to take care of yourself. If your loved one is not interested in seeking help right now, continue to pray for them and be there for them. Encourage them to seek out professional help, but don’t be pushy. If you are pushy, it could push them away from ever seeking help and possibly from talking with you about it ever again.

    Be kind, considerate, and validating of their feelings. Those who struggle with PTSD or CPTSD are not prone to share their feelings or their past experiences with just anyone. They have shared their feelings and past traumatic experiences with you for a reason. They trust you. Don’t abuse this trust.

    Keep being there for them, listen to them, and love them. While it can be hard at times, continue to do your best to be there for them. Above all, remember your loved one is the same person you have always known and adored. Underneath the pain and traumatic experiences, they are still someone who is your best friend, your sibling, your parent, or your partner.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Hispanolistic

    Vivian BrickerVivian Bricker loves Jesus, studying the Word of God, and helping others in their walk with Christ. She has earned a Bachelor of Arts and Master’s degree in Christian Ministry with a deep academic emphasis in theology. Her favorite things to do are spending time with her family and friends, reading, and spending time outside. When she is not writing, she is embarking on other adventures.

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    Vivian Bricker

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  • OZARK PUDDING – OLD FASHIONED RECIPE

    OZARK PUDDING – OLD FASHIONED RECIPE

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    This Ozark Pudding has a cake-like consistency and is made with apples and pecans. It’s delicious, topped with ice cream!

    Ozark Pudding

    If you love easy recipes and want another great one, definitely check out this delicious Cinnamon Flop Cake. It’s one of our favorites.

    ❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE

    Ozark pudding is supposed to have been a favorite of President Harry Truman and his wife, Bess, made it for him often.  I don’t know why it is called pudding because it is more like a light, fluffy cake filled with apples and nuts.  I have tweaked the recipe a little and my family loves it with whipped cream or ice cream on top.  If you need a quick dessert that will really go over big with friends and family try this one because it is so good and so easy to make.  If you like cinnamon, apples and nuts, you will love this Ozark pudding cake.  It never lasts long at my house.

    🍴KEY INGREDIENTS

    • Butter
    • Sugar
    • Eggs
    • Vanilla
    • All Purpose Flour
    • Baking Powder
    • Salt
    • Gound Cinnamon
    • Chopped Apples
    • Walnuts

    🍽️HOW TO MAKE

    This Ozark Pudding is really easy to put together, so it’s a great dessert for a small group. We made it in a round pie plate, and it’s the perfect size.

    Step 1
    Cream butter, brown sugar, eggs and vanilla with a mixer.  In another bowl whisk together flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon.  

    Step 2
    Add to creamed mixture and mix until all ingredients are wet.  Fold in chopped apples with a spoon.

    Step 3
    Spray a 9 inch deep dish pie plate with cooking spray.  Pour in batter and sprinkle chopped nuts on top. (You can fold nuts into batter if you want)

    Step 4
    Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 30 to 35 minutes testing center to see if done.  Serve with ice cream or whipped cream on top while warm from the oven.

    ⭐TIP

    You could use pecans in this recipe too. Any apples will work in this recipe!

    Ozark PuddingOzark Pudding

    OTHER APPLE DESSERTS

    If you are new to our site we must inform you.. we LOVE apple recipes. Here are a few of our favorites. We probably have over 50 so use the search box to look around.

    • Fresh Apple Cake – This delicious cake is topped with cream cheese frosting and it’s amazing! Great for any occasion.
    • Southern Apple Pie – This classic apple pie is always a winner! Easy to make too.
    • Pumpkin Apple Cake – This cake has nutmeg frosting and is the best Fall cake! Wonderful reviews and perfect for Thanksgiving.
    • Crescent Roll Apple Dumplings – This is a dessert that has been around a very long time and so easy too.

    SERVE THIS WITH

    We love this served with whipped cream or ice cream. We also like to serve it warm and find that it’s just as good the next day.

    STORING, REHEATING & SERVING SIZE

    We store this covered and in a cool place. Just reheat a slize in the microwave if you like it warm, but it’s good room temperature too. This is made in a 9 inch pie plate so it makes 6-8 servings.

    Ozark Pudding

    Leigh Walkup

    Ozark Pudding it an old fashioned recipe made with apples, cinnamon and nuts. It has more of a cake like texture and it’s delicious topped with ice cream.

    Prep Time 15 minutes

    Cook Time 35 minutes

    Total Time 50 minutes

    Course Dessert

    Cuisine American, southern

    • 4 tablespoons butter softened
    • 1 cup brown sugar
    • 2 eggs
    • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
    • 2 teaspoons baking powder
    • 1/2 teaspoon salt
    • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
    • 1 1/2 cups peeled and chopped apples I use 2 medium sized Gala apples
    • 1 cup chopped walnuts

    • Cream butter, brown sugar, eggs and vanilla with a mixer.  In another bowl whisk together flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon.

    • Add to creamed mixture and mix until all ingredients are wet.  Fold in chopped apples with a spoon.  Spray a 9 inch deep dish pie plate with cooking spray.

    • Pour in batter and sprinkle chopped nuts on top. (You can fold nuts into batter if you want) Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 30 to 35 minutes testing center to see if done.  Serve with ice cream or whipped cream on top while warm from the oven.

    Let us know by commenting below!

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    © The Southern Lady Cooks photos and text – All rights reserved. No copying, posting on other sites, or other uses allowed without written permission of the copyright holder.

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    Leigh Walkup

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  • 21 Amazing Reasons God Created Grandparents

    21 Amazing Reasons God Created Grandparents

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    Grandparents are one of the best things that God created. They bring so much love into our lives and they love our families. Still, God didn’t just create them to spoil our kids. Grandparents have a unique role in the lives of our families and God has created them for some amazing reasons.

    They take joy in their grandchildren and love them no matter what. This doesn’t mean that they approve of everything they do, and most will say something if they don’t, but overall, they love their grandchildren. Also, they always love their adult children and are there for them.

    2. They Anchor the Family

    Grandparents can be the glue that holds families together. When people become parents, they often focus on the immediate members of their families, including their spouse or partner and their other children if they have them.

    They also focus on the immediate needs of their families. However, grandparents help anchor us to where we came from and the legacy of our families.

    3. They Are a Support System

    Grandparents are one of the best support systems we have. They are always there no matter what is going on in our lives with a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.

    4. They Have Wisdom

    With their years of lived experiences, grandparents hold a lot of wisdom to impart to younger generations. Listening to their advice and stories enriches our lives and teaches us what to do in certain situations.

    5. Passing on the Legacy

    Through their stories and advice, grandparents pass on the legacy of our families from generation to generation. This means we will never forget where we came from.

    6. To Teach Us Things

    Our grandparents have many things to teach us and not just about life. They can also teach us to do things like how to cook, bake, sew, change a tire, etc. If your grandparent offers to teach you something, take them up on it. You may need to know how to do it in the future.

    7. Prayer Warriors for Us

    Grandparents are always happy to share their faith and pray for us in any situation. They will always go to God boldly on our behalf, and we can be assured of that.

    8. Prayer Warriors with Us

    Our grandparents are also glad to stand with us in prayer for our situation and for other people’s situations. They have spent many years praying and talking to the Lord about going to war in prayer for other people.

    9. Teach Us about Faith

    Our grandparents may be the first ones to teach us about faith. They do this by taking us to church when we are young, buying us our first Bibles, and taking us to Sunday school.

    10. Model the Christian Life

    They are great at modeling the Christian life for future generations. This includes studying the Bible at home, praying, attending services, loving our neighbors, practicing forgiveness, and helping others.

    11. Tough Love

    Our grandparents, being raised in a different era, are more inclined to employ tough love on our children. Instead of coddling children like is usual in today’s parenting age, they choose to discipline the child, which is also love and teaching right from wrong.

    After all, Proverbs 13:24 says: “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”

    12. Lessons about Life

    Our grandparents teach us fantastic lessons about life. Some of these lessons may include if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all, or good things don’t come easy.

    They will be the first to tell us that life may not always go as planned and that we will learn a lot from it, but to still be glad we have breath in our lungs to live it.

    13. To See the Best in Us

    Grandparents always see the best in us, even when we don’t see it in ourselves. They are our champions and our cheerleaders, and that makes all the difference.

    Hearing their encouragement and knowing that they see the good things in us makes all the negativity we may hear disappear.

    14. Model Good Adult Relationships

    The relationship between grandparents and their children should teach children what a good adult relationship looks like. The foundation should always be mutual respect, honesty, and love.

    However, sometimes adults have disagreements, and this will teach children that even good relationships hit rough spots sometimes, but people get through it and move on.

