Category: Dating & Love

While commuting on the New York subway recently, I overheard a young woman asking her friend, “Do you know how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend?” The question compelled me to contemplate parent-children relationships and how romantic love fares within familial conversations. Soon, I reached my stop, went home, and decided to write a piece to help young people in love better communicate their relationship statuses to their parents.

Your interaction with your family about your love life depends upon many factors, such as their parenting style, the status quo within the family, the socio-cultural context, class/race/caste and other disparities within your romantic relationship, etc. For instance, if you are in college, your parents might be more comfortable knowing about your boyfriend than if you are a pre-teen. Thus, there is no one-size-fits-all solution when you’re informing your parents that you are seeing someone.

Is It Important To Tell Your Parents You Have A Boyfriend?

You should tell your parents that you have a boyfriend in the following situations:

• You are underage
• There are trust issues and you don’t completely trust him yet
• You want to make your life easier by being able to go out and meet him without hiding and lying to your folks
• You think they will find out through other sources
• You are in a committed relationship with him

It’s not ‘important’ or ‘necessary’ to tell them about your partner, especially if you’re an adult or independent or both. If you don’t wish to share this news with your parents, I’m sure there are valid reasons. 

The response to this dilemma of whether you should tell your folks or not also lies in the equation you share with them. According to the ‘attachment theory,’ the security of the early parent-child bond reflects in a person’s interpersonal relationships throughout life. Therefore, how you communicate with your parents as an adult is rooted in the dynamics you shared with them as a child and an adolescent. Attentive and expressive parents tend to bring up children who feel comfortable expressing themselves, their thoughts, and their opinions.

Likewise, children brought up under the ‘uninvolved parenting style’ may struggle to cope with adult problems. Thus, such complexities may affect your decision to tell your parents about your relationship status or not. You would be cautious while you spill the beans about the person you are seeing, even as an adult. Kindness, understanding, and patience are key to breaking the intergenerational curses that plague families and prevent meaningful communication.

Related Reading: 8 Relationship Problems You Can Face If You Had Toxic Parents

How Long Should You Wait To Tell Your Parents You Have a Boyfriend?

As stated above, the timing of informing your parents that you have a boyfriend depends on a lot of things. Let’s go over a few scenarios.

• As a teenager or an adolescent, sharing your intimate life with your parents may seem awkward and inorganic. Studies show that half of the teens feel uncomfortable talking to their parents about sex; however, only 19% of parents feel the same
• If you are in a serious relationship, it might be best to bring up the topic as the sooner you own up to the relationship, the better it is
• It can also become important to tell your parents about your boyfriend when you trust their nuanced guidance to analyze the equation with your partner better. After all, in romance, even the red flags appear green. So, tell them as soon as you feel you’re falling in love but are not sure about him yet. If you’re friendly with your parents, they might know you enough to give you valuable insight
• In case you have fallen victim to abusive relationships in the past, subtly communicating about your new boyfriend to your parents can provide a sense of security and support. Keep them in the loop from the beginning so they can track any red flags in your routine/behavior and warn or comfort you beforehand
• Lastly, if you are financially and legally dependent on your parents but are worried that knowing about your boyfriend might trigger violent responses, it is best to conceal the relationship until you can find a viable support group

Therefore, the answer to the question “how long should you wait to tell your parents you have a boyfriend” is highly subjective, and premised on the aforesaid dynamics. 

Top 15 Sensible Ways To Tell Your Parents That You Are Seeing Someone

In his magnum opus, Dragon Slaying For Parents, Tom Prinz opines that most adults are not adequately prepared for parenthood. They bring excess baggage into their roles as parents, such as low self-esteem, unresolved resentment, codependency, and more. Therefore, the first step toward how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend starts with demystification. The key is to see your parents as flawed human beings with unsettled trauma and many layers. Such comprehension can start a healthy relationship with them and enable you to introduce your boyfriend to your parents more easily. Now that we have covered the basics, let us finally dovetail into the crux of the topic. 

1. Pen down a heartfelt letter

In today’s digital age, where almost all communication happens via phones and laptops, the quaint charms of a heartfelt letter can go a long way. Thus, a tried-and-tested way to tell your parents about your relationship is by writing them a letter. Communicating about your relationship via a written medium means you have ample time to process the things you want to say and present your boyfriend in the best light. While penning down the letter, try to anticipate your parents’ responses so that you can answer their concerns while simultaneously informing them about the relationship.

2. Send them a photo of you and your partner on WhatsApp 

If you are a college student who has moved out of your parent’s home to study, and you’re wondering how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, then taking the help of social media might do the trick. Provided that you have an amicable relationship with your parents, you can send a group picture of you, your partner, and your friends. And then a single photo of you and your boyfriend. Such a strategic move will surely stir some feathers in your parents’ minds.

Make sure that the photographs are quirky and candid. Sending pictures can be an excellent conversation starter to break the news about your new beau. In addition, pictures are a light-hearted way of telling other people what is going on in your life. The old saying ”a picture is worth a thousand words” holds veritable significance when intimating to your parents that you are seeing someone.

3. Tag and mention your parents on social media

In today’s day and age, social media is where most people announce their relationships to the world. So, do not shy away from co-opting the prowess of social media, and let your parents know that you have found the love of your life. You can tag your parents on an adorable photograph of you and your boyfriend on Instagram.

Likewise, you can also ‘soft launch’ your boyfriend by sharing small, out-of-context snippets on your Instagram or Facebook stories and tagging your parents in them. This prevents awkward or tense one-on-one conversations from coming up suddenly. Be careful, though. Social media might not be a great tool to tell your strict parents you have a boyfriend, especially if they feel hurt that they got to know an important update of your life through an Insta post.

4. Drop occasional hints that you’re seeing someone

Rather than dropping the truth bomb, you can try taking the ‘breadcrumbs’ approach. Prepare your parents for the big revelation by mentioning your boyfriend’s name in conversations. 

• You can tell your parents about a ‘friend’ whom you enjoy spending time with
• When telling them about your outings with friends, casually mention that your new ‘special friend’ is also joining the group
• Likewise, you can discuss this ‘new special friend’ more with your siblings who are sure to mention him to your parents (only tell your siblings if they can convey the message in a clever and kind manner)
• Tell your parents about a problem you faced recently and how your ‘friend’ helped you out of it
• Such ‘breadcrumbs‘ will pique the curiosity in your parent’s minds; they will be desperate to know the truth

The key is to condition your parents about an ensuing disclosure. By gradually acquainting them with your partner via casual mentions, your parents will not be surprised or taken aback when you finally tell them about your relationship. 

Dropping occasional hints is a great way to tell your strict parents that you have a boyfriend. Why? Because their initial reactions to your ‘special friend’ will provide an estimate of how they might respond when you lay the facts bare, and introduce your boyfriend to them. Thus, through the ‘breadcrumbs’ approach, you can anticipate your parents’ reaction to your newfound love and tread cautiously.

Related Reading: How To Deal With Clash Of The Parents In The First Meet

5. Be abrupt and straightforward

At times, being abrupt, swift, and straightforward can be the ideal way to tell your parents you have a boyfriend. Contrary to the ‘breadcrumbs’ approach, sometimes, being upfront is the best way to deal with any situation. One of my school friends utilized this method to tell her mother about her new boyfriend when she was in her late teens. She simply went up to her while the latter was preparing dinner, and said, “Mom, XXXX and I are in a relationship.” Of course, my friend shared a cordial and healthy relationship with her parents and, thus, could communicate better and in an open way. 

If you feel too anxious, intimidated, or simply too shy to communicate about your boyfriend to your parents, then take a few deep breaths, head to the living room, break the news, and be done with it. Announce your relationship with confidence and surety, and remember to sprinkle kindness. For example, you could say, “Mom and Dad, I am in love with a person, and he is absolutely incredible. I know the news might be a surprise for you, but I would love for you to meet him once you’re ready.” The method may seem too idealistic. But as we all know, when elaborate ploys fail, simplicity and honesty come to the rescue. The ideal scenarios wherein you can be straightforward with your parents are:

• You are an adult
• You are financially independent
• You have a strong support system beyond your parents
• You share a healthy and friendly bond with your parents
• You are confident about your relationship and see signs of true love
• You’ve decided to move in with your partner

6. Introduce your partner as a ‘friend’ to your family

A sneaky way to tell your strict parents that you have a boyfriend is by first introducing your beau as a casual ‘friend.’ 

• After introducing him as a ‘friend’ to your parents, his identity has been established as a dependable and trustworthy individual
• Thereafter, go on to mention his name in major conversations and iterate his best qualities
• Be careful not to get carried away. When in love, talking about your beau may seem like the best thing in the world, but do not chant his name in every other sentence
• After your parents are comfortable with your new friend, keep plotting scenarios where both parties can interact and meet, as it would enable your boyfriend to impress your family

In due course of time, there is a possibility that your strict parents will take a liking to the guy and would feel okay knowing that both of you are dating.

7. Invite your boyfriend to dinner

If you are wondering how to break the news of your relationship to your folks, then a good old family dinner might be it. Provided that you are in college or financially independent, a simple family dinner to which your beau is invited can help begin the conversation. First, ask your parents if your boyfriend can come over for dinner. Make sure that they are fine with him joining you all. If your parents don’t seem to welcome the idea, then it is best to cancel the plan as nobody wants to spend an awkward evening.

However, if your parents have given the green light, tell your boyfriend beforehand to prepare for a slew of questions. A family dinner is a civil and simple way to introduce your boyfriend to your family and vice-versa. Both parties have ample time to know one another and forge a trustful relationship during the one-on-one conversations. And the best part is that you will be by their side to mediate the topic and keep uncomfortable silences at bay.

8. Highlight your boyfriend’s best qualities

Your parents might think that the guy will hurt you, that you might end up in a toxic relationship, or that you are too young to start seeing someone. Clear those doubts by letting your parents know what makes your beau the quintessential ‘boyfriend material.’ Tell them how you feel when your beau is around, his constant efforts in the relationship, and how he makes you feel secure and loved. 

Such proclamations of affection, when said with conviction, can melt even the most rigid of hearts. So, the key to communicate about your relationship is by highlighting your beau’s best qualities. This, unfortunately, might include money too. Though it doesn’t matter to you, it might help if you tell your parents how much he earns or about his degrees and ambitions. 

