Tag: Depression

At first glance, some of my ADHD traits make me very ill-suited to my job as a college lecturer. My slippery focus and shoddy working memory make the piles of admin work painful. Trying to map out a long course makes me want to smash my head into a smartboard.

Few of my colleagues loathe the bits I hate with quite the passion that I do, so I beat myself up for making a meal of the stuff that’s meant to be simple.

But there’s a flip side, too. The more I talk to colleagues about my fresh diagnosis (ADHD, inattentive type), the more I see that others grapple daily with different demons. And some of the things that frighten or frustrate them about teaching come as naturally to me as breathing.

Teaching with ADHD: The Traits That Make Me a Better Educator

1. Improvisation

Like many with ADHD, I work well under pressure. I struggle to focus without it, in fact, so I’ve had a lifetime of practice.

The upshot is that I’m never knocked off balance by last-minute changes or questions I didn’t see coming. I love taking detours in lessons or going deeper to clear up confusion.

[Get This Free Download: Need Help Finding Your Passion? Use This ADHD “Brain Blueprint”]

Learning is a two-way conversation for me. Being happy to improvise helps me keep everyone in it.

2. A Sense of Humor

I try to make people laugh all the time. I think I learned young that it won me approval, preempted mockery, and defused the tension I would otherwise sponge up myself.

And my always-on Default Mode Network loves whispering jokes in my ear. I find it hard not to speak them out loud.

As compulsions go, it’s a lucky one. A sense of humor is a powerful tool in the classroom. It’s so much easier to build rapport, nip conflicts in the bud, and make lessons engaging and productive when you can see the funny side and share it. People learn better when they’re feeling good, too.

[Read: The ADHD Traits I Would Never Trade Away]

I’m also a closet show-off, so making an audience laugh (even if it’s captive) lifts my own mood and keeps my stress levels in check.

3. The Ability to Plan Under Pressure

Long-term projects are my nemesis. Chipping away at a faraway goal deprives me of the hit I need right now, this minute.

Weirdly, that’s where teaching works for me. I don’t sit down on a Sunday to plan. (I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s fruitless.) But the very tight deadline of an imminent lesson gives my distractible brain no choice but to snap into action. When it does, it’s with supercharged clarity and speed.

A sea of expectant faces is a sufficiently scary prospect to kickstart my concentration and wrestle floating, fragmented ideas into an anchored, coherent whole. The last half-hour before a lesson starts is when my plan comes together. Even if I’m still on the bus.

Because I work best this way, weekends are mainly my own.

4. Creativity and Competitiveness

‘Teacher talk time’ is part of my job. Some things just need explaining. But I drift off when I’m talked at for too long myself and I don’t want my learners to check out because I’ve bored them.

So I break up exposition with chats, games, and quizzes to give them chance to think and engage.

Competition cranks my focus up, too, so I use it with students as well. They sit up and dig deeper when victory’s at stake. A lively 10-minute grammar-off can save a lesson from sinking.

5. Deep Empathy

As a super-sensitive person with ADHD, I know first-hand how negative emotions can torpedo efforts to learn.

That awareness is useful because lots of my students have big stresses that mess with their concentration. They come from all over the world and have issues ranging from PTSD and homelessness to fears for family in war zones. Things I cannot imagine.

I can never solve their problems. What I can provide, thanks to empathy, is a warm, inclusive environment where people feel safe and valued.

I can also lend my ear after class where that’s what a person wants. Because of the way I’m built, it never feels like a chore.

Teaching with ADHD: Shedding Shame and Cultivating Gratitude

There will probably always be bits of my job I find hard because they’re dull. I’ve felt shame about that at times and suspected I’m lazy or weak. Now that I’m certain I’m neither, I can be more patient with myself and calmer when I’m tackling the tough stuff. And I can see much more clearly the many upsides of ADHD.

Being up front with others and listening to their own unique challenges has opened my eyes to how well my brain serves me at work. It has taught me to put much more store in the strengths I have — creativity, compassion and last-minute focus, for example —that some others don’t, and which are very likely down to the way I’m wired.

Teaching with ADHD: Next Steps

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At first glance, some of my ADHD traits make me very ill-suited to my job as a college lecturer. My slippery focus and shoddy working memory make the piles of admin work painful. Trying to map out a long course makes me want to smash my head into a smartboard.

Few of my colleagues loathe the bits I hate with quite the passion that I do, so I beat myself up for making a meal of the stuff that’s meant to be simple.

But there’s a flip side, too. The more I talk to colleagues about my fresh diagnosis (ADHD, inattentive type), the more I see that others grapple daily with different demons. And some of the things that frighten or frustrate them about teaching come as naturally to me as breathing.

Teaching with ADHD: The Traits That Make Me a Better Educator

1. Improvisation

Like many with ADHD, I work well under pressure. I struggle to focus without it, in fact, so I’ve had a lifetime of practice.

The upshot is that I’m never knocked off balance by last-minute changes or questions I didn’t see coming. I love taking detours in lessons or going deeper to clear up confusion.

[Get This Free Download: Need Help Finding Your Passion? Use This ADHD “Brain Blueprint”]

Learning is a two-way conversation for me. Being happy to improvise helps me keep everyone in it.

2. A Sense of Humor

I try to make people laugh all the time. I think I learned young that it won me approval, preempted mockery, and defused the tension I would otherwise sponge up myself.

And my always-on Default Mode Network loves whispering jokes in my ear. I find it hard not to speak them out loud.

As compulsions go, it’s a lucky one. A sense of humor is a powerful tool in the classroom. It’s so much easier to build rapport, nip conflicts in the bud, and make lessons engaging and productive when you can see the funny side and share it. People learn better when they’re feeling good, too.

[Read: The ADHD Traits I Would Never Trade Away]

I’m also a closet show-off, so making an audience laugh (even if it’s captive) lifts my own mood and keeps my stress levels in check.

3. The Ability to Plan Under Pressure

Long-term projects are my nemesis. Chipping away at a faraway goal deprives me of the hit I need right now, this minute.

Weirdly, that’s where teaching works for me. I don’t sit down on a Sunday to plan. (I can’t. I’ve tried. It’s fruitless.) But the very tight deadline of an imminent lesson gives my distractible brain no choice but to snap into action. When it does, it’s with supercharged clarity and speed.

A sea of expectant faces is a sufficiently scary prospect to kickstart my concentration and wrestle floating, fragmented ideas into an anchored, coherent whole. The last half-hour before a lesson starts is when my plan comes together. Even if I’m still on the bus.

Because I work best this way, weekends are mainly my own.

4. Creativity and Competitiveness

‘Teacher talk time’ is part of my job. Some things just need explaining. But I drift off when I’m talked at for too long myself and I don’t want my learners to check out because I’ve bored them.

So I break up exposition with chats, games, and quizzes to give them chance to think and engage.

Competition cranks my focus up, too, so I use it with students as well. They sit up and dig deeper when victory’s at stake. A lively 10-minute grammar-off can save a lesson from sinking.

5. Deep Empathy

As a super-sensitive person with ADHD, I know first-hand how negative emotions can torpedo efforts to learn.

That awareness is useful because lots of my students have big stresses that mess with their concentration. They come from all over the world and have issues ranging from PTSD and homelessness to fears for family in war zones. Things I cannot imagine.

I can never solve their problems. What I can provide, thanks to empathy, is a warm, inclusive environment where people feel safe and valued.

