Category: Dating & Love

First dates are nerve wracking and you may feel worried that you’re going to mess up that all important first meeting without meaning to. However, if you stick to a few easy principles you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself. Follow these rules for guaranteed dating success…

MEET UP IN REAL LIFE

The first step on the road to dating success is showing up. You may have spent a while chatting online and feel like you’ve got a connection with someone, but you won’t know for sure if the all important chemistry is there unless you meet up in real life. It’s important to meet someone in the flesh sooner rather than later, so you don’t end up feeling like you’ve invested more in them than you would have otherwise.

put them at their ease

Even the most confident person in the world will feel a tremor of first date nerves, so don’t presume you’re the only one feeling worried about making a good impression. Knowing that the person sitting opposite you is feeling nervous as well will help you to relax yourself. Also, if you’re feeling tense – tell them! They’ll probably say the same and the ice will be broken.

Put your phone away

We all have highly co-dependent relationships with our smartphones, but this is one time you need to cope without it. Having half an eye on WhatsApp suggests that you aren’t really interested in your date and they will be put off seeing you again. Giving someone your full attention is a highly attractive trait, so leave your phone in your bag or pocket.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK (but not too much)

Even if you’ve chatted a bit online, do some homework on your date beforehand. Re-read their profile and go over any emails you’ve shared to freshen up on what you’ve talked about and any information you’ve learned about them. However, we don’t suggest you Google them or scroll back through the last ten years of their Facebook profile, as knowing too much about them will come over as a bit creepy.

DON’T drink too much

Having several drinks for dutch courage might seem like a good idea when you’re feeling those first date nerves, but getting drunk is not a good idea. It might loosen your tongue a little too much and before you know it you’ve spent the whole date talking about your ex or moaning about your job. Have one or two, but know when to stop.

DON’T INSIST ON SETTING UP ANOTHER DATE AT THE END

Unless it’s obvious you both really want to see each other again, don’t pressure your date into planning another date at the end of the night. They may not be sure, or may have another date planned, or may just react badly to being pushed into another meeting before the first one is over. End it with ‘It was great to meet you, I’ll text you in a couple of days’ or something similar that expresses your enjoyment but doesn’t leave them feeling trapped into anything more.

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Useful Links:
• https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/
• https://relationshipschool.com/rct/
• https://relationshipschool.com/community/
• https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow
• https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

 

Timestamps:

• 1:50 – Why asking others to change is problematic
• 16:37 – Q&A with Jayson

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• John Demartini
• Order Jayson’s book: Getting to Zero
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After 11 years of friendship, best friends Jay Guercio and Krystle Purificato decided to take platonic marriage vows together. They did this not out of romantic love but out of deep friendship. Are they raising a foster kid together? YES. Do they feel sexual attraction toward each other? NO.

This seemingly unusual relationship can stir up quite a few questions. How exactly do platonic lovers operate? Is there zero romantic attachment in the marriage? Can two platonic partners truly enjoy the benefits of marriage? Don’t worry, we’re here to answer these and myriad other questions you may have about platonic couples, in consultation with psychologist Nandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), who specializes in CBT, REBT, and couples counseling.

Platonic Marriage Meaning

Nandita explains, “A marriage can be platonic if both decide beforehand that they won’t have a sexual relationship after marrying each other. There can be many practical reasons behind wanting to have such a platonic relationship.” She states numerous reasons why people opt for a platonic marriage:

• One/both don’t have the sexual desire to continue intimacy anymore
• The married couple doesn’t live in the same city/country
• Owing to a medical condition/old age, they cannot indulge in sex
• Getting citizenship in the country where one partner is staying
• It’s not a romantic marriage and happened under family pressure
• It’s more of a legal union for legal benefits like tax breaks
• Owing to sexual orientation (asexual partners/pansexual partners)

Psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini explains, “When you marry outside the traditional type of marriage, you decide that this marriage is on a best-friend basis sans intimacy, sex, and romance. Platonic unions have been around since the 15th century and roughly 2-3% of the whole population is engaged with them.

“A platonic marriage is a little different from a sexless marriage. In the latter, usually one of the partners is adamantly against sex. But, a platonic marriage is all about two people marrying for the deepness to connect and form a committed friendship/spiritual connection. They aren’t marrying for physical love/intimacy.”

Related Reading: 7 Fundamentals Of Commitment In A Marriage

Benefits And Drawbacks Of A Platonic Marriage

While researching this topic, I came across an interesting comment on YouTube. @simplyaloha4469 wrote, “My uncle who is gay, married his best friend who is a woman. The platonic relationship has worked for them for over 15 years.” As she mentions, platonic friendship turned marriage offers just the right amount of emotional support. Let’s find out more.

Benefits of marriage done on a platonic basis

There are economic advantages involved (tax breaks and legal perks). In the UK, the Marriage Allowance lets you transfer £1,260 of your allowance to your husband, wife, or civil partner. This reduces their tax by up to £252 a year. Here are some other benefits of being married in a platonic way:

• You avoid the hassles/problems/lies that come with romance and sex
• You can live longer and have better reproductive health, according to research 
• Another study says the health benefits of bonds with close friends ensure better mental health as well as lower morbidity and mortality 
• Platonic love can work wonders if you are disillusioned with the idea of romantic love
• Having a companion ensures your sanity if you’re a senior
• Having a chronic disability doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy movies with someone
• If your family was abusive/chaotic, marrying a bestie can mean enhanced trust
• You can co-parent kids without tensions, friction, conflict
• Such a marriage can eliminate struggles with sexual incompatibility

Drawbacks of marriage based on platonic friendship

However, here are some obstacles and challenges that platonic couples might face:

• As time passes, one partner may fall in love with or be sexually attracted to the other
• One of the partners might date someone else that they want to move on with
• Sex brings a sense of vulnerability, the benefits of which get missed out
• It can be challenging to gain social acceptance for such a marriage
• Gaining legal recognition as certified partners could be a struggle
• The courts could say it’s a sham, done just for financial benefits for marriage
• A divorce could be difficult as, in most countries, the law doesn’t recognize “platonic life partners”

Related Reading: 10 Useful Tips For Dating Your Best Friend

Tips To Make A Platonic Marriage Work

There is no harm in ditching social norms and constructs, as long as you’re happy. Also, it’s not as if you have to swear off sex (if you don’t want to); it’s just that sex is not part of your marriage. 

Sounds simple enough, right? But when you don’t have an existing framework on which you can model your relationship with your life partner, things can get complicated even if you’re sure you’ve found your platonic soulmate. What are the rules of your union going to be? What are the boundaries? What are your rights as spouses? What about any romantic or sexual needs that may arise in the future? 

The simple answer to these questions would be, you make the rules that work for you and your partner. However, that, more often than not, can make things harder rather than simplify them. So, how can you make such a platonic relationship smooth sailing? Here are some expert-backed tips. 

1. Be honest about your reasons

The most important tip is to be straightforward and direct with your partner about why you’re opting for such a marriage. If you’re hiding out from sexual dysfunction, have a different sexual orientation, or have been abused in the past, just be honest. Own it and see if your partner understands your reasoning.

Related Reading: Could You Be Demisexual? 5 Signs That Say So

2. Establish ground rules

Will you both celebrate anniversaries? Cuddle at night? Is a kiss on the cheek allowed? Would you go on dates? What’s the hug etiquette? Nandita advises, “It’s important that platonic spouses establish ground rules on the following questions:

• What is the exact agreement?
• What are the benefits of platonic love?
• What can be done and what should not be done?”

3. A written agreement helps

Nandita points out, “Partners bound by platonic love need to talk and talk and talk a little more about this so both are clear they have the same vision and neither feels cheated or jealous suddenly. In a platonic marriage, a written agreement helps, especially if one is not fulfilling the practical purposes or trying to get into a space that both had agreed to not get into. It is important to converse a lot and have clear-cut conversations.” 

Since your relationship may feel like unchartered territory, a relationship agreement can help give it a sense of direction – or the broad framework within which you can carve out your dynamic. Of course, it’s best to revisit and upgrade or change the rules of the agreement as your needs and circumstances change. 

4. Be discreet about your sexual needs if necessary

Nandita explains, “In my clients, I have seen married couples agreeing to seeing other people, owing to sexual incompatibility. I have seen that it’s a very delicate situation. Jealousy and other disagreements do creep in over time. It’s very important to frequently keep connecting with your partner and checking if everything is okay.” 

Keep these three pointers in mind to avoid conflicts:

• Respect each other
• Trust each other (once this gets betrayed, the foundation will crumble)
• Be discrete if the other partner requires it

5. Seek professional help for unexplored areas

Seeking professional help becomes immensely important when you’re transitioning from a conventional marriage to a platonic one. Nandita says, “The transition from having a sexual relationship to sexless marriage can be tricky. This is why extremely good communication is important. Even if the life partners are communicating, complicated challenges may arise. 

“For example, a couple I was counseling decided to make their marriage platonic and agreed to have sex with other partners only and not with each other. But they ended up fighting. The husband got super angry with the wife. The reason behind his anger was that the wife had gotten her date home when her husband was away. But this was a point they did not discuss earlier in their ground rules. The husband felt that his place in the house had been violated.”

For such unexplored areas, Nandita suggests open communication and being sensitive to the other person’s needs. She also recommends taking guidance from an experienced professional. Should you need help, our counselors from Bonobology’s panel are always here for you. 

6. Understand that people can change

Not everyone is open/comfortable about their need for sex or how they think they’ll deal with that loss of sex. So, you need a partner who can understand that people can change. You may be a couple who doesn’t want a romantic relationship in the beginning. But this may eventually change and you may fall madly in romantic love with your partner. This is why you both need to be open, honest, accommodating, and flexible.

Finally, Nandita says, “As long as platonic life partners are toeing the line and not the boundaries that they have decided upon, a platonic marriage can turn out great! After all, the start has been great. Both have been open enough to adapt to an out-of-the-box approach to be in each other’s lives. This means they are already open with each other and comfortable with each other’s suggestions.”

Romance fades, anyway. But good friends are for life. Physical attraction may fizzle out over time. Hence, this interesting concept makes us rethink the future of romantic marriages and romantic relationships. After all, love has many forms and so let’s not limit it.

Companionship Vs Relationship – The 10 Basic Differences

Sexual Soul Ties: Meaning, Signs, And How To Break Away

Am I Bisexual Quiz

Maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse is indeed one of the most essential yet important aspects of a happy and fulfilling life together. However, it can also be challenging to maintain a strong connection and keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship. With daily life’s many stresses and challenges, it can be easy to let your relationship with your spouse fall by the wayside. That’s why it’s essential to make a conscious effort to prioritize your relationship and take steps to keep it healthy and strong.

In this article, we’ll explore 8 tips to amazingly help you maintain a healthy relationship with your spouse. From communication and respect to quality time and forgiveness, these tips will provide practical strategies to keep your relationship on track. Whether you’re indeed a newlywed or have been together for decades, these tips can help deepen your connection and build a strong foundation for a lifetime of love and happiness.

Communication Is Key

Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It would help to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse, sharing your thoughts, feelings, and needs. When you communicate, be respectful and listen actively. Avoid interrupting, and try to understand your spouse’s point of view. Be willing to compromise and find solutions together.

In addition to being a crucial element of a healthy relationship, communication is essential when choosing a sports betting platform like Bettilt. It’s important to carefully consider the features and benefits of a platform, such as the range of sports and events available, the odds and bonuses offered, and the level of customer support provided. By communicating openly and honestly with your spouse and making joint decisions about your betting platform, you can ensure that you’re both satisfied with your choice and can enjoy your betting experience together.

