When my husband and I were dating, I would get completely enthralled just watching and listening to him. He was witty, bold, daring, and very convincing. He had monstrous dreams and was such a hard worker. His sense of humor was the cherry on top for me. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who so effortlessly made me cackle. He had a flurry of traits that got me hooked.
And although it was apparent to me that his personality was in many ways different from mine, this didn’t detract me one bit. As a matter of fact, it only made me feel more drawn to him- if only to savor and benefit from the traits that I lacked. The adage that opposites attract held true for me. Within the first two years of our marriage, the same traits that had lured me to him like a magnet seemed to have morphed into points of irritation.
It suddenly irked me that he was a social butterfly, thrusting me into public spaces, whereas the introvert in me preferred to be holed up at home. I started frowning at the fact that he was a risk taker, making bold decisions for our new family, whereas I would have preferred taking my time carefully looking out for any pitfalls. His spontaneity also started to tick me off. He would, for instance, phone our friends at the spur of the moment and invite them over for lunch or dinner. I, on the other hand, preferred organized planning where hosting guests was concerned.
Needless to say, we spent lots of time embroiled in conflict because of our differences. We were both simmering in frustration and wondered how to find harmony. Thankfully we somehow managed to wiggle out of the resentment rut and figured out how to live with our differences. Here are some useful tips if you are smack dab in a conflict-laced season in your marriage.
1. Stop trying to Change Your Spouse.
There’s a wacky joke that states love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. The differences you spotted and probably fancied in your partner during dating and courtship tend to get magnified in marriage. This is mostly because you are now with your partner around the clock. You no longer have to part ways after a coffee or lunch date. You now hurtle home together and wake up together the following day. You have a front-row seat in their lives and are well acquainted with both their strengths and weaknesses.
One of the injustices you can take out on your spouse is trying to change them. It’s downright unfair and selfish. Besides, it’s nearly impossible to change an adult. Only God can redirect the heart of a man or woman. Jeremiah observed the heart is deceitful above all things and exceedingly wicked, and no man can know it. It is the Lord who searches the heart and tests the mind (Jeremiah 17: 9-10).
Only God can yank out a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). Nagging your partner and coercing them to change will only breed resentment in your marriage. Your partner will feel condemned and rejected. They signed up for acceptance and unconditional love and won’t take it lying down if you give them the opposite. However, this does not mean you cannot challenge your spouse to embrace healthier behaviors. By all means, respectfully let your partner know the areas where they could be and do better. But desist from pestering and manipulating them to change.
2. Bear With Each Other’s Weaknesses.
“We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself, but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.’” – Romans 15:1-2
What is your attitude towards what you consider to be your spouse’s weaknesses? Do they aggravate you and cause you to say or do things you later regret? Paul teaches us a more excellent way where other people’s weaknesses are concerned. We are to bear with each other’s weaknesses – and not to please ourselves. This means when one of your spouse’s weaknesses rears its (weak) head, it’s time to please them and not yourself.
This means it’s not time to scold, berate or rebuke them. On the contrary, it’s time to extend the unconditional love of Christ. The love that is patient and kind. Love that does not envy, boast, and neither is it proud. Love that does not dishonor others is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Paul remarks that as we please those weaker than us and not ourselves, it leads to their edification (Romans 15:2). This implies the way to stir up change in our spouses where their weaknesses are concerned is not by disparaging them but by bearing with them.
3. View Your Differences as Blessings.
So your wife is a health freak and loves to whip up low-calorie foods and snacks. You, on the other hand, have always loved calorie-dense greasy food. You can either pout about the revolution in your kitchen or view it as a blessing. With healthier eating habits, you are less prone to lifestyle diseases and may shed some weight. Couples should learn to celebrate their differences as opposed to getting irritated by them.
Besides, wouldn’t life be painstakingly vanilla if we were all the same? Paul taught that just as we have many members in one body, all the members do not have the same function. (Romans 12:4). It is absurd to wish your partner was just like you and even more absurd to try and change them to your liking. Couples should instead celebrate their differences and revel in the value, spice, and flavor their differences inject into their marriage.
4. Arm Yourself with Forgiveness.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4: 32
It’s baffling how often we are quick to extend forgiveness to everyone else around us, save from our spouses. It’s much easier to dish out forgiveness to our co-workers, relatives, neighbors, shop attendants, children, etc. But when do our spouses need forgiveness? That becomes a different story altogether. We don’t take their offenses lying down. We turn the offense over and over in our heads, scrutinizing it from all possible angles. We allow the offense to simmer with us for a long time so that we can feel every ounce of irritation it bears.
The scriptures brim over with the admonition for believers to forgive each other. Nowhere does the word of God suggest our spouses are an exception. In fact, being the closest people around us, it goes without saying they are the ones we should be forgiving most. Peter asked Jesus how often one should forgive his brother who sins against him, and Jesus gave a baffling answer – seventy times seven (Mathew 18:22). Here, Jesus was indicating we should never run out of forgiveness for our brothers- the people closest to us. Your spouse is the person closest to you; therefore, you need to fill your tank of forgiveness for them to the brim. As your differences come to the forefront in marriage, be ready to dish out forgiveness.
Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.
I have moved eight times as a military spouse in the last fifteen years. I have become skilled at being a Navy wife. I know how to purge, pack, and research new areas. I have all the school enrollment paperwork organized, can find a church home within the first month, and have ways to discover all the best restaurants. I have made friends in every single location, and I cry every time we have to move away. But, even with all of that, it is scary. It is stressful. Every time we move, I experience all the toddler tantrum feelings of “But I don’t want to!”
I get it. Meeting people is intimidating. Plus, it’s hard. Our schedules are full, our walls are up, and we are all just so tired. Maybe you are new to an area or have lived there for years. Either way, if you are looking to make friends, I have learned a few things with all the opportunities I have had to make new friends. Take a deep breath. Some of this might make you cringe with nervousness and yell, “But I don’t want to!” I know; I’ve been there. But like we tell those toddlers throwing tantrums- sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. Sometimes the best things in life are really hard. Sometimes, those hard things are completely worth it.
Go First
The absolute best thing I think you can do to make friends is to go first. People are lonely and want to connect, but most of us are too nervous to take the first step. It’s like there are rooms full of people who want to make friends, but everyone is too intimidated to make the first move, so we all remain in this loneliness. Be the one to put yourself out there and maybe look like a fool. Other people will be so, so thankful that you did. You will be so, so thankful that you did. Smile, introduce yourself, and start asking questions. We all love to talk about ourselves, and listening is the best way to get to know someone, so ask questions and be genuinely interested in the answers. I cannot tell you how many friends I have made by being willing to approach someone to say ‘hello.’ It is super hard, but also really quite easy.
I admit, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, though. I have had my fair share of strikeouts. Some people don’t want to connect or clash with my personality. That can hurt or be embarrassing. That’s when we take a deep breath, remind ourselves we are children of the one true God, and accept that while we didn’t get a friend out of the interaction, we did get a story. In my experience, the interactions will be positive most of the time.
Unplug
Take your air pods out of your ears and put away your phone. Stop scrolling social media when potential friends surround you. When we are open to connection, we are more likely to connect. A fantastic place to make friends is at your kids’ events. Other parents are also looking for friends, and if you are both in the same place, that means there is some shared interest or at least a shared schedule. Talk to other parents while you sit at practices. Host a cookout for the team. Don’t have kids involved in activities? No worries! I bet you have your own times when you could unplug and connect with others. Maybe chat with someone you always see at the gym instead of listening to music. Perhaps sit with a coworker for lunch rather than listen to a podcast. Look at the times you are closing yourself to others by focusing on technology and making adjustments. Others will likely follow your lead and put away their devices when they realize the human connection is available because that’s what we crave.
Join Something
Follow your interests! Search online for groups you might like. Many areas have groups for different stages of life, like motherhood or retired groups, or gatherings based on interests like running, geocaching, or knitting. You will likely find helpful groups for specific situations like grief or adoption support. While having a similar interest does not guarantee a friendship, it does offer a good starting place. Surrounding yourself with a large number of people, you are bound to find someone you connect with. Going into your first meeting with a new group will likely be intimidating, but jumping in is sometimes the only way to get involved. You can do hard things, friend! Remember, everyone has been new to the group at some point. And once you are settled in the group, be on the lookout for new people! Remember what it was like to show up that first time, Making people feel welcome is another great way to meet new friends.
Start Something
Can’t find a group that fits your needs? Start your own! Use word of mouth or social media to spread the message. When I was homeschooling my children, our town did not have a regular playdate for homeschoolers. There were plenty of field trips and the occasional park day, but I needed a regularly scheduled event to plan our schooling around. So, I talked to the staff at my church and posted on the local homeschool page that we would have a weekly playdate in the church’s children’s room. We brought out toys from the classrooms and let the kids play while the moms chatted. Almost every week, someone new came in slightly intimidated, and returned week after week. Some people even started going to church there! I made friends, my kids made friends, and other moms made friends, too. If you don’t have children or just sitting around talking doesn’t interest you, come up with your own ideas. Maybe you form a group that picks up trash at local parks or a book club or meets weekly at the pickleball courts. Whatever you are into, invite others along!
Serve
Volunteering is a great way to connect with like-minded people. There are plenty of opportunities to volunteer at either church or in the community. When you regularly give back, not only will you be making a difference and feel good, but you will also have the chance to meet new people. Many volunteer opportunities involve lots of talking, so you can really get to know someone when you serve alongside them. You can hold babies in the nursery on Sunday mornings, sort clothes at donation centers, serve lunch at the local soup kitchen, play with animals at a shelter, or take a mission trip with your church. Think about how you would be interested in serving and find a way to get involved in that area. There is a good chance you will make friends who care about that thing, too!
Megan Moore is a military spouse and mom of 3 (through birth and adoption). A speech-language pathologist by training, she now spends her time moving around the country every couple of years. She is passionate about special needs, adoption, and ice cream.
You know you are drifting apart in a relationship when the fairy tale first days seem like a thing of the past. The mushiness, the untimed phone calls, late-night ice-cream sessions – all seem like a distant dream. If you and your partner are reminiscing about the good old days, or, worse, you aren’t, chances are you’re going through a rough phase in the relationship. And the memories of the fairy tale first days, or the honeymoon phase as we like to call it, are that is left.
Something is definitely up. Living with a distant partner can leave you feeling truly unsettled. Losing the romance, feeling disconnected from each other, being out with friends more than being with each other are just a few signs your relationship is falling apart.
What Does It Mean To Be Drifting Apart In The Relationship?
Like soda bottles fizzling out after the cap is opened. Consider that an analogy for growing apart. Think of your relationship as a bottle of Coke. While capped and unopened, the fizz is intact. The fizz is the wholesomeness of the relationship.
Drifting apart in a relationship happens when you no longer:
Connect with your partner
Share the gory details of a colleague getting fired
Feel the need to hug or touch each other
Make eye contact or make date nights happen
You sort of just get into your jammies and hit the bed. Your conversations are limited to the occasional “What do you want for dinner?”. These are some subtle signs you are growing apart in marriage.
Growing apart can feel unsettling
If you’re a couple drifting apart, the key is to not let the ever-growing space between you get to you. Every relationship stalls at some point. It gets to a point when you do not text every day, don’t spend time with one another, or take weekend trips together anymore. You’re sort of just hanging there, taking the relationship for granted and not willing to bring the fizz back in the relationship. Let’s dive deeper into why that happens.
What causes couples to drift apart
Psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle puts it best when he says, “A bully is the most toxic person to be around. They never let you be your own person, and walk all over your authenticity.” As he puts it, not letting your partner be their own person is equivalent to bullying them.
So, maybe you’re growing apart in a marriage because one partner looks at the other as *someone who needs fixing*. Is one of you always trying to transform the other fundamentally? If yes, then it’s one of the signs your relationship is falling apart. Let’s look at the other possible reasons for the same:
1. Not being able to create a balance
Research points out that a flawed work-life balance spills over into personal relationships. People tend to overwork, get stressed and then take it all out on their partners. So, one of the reasons for drifting apart could be not being able to find the right equilibrium.
A relationship gets messed up when there is an imbalance. Work and relationship, family and relationship, friends and relationship, me-time and relationship…the list goes. To find that balance, you have to consciously put effort in a relationship, it doesn’t just happen on its own.
I’ve seen many couples growing apart, owing to lack of time management and bad organizational skills. Doing everything in the right amount is the secret to bliss in your romantic paradise. Spending way too much time with your partner as well as burying yourself in work to avoid facing the monotony of your relationship are both examples of common relationship mistakes.
2. Not listening enough
Art Rios in his book, Let’s Talk: …About Making Your Life Exciting, Easier, And Exceptional, rightly points out, “When I consider the people I admire, a quality most of them share is that they’re very good listeners. For many of us, we always want to get in edgewise, what we feel is more important to say. Yet, if we would learn to listen more than we speak, we could have better conversations and forge deeper connections. Plus, there would be less misunderstandings in the world.”
Art Rios makes total sense. Lack of effective communication could be why your relationship is drifting apart. Are your expecting your partner to magically read your mind? Are you unable to communicate your needs, desires and wants? These are signs you have serious communication issues in your relationship.