I can also lend my ear after class where that’s what a person wants. Because of the way I’m built, it never feels like a chore.

Teaching with ADHD: Shedding Shame and Cultivating Gratitude

There will probably always be bits of my job I find hard because they’re dull. I’ve felt shame about that at times and suspected I’m lazy or weak. Now that I’m certain I’m neither, I can be more patient with myself and calmer when I’m tackling the tough stuff. And I can see much more clearly the many upsides of ADHD.

Being up front with others and listening to their own unique challenges has opened my eyes to how well my brain serves me at work. It has taught me to put much more store in the strengths I have — creativity, compassion and last-minute focus, for example —that some others don’t, and which are very likely down to the way I’m wired.

Teaching with ADHD: Next Steps

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Gus Walz was appointed an unintentional ambassador for neurodivergent youth during the third night of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago on August 21. Millions of Americans watched the 17-year-old leap to his feet with tears streaming down his face as he cheered on his father, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, as he accepted his party’s vice presidential nomination.

Gus Walz’s expression of pure love and joy should have been seen for what it was: an unfiltered and positive emotional response to a big moment. Sadly, the moment served as yet another opportunity to divide Americans. While most people saw Gus’s reaction as an historic moment for neurodiversity, a vocal minority sneered, criticized, and hurled insults at an innocent young person.

What Does Neurodivergence Mean?

Neurodivergence is a word used to describe naturally occurring differences in how the human brain develops that result in variations in “wiring” and how we process information. These differences may affect around 20% of the population and occur in people with ADHD, dyslexia, autism, and nonverbal learning disorder (NVLD). These and other conditions can lead to challenges with functioning in key life areas. In young people like Gus, these differences may result in variations in how they process nonverbal information, recognize patterns, develop social skills and awareness, process sensory information, and engage in executive function tasks.

[Take This Test: Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD) in Children]

It’s not uncommon for the neurodivergent community, particularly children and young adults, to battle stigma, insults, and misconceptions about their conditions. Gus’s reaction to his father’s speech was another example of how kids who learn and think differently are vulnerable to cruelty — even in their most benign or joy-filled moments. Only this moment was televised. Frankly, I’m glad it was.

Neurodivergence is a relatively new term, but it’s becoming more commonplace in American society. This is likely due to increases in diagnoses and perhaps increases in social media use to amplify individuals’ experiences. For example, a 2022 report from the CDC revealed that about 1 million more children received an ADHD diagnosis in 2022 than did in 2016. Even so, neurodivergence isn’t discussed nearly enough, making it easier for people to make false assumptions that impact children and their families every day.

Parents of neurodivergent children often face challenges in accessing accurate and reputable resources to help them in their day-to-day lives, resulting in feelings of isolation and loneliness. In the absence of awareness and widespread education, navigating learning and thinking differences can be a nightmare for the child — and a massive source of stress for their parents. Understood.org’s Neurodiversity and Stigma survey from 2022 found that nearly 70% of parents felt stigmas surrounding their child’s differences affected their mental health negatively. Another 2024 survey revealed that 96% of parents with neurodivergent children reported feeling stressed during the back-to-school season.

How to Help Neurodivergent Children Navigate Stigmas

As a licensed psychologist with more than 20 years of experience working with neurodivergent people, I’ve participated in dozens of programs designed to help educate the public and reduce stigmas for people with differences. Here are a few takeaways I share with parents:

• Educate yourself on current evidence-based information about your child’s learning and thinking differences.
• Talk to your child about their differences and how it affects them.
• Provide an informational bridge between home and school to help educate and inform teachers about thinking and learning differences and to help your child access accommodations.
• Advocate for inclusion and use of Universal Design for Learning strategies to support neurodivergent and neurotypical students in shared learning environments.
• Provide direct strategies for identifying challenges and asking for help. Role-playing or practicing with a script can help kids and adults ask for what they need to thrive.

[Free Download: Signs of Dyslexia at Every Age]

When I watched Gus Walz’s reactions to his father’s nomination, I was brought to tears by this pure and amazing display. Politics aside, this moment provides us with a remarkable opportunity to amplify and support neurodivergent individuals by having an open dialogue in our country about what it means to learn and think differently. Let’s not let this moment slip by.

Gus Walz and Nurturing sNeurodivergent Children: Next Steps

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I am wildly creative, surprisingly good with a paintbrush, and skilled with words. I know how to make jewelry, soap, candles, and pretty paper. I know how to put together elaborate floral displays and decorate cakes. I can research like an analyst and draft essays like an academic.

I know how to make proper barista coffee, complete with foamy milk hearts, and I can pour a mean tap beer. I can change brake pads on Volvos, paint houses perfectly, as well as clean them like I have OCD. (I can totally say that because I do have OCD.) I have some fun unpolished vocals recorded on a retro pop album floating around cyberspace along with some long forgotten “crazy cat lady” improv clips with five views total (probably all due to me).

I am good at a lot of things, but, by the world’s standards of success, I am a failure. And a big one at that.

No five-year plan here. (Time blindness will do that to you.) I have no idea what I am doing in the next five minutes, let alone in the next five years. And I certainly have not been commended in any field or selected as employee of the month. Let’s just say that if holding the record for shortest time employed were a thing, then my 15-minute stint as a bartender at a bowling alley would win the title.

I have studied acting but I am not an actor. I am a qualified English teacher, but I do not teach. I write poetry, but few read my work. I sometimes author stories or articles, which some people read, for which I’m eternally grateful. People often see how capable and organized I can be and think I must slay at life, but often, life slays me. This is the nature of the brain beast that is ADHD.

Where Is My Mind?

One of the many bosses I have had over my multi-faceted career once said of my job performance, “When you’re on, you’re brilliant, creative, unstoppable. But when you’re off, it’s hard to remember how good you are.”

[Get This Free Download: What to Ask Yourself to Find the Perfect Job]

Harsh, but fair. This was the story of my life — bosses wondering if I was intentionally not doing what they said, why I did things the complete opposite way I had been shown, or if I really was just that confused and forgetful. Most did not have the time or resources to spare on figuring me out, so I would end up fired over and over.

Some bosses asked where my mind went during meetings. Others would scratch their heads, puzzled that I’d be on fire one day, and frazzled, late, and disoriented the next. (It wasn’t uncommon for me to forget my lunch or even the name of the store where I worked.)

Once I even walked into the wrong workplace to clock in. I had previously worked in a jewelry store a few doors down from my new workplace, a skincare store. Easy mistake to make, right?

And don’t get me started on my wonderful, spontaneous, but often inappropriate workplace banter. Time and time again, I would blurt out a thought that would offend others – for its tone, timing, or crudeness. Sometimes, though, people would laugh or even join in with my shenanigans.

[Read: “Did I Overshare by Telling My New Co-Workers That I Habitually Overshare?”]

When I think I am being honest or funny, most people think I am being rude. When I am good at something, I do not know how to pace myself or set boundaries, so I burn out quickly and become incredibly bad at the thing I was good at. When I witness injustice, I am compelled to speak up (thanks, RSD and justice sensitivity), which has seen me in all kinds of deep water in the workplace.