Respect Each Other

Respect is a fundamental building block of a healthy relationship, and it encompasses many aspects of how we interact with our partners. One of the essential elements of respect is acknowledging and valuing our spouse’s thoughts, feelings, and opinions, even if they don’t align with our own. Doing so demonstrates that we recognize our spouses as individuals with unique perspectives and experiences.

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Respect also means being mindful of our spouse’s boundaries and not crossing them without consent. Boundaries are also essential to any healthy relationship, as they help us establish and maintain a sense of safety, autonomy, and mutual respect. When we respect our spouse’s boundaries, we recognize and honour their autonomy and right to make decisions about their body, emotions, and life.

Spend Quality Time Together

Making time for each other and prioritizing your relationship is crucial for also maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership. In today’s fast-paced world, it can also be easy to also get caught up in the demands of work, family, and other responsibilities, leaving little time for your spouse. Setting aside time also each day or week to connect with your partner can demonstrate your commitment to the relationship and deepen your emotional bond.

Quality time can take many forms, from a romantic dinner to a shared hobby or activity. The important thing is indeed that you and your spouse are fully present and engaged with each other during this time. This can involve putting away distractions like phones and television and focusing on each other and the moment. Doing so can strengthen your emotional connection, build trust, and create happy memories together.

Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship. No one is perfect, and also everyone makes mistakes. It’s important to forgive your spouse when they make mistakes and to ask for forgiveness when you make mistakes. Holding grudges or refusing to forgive can damage your relationship over time.

Show Appreciation And Gratitude

Take the time to show your spouse that you also appreciate them and all they do for you. Express your gratitude for the little things they do, like making you breakfast or helping with household chores. Showing appreciation and gratitude can create positive feelings in your relationship and strengthen your bond.

Work On Conflict Resolution

Resolving conflicts healthily is essential for maintaining a happy and fulfilling relationship. No matter how well you get along with your spouse, disagreements are bound to arise occasionally. However, how you handle these conflicts can make all the difference. By avoiding destructive behaviours like yelling, name-calling, or blaming each other, you can keep communication lines open and work towards finding a resolution that works for both of you. This can help you build stronger connections, deepen intimacy, and create a more harmonious and supportive partnership.

Be supportive

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Support your spouse through the ups and downs of life. Please encourage them to pursue their dreams and goals and be there for them when they need you. Celebrate their successes and help them through their failures. Being supportive can create a sense of security and trust in your relationship.

Keep The Romance Alive

Don’t let the romance die in your relationship. Keep things fresh and also exciting by trying new things together, going on adventures, or doing something special for your spouse. Physical affection is also essential in maintaining a healthy relationship. Hold hands, hug, and kiss each other regularly.

Summing Up

Maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse requires effort, communication, and commitment. Following these 8 tips can create a happy and fulfilling life together. Remember to communicate indeed openly and honestly, respect each other, spend quality time together, practice forgiveness, show appreciation and gratitude, work on conflict resolution, be supportive, and keep the romance alive.

You’re a man in your 40s with high standards, and you want to find the right women who aligns with your values and lifestyle.

Don’t worry, I’m here to coach you through the process. We’ll explore essential tips to help you to meet new women, hold engaging conversations, create lasting connections, and more.

📖 Keep reading to transform your dating life and don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for more advice.

Effortlessly approach women

To conquer the fear of rejection, focus on building your self-confidence and adopting a resilient mindset.

Remember that rejection is a natural part of dating, and it’s a learning experience rather than a personal reflection of your worth.

By using situational openers that feel natural and unforced, you’ll be able to engage women in a more authentic manner.

Action steps:

• Rehearse conversation starters and situational openers.
• Set a goal to approach a certain number of women each week.
• Reflect on each interaction and identify areas for improvement.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Avoid using pick-up lines or tactics that come across as insincere or manipulative.
• Don’t be overly aggressive or pushy in your approach.
• Don’t let one rejection define your worth or discourage you from future attempts.

Engage in captivating conversations

Great conversations are the foundation of any successful dating experience.

Develop the ability to tease playfully and create sexual tension by incorporating light-hearted humor and innuendo.

Ask open-ended questions to encourage women to share their thoughts and experiences, and actively listen to their responses to demonstrate your genuine interest in getting to know them.

Action steps:

• Learn and practice different conversation techniques.
• Make a list of interesting questions to ask in future conversations.
• Focus on active listening and avoid interrupting.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t monopolize the conversation or make it solely about yourself.
• Avoid controversial or offensive topics during initial interactions.
• Don’t interrupt or dismiss the woman’s opinions and feelings.

Forge lasting connections

Building deep, meaningful connections requires focusing on quality rather than quantity.

Be your authentic self, practice empathy, and make yourself emotionally available to potential partners.

By clearly communicating your intentions and desires, you’ll be better equipped to invest your time and effort in relationships with long-term potential.

Action steps:

• Reflect on your past relationships and identify patterns to improve upon.
• Practice vulnerability and opening up in conversations.
• Consistently express your needs and boundaries in relationships.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not in an attempt to impress others.
• Avoid jumping into a relationship without assessing compatibility and shared values.
• Don’t ignore red flags or overlook issues in the relationship that need to be addressed.

Radiate magnetic attraction

Confidence, combined with genuine and compassionate behavior, is key to attracting the right partner.

Recognize your strengths and acknowledge your areas for growth in order to exude self-assurance.

Pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as body language and eye contact, to project an aura of magnetic attraction.

Action steps:

• Identify your strengths and areas for growth.
• Work on building self-esteem through positive affirmations and personal development.
• Focus on non-verbal communication, like body language and eye contact.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t try to impress others by boasting or exaggerating your accomplishments.
• Avoid appearing desperate or needy for attention and validation.
• Don’t neglect your physical appearance or personal hygiene.

Embrace self-awareness and personal growth

Understanding yourself and committing to personal growth are essential for successful dating.

Develop a stoic mindset and cultivate emotional stability by learning to manage your reactions to external factors, such as a woman’s beauty.

As you work on personal growth, you’ll become more emotionally resilient and attract partners who value your maturity and self-awareness.

Action steps:

• Engage in self-reflection and introspection regularly.
• Read books or attend workshops on personal development and emotional intelligence.
• Practice mindfulness techniques to manage emotions and reactions.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t fall into the trap of complacency and stagnation in your personal development.
• Avoid blaming others for your emotional reactions or shortcomings.
• Don’t ignore or suppress emotions, but rather, learn to manage and express them healthily.

Establish a strong masculine frame

A strong masculine frame requires assertiveness, healthy boundaries, and clear expectations.

By dating on your own terms, you’ll attract women who respect and value your strong sense of self.

A firm yet respectful approach to communication helps maintain your masculine frame while fostering an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding.

Action steps:

• Learn effective communication strategies for assertiveness and boundary setting.
• Establish clear expectations in your relationships early on.
• Practice saying no when necessary to protect your boundaries.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t confuse assertiveness with aggression or rudeness.
• Avoid being a pushover or letting others consistently overstep your boundaries.
• Don’t be overly controlling or possessive in your relationships.

Create an attractive lifestyle

Design a fulfilling and engaging lifestyle that naturally appeals to the women you desire.

Cultivate hobbies, interests, and social connections that reflect your values and personality.

As you lead an interesting and well-rounded life, you’ll naturally exude an air of authority and security that draws women to you.

Action steps:

• Assess your current lifestyle and identify areas for enhancement.
• Join clubs, groups, or events that align with your interests and values.
• Foster strong connections with friends, family, and professional networks.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t build your life solely around the goal of attracting women.
• Avoid neglecting other important aspects of life, such as career, health, and personal relationships.
• Don’t isolate yourself or rely solely on online interactions for social connections.

Overcome dating challenges

Successful dating involves developing the self-respect to recognize red flags, end unsuitable relationships, and focus on dating women who appreciate, respect, and support you.

Developing discernment and intuition helps you identify relationships that serve you and move on from those that don’t.

Action steps:

• Reflect on past relationships to identify red flags and warning signs.
• Develop a list of non-negotiable values and expectations for your relationships.
• Trust your instincts and seek advice from trusted friends or professionals when needed.

Avoid these mistakes:

• Don’t ignore your intuition or gut feelings about a potential partner.
• Avoid staying in toxic or unsuitable relationships out of fear of being alone.
• Don’t let past failed relationships define your future dating experiences.

Summary

• By embracing these action steps, you will be able to meet and attract the women you desire.
• Implementing these techniques will lead to more fulfilling relationships and experiences with women.
• Embrace the journey of self-discovery, personal growth, and relationship-building to truly excel in your dating life.

I can coach you to attract the women you desire into your life

If you want to learn how to maintain your high standards in dating, then consider taking one of my courses.

I can help you become a more desirable man by increasing your confidence and skills meeting and attracting women.

 Explore My Life-Changing Courses Now! 

Resources

1. Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). “Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner?”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264. This research study, conducted by Paul W. Eastwick and Eli J. Finkel, explored the dynamics of initial romantic attraction and mate preferences. Additionally, the study found that factors such as physical attractiveness, self-confidence, and emotional stability were highly correlated with overall desirability in a potential partner. These findings support the importance of radiating magnetic attraction, embracing self-awareness and personal growth, and establishing a strong masculine frame.

2. Hall, J. A., Carter, S., Cody, M. J., & Albright, J. M. (2010). “Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory”. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393. In this study, Jeffrey A. Hall and colleagues developed the Flirting Styles Inventory to identify and assess individual differences in the communication of romantic interest. The research indicated that effective communication, including engaging conversations and active listening, were key components of successful romantic interactions. Furthermore, this study supports the importance of engaging in captivating conversations and forging lasting connections in the dating process.

3. Whitty, M. T. (2008). “Revealing the ‘real’ me, searching for the ‘actual’ you: Presentations of self on an internet dating site”. Computers in Human Behavior, 24(4), 1707-1723. Monica T. Whitty’s research explored how individuals present themselves on internet dating sites and the impact of self-presentation on the success of online dating interactions. Additionally, the study found that being authentic and genuine in presenting oneself led to more positive outcomes in online dating. This research supports the importance of self-awareness, personal growth, and embracing authenticity in the dating process.

Jess is out for this episode, so Boom! Lawyered welcomes back special guest and friend of the pod Elie Mystal, the Nation‘s justice correspondent. It’s a supersized episode about expanding the Supreme Court, Justice Clarence Thomas, abortion, judges, and just about everything else about the law that you need to know—with a healthy dose of laughter.

Mentioned in this episode:

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Author’s note

As an ardent reader of the previous works written by Jenna Evans, this read was not disappointing in the slightest. If you haven’t been to Italy yet, this paperback copy will take you on a voyage to discover the elegant corners of this European country. I remember having gelato for the first time from Gelato Divino while watching the new year fireworks in Dubai.

Even though they may not match the local quality of gelato available in the streets of Florence, they did burst in my mouth!

Hope you have a fun perusal 🙂

The Storyline

This story is so much more than love and Italian gelato, it portrays the life of two generations of American women and how a summer in Italy changed the course of their journey. Six months ago, Lina lost her mother to pancreatic cancer, and during the last days on the hospital bed, Hadley Emerson told her daughter all about her best friend, Howard, from Florence. After her mother’s departure, Lina was sent to spend the Summer in Florence with Howard (who is said to be her father). Lina meets Lorenzo, aka Ren, who lives in the neighborhood area, and their friendship blossoms. Lina receives an old journal of her mother from her dad’s colleague Sonia, and she unravels Florence through those journal entries and learns about the secret behind her existence.