3. Expecting too much
Actor Jeff Bridges once said, “In life and in movies, it’s a similar challenge, where you have expectations, and you end up in situations that are not meeting your expectations.” So, maybe your relationship is drifting apart because you expect your partner to be your lover, your mother, your best friend, your mentor, all at the same time.
Not setting expectations realistically is one of the relationship challenges almost everyone has to face. Every once in a while, remind yourself that your partner is just another human being and not some divine entity who can’t make errors. One of the most common reasons for drifting apart is partners being unforgiving of each other’s mistakes.
But how to stop drifting apart in a relationship? Are you looking for ways to build emotional intimacy and feel connected to your partner again? Don’t worry, we’ve got your back! Here are some ways to reconnect with your partner.
10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship
Chances are you’re thinking “My girlfriend is distant, we’ve grown apart” and that’s why you’re here. But, as mentioned earlier, it is totally natural for a relationship to plateau every once in a while. What seems like the end, may not actually be it. So, before you mistake this for one of the major relationship red flags, consider this list on how to reconnect in a relationship.
1. Start with the touch
If you were the kind of couple who held hands at the mall, being distant in a relationship could mean not holding hands anymore. The lack of touch is scary because you always liked it when she held your hands while crossing a busy street. So, start with the occasional touch.
Not the grab-her-by-her-ass in public kind of touch, but more passionate, less anatomical. Humans are built to feel a connection through touch and these are surefire ways for reconnecting with partner again:
A simple pat on the arm/back/shoulder
Short hugs/cheek kisses before leaving for work
Resting your head on their shoulder
Massaging their shoulders/hands
2. Take the first step
You know you’re outgrowing someone you love when you are there with each other but not really there. You might be busy with your phones and, except for the occasional exchange of information, you have nothing to talk about. So, take the first step. Instead of burying your heads in your phones or laptops, establish eye contact and start the conversation.
How to fix a relationship that’s drifting apart? Don’t use your phone as an escape. Put it aside immediately and address the problem with your partner. If your partner is emotionally still invested in the relationship, they would not avoid the conversation. Let your gadgets not pull you away from each other.
It’s easy to blame each other for the rut in the relationship. In fact, many people just resort to blame-shifting when they’re not able to figure out what is actually wrong with the relationship. It’s easy to go:
“You work too much”
“You spend more time with your friends”
“You barely acknowledge me anymore”
Replace the yous with us. Instead of placing blame on each other, try talking about solutions. You are not there to figure out who is responsible for the drifting apart scene. You are still with each other and working together to get yourselves out of the rut you are in. So, work towards it, not against each other. This is an important thing to remember for growing as a couple.
4. Bring back the spark
Bring back the ice-cream sessions at midnight. Or anything equivalent that you both enjoy immensely. Here are some examples:
If midnight movies were your thing once, try doing that once a month
If role-playing was your thing back then, surprise her with a sub-dom variation of cosplay
If you used to shop together, make it a Sunday ritual that you can’t miss
Not all your efforts may be well-received, but at least you are putting in small efforts that make big difference. If your partner too wants to reconnect your relationship, they will appreciate the effort. To stop drifting apart in a relationship, you must remind your partner of all that used to bring you together in the first place. It will also open up avenues to talk about what’s going wrong in the relationship.
5. Do not project your feelings
How to give space in a relationship without drifting apart is very important. In fact, time apart in a relationship will help you process those feelings. It’s natural to feel sad and sometimes angry. But do not lash out at your partner. Nothing good would come out of it. You have to find healthy ways to manage your anxiety.
When you’re done taking space, make sure you spend time together. The easiest way to reconnect your relationship is to spend quality time with your SO. The key is to identify the problem and work on it instead of fixating on the same. Think of the happy days and show your partner that the relationship can be better than ever before.
6. Start a conversation
If she was the kind to text you during work hours (and you liked it) but doesn’t do it anymore, leave her a kind text. “I liked how we texted even while working. I miss it”. It’s possible that they have also recognized the problem but are unwilling to bring it up, same as you.
If you are both thinking about the same thing, it might be the start of working on the relationship. However, do not be too clingy or demanding about the same. Simply bring it up to see if they are concerned about it too. The most important tip on how to stop drifting apart in a relationship is to express your desires, even if it feel uncomfortable.
Remember how close an attention you paid when you just started going out? Treat your relationship like that right now. Instead of sitting at home and complaining, “My husband would rather watch tv than spend time with me”, do something about it instead!
Set out to re-woo your partner. If necessary, tell them you are out to re-seduce them again. It might seem a little odd at first, but it might help. Bring that honeymoon phase back. Here are some ways to reconnect with your partner:
Leave small sticky love notes on their phone/desk, saying “Thank you for being in my life”
Give them a short call just to say, “Good morning. Have a great day ahead, Love”
Flirt with them/say something like, “Working out again? No wonder you’ve got all that muscle”
8. Settle your priorities
One of our readers wrote to us, “I have nothing in common with my husband. Please help, my relationship is falling apart!”. In situations like this, spouses start looking for distractions elsewhere. That doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is sleeping with someone else. They might go out with friends too many nights in a row. Or bring work back home.
If you’re one of the couples growing apart, it’s time to bring in the big guns. Make each other your priority. Even if that means cooking together on a Friday night. Let them know they are your top priority. You don’t need to be the same person as your SO. But you can work hard and look for new things that you both enjoy. You have two options, grow together or grow apart.
9. Revisit old places
Are there specific places you visited at the start of the relationship? Probably the café behind your college where you both talked about your feelings for the first time? Suggest going there. Did you first make out in a cemetery? Try going there again and take a trip down memory lane to stop drifting apart in a relationship and rekindle love.
When one spouse grows and the other doesn’t, you should reminisce about what got you together in the first place. Visiting the same places might help you rekindle the sexual intimacy. People change. It’s okay and happens all the time. The key to a happy marriage is to accommodate those changes. You can grow in your separate lives but still find ways to stay connected.
Remind yourselves of the old times
10. Make love, don’t just have sex
In a relationship stuck in reverse, or in a ditch, sex becomes more of stress relief or a momentary revival of connection. But that rarely lasts. Don’t just have sex. Make love to each other. Talk about what you liked during the lovemaking session and what else would you like to do. Affection and passion play huge roles in bringing you closer in a relationship that’s drifting apart so cuddle and communicate afterwards.
Key Pointers
The little things play a part in building physical intimacy
It takes time and you have to put in effort every single day
If you want to feel loved, you have to pour in love
Couples therapy and quality time are essential components
Treat date nights as a weekly ritual you can’t miss
Drifting apart in a relationship does not mean the end of the relationship. Know it’s temporary but treat it with a permanent solution. How to give space in a relationship without drifting apart is an important part of it. Also, don’t ever feel guilty for your growth. Stop feeling bad for outgrowing people who had the chance to grow with you.
Finally, Dr Bhonsle advises, “You should take couples therapy to know where you stand and why you are standing there. A therapist will give you objective advice and will maintain confidentiality (unlike your relatives/neighbors/friends). So many of my clients have gotten back together after taking couples therapy.” If you are looking for professional help, our counselors from Bonobology’s panel are just a click away.
If your spouse has cheated on you, or is cheating on you, the people in your life are probably telling you to divorce, get rid of them, make them pay for what they’ve done… But you know what? That might be the biggest mistake you ever make in your life. Why? Let’s talk about that.
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1. Read a lot
Not only does it improve your vocabulary, but it makes you more interesting.
2. Spokes Method
I’m a fan of this technique. Ok, think of a bicycle wheel. You have the hub, then the spokes. You are on a first date; he mentions he’s a huge football fan and starts talking about the Patriots and the great loss a few years ago of Tom Brady. You know absolutely zero about football, TB and you’re not from Boston. He’s in the hub—you jump to the spoke. “Oh, I grew up in Toronto where hockey was the sport. Ever been to a hockey game”? You easily steered the conversation away from just football, without acknowledging that you know nothing about football. This strategy works for many topics!
3. Interrupt politely
Last week, my client Amelia was on a first date with a pilot—-who went on and on for 20 minutes about flying. She jumped in during a tiny pause in the conversation and said “Wow, I feel like I know so much about you. What would you like to know about me?” It worked—and probably saved the date!
4. Listen actively
Nope, you’re not thinking about what you are going to say next because you are present.
5. Read into sentences
Kayla comments over a beer on a first date, “Oh, I pray it doesn’t rain tomorrow as I have a pickleball match then a pool party”. She just told you a few things about herself: a.) she plays pickleball, b.) using the word “pray” signifies perhaps she has a belief in God or religion and c.) that she is social.
6. Tone
Yes, words tell us quite a bit, but the tone conveys excitement, boredom, frustration, happiness and much more.
7. Don’t hesitate
A pause is fine—but you want to exude confidence. Confidence is sexy!
8. Scan the news
Current events are always a good topic for first dates. Esp. positive stories/unique stories.
9. Facial expression
Crucial—except in a game of poker! A smile goes a long way.
10. Engage
He’s a computer nerd (and you’re not)—an easy question is “What do you think of AI?”
11. Empathy
Sometimes people mix this term up with sympathy. Empathy is simply the ability to understand and share the feeling of another.
12. Be concise
Ok, we all tell stories—but a long rambling story is a …. bore.
13. Fact disclosure
Share a little bit of information about yourself, but nothing you wouldn’t like to see quoted about you the next day online/Facebook/Instagram.
14. Sincere compliments
These reap benefits and can set the other person at ease. “Oh, I love your sunglasses—may I ask where you got them”? Stay away from looks —- I can’t tell you how many online compliments I see that are “Wow, you’re gorgeous” or “Great body—you must work out a lot” —Yuk. And ick.
Prior to a date on an online dating site: I have a female client who is quite accomplished in the business world. While her profile did talk a bit about career, it was by no means boastful. She had several messages from men complimenting her on her business success. The guy who got her? Here was his message “Wow, you actually host Thanksgiving for 40 people and do all the cooking yourself? Now I find that an accomplishment”. She loved that comment—and those two have been together a year now.
15. Use body language
The stats are something like—80% of communication is body language, 20% words. Fidgeting with your phone, looking around the room, poor eye contact, arms crossed are all signs that you are uncomfortable and don’t want to be here.
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Meryl and Aron have been together for almost 10 years. They have a teenage son, and they have a seemingly comfortable life. They go on vacations together, plan their son’s future, their savings, and their house parties – everything that an onlooker would call the qualities of a healthy relationship. But despite all of this, when Meryl met her friend, Amy, and her husband, she felt her heart ache with longing.
The way those two flirted with each other, teased and backed each other, or even the way Amy put her hand on his when remembering their last vacation together, everything about them made Meryl realize what she was missing. These seemingly insignificant actions spoke of the bond those two shared, which was nowhere like her relationship with Aron, which was always tense, uncomfortable and a lot of work.
As you can see, even a seemingly functional relationship may lack the core tenets that bring happiness to both partners. But what are these core tenets? In this article, Swaty Prakash, a communication coach with certification in Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress from Yale University and a PG Diploma in Counseling and Family Therapy with a specialization in couples counseling, writes about the 7 most important qualities of a healthy relationship.
What Is A Healthy Relationship?
“All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” These famous opening lines of Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina might have been said for families, but they stand completely true for relationships as well.
There are hundreds and thousands of reasons and symptoms of an unhealthy relationship, but the qualities of a healthy relationship are mostly the same. However, while there is much discussion and awareness about the relationship red flags, the understanding of the qualities of a meaningful relationship still remains limited, and often confusing. For example, a lot of people still feel that the absence of unhealthy tendencies alone makes for a good relationship.
Wish it was this easy!
To begin with, the absence of the signs of an unhealthy relationship does matter and can be a good start for a healthy bond, but an absence of red flags is not, in the least, one of the characteristics of a healthy relationship. So, what does a healthy relationship look like?
Well, here are a few characteristic feelings for people in a healthy, meaningful relationship. If they don’t sound alien to you, you have a good relationship and a partner to keep.
A healthy relationship is not the “perfect” relationship. Contrary to popular opinion, healthy does not equal the absence of an unhealthy or toxic relationship. When both partners are physically and emotionally healthy, not despite the relationship but because of it, the bond is healthy. There should be reciprocity in a relationship. Simply put, it means a relationship is a two-way road where both partners should extend support, communicate freely, and be enriched, and the love or power dynamics are lopsided.
A good relationship is one in which two unique individuals come together to share a life that benefits, and is equally enriching for both of them. As Shannon Thomas, author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, puts it, “A healthy relationship is a feast of affection/giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves it’s enough.”
Also, remember that for a relationship to be healthy, there are no either/or. It is either all or none. For example, while my client, Andrew, has a wife who shares a comfortable life with him, and tends to his needs, she belittles him in front of his family and friends and constantly tells him that he is not good enough. This is not an example of a healthy relationship.
