Van and Rachel react to Donald Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally (6:28) before comedian Roy Wood Jr. joins to dig into controversial jokes by Tony Hinchcliffe and the art of political comedy (19:42). Then, a breakdown of Lil Durk’s arrest on a murder-for-hire charge (49:43), and Shaq gives advice to Angel Reese on making the WNBA sexier (1:11:16). Plus, Dwyane Wade’s statue has a face that’s not his (1:23:22).
Hosts: Van Lathan and Rachel Lindsay Producers: Donnie Beacham Jr. and Ashleigh Smith
Are you looking for some veggie-themed family fun? This roundup of potato puns and potato jokes is tater-ly the best place to start!
As well as being a great way to make mealtimes more of a giggle, you can use them to caption kids artwork and your social media posts (my nature hashtags will help here too).
The best potato puns and potato jokes
In this post you’ll find 160 of the best potato puns and potato jokes to get the whole family laughing. Whether you want silly potato puns, potato dad jokes, or sweet potato jokes, you’ll find something to raise a smile here.
Funny potato puns
Searching for a potato pun to impress the kids? Here’s a list of funny potato puns to get us started.
Sooner or tater
We’re a perfect mash
I’ll see u tater
Spud you like some dinner?
That’s absolutely mashing
Taters gonna tate
Better tater than never
Time fries when your having fun
A total disas-tater
Tuber or not tuber. That is the question
I can peel it in my bones
Peel the burn
That’s so a-peel-ing
Peel the love
Don’t peel over
Peel back the layers
Keep your eyes peeled
A peeler of strength
See you tater
We’re best spuds
Thanks spud
A spud-tacular time
A root awakening
I’m rooting for you
Feeling salty
Don’t be a couch potato
It’s small potatoes
More potato puns
Bless my lucky starch
Time for a fresh starch
Starch your engines
A starch contrast
Get the starch treatment
The path to starchdom
Bake in business
You look baked
At the bake of my mind
Bake my day
Fry and stop me
Don’t put all your french fries in one basket
Fry me to the moon
No need to fry
I’m not one to fry away from a challenge
You’re frying my patience
Don’t be fry
Time fries when you’re having fun
When life gives you potatoes, make fries
Tater-ly in love
I’ll butter you up
Deep in tot
Let’s hear your tots on the matter
It’s the tot that counts
Let’s hash it out
You’re the tater to my tot
Mashed potato puns
You’ve met your mash
A mash made in heaven
It’s a mash-terpiece
That’s very mash-terious
Feeling opti-mash-tic
It’s mash-nificent
Mash those goals
You’re gonna mash it
Let’s mash up some fun
Don’t count your potatoes before they’re mashed
Potato chip puns
Chip chip hooray!
A beautiful friend chip
That chip has sailed
A chip off the old block
Chip in
Don’t be a chip skate
I’ve found the mother chip
Loose lips sink chips
A chip on your shoulder
Feeling chipper
Silly potato jokes for kids
Ready for more jokes about potatoes? These are all tater-ly silly.
What do you call a reluctant potato?A hesitater.
What’s a potato’s favourite TV show? Starch Trek.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
Who is the most powerful potato? DarthTater.
How does a potato win at video games? He mashes the buttons.
What do tomatoes and potatoes have in common? Toes.
Why did the potato become a detective? To dig up the truth.
Who is a potato’s favourite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you call young potatoes? Tater tots.
Why did the potato visit the doctor? It felt really mashed up.
How did the potato die? It was decapi-tatoed.
What do you call protesting potatoes? Agi-taters.
Why did the potato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why do potatoes hate arguments? Because they always get roasted in the end.
Hilarious jokes about potatoes
Sooner or tater you’ll find one that makes you smile 😉
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Why was the potato so quiet? It was a medi-tater.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What do you call a fake potato? An imi-tater.
What do you call a potato with right angles?A square root.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Why was the potato in court? It wanted to a-peel.
How do you fix a broken potato? With a potato patch.
What’s a sweet potato’s favourite sports team? The New York Yamkees.
What’s a potato’s favourite story? Green Eggs And Yam.
What’s a potato’s favourite sports day event? The sack race.
What’s a potato’s favourite day? Fry-day.
What’s a potato’s least favourite dance? The mash potato.
What’s a potato’s favourite song at Halloween parties? The monster mash.
Why did the potato sit in the sun? To get a little baked.
What made the potato the star of the party? It was a mash hit on the dance floor.
How would you describe an angry potato? Boiling mad.
Even more funny potato jokes and potato puns
Better tater than never to find some good potato puns….
Why does everyone love cooking with potatoes? Because they’re very a-peeling.
Why did the potato buy a camera set? He wanted to be a you-tuber.
What instrument does a spud play? A tuber.
Why did the potato cross the road? Because there was a fork up ahead.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Why was the spud wearing socks? To keep his pota-toes warm.
What type of potato starts arguments? An agi-tater.
Why aren’t the potatoes friends? They got off to a bad starch.
How do potatoes solve their problems? They hash them out.
Why did the potato chip’s skin hurt? It was burnt to a crisp.
Why did the potato cross the road? It saw a fork up ahead and wanted to avoid it.
Why couldn’t the chip think? Its brain was fried.
What did one potato chip ask another potato chips? “Want to go for a dip?”
Why did the potato win an award? It was truly outstanding in its field.
How does a potato get a ride? He calls a tUber.
Potato dad jokes
These dad potato jokes will make the kids roll their eyes.
What did the father potato say to his daughter before her football game? I’m rooting for you.
Why shouldn’t you ever tell secrets on a farm?Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans-talk.
What do you call a potato that presents sports games on TV? A commen-tater.
Why do potatoes fall out with each other? Because they can’t always see eye to eye.
Did you hear about the evil baked potato?His plans were foiled.
What happens when you get an elephant and a lot of potatoes together? Mashed potatoes.
Why did I win the potato hiding contest? Because my carbo-hide-rate was so good.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater.
What do you call a potato that’s always positive? Opti-mash-tic.
What do potatoes eat for breakfast? Pota-toast.
Why did the potato see a therapist? To explore its peelings.
What award did the potato pop star win? A Yammy.
What game does a potato excel at? Spud-oku.
What potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns. They’re shredded.
What did the potato’s colleagues say when he got promoted? “You mashed it!”
Did you hear about the potato who got sunburned? He became a French fry.
Sweet potato jokes and puns
How about some sweet potato puns and yam jokes with a sweet twist?
I yam so impressed
I yam what I yam
Sweet potatoes are so yammy
I think, therefore I yam
I yam what I eat
You’re my sweet potato
I yam so in love with you
Quit your yammering!
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What do you call a yam with a broom? A sweep potato.
Why is it hard to get angry with a yam? Because they’re such sweet potatoes.
What’s a potato’s favourite horror movie? The silence of the yams.
What did the sweet potato say to the regular potato? “I yam what I yam.”
Did you hear about the sweet potato truck that crashed on the motorway? It caused a huge traffic yam.
What do you call a passenger train made from potatoes? A yamtrack.
One last good potato pun…
These potato puns are pomme de terr-ible!
Share your favourite potato puns and potato jokes
Hopefully this list of family-friendly potato puns has made you smile. What are your favourite cute potato puns or potato jokes? If they’re not on this list make sure you share them in the comments 🥔 🥔 🥔
More family-friendly jokes
Ready for some more family fun? Check out these other jokes and puns posts:
Get ready to tee off with laughter with these funny golf puns!
Whether you’re a scratch golfer or still working on perfecting that swing, we’ve got a hole-in-one collection of the funniest golf jokes and puns to keep you grinning from the first tee to the 18th hole.
The best golf puns and golf jokes
Golf may be a game of patience and precision, but today, it’s all about a good laugh. So let’s drive straight into some funny golf puns that are sure to be above par!
Funny golf jokes
Why did the golfer need new socks? He had a hole in one.
When a golfer starts a band, what do they call it? A swing group.
Why did the golfer carry a spare umbrella? In case of a bad fore cast.
What do you call a wizard who can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.
What do golfers do when they retire? They go clubbing.
Why are computers so good at golf? Because they have hard drives.
What do golfers do on their days off? Putter around.
Why do golf courses get hot after tournaments? Because all the fans leave.
What do you use to find the location of a golf ball? A lie detector.
What car does a golfer’s assistant drive? A Caddy-lac.
Did you hear about the seasoned golfer whose clubs burst into flames? He had several irons in the fire.
More great jokes for golfers
What’s a golfer’s favourite lunch? A club sandwich.
What’s a golfer’s second favourite lunch? Peanut putter and jelly sandwich.
What’s a golfer’s favourite drink? Tee.
What’s a golfer’s favourite dance move? The Bogey.
What’s a golfer’s favourite bird? Any birdie will do.
What are a golfer’s favourite flowers? Fore-get me nots.
What do you call a golf shot that ends up in outer space? A black hole in one.
Which ancient Egyptian pharaoh liked to golf? King Putt.
What do you get when you cross a funny golfer with a stretchy toy? Silly Putter.
Golfing jokes to make you smile
Did you hear about the golfer who swung his club halfway? He nearly had a stroke.
What do you call an itchy person who can shoot par or better? A scratch golfer.
How long did the golfer promise to stay married? ‘Til death do us par.
Did you hear about the golfer whose shot landed in a music store? He broke three records.
Why are golf balls like eggs? Because they’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
Why do golfers hate cake? They might get a slice.
Why couldn’t Cinderella play golf? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars? Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball.
What do you get when you cross a baseball field with a golf course? A diamond in the rough.
Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
What do you get when you cross a person living in monastery with a short golf shot? A chip-monk.
Did you hear about the actor who took too many strokes on the golf course? He wasn’t right for the par.
More one liner golf jokes
Where do ghosts play golf? On the golf corpse.
What do you call an angry golfer? Teed off.
What does a golfer’s diet consist of? A lot of greens and water.
Did you hear about the golfer who didn’t have metal clubs in his bag? He was iron deficient.
What type of beard is best for a golfer? A goa-tee.
Why do golf pros tell you to keep your head down during lessons? So you can’t see them laughing.
Where are you most likely to find a bear on a golf course? In the cub house.
Hilarious golf dad jokes
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Fore.
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? Golfers go WACK… “Damn” and skydivers go “Damn”… WACK.
What’s a golfer’s worst nightmare? The Bogeyman.
What do you call a popular Sesame Street character who takes one swing less than par? Big Birdie.
What movie about golf took place in a galaxy far, far away? Par Wars.
What did Master Yoda say when Luke Skywalker sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? “May the Fores be with you.”
Which Star Wars character was good at sinking short shots? Jabba the Putt.
On what part of a course do golfers like to drink? The watering hole.
What area of the fairway is a dog’s favourite? The ruff.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A skydiver has a better chance of landing on the fairway.
What do computer experts use on the golf course? An Apple cart.
Funny golf quotes
“Golf is a good walk spoiled.” Mark Twain
“I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.” Arnold Palmer
“If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right. ” Bob Hope
“My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.” Rodney Dangerfield
“I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” Gerald R. Ford
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” Lee Trevino
“The other day, I broke 70. That’s a lot of clubs.” Henny Youngman
“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” Jack Lemmon
The best golf puns
Putt your wits to the test
Putt it out there
Putt-ing edge
Putt it down
No ifs or putts
Putt in some effort
Putt your best foot forward
Feeling putt out
Putt things in perspective
Down putt not out
The putt of the joke
Don’t putt corners
It’s got lots of putt-entail
I couldn’t putt it any better myself
I wouldn’t putt it past them
Don’t putt all your eggs in one basket
Puttering around
Putter late than never
Putter luck next time
I’ve got a putter idea
To putt a long story short
I couldn’t putt it down
Feeling below par
The best by par
As par as the eye can see
Raise the par
All bets par off
As par usual
Let’s par-tee!
A par is born
Par none
Caught between a rock and a par-d place
More clever golf puns
In a rough patch
These are rough days
Time to bunker down
Tee time
Tee break
That’s tee-rible
Don’t be tee’d off
Golf is my cup of tee
Let it tee
Tee-rific
To tee or not to tee?