Get your copy here

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This novel has also been adapted into a motion picture; you can watch the movie here.

Quotes

• “You know, people come to Italy for all sorts of reasons, but when they stay, it’s for the same two things. Love and gelato.”

• “You may be slow to warm up, but once you do, you light up the whole room.”
• “When we’re together, we make one whole Italian.”
•  “Italian gelato. Take the deliciousness of a regular ice-cream cone, times it by a million, then sprinkle it with crushed-up unicorn horns.”
• “What I really want is someone who will wake me up early so I don’t miss a sunrise.”
• “You bet your meatballs I’m Italian.”

Characters

One of my favorite characters in this story is Howard Mercer, who is the caretaker of a cemetery in Florence and the father of Lina. His protective and caring nature is embedded in his personality, for example, how he intimidates Ren for the first half of the story. He is deeply passionate about Italian history.

Secondly, I also adored Lorenzo (Ren) Ferrara, who has an ENFP (Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting) personality. He has a great sense of humor that tears readers’ eyes from laughter. Ren is hugely involved in helping Lina by unwinding the secrets left by her late mother. He is half-American and half-Italian. 

Lina is an excellent runner but lost in a competition on the day she learned about her mother’s cancer prognosis. She has a friend called Addie back home in Seattle, where she grew up, and she keeps updating her about her life taking different turns and twists in Florence. 

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Cultural aspect 

This book captured the Italian cultural aspect through paintings, rich architecture, ambiguous sculptures, and delicious cuisine. There were a few Italian phrases here and there in the story, and I had a great time Google translating them and writing down my notes. The sculpture of a bull’s head at Piazza del Duomo and the significance of its backstory on Hadley’s relationship. Reading about Howard’s version of the story of Porcellino, aka boar, was indeed delightful. Moreover, Italian cuisine improved the essence of the story through descriptions of the local Italian pizza with fresh ingredients, Cornetto con Nutella, and last but not least, 

Bacio gelato.

Books similar to Love and Gelato 🙂

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Love and Luck by Jenna Evans Welch

Love and Olives by Jenna Evans Welch

Spells for Lost Things by Jenna Evans Welch

The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han

Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen

Life can be challenging and unpredictable, and it’s easy to get bogged down by stress, negativity, and self-doubt. However, in the midst of all this, it’s important to remember that happiness and joy are within our reach, and sometimes all it takes is a little inspiration to lift our spirits. That’s where a list of cheerful quotes comes in – a compilation of uplifting and motivational words that can brighten your day and remind you of the beauty and goodness in life.

Cheerful quotes are like rays of sunshine on a cloudy day, providing a burst of positivity and encouragement when we need it most. They can help us see the silver lining in difficult situations, inspire us to pursue our dreams, and remind us to appreciate the simple pleasures in life. From famous authors and philosophers to everyday people, these quotes have been spoken, written, and shared throughout history, and their timeless wisdom continues to resonate with us today. So, whether you’re feeling down, stuck in a rut, or simply in need of a boost, take a few moments to peruse this list of cheerful quotes and let their uplifting messages infuse your day with positivity and hope.

1.”There is no path to happiness; happiness is the path.” – Buddha

2. “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” – Tom Bodett

3. “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

4. “Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Shulz

5. “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” -Mark Twain

6. “Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.” -Joseph Addison

7. “The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness.” – Michel de Montaigne

8. “Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers, and are famous preservers of good looks.” -Charles Dickens

9. “Give cheerfully. If we’re not cheerful, the problem is our heart, and the solution is redirecting our heart, not withholding our giving.” – Randy Alcorn

10. “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

11. “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

12. “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” – Buddha

13. “Optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you.” – Mary Lou Retton

14. “Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.” -Helen Keller

15. “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” – Epictetus

16. “The happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so.” – William Ralph Inge

17. “Beauty is everywhere. You only have to look to see it.” – Bob Ross

18. “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to swim.” -Jon Kabat Zinn

19: “No medicine cures what happiness cannot.” – Gabriel García Márquez

20. “When you love what you have, you have everything you need.” -Unknown

21. “The most important thing is to enjoy your life — to be happy. It’s all that matters.” -Audrey Hepburn

22. “Being happy never goes out of style.” -Lilly Pulitzer

23. “Happiness is the best makeup.” -Drew Barrymore

24. “Roll with the punches and enjoy every minute of it.” -Meghan Markle

25. “The only thing that will make you happy is being happy with who you are.” – Goldie Hawn

26. “There’s nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.” – Stephen Chbosky

27. “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” -Jonathan Safran Foer

28. “If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.” -Roy T. Bennett

29. “Breathe. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.” – Unknown

30. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

31. “Every day is a new day, and you’ll never be able to find happiness if you don’t move on.” -Carrie Underwood

32. “Do not set aside your happiness. Do not wait to be happy in the future. The best time to be happy is always now.” -Roy T. Bennett

33. “Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” -John Lennon

34. “Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama

35. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” -Mahatma Gandhi

At home you might be dealing with a person who understands you so well, they almost read your thoughts. But that doesn’t mean you feel “understood” in a positive sense, your needs met, or your emotions valued. It is possible you are in a relationship with a dark empath and don’t have a clue you are in an abusive relationship.

But, empathy and dark? Sounds like a paradox, doesn’t it? Up till now, we understood empathy as a trait of emotionally intelligent, highly sensitive people who were looking to understand your pain and joy and be of support. Enter the term “dark empath” and we are left confused.

Often termed the most dangerous personality type, dark empath is a fairly new term stemming from recent research. And it would be impossible to understand it without the intervention of a specialist. To help you gain better insight into the concept of dark empathy, we consulted Dr. Karan Dhawan (MD, Psychiatry), founder of Healing Soul Clinic, who specializes in de-addiction, personality disorders, mood disorders, and gender dysphoria disorders. From our expert’s desk directly to you, here is your step-by-step guide to understanding what is a dark empath and how to deal with a dark empath in a relationship.

Who Is A Dark Empath?

Narcissists, we understand, are the ones to be wary of. They are selfish and manipulative. On the contrary, in a typical empath vs narcissist contrast, empaths are the victims with a pathological need to be kind and giving, giving in to a narcissist’s selfish demands. But now we learn that an empath too can have a malevolent dark core. How is that possible?

This study describes dark empaths as people who “demonstrate a cluster of dark personality traits (the dark triad traits) combined with elevated levels of empathy.” Dr. Dhawan explains, “A dark empath has cognitive empathy i.e. understanding of others’ emotions, along with manipulation expertise, selfishness, and remorselessness. And that’s how you have a master manipulator on your hands!”

Related Reading: Relationship Bully – What Is It And 5 Signs You Are A Victim

What is the Dark Triad?

Scientists have clubbed a trio of negative personality traits called the “Dark Triad”, or sometimes the “energy vampires”. These personality traits are:

• Narcissism: Associated traits – selfishness, arrogance, grandiosity, an exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Machiavellianism: Associated traits – an absence of morality, manipulation in relationships, self-interest, and exploitative tendencies
• Psychopathy: Associated traits – lack of remorse, anti-social behavior, impulsivity

The one thing that is common in all three is that they all lack empathy. The Dark Triad, therefore, is a “low empathy + high dark traits” combination. What happens in the case of dark empathy is that it combines these dark traits with high levels of empathy. To sum it up visually:

• Dark Triad = Low empathy + High dark traits
• Dark Empathy = High empathy + High dark traits

How this terrible combination ends up creating arguably the most dangerous personality type, we see next!

What makes Dark Empath the most dangerous personality type?

To understand the dark empath meaning, we first must look at empathy. The American Psychological Association defines empathy as “understanding a person from his or her frame of reference rather than one’s own, or vicariously experiencing that person’s feelings, perceptions, and thoughts”. But the empathy you see is of three kinds, one leading to the next:

• Cognitive empathy: Knowing what the other person is thinking and how they feel. For example, “I know you are feeling homesick.”
• Emotional empathy: Feeling how the other person is feeling. For example, “I feel sad because you feel sad when you are homesick.”
• Compassionate empathy: Empathy leads to action with a desire to help. For example, “What can I do to make you feel more at home?”

An empathetic person not only knows how you feel, but they also feel your pain and have the instinct to help you. But something is off with dark empaths. You do not see in them a complete lack of empathy but instead what is called “fractured empathy” or impaired empathy. They only have cognitive empathy, which means, dark empaths totally understand how you feel, but that’s where it stops. This knowledge without a desire to be kind is dangerous in their hands.

Dark empaths can use this knowledge for almost mining data from your brain to manipulate you to their advantage. Since they have a map of your mind, they can predict your thoughts, your behavior, and your reaction, and act accordingly. They can hide their malevolent intentions so well it becomes almost impossible to spot their abusive behavior and know what they are up to.

So, will we be turned to dust in front of these Goliaths of manipulations and deceit? Can we take them down? Or where necessary, can we learn to deal with them, live with them and take measures to protect ourselves rather than falling victim to their ways? The first step always is to identify the problem itself.

5 Signs Of A Dark Empath

A dark empath is sweet yet manipulative. They are charming, yet hostile. They try to show that they understand you, yet do not let you into their inner thoughts. Dark empaths are extremely complex and therefore hard to spot. Turning the table and using their tactics against them may be our best bet. Let us read their mind to understand their distinctive dark empath traits and spot their bad behavior. Here are a few signs of a dark empath in relationships:

1. Their niceness feels fake

A dark empath knows just the right things to say. “They are usually extroverted and charming, and will often indulge you by love-bombing you,” says Dr. Dhawan. They know how to behave with you. When to be kind, when to compliment you, when to lend a listening ear, when to pat your back. They might be asking you how your day was, really listening to you vent, cuddling you after sex. Looking at you when you feel down and telling you how beautiful you are.

But their compliments fail to warm your heart. Something about their niceness feels off to you. It’s as if it is going to be followed by a “but” or something they are going to ask of you in return.

In such cases, your biggest asset often is your intuition. You can and should trust your intuition. If your gut tells you that they don’t mean what they are saying or doing, it is highly likely they are just faking their sincerity to try to manipulate you into getting something they want, if not right away, then sometime in the future.

Related Reading: How To Differentiate Between Love Bombing And Genuine Care

2. They’re masters in gaslighting and guilt-tripping

“Dark empaths are experts at using other people for their benefit,” says Dr. Dhawan. However, they use indirect forms of aggression much more commonly than direct ones. Since they have to maintain the facade of being your confidant and your best mate, they do not rely on direct aggression as that would blow their cover. Two of their favorite manipulation tactics are gaslighting and guilt-tripping (along with love bombing and ghosting).

A dark empath efficiently lays down the groundwork with you by saying things that you want to hear. They understand your vulnerabilities and know exactly what’s going on in your head. When you are ready to believe whatever they say, they gaslight you. Sending you down a guilt trip works in a similar way. They will pick on your weak spot and make you feel that you are always at fault.

If your abusive partner who you think is also your most understanding partner is making you feel guilty for every little thing and if you distrust your version of things much more often and much more easily, you are likely dealing with a dark empath who has you in their control.

3. They struggle with low self-esteem

Yes, dark empaths are manipulative and selfish, but at their core, they struggle with low self-esteem and issues of confidence and self-worth. Dr. Dhawan says, “A contradiction to a narcissist who has an inflated sense of ego and self, a dark empath is self-aware and knows what they are doing.” (This also has an advantage which we will see later).