Jack of All Trades, Master of Some

I have had some interesting jobs. I remember riding my motorbike to a fancy mansion dressed as Cleopatra when I worked for a catering company that specialized in themed events. I’ve worked in delis, clothing boutiques, florist shops, fast food joints, call centers, hardware stores, and markets. I’ve worked in education, childcare, and cleaning services. I’ve designed logos, posters, and t-shirts. I’ve directed musicals, weeded gardens, washed cars, and mowed lawns.

I did all this unmedicated, so I want to congratulate myself on making it through. After my ADHD diagnosis at age 38, I went on medication and saw significant changes in my time management, organization, memory retention, and emotional regulation skills. Today, I am finally doing something that I am good at and really enjoy. (Not to brag, but I am kind of my boss’s favorite.) I am kicking ass at the most important job I’ve ever had: being a mama.

My neurodivergent brain makes everything a lot harder, but I have accepted that I’ll just have to work with it and learn on the job. I try to see mistakes as opportunities to improve. I am not perfect at anything because that is the stuff of mythology. But I am brilliant at many things, and I aim for good enough where I can. I have learned not to overthink opinions about my performance on any job, sometimes not even my own. I am a lifelong work in progress – I have my work cut out for me, and if life has taught me anything, it is that I can do hard things.

ADHD and Job Hopping: Next Steps

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“The reality is that, while Maria is clearly a cognitively bright young lady, she wouldn’t necessarily be considered gifted in any particular area.”

“In talking with Maria, it is clear that her family and instructors have historically viewed her as being intellectually quite bright and an underachiever.”

These are not a passive-aggressive bully’s words, a sibling’s backhanded compliment, or careless remarks delivered at a parent-teacher conference. These are the very deliberate words of a neurologist, neuropsychologist, and medical-education specialist following my ADHD evaluation in childhood. The intended audience: my parents, my family physician, and my teachers.

The clinic’s problematic “assessment” and cruel words still haunt me years later. I didn’t read their words until I was in my 40s, and I finally understood why I had a decades-long habit of telling people I have no special talents. The specialists stated in scientific terms that I, a child, was a talentless loser. My parents and my family physician believed them without question. What could my parents have done differently?

[Take This Self-Test: ADHD Symptoms in Women and Girls]

Set in Their Ways

Despite education and experience, we know that experts make mistakes all the time. It’s why we frequently seek second medical opinions. My parents certainly needed one when the politely insulting report described my problems as “common” with ADHD, but the tone of the recommendations was “do better.” A second opinion would have offered my parents another analysis of my behaviors. Most importantly, I could have had a chance at a better life.

But my parents – education experts – were inclined to go along with what the evaluators said, as they shared similar vocational backgrounds. Though my mother still harbored some suspicions that I had ADHD, she and my father ultimately assumed that I was failing my classes on purpose. They made sure to share their theories about my behaviors with my teachers, who were more inclined to default to their opinions rather than their own judgment about my classroom behavior they saw every day.

What I Cannot Forgive

I can forgive science not catching up in time. (After all, it’s been more than 30 years since that evaluation and we’re still working to better understand ADHD in girls.) What I cannot forgive is my parents and the clinic for the cruelty, sexism, and failure to recognize the fact that I didn’t want to do poorly. In any setting, telling someone they do not have any special talents or that they’re an underachiever is an appalling insult.

[Read: “11 Things I’d Tell My Younger Self”]

The rest of the report would eventually prove hilariously inaccurate. “During the evaluation Maria did not demonstrate many of the learning deficits often observed in adolescents with a primary attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,” reads part of the report. Thirty-one years later, I received my ADHD diagnosis at age 44.

Ironically, the experts who wrote the report that detailed my carelessness and sloppiness also committed typographical, punctuation, and grammatical errors along with listing my incorrect home address on every page and misspelling my last name. Perhaps they were gifted in other areas? Unfortunately, those doctors didn’t provide their full names in the “scientific” report they authored, so I was never able to track them down to find out. What a relief for them.

Undiagnosed ADD: Next Steps

Maria Reppas lives with her family on the East Coast. Visit her on X and at mariareppas.com.

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Long before I knew my first fact about ADHD, and well before my own ADHD diagnosis, I knew that to be around people was often work. I had to be “on.”

When I’m “on” it feels like my mental faculties are on steroids. It’s like all the electrical fibers of my being are jacked up to the max, all in the name of social camouflage. I am ON.

Call it masking or impression management. Regardless, it’s a cover for us normally fidgety, possibly shy, and distracted interrupters who inhabit ADHD land.

Masking with ADHD Is Draining

“Masking” doesn’t feel how it sounds. “Herculean Hide” or “Backbreak Fake” sound more accurate. If you’ve ever masked, you know why: you’d give anything to be wearing a real mask in these situations.

Imagine having a roomy mask covering the entire front half of your skull, doing the work of being Fake You while Real You got to relax underneath. How luxurious would that be? You could stand there and not do or say a thing. You could relax and take a social nap behind Wonder Woman or Superman.

[Read: 7 Masks We Use to Hide Our Faults]

I wish it were as simple as wearing a literal mask – maybe one with talking powers.

Instead, masking is arduous, confusing, complicated, and draining. It’s multi-tasking to the nines while on stage without a lifeline, no parachute. That’s a far cry from chillaxing behind a cozy Wonder Woman mask. It’s having to be Wonder Woman, blindfolded.

A life with ADHD can give us the sense we’re less than. A mask temporarily fixes that. A mask takes the focus off us. It’s like hiding in tall grass while our hunters say to each other, “Nothing to see here. Let’s move on.”

It’s true that masking gets easier over time. We can become so expert at the practice that it’ll take a while – sometimes decades in the case of a late-stage ADHD diagnosis – until we learn about this ability that we’ve honed since childhood. It dawns on us that the arduousness and exhaustion we experienced all along in social interactions was not a given in the big universe of human experience.

But the maddening thing about masking is that, as we develop the skill, we also worry about how well we’re masking — a worry that sometimes ramps up into depression or anxiety.

So we put all this energy toward suppression, and for what? To only mask more and more until it drains the essence of us.

[Read: “We Are Who We Are. There’s No Shame in That.”]

Masking with ADHD: What Happened When I Let Go

As I began to educate myself on ADHD, I started to experiment with new ways of thinking and doing. One day, not long ago, I asked myself, “What if I let go of some of this masking? Would life be calmer? Would I survive without it?”

It turns out, yes.

I started small, in social situations where I had little to lose, or where I could practice taking off the mask without much notice. As soon as I decided I didn’t have to pretend I was Unreasonably Amazing Stephanie, the world got serene. It slowed down — my interior power grid stopped buzzing so loudly — and not one person seemed to care or notice. I learned that others do not have their attention glued to me as I had feared or assumed.

Since I’ve built the skills to better manage my ADHD, ditching the mask means I can manage my glitches as usual but without excessive social worry. I can’t tell you how freeing (and energy efficient) this is.

Making with ADHD: Next Steps

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I can still vividly recall my daughter’s meltdown during a trip to the Georgia Aquarium. As I sensed she was on the verge of losing it, it felt like someone scooped out every organ in my body. Still, I was fresh out of parent coaching training, and here — right in front of the otters’ exhibit smack in the middle of a giant aquarium — was an opportunity to show off the skills I learned. But, boy, did my daughter put on a show. She screamed and screamed, her tiny body thrashing against the aquarium floor, until her face turned red and her hair clung to her sweaty forehead.

