Commitment can be a big deal in relationships, but for some folks, the thought of committing can be downright scary. The fear of commitment is a complex issue with various factors at play, including something called attachment style. In this blog post, we’ll dive into what causes this fear and focus on one specific attachment style called “avoidant attachment,” which can make committing feel like climbing Mount Everest.
The fear of commitment can show up differently for different people, but at its core, it’s all about being afraid of getting too close, vulnerable, or dependent on someone else. People dealing with this fear often struggle with the idea of long-term commitments like marriage or even just opening up emotionally in a relationship.
Attachment theory tells us that our early experiences shape our attachment styles, affecting our relationships later in life. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. We’ll focus on the dismissive-avoidant style here, which is closely linked to the fear of commitment.
Folks with a dismissive-avoidant style tend to downplay their emotional needs and keep their distance in relationships. This attachment style often develops as a defense mechanism in response to early experiences of neglect or rejection. They might have seen or been in relationships where emotional support was lacking or felt like they were left hanging.
Studies have looked into the connection between dismissive-avoidant attachment and fear of commitment, giving us some valuable insights. It turns out that people with this attachment style often have negative beliefs about relationships and worry about losing their freedom or independence. Commitment feels like being stuck or controlled, which is a huge turn-off for them.
Overcoming the fear of commitment takes self-reflection, understanding, and good communication, either with a supportive partner or a therapist. Here are a few strategies that can help those with a dismissive-avoidant style navigate their commitment fears:
Know Yourself: Be aware of your attachment style and how it affects your relationships. Recognize that the fear of commitment is a defense mechanism, but also know that it’s not set in stone and can be overcome with some soul-searching and effort.
Talk it Out: Have open conversations with your partner about your fears and concerns. When you communicate honestly and kindly, it builds trust and helps both of you understand each other’s needs. Together, you can find a commitment level that works for both parties.
Seek Help: Don’t be afraid to reach out for professional support. Couples therapy or individual counseling can provide guidance in understanding your attachment style, exploring past experiences, and developing healthier ways to cope. Therapists can be superheroes in helping you tackle commitment fears.
Take It Slow: Instead of rushing into commitment, try taking small steps. Gradual progress allows you to feel more secure and in control, building trust and comfort within the relationship over time.
Work on Yourself: Engage in self-reflection and personal growth. Challenge negative beliefs about relationships, be kind to yourself, and work on building a stronger sense of self. This process helps you develop healthier relationship patterns and a more secure relationship style.
The fear of commitment, especially for those with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style, can present significant challenges in relationships. By understanding attachment styles, particularly the dismissive-avoidant style, individuals can gain insight into their fears and take steps to overcome them. With self-awareness, open communication, professional help, taking it slow, and personal growth, it’s possible to address the fear of commitment and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and seeking guidance from professionals can provide personalized support in navigating attachment and commitment. With time, patience, and a willingness to explore and grow, individuals can develop a more secure attachment style and embrace the joys of committed and intimate relationships. So don’t let the fear hold you back—take that leap of faith and see where commitment can take you!
Why is compatibility important in a relationship, and on top of that, why take the trouble of asking compatibility questions for couples? Diane from BoJack Horseman says, “You know, sometimes, I feel like our marriage is like a magic eye poster.” Mr. Peanutbutter exclaims, “I love those things!” Diane replies, “I know. And it’s messy. And at first glance, it doesn’t seem to make any sense. And it’s hard to figure out. But sometimes, if you squint at it ‘just’ right, everything lines up and it’s the most perfect, beautiful, amazing thing.” Then she says, burying her face in her hands and breaking into tears, “But I’m so tired of squinting.”
To help you avoid a lifetime of squinting, I’ve compiled a list of 21 compatibility questions that delve deep into various aspects of your relationship. With the help of psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., MBA, PGDTA), who specializes in relationship counseling and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, let’s find out if you’ve met your match made in heaven, or your compatibility isn’t really matching up. Whether you’ve got a crush, are planning to tie the knot, or have lived together for over 50 years, this couple questionnaire can help you connect on a deeper level. So relax, grab a cup of coffee, invite your partner to join you, and get ready to explore your relationship compatibility.
How Do You Determine Compatibility In Relationships?
