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Tag: Depression

  • Boosting BDNF Levels in Our Brain to Treat Depression  | NutritionFacts.org

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    We can raise BDNF levels in our brain by fasting and exercising, as well as by eating and avoiding certain foods.

    There is accumulating evidence that brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) may be playing a role in human depression. BDNF controls the growth of new nerve cells. “So, low levels of this peptide could lead to an atrophy of specific brain areas such as the amygdala and the hippocampus, as it has been observed among depressed patients.” That may be one of the reasons that exercise is so good for our brains. Start an hour-a-day exercise regimen, and, within three months, there can be a quadrupling of BDNF release from our brain, as seen below and at 0:35 in my video How to Boost Brain BDNF Levels for Depression Treatment.

    This makes sense. Any time we were desperate to catch prey (or desperate not to become prey ourselves), we needed to be cognitively sharp. So, when we’re fasting, exercising, or in a negative calorie balance, our brain starts churning out BDNF to make sure we’re firing on all cylinders. Of course, Big Pharma is eager to create drugs to mimic this effect, but is there any way to boost BDNF naturally? Yes, I just said it: fasting and exercising. Is there anything we can add to our diet to boost BDNF?

    Higher intakes of dietary flavonoids appear to be protectively associated with symptoms of depression. The Harvard Nurses’ Health Study followed tens of thousands of women for years and found that those who were consuming the most flavonoids appeared to reduce their risk of becoming depressed. Flavonoids occur naturally in plants, so there’s a substantial amount in a variety of healthy foods. But how do we know the benefits are from the flavonoids and not just from eating more healthfully in general? We put it to the test.

    Some fruits and vegetables have more flavonoids than others. As shown below and at 1:51 in my video, apples have more than apricots, plums more than peaches, red cabbage more than white, and kale more than cucumbers. Researchers randomized people into one of three groups: more high-flavonoid fruits and vegetables, more low-flavonoid fruits and vegetables, or no extra fruits and vegetables at all. After 18 weeks, only the high-flavonoid group got a significant boost in BDNF levels, which corresponded with an improvement in cognitive performance. The BDNF boost may help explain why each additional daily serving of fruits or vegetables is associated with a 3 percent decrease in the risk of depression. 

    What’s more, as seen here and at 2:27 in my video, a teaspoon a day of the spice turmeric may boost BNDF levels by more than 50 percent within a month. This is consistent with the other randomized controlled trials that have so far been done. 

    Nuts may help, too. In the PREDIMED study, where people were randomized to receive weekly batches of nuts or extra-virgin olive oil, the nut group lowered their risk of having low BDNF levels by 78 percent, as shown below and at 2:46.

    And BDNF is not implicated only in depression, but schizophrenia. When individuals with schizophrenia underwent a 12-week exercise program, they got a significant boost in their BDNF levels, which led the researchers to “suggest that exercise-induced modulation of BDNF may play an important role in developing non-pharmacological treatment for chronic schizophrenic patients.”

    What about schizophrenia symptoms? Thirty individuals with schizophrenia were randomized to ramp up to 40 minutes of aerobic exercise three times a week or not, and there did appear to be an improvement in psychiatric symptoms, such as hallucinations, as well as an increase in their quality of life, with exercise. In fact, researchers could actually visualize what happened in their brains. Loss of brain volume in a certain region appears to be a feature of schizophrenia, but 30 minutes of exercise, three times a week, resulted in an increase of up to 20 percent in the size of that region within three months, as seen here and at 3:46 in my video. 

    Caloric restriction may also increase BDNF levels in people with schizophrenia. So, researchers didn’t just have study participants eat less, but more healthfully, too—less saturated fat and sugar, and more fruits and veggies. The study was like the Soviet fasting trials for schizophrenia that reported truly unbelievable results, supposedly restoring people to function, and described fasting as “an unparalleled achievement in the treatment of schizophrenia”—but part of the problem is that the diagnostic system the Soviets used is completely different than ours, making any results hard to interpret. There was a subgroup that seemed to correspond to the Western definition, but they still reported 40 to 60 percent improvement rates from fasting, but fasting wasn’t all they did. After the participants fasted for up to a month, they were put on a meat- and egg-free diet. So, when the researchers reported these remarkable effects even years later, they were for those individuals who stuck with the meat- and egg-free diet. Evidently, the closer the diet was followed, the better the effect, and those who broke the diet relapsed. The researchers noted: “Not all patients can remain vegetarian, but they must not take meat for at least six months, and then in very small portions.” We know from randomized controlled trials that simply eschewing meat and eggs can improve mental states within just two weeks, so it’s hard to know what role fasting itself played in the reported improvements.

    A single high-fat meal can drop BDNF levels within hours of consumption, and we can prove it’s the fat itself by seeing the same result after injecting fat straight into our veins. Perhaps that helps explain why increased consumption of saturated fats in a high-fat diet may contribute to brain dysfunction—that is, neurodegenerative diseases, long-term memory loss, and cognitive impairment. It may also help explain why the standard American diet has been linked to a higher risk of depression, as dietary factors modulate the levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor.

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    Michael Greger M.D. FACLM

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  • The Secret Grief of Raising a Chronically Dysregulated Child

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    There’s a quiet grief that has settled in my bones over the years — a subtle, enduring, invisible sadness I never expected when I first became a parent. It’s the grief of constantly co-regulating my child, who is autistic with ADHD, and whose big emotions are often beyond their control.

    Co-regulation means being present, constantly shifting my own emotional state, even when I’m not ready, to match the urgency of my child’s. I’ve learned to steady my breath when theirs quickens, to lower my voice, to adjust the environment, to make them feel safe. But when the storm passes, there’s often no space for me to process the emotional toll it’s taken.

    Co-regulation is not just about calming my child in a single moment of distress but about managing their entire emotional landscape day after day, which can vary considerably. It means that I am hypervigilant about my child’s needs, always ready to step in, always holding my breath in anticipation of the next emotional storm. I feel like the safety net that keeps it all from crashing down, but what happens when I can no longer be that lifeline?

    Extreme Emotional Labor, Grief, and Parental Burnout

    Parental self-regulation is part of co-regulation, but it doesn’t come easy, especially with a highly dysregulated child. Most days feel like I’m perpetually “on,” suppressing my own emotions because my child needs me to be stable. There is hardly opportunity to recuperate before the next emotional explosion. Who holds me when I need to fall apart? This constant emotional labor, this unyielding responsibility, is the grief that no one sees.

    This grief is compounded by isolation. People offer sympathy, but they rarely understand what it is to co-regulate a child with unique needs.

    [Get This Free Download: 5 Emotional Control Strategies for Kids with ADHD]

    There is also anticipatory grief about the future — how my child’s needs will evolve as they grow older. What will independence look like for them? Will they find lasting relationships, joy, fulfillment? These worries weigh heavily on me, and I feel guilty for not being more hopeful.

    Under the Grief: The Myth of the Perfect Parent

    In the midst of it all, there are durable moments of love, hope, and connection that make it worthwhile. There are times when my child looks at me with a calmness that tells me they’ve found peace, moments when our bond feels unbreakable. Co-regulating has deepened my understanding of love and what it means to be there for someone, no matter how difficult the journey.

    But even in those moments, the grief lingers. It’s woven into the fabric of our lives, an ever-present companion. And I’ve come to realize that the grief of co-regulating my child is part of a larger, often unspoken narrative we’ve internalized about parenting — that it requires constant sacrifice, self-effacement, and emotional depletion. The idea that we must become martyrs in our efforts to be the “perfect parent.”

    We are often conditioned to believe that if we’re not always giving, always doing, always available, that we’re failing our children. The myth of the “perfect parent” tells us that our own needs are secondary, that love for our children means putting ourselves last – a construct that is especially harming to parents of neurodivergent children. But the truth is, we do our children a disservice when we sacrifice ourselves to this extent. We also risk losing the sense of who we are outside of being caregivers.

    [Read: Dear Special Needs Mom Who Is Ready to Give Up…]

    My Own Lifeline

    I’m learning that to set boundaries and prioritize my own well-being is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and often met with judgment. There’s grief in this too — the grief of wanting to take up space without apology, of being seen as less than for simply existing as I am. But I know the cost of not speaking up is greater. When I sacrifice my voice, I lose my health, my confidence, and my joy.

    Despite the grief and discomfort, I keep moving forward — balancing the pain and love, exhaustion and connection, finding strength in the quiet understanding that I am doing the best I can. I am my child’s lifeline, but I am also mine.

    Co-Regulation: Next Steps for Neurodivergent Families

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    Nathaly Pesantez

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  • Does Fasting Help Treat Depression?  | NutritionFacts.org

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    Caloric restriction can boost levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which is considered to play a critical role in mood disorders.

    For more than a century, fasting has been espoused as a treatment of supposed “great utility in the preservation of health,” especially rejuvenating the body and, above all, the mind. When people fast for even 18 hours, though, they may get hungry and irritable. After one or two days, positive mood goes down and negative mood goes up, and after three days, fasters can increasingly feel sad, self-blame, and suffer a loss of libido. Then, something strange starts to happen: People experience a “fasting-induced mood enhancement…reflected by decreased anxiety, depression, fatigue, and improved vigor.” Studies tend to show this across the board. Once you get over the hump, fasters frequently experience “an increased level of vigilance and a mood improvement, a subjective feeling of well-being, and sometimes of euphoria.” And, no wonder, as, by then, endorphin levels may rise by nearly 50 percent, as seen here and at 1:06 in my video Friday Favorites: Fasting to Treat Depression. 

    This enhancement of mood, alertness, and calm makes a certain amount of evolutionary sense. Our body wants us to feel poorly initially so we continue to eat, day to day, when food is available, but if we go a couple of days without food, our body realizes we can’t just mope in our cave; we need to get motivated to go out and find some calories.