9. Create a video or photo compilation

A sensible way to tell your parents about your beau is by being creative and ingenious. For example, you can make a cute compilation of the photographs and memories you share with your beau and send it to them via email or Whatsapp. Moreover, you can simply show them the compilation in person. Such creative acts are a great way to give your parents a clearer idea about your relationship and show how happy you two are when together.

Related Reading: 18 Surefire Signs Someone Loves You With All Their Heart

10. Be ready to negotiate when you tell them you are in a relationship

Let’s talk about how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when they are conservative. If your parents are not comfortable with you having a boyfriend right now, then be ready to compromise in the following ways: 

• Do not stress the fact that you love your boyfriend, and he is an excellent guy, or both of you are a match made in heaven. Such mouthful claims can only make matters worse and frustrate your parents
• Instead, let them know you understand their reservations
• Try negotiating with your parents that you cannot break up with your boyfriend but are willing to tone it down until things reach a more stable dating phase
• You can tell them that you will meet him only at school, or you will only go out on group dates
• Remember to be patient and understand the generation gap. Moreover, some of the concerns they express might be valid, so do not dismiss everything outright

Negotiation and compromise are key when you are not allowed to date but still want to acquaint your parents with the relationship. 

11. Engage in an indirect discussion

If you feel your parents might react aggressively to the news that you are seeing or dating someone, try engaging in indirect discussions. For example,

• You can cook up a fake story wherein your distant friend who is in a relationship tells their parents about their new boyfriend
• Through their responses, see what they have to say about dating in general and if they are comfortable with the idea of people from your circle having partners
• Use the insights to devise a way to inform your family about your own dating life gradually

12. Invite your parents to your boyfriend’s performance

If your boyfriend is an athlete, a singer, or an artist of any sort, then it is a good idea to let your parents see him perform. You can ask your parents to accompany you. After your beau is done performing, you can inquire your parents what they think of him. Then, garnish the conversation by telling them what a great guy he is. Performers have a unique charisma, and there is a huge possibility that your parents would take a liking to your boyfriend if they were introduced to him via a performance or competition, be it a match, a singing gig, a science/math quiz, etc.

Related Reading: Unsure In A Relationship? Figure What You Want With These 19 Questions

13. Determine whom to inform first

The tip is especially relevant if you are in your teens or in high school. You might be closer and friendlier to one of your parents. Likewise, one of your parents might be more lenient, communicative, and open to new changes. Thus, use your discretion, and determine whom to inform first about your boyfriend. Often, breaking the news to one parent is easier and can clear the path for talking to the other parent.

The approach is especially helpful if you are in school or are a teenager who has just gotten their first partner. For example, if you feel that your mother would be more accepting of your beau, then go ahead and tell her first. On the other hand, if both of your parents are likely to take it equally well or bad, then just rip off the bandaid, and tell them together.

14. Invite your parents to your home where you live with your partner

If you live independently and away from your parents in a different city, one way to tell them about your boyfriend is by simply inviting them to your home. Light some scented candles, play soothing music, and cook a scrumptious meal to create a Zen-like ambiance in your apartment. Then, open up about your relationship, tell them you have been in a live-in relationship, and that you make a compatible pair.

It’s probably a good idea to not have your boyfriend around for this evening and help him avoid your parents’ initial reactions. The aim is to show them the life you’re leading and the home you’ve made with your special someone. Invite them again when they have absorbed and accepted the news and want to meet your partner.

15. Put your foot down despite their disagreement

Last but not least, the key is to talk and act like an adult if you want to be treated as such. Tell your parents that you are capable enough to manage the ups and downs of a romantic relationship. Explain why you chose the guy as your partner and why you think the relationship is worth it. Reddit User PhilipTA explains that despite being an ‘adult,’ your parents might view you as a dependent for several reasons. But it is important to explain to them that “you are becoming an adult, you have a boyfriend, and they cannot dictate the terms of the relationship.”

So, there we have it, a comprehensive set of guidelines on how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend. The path you follow while informing your parents about your relationship is highly personal and subjective. But the tips and tricks mentioned above can make things easier, and help calm down your nerves. 

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Each zodiac sign has different traits, strengths, and weaknesses, forming a unique personality of its own. It’s incredibly fun to decode a person based on their zodiac and figure out who they are, based on the same. So while Leos are known to be supremely confident, Scorpios are the sharpest. Geminis are creative and Arians are strong-headed individuals. But which is the most intelligent zodiac sign that encompasses almost all the desirable qualities in a man or woman – an all-rounder, in other words?

Did you know you could figure out whether a person is intelligent or not by just knowing their zodiac? Well, an analytical mind or a creative streak in a person can be because of the sign he or she is born under. By knowing the zodiac sign of a person, you can take guess whether he is intelligent, creative, emotional, or caring. When you really decode and try to understand their zodiac, you know just what to expect from them.

In fact, it can also be said that a zodiac sign can give you an inkling of what the person likely is. When you meet someone who’s born under the smartest zodiac sign, you will instantly be taken by them. And in this article, we will figure out the most intelligent zodiac signs. So when you meet people from these sun signs, you know they will always be ready with facts to mesmerize you with! And even if they’re not book-smart with facts and knowledge rolling off their tongue, there are different kinds of intelligence that different types of zodiac signs exhibit. The smartest zodiac signs may not look all the same, because they show their intelligence in different ways.

To decode the same further, we have on board with us today, Kreena Desai who is a practicing astrologer and Vastu consultant. She has completed her Masters in Management but believes that all answers lie within Astrology. With her help, let us figure out the answer to who is the most intelligent zodiac sign or which zodiac sign is the sharpest and how.

10 Smartest Zodiac Signs Ranked As Per Astrology

Of course, going off of what was mentioned before, the word intelligence means different things to different people. It is not just about accumulating academic qualifications or boasting of a super successful career. Intelligence can mean things that are different from that. It also refers to being in tune with your emotions, having the capability for logical understanding, and even the ability to grasp concepts quickly and remember them.

Different people show their intelligence in different circumstances, and in very different ways. Some signs are naturally brighter than the rest. Others may be better at physical tasks than mental activities. Still, others are creative and have a natural affinity toward the arts, while there are some who are geniuses with numbers. Some are smarter at remembering facts and figures while others are great with things such as common sense. Intelligence truly comes in many flavors, and that’s why it’s hard to box it up into one meaning.

Want to know what is the smartest zodiac sign ever that encapsulates the best of these traits? Based on their interests and aptitude, here are the top 10 most intelligent zodiac signs:

1. Aquarius: Sharp-witted but arrogant (January 20 – February 18)

Congratulations, Aquarians! There is almost unanimity that Aquarius is one of the most intelligent zodiac signs. People belonging to this sign are natural intellectuals. They have a cool head on their shoulders, are known to behave rationally, and can be pretty innovative as well.

Kreena tells us, “Aquarius is very detached and sure of their decisions. They are also very independent and thus, choose to do what seems right to them intuitively. The only drawback is that they have a tendency to express their own views very strongly which is why they may appear arrogant to others.”

Aquarians tend to find out for themselves any information they lay their hands on, which makes them the smartest zodiac sign ever. Aquarians like to dig deep on a subject they are interested in and they are almost always right. But the intelligence of Aquarius may not always be very practical, they are more esoteric.

Often they think they are superior to others and may be slightly dismissive of those who are less intelligent than them. But hey, smart people can be a little arrogant, what say? So put up with a bit of the superiority complex they inevitably suffer from. You will be learning from them and some of their intelligence is sure to rub off.

2. Scorpio: Super smart (October 24–November 21)

Scorpios are smart and known for being very clever too. In fact, they can be called the smartest zodiac from all the signs there are out there. They are the typical water sign where still waters run deep. Do not get fooled by their poker face or cool demeanor. They challenge all concepts and theories and are not satisfied unless they can connect enough proof to the claims. This is what makes them so sharp!

Scorpios like to delve deep into a concept and they are not ready to accept an explanation unless they are convinced about it. They have natural intellectual curiosity, wanting to know everything about anything that interests them. They are truly one of the smartest zodiac signs in order of critical and curious minds.

Scorpios are known to be intense and when they get into something, they will give their all. They are natural leaders and bosses. And if you have a Scorpio employee, know that your organization is in safe hands.

3. Cancer: Emotionally intelligent (June 22–July 22)

Cancer is also an intelligent sign but this is more in the emotional intelligence category (which is very important). Cancerians have natural empathy and understanding that make them excellent at advising others. Their intelligence mainly comes in the form of understanding people, which essentially is a rare trait.

They do tend to go into a comfort zone, which is not a great thing since growth rarely happens in a comfort zone. But their innate sense of knowing others’ energy stands them in good stead. Like most water signs, their intuition is on point. They are indeed the smartest zodiac sign ever in terms of their EQ.

They are very good and wise friends to have, especially in difficult times. They can actually feel energies without effort which makes them excellent psychics. So if you feel confused about what to do and where to go in life, you know whom to approach.

*Kreena adds, “Cancers being Moon signs are extremely emotional and empathetic (which is a rare combination). What’s fantastic about them is that they can effectively gauge people’s moods and emotions. Not only are they protective about their family and friends, but they also try their best to make them feel better, owing to their emotional intelligence.”

Related Reading: The 6 Most Dangerous Zodiac Signs – Beware!

4. Pisces: The dreamer (February 19–March 20)

One of the most dynamic zodiac signs, Pisces may not seem instantly brilliant or bright on the surface. But their mention is absolutely necessary when talking about the smartest zodiac signs. No smartest zodiac sign list would be complete without the mention of Pisces, who stand apart as much for their sharpness as they do for their insightfulness. So, never underestimate the wisdom of a Piscean.

Pisces ranks high among the most intelligent zodiac signs because they imbibe the traits of all other signs, being the last one in the circle. Neat, isn’t it?

They have a native intelligence as well as the ability to give an overall perspective which can certainly help them go far. Hence, just like Cancerians, they can also be trusted to give very good advice. They too have very good intuition, though unfortunately, they don’t follow it themselves in their own lives. Pisces are creative and intelligent but they also tend to get lost in their daydreams. If they stay grounded, the sky’s the limit for them.

5. Capricorn: The worker bee (December 22–January 19)

Out of the sharpest zodiac signs, Capricorn is the one you will certainly take note of. If you are ever concerned about seeking a study or project partner, befriend a Capricorn man or woman. They are very goal-oriented, hard-working, and practical in their endeavors. They will learn their lessons well and even if they are not very sharp or smart, they have the drive and the willpower to make things happen.

