Shameflammation is present in every single one of us to some degree, and it can make us feel overwhelmed, anxious, hopeless, aimless, and totally disconnected from our intuition. It can be both the underlying cause and result of chronic health conditions—it’s often the one thing standing between us and optimal health. Shameflammation can make us feel like we’re constantly swimming upstream and at war with our bodies. Thoughts and emotions are like nutrients for your head, heart, and soul, and unfortunately, many of us have been feeding ourselves junk food for a long, long time.
So, now let’s answer the question I know a lot of you are asking yourselves: Why shame? Out of all the negative emotions in this world, why do we use shame for the term that represents the negative impact of our emotional world on the physical? Over the years, I’ve learned that shame is perhaps the strongest, most damaging negative emotion of all. Brené Brown, a renowned shame and vulnerability researcher, says that “shame is lethal” and explains that shame affects all of us and profoundly shapes the way we interact in the world.
After years of consulting patients with all types of health struggles, I can say that nowhere is shame more at play than when it comes to our bodies and our health. It’s often a huge barrier to healing. Let me ask you this: When something goes awry with your body or health, big or small, how do you feel? The answer is probably a mixture of anger, fear, and maybe even some embarrassment, right? That sounds a whole lot like shame to me. The common thread between many emotions, especially those surrounding our body and our health, is often shame.
Research shows1 that, as humans, we feel a lot of health-related shame and that shame can have a significant impact on our ability to stay healthy, heal from illness, and make healthy choices. Why? Because any type of shame—whether it’s related to food, our body, or a health condition—makes us feel unworthy of the vibrant health we crave, cutting us off at our knees as we try to get there. According to shame experts, shame exists on a spectrum, ranging from self-consciousness or embarrassment to a deep sense of inadequacy and fear, but these feelings all tell us one thing at the end of the day—that we don’t deserve that healthy and happy life.
Unfortunately, despite knowing that shame affects our health in big and small ways, we don’t know all that much else due to a lack of research in this area.
In one fascinating study, researchers posited that the impact of shame on our health “is unacknowledged, under-researched, and under-theorized in the context of health and medicine.” They go on to say that shame can have a significant impact on health, illness, and health-related behaviors and that shame’s influence can be described only as “insidious, pervasive, and pernicious2.” Pretty strong language, isn’t it? It is, but it’s also true.
Your healing can’t shine when it’s soaked in shame.
Every year, the National Sleep Foundation puts out a poll, and this year, the focus was on mental health as it relates to sleep. To dig into the connection between the two, researchers surveyed just over 1,000 U.S. adults, asking questions about sleep duration, sleep quality, depressive symptoms, etc.
Among the key findings, it was revealed that over 90% of participants who engaged in good sleep hygiene reported good sleep health, as well as no significant depressive symptoms.
The same could not be said, however, for those not getting quality sleep. According to this poll, 65% of adults who aren’t satisfied with their sleep report more depressive symptoms. And further, those who reported difficulty falling or staying asleep even a couple of times a week also had higher levels of depressive symptoms than those without sleep difficulties.
As vice president of research and scientific affairs at the National Sleep Foundation Joseph Dzierzewski, Ph.D., notes in a news release, “I’d say there’s never been a more important time to think about the strong connection between our sleep and mental health,” adding that good sleep hygiene can impact more than just your sleep each night.
The first step to working through any of the more difficult emotions is, of course, identifying it in the first place.
In the case of grief, locate that feeling in your body. What does it actually feel like? (Note: We’re not asking you to intellectualize what, or why, you’re grieving—just feel the feeling!)
From there, Beurkens says, remember that emotions do come and go with time. Sometimes we lean away from grieving because it feels too painful to face, but this only results in stifling those emotions, forcing them to pile up inside you. Trust that by dealing with your emotions now, you’ll be better able to move forward.
“That’s one of the things in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) that we really work on with people, is this understanding that you are not your feelings,” Beurkens explains, adding, “Your feelings are happening to you in the moment, but they don’t define you—and what you’re feeling now is not the same way that you’re going to be feeling an hour from now or a week from now.”
With this understanding, we can move away from over-identifying with our emotions. Because if you become too preoccupied with grief, or if you never even honor the fact that you’re grieving something, it can start to impact the way you’re operating, from your mental landscape to your behaviors, Beurkens says.
WEDNESDAY, March 1, 2023 (HealthDay News) — When Dr. Yezaz Ghouri sees patients with the cramping, abdominal pain and diarrhea that are hallmark symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), he’ll typically ask how life’s going. More often than not, his patients say they are experiencing stress in their lives.
Now, Ghouri’s team has established a link between IBS and anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation in patients who have been admitted to the hospital for their IBS. IBS is a chronic disorder of the gastrointestinal (GI) system that strikes up to 15 percent of the population.
Ghouri, an assistant professor of clinical medicine and gastroenterology at the University of Missouri School of Medicine, thinks that stress may be expressed through both the mind and body.
“I think it expresses in the form of mood disorders like depression, anxiety,” Ghouri said. “I think it expresses in a form of IBS, which is basically a manifestation of your autonomic nervous system [which controls involuntary actions like your heartbeat].”
The study used data from more than 1.2 million IBS patients in 4,000 U.S. hospitals over three years.
More than 38% of these patients had anxiety. More than 27% had depression. These numbers were double the levels of anxiety and depression found in patients who did not have IBS.
Lead researcher Dr. Zahid Ijaz Tarar, an assistant professor of clinical medicine, pointed to what’s called the brain-gut axis. Tarar suggested in a university news release that IBS symptoms influence anxiety and depression, while those psychiatric issues may also cause IBS symptoms.
Ghouri said, “A lot of people with anxiety, they tend to have a higher heart rate. They can tend to be anxious. They tend to sweat a lot sometimes. These are all symptoms of autonomic nervous system. And I believe IBS is also a manifestation of that autonomic nervous system through the gut-brain axis.”
Ghouri explained that patients experiencing these symptoms may first need to learn how to recognize their feelings of stress.
“That recognition is the most important part,” he said. “Number two, what are you going to do about it?”
Patients may need counseling, Ghouri noted.
Meditation, relaxation, eating healthy and sleeping well are all factors that can contribute to having a healthy life, he said.
In terms of improving gut health specifically, Ghouri suggests giving up or cutting back on processed or greasy foods, red meat, alcohol and smoking, in favor of fruits, vegetables and foods like yogurt.
“I think that helps you stabilize your gut microbiome, make it a little bit more healthy,” Ghouri said.
The team’s findings were published recently in the Irish Journal of Medical Science.
Dr. Brooks Cash, chief of the division of gastroenterology, hepatology and nutrition at the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, said the study reiterates some key information about IBS.
“I think it’s very important for us not to lose sight of the mental health component of GI health. And I think this study helps to highlight that,” said Cash, who was not involved with the study.
Cash’s view is that mental health issues may augment gastrointestinal symptoms and GI symptoms may augment mental health issues, “but we don’t know if there’s a true causative or causal relationship between the two.”
He noted what the study authors said about the importance of addressing both physical and mental health symptoms in patients.
“It’s a very complementary and kind of holistic approach that we need to take with these patients. We need to treat the GI symptoms as best we can, but we also need to not lose sight of the mental health symptoms and address them,” Cash said.
Cash said the majority of people with IBS symptoms don’t seek out medical care, instead treating the symptoms themselves.
“There is nothing wrong with doing that as long as they’re not ignoring alarm features,” he said.
A variety of over-the-counter treatments may help, including laxatives and anti-diarrheal medications. There are also a handful of U.S. Food and Drug Administration-approved prescription medications for irritable bowel syndrome, Cash said. Diet therapies may also make a difference.
Among popular therapies are the low-FODMAP diet, which restricts poorly digested carbohydrates, fibers and complex sugars. This is used in patients with bloating and diarrhea. There is also increasing evidence that prunes and kiwi can be effective for constipation.
“There’s a number of different dietary and lifestyle modifications that patients can make, and every patient’s different,” Cash said. “We have to take an individualized approach to every patient based on their symptoms.”
More information
The U.S. National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases has more on irritable bowel syndrome.
