Tag: Depression

Boredom is our nemesis.

Like kryptonite for ADHD brains, boredom is worse than intolerable — it’s downright painful. Low dopamine levels, however, mean that ADHD brains frequently find themselves in a state of boredom — a major problem when it comes to starting and persisting on life’s daily tasks and long-term goals. Boredom, simply put, fuels procrastination and thwarts motivation. It doesn’t help that, in our current digital age, it is far too easy to seek relief from mind-numbing boredom with equally mind-numbing entertainment.

Boredom has a better antidote: Play.

Further defined, play is intrinsically motivated, creative action that brings joy. From recreational games to artistic expression, play comes in many forms that all share one thing in common: They spark feelings of delight and happiness. The laughter, fun, and excitement of play boosts dopamine, releases feel-good hormones, and helps us – yes, even those with ADHD — positively reframe uncomfortable emotions like boredom.

Find your inner CHILD to put more play in your day and stave off boredom with these tips.

[Read: 9 Shortcuts to Happiness]

1. Curiosity is your guide

Be curious about people, places, and the world around you. Notice that person ahead of you in line and take a guess at what interests them. Cue in to the song playing in the restaurant bathroom and dance along. Wonder about the design of the conference room at your workplace and how it helps facilitate meetings (or not!). Through curiosity, you’ll open yourself up to all the playful moments that exist in every corner of life.

2. Hoard it for yourself

When you engage in play, do so for the pure joy of doing something fun for yourself. Hoard those moments so they remain magical and special to you – your fun little secrets. Avoid rushing to capture and share every one of these moments via social media. Doing so can turn what is supposed to be joyful into a plea for external validation. If you must share, journal it out.

3. Imitate children

Kids know how to play and be in the moment. Notice the fun the children in your life are having and join in! Sing along if your child is singing a song. Tell corny jokes. Giggle! Think about what you played as a child and brainstorm ways to do something similar today. Liked LEGOs? Get a new set or get creative with other ways of constructing. Loved to be outdoors? Find hiking trails, rock climbing spots, parks, or ponds that would feed your need for nature.

4. Laugh

If you’re not laughing, you’re not playing (or being playful)! A sense of humor can help you loosen up and see things – even that task you’re putting off because of boredom – from a different angle. Think of what makes you laugh and try to squeeze those moments into your day. If you enjoy being around people, spend time with friends chuckling about the week’s mishaps. For the more intellectually entertained, check out some wordplay puzzles or strategy games that make you snicker. Enjoy lighthearted fun? Then play with your spontaneity and improvise your way through a date night while giggling about your experience. Want to be whimsical? Try out something new and unusual and laugh about the memories you are creating.

[Read: How to Find Humor in Everyday with ADHD]

5. Develop games

In the words of Mary Poppins: “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap — the job’s a game!” So, heed her advice and turn your boring jobs and tasks into games. Can you finish washing the dishes before your favorite song ends? Can you write all of your daily work emails without using the word “but”? As you sit at the doctor’s office, can you alphabetically pick out objects around you until you reach the last letter? Games are everywhere—you just need to task yourself to find them.

How to Not Be Bored: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

I talk too much.

For as long as I can remember, the urge to express and connect has been a constant one, for better or worse. On the plus side, I find my gift of gab makes me incredibly transparent. People don’t often have to wonder what I’m thinking, and I’ve never been accused of being duplicitous or inauthentic.

Being hyperverbal has other benefits, too. From the moment my kids were born, I talked to them incessantly, seizing every opportunity to impart my personal musings on various topics of interest — photosynthesis and the water cycle; the earth and space; the genius of the Coen Brothers; the history of feminism; the Civil Rights movement; the Trail of Tears; Frodo and the Ring, and the merits of Beck as an artist — in exhaustive detail. They could both speak in complete sentences before age one, and now that they’re big kids, we all overcommunicate.

More often, though, my excessive talking gets me into trouble. Like most people with ADHD, I struggle with emotional regulation and impulse control, which, for me, frequently manifests in unfiltered verbal output. This can make me seem friendly and approachable (I am), but it can also be off-putting and make conversations terribly awkward. I tend to overshare personal information or express fleeting thoughts and emotions without considering how they might be perceived. Because I care tremendously about other people’s feelings (empath, here), I experience deep regret following many social interactions, especially when I realize I’ve been insensitive to another person’s perspective, or when I’ve said something that I don’t truly mean.

Once, at the end of a key long-term relationship in my young life, a former romantic partner told me I had “no tact at all,” and although it was a bit of an overstatement, I had to admit that he wasn’t entirely wrong. The advent of social media made this personal shortcoming even more problematic; I had an immediate public forum for my impulsive speech and, despite the occasional frantic deleting of regretful posts on my part, there are some who have severed their connections with me as a result. This kind of reaction from others — real or perceived, digital or in person — exacerbated another defining ADHD trait for me: rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Hyperverbal to Hyperactive: Linking Excessive Talking to ADHD

I started therapy, at last, when I realized my untreated ADHD was kind of ruining my life. My thoughtful and astute therapist introduced me to the idea that hyperactivity can be mental as well as physical, and he told me that I had been misdiagnosed with inattentive ADHD as a young adult. He noted that, in fact, I experience the hyperactive component of ADHD in the form of overwhelmingly chaotic thought and speech.

[Symptom Test: Could You Have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?]

After a few sessions, my therapist told me I have “the most glaringly obvious case of combined ADHD” he has ever seen, and suggested that I channel some of my hyperactivity into daily exercise.

