Forgiveness, redemption, and leadership. Those three principles define Team USA curler Steve Hempt. Here’s how Steve Hemp describes growing up in Hebron, Connecticut All American childhood, most popular kid in my high school, great student, and that 6 ft 5, *** great athlete, one who earned an appointment to the United States Military Academy and then transferred to play basketball for the powerful UConn Huskies. But in 1995, his life changed forever. I was *** drunk driver and fortunately I’m lucky to be alive and sitting here with you all great people today. I was left for dead on the side of the road. I woke up from my coma and I was told I was never gonna walk again at 25 years old. He passed out behind the wheel, flipping his pickup truck, and he was ejected. After the crash, Steve spent months lying to people, telling them *** deer caused his accident. Then he accepted responsibility. We’re human, we’re gonna mess up. Forgive yourself, accept what happened, and move on. Steve’s new direction becoming *** high school teacher and basketball coach and finding the sport wheelchair curling. I’m an 11 time national champion, two time Paralympic, going on 3, world championships, and my life slogan, I live by this and I. Every day it’s not what happens to you it’s what you decide to do with what happens. What’s happening now for Emp is historic. He just qualified with Laura Dwyer for the first ever mixed doubles curling event at the Paralympics, and he’s excited to travel to Italy for the first time. I’m looking forward to eating pizza. I don’t know, is it different than what we have in New York or Chicago? I don’t know, um, but just the landscape, the people, just being out there, and again, the opportunity to. Represent Team USA and the grant it’s the stages. It’s goosebumps. On top of being *** teacher, coach, and Paralympian, Empt is also *** motivational speaker who’s written *** self-help book. On the road to Milan Cortina, I’m Fletcher Mackel.
Forgiveness, redemption and leadership define Team USA wheelchair curler Steve Emt
Forgiveness, redemption and leadership define Team USA wheelchair curler Steve Emt
Forgiveness, redemption, and leadership: Those three principles define Team USA wheelchair curler Steve Emt. Here’s how Emt describes growing up in Hebron, Connecticut: “All American childhood, most popular kid in my high school, great student.”Standing 6-foot-5, Emt was a great prep athlete who earned an appointment to the United States Military Academy and then transferred to play basketball for the powerful University of Connecticut Huskies.But life changed in 1995.”I was a drunk driver; fortunately, I’m lucky to be sitting here with you, great people, today. I was left for dead on the side of the road, and when I woke up from a coma two weeks later, I was told I’d never walk again, at 25 years old,” said Emt. He passed out behind the wheel, flipping his pickup truck, and was ejected. After the crash, Steve spent months lying to people, telling them a deer caused his accident, then he accepted responsibility. “We’re human. We’re gonna mess up, forgive yourself, accept what happened, and move on,” Emt said.Steve’s new direction, becoming a high school teacher and basketball coach, and finding the sport of wheelchair curling. “I’m an 11-time national champion. two-time Paralympian going on three, world championships, too. My life’s slogan, I live by this, and I say it every day, ‘it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you decide to do with what happens,’” said Emt. What’s happening now is historic. He qualified with Laura Dwyer for the first-ever mixed doubles curling event at the Paralympics, and he’s excited to travel to Italy for the first time. “I’m looking forward to eating pizza. I don’t know, is a different than what we have in New York or Chicago? I don’t know, but just the landscape, the people just being out there. And again, the opportunity to represent Team USA on the grandest stage, I get goosebumps,” said Emt. On top of being a teacher, coach and Paralympian, Emt is also a motivational speaker who’s written a self-help book.
Forgiveness, redemption, and leadership: Those three principles define Team USA wheelchair curler Steve Emt.
Here’s how Emt describes growing up in Hebron, Connecticut: “All American childhood, most popular kid in my high school, great student.”
Standing 6-foot-5, Emt was a great prep athlete who earned an appointment to the United States Military Academy and then transferred to play basketball for the powerful University of Connecticut Huskies.
But life changed in 1995.
“I was a drunk driver; fortunately, I’m lucky to be sitting here with you, great people, today. I was left for dead on the side of the road, and when I woke up from a coma two weeks later, I was told I’d never walk again, at 25 years old,” said Emt.
He passed out behind the wheel, flipping his pickup truck, and was ejected. After the crash, Steve spent months lying to people, telling them a deer caused his accident, then he accepted responsibility.
“We’re human. We’re gonna mess up, forgive yourself, accept what happened, and move on,” Emt said.
Steve’s new direction, becoming a high school teacher and basketball coach, and finding the sport of wheelchair curling.
Mike Coppola/Getty Images
Steve Emt poses for a portrait during the Team USA Media Summit ahead of the Milano Cortina 2026 Winter Olympic Games on Oct. 28, 2025, in New York City.
“I’m an 11-time national champion. two-time Paralympian going on three, world championships, too. My life’s slogan, I live by this, and I say it every day, ‘it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you decide to do with what happens,’” said Emt.
What’s happening now is historic. He qualified with Laura Dwyer for the first-ever mixed doubles curling event at the Paralympics, and he’s excited to travel to Italy for the first time.
“I’m looking forward to eating pizza. I don’t know, is a different than what we have in New York or Chicago? I don’t know, but just the landscape, the people just being out there. And again, the opportunity to represent Team USA on the grandest stage, I get goosebumps,” said Emt.
On top of being a teacher, coach and Paralympian, Emt is also a motivational speaker who’s written a self-help book.
The long-awaited trial of Dahbia Benkired began in France on Friday, Oct. 17
Benkired, 27, is accused of killing 12-year-old Lola Daviet in 2022
Benkired opened the trial by apologizing and asking the victim’s family for forgiveness, according to reports
The long-awaited trial for the murder of 12-year-old Lola Daviet in France began with a shocking apology.
Dahbia Benkired, who stands accused of luring Lola into her sister’s apartment before torturing, raping and killing the girl, immediately confessed and apologized to the Daviet family on Friday, Oct. 17 — asking forgiveness as she faces a possible life sentence in the coming days, according to several reports.
“What I did was horrible,” Benkired, now 27, said in her first words to the Paris Assize Court on Friday, according to Le Parisien, The Huffington Post and NDTV. “I would like to ask the whole family for forgiveness. What I did was horrible and I regret it.”