    So, can fasting be used for mood disorders, like depression? It’s great that people can feel better after a few days of fasting, but the critical question revolves around the “persistence of mood improvement over time” once fasting ends and eating resumes. The little published evidence we have comes out of Japan and the former Soviet Union, and some of it is just ridiculous, like this study that included women with a variety of symptoms, which the researchers blame mostly on marital conflict, as you can see below and at 2:08 in my video. Husband not treating you right? How about some “electroshock therapy”? That didn’t seem to help much, so what about “hunger therapy”? Of course, starving the women made them hungry, but that’s what Thorazine is for. If they keep getting injected with an antipsychotic to calm them down, they can sail right through. So, what happened in the study? What would we even do with those results? 

    Another study, however, skipped the Thorazine. The participants fasted for ten days, but they were also kept in bed all day on “absolute bed rest,” completely isolated and “prohibited from seeing other people except the attending doctor and nurse…also denied access to television, radio, newspapers or any other forms of information.” So, if people got better or worse, it would be impossible to tease out the effects of the fasting component on its own. But researchers found that they apparently did get better, with efficacy reportedly demonstrated in 31 out of 36 patients suffering from depression, as seen here and at 2:56 in my video.

    The researchers concluded that fasting therapy may provide an alternative to the use of antidepressant drugs, “thinking the fasting therapy may be a kind of shock therapy.” People are so relieved to be eating again, to get out of solitary confinement, and to even just get out of bed that they report feeling better. That was at the time of discharge, though. How did they feel the next day, the next week, the next month? Fasting is, by definition, unsustainable, so what we want to ideally see are some kind of longer-lasting effects.

    Researchers did a follow-up with a few hundred patients, not just a few months later, but after a few years. Of the 69 who were evidently suffering from depression, 90 percent reported feeling good or excellent results at the end of the ten-day fast, and, remarkably, years later, 87 percent of the 62 individuals who replied claimed that they were still doing well. Now, there was no control group, so we don’t know if they would have done just as well or even better without the fast, and it was all self-reporting, so there may have been a response bias where participants tried to please the researchers. Who knows? Maybe they were afraid they’d get sent back to solitary if they didn’t respond affirmatively. We have no idea, but we do have good evidence for the short-term mood benefits.

    Why would fasting improve feelings of depression? In addition to the endorphins and the surge in serotonin, the so-called happiness hormone, when we fast, there is a bump in brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which is considered to play a crucial role in mood disorders. Researchers have perked up rodents with it, but we aren’t rats or mice. What about us? Humans with major depression have lower levels of BDNF circulating in their bloodstream. Autopsy studies of suicide victims show only about half the BDNF in certain key brain regions, compared to controls, suggesting it may play an important role in suicidal behavior, as seen here and at 4:38 in my video. 

    We can boost BDNF with antidepressant drugs and electroshock; we can also boost it with caloric restriction. We can get a 70 percent boost in levels after three months of cutting 25 percent of calories out of our daily diet, as shown below and at 4:51.

    Is there anything we can add to our diets to boost BNDF levels so we can get the benefits without the hunger? We’ll find out next.

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    Michael Greger M.D. FACLM

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  • “How I Halt the ADHD Shame Cycle in Its Tracks”

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    As I cleaned out my desk drawer recently, I stumbled upon a collection of pictures I intended to share but never did: school photos, holiday cards, baby pictures. Sweet moments now engulfed in flames of guilt. Not a single picture had ever been mailed out as I had planned.

    The shame was immediate. I thought back to the wedding thank-you notes, Christmas cards of years past, and other items that I likewise never got around to mailing. I remembered the many times I thought, “I’ll get to it later.” But later stretched into years, and now here we are.

    The regret is present and heavy as I equate my lack of follow-through with incontrovertible proof of my laziness and carelessness. That I’m a terrible parent and friend by extension.

    [Read: ADHD and the Epidemic of Shame]

    I’m no stranger to automatic thoughts like these and to trips down the shame spiral — journeys familiar to practically everyone with ADHD. But I’m also becoming more adept at the essential art of reframing.

    Though I live with ADHD, I am still learning and accepting that the condition impacts my ability to:

    • hold on to important information
    • initiate tasks without external pressure
    • manage time – because my perception of it is different
    • remember things I can’t see – if something isn’t in front of me, it easily slips my mind

    Break the ADHD Shame Cycle

    Nowadays, I’m getting better at reminding myself that some challenges are not a matter of willpower, but of how my brain is wired. When I notice myself spiraling into shame, I pause and ask myself four questions:

    • Do I love my child?
    • Am I a good person?
    • Is shame helping me in any positive way?
    • What does help? Utilizing strategies, self-acceptance, and forgiveness.

    [Read: 6 Steps to Dismantling Internalized Shame]

    So, I talk back to that critical voice. I’ve even given it the name “Britta.” (Inspired by the well-intentioned but often chaotic character from the show Community.) I challenge those ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) and recognize when my rejection sensitivity is kicking in.

    Then, I focus on next steps. Can I take some action to rectify the problem, or is it a matter of letting go and moving on? Do I need to work backward from the desired outcome to determine next steps? Do I need to call an accountability buddy (a body double) to help me focus?

    For now, I’ve decided to let go and keep the photos in the drawer. This time, though, I add a handwritten note for future me, designed to halt shame in its tracks. It reads: “These unsent pictures do not mean that you are a bad mother. You are a mom with ADHD who is navigating a full life, and that is perfectly acceptable.”

    Shame Cycle and ADHD: Next Steps

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    Nathaly Pesantez

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  • When Sex Feels Like “Too Much” and “Not Enough” Simultaneously

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    You want to feel close. You want to be present during sex. But instead, your brain won’t stop buzzing. You’re thinking about your to-do list, or that weird sound the fan is making, or how your bra strap suddenly feels like a vice grip. Your brain might obsessively loop on whether you’re “doing it right” or if your partner is satisfied. The mood is gone, and now you’re stuck in your head wondering, “Why can’t I just focus and enjoy this?”

    As a clinical sexologist and sex therapist who specializes in ADHD, I hear this all the time. Women with ADHD, especially, come in feeling broken or ashamed because they can’t seem to stay in the moment, even when they want to. They wonder if they have low libido, or if something is wrong with their relationship, or worse, with them.

    But the issue often isn’t low desire. It’s about ADHD-related challenges that cause low bandwidth. These issues can show up in surprising ways during intimacy, and when they do, we often misinterpret them.

    ADHD Women and Sex: Why It Feels Like “Too Much”

    For many people with ADHD, sex is unpredictable, overstimulating, or emotionally confusing. Sensory overload, distraction, and a flooded nervous system all make it difficult to access pleasure, let alone stay present long enough to enjoy it.

    Some people shut down in these moments. Others mask what they’re feeling to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings. Many just disconnect and then spiral with guilt, wondering why they can’t “just be into it.” They think they simply aren’t meant to enjoy sex.

    [Read: Enhancing ADHD Intimacy — 3 Rules for a Lifetime of Great Sex]

    But here’s the thing: ADHD brains often need structure, stimulation, and clarity to stay engaged. And most sex advice out there doesn’t account for that.

    Many ADHD Brains Need Structure and Stimulation to Enjoy Sex

    As part of my doctoral research, I studied 65 women who had or suspected they had ADHD. I wanted to understand how attention struggles affected sexual satisfaction and whether certain sexual environments might actually support focus and presence like I saw happening for so many of my clients.

    Specifically, I looked at BDSM. Yes, that’s right: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. But not in the sensationalized way you might be picturing. I studied it as a structured, consensual, often sensory-rich form of intimacy that might provide what ADHD brains are missing in more “typical” sex.

    And what I found was compelling: The more a participant struggled with attention, the more likely she was to engage in BDSM, and report feeling more satisfied and focused on those experiences.

    [Read: The Key to a Better ADHD Relationship? Better Sex]

    Why Would BDSM Help?

    It turns out that many of the elements of BDSM naturally align with the needs of an ADHD brain:

    • Clear roles and expectations: You know what’s happening, what’s coming next, and what your role is, which reduces cognitive overwhelm.
    • High stimulation: Touch, sound, and movement are often more intense, which can help ADHD brains stay present.
    • Built-in communication: Most BDSM dynamics involve clear negotiation, check-ins, and feedback, which helps reduce second-guessing and overthinking.
    • Permission to pause: The emphasis on consent means there’s always space to slow down, stop, or readjust without shame.

    For many participants, BDSM was about clarity, focus, and feeling more in their bodies.

    What This Means for You

    If you have ADHD and find yourself struggling with presence or satisfaction during sex, it doesn’t mean you’re broken, “bad at sex,” or even that you have low desire. It might just mean that the way you’re approaching intimacy isn’t working for your brain.

    This doesn’t mean everyone needs to jump into kink. But it does suggest that you may benefit from:

    • More structured, intentional intimacy
    • Higher levels of sensation or novelty
    • Clear communication about what feels good or overwhelming
    • Environments that reduce unpredictability and distraction

    In other words, it’s not about “fixing” your desire. It’s about finding the context where desire can actually show up.

    How to Enjoy Sex: Let’s Rethink ADHD and Sex Drive

    What if instead of asking, “How can I stop overthinking during sex?” or, “How do I get in the mood?” we started asking:

    • What does my body need to feel safe right now?
    • What type of stimulation helps me stay present?
    • How much downtime or prep does my brain need before switching into intimacy mode?

    These are ADHD-informed questions. And they often reveal that the desire is there; it’s just waiting for the right environment.

    ADHD and Sex Drive: Next Steps

    SUPPORT ADDITUDE
    Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

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    Nathaly Pesantez

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  • Cannabis Initiation Associated With Significant Reductions in Anxiety, Depression

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    The consumption of THC-dominant cannabis products is associated with sustained reductions in anxiety and depression, according to newly published data in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

    Investigators affiliated with the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore assessed the use of state-authorized medical cannabis products in a cohort of 33 participants with clinically significant anxiety or depression. Subjects in the study were naïve to cannabis. Study participants used a variety of cannabis products, including botanical and edible preparations, as needed for six months.