    15. Spoil Their Grandchildren

    Let’s face it, one of the best things grandparents are good at is spoiling their grandchildren. It’s ingrained in them; they love being able to do things for their grandchildren that they couldn’t do for their kids.

    This can include buying them things, taking them places, and having experiences with them to make memories.

    16. Give Undivided Attention

    We always get our grandparent’s undivided attention when we visit, which helps strengthen our bond with them. They love seeing us and hearing about what is going on in our lives and in our kids’ lives.

    17. Second Chances

    Because grandparents are so forgiving, they are often ready to give people in their lives second chances. They know that not forgiving someone is not healthy. In a society where people crucify others for their mistakes, we can learn a lot about forgiveness from our relatives. 

    18. Teach Manners

    Manners have become a lost art in our society, but when our grandparents were young, there were certain ways you acted and ways you didn’t. The role of grandparents is to instill manners in their grandchildren and teach them how to act.

    19. Having Fun

    Spending time with our grandparents is always a fun experience. Whether it’s sharing stories, doing a puzzle, playing board games, or watching a favorite show or movie together, there’s never a dull moment. An amazing way to stay connected to our families is through grandparents.

    20. Grandparents Are a Blessing

    Those fortunate enough to still have their grandparents around should relish their presence. The older people in our lives are blessings to us and our families. They are a source of family history, comfort and support, love, wisdom, and faith.

    They are the pillars of our families and where we came from. We love them, our children love them, and yes, even our pets love them. My boxer dog loved my grandfather on my dad’s side. We should love them and be a blessing to them just as much as they are to us.

    21. Grandparents Help Us

    Our grandparents help us in so many ways, like giving advice, being there to support us, going to war for us in prayer, and watching our children sometimes when we need them to. They love to help their family members and spend time with them every chance they get.

    We serve an amazing God who created so many amazing people to share our lives with. Take some time today and think about how your grandparents have helped you and your children throughout the years.

    Think about all the things they have imparted to your family and what a difference that they make. Then, take some time to call them, text them, email them, or go visit them to say thank you for all the ways they have enriched your life. You will make their day with your appreciation.

    Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Edwin Tan

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    Carrie Lowrance

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  • KENTUCKY DERBY RECIPES

    KENTUCKY DERBY RECIPES

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    The Kentucky Derby is the most famous horse race in the world.  It brings some amazing horses to Churchill Downs; it also features incredible hats and fashion for the ladies and some wonderful Kentucky cuisine. Attend any Derby party, and you are bound to be served some good ole Kentucky recipes. After all, it’s tradition! Being that we’re Kentucky girls, grew up in the horse industry and we both have had careers in the Thoroughbred racing industry….we LOVE the Kentucky Derby and these fabulous Kentucky dishes!

    Kentucky Mint Julep

    This delicious Mint Julep is the official drink of the Kentucky Derby! It’s a must make on Derby day!

    Check out this recipe

    Pimento Cheese Biscuits

    If you love pimento cheese these biscuits are a wonderful addition. Great as an appetizer with ham!

    Check out this recipe

    Kentucky Chocolate Chip Bourbon Pie

    This is known as a Derby pie and we always enjoy it on Derby day. It takes nothing to prepare and it’s delicious with or without the bourbon.

    Check out this recipe

    Kentucky Benedictine Spread

    This classic is so easy and so good! Everytime we make it we always leave with an empty dish. It’s a Kentucky classic!

    Check out this recipe

    Kentucky Butter Cake

    This cake is a Kentucky classic and always a winner on Derby day! Make it with or without the rum!

    Check out this recipe

    Southern Spoon Bread

    This spoon bread is authentic to Kentucky and it’s a wonderful addition to any meal.

    Check out this recipe

    Woodford Pudding

    This recipe for Woodford Pudding dates back to the 1800’s. I always get asked why it doesn’t have woodford reserve in it.. well that bourbon was first introduced in 1996.

    Check out this recipe

    Garlic Cheese Grits

    These cheese grits are easy to make and always a great addition to any gathering. They go great with ham sandwiches!

    Check out this recipe

    Kentucky Hot Brown

    This is an authentic Kentucky recipe and it’s very popular during Derby week! Definitely add this one to the menu!

    Check out this recipe

    Kentucky Hot Brown Sliders

    If you love a great hot brown, you will love these delicious hot brown sliders from our sister site Front Porch Life.

    Check out this recipe

    Southern Cheese Straws

    Cheese Straws are so good and a wonderful appetizer for your Derby party. They are a southern treat!

    Check out this recipe

    Old Fashioned Tomato Aspic

    This old fashioned classic is a very unique dish! Made in a jello mold and served on a bed of lettuce it’s a beautiful addition.

    Check out this recipe

    Kentucky Bread Pudding with Bourbon Sauce

    This Bread Pudding is a must make on Derby Day. You will find this dish served at Keeneland and Churchill. Add this to your gathering!

    Check out this recipe

    Homemade Pimento Cheese

    This homemade pimento cheese is a one of our most popular for a reason! Easy to make and a great addition to any gathering. You may also love this delicious pimento cheese spread!

    Check out this recipe

    French Quarter Cheese Spread

    This cheese spread is amazing! Highly recommend making it for your Derby Party! It’s so easy and addictive. It’s another recipe from our magazine website, Front Porch Life.

    Check out this recipe

    Southern Maple Pecan Pie

    This pecan pie is a little different, it’s made with maple syrup. Add this great dessert to your Derby Party!

    Check out this recipe

    Mini Cheesecake Tarts

    These are so easy to make and so good! Plus they are red and so pretty for Derby day! Add these to your menu! Great recipe from Front Porch Life.

    Check out this recipe

    We hope you have found some great recipes for your Derby gathering! It really is a wonderful way to spend the day and these are all some of our favorites.

    Are you reading our magazine?

    Join 1000’s of others and start a subscription today. Full of new recipes, inspiring stories, country living, and much more.

    © The Southern Lady Cooks photos and text – All rights reserved. No copying, posting on other sites, or other uses allowed without written permission of the copyright holder.

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    Anne Walkup

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  • Dandelion Recipes: Delicious Served as a Wilted Side or in a Salad

    Dandelion Recipes: Delicious Served as a Wilted Side or in a Salad

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    Seen through the critical lens of weeds, dandelions are perhaps the most familiar nuisance plant of all. Seen through the appreciative lens of food, they are a welcome and fresh spring ingredient. You don’t have to be a forager to recognize the new, lion-toothed leaves (dent-de-lion is the French etymology) emerging from their overwintering crowns in spring. A few weeks later, dandelions’ bright flowers, rayed like miniature suns, set fields, lawns, and path edges ablaze. Soon, their silky parachute-seeds drift off—the threat (or promise) of more.

    Instead of reaching for the Roundup, let’s rewind, rewild, and re-set our dandelion clocks to appreciate this useful plant.

    Photography by Marie Viljoen.

    Above: Let them grow? Or mow?

    Dandelions are one of the bitter herbs of Passover, and in Gaza today, dandelions, along with other hardy “weeds” like common mallow, feed the hungry. An edible plant valued at least since the Ancients ate them as a tonic, dandelions are associated with a solid repertoire of traditional recipes. Dive into cookbooks and websites from countries ranged around the Mediterranean and the Middle East, and you will find them on plates of wilted greens annointed with olive oil and caramelized onions, in yeasted pies and meaty stews, and in reassuringly simple salads.

    Above: Early-blooming dandelions give bees a boost.

    A bee-friendly PSA: While dandelions are good to eat if you are human, their flowers are also a boon to bees. Their bloom time varies according to regional seasonal differences, so consider not mowing your lawn (and lobby your local municipality or park not to mow either) when they bloom in your area.

    Lean more about No-Mow May at Bee City USA.

    Above: Dandelion crowns include the base of the plant, leaves, buds, and flowers.

    Above: Early spring’s dandelion crowns wilting in a hot pan with oil.

    Early spring’s dandelion crowns are the whole basal rosette of the plant, sliced just above the root. Harvested before the more uncompromising bitterness of the mature leaves has developed, the crowns are a crunchy and mild vegetable, and succulent treat.

    While the crowns can be eaten raw in salads, they are also easy to wilt entire in a pan of warm oil. My favorite spring snack is a quick cicchetti-like bite of sautéed dandelions atop good bread, with some field garlic to add a pungent bite. They can also be added whole to familiar dishes from almost any culinary genre: East Asian noodle bowls, Southeast Asian-style curries, Italian-inspired spaghetti (with bottarga), Senegalese maafe, South African bredies. Willing, and wilted, the dandelions add an additional layer of flavor to any of these meals, along with a healthy dose of minerals and antioxidants.