Three years ago, Lola was found brutally murdered in the trunk of a car outside the apartment building where her mother and father — Delphine and Johan Daviet — worked as caretakers. Investigators said her throat was slit, her body had signs of sexual abuse, and the numbers “1” and “0” were mysteriously written on each of her feet, PEOPLE reported at the time.
Since then, there’s been little doubt about who police believe is responsible for the 12-year-old schoolgirl’s gruesome death. One day after Lola was reported missing by her mother, Benkired was arrested and charged with her killing.
Facebook (2) Lola Daviet and alleged CCTV footage of Dahbia Benkerid
CCTV cameras inside the apartment building caught Benkired approaching the 12-year-old girl outside the building’s front door and entering the complex with her, just as Lola was returning home from school. That footage was shown again Friday in court, according to Le Parisien and The Huffington Post, as prosecutors narrated what they believed happened.
Later on the afternoon of Lola’s killing, investigators said witnesses watched Benkired leaving the building — where her sister Friha also lived, according to Le Parisien — carrying a trunk, which she stuffed inside a friend’s car.
Another piece of CCTV footage shown in court Friday appeared to show Benkired leaving the building with the same trunk in which Lola was found — a neighbor even helping hold the door for her as the then-24-year-old struggled to maneuver the luggage outside, Le Parisien reported.
An investigator also testified Friday how Benkired allegedly stopped at a cafe minutes after leaving the building with the trunk and spoke with a man who asked her what was inside the case, according to the outlet. “Kidneys,” Benkired allegedly told the man, who hours later came to police after hearing the news that a 12-year-old girl was found dead inside a similar trunk nearby.
Authorities testified Friday that Benkired confessed to killing Lola during their first interrogation, according to the newspaper. And shortly after her murder trial began Friday, Benkired apologized and asked forgiveness.
Chesnot/Getty Memorial for Lola Daviet
Le Parisien shared moment-by-moment updates from the emotional courtroom Friday, during which Lola’s brother was granted permission to address Benkired directly: “We would like you to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, to all of France and to us,” Thibault Daviet, Lola’s brother, reportedly told his sister’s accused killer.
Some members of the victim’s family left the courtroom before prosecutors showed pictures of her mutilated body, according to Le Parisien: “Death was caused by mechanical asphyxia due to obstruction of the nose and mouth,” the judge said, reading a medical examiner’s report as the images lingered on the screen. “Her head partially severed.”
The Huffington Post described Benkired’s trial and opening testimony as “highly anticipated” in a country where the case surrounding the Algerian [native] has become far-right political fodder — against Lola’s mother’s public wishes to keep her deceased daughter out of political debate and leave the memory of her young life at peace.
Benkired, who reportedly appeared mostly calm in court Friday as prosecutors laid out the case against her, could face up to life in prison if convicted, Le Parisien reported.
Her trial is set to last for six days.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.
Content Warnings: death of a parent, grief, arson, murder, violence, mental health struggles, abandonment, sexual content, manipulation
Summary: When 18-year-old River Santos loses everything after her house burns down, someone anonymously donates two million dollars to her GoFundMe. It’s like she’s won the worst sort of lottery. She’s a millionaire, but at what cost?
With every person who comes into the diner where she works, she wonders, “Was it you?” The only person she’s sure didn’t donate the money is her extremely hot—and extremely standoffish—coworker, Logan Evans. Ever since he started at the diner, he’s acted like he hates her. Which is why she’s shocked when he helps her save face in front of her ex…
Their attraction can’t be denied, but when River discovers a long-hidden family secret, she suddenly finds herself questioning everyone in her life. Her dad, who wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. Her chaotic mother, who left without so much as a goodbye at the beginning of her senior year. The anonymous donor, whose intentions may not have been altruistic after all. And most especially Logan, who has dark secrets of his own.
After the fire, River thought she had hit rock bottom. But as it turns out, there’s always more to lose…
Image Source: Courtesy of Penguin Random House 
What would you do if you lost everything, only to have a mysterious stranger drop $2 million at your feet? Sloan Harlow’s ALL WE LOST WAS EVERYTHING poses this question, then cranks the drama up to eleven. In this dark and twisty young adult thriller, 18-year-old River Santos watches her life literally go up in flames. After her house burns down and her father dies in the fire, River is left clinging to the ashes of her old life. As if that isn’t enough to rock anyone’s world, an anonymous benefactor deposits a fortune into her GoFundMe, a no-strings-attached gift that feels more like a curse. From that gripping premise, Harlow spins a tale that’s equal parts mystery, romance, and emotional coming-of-age. It’s a story about trusting no one and learning to trust yourself; all set against the unforgiving beauty of the Arizona desert.
1. A Genre-Blending Thriller That Hits Home
ALL WE LOST WAS EVERYTHING doesn’t fit neatly into a single box, and that’s a good thing. It’s a high-stakes mystery-thriller wrapped in a heartfelt YA coming-of-age story, with a generous dash of dark romance for good measure. One minute, River is a small-town teen slinging pancakes at the local diner; the next, she’s thrust into a real-life whodunit with a secret admirer’s millions hanging over her head. The novel walks a fine line between edge-of-your-seat suspense and genuine emotional depth, making it a crossover hit for fans of both E. Lockhart and Colleen Hoover. Harlow’s narrative feels like Veronica Mars grew up in the age of TikTok: witty and modern, yet unafraid to delve into raw feelings. And it all stays surprisingly grounded: River’s voice is down-to-earth and relatable, even when she’s grappling with million-dollar mysteries. By blending genres, Harlow has crafted a story that burns bright with thriller tension while still tugging at the heartstrings!
2. Heartache, Secrets, And The Weight Of Grief
At its core, this is a story about loss and the messy, painful healing that comes after. River isn’t just dealing with a tragic freak accident; she’s navigating bone-deep grief, family secrets, and the rubble of her identity. Six months ago, she had a loving father, a troubled but present mother, and a life full of music (her beloved guitar and songbook perished in the fire). Now, she’s essentially orphaned: her dad gone, and her mom missing without a trace for nearly a year. Living with her Tita Ana (aunt) and leaning on her best friend Tawny, River faces each day in survival mode, stuck between mourning and moving on.
