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Tag: Parenting

  • Dwyane Wade Gets A Hilarious Makeover From 5-Year-Old Daughter In Sweet Video

    Dwyane Wade Gets A Hilarious Makeover From 5-Year-Old Daughter In Sweet Video

    Dwyane Wade’s next career as a retired NBA star may be modeling makeup from his 5-year-old daughter Kaavia.

    On Friday, the NBA Hall of Famer posted several videos on his Instagram story that showed Kaavia applying a hefty amount of eye shadow on her dad’s nose.

    “It’s so amazing,” Wade says sarcastically at one point in the video. The young girl then went on to draw all over her dad’s face with a pencil.

    In a later video, the former Miami Heat player said that he also did his daughter’s makeup before showing Kaavia’s face — which was covered in green eye shadow.

    The father-daughter duo then filmed themselves laughing uncontrollably as their makeup bonding moment got even messier.

    “You have to wipe your whole face off,” Kaavia told her dad as she worked to clean the makeup off his face.

    Wade, who shares Kaavia with actor Gabrielle Union, is also dad to daughter Zaya, 16, and son Zaire, 21, who he shares with ex-wife Siohvaughn Funches. He also shares son Xavier Wade, 10, with Aja Métoyer.

    Wade and Union recently celebrated Kaavia’s 5th birthday with sweet tributes on Instagram.

    “The Perfect Find” actor called the young child a “pure light” in an Instagram tribute earlier this month.

    Union wrote in the post’s caption, “She is truly 1 of 1 and the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

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  • Always Tip the Babysitter, and 29 Other Unspoken Parenting Rules to Live By – POPSUGAR Australia

    Always Tip the Babysitter, and 29 Other Unspoken Parenting Rules to Live By – POPSUGAR Australia

    Whether you follow an authoritative or gentle parenting style or somewhere in between, there are many unofficial, unwritten rules that every parent tries to adhere to. While many of these “rules” might seem like common sense, you’d be surprised at the instances where proper parenting etiquette may not always be obvious, and you may question what is the right way to do things.

    Take play dates and birthday parties, for example. They’re a great opportunity for your kid(s) to interact with others and for you to have an adult conversation with another grown-up in the room. But as a guest, should you offer to bring extra snacks and toys? Are siblings invited? What about best practices for dealing with a babysitter or childcare? Do you order them food too when you go out on a date night, and what’s the deal with tipping when you get back home? Here, I’ve shared some of my own parenting rules as a mom and consulted other parents and caregivers to come up with an unofficial set of “rules” for navigating the lesser-talked-about side of parenting.

    Don’t worry, there are bound to be a few parenting etiquette blunders here and there. But hopefully, this list will help you avoid some of the minefields when it comes to interacting with other parents, kids, caregivers, and teachers.

    Childcare/Caregiving Rules

    1. Order Food for Date Nights

    If you have a nanny, babysitter, or grandparent taking care of your child for a date night, offer to order a dinner of their choice and ask what other snacks or drinks they like so that’s one less thing to worry about. Plus, there are minimal dishes and clean-up at the end of the night, says Raena Boston, founder of The Working Momtras and co-founder of Chamber of Mothers. Be clear about what foods they’re welcome to enjoy in the fridge or pantry.

    2. Offer a Car Ride Home

    Attending a work or social event that runs late into the evening? Ensure your child’s caregiver arrives home safely by offering to pay for their lift home if they don’t drive. You or your partner can also drive them home if you’re able to.

    3. Tip Extra if You’re Running Late

    It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you just miss the train or bus ride home, a work call goes overtime, or you hit some major traffic. Whatever the case may be, make sure to give your child’s babysitter, nanny, or daycare caregiver a heads-up that you’re going to be late for pick-up, and pay for the additional time they’re caring for your child.

    4. Pay for Vacation and Sick Days

    Everyone deserves paid time off and sick days, including your children’s babysitter or nanny. Whether they are taking a few vacation days or are feeling under the weather and need to stay home, it’s best practice to pay their daily rate. At the same time, make sure you alert them well in advance about vacation days your family is planning to take so they can plan for it.

    5. Give a Monetary Gift During the Holidays

    Whether it’s teacher appreciation week or the holidays, nannies and teachers don’t want another mug or candle. Give them a monetary gift, Boston says. This can be cash or even a gift card. And don’t forget to pair it with a handwritten note! What’s even better is if you or another parent in your kid’s class can organize the classroom community to pool for a gift with a bigger impact.

    6. Respect Your Nanny’s Boundaries

    Avoid texting or calling your kid’s babysitter, nanny, daycare caregiver, or teacher outside of usual business hours. No one wants to get calls and messages at 10:30 p.m. – unless there’s an emergency, of course. Allow them enough time to respond before following up.

    7. Get On the Same Page About Responsibilities

    Before you hire a babysitter or nanny, discuss their daily responsibilities. For some people, it means your nanny is doing some light housework, like washing baby bottles and preparing your baby’s meals, in addition to caring for them. Or maybe you would like your nanny to strictly focus on watching, feeding, and playing with your child. If there are some days when other kids will be joining your child for activities, let your nanny know ahead of time and ask them if they feel comfortable watching multiple kids at a time.

    8. Let Them Know if You or Child Is Sick

    In a post-COVID world, it’s best to always communicate with your babysitter or nanny when your child is sick and offer a sick day for them if they aren’t comfortable caring for your child. Many caregivers work for multiple families at a time and want to avoid putting themselves, other children, and immuno-compromised people in their orbit at risk for illnesses.