    Above: Wilted dandelion crowns tossed into pad thai.
    Above: Tender dandelion leaves.

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  • SHOOFLY PIE

    SHOOFLY PIE

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    This Shoofly Pie recipe is an Amish/Dutch recipe that you will love. It’s a very unique pie made with sorghum molasses and it’s delicious!

    Shoofly PieShoofly Pie

    If you love Amish recipes, give this delicious Amish Vanilla Pie a try too! It’s one of our favorites!

    ❤️WHY DO YOU CALL IT SHOOFLY PIE?

    No other dessert is more closely identified with the Amish than Shoofly Pie.  In the early days it was always made with sorghum molasses and brown sugar.  One explanation I found was the Pennsylvania Dutch made this pie for breakfast during the winter when they ran out of fruit.  Some say it got its name from the flies that hovered around the pie. Others say the name came from a brand of molasses called Shoofly Molasses.  If you try this pie, you will think the name came from the fly story. I love this pie!  It makes a great dessert. Your family and friends will love it, too. It’s often referred to as a wet bottom pie.

    🍴KEY INGREDIENTS

    • Brown Sugar
    • Shortening
    • All Purpose Flour
    • Molasses (we use sorghum molasses)
    • Boiling Water
    • Egg
    • Baking Soda
    • 9 inch deep dish pie shell

    SWAPS

    You can use a store bought pie crust that you roll out yourself or make one from scratch. We made our own for this pie.

    🍽️HOW TO MAKE

    This pie isn’t hard to make and it has a really unique flavor! We love it topped with ice cream.

    Step 1
    Make your crumb mixture and reserve 1/2 cup crumbs for topping on pie.  Boil water and add baking soda.  Stir in molasses, then add beaten egg.

    Step 2
    Fold in crumb mixture (not the reserved crumbs).  Batter will be lumpy.  Pour into an unbaked pie shell and sprinkle the 1/2 cup reserved crumbs on top. 

    Step 3
    Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 10 minutes.  Reduce heat to 350 degrees and continue baking for 35 to 40 minutes until firm.

    Note:  Be sure and put a cookie sheet or something under the pie in your oven in case it runs over.  This pie tends to do that a little.  You will think the crumbs on top are not cooking or look uncooked but they are fine.  The top will be kind of like cake and the bottom will be wet.  That is why they call this a wet-bottom pie. Once it was cooked, I put the pie under the broiler for a minute or so to brown the top a little, that is an optional step.

    Shoofly PieShoofly Pie

    ⭐TIP

    Be sure and use a deep dish pie shell, it will run over if you don’t.

    OTHER AMISH RECIPES

    If you have followed our site for any amount of time, you know we love Amish recipes and are often making them. We have a history with the Amish community near us, we visit it often for butter, flour, etc and have for many many years.

    STORING AND REHEATING

    We store this covered in a cool place and love it cold or warm. If you do serve it warm it’s great topped with ice cream.

    SERVING SIZE

    This recipe makes one pie, so 6-8 slices depending on how you slice it.

    Shoofly Pie

    Judy Yeager

    This Amish Shoofly Pie is unique and delicious. Often referred to as a wet bottom fly, it’s so good with ice cream. Made with molasses and topped with a crumb topping!

    Prep Time 20 minutes

    Cook Time 50 minutes

    Total Time 1 hour 10 minutes

    Course Dessert

    Cuisine American

    Mix for crumbs:

    • 2/3 cup brown sugar
    • 1 tablespoon solid shortening
    • 1 cup all-purpose flour

    Filling for Pie:

    • 1 cup thick molasses I used sorghum, you can use regular molasses
    • 3/4 cup boiling water
    • 1 egg beaten
    • 1 teaspoon baking soda
    • One 9 inch deep dish pie crust

    • Make your crumb mixture and reserve 1/2 cup crumbs for topping on pie.  Boil water and add baking soda.  Stir in molasses, then add beaten egg.  Fold in crumb mixture (not the reserved crumbs).  Batter will be lumpy.  Pour into an unbaked pie shell and sprinkle the 1/2 cup reserved crumbs on top.

    • Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven for 10 minutes.  Reduce heat to 350 degrees and continue baking for 35 to 40 minutes until firm.

    • After it was done cooking, we put it under the broiler for a minute to brown the top. This is totally optional.

    Be sure and put a cookie sheet or something under the pie in your oven in case it runs over.  This pie tends to do that a little.  You will think the crumbs on top are not cooking or look uncooked but they are fine.  The top will be kind of like cake and the bottom will be wet.  That is why they call this a wet-bottom pie.

    Let us know by commenting below!

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    © The Southern Lady Cooks photos and text – All rights reserved. No copying, posting on other sites, or other uses allowed without written permission of the copyright holder.

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  • 4 Biblical Promises to Cling to for a Struggling Marriage

    4 Biblical Promises to Cling to for a Struggling Marriage

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    1 John 4:17 tells us, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.” What stands out in this passage is that as we go about our lives, God is perfecting our ability to love! Loving God and loving others is a journey. We are born with a sin nature that steals our ability to love one another with God’s perfect love. Once we invite Jesus into our lives, we begin to learn a new way to live! One marked by abundant grace, radical forgiveness, and constant growth. 

    I’ve been marinating on this truth because the idea that I’ve failed to love my husband well has weighed heavily on me. Guilt and shame have held me in a sort of purgatory. My pride told me that I should be better than I am. I should not fail in these certain sorts of ways, which held me back from accepting God’s grace. The truth is I am a sinner, and the only way I ever love well is when Christ’s love lives through me. Each day I am growing in his perfect love. Falling short is not a failure; it’s a chance to accept God’s grace and grow in a new way. 

    Thanks to God’s goodness, I have the strength to show up in my marriage again. Open my heart even though it’s been hurt and also has done some hurting. I am able to sit in that counseling session another time because we are still on the journey. The love God has given us is still growing more perfect. I haven’t exhausted all my chances because God’s grace still lives on. He is still rooting for us and willing to teach us more about His freedom and forgiveness. His love for us won’t fail; that’s the promise He makes to us all. 

    Have you felt hopeless, wondering if you’ve hurt the one your soul loves too many times? I’ve been there too. I’ve sat stuck in shame that said I’m breaking my home because something is so broken beyond repair in me. But I stayed, even when I wanted to go. I’ve leaned into God’s promises, and hope is replacing the despair that lived inside of me. 

    Here are some promises for your marriage you can cling to when you feel the only hope that your union will remain together is that God will do a miracle! 

    1. Love Covers Sin

    1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Sin breaks things that God designed to stay together. Sin in marriage drives a wedge between your one flesh. It tugs at your heart and sells you the lie that the grass is greener elsewhere. It invites evil photos into your bedroom. It tells you that you’re worth more and should no longer put up with your imperfect partner. It lies and is the killer of love. 

    But God’s love is greater than our sin! God has given us the victory! Sometimes we can see the sin that gets in the way of our love and feel so very defeated. God promises us that his love is greater than our failings. When we invite him into the dark with us, he finds the light switch and turns on the lights. He shows us the way out, a way marked by grace, and radical forgiveness. God promises that his love is able to cover our sins when we both call out for God’s help in our marriages.

    2. By Grace, We Can Approach Jesus

    Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” God invites us to confidently approach his throne of grace! Wow, what an image. His mercy is available to us when we are feeling overwhelmed by our emotional and relational needs; all we have to do is ask for it. 

    God promises to offer us the grace we need when we are in a time of need. Nothing is impossible with Christ! Do not give up hope for your marriage before going to God’s throne of grace and interceding for your relationship. God’s helping spirit is able to do above and beyond all we could think or imagine. 

    3. God Gives Us the Grace to Forgive

    Mark 11:25 says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” To make a marriage work, we have to be willing to offer one million apologies and forgive one million and one times. At times forgiveness and saying sorry again can feel nearly impossible! The weight of the failures we bring to our relationships can get crushingly heavy. Yet, God promises that if we pray and forgive, he also will forgive us. Forgiveness is a great gift He gives us, the chance to try again each day. It’s the tool we use to grow in our love. 

    4. God Walks with Us

    John 15:14-15 says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” Jesus was called Immanuel, meaning God with us. He told his disciples they were more than his followers or servants; they were his friends. God walks with us on this marriage journey. He strengthens us along the way. 

    When we feel weak, unsure, and out of ideas, God is there with us. In moments I’ve felt out of strength in my marriage, I’ve learned to go to God. To ask him to walk with me and show me his ways. To change our hearts towards one another and heal our hurts. He always shows us the next step forward. 

    When we are struggling, it’s important to seek God and others for wisdom. If you are in an abusive situation, God never desires you to stay. He wants you to find help, health, and safety. We have to trust Him with each season of our lives together. 