If they have taken up something, whether it is a project or a new job, they will give it their all to get it right. Your Capricorn partner will always come prepared to test their knowledge into practice. They may not be all-rounders, but they will be deeply aware of subjects they are interested in. These are just the kind of people you need to make things happen at work. They are not the ones to give up easily. In other words, they might make excellent gym partners, working out hard and ensuring that you do as well.

Capricornians might get a bit stubborn but bear with them. Their grit, ability to never give up and seek solutions through hard work is the sign of their intelligence. Sometimes, you need such people to constantly motivate the rest of the team.

6. Libra: The big balancer (September 23–October 23)

Which zodiac sign is the smartest? Well, Libra makes the list thanks to their ability for being brilliant at balancing. Librans have an intellectual bent of mind and hence they can be considered to be among the most intelligent zodiac signs. Librans, who are represented by the scale, like balance and so they will always have considered response to every situation. This is exactly what an intelligent response or reaction should be.

They are emotional and hard-working, and they know it. So they are not someone who’d be sharing their knowledge with you. The only time when they can be a problem to be around is when they have to make a decision as they often find themselves in a conundrum. And the reason will surprise you.

Kreena says, “Libras absolutely love people, and this is what can sometimes make them act like people-pleasers as well. The reason they are bad decision-makers is that they feel the need to do right by everyone and be liked by them as well. This is why while taking a decision, they try and think from all people’s perspective, unable to pick a side, and making them bad decision-makers overall.”

This is one aspect of intelligence that is lacking in them because, in their eagerness to maintain that balance, they might overlook some of the most important details. Sometimes, it’s okay to take a side Libra!

Related Reading: Your Biggest Relationship Flaws Based On Your Zodiac Sign

7. Sagittarius: The most studious Zodiac sign (November 22–December 21)

Sagittarians are all about higher learning and aspiring to reach greater heights. They are interested in many subjects and are willing to go deep in their pursuit of knowledge. This is what makes them the most studious Zodiac sign out of all! They are also very sharp and have an analytical mind which helps them in crisis situations. And they believe that everyone is as fascinated by knowledge as they are, making them lead conversations around any topic!

Sagittarians can make for good leaders as well and can even be rather dominating. They make for the smartest zodiac sign in order of assertiveness and analytical abilities. But they might come across as a bit spaced out because they don’t really care about what other people think. It’s also because they feel they are always right. Well, they most likely are, but a lot of people do see them as snobs.

Do they have a certain intellectual arrogance? Yes, maybe! They are also not conventionally intelligent, they are more into lateral thinking. This might not work too often with people who prefer things to be too direct.

8. Virgo: The perfectionist or the most wise zodiac sign (August 23–September 22)

When it comes to the most clever zodiac sign which is Virgo, this is what Kreena had to tell us,”Virgos are great planners and like for things to be a certain way. They are organized and extreme perfectionists. This further makes them great at analysis and that is where their intelligence lies. Their grit and dedication to get their desired perfect result no matter what makes them quite dependable and shows their intelligent side.”

So are Virgos the smartest zodiac sign? Well, they may not be the smartest zodiac sign ever but they definitely make the cut in some ways. Virgo or the Virgin is a sign that shows a lot of practical intelligence. Why does Virgo rank among the most intelligent zodiac signs, you ask? Well, precisely because of their practical intelligence.

There are few people as detail-oriented and perfectionists as people born under this sign. If you want to get a job done really well, trust a Virgo with it. They are intellectual, driven, and have the ability to think ahead of others. So they are very useful when it comes to planning a project or thinking big and visualizing it to make it a success.

They might get too much into the specifics, missing the larger picture at times, and also might come across as too nitpicky but it’s all for the good in the end. After all, in the world of quick fixes, not many people bother about the nitty-gritties of things. They are not known for their emotional intelligence but their tendency for perfection makes them extremely good project heads.

9. Leos: Mr. Know-it-alls (July 23–August 22)

One might think that the most intelligent zodiac sign is in fact Leo because of the way that they attract people. Leos have great social intelligence. They command attention and make for natural leaders. But does that make them really wise? It’s hard to say actually. They are aggressive and sharp which makes them excellent bosses but might not be great as team members.

They also have slightly narcissistic traits, which make it difficult for them to accept their mistakes or any criticism. However, perhaps you need to take that in your stride. Think about a boss or a professor. You may hate their guts but can’t help but admire their sharpness. They have oodles of charisma, charm, and confidence and those qualities make up for whatever they lack in IQ or EQ. They have a different kind of intelligence which is useful in many situations. Their ability to be natural charmers and attract attention in any room is what makes people think they are one of the most dynamic zodiac signs.

Related Reading: 7 Zodiac Signs With Expensive Taste Who Love The High Life

10. Aries: Never-say-die attitude (March 21–April 19)

Arians may not exactly be known to rank high among the most intelligent zodiac signs but they have massive confidence and the ability to get things done. They can be impulsive and pushy because of which they never give up. Having an Arian in your team may mean you have a person who will not take ‘no’ for an answer and will push something until it gets done.

They may not have the intelligence of say, a Scorpio or an Aquarian but they have native intelligence, which will help them get things done their way. They also like to meet challenges head-on.

And this, for many, is a sign of intelligence that other zodiacs do not possess. So say if you feel stuck at a project or feel you can’t convince a client, just send an Arian to convince him. You can rest assured that he won’t come back without bagging the deal.

Kreena further explains, “Native intelligence comes from being very tactful, independent in thought and approach and being liberal and open-minded. The Aries zodiac sign is very clear in their heads and is often very sure of themselves. They are go-getters and do not give up on their dreams that easily. They are also not afraid to challenge existing ideas and processes to get what they want. This helps them get things done their way especially since they are good with people as well, making them very reliable.”

The bottom line is that every sign is intelligent though they may differ in the kind of wisdom they display. As we said before, it’s always not about IQ but emotional intelligence, the ability to think logically, make rational decisions and work smartly. These are all signs of intelligence and all these brilliant zodiac signs which we listed above are testimonies of the same.

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There is a fine line between being a loving girlfriend and a clingy one. All boyfriends want a loving girlfriend who cares for them like no other. What boyfriends don’t like is a psycho who stalks their everyday life and does not give them space even to breathe. Are you that psycho girlfriend? Be prepared to become his psycho ex-girlfriend if that’s you. Men loathe sticky girlfriends and you should know better if you want to show your guy you care. If you notice the clingy girlfriend signs in your behavior, maybe it’s not too late to rectify yourself and save your relationship.

One of our male readers shared his dating horror story with a girl he met while pursuing higher education abroad. She would want to spend all her time with him and get frustrated if he made plans with his friends even if they involved her. She wanted all his attention and demanded he share his location with her. She would constantly check his ‘last seen’ to make sure he was not avoiding replying to her and even threatened him with suicide when he tried to break up with her.

We know that clinginess is confusing. You don’t want to be too clingy or too distant. It is difficult to find the right balance between clinginess and distance. The truth is that the extent of clinginess varies from relationship to relationship. What could be too clingy for one boyfriend could seem like lots of love and care for the other? But there are some needy girlfriend signs that most men get put off by. We’re here to help you decode those signs and learn how not to be a clingy girlfriend in consultation with life coach and counselor Joie Bose.

What is being in a clingy relationship?

“Being ‘clingy’ is subjective and differs in definition from person to person. The moment you start saying that your partner is clingy, it means that there is something about this relationship that you don’t like and you want it to change. It’s often an indicator that one partner who finds the other clingy is not happy. It is also at times an indicator that the clingy partner is perhaps suspecting the other and has trust issues,” says Joie.

So, if you sense that your partner feels you’re being a clingy girlfriend, it’s a good idea to reflect on your behavior patterns. For example, being in a clingy relationship could mean that you’re a girlfriend who is overprotective, jealous and crosses all limits of possessiveness. Another tell-tale sign of an annoying clingy girlfriend is that she wants a relationship where it’s just the two of them and there is no room for their boyfriend’s friends, family or colleagues.

What makes a woman so clingy and needy? Are all women in relationships clingy and needy? Most women who are clingy are not even aware of the negative effects of their actions and probably do not think they are doing anything wrong. It’s as if their judgment and self-awareness are clouded with an influx of emotions and love hormones. They constantly feel the urge to either talk to their partner or meet up with them. Staying apart even for a few hours makes them insecure about the relationship, causing them to act out. These are needy girlfriend signs and if you can relate to them, you definitely need to work on your attachment style and behavior patterns.

Clinginess could either be due to the initial excitement of a relationship or the fear of a potential heartbreak. More often than not, the signs of a clingy person are a manifestation of latent insecurities and fears. For instance, the fear of her boyfriend cheating on her may make her so paranoid that she forces herself into her boyfriend’s life to constantly be a part of it. But this results in making her look like the sticky girlfriend about whom horror stories are written.

Related Reading: Are You In A Clingy Relationship? Here Is How You Must Deal With It…

15 Signs Of Being A Clingy Girlfriend

Are you afraid to screw up a relationship because you can feel yourself becoming too clingy? Do you sense that your boyfriend thinks you are a clingy girlfriend but doesn’t tell you? Don’t worry, this article will help you see through all those overwhelming emotions and become the girlfriend your boyfriend actually wants to spend time with.

If your boyfriend is asked, “Are you dating a clingy girl?”, would he say, “Yes”? Read through the following clingy girlfriend signs as warning signs in your relationship.

1. You do not give him space

You become so desperate to be a major part of his life that you even want to become the air he breathes. You want him to spend his entire day with you and will keep asking him whether he thinks about you. You want him to give an update of his whereabouts every 5 minutes and will start obsessing if he stops replying to your texts all of a sudden.

“To assess if you’re being an overbearing girlfriend, pay attention to how your boyfriend reacts to your advances, plans and suggestions. For instance, when you make a plan, does he half-heartedly accept it for he fears your reactions and then spends all his time on his phone instead of focusing on you? It could be a sign that you’re being a clingy girlfriend and he is feeling stifled in the relationship,” says Joie.

Men love their space more than anything else. Your connection with your boyfriend can improve markedly if you understand the importance of space in a relationship. He will gradually let you enter that personal space he holds so sacred. Be patient enough to let it happen on its own. Don’t push it. Don’t show the clingy girlfriend signs.