    9. Include Your Partner in School Communications

    If you’d like a partner to be included in school communications and/or calls from the school or camp, establish that early in the school year and loop them into your emails with their teachers, Boston says. “Reinforce that they can come to dad as well as mom. I make sure we’re both included on all communications so that juggling the mental load isn’t just a mom problem and it normalizes shared responsibility.”

    10. Have Emergency Contacts On Hand

    Write down the phone numbers of other family members, neighbors, or close friends your babysitter, nanny, or kid’s teacher can contact in the case of an emergency. Let me know where they can find the first aid kit or medicine, like allergy medication.

    Play Date Rules

    1. Ask About Food Allergies

    If you’re hosting a play date at your house, make sure to ask if any of the children – and adults – coming over have food allergies or preferences. Stock up your kitchen with approved foods and serve similar or the same foods to all of the children to avoid fights and cross-contamination when sharing snacks. At the same time, you can ask if there are other things needed for the play date, like extra plates, cups, utensils, or booster seats.

    “My second daughter is lactose intolerant. I’ve adopted an unspoken rule of always trying to have foods and snacks that are vegan and/or allergen-free at events, and I always ask about allergens,” says Cassie Shortsleeve, founder of Dear Sunday Motherhood and co-founder of Two Truths.

    2. Offer to Bring Coffee and Breakfast for Morning Play Dates

    Whether you’re attending a morning play date at someone else’s home or meeting up at a nearby park, consider packing some on-the-go breakfast foods for the kids – whether that’s pastries, fruits, or something homemade – and reach out to the other parents about grabbing coffee or tea, says Chesca Dizon, a mom of two girls based in Washington D.C.

    3. Parents Are Welcome to Stay But They Don’t Have to

    Parents are always welcome to stay at play dates, but the understanding is that if you are hosting, you will be watching the kids. If the other parents decide to leave during the play date, you can let them know what time it makes the most sense for them to come pick up their kids. And if your child is invited to a play date and you aren’t sure who is supervising, offer to stay and help watch the kids.

    4. Ask if There Are Guns in the Home and Where They Are Stored

    In light of recent mass shootings in the U.S., it’s not out of line for parents to ask other caretakers if there are guns in the home before they let their children come over for a play date. Make sure to ask if the firearms are in a locked safe and that the ammunition is stored separately in a place where kids aren’t able to access them. You can make the conversation more natural by voicing your concerns and asking if there are other things needed for the playdate.

    5. Adhere to a Time Limit and Naps

    Set a time limit on play dates to ensure that no one’s naptime gets compromised. Most parents stick to two hours, but you can discuss a game plan with everyone attending. “I learned the hard way where we’ve overstayed our welcome and things went downhill. Two hours seems to be the perfect sweet spot,” says Stacey Feintuch, a mom of two boys based in Washington Township, NJ. This is also a good opportunity to bring up whether siblings are invited to join the play date.

    6. Bring Age-Appropriate Toys

    If your kid is going over to a friend’s house for a play date and you’re offering to bring some toys to share, make sure that the toys are also age-appropriate for their siblings. You want to avoid anything that would pose a choking hazard for the other kids present. Have a talk with your kid about the toys they’re expected to share at the play date to avoid fights.

    7. Set Ground Rules for Your Kid

    Remind your child that they will be attending a play date and should be respectful of and abide by the other parents’ rules, whether that involves cleaning up afterward and putting toys away together or eating food at the kitchen table rather than on the couch. I tell my child that different parents have different rules and styles of disciplining in their home, and when we’re there, we try our best to abide by them. When we’re at home, we follow mom and dad’s rules.

    8. If There’s a Stark Contrast in Parenting Styles or Discipline, Take It Up With the Other Parent

    After the playdate, ask your child how everything went and if there’s anything that happened that they want to talk about. This way, if there is something wrong or your child didn’t feel like something was dealt with properly, you can communicate that to the other parent or caregiver.

    9. Ask About What Activities Will Be Done

    Will your child be doing arts and crafts or swimming in a pool? Asking about what activities will be done allows you to ask about what safety measures will be in place and helps you pack things your child needs. It also gives you the opportunity to let the other parent know what activities your child will need extra help or guidance with. Offer to bring extra supplies for anyone who needs it.

    10. Help Clean Up After Play Dates

    It’s considerate to pick up toys and other messes after the play date ends, and offer to help with dishes that need to be cleaned and put away. Make sure to thank the host before you leave and talk about entertaining the next play date.

    Birthday Party/Social Event Rules

    1. Always Bring or Send a Gift

    Whether you’re able to attend a birthday party or not, make sure to send a gift. Feel free to reach out to the other parent about what’s on their kid’s wish list and choose something that’s within your budget. If the host specifies that they do not want any gifts, bring or send a card instead.

    2. Invite Siblings

    If space permits, invite the siblings of your kid’s friends to their birthday party and ask if there are any food allergies or sensitivities. Have foods and activities on hand that siblings can enjoy and take part in, too. Account for siblings when giving out goody bags at the end of the party.

    3. Have Allergen-Free Food Choices

    If you’re not sure about your kid’s friends’ food preferences and allergies, consider having allergen-free foods on hand so that there’s something for everyone. You can also opt to add a question about food allergies when sending birthday party invites.

    4. Include All of Your Child’s Classmates

    Many elementary and middle schools encourage parents to invite all of their kid’s classmates to their birthday party so no one feels left out. The only times to exclude certain kids is if there’s a space limit at the venue or if the birthday party has a specific theme that your kid wants to be just for the girls or only for the boys – such as a princess tea party or a day at the spa. Then, you can narrow down your guest list, Dizon says.