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages 

    Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God’s Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.

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  • When Should Christians Seek Divorce?

    When Should Christians Seek Divorce?

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    Divorce is typically not the end most couples have in mind when they walk down the aisle, though nearly half of all first marriages are said to end in divorce.

    Today, we live in a society where it can be relatively easy to get married and then, for almost any reason, get divorced. In some states in America, it can take a few days to a month to file and finalize a divorce, while other states have a far longer and more complex process.

    Christians, however, typically do not enter a marriage covenant lightly — nor do they attempt to end one without serious forethought and very good reason. Yet many who are contemplating divorce struggle with whether they can or should do so. They worry they will be kicked out of their church for getting divorced, or they are subjected to extreme pressure to stay together in spite of serious, even dangerous, circumstances.

    Many of us have heard “God hates divorce,” a sentence that comes from Malachi 2:16, one of the Old Testament prophetic books. Some translations state this directly, though others only imply it, and it comes from a passage where God is speaking to his prophet about the woeful state of marital relations among the Israelites of that day. While debate exists about whether that sentence even appears in the original Hebrew manuscripts of God’s Holy Word, God does express disappointment about and dislike of divorce.

    And we know divorce is not what God intended when he created man and woman and gave them to each other to be “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

    This begs the question: What does the Bible say about divorce? What did Jesus say about divorce? And when should Christians seek divorce, if at all?

    Let’s take a look at what Scripture tells us about divorce.

    What Is Divorce?

    A divorce is the process of terminating a marriage. Typically, the dissolution of marriage is a decree issued by a court under the rule of law in that country or state.

    The word “divorce” also appears throughout the Bible with seemingly the same meaning. Its first mention comes in Leviticus 21 and 22, and there are mentions throughout the Old Testament, both in the Torah and the books of major and minor prophets, as well as throughout the New Testament.

    The Old Testament was written in Hebrew, and the Hebrew word for “divorced” is garas, also meaning banished, expelled, driven out, or cast aside. The Hebrew word for “divorce” is salah, meaning to send out or send away, let go (as in a marriage relationship), release, or thrust out. Another word, kerithuth, means the official divorce decree, something in writing.

    In Greek, the language of the New Testament, the word for divorce is apolyo (send away or release) or apostasion (certificate of divorce). Another word for this is aphiemi, meaning cancel, let go, desert, or abandon.

    Divorce in those days typically meant that the law (both God’s law and human law) allowed for a marriage relationship to be cancelled or terminated and the woman could be released or sent away. The Bible doesn’t specify precise terms of this “cancellation,” such as whether the woman would have any rights or monetary protection or on what grounds this could occur, but we do know it did occur.

    When and Why Did Divorce Originate?

    As with most issues discussed in the Old Testament, divorce was included in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy because God cared for his people and wanted to be sure his people were fairly treated. He knew sometimes marriages did not work, and he wanted to make sure his people understood fair treatment of others was important to him. He wanted to ensure divorced women could reenter their father’s homes and have protection and a family once more (Leviticus 22), but that divorced women were not considered proper spouses for priests (Leviticus 21).

    Much later, in Matthew 19, Jesus explained that divorce was not God’s original intent for men and women but rather a solution God offered because of the people’s stubborn and obstinate hearts. As he noted, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning” (Matthew 19:8).

    Clearly, divorce is not God’s preference or something he likes, but rather something he permitted as a way to provide for his people who were suffering.

    What Did God Say about Divorce?

    Beyond establishing laws about divorce, God also said a few things about divorce.

    First, he spoke about it in a relatively negative way, implying divorce occurs when a man “dislikes” his wife or she becomes “displeasing” to him (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

    To the prophet Jeremiah, God expressed displeasure about his people’s fickle hearts, equating it with divorce and therefore implying his distaste for divorce. As he said, “I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries” (Jeremiah 3:8).

    In the Book of Malachi, we find the strongest Old Testament expression about divorce. God expressed displeasure in this book about the many ways his people were going astray and displeasing him. In addition to faulty sacrifices, withholding tithes, marrying women who worshipped false gods, and being generally disrespectful to the Lord, the people were getting divorced without proper grounds. In the Torah, God specified the people could get divorced for adultery (Deuteronomy 24:1) or abuse (Exodus 21:10-11). Yet now, men were divorcing without good reason, and God was not happy about this.

    As God said, “Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. ‘The man who hates and divorces his wife,’ says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:15-16).

    What Did Jesus Say about Divorce?

    God also spoke through his son, Jesus. We know Jesus, as the Word that became flesh (John 1:14), is also God, part of the holy trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three in one.

    And Jesus had strong words about divorce.

    In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, “makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32).

    Later, when questioned by the Pharisees, Jesus talks about how marriage between a man and a woman was God’s plan at the beginning, as two became united as one flesh. “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate,” Jesus said (Matthew 19:6).

    He further added, expressing displeasure about divorce on improper grounds, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

    It’s important to note that the Greek word translated here as “sexual immorality” is porneia, and it includes more than sexual immorality but also spiritual immorality, fornication, greed, lust, and other improper marital intimacy. Therefore, scholars also agree this word applies to spousal abuse.

    So bottom line: Unless it’s for reasons of abuse, adultery, or other marital immoralities and perversions, Jesus is saying that divorce is wrong.

    When Should Christians Seek Divorce?

    But it’s also important to note that people in adulterous, immoral, abusive, or otherwise improper marriages are not stuck and condemned to a lifetime of cruel suffering.

    God is a loving Father, and he allows divorce when people are in terrible situations like this. While he acknowledges this is not his preference, and that he prefers a man and woman to join as one flesh, when this union is perverted, corrupted, or distorted in some way, he allows divorce as a protective measure.

    Therefore, a woman or man who is experiencing abuse, adultery, or other wrongful marital situations may free themselves from the bonds of this union.

    What about Remarriage?

    Jesus has harsh words about remarriage: “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Luke 16:18).

    When his disciples note that perhaps it’s better not to marry in the first place, Jesus says, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. … The one who can accept this should accept it.”

    Read more about this important question here: What Does the Bible Say about Remarriage?

    What if the Divorce or Remarriage is Not Considered “Proper”?

    Of course, sometimes Christians find themselves in situations where they are divorced yet there was no porneia, no improper marital circumstances. Sometimes, they divorce simply because they have fallen out of love or for some other reason they know to be not in line with the Lord’s provision or liking.

    Other times, they have divorced and remarried and now — maybe even years later — they find themselves convicted that perhaps they behaved sinfully in one or the other area.

    If this is the case, as with any other conviction of sin, a person should repent wholeheartedly, then devote themselves to living in accordance with God’s will from now on. That is, they should not seek to dissolve the new marriage but rather commit themselves wholly to the union and strive not to sin again.

    And for those who divorced and remarried before they came to Christ, the important thing is to understand that from now on, they are to live in accordance with the will of the Lord. For instance, in the early church, circumcision was a big controversy. Many insisted new converts should be circumcised, yet this was not a typical cultural practice for many Greeks and others and quite off-putting for many. The apostles determined we are saved through God’s grace alone.

    As the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:20, “Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.”

    Just as with the issue of circumcision, those who are remarried can rest in the knowledge that God understands and accepts us as we are — so long as we strive to repent and follow his commands from here on out.

    As Jesus told the adulterous woman in John 8:11, “Go and sin no more.”

    Remember: God loves us. His original plan is perfect and holy. But even when we go astray, we are welcomed into his kingdom when we repent and believe.

    Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Martin Barraud

    Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach and the recipient of the 2018 American Christian Fiction Writers Genesis Award for her novel, The Memory Garden. She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism. Her newest release is an Advent daily devotional for those seeking true closeness with God, which you can find at https://www.jessicabrodie.com/advent. Learn more about Jessica’s fiction and read her faith blog at http://jessicabrodie.com. She has a weekly YouTube devotional and podcast. You can also connect with her on Facebook,Twitter, and more. She’s also produced a free eBook, A God-Centered Life: 10 Faith-Based Practices When You’re Feeling Anxious, Grumpy, or Stressed

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  • 3 Ways to Find Healing After Divorce

    3 Ways to Find Healing After Divorce

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    It is amazing to me how God divinely orchestrates our path. At just the right time, in just the right place, He has a way of arranging encounters with just the right people. This has been my experience throughout my writing journey with this topic of finding healing after divorce. I have been entrusted with opportunities I consider “God winks” to share my testimony of finding healing after my own divorce in conversations with women who are currently going through a divorce or are newly divorced.