You drive me crazy
Don’t lose your drive
Drive right in
Drive a hard bargain
Shut up and drive
Nose drive
Take a drive
A stroke of genius
A stroke of luck
Add some swing to the conversation
Getting into the swing of it
Swinging in the rain
Un-fore-gettable
Up fore the challenge
At a loss fore words
All fore the best
Fore-sight
Fore sure
A cry fore help
Go fore it
Asking fore a friend
Even more golfing puns
No iron-y
An iron will is needed
Iron out the details
Strike while the iron’s hot
A chip on the shoulder
Always willing to chip in
A chip off the old block
The start of a beautiful friend-chip
Fairway to heaven
You’ve got a fairway with words
I’ve got a fairway to go
No need for fairway tales
The greens are always greener
Green and bear it
On the right course
Stay the course
Par for the course
Course language
May the course be with you
Of course
You’re a real hole in one
No holes parred
It’s a hole new ball game
Ball’s well that ends well
The early birdie catches the worm
A birdie in the hand is worth two in the bush
Don’t count your birdies before they’re hatched
It’s the bogey-man
Put your eagle aside
That’s ill-eagle
Not all men are created eagle
I golf you on my mind
Golf forth and prosper
One last funny golf pun…
What did one golf ball say to the other golf ball? “See you round.”
And there you have it – a round of cute golf puns that hopefully had you laughing all the way to the 18th hole. Whether you’re out on the green or just enjoying a laugh at the clubhouse, we hope these funny jokes about golf give you something to smile about between swings!
Get ready to gobble up some giggles with these Thanksgiving jokes for kids!
Thanksgiving is all about delicious food, family fun, and being thankful – so why not add a dash of laughter to the mix? We’ve gathered a feast of funny Thanksgiving jokes that are perfect for kids – and the adults are allowed to enjoy them too!
The best thanksgiving jokes for kids
Whether you’re waiting for the turkey to roast, or just want to share some Thanksgiving humour around the dinner table, these funny jokes will have everyone in stitches. So, pull up a chair, grab a slice of pumpkin pie, and enjoy these Thanksgiving jokes with the family.
Funny thanksgiving jokes
What do you wear to a Thanksgiving dinner? A har-vest.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off.
What comes at the beginning of a Thanksgiving parade? The letter “P”.
Who isn’t hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey, he’s stuffed.
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? The letter “G”.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Drumsticks for everyone.
What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common? One has gobblers, the other has goblins! (head this way for more Halloween jokes)
How did the turkey get home for Thanksgiving? It took the gravy train.
How do Thanksgiving travellers stay entertained at the airport? By telling corny jokes.
What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing wing.
What smells the best at Thanksgiving dinner? Your nose.
What do you call a turkey that’s been banned from the barnyard? An ex-poultry-ated turkey.
What did the little turkey say to the big turkey? “Peck on someone your own size!”
What do you call Thanksgiving if you’re selfish? Thanks-taking.
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won first prize? He was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a turkey the’s been drinking coffee? A perky.
What did one autumn leaf say to another? “I’m falling for you!”(more fall jokes here)
Did you hear about the spontaneous turkey? It decided to wing it.
What was the turkey thankful for on Thanksgiving? Vegetarians.
When is the best time to eat turkey? When someone else has cooked it and it’s on the dinner table.
Why is it hard to stop telling your favourite Thanksgiving jokes? You can’t just quit cold turkey.
More thanksgiving turkey jokes for kids
Why do turkeys gobble? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why was the turkey expelled from the football game? It committed a fowl.
What baseball position do turkeys play? First baste.
Why is the turkey always the drummer in a band? Because he has drumsticks.
What do turkey’s like to do on sunny days? Have peck-nics.
How did you know a turkey likes his dinner? He gobbles it up.
Why do turkeys like rainy days? They just love fowl weather.
What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist. (more ghost jokes here)
Why can’t you take a turkey near little kids? He has such fowl language.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself.
What’s the best song to play while cooking a turkey? “All About That Baste”.
What do you call a turkey that has no manners? A poultry excuse for a dinner guest.
What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Why were the turkeys parading down the street? They were marching to the beat of their own drumsticks.
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
What has feathers and webbed feet? A turkey wearing scuba gear.
Why did the policeman arrest the turkey? He suspected fowl play.
What do you call a turkey that’s been to the gym? Buff-et.
What sound does a limping turkey make? Wobble wobble.
What did the turkey say to the computer? “Google, google.”
Why did the turkey go to the doctor? It was feeling stuffed up.
Why did the turkey leave the turkey farm? He was tired of the fowl language.
What is a turkey’s favourite dessert? Apple gobbler.
What do you call a turkey that’s been on a diet? A slim pickin’.
More kids thanksgiving jokes
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
What kind of vegetables would you like on Thanksgiving? Beets me!
What did the sweet potato say when it was asked if it was hungry? “Yes, I yam.”
Why don’t Thanksgiving side dishes tell jokes? They’re too corny.
Which vegetable was hiding in the basement on Thanksgiving? Cellar-y.
What happens to cranberries when they get sad? They turn into blueberries.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any leftovers?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita bigger pair of pants after that dinner!
Thanksgiving dad jokes
What kind of key can’t open doors? A turkey.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Statue of Liberty? Yes, the Statue of Liberty can’t jump.
What’s the best way to stuff a turkey? Give it pizza and ice cream.
Did you hear about the turkey prom? It was a butterball.
Did you hear about the sick turkey? It was feeling under the feather.
Why didn’t the chef season the turkey? There wasn’t enough thyme.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
How many cooks do you need to stuff a turkey? Just one, but sometimes they don’t fit.
What sound does a turkey make in space? Hubble Hubble.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on Thanksgiving? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
If leaves come from trees, where do turkeys come from? Poul-trees.
What did the turkey say to the hunter on Thanksgiving? “Quack.”
Brilliant thanksgiving puns
A poultry excuse
Poultry in motion
I’m all about that baste
Belle of the butterball
Turkey trot like it’s hot
You hold the tur-keys to my heart
Life is gourd
Let the gourd times roll
Give ‘em pumpkin to talk about
Pumpkin’s gotta give
Pumpkin sure smells good
I only have pies for you
Old habits pie hard
The pie’s the limit
No more Mr. Nice Pie
Hap-pie Thanksgiving
Wham, yam, thank you ma’am
Silence of the yams
I yam legend
Corn to be wild
Baby, I was corn this way
A star is corn
Corn in the USA
That’s a-maize-ing
Eat, drink, and cranberry
Much ado about stuffing
It’s all or stuffing
I’ve got stuffing to lose
You ain’t seen stuffing yet
I’m on a dinner roll
Whatever floats your gravy boat
Beauty and the feast
Last but not feast
The gift that keeps on Thanks-giving
Fall you can eat
Fall you need is love
Fall’s well that ends well
That’s fall folks!
One last thanksgiving pun…
What do you call a turkey the day after Thanksgiving? Lucky!
We hope these jokes about Thanksgiving have added a sprinkle of laughter to your festivities. Keep the giggles going as you enjoy the holiday with your loved ones – after all, laughter is something we can all be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!
Looking for more family-friendly jokes?
We’ve got you covered…
Winter jokes
Pin for later: hilarious thanksgiving jokes for kids
When you’re feeling down, humour can be an effective remedy, and toilet puns bring a unique, light-hearted twist. Puns related to plumbing can flush away your troubles and put a smile on your face. Sometimes, a simple joke can make a world of difference.
Imagine the next time you encounter a clogged toilet, making a joke about it could make the situation more bearable. Even in mundane moments, such as waiting for a plumber, a clever pun can lighten the mood.
Whether you’re at home dealing with plumbing issues or just need a quick laugh, these toilet puns are sure to bring a chuckle. They’re a good example of how humour can be found in the most unexpected places.
Essentials of bathroom humour
Bathroom humour has a long history, and toilet puns have a way of lifting spirits by addressing shared human experiences with a light-hearted touch.
History of toilet humour
Toilet humour dates back to ancient times. Early Roman literature often included bathroom jokes and anecdotes. This type of humour was also common in medieval Europe, appearing in folk tales and carnival jesting.
In modern times, toilet humour has become widely accepted in popular culture. Shows like Monty Python and movies from Mel Brooks have leveraged bathroom humour effectively. While some may see it as lowbrow, it connects with almost everyone due to its universal nature.
Why toilet puns can brighten your day
Toilet puns work because they relate to everyday activities, making them easy to understand. For instance, a pun like “I’m feeling flushed today!” plays on the common experience of using the bathroom, making it instantly relatable.
Plumbing Orange County professionals sometimes use toilet puns to break the ice and ease the tension during repairs. A well-timed joke can transform an uncomfortable situation into a more pleasant one. The key to good toilet puns lies in their ability to turn mundane tasks into something laugh-worthy.
The best toilet puns to share
From classic puns that remind you of your childhood to modern twists intended to keep the fun rolling, these toilet jokes are sure to bring a smile to anyone’s face.
Classic toilet puns
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom.
Why do people take naps on the toilet? Because it’s the rest room.
What type of trees grow in the bathroom? Toilet-trees.
What do you call an igloo with no toilet? An ig.
Why was the bathroom filled with balloons? There was a birthday potty.
What should you do if you find a grizzly bear in your toilet? Be polite and wait until he’s finished, of course.
What did one toilet say to the other toilet? “You’re looking a bit flushed.”
Why do toilets make good detectives? They always get to the bottom of things.
What do you call a dog in your toilet? A poodle.
Plumbing puns with a twist
Plumbing puns offer a clever way to integrate professional jargon into everyday humour. These puns often resonate particularly well in regions known for excellent plumbing services, such as plumbing in Orange County.
What vegetables do plumbers hate? Leeks.
Why was the plumber depressed? His career was going down the toilet.
What do plumbers have when they fall asleep? Pipe dreams.
Why did the plumber retire early? He was flushed with success.
What do you call a room full of cynical plumbers? A sceptic tank.
What does a plumber say in a library? “Pipe down!”
Why did the plumber fall asleep on the job? His work was draining.
What do plumbers use to store their data on? A USB flush drive.
What do you call a bathroom Superhero? Flush Gordon.
Did you hear about the Jedi who gave up all his training to become a plumber? He went over to the dark side of the faucet.
Toilet jokes are ideal for anyone in the plumbing industry or those familiar with it. They bring a unique twist to toilet humour and offer a special kind of comic relief. What’s your favourite toilet pun?
Brace yourself for a flurry of fun with this roundup of the best snow puns and snow jokes!
The best snow puns and snow jokes
Whether you’re snowed in or just in need of some frosty laughs, we’ve gathered a blizzard of snow jokes that are sure to make the laughter snowball. So, grab your hot cocoa, bundle up, and get ready to drift into a snowstorm of snow puns, one-liners, and frosty funnies. We’ve even included lots of snow captions to give your social media posts extra frosting!
Funny snow jokes
What did the snow say to the icy road? “I’ve got you covered.”
How do you keep snow from giving you cold feet? Don’t go around Brrr-footed.
What did the tree say to the first snowflake of winter? “Long time, snow see.”
What’s the biggest problem with snow boots? They melt.
How did the snow globe feel after hearing a scary story? Shaken up.
What is a mountain’s favourite type of hat? Snow caps.
How do Eskimos make their beds? With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What’s an ig? A snow house without a loo.
What’s the best school lesson in winter? Snow and tell.
Why was there a ticket on Santa’s sleigh? He was in a snow parking zone. (more Christmas jokes here)
What did Santa say when his elves hid the toys? This is snow laughing matter.
How do mountains stay warm in winter? They put on snowcaps.
What did the snow say to the mountain? “You’re hill-arious!”
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together? A receding hare line.
Snowflake jokes
What did one snowflake say to the other? “You’re one of a kind.”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use pretending you don’t know me!
Snow puns
It’s snow joke
Say it ain’t snow
Go with the snow
Not snow fast
Snow down
It’s a snow-brainer
Snow time like the present
I told you snow
Snow what?