    5. Help the Host Watch the Kids

    Hosting a birthday party can be overwhelming for the parents of the celebrant. Offer to help watch the kids as they do various activities, like swimming, finger painting, playing in the bouncy castle, etc. You can also help with serving food and drinks and storing presents in a safe area.

    6. Send Thank You Notes for Gifts – and Have Your Child Say Thanks Before Leaving

    No matter how big or small the gift, always send a handwritten thank you note to all of your guests. If your child is older, have them try to write the notes themselves, Feintuch suggests. And if you’re attending a birthday party, thank the hosts before leaving and encourage your child to do the same.

    7. Respect the Time Frame of the Party

    Parents usually set time limits for birthday parties, especially ones for smaller children. Respect the time frame and avoid arriving too late and overstaying.

    8. Double-Check With Party Hosts if Kids Are Even Invited

    Attending a wedding or other social event as a guest? Don’t assume your kids are invited! Message the host in advance to ask whether your kids are included in the invitation and defer to their wishes.

    9. Ask if You Can Request a High Chair or Booster Seat

    If you have an infant or toddler who needs a high chair or booster seat at a party or event, let the host know when you RSVP and ask if it’s possible to request one at the restaurant or venue. If they aren’t able to accommodate your request, bring a portable high chair or booster seat for your child.

    10. See if There’s a Kid’s Menu Available – or Bring Foods Your Kids Like

    Not all parties will serve foods your kid will necessarily like. Plan ahead and ask if there is a kids’ menu available. If your child has particular tastes or food preferences that aren’t available, bring some of their favorite snacks or foods.

    Tiffany ayuda

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  • Marlon Wayans Hopes To Help Parents With Future Stand-Up Comedy Special About His Trans Son

    Marlon Wayans Hopes To Help Parents With Future Stand-Up Comedy Special About His Trans Son

    Marlon Wayans is planning to dedicate his next comedy special to his trans son, Kai Wayans.

    Source: Gilbert Flores / Getty

    Marlon Wayans stopped by The Breakfast Club to promote his latest stand-up comedy special, “Good Grief.” During the interview, he revealed that he wanted to get even more personal in his future stand-up comedy specials and dedicate the next one to his trans son, Kai.

    The special titled “Skittles” or “Rainbow Child” would be about his “daughter who transitioned to a son.”

    “My daughter Amai (Wayans) is now Kai and so I talk about the transition – now their transition – by my transition as a parent going from ignorance and denial to complete unconditional love and acceptance. I think there’s a lot of parents out there that need to have that message and I know I’m dealing with it,” he said.

    “It was a very painful situation for me, but man it’s one of the best funniest hours I probably could ever imagine.”

    Of course, being the comedian that he is, he joked with his daughter about the decision saying, “‘N***a you transitioning into your brother! You look just like him!’ I can’t tell the difference between her and Shawn. I swear to God.”

    Marlon Wayans’ History Of Supporting His Transgender Son Kai

    Marlon Wayans Performs At The Apollo

    Source: Shareif Ziyadat / Getty

    It’s no secret that Marlon is a proud supporter of the LGBTQIA community. He has always made an effort to show up and gracefully love his child out loud. The comedian and actor took to Instagram to wish his son a heartfelt birthday. The tribute thanked Kai for teaching him how to love people unconditionally.

    “Happiest bday my baby… daddy loves you to the moon and back. I’ve always asked people to love me unconditionally, thank you for teaching me what that really means. Be you! Your best you! You’re the gift and I’m wrapping paper… love love love you for life. Excuse my ignorance, chalk it up to growth. Love you so much, thank you for making me a man. So proud. 🌈” he wrote.

    The first time Marlon opened up about his son was back in 2019 when he took to Instagram during Pride Month to show love and support. Unfortunately, the post was met with much criticism and backlash.

    He wrote, “Happy pride 🌈 to my pride and joy. I wouldn’t change one effing thing about you. Love you to the moon around the sun, through the galaxies, and back again.”

    One user wrote, “Another brother from Hollywood who failed his kids🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️.” However, not all feedback was negative! Some users opened up and expressed their gratitude for the support of the community.

    Be on the lookout for the release of Marlon Wayans’ stand-up comedy special, “Good Grief,” dropping soon!

    Check out Marlon Wayans

    lizsmith23

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  • Parenting tips from a traditional British ‘Mary Poppins’ nanny — from handling tantrums to limiting tablet time

    Parenting tips from a traditional British ‘Mary Poppins’ nanny — from handling tantrums to limiting tablet time

    A Norland trainee nanny in formal uniform. Graduates are not expected to wear their uniform once they start working for a family, unless requested for a special occasion.

    Norland College

    A small college in the historic city of Bath, U.K., is the place Britain’s royal family calls when they need child care.

    Norland, which was founded more than 130 years ago, puts candidates through a four-year academic and practical training program where they spend around 1,300 hours caring for young children and newborns.

    At the christening of Princess Charlotte of Cambridge in 2015 — the second child of the Prince and Princess of Wales — nanny Maria Teresa Turrion Borrallo was photographed in a formal Norland uniform, speaking to the late Queen Elizabeth II.

    Norland nannies — who earn a Bachelor of Arts degree in early childhood education and care, plus a diploma when they complete a year as a probationary nanny — are highly sought after and well paid. For every nanny who graduates, there are around 8 to 10 permanent jobs available via the Norland Agency.