    I know the devastation of divorce. I understand the hurt and pain that cannot be articulated with words. I also bear witness to the fact that God can make beauty from ashes. When we are open to releasing our fragile hearts back to God, in exchange, we receive healing accompanied by joy, restoration, peace, and hope.

    We read these words of comfort from Isaiah 61:3 (NLV): “To those who have sorrow in Zion I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope. Then they will be called oaks that are right with God, planted by the Lord, that He may be honored.”

    When you are in the thicket of loss, grief, and ashes, imagining that any beauty can emerge can be difficult. After all, no two people ever enter a marriage with the goal of getting a divorce. Despite the varying dynamics that may test the relationship’s solidity, the intention is always to have a marriage that endures the test of time. When divorce occurs, it can literally feel as if you are grieving the death of a person who is no longer physically present with you.

    Yet, God is always with us. God is always present in our lives. God always cares about what concerns us. Never far removed, but as the psalmist in Psalm 46:1 (ESV) reminds us, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” We can cling to the fact that God promises never to leave or forsake us, no matter what life throws at us. And yes, even the reality of divorce.

    Sweet friend, I want you to take heart today in the all-sufficiency of Jesus. May this moment be your reminder you are still God’s beloved. He still has a plan for your life, and it is beautiful. God can redeem all things, even the trauma of divorce. There is healing after the havoc it reeks. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy always comes in the morning (see Psalm 30:5). The sun will shine again in your world. You will live again, laugh again, and maybe even love again. By God’s grace, you will know what it means to authentically smile from the inside out. And just maybe, you will also genuinely shed happy tears of joy and gratitude as you realize God wastes nothing.

    As I reflect upon being “single again” for twenty years now, I can testify without reservation that Ecclesiastes 3:11 is true: “He has made everything beautiful in its time…” I am living proof that God has a wonderful way of making all things new and causing everything to work together for our good and His marvelous glory. If you find yourself navigating the torrential waters of divorce, look to Jesus – not other substitutes or distractions – but look to Jesus. He promises to be your peace amid the storm. I am praying for your healing because I know God to be a healer in my life. Divorce is not too big, hard, or complicated for God to handle. Give yourself grace, patience, and kindness daily as you walk through your healing. Rest in the confidence that God has got you in His hands. You remain in His grip, and He will not let you go.

    I am honored to share some application that has helped me, and I sincerely pray it will be a blessing to you too. Here are three practical ways you can participate in your healing process as you journey through and navigate the aftermath of divorce.

    1. Take Time for Yourself

    Photo credit: ©shironosov

    You need time to slow down and process. Allow yourself to adjust your pace in this new season and simplify your lifestyle. You need time to acknowledge your feelings (hurt, anger, resentment, betrayal, disappointment, rage, etc.) to yourself and God. And by the way, God is big enough to handle your most real, raw feelings.

    You need time to be alone with your thoughts and not be flooded with the opinions or expectations of others. Part of processing involves self-reflection and evaluating what you did wrong as a spouse, not just your partner. We must be willing to be honest about how we contributed to the condition of the failed marriage and own it. A real assessment will involve transparency regarding what we could have or should have done differently and what lessons we are learning so that we will not repeat them again.

    As you take time for yourself, do not fall for the enemy’s deceit that influences you to turn away from God. Instead, run to God! Choose to be better, not bitter. Divorce calls vulnerability to the surface, but we must call upon the name of the Lord to rescue us. When we turn to God, He is faithful to strengthen and deliver us.

    Psalm 18:1-2 (NKJV) tells us, “I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” 

    Taking time for yourself is not about living on your own terms but living intentionally with complete dependence upon and trust in your God. He will never cease to be our Savior and Lord. Nevertheless, we must remain open (heart and mind) and yield to the leadership of the Holy Spirit that desires to guide us and help us every step of the way.

    2. Seek Godly Support

    person in counseling, should christians get psychiatric counseling

    Photo credit: Getty Images/StockRocket

    Although taking time for yourself is essential, it does not mean living in isolation. We all need community, especially when going through a tough time. Divorce is a significant life change that impacts every part of you – present and future. Having the right spiritual influences through pastoral counseling, Christian counseling, divorce care support groups, divorce small group Bible studies, and trusted Godly friends and mentors will make all the difference as you go through one of the hardest moments of your life. The people God connects us to through these various influences are often instrumental in our healing. They are the vessels God uses to facilitate our healing in one regard or another.

    Embrace the people who are positioned to walk this road with you. Those God has connected you to will truly love you throughout your healing process by speaking the truth to you in love. They will have a heart of compassion and empathy for your unique circumstances. They will be sensitive to the Spirit of God and allow their words and actions to be saturated with grace and wisdom. They will be the hands and feet of Jesus that demonstrate His heart for you. They will help to bring perspective and remind you, “This too shall pass.” Embrace your God-ordained tribe (or find your people) that will push you through and cheer you on to the other side of your victory.

    3. Wait to Date

    As tempting as it may be, wait before you start dating again. Yes, you will feel lonely after divorce; this is normal. When you integrate your life with another person over any length of time, it feels odd not having someone else around. However, loneliness should not be a motivating factor that leads you to begin dating again.

    In my book, Living My Best Life, a major theme throughout is learning how to embrace God’s gift of singleness. Even when divorce is not something you initiate or desire, once your reality, we have to consider God has a purpose in allowing us to experience being single again. It is easy to lose ourselves or our identity in a marriage. Being single challenges us to seek solace in God alone and find completion in who we are in Him, not our marital status. This is truly a gift to be appreciated and enjoyed.

    I do not recommend starting to date until you have successfully gone through Christian counseling. Focus instead on recalibrating your relationship with God and grounding yourself in Him. Remember, God still has specific assignments that are part of your destiny here on earth. A divorce does not get to cancel out your purpose. You are not damaged goods somehow disqualified because of a divorce. You have a bright future and a beautiful life promised to you right now.

    There are gifts, talents, and abilities God has bestowed upon you that the world needs. So, take this time to fall in love with Jesus all over again, rediscover your God-given purpose, and follow hard after God. Then, when the time comes, your potential love will find you pursuing God, which will be his cue to pursue you.

    You can’t rush ready, and you can’t rush healing. Divorce does not mean you have lost time to make up. You are still on God’s divine calendar. You are not second class or second best, so do not be tricked that you need to jump into a relationship or settle because, somehow, you are running out of time now.

    All of those are lies the devil will try to appeal to you. But you must remember, everything will happen according to God’s perfect will for you. Just let it happen in God’s way. You do not have to manipulate or help God out. Entrust Him with your process, and God will bring it all to pass at the appointed time. God makes all things well with and for us. He heals us so that we are whole. Trust God every step of the way.

    Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Mindful Media

    Crosswalk Writer Patrice BurrellPatrice Burrell Grant is called to lead others to the grace of God, rooted in the truth of Scripture. Championing women to live authentically and pursue God passionately, she is a life coach, speaker, and worship leader who loves the presence of God. She desires to live a lifestyle anchored in spiritual disciplines while cheering on other women to do the same. As a Bible teacher and preacher, she exhorts women to remember their true identity is defined in Christ, not culture. You can connect with Patrice on her blog, Warrior Woman Blog; on social media in her Facebook community, Warrior Women; and on Facebook and Instagram. Patrice is the author of  Warrior Slay, a devotional book on the power of worship and prayer, and Living My Best Life, a Bible study for single women. Soon to be released, her latest work, Be Still My Soul, is a devotional book about cultivating the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude through daily prayer journaling. Visit Patrice’s website @  www.patriceburrell.com to connect with her and receive weekly encouragement in Christian living.

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  • 3 Types of Friends You Need

    3 Types of Friends You Need

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    Is there anything sweeter than a soul-refreshing friendship? You know the one you can randomly meet up with at a coffee shop, spill your guts, and then receive a warm and understanding hug. Then you have the mom who gives you encouragement and helpful advice when you’re in the trenches of a truly disheartening and difficult season of motherhood. 

    Ahh, sweet friendships. We all need them, right? And yes, we need to be those friends as well. But maybe questions flood your heart. Questions like: What kinds of friend should I truly be searching for? Are there different kinds of friends for various seasons of my life? Does that essentially mean I must change as well?

    Well, my sweet friend, is it okay that I call you that? I know we haven’t officially met, but I have a keen feeling that if I met you over a warm cup of coffee we’d somehow just click. That’s because if you are here (at iBelieve), you are my kind of gal. All that aside, let’s be honest for just a minute, shall we?

    I have had all those questions mentioned above about friendships as well, and more. That’s because relationships with other women aren’t always so cut and dry. Friendships can be tricky and not so easy to navigate. Our emotions and hearts get invested, and we can spend a lot of time with these girls. And sadly, sometimes hurt happens. 