The secrets make that dance even more complicated. When River discovers unsettling clues about her father’s past, including threatening letters hinting that his perfect facade hid something horrific, her understanding of her family begins to crumble. Was the fire that killed him truly an accident, or the final act in a long-brewing tragedy? Suddenly, River is questioning everything she thought she knew about her parents, her friends, and even herself. This book isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions: Can you ever really know the people you love? Can you forgive the unforgivable? Each new revelation brings River a mix of pain and clarity. It’s heavy stuff for a teenager to confront, but that’s exactly what makes the story so compelling. By the end, River isn’t the only one forced to rethink her past; you will be right there with her, sifting through the clues and confronting the unsettling idea that sometimes the people closest to you harbor the darkest secrets.
3. Twists, Trust Issues, And A Love Triangle Done Right
Don’t let the grief and melodrama fool you; this novel moves fast. Harlow piles on the mysteries from page one and never lets up. River’s sudden windfall sets the stage for a guessing game, and that’s just the beginning. Soon her ex-boyfriend, Noah, waltzes back into town with regret in his eyes and secrets on his lips. At the same time, her aloof co-worker Logan, previously more inclined to roll his eyes at River than talk to her, starts revealing a surprisingly soft side. The result is a tension-filled love triangle that actually serves the plot. It’s Team Logan vs. Team Noah, but not in the shallow way YA triangles sometimes play out. Each guy represents a different path and a different set of dangerous questions for River. Noah is the golden boy ex-best friend who broke her heart without explanation. Logan is the enigmatic new crush whose own family history is entangled with River’s in shocking ways. Choosing between them isn’t just about romance; it’s about uncovering the truth.
Every character in River’s life, from her loyal friend Tawny to the anonymous donor, seems to be hiding something. In ALL WE LOST WAS EVERYTHING, everyone has a secret, and no one can be fully trusted! Harlow masterfully juggles multiple mystery threads that intertwine like puzzle pieces, keeping even the savviest readers guessing. Just when you think you’ve solved one puzzle, another revelation comes out of left field, keeping you on your toes. And yes, there are twists on twists. By the final act, the connection between the fire, the missing mom, and that $2,000,000 twist of fate becomes a web of lies and loyalties that will make your jaw drop. Yet amidst the breakneck plotting, Harlow never loses sight of her characters. River, Logan, Noah, and Tawny are more than pawns in a mystery; they’re teenagers dealing with trauma, loyalty, and first love in a very intense situation. The dialogue crackles with authenticity, and moments of humor and warmth peek through the darkness, reminding you that these are young people trying to reclaim some normalcy. And for readers who crave a bit of spice with their suspense, fear not: River and Logan’s chemistry sizzles. Their flirtation starts slow and hostile, then blooms into a passionate connection with genuinely steamy scenes (prepare for some upper-YA heat).
4. Forgiveness And Hope Rising From The Ashes
Beneath the mysteries and make-outs, ALL WE LOST WAS EVERYTHING carries a surprisingly uplifting message: even after the worst happens, you can choose to find hope. River’s journey is more than just solving the whodunit and figuring out which boy deserves her heart. It’s about learning to let go of anger and to forgive others and herself. Throughout the novel, characters grapple with mistakes and betrayals that would break many of us. River learns gut-wrenching truths about her father’s past and her mother’s disappearance, the kinds of revelations that could easily breed lasting bitterness. Instead, our heroine finds an unexpected strength in her ability to understand and forgive those who hurt her. This isn’t the cheap, fairy-tale kind of forgiveness; it’s the hard-earned kind. Harlow shows that forgiveness is not about saying “it’s okay” to wrongs; it’s about refusing to let those wrongs destroy you. River can’t change what happened to her family, but she can decide not to be consumed by rage or regret. That’s a powerful takeaway for any reader, young or old!
By the final chapter, redemption and second chances take center stage. The question of “Can we forgive the unforgivable?” lingers over the story, and Harlow isn’t interested in easy answers. Instead, she offers something more honest: the idea that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. Characters who seemed irredeemable earn sympathy, and those who betrayed trust get a chance, however slight, at redemption. Importantly, River also learns to forgive herself for the survivor’s guilt she carries, for the naive faith she placed in people who let her down, and for the mistakes she makes along the way. In a narrative filled with literal flames and figurative daggers, it’s this emotional arc that gives the novel its soul! After all the twists and heartaches, the lasting impression is one of resilience. River’s story reminds us that even when you’ve lost everything, you might just find yourself.
ALL WE LOST WAS EVERYTHING doesn’t just keep you guessing; it makes you feel every broken piece and hard-won hope along the way.
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We’ve all been there—stewing over an inconsiderate comment, fuming at a missed opportunity, or harboring resentment over a past wrong. But what if I told you that clinging to anger and resentment only weighs you down, holding you back from a life filled with joy and peace?
It’s time to stop letting these negative emotions rule your life and explore how to let go of anger effectively. Learning the art of emotional release will lead to healthier relationships, increased happiness, and a more fulfilling existence.
This blog post explores 19 transformative strategies for safely releasing anger and negative emotions and embracing tranquility and empowerment.
So buckle up—it’s time to reclaim your calm and transform your stress with intention and mindfulness. Learn how to let go of anger and resentment.
Let’s get to it…
Why Recurring Anger Can Be a Dangerous Habit
Many studies have linked anger and resentment to heart disease and hypertension. The physical energy anger takes from us can have long-term side effects, such as high blood pressure and stroke.
To begin the process of letting go of your anger, it’s important to understand why you’ve become angry in the first place. Anger is a second-hand emotion (or substitute emotion) we use to avoid a primary emotion, such as fear, vulnerability, or pain.
There are many reasons we may experience pain, such as experiencing physical or emotional abuse from a partner or parent. It’s not the experience that has made you angry—your thought process has also contributed.
Memories can trigger anger, assumptions, and interpretations of a situation, making people think someone is out to hurt them. These distorted thinking patterns can jeopardize any relationship you have and lead you to suffer from undue stress. While anger is a natural emotion to have and something that everyone experiences, it often comes in the form of an unwanted and irrational feeling.
You can learn how to let go of resentment.