Parent training didn’t prepare me for this. My husband and I stood there, quietly whispering to each other for an excruciating 20 minutes until our daughter finally calmed down. In that time, I was desperate for the screaming, the stares, and others’ well-intentioned, albeit unhelpful, suggestions (to give her a snack or a drink) to stop. This was not the highlight of my mothering career.

Eventually, all those things did (thankfully) come to a halt. My baby stood up quietly after her meltdown, looking disoriented. Then, she stumbled in my direction and finally held my hand instead of running ahead of us like we asked her to, which is what led to the whole fiasco in the first place.

Emotional Dysregulation: A Core But Overlooked Part of ADHD

Emotional dysregulation is not new — to my daughter or to any other person with ADHD. But it was an aspect of ADHD that took me a long time to fully appreciate.

The problem is that the diagnostic criteria for ADHD intentionally exclude emotion dysregulation, despite it being historically conceptualized as a crucial characteristic of the condition. Emotional dysregulation was written about as an issue related to ADHD symptoms as early as the 1700s up until 1968, when the diagnosis of hyperkinetic reaction of childhood was first introduced in the DSM-II. Around this time, emotion dysregulation started to become a forgotten part of the equation for ADHD, and public discussion of ADHD-fueled tantrums and angry outbursts all but halted.

[Get This Free Download: 9 Truths About ADHD and Intense Emotions]

This is why, despite my psychology graduate coursework and training in ADHD, my daughter’s behavior was still confounding. On the one hand, I knew that she struggled with ADHD from an early age because her symptoms were consistent with current diagnostic criteria. On the other, her obvious emotional challenges compared to other girls and children her age, were not reflected in the DSM.

Could My Daughter’s Intense Emotions Be a Sign of DMDD?

Adding to my confusion was the fact that emotion dysregulation isn’t exclusive to ADHD. For example, children with disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD) display irritable mood and emotional outbursts that could be verbal or physical and that occur at least three times per week. It is a condition that goes beyond temper tantrums.

DMDD was added to the DSM-5 because mental health professionals were over-diagnosing bipolar disorder, a condition that causes extreme changes in mood in children. DMDD was meant to account for children who didn’t quite meet criteria for bipolar disorder, and who presented with more general irritability.

Without much mention of emotion dysregulation’s connection to ADHD in my training and in what doctors told me, my daughter’s intense emotional responses made me wonder — could this be a case of DMDD, too?

[Self Test: Does My Child Have Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder?]

The Truth About ADHD and Intense Emotions

William French, M.D., explains that the key to differentiating between DMDD and emotion dysregulation as a part of ADHD is the child’s mood between temper outbursts. Children with ADHD (and adults, too, for that matter) experience emotions intensely, but these emotions are not all negative.

Individuals with ADHD can also be incredibly excited or calm between emotional outbursts. Russell Barkley, Ph.D., says the reason the negative emotions get so much attention is because they lead to obvious social and functional challenges. While someone with ADHD experiences various emotions between periods of intense negative emotional outbursts, a person with DMDD has more persistent irritable mood between episodes.

Without a shred of doubt, I understand today – though it took lots of time and headaches to get here – that my daughter’s intense emotions are part of her ADHD.

But in my own practice, where I see neurodivergent youth, I increasingly see patients come in with an ill-fitting DMDD diagnosis. As I’ve become more and more self-educated about ADHD and emotion dysregulation, I’m convinced that many clinicians, misled by current diagnostic criteria, may be readily misattributing this central feature of ADHD to DMDD.

This is a problem, for one, because inaccurate diagnoses delay access to life-changing treatment and can cause further health complications. In addition. whether we’d like to admit it or not, certain labels carry heavier stigma than do others. Before they see me, many children with the DMDD diagnosis are turned away from other private practices, deemed too “severe” to treat. Children can also be inappropriately judged by schools when they are given labels reflecting severely dysregulated mood.

It’s important to remember that the DSM, in general, aims to simplify. But, far from simple, human beings are nuanced, and so is the way ADHD presents.

If diagnosticians took a step back and actually looked at the ADHD brain and listened to the lived experiences of individuals, maybe then they could start to understand those who are so unnecessarily misjudged, like my daughter could have been.

ADHD and Intense Emotions: Next Steps

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More than half of adults with ADHD prefer to keep their diagnosis to themselves, according to a recent Understood.org survey of 2,100 adults conducted online by The Harris Poll. However, an even more concerning pattern emerges when we break down the results by gender: 66% of young women (ages 18–34) prefer to stay silent compared to 42% of young men with ADHD.

Why Women with ADHD Don’t Disclose Their Diagnosis

In part, the survey results suggest that women with ADHD are perceived differently than are men with ADHD — a finding that more than half of survey respondents (three-quarters of whom were women) agree to be true.

We know that self-stigma is a key barrier to seeking professional support. (Footnote 1) While the survey’s findings relate to ADHD specifically, they speak to a larger societal phenomenon: Individuals internalize public stigma, e.g., stereotypes, prejudice, and discriminatory attitudes endorsed by the public. We see examples of internalized public sigma across women’s mental and general health, including their ADHD diagnosis.

Although men and women are just as likely to have learning and thinking differences, girls with ADHD are diagnosed as often as boys. (Footnote 2) Many women receive their ADHD diagnoses in their 30s, 40s, and beyond. When a woman is diagnosed with ADHD later in life, she’s likely spent decades struggling without understanding why. A late-in-life diagnosis may be the route of frustration, self-doubt, and anxiety.

Researchers have primarily based assessment tools on studies of boys and they do not norm for female populations. Gender bias built into testing instruments is one of the biggest reasons women and girls with ADHD may go undiagnosed, something 87% of survey respondents acknowledged, the survey revealed.

[Free Resource: What to Ask Yourself to Find the Perfect Job]

Women diagnosed with ADHD later in life often express how they made efforts and investments to get answers, but providers routinely dismissed their concerns as “hormones,” “mom brain,” or “lack of self-care.” Many received diagnoses of depression or anxiety instead of ADHD.

They finally got an accurate diagnosis after enduring years of unsuccessful treatments — along with blame for non-compliance. The experience of having their providers meet their initial concerns with disbelief, in a sense, trained women not to disclose.

Many women develop the core belief that “there’s something wrong with me.” And this doesn’t change overnight. Often, women need time, support, and community to learn how to voice their newly learned diagnosis in a way that feels right to them.

Choosing not to disclose an ADHD diagnosis is a logical response to stigma, bias, and backlash. Half of the adults surveyed believe that the negative stigma surrounding neurodiversity is stronger now than ever before. Among respondents with learning and thinking differences, 59% worry that disclosing their diagnosis would negatively impact their careers. Nearly 1 in 4 respondents who requested workplace accommodations said they lost their jobs or got demoted after asking. In that kind of workplace culture, it’s no surprise that people stay silent.

[Take the ADHD Self-Test for Women]

How to Create an Inclusive Culture

The culture that too often makes silence the best option for women must shift. The solution to silence is not as simple as telling women to “speak up” at work. We need to create a culture that places women’s voices and needs at the core. We need to raise awareness and challenge the stigma around neurodivergence (particularly ADHD and dyslexia) for women. We need better resources, awareness, and action, to start the shift toward progress.