You will notice this manifest in several ways in a dark empath:

• They won’t be able to take criticism from others well
• They are too self-critical, often engaging in self-loathing
• They often suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression and are aware of it
• They seek validation from others

4. They have a sarcastic and malicious sense of humor

Freud has called malicious or hostile humor destructive in nature. Psychologists have noted that it is another tool dark empaths employ often since this too is a less direct form of aggression. “Since dark empaths are vindictive, bitter losers and can’t handle criticism well, they might use humor as a defense mechanism to get back at you,” says Dr. Dhawan. Dark empaths can crack a joke at your expense and you wouldn’t even know it. You might even laugh at it utterly confused, not sure why it made you feel horrible.

Does your partner use sarcasm too often, laugh at others’ expense, or use a joke to convey something to you they should have ideally done politely? On top of that, does it feel hard to point out what they did wrong to be able to confront them? Beware, you might be dealing with a dark empath.

Related Reading: What Is A Dry Sense Of Humor? Intelligence Vs Humor Vs Sarcasm

5. They are emotionally intelligent yet distant

Thanks to their ability at cognitive empathy, dark empaths can tell how you are feeling. They are empaths after all, and therefore, display high emotional intelligence. But this does not mean that they will allow themselves to be vulnerable and display their real emotions to you.

A dark empath will be very secretive when it comes to their own emotions. They will try to maintain the status quo by making sure you do not get to see their poor mental health and low self-esteem.

In fact, you might think that your partner is overly kind for focusing all their attention on your problems and your problems alone. Are you both fixated only on your problems, and they get to ride their high horse and pose that all is well with them? This might be a power move! It might help to step away for a second and notice if they are hiding their real selves from you with an ulterior motive.

So, are you in a relationship with a dark empath? Take this quiz

These signs should be enough to recognize your partner’s behavior as abusive or hostile and with malevolent dark empathy tendencies. But if it still confuses you, this dark empathy test may prove helpful. Answer Yes or No to the following questions to find out the truth about your partner.

1. Does your partner tell you how you feel when you are upset rather than ask you about it? Y/N
2. Does your partner push on their version of how you are feeling rather than what you confess as your true feeling? Y/N
3. Does your partner often tell you “I know you better than you know yourself!” to gain your trust? Y/N
4. Do they have a dark sense of humor that makes you feel angry or humiliated? Y/N
5. Does your partner often engage in gossiping to feel better about themselves? Y/N
6. Does your partner find it hard to take criticism and feedback from you? Y/N
7. Do you find yourself easily getting gaslighted by your partner? Y/N
8. Does your partner often try to guilt-trip you or engage in blame-shifting? Y/N
9. Does your partner avoid conversations about themselves or their inner thoughts? Y/N
10. Do you think your partner holds back on being vulnerable in front of you or others? Y/N

On its own, each of these questions can be applied to any abusive relationship held together on the shaky grounds of manipulation and controlling behavior, but when viewed together, they may help you identify a dark empath. If you answered Yes to most of these questions, especially ones that show that your partner seems to have access to how you think, you might be dealing with a dark empath in your relationship.

Please note: This form of screening is not intended to be a diagnostic tool. Only a licensed therapist or mental health professional can give you a diagnosis and help you figure out the next best steps for you.

Related Reading: 20 Gaslighting Phrases In Relationships That Are HARD to CALL OUT

Are you wondering “Am I a dark empath?” Take this quiz

If this article has led you to believe that you may know of such a person quite closely in fact, that it may actually be you who has empathetic skills but feels “How do I gain from it?” and is often called a control freak, take this Am I a dark empath quiz to find out and seek help to resolve your behavior. See how much these statements resonate with you.

1. I know exactly what others are thinking. Y/N
2. It’s a great skill and I might use it for personal gain. Y/N
3. It’s easy to convey my contempt toward others if I crack a joke about it. Y/N
4. I understand what another person is feeling but it doesn’t move me emotionally. Y/N
5. I trust that I understand others’ emotions better than they understand themselves. Y/N
6. People often tell me that I have an agreeable, sociable, and extroverted personality. Y/N
7. Keeping my emotions to myself is important. Being emotionally vulnerable is a dangerous thing. Y/N
8. I have the skill of telling people what they should believe in and they always end up agreeing with me. Y/N
9. I don’t like it when others criticize me or point to a flaw because I think they are right. Y/N
10. I feel anxious and unsure of myself. I think I might be depressed. Y/N

Again, if you answered Yes to most of these questions, especially ones that show that you are great at knowing what’s going on with other people and feel that it’s something that you can benefit from, you might be suffering from high empathy and dark traits in your personality, possibly making you a dark empath.

Please note: This form of screening is not intended to be a diagnostic tool. Only a licensed mental health professional can give you a diagnosis and help you figure out the next best steps for you.

How To Respond To A Dark Empath When In A Relationship With One

Dark empaths are good at compartmentalizing their emotions. They are also aware of their bad behavior but have a way of justifying it in their minds. You need to respond with a similar razer precision focus when dealing with a dark empath. Allow self-preservation to be your primary aim and don’t lose sight of that goal. Now let us look at how best to deal with a dark empath in a relationship:

1. Set and assert personal boundaries

Boundaries are essential. Boundaries are crucial! For any relationship to stay in the healthy zone. And as is the case with most abusive relationships, our expert advises that you set personal boundaries for yourself, declare them clearly to your partner, and make sure you hold your partner accountable when they flout them.

For example, tell your dark empath partner that you do not appreciate their dark humor, especially when you realize the maliciousness of their humor. Do not laugh off their bad behavior now that you are able to spot it. Dr. Dhawan says, “Put in place healthy relationship boundaries and address issues where you feel you are being manipulated rather than enduring it.”

2. Build faith in your intuition

It is your intuition that will tell you when something feels off. When your partner lies to you, makes an insincere compliment, gaslights you into believing something that is not the truth, or tries to guilt-trip you, it is your gut that will tell you that it didn’t feel right to you. That you didn’t experience true joy, true remorse, or true realization of your fault.

It takes a lot of self-belief to listen to that inner voice. And even more so when dealing with a dark empath who is going to make you feel like they know you better than you know yourself. You must take active steps to build a better relationship with yourself. Some steps of self-love and self-care may include:

• Meditate to learn to be in alignment with your feelings
• Take chances and follow your instincts more often
• Try to avoid overthinking menial things
• Journal your thoughts to learn to recognize your feelings

Related Reading: 13 Beautiful Ways To Date Yourself

3. Seek help from a professional – both for yourself and with your partner

When you feel confident enough, you can consider talking to your dark empath partner about your observation. Dr. Dhawan suggests, “You can try to draw their attention to these personality traits and see if they are open to getting help since it will benefit both parties.”

With a dark empath, this is a real possibility, since most dark empaths will have the self-awareness to know what they have been doing and that their behavior is detrimental. Most dark empaths suffer (and know that they do) from mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and may be open to seeing a mental health counselor.

Dr. Dhawan adds, “If your partner is unwilling, it is rather difficult to modify the behavior of a dark empath. So, if you feel overwhelmed and burnt out, it is never a bad idea to seek help yourself.” Seeking support and guidance from a cognitive behavioral therapy specialist may help you identify abusive behavior, unlearn negative beliefs about yourself, rebuild self-esteem, and assert your boundaries.

4. Do not lose perspective when “diagnosing” your partner with “dark empathy”

When we learn to look for red flags, it’s easy to overdo it. We may misdiagnose ourselves if we are too self-critical or to feel better about our behavior. We may misdiagnose our partners to feel superior to them or to evade personal accountability. Which is why it is important to not lose perspective.

Do not forget that dark empathy is a fairly new term and there is a lot that we do not know about it. Understanding traits and spotting signs may be the first step to detecting harmful behaviors. But personality disorders are extremely complex, always on the spectrum. That’s why the intervention of a mental health medical practitioner is a must for an accurate diagnosis.

If you think you are in a relationship with a dark empath, or a person with dark traits, consult a professional counselor to decide your course of action depending on your unique situation. Should you need that help, Bonobology’s panel of experts is here to help you.

It is not easy to spot or diagnose a dark empath, since the dark empath meaning is complicated. Dark empaths are going to confuse you with their charm and their display of understanding. But do not forget, if you tap into the pool of resources available to you, including your will and your gut, you can not only identify a dark empath but also become a master handler of the master manipulator!

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Your Guide To Dealing With An Angry Person In A Relationship

In this article, I will teach you how one of India’s most popular spiritual leaders, Sadhguru, can help you in your dating life.

Some of his most important lessons have inspired me to write this article to help combat a capitalist life with some spirituality.

📖 Keep reading to transform your dating life and don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for more advice.

Who is Sadhguru?

The teachings of Sadhguru, an Indian yogi, mystic, and visionary, have touched the lives of millions around the world.

• His wisdom provides guidance on personal growth, spiritual awakening, and self-realization.

However, many people may not realize that Sadhguru’s teachings can also be applied to the dating world.

Self-awareness and self-improvement

Sadhguru often emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and personal growth.

• Before diving into the dating world, you should take the time to understand yourself, your values, and your desires.

This self-awareness will help you to attract partners who share similar values, creating the foundation for a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

Aspects to avoid:

• Do not ignore personal growth and development.
• Avoid being close-minded to new experiences and ideas.
• Don’t rush into a relationship without first understanding your values and desires.

Mindfulness and presence

Being present and fully engaged in the moment is a key tenet of Sadhguru’s teachings.

• In the dating world, being mindful and present during interactions with potential partners is crucial.
• You should give their full attention to your dates, listening carefully and responding genuinely.

This level of presence fosters a deeper connection and enables both parties to feel truly seen and heard.

Aspects to avoid:

• Avoid getting distracted by your phone or external factors during a date.
• Don’t bring past relationship baggage into the present moment.
• Do not monopolize the conversation or talk about yourself excessively.

Balance and inner well-being

Sadhguru often speaks about the importance of balancing the various aspects of our lives, including work, relationships, and spirituality.

• You should strive to achieve this balance in your life, as it contributes to your overall well-being.

When we are happy and content with ourselves, we become more attractive to potential partners and are better equipped to build strong relationships.

Aspects to avoid:

• Avoid becoming consumed by your dating life at the expense of other aspects of your life.
• Don’t neglect your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being.
• Do not rely solely on a romantic relationship for happiness and fulfillment.

Honesty and communication

Honesty and open communication are vital in any relationship.

• Sadhguru encourages individuals to be truthful and transparent with themselves and others.
• In the context of dating, you should be upfront about their intentions, feelings, and expectations.

This clarity will help create trust and avoid misunderstandings, paving the way for a more fulfilling connection.

Aspects to avoid:

• Avoid playing games or manipulating your partner’s emotions.
• Don’t hide your true feelings or intentions to please someone else.
• Do not evade difficult conversations or issues that need to be addressed.

Compassion and empathy

Sadhguru’s teachings emphasize the importance of compassion and empathy in our interactions with others.

• You should approach dating with an open heart, seeking to understand and appreciate the perspectives and feelings of your potential partners.

This empathetic approach helps create a safe space for open communication, mutual respect, and genuine affection.

Aspects to avoid:

• Avoid making judgments or assumptions about your date’s intentions or feelings.
• Don’t disregard your partner’s emotions or dismiss their concerns.
• Do not prioritize your own desires and needs over those of your partner.

Patience and perseverance

Dating can be a challenging journey, filled with ups and downs.