    “Initiation of THC-dominant medicinal cannabis was associated with acute reductions in anxiety and depression, and sustained reductions in overall symptom severity over a 6-month period,” researchers reported. Improvements in patients’ quality of life and overall health satisfaction were also observed. Medicinal cannabis use was not associated with the development of physical or psychological problems.

    “Collectively these data offer insights into the therapeutic effects of medicinal cannabis when it is used by a population with clinically significant anxiety and depression,” the study’s authors concluded. “The positive response, reflected by reductions in anxiety and/or depression by most participants, support the need for continued investigation of medicinal cannabis or related cannabinoid therapeutics as pharmacological treatments for anxiety and depression symptom relief, ideally with randomized, placebo-controlled trials.”

    NORML’s Deputy Director Paul Armentano said that the study’s findings are “consistent with those of prior assessments concluding that cannabis provides patients with sustained ‘statistically significant improvements’ on validated measurements of anxiety and depression.” Armentano also acknowledged that the adoption of cannabis legalization laws is associated with declines in prescriptions of anxiolytic drugs like benzodiazepines, as well as anti-depressants.

    According to survey data, those who acknowledge consuming cannabis for purposes of self-medication are most likely to report doing so to alleviate pain, anxiety, sleep disturbances, and/or depression.

    An abstract of the study, “Acute and chronic effects of medicinal cannabis use on anxiety and depression in a prospective cohort of patients new to cannabis,” appears in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

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    NORML

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  • “I Thought I Sucked at Life. But I Was High-Masking Autism All Along.”

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    I thought I sucked at life. On the outside, I was positive and upbeat, a married mom of three, a business owner. I had a mortgage, an investment property, a postgraduate degree in psychology. I had friends, prospects, blonde highlights. On the inside, I felt broken.

    I faked enthusiasm for most conversations. I was either painfully uninterested in the small talk of the other school moms, or wishing I could mitigate my ever-present fatigue with a nap by midday. Every social event left me exhausted by anxious rumination. Why did I say that? What did they think of me? I’m so hopeless.

    By the end of the day, every noise felt like nails on a chalkboard: my kids scraping their dinner plates, the neighbor’s electric gate buzzing, my husband swallowing his beer. The touch of my children, wanting a cuddle, made me recoil. I had to sleep alone to avoid the distressing sounds of someone else’s breathing.

    My adulthood was peppered with jobs abandoned, degrees unfinished. I loved my role as a telephone counselor but felt the excruciating closeness of my colleagues’ cubicles like a cheese grater on an open wound. I adored owning my own coffee van, thriving in the autonomy and pride of working alone, but I didn’t have energy once I got home. I often spent weekends in bed, my body and mind depleted in burnout. I spent hours applying makeup and doing my hair before leaving my house, hyperconscious of how I would be perceived. Later, I would pick at my skin until it bled as I pored over the minutia of the day. Did everything go okay? Was I okay?

    I already had diagnoses of ADHD and complex trauma, but I still had many questions. Why did everyone else seem to move so easily through life? Why couldn’t I be at ease around others instead of agonizing over how much eye contact I gave during conversation? Why was I so sensitive to sounds, smells, and my environment? Why did I never miss others when they weren’t around, and feel the sting of rejection so sharply, and hide behind the couch when my doorbell rang even though I desperately wanted to connect?

    Autism was the answer.

    [Take This Self-Test: Signs of Autism in Women]

    Life as a High-Masking Autistic Woman

    I already suspected the diagnosis, of course. A lot of us do. Although I don’t have hyperfixations or stereotypical obsessional interests in trains, my “for you” page on TikTok has been entirely neurodivergent for the past few years. That’s me! I would think as I scrolled through video after video of late-diagnosed, high-masking autistic women sharing their experiences. I do that! I feel that! That’s me. And then my inner critic would come in. No, it isn’t. You’re just pathetic. You’re unlikeable, lazy, worthless. You’re not okay, and you suck at life. For 40 years, I believed that voice.

    So, while I suspected autism, I had my doubts, too. Sure, it costs me enormous amounts of planning, exhaustion, and recovery just to be a human in this world, but that’s normal, right?

    Um, nope. That’s autism — at least how it manifests for me. When my big YES moment came and my evaluator confirmed my diagnosis, I felt an exhausted sort of calm. That question-mark box inside of me gently ticked itself in sage green, my favorite color. My experience is real. I’m not defective. I’m not faking the enormous strength it takes me to show up in this world.

    Peeling back the layers of my diagnoses with my psychologist, processing my past, and medicating my dopamine-deficient brain not only uncovered my social and sensory sensitivities but helped me to understand them.

    [Read: A Woman’s Guide to Pursuing an AuDHD Diagnosis]

    Masking Autism, No More

    My brain is beautiful, and different, and it has tried so very hard to fit in in this world. I have been very good at fitting in, and I have paid the price for it every day. Taking off the neurotypical mask is a scary process because I don’t know what lies underneath. What I do know is I am tired of putting it on every day. I don’t have enough spoons of energy, and I’m finally beginning to say so.

    I don’t have to say yes to social events I don’t wish to attend. I can be open about the fact that my social battery can suddenly and inexplicably run out, and that I want — no,  need — to go home and sit in the shower to regulate. I can talk about the weird things I find interesting and laugh about the weird things most people consider normal. I can mourn the decades lost in muddling through and be grateful for the financial privilege of obtaining an autism assessment. I can also be horrified that others will go through their lives without validation, understanding, and support instead of celebrating their unique brains.

    So, yes, I do suck at life. I suck at expending more energy than I have in pretending to be like everyone else, just because I have the ability to hide my differences. I suck at knowing what to say and how to act around people, and I suck at pretending that certain noises and smells don’t bother me or that my feelings aren’t so very tender.

    But for the first time, I can try on the idea that this is OK. That there might be a whole new way of living that supports my needs, sensitivities, and dreams. Where I can thrive as my true, messy self and be proud of who I am.

    My diagnosis and these words are my first tentative steps into this new world. It’s a little bit scary, and my navigation system may look different from yours. What is guiding me now is better understanding, and a determination to believe myself when I say that I don’t suck. I am okay, and I have been okay, all along.

    High-Masking Autistic Women: Next Steps

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    Nathaly Pesantez

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  • “Why I Swear By High-Intensity Interval Tasking”

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    High-intensity interval training (HIIT) is a popular form of exercise that involves alternating between short, intense bursts of movement and brief periods of rest. As an ADHD coach, I’ve always considered the HIIT method to be well-suited for people with ADHD outside of fitness. The short intervals of work and rest are manageable and work to sustain focus and mental engagement.

    With my own clients, I’ve adapted HIIT into a protocol for helping them manage dreaded tasks and get things done. I call it high-intensity interval tasking. Here’s how it works:

    High-Intensity Interval Tasking: Getting Chores Done with ADHD

    1. Think of a task that you consistently struggle to start or finish. I’m choosing folding and putting away laundry into drawers and closets. (Ugh!)

    2. Decide how much time you want to allot to the task (this includes rest time, which we’ll get to). Note that you’re not basing it off how much time you have, but how much time you can realistically devote to the task without becoming frustrated or burning out. With that in mind, could you commit to a total of 5 minutes? 10? 15?

    3. Within this timeframe, determine the ideal duration of your “work” (high intensity) intervals and your “rest” cycles. For example, two minutes of work and one minute of rest.

    [Get This Free Download: How to Control Clutter]

    4. Use a timer, your Alexa device, or a free third-party interval timer app to set your work and rest points for the timeframe you chose.

    5. Start the timer (I’m choosing 15 minutes) and begin folding clothes with as much intensity as possible for the work period you allotted. In this case, I’ve set aside two minutes. Note that intensity doesn’t necessarily equate to speed but to effort. Another way to think of intensity is “intention.” What does it mean to give it your all for two minutes? Do you have to fold laundry in another room to stay focused? Do you need music to help you stay motivated while you fold and put clothes away?

    6. Stop when the timer goes off and rest for the time you noted. (One minute in this case.) Do what you will as you rest — scroll through your phone, pace around — just make sure to respect the rest time you’ve given yourself.

    7. Start folding and storing away clothes again with intensity/intention when the timer goes off again.

    [Read: Take the Boring Out of Chores]

    8. Continue the process until the timeframe completes.

    If you find yourself getting distracted or not working as intensely as you know you can, try shortening your work intervals. A few seconds of focused, intentional work may be better and more motivating than minutes of distracted work. Over time, your ability to work intensely on a task should improve.

    Doing Chores & Getting Things Done with ADHD: Next Steps

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  • “How to End Sibling Fighting Peacefully”

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    My heart races as I listen to my kids in the other room. I can tell their play has taken a turn and is now getting sticky. I listen a little longer to see if they can work it out. Nope — things have escalated. I move quickly, hoping to break it up, but it’s too late. My youngest is crying and yelling, while my other kid still looks like they want to hurt someone.

    I hate seeing my kids fight. I do all I can to prevent it, but it is inevitable. Siblings fight, and that’s normal. (Even as a therapist, it’s hard for me to accept this!) What I can control is my response to the fighting. I can step in, set loving limits, and try to teach my children that, while some conflict is normal, there are productive ways to manage emotions and handle disagreements so that things can go a little better next time. Here’s how I, as a therapist and a mom of three, including a child with ADHD, manage sibling conflicts in my home.

    1. Do not take sides. This one is hard — if one kid is crying, then we often assume that the other one must be at fault, right? No, not necessarily. (The crying kid, for example, might have been bugging their sibling all week until they hit a breaking point.) The point is, fault is somewhat beside the point. It’s best to approach sibling fights with the understanding that your kids are dysregulated, struggling, and in need of your help.