Here are a few steps individuals, providers, and employers can take to create a more inclusive culture:

• Learn: Patients, employers, and providers need to let go of old assumptions and dial up their curiosity because the information about ADHD has historically been based on homogeneous, primarily male experiences. Even among the most knowledgeable, there’s still much to learn and unlearn.
• Embrace the gray: Disclosure isn’t “on” or “off.” You don’t need to share your diagnosis with everyone. You get to choose who, when, and how much you share.
• Listen: Often people don’t speak up because when they do, they aren’t heard or understood. For providers, this means actively listening to clients and patients. Employers need to actively listen to employees and take their concerns and requests seriously. Individuals need to listen to their inner voice without judgment.

Inclusive Culture: Next Steps

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The average person makes thousands of decisions a day, from “simple,” subconscious choices to complex ones. The more our days are filled with effortful, conscious decision making, the more susceptible we become to decision fatigue.

If you find yourself overanalyzing options, avoiding decisions, feeling overwhelmed, and then making hasty choices that you later regret, use the following tips to overcome decision fatigue and ADHD paralysis. In other words, “CHOOSE” differently to curb the choices your ADHD brain makes on the daily.

ADHD Decision Fatigue: Solutions

Care for Yourself

Decision-making becomes exponentially harder when your body and mind are not at their best. Caring for yourself reduces stress, improves focus, and eases decision making through the day.

• Nourish your body and brain with regular, healthy meals.
• Set up a good bedtime routine that allows for a restful night’s sleep.
• Give yourself the positive mental effects of mindfulness meditation for a few minutes each day.

High-Priority Appraisal

If a decision you must make is critical and will have a lasting impact, use a pros and cons list to help you analyze it objectively. If making the choice is not urgent, then take your time to make the list and then appraise it the next morning when you have more energy to make the decision. Review your crucial choices with a trusted friend to confirm your thinking process and gain an objective opinion.

[Get This Free Download: The Eisenhower Matrix for ADHD Decision-Making]

Opt Out

Ask yourself, “How important is this decision, really?”  If you realize that your decision and its outcome is not going to matter a week from now, find an easy, fun way to make the decision.

• Flip a coin to decide which route you will take home.
• Assign numbers to household chores and then roll dice to determine what you will do first.
• Close your eyes and point at a list to choose a restaurant for lunch.

Opportunities for Others

You do not have to be the sole decider. Give others the chance to decide. Try delegating reasonable decision-making opportunities to co-workers and family members. This gives them a chance to learn and grow. Avoid the temptation to micromanage; be open to observing how well things turn out.

Simplify

Take choice out of the equation! Cut down on the number of daily decisions in your life with routines and habits. Think of the routine activities in your life and opportunities to limit your options.

[Read: The Antidote to ADHD Fatigue and Exhaustion? Stacking Habits (and Spoons)]

• Designate a set number of outfits for work so you can just grab and go in the mornings.
• Assign specific meals to each day of the week and then rotate through two or three weekly schedules of meals. (Think school cafeteria schedule.)
• Create a grocery shopping master list that includes ingredients needed for the assigned weekly meals.

Effectively Realistic

Worrying about making the best decision – a form of perfectionism – is mentally taxing and leads to added stress and decision paralysis. There is no need to seek the perfect solution or choice. Instead, focus on what is realistic, effective, and good enough for the situation.

ADHD Decision Fatigue: Next Steps

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It’s been a while since my ADHD diagnosis. Though I’ve put lots of things in place to manage my symptoms and support my executive functions, it’s still so easy to lurch from day to day, ignoring the sneaky things that make living with ADHD needlessly difficult.

Recently, I had the bright idea to assess my life. I aimed to end up with a self-improvement plan comprised of high-impact (and relatively low-effort) actions I could take to better daily living with ADHD.

What I came up with was a process that I invite you to try for yourself to manage ADHD’s impact across all facets of your life. (Be sure to grab papers and a pen before you start.)

Step 1: Where are you struggling most right now?

Think:

• What aspects of your life with ADHD are most annoying to you at the moment?
• Where are your ADHD symptoms creating the most obstacles and hot spots in your life?
• Where are you paying too high a price (finances, relationships, etc.)?

Another way to think of it: Are there any areas of your life that need more improvement and attention than other areas?

[Get This Free Download: Lifestyle Changes That Benefit Adults with ADHD]

Some areas you might think about:

Select three to six areas of focus at a time. I chose medication, food, motivation, and daily/weekly planning systems.

Step 2: Pen to paper.

Once you’ve narrowed down your areas, grab some sheets of paper. Each area of focus you selected in the prior step will get its own sheet of paper, which you’ll indicate at the top of each sheet. Then, fold each sheet in half width-wise.

Step 3: Get specific about trouble spots.

The top half of each sheet is where you’ll respond to the question: “What’s not working?” Vent a little but be sure to get specific. No matter the obstacle or inconvenience, write down anything that isn’t going your way and gives you a hard time in this area.

On my “food” sheet, for example, I wrote, “It drives me crazy to have to wrestle with myself whenever I need to eat. How can boiling cauliflower feel so impossible?!?” I also wrote about how overwhelming I found all aspects of eating, from thinking about what to eat and buy (ADHD decision fatigue is no joke) and putting it together to cleaning up after myself, all for a few bites. Trying to eat more vegetables was especially difficult; they took too long to wash, cut, and cook on the spot, so they were never ready when I wanted them.

[Read: 6 Secrets to Goal Setting with ADHD]

Note that this step isn’t about writing down what you think you “should” be doing. It’s a space for you to note what stands in the way of what you really want.

Step 4: What can make it better?

After you’ve written about everything that’s not working, turn your attention to the bottom half of the sheet. Here is where you’ll brainstorm: What can make life better? Get creative and use that ADHD superpower of idea generation! Let your ideas flow; think of how you can create different arrangements, tweak your existing systems, incorporate new objects/technology, and find other forms of support that – and this is important – work for you. (You’ll narrow down on a few actionable solutions in the next step.)

For my food troubles, I thought about how great it would be to always have prepared, ready-to-eat foods in my kitchen. An effortless grab-and-go for when I’m hungry and don’t want to think about prepping food, much less make an entire meal. I thought about how great it would be to never forget that I have vegetables in the fridge and to have prep work on said veggies completed well in advance.

How could I make this happen? This is some of what I wrote down:

• To reduce decision fatigue, I can come up with three easy meals as staple options. This will make grocery shopping so much easier, too, since the ingredients for those chosen meals will always be on my shopping list.
• I’m a visual person. Why don’t I hang up photos of my favorite meals on my fridge to help me remember them?
• I seem to remember to eat veggies when I can clearly see them, not when they’re hidden in the back of the fridge or in a drawer. I’m also more inclined to eat veggies when all the prep work is done. Maybe I can prep veggies when I have time, like on weekends, and put them in clear containers.

Step 5: Mold your ideas into an action list.

From your solutions, circle up to three ideas that seem worth trying. Now, activate the ADHD gift of problem-solving, and think of how to put each of your chosen solutions into action.

• What will prompt you to put the solution in motion? Involving other people? Gamifying it? Connecting it with your interests? Think of the conditions and factors that tend to facilitate action for you. You may find it helpful to think about the areas of your life where things are going smoothly. What’s working in those areas, and how can you translate those elements to these problem areas?
• How can you get around potential snags? Do you need checklist to help you remember the steps? Reminders on your phone? On your calendar?
• Write down your action list for each area of focus on a fresh sheet of paper. As you think of and draft each action step, keep the following in mind:
  • Make your action steps realistic. Aim for the biggest wins you can achieve with the least amount of effort. (That win you consider small is actually a big win if you can do it completely and consistently!)
  • Craft clear action steps. Note what you’ll do, how long it will take, and what “finished” looks like.