Determining compatibility in relationships is like putting together a giant jigsaw. You and your partner are the puzzle pieces, and if you want to find out whether you fit in with each other, you have to explore various aspects of your lives together. It’s about discovering if your values, communication styles, goals, and interests interlock seamlessly, or if they clash like mismatched jigsaw pieces.
Romantic compatibility questions for couples help them engage in meaningful conversations. Face-to-face interactions are ideal because they allow you to observe subtle cues and gauge the truth behind your partner’s responses. However, if you feel more comfortable talking over the phone or through texts, that’s perfectly fine too. The important thing is: communicate openly and honestly.
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Aman says, “I think these questions to test your relationship eliminate that margin of error while selecting someone you’re going to spend almost 6 or 7 decades of your life with. It’s a wonderful risk-alleviation strategy, I’d say. These compatibility questions for dating help you avoid the mistakes that are usually made while selecting a spouse or a long-term partner.”
Are You Right For Each Other? 21 Expert-Backed Compatibility Questions For Couples To Find That Out
You think you’re compatible with the guy you met two weeks ago on Hinge. He’s “emotionally available” (I mean, his bio says so), and you’re drooling over his dating profile pic with Max, his labrador. Or, you’re certain that your college friend and you are a perfect match because both of you love chewing gum and mystery novels with the same passion. What else do you need, right?
You feel your wife and you do not need funny compatibility questions for couples because she does the laundry, you do the dishes. She loves ice skating on dates while you’re more of a couch potato on weekends so you both meet somewhere in between and go for…a strawberry picking date. And it all works out just fine, right? Right? If you’re grinning right now, or if you’re a little worried, you probably understand the importance of these questions by now. So without further ado, let’s dive right in!
1. What do you consider as cheating in a relationship like ours, and do you think it can be forgiven or would our relationship end after that?
Aman says, “Cheating needs to be defined clearly in a relationship. Some may find emotional connections or flirtations outside the relationship as cheating, while others may see physical intimacy as the line. To discover this in a far more subtle way, you can bring up someone you both know who has been cheated on.”
Picture this: You’re casually chatting about someone you both know who got cheated on. You can discuss their situation, explore their feelings, and gauge your partner’s reaction. This not only reveals their views on cheating but also gives you a peek into their understanding of loyalty, trust, and respect in a relationship.
2. If we encounter difficulties individually or as a couple, or if our relationship goes through a rough patch, would you be open to seeking professional help and counseling?
This is one of the most thought-provoking questions to ask your partner. Think about a really compatible couple you know – maybe your parents (take a hug if you’re rolling your eyes), your next-door old neighbor couple, or your favorite rom-com lovers. You’ll notice that despite all the lovey-dovey smiles, they have weathered storms together.
The truth is, healthy relationships aren’t always smooth sailing and we often forget that. When challenges arise, it’s helpful to know if your partner is open to seeking professional help from a relationship counselor. This question reveals their maturity, willingness to work on the relationship, and their commitment to growth.
3. Trust questions for couples — Are you more inclined to spend or save? And how do you envision us managing our finances together?
Aman suggests, “It’s definitely a good question to ask, especially when your relationship is taking a serious turn. For instance, what goods do you both define as luxury goods? What is financial infidelity according to you? And if any of you has to support someone outside of the relationship financially, discuss it with each other beforehand to make things easier.”
Knowing each other’s financial habits, expectations, and goals can prevent money-related disagreements down the line
Discuss topics like savings, budgeting, spending money, joint accounts, etc.
Talk about the expected financial responsibilities too – this can help you avoid potential conflicts in the future
Moreover, it’s always good to have a plan for that dream vacation or a rainy day fund
4. Do you want kids someday, and if so, how many children, and when would you like to have them?
Picture this: You always dreamed of a future with two children, preferably in a suburban area. You know what to name them, you feel excited when you look at cute little clothes in shopping malls, you know deep down you’d make an amazing parent. You’re ready for it all – the cribs, diapers, chaos and joy. But here’s the twist: after your engagement, with wedding bells ringing close by, you discover your partner doesn’t want children in the first place!