I’ll snow myself out
It’s snow secret
Snow much fun
Snow matter what
You snow the drill
There’s no business like snow business
You’ve got the snow-how
Snow place like home
More funny puns about snow
Snow deep in thought
You’re snow good at this
Snow way out
It’s snow problem
You can’t flurry love
I’m in a flurry
Snow many memories, so little time
This is snow laughing matter
Best in snow
Snow doubt about it
You snow it to yourself
I’m snow sure about it
It came out of snow-where
That’s very snow-tivating
I’m snow-ver the moon
Get snow-ver it
Actions speak powder than words
With great powder comes great responsibility
I’m snow in love with you
You’re snow special to me
More snow puns to make you giggle
You’re snow-tally awesome
There’s snow one like you
You mean snow much to me
You’re snow sweet
Snowbody does it better
You’re snow much fun to be with
I’m flaking out
For goodness’ flake
Easier sled than done
Hanging on by a sled
Don’t bite my sled off
When all is sled and done
Sledding a fine line
All in a sleigh’s work
Be that as it sleigh
Clever snow captions for instagram and TikTok
If you need some social media captions on snow day, we’ve got you covered:
I sleigh all day
Sleigh, queen
Come out and sleigh
It’s snow time!
I’m snow happy
Snow way!
Feeling anti-snowcial
Up to snow good
Snow my goodness!
Don’t flurry, be happy
I’m snow excited
I’m snow angel
Powder to the people
Flake it ’til you make it
I’m flaky, and I know it
Freeze the day
Licence to chill
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow
Baby, it’s cold outside
Walking in a winter funderland
Snowman puns
Snow man’s an island
Snowman left behind
To boldly go where snowman has gone before
Time waits for snowman
One last snow pun
These snow puns really are snow laughing matter!
And there you have it—a snowstorm of laughs to keep you smiling through the long winter! Whether you’re braving the cold or cosying up inside, these snow jokes are the perfect way to add a little extra warmth to your day.
Ready to have a hoot? Whether you’re an owl enthusiast or just someone who loves a good laugh, you’re in for a treat with this bumper list of owl puns and owl jokes.
The best own puns and owl jokes
If you’re looking to brighten up your day or just love a good pun, this collection of owl jokes is sure to make you “owl” with laughter. Let’s dive into some owl-fully good jokes that will put a smile on your face!
Funny owl jokes
What type of books do owls like? Hoot-dunnits.
What do you call an owl who’s all mixed up? Low.
Why do owls get invited to parties? Because they’re a hoot.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks? Hoo-dini.
How do owls stay in shape? They do owl-ympic workouts.
What do owls sing when it rains? Too wet to woo.
What do you call an owl with a low voice? A gr-owl.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets? They’re always talon everyone.
What do you call an owl who’s always telling jokes? A wise-crack owl.
What is a medieval owl called? A knight owl.
Why do owls shower so often? So they don’t smell fowl.
Why did the owl invite his friends over? For a real hootenanny.
What’s an owl’s dream occupation? Flight attendant.
What does an owl need after a bath? A t-owl.
What does an owl with attitude have? A sc-owl.
More silly jokes about owls
Why didn’t the night owl go to the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
What did the owl’s valentine say? “You’re so hootiful.”
How do owls say goodbye? “Owl be seeing you!”
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord? A bird that doesn’t give a hoot.
How does an owl greet its friends? With a hoot and a holler.
Why did the owl invite her friends over? She didn’t want to be all by herself.
What do you call an owl who’s a great singer? An owl-stronomical talent.
What do you call an owl with a sore throat? A vowel.
What did one owl say to the other on New Year’s Eve? “Hoo-ray for the new year!”
How does an owl answer the phone? With a “Hoo’s there?”
What do you call an owl dressed in armour? A knight owl.
What did the owl say to the judge? “I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.“
What do you call an owl that loves chocolate? A chocohootlic.
What do you call an owl who has been caught in the act? A spotted owl.
What do you get if you cross an owl with an oyster? Pearls of wisdom.
More funny owl jokes
What’s a bird’s favourite kind of maths? Owl-gebra.
What’s an owl’s favourite sport? Hoo-key.
What’s an owl’s favourite kind of sandwich? A hoot dog.
What’s an owl’s favorite picnic food? Owlives.
What’s an owl’s favourite snack? Mice cream.
What’s an owl’s favourite drink? Hoot beer.
What is an owl’s favourite Beatles song? Owl you need is love.
What was the owl’s favourite Whitney Houston song? Owl always love you.
What’s an owl’s favourite game show? Whoo Wants to Be a Millionaire.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hoo. Hoo who? Mum, there’s an owl at the door!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby owl see you later, maybe I won’t!
The best owl puns
Owl night long
Owl by myself
Owl you need is love
Owl or nothing
Owl always love you
Owl be back
Owl never stop loving you
I’ve been waiting owl day
You’re owl-some
Owl be seeing you
That’s owl-mazing
I don’t give a hoot
You’re a real hoot
What a hoot
Life’s a hoot
Have a hoot-iful day
I’m owl-ways here
Stay owlert
Are you feeling owl-right?
Throw in the t-owl
Whoo-nderful
Whoo’s up for it?
Whoo’s there?
Hoot-larious
Owl-stentatious
Owl-stronomical
More funny owl puns
Very owl-egant
Look hoo’s talking
Hoo is this?
Hoo’s there?
Says hoo?
Such a know-it-owl
I’m talon you
So talon-ted
When owl is said and done
That’s owl very well
At owl costs
For owl I know
Owl over the place
Owl in a day’s work
Owl things must pass
Owl of a sudden
Owl the same
By owl means
I gave it my owl
Give it owl you’ve got
Going owl out
Wishing you owl the best
It’s owl gone
Owl hell breaks loose
Owl at once
Free for owl
A man for owl seasons
Against owl odds
If owl else fails
No owl-ternative
Irritable owl syndrome
Night owl
Still hungry for more cute owl puns?
Owl if you will
Owl give it my best shot
Owl not give up
Owl be there for you
Owl see you later
In owl honesty
In owl seriousness
In owl likelihood
Jack of owl trades
Owl right
Above owl
I’m owl ears
Owl things being equal
Owl hands on deck
Owl good things must come to an end
Owl in owl
Owl things considered
It’s owl in your head
You’re owl I need
Owl systems go
Owl the rage
Owl walks of life
Don’t be owl-armed
Hoot have thought it?
Owls well that ends well
That’s owl folks
One last owl pun…
I’ve just thought of a really funny owl joke… but I can’t use it until 2/8/20.
That wraps up our owl-some list of gags! We hope these jokes had you hooting with laughter and reminded you that even the wisest creatures know how to have fun. Thanks for taking the time to have a giggle with us!
More jokes and puns for family fun
For more animal-themed jokes and puns, head this way:
Get ready to spook up some fun with a collection of ghost puns that’ll have you howling with laughter! These ghoulishly good giggles are perfect for bringing a touch of the supernatural to your day.
The best ghost puns and ghost jokes
Whether you’re a fan of all things eerie, looking for some Halloween ghost puns, or just in need of a good laugh, these ghostly jokes are sure to lift your spirits. Prepare to be bam-boo-zled by our hauntingly hilarious humour!
Funny ghost jokes
What do you call a ghost that looks exactly the same as another ghost? A dead ringer.
Why was the ghost lonely? It had no-body.
What’s the most useless room in a house for a ghost? A living room.
What did the ghost say to the other ghost when it was angry? You’re dead to me.
How did the ghost know the other ghost was lying? He could see right through him.
What’s a ghost’s favourite type of transport? A scare-plane.
Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store.
Who won the race between the skull and the ghost? The skull, it was just ahead.(more skull jokes here)
How do you know a ghost caught a cold? It starts coffin.
Why did the ghost go to the hospital? To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit.
Where do ghosts live? On a dead end street.
Why are ghosts so good at videogames? Dead-ication.
What is it called when ghosts commit a robbery? A polterheist.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare.
Why do ghosts go to sleep early? They are dead tired.
What’s a ghost’s least favourite room in the house? The living room.
More silly jokes about ghosts
Why did the ghost go to the dance? To see the boogie man.
What did the ghost say to the vampire? “You suck.”
Why can’t ghosts play church music? Because they have no organs.
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo hooing.
Who did the ghost take to the dance? His ghoul-friend.
What do ghosts hate the most about the wind? Nothing. It goes right through them.
What hobby is great for a girl ghost? Ghoul scouts.
Where do ghosts mail letters? The ghost office.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
What’s a ghost’s favourite rock band? The Grateful Dead.
What’s a ghost’s favourite fairground ride? The roller-ghoster.
What is a ghost’s second favourite fairground ride? The scary-go-round.
What’s a ghost’s favourite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a.
What’s a ghost’s favourite holiday? Halloween.
What’s a ghost’s favourite cheese? Ghoul-da cheese.
What’s a ghost’s favourite car? A Rolls-Royce phantom.
Halloween ghost jokes for kids
What’s a ghost’s favourite bedtime story? Little Boo Peep.
What’s a ghost’s favourite food? Boo-rittos.
What’s a ghost’s favourite dessert? I-scream.
What’s a ghost’s second favourite dessert? Boo-berry pie.
What’s a ghost’s favourite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
What’s a ghost’s favourite game? Hide and Shriek.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
Who did the ghost invite to their party? Any old friend they could dig up.
What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I’ll go through it again.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop? Bootiques.
What kind of key does a ghost use? A spoo-key.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a ghost? A peck-a-boo.
Where do ghosts love to go on holiday? The Boo-hamas.
How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out? They use vanishing cream.
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost after he saw her all dressed up for Halloween? “You look boo-tiful!”
How did the little ghost learn to play the piano? By using sheet music.
Ghost dad jokes
What do ghosts put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
What do panda ghosts eat? Bam-boo.
What is in a ghost’s nose? Boo-gers.
What was the chicken ghost’s name? Poultrygeist.
What is a baby ghost’s favourite game to play? Peek-a-boo.
How do ghosts keep their hair in place? They use scare spray.
What do you call a ghost in the fireplace? A toasty ghosty.
Why do ghosts diet? So they can maintain their ghoulish figures.
How do ghosts stay in such good shape? They exorcise.
What soccer position does a ghost play? Ghoul-keeper.
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just a ghost!
What do you call a ghost in pyjamas? The sleepwalking dead.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
How do ghost musicians learn songs? They read sheet music.
Why didn’t the ghost dance at the Halloween party? They had no body to dance with.
How who ghosts stay safe in cars? They wear sheet belts.
Why did the ghost ride in the elevator? To lift his spirits.
Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them.
The best ghost puns
Dead ringer
Anything ghost
The ghost is clear
Who ghost there?
What ghost around, comes around
It ghost without saying
Keep me ghosted
On the east ghost
Not a ghost of a chance
I’ve been ghosted
Send me a ghostcard
I feel ghostly
I look a fright
As the saying ghost
Do what comes supernaturally
Supernatural selection
It’s only supernatural
Take fright
A wraith against time
The new paranormal
Handle with scare
Scareway to heaven
Tender loving scare
Be scare-ful with that
Deadicated to you
The undead of night
Knock ‘em undead
Undead easy
The undead of night
Undead as a doornail
Boo puns
How do you boo?
Hey boo
I can’t boo-lieve it
Getting some boo-ty sleep
Absolutely fa-boo-lous
Having a fa-boo-lous time
You’d better boo-lieve it
Black and boo
That’s boo-tiful
Bet your boo-ts
Do you boo-lieve in ghosts?
Something’s boo-ing
Boo skies
What a boo-ty
Boo-lieve it or not
Going boo-nanas
Once in a boo moon
That’s un-boo-lievable
Tough as old boo-ts
Boo hoo
Don’t boo-lieve everything you hear
Boo in the face
Just boo-gle it
I saw it on boo-tube
Boo me a favour
The deep boo sea
Boo or die
To big for your boo-ts
Wouldn’t say boo to a ghost
Out of the boo
I’ve got the boos
I guess that’s why they call it the boos
More funny ghost puns
Free spirit
In good spirits
Kindred spirit
Keep your spirits up
Team spirit
A frightful mess
Fright back
Fright of fancy
Look on the fright side
Fright or flight
Exorcise discretion
Getting plenty of exorcise
A haunting prospect
If you’ve got it, haunt it
Ghoul as a cucumber
Act the ghoul
Score a ghoul
Don’t make a ghoul of yourself
Ghoul down
I pity the ghoul
Don’t lose your ghoul
A ghoul’s best friend
Ghouls just wanna have fun
Emotional roller ghoster
What ghost up, must come down
What a ghostly experience
Here ghost nothing
My heart ghost out to you
Ain’t got no body
A spectre-tacular sight
Rose-tinted spectre-cles
Spook-tacular
Speak when you’re spook-en to
What a spook-tacle
Good mourning
One last silly ghost pun…
These ghost puns have really got me spooked!