2. You want to talk to him the all the time

We all love the honeymoon phase of a relationship where you both can’t keep your hands off each other and have so much to talk about. You want to talk to each other day and night and eagerly wait for the next time you meet. After the honeymoon phase wears off, things get back to normal as the temperature of your relationship is in control.

If you still want to talk to him the entire day even after the honeymoon phase is over, then stop. When you keep calling or texting him incessantly, even if you know that he might not be able to talk, you are being an intrusive needy insecure girlfriend.

Then, on top of that, you may want to FaceTime, video chat all the time and tell him to show on video where he is hanging out. This will only result in you pushing him further away. “When there is constant pressure from your end to communicate and be in touch, he may switch off his phone and not be reachable sometimes. He will, of course, say it happened because his phone ran out of battery but there is a pattern to this. This is a sign that he needs his me time but can’t tell you,” says Joie.

Related Reading: Why Is Space So Crucial In A Relationship?

3. His entire life must revolve around you

After getting into a relationship, many people forget that they still have separate lives. A clingy girlfriend is the first one to forget that. You want him to do everything solely with you. You want to be the most important person in his life and in this attempt, you force him to plan everything according to your wishes. Wherever he goes, you follow. These are clingy girlfriend signs.

We know of many such stories but here’s the one that stands out the most. After four months of dating, the girl being talked about made her entire life about her boyfriend. She was already texting him and calling him all day but then she also started adopting his hobbies and interests. She noticed that he often used the excuse of watching cricket with his friends and excluded her so she made it her job to learn everything about the sport and demanded to be invited too. She ordered books online and read up on the game.

It reached a point where she would even come to his workplace and eat lunch with him because she couldn’t be away from him for so many hours. The guy didn’t know how to deal with his clingy girlfriend.

4. You are over-dependent on him

You take this relationship too seriously. By building your whole life around him most of the time, you have forgotten what your life was like before him. Doing anything without him makes you feel nervous. You call him to solve every minor issue in your life. These are signs that you are being highly clingy. For a happy relationship, one must have their individual lives and interests as well as some in common.

“If you feel you are unable to do things without him and constantly depend on him for things, it is definitely a sign that you depend on him too much. Even if he doesn’t say it, you are being an annoying clingy girlfriend,” says Joie. If you really see, clingy is another word for a needy girlfriend.

If you’re still not sure whether you fit the description of a clingy girlfriend, perhaps pay attention to how much of this relationship revolves around your needs, wants and desires. If you lean on your boyfriend for all your needs – no matter how big or trivial – and he has no option but to comply, you definitely need to figure out how not to be a clingy girlfriend.

5. All his attention should be on you

You want him to give you his undivided attention. Even him talking about another girl makes you furious and suspicious.  You feel like you should always be on his mind like he is on yours. Initially, your boyfriend might find it cute. He might even think it’s a sign of love. Constant attention-seeking will eventually frustrate him and he will want an out.

While jealousy is completely normal you must be able to control your behavior and show some restraint. Do it before he thinks you are an unstable girlfriend. “When your happiness and sadness depends on how much time he is giving you and spending with you, it is a sign that you are being clingy and that is not good for you either. If you get irritated and sad when he chooses to spend time with others excluding you and begin to wonder how much your worth is in his life, then your relationship is not solid and constantly asking him about it will make him be bitter about you! This is NOT healthy,” says Joie.

Related Reading: How Being Clingy Can Kill Your Relationship

6. You become suspicious

There are parts of his life that you might not be involved in. Not knowing his whereabouts will make you suspicious. All sorts of weird thoughts and ideas will be in your mind. The fear of him cheating on you will make you paranoid. You will start asking him constant questions and you won’t believe him even if he is telling the truth and will constantly demand proof.

Even if deep down you know that his actions are not signs of a cheating partner, you still cannot shake off your feelings of insecurity and the fear that your boyfriend will hurt you and break your heart. Constant suspicion is a big turn-off. It will only distance him even more as he begins to notice these clingy girlfriend signs in you and may even consider ending the relationship.

7. You are constantly thinking about him

It’s good to be crazy about him. But by constantly thinking about him and your relationship, you are leaving no room for your individual life. It is very important to have a life of your own in which your boyfriend doesn’t play a part. Maintain a balance between your individual life and your love life. Make sure you don’t ignore your friends while you are in a relationship or distance yourself from your family.

For instance, even when you are out shopping with your friends you are buying stuff like shirts, perfume, tie, watches – only for him. You must make an active effort to be there for your friends and family and also invest more time in your professional career. Focus on exuding signs of a confident woman instead of being an overbearing girlfriend, it’s the former that will make you more attractive to a man.

Related Reading: 5 Things Men Do To Make A Woman Feel Insecure

8. Insecurity creeps in

Somewhere within, you get a feeling that your boyfriend isn’t as serious about your relationship as you are. This makes you uncomfortable and insecure. Thinking about the fact that you may not be his only top priority might make you fear that your relationship is threatened. You try as hard as you can to become his priority.

You might be important in his life but you cannot constantly keep seeking validation about this. Your boyfriend will have things in his life that are as important to him as you are and this is completely normal. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship and if you don’t trust him, then what are you fighting for? If he is looking stunning in a leather jacket compliment him, instead of thinking other women will be eyeing him.

It’s vital to understand that these insecurities that you grapple with may have nothing to do with your boyfriend but are a symptom of an insecure attachment style. Even if it were any other guy in his place, in all likelihood, you’d still behave the same way in your relationship. You have to be committed to looking inward and doing the necessary work to break these unhealthy patterns that for no fault of yours have taken hold in your mind. That’s the answer to how not to be a clingy girlfriend.

9. You are jealous that he has a life without you

Your boyfriend has a life of his own. He could be making plans without you and you don’t enjoy it. You are jealous of him enjoying life without you and question whether his friends make him happier than you do. You even try to sabotage his plans and forcefully include yourself in them. You are nothing but being a sticky girlfriend and you could end up being his nightmare. He would not really know how to deal with his clingy girlfriend, and not surprisingly, this would lead to fights and constant tiffs and eventually he might dump you.

“Are you an obsessive clingy girlfriend who is jealous of her boyfriend’s friends and social life? To find the answer to this question, notice the way his friends behave around you. If his group of boys stop talking and begin acting all formal the moment you come in, it indicates that he behaves in a certain manner in front of you and differently with them. As you are too clingy and will perhaps enquire too much, he prefers to keep that from you,” says Joie.

So, you see how being a clingy girlfriend can be counterproductive. You cling to your boyfriend in the hopes of getting closer to him and making sure that he doesn’t leave you, but in the process, you’re only driving him away. You may not even know who he really is. How can you then hope to build a long, fulfilling relationship with him?

Related Reading: How To Deal With Jealousy In Relationships?

10. You are possessive

Every girlfriend is a bit possessive about her man but too much of it is the doom of a relationship. If you are being over-possessive, you need to learn to rein in your impulses and reactions. Stop being obsessed with your partner by constantly reminding yourself that he is a part of your life and not your life itself. Over-possessive girlfriends start treating their boyfriends like their property and no one else can even eye them.

A casual conversation between your boyfriend and a female friend will make you want to scratch the girl’s eyes out. You must be able to trust your partner and understand that at times he will interact with the opposite sex and even have close friends who are women. Irrational jealousy and possessiveness have no place in a healthy relationship.

11. You are too available

Always being available for him will make him take you for granted. He will know that you will always make time for him and thus he will only make plans at his convenience and not be afraid to cancel on you at the last minute. Know your self-worth and make him realize it too. Do not put him above everyone and everything. If you had plans to meet your friend for coffee don’t cancel on her just because your boyfriend is available now.

One of the most telling indicators of you being a clingy girlfriend is that your boyfriend becomes the central and sole focus of your life. Your friends, family, even your career become secondary. So, if you’re the kind who’d ditch a friend at the last minute just because your boyfriend has time for a coffee date or blow off a work presentation because he suggested you Netflix and chill, you’ve got trouble brewing in that little romantic paradise of yours.

12. You don’t think he loves you enough

Have you ever asked your boyfriend whether he loves you about 500 times a day? Do you keep gifting him things and expect him to reciprocate constantly to show his love? You are already being clingy. Whatever validation he is providing you with is not enough for you and it might never be. Him telling you his feelings isn’t enough validation. You constantly want more, even if you don’t know it just yet.

There is constant doubt in your mind about his ‘true’ feelings. If you constantly feel this way and there have been instances to suggest that he pretends to love you, have an honest conversation with him. If it’s not the case and it’s your paranoia that’s turning you into a needy insecure girlfriend, you need to delve deeper and get to the root of these suspicions and insecurities. Otherwise, the signs that you are a clingy girlfriend will take a toll on your relationship, sooner or later.

13. Low self-esteem

“What did I do to get someone as amazing as you?” This is something we all have told our boyfriends at some point in time. Do you think that you don’t deserve him? Do you think that he is too good for you? Low self-esteem usually makes a person more insecure. Constant self-doubt and self-deprecatory talk are signs of a clingy person.

When you’re that person, you cling to every possible thing that you think can make the relationship work because you fear that he will find someone better and leave you. If you didn’t deserve him, then he wouldn’t have chosen to be with you. But he has. That in itself is reassurance enough that you needn’t worry about him abandoning you.

14. Stalk his social media account

Social media accounts are a great way to gather really useful information about your boyfriend’s life. A picture is worth a thousand words and so are the comments on them. But what about stalking his friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends? Have you reached the point where you stalk all possible accounts remotely related to your boyfriend just to know where each one stands in his life?

While we’re all guilty of putting a sleepless night to good use by browsing through our partner’s social media accounts or even their exes, this tendency tends to spiral out of control when you’re an obsessive clingy girlfriend. Even the slightest aberration from what you perceive to be acceptable social media activity for your boyfriend can set you off and send you into a tizzy of insecurity, hurt and anger.

15. You keep wanting to meet his parents

Wanting to meet his parents when you are in a serious relationship isn’t surprising or uncommon. He is very important to you and what is better than getting to know him further through the eyes of his parents? You want to know his parents on a personal level and want them to like you.

But if you constantly coax him to take you to meet his parents at the early stages of a relationship when you haven’t even discussed the future, it’s a sign you’re being a clingy girlfriend. Meeting the parents is a big step that he might not be ready to take. So trust him when he tells you that he will do it when he is ready. Don’t badger him and let the process take the time it needs.

How To Stop Being A Clingy Girlfriend?