Exercise and Therapy: Outlets for Chaotic Chatter

As a former high school athlete and lifelong lover of most sports and the outdoors, I didn’t think myself a complete stranger to regular exercise. But between poor time management (thanks again, ADHD), the demands of parenting, pandemic stress, plain old anxiety, and a colorful variety of unhealthy coping mechanisms, I had unknowingly slipped into some sedentary habits. I didn’t realize how much I was missing a physical outlet. As I began to rediscover the peace and mental clarity that exercise had to offer, I also learned just how much it improved my ADHD symptoms.

After some laps in the pool, a bike ride along a greenway, a few strength training sets, or even a simple power walk around the neighborhood, I find that my working memory and executive functioning are better. I also have a greater capacity for emotional regulation and impulse control, both of which allow me to navigate social situations and other challenges more effectively.

In addition to routine exercise, therapy itself has been extremely effective in curbing my impulsive speech. My therapist is a caring, compassionate, unbiased professional who provides a safe environment in which I can dump out my racing thoughts, examine them, piece together the fragments, store those of sense and value, and leave the rest behind. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, I realized that the negative behaviors I had developed over time were an absolute drain on the finite amount of energy I possess for interaction and self-regulation.

[Read: “Oversharing Is My Default Mode. So Is the RSD-Induced Shame I Feel Afterward.”]

From practicing mindfulness and spending time in nature to writing and even getting eight hours of sleep at night, I have found a way to replenish the energy that daily life — work, household chores, investing in my kids, listening to my spouse, transitioning between tasks, problem-solving, decision-making, and yes, filtering my thoughts during social interactions — requires of me. When I find myself feeling low-energy, I try to fall back on one of the strategies that have been helping to charge my batteries.

There are still moments when I feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, or socially anxious. I sometimes feel as if I might spontaneously combust if I don’t say something to break the tension. I would be lying if I said I never wonder to myself why I’m still talking as I babble semi-coherently about some inane thing or other. I would also be lying if I said I didn’t go home after a social event just to overanalyze every unchecked word I uttered to someone. Still, I’m learning to manage my impulses more regularly, one conversation at a time.

Talking too Much and ADHD: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

Popular media and big-box commercials paint the back-to-school season as an exciting time, full of fresh starts and fresh school supplies. But for parents of kids with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia, the reality is more challenging.

Understood.org’s Back-to-School Stress Study, conducted online by The Harris Poll, revealed that parents of neurodivergent children feel a lot of stress about the back-to-school season. In fact, 94% of these parents said they feel anxious or stressed at summer’s end. Many also said they feel unprepared or scared.

The study found that parents of kids with learning and thinking differences are more likely to feel lonely than are parents without neurodivergent children.

[Free Resource: The Ultimate Back-to-School Toolkit]

The stigma around ADHD often leaves parents feeling isolated and unsupported. Sometimes other people just don’t get it. They may misinterpret a bright and capable child who is struggling as “bratty” or unwilling to “put in the work.” Until more people understand learning and thinking differences, parents of these kids will face an exhausting and often solitary battle.

The transition back to school is often very different and much harder than it is for other parents who don’t face the same challenges. But there are steps parents can take to reduce the stress, feel less isolated, and make starting the new school year a bit easier.

Here are five things that neurodivergent families can do at the start of each new school year.

1. Create Clear Expectations

Because kids with ADHD and learning differences process information differently than their neurotypical peers, new situations may overwhelm them. To help, create simple daily schedules. Talk about their new classes and teachers. If your child is attending a new school, schedule a few visits beforehand. Familiarity helps simplify routines for a child whose brain has trouble filtering through new information.

2. Practice Self-Regulation

For children with ADHD, new situations can trigger anxiety. Talk about calming techniques like deep breathing, exercise, or connecting with a friend. Learning how to manage physical reactions to stress can help kids deal with new situations.

[Sign Up for ADDitude’s Free Back-to-School Master Class]

3. Communicate with Teachers

A child with ADHD needs their teacher to be an ally. Share insights about your child’s strengths and challenges within the first few weeks of school. Discuss whether you’ll text, call, or email — and how often. This way, you can advocate for your child and suggest strategies before issues arise.

4. Rehearse Self-Advocacy Skills

Children find it easier to navigate high-stress situations when they know how to regulate their bodies and have permission to do so. Rehearse how your child can ask their teacher for a break. If your child can’t do that verbally, create a card they can share with the teacher to self-advocate.

5. Find a Community

It’s crucial for parents to join a community where they can connect with other parents and experts who understand what they’re going through. Understood.org’s Wunder app offers parents access to credible resources and experts. And they can connect with parents like them in a judgment-free space.

It’s OK — and normal — to be worried about a new school year. But taking these steps and finding a supportive community can help you start the year feeling more confident and energized.

Back-to-School Tips: Next Steps

Andrew Kahn, Psy.D., is Associate Director, Behavior Change and Expertise at Understood.

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

Are you exhausted after socializing with friends? Do you feel like hiding away from the world at the end of each workday? Well, you’re not alone.

Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I considered myself an introvert who absolutely needed regular breaks after any kind of social interaction. I’d take naps after work, exhausted from my teaching job (I reasoned that I had chosen the wrong career), as I needed to recover before making dinner and tending to family responsibilities.

But as I learned more about how neurodivergent individuals experience the world, I realized that socializing (at any level) and its effects on us extend well beyond simple notions of introversion and extroversion. It’s a lot more nuanced and complicated than that.

For many of us, our days are a meticulous balancing act. We try to manage our symptoms — which literally affect how we socialize — on top of emotional dysregulation and sensory differences, all while masking that we have anything going on with us. Is it any wonder that interacting with the outside world in any capacity leaves us feeling drained and irritable?