    While people move, some change, and others just aren’t your cup of tea (and that’s okay), there are those who bring on friction, cause confusion, and may bring you to question if they are the “right” kind of friend.

    So, how do we find and keep friends who truly are what the Bible calls “sweet friendships” (Proverbs 27:9)? You know, the sweet friend who doesn’t just “get you” but comes alongside you to love, encourage, and hold you accountable. Not only that but she leads you to grow in your faith and love the Lord with all your heart! 

    Sis, no matter what season you are in, whether you are a single girlie or a mom of college kiddos, there are three types of friends you need (and need to be), starting right now!

    1. The Mentor Friend

    Think the Titus 2 woman. Every woman needs an older (and wiser) faith-filled woman to lean on. The one who has “been there and done that” and can share her pearls of wisdom all while encouraging you to be the woman, wife, and mother God is calling you to be. 

    In Titus 2, 1 Timothy, and 2 Timothy, Paul is giving instructions to the church leaders on how to “train” a younger group of men and women. His message is still loud and clear today, as it is to insinuate that elderly God-fearing women in the church need to lay out an example for the next generation of women.

    These lovely ladies can provide valuable insight on how to stay faithful, be of sober-mind, and remain steadfast under trials while showing characteristics of dignity, self-resect, and godly submission in every aspect of our lives.

    Who wouldn’t want a friend like this? Better yet, who wouldn’t want to be this kind of friend to another?

    As faithful women, we are all called to seek wise counsel in the form of a mentor, as well as be mentors, especially within the Body of Christ (1 Timothy 4:12, 2 Timothy 2:2). As we seek to hold one another up in Christ, with a mindset to shape the next generation, we have the ability to gain some of the sweetest friendships we will ever know all while growing more and more like Christ. 

    2. The Memory-Maker Friend

    Oh, the simply sweet memory-maker friend. As the name implies, a memory-making friend is the one you meet up with and “make memories.” This is your peer, the one who is in the thick of the season you are in, right beside you, cheering you on as if also trying to motivate herself (1 Thessalonians 5:11). You can laugh, cry, scream, vent, and overshare with this girl. She gets it because she is living it too!

    Text this girl to meet at the park in five minutes, she’s there. Chat on the phone in the closet during nap time, she’ll listen. She’s got your back and you’ve got hers. You can go out to the movies and giggle over the cheesy plot or get away for a weekend and have the time of your life. This friend is pretty amazing!

    The truth is that God created us to be relational beings and to be able to do this life together in a relatable and special way. He made friendship for us to commune and fellowship, so when we get together with these dear friends, we reap the benefits tenfold (1 John 1:7, Acts 2:42). Praise God for that!

    That said, these friendships must be built on mutual trust and respect, otherwise tension can ensue, and negative feelings can unravel, creating devastating consequences (Proverbs 16:28). While these friends sadly can come and go in and out of our lives for various reasons, we must treasure the time we have with these dear sisters. All in all, just be the kind of friend you seek and treat these beauties like the real gems that they truly are (Luke 6:31)!

    3. The Meaningful Friend

    This is the well-meaning friend who ever so sweetly tells it like it is. This friend will see your blind spots and be sure to let you know. However, behind her words is a heart of pure gold as she strives to serve and love others through servanthood.

    Need a meal after the new little bundle arrives, she’s got you covered. Have a prayer request, she’s on it! She’ll basically be the one to drop everything she is doing and graciously serve you with an open mind and soft heart. She’s there, always dependable, and her love for Jesus is outwardly evident. 

    A meaningful friend will encourage you by using her own gifts and talents all while supporting and pointing out your beautiful gifts, talents, and attributes. In other words, she wants you to be the best version of yourself and deeply cares about your heart. What a rare thing these days!

    Meanwhile, the most beautiful thing about this friend is her ability to use compassion as a base to develop a relationship. She is quick to show vulnerability, invests time and energy, and is genuine in her approach. This friend is simply lovely inside and out and is intentional, often befriending the lonely and lost.

    So, what type of friends are in your life? Better yet, what type of friend are you?

    A Prayer for Your Friendship

    Lord, thank you for the gift of friendship. Help us look to You and model the example in which You lay out for us in Your Word on how to be a good friend. We want to be a friend who is trustworthy and shows respect and honor to our fellow sisters in Christ. Allow us to find wise friends to learn and grow from while also sharing wisdom when prompted. Give us those dear friends to make memories with and help us be meaningful friends who choose to see the needs of others, serving them with a heart of compassion. We are so thankful that you created us for fellowship and that we can come to You first with a raw and real heart, sharing what we need. Give us hearts to be the kind of friend You want and need us to be. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Lyndon Stratford

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • How True Repentance Brings Sweet Reunions

    How True Repentance Brings Sweet Reunions

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    It seems like a whirlwind romance! He picked her up at the airport and took her to his home as a first-time guest. They stayed up all night, catching up on life and sharing memories. They talked about what was to come, grand plans for the future.

    Sounds like a movie or a novel’s plot, right? But this story is about a brother and a sister who live in different states and have grown far apart over the years. With their late dad’s voice running constantly through their minds, saying, “Make sure that you pursue a relationship with your siblings!” they decided to make good on their promise to do so. 

    Cruising for Bruising and Brokenness

    “Bruised” and “broken”—these two words are often associated with trauma or injury, normally when someone sustains a fall or has an accident. Bruising happens when you damage your small blood vessels, with the color changing from dark to light as it starts fading or healing. A broken bone’s telltale signs can include bruising, often marked with pain. It’s intense at times and can include possible deformity or limited range of motion.

    We often describe relationships as bruised or broken—or both. Someone experiences trauma, also known as relational abuse. Mistreatment—either physical, emotional, or mental—begins to cause adverse responses such as anxiety, feelings of shame, and guilt. As the abuser or victim (or both) downplays the circumstance, sweeping it under the rug, the bruising and brokenness intensify over time. It is sometimes difficult to fully recover from this type of injury, but not impossible.

    A Parable of Brokenness

    In the Gospel of Luke, we have the Parable of the Prodigal Son: “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living” (15:11-13).

    How often do you hear of a son or a daughter asking for his inheritance before the parent is ready to give it to him or her? And how often do you hear a parent granting his or her child’s request without so much as saying, “I am not even dead yet and you are already collecting! What if I don’t want to give you anything?”

    But the father in Jesus’ parable did exactly the unexpected. He divided his property between his two children and gave his younger son his share. He didn’t question his son’s motivation or have any wise words such as, “Don’t squander what I worked hard for!” He didn’t even advise, “I hope you use your inheritance as an investment for a healthy financial future.” 

    The son packed up and left, enjoying the wealth he could personally control. However, he destroyed himself, living the high life.

    How much bruising and brokenness happened in this family? First, we have the father. He had to deal with the younger son’s request of giving his inheritance earlier than necessary. It must have broken his heart for his younger son’s choice to live a life without accountability! As for the younger son? He got his free pass! He couldn’t care less about hurting anyone’s feelings. He left to pursue his own path, leaving his family with a broken heart!

    “Choices Have Consequences”

    “And when [the younger son] had spent everything, a famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his field to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything” (Luke 15:14-16).

    We have heard the saying, “Choices have consequences.” Here we are in the story of when the younger son already lost all his inheritance from his irresponsible lifestyle. And his life took an even harder turn with a famine. He knew he had fallen into a deep pit when the pigs on his job site were fed better than him. His undignified life and miserable state were sure signs of his brokenness.

    But let’s go back to the opening story of the brother and sister. We can surmise that their choice not to pursue a relationship for many years was an easy one for them. After all, they live in different states. “Out of sight, out of mind!” as the saying goes. When the sister would visit their father, it was about a father-daughter moment, not a family gathering. The lackadaisical attitude on the brother’s part was perceived to be him not wanting a relationship with her. And since there was no real communication between them, there was no bond established. This might sound like a relational blunder that could be shrugged off… but what if the sister didn’t know Christ and the brother did? This creates new stakes in the importance of maintaining healthy relationships.

    We are often participants—consciously or not—in bruising and breaking events, either excusing ourselves from responsibility for our shortcomings that impact others or allowing others to inflict their questionable and problematic behaviors on us. So how do we recover from trauma and move on?

    A Sweet Reunion

    “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” And he arose and came to his father” (Luke 15:17-19).

    A wake-up call! Admitting to himself that he, the younger son, was not in good shape, his decision to go back to his father’s house and to ask for his father’s forgiveness were his first steps to recovery from his self-inflicted trauma. In his honest and humble reflection, he didn’t feel worthy to be his father’s son, a man who should enjoy the riches his father still owns. He was willing to be treated as a servant. He knew he was at the bottom of the totem pole.