You may not have noticed the troublesome behavior patterns until now but these signs make it clear as day that dealing with an annoying clingy girlfriend is no piece of cake. Sooner or later, it will lead to relationship burnout, leaving your boyfriend with no choice but to reassess his future with you.

We’re sure if you found these signs too relatable, you’re desperately looking for an answer to how not to be a clingy girlfriend. First things first, to avoid being a clingy girlfriend, you need to commit yourself to doing the necessary work to break your attachment patterns and resolve your underlying insecurities and self-esteem issues. To help you get started, here are some tips on how not to be a clingy girlfriend:

1. Maintain a distance: Let him call you first sometimes too. It will make him miss you more and keep the spark alive in your relationship
2. Have some mystery: Keep some aspects of your life a surprise for him to explore. Don’t give everything away too soon. Men love women who have an air of mystery around them. Make him want to unravel your secrets. Make him crave you
3. Boundaries: “Draw boundaries and make sure you do not cross them. Commit to reinforcing your boundaries and respecting your partner’s,” advises Joie
4. Do things for yourself: “Are you spending time with your friends/family without your partner and enjoying it? If not, have a day every week when you do that and no, do not text and update your partner during that time. Have a hobby or set time which is exclusive of your partner and encourage your partner to do the same,” says Joie
5. Give him space: Accept and reiterate to yourself that you cannot make him stay in your life against his wish simply by clinging to him. You need to trust him with what he does when you are not around and give him space to thrive as the individual you fell in love with
6. Don’t involve him in everything: He cannot be a part of every aspect of your life, so force it. “Stop telling your partner your friend’s secrets (if you are clingy, then you probably do this) for trust me, your partner doesn’t share that relationship and being in love with you does not warrant that you share those with him. Even he dislikes it,” says Joie

If you could relate to more than seven points, then it’s time you do something about it before your boyfriend plans to dump his clingy girlfriend. A relationship may not work but being dumped for being too clingy isn’t something any girl wants to hear.

As we have reiterated over and over, the signs of a clingy person are rooted in an anxious-ambivalent attachment style. Since these patterns trace back to your formative years and childhood experiences, you may lack the know-how and necessary tools to break free of them. Going into therapy is the healthiest way to break these problematic patterns and replace them with a more holistic approach toward life, relationships, and emotions. If you’re looking for help, skilled and licensed counselors on Bonoblogy’s panel of experts are here for you.

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Well, polyamory is just a complicated, half-Greek, half-Latin, term for an open relationship, right? Errr… you may be wrong on that one! Don’t worry though, ethical non-monogamy (ENM) or consensual non-monogamy (CNM) can be a tricky terrain, and polyamory vs open relationship confusion is quite common!

Since societies across the world today largely practice monogamy, we have accepted it as matter-of-fact. Be it a romantic relationship or a marriage, we just grow up imbibing the idea of a monogamous setup. And in the process, crush our capacity to love more than just “the one” by stigmatizing and criminalizing multi-love and calling it infidelity or adultery. But as society has progressed, people have come to embrace the desire to love or have physical or romantic intimacy with just “the one”. And frankly, we are all for it, if that’s what you want!

Regardless, it is tricky business and it’s important to understand the nuances of such relationships. With less conversation and lesser education around these concepts, there are a lot of mix-ups. But, today, we have on board counselor Niyatii N Shah, who is a sexuality educator and intimacy coach, to help resolve all our doubts with a few simple definitions of each of these concepts and much more!

What Is Polyamory?

Do you often wonder, what is polyamory? Who are these mythical, elusive, awesome polyamorous people, and where do they come from? Niyatii answers in detail beginning with an important reminder, “It’s important to approach the topic of polyamory with an open mind and a willingness to learn.”

She goes on to explain, “Polyamory is an orientation, and people who identify as polyamorous may be of any gender, sexual orientation, age, or cultural background. Some may be interested in exploring multiple romantic relationships, while others may prioritize physical intimacy with multiple partners.

Polyamorous relationships are based on the principle of consensual non-monogamy, where all parties involved agree to engage in multiple romantic relationships or sexual relationships with each other’s knowledge and consent.”

So, what we have learned so far?

• In polyamory, partners seek and maintain more than one primary relationship where they are emotionally involved with each other
• The connection they seek is romantic and emotional and is usually meant for the long-term
• It may involve sexual intimacy but that is certainly not the sole aim of bonding with other people

There isn’t a rigid structure to a polyamorous relationship other than that there should be consent and that people are free to love more than one person. Poly equations can be of various kinds with any number of people. The status of the group can be dynamic or fixed. The key here is consent and equal status. Here are a few polyamory types and terms to get a hang of what we are about to discuss:

• Triad, Throuple, or Triangle: A group of 3 people
• Square or Quad: A group of 4 people
• Polycule: A network of interconnected relationships, usually bigger than 4 people because the geometrical shape-based terminology can get complicated
• Open polycule group: The group is open to adding more people or allowing new intimate relationships to form. If you find the confusing term “open polyamorous relationships” being thrown around, depending on the context, you can assume that it refers to an open polycule
• Closed polycule/Polyfi group: Each person in the group agrees not to look any further
• Solo Poly: A person who is okay with their partner exploring other relationships but would like to be monogamous toward this partner
• Hierarchical polyamorous group: Some people and bonds in the group are more important than others. This is often frowned upon in the polyamorous circle
• Non-hierarchical polyamorous group: All people in the group hold equal status and power to make decisions or negotiate the terms of the relationship

Related Reading: 5 Things To Consider Before Beginning A Polyamorous Relationship

What Is An Open Relationship?

“What we are more familiar with are traditional monogamous romantic connections or a monogamous marriage, which are socially closed relationships,” says Niyatii. “Two people promise to be partners to one another. Add to this setup more people, the partnership becomes ‘open’.” While this is not the official open relationship definition, it is a good way to understand the foundation of the term.

The term open relationship is thus used with two meanings. First, as a simpler term that includes any kind of ethical non-monogamy. In common parlance, people tend to call all ethically non-monogamous relationships as open relationships. Thus making polyamory also a type of open relationship.

On the other hand, what does it mean to be in an open relationship in the right use of the phrase? Let us take its characteristics:

• Open relationship is a term used to specifically point to a relationship between two committed partners, in which either both or one of them is seeking sexual connections with other people
• In an open relationship, the emotional connection is still with the primary partner, while outside relationships with the sexual partners are just for sexual satisfaction or variety
• The mediums for sexual sharing can be one-night stands, a bootie-call, a friends-with-benefits situation, finding a unicorn, a brief fling, swinging, or any other arrangement depending on what the couple agrees to
• Romantic intimacy is actively discouraged
• An open relationship can work as a great way to enhance sexual energy, sexual desires, and excitement in a relationship

If all this information so far has been overwhelming, fret not! We will be exploring each of these CNM bonding styles by putting them against each other. This is often the best way to understand something, allowing us to really look at the nooks and crannies.

If you are curious about what is the very foundation or what sustains an ethically non-monogamous relationship or are wondering how to start a poly relationship, read till the very end!

Related Reading: Does A Friends With Benefits Relationship Actually Work?

Polyamory Vs Open Relationship – 8 Key Differences

Since polyamory and open relationships involve multiple intimate connections, be it sexual, romantic, or both, these often get shoved into the same box of non-monogamy. But before we zoom into the key differences between the two, we asked Niyatii if she felt that consensual or ethical non-monogamy (CNM or ENM) was on the rise.

“Based on my thirteen years of experience as a couples counselor, I can say that CNM is definitely on the rise in recent years. Online dating platforms, social media, and the availability of information on ethically non-monogamous relationships have all contributed to increased visibility and acceptance. As a result, more people are exploring non-traditional forms of relationships,” she responded.

However, Niyati draws our attention to an important fact. “Polyamory is not a new concept and has been practiced by various cultures and societies throughout history. This rise in recent years may simply be a reflection of society’s evolving attitudes toward relationships and sexual orientation.”

Now that we know that we have forever been generous with our love, let us look at some of the ways how. Here are 8 key differences between polyamory vs open relationships.

1. The focus and the intent

“While the focus in an open relationship is on sexual non-monogamy, in polyamorous relationships, it is on romantic and emotional non-monogamy. This is a fairly critical distinction between the two,” says Niyatii. Partners in a polyamorous relationship often share feelings, life goals, and daily experiences with each other. Emotional connections and deep bonds are cultivated among multiple partners.

In contrast, we know what is an open relationship and what its focus is. At the center is the primary partner, with any external connections remaining primarily sexual and secondary in nature. Emotional involvement with outside partners is often limited or discouraged. The focus is on maintaining the primary bond while allowing for sexual freedom.

Now, one goal is not better than the other, just different. What you want from your relationship will decide what’s best for you. It is better to acquaint yourself with, say, the pros and cons of all kinds of open or ENM relationships and see if the lifestyle suits you.

2. Relationship structure

As we discussed earlier, we know that polyamorous relationships can be structured in different ways. There could be several polyamory types such as a closed triad with three people; or a dynamic quad with four people. There could be more people involved in a polycule with a plethora of possible combinations.

Open relationships, on the other hand, are typically based on a primary partnership that permits one or both partners to have casual sexual encounters outside the relationship through casual relationships. Since the outside relationships are highly dynamic and often inconsequential, there is no variation in the primary shape or structure of this relationship.

Related Reading: 12 Best Polyamorous Dating Sites For 2022

3. Communication and transparency

“To practice polyamory, one needs courage, honesty, and a high regard for transparency. A polyamorous relationship requires the same level of communication, trust, and respect as a monogamous relationship, if not more, due to the complexity of having multiple partners,” says Niyatii.

Communication is important in any relationship and more so in non-monogamous ones. In fact, both polyamory and open relationships require open communication and transparency. However, poly relationships often demand a higher level of communication due to the emotional investment and multiple relationships involved. It is also important that there is sound communication between all the partners in the relationship.

On the other hand, in an open relationship, effective communication must exist between the main two partners or “primary partners”. There effectively isn’t a need for communication with secondary sexual partners as those connections are often short-lived.

4. Relationship hierarchies

Talking about the “main partner” or “primary partner”, in open relationships, there is usually a clear hierarchy, with the primary relationship, also called a central relationship, taking precedence over any outside connections. This is a hierarchical relationship and is simple to comprehend. But, the case of relationship hierarchy in polyamory is much more complex.