My action list looked a little like this:

• After dinner today, I will spend one hour creating a poster of my three favorite meals in Canva.
• On Saturday, before I head to the supermarket, I will spend 20 minutes writing all items I need to prepare my favorite meals on my phone. I will then pin the note for easy reference.
• On Sunday mornings, I will dedicate one hour to preparing veggies. I will set a recurring reminder on my phone to put the prepared veggies in clear containers and store them in the fridge.

Step 6: Do the actions!

…or do what you can. Because, if you’re anything like me, you’ll rush through half your action list, trudge through the next few items, and then grind to a halt before finishing all your action steps. And to that I say: Magnificent! That’s way more than you would have done without the review. But if you find yourself making no progress at all, consider making your action steps smaller. Either way, resist perfectionism. A small step can be plenty in improving quality of life.

Put your action list somewhere you’ll easily see it. Think positive as you carry out your action steps. Visualize how much easier your life will be — and how much energy you’ll have to do things that really matter to you — once you take these steps. Aim to revisit your self-improvement plan once or twice a year.

Manage Adult ADHD: Next Steps

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I’ve held roughly 30 jobs in my lifetime — most of them before I discovered my ADHD at age 30. I’ve been in my current role for two and a half years. While my ADHD symptoms have caused difficulties at work, my organization openly discusses how to make improvements and what resources are needed to work through them.

I am grateful that my company takes a “bring your whole self to work” approach. That attitude has encouraged me to discuss my experience as an adult living with ADHD and it has taught me the importance of creating an inclusive, supportive workplace for colleagues with neurodiverse conditions. I realize that many people with ADHD are not so fortunate.

People with ADHD are chronically unemployed or underemployed. This doesn’t affect their ability to succeed at work, but it may hinder their chances of getting past the hiring stage.

Once hired, many people with ADHD wrestle with whether to reveal their diagnosis in the workplace. Understandably, many feel that disclosing their disability could attract stigma and discrimination. But if no one discloses their ADHD, how can an organization ensure that it is being inclusive?

Senior leaders and decision-makers must foster a sense of openness by actively promoting an inclusive culture. I view inclusivity as a net; the wider it is, the greater the population caught. Some tools are created for specific reasons, such as an automatic door to assist someone using a mobility device. However, this adjustment also helps someone with arthritis or a new parent pushing a stroller. In other words, the benefits of accommodations are often wider and deeper than we first imagine.

[Get This Free Download: What to Ask Yourself to Find the Perfect Job]

7 ADHD Accommodations at Work

Here are more ways to create a more inclusive workplace for individuals with ADHD.

1. Job Application Accommodations

A supportive workplace culture takes root during the hiring process. Employers must value individuals beyond their CVs and resumes, and prioritize the person ahead of the qualifications. A small change that can significantly impact the inclusivity of your hiring process is providing job applicants with materials in different formats and offering alternatives to submitting traditional CVs or resumes, such as creating video applications.

2. Targeted Training

Because ADHD affects individuals differently, employers and colleagues must understand the symptoms of inattentive, hyperactive, and combined-type ADHD — and how each one manifests. They can do this by collaborating with an ADHD expert with lived experience, seeking tailored training programs, or simply listening to colleagues with ADHD.

3. Clear Communication

To help people with ADHD stay focused and reduce overwhelm, simplify communication by summarizing key points and action items in emails. Use bullet points and highlight important information to make it quick and easy to access.

4. Visible Meeting Notes

During meetings, provide written notes or prompts. If the meeting takes place virtually, use the chat box function. This helps team members who might get flustered or need to refer to the discussion points.

[Read: DIY ADHD Accommodations for Your 9 to 5 Job]

5. Recording and Transcription Services

Recordings and transcripts of meetings can be invaluable for those with working memory challenges, allowing them to revisit the information as needed.

6. Flexible Working Hours

Some people with ADHD find they are more productive outside traditional work hours. Allowing flexible work times can maximize productivity and reduce mistakes.

7. A Balanced Perspective

When ADHD is called a “superpower,” I hear toxic positivity. Perceived strengths like creativity or resilience do not overshadow the real challenges that individuals with ADHD face; it’s important to acknowledge that it is a disabling condition with some inherently beneficial traits as well. A balanced perspective is essential for genuine inclusivity.

Supporting colleagues with ADHD in the workplace requires understanding and practical adjustments. Organizations can create a workplace where all employees thrive by promoting open communication, providing targeted training, and avoiding toxic positivity. The goal is to ensure everyone on the team feels valued and supported to do their best work.

Inclusion in the Workplace for ADHD: Next Steps

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The following is a personal essay reflecting the opinions of the author.

A few years ago, Michael, a nine-year-old boy, was brought to my office by his parents. Mom and Dad seemed comfortable when I greeted them in the waiting room, and they easily conversed as they followed me back to my office. They joked with Michael, and he appeared at ease.

After talking for a few minutes, I asked them, “So, why did you bring Michael to see me?

“The teachers say that he has a lot of trouble staying focused in the classroom,” his mom responded. “They say that he is very bright but doesn’t do well on tests because he rushes, doesn’t check his answers, and seems to stare off. Often, he only completes half of his tests. While he answers questions correctly, he fails the test because he does not complete it.”

At this point, Dad spoke up. “Wait a minute, Gayle. You know my mother told you I had the same trouble in school, but I turned out fine.”

I would have missed it had I not been sitting directly across from her, but it was at this moment that Michael’s mom rolled her eyes.

[Free Guide: What Every Thorough ADHD Diagnosis Includes]

After some testing and discussions with the teacher, Michael was diagnosed with ADHD. However, over the next five years, his father resisted the idea of treating Michael with ADHD medication, even though he responded extremely well to it, with minimal, non-serious side effects.

Dad also frequently “forgot” to give Michael his ADHD medication. If I had missed this earlier warning, I am sure I would have eventually picked up on Dad’s resistance. But the point of this story is not that Michael’s medical care would have been compromised had I missed the eye-rolling. It is that every person emits hundreds of these small, non-verbal communications every hour. And all of us, including physicians, unconsciously interpret these communications, usually accurately. Telehealth interferes with those subtle cues, which may result in a patient’s misdiagnosis or inappropriate treatment decisions.

Pros & Cons of Telehealth Evaluations for ADHD

There are certainly advantages to telehealth medical evaluations for ADHD. For one, they are relatively easy to set up. They eliminate the need to travel from home to a clinic or office, which can be problematic for some. For patients who do not have a steady income source, these evaluations also may be less expensive than in-person evaluations.

Regardless, there are serious concerns about the accuracy of telehealth evaluations. Since there are no blood tests, specific laboratory findings, X-ray findings, or diagnostic findings on a patient’s physical or neurological evaluations, the diagnosis of ADHD usually depends on a patient’s (or their parent’s) self-reporting.

[Free Directory: ADHD Specialists Serving Patients Near You]

This has proven problematic — and, in some cases, fraudulent. In June, the Justice Department charged two executives at the telehealth company Done Global with allegedly distributing Adderall and other stimulants for ADHD to patients without a proper diagnosis. Done reportedly made ADHD diagnoses based on a patient’s minute-long self-assessment and a 30-minute or less virtual evaluation with a provider.