The good news is that this anger habit can be reversed, and you can learn to let go of resentment.
Chronic feelings of anger are a learned trait.
You may develop chronic anger if you grew up in a hostile household and were often the victim of someone else’s angry behaviors in the past or if you were somehow rewarded for your anger (such as being feared by peers for bullying behavior as a child).
Some ways to start reversing these feelings are becoming aware of your anger, preparing yourself to react differently in the future, taking action by seeking help to manage your emotions, and then maintaining your new mindset.
Letting go of anger involves a lot of learning and self-exploration. It is an ongoing task that requires discipline and a change in perspective. This process is not easy, and it often requires significant outside support. Here are 19 strategies to help you begin to let go of this negative emotion.
19 Strategies on How to Let Go of Anger
1. Recognize the source of your anger.
Recognize when you are feeling angry, and try to determine the cause. Is the cause something you can change or control, or is it out of your hands?
Further, is your anger being caused by someone you will never see again, such as a grocery clerk or a server at a restaurant? Or is a family member or friend making you angry?
This is important to recognize because the anger you feel when dealing with people close to you involves an ongoing interaction. To handle these situations, the best strategies to implement are escaping the situation, relaxing, restructuring your thoughts, or expressing your anger directly in a calm and appropriate tone.
Another way to recognize the source of your anger is to step back and evaluate your life. Are you where you expected yourself to be at this point? You may be experiencing built-up frustration because your life is not meeting your expectations, or you are not living up to the standards that you perceive other people have for you.
Unhealthy relationships and past experiences are also common sources of anger. When one person is often feeling vulnerable or is triggered by a past pain in their relationship, it can lead to feelings of anger to cover up this pain. If you can identify the past experience that is continuing to negatively impact your life, you have to face that situation head-on so you can let it go.
Using simple relaxation strategies can help you soothe your angry feelings. If you practice these strategies often, you will find it easier to resort to them when you feel anger emerging. Finding which techniques work best for you is important to help you process your thoughts with a more evident mindset.
For example, many people enjoy aromatherapy to help them relax. Whether you use essential oils in a bath or a diffuser, this is a great stress reliever and relaxation tool that is easily accessible. Another common technique is to listen to soothing music. This can help remove your mind from the situation at hand and help you re-center your thoughts.
Using simple relaxation strategies can help you soothe your angry feelings.
Practicing mindfulness is another very effective method of relaxation. If you are unfamiliar with mindfulness, here is a post explaining how to practice this method of thinking. Once you understand what mindfulness is, here are some exercises you can practice regularly.
3. Take a brief time out.
It is crucial to realize when to take a minute for yourself. If you are doing something or talking to someone and you can sense your anger building up, simply excuse yourself. Walk away and take a few minutes to gather your thoughts and release the negative emotions. Take this time to think about how you want to respond before you speak.
Taking a timeout will prevent you from saying something out of anger you might regret later. Find a quiet and relaxing place to go if you need a break. Consider some things you could do to cool down during this time, such as slow, deep breathing, and mindfulness exercises.
After your anger has subsided and before returning to the situation, consider what you will say when you return. For example, if you were talking to someone, express that you appreciate their understanding and thank them for allowing you to calm down.
4. Get daily exercise.
Getting physical exercise is one of the most effective ways to reduce anger and stress. Physical exercise gives you a chance to release your emotions, so going for a walk or run every day can help calm you down. Exercise can also help increase the release of endorphins in your body, naturally making you feel better and reducing your stress levels.
Finding a healthy hobby such as exercising will relieve tension, as your mind will become occupied. Try a few things until you find something that you enjoy doing. This will help encourage you to take a break from your everyday routine and help you build your self-esteem.
Physical exercise is one of the most effective ways to reduce anger and stress.
5. Find workable solutions.
Instead of focusing on whatever triggered your anger, work on finding a solution to the issue at hand. Instead of staying angry, do something about it.
For example, is your spouse late for dinner every night? Instead of facing this drama nightly, find a workable solution. Perhaps you can schedule meals for later in the evening or agree to eat on your own on certain nights.
You must recognize the things out of your control and understand that you cannot change them.
Knowing what you can control will let you use your limited energy in the most effective way possible. The time you waste thinking about and trying to change situations that are out of your control could be spent on things you do have control over, allowing you to make progress.
6. Don’t hold grudges.
Holding grudges has more health implications for you than for the other person. Not only do they take up your energy, but they also make your emotional state toxic.
Even if you have been legitimately offended, which most people have, try to take an empathic perspective rather than acting like a victim. Forgiving thoughts will give you a greater sense of perceived control and a reduced physiological stress response, which will help decrease your anger.
7. Practice forgiveness.
Forgiveness may look different for everyone, but it generally involves letting go of resentful feelings and thoughts of revenge. Once this is done, your anger will no longer drain your energy, and you will have peace of mind.
The act that hurt you may always be with you, but forgiveness will free you from the control of the incident or person who caused you harm. When you can forgive someone else, you are not doing it for their sake. Instead, you are doing it to regain control of your life and move on. This doesn’t mean you forget or excuse the harmful behavior, but it will bring you some peace.
Once you forgive, your anger will no longer drain your energy, and you will be able to have peace of mind.
8. Own your anger.
You need to learn how to control your anger before it starts to control you. To do this, acknowledge when you’re angry and remind yourself that you can get over it. Remember that the feeling won’t last and will only get as bad as you allow it to.
The logic of our emotions does not always make sense. For example, if you were hurt as a child by a parent and you are still holding onto that anger as an adult and waiting for someone else to fix it for you, you are never going to get over it. You must realize that it is up to you to own your anger and address it to move on. You are the only person who is in control of your feelings.
9. Talk to a friend.
Reach out to a trusted friend you know will give you their full attention. Let out your anger and frustrations to them and get their feedback. When a friend knows you well, they can often provide the best advice for you that fits in with your life. A good friend may be able to reframe the situation for you and get you to see it in a different light.
It also feels good to vent. Sometimes, you need to talk something through to someone willing to listen so you can get your feelings out. It might be a good idea to set some boundaries for your venting.