The question is: what does? The answer to this question can be found in the 7 qualities of a healthy relationship – the absence of any of these is a red flag. Read on to know what the seven most important qualities of that make a good relationship. Remember, other qualities are important for a healthy relationship, but these form the base and cannot be done without:
1. Respect for one another
Love is what generally brings two people together and is often in abundance when a relationship starts. According to a 2010 study, among married people in the US, 93% say love is a very important reason to get married; 84% of unmarried people say so. Men and women are equally likely to say love is a very important reason to get married.
While love and attraction are what bring two unique individuals into a common space, respect means that the space remains firm and the love remains intact between them. Two people might be totally in love with each other, but love can go overboard, sometimes even become abusive and engulfing. It is the mutual respect in the relationship that matters in the long run and makes a connection wholesome, significant, and worthy.
Like Robin Williams once famously said, “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”
Respect means:
Acknowledging and accepting partners as they are
Encouraging and extending support for partners to grow
Not expecting or asking for partners to be someone else
Being in sync with the partner’s feelings, needs, and priorities
When two people are attracted to each other, or when you are falling in love with someone, you are in a rush to get to know each other. In fact, both the partners are driven by this sense of curiosity and eagerness to know everything about the other when the relationship begins. However, as time flies, this curiosity subsides, and what takes over is a sense of familiarity, and what follows is boredom.
In my counseling sessions, I have seen that people who have been married long, and who “know everything about their partners” are the ones to feel disconnected the most. This lack of curiosity, or when a partner is losing interest in the relationship can rock even a solid foundation.
Even studies suggest that among these 7 qualities of a healthy relationship, restoring curiosity about your partner can be a game changer. Curiosity can draw two unique individuals back together, rekindle their lost interests, help them communicate in both new and familiar ways, and reassure a person that their partner is interested in them.
As 17th Century English philosopher Thomas Hobbes puts it, “Curiosity is the lust of the mind.” When partners in a romantic relationship are curious about each other, it keeps the scope of surprises and excitement open.
When conducting team-building workshops, a very popular exercise is the “trust game”. The exercise can also be used to decipher a couple’s goals and can be a tell-tale sign of the status of a couple’s bond.
As part of the exercise, one of the partners is blindfolded, and the other partner stands behind. The blindfolded partner has to let themselves loose, and fall on their backs with the trust that their partners would save them from falling.
Partners, who can do so, are often the ones with healthier relationships than the ones who feel rigid, and their bodies freeze when they are asked to fall back. While this is not a sure-shot exercise of knowing how much trust prevails between two people, the benefit of this exercise is that the body language, the nervousness, or the unsure, unsteady legs give away a lot more than a normal meeting could have.
Being able to tell your partner everything – from one’s bisexual past to you wanting to quit your job – is a blessing only healthy relationships enjoy. Trust is a very important characteristic of a healthy relationship, and lack of it is what kills love and is one of the things that destroy a marriage.
However, don’t get us wrong here. There is a huge difference between being honest and being private. If you choose to withhold certain information from your partner because you want to keep it private, that is not being dishonest. When two people are honest in a relationship, they:
When two people are in a healthy, romantic relationship, one factor that makes this bond different from others is the level of intimacy. What is intimacy? Is it the emotional connection between two partners or the pure organic sexual desire that brings them together?
Well, intimacy is both the emotional connection and the sexual proximity. To begin with, intimacy involves good communication channels between the partners. One of the important characteristics of a good relationship, intimacy involves the physical sensations and the psychological connection between the two people but it isn’t just limited to that.
For example, as the partners grow older and the libido decreases, while the sexual act may decline, intimacy reaches new heights. Four types of intimacy make for a solid foundation for a healthy relationship.
1. Physical intimacy: From the sexual act to simple hugs and kisses, it is a fundamental requirement for the emotional and physical well-being of two individuals in a relationship. Physical expression is an extension of emotional well-being and important quality in healthy partnerships 2. Emotional intimacy: To be able to tell a partner about your childhood fears and fantasies, to share your scars and vulnerabilities, and to be able to create the same safe space for your partner is what a meaningful relationship is made of 3. Intellectual intimacy: This is when partners are compatible intellectually, can discuss varied topics, take into consideration each other’s point of view, and can withstand as well as appreciate differences too 4. Social intimacy: It is the extent to which two people share each other’s interests and can spend time together as a couple
Paulo Cohelo in Eleven Minutes writes, “The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” Vulnerability is the courage to bare open and is a crucial quality for a healthy relationship.
Vulnerability doesn’t just mean opening up about your fears and weaknesses, it also means opening up about your partner’s actions or words that make you weak or vulnerable. In a study on intimacy and relationship, a male participant shared a time that he felt ashamed and embarrassed when his partner “made fun” of him in front of their friends.
He said, “Even though you think it’s just a joke, it makes me not trust what you will say in public, and so I don’t want to spend time with you around our friends.” This level of trust to be vulnerable about them is a hallmark of a healthy relationship, and vulnerability in a relationship means two people will have a higher chance of going a long way together.
Qualities of a healthy relationship
6. Conflict management
Conflict is an important and inevitable occurrence in any relationship. In fact, the closer the relationship, the more the conflict. Dr. John Gottman, whose research findings on marriage and relationships are gospel truths for many marriage counselors around the world, says that one-third of all conflicts can be resolved with the right approach and focus.
His extensive research findings reveal that one of the important characteristics of a healthy relationship is how partners manage and resolve conflicts. Their conflict management strategies are crucial for the well-being of their relationship.
According to Dr. Gottman, they do not resort to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling – the four horsemen of apocalypse that can spell disaster for any relationship. Instead, these people:
Use “I” statements when talking about feelings
Do not shy away from expressing gratitude
Are never afraid of saying “Sorry” for their mistakes
Try to understand your partner’s point of view even in a fight
Take a break, and opt for “Time-Out” before the conflict escalates
Often use humor to break the tension
Avoid any name-calling or insults when alone, or in public
People in healthy relationships turn toward instead of away and do not treat “compromise” as a sign of loss or insult. They take into consideration each other’s perspective and take a step forward to meet the partners midway whenever they can. If every conversation turns into an argument, couples in healthy relationship sit and talk about what needs to be changed, instead of giving up on each other.
All the six qualities of a healthy relationship listed so far will be able to take hold if the two people understand, lay, and respect each other’s boundaries. These boundaries can be physical, social, financial, sexual, or emotional. Also, only if the above qualities like trust, respectful way of conflict management, respect, vulnerability, and intimacy exist in a relationship can two people set true boundaries.
Boundaries mean letting the other partner know who you are as a person, and what are your choices in life. To protect their relationship and to protect themselves from being hurt, partners set boundaries that define what they are willing to accept from each other and what is totally unacceptable and off-limits to them. They safeguard their own well-being while respecting and being considerate of their partner’s feelings as well.
From dividing house chores and saying absolute “no” to name-calling to making clear what their sexual boundaries are, people in healthy relationships set clear and honest boundaries for every aspect of their lives. Healthy boundaries in relationships help partners:
Understand each other better
Set clear expectations
Garners respect and trust
Take each other’s interests into account
Have empathy and each other’s support
Key Pointers
Absence of a toxic relationship alone is not a sign of a healthy relation
A healthy relationship is the result of the hard and consistent work of both the partners involved
People in healthy relationships share mutual love and respect, safeguard each other’s interests, do not shy away from saying “sorry” for their mistakes, and “thank you” in gratitude
We cannot stress enough that a healthy relationship is not an either/or scenario. For instance, you cannot have trust but an awful conflict management style and call it a healthy relationship. From creating honest emotional boundaries and honest respectful ways to resolve conflicts to adopting good communication styles, all the important characteristics of a healthy relationship need to be present for the bond to thrive. Other qualities like compatibility, and having friends outside the relationship also play a huge role in making a relationship healthy.
But if that sounds like a near-impossible task, here is a cue: If two people are willing to make things work between them, none of these qualities are difficult to achieve. They become part of the cycle almost organically, and because they are so essential, remember to never settle for anything less than everything in a relationship!
Hyperbaric oxygen therapy is the new form of intermittent oxygen therapy, taking the medical sphere by storm. Also known as the HBOT treatment, this is about inhaling 100% oxygen within a pressurized chamber. To learn more about HBOT, visit oxygenark.com.
While the external environment only provides you with 21%, your lungs can’t get enough to fix broken tissues, prevent permanent tissue damage, and quickly heal some wounds.
This is why some doctors, upon getting FDA approval, have started using Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy which provides enough oxygen, helping to cure certain ailments.
This excerpt below will discuss HBOT further and answer people’s queries about the concept.
What Is Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy? How It Works
Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy provides supplemental oxygen. The lungs capture as much oxygen as they can during a time span of 3 minutes to 2 hours. It is totally non-invasive and has been known to bring a few results for many. If aindividual is appointed an HBTO almost every day by the 23rd, they might see a change in their ailment. New tissues will form around your blood vessel, pushing your body toward healing.
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Here are some ailments you can cure with the help of HBTO treatment.
Crash or accident injuries with a potential for permanent tissue damage and scarring.
Gas and air in blood vessels.
Hearing or vision loss due to lack of oxygen in the blood vessels.
Severe skin infection.
Bone infection of the same severity.
Radio injury due to chemo treatment for cancer.
Curing skin grafting.
Severe burns.
Severe anemia.
These are all approved by the FDA, and doctors can prescribe HBTO as a post-treatment therapy for these diseases.
How Does HBOT Work for Healthy Anti-aging?
Hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT) has been explored for its potential role in promoting healthy aging and anti-aging effects. While research is ongoing in this area, here’s an overview of how HBOT may work for healthy anti-aging:
Increased oxygen delivery: HBOT involves breathing pure oxygen in a pressurized chamber, leading to a higher oxygen concentration in the body. This increased oxygen delivery can enhance the oxygenation of tissues, including the skin, potentially supporting cellular functions and promoting tissue rejuvenation.
Enhanced collagen production: Collagen is a protein that provides structure and elasticity to the skin. HBOT has been suggested to stimulate collagen production, which can contribute to improved skin elasticity, reduced wrinkles, and a more youthful appearance.
Improved circulation: HBOT can enhance blood flow and improve circulation throughout the body, including to the skin. Improved circulation helps deliver oxygen and nutrients to the skin cells, supporting their health and vitality.
Reduced inflammation: Chronic inflammation is associated with aging and can contribute to various age-related conditions. HBOT has been shown to have anti-inflammatory effects by reducing the production of inflammatory molecules and promoting tissue healing, which may help counteract the effects of inflammation on the skin and other tissues.
Antioxidant effects: HBOT has been suggested to have antioxidant properties, meaning it may help neutralize harmful free radicals in the body. Free radicals can damage cells and contribute to aging processes. By reducing oxidative stress, HBOT may help protect against age-related cellular damage.
If you are interested in exploring HBOT for healthy anti-aging purposes, it’s crucial to consult with a qualified healthcare professional. They can assess your circumstances, provide guidance on the potential benefits and risks of HBOT, and help determine if it suits your goals.
As with any medical treatment, it’s important to prioritize evidence-based approaches and consider HBOT as part of a comprehensive anti-aging strategy that includes healthy lifestyle choices, proper skincare, and regular medical check-ups.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some of the frequently asked questions many ask regarding Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy. Curious about a new medical procedure is inevitable before jumping head first to cure yourself. After consulting a few medical professionals and conglomerates who offer HBOT as a service, we have gathered some of the answers.
Who Cannot Use Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy?
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Before you decide whether it is good for you, it is important to understand whether you are the right person to try this oxygen therapy.
Here is the list of individuals who are not suited either permanently or temporarily for Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy.
If you have a lung condition, the high pressure can lead to its rupture in very rare cases.
People who have physically injured their eardrums through external sources.
High fever or cold patients.
Have just had surgery of some kind.
The good news is once the surgical area is healed properly and you have gotten your doctor’s green signal, you can try HBOT. The same goes for someone who is suffering from cold and flu; once you are quite cured, you should be able to avail of the treatment.
Can HBOT Help Cure Anxiety?
No, there hasn’t been any experiment that claimed that Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment can help cure anxiety. However, if you are dealing with stress and frequent anxiety attacks, the treatment can help you minimize the effect of breathing 100% pure oxygen.
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However, you should remember that HBTO is not an alternative to psychotherapy like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for severe therapy. Yes, utilizing both treatments together simultaneously can help cure the mental ailment.
What Are The Neurological Benefits Of HBOT?
Did you know all the fatigue, tiredness, and drowsiness which we feel due to lack of energy is because of low oxygen levels in our brain? Going for a regular HBOT is known to improve neurological functions because oxygen increases cerebral blood flow. It is an excellent treatment option for someone who suffers from low pressure. It will help minimize the drowsiness one often feels due to low pressure.
Can I Exercise After an HBOT?
The timing and extent of exercise after hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT) may depend on several factors, including the specific condition being treated, individual health status, and the recommendations of your healthcare provider or the medical team overseeing your HBOT treatment.
Here are some general considerations:
Follow medical guidance
Immediate post-treatment period
Gradual resumption of activity
Communicate any concerns
Individualized approach
Remember, HBOT is a medical treatment, and its effects on the body can vary among individuals. It is important to consult with your healthcare provider or the medical team overseeing your HBOT treatment to receive personalized advice regarding exercise and physical activity following HBOT.