SOURCES: Yezaz Ghouri, MD, assistant professor, clinical medicine and gastroenterology, University of Missouri, School of Medicine, Columbia, Mo.; Brooks Cash, MD, chief, division of gastroenterology, hepatology, and nutrition, University of Texas Health Science Center, Houston; Irish Journal of Medical Science, Jan. 3, 2023
WEDNESDAY, March 1, 2023 (HealthDay News) — For decades, people turned to cigarettes in times of stress. Now, a preliminary study hints that young people are using vaping in the same way.
The study, of nearly 2,000 U.S. teenagers and young adults, found that those who vaped nicotine or marijuana were more likely to report anxiety, depression or suicidal thoughts. In fact, a majority of vapers said they’d suffered anxiety or depression symptoms in the past week, while over half had contemplated suicide in the past year.
The findings leave open the chicken-and-egg question.
“One of the challenges is in teasing out the cause and effect,” said Loren Wold, a professor in the Colleges of Nursing and Medicine at Ohio State University.
Many of the young people surveyed explicitly said they’d started vaping to deal with depression — including one-third of those who vaped marijuana.
That’s worrying, Wold said, since no one would consider vaping a healthy coping strategy.
Wold, who was not involved in the study, was lead author on a recent report from the American Heart Association (AHA) on the physical health consequences of vaping during adolescence.
There’s still a lot to learn, as vaping is a relatively new phenomenon, Wold said. But it’s clear there are shorter-term effects, including inflammation in the airways, blood pressure spikes and increased stiffness in the arteries.
So young people who vape could be “setting themselves up for heart and lung disease,” Wold said.
What’s “intriguing” about the new findings, he said, is that they link vaping to mental health.
The research is to be presented at an AHA meeting in Boston. Studies released at meetings are generally considered preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed journal.
But the results are the latest in a line of work raising concerns about the “epidemic” of vaping among young Americans.
In 2022, over 2.5 million U.S. kids reported vaping, according to the nonprofit Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids. And many were not just experimenting: Almost half of high school students who vaped said they did it on most days.
Vaping devices work by heating a liquid that produces a “vapor,” allowing users to inhale nicotine or THC (the active ingredient in marijuana). But while vaping does not involve smoke, it’s not benign.
Kids are still getting hooked on nicotine, and being hit with the harms of that drug (or THC), which can include effects on brain development. Plus, Wold said, the liquids in vaping devices do not — contrary to popular belief — produce “harmless water vapor.”
When heated, those liquids actually churn out over 1,000 chemicals, he said. Whether those exposures can directly affect kids’ mental health is not yet known.
The new findings are based on an online survey of 1,921 teens and young adults, ages 13 to 24. A majority said they had vaped in the past month, including 830 who said they’d vaped both nicotine and THC.
Overall, 70% of THC-only vapers said they’d had anxiety issues in the past week, as did over 60% of those who vaped nicotine or both drugs. That compared with around 40% of participants who’d never vaped.
Meanwhile, over half of all vapers had struggled with depression symptoms in the past week, versus one-quarter of nonvapers. Some — 20% to one-third — said depression had driven them to try vaping.
It’s not clear why they thought it might help, but Wold said he suspects industry marketing is partly to blame: Kids are regularly exposed to vaping images and messaging on social media, in ways that portray it as “cool” or a way to enjoy life.
Dr. Rose Marie Robertson, deputy chief science and medical officer for the AHA, is the senior researcher on the study.
She pointed to the “broad view” — the fact that kids today are distressed by many things, from violence to the divisiveness in civil discourse. And they need help in dealing with that, so they do not turn to substances, she said.
When it comes to vaping itself, Robertson said the problem needs to be tackled from various angles. One is regulation.
“We advocate for public policies that we have data to demonstrate will help prevent kids from taking up vaping — things like eliminating flavored tobacco products,” Robertson said. “Flavors are a big part of the reason that many kids begin to vape.”
In cases where kids are already vaping, schools could potentially step in to offer help in kicking the habit. Unfortunately, Robertson said, many schools lack the resources.
Instead, she noted, students caught vaping are often suspended from school — which may only worsen the situation.
As for parents, Wold said it’s important that they talk to their kids about the dangers of vaping. And if their child is already vaping, he added, that’s an opportunity to ask why — and possibly find out they’re dealing with mental health issues.
More information
Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids has more on vaping.
SOURCES: Rose Marie Robertson, MD, deputy chief science and medical officer, American Heart Association, Dallas; Loren E. Wold, PhD, professor and assistant dean, biological health research, College of Nursing, and professor, physiology and cell biology, College of Medicine, Ohio State University, Columbus; presentation, Feb. 28, 2023, American Heart Association’s Epidemiology, Prevention, Lifestyle and Cardiometabolic Health Scientific Sessions, Boston
THURSDAY, Feb. 23, 2023 (HealthDay News) — All those images of beautiful-looking people on social media can deflate a young person’s self-image, but there may be an easy fix: limiting time spent on TikTok, Instagram and the like.
A new Canadian study finds that teens and young adults who already had symptoms of anxiety or depression and who cut their social media usage by about 50% experienced a significant improvement in how they felt about their overall appearance in just a few weeks. They also felt better about their weight.
“I don’t think it completely surprised me,” said study co-author Helen Thai, a PhD student in the psychology department at McGill University in Montreal.
Past research on traditional media and the impact of unattainable beauty and body ideals has obtained similar results, Thai suggested.
“Not only are there celebrities and influencers on there, but it’s also people within your social circle,” Thai said about social media, “which can make comparison a bit more easy.”
The authors estimated that youth spend about six to eight hours each day on screens. A lot of that time is spent on social media sites, where they may see hundreds or thousands of images, internalizing them.
In a news release about the study, lead author Gary Goldfield, a senior scientist with the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario Research Institute, said that whether people who already have body and mental health issues simply spend more time on social media or whether social media leads to greater issues had not been known.
For this study, the researchers worked with 220 undergraduate students ages 17 to 25. About 76% were women, 23% men and 1% other.
Participants needed to regularly use social media for at least two hours each day on their smartphones.
“I think before asking the why, we wanted to ask who would be most vulnerable to it, and so that’s specifically why we targeted youth who are at risk of body image concerns,” Thai said.
These were students who had symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Each was asked to respond to statements about their appearance, such as “I’m pretty happy about the way I look” or “I am satisfied with my weight” on a 5-point scale at the start and end of the experiment.
“Especially if you’re feeling vulnerable and you don’t think that great about yourself, seeing all these people who look, in your eyes, more beautiful than you or more whatever is just going to make you feel worse and worse,” said study co-author Chris Davis, a professor in the psychology department at Carleton University in Ottawa.
During the first week, all participants were asked to use social media as they typically would. A screen-time tracking program measured their usage.
After that, half were asked to use social media for no more than 60 minutes a day.
The participants who were asked to restrict their social media usage got it down to 78 minutes a day on average. The control group averaged 188 minutes daily.
After three weeks, those who reduced their social media usage had a significant improvement in how they regarded their overall appearance and body weight after the intervention, compared with the control group, which saw no significant change, the researchers said.
Nancy Mramor, a psychologist in Pittsburgh, said that when you compare yourself to others, you’ll have a 50-50 chance of feeling bad about yourself. Mramor was not involved in this study.
In everything, she said, it’s important to compare yourself only to yourself. That’s true of social media, sports performance, academics or social standing, she said. For example, don’t compare your weight to that of someone you see online but instead to what it was like for you last week.
“Focusing on your inner feeling about yourself, rather than outside images creates an opportunity to see yourself from the inside out, not just the outside. When images are not fed to you on your phone, you have a breather to notice what is important to you,” Mramor said.
For minors, the best way to limit social media is with extreme parental supervision, Mramor said. Block the sites on their phones that you think will be harmful.
For adults, Mramor said it’s possible to view media carefully, but to do so consciously.
To do this, you have to take a step back from what you’re viewing and ask yourself if it’s making you feel anxious or upset. If you decide it’s not good for you, then decide what to do about it, she said.
One solution is simple. It’s exactly what the students in the study did: Cut back on the amount of time you use social media.
Davis suggested choosing what hour you’ll use social media and then putting your phone down and doing something else enjoyable, such as getting together with friends.
“There’s nothing like face-to-face interactions, going out and doing something with your friends to really strengthen those bonds,” Davis said.