Navigating social exhaustion is a two-fold process. It is equally about prevention and about having the right tools to bounce back when it does happen. If you’re like me, I offer you these five strategies to help you avoid and recover from social exhaustion.

1. Pay close attention to your body.

I’ve learned to recognize the subtle signals my body sends — from slight irritability and the beginnings of fatigue — to indicate that my social exhaustion levels are rising. Before I was diagnosed, I’d ignore these signs and push through, which would only lead to social burnout. Now, I try to check in with myself throughout the day, especially when I’m socializing more than usual.

[Read: ADHD Fatigue Is a Real (Exhausting) Thing]

2. Select the communication method that works best for you.

Face-to-face conversation is often pushed as the ideal way to communicate, but I don’t think I’d be alone in saying that many of us prefer a method of communicating that is, should I say, less in-your-face.

Face-to-face communication fatigues me because I’m working hard to listen to the person’s words while analyzing their body language, navigating uncomfortable eye contact, and masking to avoid judgment and meet expectations I think others have of me.

While I don’t mind face-to-face talk in small doses, I much prefer non-verbal avenues to keep in touch with friends, such as messenger apps, text messages, and e-mail. I find it alleviates a lot of the aforementioned expectations that quickly lead to social exhaustion.

On that note…

3. Connect with like-minded people.

Have you ever felt an instant connection with someone of the same neurotype as you? Having like-minded friends who like to socialize and connect in the same way I do feels like a lifeline. After all, it’s not like I don’t appreciate connecting with others. It’s just that I, like many other neurodivergent individuals, need to connect in different ways and doses than most neurotypical people do.

[Read: “My Best Friend Doesn’t ‘Tolerate’ My ADHD. She Values It.”]

I have a handful of friends with whom I can have conversations made up entirely of memes and videos, no words needed. It allows us to maintain a healthy connection on our own terms.

4. Set boundaries.

Yes, setting boundaries is hard. Socializing can sometimes feel obligatory, as we want to avoid potentially hurting others’ feelings if we reject their invites and attempts at connecting.

I would often say yes to things that I knew would exhaust me. That was until someone put it to me this way: When you say yes to something, you are ultimately saying no to something else. It absolutely changed how I decided what I would commit to. If you say yes to attending yet another work happy hour or to staying late to volunteer when you’ve already had a long day, it might mean that you’re saying no to time with your kids, to energy you could’ve used for a hobby you love, or to the down time you know you need to persevere through the rest of the week.

5. Schedule recovery time.

When I know I’ve hit my socializing limit, I schedule a day free from virtually all human interaction. I call it a reboot day. I put my phone away and shut off everything that signals social obligation. I also surround myself with my favorite snacks, my pets, and a good book or a new movie. It’s the reset I need to keep me going; your reset may look different from mine.

In all, there are so many ways to bounce back after social exhaustion. Often, it’s simply a case of trial and error to find out what works for you.

Social Exhaustion and ADHD: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

The first time I remember feeling different from others was in primary school. I was about 6 years old, and the local firefighters had just wrapped up their visit to our school (a highly anticipated event). We were to spend the remainder of the day drawing and coloring. The day couldn’t get any better!

I gazed at my teacher for instructions, but as the words left her mouth, they floated into a pink twisty cloud before they evaporated into thin air, as they always seemed to do.

I asked, “Miss, can we draw anything?”

“Yes, of course,” she said. “And make it as big and colorful as you want.”

So off I went. I was determined to use every crayon we had. As I drew, a thought entered my head: Why weren’t my classmates using all the colors like I was? I mean, that’s what the teacher had told us. It was an unequivocal, clear instruction. They’re silly. They didn’t listen. I sniggered to myself, so proud of my listening skills as I continued to draw.

When I finished, I confidently marched up to the teacher to show her my drawing. The reaction on her face wasn’t what I was expecting. “Oh, that’s very nice, but why have you drawn a set of balloons?” she asked.

[Read: What I Wish My Son’s Teachers Knew About Him and ADHD]

All of a sudden, my stomach curled inwards. I felt heat rising from my neck, up through my cheeks, almost in perfect time to the rising chorus of laughs throughout the room.

“Oh no, she drew some balloons!” a student said. As I dared myself to gaze around the class, I noticed, to my horror, drawing after drawing of fire engines. Of course, some kids had only managed to draw a couple of wheels or the beginnings of a fireman, but there was no doubt that each and every kid in that class had followed what the teacher had asked them to do. Except me.

And so began my introduction to feeling like the one who never quite got it.

Understanding the Neurodivergent Brain

My life has been peppered with times when my brain didn’t process information in the same way that my peers’ brains had. In those moments, I was often brought back to the acute vulnerability I felt as a child.

But since becoming a learning differences specialist, I have been fortunate to learn a lot more about brain differences. I understand that we all process and learn differently — we are not robots designed to perfectly compute every piece of information we receive in the same manner. I also understand that differences in cognitive processing can affect areas like attention, memory, focus, and problem-solving, and impact so many areas of life, especially for neurodivergent individuals.

[Read: How Teachers Can Initiate and Promote Inclusive Education]

I know and appreciate the fact that intelligence is multifaceted and complex, and that we all exhibit unique strengths across different domains of intelligence. That intelligence can’t be reduced to a single type. Some people may excel in logical reasoning, while others may have exceptional artistic or interpersonal skills. Traditional tools that measure intelligence, such as IQ tests, only capture a limited aspect of human intelligence and may not reflect an individual’s full range of abilities.