    2. Wait to talk. If children have reached the point of fighting, then they’ve reached the point where they’ve “flipped their lid” as psychiatrist Daniel Siegel, M.D., puts it. This is when the thinking part of their brain goes offline. It takes about 20 minutes to regulate and get out of this fight-or-flight mode.

    If you try to talk to your children before their brain comes back online, they will likely not be able to take in what you’re saying, no matter how logical or comforting your words may be. If anything, you’ll just add to their stress response.

    [Read: “My Kids Fight Nonstop!” How to Squash ADHD Sibling Rivalry]

    So, what should you do? Separate your children if possible and wait. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., refers to this as a “time in” in her book co-authored with Siegel, No-Drama Discipline. Give your children time and space to allow their prefrontal cortexes to come back online. If needed, remind them about self-regulation tools, like deep breathing, counting to 10, or listening to calming music.

    3. Approach each sibling separately. In private, talk to each child about what happened, and don’t assume that you know what started the issue. Even if you do know, allowing your child to explain will help them feel better. (Think about how you, as an adult, feel when you get to explain yourself instead of being shut down.) When a child feels heard and understood, it helps regulate their nervous system. They can calm down quicker and think more clearly.

    4. Validate and acknowledge. Talking to your children separately will also give you space to validate feelings without making anyone feel bad or like you’re taking sides. If your child says, “She always takes my stuff without asking! I am never going to let her touch anything of mine again!” You can say, “I’d be angry, too, if someone touched my things without asking.” Or, “Yes, it is hard to have a sibling who often takes your stuff without asking.” Never make your child feel like what they’re upset about is trivial. It’s never a small matter to them, and brushing off their feelings will only intensify them.

    Contrary to what most parents fear, validating your child won’t cause them to double down on their anger or commit to, say, NEVER let their sibling touch their stuff again. Validating will simply allow your child to vent and regulate.

    [Read: Parenting the Child Whose Sibling Has ADHD]

    5. What could you do next time? Finally, the step where many of us would like to begin: the conversation about how the situation can be handled differently next time. It’s tempting to jump straight to lessons learned, but this is a conversation that can only be had once brains are back online and everyone is regulated.

    The conversation can start like this: “Hey, I know it is really hard when your sibling takes your stuff without asking. Is there another way this could be handled?” Giving your child a chance to problem-solve will strengthen this essential skill and help them feel more in control.

    Offer ideas if they need help, like, “If you see your sister playing with your stuff, you could say, ‘Hey, you did not ask me to play with that. I’d like for you to ask me before you grab my stuff, please.’” On your end, notice if any patterns come up around fighting. Are fights happening when routines are disrupted? When one child feels ignored? When one child has too much pent-up energy? When your children are hungry or thirsty? When rules and expectations are not fully understood?

    Big emotions are normal, especially if you’re raising neurodivergent children. But you can teach your children to regulate and resolve conflicts by meeting them with curiosity, compassion, and understanding.

    Siblings Fighting: Next Steps

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  • “Is Rejection Sensitivity a Trauma Response?”

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    Many of my clients describe rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) — the intense fear and pain associated with rejection and criticism, real or perceived — as overwhelming, confusing, and isolating. I agree with them, as I’ve experienced it myself.

    The more I’ve reflected, the more I’ve come to understand that RSD — with its all-consuming episodes accompanied by shame and a desire to withdraw or spiral — is about far more than rejection or emotional sensitivity.

    RSD gets to our deep-seated fears about letting the world see the real us. RSD is really about the panic of being unmasked. I see this as “unmasking dysphoria,” a trauma-linked reaction to being exposed in ways that feel unsafe.

    The Cost of Masking

    Neurodivergent people learn to mask, or hide the traits that make them different, to navigate environments not built for their brains. It’s not a choice but a survival strategy to avoid punishment, misunderstanding, or exclusion.

    Masking takes on many forms. It can look like overcommitting (to ward off suspicions of incompetence), manufacturing urgency (because external pressure is needed to finish tasks), scripting and rehearsing conversations, and obsessively rereading messages. It can look like keeping a low profile to avoid saying something impulsive or “stupid” and being exposed.

    [Read: 7 Masks We Use to Hide Our Faults]

    Masking requires constant self-monitoring and adjusting, leading many people to feel on edge all the time. Some of my clients describe it as a low-level fear of getting in trouble for doing something wrong, a feeling enforced by past instances of being reprimanded for their symptoms.

    Masking, especially in the long-term, harms mental health. It forces people to internalize that their natural way of being is wrong and unacceptable. This chronic invalidation and exclusion of the self is a form of trauma that rewires the nervous system. Even if it doesn’t meet the traditional definition of trauma, it changes how we emotionally respond to the world. It’s why moments when the mask slips feel not just uncomfortable, but unsafe.

    This Isn’t Just Sensitivity

    Many people, with or without ADHD, are sensitive to criticism. But RSD runs deeper. It’s about fear of exposure.

    The people who experience RSD most intensely are those who have mastered masking. They have gone to great lengths to hide their neurodivergence, allowing the world only to see (a version of) competence, not the immense mental load beneath.

    [Read: I Can’t Handle Rejection. Will I Ever Change?]

    But when traits they’ve worked so hard to suppress suddenly show, things collapse. The world has caught a glimpse of their true, flawed self. They spiral, withdraw, and melt down, not because anyone rejected them, but because they no longer feel safely hidden.

    This is how I felt when I froze during a mock interview recently, despite prepping for days. I felt ashamed beyond embarrassment.

    My brother said, “This is just an RSD episode — you’re not thinking clearly. It’s going to pass.” He was right. But the shame wasn’t about the interview. It was about the mask slipping and a part of me being exposed that I’ve spent my life trying to manage or hide.

    It’s not always about fear of public exposure. A client lost his passport, canceling a vacation no one else knew about. There was no rejection involved. But he still spiraled into shame because his hidden disorganization surfaced. It was the loss of his mask, even to himself, that hurt.

    A Different Framing: Unmasking Dysphoria

    RSD is a trauma-related response to involuntary unmasking. What appears as emotional overreaction often reflects the nervous system’s response to unmasking and thus perceived exposure, regardless of whether the person consciously recognizes it.

    Not all triggers link directly to ADHD traits or obvious masking. Triggers can be breakups, delayed texts, or vague feedback. The core fear remains: being too much, too difficult, or defective. Many with ADHD carry these narratives after adapting to unwelcoming environments. In those moments, what surfaces isn’t just fear. It’s unmasking dysphoria.

    This view aligns with principles of trauma-informed care, which recognize how feeling safe, having a sense of control over one’s life, and understanding past experiences shape emotional responses.

    Key points:

    • The real trigger is the perception of being unmasked.
    • The emotional intensity isn’t fragility but collapse after years of effortful self-monitoring.
    • These feelings tie back to identity, shame, and safety.

    Why the Reframe Matters

    As a trauma-informed clinician and a person with lived experience, I believe this framing deserves deeper research, especially for those with ADHD who carry emotional wounds from chronic invalidation. Better understanding the why behind RSD can guide interventions beyond surface emotion regulation toward reducing shame and increasing self-acceptance and healing.

    This understanding also helps validate the exhaustion caused by masking and honors its protective role. It encourages separating performance from worth and treating the emotional collapse as a predictable, reasonable trauma-related response.

    Ultimately, this shift moves the focus from sensitivity to survival and pathology to context —allowing people to receive deeper support, develop self-understanding, and show up fully and unapologetically.

    Rejection Sensitivity, Masking, and ADHD: Next Steps

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  • “ADHD and My Complicated Relationship with the Truth”

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    Lying is characterized as a common expression of ADHD. It is also widely seen as a character flaw. But people with ADHD don’t bend the truth because they’re inherently flawed; we often lie for one or more of the following perfectly good reasons:

    1. Impulsivity. We may blurt out something that isn’t true, and then not feel like we’re able to take it back.

    2. Fear of punishment. Those of us with ADHD know what it is to slip up and face consequences — at school, at home, in the workplace, and in life all around. Bending the truth helps us avoid punishment when being criticized for one more thing may be too much to bear.

    3. Forgetfulness. We don’t always remember what we say or do. We remember it one way and swear it happened (or didn’t) that way even if it didn’t.

    4. Rejection sensitivity. It’s not an exaggeration to say that, for some people, the experience of rejection reaches death-of-a-loved-one levels. Fear of rejection, and the very real, very debilitating distress it can cause, may push us to tell a palatable lie rather than a painful truth.

    I relate to all of these reasons for truth-bending. But there is a lot more to it — aspects of which touch on the complex, unspoken parts of the social contract, and how much information we owe others.

    [Read: Fight, Flight, Freeze… or Fib?]

    Lying, or Selectively Sharing?

    There’s lying, and then there’s leaving out information. As a fairly private person, I am selective about what I share. I may give out some details, but not all. And many times I have been accused of lying for not telling the full story. Sometimes it’s not about privacy, but about conserving energy. I leave out information if it would require me to speak or think for longer than I have my bandwidth will allow.

    Lying, Or Needing Time to Process?

    Related to energy-spending is processing speed. With a neurodivergent brain, it does take me longer than average to process certain things. Unfortunately, this has put me in uncomfortable situations where I am perceived as having lied.

    I remember an incident from a decade ago that still stings. Ahead of an event, I indicated spare ribs in the dinner RSVP card, or at least I thought I did. Turns out I had ordered prime rib. On the day of, fully convinced that I ordered spare ribs, I told the event coordinator when my food arrived, “I didn’t order this.” “Yes, you did,” she responded, and added that I should just say I don’t want the dish instead of pretending that I didn’t order it.

    I froze. I was confused, thrown off by the coordinator’s reaction, and I was called a liar. I needed a minute to process what had happened and explain myself, but that wasn’t afforded to me. So I gave in and said, “I don’t want it.”