    “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him… The father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate” (Luke 15:20, 22-23).

    Yes, reunions should be times of celebration! The pettiness and foolishness of the past should be set aside. But, just like the younger son’s heartfelt realization, we should see ourselves for who we truly are, especially in the sight of God. We should not discount the fact that forgiveness is important, asking for it to right the wrongs inflicted on others and granting it to ourselves so we can heal from our own bruises and brokenness. 

    The brother and sister celebrated their restored relationship, just like the father and his son in the parable. The sister said, “Amidst the chaos, I am thankful for your prayer and for welcoming me into your home.” The brother said, “I am thankful to the Lord that I was able to pray and lead you to Christ! That is the best gift we share today—our faith in Jesus!”

    As the psalmist said, “[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (147:3). Let’s not walk around in pain, limping from our brokenness. It’s good to be reunited with loved ones—and with our Creator!

    Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes

    Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!

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  • How Should Believers Navigate Prenuptial Agreements?

    How Should Believers Navigate Prenuptial Agreements?

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    Getting engaged is a pivotal moment in a couple’s lives and comes with much excitement and anticipation. However, this glorious moment can be shattered when one says, “’ I’ll say, ‘I do,’ ‘til prenup do us part?”  It doesn’t really have a nice ring to it. So, what is a prenup, and how should we go about this highly controversial topic as believers?

    The history of the prenuptial agreement (prenup) dates back to ancient Egyptian times and was often used as a means to care for a widowed woman. According to Brodie Friedman, marital and family law attorneys, these contracts were written up to protect the wealth and property that came from both the bride and groom’s family. Due to prearranged marriages then, a bride was given away with a dowry, and a groom was to pay her family to marry her. This nuptial agreement was designed to ensure that she would have rights to wealth and property if her husband passed away.

    Fast-forward to today. These nuptial agreements have since faced some skepticism but have become rather commonplace since the laws on divorce began to change in the early 1950s (Wikipedia). Now, we see a different evolution of what marital agreements entail, as a prenup states how money, possessions, and assets are to be divided in the unlikely event that a couple part ways and proceeds with a divorce.

    This “agreement” not only comes with a pretty bad connotation nowadays but can stir up distrust and mixed feelings, especially among Christian couples. Rightfully so, as believers, we hold to the notion that a marriage is meant to be a life-long venture, sacred and holy under God (Mark 10:8-12). That said, putting a prenup in place would cheapen the most favored human relationships, deeming it more like a contract than a covenant (Matthew 5:32). 

    However, it may be worth questioning whether there is ever a rare or certain case in which a prenup might be warranted. According to Focus on the Family, “blended families and already-started business ventures can create unique financial situations that need to be addressed with explicit care. A prenuptial agreement could be a wise way to avoid future financial and legal headaches, particularly where extended family is involved.” There was also mention of going into a marriage with significant financial debt or extreme assets where a prenup may be worth considering.

    We must recognize that we live in a fallen world riddled by tragedy, and unfortunately, divorce is a part of that. However, when a couple goes into a marriage with a mindset of the possibility of it “not working out,” the motives are already way off base. The truth of the matter is that God’s design for a marriage is to bring two of His beloved children together and make them one flesh (Genesis 2:24). This sacred union is to be valued as a commitment to life (Ecclesiastes 9:9). 

    Husbands are called to love and lead their wives, giving themselves up for her, while wives are to honor and respect their husband’s role and submit to him being the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7-9). Each brings a beautiful role into a marriage, holding equal value but different and unique qualities that are required to make a marriage based on faithfulness and devotion while being rich in love (Ephesians 5:22-31).

    Christian couples should enter a marriage by seeking to honor and glorify God’s design for marriage and enter their union equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). When each spouse says “I do” to honor and submit to God first and foremost, then submit to one another in marriage as Christ did the church (Ephesians 5:21), that is the only agreement needed.

    Father, we thank You for the precious gift You give us in marriage. Please help us see our fiancés and future spouses as You do – as a beloved child and priceless treasure. Help us honor Your perfect design for marriage and live in a purposeful way that glorifies You together. Amen.

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Edmond Dantès

    Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

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  • NO BAKE CHERRY CHEESECAKE

    NO BAKE CHERRY CHEESECAKE

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    This no-bake cherry cheesecake is so easy to make, and the homemade crust takes it up a level! It’s the perfect addition to any gathering!

    Cherry CheesecakeCherry Cheesecake

    If you love this one you will also love this Blueberry Cheesecake! Both are made almost the same except with fresh blueberries.

    ❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE

    This cherry cheesecake is very easy to make and the homemade crust is so good! It’s the perfect dessert for any cheesecake fan! It comes together very quickly and one of our favorites!

    🍴KEY INGREDIENTS

    For the crust:

    • Graham Crackers
    • Quick Cooking Oats
    • Walnuts or pecans
    • Brown Sugar
    • Butter

    For the cheesecake

    • Cream Cheese
    • Sweetened Condensed Milk
    • Lemon Juice
    • Vanilla
    • Cherry Pie Filling

    SWAPS

    You can use a store bought graham cracker crust for this recipe to save time. I promise you it won’t be as good though.

    🍽️HOW TO MAKE

    You will find this cheesecake very simple to make!

    Step 1 – Crust
    Combine all ingredients. Press into 9 inch regular pie shell.  Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 15 minutes. Let cool before adding pie filling.

    Step 2
    Let cream cheese stand at room temperature until softened.  In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until light and fluffy. Slowly add condensed milk, lemon juice and vanilla,  beating until smooth.  Pour into crust.  Chill at least 3 hours  until firm and then top with cherry pie filling.

    Cherry CheesecakeCherry Cheesecake

    OTHER NO BAKE RECIPES

    If you love cheesecake you will love these mini cheesecake tarts! They are perfect for any baby shower/wedding shower and people love them.

    STORING

    Store this in the refrigerator. It will keep for a few days.

    No Bake Cherry Cheesecake

    Anne Walkup

    This no bake cherry cheesecake is delicious! It’s made with a wonderful homemade crust and one of our favorites. Perfect for any occasion.

    Prep Time 15 minutes

    3 hours

    Total Time 3 hours 15 minutes

    Course Dessert

    Cuisine American

    Crust Ingredients

    • 1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs
    • 1 cup quick cooking oats
    • 1 cup nuts finely chopped or ground (I used walnuts)
    • 3 tablespoons brown sugar
    • 12 tablespoons butter melted

    Filling Ingredients

    • 1 graham cracker pie crust can make your own or use a bought one
    • 1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
    • 1 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated milk)
    • 1/3 cup lemon juice fresh or bottled, not lemon extract
    • 1 teaspoon vanilla
    • 1 21 ounce can cherry pie filling

    Filling Instructions

    • Let cream cheese stand at room temperature until softened.  In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese until light and fluffy. Slowly add condensed milk, lemon juice and vanilla,  beating until smooth.  Pour into crust.  Chill at least 3 hours  until firm and then top with cherry pie filling.  Makes 1 pie.

    Can use a store bought graham cracker crust if you don’t want to make your own. 

    Keyword No Bake Cherry Cheesecake

    Let us know by commenting below!

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  • Don’t Have Close Friends? Consider This

    Don’t Have Close Friends? Consider This

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    I feel as though I’m prying. Maybe it’s because there’s a stigma around loneliness, even if this condition is something of an epidemic. About 1 in 3 Americans reported feeling lonely in a recent survey. 

    Loneliness means we’re journeying through life solo. In the words of the Bible, loneliness hits probably because we lack a friend “who is as [precious to us as] our own souls” (Deuteronomy 13:6, AMP). 

    As precious to us as our own souls? Whoa! What a tall order.

    Few relationships would fit. Can you classify coworkers and acquaintances as “friends who are like your soul mates” (ISV) when all you do is chat about casual things with them? 

    Here’s why the question I asked at the beginning is worth considering. I attended the 2024 Christian Association for Psychological Studies (CAPS) conference and learned about a sobering study on the well-being of pastors and their spouses. These researchers discovered pastors who had more close friends also endorsed fewer depression symptoms. They felt more satisfied in ministry. 

    Granted, pastors are unique. Their leadership role sets them apart from the rest of the church. However, this position’s endless demands often intrude into the pastors’ personal lives and impact their families, further pressuring them, which explains their need for close confidantes.

    But the need for true friends isn’t limited to just clergy. God created all humans to be relational beings. And so, it makes sense for all of us to need a trusted friend. Whether you lead a Fortune 500 company, a tribe of young humans still at home, or are somewhere in between, even if your life is relatively drama-free, you’ll still benefit from having an ally.