The study findings were published Feb. 23 in the journal Psychology of Popular Media.
More information
Pew Research Center has more on teens and social media.
SOURCES: Helen Thai, PhD student, Department of Psychology, McGill University, Montreal; Chris Davis, PhD, professor, Department of Psychology, Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada; Nancy Mramor, PhD, psychologist, Pittsburgh; Psychology of Popular Media, Feb. 23, 2023
FRIDAY, Feb. 17, 2023 (HealthDay News) – Sen. John Fetterman is being treated for clinical depression at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.
“While John has experienced depression off and on throughout his life, it only became severe in recent weeks,” Fetterman’s chief of staff Adam Jentleson said in a statement.
The Pennsylvania Democrat checked himself into the hospital on Wednesday night, Jentleson added.
Fetterman survived a near-fatal stroke last year while he was campaigning for the Senate seat he now holds.
Just last week, the first-term senator was hospitalized at George Washington University Hospital after feeling lightheaded during a Senate Democratic retreat.
At that time, Fetterman was in the stroke unit for two days, where he underwent various tests including an MRI. He had not suffered an additional stroke.
On Monday, he was evaluated by Congress’ attending physician Dr. Brian Monahan, who recommended he receive inpatient care at Walter Reed, in Bethesda, Md.
“John agreed, and he is receiving treatment on a voluntary basis,” Jentleson said.
The senator missed votes on Wednesday and Thursday night, CNBC News reported.
Fetterman’s transition to the Senate in January has been made more difficult because of his stroke recovery, the Times reported. He previously served as Pennsylvania’s lieutenant governor.
His wife, Gisele Fetterman, asked for privacy.
“After what he’s been through in the past year, there’s probably no one who wanted to talk about his own health less than John,” Gisele Fetterman said in a statement. “I’m so proud of him for asking for help and getting the care he needs.”
It’s common for stroke survivors to experience depression, and the cause may be biochemical or psychological, according to the American Stroke Association.
Fetterman had been frustrated with his post-stroke health challenges throughout the campaign. His difficulties with communication have also impacted his relationship with his family, as has his time away from them while he works in the Senate, CNBC News reported.
More information
The U.S. National Institute of Mental Health has more on depression.
Editor’s Note: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to connect with a trained counselor or visit 988lifeline.org.
CNN
—
Democratic Sen. John Fetterman of Pennsylvania checked himself into Walter Reed National Military Medical Center “to receive treatment for clinical depression,” his chief of staff announced on Thursday.
“On Monday, John was evaluated by Dr. Brian P. Monahan, the Attending Physician of the United States Congress. Yesterday, Dr. Monahan recommended inpatient care at Walter Reed. John agreed, and he is receiving treatment on a voluntary basis,” Chief of Staff Adam Jentleson said in a statement.
Senate candidate who had a stroke gives interview. Hear what Dr. Gupta noticed
Fetterman’s wife, Gisele, said on Thursday that she is “so proud of him for asking for help.”
“After what he’s been through in the past year, there’s probably no one who wanted to talk about his own health less than John. I’m so proud of him for asking for help and getting the care he needs,” she tweeted.
She went on to say, “This is a difficult time for our family, so please respect our privacy.”
The statement from Fetterman’s chief of staff announcing the news said, “After examining John, the doctors at Walter Reed told us that John is getting the care he needs, and will soon be back to himself.”
it also stated that Fetterman has experienced depression “off and on” over the course of his life, the issue “only became severe in recent weeks.”
Last week, Fetterman’s office announced that after feeling lightheaded, Fetterman went to the George Washington University hospital. He was discharged two days later, and his office said that test results had been able to “rule out a new stroke.”
Lawmakers on both sides of the aisle expressed support for Fetterman on Thursday.
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer said he is happy to hear the senator is “getting the help he needs.”
“Millions of Americans, like John, struggle with depression each day. I am looking forward to seeing him return to the Senate soon. Sending love and support to John, Gisele, and their family,” Schumer tweeted.
This story has been updated with additional developments.
Feb. 16, 2023 – Janet Shedd lost her youngest son to suicide 7 years ago.
“Tom had suffered from depression for about 9 months. We had gotten counseling for him, and he had been taking medication. We thought things were starting to turn around,” says Shedd, who lives in Kentucky.
But as soon as he turned 18 and was legally allowed to buy a gun, he died by suicide. Shedd’s life was shattered. “After his death, I became the walking wounded. It was hard to function,” she says. “I spent days crying and not getting out of bed.”
She calls the loss “devastating because, as a parent, one of your major functions is to keep your child safe. When you’re not able to do that – usually through no fault of your own – you go through a lot of guilt.”
Shedd is far from alone. In 2020, suicide was the second leading cause of death in youngsters and young adults (ages 10 to 34) and the 12th leading cause of death in the U.S..
And more young people are apparently considering taking their own lives.
Just this week, the CDC released a study showing a crisis in mental health among teen girls. The report found girls are experiencing record high levels of sexual violence, and nearly 3 in 5 girls report feeling persistently sad or hopeless.
Nearly one-third of girls (30%) reported seriously considering suicide, up from 19% in 2011. In teenage boys, serious thoughts of suicide increased from 13% to 14% from 2011 to 2021. The percentage of teenage girls who had attempted suicide in 2021 was 13%, nearly twice that of teenage boys (7%).
All these hurting children, and all those lost lives, have left a significant number of bereaved parents.
No Universal Pattern
William Feigelman, PhD, a professor emeritus of sociology at Nassau Community College in Garden City, NY, lost a son to suicide 20 years ago.
“He had a lot of winning characteristics, was engaged to be married, and was getting ahead in the film industry,” Feigelman says. “We were shocked and stunned, and it was the worst experience of our lives.”
It turned out that their son had been “coming off a drug high in an industry where drugs are commonplace and was depressed and self-punishing at the time.”
The decision to die by suicide is complex and shouldn’t be reduced to single issues, Feigelman says.
“Drugs are common and played a role in my son’s suicide. But people take their lives for a variety of reasons. Maybe something went wrong. They were jilted by a girlfriend or boyfriend or lost their job. They feel dishonored and humiliated and can’t face other people. Maybe they feel they’ve let their families down. They’re in deep psychic pain and see suicide as the only way out.”
Traditional bullying and cyberbullying have played a role in suicides of youngsters. Last week, a 14-year-old girl in New Jersey died by suicide. She had been beaten up in school, with a video of the assault posted online afterward. Unfortunately, many parents aren’t aware if their child is being bullied. The girl’s father says the school and the school district have not done enough to respond.
Just being aware of a child’s mental health problems doesn’t guarantee they’ll be resolved, Feigelman says. Many parents have struggled, “going from one clinic to another, one medication to another, and never successfully getting the right kind of help for their child who was in pain.”
On the other hand, some parents have seemingly successful, high-functioning children “who suddenly have one mishap – such as a bad math test – which pushes them over the edge into suicide, and they feel they can’t go home and tell their parents about it.”
The point, according to Feigelman, is that “the reasons for suicide vary from case to case, with no universal pattern.”
A Combination of Events
Erin Hawley and Angela Wiese agree. They are sisters in Lexington, KY, who lost children to suicide.
Wiese’s oldest son, Mason, died by suicide when he was 19 years old.
“He had just graduated from high school and was going through a transitional time,” she says.
Her son wasn’t sure he wanted to go to college. He enlisted in the Navy Reserves instead. “Maybe the stress of his schooling was getting to him, or maybe he was feeling overwhelmed,” Wiese says. “Maybe he just didn’t want to share things with us because he thought we’d be upset. He was a quiet kid but also fun and outgoing and athletic, with a lot of friends. We don’t know why he chose to kill himself.”
Then, 23 months later, Wiese’s 18-year-old son, Ethan, also took his life. “We didn’t realize at the time how much at risk Ethan was after Mason’s suicide. We now believe he was struggling and just didn’t know how to cope with that loss,” she says.
Hawley, whose 13-year-old daughter, Myra, also died by suicide, says her daughter’s death was particularly shocking and “came out of the blue” because she “came from a family who already had two children – her first cousins – die by suicide, and we talked about it all the time in our house.”
For Hawley, the “hardest part was her choosing not to tell us that she was struggling or having these thoughts and that she wanted to kill herself. I never imagined we would lose another child to suicide in our family.”