    Now imagine growing up with undiagnosed ADHD, as I did, where these experiences happened over and over and over.

    [Read: “Oversharing Is My Default Mode. So Is the RSD-Induced Shame I Feel Afterward.”]

    The Whole Truth, And Nothing But?

    I am a private person, in part, because I have struggled with a lifetime of feeling like I talk too much. I worry about oversharing.

    Recently, a friend asked me about the medals on my walls. I have medals for completing virtual tours through The Conqueror Challenges. And I have medals that celebrate my sobriety milestones. In that moment, I only told my friend about medals in the former category.

    Was it wrong to leave out the truth that some of my medals had to do with freedom from substances? I have zero shame about those medals, and I am proud to be substance-free. Everyone, including my friend, knows I no longer drink or use any other type of mind-altering substance.

    But I left out those medals because mentioning them may have led to a longer conversation where I might have rambled, gone off topic, or accidentally gone into “trauma dumping” territory. Still, if this is a friend we’re talking about, shouldn’t I have felt comfortable sharing? Does my omission count as a lie?

    Lying, or Not Given the Benefit of the Doubt?

    Living with ADHD puts us in situations that often cause us to question our relationship to the truth. We withhold information for fear of oversharing, only to learn that the information was vital to the story. Or we withhold information because we’re not comfortable sharing. Sometimes telling a white lie feels like the end of the world. And, sometimes, when we bring our whole selves, it backfires, and we’re not sure why. We overthink social situations that most would quickly forget about.

    No matter the reason for bending or concealing the truth, it’s frustrating and defeating when we’re viewed as flawed people who seek to intentionally deceive and harm. What we need – what we’ve always needed – is the benefit of the doubt.

    Why Do People with ADHD Lie? Next Steps

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  • “How to Stop Being Late to Work: 5 Solutions to ADHD Tardiness”

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    Is getting to work on time a riddle you can’t solve? Do you still arrive late even when you wake up earlier and rush through your morning routine? You’re far from alone. Tardiness is a common manifestation of ADHD, which is why I encourage you to try these “WORKS” tips to improve your on-time arrival rate.

    How to Stop Being Late to Work

    Wake up with enough time

    “Enough” is key here. Give yourself the time you need to carry out your morning routine and get out of the door. Consider everything that you typically do, from brushing your teeth and feeding your pet to packing your lunch. Don’t just estimate – time yourself and go at your usual pace – to see how long it takes to complete all of your morning steps. Be sure to factor in any steps that sneakily but surely take up time, like snoozing or scrolling through your social media feed.

    Once you know how long everything takes, then it’s a matter of making decisions. If you’re surprised by the duration of your routine, where can you streamline or remove some steps? If phone-scrolling is a must, can you keep it to 5 minutes instead of 10?

    If you like your morning routine as is — even if that includes snoozing and scrolling through your phone — can you wake up earlier to fit it all in or save scrolling as a reward for arriving early to work? Try setting earlier alarms and placing alarm clocks across your room so you’ll have to exit your bed to shut them off. If this doesn’t work, you know you need to eliminate or condense steps in your morning routine.

    Organize the night before

    Reduce morning chaos and shorten your routine by preparing as much as you can the evening prior. Consider the following tips, and brainstorm other ways to benefit your future self.

    [Read: The Daily Routine that Works for Adults with ADHD]

    • Lay out tomorrow’s clothes
    • Charge your devices
    • Keep a glass of water on your nightstand and drink it upon waking
    • Pack your breakfast and lunch
    • Pack your work bag with your keys, wallet, and other essentials
    • Load up your automated coffee maker and set the timer for 7 a.m.

    Pace your routine

    Pace yourself with a timed morning music playlist or with consecutive alarms. Use these pacers to help you know when to wrap up certain steps. Consider keeping analog clocks around your home to better see the passage of time. If you have smart speakers, program them to count down to your departure time.

    Know your commute

    Getting out of the door is just one part of your morning routine. The next part – your commute – is obviously just as important.

    For the next week, time yourself from the moment you leave your door to the moment you “clock in.” Be sure to include the time it takes to park, walk to the door, get to your floor, and make your way to your desk or work station. Calculate an average duration and notice the time that you typically arrive.

    [Read: Are You Time Blind? 12 Ways to Use Every Hour Effectively]

    Consider whether your commute needs a revamp. Could you explore other routes or modes of transportation to get to your work site? Could you leave before peak travel hours?

    If you’re consistently late to work, then a shift in mindset might be in order. There is no “on time” – there is only early or late. In other words, if you’re supposed to be at work at 9 a.m., plan to arrive at 8:30 a.m. That way, even if you’re running late, you’ll still be early. Use Google or Waze to recommend a departure time, then factor in an extra 15 minutes to build a buffer for weather and traffic issues.

    Seek accountability

    Find an accountability partner to help maintain motivation and on-time arrivals. Ask a co-worker or supervisor to check on your timely arrival. Consider commuting with someone else who will be counting on you. In some cities, carpooling can also allow you to utilize the High Occupancy Vehicle lane, which could decrease your drive time and stress.

    How to Stop Being Late to Work: Next Steps

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  • “Autism Registry Fears Are Prompting Patients to Cancel Appointments”

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    The following is a personal essay that reflects the opinions and experiences of its author.

    June 12, 2025

    In the weeks since officials from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) first announced plans to create an autism registry — then subsequently dubbed its efforts a national “data platform” to “uncover the root causes of autism” — providers like myself have witnessed a notable effect on patients seeking care.

    As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in diagnosing and supporting neurodivergent adults. But my clients tell me that they’re cancelling their kids’ pending evaluations for autism, ADHD, or other conditions in other clinics, citing HHS database fears. I’ve also received emails asking whether it’s safe to seek or obtain a diagnosis given the current political climate.

    A colleague who diagnoses autism and ADHD in adults reports that people on the practice’s waitlist have been cancelling their appointments, and that no-shows have increased since news of the HHS registry first broke. Another colleague of mine in a children’s autism clinic has developed language to assure patients that their privacy will remain protected.

    [Read: NIH Autism Database Sparks Concern of Privacy Violations, Discrimination]

    The neurodivergent community is on edge. The fear-mongering dialogue from the HHS — and from its head, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., who said that “autism destroys families” — is affecting people’s ability to trust scientific experts.

    Medical Opinion: Don’t Cancel Your Autism Evaluations and Appointments

    I can’t predict what the government will do. As a medical provider, I can say that we are bound by Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) agreements to protect patient information, and that de-identified data has been used to understand health trends at a population level for as long as we’ve had insurance systems and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). As profoundly upsetting as the administration’s language has been regarding autism, ADHD, and neurodivergence, I can’t help but think about the growing power of the neurodivergent community. Not all is lost, and there are steps you can take today to remain informed and take charge of your family’s health.

    If you are waiting for an autism evaluation for your child — and it’s likely that they’ve been on a waiting list for years, given the ongoing shortage of providers — I believe it would be best to go through with the evaluation. Share your privacy concerns with your provider and ask how they’re protecting your family’s medical information. A diagnosis opens the door to appropriate supports, and its benefits far outweigh any risks at this point, in my opinion. The longer a diagnosis and proper supports are delayed, the greater the impact on a child’s self-esteem and emotional health. In other words, the harm caused by further delaying an evaluation is not worth it.

    If you are an adult seeking an evaluation, I encourage you to keep your appointment. An adult evaluation can inform your understanding of yourself and support your therapeutic goals. If you are concerned about what will happen to your medical information, know that most providers who perform adult evaluations don’t take insurance, so there isn’t any insurance system in which to put your information. Still, you should ask about how the practice ensures privacy within their electronic health records system.

    [Read: MAHA Report — 3 Takeaways for the ADHD Community]

    If you are worried about pursuing an evaluation, know that you also have the option of working with a therapist who can help you with any presenting issues.

    The Neurodivergent Community Is Powerful

    One of the most powerful forms of resistance is to carry on — to go about our lives and flourish despite our fears, and to continue to advocate. The level of advocacy from this community, from people with lived experience to providers, is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Autistic parents move mountains to advocate for their children. They create programs where there are none. They find resources, protect, and innovate. Over the last 20 years, the formation of neurodiversity-affirming communities around the world has transformed how we do research and support these families. More informed and empowered than ever before, the neurodivergent community’s ability to protect themselves, advocate, and create change has never been stronger — or more important.

    Autism Registry Concerns: Next Steps

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  • Cannabis Provides Benefits for Sleep Apnea Patients

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    Forty percent of sleep apnea patients enrolled in Minnesota’s medical cannabis access program experienced significant and sustained improvements in their sleep following the use of medical cannabis products, according to data provided by researchers at the Minnesota Office of Cannabis Management.

    State investigators analyzed data from 3,102 first-time patients with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA). They reported that 40 percent of patients “experienced significant improvement in their sleep within four months of beginning treatment and were able to maintain the sleep improvement for an additional four months.” Over half of those who experienced moderate to severe fatigue upon enrollment also reported significant improvements in their symptoms.

    “These numbers show meaningful changes in disturbed sleep and fatigue for patients after starting medical cannabis,” said OCM Senior Researchers Grace Christensen. “Obstructive sleep apnea can affect a patient’s mental health and physical health, so helping patients treat their symptoms can have a holistic outcome on their well being.”

    Over a third of OSA patients who reported experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety upon enrollment also acknowledged mental health improvements following cannabis treatment.

    The study is the largest ever conducted assessing cannabis use in patients with obstructive sleep apnea.

    Clinical trials have previously concluded that the use of oral THC (dronabinol) mitigates symptoms in sleep apnea patients. Several studies have also linked the use of cannabis to improvements in patients with insomnia. Data published in 2022 in the Journal of Cannabis Research found that over half of adults who consume cannabis for purposes of self-medication do so to address sleep disturbances.