A Better Way to Evaluate ADHD

Most pediatricians will evaluate their young patients with one parent in the room. I strongly encourage both parents to come to the initial evaluations and follow-up visits.

During the 40 years that I have evaluated patients for ADHD, I have noticed that subtle non-verbal facial expressions and messages reveal much more about how each parent feels about their child’s diagnosis or treatment than what they say. These cues could be easily missed during a telehealth evaluation.

For example, I met Danny several years ago. His mother sat in front of my desk, with Danny to her right. He appeared uninterested in our conversation but was in a good mood and smiled occasionally. While his mother spoke, Danny fidgeted, looked out the window, moved around in his seat, and interrupted occasionally.

When I asked Danny’s mom what her biggest concern was, she said, “Well, he is highly intelligent, but he has a tough time staying focused and quiet in school. As a result, he has a difficult time learning. He is very scattered.”

So, I asked my usual questions: When did this start? How was he doing in school? How were his grades? How did he get along with other kids?

[Free Series: The Caregiver’s Guide to ADHD Diagnosis]

She tried to answer each question but became visibly frustrated. Her voice quivered, and she seemed on the brink of crying. Then, she stopped talking and reached into her bag. She pulled out a brightly colored, ragged spiral notebook and handed it to me.

“Danny’s teacher uses this calendar notebook to communicate with her students’ parents,” she explained. “The teacher will write a short note about how Danny did that day. I can write a response or ask a question. The notebook goes from home to school and back again daily.”

Later that day, I started reading the notebook. But by the time I got to the third page, I felt tears in my eyes.

I didn’t need to continue reading to know what was in the rest of the notebook. I was so used to treating children with behavior and learning problems like a detective, objectively analyzing the facts, that I had forgotten what it felt like to a child and their parents. Suddenly, reading this notebook, I could tell exactly how Danny and his mother felt.

If I had used telehealth, I might have received the notebook eventually, but I would have missed how Danny’s behavior affected their lives. I might also have seen Danny’s mother’s tears on the computer monitor. However, my bigger concern was what I may have missed and how that could have affected Danny’s diagnosis and treatment.

Telehealth ADHD Evaluations: Next Steps

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On a recent Saturday, I woke from my daytime ADHD hyperfocus coma (which I didn’t realize I had slipped into) and was horrified to see that I had fallen behind my usual schedule. I write a few stories a week for the web, and weekends are critical in getting these ready to send off. But as the day drew to a close, I only had one story done.

How could time be so slippery? I went back and counted all the things I’d done earlier, because there surely had to be more accomplishments in my day. And there were — dishes, laundry, work tasks. Not bad — I’d assumed I’d only accomplished one thing, but I’d accomplished four, though three of those tasks could in no way account for all that time.

I went back through my day with a magnifying glass and — ah-ha! There they were! More accomplishments. Except these accomplishments were in the form of low-value but highly alluring distractions.

Was I mad at myself for wasting a precious Saturday? For once, I decided not to be.

A Guilt Trip Won’t Drive Me to Productivity Land

I looked down at the self-reproach stick I keep close at hand (if you have ADHD, you know the one) and flung it into the corner. Words came tumbling out of the stick and onto the floor. You shouldn’t have done what you did! How could you?!

[Read: “Shame Spiral Advice from the Counselor with ADHD Who Needs to Take Her Own Advice”]

I stepped on the words, squishing them. No mercy. Sometimes, we just need to be firm with our inner critical voices.

Instead of succumbing to self-reproach, I saw the opportunity to learn. I looked at how to prevent future Saturdays from looking like this Saturday.

I started by identifying what needed fixing and what needed encouraging, neither of which I could have done if I continued to harass myself over my missteps.

I decided to install a website blocker on my phone to deter me from reading the news, a big distractor. This worked for a while, and eventually it taught me that I don’t want to be looking at the news all day, anyway. These days, I don’t need the blocker. Instead, I purposely moved my news app four screens from the home screen. Every scroll to get there gives me a moment to mindfully pause and consider if I really want to read the news. The gap affords me the opportunity to choose better because I want to do better.

[Read: Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself]

I also set up a decent, doable game plan for my weekends. Instead of thinking I can get everything done, I now have a good balance of tasks. I don’t crack the proverbial whip — well, at least not as much as I did, or at least not as wickedly. I settle in and enjoy my work, task after task, and revel in crossing each one off my list. I acknowledge each completed task to myself, which fuels me on to the next thing.

Finally, I decided to program fun at the end of the day to reward myself. It’s not major – online puzzles before bed are very fun and simple treats, if I do say so.

All this, and no self-berating sticks, no “wasted” weekends. It’s such a luxury in comparison to the alternative. The pivot from being mad at myself to being happy with my progress is such a life-changer. The more I gently encourage small steps, one after the other, the more I’m rocking Saturdays like you won’t believe.

Feeling Guilty for Not Being Productive: Next Steps for ADHD Brains

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When I was diagnosed with ADHD and dyscalculia at age 38, I wept for 10-year-old me. For the little girl who could not make sense of numbers, whose legs would shake and voice tremble when forced to stand and recite multiplication tables. When I fumbled, my teacher would smack the chalkboard and shout “Wrong again!” as the class erupted in laughter. “Stupid, dumb me.” I whispered to myself as I retreated.

I also wept for teenage me, who was called “dumb” and told countless times that she just needed to “try harder.” For the girl who felt she needed to wear a mask. No matter what I did, it never felt like it was good enough.

The tears I shed after my diagnoses have been like healing rains. The grief and shame I feel are real, but I don’t want to stay in these places for too long. I want to move beyond them. So, I have decided to try to find the victory stories I never experienced as a child.

I wish my teachers knew about my ADHD and dyscalculia. I’m going to imagine what life would have been like if they did, and what they might have written in my report cards had they known the truth about my determination, suffering, and self-esteem.

1. Tends to lose concentration easily.

Erica’s wonderfully wired mind works hard to help her manage her focus and attention. To our delight, we’ve found that coloring, drawing, and playing with putty also helps her focus. I am so proud of Erica for her continued efforts to focus in the classroom. Erica, you are doing so well!

[Read: Your After-Diagnosis Acceptance Guide]

2. Is not an attentive listener.

Erica tries really hard to listen, which is so impressive, as we understand that her mind is constantly flooded with millions of different thoughts, some of them intrusive and overwhelming. I am really proud of Erica for trying, even with such a busy brain, to slow down and wait her turn. These are not easy things for her to do, but she keeps on trying.

3. Has confusion with number recall; needs to work harder.

Erica works so hard to remember her numbers but faces the challenge of dyscalculia, which is a significant learning disability. I encourage Erica to be kind to herself and know that she is doing a spectacular job. She will thrive and succeed in school and beyond because she is brave and creative. Knowing numbers is not the sum of a life well lived. Keep going, Erica!

4. Must try harder to be attentive and polite when others are talking.

Erica cares for others so deeply that, when her classmates share stories, her mind, eager to know more, explodes with questions. Sometimes she blurts out those questions, but she isn’t being rude or self-absorbed when she does so. She experiences impulsivity issues, and she also wants to make sure she can squeeze her thought in before she forgets it. She works hard to be attentive, and her zeal, kindness, and passion for connecting with others is remarkable! She has started writing down things when others talk so she can remember what was said and ask her questions later on. Good job, Erica!