For example, ask your friend if you can have five minutes to talk… and then only give yourself five minutes. Pay attention to the number of times you repeat yourself, and you will likely find that you do this a lot to provide emphasis. Set limits to ensure you keep it brief, sort out your thoughts, and focus on a solution.
10. Recite positive affirmations.
Recurring anger is an affirmation. You can choose the path of anger or the path of calm.
You need to replace these negative affirmations with positive ones. You can think in a way that creates a hostile mental atmosphere, or you can believe in a way that helps develop a healthy atmosphere for you and the people around you.
Tell yourself that you are in control and that no one can make you feel inferior. Doing this will help calm you down if you are beginning to feel angry. Learn to practice both present and future affirmations so you can use this technique to prevent anger and deal with it when it occurs.
Recurring anger is an affirmation. You need to replace these negative affirmations with positive ones.
11. Express yourself in a journal
Writing about your anger in a journal is one of the most effective ways to express and understand your feelings. Through writing, you can process your thoughts carefully.
Once you identify the root causes of your anger, you will have the control you need to analyze your responses. Writing about your anger will help you learn from it and take positive action to protect yourself in the future by increasing your self-awareness.
Some people choose to draw or paint what they are feeling instead of writing it down in words. This is also an effective method of journaling. Draw what your anger looks like to you, and express yourself creatively to help yourself move on.
12. Change your environment.
Sometimes, your immediate surroundings cause irritation. Problems may begin to weigh you down and make you feel trapped. You can escape this by making sure you set aside personal time.
Elements in your environment may be making you more likely to get angry. For example, if you often get angry in the mornings when you are rushing around and trying to get everyone up and ready for the day, try to find a way to reduce this stress the night before so you can lighten your load in the morning.
Alternatively, if you have been in a relationship that has gone sour, avoid doing anything that reminds you of the person who hurt you. This includes not going to places where you used to go together and even not listening to songs that remind you of that person. You might need to find alternate routes to work or school to bypass areas that remind you of this person and recreate your routine to avoid negative thoughts.
13. Become more self-aware.
Becoming more self-aware can help you prevent your anger from happening. Becoming aware of your false beliefs requires introspective work, including developing the skills to focus on your mind and dissect some of your negative thoughts. Once you become aware of what triggers your anger, you can apply your techniques to change the dynamics that are going on in your mind and causing your emotions.
If you can embrace yourself and avoid a victim mentality, the results of your self-awareness practices can lead to a permanent change. By becoming self-aware, you can identify the primary elements or feelings that trigger your anger, such as fear or pain.
14. Laugh.
Can you think of an experience where you laughed at something that made you mad? This moment can be transformational because humor is both healing and empowering. If you can laugh about something, you can gain power over it instead of allowing it to control you.
If you can’t find any humor in the situation that makes you angry, turn to things you know will make you laugh and get into this positive frame of mind. For example, you can watch a funny movie or video or meet up with a friend who always makes you laugh. This is a good way to change your mindset and get your mind off whatever makes you angry.
If you laugh about something, you gain power over it instead of allowing it to have power over you.
15. Take deep breaths.
Stopping to take intentional deep breaths will force you to calm down. Stop what you are doing and count down from three while inhaling, hold it for five seconds, and then exhale. This will help you take a moment before reacting to something irrationally.
For example, imagine someone just cut you off in traffic,, and you can feel yourself becoming enraged. Instead of immediately reacting, take a moment for some deep and intentional breaths. This will give your body a chance to calm down and give you time to think twice about how you react.
16. Use a stress-relief tool.
Stress-relief tools and toys can be used as preventative measures or to calm you down in the moment. If you can focus on something you are playing with or channel your aggression into a physical object, you may be able to reduce your feelings of anger.
If you need something to squeeze to let out your aggression, this stress ball is great to keep in your bag or your car so you can take it out at any time and use it.
If you need something to inspire you, these balls have sayings on them that can enhance your positive affirmations and remind you to use them when needed.
17. Avoid the person who causes you pain.
If possible, avoid coming into contact with the person who caused you pain. Instead, surround yourself with people who lift you up and empower you to feel good about yourself. Take control over your emotions by not allowing other people to impact them and avoiding being around people who try to negatively affect your feelings.
After having a bad experience, avoid saying “never” and “always.” Instead, try to isolate your lousy experience and realize no absolutes. Sure, something may happen more than once, and you want to acknowledge that—but using words like never and always is not a rational way of thinking.
18. Be assertive.
Being assertive is an important communication skill, different from being aggressive. When you are assertive, you clearly express yourself and defend your point of view while still respecting other people’s beliefs.
Assertive communication can help you earn the respect of others and boost your self-esteem. It shows that you are confident in what you are talking about and willing to stand your ground while still maintaining self-control.
This can help reduce stress because you will know that you have clearly expressed your wants or needs to another person. To start being assertive, learn to say what you mean and mean what you say.
19. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Do you ever find that you are giving up happiness for minor inconveniences out of your control?
Your happiness is primarily impacted by your ability to let things go and to realize what you can and can’t control.
When something happens, your initial feelings of anger are natural and unavoidable because chemical reactions in your body create them. But those chemicals last only about six seconds. Anything that happens after that is due to your own decision to ruminate.
Let the small things go. If someone jumped in front of you in line, don’t stress over this minor event. Focus instead on the good things in your life. Pick your battles and allow your happiness to overcome your mild frustrations. (Here’s how to not let things bother you so much.)
Final Thoughts on Anger and Resentment
It’s clear that holding onto anger affects you mentally and physically. The steps listed above are a great start to the “letting go” process and free yourself from the pain. Eventually, you need to learn to “burn the boats.”
You can begin reversing your anger habit by taking small steps each day. Visualize how relieved you will feel once you’ve learned to let go of that pent-up emotion.
See more ideas on controlling your anger and bringing more calm to your life:
Occasionally, stray vestiges might pop up, and you might feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you might see it as a repeated lesson, that you’re running into a particular situation or person. But people and situations will always exist, whether or not you have accepted what happened to you. And so maybe it isn’t about you, but rather, a fact of life. Or, as Danielle LaPorte pens it so beautifully in her book How To Be Loving, “We can choose to let someone be who they are for us today, not a hologram of yesterday’s issue.”