    “Consumers have long utilized cannabis as a sleep aid and these new data substantiate their experiences,” NORML’s Deputy Director Paul Armentano said. “Those involved with Minnesota’s medical access program are to be commended for not only providing regulated cannabis products to those who need them, but also for collecting and making available this important data so that it can be shared with other regulators, policymakers, patients, and their physicians.”

    Over 26 percent of adults between the ages of 30 and 70 years are estimated to suffer from sleep apnea. However, most patients are unaware that they have it. Sleep apnea is a chronic disease that increases one’s risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, stroke and depression.

    Minnesota regulators added obstructive sleep apnea to its medical cannabis program as a qualifying condition in 2018.

    Prior analyses of patients enrolled in Minnesota’s medical cannabis registry have reported that those suffering from chronic pain and post-traumatic stress experience clinically meaningful reductions following cannabis therapy.

    The full text of the study, “Obstructive Sleep Apnea Patients in the Minnesota Medical Cannabis Program,” is available from the Minnesota Office of Cannabis Management. Additional information on cannabis and sleep apnea is available from NORML’s publication Clinical Applications For Cannabis & Cannabinoids.

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  • Clarity Clinic Expands PHP/IOP Mental Health Services to Arlington Heights, Bringing Specialized Care to the Northwest Suburbs

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    New Adult and Adolescent Programs Launching in May and June to Improve Access to Structured Mental Health Support


    ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, Ill., May 6, 2025 (Newswire.com)
    –
    Clarity Clinic, a leading provider of mental health services in Illinois, is expanding its Partial Hospitalization (PHP) and Intensive Outpatient (IOP) programs to its Arlington Heights location to better serve individuals struggling with depression, anxiety, and other mood-related disorders in the northwest suburbs. With the addition of these programs, Clarity Clinic is making structured, evidence-based mental health treatment more accessible to both adults and adolescents.

    Starting May 5, Clarity Clinic Arlington Heights will open its Adult PHP & IOP program for individuals ages 18 and older, offering evening sessions to accommodate work and school schedules. On June 2, the clinic will launch its Adolescent PHP program, serving teens ages 13 to 17 with a specialized level of care tailored to their unique needs.

    “The launch of our PHP and IOP programs in Arlington Heights is part of our commitment to meet people where they are – physically and emotionally,” said Dr. Stacy Lott, COO of Clarity Clinic. “We’re proud to bring high-quality mental health services closer to home for individuals and families in the northwest suburbs.”

    Comprehensive, Structured Care for Teens and Adults

    Clarity Clinic’s PHP and IOP programs are ideal for patients who need more intensive support than weekly therapy but do not require inpatient hospitalization.

    These programs use a multidisciplinary, evidence-based approach, including:

    • Group therapy focused on emotional regulation, coping skills, and symptom management

    • Individual therapy personalized to each patient’s needs

    • Family therapy to support communication and long-term recovery

    • Flexible scheduling that allows patients to continue attending school or working

    With small group sizes – PHP capped at 8-10 participants and IOP at 12 – patients receive individualized attention from a highly skilled clinical team.

    Arlington Heights Program Details:

    The adolescent program runs during school hours and may require families to coordinate academic accommodations. A strong focus on family therapy helps parents and guardians support their teen’s mental health journey through improved communication and ongoing involvement.

    Why Clarity Clinic for PHP/IOP?

    • Smaller group sizes for more personalized care

    • Full continuum of care including psychiatry, therapy, and TMS (ages 18+) – all in one place

    • In-person and virtual options for greater flexibility

    • New groups and schedules added regularly to meet evolving needs

    Accessible, In-Network Care for Illinois Residents

    Clarity Clinic’s PHP and IOP programs are in-network with major insurance plans, including:

    Select HMO plans from BCBS and Cigna are also accepted with referral and prior authorization. Self-pay options are available.

    Virtual IOP options remain available for patients across Illinois who prefer remote care.

    Inquire here or refer a patient here.

    Clarity Clinic Arlington Heights

    2101 S. Arlington Heights Rd,
    Suite #116 & Suite #185
    Arlington Heights, IL 60005

    Phone: (847) 666-5339 – follow the PHP/IOP prompts

    Email: HLOC-Arlington-Heights@claritychi.com

    Source: Clarity Clinic

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  • Patients Less Likely To Have Suicidal Thoughts Following Medical Cannabis Use

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    Patients prescribed cannabis-based medicinal products (CBMPs) report decreases in the prevalence and intensity of suicidal thoughts, according to observational data published in the journal Archives of Suicide Research.

    British investigators assessed rates of suicidal ideation in a cohort of patients authorized to use botanical cannabis or oil extracts. (British physicians are permitted to prescribe cannabis-based medicinal products to patients who are unresponsive to conventional medications.)

    Researchers reported, “Three months after commencing treatment, there was a reduction in both the percentage of the sample reporting suicidal ideation and the mean severity of suicidal ideation. … Twelve-month follow-up indicated a substantial reduction in depressed mood with this reduction being more pronounced in those reporting SI [suicidal ideation at baseline.]”

    The study’s authors concluded: “To the best of our knowledge, this is the first observational study of CBMPs to report on rates of suicidal ideation. … The current findings suggest CBMPs may be effective in reducing suicidal ideation, as well as other facets of health and well-being … while also suggesting that the presence of suicidal ideation should not be used as a reason to exclude an individual from CBMPs treatment.”

    Epidemiological data has previously suggested that cannabis may reduce incidences of severe depression and suicidal thoughts in those with post-traumatic stress.

    Commenting on the study’s findings, NORML’s Deputy Director Paul Armentano said: “Numerous studies find that medical cannabis significantly improves patients’ health-related quality of life. Therefore, it is not unexpected that many of these patients would also report improvements in their mood and overall outlook following their use of medical cannabis products.”

    An abstract of the study, “Suicidal ideation in medicinal cannabis patients: A 12-month prospective study,” appears on PubMed.

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  • Good Will Hunting: A Masterclass in Therapy and Emotional Growth

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    Take a deep dive into the therapeutic relationship as illustrated in the classic film Good Will Hunting, where a defiant genius and a compassionate therapist confront pain, grief, and regret in an emotional journey that changes them both.

    Good Will Hunting (1997) is a widely acclaimed cinematic masterpiece, offering one of the most compelling depictions of therapy ever portrayed on screen — and it remains one of my personal favorite movies of all time.

    The main protagonist is Will Hunting (played by Matt Damon) who is portrayed as an underachieving genius who works a modest life as a janitor at the prestigious MIT. Despite his intelligence, he’s emotionally guarded and frequently gets into brawls and run-ins with the law. One day he solves a difficult math equation on a chalkboard and is then approached by professors and faculty to pursue his talents in mathematics, but first he has to see a therapist and work out his personal problems.

    Will’s journey into therapy begins reluctantly with a typical “I don’t need to see a shrink” attitude. But after a series of arrests and getting bailed out, he’s court-ordered to start seeing someone. He cycles through five therapists, including a hypnotist, antagonizing each one to the point that they refuse to work with him. Will’s sharp intellect and deep emotional defenses make it nearly impossible for anyone to break through and connect with him.

    Finally he meets Sean Maguire (played by Robin Williams), a compassionate but no-nonsense therapist with a rich life of experiences, including deep wounds from his past, and accumulated wisdom. This article breaks down their relationship, session by session, to explore how it evolved throughout the film and potential lessons we can takeaway from it.

    First Meeting: Tensions and Boundary Testing

    Will’s first meeting with Sean begins with his usual strategy of intellectual dominance and boundary testing.

    He scans Sean’s office, searching for things to criticize, and immediately targets his book collection. “You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books, and they’re the wrong f***ing books.” Sean, unfazed, spars back, standing his ground while playfully naming books he assumes Will has read.

    Things reach a climax in the scene when Will begins to mock a painting hanging on the wall, which hits a personal nerve for Sean regarding the grief and loss of his wife. Sean’s reaction is striking and unconventional. After listening patiently, he suddenly grabs Will by the throat and threatens him: “If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you.”

    While it’s an unethical move for a therapist, this unorthodoxy shows Will that he is not dealing with an ordinary therapy. Both Will and Sean share working class Irish backgrounds in the hard streets of Boston. Sean knows this language and he is willing to speak it if it’s the only way to get through to Will. Sean thus establishes himself as someone who understands Will’s world, where strength and confrontation often dominate.

    This moment lays the foundation for their relationship. Sean shows he’s human, not just a clinical professional, but also that he won’t be intimidated or dismissed by Will’s antics. It’s the first step in breaking down Will’s defenses.

    The Bench Scene: A Turning Point

    After their intense first meeting, Sean invites Will to a park, where he delivers one of the most memorable monologues in the film. Sean begins by admitting his vulnerability, sharing that Will’s comments about the painting kept him up all night and genuinely bothered him.

    By admitting Will’s comments hurt him, Sean shows he’s willing to show weakness, but then he sharply pivots to challenge Will directly, “But then you know what occurred to me? You’re just a kid. You don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

    Sean goes on to explain that despite Will’s intellectual brilliance, he lacks lived experience. Sean shares personal moments that defined him — seeing the Sistine Chapel in person, being truly in love with someone, the scars of losing friends in war, and watching a loved one die of cancer. These deep experiences illustrate the limitations of knowledge without life. Sean’s speech is a blend of tough love and empathy, forcing Will to confront the gap between his intellectual defenses and his emotional reality.

    good will hunting bench

    The bench scene sets the tone for the remainder of their therapy. Sean acknowledges Will’s brilliance but challenges him to live beyond books and theories. Sean leaves the door open for Will to continue having sessions with him only if he is ready to truly open up.

    Second Therapy Session: Silence

    The next therapy session begins with complete silence as Sean and Will sit across from each other. After two emotionally charged meetings and still lingering tensions, neither is willing to be the first to reach out or break the quiet.

    The entire hour goes by and neither says a word. While this may feel like an unproductive session, this is another important moment in their relationship. The power of silence acts as a reset button in their relationship.