And that’s a wrap on our ghostly giggles! We hope these spooky jokes brought a smile to your face and some extra spirit to your day. Remember, even the spookiest spirits love a good laugh!
More family-friendly funny jokes and puns
Head this way for more spooky-themed jokes and Halloween puns:
Are you looking for family-friendly jokes and clever puns with a feathered theme? This bumper list of bird puns and bird jokes has all you need to get everyone smiling.
As well as being good for a giggle, these funny bird puns and jokes about birds make perfect bird captions for instagram and social media (make sure you check out my nature hashtags copy and paste lists to save time there too). Birds puns and birds jokes also come in handy for greetings cards, school nature projects, and cute lunchbox notes for the kids.
The best puns about birds and bird jokes
Ready to dive into the bird-themed silliness?
Read on for a flock of kid-friendly bird puns and funny bird jokes that will quack you up (two hilarious bird puns in one sentence there 😉 )
You could also have a go at making my homemade bird feeders with the kids. This is a nice way to extend the bird-themed fun, and will also encourage your local feathered friends to visit your garden.
Funny jokes about birds
Share these funny jokes about birds with the kids for lots of giggles.
When should you buy a bird? When it goes cheep.
What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes? “I hope I didn’t quack any”. (head this way for more duck jokes)
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words.
What species of bird works at a building site? A crane.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What’s it called when it’s raining ducks and geese? Fowl weather.
Where do birds invest their money? In the stork market.
What do you call an eagle with a fever? An ill eagle.
Did you hear the joke about the broken egg? “Yes, it cracked me up.”
What do you call a sad bird? A bluebird.
What is even smarter than a talking bird? A spelling bee. (more bee jokes here)
What did the bird say when he forgot to revise for his test? “I’ll just wing it.”
What do you call a funny chicken? A comedi-hen.
How does a bird with a broken wing land safely? With its sparrow chute.
What kind of birds do you usually find locked up? Jail birds.
What’s a parrot’s favourite game? Hide and speak.
Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
How do chickens get strong? They do eggs-ercise.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
Where do crows go for a drink? To the crow bar.
Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole? He wanted to make a long distance caw.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
What’s a duck’s favourite snack? Quackers.
What do you give a bird with bird flu? Medical tweetment.
How do you catch a unique bird? Unique up on it.
What do you call a group of chickens playing hide and seek? Fowl play.
What type of books do owls like? Hoot-dunnits.
Which birds are always depressed? Bluebirds.
What do you call an owl who’s all mixed up? Low.
What type of birds spend lots of time on their knees? Birds of prey.
How do crows stick together in a flock? Velcrow.
What do you get if you kiss a bird? A peck on the cheek.
What bird film won an Oscar? Lord of the Wings.
What kind of bird can carry the most weight? The crane.
What type of books do snowy owls like to read? Hooo-dunnits.
Why can’t birds play baseball? Because they’re always ducking or hitting fowl balls.
What’s a bird’s favourite time of day? Cockatiel hour.
Silly bird jokes for kids
Kids love a silly joke, and these birds jokes are definitely quackers!
Why did the chicken cross the playground? Because it wanted to get to the other slide.
What’s black and white and black and white and black and white? A penguin falling down the stairs.
What do you give to a sick bird? Tweetment.
Where do royal birds live? Duckingham Palace.
What did the tree say to the woodpecker? Leaf me alone!
Why did the little bird get into trouble at school? Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
What do owls sing when it rains? Too wet to woo.
What did the ill chicken say? I’ve got people-pox!
Why did the bird fly into the library? Because he was looking for bookworms.
Where do ducks go when they are sick? To the duck-tor.
What’s a bird’s favourite game? Beakaboo.
What do you call a group of chickens dancing? Poultry in motion.
Where does a peacock go when it loses its tail? A re-tail store.
What do you call an owl dressed in armour? A knight owl.
Why didn’t the night owl go to the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
What bird can you buy at the grocery store? A kiwi.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again? He was a dirty double crosser.
What do you call a rude bird? A mockingbird.
Which bird is always out of breath? A puffin.
What does a cat call a hummingbird? Fast food.
What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Duckula.
How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb? Toucan do it.
What do you get if you cross a firework with a duck? A firequacker.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a very big bill.
What bird is helpful at mealtimes? A swallow.
What is an owl’s favourite Beatles song? Owl you need is love.
Why did the bird join the musical? Because it had perfect pitch.
What do you call an owl with a low voice? A growl.
Why don’t birds take sides in politics? Because they appreciate both left and right wings.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
Which bird always gets first place? A peng-win.
What’s a bird’s favourite kind of maths? Owlgebra.
What do chickens do on sunny afternoons? They have peck-nics.
Why do seagulls like living by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they’d be baygulls.
What’s the difference between a fly and a bird? A bird can fly, but a fly can’t bird.
What steals your toys while you’re in the bath? A robber ducky.
What happens when lovebirds break up? They turn into bluebirds.
Why didn’t the rooster cross the road? Because it was chicken.
What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb? A bald eagle.
Why do owls get invited to parties? Because they’re a hoot.
What do you call a duck who’s always telling jokes? A wise quacker.
Knock knock bird jokes
Try a knock knock bird joke to get kids thinking.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby owl see you later, maybe I won’t!
There are so many ways to crack (or should that be quack?) a bird pun, and you don’t have to be a bird lover to enjoy them. Here are some of my favourites.
We are not emu-sed
Going cheep
Tweetie pie
Under the feather
Owl you need is love
Happy bird-day to you
Quack the case
I’m hooting for you
Poultry in motion
Eggs-citing
Nice to tweet you
That bird joke flew right over your head
Feather forecast
Quack me up
I’ve been waiting owl day
Beak careful
Very un-pheasant
A pheasant surprise
Winging it
Do you have a sparrow minute?
Don’t let anyone clip your wings
You’re a real hoot
Love birds
Egg-cellent bird puns that are a real hoot
Bird enthusiasts will love these silly bird puns.
Owl night long
A heavy birden
Caw me on my cellphone
Stork raven mad
Crow away
One fowl swoop
You’re owl-some
Wise quacks
Im-peck-able
Toucan play that game
I’m feeling emu-tional
Like feather, like son
That’s ill-eagle
Carry your birden
Bird on the street
Quite ostrich
Let’s ruffle some feathers
Very emu-sing
Stop mocking-bird me
Get your heron checked
Put a wing on it
Tweet dreams
Owl you need is love
Irritable owl syndrome
More bird puns
You’re so tweet
Fowl play
Crowing, crowing, gone
A chirp off the old block
I think you’re dove-ly
Season’s tweetings
Owl by myself
Going quackers
No egrets
Tweetheart
This is hawkward
Bird puns fly right over my head
It’s been a ruff day
Let’s parrot-y
Fowl ball
Keep pecking away
I’m talon you
You’re such a comedi-hen
I know the early bird gets the worm, but that’s just too much to swallow.
That’s hawk-ward
Owl or nothing
Nip it in the budgerigar
Fowl language
A little bird told me
Don’t caw me, I’ll caw you
Share your favourite bird jokes and puns about birds!
I hope this list of bird jokes and bird puns for kids has generated chirps of laughter and plenty of material for nature-themed laughs. If your favourite bird joke or best bird pun isn’t included, please share it in the comments section so we can all enjoy it 🙂
More nature-themed fun
If you like exploring nature with the kids – or just want to try and do it more often – my book *A Year of Nature Craft & Play is a great resource. It’s filled with 52 nature activities, games and crafts – one for every week of the year – all with easy-to-follow instructions and lots of colourful pictures to get kids engaged and excited. Find out more about it in my post on nature play.
It’s no secret that Ohio has become the butt of the joke. The only good thing to come out of The Buckeye State, might be the Ohio State University marching band. Other than that, the Cleveland Browns haven’t even been to a Super Bowl let alone won one.
I realize that geographically this makes no sense, but If Florida is the armpit of America, then Ohio is the grundle. So we’ve collected some good old-fashioned memes to bully the midwestern state. Enjoy!
Are you ready to moo-ve into a pasture of cow jokes? This herd of udderly hilarious cow puns are sure to tickle your funny bone.
The best cow puns and funniest cow jokes
From witty puns to rib-tickling one-liners, these jokes will have you laughing ’til the cows come home. So without further ado, let’s get moo-ving with some cow-themed humour!
Funny cow jokes
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don’t work.
What do cows read in the morning? The moos-paper.
What do you call a cow jumping on a trampoline? A milkshake.
What kind of shows do cows like best? Moosicals.
What do you call a sleeping cow? A bull-dozer.
What happens when you try talking to a cow? Everything just goes in one ear and out the udder.
How did the cow get to the moon? It went into udder space.
What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow? A steak-out.
What do you call a magic cow? Moo-dini.
Why are cows such great dancers? They have all the best mooves.
What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a grumpy cow? An animal that’s totally in a baaaad mooood.
Why did the cow look so confused? He was having déjà-moo.
Why do cows huddle together when it rains? To keep each udder dry.
Where do cows usually go on a Saturday night? To the moovies.
What do you call a scared cow? A cow-ard.
What do you call a bad-tempered cow? Moo-dy.
Where do cows get their medicine? The farmacy.
What does the cow band play? Moo-sic.
Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way.
What do cows say when they apologise to one another? “Sorry, I made a mis-steak.“
More silly jokes about cows
What do you call a group of cows with a sense of humour? Laughing stock.
Where do cows eat lunch? In the calfeteria.
What is a cow’s favourite newspaper? The Daily Moos.
What is a cow’s favourite colour? Marooooooon.
What is a cow’s favourite movie series? Steer Wars.
What happened to the fence when the cow ran into it? It was udderly destroyed.
Where did the cow spend all its money? At the cow-sino.
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
What has the lone cow been up to lately? Nobody’s herd…
Where would you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
What do you get when you cross a smurf with a cow? Blue cheese.
What do you get when you cross two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.
How would you address the queen of cows? Your Moojesty, or Dairy Queen.
What do you call a cow on a diet? Lean beef.
What did the farmer say to the lazy cow? “Just give me 2% milk.”
Who’s in charge of the dairy? The cow-ptain.
Can you make money owning cows? Yes, I’ve herd it’s really profitable.
What did the cow say when the bull broke up with her? “Without you, I’ll never be whole milk again.”
Why do cows stay close together when it’s cold? To keep each udder warm.
Cow dad jokes
How do you count cows? With a cowculator.
What’s a cow’s favourite school subject? Cowculus.
What maths problems do cows like to solve? Moo-tiplication problems.
What is as big as a cow but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
How do you make a cow be quiet? Press the moo-te button.
Why did the two cows dislike each other? They had beef.
What’s an unusual way to make a milkshake? Give a cold cow a pogo stick.
What would you call a cow wearing armour? Sir Loin.
What would you get if you milked a really forgetful cow? Milk of Amnesia.
How did the farmer find the missing cow? He tractor down.
What did one cow say to the other on a cold night? “I don’t know about you but I’m Fresian.”
Why did the artist love painting cows? He said they were his moos.
What is a cow’s dream job? Being an udder cover agent.
What do you call a cow that eats grass? A lawn moo-er.
What happens when cows stop shaving? They grow moostaches.
What did the cow say to its therapist? “I feel seen, but not herd.”
What do cows say when they hear a bad joke? ”I am not amoosed.”
What did the cows do after someone broke into the barn? They beefed up their security.
Cow knock knock jokes
Knock knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, silly, cows go moo!
What did the cow say when the farmer pulled its tail? “How dairy!“
What did the mama cow say to the baby cows? “It’s pasture bedtime.”
What do you call a cow that can’t make milk? A milk dud.
What does the farmer talk about while milking a cow? Udder nonsense.
Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.
What did one dairy cow say to the other? Got milk?
When is milk the freshest? When it’s still in the cow.
Where do cow farts come from? Their dairy-ère.
What do cows put on pancakes? Moolasses.
What do you call a cow that blends in with its surroundings? Cow-moo-flaged.
Where do cows go on their days off? To a moo-seum.
Why don’t dairy cows have money? Because the farmers keep draining them dry.