While, polyamorous relationships may or may not have a hierarchy, depending on the individuals involved, some polyamorous individuals practice hierarchical polyamory, where primary, secondary, and tertiary relationships are established. Many others opt for non-hierarchical, or egalitarian polyamory, which prioritizes all relationships equally, where no single person has extra influence over the others.

Taking this further, some polyamorists practice “non-hierarchical relationship anarchy”, where they reject any form of hierarchy not only in their relationship structure but also in their social networks. Which means they reject them in their romantic, sexual, and platonic relationships. Partners are not more important than friends. And intimacy or romance is not just reserved for people they have sex with.

5. Boundaries and rules

Has this been overwhelming so far? If it has, you would understand this point better. Being in a polyamorous relationship means there are more complex polyamorous relationship rules and boundaries to ensure that all parties feel secure and respected. These agreements can include things like time management, emotional support, living arrangement and related divisions, and other relationship expectations.

Open relationships, meanwhile, typically have simpler rules and sexual boundaries. The focus is on regulating external sexual connections and degrees of sexual involvement, and on discouraging emotional involvement with other people. Here are two examples to drive home the point we are trying to make.

• Open relationship: A couple agrees to have sex with other people when they are traveling separately. They communicate and agree on the boundaries for the sexual encounter, which might include things like safe sex (condoms, dental dams, etc.), use of sex toys, communication about when the encounter happens, and other such practical matters. When they return home, they resume their relationship as usual. Or they talk about it, depending on their personal preference
• Polyamorous relationship: A person has two partners who they live with and see every day, and they have other partners who they see less frequently, but with whom they share deep connections. In this scenario, flexibility might come in the form of negotiating time and attention among all partners, such as by scheduling time with each partner or making sure that everyone’s needs are being met

6. Community involvement

Polyamorous individuals often participate in a larger community of like-minded people who share resources, advice, and support. “This community involvement can be an essential aspect of the polyamorous experience,” says Niyatii. To a historically monogamous person who now wishes to explore such relationship styles, community support and education can provide the right initiation.

In contrast, open relationships may not necessarily involve a community aspect, as the focus remains on the primary partnership and individual pursuits. Community involvement is often shunned as open relationships are largely kept private, or at most extended to a private closed circle, for example, a partner-swapping or a swingers’ club.

7. Social recognition and self-identity

It is clear from the last point that poly relationships involve a degree of social recognition, with some partners choosing to celebrate their commitments through ceremonies or other public declarations, such as a polyamory marriage. This happens primarily because many polyamorists openly self-identify as polyamorous, proudly embracing this identity, making polyamory a social movement!

Open relationships, however, are usually centered around the primary couple, with outside connections remaining more private. While it will be wrong to say that no open relationship enthusiasts are open about their sexual identity, it is frequently observed that practitioners of the open lifestyle discuss and practice it in a hush-hush tone. Think of the rumored “open marriage” in your social circle or the celebrity swinging club that is part of the gossip tabloid!

Related Reading: 11 Types Of Taboo Relationships You Should Know About

8. Fluidity and flexibility

Both polyamory and open relationships can be fluid and adaptable to the needs of the individuals involved. However, being in a polyamorous relationship means that one has to be more flexible, fluid, and accommodating. This is because there are typically more people involved and more potential for overlap and complexity in the relationship.

For example, you could be in love with three people. Each of these three people may have different desires, different sexual and romantic preferences, and different expectations from the other relationships. One of them may want to explore more relationships, while another may want to only love a single person while allowing others to love more people. This leads to everyone engaging in a more intentional negotiation around boundaries and expectations than open relationship partners will ever need to do.

Are There Any Similarities Between Polyamory And Open Relationships?

Understanding the differences between polyamory and open relationships can help individuals make more informed decisions about the type of relationship structure that suits them best. But along with the differences between polyamory vs open relationships, there are some similarities worth talking about that can make us understand CNM better. Let us look at what makes both these lifestyle choices awesome ways to accept one’s sexual and romantic desires while being respectful of everyone involved.

Speaking of the commonalities between these two lifestyles, Niyatii says:

• Both polyamorous people and open relationship partners actively commit to practicing consensual and ethical non-monogamy in the most respectful way
• Both kinds of relationships require open communication and negotiation for everyone to be on the same page
• Both prioritize the role of informed consent and respect for all partners’ boundaries and needs
• Both can be practiced by people of any gender, sexual orientation, or background
• Both require a high level of trust and honesty between all parties involved
• Both challenge traditional societal norms and expectations surrounding monogamy and relationships
• Both involve the possibility of jealousy and the need for emotional maturity and self-awareness to deal with jealousy and manage complex emotions that can arise

Related Reading: Top 9 Tips To Build Trust In Relationships

All of these points are pertinent to the discussion, but we would like to single out the very last of the points above and talk about the concept of “compersion”.

• Compersion is best understood as being the opposite of jealousy and is the foundation of a CNM lifestyle, especially a polyamorous one. Feeling joy in your partner’s happiness, or “compersion”, is what drives these relationships. As per a study, “feelings of self-worth, feeling secure, having one’s needs met in the relationship with the partner, and good communication with one’s partner” were important factors that facilitate compersion in a relationship

So, whether you are interested in exploring a CNM lifestyle, or are curious, or if you landed on this page by (a beautiful) accident, this is a great opportunity to assess your current relationship and your capacity for love. Is it plagued by jealousy, or does it allow feelings of compersion — being happy for your partner’s happiness — in all aspects of life, including but not limited to love, romance, and sex?

Bonobology is a safe, informative space to explore these questions. You could look through relationship quizzes and explore relationship advice to help foster a healthy relationship with your partner marked by love, trust, communication, respect, excitement, and happiness. Or if you are looking to learn how to start a poly relationship, what better place to start the journey than getting in touch with one of our empaneled counselors, who can empower you with the right tools to start this journey? Look no further! We are here for you.

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Regardless of how successful your dating life has been, you might agree that good relationships require considerable work, effort, and commitment from both partners. Modern dating is chock full of challenges that prove to be an impediment to these cornerstones of healthy relationships, leaving so many people grappling with unfulfilling connections that lead nowhere. 

In today’s article, we will explore these challenges that you need to be aware of so that you don’t keep asking yourself, “Why is modern dating so hard?” We will also explore how you can have a healthier relationship in this fast-paced dating landscape. Consider this your guide to dating in the modern world. 

However, before we even get why modern dating can be tough, we need to first become familiar with a few of its themes and terms. While dating is obviously nothing new, the rise of technology, particularly smartphones, has affected every aspect of our lives and dating hasn’t been left out. 

Common Themes and Concepts In Modern Dating

A lot of people now meet their significant others via dating apps and websites. The landscape of online dating comes with its own set of terms that describe the various dynamics in a relationship. To know what you can expect from your dating life – or even to make sense of how a romantic connection is progressing – in this swipe culture, you need to be well-versed in modern dating terms. Let’s explore a few of them.

• Slow dating: Taking a more deliberate and gradual approach to dating, focusing on building a solid foundation before diving into a committed relationship
• Soft launching: The process of indirectly or subtly revealing your relationship status on social media
• Situationship: An unclear state where both partners are not 100% sure about what sort of relationship they are in. Are they friends? More than friends? The fog is thick

To some, they might appear to be random buzzwords, but many of them have been studied extensively. In an interview with Business Insider, Antonia Hall, a psychologist, author, and relationship expert described some of the unhealthy behaviors that define modern dating. These include several modern dating terms that many people aren’t familiar with.

• Micro-cheating: Engaging in small, subtle behaviors that suggest a person is emotionally or physically involved with someone outside their committed relationship, without crossing the line into overt infidelity
• Gaslighting: Manipulative behavior that causes the other person to doubt their perceptions, memories, or feelings
• Catch and release: A dating behavior where someone pursues a romantic interest but quickly loses interest or intentionally ends the relationship after achieving a conquest
• Breadcrumbing: A dating practice where someone sporadically and intermittently communicates with a romantic interest, providing the other with just enough attention and hope to keep them interested but without any intention of pursuing a committed relationship
• Ghosting: One of the most scarring experiences of the modern dating culture, ghosting is when a romantic interest ends things by stopping all contact and communication without any warning or explanation 

Why Is Modern Dating Hard?

Like with any complex aspect of human behavior, there isn’t a single, simple answer to the question, “Why is modern dating so hard?” Dating styles change and evolve. The manner in which relationships were initiated in the past is obviously going to be different from dating in the modern world. 

Many online resources that provide tips for dating for the first time, tend to focus on obvious concepts like “communicate more”. They fail to consider that modern dating has several obstacles that make following such tips not as easy as they sound. In the last few years, a combination of technological and societal changes has contributed to the difficulty that people face in relationships. Let us explore three of them. 

Related Reading: 15 Tips To Identify When You Are Connecting With Someone

1. The influence of technology and dating apps

One of the most obvious problems with modern dating is the vast pool of potential partners that people have access to. Dating fatigue is a common side effect of dating apps. There is always the underlying feeling that a ‘better option’ is right around the corner. This is one of the predominant problems with modern dating.

As a result, superficial judgments have become normalized. It is common for a left or a right swipe to be determined by a half-a-second assessment based on a single photo. This emphasis on initial attraction has the potential to lead to shallower connections and weaker relationships.

Technology has also made modern dating culture toxic. Paranoia, distrust, and ghosting are all unfortunate consequences that we tend to see today. For instance, it is common to see individuals talking to multiple people at the same time on dating apps. 

When one conversation gets ‘boring’, they swipe left and move on to the next person. Thus, dating becomes a toxic numbers game. A game where everyone is in search of finding the ‘right guy’ or ‘right girl’. Consequentially, when a relationship forms and challenges arise, many people would rather block and ghost their partners rather than try to address the issues at hand. 

Thus, it isn’t a stretch to claim that dating apps have caused people to become less open-minded (as paradoxical as that sounds). In addition, the fear of missing out (FOMO) combined with how easy it is to enter the dating scene, causes a lot of young people to rush into relationships just for the sake of it. 

2. Modern dating is toxic due to unrealistic expectations

Relationship experts across the world often attribute several factors to the breakdown of relationships. Communication issues are common, but unrealistic expectations in relationships are rapidly moving up the list of troublemakers. 

People are bombarded with constant depictions of what “ideal relationships” look like. It may be on Netflix, it may be in books, or on social media. Sometimes, it is to the point that you are even being told what to feel. This can lead to a constant search for someone who meets an impossibly high standard, resulting in disappointment and a reluctance to commit to real-life partners. Partners who may have their own unique flaws and imperfections.