Precautions To Follow During A Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy
If you have decided to test the benefits of this therapy, here are some of the precautions you should take before.
Do not fix an appointment without talking to your doctor first.
Do research and find a credible HBOT service provider.
Do not wear anything flammable like hair spray or perfume.
Do remove any type of metal object.
Wrapping Up
As with any medical treatment, HBOT should be administered by qualified healthcare professionals who are trained in its use and can monitor patients during the sessions. Following medical guidance, adhering to recommended treatment protocols, and communicating any concerns or symptoms experienced during or after treatment is crucial.
HBOT continues to be an area of active research, and ongoing studies aim to explore its effectiveness and potential applications further. By staying informed and working closely with healthcare professionals, individuals can make informed decisions about HBOT and its potential benefits for their specific medical needs.
Marriage and/or long-term intimate relationships have the potential to be incredibly rewarding and people generally do the best they can with what they know. Couples can generally do well over time but many hit emotional speed bumps. No matter when or how a relationship feels strain, ideally there is some reflection and curiosity by one or both partners around the sources of distress. And a desire to do something about it.
For those who want to take accountability and be proactive in their relationships, having vision into their role is helpful. Mistakes are often made that impact the emotional safety of the dynamic. The key is to be able to successfully heal any inadvertent wounds that may have occurred. It’s also important to be able to understand where some of your patterns and behaviors come from, possibly stemming from your family of origin.
Just like many learn relationship habits from years ago (possibly reinforced in later adult relationships), new habits and practices can be learned. Learning improved ways to behave together as a couple can help you have a better relationship than you’d even imagined. You can start right now taking your steps to achieve that.
5 Steps to Create Positive Change in Your Relationship
Learn to communicate effectively. Be sure you’re clear on the basics of good communication. If you are not, educate yourself. Work on approaching your partner with kindness, sensitivity and openness. Learn to listen well. Disagreements and conflict happen in relationships but the key is to be able to move through those situations as effectively as possible, ideally without doing damage to each other with harsh words or criticism and with no resolution. If a conversation gets too heated, it’s ok to take a break to take the temperature down in your nervous systems (when it becomes hard to pull back). Sometimes compromise or agreeing to disagree is how things land. This is better than emotional wounds inflicted on each other that never get repaired, which can become a build up of resentment. Left unchecked, resentment leads to further damage that can be increasingly difficult to repair. Do your best to validate and empathize with your partner’s experience. This will create less reasons for defensiveness and hostility. We all want to feel heard and understood.
Fully own it. Owning it means taking responsibility for any intentional and unintentional harmful actions and the emotional impact on your partner. Sometimes people almost get there but then negate much of it by following up with explanations for why they behaved in a certain way. It’s ok to flesh out the situation a little further but you can’t skip over the validation and empathy part. They won’t be able to hear you at that point. If you’ve owned your role and validated their experience, be sure to follow up with a heartfelt apology. It can feel vulnerable to open yourself up in this way but it’s an important part of this process.
Understand it. Take an honest look at yourself and the behaviors in your relationship that have been problematic. Why have they happened? People tend to operate in learned ways and often times when we “act out,” they have been hurt, possibly in a way that feels familiar and stems way back. Maybe you grew up in an environment where you simply weren’t modeled healthy communication. Working through your own family of origin issues can help you not only feel better about yourself but show up in a healthier way in your relationships. The more clarity around who you are, your influences, trauma and the psychological defenses you’ve used to protect yourself, the better equipped you’ll be to create lasting change.
Give yourself a break. As you work to make a positive impact on your relationship, you will make mistakes. Be sure to practice self-compassion. Humans are inherently flawed and you are no exception. If your intentions, effort and open communication with your partner are there, you’re on the path. If you make a mistake and revert to old behavior, notice it aloud (to yourself and partner), apologize and stay the course.
Seek help if you need it. Making changes in your relationship can be tough. Ideally, your partner is onboard with you to address your issues as a couple. But if not, you can still have some influence by putting energy into the above steps. But if you get hung up on some of the challenges of your own past, a therapist can help you address that individually or work with you and your partner together if it seems your efforts on their own aren’t enough. If therapy doesn’t resonate with you for whatever reason, I have a few tools that might also help.
See my book recommendations on the right side bar of this page by highly respected helping professionals, for a deeper dive into the above topics.
It can feel daunting when your relationship is struggling. Couples can go in circles through the same issues without seeming to get anywhere. Sometimes it takes new ways to interrupt the negative cycles with coming back to the basics of healthy relationships, emotional safety and the ways people feel connected (vs disconnected). Do the work yourself or better yet, try to get your partner on board to invest the time and energy it takes to get back on track. Those who successfully navigate through their challenges have the potential to not only have a revitalized relationship but renewed hope for their future together.
Are you struggling to juggle your professional responsibilities and personal commitments? Luckily, there are productivity apps available that can help you achieve a healthy work-life balance.
With the rise of technology, people are constantly connected and expected to be available around the clock. This can lead to burnout and negatively impact your professional and personal life. However, there is a solution – productivity apps that are designed to streamline tasks, manage time effectively, and create a sense of harmony between work and personal life.
In this article, we will explore seven must-have productivity apps that can transform your approach to work and ultimately improve your overall well-being.
Evernote
Evernote is an app that is designed to help individuals stay organized, productive, and efficient in both their personal and professional lives. It is essentially a digital note-taking application that allows users to capture and store various types of information, including text, images, audio recordings, and even web articles.
The Evernote app serves as a centralized hub for all your important information. Instead of having various scattered notes, documents, and reminders, you can store everything in one place. This makes it easier to locate and access information quickly, saving you time and reducing stress.
Frase
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Frase is an AI-powered content marketing tool that aims to help businesses improve their SEO and create high-quality content. The app utilizes natural language processing and machine learning algorithms to analyze and understand the context of a given topic or keyword.
The app helps users save time by suggesting article outlines based on search results and gives you a list of keywords that you can insert into your content. It also allows users to create content briefs faster which provide a comprehensive overview of a given topic, including key subtopics, relevant questions, and statistics.
Spike
Spike is an email app that aims to revolutionize email communication by combining email, messaging, and collaborative tools into one platform. It’s designed to help users manage their emails more efficiently and enhance productivity.
Spike also integrates instant messaging capabilities, allowing users to seamlessly switch between email and chat conversations within the same app. This eliminates the need to switch between different platforms or apps to communicate with colleagues or clients.
This app works well for businesses and personal use. Many companies use Spike to improve communication and work-life balance within their hybrid teams.
Asana
Asana is a project management app that helps teams organize, track, and manage their work. It provides a centralized platform where team members can collaborate, communicate, and stay on top of their tasks and projects.
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With Asana, users can create projects and tasks, assign them to team members, set due dates, and track progress. It allows for easy collaboration, as team members can comment on tasks, attach files, and have discussions within the app. This helps to streamline communication and keep everyone aligned and informed.
The great thing about Asana is that it’s a cloud-based platform, so teams can collaborate on tasks on the go. You can also set schedules for tasks and mark projects when they’re complete so everyone involved knows what’s been done.
Microsoft’s To-Do
Microsoft’s To-Do is a task management app that helps users stay organized and manage their daily tasks effectively. The app allows users to create and organize to-do lists, set reminders, and prioritize tasks. It provides a simple and intuitive interface that makes it easy to add, edit, and check off tasks.
With Microsoft’s To-Do, users can create multiple lists to categorize their tasks based on different projects, deadlines, or personal preferences. They can also add due dates, reminders, and notes to tasks to provide additional context and details. The app syncs across devices, allowing users to access their to-do lists from their smartphones, tablets, and computers.
Headspace
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Headspace is an app that focuses on providing guided meditation and mindfulness techniques to help individuals improve their mental well-being. The app offers a wide range of meditation sessions that cater to different needs and goals, including stress management, better sleep, increased focus, and overall relaxation.
The app provides users with a variety of meditation courses, which are organized into themed packs. Each pack consists of a series of guided meditation sessions that are designed to address specific topics or areas of improvement. For example, there are packs that focus on anxiety, relationships, productivity, and even sports performance.
Google Chat
Google Chat is a communication app developed by Google that allows users to send and receive instant messages. It’s designed for both personal and professional use, offering a convenient platform for individuals and teams to connect and collaborate.
With Google Chat, users can have one-on-one conversations or create group chats with multiple participants. It supports text-based messaging, as well as the ability to share files, images, and links. Users can also create and join rooms, which are virtual spaces for specific topics or projects, enabling seamless communication and collaboration among team members.
Final Thoughts
Incorporating these seven must-have productivity apps into your daily routine can greatly enhance your ability to find work-life balance. With features designed to streamline tasks, manage time effectively, and prioritize self-care, these apps empower you to achieve a harmonious blend of professional success and personal well-being.
Are you tired of feeling unfulfilled in your relationships or like something is missing from your life? Have you achieved success and acquired material possessions, yet still long for a deeper sense of happiness and purpose? It’s time to shift your perspective and embrace a new way of approaching relationships.
This episode explores Jayson’s journey of self-discovery after embracing Buddhism’s core teachings. He realized that relationships are about more than just happiness or meeting needs. Instead, they offer a path to wholeness and freedom. It is your relationships that can serve as catalysts for your personal growth and ultimate liberation.
Now it’s your turn to learn how to become a more authentic version of yourself by joining the transformational adventure. Imagine seeing your relationships as pathways to self-discovery and fulfillment, where every interaction is an opportunity for personal growth. Whether you are single, married, or have children, this episode will help you unlock the hidden potential within your most profound relationships. In addition to giving you an understanding of how life works, it will also teach you how to navigate its challenges gracefully and resiliently.
Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and embrace your Relationships As A Personal Development Path?
Consider joining Jayson on his upcoming 2-day retreat and unlocking the transformative power of your most important connections. Your hero’s journey awaits.
To learn more and deepen your understanding of Relationship As A Personal Development Path visit relationshipschool.com/path and stay tuned for more information at the end of our episode.
Timestamps:
3:45 – Do you like who you are?
5:08 – Using high stakes relationships as a tool for personal development
The question of whether there are any benefits of marriage for a man. Ignoring all the horror stories of bad marriages, there are still many people that are simply curious to know if marriage holds any benefit for men at all. Some of the more common questions that get asked are
Is getting married worth it for men?
Are there any important Social Security benefits?
Do married men have better overall health and a greater life expectancy?
Are there any financial benefits for men?
All these questions and more will be answered in this article, along with a few benefits of marriage that not many people seem to know or talk about.
13 Wonderful Benefits Of Marriage For A Man
So what are the advantages of getting married for a man, with all the horror stories of divorce, alimony, infidelity and men losing custody of their children, it is not surprising that a lot of young men are shying away from marriage as a whole. While such a sentiment cannot be faulted, it is important to remember that marriage has existed as an institution for more than 2000 years because it is beneficial to all parties involved.
As long as you find the correct partner, getting married will only improve your life in ways that you may not have even thought about in the past. Coming up are some of the best reasons a man can have to get married.
1. Path to a healthier life
If you have ever wondered what the benefits of marriage for a man are, you’d be surprised to know that a longer life expectancy is one of them. This might be surprising to hear, but research has found that married men live for 2 years longer on average than unmarried men.
You might be wondering how being married as a man would lead to a longer life. The simple answer is that married men tend to have lower levels of stress and anxiety than unmarried men. It is no secret that stress and relationship anxiety are silent killers, so it should be no surprise that married men live longer and generally have a better overall health.
2. Better mental health
If you have ever asked yourself is getting married worth it for men, the answer is yes. While we have already talked about married men having lesser negative emotions, we have yet to talk about the positive ones. As it was expected, research has indicated that married men have better mental health than their unmarried counterparts.
Some of the positive effects that men stand to gain from a marriage are
Greater levels of social security
Greater levels of general contentment and happiness
As you can see, there are many advantages of marriage for men, and they should have no reason to fear it with the right partner.
For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel.
3. An ever-present support system
Another of the wonderful benefits of marriage for a man is the presence of a dependable support system. An unfortunate reality for a lot of men is that they tend not to receive the emotional or mental support that they need while they are growing up. The drawback to this is that a lot of men feel isolated and believe that they can’t share their problems or expect aid from anyone as no one really cares about their problems.
And here is how married men are better off than their unmarried counterparts. Having a spouse means that as a man, you are no longer alone in your struggles. You will always have a person who will willingly and cheerfully volunteer to be your support system, to love and cherish you, and to always be willing to hear you vent or offer advice. What makes this even better is that you can be sure that your spouse will always have your best intention in mind as long as you have married the right person.
If you are debating the pros and cons of marriage for a man, one of the greatest advantages of marriage that you can’t ignore is the stability and tranquility that having a partner to build your life with brings you. Most people confuse marriage with what they see in the movies, that a wedding is the end of the great love story. The truth is, marriage is just the opening act of the story.
Getting married to someone is a commitment. If you have a fear of commitment, it’s best you deal with it first before thinking about getting married because commitment means when the two of you vow to always look out and center each other during periods of turmoil and strife. This means that no matter how confusing things get, you can always have the stability that only a loving and caring partner can provide.