    Nannies are known as ‘Norlanders’

    Norlanders, as they are known after graduating, usually prefer to be known publicly by only their first names to protect the identities of the children in their care, as well as their employers.

    But while training, they’re noticeable to residents of Bath thanks to their formal, brown uniforms — which have been likened to what Mary Poppins wore — a dress and hat for women, a suit for men, and a gender neutral option of trousers or a dress with a tweed jacket.

    Alice, a Norland nanny who was raised in Bath, used to see the uniformed students on the bus when she was in high school, but at the time had “no idea” who they were, she told CNBC by phone. Knowing that she wanted to work with children, Alice explored teaching via a school internship, but felt a less structured setting would better suit her.

    Students at Norland College, whose uniform has been likened to Mary Poppins’ outfit.

    Norland College

    “I just felt like I could give those children so much one-on-one time to develop … to find their excitement for life [and] follow their interests,” she told CNBC.

    Norland was established in 1892 by educator Emily Ward, who leaned on the teachings of Friedrich Fröbel, a pioneer in early childhood education who introduced the concept of the kindergarten and focused on the idea of the child as an individual with unique needs and abilities.

    “You are learning everything there possibly is to know about childcare,” Alice said. “The degree is focusing heavily on the psychology of children and their learning, and the diploma is everything practical that you could experience in the family home,” she added. The program also includes practical learning outside a home, such as how to control a car in poor or dangerous conditions.

    After graduation, a live-in Norland nanny working around 60 hours a week with one to two years of experience can expect to earn up to £41,500 (around $50,000) in London, according to Norland’s website, while a nanny with eight or more years’ experience working outside the U.K. can earn up to £124,000.

    Top tips

    Alice has more than a decade’s experience as a nanny, starting her a career with a military family in the U.K., where the father was deployed in Afghanistan.

    Her longest role was in New York City, where she looked after a girl and her twin siblings for nine years, starting her job when the twins were 18 months old and the girl was three. Their parents worked in real estate, and Alice was in sole charge of the children from 7 a.m to 7 p.m.

    “One really, really important tip for any … parent is every child is different and grows and learns at different speeds,” Alice told CNBC.

    Norland nannies complete more than 1,300 hours of child care during their training.

    Norland College

    “It’s very easy, especially for a first-time parent with a baby to think oh, well, my baby isn’t crawling yet. Why are all of these other mums telling me that their baby is crawling?” she said.

    “But one child who isn’t crawling might be able to build a tower of blocks sitting up,” she added.

    “Don’t compare other babies, just go with what works for you to keep the child happy and healthy,” she said.

    Comforting a crying baby

    Sleep is an obvious concern for carers of small children, who nap at various times of day. Alice is currently looking after a 10-month-old girl, an age where sleep regression — when a child has trouble falling asleep or staying asleep — is common, she said.

    “If they’re not getting enough sleep in the day, they’re probably not going to be sleeping at night.”

    Every child will have a different sleep routine, and Alice recommends a consistent approach to comforting a crying baby. “What I would always say is, go in, ‘shhh’ them, put your hand on their tummy to let them know you’re there, but try not to speak to them,” she said.

    Prince George’s nanny, Maria Teresa Turrion Borrallo, in a formal Norland uniform, talks to Queen Elizabeth II at the Christening of Princess Charlotte of Cambridge on July 5, 2015.

    Chris Jackson | Getty Images

    “Babies are like adults who wake up in the night. Most of the time we go straight back to sleep. But sometimes, you just can’t get back to sleep. And that’s so frustrating for us as adults, let alone as babies [for whom] the only communication … is crying,” she said.

    Dealing with tantrums

    Alice described her role for a child having a tantrum as a “safe space.” “I’m on the floor around them … to give them some comfort while they’re going through it,” she said.

    “With a child who has started to communicate verbally, they don’t want to listen to what you have to say, that’s not the right time to be talking about it,” she said. Instead, she suggested, speak to them afterward, when they’re in a better frame of mind.

    Instead of saying ‘no’ — do this

    If a child is doing something you don’t want them to do, consider “redirecting behaviors,” Alice said.

    “If they are throwing a ball at the wall, and you really don’t want them to be marking the wall … [you can say], ‘why don’t we play a game of who can get this ball in the saucepan?’” she said.

    “Redirecting the same behaviors instead of a constant ‘no, don’t do that,’ I have found in my experience, children will respond much better to,” Alice said.

    Making sure you respond to children regardless of their behavior is also important.

    If you’re cooking dinner and a child wants to play, “You can say, ‘give me five minutes and let’s throw the ball in the saucepan.’ … That might not necessarily work the first time, but they will know that you will always come back to them,” Alice said.

    “If you’re not giving them the attention elsewhere, but you are giving it when you don’t like them doing something, they’re going to really focus on those behaviors,” she added.

    Give children a choice

    Norland students have a practical uniform for child-care activities.

    Norland College

    If you have a child who refuses to get dressed, let them choose their outfits.

    “That gives them the feeling of control,” Alice said. “But really, you’re you’re saying [these are] the warm weather outfits that you can wear, so you’re keeping them safe, while so allowing them to be in control,” she added.

    Dealing with bad behavior

    If a child’s behavior is dangerous or harmful, such as if a toddler attempts to bite another child, try to understand that this comes from “frustration, or it’s curiosity,” Alice said. Ask “How do you think that made this other child feel when you bit him?”

    “They don’t necessarily have the words to say how that made them feel. But then you say … I think that probably made him really sad, that probably really hurt him, I don’t think you would like it,” she said.