With all we know about the brain, and with a greater understanding and acceptance of differences in functioning, I look at words like ‘stupid,’ ‘lazy,’ and ‘slow’— words that should have never had a place in our vocabulary to start — with such disdain and confusion. With such diversity in brain processing and functioning, how could these terms have ever applied?

Embracing Neurodiversity

Today, I am much more self-assured and comfortable about exposing my ‘vulnerabilities.’ If I am simply not getting what’s going on in a meeting, I raise my hand and say that I don’t understand, or I ask if the talking point can be explained in a more visual way. If that’s not possible, I explain that I will take some time to process the information and will follow up (missing word here) if I still have questions.

Being open about the way my brain processes the world, I’ve noticed, encourages others to reveal their own differences. It creates a different dynamic in the room, where the energy is open and honest. It’s a dynamic I strive for all children — especially neurodivergent youth —to experience. With one in five people being neurodivergent, children need ample opportunity to witness and embrace the rich diversity of human brain function. That’s how they can develop the confidence to accept and embrace their own brains, differences and all, without shame.

Neurodivergent Brains: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

For most college students, motivation soars at the start of each new semester. But as assignments, tests, and obligations pile on, motivation wanes and threatens to fizzle out entirely.

To stay motivated in college, it’s important to continuously connect your obligations to your values and to the bigger picture. You must also establish systems to help you maintain steady drive through the beginning, middle, and end of each college semester. Here is one way to do that:

1. Start with your values

Every semester, you’re likely enrolled in courses that spark your interest — and courses that don’t. Motivation may happen naturally for classes that align with your personal and professional interests, but what about the rest? Boost your motivation across the board with a few reflective questions that aim to connect your courses to your values.

• What’s important to me?
• What would a great day as a student look like?
• What is interesting to me about my courses? How do they connect to what’s important to me?
• What do I want to get out of my courses (besides a good grade)? This is an especially important question for courses that provoke boredom, unease, or even dread. Connecting the course to something you value can make the difference between dragging yourself through the course and stretching yourself in a way that builds experience and confidence.

[Read: 13 Survival Tips from College Graduates with ADHD]

2. Set up an organization system

Problems with motivation, including procrastination, often occur when we’re unclear about the task(s) in front of us. You’ll find it easier to stay motivated and reduce overwhelm if you have a clear picture of what’s required of you and if you set up a plan to hit all your goals in each course.

• Review the syllabus and online info for each of your courses as soon as they become available. Order any books you need. See if any assignments are due the first day of class.
• Set up your personal online calendar with class times and major deadlines for the semester.
• Be sure to incorporate study and self-care time in your calendar. Click here for more tips to reduce stress and stay organized in college.

3. Set up a support system

Lean on others — including your school — to help keep you accountable through the semester and actively engaged in learning, even when your motivation dips.

[Read: How to Succeed in College with ADHD — Evidence-Based Strategies That Work]

• Is there a parent or adult in your life who would love to hear more about your experience at college? Enlist them as a partner to whom you can speak periodically about what you’re learning in your courses. Use these conversations to see the big picture and connect your studies to your values and goals.
• Join a study group or schedule regular study sessions with a classmate.
• Use your school’s resources.
  • Commit to checking out the writing or study center. Schedule an appointment early in the semester and bring in any assignment, even if you don’t need too much help with it. The point is to become familiar with the resource so you can take advantage of it when you’re facing a challenging assignment or a bout of procrastination.
  • If a teaching assistant holds a review session, go to it. If your professor offers office hours, schedule a meeting, and prepare some questions or reflections from the class to discuss.

Throughout the semester, take some time to check in with yourself at the end of each week. Ask yourself: What’s working? What do I want to keep doing? What do I want to change? Keeping track of your progress in this way will help you stay motivated and get the most out of your semester.

How to Stay Motivated in College: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

Anne Duncan experienced high, persistent anxieties and social difficulties during her 12 years as a teacher. Discouraged, she left teaching and spent three years searching for a different occupation, eventually turning to administrative work. She connected with Crossroads, a disability employment group in Sacramento, and volunteered in several clerical roles before accepting a position with the California Department of Corrections, which has proved to be a better fit over the last nine years.

Paul Nussbaum held and lost a series of jobs in his 20s and 30s. Over the past 15 years, he has settled into a combination of a handyman business and seasonal employment with Ascendigo, the sports program based in Colorado for children and adults with autism.

Both Anne and Paul were diagnosed with autism in adulthood. “Being diagnosed at age 40 with autism after a long, hard struggle with employment, academics, and major communication and social issues, the light bulb went on,” Paul said. “I learned about autism and found there is a huge population, just like me, with the same struggles.”

[Get This Free Resource: Autism Evaluation Checklist]

In Northern California, the Autism Job Club has begun to chronicle and detail the professional journeys of its members over 40, including their experiences and advice for younger workers. And though many members experienced multiple job losses in the first decade or two of working, that’s rarely the full story. Over time, many have found their niche in the job market — thanks, in large part, to maturity, an acceptance of workplace protocols, and finally finding a skill fit.

For most, finding that fit takes patience and persistence. After decades in food service (including five years of making lunches in a children’s autism program), Sarah Howard, 51, earned a degree from Cal State University, Stanislaus, in geography in 2020. The following year, she obtained a remote work position as an Apple Junior GIS technician, but within four months she and her employer decided “it wasn’t a good fit.”

“It was a very dry job, and I am way too extroverted for a remote work like that,” she said. Currently she is volunteering at Learning Quest, an adult literacy program, and pursuing a Master’s degree in non-profit management.