What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster? Roost beef.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk.
What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
Where do Russian cows come from? Mos-cow.
What animal goes “oom, oom”? A cow walking backwards.
When one cow said “Moo!” to the other, what was the second cow’s reply? “I was going to say that!”
Why are cows always telling each other jokes? To keep themselves amoosed.
What did the police cow say to the bad guy he caught? Don’t moove a moo-scle.
How do you make Swiss cheese? With milk from a holey cow.
Why do cows like to go to the spa? To get some re-hoove-ination.
Why do cows work? To make mooney.
What do you feed a badly behaved cow? Spoiled milk.
Why is telling a cow a funny cow joke pointless? They’ve probably herd it before.
The best cow puns
You herd it here first
Quite the cowmedian
An udder day, an udder dollar
Grab the bull by the horns
How dairy
Out for the cow-nt
Born udder a lucky star
Don’t be a cow-herd
That’s laugha-bull
Explore the possi-bull-ities
Beyond my capa-bull-ities
Bull-dly go where no man has gone before
Bully for you
Udder no illusions
Finger on the bull-se
Steer clear
Until the cows come home
Stop me if you’ve herd this before
The last I herd
Err on the side of cow-tion
Throw cow-tion to the wind
Keep it udder wraps
It’s pasture bedtime
Cute cow puns
Seen, but not herd
Udderly in love
For heifer and heifer
Over the moon
Still calf asleep
I’ve got calf a mind to…
Don’t you udder-stand?
Milking it
Udderly hilarious
An udder failure
Don’t do things by calves
Bull yourself together
Bulling strings
Bulligerent
Bull-ieve it or not
Suspend your dis-bull-ief
Daily bull-etin
Bull-dozer
Somewhere in that bull-park
Hanging in the bull-ance
Bull your socks up
Like a lead bull-oon
Bull-ow the belt
Seeing is bull-ieving
Bull-igerent
Dearly bull-oved
Hyper-bull-e
Sustaina-bull
More puns about cows
The steaks are high
I’ve herd it all before
Holy cow!
What a cow-incidence
Cash cow
I’ve got beef with that
Legen-dairy
Miscowculation
Cow-operation
Cow-ercive
Cow-efficient
Cow-existence
Cow-ordinates
Cow-nterproductive
Cow-ardice
Cow-herently
Cow-nteract
Cow-nterpart
Cow-nterfeit
Cow-ntless
Cow-ntenance
Cow-nterbalance
Moo puns
Seize the moo-ment
I’ve got the moo-ves
Not in the moo-d
In a bad moo-d
Off to the moo-vies
What beautiful moo-sic
I am not a-moo-sed
Cow-moo-flaged
Moo-vement
Re-moo-val
Un-moo-vable
Don’t have a cow!
One last funny cow pun…
You might feel like you’ve heard these cow puns before, but it’s probably just déjà-moo!
And there you have it: a herd of hilarious cow jokes. We hope you’re feeling udderly amused and ready to share these cow laughs with friends and family. Remember, a good laugh is always just a moo-ment away…
Need a good laugh? Is teaching biology getting a little bit intimidating? Lighten the mood in the classroom by sharing some of these biology jokes—eye-rolls guaranteed. These side-splitting biology jokes are certain to have you and your students cracking up!
Molecular Biology Jokes
1. Why do coaches love the powerhouse of the cell?
Because mitochondria have a “CHON-do” attitude.
2. Did you hear about the physicist who divorced the biologist?
They said that the chemistry was missing in their lives.
3. Why did the gene go for a massage?
So it could relax and unwind.
4. How did the lawyer defend his client, the smelly cheese?
“Your honor, you have to look at the culture he was raised in!”
5. What did biologists wear back in the 1970s?
Bell-bottom genes!
6. Why was the yeast cell depressed?
Her parents just split.
7. Two biochemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O please!” The second one says, “I’d like some H2O too!”
They clink their glasses and the second biochemist drops dead!
8. Did you hear about the daily special at the isotope store?
Buy an atom, get an extra neutron free of charge!
Buy now before half our inventory disappears!
9. What did the biologist write on a Valentine’s Day card?
I wish I were adenine so I could get paired with U!
10. What is the greatest artistic monument to proteins?
The Cysteine Chapel.
Ecology Biology Jokes
11. What did the car manufacturer say about his carbon footprint?
Carbon footprint? Non-existent. I drive absolutely everywhere!
12. Did you hear about the power plant that was bad for the environment all year long?
He got coal for Christmas.
13. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
14. What kind of plant grows in your hand?
A palm tree.
15. Where’s the best place for a horse to grow up?
In a stable environment.
16. What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the United States?
Agent orange. (What did you think I was talking about?!)
17. An environmentalist told me that forest area about the size of a football field is cut every hour in the Amazon rainforest.
No wonder Brazil is so good at football.
18. What vegetable do environmentalists like the most?
Green peas.
19. What do you call anti-environmental hip-hop?
Plastic rap.
20. Two spiders are on a date.
The male spider asks, “So why are you single?”
The female spider answers, “Oh, I’m a widow.”
Anatomy Biology Jokes
21. What did the femur say to the patella?
“I kneed you.”
22. Why did the medical student fail anatomy?
She just couldn’t cut it.
23. What has 13 hearts but no organs?
A deck of cards.
24. Are male and female reproductive organs similar?
No. There’s a vas deferens!
25. What do skeletons use to cut through objects?
Their shoulder blades.
26. Why did the skeleton take acting classes?
It wanted tibia star!
27. What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?
Skele-tons.
28. Did you hear about the skeleton that dropped out of medical school?
It didn’t have the stomach for it!
29. Why are skeletons so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
30. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to join him.
31. What did one eye say to the other?
Just between us, something really smells!
32. Why is the brain a fan of cosmetics?
It helps to “make up” its mind!
33. What happened to the bear with a bad heart?
It went into Kodiak arrest.
34. Which bone can’t be trusted?
The fib-ula.
35. Why don’t six-legged insects get sick?
They have strong anty-bodies!
36. Did you hear about the place that had no viruses?
They all flu away.
37. Did you hear about the blood cells that fell in love and started a family?
Sadly, it was all in vein.
38. What did the biologist say to the chemist to get a date?
“Are you made of sulfur monoxide, copper, and tellurium? Because you are SO CuTe!”
39. Why are bacteria like hipsters?
They were on Earth long before it was cool.
40. Where do microbiologists go to relax?
Places of high culture.
41. Why don’t yogurt and amoxicillin get along?
One is pro-biotic and the other is anti-biotic!
Physiology Biology Jokes
42. The white blood cells and antibodies kicked all the germs out of the party.
The germs said, “Well, fine, you weren’t a very good host anyway.”
43. Why is the nervous system considered reckless?
Because it does everything on impulse.
44. What did the blood cell say before it died in an artery?
“I will not go down in vein!”
45. What did the biologist say to the patient who was afraid of donating blood?
Don’t be such A negative person. Try to B positive!
Marine Biology Jokes
46. Why can’t you trust marine biologists?
Something about them feels … fishy!
47. What do you call a group of killer whales that play music together?
An orca-stra!
48. What is a fish’s favorite vacation destination?
Finland.
49. Why do fish never go on vacation?
Because they are always in school.
50. Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other tide.
51. What kind of fish goes well with peanut butter?
Jellyfish.
52. What do you call a fish that’s a natural-born leader?
A school principal.
53. Why did the whale blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
54. How do you end a conversation with a marine biologist?
You “wave” goodbye and say “sea” you later!
Biochemistry Biology Jokes
55. How do biochemists find a mate?
Carbon dating.
56. Did you hear about the biochemist who spilled a beaker of sodium chloride?
He was charged with a salt and battery!
57. What do biochemists call a boring idiot?
A boron.
58. A guy sits at the bar and says “man, have I got some problems.”
The bartender responds, “Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of solutions!”
59. A cation says to a store owner, “I’ve lost an electron.” The owner asks, “Are you sure you lost it?”
The cation says, “Yes, I’m positive!”
60. Why do biochemists like nitrates so much?
They’re cheaper than day rates!
61. Why did the biochemist break up with her boyfriend?
He was too basic.
62. What did the DNA wife ask her DNA husband before they went out?
“Do these genes make me look fat?”
63. How do biologists communicate with one another?
On their cell phones.
64. What do you do with a bunch of dead biochemists?
You barium!
65. Ever hear about the biochemists they froze at absolute zero?
They were 0 K!
Botany Biology Jokes
66. What did the husband say when he bought the wrong flowers?
“Whoopsie … Daisy!”
67. Why did the plant break up with his ex-girlfriend flower?
She has a real violet streak.
68. Why don’t flowers bike to school in the winter?
They lose all their petals.
69. Why did the algae marry the fungus?
They took a lichen to each other.
70. Why don’t plant cells ever win races?
Because they’re always rooted to the spot.
71. Why didn’t the dandelion buy a brand-new car?
Because plants are always a “hard cell.”
72. Why do Moss and Ivy make excellent friends?
They really grow on you after a while.
Biology Jokes and Puns
73. I don’t think marine biology is the right major for me.
My grades are below C-level.
74. I don’t know about you but …
Myelin really gets on my nerves!
75. We dissected two cow eyes in class today.
The jokes got cornea and cornea!
76. A tulip asked a daisy if it was hungry.
The daisy said, “I really could go for a light snack.”
77. Never steal jokes.
Recycle them!
78. If I rode my bike to school and back …
Does that count as re-cycling?
79. A twirling maple seed just planted itself directly from the tree.
It was a breeze.
80. There’s a rumor in the air about a new bacteria.
Get ready to waddle into a world of hilarious duck jokes!
The best duck jokes and duck puns
From feather-ruffling giggles to quacktastic puns, these family-friendly duck puns and witty duck jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face. So, without further ado, let’s dabble in some quacktastic duck hilarity 🦆
Funny duck jokes
Ready for a good duck joke? You’re in the right place!
What time do ducks get up? The quack of dawn.
Why don’t ducks like following instructions? They prefer to wing it.
What do you call it when it’s raining chickens and ducks? Fowl weather.
What do you call a clever duck? A wise quacker.
Why are ducks really good at saving? Because they have their bills under control.
What do ducks use to fix things around their house? Duck tape.
What did the duck say when he dropped his plate? “I hope I didn’t quack it.”
What do ducks wear to a formal event? Duck-sedos.
Why did the duck almost fall on the pavement? She tripped on a quack.
Why did the duck get a second job? He had too many bills.
Why are ducks always trending on social media? Because they have a large fan follo-wing.
Where do ducks go shopping? The mall-ard.
What do you get if you cross a duck with a cement mixer? A brick layer.
Why do ducks lay eggs? If they dropped them, they would break.
How do ducks surf the internet? They use their webbed feet.
When is roast duck bad for your health? When you’re the duck.
What voice type do ducks sing in choirs? Fowl-setto.
Why do ducks fly south for the winter? It’s too far to waddle.
What language can a duck who talks to geese speak fluently? Portu-geese.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Why did the duck cross the road? Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
How do you get down off a horse? You don’t get down off a horse – you get down off a duck.
What do you call a kind and successful duck? A waddle citizen.
Short duck jokes for kids
Here are some more family-friendly duck jokes for a good laugh with the kids.
What do ducks carry their school books in? Quack-packs.
Why do ducks never grow up? Because they grow down.
What do you call a crate filled with ducks? A box of quackers.
Did you hear about the duck who thought he was a squirrel? That was one tough nut to quack.
How do ducks propose? With an engagement wing.
Why did the duck get detention? He couldn’t stop quacking jokes in class.
Where do ducks go when they are sick? The ducktor’s.
What do you call a ghost duck? A poultrygeist.
What has fangs and webbed feet? Count Duckula.
What do ducks call story time? Ducktales.
What do you call a cat that swallows a duck? A duck-filled-fatty-puss.
If a duck says “Quack quack,” what says “Quick quick?” A duck with hiccups.
What does a duck do when he hears a funny joke? He quacks up.
Where do tough ducks come from? Hard-boiled eggs.
What do you get if you mix ducks with fireworks? Fire-quackers.
What side of a duck has the most feathers? The outside.
What do you call a rude duck? A duck with a quackitude.
What type of food do you get when you cross a duck with a mole? Quackamole.