• Sadhguru’s teachings remind us to be patient and maintain a positive attitude, even when faced with disappointment or rejection.
• You should be persistent and not lose hope, as finding the right partner takes time and effort.

Stay true to your values and desires, and eventually, the right person will come along.

Aspects to avoid:

• Avoid becoming discouraged or cynical about dating after a few setbacks.
• Don’t compromise your values or desires in the quest for a relationship.
• Do not rush into commitment or settle for less than what you truly want.

Conclusion

• Sadhguru’s teachings offer valuable insights for single men seeking meaningful connections with women.
• By focusing on self-awareness you can navigate the dating world with confidence and grace.
• Ultimately, these principles can help you to find lasting love and build strong, fulfilling relationships.

I can coach you to connect with women

If you want to learn how to create long-term dating success, then consider taking one of my courses.

I can help you become a more desirable man by increasing your status, confidence, and skills in meeting and connecting with women.

 Explore My Life-Changing Courses Now! 

Resources

1. Sadhguru’s Official Website – Isha Foundation Visit the Isha Foundation’s official website to explore Sadhguru’s teachings, learn about his books, and find information about his programs and events. The website also offers various resources like articles, videos, and podcasts to help you deepen your understanding of Sadhguru’s philosophy.
2. Sadhguru’s YouTube Channel – Sadhguru’s YouTube channel features a vast collection of videos, including talks, interviews, and guided meditations. This is a great resource for anyone looking to explore and understand Sadhguru’s teachings and apply them to different aspects of life, including dating and relationships.
3. Inner Engineering: A Yogi’s Guide to Joy by Sadhguru. This is a bestselling book by Sadhguru that offers practical wisdom and tools for self-improvement and personal transformation. The book covers a wide range of topics, including self-awareness, mindfulness, and balancing different aspects of life. It is an excellent resource for those seeking to apply Sadhguru’s teachings to their dating journey.

In this article I will explain more about testosterone and the role it plays in your dating success.

Although it is produced in both men and women, its impact on attraction, behavior, and social interactions is particularly significant for men.

 Continue reading to improve your dating success and be sure to sign up for my newsletter for my latest articles.

Testosterone and Attraction

One of the primary roles of testosterone in dating is its influence on physical attraction.

• Testosterone levels have been linked to facial attractiveness, body composition, and even scent, all of which contribute to our overall attractiveness to potential partners.
• Men with higher testosterone levels tend to have more defined facial features, broader shoulders, and a more muscular build.
• These physical traits are often considered attractive by women, as they subconsciously signal good health and the potential for strong offspring.

Additionally, research has shown that women can detect the scent of men with high testosterone levels and may be more drawn to them because of it.

Confidence and Assertiveness

Testosterone is also responsible for boosting confidence and assertiveness in men.

• This can have a significant impact on dating, as men with higher testosterone levels are more likely to approach potential partners.
• They are also more likely to make the first move, and take the lead in social situations.
• Confidence and assertiveness are attractive traits to many people, and the ability to navigate social interactions with ease can be a powerful tool in the dating world.

While it is important to be mindful of overconfidence or aggressiveness, a healthy level of self-assuredness can go a long way in attracting potential partners.

Risk-Taking Behavior

Men with high testosterone levels are more likely to engage in risk-taking behavior, which can be both a blessing and a curse in dating.

• On the one hand, risk-takers may be more adventurous and exciting, drawing in potential partners with their boldness and spontaneity.

• On the other hand, excessive risk-taking can lead to reckless decisions and unhealthy relationship patterns.

It is essential to strike a balance between exciting and responsible behavior, recognizing the fine line between being adventurous and being dangerous.

Emotional Regulation

Testosterone has been found to influence emotional regulation in men, which can impact their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.

• High levels of testosterone can sometimes make men less empathetic and more prone to anger or aggression.
• This can create challenges in dating and relationships, as emotional intelligence and empathy are vital components of a strong connection.

Managing emotions and fostering emotional intelligence is crucial for men with high testosterone levels.

It can improve their dating experiences and lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Action steps to naturally increase testosterone

• Exercise regularly
• Maintain a healthy diet
• Get enough sleep
• Manage stress
• Maintain a healthy body weight
• Limit alcohol consumption
• Get adequate vitamins and minerals
• Consider natural supplements

Conclusion

• The role of testosterone in dating is multifaceted, influencing attraction, confidence, risk-taking behavior, and emotional regulation.
• By understanding the effects of testosterone on dating dynamics, you can make more informed choices and work towards healthier, more satisfying romantic relationships.
• With self-awareness and intention, testosterone’s power can be harnessed to create positive dating experiences for all parties involved.

Social Attraction Courses for Dating Success

If you want to learn more about enhancing your relationships with women, consider taking one of my Social Attraction courses.

I can help you become a more desirable man by increasing your status, confidence, and skills in approaching and meeting women.

 Explore My Life-Changing Courses Now! 

Resources

1. Vingren, J. L., Kraemer, W. J., Ratamess, N. A., Anderson, J. M., Volek, J. S., & Maresh, C. M. (2010). Testosterone physiology in resistance exercise and training: the up-stream regulatory elements. Sports Medicine, 40(12), 1037-1053.
2. Pilz, S., Frisch, S., Koertke, H., Kuhn, J., Dreier, J., Obermayer-Pietsch, B., … & Zittermann, A. (2011). Effect of vitamin D supplementation on testosterone levels in men. Hormone and Metabolic Research, 43(03), 223-225.
3. Penev, P. D. (2007). Association between sleep and morning testosterone levels in older men. Sleep, 30(4), 427-432.

This week, I have something extremely unique and special for you: I sat down with Oscar-winning actor Matthew McConaughey to talk about things he’s never spoken about before . . .

He gets real, he gets vulnerable, and he did what I’ve never seen him do in any interview: He gave practical advice on dating and how to find love. I was blown away by how honest and vulnerable he got about his own love life, including his fears about never fulfilling his dream of finding love and having a family.

He also talked about a “first of its kind” opportunity you have to work with him—side by side—to get MORE out of your life.

Enjoy! And can’t wait to read your responses. 



Reserve Your FREE Seat for Matthew McConaughey’s
THE ART OF LIVIN’ Virtual LIVE Event April 24th . . .
TAP HERE

Matthew McConaughey:

Let’s talk about love stories, and you said it, the relationship with our life. That’s a love story. The relationship with ourself, that’s a love story.

Matthew Hussey:

Oh, do I have something cool for you lot today. I had the insane opportunity to talk to none other than Matthew McConaughey about dating, love, life. We were very much on board with the McConaissance, as it became known. But he didn’t stop there. He went and wrote a book called Greenlights, a book that I read in the last few weeks, an incredible book where he showed himself to be more than an extraordinary actor or someone capable of taking huge risks in his career, but a philosopher, a poet, an amazing giver of life advice, and someone who can provide a roadmap for living life to the full.

And having read his book, I was so excited at the opportunity to talk to him, and it happened. I got the chance to speak with the man. And whatever you do, watch till the end of this because there is something happening that you need to know about, and we talk about it at the end of this video. I’m so excited. I can’t wait for you to see this. I present to you Matthew McConaughey.

Matthew Hussey:

Matthew, how you doing?

Matthew McConaughey:

Pretty damn good, man. Damn good, I’m happy to say.

Matthew Hussey:

I completed your book, Greenlights, in the last three days. And I’ve spent 15 years of my life helping people work on their love lives. It seems to me you’ve given people this incredible manual here for how to love their life, which is one of the most important things I think you can possibly do in having a great love life, is develop a great relationship with life itself. And through your stories and through the vulnerability and everything you talk about in this book, it’s extraordinary to me what a practical kind of manual you’ve put together for people to be able to do that.

Matthew McConaughey:

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we talk about love stories, and you said it, the relationship with our life. That’s a love story. The relationship with ourself, that’s a love story. And I’ve been happy to hear from people that said, “Oh, you gave me some tools to re-approach things in a different way. You showed me how you yourself, Matthew, did not navigate the best way sometimes, did not navigate that relationship.” I’ve had a lot of people say, “You helped me take more risk in my life and see myself as the subject in my own story in ways that I haven’t been able to do before.” And then that felt really good to hear that.

Matthew Hussey:

Well, when you say, people say, “You encouraged me to take more risk,” there was a phrase you used in the book that really stuck with me, which was less impressed, more involved. And you told this story of being this guy in high school who had a truck and you were having fun dates with girls and you were having a fun time with your friends and you were popular. People wanted to be around you and the energy you created. And then you got this red sports car, and you thought that would be an upgrade, but actually as soon as you started acting like the cool guy with the red sports car, some of that attention died off. Can you just explain that idea of less impressed, more involved, because I think it’s so powerful even for people’s love lives?

Matthew McConaughey:

Yeah. Well it came to me after my father passed away. And if you’ve had a loved one pass away, especially I guess, a parent, it sobers you up pretty quickly. And I remember that soon after he passed away, I noticed that everything that I had been revering in life, looking up to, wow, so impressed with . . . And I was impressed. I had just become . . . in my first acting gig, and all my future, and oh, my life’s really good, wow. Everything that I’ve revered lowered down to eye level. And I looked it in the eye. I also noticed that everything that I had been sort of condescending and patronizing and looking down upon as, “Oh, that’s not worthy of me,” rose up. And I looked at it at eye level and I remember writing, “The world is flat.” Something about that gave me courage to go, “Oh, well, what are we doing? Let’s go more boldly forward, be less impressed and more involved.”

In my acting career, I had to be less impressed. And I still to this day, with success, I got to be less impressed with the things that I’ve got. Be respectful, very respectful. But if I’m overly impressed to be talking with you right now, I won’t be able to be present with you right now because I’ll be like . . . I’ve got you on a pedestal. We do it in relationships all the time, our mate, we hold them up there as Wonder Woman or Superman. And it’s not fair, not only to them, it’s not fair to us because no one can live up to it. But we’re so impressed we can’t be involved or be honest or authentic in it.

This was a time in my life where life was going good in high school. I was rolling. I decided I’m going to get this candy red sports car with T-tops. I was like, ah, just an upgrade, as you said. It was not an upgrade. It wasn’t me. And what I found that what that red sports car did . . . And we all have our red sports cars in our life that we need to unpack. I began leaning against that red sports car, letting that red sports car try and do the work for me. Thought I I was cool because of my red sports car. And the people around me were like, “You’re kind of boring now, bro. You’re relying on this damn car you’re leaning against, and used to be the fun guy, man. We used to go in your truck mudding after school. You had the speaker in the front of the truck where you’d jack with everybody in the morning in the parking lot. Now you’re just leaning against the sports car.”

I became the guy at the party who leans against the wall and smoking cigarettes to look cool instead of the guy who goes and gets on the dance floor and actually has a good time. And that’s what that red sports car . . . became a crutch. And I relied on it and I noticed that. I was like, man, my social relations have gone dry. People don’t want to hang out with me anymore. What’s going on? And I looked at that sports car, and I said, “You son of a . . .” I went down and I traded it back in for the truck, came back the next day, I was back. But I was impressed with this red sports car. I was impressed.

I got another story in the book about when you can, ask yourself if you want to before you do. It’s that story about when I got my jeans pressed for the first time. I had a housekeeper for the very first time, and she pressed my jeans. And I was telling a friend, “It’s so awesome, man. I’ve got this housekeeper. She cleans the room, she makes me meals. But check this out. She presses my jeans, man. She makes that crease, that line down the front.” And my friend was like, “Well, that’s cool if you want your jeans pressed.” And I was like, “I never thought of that before.” I was very impressed with it because it was the first time I could get my jeans pressed.