Mark Romoser, in his late 50s, has a degree from Yale. He held jobs with disability advocacy groups for 15 years, before being laid off in 2016. He currently works 10 hours a week at a high school for neurodivergent students and hopes to get back into the advocacy field.

[Read: How to Gauge Diversity, Equity & Inclusion — Key Questions to Ask in an Interview]

These stories echoed true for members of the Autism Job Club during a recent virtual meeting. An older parent spoke of her son, 47, and his job journey: “When he was in his 20s he wanted to be an animator, and but was not able to get a job at that. He then tried other fields, such as auto mechanic and assembler in a motorcycle dealership, and was not able to hold a steady job, mainly due to social and performance pressures. He does drive, and about 10 years ago began volunteering with a paratransit service and Meals on Wheels. He subsequently obtained his Class B license and secured full-time employment driving a paratransit bus. He has been employed there for more than 7 years. He enjoys the job and is good at it, and the riders like him. It took a long time, but he finally found a role.”

It’s never too late for adults with ADHD, autism, or other learning differences to find their perfect career fit — regardless of discouraging earlier job disappointments. The strategies for job placement later in life include the following:

• Utilize the free resources available through the vocational rehabilitation and disability services agencies in most states. Most states have two separate agencies of vocational rehabilitation and developmental disabilities, and many neurodiverse adults take advantage of resources available through both. As a job seeker, you cannot leave your job search to these agencies, but you should utilize their resources in a partnership effort.
• Utilize the business networks of family and friends, and networks of the extra-governmental neurodiversity groups. Don’t ignore the online job listings, but these are usually very competitive. Personal contacts and referrals still are the best lead into a company.
• It’s a numbers game; plan to apply for 40 to 50 jobs, not 4 or 5. When I started in the employment field in the late 1970s, I would recommend applying for at least 4 to 5 jobs. Now I recommend applying to 10 times that number. The competition for nearly all jobs has gotten much higher over the years.

Most of all, don’t try to do it alone. There is an infrastructure of governmental and extra-governmental resources to which you are entitled to and should draw on.

Career Advice for Autistic Adults: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

A cozy evening. I have completed all my chores and I’m snugly wrapped in my cherished threadbare pajamas. In my hand is a piping-hot cup of coffee emanating comforting warmth. While the outside world remains chaotic and unpredictable, within the confines of my cozy place, I discover ease in the inviting glow of my familiar laptop screen.

Pondering what to watch tonight, I consider a multitude of options. And yet, I am irresistibly drawn back to the same three TV shows — ones I’ve indulged in far too many times to count over the past 20 years.

Rewatching TV Shows: The ADHD Explanation

So what are the three TV series that have captivated me for two decades? Drum roll, please!

1. Friends. As Chandler would say, this iconic sitcom is my lobster.
2. Charmed. The series cast a spell over me that hasn’t faded over time. I even started making my own Book of Shadows, which got lost when I moved out of my first apartment.
3. Grey’s Anatomy. I dreamed of becoming a surgeon because of this show (a nonsense dream now). Either way, I still love the show and learning all about strange diseases.

You might be thinking: What kind of sane person would watch the same handful of TV shows over and over? It’s a reasonable question that has even crossed my own mind. For me, it has just about everything to do with ADHD.

Tuning into a New Show Is a Chore

Diving into a brand-new TV series is difficult — even exhausting — with a brain that wrestles with attention and focus. The tiniest distractions are enough to pull me away from understanding the plot of a new show. I’ll decide to quickly scroll through Instagram before realizing that I missed a whole episode.

[Read: I Like TV the Way I Like Big Projects — In Small Chunks]

But with familiar TV shows, none of this is an issue. I can zone out and still know exactly what’s happening. I already know the twists and turns that lay ahead. I am spared the burden of memorizing character names and keeping track of complex storylines. I can fully engage with the story without constantly feeling like I’m missing something.

ADHD Needs Predictability

I already know your next question: Doesn’t watching the same shows get boring? Sure, novelty can be thrilling for those of us with ADHD. But it can also be overwhelming. That’s why a dash of predictability can be so soothing. Returning to my favorite TV shows gives my restless mind the sense of comfort and familiarity it often needs. They’re my escape from the wild world outside. When everything else spirals into a mess, at least I know that Ross and Rachel will survive their rollercoaster romance.

Decision Fatigue in the Golden Age of TV

Especially in today’s fast-paced world where new shows are released at astonishing rates, sticking to the same three feels like a no-brainer. While there’s so much great new content out there that teases the senses, it’s also a minefield of decision fatigue and mental exhaustion. I’ve caught myself aimlessly scrolling through streaming platforms for something new to put on, only to be overwhelmed by the minefield of choices just about every time. I’ve seen endless trailers for potential shows and have read countless series descriptions, but in the end, I usually give up and watch nothing.

If I stick with my tried-and-true series, it’s akin to choosing vanilla at the ice cream shop. I know it’s delicious, and it’s probably better than going for that weird flavor hiding chunks of bubblegum or Swedish fish.

[Read: “How a TV Show Helped Connect Me and My Teenage Son”]

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Of course, my unwavering devotion to these shows goes beyond ADHD. For one, they are shows that are just too good to let go. But they also hold a special place in my heart because they stood with me during some of the most challenging times of my life. They offered a much-needed escape when the weight of the world felt unbearable, and they provided a form of companionship when solitude threatened to consume me. Watching these shows over time has reminded me of where I am on my own journey, and the profound role these characters and their stories have played in shaping my own narrative.