5. Has allowed outside problems to impact her work.

Erica has had a tough semester. Though a bully assaulted her, it was Erica who received punishment for swearing at her bully. This incident was, understandably, massively disruptive for Erica, who also experiences RSD and justice sensitivity. In any case, Erica’s wellbeing is far more important than her schoolwork. I recommend she take a mental health month and that the incident with the bully be properly addressed.

[Read: “What Is Wrong With Me?” ADHD Truths I Wish I Knew As a Kid]

6. Disappointing results from a student with potential.

Erica will never be a disappointment. The challenges she faces with her diagnoses are plenty, and her courage and ability to continue trying and keep laughing is admirable. This is a student who is living beyond her potential every single day!

From report card to report card, and each challenge in between, onward I go with the liberating exercise of rewriting my life pre-diagnosis, no longer carrying defeat but walking in victory.

What I Wish My Teacher Knew About My ADHD: Next Steps

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On a chilly autumn morning, I sat beneath fluorescent lighting in a room full of my peers to take the PSAT. I had done well on the previous year’s test, so my hopes were high. The first hour or so was not too torturous. I breezed through the English passages and actually finished the section with lots of time to spare. Suddenly, I began to feel anxious. Why had I finished early? Had I chosen the correct answers? By the time the math section began, my confidence had dropped dramatically.

I finished a word problem, clicked answer C, yet something didn’t feel right. I had only clicked one answer, but my brain convinced me I needed to click all the other answer options to make it an even number. Once I did that, I then re-selected only my original answer, with a different finger, careful not to disrupt the pattern. Finally, I could move on.

I continued in this way throughout the test, my anxiety growing. I noticed the sound of keyboards clicking as my peers moved effortlessly from question to question. At the top of my browser, the seconds passed quickly and I began to fear I would not finish in time.

This sensation was all-too-familiar, but I’d never felt it in such a high-stakes environment. As the test dragged on, I felt more and more hopeless about my PSAT score — and I knew just what to blame.

My Life with OCD

I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) at the age of 7, after my parents observed the little rituals and patterns I acted out constantly. My OCD began as a way of coping with my emetophobia, an extreme fear of vomiting. My brain told me that I could prevent myself from getting sick if I performed certain actions perfectly. If I got a “booboo” on one finger, I had to put bandages on all of my other fingers so they would “match.” When I would wash my hands, I had to turn the sink on and off seven times and use seven pumps of soap. If I messed up, I was determined to find a way to correct it. Until I did, I was plagued with a sense of impending doom.

[Take This Self-Test: Could Your Child Have OCD?]

The solution here may seem obvious: just don’t do the compulsion. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that. Imagine that you have a voice in your brain convincing you that, unless you turn the light switch on and off several times, your loved one will die. You know it’s an irrational fear but, still, you feel as though you could not tolerate taking that risk.

That’s how I feel every day.

OCD Is Not What You Think It Is

Over the years, my compulsions have presented themselves in many different ways, but they all share this in common: they make “normal” tasks exponentially more challenging.

And then, of course, there’s the embarrassment of having to explain myself to others. In case you’ve forgotten, teenagers are not the most understanding audience for unconventional behaviors. If you were in Trig and saw the girl sitting next to you write and erase her name seven times on her worksheet, you’d probably be perturbed and think that she were a basket case. That’s not how I want people to regard me. Sure, I could explain to them that I did the behavior to prevent my imminent death, but how receptive do you think they’d be to that rationale? It’s an awkward position for both parties.

OCD myths and misperceptions contribute to this stigma and shame. One of the most popular myths is that OCD only presents as cleanliness, neatness, or attention to detail.

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“OMG, I have to organize my closet because I’m so OCD and can’t stand a messy house!” is a sentiment expressed by some people who are, in fact, just neat freaks. It may seem harmless, but this kind of misunderstanding can be incredibly invalidating to those who are suffering with OCD. While it is true that some OCD sufferers face compulsions relating to cleanliness, there is a difference between enjoying cleaning and feeling like your world will blow up if you don’t complete a specific ritual.

The reality of living with OCD is that it’s tiring and sometimes scary. Unlike these stereotypes, there have been times that compulsions could have put me in harm’s way. I have had compulsions to open the car door while driving or to touch a hot stovetop. Thankfully, I was able to resist these compulsions. This is where treatment comes in.

Managing OCD: Resisting Screaming Mimis

Back when I was 7 years old, my parents took me to see a therapist. She encouraged me to give my rituals a name. I didn’t fully understand this at the time but now I see her purpose was to have me think of my compulsions as enemies to defeat, and it’s easier to defeat something when you can see it outside of yourself. I thought of the funniest name I could think of, “Screaming Mimi,” and it just stuck.

That therapist taught my parents and I how to handle these “Screaming Mimis.” The more you give in to a ritual, the stronger it grows and the harder it is to resist. So, the most effective solution for OCD is to not give in to the urge, and the main coping mechanisms are to make it wait, to switch it up, or to do the opposite of the compulsion.

If I could tell parents of kids with OCD one thing, I would say that patience is key. Your child is not doing this to be annoying or funny, it’s something they genuinely feel that they cannot help. It’s important to remember that, while you can offer support, your child must be in charge of their journey and ultimately do the work. What you can do is offer them positive reinforcement when they make an effort to improve, compassion and care so they don’t feel alone in this, and, maybe most importantly, an open ear.

Living with OCD: Next Steps

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At nearly 30 years old, I have been fired twice from roles in my chosen career of public relations. It’s true that I have sent emails five minutes too late and missed a few typos, but I enjoy the field, even if I don’t love every aspect of it. And being fired – more than once – hurts deeply. I have been effectively told that I am not fit for the career on which I have set my sights, which has left me confused and anxious.

The ordeal hurts much more knowing that I have exclusively worked for places that center on addressing health disparities. While I never disclosed my ADHD diagnosis, I believe I still would have been met with discontent if I had, as my attempts to adjust processes and procedures to work with my brain were often met with annoyance. (Either way, it shouldn’t matter whether my disability was known; everyone works differently.)

Left in a Lurch

The more recent role placed me on a performance improvement plan just one month after I started. I was let go six months after my start date. I imagine that many neurodivergent individuals like myself know what it’s like to be on a PIP, and it’s not for a lack of skill or trying. If you ask us, these “plans” aren’t plans at all. Often missing from PIPs are tangible instructions and guidelines for helping us improve our skills.

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One overarching thought I’ve had through all this is: How could my employers, who purport to pursue and create change to improve the lives of marginalized individuals, be so resistant to altering the way things are done? How could they be so intolerant of differences?

While these rejections have left me riddled with self-doubt and shame, I’ve been trying to reframe my experiences as opportunities to find a better fit. For now, I have found a new, part-time role in a different but adjacent field, though I’m not quite sure I’ve found my passion.

You’re Off to Great Places!

I’ve loved to write ever since childhood. I enjoy connecting with and helping others. Public relations seemed like a practical way to funnel these desires into a career.

I don’t know where my journey will take me, but I have brains in my head, feet in my shoes, and I’m armed with my ADHD diagnosis. Despite the bang-ups and hang-ups, I know one thing for certain: I’m going to continue to work hard and put my best foot forward. My mountain is waiting.

How to Get Over Being Fired for ADHD: Next Steps

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