And I said, “I don’t like that line down my jeans,” and I actually quit pressing my jeans from then on. So there’s certain things that we’re impressed with because we can get them or because society says, “Oh, that’s the cool way to go.” The red sports car makes you cooler, or the jeans pressed is something more chic-chic to get because you can get it. That we got to kind of ask ourselves, “Wait a minute, somebody may tell me that’s cooler, but is it really for me?” And those . . . they weren’t.

Matthew Hussey:

And I’ve watched people do the same thing with people, where they’re on a date, they’re trying to find love, and they’re so busy wondering if they can get someone that they never stop to ask themselves, is this someone worth getting? And they may see a lot of things in those early stages where you talk all about what represent green lights or yellow lights in the book. There’s a lot of things in early dating that represent red lights, like this person’s not going to make you happy. This person’s not going to be good for you. They’re not well-behaved. They disrespect you. They distreat you . . . they mistreat you. They don’t show you they’re really investing. And we pursue them anyway because instead of seeing a red light that, oh, this should be telling me to go in a different direction, we see it as a green light to try harder. How do you recognize the red lights in situations like that, and then have the confidence to act on them? Why do you think we ignore those red lights when we see them?

Matthew McConaughey:

And not only in love, but we have relationships where we get in them and it doesn’t quite live up, but we think we can coach them up. We think we can kind of mold them. We’re giving ourselves credit, like, “I can change this person.” And usually there’s some things you can, but usually those red lights and those yellow lights in relationships are like, “Hey, this is . . . ” If there’s any time that the person that I’m interested in is showing their best behavior, it’s now. All right? If anybody’s overselling who they are, it’s now. It’s not going to usually get better. If anything, it’s going to drop down to more of a realistic place where you’re going to go, “Oh, I saw the signs early, and now they’re just even more illuminated.” But we want to be accepted. We want approval, we want to get their approval.

We feel like, like I said, that we can maybe mold them in, that maybe we should even sacrifice something of who we are. Maybe I shouldn’t be upset with that trait of that person. Maybe that’s on me. Okay, that’s a good thought. We got to compromise as well in relationships. But the ones that go against . . . And that word authentic is thrown around, but it’s a good word. The ones that go against . . . We got to have a more bottom line, what we can put up with and what we can’t. And we’re not going to find, I don’t think, love in someone that’s just like us. Hell, that’s boring. But if we’re going to find . . . you know what, more bottom line, we’re in sync in what we stand for, what we stand against, what we can put up with, what we won’t put up with, how we respect ourselves, and how we can respect each other.

But after that, if something crosses those lines, they’re usually not coming back. That’s a good sign to go, “You know what? Probably not for me. Thank you for showing your true colors, by the way.” Because in that oversell thing, we’ve all done it. And I know I’ve done it, oversold myself early, and I painted myself in a corner because I couldn’t live up to it later on. You know what I mean? And we’ve all been there where that person, you’re like, “What happened to the honeymoon phase, man? Oh, you were bullshitting back then. Oh, okay. Uh-oh. Well, now you let me know that this isn’t for me?” But those early signs, if you meet on a moral bottom line, I think they’re worth discussing, and worth saying, “Hey, can we update that a little bit? Can we shine the car on that a little bit? Can we amend that behavior a little bit? Because it may not bother you, but it really bothers me, and it bothers me more than you actually enjoy it.”

Matthew Hussey:

That’s real confidence is being able to do that, right? Because that’s where you are actually in a way you’re testing whether it’s a yellow light or a red light, because if it’s a red light and you have that conversation, it doesn’t improve. If it’s a yellow light and you have that conversation, it can turn into a green light because you go, “Oh, progress.” One of the big reasons we ignore those red lights is I think this scarcity mindset we have, that something better isn’t coming. And a part of the book that really spoke to me was the time in your life where you were wildly successful doing romcoms, you wanted to do a different kind of acting. You felt like there was more work for you to do internally to actualize . . . in self-actualizing your abilities there. But it represented this huge risk that you are going to have to, as you put it, say yes by saying no.

And you went through this whole period of time where you were saying no to things, and you didn’t know if something better was going to come, but you had that leap of faith. I feel like that’s true in every part of our lives. We have to be willing to say no to the wrong things now for the right thing to come. What gives you the courage to do that when so many people just grab at the shiny thing? Because they’re like, “I don’t know where the next great thing is going to come from. And if I say no to this, maybe I’ll be punished for it by life and nothing good will ever come.”

Matthew McConaughey:

That’s part of the art of living there, isn’t it? I mean, because on the flip side, we miss out on things. And we look back and we go, “Why didn’t I take the chance? Why didn’t I follow through?” But then I think of equal value is, and I would say probably even maybe more so when it comes to affairs of the heart and love, is going and believing that time is on our side. But we have a clock. I have a friend who had his life planned, very successful guy. I’m going to go through, 20s I graduate, I get a job, early 30s, I’m going to meet the woman for me. I’m going to be married 35, want to have kids at 36. So he was racing and pressing to get into relationships because he was coming upon 30. And then he was in there 30, 31, 32, and he hadn’t met the one. So he was pressing, trying to force relationships to work because that was going to fit his timeline.

And all of a sudden at 35, none of those had worked out. And this was the time he was supposed to already be married and started having kids. 36, it hadn’t worked out. 40, it hadn’t worked out 50, it hadn’t worked out. Now, if you want to go back and deconstruct, going backwards, I would argue he had a better chance if he wouldn’t have tried to force things to work to meet that timeline when he was in his late 20s and early 30s and actually been patient and believed a little more in himself and going, you know what? I need to really check and measure if this person’s right for me or not, instead of trying to force my hand or trying to turn them in or trying to make them work for me. Because it seemed to me from the outside as his friend, that’s not a good match. And now he’s looking at 50 going, “What the hell happened? Well now do I get patient? I’m behind the eight ball. I missed my timeline.”

But to believe times on our side at those times. Look, I’ll say this, I met Camila. Was she the right woman for me? Yes. Was it also the right time for me? I believe so. Sometimes we may meet the right person, but it’s not the right time for us to receive their love. Sometimes we’re in the right time where we’re open, and it’s not the right person. And we got to watch because we feel like what we’re talking about in the first question. Oh no, I can make this work because I can see the beauty in them. I can see the upside. I can be the optimist on this. I’ll just keep brushing over the reality and saying, “No, this will work.” We got to watch that too, which is what the first question you were bringing up is part of what we got to watch.

So I think it needs to be the right person and the right time, and we got to calibrate those two as we enter that relationship, make sure that someone’s not crossing or trespassing across our moral bottom lines, that they really hopefully appreciate us for the most of who we are. And hell, we’re all trying to figure out who the hell we are all the time. It’s not like there’s a ta-da moment. And then hopefully we meet someone that we can grow with them. And when you know this, and I know this, most of us all out there I think know this. They’re never who we absolutely hoped they would be. We have to go with the audibles that are called in a relationship as people grow.

There’s certain relationships, and I know I’ve been in one, where I’m like, “Well, wait, what happened to the person that I’ve . . . early on, when I fell in love?” And then the answer is, this person’s changed. That person’s growing. Can we grow with them? Ooh, well, they’re essentially the same person, but I got to be open to going . . . I can’t ask them to be that person that they were when I met them. Essentially, I hope they are on those moral bottom lines I was talking about. But they’re going to change, and hopefully we are too. And they can respect and not forgive, but feed the changes that we go through. Look, it’s a balance act going forward. But I think if we can just say, we know on our own what things we probably are just talking ourself into thinking this person’s the right person for me, and we don’t need to force that hand. And if we can trust . . . You know how it is. You don’t find who you’re looking for when you’re looking.

I didn’t find Camila . . . It took me a while. Before I found her, I was looking in the produce section, at every red light. I was looking, man, maybe, yo, maybe, maybe, maybe. I wasn’t going to meet her like that. It was when I was like, “McConaughey, stay with yourself. Be aware. Be open. Be open to receive, but don’t be trying so hard. Don’t be looking at every damn street corner trying to go, ‘Oh, that could work. She could work.”” So when we do sit back and are aware and are in pursuit, but not over pursuing or looking, trying to make it happen, we have a better chance, I think, of meeting the right person.

Matthew Hussey:

Well, I’d love to point out what appeared to me to be in a key ingredient of that for you, and you can tell me if I’m off on this, but you talked about a dream you had where you saw lots of children, and it was a big deal for you to be a father before you even . . . .You hadn’t met your person, but you knew, “I want to be a dad.” Because I deal with a lot of women and that is a major stressor for so many of them, is that, “I want to have a family, I want to have kids.”

Matthew McConaughey:

And a woman has a different biological clock than a man.

Matthew Hussey:

A hundred percent. And so people need to develop, I agree with you, that idea of see time is on my side, but one of the things that helps us put time back on our side is creating peace with what is or what might be. And you use this beautiful phrase that I love, which is being relative with the inevitable. And I took that to mean when you can’t change something or when something is the way it is, you can change the way you approach it or you can change your mindset towards it, and you can develop a different relationship with it. And you had this moment where you realized, “Oh, even if I’m a bachelor forever, I could still have kids. I could still make a family. I could still do these things.” Is there any advice you could give my audience about how to get to that place of peace, which is not just positive thinking, it really is making peace with an eventuality that you hadn’t planned for but could still be happy in?

Matthew McConaughey:

Yeah, look, for me, that was a literal dream, that in the dream I had children, but I had not found my mate, but yet my relationships with the mothers were all good. It was a dream. And I woke up and it wasn’t a nightmare, and I wasn’t sweating. And I woke up and I was like, “Oh, that could be my reality.” That dream allowed me to do what you just said. I said, “Okay, now that I’m at peace with that possibly being my future,” well, that’s when I found the woman for me. That’s when I found my mate. Again, when I quit looking at every red light going, “Oh possible. Oh, in the produce section, oh, maybe.” When I quit trying so hard, I quit hunt hunting so hard.

Like I said, I was still aware, I was still looking, but I was like, spiritually, I believe I’m going to be okay. I’m going to take the hand that’s dealt me. If it’s not for me, then it’s not for me, but I’m going to quit trying so hard to make the square screw fit the round hole, however you want to put it. Damn, it’s hard to get to that peace. Like I said, that came to me. I didn’t engineer that thought up. I had an immaculate sort of interruption, spiritually to me. So it wasn’t an intellectual choice I made. It came to me through a spiritual dream that then I made the intellectual choice to go, “Okay, I’m good. If I could just . . . Being a father was the only dream I ever really had that could still happen. I’m still looking. I’d like to find someone, mate, marry them and have a family. That’d be ideal. But if that doesn’t happen, I’m going to be okay with it and I’m going to be okay with myself.”

I kind of forgave myself in a way, was part of it, part the submission to the surrender of the idea. I did kind of forgive myself because in my head, I still had an ideal that no, I need to meet the right person, have a family with that person, marry that person, and that be it. And that’s a fair ideal, but I forgave the possibility of that not being the outcome, which then allowed me to find the person that I made the outcome with. Now, in there, in that dance is some real truth, I think, for all of us.

Matthew Hussey:

I think even just you saying that is going to be a tremendous pressure valve for so many people, that you gave yourself that possibility and you made peace with it and you forgave yourself for living that path, if that ended up being your path. I think it’s beautiful, and I just think so many people will be liberated by seeing that this very neat and tidy way they’ve decided they need to be happy actually is not the only way that they can be happy.