Sure, it’s normal to have some expectations for what you are looking for in your partner. It’s just that popular culture often depicts grand gestures and extravagant expressions of love as the norm. These idealized portrayals can create unrealistic expectations about how relationships should unfold. This leads to disappointment when real-life relationships don’t mirror the fictionalized narratives that people are used to.

Initial attraction is indeed important, but the perfection-seeking mindset often makes people impatient. They disregard the beautiful and gradual process involved in building a deep emotional connection. This makes navigating a new relationship successfully to build a deeper bond near impossible.

3. Fear of vulnerability

Fear of vulnerability is a common emotional barrier that many individuals experience in this speedy dating culture. It refers to the hesitancy or resistance to open up and reveal one’s true self, emotions, or desires to a potential romantic partner. More worrisome, is the fact that many people don’t seem to know how to open up in a relationship. 

This fear can stem from various factors and can significantly impact the dating experience. More often than not, fear of vulnerability stems from a desire to protect oneself from potential emotional harm. With how easy it is for people to talk to multiple people online and possibly cheat, building these walls becomes isn’t all that surprising. 

Unfortunately, many people are selfish when it comes to relationships and such feelings don’t occur in a vacuum. Overcoming the fear of vulnerability also requires a lot of self-reflection, self-understanding, and patience. While it is completely possible to stimulate vulnerability in a relationship, it is something people have yet to learn in today’s world. 

What Are The Main Challenges Of Modern Dating

There are numerous practical challenges that couples have to face today when it comes to modern dating. Individuals just entering the dating world are unsure where to turn to for good dating advice. 

The internet has wildly differing answers to questions like how to flirt with someone you just met, how long after dating to say “I love you”, or how to show a man you are interested in him. In addition to a lack of clear guidance, many of the societal factors that we looked at earlier, create practical challenges. Let’s look at three of the most common challenges:

Related Reading: Online Affairs Reshaping The Idea of Fidelity In Modern Marriage

1. Ghosting and fading of interest

Ghosting is one of the reasons why people say, “Dating sucks.” When someone abruptly stops responding to messages, calls, or any form of contact, effectively disappearing from your life, it is bound to leave you emotionally wounded. It can be confusing to figure out how to respond to ghosting.  

One of the main reasons why ghosting has become prevalent in modern dating is the rise of online dating platforms and apps. The convenience of connecting with numerous potential partners at once has led to a dating culture where some individuals prioritize quantity over quality. 

This can make it easier for someone to simply disappear rather than face the discomfort of ending a relationship or expressing their lack of interest. The impact of being ghosted can be significant. It can leave people feeling hurt and rejected.

The lack of closure or an explanation for the sudden silence can cause people to question their self-worth, and develop trust issues in future relationships. Being ghosted makes people feel like modern dating is toxic and cruel. It creates a sense of uncertainty and anxiety. In many cases, it can make a person give up on dating altogether. 

2. Lack of actual opportunities for the 98% 

In the online dating realm, where profile pictures and swipe-based decisions are common, it can be a disheartening experience for those who don’t match society’s conventional beauty standards. A lack of ‘matches’ and ‘likes’ often leads to a sense of exclusion and lower self-esteem, leading a person to question their self-worth. “Am I not good enough? Is that the reason I can’t find my love?”

This is to be expected when the focus on physical attractiveness overshadows other valuable qualities in a person. This fact is made even more bitter when people begin to feel that attractive individuals get to live life in “easy mode”. 

The feeling of being overlooked or ignored based on one’s appearance causes feelings of insecurity and a belief that they are not “desirable” enough to attract potential partners. This may bring a person to the point, where they just come out and say, “I give up on dating and relationships”, resigning to a life devoid of any meaningful, intimate connections.

3. Modern dating is time-consuming and expensive

The prevalence of online dating apps and websites has widened the dating pool. However, navigating through profiles, engaging in conversations, and going on dates requires a significant investment of time and effort. 

It can be time-consuming to create an appealing profile, swipe through numerous profiles, and engage in back-and-forth messaging to establish a connection. It’s very common for individuals to go on multiple dates and spend hundreds of dollars before finding a compatible partner.

Dating expenses can add up quickly. From the cost of transportation, dining out, entertainment, or purchasing new outfits, dating can place a financial strain on individuals. This is amplified by the fact that multiple dates are needed to find out if you have an emotional connection, and if the person is relationship material. 

Related Reading: Are Cellphones And Relationship Problems Going Hand In Hand?

11 Tips For Navigating Modern Dating Like A Pro

While there is no such thing as a uniform guide to dating, there are a lot of useful tips that can be worth keeping in mind. Early dating advice often stresses the importance of taking things at a comfortable pace, allowing the relationship to develop naturally, without rushing into major decisions. 

However, as you go on more dates and tread into deeper waters, you will start to discover that modern dating rules can feel like a complex labyrinth. With that in mind, here are 11 phenomenal tips that will liberate you from the clutches of the ‘dating sucks’ mentality.

1. Be authentic

Avoid pretending to be someone you’re not or portraying an exaggerated version of yourself. People crave realness. Embracing authenticity means being true to yourself and presenting your genuine self to potential partners. Remember, every virtual connection will ultimately lead to meeting someone you met online in real life. And if you portray yourself as someone you’re not, the connection will come undone like a house of cards.

2. Define your priorities

Take some time to reflect on what you truly want. What are the biggest priorities in a relationship for you? Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Something more casual? Clarify your values, goals, and non-negotiables, and communicate them early on to ensure compatibility. This will free you from the pressure of having no expectations in dating or pretending to be okay with an unfulfilling non-relationship relationship when what you really want is a deep, meaningful relationship.

3. Practice effective communication

It may sound like a cliche but communication truly is key in any relationship. It can be expressing your desire for something as simple as keeping the toilet seat down to knowing how to tell a man you want more from the relationship. 

Regardless of what you are communicating, remember to express your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. At the same time, actively listen to your partner’s/romantic interest’s perspective. Good communication fosters understanding, trust, and emotional connection.

4. Set boundaries

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Clearly communicate and set emotional boundaries to prevent yourself from getting hurt. Being aware of your boundaries, as well as needs, wants, and desires, allows you to walk away when you’re not a priority for someone or aren’t being treated right in a relationship.

But remember, boundaries are a two-way street so be ready to accept and respect your partner’s boundaries as well. Boundaries may also change with time, so keep checking in with the other person and ensure you are always on the same page.

Related Reading: Online Dating Advice – 23 Important Tips

5. Take it slow

Allow the relationship to unfold naturally without rushing into a serious commitment. Spend time getting to know each other, build a connection, and assess compatibility before diving into something more serious. Remember that knowing how to find out more about someone you just met is a skill that takes time and experience.

6. Prioritize self-care

Make self-care a priority while dating. Don’t get consumed by the “we are dating” euphoria, no matter how much you like someone, and don’t let your dating life eclipse every other part of your existence. This is the most piece of early dating advice we have for you.

Likewise, if you get a lot of matches online, it is easy to feel overwhelmed by it all. When that happens, it’s okay to take a step back and engage in activities that bring you joy and help you maintain a healthy work-life balance. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is extremely important. If you are burnt out all the time from emotional investment, it will affect the way to navigate your dating life. 

7. Learn from past experiences

Reflect on previous relationships to identify patterns, lessons, and areas for personal growth. Making peace with your past can help you understand your own triggers, emotional issues, vulnerabilities, and areas where you may need to heal or develop better relationship skills. This process can help answer the age-old question, “How do I know what I want in a relationship?” 

8. Be open-minded

Step outside your comfort zone and meet people who may differ from your usual type. Try to embrace diversity in terms of your potential partners, and appreciate the potential for new experiences and perspectives. If you’re currently struggling with the thought, “I don’t find anyone attractive, will I end up alone?”, a shift in perspective and a conscious effort to be more open to experiences that don’t necessarily align with your idea of an ideal relationship can help. 

9. Be respectful

Whether you’re looking for tips for dating for the first time or dating advice for guys/girls, this one is a non-negotiable. Treat your date with kindness and practice good manners. If you are texting them and feel like saying something rude or snarky, remember that these are people who exist in real life. Show appreciation for their time and effort. 

Related Reading: 17 Non-Negotiables In Relationships You Must Never Compromise On

10.  Trust your instincts

Trust your gut feelings and intuition when assessing potential partners and navigating challenging situations. If something feels off or doesn’t align with your values, listen to what your gut feeling is telling you. Whether you’re caught in a situation where she/he wants to date other people or a guy/ girl says “I’ll let you know” but follows it up with radio silence, take the time to explore those concerns and trust your instinct when it tells you to walk away. 

11.  Embrace rejection

Rejection is a natural part of the dating process. Learn to gracefully accept it and see it as an opportunity for growth. The best way to deal with rejection is to not take it personally. Keep in mind that compatibility is subjective and each person has a right to their preferences. If you are rejected, calmly accept it, move on, and focus on finding the right person for yourself. 

Navigating the complexities of modern dating can be overwhelming. However, by understanding the challenges and implementing effective strategies, you will surely find success. Modern dating is but a reflection of changing times and societal influences. Learning to evolve with new dynamics, while staying true to your values and priorities is going to be very important. 

Essentially, the key to modern relationships lies in fostering genuine connections, truly seeking to understand your partner, and building a foundation based on trust, respect, and intimacy. 

With patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to grow, you can navigate the complexities of modern dating and create a meaningful connection that stands the test of time. So, take a deep breath, embrace each challenge, and embark on your dating journey with new confidence.

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When it comes to finding that perfect life partner, we’ve got a mental checklist going on, whether we admit it or not. Personality traits, beliefs, income, life goals – we’re sizing up all these factors to see if someone has the potential to be our compatible soulmate. But there’s one more thing we need to consider: the best age difference for marriage.

Yep, that “age is just a number” mantra might not cut it in the real world of married bliss. If you are someone who wants to get married, understanding how much age difference is acceptable according to you can make the journey easier. So, get ready to dive into the world of age differences in relationships. We’ll explore the ins and outs, the pros and cons, and everything in between!

Can The Ideal Age Difference Make A Marriage Successful?

We’ve all grown up believing that love alone can conquer anything. But as we venture into the realm of adulting, we quickly learn that life has a knack for throwing unexpected curveballs our way. It takes more than starry-eyed romance to weather the storms of marriage. That’s where the age gaps come in.