What do you get when you cross a duck and a wiener dog? A duckshund.
What did the detective duck say to his partner? “Let’s quack this case!”
Why was the duck put into the basketball game? To make a fowl shot.
What do you call a cow and two ducks? Milk and quackers.
What do you get if you cross a duck and Santa Claus? A Christmas quacker.
How can you tell one rubber duck apart from another? You can’t, they look eggs-actly the same.
What do you call a duck that steals things? A robber ducky.
More funny jokes about ducks
What’s a duck’s favourite part of the news? The feather forecast.
What’s a duck’s favourite ballet? The Nut-quacker.
What’s a duck’s favourite film? Lord of the Wings.
What’s a duck’s favourite snack? Cheese and quackers.
What’s a duck’s favourite music artist? Drake.
What’s a duck’s favourite sea monster? The quacken.
What’s a duck’s favourite TV show? Duckumentaries.
What’s a duck’s favourite animal at the zoo? Quackodiles.
What’s a duck’s favourite vegetable? An eggplant.
What’s a duck’s favourite US state? Duckota.
What’s a duck’s favourite dip? Quackamole.
What’s a duckling’s favourite drink? Peep-si.
What’s a duckling’s favourite game? Beakaboo.
Why do ducks like campfires? They love seeing them quackle at night.
What happens when a duck flies upside down? It quacks up.
Why did the duck go to the chiropractor? To get its back quacked.
What kind of eggs do bad ducks lay? Devilled eggs.
What was the secret agent duck named? James Pond.
Why did the duck go to the bank? He wanted to get more bills.
Why did the duck get a red card in the football game? For fowl play.
What’s the name of the church for ducks? Birds of pray.
Where can you find pictures of duck feet? They’re on the webbed.
What did the duck say when the waitress came? “Put it on my bill!”
What do duck physicists say? “Quark, quark.”
How do ducks make pancakes? They use Bis-quack.
What does a duck always order with its Chinese food? An eggroll.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Quack! Quack who? Quack open the door and you’ll see!
The best duck puns
Need a humorous duck pun for your social media posts? We’ve got you covered (you might like our bird puns too):
Nip and duck
All hands on duck
Duck of cards
Clear the ducks
Hit the duck
Sitting duck
Steady duckline
Duck and cover
Ducking and diving
Take to it like a duck to water
Good duck
Feeling ducky
Falling into duckay
Ducked the question
Very duckadent
Con-duck-tor
Intro-duck-tion
De-duck-tion
Pro-duck-tive
Miscon-duck-t
Duck-tate
Duck-otomy
Spora-duck
Ra-duck-al
Official duck-uments
I need a duck-tor
Quack under pressure
Quack a joke
The quack of dawn
More short duck puns
Kick the duck-et
On the duck of the bay
Duck in
By the duckload
Fell off the back of a duck
Water off a duck’s back
Quackophony of noise
Waddle we do without it?
Fowl language
By fair means or fowl
In one fowl swoop
Crestfowllen
Cry fowl
True or fowlse
Fowling asleep
Fowl play
Don’t fowlter
Fowl under my spell
That’s a fowllacy
Nightfowl
Waterfowl
Freefowl
Fowl up
Fit the bill
Beak-a-boo
Without feather ado
Ruffle someone’s feathers
Look no feather
Like feather, like son
Even more funny duck puns
Fly the nest
Nest to nothing
The nest big thing
Better luck nest time
Take it to the nest level
In nest to no time
Nest generation
Nesty piece of work
Cheap and nesty
Social nestworking
The nestwork is down
Between the quacks
A hard nut to quack
Quack the whip
Take a quack at it
Quack open a bottle
Not all it’s quacked up to be
Can’t stop quackling
Keep me in the duck
A duck horse
A shot in the duck
Always duck-est just before dawn
Duck clouds on the horizon
Deep, duck secrets
Poultry in motion
A poultry amount
Lucky duck
The art of se-duck-tion
Spread your wings
Take them under your wing
Flight of fancy
In full flight
Fully fledged
Winging it
One last smart duck pun…
These duck puns really quack me up 😆
And there you have it: a flock of punny duck jokes to brighten your day! Whether you’re quacking up or just using these duck puns for instagram captions, we hope these silly jokes have made you smile.
More hilarious jokes and puns
For more family-friendly giggles, take a look at these roundups:
Like a sixth-round draft pick who goes on to win seven Super Bowl rings, The Greatest Roast of All Time: Tom Brady delivered far more than anyone had a right to expect. Over three hours live on Netflix Sunday night, the roast was a combination of no-holds-barred humor and awkward and hilarious moments between famous football friends and frenemies. The footballers on the dais more than held their own with the comics, and anyone wondering if Brady Rules would be in effect to soften the blows quickly got their answer. The show flew by because most sets worked, but it wouldn’t be a GOAT roast without some rankings. Here’s a ranking of all 19 roasters, from GROAT to WROAT—all that’s missing is Eli Manning:
1. Nikki Glaser
The roast really started when Glaser stepped to the podium, and she delivered the best top-to-bottom set of the night. Her bits about Gisele, Julian Edelman, er, sucking up to Brady, and her willingness to shoot her boyfriend in the face for a chance with TB12 were all great—her set really didn’t have lulls, she got a standing ovation, and her best joke absolutely killed.
Best line: “Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not real money!’”
2. Sam Jay
Often the funniest jokes are the ones you don’t see coming, and a first-time roaster going in on Drew Bledsoe was phenomenal. Jay’s “too Black for Boston” bit about Brady was excellent, but her Bledsoe jokes were just as good. The best part was watching Bledsoe react to a drive-by he probably didn’t see coming.
Best line (to Bledsoe): “The only ring you have is the one Tom won for you. So your Super Bowl ring is just like my strap-on. Just because you wear it doesn’t make it real.”
3. Tom Brady
The GOAT did not disappoint at his own roast. Kim Kardashian leaving the kids at home with Kanye? Owning the Colts and Bills? Telling Gronk he’s not the father of a baby rhino? Brady was in the pocket—he’d clearly prepared, his set was one of the very best of the night—and it was the best of the bunch delivered by a non-comedian. If it seemed like he was regretting his decision to participate midway through the roast, he got the last laugh by the end.
Best line: “Everybody asks me which ring is my favorite. I used to say, ‘The next one.’ But now that I’m retired, my favorite ring is the camera that caught Coach Belichick slinking out of that poor girl’s house at 6 a.m. a few months ago.”
TOM BRADY FAVORITE RING WAS THE RING CAMERA ONE WHICH CAUGHT Bill Belichick LEAVING THAT POOR GIRLS HOUSE AT 6 IN THE MORNING
It’s only fitting that Belichick and Brady were neck-and-neck with some of the best sets of the night. Brady edged out Belichick on a joke-for-joke scorecard, but Belichick had two of the most memorable lines of the night: the “10-part roast of Bill Belichick” joke about The Dynasty (the Apple TV+ docuseries), and the one about Brady and trainer Alex Guerrero. Plus, you got the sense Belichick meant it. (Tell us how you really feel about Danny Amendola, Bill!)
Best line: “It was hard to butt heads with Tom because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass.”
Belichick not holding back
“It was hard to butt heads with Tom because he was so far up Alex Guerrero’s ass” pic.twitter.com/kzPLeCjCf9
As host, Hart had a fun set to kick things off (watching Brady realize in real time that jokes about his divorce from Gisele would be prominent was something), but he’s here in the top five for how he quarterbacked the evening as a whole. He clocked all the big moments in real time and leaned into them while also navigating the sets from both comics and athletes, and giving the audience a few extra beats to laugh at jokes like Glaser’s crypto bit or process whatever the heck Gronk was doing. Sound it out, Gronk! But Hart’s best moment of the night was diplomatic, not comedic. The State Department should be studying how he got Belichick and Robert Kraft up on that podium together to take a shot. This is a big moment, Bill!
No lie, the Tom Brady Roast my be the sports cultural event of 2024
* Humanized Tom Brady * Humanized Bill Belichick * Kraft and Belichick taking shots together
Learned more in this 2 hours than I did in the 10 part Patriots documentary https://t.co/TF8dEdu99O
Best line: “Let me tell you something: When you’ve got a chance to go 8-9, and all it will cost you is your wife and kids? You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.”
6. Julian Edelman
I’ll be honest: I did not know Edelman had this in him! His set, which was ruthless and smoothly delivered, might have been the surprise of the roast. On a night that featured more than a few one-liners about Aaron Hernandez, Edelman’s got the most potent combination of laughs and gasps. Maybe he was just good on the prompter, but Edelman was in command of his jokes enough that asides like, “I’ve been waiting for this for so long,” as he ripped Belichick’s unemployment felt ad-libbed. Surprisingly, he was the only roaster to go after Brady’s ever-evolving hairline and bone structure—and the joke landed as one of the best of the night.
Best line: “Who’s laughing now, Tom? Not you, because your face can’t move and you don’t have a sense of humor.”
7. Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy
Will Ferrell seems to be entering that Ryan Gosling Zone, where he only appears in public in character. He was kind of doing his own thing, but it worked, and his run about Eli Manning was great. One of the challenges of a roast is finding the right balance between the jokes the audience knows are coming and stuff that’s out of left field, and Ferrell as Ron Burgundy mispronouncing Gisele, thinking he’s in New York and pretending to fall in love with Brady was a helpful addition to the latter category.
Oh man the Giselle jokes have been brutal even Anchorman Ron Burgandy is getting into it Will Ferrell at Tom Brady Roast live on Netflix pic.twitter.com/eQlQlqlaHc
Best line: “Poor Gisele, it took her 13 years to learn what we all know: Tom is boring. Dink, donk, dink, donk, touchdown, who cares!”
8. Andrew Schulz
Schulz seemed like he was having a blast up there. “Bill has secretly filmed more guys playing for the other team than Diddy,” didn’t draw his biggest laugh, but it elicited the biggest gasp of the night from the audience, and it’s fun to watch a comic know he’s getting a reaction.
Best line: “Tom, you remind us that no matter how big you get, how successful you are, or how much you accomplish in your life, you can always end up a twice-divorced supplement salesman in Tampa, Florida. And for that, we thank you.”
9. Kim Kardashian
Serious question: Why were people booing Kim Kardashian? That was vigorous booing! Is this about Taylor Swift? I did not know people still had it out for her that way, and I don’t think she or the dais expected the audience to respond like that when she was invited on stage to give a toast. I also remain confused about her and Brady’s apparently close friendship. A lot of questions here. Anyway, she was a good sport and her set was good!
Best line: “Honestly, it’s hard to watch people roast you, but I think enough of my family members have helped defend former football players.”
10. Peyton Manning
Manning is great at a roast because he never sounds like he’s being mean. One of the things this roast got right was the sequencing—both choices of Ferrell, a.k.a. Burgundy, to introduce Belichick and Manning to introduce Brady himself were smart.
Best line: “Tom and I both golf. My handicap is 6.4, and his handicap is blowing leads to my brother Eli in the Super Bowl.”
11. Rob Gronkowski
Gronk had some great moments, like when he went after Belichick about running the infamous hill, but the most memorable part of his set wasn’t a specific joke but how off-the-rails it was as a whole. I think that shot glass he spiked was made of real glass? I am docking Gronk a bit for making at least four too many gay jokes that felt right out of 1997, but the avocado line did make me laugh. And I believe Gronk when he says he worked on his own material.
Best line (to Edelman): “Julian, you’re the only one who used tongue.”
12. Drew Bledsoe
Bledsoe was brave enough to be first on the dais, and standing up at the podium drinking a glass of his own wine was a nice touch. His set had some lulls, but the bits about confirming he hates Brady were funny, and the closing wedding anniversary jab was one of the first signs of the night that no one would be holding back. Bledsoe also had a great sense of humor throughout the night when he was targeted.
Best line: “My favorite wine is our world class cabernet. Tom’s favorite whine is, ‘Where’s the flag?!’”
13. Jeff Ross
Ross has had more memorable roast sets, but the Roastmaster General is a huge winner given the overall success of the event. He was also the only roaster to go after Kraft, though Brady apparently didn’t care for his massage parlor joke.
Best line (about Brady’s book): “The TB12 Method, very helpful. In fact, Kevin Hart has been sitting on it all night.”
