My ex shot me in the face—Now I warn others how to spot abusive partners

“It sounded like a bomb went off in a movie. It was the loudest sound I’ve heard in my life, it was just a ringing,” Abigail Winters recalls, after being shot three times by her ex-boyfriend.

Winters, 23, from Kansas City, Missouri, was with her ex-boyfriend for several years, even welcoming a child together in 2021. She admits that there were red flags for a long time, but after their son, Staisles, was born, she made the decision to separate for his sake.

“He wanted to control who I was talking to on the phone, what I was doing, who my friends were, what I wore,” Winters told Newsweek. “I didn’t think leaving him was ever on the cards because I just wanted to help. I always thought that the world had wronged him, and I just wanted to be there for him.”

Several months after separating, the tattoo artist met her current boyfriend, Jordan Taylor, 23, on Tinder in February 2022. They instantly hit it off and Winters was grateful to finally be in a happy and healthy relationship.

When word got to her ex-partner that she was with someone new, he was blinded by jealousy and did everything he could to disrupt their relationship. This led to a shocking sequence of events on May 2, 2022, when Winters went to visit him at their old apartment where he shot her three times.

She continued: “I remember every single part of the shooting. I was texting my boyfriend, telling him I was sorry that I was there because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be. I heard something, and I looked up and I saw him behind the biggest gun I had ever seen.

“I put my hands up to try to protect my face and he shot me through my fingers. Then I remember looking at my hands and seeing the blood and thinking that in movies they put pressure on it. So, I took my hand and I tried to put pressure on my face, and when I did there was nothing there.”

Intimate partner violence is a serious public health problem in the U.S which has a profound and lifelong impact on the victims. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that 41 percent of women and 26 percent of men will experience it at some point in their lifetimes.

Physical violence can include firearm offences, for which women are often targeted by perpetrators due to their sex, and it’s regularly by people they know. According to a study published in 2016, around 4.5 million women had been threatened by an intimate partner with a gun, and almost 1 million had been non-fatally shot.

Winters never expected to be part of those statistics, but state law in Missouri permits people to carry concealed handguns in public without a license, and without any background checks. There is also no part of the law which prohibits domestic abusers from possessing guns, often putting their victims at risk.

The new mom was immediately taken to hospital where she underwent two heart surgeries, as well as surgery on her lung, face, and spine. The gunshots to her face had broken her cheekbone, causing the whites of her eye “to fall out,” leaving her blind in one eye and requiring a prosthetic eyeball.

In the aftermath, Winters was informed by local police that her ex had turned the gun on himself and ended his own life. The news only compounded her grief because he would never know what he put her through or face the repercussions.

“I was supposed to die, there’s no medical reason I should be here. I deserve for him to understand what he put me through, he’s never going to see my face and what he did to me.”

Experiencing an abusive or controlling relationship is traumatic and devastating for any individual to go through, which can have reverberations for years thereafter. Mental health administrator Alea Jackson encourages people to recognize the signs of coercive control early and to take action.

“This type of relationship creates an unequal power dynamic between the perpetrator and the victim. Many people report not recognizing the signs of controlling behavior because it may not include physical violence,” Jackson, of Riverside University Health Systems, told Newsweek.

“It involves a pattern of behaviors that goes beyond physical violence and strips the individual of their autonomy, leaving them feeling trapped and powerless.”

She encourages anyone who fears they may be experiencing this to seek help, in order to prevent further harm. She added that the pattern of behavior can lead to physical violence down the line, so understanding the signs early on is vital.

‘I Could Not Understand Why Someone Would Love Me’

Overcoming that trauma has been a constant battle for Winters, both physically and mentally. She has been left wondering why she survived and struggling to recover her sense of identity after being changed forever.

Winters told Newsweek: “It’s very strange to be a medical mystery, and I don’t really know why I’m here. I think it has something to do with the fact that I wasn’t ready to leave my boyfriend or my son. I knew that life still had more for me, and I knew that I could help people.”

As she reflects on that day she’s left with countless questions, but the one person who has been able to help her find resolve is Taylor, who stayed by her side throughout.

At first, she feared that the only reason Taylor stayed with her was “out of pity” and because he didn’t want to look bad for leaving. However, that couldn’t be further from the truth, and the recovery would have been very different if he wasn’t there to support her.

“I physically could not understand why somebody would love me. It’s very hard for me to love myself and I’m very insecure, as I struggle a lot with depression and PTSD. But I can see myself being happy in the future now, and that isn’t something I could ever foresee before.

“I definitely think it helps for Jordan and I to rely on each other. At the end of the day, he is there for me, and he loves me and he’s going to show me the kindness that I deserve.”

The shooting didn’t only affect Winters, as she added that Taylor has also had to overcome a sense of guilt that he wasn’t there when she was shot. The young couple have lived through something that very few can understand, and relying on each other has helped create an unbreakable bond.

Not only has it improved her mental state, but it’s changed her goals for the future too.

“My relationship has changed the way I view the world. I know there’s kindness and there’s gentle love. My ex and I never kissed, we never held hands, we had no physical connection, but I have all of that with my boyfriend now,” Winters said.

“I never wanted this before in my life, but I want to get married now. I never wanted to be tied to someone like that before, as I didn’t want to feel as though I couldn’t escape. But now I do want that.”

‘I Want to Save One Person From Being Me’

In 2023, a year after the shooting, Winters shared her story in a series of TikTok videos (@snapbackssandtattoos) to answer people’s questions, and to shed light on her experience.

One of her most popular videos has been viewed more than 5.4 million times, and received over 267,000 likes, as Winters explained that sharing her story is “the only justice [she] will ever get.”

Being so vulnerable and personal was a difficult decision at first, but connecting with other survivors has been so rewarding.

Winters told Newsweek: “Usually, I get very positive responses. I get survivors saying that they understand and telling me that they’re here for me, and they’ve been through it too. We’re all here to share our stories with each other and grow.

“I want to save one person from being me, and to show what could happen with an abusive relationship. I never thought that this would happen to me. I never thought that I would live and have to overcome all of this. I just want to let all the survivors know that you can do this, and you deserve love.”

Anyone seeking help should call The National Domestic Violence Hotline, a free and confidential hotline available 24/7 that can be reached on 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The Hotline also provides information on local resources. For more information, visit https://www.thehotline.org/.

Newsweek reached out to Kansas City Police Department on 10/17/23 to provide comment, but did not receive a response.

Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.