Watching the Same Show Over and Over: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

Just as overeating can overwhelm our digestive systems and cause us to develop symptoms of indigestion, traumatic experiences can get “stuck” in our nervous system, leading to ongoing distress and negative emotions and beliefs. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy helps individuals heal from the experiences that haunt them rather than simply learn to cope with them.

EMDR can be especially beneficial for adults with ADHD or comorbid conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), because it targets underlying traumatic experiences (i.e., childhood abuse, shame, neglect, bullying, etc.) that may contribute to symptoms. The evidence-based therapy works by engaging several neurophysiological processes, which is a fancy way of saying that EMDR relies on the nervous system’s natural healing abilities to reprocess a distressing memory or experience, ultimately reducing or eliminating debilitating symptoms.¹

The key component of EMDR is bilateral stimulation (BLS) — the therapy doesn’t work without it. BLS stimulates both sides of the brain through eye movements, tapping, or listening to alternating tones. It stimulates similar processes experienced during the rapid eye movement (REM) sleep phase, an essential part of memory consolidation. BLS “taxes” or “breaks” a targeted memory, making it hard for a client to focus on it causing the memory to lose its negative emotional charge. A client can still recall a negative memory just without the negative feelings.

How Does EMDR Work?

A misconception about EMDR is that it’s a magic bullet and will work seamlessly for everyone. That’s not true. The therapy takes time and preparation to work effectively. The client and therapist focus on building coping skills and a safe therapeutic relationship before identifying memories to target and treat using EMDR techniques.

In total, EMDR therapy consists of eight phases, including: ²,³

EMDR Phase 1: Client History

The therapist takes a detailed client history to identify their readiness and suitability for treatment.

EMDR Phase 2: Preparation

The therapist sets reasonable expectations and trains the client on various self-control techniques to maintain stability between and during the sessions.

[Get Our Free Guide to Natural Treatment Options]

EMDR Phase 3: Assessment

The client and therapist jointly identify the target memory on which they will work.

EMDR Phase 4: Desensitization

The client uses BLS to change the targeted memory’s trauma-related sensory experiences and associations.

EMDR Phase 5: Installation

The client identifies the new positive statements and associations they hold about the experience, now that it’s resolved.

EMDR Phase 6: Body Scan

The client scans their body for any somatic response related to the targeted memory. If present, the therapist targets this body sensation for further processing.

EMDR Phase 7: Closure

The therapist explains what to expect between sessions and asks the client to record any disturbances experienced between sessions. The therapist also takes time to help relieve any distress from the session so the client feels regulated upon leaving the session.

EMDR Phase 8: Reassessment

The therapist evaluates the EMDR treatment’s effectiveness.

A typical EMDR session lasts one hour; however, some therapists offer intensive sessions for 90 minutes or several hours. It may take several sessions to process a targeted memory. Clients who have experienced complex trauma may need several months of EMDR therapy; clients who already have coping skills and aren’t afraid to feel emotions and body sensations may rapidly move through EMDR treatment in a few weeks. It depends on the client’s goals, the strength of their nervous system, and how many memories need to be processed.

After a successful EMDR session, my clients typically experience reduced distress and vividness associated with the negative memory and report that a previously difficult experience “no longer bothers them.” They also report reduced symptoms associated with the memory and more peace and joy in their lives.

[Free Self-Test: General Anxiety Disorder in Adults]

EMDR for Children

EMDR therapy is not only appropriate for adults. It is a child-friendly and developmentally appropriate therapy for children and adolescents. Therapists can tailor EMDR treatment to meet the needs of each child by using fun and engaging techniques, such as storytelling, drawing, and play therapy, to help children feel safe and comfortable while processing their traumas.

More importantly, EMDR therapy can help children with ADHD and comorbid conditions develop coping skills and strategies to manage their symptoms more effectively. For example, it can teach them relaxation techniques to reduce anxiety, improve their ability to focus and complete tasks, and help them develop healthy communication and relationship skills.

It is important to note that EMDR can be an overwhelming and vulnerable therapy; treatment should only occur with a trained EMDR professional — and only after both the professional and client are ready for it.

By helping individuals process and release negative emotions associated with traumatic experiences, EMDR therapy can alleviate anxiety, depression, and PTSD symptoms and even reduce some symptoms associated with ADHD. While EMDR will not alleviate an ADHD diagnosis, it can help those who struggle with ADHD symptoms live a happier, more productive life. EMDR helps clients to develop a more positive self-image, self-confidence, and live a better quality of life.

To find a licensed EMDR professional, visit emdria.org.

EMDR Therapy: Next Steps

Rebecca Kase, MSW, LCSW, RYT, a member of emdria.org, and an emdria-approved trainer and consultant.

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

View Article Sources

Save

Household chores have a way of piling up, don’t they? Work and other obligations take up most of our days, so when we do have free time, the last thing we want to do is even more work. Yet, as we all know, routine maintenance supports a functional household — and improves our mental health.

My clients with ADHD have shared with me all the ways that chores get sidelined, interrupted, and avoided due to ADHD. The never-ending nature of chores makes getting started and staying motivated nearly impossible. Distractions and competing priorities keep chores in a perpetually incomplete state. And no matter the issue, problems vanquishing household chores almost always lead to feelings of frustration and incompetence.

The only way to help you start, persist, and finish those pesky household chores (and do it all again) is to come up with a system that works for you. That may require you to take a step back and reassess your current approach to chores. Here are five steps to help you rethink chores, get motivated to clean, and follow an upkeep process that fits your life.