5. Makes having a family possible
Another positive effect of marriage is that it lets you start a family. Now this may not be every man’s goal, as there are some couples out there who do not wish to start a family and raise children. For the men that do find themselves oriented to a family life, getting married is one of the best ways to do that.
In fact, research also seems to indicate that children from a two-parent home tend to fair better than children from single-parent homes in various categories such as mental health, socialization, academics, abiding to the law etc. This should all be plenty of evidence for men who wish to start a family to consider getting married.
6. Gives a sense of purpose
This might be one of the most surprising benefits of marriage for women and men. Almost everyone thinks of marriage as a declaration of love, some think of it as a great adventure, yet very few seem to talk about their marriage giving them a purpose to keep on living and improving their lives.
Research has shown that some men find marriage as their purpose. These men report that after getting married, they felt a drive and purpose that they did not feel before. They felt like it was their mission to be a good and dutiful husband. This feeling of purpose and drive lead to the husbands in such marriages to feel more fulfilled with their lives, and more at peace with their place in the world.
Another thing that men stand to gain from a marriage that isn’t talked about, is that marriage does a great job of settling one’s priorities and getting rid of distractions. Research has found that married men tend to devote more time and focus to any task that they are performing.
The way this works is simple, once you get married, you automatically understand that your spouse is the most important person in your life, and that it is your duty to provide for them to the best of your ability. This clarity of thought is what drives married men to make the best decisions possible for him and his partner, which in turn helps get rid of unnecessary distractions in a man’s life.
8. Improved sex life
One of the most obvious benefits of marriage for men is an improved sex life in both frequency and quality. The intimate bond that a man and his spouse share is what allows the couple to experiment with new ideas without feelings of shame or fear of judgment.
Research has found that when it comes to sex, married men are better off than unmarried men. Married men have reported to find their sexual experiences far more thrilling and fulfilling than their unmarried counterparts. This may be due to the love and trust that a married couple shares compared to that of a couple that just started dating.
9. To create a legacy
This is not a point many people talk about when talking about marriage, yet it would be a disservice not to mention it while talking about the pros and cons of marriage for a man. Every man, to some degree wishes to leave their mark on this world, and strangely enough, marriage is one way to do that. If you look at the pure functionality of marriage, you will understand why.
When you take away the romance and the emotional aspect of it, a marriage serves one important purpose. That is to build a healthy relationship with a partner that future generations can enjoy. If you’re a man who is aware that they wish to create a legacy, then you should know that marriage is one possible way for you to achieve that.
10. You live with your best friend
This is one of the most talked about perks of matrimony for a man. You literally get to hang out with your best friend all day, every day. There are very few things in life that could be more fun than that. Marrying your best friend literally ensures that you rarely get bored, and that you will always have someone to do things with.
What this means is that you will always find a way to have fun and be together no matter how tough life gets. This truly is an underrated benefit of marriage and one that definitely deserves more credit. So make sure to keep that in mind when debating the pros and cons of getting married.
It should be no surprise that in the modern world, there are many benefits of marriage for a man financially. Gone are the old days of the patriarchy where women were not allowed to work. One of the better advancements of the modern era is the legalization of women’s rights and a rise in female empowerment. While this change is certainly beneficial to women, heterosexual men in marriages also benefit from this. In fact, the effect is the same in both heterosexual and same-sex marriages.
When you get married, and assuming both you and your partner are working, the income you both earn is effectively doubled. Whereas before, each of you had to bear the brunt of your individual expenses, getting married means that you share the expense which lowers the proportion of your income spent for the necessities. Not surprisingly, this leads to a higher standard of living.
12. Legal benefits
While romance and the law don’t really go hand in hand, research shows that marriage for a man legally has more benefits than a man with a live-in partner. What this means is that the institution of marriage provides certain benefits to men that single or unmarried men would never have. Some of the are listed below
Right to acquire joint property
Right to joint bank accounts and lockers
Right to be an insurance nominee
Right to pension in case of death or disability
Joint tax benefits
Marital tax benefit for taxless transactions to spouses
Medical and disability benefits for your partner
Right to legal decision-making on spouse’s behalf
While this is definitely not a romantic concept, and no one should get married for the legal reasons alone, it cannot be denied that marriage for a man and cohabitation legally have a lot of benefits that should not be overlooked.
13. Teaches him to be emotionally mature and responsible
Marriage is not easy. There are hard times, and sometimes, downright horrible times. One of the benefits of marriage for a man is that getting married helps them mature emotionally. A man learns the importance of responsibility and emotional maturity when they realize that there is another person they have to care for.
Key Pointers
Marriage has manu fiscal, legal, mental and physical benefits for men
Men gain an improved sex life and the ability to start a legacy
Marriage has been known to give some men a sense of purpose
Married men are significantly happier than unmarried men
Studies have shown that men become more emotionally mature once they get married and have reported feeling more conscientious in general to everyday situations than unmarried men. As such, it is evident that marriage helps men become a better version of themselves.
Having the internet at your disposal might feel as though it’s something to be taken for granted in the modern world, and there is a quality to its exposure that might feel mundane over time. However, this can make you forget how much easier it makes certain aspects of life. That’s all well and good, you might feel, but what does that matter to you if you’ve been embracing the internet for years?
Well, it might be that you’re not making the most of what’s on offer here – potentially only scratching the surface of the tools and resources that can help you to live your life how you want.
Your Friendships
The social group that you form over your life is personal, unique, and something that might be deeply important to you. Spending time with these people might be how you prefer to blow off steam, and any chance that you get to spend time with your friends could be time well spent, regardless of the activity. Therefore, it’s understandably going to be difficult to deal with when each member of your social group lives far away from the other, meaning that you can only make very occasional trips to see each other – something that can also take a strain on the longevity of the friendships moving forward. That’s not against the quality of the dynamic, just that it’s difficult to stay in touch as distances and time between meetings increase.
So, how can the internet help? Well, you have a myriad of messaging services available to keep in touch. However, you might find it more useful to tailor your digital discussions around something that you all enjoy, such as gaming. In this case, you can use online gaming as a foundation to spend time with each other in the evenings or at weekends, without even leaving your home. This can not only provide you with a valuable way of spending time moving forward, but it can strengthen that core dynamic despite the distance.
The Help You Need
Everyone needs help from time to time. However, the nature of this help could be absolutely anything. It might be that you’re looking for some mental health professionals to help you deal with a particular condition or symptom, or it might be that you need someone to fix your plumbing. Whittling down the enormous number of professionals who offer their services at any one of these junctions can be difficult, and might mean that you end up relying on user reviews, as well as their specific skill set, to judge who is the best professional to opt for.
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If it’s something like medical help, you might take physical proximity into account, as well as where the expertise on offer is best focused. On the other side of the coin, if something goes wrong throughout your medical treatment, you might find that you require the help of an attorney with an equally sharp focus. This could be anything from settlements over pharmaceutical side effects to injuries sustained due to delayed c-section. All the options you could need are available at your fingertips, however.
Travel Ambitions
The age of travel has come a long way thanks to the internet. It’s easier than ever before to become aware of destinations that weren’t even possible to visit conventionally once before, and the options you have for booking and customizing your trip are varied thanks to the different tools available. Some of the more useful tools might be comparison sites, like Booking.com or Skyscanner, the former of which might present an alternative to AirBnb if you’re aiming to support local businesses. Still, even seeing AirBnB as an additional option can only serve to increase your options even more.
It’s not just about travel in the conventional sense, either. If you’re someone who enjoys going to musical events and festivals, you might find that the internet makes it easier than ever before to keep track of your favorite artists and follow them wherever they end up playing. This can make it easy to find when they’re visiting an area near you, allowing you to coordinate with your friends to reach a result that everyone is happy with.
Decorating Your Home
The problems presented by bare interior design might not make themselves immediately apparent to you. If you haven’t decorated your home thoroughly at all for whatever reason, you might find that you aren’t getting quite the boost that you’re looking for whenever you return home after a long day of work or some other tiresome responsibility. It might be that the problem is simple, however, and you could just be requiring a decorative touch to make the most of the space that you have.
Through the internet, you can conduct research into the various types of interior design styles that are available to you. This can allow you to either just stick with one that you find interesting and go from there, but it might also be that you’d rather just use the various online stores at your disposal to mix and match until you’re happy with the result. There’s plenty of room for experimentation here, so there’s no need to feel pressure that might prevent you from getting creative.
Lifestyle Changes
Maybe it’s not just your home that you want to redesign, however. It could be that you’re looking to make much larger changes than that. Everyone’s lifestyle is unique in one way or the other, but it could be that you’re not happy with the shape that yours currently has. It might be that you’re interested in a new career, which you can do through any number of job sites or even social media sites available, such as LinkedIn. You might want to take this even further, looking for jobs abroad that can allow you to live working holidays for a certain time. Alternatively, you might be interested in living in a different environment – maybe somewhere closer to friends, something that is also easy to research through your real estate page of choice.
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Knowing what to look for is all you need to start making the changes that you want.
Proverbs 27:9 tells us there is nothing quite like a sweet friendship. They can refresh our souls and draw us closer to the Lord. Wow! What a blessing it is to have a God who designed us for this special kind of fellowship with other “sisters.”
We all need friends. The kind of friend Proverbs lays out for us! The beloved friend you can rely on for just about anything. The sister that builds you up and encourages you, pushing you beyond your limits – in a good way. The woman that helps you become a better version of yourself while gently pointing out your blind spots. The one that walks beside you cheering you on during your greatest victories and crying with you in the deepest, most sorrowful times. Due to the seasons of life and busy schedules, she may not always physically be there, but you never have to wonder where you stand with her. You are free to be yourself and know that even with your many faults and quirkiness, there is no judgment with her. Your friendship is based on love and wrapped in grace and forgiveness. You feel the honor of sharing your heart and pouring it into her as well.
Many of our friends may be silently facing battles. It’s important to connect with friends intentionally, extending the love of Jesus as the opportunity arises. The beautiful thing about friendship is what we learn about them, ourselves, and how loving our God is. Lifting up these crucial relationships in prayer allows us to soften our hearts and gives way for us to be the loving friends we are called to be and wield our greatest weapon against the enemy. When a sweet friend is laid upon your heart, pause, and pray. As you meet with a friend for lunch, pause and pray. As you hear of trials a friend is facing, pause and pray. We have so many precious opportunities to place our hearts at the feet of Jesus and bring our friendships before Him. If words seem to fail you as you come before Him, you are not alone – take heart, friend. There is no need to say the right prayer or have the perfect words. Thankfully, God knows the nature of our hearts.
Below you will find seven simple (but powerful) pocket prayers alongside a verse of Scripture. Pray and recite the verses over your friends, personalizing them to meet their needs and requests.
Pray for Her Faith.
Heavenly Father, I humbly come before You with an open heart. I sincerely ask that You step in and boldly proclaim Your unfailing and unwavering love over my dear friend. Open her eyes to see Your wonders and soak in Your goodness. Reignite her faith and give her a passion and zeal to see You in her life. Amen.
God, Your design for the family unit is indeed good. I pray that you dwell in the heart of my sweet friend’s home. Speak love and life into her marriage. Give her wisdom and strength to be the mom You are calling her to be and restore fragile relationships that need Your gracious mending. Amen.
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10
Pray for Her Career.
Lord, we are so grateful for all the beautiful roles You have blessed us with as Your daughters. I lift my precious friend up to You and pray that as she encounters career shifts, she can find a healthy work/life balance. Please ignite her passions and use the gifts You have given her to do great things. Amen.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” – Colossians 3:23
Pray for Her Heart.
Faithful Father, You are a God calling after our own hearts. You long for a deep relationship with us and draw us in through sacred moments. Thank you for Your faithfulness. I pray for my friend to have intimate encounters where she can be still before You. Let it prompt her to rejoice and delight in You, God. Amen.
“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” – Matthew 22:37
Pray for Her Strength.
Jesus, You are our source of strength, and we thank You for covering us in Your mighty power in our weakness. With a grateful heart, I ask that You intercede on behalf of my sweet friend, who desperately needs Your grace, mercy, and wisdom. When she feels forsaken, discouraged, or alone, please come alongside her and give her the comfort she needs to rely on You. Amen.
“You are my strength, I watch for you; you, God, are my fortress.” – Psalm 59:9
Pray for Her Hardships.
O Lord, You tell us that we will encounter trials and hardships in this life. However, in the midst of trying times, it can be difficult to see the light through the thick fog of pain. So, with a heart that longs to console my precious friend, I ask that You give me discernment on how to bring her comfort. I pray that You draw near and provide rest for her restless heart and peace to her soul. Amen.
“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
Pray for Her Hope and Healing.
Faithful Father, as your daughters, we long to cling to Your promises and glean from the hope You provide within the pages of Your Word. Please help us submit to Your will and ways, and forgive us where we may fail You. As my friend yearns for hope and needs healing, I pray that You restore the fragile parts of her heart and mend her from within as only You can. Provide her a pathway forward and allow me to encourage her in ways that draw her back to You, Lord. I pray this in Your precious name. Amen.
“And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” – James 5:15
My Prayer for You.
