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Tag: Feinstein

  • Five takeaways from the testy U.S. Senate debate between Schiff and Garvey

    Five takeaways from the testy U.S. Senate debate between Schiff and Garvey

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    The only head-to-head debate in California’s high-stakes U.S. Senate race between Rep. Adam B. Schiff and former Dodger Steve Garvey was dominated Tuesday by contentious exchanges on a host of national political issues — from immigration to the economy, expanding conflict in the Middle East, reproductive healthcare and global warming.

    The sharpest exchanges, however, related to the two candidates’ vastly different stances on former President Trump.

    Schiff, a Burbank Democrat with more than 20 years of experience in the House and a commanding lead in the polls, cast Garvey as an inexperienced Trump backer who would push conservative rather than Californian values in Washington.

    Californians, Schiff quipped, are “not looking for some MAGA mini-me in a baseball uniform.”

    Garvey, a Palm Desert Republican with no political experience but high name recognition from his days as a Major League Baseball star, suggested Schiff was too caught up in party politics and his vendetta against Trump to focus on the issues most important to California voters.

    “How can you think about one man every day and focus on that when you’ve got millions of people in California to take care of?” Garvey said. “I think it’s unconscionable.”

    The debate was testy from the start. When Schiff in his first remarks accused Garvey of turning a blind eye to the worst impulses of Trump — who Schiff said wants to “be a dictator on Day One” — Garvey replied, borrowing a famous Ronald Reagan line used in a 1980 presidential debate, “There you go again.”

    During a separate exchange on immigration, in which Schiff accused Garvey of supporting Trump’s plan for mass deportations, Garvey said, “One of the two of us is honest and straightforward.”

    “I would agree with that,” Schiff shot back.

    The debate offered a final chance for the two candidates to square off in public before voters decide between them in the November election. Californians will be asked to vote twice in the Senate race: First, to choose Schiff or Garvey to serve out the remainder of the late Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s final term, which ends in early January, and, separately, who should serve a subsequent six-year Senate term.

    Tuesday’s debate was the first since Garvey and Schiff won the two highest totals of votes in a more crowded primary field, in which Schiff bested Democratic rivals Reps. Katie Porter of Irvine and Barbara Lee of Oakland. Polls show Schiff with a substantial lead over Garvey.

    Trump loomed over immigration debate

    Moderators of the fast-paced, hour-long debate — hosted by KABC-TV in partnership with Univision and the League of Women Voters — asked Schiff and Garvey multiple questions about immigration and border security.

    Schiff said the country needs to “get control of the border” with more personnel and technology to interdict people and drugs. But it also needs a “comprehensive immigration policy” that treats people humanely and provides relief for farmworkers and undocumented people who arrived in the U.S. as children.

    And he blasted Garvey for backing Trump, saying Trump’s plan is for mass deportations that will devastate the country and immigrant communities.

    “You’re voting for mass deportations when you say you’re for Donald Trump,” Schiff said.

    Garvey said his campaign has focused heavily on Latino communities. He also said border security needs to be greatly enhanced. He said Schiff, alongside President Biden, had created an “existential crisis” by backing an “open border.”

    “What we have to do is secure the border. We have to finish off the wall. We have to reinstate ‘remain in Mexico,’” Garvey said. “We have to reinforce our border patrol. We have to get back to building facilities at the border that will detain these illegal immigrants, then a judicial system that will will try them.”

    A record number of people have been stopped at the U.S.-Mexico border during the Biden-Harris administration, and Republicans across the country — including Garvey — are pushing to make border security a campaign liability for Democrats.

    “A lot of Americans are concerned about immigration,” said Mindy Romero, the founder of the Center for Inclusive Democracy at USC. “The reason why Republicans are talking about it so much is because it works.”

    While Garvey’s chances of winning the Senate race are low given how deeply blue California voters are overall, Romero said, he is still the highest-ranking Republican on the ballot after Trump — and what Garvey says about immigration could still matter for Republicans.

    “In California, we’re not a monolith and we’re not all in sync on this issue,” Romero said. “What Garvey says and does could help motivate and mobilize Republicans.”

    Garvey struggled to state a clear position on abortion

    The moderators sought, without success, to bring clarity to Garvey’s position on abortion rights.

    He has said that he personally opposes abortion and would not support a federal ban on abortion.

    “I am a Catholic,” Garvey said Tuesday night. “I believe in life at conception. I believe that God breathes a soul into these fetuses. So I am steadfast in terms of my policies on abortion, and also pledge to support all the people of California.”