    Also suggest that if they feel like biting again, say, “Maybe let’s get an apple that you can bite into or a pillow or a block.”

    Avoid the ‘naughty step’

    “I don’t really like to label a child as ‘naughty’,” Alice said, and she doesn’t use the “naughty step” as a punishment for little children or send an older child to their room.

    “If they are in that moment where they just cannot regulate their emotions, you say, right, I understand you’re upset. I’m going to do something else. When you’ve had time to calm yourself down … we can talk,” she said.

    Tablet time

    Other tips include being consistent and as good as your word.

    Time on devices such as iPads can be negotiated by setting limits or allowing only educational games, Alice said.

    To limit screen time, say “Sorry, we can’t do that today. Let me plan some time for tomorrow,” Alice suggested, or “Why don’t you play that game for five minutes and then we will turn it off.”

    School days

    Settling a child into school is often done gradually, with shorter days to start with. Reassure them that they will make friends there, and try to have playdates with classmates before school starts, Alice said.

    “Maybe find out what they’re doing on the first day, so you can say [for example]: ‘Let me know how the painting goes when I pick you up. I can’t wait to hear about this.’”

    Alice also said to do something fun after their first day or week at school, like going to a favorite playground or to a movie they’d like to see.

    Alice acknowledged that being a nanny is different from being a working parent. “You have much more patience because it’s your job,” she said of her role.

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  • For moms of kids with special needs, career survival may entail a radical pivot

    For moms of kids with special needs, career survival may entail a radical pivot

    Saundra Gumerove was a successful New York-based lawyer with a booming career in the banking industry when her daughter was born and everything changed.

    But not in the way babies gently rock the world of every new parent. 

    This was different. 

    Her birth was more of a life-altering earthquake—one that shook Gumerove’s personal life and sent shockwaves through her career.

    Lauren was born with Sturge-Weber Syndrome, a rare neurological disorder with symptoms that include a large purple-red birthmark on the face, in addition to intellectual disability, migraines, and a host of other conditions.

    It was the beginning of “a very tough life”—a whirlwind of hospital visits for seizures and surgeries for glaucoma. The new normal meant late nights at home attempting to catch up on work, and precious little rest. 

    “I didn’t sleep for many years,” Gumerove recalls. “If Lauren turned over, I was up, worried she was seizing.”

    Her anxiety, while warranted, only complicated her career: “When Lauren was in crisis, I was not a good person to be around. I was always terrified she was going to die.” She began therapy to process her new life, which seemed to be in shambles.

    Fortunately, Gumerove’s boss saw her struggle and created a job for her close to home in Long Island, N.Y. Still, client meetings were sometimes far away, and she occasionally found herself exiting abruptly to rendezvous with Lauren in the emergency room. Many colleagues didn’t understand. They thought she was receiving special treatment—and resented her for it.

    For nearly a decade, Gumerove did what felt like the impossible: juggling work and the added demands of special-needs parenting—as a single mom, no less. At times she was ready to quit, but she had no choice but to soldier on: The two needed the income and the health insurance.

    She felt trapped.

    Eventually, Gumerove reached her breaking point. She left her job as a corporate lawyer and began working for herself, as an attorney for special-needs clients. Eventually, she was appointed as the president of The Arc New York, a nonprofit that advocates for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

    Finally, she had found her bliss—and her purpose. Gumerove was able to work from home, take cases she was passionate about, and make her own schedule—around Lauren’s needs.

    Courtesy photo

    ‘Work is a wonderful escape’

    For many parents of kids with special needs, success just won’t look the same—not for their children, and not for themselves. 

    Due to the severity of their child’s disability, some parents are unable to work outside the home. Others, however, manage to—and refuse to abandon personal ambition at the altar of parenthood.

    But it’s far from easy.

    “The school is calling because of bad behavior. The babysitter doesn’t show. How are you going to work?” Gumerove says, speaking of the plight of special-needs parents who attempt to maintain a professional life.

    Some hold down a job in spite of it all but find themselves hampered from moving ahead in their career, their child’s needs a veritable albatross around their neck.

    Sally Hiraldo was working as a manager at a rental furniture store in the Bronx when her daughter, Delilah, was born with a cleft palate. The condition required countless doctor’s appointments and seven surgeries.

    Thirteen years later, Hiraldo completed her master’s degree—in human resources. She serves as a cleft community advisory council member for Smile Train, the world’s largest cleft-focused nonprofit. And she’s still working at the same furniture store, in the same position. The reason, she tells Fortune: “I feel like I can’t take my [daughter’s] medical problems to another job.”

    Courtesy photo

    Success looks different for each special-needs family, says Lisa Nowinski—clinical director at the Lurie Center for Autism at Massachusetts General Hospital and an instructor at Harvard Medical School.

    “For some parents, this might look like finding a new, more flexible job, working part-time, or deciding to stay home,” she says. “In families with more than one parent or caregiver, continually re-evaluating and renegotiating the distribution of work, life, and child care responsibilities is critically important.”

    Nearly 20% of U.S. children—approximately 14.1 million—have one or more chronic health conditions, be they physical, developmental, behavioral, or emotional, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

    Behind each child is a parent or parents, many of whom are employed—or used to be. A 2021 study published in the journal Pediatrics found that among U.S. special needs families, 15% had at least one adult caregiver who stopped work or cut hours because of their child’s condition.

    Unsurprisingly, more than 75% of caregivers are women.

    Each American household with a special needs child suffers an annual income loss of around $18,000, the study found. And the aggregate impact is stark. Lost wages from caregiving special-needs parents who’ve forfeited their careers range between $14.4 billion and $19.2 billion a year among those who worked full time, and between $9 billion and $13.9 billion for those who worked part time.