Some research suggests that the risk of suicide is higher in those who have been bereaved by another family member or close friend’s suicide. But Feigelman says that multiple suicides in the same family are “relatively rare.”
And Hawley has learned that the motives for suicide are “unique to every situation, and it’s usually a ‘perfect storm’ of several events, some of which may be common, everyday things that parents may think they understand and can connect to.”
At the end of the day, “our children were the only people who knew the reasons, and we don’t want to speculate,” Hawley says.
Get the Best Support
After her older son’s death, Wiese and her husband “reached out to resources and therapists and whatnot, but they didn’t have experience with suicide grief and the understanding that Ethan felt the stigma and was mourning the loss of his brother,” she says.
Wiese recommends that parents seeking help after a child’s suicide – for themselves or their other children – should “find professionals and support systems that deal specifically with suicide bereavement.”
Shedd agrees. “My advice to other parents is to know you’re not alone. One of the best things I did was to hook up with someone else who had gone through the experience of losing a child to suicide, which was a touchstone during the early days,” she says. “Having someone to talk to who had been through it and was standing upright and functioning in the world was incredibly helpful to me.”
Feigelman and his wife, Beverly Feigelman, a licensed social worker, joined support groups for people who lost loved ones to suicide. Eventually, they founded a support group of their own – Long Island Survivors of Suicide.
“The group is still flourishing, and we’ve been running it for the last 15 years,” Feigelman says. “It’s important to be with people who have sustained a similar loss because we have unique issues that don’t affect people bereaved by other losses – we’re racked by guilt, shame, and anger toward the loved one who died by suicide, and we’re shaken and mystified that our children, whom we loved and even thought we knew well, could take their own life.”
Turning Pain Into Purpose
“I’m definitely in a better place than I was immediately after Tom’s death,” Shedd says. “Time helps, and you move slowly forward. But even 7 years later, it’s still very fresh, and little things can tick off the memories – if I see someone who looks like him walking down the street, for example. And of course, you miss your child forever.”
Nevertheless, “Helping other people who have gone through this type of loss and working to change things has been very helpful.”
Shedd became involved in advocating for changes in gun laws. “If I can save someone else from going through a similar tragedy, this honors Tom, and that’s a comfort,” she says.
After the death of her second son, Wiese founded Brothers’ Run, a nonprofit organization dedicated to raising money for suicide prevention efforts within schools and communities. The money also supports critical services and mental health professionals who care for suicide-bereaved families.
“Since losing my sweet boys, I’ve found that pain can be turned into purpose,” says Wiese.
Beyond running the support group, Feigelman and his wife joined forces with two psychologists to conduct a large study of people bereaved by suicide, including 462 parents. And together, they also wrote Devastating Losses, a book for health care professionals working with suicide-bereaved family members.
Some parents may not be drawn to involvement in volunteer work, advocacy, or similar activities. But there are still many healing approaches, including spiritual practice, yoga, mindfulness, art, and physical exercise.
“But I think the most helpful thing is working with a good, trained clinician and getting the support of other parents,” Feigelman says. “Engaging with other bereaved parents contributes to posttraumatic growth.”
Shedd says her posttraumatic growth led to a deepening of empathy and compassion.
“I hesitate to say this because some people might regard it as a punch in the face, but a mentor told me, ‘You’re going to get gifts from this experience.’ I didn’t want any ‘gifts.’ I just wanted my child back. But I have to admit that – although I would never have chosen to pay the price for these ‘gifts’ – what happened has indeed changed me into a better person.”
Feb. 14, 2023 – The recent discovery of a dramatic spike in the number of teen girls saying they’ve been victims of sexual assault could have a now-familiar cause: the COVID-19 pandemic.
The CDC reported Monday that teenage girls are experiencing record high levels of sexual violence, and nearly 3 in 5 girls report feeling persistently sad or hopeless.
The numbers were even worse for students who identify as LGBTQ+, nearly 70% of whom report experiencing feelings of persistent sadness and hopeless, and nearly 1 in 4 (22%) LGBTQ+ teens had attempted suicide in 2021, according to the report.
Protective factors, such as being in school and participating in various activities, were largely nonexistent for many teens during the pandemic, which could explain the spike in sexual violence cases, says Carlos A. Cuevas, PhD, clinical psychologist and Center on Crime Race and Injustice co-director at Northeastern University in Boston.
That — on top of other mental, emotional, and physical stressors amid the COVID-19 crisis — created an unsafe and unhealthy environment for some girls.
“Once people started to kind of come out of the pandemic and we started to see the mental health impact of the pandemic, there were waiting lists everywhere. So being able to access those resources became more difficult because we just had a boom in demand for a need for mental health services,” says Cuevas.
Teen girls are also more likely to be victims of sexual assault than teen boys, which could explain the why they are overrepresented in the data, Cuevas says.
If your child experiences sexual assault, there are a few things parents should keep in mind. For one, it’s important that your child knows that they are the victims in the situation, Cuevas says.
“I think sometimes you still get kind of a victim blaming sort of attitude, even unintentionally,” he says. “Really be clear about the message that it’s not their fault and they are not responsible in any way.”
Parents should also look out for resources their child might need to work through any trauma they may have experienced. For some, that could be medical attention due to a physical act of assault. For others, it could be mental health services or even legal remedies, such as pressing charges.
“You want to give those options but the person who was the victim really is the one who determines when and how those things happen,” Cuevas says. “So really to be able to be there and ask them what they need and try to facilitate that for them.”
One more thing: Your teen sharing their sexual assault experiences on social media could result in several outcomes.
“Some teens will talk about this [sexual assault] and post on TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram, and that means that they may get people giving feedback that’s supportive or giving feedback that’s hurtful,” says Cuevas. “Remember that we’re talking about kids; they’re not sort of developmentally able to plan and think, ‘Oh, I may not get all the support that I think I’m going to get when I post this.’”
Goldie Taylor, an Atlanta-based journalist, political analyst and human rights activist, has her own history with sexual assault as a young girl. She experienced it as a 11-year-old, a story she shares in her memoir, The Love You Save.
When Taylor saw the news of the CDC study, she hurried to read it herself. She, too, see signs of the pandemic’s work in the report.
“While notably mental health continues to be a post-pandemic story given the issues surrounding quarantine, I also believe it fueled a renewed interest in seeking care— and measuring impacts on children,” Taylor says. “What was most startling, even for me, were the statistics around sexual violence involving young girls. We know from other studies that the vast majority of pregnancies among girls as young as 11 involve late teen and adult males.”
Unfortunately, Taylor says little has changed since her own traumatic experience as a child. There was little support available then. And now, she says, “there are far too few providers in this country to deal effectively with what can only be called a pandemic of sexual violence.”
The study’s findings are indeed a stark reminder of the needs of our children, says Debra Houry, MD, MPH, the CDC’s acting principal deputy director, in a press release about the findings.
“High school should be a time for trailblazing, not trauma. These data show our kids need far more support to cope, hope, and thrive,” she says.
The new analysis looked at data from 2011 to 2021 from the CDC’s Youth Risk and Behavior Survey, a semiannual analysis of the health behaviors of students in grades 9-12. The 2021 survey is the first conducted since the COVID-19 pandemic began and included 17,232 respondents.
Although the researchers saw signs of improvement in risky sexual behaviors and substance abuse, as well as fewer experiences of bullying, the analysis found youth mental health worsened over the past 10 years. This trend was particularly troubling for teenage girls: 57% said they felt persistently sad or hopeless in 2021, a 60% increase from a decade ago. By comparison, 29% of teenage boys reported feeling persistently sad or hopeless, compared to 21% in 2011.
Nearly one-third of girls (30%) reported seriously considering suicide, up from 19% in 2011. In teenage boys, serious thoughts of suicide increased from 13% to 14% from 2011 to 2021. The percentage of teenage girls who had attempted suicide in 2021 was 13%, nearly twice that of teenage boys (7%).
More than half of students with a same-sex partner (58%) reported seriously considering suicide, and 45% of LGBTQ+ teens reported the same thoughts. One-third of students with a same-sex partner reported attempting suicide in the past year.