“While most people aren’t huge snake fans, a snake’s regular shedding of its skin can remind us that we all go through times when something, someone, someplace—or a way of being with ourselves—leaves our life. Hard times are always painful, uncomfortable, and vulnerable, yet they also open the door to healing transformation. In what ways is a new layer of you, or a new layer of potential and possibility regarding an area of your life, revealing itself? Focus on the healing new habits, people, opportunities, experiences, attitudes, thought patterns, or resources that are appearing in your world as you navigate this hard time. Just like the snake shedding its skin, hard times have an awkward, in-between-worlds quality to them, but we can often already see evidence of something positive being born in our lives, even if it’s very new and fragile.”
From ‘Bah, humbug!’ to redemption: Charles Dickens’ ‘A Christmas Carol’ unfolds as more than just a festive fable, offering profound insights into self-discovery, kindness, and rewriting one’s life story.
Charles Dickens’ timeless classic, “A Christmas Carol,” isn’t just a heartwarming tale of holiday spirit; it’s a profound exploration of human psychology and the power of personal transformation.
Many of us have heard the story before through countless movie and TV adaptations, especially the infamous Scrooge, whose name has now become a common insult toward those who fight against the holiday spirit of joy, kindness, and charity.
If you’re interested, you can read the original 1843 novella A Christmas Carol for free at Project Gutenberg. There are also many free audiobooks you can find and listen to.
The story opens the day before Christmas with Ebenezer Scrooge at work, a strict businessman who is described as miserable, lonely, and greedy, without any close friends or companions. His nephew visits, wishes him a cheerily “Merry Christmas!” and invites him to spend dinner with his family, but Scrooge rudely brushes off the kind gesture and responds with his trademark phrase “Bah humbug!”
Scrooge’s cynical and negative attitude is on full display in the opening chapter. “He carried his own low temperature always about with him.” In one instance where he is asked to donate money to help the poor, the wealthy Scrooge asks, “Aren’t there prisons? Aren’t there workhouses?” and then complains about the “surplus population.”
It’s clear that Scrooge’s only concerns and core values in life are money and wealth. If it doesn’t help his profits or bottom line then he doesn’t care about it, especially the well-being of others which he claims is “none of his business.”
The archetype of Scrooge is more relevant today than ever, especially in our corporatized world where rich elites isolate themselves from the rest of society while income inequality, crime, and economic woes continue to rise for the average person. Dickens observed early signs of increased materialism, narcissism, and greed almost two hundred years ago, but these unhealthy instincts have only grown rapidly since then. Social media has particularly warped people’s perceptions of wealth, status, and fame, which has in turn blinded us to many other important values in life.
In many cases people like Scrooge live lonely and miserable lives until they die, clinging to their money as they are lowered into their graves. However the story of “A Christmas Carol” provides hope and inspiration that people can change their paths in life if they are given the necessary insight and wisdom.
As the well-known tale goes, Scrooge is haunted by 3 benevolent spirits on consecutive nights (The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future), each teaching him an essential lesson on what really matters in life.
This breakdown of past, present, and future creates a complete picture of one’s life. It’s a powerful framework to spark self-growth in any person. Once we reevaluate where we’ve been, where we are, and where we want to go, we have a much clearer idea on what the right path forward is.
Keep in mind you don’t need to be religious to reap the benefits of this story. Its lessons are universal. While there are supernatural and spiritual elements, the wisdom is real and tangible.
Introduction: The Ghost of Marley
Before Scrooge is visited by the three spirits, he encounters the ghost of his former business partner Marley who had died seven years ago.
The ghost of Marley is shown to be in a type of purgatory, aimlessly roaming the town, entangled in many heavy chains with cash-boxes, keys, padlocks, ledgers, deeds, and heavy purses made out of steel, representing a lifetime of greed and selfishness:
“I wear the chain I forged in life,” replied the Ghost. “I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to you?”
“Or would you know,” pursued the Ghost, “the weight and length of the strong coil you bear yourself? It was full as heavy and as long as this, seven Christmas Eves ago. You have laboured on it, since. It is a ponderous chain!”
The ghost lets Scrooge know that his actions have far-reaching consequences too. He will suffer a similar fate if he doesn’t change his ways, but there’s still hope for redemption! He then leaves, announcing to Scrooge that he will soon be visited by three spirits that will guide him to a better path.
Marley’s ghost serves as a warning, but also a sign of hope.
The Ghosts of the Past: Forgiving Your Former Self
Scrooge’s first encounter is with the “Ghost of Christmas Past,” who serves as a poignant reminder that we must confront our history to understand our present.
The Ghost of Christmas Past transports Scrooge through various memories he had as a child and young adult, showing his psychological development over time.
The first scene brings Scrooge back to his childhood town, where he is immediately rushed with feelings of nostalgia, cheerfulness, and joy. These positive memories depict a very different Scrooge from present, revealing his once optimistic and hopeful disposition. What happened to him since?
The memories begin to grow darker. Multiple scenes show Scrooge spending Christmas alone as a young child, one time being left by himself at boarding school while his friends were celebrating the holidays with family, and another time sitting solitarily by the fire reading. Scrooge begins to shed tears and show sympathy toward his former, abandoned self.
One of the most pivotal memories is when young adult Scrooge is speaking with his past lover. She notices a fundamental change in him that has become a dealbreaker in their relationship.
“You fear the world too much,” she answered, gently…”I have seen your nobler aspirations fall off one-by-one, until the master-passion, Gain, engrosses you…”
She sees that money has become Scrooge’s God which he puts above all other values, including love. The young woman continues…
“Our contract is an old one. It was made when we were both poor and content to be so, until, in good season, we could improve our worldly fortune by our patient industry. You are changed. When it was made, you were another man.”
Here we begin to see Scrooge’s hardening into the man he is in the present.
His pursuit of wealth as his main source of comfort and satisfaction has damaged his relationship beyond repair. The lover sees no other option but for them to go their separate ways. The memory deeply pains Scrooge and he cries out for the ghost to show him no more.
In truth we are all a product of our past, including our environment and the choices we make in life. Scrooge has clearly gone through hardships and taken wrong turns that have influenced where he finds himself today; but it’s not too late.