14. Tony Hinchcliffe
Purely on a jokes-per-minute basis, Hinchcliffe had the set of the night. His Gronk jokes in particular had a cheeky charm.
Best line: “Tom is afraid of the Giants, which is why Kevin Hart is hosting tonight.”
15. Randy Moss
Moss struggled with some of his delivery, but the bit in which he asked why the Patriots didn’t cheat when he was on the team was funny. Several others delivered “Randy Moss doesn’t have a ring” jokes, but his approach to the topic was the most clever. Moss gets bonus points for the line “Who the fuck is Nate Ebner?” Not sure that lands with anyone who isn’t a Patriots fan, but I know they were laughing in New England.
Best line: “You know how hard it is to look your kids in the eyes and say, ‘They just don’t trust me enough to cheat’?”
16. Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer
On a night with this many roasters, it’s good to have a couple weird bits thrown in. Segura and Kreischer’s slideshow connecting Brady with various historical psychopaths and serial killers definitely qualifies, though I did spend the last few beats of their allotted time thinking: “I wonder why Bill Burr isn’t here.”
Best line: [Showing picture of semi-nude Brady clutching football] “Was he pregnant?”
17. Robert Kraft
Despite the fact that the evening was surprisingly light on massage parlor jokes (and given Brady’s response to the one Ross made, it’s fair to wonder if that’s what was taken off the table) this was a tough evening for Kraft, who had to weather that moment, Belichick’s iciness and several Deflategate jokes during which he appeared to be dissociating. Perhaps accordingly, Kraft seemed nervous during his short set, though it had a few lines that landed.
Best line: “Tom, good luck buying the Raiders. They did your favorite thing for you already—they got rid of Jimmy Garoppolo.”
18. Dana White
White only got a minute to roast and wasn’t able to do much with it. It’s not ideal if you have to say “come on, that was a good one” mid-set.
Dana White was pissed Netflix only gave him one minute to roast Tom Brady
“You guys gave me 60 seconds? My name is Dana! Is that not trans enough for you liberal f*cks?” pic.twitter.com/rSJEBPSyci
Best line: Unfortunately for White, they were all in Andrew Schulz’s set.
19. Ben Affleck
Speaking as someone who watched every minute of The Greatest Love Story Never Told, I must ask: is Ben Affleck OK? He spent most of his time at the podium yelling about internet commenters and not telling jokes. It was weird! Matt Damon, come get your friend. He’s killing the vibe.
Best line: Saying Brady overcame “the physique of a professional bowler with a smaller right arm” to play football.
From grizzly giggles to polar puns, get ready for a roaring good time with these family-friendly bear jokes. We’ve got the funniest bear puns and the silliest bear jokes to help you and the kids have a bear-y good laugh 🐻🐻❄️🧸🐼
Funny bear jokes
What happens when a bear is in the rain for too long? He becomes a drizzly bear.
What would bears be without bees? Ears.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry? A molar bear.
What’s a bear’s favourite after-school activity? CubScouts.
What type of animal can hibernate while standing on its head? Yoga bear.
What did the grizzly bear say to their partner on their wedding day? “I can’t wait to growl old with you.”
What’s a bear’s favourite thing to draw? A self pawtrait.
What do you call a bear that never wants to grow up? Peter Panda.
What kind of car do bears drive? A Furrari.
What do you call a freezing bear? A brrrrrrr.
What is a bear’s favourite type of exercise? Bearobics.
Why did the panda get fired from his job? Because he only did the bear minimum.
What can a grizzy bear break just by growling? The sound bearier.
What’s the difference between a panda bear and a polar bear? About 4,000 miles.
Why do bears need to take a break? They like to paws and reflect.
What’s a bear’s favourite dessert? Blue-beary pie.
What’s a bear’s favourite fast food? Bear-gers.
What’s a bear’s favourite TV show? The fresh prince of bel-bear.
What’s a bear’s favourite scary movie? The Bear Witch Project.
What’s a bear’s favourite ice cream flavour? Strawbeary.
What’s a bear’s favourite city? Bear-lin.
Who’s a bear’s favourite playwright? William Shakesbeare.
What’s a bears favourite shoe? They prefer to go bear foot.
How do bears stay cool in summer? They use bear conditioning.
What part do bears sing in choirs? Bearitone.
Polar bear jokes
Enjoy some chilly laughs with these jokes about polar bears. You might like our ice puns too.
What’s a polar bear’s favourite cereal? Ice krispies.
What’s a polar bear’s favourite food? Iceberg lettuce.
What’s a polar bear’s second favourite food? Snow peas.
What’s a polar bear’s favourite snack? Grrrrittos.
Who is a polar bear’s favourite musician? Seal.
What do you call a polar bear in the Bahamas? A solar bear.
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snow bank.
Why do polar bears wear fur coats? Because they would look weird in ski jackets.
How do polar bears walk in the snow? They go bear footed.
What do teenage polar bears call prom? The snow-ball.
Where do polar bears go to vote? The North Poll.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears? Because they only live on ice.
Why did the two bears break up? They were polar opposites.
What do you call a freezing polar bear? A polar brrrrr.
What do you call a dream about a polar bear eating you? A bite-mare.
Cute teddy bear jokes
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? A teddy boar.
How do you start a teddy bear race? Say, “Ready, teddy, go!”
What’s a teddy’s favourite room in the house? The beardroom.
What’s the best way to say sorry to a teddy bear? Bear your heart and soul.
Why did God create Yogi bear? Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert? He was already stuffed.
Why was the teddy bear so spoiled? Because its parents panda’d to its every whim.
When do teddy bears eat dinner? Fur o’ clock.
Koala jokes
What’s a bear’s favourite soda? Coca Koala.
What’s a bear’s favourite pop song? Koala Me Maybe.
What happened when the bear applied for a job in the supermarket? He was told he was not koala-fied.
Why did the koala get fired from his job? Because he would only do the bear minimum.
Why did the bear quit his second job? Because he needed some koala-ty time with his family.
Why did the koala bear want his own place? He couldn’t bear living so close to his family.
How does a koala bear stop a movie? They hit the paws button.
What’s a bear’s favourite cocktail? Pina Koala.
Why was the bear a good fit for the job? She had all the right koalifications.
Why was the koala bear wearing a tank-top? He heard he had the right to bear arms.
More funny jokes about bears
Tickle your funny bone with a few more bear jokes.
How do bears catch fish without a pole? They use their bear hands.
Why don’t bears eat fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Why wouldn’t the daddy bear use a satnav in his car? Because he never lost his bearings.
Why do pandas save money printing photos? Because most of their pics are black and white.
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
How do bears prefer to travel? On a bear-o-plane.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude? The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
How do bears keep their fur soft? They use bear conditioner.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear? Winnie the P.U.!
What do bear’s call their girlfriends? Honey.
What did the pessimistic bear say? “It’s just not pawsible!”
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early? “I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.”
Why did the bear quit his job at the primary school? It was panda-monium.
Short bear puns
Time for some funny bear puns to make you growl with laughter. We’ve included polar bear puns, teddy bear puns, and koala puns too.
Bear minimum
Bearer of bad news
With my bear hands
A bearfaced lie
Lost my bearings
The bear necessities
Bear feet
Bearied in thought
Bearly dressed
Beary funny
With my beary own eyes
Unbearable
I love you beary much
You bearlong with me
Bear my soul
Bearside myself
By my beardside
Fill your bearlly
I can’t bear it
I bearly noticed
Bear with me
Hard to bearlieve
Lagging bearhind
In your bearst interests
Lots of bearnefits
In the bearginning
How to beargin
How embearassing
Right bearside me
Bearneficial
On my bearhalf
What comes bearfore
Unbearcoming
An absolute bearginner
Bad bearhaviour
Bearforehand
Bearwildered
That’s bearneath me
Against my bearliefs
Don’t beartray me
More funny puns about bears
Deary bearloved
A real beargain
Inbeartween
Bearcause
Getting my bearings
That’s barbearic
Going bearfoot
Badly bearhaved
Things are about to get grizzly
Don’t get grizzly with me
Pandamonium
Panda to my needs
Ex-panda-ble
Polar opposites
Polarising
Bi-polar
A teddy-ous conversation
Spending koalaty time
Koalafying rounds
Have you got the koalafications?
Getting diskoalafied
Overkoalafied for the job
You paw thing
Strike a paws
Paws and reflect
Nothing is impawsible
Not in a pawsition to comment
Stay pawsitive
Fur the love of god
As fur as it goes
Blind furry
So fur so good
A fur cry
Furthermore
Fast and furious
A furce to be reckoned with
Good fur nothing
A step too fur
I will love you furever
As fur as the eye can see
Few and fur between
As fur as I know
One last clever bear pun…
What did you think of these bear puns? I could bearly stand them 😂
We hope you’ve found these cute bear puns and bear jokes un-bear-ably funny and that they’ve brought a bear-y big smile to your face!
More jokes and puns
For more giggles, take a look at these family-friendly puns roundups:
If you’re looking for some light-hearted fun with a flower theme, or inspiration for your flower picture captions, this is the post for you! I’ve rounded up the best flower puns and flower jokes to put a smile on your face.
As well as giving you the opportunity to have a giggle, these witty flower puns and flower jokes are also great caption inspiration for when you’re sharing pictures of your flowers on social media (my post on nature hashtags will also help you here). Use them on birthday cards, in Mother’s Day cards, and valentine’s day messages too!
You might also like to take a look at my flower quotes and quotes about sunflowers posts, which both have one hundred beautiful and inspiring quotes about flowers.
Flower puns
When it comes to funny flower puns, you’ve got a huge list to choose from. Here are some of my favourite floral puns about flowers.
Just pollen your leg
One trick peony
Thistle while you work
Make my daisy
Get clover it
Once and floral
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
That’s just ranunculus
What in carnation?
A peony saved is a peony earned
I ain’t dandelion
Singing out of petunia
You’re my best bud
Don’t stop be-leafing
Be still my bleeding heart
Petal your wares
Just poppy-n any time
In bud taste
Flower power
Feeling a bit daisy
BFF – Best Buds Forever
That’s a-pollen
Cute flower puns
Flower of strength
Somebudy to love
Are you feeling bouquet?
I lilac you
Head clover heelsin love
Not a daisy goes by
I love you a lily more each day
Light as a heather
You made my daisy
I’m proud to be y-orchid
Wildflower about you
A bud omen
Hosta la vista, baby!
I wet my plants
A budding romance
Going from bud to worse
Tomorrow’s a new daisy
Botany plants lately?
Lilac the ability
Let’s kick some bud
Back to the fuchsia
Last bud not least
Mums the word
Hey there bloomer
More short flower puns
Sweet peas and quiet
Don’t be so impatiens
Put the petal to the metal
In on the ground flora
A violet streak
All clover the world
Take stalk of your life
Take it or leaf it
A peony for your thoughts
The witching flower
Every dogwood has its day
Thistle be fun
Like pollen teeth
Bloom where you’re planted
In an orchid position
Simply iris-isitble
Back-petalling
Oopsie daisy
Bearer of bud news
You grow girl!
I think of you every daisy
A kick in the bud
Floral intents and purposes
Everything is A-bouquet
Iris you all the happiness in the world
Rose puns
Rose to the occasion
Just one of rose things
A thorny issue
She rose above it
How do roses make a living? They petal their wares.
What do you get if you cross a sheep dog with a rose? A Collie-flower.
Flower jokes to make you giggle
Again, there are a lot of funny flower jokes and riddles out there. Here’s a selection of my favourite jokes about flowers to give you a good laugh.
What kind of flower grows on your face? Tulips.
I was going to catalogue my dried flowers… but I realised I have more pressing problems to deal with.
What do you call Dracula with hayfever? The pollen count.
My vase of flowers died, but then they came back to life. It must have been reincarnation.
What do you say to a flower to make it go faster? “Floret.”
What do you get if you cross a monkey with a flower? A chimp-pansy.
What’s an amnesiac sailor’s favourite flower? Forget-me-knots.
What do flowers study in college? Stem.
What’s the fiercest type of flower? The tiger Lily.
Why is a flower like the letter “A”? Because a bee goes after it.
What type of garden do bakers usually have? Flour gardens.
What’s a flower’s favourite kind of shoes? Crocus.
Flower jokes for a blooming good time
Stealing flowers is an awful crime. It’s de-flora-ble.