The report did not have trend data on LGBTQ+ students because of changes in survey methods. The 2021 survey did not have a question about gender identity, but this will be incorporated into future surveys, researchers say.
Hispanic and multiracial students were more likely to experience persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness compared with their peers, with 46% and 49%, respectively, reporting these feelings. From 2011 to 2021, the percentage of students reporting feelings of hopelessness increased in each racial and ethnic group. The percentage of Black, Hispanic, and white teens who seriously considered suicide also increased over the decade. (A different CDC report released last week found that the rate of suicide among Black people in the United States aged 10-24 jumped 36.6% between 2018 and 2021, the largest increase for any racial or ethnic group.)
The survey also found an alarming spike in sexual violence toward teenage girls. Nearly 1 in 5 females (18%) experienced sexual violence in the past year, a 20% increase from 2017. More than 1 in 10 teen girls (14%) said they had been forced to have sex, according to the researchers.
Rates of sexual violence was even higher in lesbian, bisexual, gay, or questioning teens. Nearly 2 in 5 teens with a partner of the same sex (39%) experienced sexual violence, and 37% reported being sexually assaulted. More than 1 in 5 LGBTQ+ teens (22%) had experienced sexual violence, and 20% said they had been forced to have sex, the report found.
Among racial and ethnic groups, American Indian and Alaskan Native and multiracial students were more likely to experience sexual violence. The percentage of white students reporting sexual violence increased from 2017 to 2021, but that trend was not observed in other racial and ethnic groups.
Delaney Ruston, MD, an internal medicine specialist in Seattle and creator of Screenagers, a 2016 documentary about how technology affects youth, says excessive exposure to social media can compound feelings of depression in teens — particularly, but not only, girls.
“They can scroll and consume media for hours, and rather than do activities and have interactions that would help heal from depression symptoms, they stay stuck,” Ruston says in an interview. “As a primary care physician working with teens, this is an extremely common problem I see in my clinic.”
One approach that can help, Ruston says, is behavioral activation. “This is a strategy where you get them, usually with the support of other people, to do small activities that help to reset brain reward pathways so they start to experience doses of well-being and hope that eventually reverses the depression. Being stuck on screens prevents these healing actions from happening.”
The report also emphasized the importance of school-based services to support students and combat these troubling trends in worsening mental health. “Schools are the gateway to needed services for many young people,” the report says. “Schools can provide health, behavioral, and mental health services directly or establish referral systems to connect to community sources of care.”
“Young people are experiencing a level of distress that calls on us to act with urgency and compassion,” Kathleen Ethier, PhD, director of the CDC’s Division of Adolescent and School Health, says in a statement. “With the right programs and services in place, schools have the unique ability to help our youth flourish.”
Cardiovascular health is an essential consideration when making choices to improve your overall health and longevity. And because heart disease is linked to so many health concerns, you can address many of these with the same prescription: a healthy lifestyle.
This includes getting plenty of physical activity, managing stress, and getting adequate sleep. Eating a healthy diet is also one of the key measures the American Heart Association5 recommends for reducing one’s risk of heart disease. Gut health has been linked to heart health, too, so be sure to load up on microbiome-friendly foods and probiotics. (Don’t know where to start? Find our favorite high-quality probiotics here.)
And as new science now confirms, maintaining a healthy social calendar can also go a long way in protecting your heart. With the rise and persistence of our work-from-home era, the importance of being intentional with our social lives and building meaningful relationships is more important than ever.
Even those who lean toward introversion or experience social anxiety can find ways to stave off loneliness and isolation by embracing social settings that work for them, even if they occur less frequently and include fewer people.
The root causes of self-destructive behavior can vary from person to person, according to licensed drug and alcohol counselor Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho LSW, LCADC, CCS, CCTP. Some of the most common causes include a lack of positive coping skills, unresolved issues from childhood or adolescence, and poor mental health.
Lorz describes self-destructive behaviors as being the product of either misguided attempts at self-protection or moments of dissociation. They’re often shaped by beliefs you have about yourself, what you deserve, and how you have taken in the messages of the world and those around you, she says, making them essentially a response to personal circumstances that have had a traumatic impact on you. They may have even worked (or you believed that they have worked) in the past to protect you from feeling stressed, overwhelmed, hurt, exhausted, scared, or in danger, she adds, but ultimately these coping mechanisms are now causing more harm than protection.
Osibodu-Onyali adds that when people have experienced multiple negative events or even traumas, it changes the way they view themselves, others, and the world. “They begin to expect bad things to happen, and when good things come their way, they introduce self-destructive behaviors so that things return to the negative pattern they are used to. It’s not that they enjoy negativity; it’s just that it’s familiar,” she says.
Additionally, self-destructive behaviors can be symptoms of many mental health issues, according to Manly. For example, a person who is suffering from depression may engage in self-protective behaviors, like not going to work due to a lack of energy or to avoid stress, that are ultimately self-destructive. Those who suffer from substance use disorders may resort to self-destructive behaviors, including stealing to maintain the addiction or driving while under the influence, with little or no ability to genuinely appreciate the long-term impact; the cumulative effects of these behaviors are often tragic.
“A variety of mental health disorders such as BPD often leave the sufferer stuck in a cycle of self-destructive behaviors that leave the individual feeling angry, isolated, and misunderstood,” she adds.
Feb. 8, 2023 — As mental health issues rise among teens and college students, this week’s first-ever global Student Mental Health Week couldn’t be better timed.
The urgency is quite apparent. A recent study showed that nearly one-third of students worldwide said their mental health has worsened since returning to campus following the COVID-19 lockdowns.
With suicide rates on the rise, this campaign, established by five youth-focused nonprofits including Born This Way Foundation launched by Lady Gaga, the Inspiring Children Foundation co-chaired by singer-songwriter Jewel, the Jed Foundation, and Chegg, an education-technology, wants to draw attention to the issue.
“Even before the pandemic, we’ve seen increased rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide deaths among students,” says Laura Erickson-Schroth, MD, chief medical officer at the Jed Foundation, which protects emotional health and works to prevent suicide among teens and young adults. “Young people are exposed constantly to wars around the world, the social and political unrest in our country and the climate crisis — things that adults never were when they were teenagers. I don’t think we recognize how much they’re dealing with.”
All week, social media live events will aim to help educate policymakers, educational institutions, and communities on the mental health challenges students are facing. Another goal is to urge students around the world to develop call-to-action plans with their legislators, all with the goal of boosting mental health support.
“The previous generation overlooked mental health issues, which created a culture where there was so much shame around not feeling comfortable in your own head,” says Matine Khalighi, a sophomore at Harvard University and executive director and founder of EEqual, a for-youth-by-youth nonprofit focused on overcoming student homelessness. “There’s now a new wave of being open about mental health challenges. Creating a space where we can talk about this makes us feel less alone.”
Cherrial Odell, a Stanford University sophomore who survived suicide and an adverse childhood, serves on the boards of both the Born This Way Foundation and the Inspiring Children Foundation. For Odell, this week is critically important.
“We all have mental health concerns,” says Odell, who this week, as president of the student-run Stanford Mental Health Outreach group, is hosting daily events on the Stanford campus. “The beauty of our generation is that we’re a lot more open about talking about these issues. That’s a beautiful thing. After all, opening up and sharing your story is a strength, not a weakness. It shows you have the courage to share what you’re going through.”
Ultimately, Erickson-Schroth hopes that the week informs adults, too.
“It’s so important for the adults in young peoples’ lives to recognize the signs that a young person is going through something that is causing stress and anxiety,” she says. “It’s also important for parents to feel like they have the resources to provide that help.”
Neal Horen, PhD, director of the early childhood division at the Center for Child and Human Development and the director of the HOYA clinic in the Department of Psychiatry at Georgetown University, hopes this week helps focus more attention on the potential pitfalls students may face at this major developmental phase of their lives.
“Going to college can be amazing or it can be an arduous trek if we’re not paying attention,” he says. “This is a major time of identify formation with kids asking themselves ‘who am I,’ ‘where do I fit in.’ That plus the immediate independence they may experience living away from home is a big demand to put on someone and can lead to mental health challenges we have to pay attention to.”
Scientists included ten meta-analyses in their review. They looked at studies published up until March 2022 that explored the link between depression and vitamin D. In total, the review looked at the results of 24,510 participants from 49 randomized control trials.