The Ghost of Christmas Past forced Scrooge to remember events that he had long forgotten, neglected, or ignored because they were too painful to think about. While these old memories cannot be altered, you have to accept your past, be honest with yourself, and forgive yourself if you want to learn, grow, and change for the better.
One of the main lessons here is that you need to take responsibility for the past before you can take power over the future. Scrooge is suffering, but he’s learning.
Making the Most of the Present: Opportunities for Joy and Kindness
Scrooge’s next encounter is with the “Ghost of Christmas Present,” who teaches Scrooge all the opportunities for good that cross his path every single day.
The spirit is colorfully dressed with holly, mistletoe, berries, turkeys, sausages, oysters, pies, puddings, fruit, and punch surrounding him, a representation of the simple pleasures in life we can all learn to appreciate, savor, and be grateful for.
First, the Ghost of Christmas Present takes Scrooge for a walk outside in the town during Christmas Day, observing all the happiness, zest, and cheer overflowing through the streets. Everyone from all backgrounds is enjoying the festivities.
When two people bump into each other and start a small fight, the ghost sprinkles a magical substance on them which instantly ends the argument and brings both back to a more joyful demeanor.
“Once or twice when there were angry words between some dinner-carriers who had jostled each other, he shed a few drops of water on them, and their good humour was restored directly. For they said, it was a shame to quarrel upon Christmas Day. And so it was! God love it, so it was!”
On Christmas, all fights are optional.
The ghost then leads Scrooge to the home of Bob Cratchit, his current employee who he often treats poorly. Here Scrooge is introduced to Bob’s sick and disabled son Tiny Tim, who despite his illness is still excited to spend holiday time with the family. The poor family makes the most of the limited food and time they have together, including a fake “goose” dinner made out of apple sauce and mashed potatoes.
Scrooge looks on in sympathy and wishes he could do more to help them. He asks the spirit about the current state of Tiny Tim’s health:
“Spirit,” said Scrooge, with an interest he never felt before, “tell me if Tiny Tim will live.”
“I see a vacant seat,” replied the Ghost, “in the poor chimney-corner, and a crutch without an owner, carefully preserved. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child will die.”
In another scene, Scrooge is transported to the home of his sister’s family, the same party his nephew invited him to the previous day. Everyone in the household is enjoying the Christmas holiday while singing, dancing, and playing games. Several times Scrooge is brought up in conversation and everyone can only laugh and shrug at Scrooge’s relentless misery and gloom.
“A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man, whatever he is!” said Scrooge’s nephew. “He wouldn’t take it from me, but may he have it nonetheless. Uncle Scrooge!”
Scrooge knows that these events and perceptions by others are part of his own doing.
At every turn, Scrooge denies taking advantage of daily opportunities for happiness, including rejecting a group of children singing carols, responding rudely to acquaintances (“Bah humbug!”), and refusing to give to charities or help others when it’s fully in his power.
These events are small, but they build up over time. Whenever Scrooge is given a choice between kindness vs. coldness, he chooses to be cold. After enough tiny social interactions, Scrooge has cemented his reputation around town as being the miserable miser.
Can he still change it?
The Shadows of the Future: Shaping Tomorrow Today
The final spirit Scrooge meets is the “Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come” or the “Ghost of Christmas Future.” This ghost blends in with the darkness of the night, wearing a long black robe that covers their entire face and body, except for a boney hand it uses to silently point.
The ghost begins by showing men on the streets joking and laughing about someone who has just passed away. At a pawn shop, robbers are selling stolen property they recently seized from the dead man’s estate, saying it’s for the best since the items will no longer serve any use to him. Scrooge, perplexed by the meaning of these scenes, intently watches on. Another man jokes:
“It’s likely to be a very cheap funeral, for upon my life I don’t know of anybody to go to it.”
Scene by scene, people show ambivalence toward the death. Scrooge grows frustrated and asks:
“If there is any person in the town who feels emotion caused by this man’s death, show that person to me. Spirit, I beseech you!”
Now they see a family that was in debt to the dead man, and they are feeling humble gratitude and quiet glee that they no longer have to worry themselves about such an evil creditor:
“Yes. Soften it as they would, their hearts were lighter. The children’s faces, hushed and clustered round to hear what they so little understood, were brighter; and it was a happier house for this man’s death! The only emotion that the Ghost could show him, caused by the event, was one of pleasure.”
Already having suspicions on who this man is, Scrooge begs the ghost to finally reveal where his future lies. The ghost travels to a graveyard and points at a tombstone that upon inspection reads: Ebenezer Scrooge
Scrooge’s heart sinks. Next it’s shown that Tiny Tim hasn’t recovered from his illness and has also passed away, and at such a young age. Feeling completely hopeless at this point, Scrooge desperately begs:
“Answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that Will be, or are they shadows of things that May be, only?”
“Men’s courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me!”
As long as you’re alive and breathing, you have the power to change.
When we think about death, it puts everything about life into perspective. Our time is finite in this world and we must make the most of it without being distracted by trivialities and lesser values. If you were laying on your deathbed right now, what would your main regrets be?
When Scrooge reflects on his own death and what influence he’d leave on the world, it shakes him at his core – but also transforms him.
The Power of Redemption: Transforming Scrooge’s Tale into Our Own
After the visitations of the three ghosts, Scrooge wakes up a changed man ready to start his new life. He rises from bed excited, hopeful, and giddy that he’s still alive and still has a chance to change his current course.
Upon finding out it’s still Christmas Day, he buys a prize turkey to send to the Cratchit family and begins giving generous amounts of money to children and the poor. He continues to walk around the town square, giving everyone warm greetings and a hearty “Merry Christmas!”
When he sees Bob Cratchit the next day at work, he immediately gives him a raise in salary and promises to take care of Tiny Tim and assist the family in anyway possible. He becomes a lifelong friend to the family.
This sudden change in Scrooge’s behavior confused the townsfolk at first, including many who made fun of this rapid transformation that was so uncharacteristic of Scrooge. But these words and gossip didn’t bother him:
“Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter[…] His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.”
At its core, “A Christmas Carol” is a story of redemption and heroism. Scrooge’s journey from miserly recluse to benevolent samaritan exemplifies the human capacity for change.