    But Garvey also pledged to “support the voice of Californians.” He said he supported the amendment enshrining a right to abortion in the state Constitution that two-thirds of Golden State voters supported in 2022 after the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade.

    If Garvey is “listening to the voices of Californians like he claims, he would hear their voices loud and clear,” Schiff said. “Californians want a national right to reproductive freedom and they don’t want the government in the business of making that decision for women.”

    Schiff has been a longtime vocal advocate for access to abortion services, and said Tuesday that he supports establishing a national right to abortion access.

    A UC Berkeley Institute of Governmental Studies poll in early August, co-sponsored by the Los Angeles Times, found that more than half of likely California voters surveyed — 52% — said electing someone who “would be a strong voice in defending abortion rights in the Senate” was very important to them.

    Differences on government’s role on the economy

    The differences in how Schiff and Garvey see the role of government was fully on display when they were pressed on how to address the rising cost of goods and housing.

    “We’re much worse off than we were four years ago,” Garvey said. He said he supported more free-market policies, and knocked Schiff for what he described as “Schiff-flation.”

    Housing is a local issue and more federal regulation could lead to the government being “overinvolved,” Garvey said.

    Asked how he would help renters, he said he’d do so by getting the U.S. economy “roaring again.”

    Schiff said he would support more direct federal spending on housing, and as well as an expansion of Section 8 vouchers, a government subsidy that enables eligible tenants to find housing with private landlords. He also proposed a “renter’s tax credit,” akin to the tax deduction that allows homeowners to write off their mortgage interest payments.

    Garvey said he would support tariffs on imported goods shipped by “a company that threatens the success of an American company.” But, he said, he would prefer to see lower domestic taxes to foster more small businesses and reduce the need to import foreign goods.

    Schiff said he doesn’t support Trump’s “across-the-board tariffs,” which he said would lead to higher prices for consumers. He said he would support “targeted tariffs” when China dumps cheap goods into the country “to try to drive American businesses out of business.”

    Feinstein’s legacy stirs debate

    Throughout the debate, the political specter of the woman whose seat Schiff and Garvey are vying for loomed large.

    Right out of the gate, KABC anchor and moderator Marc Brown brought up Feinstein having authored an assault weapons ban in 1994, and asked Garvey whether he would take any action on guns were he elected.

    “I believe in the Constitution, I believe in the Second Amendment. I believe it will never be overturned, nor should we attempt to overturn that,” Garvey said. “I do have sympathy for all of those who may have been victims of shootings, but I think that the most important thing is a stringent background check that goes much deeper than it is today, in order to to preserve the integrity of the Second Amendment and to be able to provide for people to defend themselves.”

    Schiff said Californians need leaders like Feinstein who are willing to “stand up to” the National Rifle Assn.

    “I would support an assault weapons ban. I would support extended and universal background checks. I would support a ban on extended ammunition clips and my own bill, which would strip away the NRA’s immunity from liability,” Schiff said. “Mr. Garvey was asked just a couple weeks ago if he would support any gun control measure, and his answer was unequivocal, no, that is not what Californians are looking for. Californians want a leader like Dianne Feinstein, who will stand up to the NRA.”

    Later in the debate, Feinstein came up again, on the issue of environmental regulations — and whether Schiff would ease water restrictions on farmers.

    Schiff said he would not “support eviscerating” regulations, but would do what Sen. Feinstein did, which is “look for those opportunities where we can have a win, both for our farms, our cities and our environment.”

    Garvey said environmentalists in the state need to work with farmers, and that he is a “consensus builder” who can help make that happen. He called water the “platinum issue in California,” and one Schiff doesn’t know how to fix.

    Schiff would later evoke Feinstein’s name on the economy, saying he realizes many in California are struggling financially and that he will work with “community leaders and stakeholders in every part of this Golden State” in “Feinstein’s model.”

    “Mr. Schiff, you’re no Dianne Feinstein,” Garvey said. “I remember when this state was the heartbeat of America, and now it’s just a murmur.”

    Schiff, in response, said Feinstein was a friend of his, and would never “pretend to be the equal” of hers, because she was a “giant.” But he suggested he is far more similar to Feinstein than Garvey.

    “While Mr. Garvey was signing baseballs for the last 37 years, I was seeing presidents of both parties and governors of both parties sign my bills into law,” Schiff said.

    Back to Trump

    After the debate, in small gaggles with reporters, both Schiff and Garvey came back to another politician not in the room: Trump.