Four of the meta-analyses revealed that people with lower levels of vitamin D were at increased risk of depression than those with higher levels of vitamin D. In particular, participants over the age of 50 with lower vitamin D levels had the greatest risk of depression.
The researchers concluded that, where depression is concerned, vitamin D has a protective effect, explaining that it’s involved in the synthesis of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, which affect mood.
In addition, they found that achieving healthy vitamin D status through daily supplementation may lower the risk of developing depression: Ten of the meta-analyses revealed enhanced mood support for individuals taking vitamin D supplements compared to those on a placebo.
Studies in which participants consumed more than 5,000 IU of vitamin D daily or the intervention lasted less than or equal to 20 weeks saw the greatest effect in reducing symptoms of depression.
Given that more than 264 million people3 are affected by depression globally, according to a 2018 Lancet review, and that rates of depression rose during (and in the wake of) the COVID-19 pandemic, this study is an important step forward in our understanding of the condition.
Social connection, regular exercise, and stress management are often touted as powerful tools in the prevention of mental health challenges. This analysis shows that achieving and maintaining a healthy vitamin D status may be beneficial, too.
However, more research is needed. The researchers note that the study did not specifically look at certain types or severities of depression e.g., mild, moderate, or postpartum). What’s more, the effect of environmental factors on vitamin D levels—such as sunlight, latitude, and time outside—was not considered.
Linda Graham, MFT, explores the use of gratitude as a buffer and offers tools to help practice gratitude even in the most difficult of times.
Gratitude works its magic – to buffer us from falling into swamps of grudge, trauma and suffering in the first place, or pulling ourselves out of those swamps once we’ve woken up to knowing that we’re not in our right mind or heart space anymore – by bringing us to the experiences of loving awareness and loving presence from which we can respond to confusion, despair, fear, hurt, threat, more wisely.
Gratitude is one of the most direct ways to find our way to a loving awareness of this Being-ness because it immediately brings us into the arc of presence – openness – connectedness with all there is that helped us become all of who we are – acceptance of all that is-ness, that leads to an inner peace and well-being that is the wellspring of love and wise action.
Gratitude practice taps us into the energy field of life itself, from which comes all joy, compassion, forgiveness, etc.
From this energy field of life itself, we can move from being well to faring well in the world.
1- Gratitude to soften grudge
If you’re like me, or my clients, or my friends, holidays may be a mixture of anticipated delight and dread. You may have to re-engage with a parent or sibling who could still be shamingly critical or derisive, or even just negative, with no awareness or accountability for the pain they are inflicting. Some gratitude practices that might be helpful:
Read your own signals of when it’s safe to connect and when it’s not. I.e., knowing from within when it’s safe to be open and when it’s best to have a good boundary. After years of practice, I can finally, finally catch the wave in my body that says “uh-oh, this doesn’t feel safe, I’m outta here,” that has me walking out the door and around the block before I’m even aware I’ve left the conversation. Focus on your heart, your presence, your attitude, your behavior.
Find something to appreciate, right now, about the person you feel like clobbering with a frying pan. That they held the door for you as you walked into the house even though they didn’t pay attention to anything you said. Or they’re being attentive to their 4 year old even though they have no bandwidth for anyone else. Or remembering that a year ago they surprised the heck out of you by getting your daughter the poodle puppy she had so yearned for.
Find something to appreciate, right now, about the connection, the dynamic between you and this person, which may simply be “I get to practice patience right now” or “I get to practice compassion right now” or “I am moving 20 minutes closer to sainthood right now.”
Find something to forgive right now. When you’re struggling to be tolerant rather than contentious with someone, imagine this person as a vulnerable one year old, or a greedy two year old, or a defiant three year old, or a full-of-life ten year old, or a confused sixteen year old, or a desperate to find a direction in life twenty year old. (Which may be who’s actually driving this person’s behavior in the current moment.) Allow your heart to open to the more vulnerable version of the person you are struggling with, seeing your grudge in this larger perspective, encompassing all of the person and letting the grudge soften.
Savor the gratitude for your own practice of softening the grudge and easing your heart.
2-Gratitude to heal trauma
I’m part of a clinical study group developing an integrative model for treating trauma; this past week my colleague Joanna spoke of “embracing the defensive structures,” meaning:
We all use our innate survival responses of fight-flight-freeze-collapse when our resources for coping through connection are overwhelmed or we perceive connections themselves to be unsafe. These survival responses are hard-wired into our body-brains in utero. They operate much faster than our adult conscious appraisals of yes-no, green light – red light could possibly operate. When one or all of those survival responses gets repeatedly encoded in our developing neural circuitry (my early-learned pattern of regulating the anxiety coming up in a conversation by walking out the door for fresh air still coming up, unknowingly, when I am perfectly safe in a conversation now) or when traumatizing events like betrayal or violence lock those survival response patterns into our body memory, our normal openness and expansiveness of resilience and well-being can be blocked by these contracted survival defenses.
Gratitude plays a key role in unpacking and re-wiring these trauma responses by de-pathologizing them. No shame-blame-weakness in normal responses to abnormal,
terrifying, or toxic circumstances. In fact, we can be grateful that these innate survival responses did allow us to survive, even if they constrict us or cause their own suffering later down the road. By becoming conscious…and compassionate…and accepting…and embracing of those mechanisms that kept us afloat, even though they sometimes threaten to sink us now, we soften our grudge toward ourselves, or toward the traumatizing events, and deepen into the place in our hearts and minds that can resolve and let go of the trauma and the defenses against the trauma. Embracing our defenses as they are, even while choosing to use other more adaptive coping strategies now, doesre-wire the brain, does change our conscious relationship to those habitual patterns now, does create conscious, alternative choices. (See Exercises to Practice below for examples of how to do this.)
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
– Carl Rogers
3-Gratitude to move through suffering with grace
Suffering is an inevitable part of the human condition and human conditioning. Gratitude helps us move through our suffering with more grace and peace of mind and heart:
Allowing us a respite from the suffering, even for a few moments. Gratitude drops us into a space where our survival patterns of responding to hurt, danger, life threat aren’t operating, at least for a few moments.
When my brother was in the hospital with life-threatening and painful blood clots, those moments he and I spent on the phone every day in gratitude practice gave him a much needed respite from the pain and fear, not because the gratitude was a distraction but because it moved him into a state of mind and heart where the pain and fear weren’t operating.
“Waking up” to the larger perspective and learning the lessons hidden within the suffering.
One of my favorite teaching stories of all time is the story of the Chinese Farmer and the Horse, from the Zen tradition.
A Chinese farmer has a horse; his neighbor comes over to visit and exclaims, Oh, how fortunate that you have a horse!” The Chinese farmer non-committally says, “We’ll see.” The next day the horse runs away. The neighbor comes over to offer his sympathy. “Oh, how unfortunate that you’ve lost your horse.” The Chinese farmer again says non-committally, “We’ll see.” The next day the horse returns to the farmer, bringing a new mare with him. The neighbor rushes over to congratulate the farmer. “Oh, how fortunate! Now you have two horses!” The Chinese farmer replies as before, “We’ll see.” The next day the farmer’s son is out riding the mare to break it in; the mare throws him and he breaks his leg. The neighbor comes over as before, “Oh, how unfortunate. Your son has broken his leg!” The Chinese farmer replies, “We’ll see.”
A month later the army comes through the area recruiting soldiers. They can’t accept the farmer’s son because of his broken leg. The neighbor again comes over to sympathize, “Oh, how fortunate! Your son doesn’t have to go into the army!” The Chinese farmer again replies, “We’ll see.”
The story continues on. We learn to keep an open mind about any particular event; we don’t always know how fortunate or
unfortunate any particular circumstance is. But the equanimity that comes from being grateful, at least accepting of every experience, every moment, no matter our initial view of it, brings us to the larger perspective that we often don’t know in the moment the opportunities hidden in what appears to be monolithic tragedy or trauma. We often say, as my friend Paula did after suddenly losing her job of seven years in an unforeseen downsizing of her company, ” I wouldn’t wish the pain and suffering of those days on anyone, and there’s no way I could have known at the time how things would turn out, and things don’t always turn out for the better, but losing that job was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never would have found my deeper dream of having my own photography studio if I had stayed there another 10 years out of being scared to leave.”