[Get This Free Download: How to Tidy Up Your Home Like a Pro]

1. Identify all the household chores that are important to you. Think of the bare minimum that you need to feel good in your living space. Is it a dining table clear of clutter? No clothes on the floor? Take the time to write out a list of realistic to-dos that matter to you, even if they are challenging to complete.

2. Break down all chores into their smallest steps to reduce overwhelm. A multi-step chore like “doing laundry,” for example, turns into sort clothes; wash clothes; dry clothes; dump dry clothes into basket; bring basket to the bedroom; and so on. Smaller steps are easier to tackle and allow you to be more realistic about what you can accomplish.

3. Set times for completing chores (and tasks) in a way that fits with your lifestyle. Is it best to schedule a block of time to work through all the chores on your list? Or would it be better to do one or two small chores daily? Would you be more productive first thing in the morning or at end of your day? Can you do the first two steps of a chore today, and the rest tomorrow? The key here is to be honest with yourself about reasonable ways to incorporate household chores into your daily life.

4. Identify your sore spots and obstacles to starting chores. What makes starting a particular chore difficult for you?

• Does it seem like the chore (or a step within it) will take too long? Then set a timer and commit to working on the chore or step for just 10 minutes. (Or any amount of time that is doable for you.) When the timer rings, reassess if you want to continue or come back to it at your next designated chore time.
• Does the thought of gathering supplies and tools to do the chore turn you away? We’re often quick to dismiss pre-chore work as an actual step to complete a chore, so be sure to add “locating supplies” on your chore breakdown. To save time, store supplies for a given chore in a single container and/or within a space where they are more readily available. (For example, consider keeping tub cleaning supplies in your shower instead of somewhere else within the bathroom.)
• Are some chores simply too tedious? Infuse some enjoyment to help you persist! Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook while you work. Chew gum and blow bubbles while you tidy up. Call a friend while you clean. (A form of body doubling.) Splurge and buy a fun tool or supply that will make a chore more enjoyable. Gamify chores by competing against others (or even yourself) until the timer stops or until the end of a song.
• Do you only feel “activated” to do chores under pressure? It’s good to let go of strict rules and “shoulds” around house upkeep and chores. That said, if a sense of urgency is the only thing that motivates you to do chores, consider inviting guests to your place so that you have a firmer deadline for getting chores done.

[Read: “I Absolutely Hate Everything About…” Your Most Detested and Avoided Household Chores]

5. Help yourself stay on track while doing chores.

• Create visual reminders of your chores and tasks. Externalize your to-dos to jog your memory. Some ideas: A simple to-do list on a large whiteboard; a color-coded chore sheet (on your calendar or on an actual sheet of paper); a notecard deck of individual chores (completed chore cards can be put in a separate pile or moved to the back of the deck). Put your visual reminder of the chosen chore in a noticeable place so you can look at it periodically to check that you are still on task.
• When you start a chore, set a timer to go off every few minutes. Each time it goes off, ask yourself, “Am I still on my intended task?”
• Keep sticky notes on hand to write down other things and to-dos that cross your mind so those thoughts don’t interrupt your chore time. Stick the note anywhere where you’re guaranteed not to miss it. (Like on your bathroom mirror.) If sticky notes aren’t your thing, consider adding it to your calendar or a to-do list app. You can even set the to-do as an alarm on your phone (to ring in a few hours).

6. Take time to notice your accomplishments. Once you’ve completed a chore, take in how the area looks and feels. Grab a picture of your space and print a copy to remind yourself of how good it feels to successfully manage your home. With each step of a chore, share your progress with a friend or family member who will cheer you on. Reflect on the strategies that were most helpful to you in the process so you can continue to use them in the future.

How to Get Motivated to Clean: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

From the sanctuary of my rooftop, I listened as my family clamored around the dinner table, laughing, joking, and chatting away. In my usual hideaway, I gazed up at the stars and wondered why I never felt like I fit in anywhere, not even with my own family. At 15 years old, I felt like a misfit and a burden. I was certain my family would be a lot happier if I weren’t around.

Growing up around my siblings was tough. I longed for their approval, but “be quiet,” “sit still,” and “go away” were among their most common responses to me. My behaviors irked them and made me a target. It took a long time for me to understand what was so wrong about me and why I couldn’t connect the way I wanted to with my family. My behaviors, I learned, were primarily the result of undiagnosed ADHD and OCD, and my family was reacting to symptoms that were too difficult for them to understand at the time.

The Odd One Out

I remember driving my siblings mad at bedtime, to the point where they would yell at me to, “Shut up and go to sleep!” To be fair, I would talk non-stop into the night. As soon as my head hit the pillow, my brain lit up, filling with zig-zagging pathways of wonder and questions.

I wanted to talk about anything and everything. I had big existential questions. I wanted to discuss the deep connections I felt to some movie characters. I wanted to share a million facts about galaxies and talk in-depth about whatever book I was consumed by that week. But my sisters did not want any of it. Their neurotypical brains slowed down at night (as is normal), and sleep came easy. (Once I finally stopped talking, that is!)

It wasn’t just at night that I irritated them. My repetitive behaviors, like playing the same song over and over again (like over a hundred times each day) for months, or watching the same movie endlessly, also drove them away.

[Read: Parenting the Child Whose Sibling Has ADHD]

Sometimes, I’d fall into patterns of washing my hands so much they were red and raw. I’d also avoid touching anything with my hands or allowing anyone to touch me (I carried around hand sanitizer long before COVID). I couldn’t eat food that others had touched, and I couldn’t stand anyone sitting on my bedspread lest they leave behind germs.