    Sometimes, simply sitting in the same room without confrontation (“sharing space”) can be a meaningful step toward healing. It allows both Sean and Will to recalibrate, setting the stage for a more productive dynamic moving forward.

    Third Therapy Session: Humor and Opening Up

    The silence stand-off continues into their third session, with each still not willing to budge or say the first word.

    Finally Will breaks the silence with a dirty joke, immediately breaking the tensions in the room and reinitiating conversation in a fun and light-hearted way. After they share a laugh, Will begins to open up about a girl he’s been dating recently. Will mentions how he worries the girl is “too perfect,” and that getting to know her more would just shatter that illusion. Sean wisely responds back, “That’s a super philosophy, that way you can go through your entire life without ever really getting to know anybody.”

    Sean opens up about his wife and the quirks behind their love, like her farting in her sleep and waking up the dog. After all these years, these are the little moments he remembers and cherishes about her. No one is “perfect,” and it’s often the imperfections that make someone special to us.

    good will hunting laugh

    Robin Williams improvised the story about his wife causing Matt Damon to genuinely burst out into laughter during this scene.


    After more light-hearted banter, Will turns the tables and ask why Sean never got remarried. Will firmly replies, “My wife is dead.” Then Will, always testing and challenging, uses one of Sean’s lines against him: “That’s a super philosophy, that way you can go through your entire life without ever really getting to know anybody.”

    Fourth Therapy Session: Love, Opportunities, and Regrets

    Now on much more amicable terms, Will opens up with an honest question, “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife?”

    Sean accepts that there’s been a lot of pain and suffering in his relationship, but he doesn’t regret any of it, because the good moments were worth it and he wouldn’t trade a single day with her through good or bad times. Will presses to learn more, “When did you know she was the one?”

    “October 21, 1975.”

    It was game six of the World Series, the biggest game in Red Sox history – and Sean slept on the sidewalk all night with friends to get tickets. He recalls the momentous occasion when the Red Sox hit a game-winning home run and everyone rushed the field.

    “Did you rush the field?”

    “Hell no, I wasn’t there. I was in a bar having a drink with my future wife.”

    The story illustrates how Sean knew his wife was the one when he was willing to miss the opportunity of a life-changing moment (being at a historical sporting event) for an even bigger life-changing moment (finding love and his future wife).

    Will is incredulous and yells at Sean for missing the game. He asks, “How did your friends let you get away with that?” And Will simply replies, “I just slid my ticket across the table and said, ‘Sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl.’”

    Fifth Therapy Session: Facing Potential and Values

    In this session, Will begins to ask deep questions about what he wants to do with the rest of his life and what are the best uses of his intelligence and talents.

    After a job interview with the NSA, Will goes into a diatribe about how his talents could be hypothetically used for catastrophic consequences, like overthrowing foreign governments, destabilizing entire countries, or getting his friends sent to fight some war overseas.

    Sean asks him directly, “What are you passionate about? What do you want?”

    They discuss the honor of work, including construction work and Will’s job as a janitor and the pride he takes in it, even though society may not view it as the most rewarding job in the world. Sean prods further asking why he chose to be a janitor at the most prestigious technical university in the world, and why he secretly finished math problems, highlighting that there may be something else driving Will.

    Sean asks again what Will wants to do with his life, and he deflects by joking that he wants to be a shepherd on his own plot of land away from the world. Sean isn’t willing to waste his time and decides to end the session early. Will has a final outburst before leaving, “You’re lecturing me on life? Look at you, you burnout!”

    This session reveals how Will is afraid of his potential and talents, including the responsibility that comes with them. “I didn’t ask to be born like this.” He feels safe continuing to live in his hometown, work his everyday job, and hangout with his childhood friends. He’s afraid to dream bigger. There may be something deeper driving Will’s thirst for knowledge, but he doesn’t know his core values and motivations, and doesn’t truly know himself or what he wants out of life.

    Sixth Therapy Session: “It’s Not Your Fault”

    The next therapy session begins with Sean uncovering more about Will’s painful past, particularly his life as an orphan and the physical abuse he endured with his foster parents. Sean reveals that he, too, grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father, forging another shared bond between them.

    As their conversation unfolds, Will correctly guesses that his final psychological report likely diagnoses him with “attachment issues” and a “fear of abandonment.” He acknowledges that these issues may have driven him to push his girlfriend away, leading to their recent breakup. When Sean gently asks if he wants to talk about it, Will declines.

    Sean then shifts the focus, holding onto the reports as he says, “I don’t know a lot. But you see this? All this shit? It’s not your fault.”

    At first, Will politely agrees, brushing off the comment, but Sean repeats the line: “It’s not your fault.” With each repetition, Will’s emotional defenses begin to crumble, and he cycles through a range of emotions—politeness, confusion, anger, and aggression—until the weight of Sean’s words fully sinks in. Overwhelmed, Will finally breaks down and cries, releasing years of suppressed pain and guilt.

    good will hunting

    In this profoundly cathartic moment, Sean embraces Will, offering the safe and empathetic connection that has been absent from Will’s life. It’s a turning point where Will confronts his past without blame or self-judgment, finally opening the door to acceptance and healing.

    Last Goodbye

    In their last meeting, Will thanks Sean for all of his help and shares the good news that he has accepted an exciting new job. Sean, in turn, reveals his plans to travel and explore life on his own terms. They exchange numbers to keep in touch, symbolizing the respect and connection they’ve built.

    This moment underscores that therapy is often a chapter in life that prepares individuals to continue their journeys independently. Both Will and Sean needed to say their goodbyes and go their separate ways to continue following their paths in life. Will has learned to face his fears and embrace his potential. Sean has rediscovered purpose and fulfillment through helping Will. Their goodbye is bittersweet but profound, a reminder that growth often requires letting go and moving forward.

    In the final scene, Will leaves a letter at Sean’s place that reads, “If the professor calls about that job, just tell him sorry—I had to go see about a girl.” This moment beautifully exemplifies Will’s newfound courage to follow his heart and take meaningful risks.

    Conclusion

    The therapeutic relationship between Sean and Will in Good Will Hunting is a masterclass in storytelling and psychology. Through humor, vulnerability, and mutual respect, Sean helps Will break through years of pain and fear, while Will reignites Sean’s passion for life. Their journey is a powerful testament to the transformative potential of therapy — and how creating a space of acceptance, healing, and growth can change lives.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Winter depression is real and there are many ways to fight back

    Winter depression is real and there are many ways to fight back

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    As winter approaches and daylight hours grow shorter, people prone to seasonal depression can feel it in their bodies and brains.

    “It’s a feeling of panic, fear, anxiety and dread all in one,” said Germaine Pataki, 63, of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.

    She’s among the millions of people estimated to have seasonal affective disorder, or SAD. Her coping strategies include yoga, walking and an antidepressant medication. She’s also part of a Facebook group for people with SAD.

    “I try to focus on helping others through it,” Pataki said. “This gives me purpose.”

    People with SAD typically have episodes of depression that begin in the fall and ease in the spring or summer. Changing the clocks back to standard time, which happens this weekend, can be a trigger for SAD. A milder form, subsyndromal SAD, is recognized by medical experts, and there’s also a summer variety of seasonal depression, though less is known about it.

    In 1984, a team led by Dr. Norman Rosenthal, then a researcher at the National Institutes of Health, first described SAD and coined the term. “I believe that because it is easy to remember, the acronym has stuck,” he said.

    What causes seasonal affective disorder?

    Scientists are learning how specialized cells in our eyes turn the blue wavelength part of the light spectrum into neural signals affecting mood and alertness.

    Sunlight is loaded with the blue light, so when the cells absorb it, our brains’ alertness centers are activated and we feel more wakeful and possibly even happier.

    Researcher Kathryn Roecklein at the University of Pittsburgh tested people with and without SAD to see how their eyes reacted to blue light. As a group, people with SAD were less sensitive to blue light than others, especially during winter months. That suggests a cause for wintertime depression.

    “In the winter, when the light levels drop, that combined with a lower sensitivity, might be too low for healthy functioning, leading to depression,” Roecklein said.

    Miriam Cherry, 50, of Larchmont, New York, said she spent the summer planning how she would deal with her winter depression. “It’s like clockwork,” Cherry said. “The sunlight is low. The day ends at 4:45, and suddenly my mood is horrible.”

    Does light therapy help?

    Many people with SAD respond to light therapy, said Dr. Paul Desan of Yale University’s Winter Depression Research Clinic.

    “The first thing to try is light,” Desan said. “When we get patients on exposure to bright light for a half an hour or so every morning, the majority of patients get dramatically better. We don’t even need medications.”

    The therapy involves devices that emit light about 20 times brighter than regular indoor light.

    Research supports using a light that’s about 10,000 lux, a measure of brightness. You need to use it for 30 minutes every morning, according to the research. Desan said this can help not only people with SAD but also those with less-severe winter blahs.

    Special lights run from $70 to $400. Some products marketed for SAD are too dim to do much good, Desan said.

    Yale has tested products and offers a list of recommendations, and the nonprofit Center for Environmental Therapeutics has a consumer guide to selecting a light.

    If your doctor diagnosed you with SAD, check with your insurance company to see if the cost of a light might be covered, Desan suggested.

    What about talk therapy or medication?

    Antidepressant medications are a first-line treatment for SAD, along with light therapy. Doctors also recommend keeping a regular sleep schedule and walking outside, even on cloudy days.

    Light therapy’s benefits can fade when people stop using it. One type of talk therapy — cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT — has been shown in studies to have more durable effects, University of Vermont researcher Kelly Rohan said.

    CBT involves working with a therapist to identify and modify unhelpful thoughts.

    “A very common thought that people have is ‘I hate winter,’” Rohan said. “Reframe that into something as simple is ‘I prefer summer to winter,’” she suggested. “It’s a factual statement, but it has a neutral effect on mood.”