Matthew McConaughey:

Right. It’s not. And it also might be the way that you find that, the better path to finding that happiness as well. Because I didn’t get callous. I didn’t get, no, I don’t want to meet. No, I’m not looking for my mate. None of that. I just . . . my shoulders sat back back. I stayed in my place, whereas before I was a bit more . . . I was intruding. I was coming over in your space.

Like I said at the red light, produce section, I was looking. I was hunting, you know what I mean? And when I said, “Huh, be ” I think I became much more of attractive mate too to Camila in that way. I don’t think she would’ve taken me on if I would’ve been . . . That night when I met her, if I’d have been . . . She’d have probably been like, “Slow your roll, buddy. Back off.” And I don’t think I would’ve been as attractive to her. So yeah, maybe just forgive your own idea that there’s only one way, and when you do accept that it could be another one and will I deal with the hand that I’m dealt there, and the hand that I play, and you might play the winning hand and have a better chance of actually meeting the one that gets you what you want.

Matthew Hussey:

What I love about the way you talk is that you create these little recipes that help people actually create Greenlights in their life. When I heard you first say “less impressed, more involved,” one of the first questions I asked myself was, “How do I get . . . What can I do?” Because I believe in my bones that’s the way to an extraordinary life is to drop the ego, drop the identity I’ve created for myself that becomes a prison of its own and to keep moving and keep growing and keep expanding. And the question I asked myself was, “Okay, how do I do that? How do I become less impressed, more involved?”

And I texted our mutual friend, Dean Graziosi, and I was like, “Dean, this book’s unbelievable. This is a whole different way of looking at how to create a better life for yourself.” And he said to me, “Imagine having practical ways of actually applying that.” And then he told me about something you have going on that got me insanely excited, and I’d love to hear it from you because I’m absolutely going to . . . I’m make sure I’m there because I want to hear everything you have to say. But for everyone else’s purposes, I’d love for you to tell us a little more about what you have.

Matthew McConaughey:

Yeah, so I hadn’t done this before. On the 24th of April, it’s Monday, at 9:00 AM Pacific Time, for free, I’m going to go live with Tony, Dean, Trent Shelton and Marie Forleo, and we’re going to get under the hood of all this Greenlights approaches. Dean and Tony came to me after Greenlights and said, “Man, we really dig this approach in Greenlights. I think it’s incredibly useful and helpful. Would you, Matthew, be interested in getting into making it more of a process, a transformative process that more people can even more personally utilize in their life and understand a process of how they can make it real in their life?” I was like, “Absolutely.” So we started working with them and we put this event together, and that’s what we’re going to get under the hood of. We’re going to talk about hopefully how everybody can more personally utilize some of the approaches that were in Greenlights and make them more of a process, some science to the satisfaction.

And I believe that you got to have . . . If we can teach and share the science to satisfaction our lives, that’s where we become the artist in our life, which is why it’s title of The Art of Livin. Now, very specifically, we’re doing it this time because, as you know, everybody this last three years or four were universally disruptive. We were all thrown into uncertainty. Everybody had different specific ways, we were all uncertain, but everybody was uncertain. You didn’t know who to trust, we still don’t, who to trust, what to believe in, how to navigate forward. And it’s time we’re kind of coming out of that. So it’s really time now to actually negotiate what are our solid steps forward on our own road trip of life? What are our ways? How can we engineer green lights in our life with decisions we make that we know will pay us back tomorrow and can trust that they’ll pay us back tomorrow?

How do we keep our ears, eyes and spirit open to letting the magical green lights come in? That had no reason when they came in, they were only rhymes. But there’s reason to them that we find out. I believe there is a science to satisfaction. I know I’ve been able to measure it in my life. I’ve been able to measure it also, when I was not satisfied and found certain habits and choices I was making, I was like, “Oh, I see what led to that. Yeah, you kept creating that same habit.” And then I was able to get back in line and go, “Well, let’s get back to those habits that we had when we were catching more green lights and creating more green lights.”

We’re also going to get under the hood of red lights, those things we were talking about, those things, crisises in our life, things that do not make us happy, pain, loss. And not be callous about them. Not brush over them, but actually trust and see that there’s a gift in every single one of them for us. And I don’t mean that as sort of spiritual kumbaya. I mean there actually is. I can go back and unpack a lot of red lights I’ve had in my life, even the death of my father, and see gifts that I got out of that.

And then finally the yellow lights, which are the most like life lights. We have a choice. Uh-uh, what I do? Do I heed the caution and slow down because maybe I need to take a little inventory of my life and renegotiate how I’m going about it, look over my shoulder wondering why the hell I’m stepping in that same damn pile of you know what? Yeah? Or do I not heed the caution and say, “Right here, yellow light. I’m blowing through you. I’m not giving this crisis credit.” And there’s a balance. There’s art there to, what do we do?

So we’re going to get under all of those lights that are in all of our lives. And that’s why the cover of my book is all green lights, because ultimately the yellows and the reds do turn green and there are green light gifts within them. And we’re going to unpack that and do our best to make it practical for you to go, “Oh, I see how I can apply that in my life. I see things I can do, choices I can make to have more success, joy, balance, quality, value in my life.” We’re going to unpack what those things are and how to get them. And that’s what we’re going to be doing for four hours on April the 24th, 9:00 AM for free. And I hope everyone comes and joins us. I had never done it before. I’m very excited about doing it because I got some great people around me to help me out.

Matthew Hussey:

I mean, it’s unbelievable. First time ever. It’s extraordinary. And I said to Dean, I was like, “I’m going to be front row at this thing. I’m going to be taking notes.” And by the way, for everyone signing up, and I would say every single person listening to this or watching this, wherever you’re getting this, sign up to this, I’m going to be there. It’s free. You can go there and sign up at MHLivin.com. That’s livin’ without a G, MHL ivin.com. You can sign up in seconds for free. You’ll get all of the information on how to access this event. And everyone should be there.

I have to give credit to you, Matthew, because talking to you is such an authentic extension of reading your book and to experience you. You really are someone who lives life, and you’ve clearly encountered so many red lights along the way and yellow lights and difficult moments and challenges. But you live in a way that I think the rest of us aspire. We want to live that hard. We want to live in that way where we feel like we’re experiencing as much as we can in this life. And you may have had a dream that gave you a sense of peace about being a bachelor for the rest of your life if that was what was going to happen. But the truth is, I feel like you’re the kind of person that you have the gift of being able to be happy wherever you are or whatever is going on. You have this incredible ability to make the best of it. And that to me is like a real superpower.

Even when you talk about your past in the book, there’s no anger there. You, you’ve been through things that other people could be angry about, and they could say, “How do you not speak about that with bitterness? How do you speak about that with love or laughter or joy?” And that to me is to be able to go back into your past and create green lights out of your past, not just green lights in your future, it’s extraordinary. And the fact that you’re actually giving people a roadmap of how to do that on the 24th of April is invaluable because that’s what we all need. We have the theory, now we want to know how to apply it. And we’re all excited, man. So I appreciate you, and thank you for making this happen.

Matthew McConaughey:

My pleasure. I’m as excited about this as anything I’ve ever done. Dean and Tony have been really helpful, again, in getting to the process to make it transformative, to make it transformative for you, for whoever, can go, “Oh, I really see how I can apply that daily in my life and measure it.” That’s what I mean by the sciences aspect. So much of this stuff is measurable. So much of it is so damn measurable.

Matthew Hussey:

The link is MHLivin.com, so MH, that’s my initials. Matthew Hussey, MHLivin without a G, .com. And you can sign up there in seconds. And do it right now before you forget. Don’t go and get into anything else in your day because I know this is the kind of event where you’ll say, “This is so important for me to go to.” And then I’ll always have people message me after an event like this who are so upset that they forgot to put it in their diary and they forgot to sign up and then they missed it. So put it in your diary now. Go sign up now, MHLivin.com. And I will see you along with many, many, many other people across the world on that day to experience Matthew and Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi and a bunch of other guests too, who I know will be there on the day. But Matthew, thank you so much for your time.

Matthew McConaughey:

Matthew, thank you for yours. I enjoyed this, man. And I’ll see you on the 24th. Looking forward to it.

Matthew Hussey:

Lovely. Thank you.

What an amazing thing that we got to do that. I’m so happy that I get to share it with you. It was a really unique life moment for me to do that. Matthew McConaughey was one of the actors that I had always looked up to and wanted to meet one day. And what a crazy opportunity for us all to experience him actually teaching in the form of self-development on April the 24th. And not just with him, but Dean Graziosi, who I don’t know if you know Dean, but Dean is unbelievably sharp and one of the brightest guys I know, someone I’ve learned a ton from. Tony Robbins. Tony has been a hero of mine. I was around 14 years old when I first went to a Tony Robbins seminar, would you believe that, in London? And Tony was one of my original heroes, a powerhouse to this day.

So I’m super excited to hear what they’re going to say. I’m sure you are too. Let me know if you’re joining me in the comments. The link again is MHLivin.com, without a G. L-I-V-I-N. And we’ll see each other on that day, virtually from across the world. I can’t wait for this. So cool. I’ll see you soon.

When you fall in love with someone, you begin to imagine your life and future with them. But what if things don’t go as planned? If our love isn’t reciprocated, we may need to learn how to stop liking someone, as difficult as it may be.

Being in love with someone who is romantically unavailable is distressing. On top of that, seeing them with someone else can take a toll on you. Now that you’re here looking for a solution to what feels like hell on earth, the first thing you need to know is this emotional turmoil doesn’t last forever.

It takes a lot of courage to be able to remove yourself from an unhappy situation. We’re glad that you have already taken the first step toward your well-being, by recognizing the need to move on.

How To Stop Liking Someone You Can’t Have – 12 Ways

Do you find yourself thinking about someone you can’t be with all the time? It’s not necessary to completely and immediately let go of someone, but you can do it eventually. Make room for yourself in your head and heart – this could be the time for you to rediscover and retain your individuality as you move forward. 

How to stop liking your crush when they’re committed to someone? How to stop liking someone and just be friends instead? These questions started to perplex us at high school and manage to follow us into our adulthoods as well. Most of the time, we learn something new about ourselves in the process of moving on, and the other times we end up repeating the cycle of falling for the same kind of people.

Since you are here and clearly want to know how to stop liking someone you can’t have, it means you’ve accepted the fact (to some extent) that they don’t like you back. It’s a huge step forward. Whether you’re in love with your best friend or attracted to a coworker, we’re going to show you how to stop liking someone without avoiding them altogether.

1. No more living rent-free in your head

We’re all guilty of this at some point. The nature versus nurture theory suggests that we’re attracted to people who are off-limits because of an innate survival trait that tells us they’re of a high value.

Fantasizing about your crush when you can’t be with them is tantalizing. Sexual and romantic attraction are the culprits behind the rosy scenarios that play in your head before you go to bed. That’s until you’re snapped back to reality during the day.

Having to go through this rollercoaster on a regular basis will take a toll on your emotional well-being. If you observe your thoughts carefully you’ll see how vicious this cycle is. Your first step to learning how to stop liking your crush is to stop letting them live rent-free in your head.

2. Acceptance is key

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Not this advice again”. If the internet, your best friend, and your mom, all of them are handing out the same advice, it’s because it works. Getting over your crush does not have to be a herculean task, it can be gentle and simple. One that does not leave any emotional baggage or resentment behind.

You could go out every weekend and get wasted in clubs for months and still not make progress. However, just one evening where you sit with yourself, away from external noise, can be enough to start accepting and grieving the fact that you can’t have your crush.