By reflecting on his past, present, and future self, Scrooge discovered the best path forward – a process that applies to all forms of self-improvement.
This story has insightful lessons that can apply to anyone’s life, no matter what situation they find themselves in. We can’t change the past chapters, but we can change how our story ends.
Never forget you have the power to rewrite your life story at any time.
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In a 6-3 ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Biden administration’s plan to forgive billions of dollars in federally backed student loan debt, a decision that means millions will have to start making student loan repayments later this year. What do you think?
“I did exactly what society told me to do, so I deserve to be punished.”
Graeme Ballinger, Census Alphabetizer
Pope Francis Declares Nothing Wrong With Guy Giving Buddy Tug Job After Few Drinks
“What message does it send young people if education doesn’t carry huge risks?”
Rochelle Meeks, Loot Appraiser
“Americans need to buckle down and inherit some money.”
According to a 2018 study2 published in the journal PLOS One, researchers define self-forgiveness as “a positive attitudinal shift in the feelings, actions, and beliefs about the self, following a self-perceived transgression or wrongdoing committed by the self.” They also note that forgiving yourself can help “restore a positive sense of the self and safeguard [your] overall well-being against the toxic effects of guilt, shame and regret.”
The antithesis of self-forgiveness, meanwhile, usually involves denial and/or berating yourself, according to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW. As he tells mindbodygreen, “There’s this constant tendency to think we have to be perfect. It’s a self-protective mechanism, because when we’re not perfect, there are consequences, and that’s a scary thing.”
When you foster your ability to recognize and accept your imperfection, however, “that is literally one of the greatest skills of life,” Page says, adding, “And a side benefit of that is when we learn to do it for ourselves, we learn how to forgive other people, too.”
Ultimately, as licensed marriage and family therapist Jessi Leader, LMFT, previously told mindbodygreen, forgiving yourself comes down to getting curious and exploring why whatever happened, happened—and further, processing the feelings associated with the hurt.
Self-forgiveness, she says, isn’t so much about letting go, but rather “having a better relationship with this part of you.”
Occasionally, stray vestiges might pop up, and you might feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you might see it as a repeated lesson, that you’re running into a particular situation or person. But people and situations will always exist, whether or not you have accepted what happened to you. And so maybe it isn’t about you, but rather, a fact of life. Or as Danielle LaPorte pens it so beautifully in her book How To Be Loving, “We can choose to let someone be who they are for us today, not a hologram of yesterday’s issue.”
And even then, it doesn’t mean you have to embrace such a person or situation to prove to yourself you’ve healed. Personally, I dislike people when they are high, rowdy, and drunk. I never liked putting myself in such situations prior to that, but they’ve made me feel especially unsafe in the aftermath of a previous narcissistic relationship. So aware of my needs for safety, I choose to disengage from people when I see them drink a bit too much, and I generally exit such situations anyway because I don’t like staying out too long to drink either.
Bottom line is, I don’t judge these people for what they do, nor myself for feeling and responding the way that I do. It’s the same way I prefer to sit on the aisle seat when flying and don’t judge myself for that.
Sometimes, you may still feel retriggered, and that’s okay. In these situations, ask yourself, what’s going on in your environment? Is a place or thing tarred with a bad memory, and do you want to reclaim it? If so, you can start creating better memories with safe and good people, or with yourself.
Or, are you constantly being exposed to people who make it hard to feel at peace? For instance, are you often seeing toxic family members out of guilt or obligation, and so keep walking on eggshells? Or did you recently run into a naysayer who shamed you for what you went through— that you were stupid, naive, or immature? In the same way that we don’t deliberately put our lives in danger or discomfort— e.g. we will walk away from dark alleyways or streets filled with bins— we can make these exposures temporary.
After watching “River of Forgiveness”, it will become clear how the message of forgiveness perfectly connects with a day centered around reconciliation and finding comfort in our close friendships
Press Release –
Jul 30, 2022
SAN FRANCISCO, July 30, 2022 (Newswire.com)
– Wai Lana’s newly released music video River of Forgivenesspays tribute toInternational Day of Friendship on July 30th—a day that promotes and encourages worldwide peace, happiness, and unity.
Yoga wisdom touches all aspects of our lives. After watching River of Forgiveness, it will become clear how the message of forgiveness perfectly connects with a day centered around reconciliation and finding comfort in our close friendships. Forgiveness is an integral part of friendship and our being able to live happy, peaceful, and healthy lives.
Wai Lana says, “Whether you’re mad at a family member or close friend, a neighbor, co-worker, or complete stranger, holding on to some resentment or anger towards others will cause you stress and unhappiness. Why carry the burden of anger for days on end for something you can’t change?”
Everyone will be able to relate to many of the scenarios Wai Lana sings about in River of Forgiveness. While it calls attention to the unhappiness caused by holding on to anger, the song maintains a playful, uplifting tone—transporting viewers to a place of peace, joy, and lightheartedness. Simultaneously entertaining and meditative, River of Forgiveness can be watched again and again.
Wai Lana concluded, “My hope is that viewers will find both inspiration and some relief from the heavy burden of anger, and that it will bring friends and loved ones even closer together. Not everything in life is in our control, but each of us has the power to forgive. If we wish to hold onto anger, that is our freedom, but we cannot expect the fruits of peace and happiness to flourish among the weeds of anger and resentment”
About Wai Lana
Wai Lana is a world-renowned yoga instructor who is credited with pioneering the modern-day yoga movement through her award-winning TV series, “Wai Lana Yoga,” which has aired in the US and internationally for three decades. For Wai Lana, yoga is not just a workout, it is a complete lifestyle that offers countless physical, mental, and spiritual benefits.
It’s hard to compare Wai Lana with any other artist. Her music videos are rich with spiritual depth, inspiration, and wisdom. Fusing captivating music, lyrics, and cinematography, Wai Lana’s unique style belongs to a genre all its own—which has been described as ‘music of the heart’.
Fans have become accustomed to Wai Lana releasing a new music video each year that expresses some of the deeper aspects of yoga, inviting her viewers into a world of peace, compassion, and respect for all. Her past videos include “Namaste, Colors, Beyond Time & Space, Lay Me Down, and She Speaks Sign Language.