Lord, I lift up the sweet sister reading this and striving to lift up and cover her friends in prayer and shower them in Scripture. I pray You capture her heart and remind her of Your incredible love for her, first and foremost. Bless her friendships, drawing them closer together while allowing them to draw closer to You. Place sweet friends in her life that grow her faith, enrich her family, and encourage her to use her gifts to glorify You. If she finds herself in a season of loneliness, equip her to use that time to rely solely on You and develop a deeper and more meaningful relationship with her spouse, children, or close family. We are so thankful. You provide us with friends we can do this life with. You are such a good Father. May we aim to please You in our sweet friendships. Amen.
Alicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy. Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.
Suffering long is probably the last thing on any couple’s minds as they exchange vows on their wedding day. At that moment, the new couple is completely immersed in the love they sense so strongly. They exude confidence that their formidable love will help them sail through the varying seasons of life. They are right on one hand because love conquers everything. On the other hand, they may be completely wrong if they peg their hope purely on the romantic love they share -sexual attraction, passion, fuzzy feelings, emotional attachment, care, and exclusivity.
And while romantic love is a critical phase in any relationship, it fades away with time. Your palms will eventually stop sweating, and your cheeks stop flushing at the sight of your spouse. Your heartbeat will eventually assume a steady rhythm, and the feel-good hormones will come to a grinding halt as your relationship evolves. Enter intentional love. This makes a couple stay true to their vows and trudge on despite the hurdles that sprout up unexpectedly on their path. Believers have an advantage where love is concerned because the Bible offers us the blueprint for loving each other.
Love Suffers Long
In 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, Paul points out the futility of the believer’s spiritual gifts if not motivated by love. Love is the epicenter of the believer’s life; without it, the believer lives in deception. The entire gospel is a relentless love story. It’s about a God who loved the world so much that He offered His only son to redeem it. God is love, and we cannot claim to know Him if we do not practice love (1 John 4:8).
The first attribute Paul uses to describe love is that it is long-suffering. The Collins Dictionary defines long-suffering as patiently putting up with a lot of trouble or unhappiness, especially when caused by someone else. Peter taught that God is long-suffering. He warned the early church against scoffers who would claim that the return of the Lord Jesus was taking a tad too long. Peter explained that what looked like a delay in Jesus’ return was actually God exercising long-suffering. God “delays” Christ’s return to offer the world more time to repent since He desires that none should perish (2 Peter 3:9).
Jesus, too exhibited long-suffering while on Earth. He had to leap over many hurdles to fulfill the father’s will. He endured the cross and despised its shame to redeem humankind. He humbled Himself unto death. As the author and finisher of our faith, Paul urges us to emulate Him by running our race with endurance (Hebrews 12:2). If Jesus needed to suffer long to do God’s will, we too must be ready to tread the same road since we are not greater than our master. We are not to back down from the race at the first sight of trouble. We are to stick it through and endure hardship like good soldiers (2 Timothy 2:3). We are to suffer long as we fight the good fight of faith.
Long Suffering in Marriage
Long-suffering is critical in all your relationships, but you will most likely need it more in marriage than in any other relationship. Seeing that marriage is the closest human relationship, disagreements and disappointments are part of the package. Like you, your spouse is not perfect, and their weaknesses become more apparent in marriage.
Your marriage will present you with countless opportunities to exercise long-suffering. But isn’t that what you promised to do at the altar as your eyes glistened with tears while saying your vows? You vowed to be with your partner for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health. You signed up for a life of long suffering as you ceased being two people and became one flesh. How can we then exercise long-suffering in our marriages, and are there limits to the same? Here are four thoughts to consider.
1. Do Everything as Unto the Lord.
“And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” – Colossians 3:17
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31
God asks us to do everything to His glory and in His name. Our lives are not to be compartmentalized. We should not glorify Him in some areas but live mindlessly in others. This means that your relationship with your spouse is no exception. Every deed and word uttered should be done in the name of the Lord to bring glory to Him. Does how you communicate with your spouse bring glory to God? What about how you meet their needs? If we embrace this careful attitude, weighing our words and actions against God, we will inadvertently find that we are exercising long-suffering in our marriages. We will be more patient, forgive more and bear with each other’s weaknesses.
2. Observe How Christ Relates to the Church
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, let the wives be to their husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” – Ephesians 5: 22-27
Paul urges the married folk to use the relationship between Christ and the church as the template for their marriages. He asks wives to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord and in everything. That is no easy task. Wives will often need to suffer long to fulfill this command. How do you submit to your husband when all you can see are his glaring shortcomings? Husbands, too, have the arduous task of loving their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. How can husbands possibly measure up to the towering standard Christ has set for them? They, too, must exercise lots of long-suffering to love their wives selflessly. Long-suffering is embedded in the marriage template Paul recommends, and there’s no way of escaping it.
3. Remember Your Own Failings
“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’ and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” – Mathew 7: 3-5
When tempted to judge your spouse harshly, withholding mercy and forgiveness, take a moment and reflect on your own failings. Are you perfect? Far from it. Does your spouse also have to contend with your weaknesses? Most definitely. Realizing that you also have many failings that your partner has to put up with will help you put things into perspective. Jesus warned that if we don’t forgive others, our heavenly father will not forgive us (Mathew 6:15). If you expect your spouse to bear with your weaknesses, how about you start by doing the same?
4. Know the Boundaries
Love suffers long alright, but there are boundaries. Our long-suffering should not put our lives at risk and cause us harm. God does not ask us to languish in our marriages in the name of long suffering. Though the scriptures consistently urge spouses to bear with one another, there are exceptions. For instance, God outrightly says that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). However, Jesus taught that divorce was acceptable where sexual immorality had crept into the marriage (Mathew 5: 32). Additionally, if a spouse becomes abusive and risks the life and well-being of their partner, long-suffering should not be exercised. Couples need to operate within healthy boundaries in their marriages. Boundaries protect spouses from exploitation and manipulation by spelling out limits and assigning responsibility.
Keren Kanyago is a freelance writer and blogger at Parenting Spring. As a wife and mom, she uses her blog to weigh in on pertinent issues around parenting, marriage, and the Christian Faith. She holds a degree in mass communication with a specialty in print media. Follow her on Facebook and Instagram and/or shoot her an email at kerenkanyago@gmail.com.
Quitting smoking, and why it’s important for your health and wellbeing, is an important discussion to have. Smoking is a habit that can have serious consequences for your health, and it’s never too late to take the necessary steps towards giving it up. In this post, we’ll explore the reasons why quitting smoking is vital, the challenges you may face, and some practical tips to help you kick the habit for good. While quitting smoking is never easy, remember that making the decision to quit is a powerful step towards a happier and healthier life.
Understanding the Risks of Smoking
Smoking poses significant risks to both your physical and mental health. It’s a leading cause of preventable diseases and premature death worldwide. The harmful chemicals in tobacco smoke can damage almost every organ in your body. From lung cancer and heart disease to respiratory issues and strokes, smoking can have devastating long-term effects on your health.
When you quit smoking, you not only reduce your risk of developing serious illnesses, but you will also notice some immediate benefits. Within just hours of quitting, your heart rate and blood pressure begin to drop to a healthier level, and your carbon monoxide levels decrease.
Overcoming the Challenges
Quitting smoking is no doubt a challenging process. But with the right support and a little bit of determination, you can succeed. Recognizing the triggers that make you want to reach for a cigarette is the first place to start. These could be social situations, stress, or certain activities. By identifying these triggers, you can develop coping strategies to avoid or manage them effectively.
Nicotine addiction is another significant hurdle to overcome when quitting smoking. You may want to try nicotine replacement therapies, such as nicotine patches, gum, or inhalers to reduce withdrawal symptoms and cravings. Plus, there are prescription medications that can aid in smoking cessation. Or you might want to take the route of switching to a safer and healthier alternative, such as using a vape or electronic cigarette with a low level of nicotine. Consult with your healthcare provider to determine the best approach for you.
Take Advantage of Employee Health Benefits
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If you are currently employed, your employer could be a good source of support throughout your quitting smoking journey. Find out more about the employee health benefits available to you, to determine if there are options you can leverage. Many companies provide resources and programs designed to help employees quit smoking and improve their health and wellbeing. You may want to look into the following options:
Health Insurance Coverage
Check with your health insurance provider to see if they offer coverage for smoking cessation programs or medications. You may have access to supplemental health benefits that help you lower the cost of shopping for healthcare products such as prescription medications or nicotine replacement therapies.
Employee Assistance Programs
Employee assistance programs are often offered by companies to support the wellbeing of their employees. These programs typically provide confidential counseling services, including assistance with addiction and smoking cessation. Reach out to your HR department or EAP representative to find out more about the services on offer.
Wellness Initiatives
Many companies promote wellness initiatives as part of their employee benefits package. These may include educational workshops, wellness challenges, or support groups focused on quitting smoking. Engage with these programs and take advantage of the valuable resources they provide to help you quit smoking.
Practical Tips for Quitting Smoking
Along with taking advantage of your employee health benefits, here are some practical tips you can use in your everyday life to help you quit smoking successfully:
Set a quit date: Choose a specific date to quit smoking and mark it on your calendar. Having a clear target can help you mentally prepare and commit to your decision.
Create a supportive network: Share your goal of quitting smoking with friends, family, and colleagues who can provide support and encouragement along the way. Let them know how important it is to you and ask for their understanding and assistance.
Find healthy alternatives: Replace smoking with healthier alternatives to manage cravings. Keep your hands and mouth busy by chewing sugar-free gum, eating healthy snacks, or engaging in activities that distract you from the urge to smoke.
Stay active: Regular physical activity not only helps distract you from cravings but will also improve your overall wellbeing. Engage in activities you enjoy, like walking, jogging, swimming, or cycling. Exercise releases endorphins, which can elevate your mood and reduce nicotine cravings.
Manage stress: Stress is a very common trigger for smoking. Find healthy ways to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, or engaging in hobbies that help you relax. You may also want to consider seeking professional help through therapy or counseling.
Reward yourself: Celebrate your milestones and achievements along the way. Set up a reward system for yourself, where you treat yourself to something you enjoy for each week or month that you remain smoke-free. It could be a small indulgence, a day trip, or any other meaningful reward that motivates you to continue your smoke-free journey.
Track your progress: Keeping track of your progress allows you to remind yourself how far you have come on tough days, giving you something to keep you motivated and on track. You can use apps that calculate how many cigarettes you haven’t smoked or how much money you have saved so far or use a journal to write down your feelings.
Seek professional health: Remember that quitting smoking isn’t easy, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you are finding it difficult to quit smoking on your own, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. Your healthcare provider can provide guidance, support, and resources to help you kick the habit for good.
Quitting smoking is one of the most important decisions you can make for your health and wellbeing. While it’s not easy, the positive changes are undoubtedly worth it.
The first thing you should know about the Food Fight for Reproductive Rights is that it isn’t an actual food fight. Rather, it’s a face-off between three local chefs and three local bartenders to make a small plate and cocktail combination. The winner takes home a Golden Uterus trophy, and all proceeds raised for the event are donated to abortion funds.
Launched by the Marigold Project, the foundation arm of Denver singer/songwriter Nathaniel Rateliff, the first not-actual-food-fight food fight was hosted at Block Distilling Co. in Denver in summer 2022. At the time, Marigold Project executive director Kari Nott didn’t grasp how radical the event would be.
“I don’t think I understood the impact it would have on people—not just those who attended, but who saw the ad for it and were like, ‘Oh wow, we could have fun, and also talk about abortion. We could raise a ton of money and have a blast and do it for abortion,’” Nott said. “Something that I think we’ve been encouraged to believe is to carry shame around or to whisper about [abortion]. What if we were just really loud and had a block party for abortions instead?”
Puzzles for abortion
These days, raising money for abortion funds doesn’t just take the shape of a silent auction or a bake sale: Across the country, they’re also fundraisers like a music and food festival or a Smash-A-Thon. People have even raised raising money for abortions in lieu of their wedding registries or by making and selling crossword puzzles, which Rachel Fabi, a bioethics associate professor at SUNY Upstate Medical University, does along with a few of her puzzle-making friends through her organization These Puzzl3s Fund Abortion, or TPFA. Since 2021, TPFA has raised nearly $200,000 for abortion funds.
Constructing crossword puzzles has been a hobby of Fabi’s since 2019. In 2020, a friend at the Baltimore Abortion Fund asked her to create a puzzle to help raise money for abortions during the National Abortion Access Fund-A-Thon—and TPFA was born. When Fabi was asked again to make a puzzle the following year, she enlisted her fellow puzzle makers to up the ante to a pack of 16 crossword puzzles.
“In the face of abortion restrictions, what do we have to offer?” Fabi said. “I can’t perform abortions. But what we can do is make puzzles.”
The packs involve work from a large team of volunteer puzzle constructors, editors, and test solvers across the country. There are two types of puzzles the group will offer—themed and unthemed. The themed puzzles feature some sort of wordplay centered around reproductive justice. As you complete the crossword, a message—or “revealer,” as Fabi calls it—will begin to unveil itself and explain the puzzle’s theme.