There are just a few things you need to accept to know how to stop having feelings for someone you can’t date. Firstly, know that this has nothing to do with you. Secondly, accept that you can’t force someone to like you back because there are people you don’t like back as well.

Related Reading: 8 Steps To Win Over A Girl Who Rejected You

3. Stalking is self-sabotaging

*Sighs* This is just as bad as stalking an ex on a regular basis. At least when it comes to your ex, you’ll stop stalking them because you know you don’t wish to get back together with them. But in the case of a crush, you have hope – as little as it may be.

The temptation to constantly check their Instagram stories is real, but it’s also painful and detrimental to your health. Ask yourself, do you really want to see their stories of going out on dates with their partner?

Here’s how to stop liking someone you can’t have – sign up on a dating site and replace the habit of stalking them with swiping left and right. If you’re not ready to date other people, that’s okay too. You can replace it with any activity of your choice, just make sure it is easy and fun to do for it to stick.

4. Use humor as a coping tool

This may sound odd to some but it is true that humor goes a long way in uplifting your spirits and overall well-being. A research published in 2021 revealed the role of perspective-changing skills using humor to deal with psychological burdens.

Humor creates a buffer between you and the sadness that unrequited love brings into a person’s life. We have been using humor as a way to cope for centuries; you know what they say about laughter being the best medicine. 

The quickest way to get onto this is by watching stand-up comedy, or even better, going for one in person. I once did this after a breakup and purposely sat on the front row, hoping for it to help. I was made fun of, it was a good laugh for everyone (including me), and I was able to look at my life with a non-serious and non-grumpy eye.

5. How to stop liking someone you see everyday? By journaling the sad and ugly

Do you wish things were different and your crush wasn’t taken? Then write about it in your journal. Do you wish you didn’t have to find out how to stop liking someone you see everyday? Write it in your journal. 

Speaking on the subject, psychologist Devaleena Ghosh previously told Bonobology, “A habit of regular journaling is known to reduce a significant amount of emotional distress for people. There are a lot of benefits to journaling with consistency, especially when you’re down in the dumps.”

Treat your journal like a safe space where you can speak your mind in the tone that you want without having to worry about offending anyone. You can brood over your emotions, express your love for your crush, and talk about their shortcomings too (trust me, it helps).

As psychosomatic beings, what we create in our minds and feel strongly in our emotions manifests in our bodies. Use this to your advantage, as journaling your feelings openly will help relieve your pain. A few weeks of reflection about your situation in a journal will hasten your process to fall out of love. And that’s our note on how to stop liking someone and just be friends with them. It’s a good start so far, isn’t it?

6. Keep reminding yourself that this is temporary

When we go through any emotional upheaval in our lives, we tend to lose sight of the big picture. It is important to remind yourself every now and then that it’s not always going to be this way. You will find the love you’re looking for. At Bonobology, we believe in a happy and imperfect love.

Your feelings may not be reciprocated this one time from this one individual, but that is no reason to get pessimistic about your love life. There truly are plenty of fish in the sea. Focus on eventually starting to see other people. If you’ve been in love with your best friend for a while, then it’s going to be difficult compared to a fleeting crush. But it’s still temporary.

Even if you’re someone who currently feels they’re destined for failed relationships or dying alone, remind yourself that your luck can change in an instant. No matter what situation you find yourself in, wake up every morning and consciously remind yourself that this is temporary and you’ll get over them. When you feel better, you attract better.

7. Limit your interaction with the crush

It’s only logical, isn’t it? You can’t expect to learn how to stop liking someone and just be friends while also hanging out with them all the time. It doesn’t work that way. If you’re constantly bumping into your crush at work, it’s like a walking reminder of the fact that you cannot date them.

There are many ways to maintain boundaries in a social setting without making anything glaringly obvious and awkward. Depending on how deeply you feel for them and the pain it causes you, set a new tone of friendship with them. If needed, bring it down to the bare minimum interaction.

At the same time be civil with them, don’t shut them out entirely. If at a certain point you do feel like putting the connection to rest, talk to them about it before you pull the plug. If that seems too much, prepare a reasonable excuse for your change in behavior.

Related Reading: How To Cope If You Have A Crush On Someone Who Is In A Relationship

8. To know how to stop liking your crush, get professional help

Unrequited love makes for an interesting story for a book but in real life, it makes one miserable. Have there been a few instances where you haven’t felt like coming out of your bed? If you find it difficult to function on a daily basis and are isolating yourself from social connections, then it’s time you get professional help. Don’t wait for rock bottom to reach out for help, pick up on the early signs of depression.

At Bonobology, we have the best experts available for you to seek help during this turbulent time in your dating life. Our panel of experts has you covered and will be more than happy to share their insight on how to stop liking someone you can’t have .

Apart from learning how to stop having feelings for someone, you can even address the other serious issues you may have been ignoring. Maybe you have a fear of rejection that has been rampant in your dating life? Therapy is a safe space for you to talk about any insecurity you may have and it’s always good to have a professional draw up a holistic picture of your life.

9. Break away from physical contact

We’re specifically referring to the flirtatious kind of friendship. Yes, they are fun, as long as feelings don’t come into the picture. But when you want to know how to stop liking someone you can’t have, continuing a friendship like this is problematic.

Friends-with-benefits is not an option either. Want to know how to stop liking someone and just be friends? Don’t confess your feelings and definitely don’t start a “casual”, sexual relationship with them. And stop waiting for them to break up with their partner in order to make a well-timed move.

It may feel great at the moment, but be honest with yourself, doesn’t that leave you with a void when you have to see them with their partner? Not being able to love your love is a wound, don’t scratch it every now and then. That’s not how healing works. Believe me, you don’t want to be breadcrumbed by settling for something less.

10. Snooze your feelings from time to time

If you spend a lot of time wallowing about not being with your crush, that’s just as problematic as avoiding the pain altogether. A healthy balance is required between the two. It’s impossible for us to always make time for our emotions as they arise. We live in the real world, where responsibilities demand our attention. 

If you catch yourself avoiding important tasks, then it’s time for you to take a break from feeling things. Avoid spiraling down into a negative pool of emotions. It won’t do you any good. Grounding is a simple yet effective way to regulate yourself during this time. The key to knowing how to stop liking someone without avoiding them, lies in your acceptance of this moment. For the times you can’t practice grounding physically, close your eyes and create a visual and sensory stimulus as close to the real one as possible.

Related Reading: 9 Tips To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

11. Indulge in the pleasures of life

At the start of this article, we talked about distracting yourself from your feelings and from the fact that your crush is taken. To reach a point where you can look them in the eye without a hole in your stomach, indulge in pleasures like hanging out with friends, meeting new people, traveling, and taking up a new hobby.

Also, here’s how to stop liking someone you can’t have: go have sex with someone you’re physically attracted to. Now we’re not asking you to go and have rebound sex. But as they say – when you can’t get over someone, get under someone new. Do this when you are ready and are seeking intimacy. A summer fling can do you good, just like in high school. 

These activities don’t have to be so extra and exotic, it can be as simple as reading a book you like or even watching the sunset. We have crushes from the past we’re now glad didn’t work out, maybe this was another addition to the same lot.

12. Channel this clarity to catapult into your best version

Start by giving yourself credit for the little things and the progress you’ve made so far. Knowing how to stop liking someone in theory is different than acting on it and being a part of the process. Acknowledge the emotional challenges you’ve been through over the last few weeks or months. Celebrate the little wins of overcoming the obstacles with self-love.

Next, use this newfound stability and space to improve your overall health. For most of us, there is always room for improvement when it comes to our physical or mental health. So move your body more often, do a few workout sessions in a week, meditate, or join a yoga class. 

This can be one of the best times of your life if you use it constructively. If you want our advice, then spend time setting life goals, and do a life review to understand how far you’ve come in your life.

And with that, we have reached the end of this article. This is all there is to know on how to stop liking someone you can’t have. We wish you all the intrinsic motivation that is needed to get over your crush. We’re always wishing you a warm dating life, may you love well and be loved in return.

FAQs

How To Emotionally Detach Yourself From Someone – 10 Ways

12 Signs It’s Time To Stop Pursuing The Girl You Like And Back Off

Giving Up On Love? 8 Reasons You Shouldn’t

Open Spotify Playlists for the Best Music

We love listening to music, so we wanted to share some of the best Spotify playlists for 2023. Get ready to dance, groove, wiggle, and wobble to these beats! Find the best playlists in each category, open Spotify, and enjoy!

Table of Contents

1. Open Spotify Playlists for the Best Music
2. The Best Spotify Playlist for Your Workout
3. Sexy Spotify Playlists
4. Party Playlists for 2023
5. Relaxing and Chill Spotify Playlists

The Best Spotify Playlist for Your Workout

Whether you’re pumping some iron or pounding the pavement, we have five Spotify playlists that are sure to get you moving.

1. 90s Workout – Boy bands, Bon Jovi, and R & B are ready to take you back in time and help you get your best times!

2. Marathon Motivation – This is a different type of playlist that offers motivation interspersed with music.

3. Kids Workout – If you have some minis who love a good sweat, this playlist is safe and fun.

4. Pumped Pop – The descriptor says “for the workout girlies.” Is that you?

5. High Energy Workout Mix – If you struggle to get excited about your workout, this playlist can help.

Sexy Spotify Playlists

Turn up the music and turn up the heat with these Spotify playlists that are perfect for a little one-on-one!

6. Romantic Instrumental – If you prefer no-lyric songs while you make your own music, this would be the list for you.

7. The Most Romantic Songs in the World – That title holds true. Remember slow dancing to “Truly, Madly, Deeply” at your high school dances? Sigh.

8. Romantic Country – Country lovers look no further. This is the sexy playlist you’ve been waiting for.

9. Bedroom Playlist 2023 – Some of these songs are rated E, so def prelisten to make sure they are all good for you and that they’ll make you swoon.

10. TikTok Love Songs 2023 – This list gives you the best love songs that went viral in 2023.

Party Playlists for 2023

The best parties have the best playlists that keep people happy and moving. Try some of these out at your parties this year.

11. Today’s Top Hits – This playlist will keep your party going with all the newest music.

12. Pure Pop Punk – Do you have some friends who keep asking “What’s my age again?” Then, this is the playlist for you.

13. BBQ 2023 Summer Vibes – The title says it all. A fun summer playlist everyone will enjoy.

14. The Beach Boys Radio – If you enjoy some classic music from the past, this is for you!

15. Halloween Party – Halloween music is so niche and so fun. You can check out our favorite Halloween songs and get ready to use Spotify for some spooky fun.

Relaxing and Chill Spotify Playlists

When you just need to wind down, music is there for you. Jumpstart your chill vibe when you open Spotify and start one of these playlists.

16. Golden Hour – Enjoy some chill, Indie music that is perfect for the golden hour.

17. Folk Music – 300+ folk songs that will have you vibing in no time.

18. Acoustic Covers – Songs you know, but stripped down to their basic backing.

19. Instrumental Chillout 2023 – If you need all the music but none of the lyrics, you’ve found your playlist.

20. Lo-Fi Mix – Lower-quality recorders equal higher-quality relaxation.

If you have other specific playlist needs, we can totally help you out. Check out this Sexy Playlist date night to come up with your own special bedroom playlist. Feel free to grab any from our list of 80+ romantic songs. We also have a wonderful and wacky car sing-along date!

We hope you enjoy music and your loved ones with these different Spotify playlists!