    Schiff said it was clear from the debate that Garvey is “for Trump” and his agenda.

    “He’s for states being able to ban abortion. He’s against any form of gun safety legislation. He’s for opening up the oil spigots. These are views right out of Project 2025 and Trump, but they are not in sync in California,” Schiff said.

    Garvey said he felt he had been unfairly tied to Trump.

    “People know that we’re two entirely different people,” he said.

    He said Schiff’s attempt to “paint me far-right” wouldn’t stand up, because “people know I’m conservatively moderate.”

    Garvey declined to say whether he would vote for Trump in November, but confirmed that he voted for Trump for a third time in this year’s primary.

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    Kevin Rector, Laura J. Nelson

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  • 2024 candidate Dean Phillips called Pelosi and Feinstein old. Biden is his next target

    2024 candidate Dean Phillips called Pelosi and Feinstein old. Biden is his next target

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    Democratic Rep. Dean Phillips swept into office in 2018 after promising not to vote for Rep. Nancy Pelosi for speaker of the House.

    The Gen X Minnesotan reasoned that the San Franciscan had been at the top too long and Democrats needed some fresh blood in House leadership. In the private sector, he argued, people rarely serve for two decades in top posts.

    Phillips ultimately backed Pelosi (D-San Francisco) for speaker as part of a deal that saw her leave leadership last year. But in the spring of this year, as another Californian, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, began missing votes, he spoke out again, writing an op-ed arguing that she needed to resign for the good of the country.

    Feinstein’s refusal to resign — she died in office on Sep. 29 — did the country a disservice, Phillips told The Times during a visit to California last month.

    “Who doesn’t know Congress is dysfunctional, but I did not know how horrifyingly so until I got there,” said Phillips, 54. “I encountered a culture filled with people who had been there for decades, that were so clearly focused more on the preservation of their positions than they were the priorities of the population.”

    Now Phillips is taking on 81-year-old President Biden for the Democratic nomination — and making the same argument he made about Feinstein and Pelosi. His longshot run has included several trips to California to appear on shows like Real Time with Bill Maher and court potential donors in Hollywood and Silicon Valley.

    Nearly 80% of voters in a September Reuters-Ipsos poll said that Biden is too old to run again. More than half said the same about the 77-year-old Donald Trump.

    Dean Phillips steps off his campaign bus at the New Hampshire State House. He filed a declaration of candidacy Oct. 27, 2023, to run in the state’s presidential primary.

    (Glen Stubbe / Star Tribune)

    Elected Democrats who refused to criticize Feinstein’s fitness to serve — or acknowledge publicly that Biden’s age is a challenge — are no better than Republicans who are unwilling to publicly criticize former President Trump, Phillips argued.

    “It is the same disease — the same danger and the same consequence, which is the reduction in faith and government,” he said, noting that Biden is far better than Trump as a leader.

    Phillips, who has voted with Biden 100% of the time in the House, has said repeatedly that he’s not in this race to tear down the president. He praised the Inflation Reduction Act, the bipartisan infrastructure bill and Biden’s “extraordinary” support for Israel.

    But in his interview with The Times, Phillips was quick to say that Biden didn’t do enough to respond as vice president to Russia’s invasion of Crimea and that the Israel-Hamas war “could have been prevented with more extraordinary intentional peace efforts over the course of his tenure, both as vice president and now president.” He supports an internationally monitored cease-fire once all the hostages held by Hamas militants in the Gaza Strip have been released and says a multinational peacekeeping force should be deployed to the region.

    He also attacked Biden’s unwillingness to legalize cannabis and the president’s response to “chaos” at the border.

    Phillips sees what he’s doing as a “hopeful run” meant to offer a respectful alternative to someone whom he considers a successful president. He believes that by May or June, after enough campaigning, head-to-head polls will show him beating former President Trump and will continue to show Biden losing.

    But his attacks on Biden over policy issues, and his recent claim that Biden — like Trump — is a threat to democracy have some political observers questioning whether he plans to run a purely positive campaign. They worry he could end up hurting Biden’s chances in a general election.

    Phillips’ effort recalls former Gov. Jerry Brown’s runs for president, where he got in late and never accumulated enough movement support, said Danielle Cendejas, who works for the Strategy Group, a national political consulting firm that advised Phillips’ congressional bids but is not working on his presidential campaign.