I was asked to choose my number one houseplant when three of my favourites were in the room. It put me in a really orchid situation.(check out our orchid care tips if you love these beautiful plants).
What do you get if you cross a bike with a flower? Cycle petals.
Did you know there’s a country where everyone drives the same colour vehicle? It’s a red car nation.
What did the bee say to the flower? “Hello honey.”
What did the flower say after he cracked a joke? “I was just pollen your leg.”
I wasn’t all that interested in flowers… but I planted a few seeds, and they grew on me.
What do you call a flower that glows in the dark? A light bulb.
What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
What do you call an inn opened by a flower and a chef? Bud and breakfast.
When can you display flowers in a door? When it’s ajar.
I decided to plant some flowers in my garden. Then I realised I haven’t botany.
What do you call a French baker’s favourite flower? Croissanthemum.
Did you know there’s an insurance company for flower businesses? It’s called “Oopsie Daisies”.
What happens to a flower when it gets embarrassed? It turns rosy.
I think I just spotted Michael J Fox in a florists. I can’t be sure it was him though – he had his back to the Fuchsias.
How does a flower whistle? Through it’s tulips.
Someone keeps sending me bunches of flowers with the heads cut off. I think I’m being stalked.
What’s a pickle’s favourite flower? The daffo-dill.
What’s a bee’s favourite flower? The bee-gonia.
What’s a French baker’s favourite flower? The Croissanthemum.
What do flower therapists ask their patients? “Are you feeling bouquet?”
I’m not very good at making flower jokes. But thistle do.
I hope this list of flower puns and flower jokes have made you smile and provided a whole garden of humour! If you’ve got a good flower pun to share I’d love to hear it – pop them in the comments 🙂
You might also like to check out my birth flowers series on the different meanings of flowers.
More funny garden puns and garden jokes
If you’d like a bit more clever wordplay to tickle your funny bone, check out these other posts:
If you’re keen on getting the kids involved in gardening, you might also like my book A Year of Nature Craft and Play. It’s filled with nature play ideas, including fun gardening projects, crafts, games, art and science activities. There are 52 budget-friendly activities, one for every week of the year, all with easy-to-follow instructions and colourful photos.
If you’ve enjoyed this post and found it useful, here are some ways you can say thanks and support Growing Family:
Welcome to a compilation of hilarious rock puns that’s sure to rock your world!
The best rock puns and rock jokes
Whether you’re a seasoned geologist or simply someone who loves a good chuckle, these rock jokes are bound to deliver a good laugh. Get ready to rock and roll with these puns, quips, and geological gags.
Family-friendly rock jokes for kids
1. What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone.
2. Why did the rock become a musician? Because it wanted to be a little boulder.
3. Why are rocks so cheap? Because they’re always on shale.
4. What do you call a dubious rock? A sham rock.
5. Why do tectonic plates always argue? Because there’s too much friction between them.
6. What did the stone want to be when it grew up? A rock star.
7. Why did the miner stop digging? He was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
8. Why did the rock take confidence lessons? To help it feel boulder.
9. Why did the rock and the stone break up? The trust in their relationship eroded.
10. Why didn’t the stone get back together with the rock? He had too many faults.
11. Why did the rock shower every morning? It wanted to start with a clean slate.
12. It takes a boulder person to read through this list of rock puns.
13. Where do you take an injured rock? To the Rocktor.
14. What happened to the rock after continuous hours of interrogation? It finally cracked.
15. Where do wealthy rocks live? Rockefeller Street.
16. What kind of rocks are sour? Limestone.
17. Why was the gemstone scared for his exams? Because he thought he wasn’t going topaz.
18. How did the rock feel when he got covered in algae? He was lichen it.
19. What did the rock order at the bar? Soda on the rocks.
20. What did one volcano say to the other volcano? “I lava you so much.”
More funny rock jokes
21. Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks.
22. How did the stone feel after his workout? Rock solid.
23. How did the rock feel about going to jail? Petrified.
24. Why can’t minerals ever lie? Because they’re always in their pure form.
25. What did the rock say to the word processor? “Boulder.”
26. What did Sherlock Holmes say when Watson asked what kind of rock he was holding? “Sedimentary, my dear Watson.”
27. When were rock jokes the funniest? During the stone age.
28. What did the rock say when it ended up at the bottom of the hill? “That’s how I roll.”
29. Why did the rock go to jail? The quartz found him guilty.
30. What did the sedimentary rock say to the metamorphic rock? “You’ve changed, man!”
31. Why is it hard to be a diamond? Too much pressure.
32. Why did the rock decide to hit the gym? Because he wanted to be bigger and boulder.
33. Why was the rock emotionless? Because it had a heart of stone.
34. What do you call a rock that complains? A whine-stone.
35. Why are limestones ignored? Because they’re too chalkative.
45. What’s a geologist’s favourite type of music? Rock & Roll.
46. What’s a geologist’s favourite band? The Rolling Stones.
47. What’s a geologist’s favourite restaurant? The Hard Rock Café.
48. What’s a geologist’s favourite sweet treat? Rock candy.
49. What’s a geologist’s favourite movie? Pyrites of the Caribbean.
50. What’s a geologist’s favourite kind of magazine? Rolling Stone.
51. Who’s a geologist’s favourite comedian? Chris Rock.
52. Who’s a geologist’s favourite actor? Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
53. What happens when you keep reading geologist jokes in your free time? You know that you’ve really hit rock bottom.
54. Why should you never expect perfection from geologists? Because they all have their faults.
More geologist jokes and geology puns
55. Why are geologists so good in school? Because they don’t take anything for granite.
56. How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs.
57. Why don’t geologists argue? They’re too pelite.
58. Where do geologists study? At sedimentary school.
59. Why are geologists good at romance? Because they’re very sedimental.
60. Why don’t geologists like alcohol? Because they like to be stone-cold sober.
61. Why are geologists never hungry? Because they lost their apatite.
62. How does a geologist show their displeasure? They give the coal shoulder.
63. Why was the geologist tired of his work? Because it was mostly boring.
64. What happened after the geologist finished his work? It was a lode off his shoulders.
65. What did the doctor prescribe to the sick geologist? Tech-tonic.
66. Why was the geologist puzzled at the comedy show? Because some of the funny jokes fluorite over his head.
67. Did you see the geologist towing a crate of rocks behind his car? He had a wide lode sign.
68. What do geologists use to clean themselves? Soapstone.
69. Why was the geologist agitated? Because he had lost his marbles.
70. Why don’t geologists argue? Because they’re too pelite.
71. Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money? Because they consider a million years ago to be recent.
Silly rock puns for instagram
72. You rock my world
73. Let’s rock and roll
74. Between a rock and a hard place
75. Power to the pebble
76. Pebble to the metal
77. Rock solid advice
78. Rock steady
79. Rock on
80. I need some assi-stones
81. Not to quarry
82. Rocky road
83. Quarried sick
84. Getting off to a rocky start
85. Rock the boat
86. On the rocks
87. Opportunity rocks
88. Solid as a rock
89. Don’t take me for granite
90. It’s a hard rock life
91. Hit rock bottom
92. Stony faced
93. A stony silence
94. Feeling sedimental
95. Feeling a little boulder
96. I won’t gravel
97. A clean slate
98. Rock solid plans
99. For the crater good
100. I lava you so much
101. Metamorphically speaking
More funny puns about rocks
102. You’re a gem
103. May the quartz be with you
104. Of quartz it is
105. Geode bless you
106. Geode willing
107. Geode forbid
108. An act of geode
109. I don’t want to chalk about it
110. Chalk it up to experience
111. Look who’s chalking
112. Keep your coal
113. Coal as a cucumber
114. In coal blood
115. Get coal feet
116. Gave me the coal shoulder
117. Shale of the century
118. Shale we dance?
119. Seek and ye shale find
120. I get the schist of it
121. All ore nothing
122. Believe it ore not
123. Be there ore be square
124. Now ore never
125. Heads ore tails
126. Friend ore foe
127. Give ore take
128. Don’t flint-ch
129. Igneous is bliss
130. A grain of basalt
131. A basalt on the senses
132. Have a gneiss day
133. Gneiss to meet you
134. Gneiss going
135. No more Mr. Gneiss Guy
136. This rock was magma before it was cool
137. A cold as stone
138. Turned to stone
139. Stepping stone
140. No stone unturned
141. A heart of stone
142. Rocks in your head
143. A pebble person
144. Cobble something together
145. A plutonic relationship
146. Gravelling at my feet
147. Rock around the clock
148. App-rocks-imate
149. My per-rock-ative
One last rock pun
150. “I really like rock puns.” “My sediments exactly!”
And there you have it – we’ve left no stone unturned in our quest to find you the perfect rock joke. Hopefully they have put a rock solid smile on your face 🤣
More jokes and puns
For more family-friendly jokes and good puns, head this way:
If you’re searching for plant puns and plant jokes to raise a giggle, you’re in the right place.
I’ve got over one hundred family-friendly plant puns and plant-themed jokes here, all designed to help you crack a joke or use as plant captions for photos. Whether you’re sharing snaps on social media and need an insta caption, want a green thumb joke for a greetings card to a plant-loving friend, or just like to enjoy some silly plant jokes and puns, I’ve got you covered.
As well as a list of plant puns and plant jokes, I’ve included a bunch of leaf puns, cactus puns, succulent puns and herb puns for even more laughs.
If you’re using these plant captions for instagram photos, make sure you check out my nature hashtags copy and paste lists – they’ll save you lots of time searching for an insta caption.
Funny plant puns & plant captions for instagram
Indulge your silly side and your green fingers with these funny plant puns.
What does a gardener do if they have a fear of roses? Not sure, it’s a thorny issue.
What’s the fiercest type of flower? A dandelion.
What’s a plant’s favourite drink? Root beer.
What do you call a nosey pepper plant? Jalapeño business.
What did the young plant say to the old plant? “Hey bloomer.”
What’s the highest number that a plant can count to? Tree.
What did one plant lady say to another plant lady? “Botany plants lately?”.
There was once a girl that only ate plants. You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.
Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Why do plants go to therapy? To get to the root of their problems.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds and it grew on me.
Why couldn’t the gardener plant any flowers? He hadn’t botany.
You’ll find lots more floral jokes in my flower puns post.
Cactus puns and cactus jokes
Look sharp with these cactus jokes and cactus puns.
Cactus makes perfect
As far as the cacti can see
Feeling a bit prickly today
What a cactastrophe
I’m stuck on you
You prickle my fancy
Cactus if you can
In a prickle
What did one cactus say to the other cactus? You’re looking sharp.
What did the porcupine say to the cactus? Is that you, Dad?
Why is it so hard to come up with a cactus joke? Because it’s a really thorny problem.
What’s the worst thing about dropping a cactus? Catching it.
What did the happy cactus say to the grumpy cactus? Don’t be so prickly.
I know there’s something wrong with my cactus, but I just can’t put my finger on it.
Succulent puns and succulent jokes
Love your succulent plants? Take a look at these succulent puns and succulent jokes.
Aloe, is it me you’re looking for?
I’m a succa for plants
Aloe beautiful
You’re so suc-cute-lent
Aloe from the other side
Succ it up
Aloe-lujah!
Life would succ without you
Aloe you vera much
A big succ-sess
You had me at aloe
Say aloe to my little friend
How does a plant answer the phone? “Aloe?”
Someone stole my succulent plant. That was aloe move.
Herb puns
How about some plant puns with an edible theme? Check out these tasty herb garden puns.
That’s sage advice
I just don’t have the thyme
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Bay-leaf in yourself
Parsley the test
Eat, drink and be rosemary
Party thyme!
We’re mint to be
Good chives only
Kind of a big dill
Have we included your favourite plant jokes and plant puns for instagram?
I hope you’ve enjoyed these silly jokes about plants and plant puns. Is your favourite plant pun on the list? 🌿
More nature fun for kids
If the kids have enjoyed this list of plant humour and you’d like to explore nature with them some more, my books *A Year of Nature Craft & Play and *A Year of Nature Walks and Games are perfect. It’s packed with a whole year’s worth of nature-themed crafts, games, gardening projects and science experiments, all with step-by-step instructions and colourful pictures. You can read about it and take a peek inside in my nature play blog post.