    Parents of special-needs children “face tremendous challenges, not only caring and advocating for their child, but also juggling work and life demands, relationships, and their own mental health needs,” Nowinski says.

    But for those who can, “work is a wonderful escape,” Gumerove maintains. “It’s a distraction that can take you out of the immediate environment you’re in.”

    “Having a life apart from your child is something really difficult for parents to consider,” she says. “But I think you need it to be healthy.”

    Some find the flexibility they require in a new career inspired by their child, Nowinski says: “Many parents find new purpose and expertise in the very areas they have worked hard to manage with their own child.”

    ‘Moonshots for Unicorns’

    Geri Landman knows the financial impact of special-needs parenthood all too well. A successful San Francisco Bay Area pediatrician, she cut her work week from five days to two and a half after her daughter, Lucy, was diagnosed with PGAP3—a rare genetic disorder that causes weak muscles, unsteady gait, intellectual disability, and epilepsy.

    Her employer has been understanding about the family’s plight. Still, Landman says she’s found that there are “hard and fast rules that even when you pull the ‘special needs mom card,’” you can’t break.

    Case in point: On Wednesdays, Landman needs to get Lucy to physical therapy and her other kids to school, meaning that she can’t make it to work until 8:15 a.m. But she’s required to show up at 8 a.m.

    “I can’t physically be in two places at once,” she says. “Luckily, it takes a few minutes to room a patient,” she explains, so Landman can arrive a few minutes after 8 a.m. without inconveniencing anyone. 

    Working part-time has “definitely put a financial stress on our family,” the pediatrician says. There are Lucy’s medical costs to shoulder and California’s sky-high cost of living.

    But less time in the clinic gives Landman more time to tend to Moonshots for Unicorns, a nonprofit she and her husband founded after Lucy was diagnosed. The foundation seeks to identify a cure or treatment for Lucy’s disorder and others like it. 

    And at her “day job,” Lucy’s plight has provided her with ample inspiration. Landman now focuses her efforts on treating children with special needs.

    Being the mother of a child with special needs “has certainly changed my career goals and focus,” she admits.

    “Is it holding me back from having the career I previously envisioned? Yes. But I now have a career I’m even more passionate about.”

    How employers can help

    Employers can make a difference in the lives—and careers—of special-needs parents.

    First and foremost: “Access to comprehensive and high quality medical insurance and paid parental or family leave are absolutely critical.” In an ideal world, paid family-leave policies would be expanded to include chronic health conditions, Nowinski says.

    Other helpful possibilities, according to experts Fortune talked to:

    • Flexible working hours
    • Option to work remote
    • Access to mental health and well-being support
    • Employee support groups for parents of special-needs children 
    • Company events that are inclusive and accessible to all 
    • A point person, perhaps in HR, who can direct special-needs families to company and community benefits and resources

    Erin Prater

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  • Al Pacino to Pay Girlfriend $30K Monthly in Child Support

    Al Pacino to Pay Girlfriend $30K Monthly in Child Support

    Al Pacino will be required to pay Noor Alfallah $30,000 a month in child support to provide for the couple’s five-month-old son, according to documents reportedly obtained by Page Six.

    Though a representative for Pacino, 83, confirmed to Vanity Fair that the actor and Alfallah, a 29-year-old producer at Sony, are still a couple, Alfallah was granted primary physical custody of baby Roman in September, and she and Pacino share legal custody. According to Page Six, a Los Angeles judge signed off on some hefty payouts from Pacino: He was ordered to pay $110,000 to Alfallah upfront, in addition to the monthly payment, as well as $13,000 for a night nurse. The Scarface actor will also be responsible for any medical bills not covered by insurance, and will put aside $15,000 annually for baby Roman’s future education.

    Pacino and Alfallah reportedly became a couple during the COVID-19 pandemic, and in May 2023 revealed that Alfallah was eight months pregnant.

    Pacino has three other children from previous relationships: 34-year-old Julie Pacino, and 22-year-old twins Anton Pacino and Olivia Pacino.

    Alfallah previously dated Mick Jagger. When they got together in 2017, she was 22, and he was 74. After their breakup, she told Hello! Magazine that the age difference wasn’t an issue in her relationship with the rocker. “The heart doesn’t know what it sees, it only knows what it feels. It was my first serious relationship, but it was a happy time for me.”

    Kase Wickman

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  • Kids with high emotional intelligence learn these 4 skills ‘when they’re young,’ say parenting experts

    Kids with high emotional intelligence learn these 4 skills ‘when they’re young,’ say parenting experts

    Over the years of educating parents, teachers and caregivers about early childhood development, we’ve received many questions about how to raise emotionally intelligent kids.

    Kids with high emotional intelligence have the tools they need to navigate their feelings and relationships in a healthy and secure way. Key skills include self-awareness, self-regulation and motivation. But one of the most commonly overlooked components is empathy.

    Parents of the most emotionally intelligent children lead by example — and teach their kids these four skills when they’re young:

    1. How to take on different perspectives

    Perspective taking does not mean having the same experience as someone else or deciding whether their experience is real.

    When a child is pulling at their shirt and saying, “It’s scratchy, I don’t like it. I want a different shirt,” we can model perspective taking by believing that their experience is true: “That shirt feels uncomfortable for you, and you want to change it.”