    “Phillips’ run feels like it’s more of a, ‘Hey, I’m an option’ campaign rather than, ‘I am trying to do something different because the president is not doing what I think should be done,’” she said. “Anytime you run against the White House, you are running on the fact that the president is just not doing a good enough job.”

    If Phillips was running far to Biden’s left, his challenge might galvanize the White House to respond more aggressively, Cendejas says. But so far, the Biden team doesn’t seem too worried. (A spokesperson for Biden’s campaign declined to comment for this article.)

    Phillips’ campaign counts Andrew Yang’s former campaign manager Zach Graumann as a senior advisor. Strategist Bradley Tusk, who managed Yang’s 2021 New York mayoral campaign and worked for Mayor Michael Bloomberg, said he was surprised that no nationally elected officials or activists had challenged Biden from the left.

    The risk for Biden is he “could really underperform in the primaries but not lose them,” Tusk said. “Then Trump picks up a lot more momentum, raises a lot more money and fundraising for Biden gets that much harder.”

    The two most urgent challenges Phillips faces are raising enough money to run a competitive campaign and getting on the ballot in as many states as possible. He already won’t be on the ballot in Nevada. He’s angry that he will likely be left off the ballot in Florida.

    The Minnesotan, who thinks he’ll make the ballot in 90% of states, will appear on California’s ballot for its March 5 primary, according to California Secretary of State Shirley Weber.

    Phillips and his team believe that a competitive primary is a healthy part of the democratic process. If the polls in May or June show Biden beating Trump “and me losing, I’ll be the first to acknowledge it and wrap it up,” he said.

    Snuffing out dissenting voices only hurts the voters, argued Jeff Weaver, a senior advisor to Phillips who had top roles in Sen. Bernie Sanders’ 2016 and 2020 presidential campaigns.

    Weaver thinks a strong showing for Phillips in New Hampshire, where Biden is not on the ballot but his supporters are marshaling a write-in campaign, will create momentum that will get him noticed by more voters. A poll last month in the state found Phillips with 15% support after two weeks of campaigning. Biden had 27% support.

    “Our primary system is one of the only feedback loops between people on the ground and the national party,” Weaver told The Times.

    “Issues and candidates affect how people vote. There should be a vigorous primary where people get to see their candidates talk about the issues. With there being no debates, the [Democratic] party has worked to stifle that process.”

    President Joe Biden arrives at Santa Monica Airport in Santa Monica, Calif., Friday, Dec. 8, 2023.

    President Joe Biden arrives at Santa Monica Airport in Santa Monica, Calif., Friday, Dec. 8, 2023. Rep. Ted Lieu, D-Calif., third from left, and California Gov. Gavin Newsom, left, and Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass, right, look on.

    (Manuel Balce Ceneta / Associated Press)

    Phillips faces a steep financial challenge. In one weekend this month, Biden brought in about $15 million at two fundraisers in Los Angeles. Phillips said he will have trouble raising that kind of money—even as the Minnesotan who got rich running his family’s liquor business and later the Talenti gelato brand, has poured $2 million of own wealth into the campaign.

    But Phillips has found some pockets of support.

    Uber Chief Executive Dara Khosrowshahi, a college friend of Phillips, has supported his congressional races. Phillips said he has met in recent months with Open AI CEO Sam Altman — a meeting first reported by the news outlet Puck. Phillips told The Times he wasn’t sure if Altman, who gave $200,000 to the Biden reelection bid, had donated to his campaign.

    He declined to detail how Altman, whose representatives didn’t respond to requests for comment, had been advising his launch except to say “I found him to be an extraordinarily brilliant and principled and magnificent ideator and convener and community builder, and without getting too much into the details, yes, he’s been supportive.”

    Cryptocurrency billionaire Mike Novogratz has shifted his support away from Biden and will host a Phillips fundraiser, CNBC reported this week.

    Phillips has held several Southern California fundraisers since launching his campaign at the beginning of November, though his campaign has declined to say how much they’ve raised. Phillips said the events attracted many Biden backers who pined for an alternative.

    One was television executive Adam Goodman, who previously served as president of Paramount Pictures’ Motion Picture Group and DreamWorks SKG, and described how his high-school-age daughter heard Phillips speak and felt a connection to him. He’s been impressed by many of Biden’s successes over the last four years but still hosted a 100-person fundraiser for Phillips in his home early last month.

    “This is the time when we’re supposed to be listening and auditioning the best people for the job and then ultimately we will get to a convention and the best candidate will go forward at that point,” he said.