My siblings often made fun of me for my “germaphobia,” and would intentionally try to rile me up by sitting on my bed or touching me with unwashed hands. Angry, emotionally dysregulated, and hypersensitive (which I later learned was rejection sensitive dysphoria), my responses to their teasing were deemed over-the-top. I would be disciplined for my “bad” behavior, and I frequently carried a deep sense of shame and embarrassment for being so “mean,” “crazy,” and such a “problem.”

I was constantly seeking affection and attention from my siblings, who only saw me as needy and overbearing. When they teased me, the physical heartache I experienced was real. When they pushed me away, the rejection I felt was so deep I found it debilitating. So, I’d retreat to the rooftop, just me and the stars.

This is a Victory Story

My siblings and I did the best we could do at a time when there was very little education or acceptance around behaviors like mine. We’ve all learned a lot along the way.

[Read: When ADHD Drains and Strains Sibling Relationships]

The behaviors I exhibited in childhood that caused so much strife were traits of real mental health conditions and neurodivergence — body-focused repetitive behaviors, OCD compulsions, and stimming (self-stimulation). I also learned that these behaviors were my way of self-soothing to reduce stress and anxiety. Today, diagnosed and treated, these behaviors (and trying to cope with them) sometimes still drive me (and my husband this time) crazy.

I’ve spent a lot of time masking and dealing with self-hate and insecurity, but that’s changing. Now, for the most part, I can speak openly with my siblings about the challenges I faced growing up around them as I dealt with undiagnosed mental health challenges. I understand myself better, and can take in their perspectives, too. We find ourselves reflecting on our own children, how we see so much of ourselves in them, and how learning and healing together forges a new path for them. We try to remember, for the most part, that just because things used to be a certain way doesn’t mean that they still have to be.

It’s a choice to see only the bad parts of the past; it’s a much better choice to focus on the victories instead.

ADHD and Sibling Strife: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save

Imagine this: You’ve never seen a Rubik’s Cube before and, frankly, you have no prior experience working with puzzles of any kind. Yet you’ve been tasked with completing the Rubik’s Cube with no help. Oh, and you have to solve it in the next 30 minutes.

This is how a child with ADHD feels when told to tidy their room. (Though, to be fair, many adults with ADHD feel this way, too.) It’s a baffling, insurmountable task with no real beginning or end. After all, a room has different areas, different furniture, and lots of different ‘stuff’ strewn all around in a giant mess. It is an abstract monster!

I know how dreadful and confusing tidying can be because I was that child. I grew up the eldest of four children, and I shared a bedroom with my brother. When it was time to clean our room, we drew an imaginary line down the middle of the floor and always argued over whether it was a fair partitioning of our space. But once the borders were settled, my brother proceeded to attack his side of the room with consummate ease. In the short time it took him to finish, my mind had wandered several times to several different topics — anything from the thing I’d seen across the road from our window to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and some toys I had forgotten about that I suddenly wanted to play with.

My mind wandered because I was unable to work out where to begin tidying. Something else would always catch my attention. I’d hear plenty of complaints from my parents — if my brother could do it just fine, why couldn’t I?

Today, I’m the adult with four children. At 39, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Like most people with a late diagnosis, I went through a period of profound reflection; I finally knew what I was working with (and against), and it was a weight lifted off my shoulders.

[Get This Free Download: Organizing Strategies for Children with ADHD]

My youngest boy, 10, also has ADHD. It was his assessment process that made me sit up and take note of all his symptoms and how they mirrored my own behaviors and challenges from childhood to this day. I understood, at last, that ADHD can make things like tidying a messy room feel like battling an abstract monster. Our brains find it very hard to look at a shapeless, scary problem and break it down into manageable chunks.

How to Clean Your Room: My Guide, ADHD-Style

When I ask my boys to clean their shared room, I know what to expect from the smallest. While I don’t have all the answers, I did eventually learn this process for breaking down all kinds of abstract monsters:

• Take a piece of paper, write the abstract thing at the top (in this case, tidying the room), and draw a box around it.
• Take two minutes to think about the different facets of the abstract thing. Write those as subheadings, also in their own boxes. For tidying, I have my child pick any part of the room; the exact location or task doesn’t matter. If they’re really struggling to pick, I have them toss a pair of socks over their head — where they land is as good a place as any to begin. Coat hangers, toy cars, and dirty clothes are all good subheadings.
• Work each subheading independently. Pick up the coat hangers and put them back in the closet. Then focus on the toys. Where did those toys live before they ended up on the floor? Cool, put them back there. Then, dirty clothes — are they really dirty? Check them. If they are, put them in the wash basket. If they aren’t, put them on your newly hung-up hangers, or in a drawer.

This process doesn’t have to be perfect or even neat. It just has to help with getting started and staying on task. For my boy, I think of it as bumper rails to help him tidy his room more effectively, and with less arguing. When he gets overwhelmed, I help get him back on track with some calming words and refer him back to the above process. I can’t and won’t tidy his room for him because he will meet all manner of challenges in life that will certainly be more complicated than tidying a room. I know that helping him develop processes or coping mechanisms now will pay dividends later in his life.

[Read: The Daily Habits of Organized Kids]

So next time your kids struggle with something as “simple” as cleaning their room, take a second to remember that what you see as a straightforward task can be a scary, unwieldy project for ADHD minds. A bit of guidance in breaking down the abstract monster might be just the thing they need to succeed.

Clean Your Room with ADHD: Next Steps

---

CELEBRATING 25 YEARS OF ADDITUDE
Since 1998, ADDitude has worked to provide ADHD education and guidance through webinars, newsletters, community engagement, and its groundbreaking magazine. To support ADDitude’s mission, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Save