    Don’t miss: A psychologist says parents who raise resilient, socially intelligent kids always do 5 things during ‘hard times’

    It’s not the parent’s job to convince them that the shirt is perfectly comfortable and remind them that they’ve worn it before. It’s their job to step outside of themselves and be a witness to their child’s experience.

    2. How to avoid judgement

    This means practicing mindfulness of our biases and self-regulating so that we can see the child’s experience without a biased lens.

    So instead of responding with, “You don’t need to be so upset. It’s just a shirt. We can fix this,” avoiding judgment is simply noticing what is: “You are really upset that it’s so uncomfortable.”

    3. How to recognize emotions

    Recognizing emotions is connecting with what your child is feeling, not why they’re feeling it.

    So when your child comes to you upset, take a moment to articulate out loud what they are feeling. “Wow, you are disappointed, that’s really tough.”

    Then recall and share a time when you dealt with the emotion they’re expressing, so you can connect with them about how it feels.

    This teaches them that if they know what disappointment feels like, they can choose to empathize with that feeling, regardless of the reason why someone else is feeling it.

    4. How to communicate understanding

    Communicating our understanding about the emotions is when connecting happens, when we have the opportunity to say: “I see you. I get it. That’s so hard. Ugh, yeah, I understand that.”

    For example, you tell best friend: “I’ve been so tired the last couple of nights that the thought of us meeting for dinner tomorrow night feels exhausting. But I know we haven’t seen each other in such a long time.”

    Good communicating of understanding from your friend might look like: “I get how exhausting that feels. Especially today looking at tomorrow.” This is nice because she’s not trying to convince you or minimize your experience. She’s being present to your pain because she is really listening.

    When your child sees you do this for people you care about, they absorb the valuable lesson of how to be a better friend and community member.

    The secret to teaching empathy is to show it

    Just as we build self-regulation skills by co-regulating with a child, we teach emotional intelligence by responding to children with empathy.

    Connect with your child and imagine what the message underneath their behavior might be. Trust that they are kind humans and allow them to make mistakes. When you do this, you teach them that your love for them is conditional.

    And lastly, remember to pause to say “I love you.” It’s impossible to spoil kids with love. We promise that you can never say those words too much.

    Alyssa Blask Campbell is a parenting and emotional development expert. With a masters degree in early childhood education, she founded Seed & Sew, a platform that offers courses on emotional intelligence. She is also the author of “Tiny Humans, Big Emotions.” Follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

    Lauren Stauble is assistant professor of early childhood education at Bunker Hill Community College and co-author of “Tiny Humans, Big Emotions.” She has 18 years of experience in anti-bias education, community activism, cultivating inclusive classrooms, program administration and teaching higher education courses.

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  • My ex shot me in the face—Now I warn others how to spot abusive partners

    My ex shot me in the face—Now I warn others how to spot abusive partners

    “It sounded like a bomb went off in a movie. It was the loudest sound I’ve heard in my life, it was just a ringing,” Abigail Winters recalls, after being shot three times by her ex-boyfriend.

    Winters, 23, from Kansas City, Missouri, was with her ex-boyfriend for several years, even welcoming a child together in 2021. She admits that there were red flags for a long time, but after their son, Staisles, was born, she made the decision to separate for his sake.

    “He wanted to control who I was talking to on the phone, what I was doing, who my friends were, what I wore,” Winters told Newsweek. “I didn’t think leaving him was ever on the cards because I just wanted to help. I always thought that the world had wronged him, and I just wanted to be there for him.”

    Several months after separating, the tattoo artist met her current boyfriend, Jordan Taylor, 23, on Tinder in February 2022. They instantly hit it off and Winters was grateful to finally be in a happy and healthy relationship.

    Abigail Winters, 23, pictured during her pregnancy and after having her son, in 2021. Winters left her ex-partner shortly after her son was born in 2021 as she didn’t want to expose her son to any unhealthy behaviors.
    @snapbackssandtattoos / TikTok

    When word got to her ex-partner that she was with someone new, he was blinded by jealousy and did everything he could to disrupt their relationship. This led to a shocking sequence of events on May 2, 2022, when Winters went to visit him at their old apartment where he shot her three times.

    She continued: “I remember every single part of the shooting. I was texting my boyfriend, telling him I was sorry that I was there because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be. I heard something, and I looked up and I saw him behind the biggest gun I had ever seen.

    “I put my hands up to try to protect my face and he shot me through my fingers. Then I remember looking at my hands and seeing the blood and thinking that in movies they put pressure on it. So, I took my hand and I tried to put pressure on my face, and when I did there was nothing there.”

    Abigail Winters with her son
    Abigail Winters, 23, from Kansas City, pictured with her son Staisles. Winters was shot by her ex-partner in May 2022, requiring surgery on her heart, lung, spine, and face.
    @snapbackssandtattoos / TikTok

    Intimate partner violence is a serious public health problem in the U.S which has a profound and lifelong impact on the victims. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that 41 percent of women and 26 percent of men will experience it at some point in their lifetimes.

    Physical violence can include firearm offences, for which women are often targeted by perpetrators due to their sex, and it’s regularly by people they know. According to a study published in 2016, around 4.5 million women had been threatened by an intimate partner with a gun, and almost 1 million had been non-fatally shot.

    Winters never expected to be part of those statistics, but state law in Missouri permits people to carry concealed handguns in public without a license, and without any background checks. There is also no part of the law which prohibits domestic abusers from possessing guns, often putting their victims at risk.

    The new mom was immediately taken to hospital where she underwent two heart surgeries, as well as surgery on her lung, face, and spine. The gunshots to her face had broken her cheekbone, causing the whites of her eye “to fall out,” leaving her blind in one eye and requiring a prosthetic eyeball.