    Goodman said that politics — like show business — needs fresh perspectives in leadership.

    “Show business is really in jeopardy right now,” he said. “The people who are actually really running the businesses who are at the top top top — these are people that have been in authority for 35-plus years. They are not people who necessarily understand the generational shift.”

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    Benjamin Oreskes

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  • A Final Chapter Unbefitting an Extraordinary Legacy

    A Final Chapter Unbefitting an Extraordinary Legacy

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    Senator Dianne Feinstein, who died last night at 90, braved one of the most remarkable political expeditions in American history—and also one of the grimmer spectacles at the end of her life and career.

    Is it too soon to point this out? Yes, perhaps. With the official notice of her death today, Feinstein received her just and proper tributes, hitting all the key markers: How Di-Fi, as she is known in Washington shorthand, had stepped in as mayor of San Francisco after her predecessor was assassinated in 1978. How she was a fervent proponent of gun safety, the longest-serving woman in the Senate, and the chamber’s oldest member. How, as chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, she presided over the preparation of an incriminating report describing the CIA’s torture of suspected terrorists in secret prisons around the world. How she was a trailblazer, stateswoman, powerhouse, force, grande dame, etc. Give her her due. She deserves it.

    But Congress can be a tough and ghoulish place, with its zero-sum math and unforgiving partisanship. Over her last year, Feinstein’s declining health became a bleak sideshow—her absences and hospitalizations, shingles, encephalitis, and bad falls; the lawsuits over her late husband’s estate and the cost of her medical bills and long-term care.

    Feinstein’s insistence on remaining in the Senate—and the uncertainty of her schedule—complicated life for Democrats, making it harder for them to hold votes, set strategy, and confirm judges. Her colleagues and White House officials whispered their frustration. And she became the latest exemplar of a basic, egalitarian principle in lawmaking: Even the most legendary figures ultimately amount to a vote. Often your most important job is simply to be available, show up, be counted.

    When that is in doubt, patience can wear fast. Questions about “fitness” arise. Such is the price of continued residency in the senior center of the Capitol. Feinstein resisted quitting for years, and only grudgingly said she wouldn’t seek reelection in 2024, leaving the race to succeed her in a kind of morbid suspension.

    Politics, of course, runs on its own schedules and follows its own rules. A few weeks ago, I asked Adam Schiff, one of the California House Democrats running to succeed Feinstein in the Senate, whether she should step down. In other words, was she fit to serve? Again, maybe this was harsh, but it had become a standard question around Washington and California, and perfectly germane, given the tight split in the Senate. “It’s her decision to make,” Schiff said, a classic duck, but also practical. “I would be very concerned,” he continued, “that the Republicans would not fill her seat on the Judiciary Committee, and that would be the end of Joe Biden’s judicial appointments.” (Politico reported today that Republican Whip John Thune, of South Dakota, said he expects that his party will not resist efforts to fill committee seats left vacant by Feinstein’s death.)

    Schiff added that he had continued to have a productive working relationship with Feinstein’s office, despite her health struggles. He was a proponent of business as usual, for as long it lasted, and Feinstein was still there. The pageant continued, the government heading for another shutdown, House Republicans tripping toward an impeachment and over themselves.

    In the hours after Feinstein’s death was announced, Washington took a brief and deferential pause. Statements and obituaries were dispatched, most prepared in advance. Then it was on to the next. Who would California Governor Gavin Newsom pick to serve out Feinstein’s term? How would that affect the race to succeed her next year? Who would replace Feinstein on the Judiciary Committee, and when would they be seated?

    The hushed questions about how long the nonagenarian senator could hang on finally had their resolution. Far too many people in power resist the option of a restful denouement. The stakes can be high, even harrowing, for the country. These sagas can be distressing to follow, but there’s no shortage of dark fascination. Stick around too long, and you risk losing control of the finale. It can happen to the best, and at the end of the most extraordinary careers.

