According to a 2018 study2 published in the journal PLOS One, researchers define self-forgiveness as “a positive attitudinal shift in the feelings, actions, and beliefs about the self, following a self-perceived transgression or wrongdoing committed by the self.” They also note that forgiving yourself can help “restore a positive sense of the self and safeguard [your] overall well-being against the toxic effects of guilt, shame and regret.”
The antithesis of self-forgiveness, meanwhile, usually involves denial and/or berating yourself, according to therapist and relationship expert Ken Page, LCSW. As he tells mindbodygreen, “There’s this constant tendency to think we have to be perfect. It’s a self-protective mechanism, because when we’re not perfect, there are consequences, and that’s a scary thing.”
When you foster your ability to recognize and accept your imperfection, however, “that is literally one of the greatest skills of life,” Page says, adding, “And a side benefit of that is when we learn to do it for ourselves, we learn how to forgive other people, too.”
Ultimately, as licensed marriage and family therapist Jessi Leader, LMFT, previously told mindbodygreen, forgiving yourself comes down to getting curious and exploring why whatever happened, happened—and further, processing the feelings associated with the hurt.
Self-forgiveness, she says, isn’t so much about letting go, but rather “having a better relationship with this part of you.”
Sarah Regan
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