    In the aftermath, Winters was informed by local police that her ex had turned the gun on himself and ended his own life. The news only compounded her grief because he would never know what he put her through or face the repercussions.

    “I was supposed to die, there’s no medical reason I should be here. I deserve for him to understand what he put me through, he’s never going to see my face and what he did to me.”

    Abigail Winters in hospital
    Abigail Winters pictured in hospital following the shooting in 2022. Winters required numerous surgeries following the shooting, which left her with permanent scarring on her face and without one eye.
    @snapbackssandtattoos

    Experiencing an abusive or controlling relationship is traumatic and devastating for any individual to go through, which can have reverberations for years thereafter. Mental health administrator Alea Jackson encourages people to recognize the signs of coercive control early and to take action.

    “This type of relationship creates an unequal power dynamic between the perpetrator and the victim. Many people report not recognizing the signs of controlling behavior because it may not include physical violence,” Jackson, of Riverside University Health Systems, told Newsweek.

    “It involves a pattern of behaviors that goes beyond physical violence and strips the individual of their autonomy, leaving them feeling trapped and powerless.”

    Warning signs of a controlling relationship may include:

    1. Isolation
    2. Monitoring and Surveillance
    3. Manipulation and Gaslighting
    4. Jealousy and Possessiveness
    5. Micromanaging
    6. Financial Control
    7. Emotional Abuse
    8. Threats and Intimidation
    9. Sexual Coercion
    10. Lack of Boundaries
    11. Blaming and Shifting Responsibility
    12. Emotional Rollercoaster

    She encourages anyone who fears they may be experiencing this to seek help, in order to prevent further harm. She added that the pattern of behavior can lead to physical violence down the line, so understanding the signs early on is vital.

    Abigail Winters in hospital after shooting
    Abigail Winters, 23, pictured in the hospital following the shooting that took place in May 2022. Following the shooting, Winters required surgery on her heart, lung, and on her face, leaving her with permanent scarring.
    @snapbackssandtattoos

    ‘I Could Not Understand Why Someone Would Love Me’

    Overcoming that trauma has been a constant battle for Winters, both physically and mentally. She has been left wondering why she survived and struggling to recover her sense of identity after being changed forever.

    Winters told Newsweek: “It’s very strange to be a medical mystery, and I don’t really know why I’m here. I think it has something to do with the fact that I wasn’t ready to leave my boyfriend or my son. I knew that life still had more for me, and I knew that I could help people.”

    As she reflects on that day she’s left with countless questions, but the one person who has been able to help her find resolve is Taylor, who stayed by her side throughout.

    At first, she feared that the only reason Taylor stayed with her was “out of pity” and because he didn’t want to look bad for leaving. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth, and the recovery would have been very different if he wasn’t there to support her.

    “I physically could not understand why somebody would love me. It’s very hard for me to love myself and I’m very insecure, as I struggle a lot with depression and PTSD. But I can see myself being happy in the future now, and that isn’t something I could ever foresee before.

    “I definitely think it helps for Jordan and I to rely on each other. At the end of the day, he is there for me, and he loves me and he’s going to show me the kindness that I deserve.”

    Abigail Winters and Jordan Taylor
    Abigail Winters, 23, pictured with her boyfriend Jordan Taylor, also 23. The couple met online shortly after Winters ended her previous relationship, and she felt an instant connection with him and she knew it was right.
    @snapbackssandtattoos / TikTok

    The shooting didn’t only affect Winters, as she added that Taylor has also had to overcome a sense of guilt that he wasn’t there when she was shot. The young couple have lived through something that very few can understand, and relying on each other has helped create an unbreakable bond.

    Not only has it improved her mental state, but it’s changed her goals for the future too.

    “My relationship has changed the way I view the world. I know there’s kindness and there’s gentle love. My ex and I never kissed, we never held hands, we had no physical connection, but I have all of that with my boyfriend now,” Winters said.

    “I never wanted this before in my life, but I want to get married now. I never wanted to be tied to someone like that before, as I didn’t want to feel as though I couldn’t escape. But now I do want that.”

    ‘I Want to Save One Person From Being Me’

    In 2023, a year after the shooting, Winters shared her story in a series of TikTok videos (@snapbackssandtattoos) to answer people’s questions, and to shed light on her experience.

    One of her most popular videos has been viewed more than 5.4 million times, and received over 267,000 likes, as Winters explained that sharing her story is “the only justice [she] will ever get.”

    Abigail Winters with her boyfriend
    Abigail Winters, 23, pictured in hospital after the shooting, and beside her new partner. Winters claims that her ex grew jealous of her current relationship, leading to his devastating actions.
    @snapbackssandtattoos

    Being so vulnerable and personal was a difficult decision at first, but connecting with other survivors has been so rewarding.

    Winters told Newsweek: “Usually, I get very positive responses. I get survivors saying that they understand and telling me that they’re here for me, and they’ve been through it too. We’re all here to share our stories with each other and grow.

    “I want to save one person from being me, and to show what could happen with an abusive relationship. I never thought that this would happen to me. I never thought that I would live and have to overcome all of this. I just want to let all the survivors know that you can do this, and you deserve love.”

    Anyone seeking help should call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, a free and confidential hotline available 24/7 that can be reached on 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The Hotline also provides information on local resources. For more information, visit https://www.thehotline.org/.

    Newsweek reached out to Kansas City Police Department on 10/17/23 to provide comment, but did not receive a response.

    Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.