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    Mark Leibovich

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  • Senator Dianne Feinstein, Trailblazer In Being Old, Dead At 90

    Senator Dianne Feinstein, Trailblazer In Being Old, Dead At 90

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    WASHINGTON—Having been alive as far back as 1933, Sen. Dianne Feinstein of California, a trailblazer in being old, died Thursday night at age 90. “Sen. Feinstein, born Dianne Goldman, started off young but through hard work and dedication rose through the ranks to become very, very old,” said the late Democrat’s chief of staff, James Sauls, who in prepared remarks to reporters cited Feinstein’s many career highlights, such as turning 88 years old in 2021, turning 89 years old in 2022, and, just this year, turning 90. “Her remarkable persistence as the oldest sitting U.S. senator made her a role model to nonagenarians everywhere. Across the nation tonight, little girls will find inspiration in her story, knowing that they, too, can one day grow up to be incredibly old.” Sauls added that while Feinstein did not fulfill her longtime goal of clinging to power in the Senate as long as her late mentor in aging, the 100-year-old Strom Thurmond, she nonetheless spent her final years shattering expectations for what an unbelievably infirm and exhausted person can and should do.

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  • Sen. Feinstein Cedes Power of Attorney To Broom Resembling Daughter

    Sen. Feinstein Cedes Power of Attorney To Broom Resembling Daughter

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    WASHINGTON—Granting the cleaning implement full legal authority over her personal affairs, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) reportedly ceded her power of attorney on Friday to a broom resembling her daughter. “At my age, it’s important to have a dependable family member I can rely on, and there’s no one I trust more than my beautiful hardwood daughter,” said Feinstein, who whispered, “You make me so proud every day, Kathy,” as she ran her hand gingerly along the corn broom’s bristles. “She flew out all the way from California today to lean against the corner of my office. Clearly, I’m in good hands with her. I’m also going to make sure she helps me leave all of my life savings to a very handsome bucket I met in the coat closet.” At press time, Feinstein was panicking after her daughter had been kidnapped by a custodian.

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  • Senate Freaking Out After Dianne Feinstein Gets Her Hands On Gun

    Senate Freaking Out After Dianne Feinstein Gets Her Hands On Gun

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    WASHINGTON—Thrown into a panic when the confused 89-year-old appeared on the Senate floor randomly pointing a firearm at various colleagues, lawmakers reportedly freaked out Friday after Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) got her hands on a gun. “Good God, someone get that thing away from her!” said Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV), who ducked behind a chair as Feinstein rolled down the aisle and waved a 9 mm semiautomatic handgun in several faces, screaming that there were terrorists hiding in the attic and they had been poisoning her food. “She clearly doesn’t understand what she’s doing. If someone puts their hands up and approaches her slowly, maybe she’ll just give it to you. It’s probably not loaded. There’s no way she’s still lucid enough to know how to—oh, shit, hit the deck!” At press time, after appearing surprised to realize where she was and what she was doing, Feinstein was said to have calmly and systemically shot every member of Congress who has called for her resignation.

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  • Sen. Feinstein Faces Increased Pressure From Hallucination Of JFK Yelling At Her To Step Down

    Sen. Feinstein Faces Increased Pressure From Hallucination Of JFK Yelling At Her To Step Down

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    SAN FRANCISCO—With the powerful Democrat making frequent appearances before her and urging her to resign her seat, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) reportedly faced increased pressure Friday from a hallucination of the late former President John F. Kennedy yelling at her to step down. “The party, Dianne! Think of the party!” said an apparition of the 35th president who is visible only to Feinstein and has served as her top aide since he entered her hospital room last month, trailing behind him the endless brain tissue that continually oozes from a wound in his skull. “There is nothing left for you in the Senate, Dianne, or indeed in this earthly realm. Soon you will carry out the ultimate service to your country by joining me on the other side. And together, we will govern the afterlife!” At press time, Feinstein told sources she felt betrayed after discovering the phantasm of Kennedy was merely angling to be appointed to her vacant Senate seat.

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  • Katie Porter Uses Whiteboard To Explain To Dianne Feinstein Why This Her Office Now

    Katie Porter Uses Whiteboard To Explain To Dianne Feinstein Why This Her Office Now

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    WASHINGTON—Circling the words “dead soon” for emphasis, Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA) reportedly used a whiteboard Wednesday to explain to Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) why the public office held by Feinstein for 30 years belonged to Porter now. “So as you can see here, the average life expectancy for a woman in the United States is 79 years, and come 2024, you’ll be 91—if you’re lucky—and that’s just too old!” said Porter, who drew a stick figure that was hunched over and leaning on a cane, along with several arrows that appeared to indicate the figure was about to tumble into an open grave. “Me, I’ll only be 51. But you, well, pretty soon you’re going to be down there in the ground. So you can’t stay here. Are you still following me, Dianne? This office is mine.” At press time, sources confirmed Porter had been forced to wipe the board clean and start over by explaining that the Hart Senate Office Building was not Feinstein’s home and she did not live there.

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