“Crosswords are an art form—they are expressive,” Fabi said. “They can have themes that speak to reproductive justice. People who have skills that can carry a message—if you have a hobby that can say something—I think that’s a great one to use for [fundraising].”
In 2021, TPFA raised $35,326 for the Baltimore Abortion Fund and nearly $30,000 for Texas abortion funds. According to Fabi, TPFA was on track to raise a similar amount in 2022 when the Supreme Court’s draft opinion in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization leaked, confirming that the justices intended to reverse the constitutional right to abortion granted by Roe v. Wade.
“It lit a fire,” Fabi said. “The donations started pouring in overnight. We basically doubled what we had made up til that point in a matter of weeks after the decision leaked.”
Many abortion funds experienced a similar monumental uptick in donations after the opinion leak on May 2, 2022. Robyn Neens, an abortion doula and the co-founder and program manager of Abortion Care Tennessee (ACT), recalls the “chaos” that ensued. ACT had hosted its first in-person fundraiser event just three days before and had raised around $3,000—a huge milestone for the young abortion fund that had only launched a few years prior in a state with some of the country’s most restrictive bans.
“The day after the Supreme Court leak, our PayPal was at $50,000 in donations,” Neens said. “And then that just kept happening. To the point where, the first few times, I thought it was a glitch.”
By the end of the summer, Neens said, ACT had close to $250,000 in donations, an amount she said is “game-changing money.” To put that amount into perspective, prior to the leak, Neens said ACT could only offer a maximum of $75 to $100 in funding to a handful of patients who were the most in need. Tennessee’s six-week abortion ban went into effect a few days after the Dobbs opinion was officially released in June, and the state’s “trigger ban”—banning all abortions without exception—went into effect 30 days later, on August 25. Abortion clinics across the state continued to see patients up until then, and all of the money ACT raised that summer was put toward those patients.
“There was a couple of weeks where one of the clinics weren’t even charging patients—they were just using our money to fulfill whatever they needed,” Neens said. “They could just see more patients because they weren’t having to do the paperwork of charging.”
Ask most people working for an abortion fund or raising money for abortions and they’ll likely tell you they want their jobs to not exist. They want to live in a world where raising money for abortions isn’t something they have to do.
“We don’t want to have to do this work,” Fabi said. “We would love to be making puzzles for fun reasons.”
‘We’re facing the reality’
Their work is more vital than ever. However, not only are these funds fighting against anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ+ legislation, but many also find themselves struggling to maintain the momentum from a year ago. Where fundraising efforts progressively fed a roaring fire around this time last year, the kindling for that fire has now petered off—all while the flame threatens to die.
“Now a year later, we’re facing the reality,” Neens said. “It’s this kind of head-spinning of like, ‘OK, OK. Where’d everyone go? Thanks for all the money, but we need this momentum to be increasing the way that these, like, costs and the way all of this is increasing.’”
It often feels like an uphill battle, but Ali Taylor, co-founder and executive director for the Arkansas Abortion Support Network, has found there’s still a way to see the joy and love in the work they do. In Arkansas, along with many other states, lawmakers are introducing anti-LGBTQ+ bills. Events like a local trans group, inTRANSitive, hosting a dance party on the Arkansas Capitol steps in January in response to these bills have inspired Taylor.
“It is hard to remember sometimes that we can do this work with joy,” Taylor said. “It’s so incredibly important to remind ourselves that we can’t do this work for very long if it’s drudgery. We have to keep an eye towards the positivity of the things we’re doing and remembering the people who need us and the people we’re helping. Things can get real dark sometimes, but we can’t stay down there or else we wouldn’t be able to do the work.”
Others have also experienced similar patches of sunshine amid the dreariness. Through her efforts with Food Fight for Reproductive Rights, Nott ended up finding and falling in love with her partner. She said they had been friends for a long time and bonded further through the work they did on this project.
“That’s what we’re fighting for—for everyone to be this happy,” Nott said. “It’s been incredible to watch the men in my life really show up.”
For some people, like Fabi, finding the joy in this work means using your own niche skill—like puzzle making—to contribute in a small way to a bigger cause. For others like Taylor and Nott, it means finding community in the fight for abortion rights keeps them motivated.
“I think a lot of us were feeling the shock of [the fall of Roe], and to be able to come together and be like, ‘Nah. We’re gonna do this, and we’re gonna have fun with it. And we’re gonna show up for each other,’—it changed me completely as a person,” Nott said. “It changed the way I understand what my role [is] in social movements. And it’s made me a lot more ready and willing to dig into the long haul work of this movement.”
Being an accredited investor comes with a set of privileges and opportunities that are not available to the general investing public. Accredited investors are individuals or entities that meet specific financial requirements, as defined by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) in the United States. This accreditation status opens the door to a variety of investment avenues that may not be accessible to non-accredited investors.
So let’s explore the world of accredited investors and shed light on what they can do with their unique status. We will delve into the qualifications and regulations surrounding accreditation, as well as the benefits and advantages it brings. By understanding the possibilities available to accredited investors, individuals can make informed decisions about their investment strategies and explore opportunities that align with their financial goals.
Whether you are already an accredited investor or aspire to become one, this guide will provide valuable insights into the investment landscape exclusive to this select group. So, without further ado, let’s begin!
Understanding the Basics of Accredited Investors
Accredited investors are individuals or entities who meet specific financial criteria established by regulatory bodies, such as the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) in the United States. The accreditation status is intended to identify investors who have a certain level of financial sophistication and capability to bear the risks associated with certain types of investments. Let’s take a closer look at the definition, criteria, and benefits of being an accredited investor.
Criteria for Accreditation
The SEC provides specific guidelines for determining whether an individual or entity qualifies as an accredited investor. As of the knowledge cutoff in September 2021, the criteria include the following:
Income Requirement: An individual must have an annual income of at least $200,000 (or $300,000 jointly with their spouse) for the past two years, with a reasonable expectation of reaching the same income level in the current year. Alternatively, an individual can qualify based on their net worth.
Net Worth Requirement: An individual or joint spousal net worth must exceed $1 million, excluding the value of their primary residence. Net worth can include assets such as investments, real estate, retirement accounts, and other assets held in a person’s name or jointly with their spouse.
Entity Accreditation: Certain entities, such as corporations, partnerships, limited liability companies, and charitable organizations with assets exceeding $5 million, can also qualify as accredited investors. Additionally, entities in which all equity owners are accredited investors can meet the accreditation criteria.
Benefits and Privileges of Accreditation
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Accredited investor status offers several benefits and privileges, including the following.
Access to Private Placements
Accredited investors have the opportunity to participate in private placements, which are investment offerings that are not publicly available. Private placements can include investments in private equity, venture capital, hedge funds, real estate syndications, and more.
Expanded Investment Options
Accredited investors have access to a wider range of investment opportunities beyond traditional stocks and bonds. This includes alternative investments such as private equity, venture capital, hedge funds, commodities, real estate, and other specialized investment vehicles.
Exemption from Certain SEC Regulations
Accredited investors are exempt from certain regulatory requirements imposed by the SEC, primarily those related to the registration and disclosure obligations that apply to public securities offerings. This exemption allows for more flexibility and efficiency in executing investment transactions.
Potential for Higher Returns
Accredited investors may have the opportunity to invest in high-growth sectors and early-stage companies that can offer potentially higher returns compared to traditional investment options. These investments often involve a higher level of risk but can also provide diversification and growth potential to an investment portfolio.
While accreditation status opens up opportunities for sophisticated investment strategies, it also comes with certain risks and limitations. Accredited investors should exercise caution, conduct thorough due diligence, and consider seeking professional advice before making any investment decisions.
Investment Opportunities for Accredited Investors
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Accredited investors have access to a diverse range of investment opportunities that go beyond traditional stocks and bonds. This exclusive status opens the door to various investment avenues that can offer potentially high returns, diversification, and exposure to alternative asset classes. Let’s explore some of the prominent investment opportunities available to accredited investors.
Private Equity Investments
Private equity involves investing in privately held companies that are not publicly traded. Accredited investors can participate in private equity funds or make direct investments in private companies. Private equity investments often focus on early-stage companies, growth-stage companies, or companies undergoing a restructuring phase. These investments can provide access to potential high-growth opportunities but may have longer investment horizons and higher risks compared to public equities.
Venture Capital Investments
Venture capital (VC) investments involve providing capital to early-stage and high-growth potential companies with the aim of generating substantial returns. Accredited investors can participate in venture capital funds or invest directly in startups. VC investments offer the possibility of significant capital appreciation but also come with higher risks due to the early-stage nature of the companies involved. It requires careful due diligence and a willingness to accept the possibility of losses.
Hedge Fund Investments
Hedge funds are investment vehicles that employ various strategies to generate returns, often using more sophisticated and complex investment techniques. Accredited investors can invest in hedge funds, which can include strategies such as long/short equity, global macro, event-driven, and quantitative trading. Hedge funds provide potential opportunities for capital growth and downside protection, but they may have higher fees, limited liquidity, and complex investment structures.
Real Estate Investments
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Accredited investors can explore various real estate investment opportunities that go beyond traditional property ownership. These may include real estate investment trusts (REITs), real estate crowdfunding platforms, private real estate funds, or direct investments in commercial properties or development projects. Real estate investments can provide income generation, potential appreciation, and diversification benefits to an investment portfolio.
Private Placements and Startups
Accredited investors can participate in private placements, which involve investing directly in private companies before they go public. This may include investing in startups or private offerings of established companies seeking capital. Private placements can offer the potential for significant returns, but they are typically high-risk investments that require thorough due diligence and an understanding of the business and industry.
Cryptocurrencies and Digital Assets
The emergence of cryptocurrencies has opened up new investment opportunities. Accredited investors can invest in cryptocurrencies such as Bitcoin, Ethereum, or other digital assets. Additionally, they can participate in initial coin offerings (ICOs), token sales, or invest in blockchain-related companies. Cryptocurrencies offer potentially high returns but come with volatility, regulatory uncertainty, and technological risks.
Final Thoughts
Being an accredited investor opens up a world of unique investment opportunities that can potentially provide higher returns, diversification, and exposure to alternative asset classes. Accredited investors have the advantage of accessing private equity, venture capital, hedge funds, real estate investments, commodities, cryptocurrencies, and more.
By understanding the qualifications, benefits, and risks associated with accreditation, individuals can make informed decisions, seize opportunities, and potentially enhance their investment outcomes. It is a journey that requires ongoing education, adaptability, and a thorough understanding of the investment landscape to make sound investment choices.
Frequently Ask Questions
What rights do accredited investors have?
As long as they meet one (or more) standards relating to income, net worth, asset size, governance status, or professional expertise, accredited investors may purchase and invest in unregistered securities.
What distinguishes an eligible investor from an accredited investor?
You can invest a set amount in the Exempt Market if you are eligible. You must still satisfy one or more of the same conditions as above in order to be an “accredited” investor, but the standards are much stricter. Your financial assets—not net assets—must be larger than $1 million in this situation.
A breakup, a breach of trust, deceit, or discovering that your partner is toxic, manipulative, or abusive – heartbreak can take different forms. When the one person you loved and trusted with everything you’ve got breaks your heart, it can leave you questioning your self-worth and dent your self-esteem. Learning how to love yourself again, as you pick up the pieces and rebuild your identity, can be an onerous task.
Whatever it is that you are going through right now, know that, with enough time, you can get over your pain and learn to love and accept yourself as you are. How do I know that? Because I have been where you are right now. My journey has taught me that there are no shortcuts to healing. You have to practice self-love and self-acceptance, and then, slowly you will be able to find happiness again.
To help you along the path, we bring you 17 tips on finding self-love. These tips come from my own experience of healing and learning to love myself again and can help you cope with whatever is hurting you at the moment. So, take a deep breath, and let’s embark on this journey of healing together.
How To Love Yourself Again After Getting Your Heart Skinned – 17 Tips
When your heart is skinned, it’s very easy to fall into patterns of self-loathing and start blaming yourself for all things that have gone wrong. In moments like this, it helps to remember focusing on why things went wrong will do you no good, love. Why not channel your energies into figuring out how to find yourself again?
Practicing self-love is easier said than done when you are recovering from a heartbreak, dealing with a toxic relationship, or coming to terms with the fact that your partner has hurt you badly. But it’s important, and you don’t need to make big, life-changing decisions to learn to like yourself.
It can start with something as small as watching a movie to help you cope with your emotions, or going out and having a good time with the people you love. Every person has a different way of coping with emotional turmoil, but it’s crucial to get out of your head for the sake of your mental health. And that’s exactly what we will learn to do with these 17 tips on how to love yourself again after getting your heart skinned:
Even though Kurt Cobain said, “Take your time, hurry up.” You don’t have to. It’s important to understand that all your feelings won’t just blow over in a day or even a week. You need to allow yourself the time to grieve your loss. It is human nature to either fall into patterns of self-harm to cope with the pain of heartbreak or throw oneself into work to forget about it.