    Working with a therapist can help people take small steps toward having fun again, Rohan said. Try planning undemanding but enjoyable activities to break out of hibernation mode, which “could be as simple as meeting a friend for coffee,” Rohan said.

    What else might work?

    People with SAD have half the year to create coping strategies, and some have found hacks that work for them — though there may be scant scientific support.

    Elizabeth Wescott, 69, of Folsom, California, believes contrast showers help her. It’s a water therapy borrowed from sports medicine that involves alternating hot and cold water while taking a shower. She also uses a light box and takes an antidepressant.

    “I’m always looking for new tools,” Wescott said.

    Cherry in New York is devoting a corner of her garden to the earliest blooming flowers: snowdrops, winter aconite and hellebores. These bloom as early as February.

    “That’s going to be a sign to me that this isn’t going to last forever,” Cherry said. “It will get better, and spring is on its way.”

    ___

    The Associated Press Health and Science Department receives support from the Howard Hughes Medical Institute’s Science and Educational Media Group. The AP is solely responsible for all content.

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  • “I Learned I Couldn’t Trust Myself, Then I Found I Had Undiagnosed ADHD.”

    “I Learned I Couldn’t Trust Myself, Then I Found I Had Undiagnosed ADHD.”

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    Unreliable. Unpredictable. Unfathomable.

    These are the qualities of an untrustworthy person – qualities I lived and breathed while (trying) to manage my undiagnosed ADHD.

    ADHD – especially untreated – is a condition of inconsistency. We’re inexplicably “on” one day and “off” the next. It causes us to struggle to understand our behaviors and work out why we did (or didn’t) do something.

    I’d say one thing but do another; make a plan, then forget it. I’d blurt out random things and make the simplest mistakes. I was scared to make future commitments because I couldn’t be sure what I’d be like when the day arrived – brilliant, or so off that it was hard to leave the house.

    I was inconsistent in mood, attention, behavior, focus, and even goals. I had no inkling that there was any pattern to it. I wanted to do interesting things but committing to something out of the ordinary – like writing this blog post – risked months of dread, guilt, and procrastination.

    A lifetime of inconsistency led to some strange consequences. Making even a small error would trigger an intense emotional reaction. Around other people, I tried to stay quiet, to hold in the ‘weirdness.’ And I’d check my work again, again, and again.

    [Read: Intention Deficit Disorder – Why ADHD Minds Struggle to Meet Goals with Action]

    Why Don’t I Trust Myself? The Roots of Inconsistency

    Before I knew anything about ADHD, I thought I had a clear picture of the root of my problems: anxiety and low self-confidence. I worked my way through the go-to tools: cognitive behavioral therapy, books about social skills, special breathing techniques, you name it. I even read Self-Esteem for Dummies.

    Over the years, it all helped. But while I could stand up straighter, smile at myself in the mirror, and name three of my greatest qualities, I still was caught in spirals of procrastination, zoning out, obsession, and impulsiveness.

    My old friend anxiety kept my brain awake enough to let me drive a car, find my keys, and pay my bills. Low self-confidence kept me out of sticky situations but led to a smaller life over time.

    Then I heard about inattentive ADHD and what it looks like in women. Many, many hours of research later, I was finally able to make sense of my experiences and actions. As I learned about executive dysfunction and common support strategies, I was able to recognize those I was already using – and where I was tripping myself up.

    [Read: Your Regret Won’t Change the Past. These Tips May Save Your Future.]

    But I was also assured that my brain would inevitably function fabulously in certain situations. The wealth of insight around the web from people who live with ADHD nudged me toward greater self-awareness. (After I read on the web that an unofficial trait of ADHD is argumentativeness, I asked a friend if that applied to me. He laughed in my face – I think that’s a yes.)

    I learned how to plan my day in a way that my brain can “see.” I do things at a pace and plan that works for me. For example, rather than write this blog post in one sitting, I’ve taken to writing it in multiple locations, while wearing ear plugs, for 15 minutes at a time, while checking in on my emotional state. No matter the task, I regularly ask myself, “How does my ADHD play into this?” and “What will make this task easier for Future Me?”

    Learning to Trust Myself – Even with ADHD

    I’ve experienced some unexpected changes now that I trust myself more. For one thing, I now believe that it’s okay to make mistakes. I can calm down after the inevitable Big Feelings, and I know how to motivate myself to make amends. I even have an “oops quota” – if I go over my limit, I know it’s a sign that I need to tweak my systems. My ADHD-friendly systems take care of me, and I take care of them.

    I can also now resist the urge to apologize for being the way I am. True, if you say, “How are you?” I may tell you in exquisite detail, or I may stare at you and not be able to think of a response. So what? I’m learning the words to explain why I do what I do, without framing it as a deficit. I want to get good at standing up for my right to be myself.

    Perfection isn’t a prerequisite for self-trust (or to gain the trust of others). It’s consistency in another form: knowing that I do my best, learn from my mistakes, practice honesty, and pull through most of the time. Understanding my version of ADHD has transformed my ability to trust myself.

    Learning about ADHD not only solved the mysteries of my inconsistency, but it helped ease my anxiety and increase my confidence. It released me from the fear that I was simply a bad person. It freed me up to create new, better stories about myself. Now, I can be pretty sure that if I say I’ll do something, I’ll probably do it… like writing this blog post!

    Why Don’t I Trust Myself? Next Steps

    SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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    Nathaly Pesantez

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  • “My Child’s Short Fuse Lights My Short Fuse.”

    “My Child’s Short Fuse Lights My Short Fuse.”

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    My daughter shouts at me every day, and sometimes I shout right back.

    ADHD gives me plenty of skills I can model for my kids, but good frustration tolerance isn’t one of them. I can make up silly songs on demand, but I’m rubbish at remaining unruffled when my 6-year-old’s temper flares.

    My younger child is a lovable ball of brightness, kindness, and fun, but many things short her circuit and invoke her iron will, from unsolicited carrots to socks that won’t reach their requisite height.

    She might well be neurodivergent herself. (We’re waiting in line for assessment.) But whatever the root of her proneness to grievance, it feels like we’re peas in a pod. My patience is apt to desert me the second she loses hers.

    There are things I can give her directly to help her stay grounded and happy: empathy, boundaries, nutritious meals, plenty of nourishing cuddles, choice where possible, my fullest attention, the conscious uncoupling of me and my phone. But kids need a stable, consistent caregiver who they can watch and copy. If I can’t manage my own frustration, how will she ever handle hers?

    Modeling Calm When Anger Strikes

    I’ve been thinking a lot about how to model calm when it counts, and it strikes me that there are two things I need to nail if things are to be less shouty around here.

    [Get This Free Download: 5 Ways to Improve Emotional Control at Home]

    1. Meeting my own needs first

    Most of what gives me balance is basic. Exercise, fresh air, and eating well. Walking up hills and through parks. Pilates and painting and learning new things. Time with no screens or voices to allow me to drift and dream.

    They’re simple remedies, but my mental health slides if I fail to give them priority. Luckily, my partner has his own list too, so we tag-team to tick off as much as we can.

    2. Keeping my cool in the moment

    Much harder to master is the consistent deployment of effective strategies when my daughter digs her heels in.

    When my child gets stuck in an emotional vortex, reason cannot reach her. I know how that feels myself and I’m often inclined to join her. But some recent therapy has helped me to see that I do have a choice in the moment. I can either hop aboard the resentment express and trot out a pointless monologue that spikes my cortisol and guarantees escalation. Or I can pause and make a conscious decision about how I’d like to proceed.

    It’s not easy. The stress in my body is physical and real. I feel it in my chest and my neck. My ears ring and my heart races. But there are ways of letting it go. I can notice the tightness and relax the tension. My mind will often follow. I can focus on breathing more slowly and deeply (if I’m actually breathing at all). I can silently soothe myself in the tone of a grown-up who knows this will pass. When I pull it off, I’m not faking or in toxic denial. I just feel a lot more balanced and able to ride out the storm.

    [Read: When Angry Kids Lash Out – How to Defuse Explosive Reactions]

    Modeling Calm – Putting Techniques to the Test

    I get a chance to deploy my new tactics in the art of non-reaction on a Saturday, when we fancy a walk in the woods. The little one won’t get dressed, of course. Weekends are for lying down, she declares, as she burrows under our duvet, tucking it in around her to secure her fortress against potential incursion.

    We could be here a while, I think. Last week we aborted completely. I implore her to put on some clothes. She kicks off the covers and thrashes around, emitting a grating whine. My chest tightens, my heart rate quickens, and I want to launch into my lecture.

    But I stop. I breathe. I remember that calm breeds calm and that staying centred will help us both. She performs a series of loud exhalations, but I say to her softly that we’re leaving. Voices do not get raised. I exit the room and in minutes she’s clothed and skipping out to the van.

    She briefly objects to my offensive plan to take a jacket just in case. But I let it wash over me and it burns out fast. Off we go in peace.

    The same trick works on Tuesday when I commit a transgression with celery and she CANNOT EAT THIS LASAGNA (she does) and again on Friday when it puts to bed a debate over whether jellybeans constitute breakfast (they don’t).

    Modeling Calm, One Little Test at a Time

    There are blips involving poached eggs and car seats. I’m tired and hormonal and late – and I yell. But part of my internal deal is that I’m kind to myself when I fail. Improvement is still improvement if it’s only some of the time.

    I’m buoyed by how things are going. My girl is more flexible and she’s proud of herself when she lets things go. I’m feeling quite proud of me, too.

    So maybe I can crack this. Maybe soon I’ll add “measured response to frustration” to the list of things I can pass to my children. It’s not as fun as singing ditties about teachers or toilets, but it’s arguably a more essential skill that will serve them well in life.

    How to Be a Calm Parent: Next Steps

    SUPPORT ADDITUDE
    Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

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    Nathaly Pesantez

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