Maturing ourselves through the suffering itself. From three of my favorite wisdom teachers:
Gratitude in our darkest times is more than a matter of remembering our blessings so we can hold the hard stuff in a bigger perspective. With understanding, we see that often it is the suffering itself that deepens us, maturing our perspective on life, making us more compassionate and wise than we would have been without it. How many times have we been inspired by those who embody a wisdom that could only come from dealing with adversity? And how many valuable lessons have we ourselves learned because life has given us unwanted challenges? With a grateful heart, we’re not only willing to face our difficulties, we can realize while we’re going through them that they are a part of our ripening into wisdom and nobility. – James Baraz
The Buddhist teachings are fabulous at simply working with what’s happening as your path of awakening, rather than treating your life experiences as some kind of deviation from what is supposed to be happening. The more difficulties you have, in fact, the greater opportunity there is to let them transform you. The difficult things provoke all your irritations and bring your habitual patterns to the surface. And that becomes the moment of truth. You have the choice to launch into the lousy habitual patterns you already have, or to stay with the rawness and discomfort of the situation and let it transform you, on the spot. – Pema Chodron
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. – Melodie Beattie
Gratitude is simply one of the most effective tools we have over the long haul to reliably soften grudge, resolve trauma and move through suffering with grace.
THURSDAY, Jan. 19, 2023 (HealthDay News) — Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) may be an even bigger predictor of depression and anxiety in adulthood than autism is, a new study finds — highlighting the mental health side of the disorder.
It’s known that kids and adults with ADHD often have co-existing conditions, including depression and anxiety. Research suggests that about 14% of children with ADHD have depression, while up to 30% have an anxiety disorder, according to the National Resource Center on ADHD.
Adults with ADHD, meanwhile, are even harder-hit — with each of those conditions affecting up to half.
The new study, researchers said, adds to what’s known by showing that ADHD is even more strongly linked to anxiety and depression than “autistic traits” are. Autism, which impairs communication and social skills, is itself tied to higher-than-normal rates of those mental health conditions.
The findings spotlight the mental health component of ADHD, according to Richard Gallagher, an associate professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at NYU Langone Health in New York City, who reviewed the findings.
“There’s a notion that people with ADHD have a ‘simple’ problem with paying attention,” he said. “They just need to learn to sit down and focus.”
But like autism, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, and it can cause significant problems at school, work, home and in relationships, Gallagher said.
“Over time, it can impact quality of life,” he said. If, for example, young people with ADHD become convinced they’re going to “fail” at completing tasks or doing them well, that could feed anxiety or depression.
It’s also possible that some people are more vulnerable to all three conditions, said Punit Shah, the senior researcher on the new study.
“We know there are some shared genetic factors that make people susceptible to both ADHD and anxiety and depression,” said Shah, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Bath in the United Kingdom.
Gallagher agreed that could play a role, too, noting that difficulties with emotional regulation are a feature of ADHD. That could mean there’s some overlap in the brain areas involved in the different conditions.
The findings — published online Jan. 16 in the journal Scientific Reports — are based on 504 British adults who completed standard questionnaires gauging traits of ADHD and autism, as well as depression and anxiety symptoms.
Overall, Shah’s team found, ADHD traits and depression/anxiety symptoms rose in tandem in the study group: The more severe the ADHD traits, the more severe the mental health symptoms. There was a correlation between autism traits and mental health, too, but it was weaker.
“ADHD is more strongly statistically linked to anxiety and depression than autistic traits are,” Shah said.
The study did not look at whether participants had ever been formally diagnosed and treated for ADHD or autism, and whether that affected the likelihood of depression/anxiety in adulthood.
According to Gallagher, kids being assessed for ADHD should also have their emotional well-being evaluated. Attention problems are seen in depression and anxiety disorders, too, so those causes should be ruled out, he noted.
Even if ADHD is the diagnosis, though, Gallagher said, mental well-being needs to remain on the radar. Ideally, young people with ADHD should have their mental health assessed over time.
“It’s important to be aware that neurodevelopmental conditions, like ADHD, can come with emotional issues that need attention,” Gallagher said.
The standard treatments for adulthood ADHD typically involve medication, training in skills like organization and time management, and psychological counseling. If depression or anxiety are also present, Gallagher said, the standard psychological therapies for those conditions can help.
According to Shah, more research is needed to understand why ADHD is so strongly linked to depression and anxiety. He said his team is “running a range of studies” on ADHD, autism and mental health.
More information
The Mayo Clinic has more on ADHD in adults.
SOURCES: Punit Shah, PhD, MSc, associate professor, psychology, University of Bath, United Kingdom; Richard Gallagher, PhD, associate professor, child and adolescent psychiatry, NYU Grossman School of Medicine, director, Organizational Skills and Executive Function Treatment Program, NYU Langone Health, New York City; Scientific Reports, Jan. 16, 2023, online
If you’ve been having a lot of dreams about water and you want to work through them, the good news is there are plenty of ways to do so. The main thing, according to Loewenberg and other dream experts, is to get a clear sense of the emotion that’s being conveyed through this dream, and getting a handle on that emotion in your real life.
“Your dreams will show you—in a brutally honest fashion—how you’re dealing with, reacting to, and managing your emotional state,” Loewenberg says. And as therapist and dream expert Leslie Ellis, Ph.D., previously told mindbodygreen, one of the best ways to ensure those emotions bleed into your dreams is by setting aside time to work through your emotions before you go to bed, especially if your dreams have been stressful in nature.
“Do make time to constructively deal with the sources of your stress,” she says, adding, “If there is a difficult conversation you need to have with a friend or family member, don’t put it off. If you are feeling unprepared for something, put in the time.”
Both Ellis and Loewenberg also recommend dream journaling, which is a great way to get a written record of your dreams down so you can remember them better, start noticing patterns, and make subsequent adjustments in your life to deal with what’s coming up in your dreams.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), aka seasonal depression, occurs in areas that experience lower levels of sunlight during certain times of the year.
In the United States, it’s most prevalent in the northern regions of the country—i.e., Alaska, the Pacific Northwest, the Midwest, and the Northeast. The further north you live1 (i.e., the further you are from the equator), the more susceptible you are.
According to a 2015 article from Depression Research and Treatment, SAD is four times more common in women than men and cases typically begin between the ages of 18 and 30.
While seasonal depression is a clinical diagnosis, a subsyndromal type of SAD with milder symptoms called S-SAD, or “the winter blues,” is more common. For example, 15% of the Canadian population and 20% of the U.K. population experiences the winter blues, while only 2%-6% and 2% experience SAD in Canada and the U.K., respectively.
What Are the Post-Sex Blues? Here’s How To Deal With This Common Issue
After sex, some people feel a sense of euphoria, relaxation, and closeness to their partner. But that’s not the case for everyone.
According to a 2019 study, almost half of men report feeling sad, distant, or irritable after sex. This is often called “post-coital dysphoria” (PCD), or the post-sex blues. But why does it happen? And are there ways to treat it?
First things first: PCD is nothing to be ashamed of. As previously noted, it’s super common. More importantly, experts say it’s nothing to worry about, and often just goes away on its own with time.
That said, if this condition is negatively impacting your sex life, relationship, or overall mental well-being, know that there are things you can do to cope — starting with pinpointing what’s driving your PCD.
Here’s what to know about the common signs and causes of PCD, and how to treat it.
What Are the Signs of Post-Coital Dysphoria?
Experts say PCD can manifest in different ways. You may be experiencing this condition if you feel any of the following after sex:
Aggravated
Sad
Apathetic
Restless
Uneasy
These feelings may set in immediately after sex, or up to an hour or two after you finish.
Depending on personality and history, a person experiencing PCD may start crying or seem easily annoyed, says Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert.
“Some people with PCD may feel the need to leave the room or the situation altogether,” she explains.
What Causes Post-Coital Dysphoria?
A 2019 study found that PCD is linked to:
Psychological distress
Childhood sexual abuse
Sexual dysfunctions
If you’ve had traumatic sexual experiences or are currently dealing with sexual dysfunction, then intimate situations can trigger all kinds of negative emotions — like fear or shame.