Both these processes have their limitations because they are centered on the approach of ignoring the problem. But as you well know, ignoring the elephant in the room won’t make it go away. Allowing yourself to grieve is a healthy way to process your emotions and get over them once and for all. Self-care and self-love are what you need at this time so that when the time is right, you’d know how to open yourself up to love again.
2. But keep a check on your physical health
When you are grieving, one of the first things you lose track of is your physical health. It may start with you letting go of your exercise routine or not getting enough sleep, or just eating your feelings (and overeating in the process). These actions affect your health, so it’s important to be mindful of your habits. Perhaps, you can try to mix things up a little,
If you don’t feel like working out, maybe substitute that with some other type of activity
Similarly, you don’t have to stop yourself from eating what you want, but a little restraint goes a long way
When you are vulnerable, your mental health is in a precarious place, and that could give rise to body issues. So, keep a check on your health to ensure that unhealthy patterns that feel comforting in the moment don’t spiral out of control. Loving yourself starts with loving your body and taking care of it.
3. Slowly let go of the pain
The best way to do this is by focusing on yourself rather than the pain. It takes a considerable bit of time and conscious effort to actually get the hang of this. However, there are things that you must make yourself understand, especially if you are trying to figure out how to love yourself again after a toxic relationship. Mistakes were made, and that’s okay. You don’t have to carry the burden all by yourself. You can find peace despite the toxic experience.
Maybe that person has hurt you very badly, or they might have misused your trust, but the important thing is, you are out of it now. Today you can be and feel just 1% better because you are no longer in a situation where you are in pain. Today you can look at yourself and be proud that you overcame such a difficult time and work on how to love yourself again. And when you practice self-compassion and self-love, you can slowly let go of the pain.
Remember what I said earlier? When a relationship you’ve invested so much into doesn’t pan out the way you had hoped, it’s easy to fall into the loop of self-blame and loathing. But you can’t blame yourself for someone else’s choices, and there is no point in agonizing over “what if” and “if only”.
Instead, cultivate some self-compassion and work on removing self-doubt. Yes, many things could have happened or should have happened, but they didn’t, did they? So, let’s keep the imaginary scenarios at bay, and work on getting out of this tangle.
Not having closure or not understanding why your relationship went south can be painful, but it is what it is. Sometimes it takes a lot of time to find closure and understand why things panned out the way they did. But, from my experience, I will tell you, whatever obscure reason you might find out later, the real reason, in most cases, is because it was not meant to be.
5. Change your surroundings a little bit
Change can be good when you’re trying to clear up your headspace. Whether you’re trying to figure out how to learn to love yourself again after a toxic relationship or after a breakup, a fresh start can go a long way in helping you turn over a new leaf.
Now, I’m not suggesting the full-blown rom-com routine of uprooting your life and starting afresh. But you can make some small changes around where you live. It may be something as small as getting rid of old things or making some additions to your living space. This process of letting go of the reminders of your past can be an important step toward healing from a bad relationship that has left you with a crushed heart.
This one is tricky; I always say this: sadness and anger are just two sides of a coin. One usually follows the other. As you process the emotional trauma that has been inflicted on you, you will, at some point, start fixating on all the ways your partner hurt you. This is bound to lead to anger – after all, anger is one of the inevitable stages of the grief cycle.
While your anger may be justified, this emotion is known to trigger negative thoughts, of which no good comes out. Now, I’m not asking you to repress your anger. Please remember this is also a part of your coping process, and you need to allow it to surface and feel the full extent of it. All I’m asking of you is to not let this – or any emotion – hold sway over your actions.
7. Remember to take some space for yourself
Space is important to let yourself heal. You have to take some time and be away from the source of your hurt – both in real life and virtually. One of the most effective ways to love yourself after an emotional setback is to prioritize yourself, and taking the space you need is an important part of that process.
Don’t shy away from accepting and saying, “I need space.” It needn’t be a permanent change. Depending on your circumstances, maybe the space you need is only a walk around the block or a day off social media. But this small act can do a world of good for your mental health.
Going through a traumatic breakup or recovering from a toxic relationship can take a toll on your mental and physical health. Often, when you’re in the thick of a situation, it can be difficult to look at it objectively, this, in turn, can hinder the process of healing from a bad relationship.
In times like these, seeking help from a mental health professional can help you make sense of your situation and, yes, even find closure in the present moment. They can also help you gain more insight into what you are going through and figure out the best way to work through the pain and become a better version of yourself in the process.
Now, you might be wondering, how do you know if you need to go into therapy or not? Well, that’s something you need to decide for yourself. A good indicator can be when you think you just cannot go on by yourself. If you’re considering seeking professional help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
9. Practice self-love
Self-love is key to healing your skinned heart. How can I start loving myself, you ask? Well, there is no tried-and-tested recipe for self-love, but here are a few things you can try:
Start with something small like taking a relaxing shower or going on a trip
You can try meditation and yoga to center yourself
Or you can just rock out to your favorite tunes
You can take yourself out on a date
It’s up to you to decide what works best for you. Whatever you choose, the practice of prioritizing yourself can affirm the belief that you deserve respect and all the love and care in the world. When practiced consistently, self-love will help you connect with your true self and put you on the path to self-acceptance.
10. Spend time with yourself doing things you love
How to learn to love yourself? Make the time to reconnect with your comfort zone/safe space. Doing the things your love will bring you joy, which can prove to be an antidote to all the pain and sadness you’re carrying within. If you don’t feel like returning to things you love, maybe you can take up a new hobby. Here are some activities you can explore for spending some quality time with yourself:
You are not alone. Don’t forget that. While you may need some alone time to work through your grief, at some point, you need to come out of your cocoon and lean on your loved ones for support. When you are going through something difficult and trying to figure out how to find yourself again, these people can be your biggest pillars of support. So, be grateful for the wholesome, healthy relationships you have in your life and seek them out in moments of vulnerability.
12. Don’t go looking for revenge
Revenge is a dish best not served at all. Stooping down to your partner’s level and giving them a taste of their own medicine can seem enticing, but in the end, it doesn’t achieve anything. Being the bigger person and walking away with your dignity is a much better payback than going out of your way to exact revenge on them.
Also, life is fleeting, why waste even a moment of it wondering how to egg someone’s house or slash tires? These negative emotions can become all-consuming if you don’t learn to process them the right way. Being able to curb this temptation is a vital first step toward building healthy habits after a toxic relationship.
13. Go on a trip instead
Yup, why go on a revenge spree when you can go on a trip instead? So, instead of thinking of ways to get back at your ex or the partner who hurt you, focus on getting yourself a change of pace. It can do you a world of good when you’re down in the dumps and it feels like there is just no light at the end of this dark tunnel your partner has plunged you into.
A new place can help you open yourself up to new possibilities, take your mind off your problems and everyday life, and let off some steam. If you’re wondering how to find yourself or how to feel like yourself again, a trip – be it a weekend getaway, camping, or a month-long European sojourn – can be a great starting point.
Taking lessons means focusing on what you’ve learned from this whole ordeal. Maybe your partner cheated on you, or they were really not who they claimed to be. As you work your way through this setback, it’s important to introspect and learn from your heartbreak for your future self. It will help you not repeat past mistakes, make better choices, identify relationship red flags, and set boundaries.
15. Try journaling
Once the initial shock and wave of emotions have settled down, try channeling the angst and pain into words. Journaling can be an immensely cathartic process that can help you in your healing journey. Writing down your emotions and feelings makes them more tangible, offers them a semblance of structure, thus making them less daunting, and helps you tackle them more effectively. The exercise can also help you gain closure, which often holds the answer to: how do you begin to love yourself after having your heart crushed?
If you are wondering how to open yourself up to love again, start small.
Be kind to a stranger
Water a plant
Explore your city like a tourist
Gaze at a beautiful sunset with child-like wonderment
These seemingly small acts will help you learn to be grateful for all the good things in life and infuse positive energy into your daily life. This will also help you get rid of the inner critic that constantly tries to pull you down. Similarly, you can also find love in the literal sense if you feel like your newfound clarity requires you to move on from where you are in your life right now. Don’t let low self-esteem pull you down. This is one of the keys to learning how to love yourself again while in a relationship.
17. Learn the art of forgiveness
This is the last step of healing. Please do remember forgiveness is not for the benefit of the person who has hurt you but for yourself. You cannot move on and build a happy, fulfilling life for yourself unless you find it in your heart to forgive your partner for hurting you.
The resentment, the anger, the pain will keep you chained to the past even if you have moved on from the relationship. Forgiveness, on the other hand, will bring you closure and set you free. Always remember, forgiveness does not mean letting the person in your life again or giving them a free pass to repeat the actions that hurt you.
Key Pointers
Take time with your feelings and let your grief pass slowly
Take care of your health and well-being meanwhile
Don’t blame yourself for all that happened
Practice self-care
Be open to love again from your surroundings
There you have it – the 17 tips on how to love yourself again after getting your heart skinned. You can also use them as a general guide to self-love. As I mentioned before, all of these tips have helped me get over a bad breakup. I hope they serve you well too, whether you’re trying to figure out how to love yourself again while in a relationship or how to let go of someone toxic without losing a part of yourself.
While Family Dollar sells a huge range of products, including clothing and personal care items, Family Dollar stores don’t currently stock reading glasses. However, there are many other discount stores or drug stores that do sell reading glasses, which could be a cost-effective way of having a few spare pairs to hand.
We’ve all seen cheap pairs of reading glasses in discount and drug stores – and wondered whether they’re worth buying and safe to use. After all, however much of a bargain they are, they’re still a waste of money if they don’t work, right?
The good news is that over-the-counter reading glasses – even those from a dollar or discount store – are safe to use and won’t risk damaging the wearer’s eyesight. These types of full rim specs can help wearers to focus up close. Ophthalmologists recommend that, due to the way our eyesight changes as we get older, reading glasses of a certain strength usually need to be switched up every two years by those in the forty-five to sixty-five age category.
How to Choose Dollar Store or Over-the-Counter Reading Glasses
If you haven’t visited an ophthalmologist- or want to double-check that the reading glasses are right for you – there’s a simple way to check their suitability in-store. Simply grab a greeting card or a magazine from those on sale, hold it at a comfortable distance for reading, and then try on various pairs of glasses until you find the ones that are best.
If you’re having trouble choosing between two powers, it’s usually best to go with the lower power option. Reading glasses that are too strong tend to cause more discomfort than those that may be slightly too weak. Consider, too, how you’ll be using your new reading glasses: for example, computer work usually takes place at a greater distance compared to reading a book.
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It’s important to ensure that any glasses you purchase fit correctly to avoid discomfort and potential eye strain. Over-the-counter and dollar-store readers tend to be one-size-fits-all, so make sure you’re happy with the fit before buying them.
Reading Glasses Strength Required by Age Range
As a very rough guide, here’s an idea of reading glasses strength requirement by age:
40 – 43 – +1.00
44 – 47 – +1.25 – 1.50
48 – 51 – +1.50 – 1.75
52 – 55 – +1.75 – 2.00
56 – 59 – +2.00 – 2.25
60 – 64 – +2.25 – 2.50
65 + – +2.50 – 3.00
What are the Benefits of Over-the-Counter Reading Glasses?
Many people find that a multi-pack of cheap, over-the-counter reading glasses is an invaluable backup to their main pair of glasses, allowing them to keep multiple pairs around the house where they may need them, such as on a bedside table or in the car. Some wearers prefer to take a couple of cheap pairs of reading glasses on vacation with them rather than risk their ‘main’ specs being damaged or getting lost while on their travels.
Are Designer Over-the-Counter Reading Glasses Available
If you’re searching for over-the-counter designer readers, Family Dollar and similar may not be the best place to look. You can expect to pay between about $30 and $100 for a pair of over-the-counter designer reading glasses, but you’ll likely get optical-quality lenses and high-quality acetate frames for the additional expense.
Can I Wear Reading Glasses if I Also Wear Contact Lenses?
Yes, this is often possible. If, for example, you wear contact lenses to correct astigmatism, using a pair of reading glasses for reading without removing your contacts is a useful way to avoid having to switch between two different pairs of spectacles.
How Do I Know if I Need Reading Glasses
There are a few obvious signs to look out for, such as blurry vision and needing to hold things closer to or further from your eyes to be able to see them clearly. Headaches following an extended reading or computer work session can also be a clue that you require corrective lenses.
When Are Over-the-Counter Reading Glasses Not the Best Option?
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For some people, over-the-counter reading glasses aren’t appropriate. For example, if you have astigmatism, require a strong prescription, or need a different strength of prescription for each eye, you’ll need to visit an eye doctor to get the eyeglasses you need. Prescription reading glasses – as opposed to an over-the-counter option – are likely to be best for those who’d prefer blue light-blocking lenses or anti-reflective coating, for example. And, of course, remember that the range of reading glasses available in a dollar or drug store will be limited in terms of frame styles.
The Takeaway: Are Over-the-Counter Reading Glasses Right For You?
If reading is becoming a little trickier and you simply require some magnification to be able to read comfortably, inexpensive reading glasses from dollar and drug stores could be a cost-effective way to get what you need. Be sure to try on several pairs in-store to identify the best reading glasses for your needs that fit comfortably. And if in doubt – always consult your eye doctor.