    Friendship increases life satisfaction. In contrast, loners have been found to be twice as likely to die prematurely. Research shows baring your heart to a buddy can lower blood pressure during stressful situations.

    But how do we find that kind of friend? 

    Here are three ideas:

    1. Old Friends

    Did you meet someone who then became a close friend earlier in life? Cherish that friendship. Work through any rift that might have ripped you two apart in the course of time. Old friendships—that is, connections we made while we were younger—offer a richness that can be missing from those fostered in adulthood. 

    As Scripture says, “never abandon a friend” (Proverbs 27:10, NLT). Don’t discard an old friendship in the face of quarrels.

    But friendships, obviously, fall under the umbrella of relationships, and conflicts within relationships are notoriously tricky to resolve. So, if you feel stumped by the schism between you and your friend, email me your dilemma. The Ask Dr. Audrey’s Advice Column might offer the balm you need to soothe the cracks in your friendship.

    If there is no squabble separating you from your old friends, wonderful. I’m happy for you. Still, please don’t take your pals for granted. Keep working on your friendships. Whether it’s a quick “miss you!” text or a heartfelt video chat, cherish your friends. Let them know how appreciative you are of them.

    2. Risk a “Yes”

    Remember the conference I told you about earlier? I presented on—what else?—Internal Family System (IFS), my favorite therapy modality. Afterward, while browsing the book tables, I ran into one of the people who attended my workshop. We chatted about IFS before she dropped an unexpected question: “Would you like to come to my birthday party?”

    I didn’t know this lady. At all. Plus, the party was at the hotel where the conference was held. Because I stayed at a different property—and the forecast called for rain for the rest of the day—RSVP-ing yes might have meant being drenched as I walked to the party and back.

    There were many reasons to beg off, but I’m so glad I risked a “yes”!

    I didn’t know it then, but my agreement unlocked a roomful of joy. The birthday party ended up feeling like a clean comedy show. As a present for the birthday girl, every guest was supposed to share two truths and a lie while the group guessed the lie. Because some were expert storytellers, stories about squirrels and singing captivated us while others crafted creative jabs and poked innocent fun as more stories flowed.

    The evening erupted into one raucous laughter after another.

    But how does my experience affect you?

    The next time the chance to socialize arises, risk a yes. Pray and confirm it with God first, of course, but unless you feel a clear “no” from the Almighty, lean on your yes. 

    You might make a few friends that way.

    3. Initiate 

    May I indulge you with one more story from the eventful party? This one originated from the birthday girl herself. These parties, she explained, started because her birthday used to be lonely. No friend was around to celebrate her happy day.

    “Why don’t you invite a few people out and treat them to a nice meal?” her husband advised. “Not McDonald’s.”

    She listened to his advice and gained a group of close friends as a result.

    Let’s apply this concept to you.

    If you lack true friends, volunteer yourself to be one. No need to wait until someone offers you the gift of friendship. Instead, initiate the process. Stretch your comfort zone and get to know others. Be generous in spending your time with them. Buy them a Christmas gift. Surprise them with a gift card for their birthday. 

    Keep nourishing that new friendship until it won’t be that new anymore, and before you realize it, you’ll have a close friend to share life with.

    Take it from the party I attended. One reason it felt special was because the guests kept showing up at the same conference, and the same birthday party, for years. By the time I arrived, the bond between them—and the birthday girl—had been clearly established.  

    It Takes One

    There is a flicker of hope arising from the research on pastors I cited earlier. Whether it’s them or their spouses, the researchers discovered it took having only one friend to improve the lives of these study participants. 

    Imagine that! We don’t need to have a close friend in every state to improve our welfare. It only takes one. 

    Scripture confirms that friendship isn’t about quantity but quality. “A person of too many friends comes to ruin,” warns Proverbs 18:24 (NASB). 

    Moral of the story?

    If you’re an extrovert, don’t let your natural ability to socialize backfire. Collecting an impressive number of contacts is great, but advance only the right persons into your inner circle. “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Don’t let those you call friends corrupt your decisions regarding God or life in general.

    And if you’re an introvert, endure the discomfort that comes with reaching out to make new friends. Extroverts might rate this kind of activity as less nerve-wracking than you, but that’s okay. Scale down the effort if you need to. You only need one good friend, remember?

    No matter your tendency, and whether the friendships you’re working on are quite old or brand new, cultivate them. Check in on your friends. Forgive. 

    And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to plot out my two truths and one lie. 

    My new friend’s next birthday party awaits!

    Photo Credit: ©Pexels/Elle Hughes

    Audrey Davidheiser, PhD is a California licensed psychologist, certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, and IFSI-approved clinical consultant. After founding and directing a counseling center for the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes her practice to survivors of trauma—including spiritual abuse. If you need her advice, visit her on www.aimforbreakthrough.com and Instagram @DrAudreyD.

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  • BEST BANANA BREAD -THE SOUTHERN LADY COOKS

    BEST BANANA BREAD -THE SOUTHERN LADY COOKS

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    This is the best banana bread on the internet, just read the comments. It’s so easy to make and has a wonderful taste and is always a hit!

    Best Banana BreadBest Banana Bread

    If you are a fan of delicious banana recipes, then you must give this Old Fashioned Banana Pudding a try. Our recipe is authentic to how to the original banana pudding and we also include a video.

    ❤️WHY WE LOVE THIS RECIPE

    We love how moist this bread is and how easy it is to make. Then you add the swirl and the glaze and it takes it right to the top! It has amazing reviews and everyone agrees, this is the best banana bread!

    🍴KEY INGREDIENTS

    • All-purpose flour
    • Baking soda
    • Butter, melted
    • White granulated sugar
    • Sour cream
    • Eggs
    • Medium-sized bananas, mashed
    • Vanilla extract
    • Brown Sugar
    • Cinnamon
    • Chopped Nuts
    • Powdered Sugar (for the glaze)
    • Milk (for the glaze)

    🍽️HOW TO MAKE

    This recipe is very easy to make and if you are a fan of quick breads, you will love this one!

    Step 1
    Whisk together flour and baking soda in a large bowl and set aside.  Combine melted butter, sugar, sour cream, eggs, bananas and vanilla extract.  Stir together with a spoon.  Add to flour mixture and mix well with spoon.  Spray a 9 x 5 loaf pan with cooking spray and add batter to pan. Add swirl.

    Step 2
    Combine and spread on top of the banana batter.  Take a knife and swirl into batter. Bake in preheated 350 degree oven 65 to 70 minutes checking until done as ovens vary. It took mine 70 minutes to cook. Remove from oven and let cool. Drizzle on topping below.

    Step 3
    Whisk together and drizzle over cooled banana bread.

    Best Banana BreadBest Banana Bread

    ⭐TIP

    Always cut quick breads with a serrated knife and cook on the middle oven shelf for best results.

    OTHER DELICIOUS BANANA BREAD RECIPES

    If you love banana bread you have come to the right website. We love it too and have many delicious recipes. Here are a few of our favorites!

    If you are a fan of loaf recipes, you may also want to try this delicious Pineapple Loaf Cake from Front Porch Life! It’s our sister site and it’s a wonderful recipe.

    SERVING SIZE

    This recipe makes one loaf, which is about 6-8 servings. It also keeps well wrapped up in foil.

    Best Banana Bread Ever

    Leigh Walkup

    This banana bread has wonderful reviews. It’s one of our most popular recipes. Easy to make and always delicious! This is the best banana bread on the internet.

    Prep Time 20 minutes

    Cook Time 1 hour 10 minutes

    Total Time 1 hour 30 minutes

    Course bread

    Cuisine American, southern

    • 2 cups all purpose flour
    • 1 teaspoon baking soda
    • 1 stick butter or 8 tablespoons or 1/2 cup melted
    • 1/2 cup white granulated sugar
    • 1/3 cup sour cream
    • 2 eggs
    • 3 medium sized bananas mashed
    • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

    Swirl for Batter

    • 1/2 cup brown sugar
    • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
    • 1/2 cup chopped nuts (pecans or walnuts), Optional

    Drizzle Topping for Baked Bread

    • 3/4 cup powdered sugar
    • 3 tablespoons milk more or less
    • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

    • Whisk together flour and baking soda in a large bowl and set aside.  Combine melted butter, sugar, sour cream, eggs, bananas and vanilla extract.  Stir together with a spoon.  Add to flour mixture and mix well with spoon.  Spray a 9 x 5 loaf pan with cooking spray and add batter to pan. Add swirl.

    Drizzle Topping Instructions

    Keyword Banana Bread, best banana bread

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    Leigh Walkup

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