There are many other possible causes, too.
Since you have higher levels of the feel-good chemical dopamine during sex, your body releases the hormone prolactin afterward to bring you back to your baseline.
In other words, you go from a major high to a sudden crash. According to Tufts University, that post-coital drop in dopamine may contribute to a low mood or other symptoms of PCD.
“For example,” she explains, “if a person is already sad or depressed, the feelings can be magnified if the sexual intimacy was not connective or fulfilling. As well, if other stressors such as arguments, financial unrest, body issue images, etc. are at play these issues can be exacerbated given the vulnerability involved in sexual intimacy.”
How PCD Can Impact Your Sex Life & Relationship
“Post-coital dysphoria is unlikely to have a major impact on your sexual and romantic life if it’s experienced rarely,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist, research fellow at The Kinsey Institute and founder of Sex & Psychology. “However, if it’s a common occurrence, it can potentially be distressing — especially if you have a partner who does not understand it or takes it personally, in which case it may become a source of conflict.”
According to Manly, PCD can create ongoing feelings of disconnection, particularly if your partner notices that you seem cold or distant after sex.
Bisbey notes that PCD can also lead you to avoid sex and the negative feelings associated with it. Over time, this avoidance can begin to take a toll on your overall intimacy and relationship satisfaction.
“You may choose to use pornography instead of intimacy with a partner as solo sex often feels emotionally safer due to the lack of vulnerability,” adds Manly. “Over time, unaddressed PCD can actually tear a relationship apart due to the lack of emotional and sexual intimacy.”
How to Treat Post-Coital Dysphoria
If PCD is something you only experience once in a while, Lehmiller says it’s nothing to worry about.
“Psychologists think this may be a normal variation that sometimes happens following sex and that we shouldn’t pathologize it,” he explains.
On the other hand, if PCD is a persistent issue for you, and is triggering feelings of anxiety or depression, or negatively impacting your sex life or relationship, Lehmiller suggests consulting with a sex therapist. A licensed provider may be able to help you get to the root cause of the issue, whether it’s related to a mood disorder, an underlying sexual dysfunction, or a history of trauma.
Bisbey notes that it can also be helpful to tell your doctor about your symptoms of PCD, as they can help rule out any physical health issues that may be causing it.
While psychotherapy can be tremendously helpful, Manly notes that there are many other ways to address PCD — such as through support groups, self-help books, or journaling.
Manly also highly recommends being open and honest with your partner about the symptoms you’re experiencing. By openly discussing your feelings before, during, or after sex, you’re giving your partner an opportunity to be more supportive and accommodating.
“When partners work together to face PCD and address the issues with compassion, the relationship can actually become stronger and more loving,” adds Manly.
Dec. 21, 2022 — A year ago in December, mapping specialist Whitney Tyshynski, 35, was working out 5 days a week with a personal trainer near her home in Alberta, Canada, doing 5k trail runs, lifting heavy weights, and feeling good. Then, in January she got COVID-19. The symptoms never went away.
Nowadays, Tyshynski needs a walker to retrieve her mail, a half-block trip she can’t make without fear of fainting. Because she gets dizzy when she drives, she rarely goes anywhere in her car. Going for a dog walk with a friend means sitting in a car and watching the friend and the dogs in an open field. And since fainting at Costco during the summer, she’s afraid to shop by herself.
Because she lives alone and her closest relatives are an hour and a half away, Tyshynski is dependent on friends. But she’s reluctant to lean on them because they already have trouble understanding how debilitating her lingering symptoms can be.
“I’ve had people pretty much insinuate that I’m lazy,” she says.
There’s no question that COVID-19 cut people off from one another. But for those like Tyshynski who have long COVID, that disconnect has never ended. It’s not just that symptoms including extreme fatigue and brain fog make it difficult to socialize; it’s that people who had COVID-19 and recovered are often skeptical that the condition is real.
At worst, as Tyshynski has discovered, people don’t take it seriously and accuse those who have it of exaggerating their health woes. In that way, long COVID can be as isolating as the original illness.
“Isolation in long COVID comes in various forms and it’s not primarily just that physical isolation,” says Yochai Re’em, MD, a psychiatrist in private practice in New York City who has experienced long COVID and blogs about the condition for Psychology Today. “A different yet equally challenging type of isolation is the emotional isolation, where you need more emotional support, connection with other people who can appreciate what it is you are going through without putting their own needs and desires onto you — and that can be hard to find.”
It’s hard to find in part because of what Re’em sees as a collective belief that anyone who feels bad should be able to get better by exercising, researching, or going to a doctor.
“Society thinks you need to take some kind of action and usually that’s a physical action,” he says. “And that attitude is tremendously problematic in this illness because of the post-exertional malaise that people experience: When people exert themselves, their symptoms get worse. And so the action that people take can’t be that traditional action that we’re used to taking in our society.”
Long COVID patients often have their feelings invalidated not just by friends, loved ones, and extended family, but by health care providers. That can heighten feelings of isolation, particularly for people who live alone, says Jordan Anderson, DO, a neuropsychiatrist and assistant professor of psychiatry in the School of Medicine at Oregon Health & Science University in Portland.
The first patients Anderson saw as part of OHSU’s long COVID program contracted the virus in February 2020. Because the program addresses both the physical and mental health components of the condition, Anderson has seen a lot of people whose emotional challenges are similar to those Tyshynski faces.
“I think there’s a lack of understanding that leads to people just not necessarily taking it seriously,” he says. “Plus, the symptoms of long COVID do wax and wane. They’re not static. So people can be feeling pretty good one day and be feeling terrible the next. There’s some predictability to it, but it’s not absolutely predictable. It can be difficult for people to understand.”
Both Anderson and Re’em stress that long COVID patients need to prioritize their own energy regardless of what they’re being told by those who don’t understand the illness. Anderson offers to speak to his patients’ spouses to educate them about the realities of the condition because, he says, “any kind of lack of awareness or understanding in a family member or close support could potentially isolate the person struggling with long COVID.”
Depending on how open-minded and motivated a friend or relative is, they might develop more empathy with time and education, Re’em says. But for others, dealing with a confusing, unfamiliar chronic illness can be overwhelming and provoke anxiety.
“The hopelessness is too much for them to sit with, so instead they say things like ‘just push through it,’ or ‘just do X, Y, and Z’ because psychologically it’s too much for them to take on that burden,’ he says.
The good news is that there are plenty of web-based support groups for people with long COVID, including Body Politic (which Re’em is affiliated with), Survivor Corps, and on Facebook. “The patient community with this illness is tremendous, absolutely tremendous,” Re’em says. “Those people can be found and they can support each other.”
Some long COVID clinics run groups, as do individual practitioners such as Re’em, although those can be challenging to join. For instance, Re’em’s are only for New York state residents.
The key to finding a group is to be patient, because finding the right one takes time and energy.
“There are support groups that exist, but they are not as prevalent as I would like them to be,” Anderson says.
OHSU had an educational support group run by a social worker affiliated with the long COVID hub, but when the social worker left the program, the program was put on hold.
There’s a psychotherapy group operating out of the psychiatry department, but the patients are recruited exclusively from Anderson’s clinic and access is limited.
“The services exist, but I think that generally they’re sparse and pretty geographically dependent,” Anderson says. “I think you’d probably more likely be able to find something like this in a city or an area that has an academic institution or a place with a lot of resources rather than out in a rural community.”
Tyshynski opted not to join a group for fear it would increase the depression and anxiety that she had even before developing long COVID. When she and her family joined a cancer support group when her father was ill, she found it more depressing than helpful. Where she has found support is from the co-founder of the animal rescue society where she volunteers, a woman who has had long COVID for more than 2 years and has been a source of comfort and advice.
It’s one of the rare reminders Tyshysnki has that even though she may live alone, she’s not completely alone. “Other people are going through this, too,” she says. “It helps to remember that.”
terrifying, or toxic circumstances. In fact, we can be grateful that these innate survival responses did allow us to survive, even if they constrict us or cause their own suffering later down the road. By becoming conscious…and compassionate…and accepting…and embracing of those mechanisms that kept us afloat, even though they sometimes threaten to sink us now, we soften our grudge toward ourselves, or toward the traumatizing events, and deepen into the place in our hearts and minds that 