However, the ideal age difference alone cannot guarantee a happy and healthy marriage. While age differences can play a significant role, numerous other factors contribute to the success rate of relationships. Love, trust, communication, shared values, and mutual respect are just a few essential ingredients.

It’s equally important to recognize that every couple is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Some married couples thrive with a maximum age gap, while others find harmony with smaller or no age gaps at all. Therefore understanding the different age gaps between couples can help figure out the ideal age difference between couples for your situation.

Related Reading: How To Find The One? 13 Tried and Tested Tips

What Is The Ideal Age Difference For Marriage?

According to a study conducted by Emory University in Atlanta, the bigger the age differences between a couple, the bigger the chance of separation. After analyzing 3,000 people, it found that couples with a mere five-year age gap are 18 percent more likely to call it quits compared to those who share the same birth year. But wait, it gets more interesting. For those with a 10-year gap, the odds of separation skyrocketed to a whopping 39 percent. And hold onto your hats (again) because, for couples with a 20-year difference, there’s a jaw-dropping 95 percent chance of splitting up! This leads us to ask the following questions:

• Does age difference really matter in marriage and if yes, why does age matter in a relationship?
• What is the average age difference between husband and wife?
• How much age difference is acceptable between a couple in monogamous relationships in western societies?
• What is the age gap for dating?

Honestly, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to the best age gap for couples. To help you decide what would be an appropriate age difference for marriage between you and your life partner, depending on individual aspirations and priorities, let’s take a look at how different age gaps impact a marriage:

3 to 5 year age gap in marriage

Are we a good match? Are 2 year age gap relationships successful in the long run? Is a 3 year age gap bad for an ideal relationship? Is a 4 year age gap bad for marriage? How much of an age gap is too much? If you’re wondering the same, let’s help you find some answers.

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have a special bond that began way back on the set of the hit TV show That ’70s Show. Mila was just 14 years old at the time, while Ashton was 19. Little did they know that their connection would transcend time and bring them back together years later. Their friendship-turned-romance is a testament to the relationship compatibility and understanding that can arise from a 5-year age difference. The couple tied the knot in 2015 and welcomed two beautiful children into their family.

Talking of couples with a lesser age gap, take the instance of Mondler. During the proposal, Chandler says “You make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.” In her wedding vow, Monica says, “And now, here we are with our future before, and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soulmate, my friend.” Let’s explore why this is such an acceptable age difference in marriage:

• Shared life stages: With a 3 to 5 year ideal age gap, couples often find themselves in similar life stages. They can relate to each other’s experiences, goals, and aspirations. This is a serious consideration in a relationship. Whether it’s building a career, starting a family, or exploring new adventures, they’re likely to be on the same page, making their romantic relationships smoother
• Common interests: Being close in age means having a lot in common with someone. Whether it’s music, TV shows, pop culture, or hobbies for couples, they can bond over shared experiences and create cherished memories together. This common ground adds an extra layer of fun and connection to their relationship
• Compatibility in physical health and energy levels: Having a 3 to 5 year age gap often means partners have similar physical health, energy levels and maintenance of physical appearance. This can contribute to a balanced and fulfilling intimate life, ensuring relationship satisfaction
• Growing old together: As time goes by, couples with moderate age differences have the opportunity to grow old together, experiencing the various stages of life side by side. This shared journey can deepen their bond and create a beautiful sense of companionship and togetherness

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5 to 7 years age difference for marriage

Is 7 years a big age gap for relationships? Is 7 years a big age gap for marriage? No, a 7-year age gap is generally accepted by people. In fact, many people believe that a 5-7 year age difference between spouses is the golden ticket to marital bliss. And guess what? The statistics say that the average age gap in all presidential marriages in the US is 7 years. So, does this particular age difference for marriage really work? Let’s see why so many people agree:

• Fewer ego clashes: One of the reasons the 5 to 7-year gap is considered the perfect age difference between bride and groom is that they are less prone to ego clashes and fights in a marriage. It is just enough to counter those peer-like battles without creating a vast generation gap
• One spouse is wiser: When you’re both young lovebirds ready to take on the world, a lack of emotional maturity in the relationship may create chaos. That’s where an older person or spouse comes in, bringing stability and wisdom to the table
• Less competition and comparison: In such marriages with an average age gap, partners may be less inclined to compare themselves with each other. With moderate age differences of 5 to 7 years, there’s less pressure to compete in terms of promotions, salary increases, or job opportunities

Related Reading: 25 Questions To Ask Before Marriage To Be Set For The Future

10-year age difference in marriage

Studies have found partners in a 10-year age difference marriage often face social disapproval. However, although a 10-year age gap between spouses is stretching it a bit, it is not considered the maximum age difference for marriage. In fact, there are many celebrity couples around us whose successful marriages are proof that a 10-year gap is an acceptable age difference in marriage.

Think about the charming duo of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. These two Hollywood heartthrobs have an 11-year age difference between them, and they’re the epitome of couple goals. Their playful banter, adorable social media posts, and undeniable chemistry showcase how an 11-year age difference can bring two people together in perfect harmony. Another couple rocking an 11-year age difference marriage is Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. They faced the stigma that comes with dating younger men, but have also received a lot of support and have broken stereotypes with their love story.

Ian Somerhalder from The Vampire Diaries and Nikki Reed from Twilight also have a 10-year age gap. They started dating in 2014, got engaged in early 2015, and welcomed their daughter Bodhi Soleil in July 2017. However, it’s important to consider both the pros and cons before diving headfirst into a typical 10-year age difference marriage. Let’s take a closer look:

• Maturity mismatch: In a 10-year age gap marriage, the emotional maturity in the relationship becomes a crucial factor. The success of the relationship largely depends on the age and maturity of the younger partners. If they are not emotionally mature, all the love in the world cannot compensate for their compatibility problems due to age differences in couples
• The need for personal growth: The younger partner may still have a lot of growing up to do, especially if they are in their early twenties. This is the age when real-life experiences can shape one’s personality, beliefs, and priorities. It’s an important factor in a relationship while both partners navigate their personal growth
• Both partners should be settled: For a 10-year age difference marriage to have a better chance of success, it helps if both partners are mature and settled in their lives. Financial instability or irresponsibility on the part of one partner can cause friction. Similarly, if one partner is a stickler for financial stability, planning and budgeting while the other is more carefree, it can become a constant source of conflict

In the end, the success of any marriage boils down to compatibility and communication between partners. Even with age differences, a marriage can thrive if both individuals approach it with emotional maturity as a top priority. So, if you find yourself considering a 10-year age difference marriage, tread carefully and ensure that you and your partner share the necessary foundation for a strong and harmonious union.

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20-year age difference in marriage

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have been inseparable since 2004 when they first found love in each other’s arms. Their unwavering commitment to one another led them to say “I do” in 2008. With a 15-year age gap between them, their love has only grown stronger over the years. In 2023, at de Rossi’s birthday celebration, she decided to surprise her beloved wife with a heartfelt vow renewal ceremony.

Now, we won’t claim that this is the perfect age difference between bride and groom or partners in love, but hey, these kinds of marriages are not as uncommon as you might think. We’ve also got Hollywood couples like George Clooney and Amal Clooney, rocking a 17-year age difference. This may even leave you wondering, “Age is just a number. Does age difference really matter in marriage?”

However, before you get carried away by the stories of these famous couples, remember that 20 year age gap relationships can come with their fair share of challenges. Once the honeymoon phase fades away and reality sets in, these marriages can face many relationship issues. Some of the most common issues of these 20 year age gap relationships may be:

• Less commonality: We’re talking about different generations, different cultural touchstones, and a lack of common ground here. When you and your partner are born in different eras, it’s no surprise that your expectations, outlooks on life, priorities, and even physical abilities can differ drastically. It’s like two ships sailing on separate oceans. That’s why many consider the 20-year bracket beyond the acceptable maximum age difference for marriage
• The older partner might become dominating: The older partner may assume a more dominating role due to their own age and life experience. It can feel less like a partnership and more like a parent-child dynamic. And let’s not forget the inevitable march of time. As the older spouse ages, the younger one still has the gift of youth on their side. This can lead to insecurities and jealousy in a relationship
• Different levels of fitness and health: Different levels of fitness and health can cause sexual incompatibility and less marital satisfaction. Dealing with an older partner’s persistent health issues can also take a toll on the caregiving spouse and ultimately strain the marriage

Now, before you get too discouraged, remember that every relationship is unique. While marriages with a 20-year age difference can face these challenges, there have been instances where they’ve stood the test of time. But let’s be honest, such cases are rare. So, while it’s not impossible, we can’t necessarily label this as the best age difference for husband and wife. So if you find yourself in such a relationship, you may take a step back and evaluate the foundation of your connection. Is it built on a solid, mutual understanding and respect, or is it merely fueled by sexual tension and fantasies? These questions are crucial to ask yourself.

Can Marriages With Huge Age Difference Last?

Marriages with significant age differences can last. However, it’s important to approach them with a realistic understanding of the challenges they may present. While age itself doesn’t determine the success of a marriage, couples with a large age gap may face unique dynamics that require extra effort, understanding, and communication. Here are some tips for couples navigating marriages with significant age gaps:

• Practice open and honest communication in a relationship where both partners can express their thoughts, concerns, and desires without judgment
• Engage in activities or hobbies that both partners enjoy, creating a sense of connection and shared experiences
• Bridge the generation gap by taking an interest in each other’s backgrounds and generational experiences, learning from one another, and embracing the opportunity for mutual growth
• Even if you think that age is just a number, recognize that age and life experiences can shape different viewpoints
• Address societal pressures and support each other in navigating societal expectations
• Plan for the future. Discuss long-term goals, including retirement, health considerations, and financial planning, to ensure both partners are on the same page and have a shared vision for the future
• If challenges arise, a relationship counselor can help you navigate the long-term relationship problems due to age differences in marriage

It’s no secret that age in relationships alone does not determine the success of a marriage. However, couples with an age gap (especially a significant one) must approach their bond with open hearts, emotional safety, clear communication, and a deep understanding of each other’s needs. Ultimately, the success of any marriage, regardless of age differences, depends on the commitment, love, and dedication of both individuals. So, let us honor the beautiful connections that transcend age and celebrate love in all its forms.

This article has been updated in July, 2023.

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