Or, imagine a scenario where you’re childfree by choice. It aligns perfectly with your values, goals, and dreams. Then, out of the blue, your partner expresses a strong desire to have children, and it’s non-negotiable for them. You see, this is why wanting or not wanting children is a fundamental aspect of compatibility. Knowing each other’s desires, timing, and expectations surrounding kids can help you align your future visions. While these can be sensitive and unique questions to ask your partner, addressing them head-on could save you heartbreak, unmet expectations, and resentment down the line.
5. What are your preferred methods of communication, and how often do you expect to communicate with your partner?
“Why didn’t you wish me good morning today?” “Do you realize you haven’t called me even once in the last three days?” “I really wish we could have met in person tonight, instead of being on this Zoom date.” Yes, it’s clear that some people prefer face-to-face conversations, while others are more comfortable with texting or phone calls. Knowing each other’s communication styles and expected frequency is our pro tip on how to determine compatibility in a relationship. It can help you:
Create a stronger connection
Set realistic expectations
Avoid misunderstandings and frustration
Establish boundaries for yourselves
6. How do you handle serious arguments in a relationship, and what is your preferred method of resolution?
Let’s face it. Disagreements are inevitable in a relationship, especially a long-term one. So it’s important to see how we handle them. For instance, do you prefer calm discussions or passionate debates? Maybe you’re a fan of talking it out over a cup of tea, while your partner prefers taking a break hour and returning to the discussion later. Understanding how you both prefer to resolve conflicts can help you find common ground and healthy conflict-resolution strategies together.
7. How important is physical intimacy to you in a relationship, and how frequently do you expect it?
Being physically attracted to your partner is crucial in many romantic relationships. Discussing expectations and desires regarding intimacy ensures both partners feel satisfied and fulfilled. On the flip side, if you’re not sexually compatible as a couple, your mismatched expectations can lead to frustration. And the truth is, problems in the bedroom generally tend to snowball into bigger relationship issues.
Discussing intimacy and pleasure can create a compatible and lasting bond
8. Imagine your ideal partner for dating/marriage. Close your eyes and describe them in detail
How compatible are you and your partner? This question is a great way to know that. If you’re looking for a marriage compatibility test for couples or a personality compatibility test for couples, try asking this one. It lets you explore your partner’s vision of an ideal partner. It gives you insights into their values, preferences, and expectations, helping you understand if you’re right for each other in the first place.
9. What are your long-term goals and aspirations, and how do you envision your partner supporting you in achieving them?
Imagine you have a burning desire to pursue a job opportunity in a different city. It’s a big leap for your career, and you can’t help but dream of the possibilities that lie ahead. However, there’s one important piece of the puzzle that needs clarity – would your partner be okay with long-distance relationships at all? By discussing such long-term goals and aspirations, you create a space for open and honest communication. You can express your desires, while also learning about your partner’s ambitions and how you can be their best cheerleader.
10. How do you envision balancing your professional life with your personal life?
It’s really important to understand your partner’s views on career and work-life balance. Are they workaholics or prioritize quality time outside of work? When you’re wondering how to know if you’re compatible with someone, ask such work-related deep relationship questions.
11. How do you express love and affection, and what are your preferred love languages?
Maybe you’re all about quality time while your partner thrives on words of affirmation. By understanding the types of love languages, you can meet each other’s emotional needs and create a more fulfilling relationship. Otherwise, this could lead to one person not feeling seen or appreciated, even though that was not the intention of their partner.
12. According to you, what are the signs of an unhealthy relationship or red flags in a partner?
One of the most serious relationship questions for couples, discussing red flags and signs of an unhealthy relationship helps you understand your partner’s boundaries and absolute deal-breakers. It can also create awareness about unhealthy patterns (often considered as “well, that’s just normal behavior, right?”) to watch out for and address. By bringing up such questions to ask your potential partner, you can build trust and emotional safety in your bond.
Questions about red flags can help you assess your compatibility and build a healthy relationship
13. What are your thoughts on spiritual beliefs and practices in a relationship?
Looking for questions from a marriage compatibility test for couples? This query tells you if you’re both compatible in terms of beliefs, practices, and the role of spirituality in your relationship. It ensures alignment and respect for each other’s spiritual journeys and rituals, even if you don’t follow each other’s faith systems.
14. How do you handle change and adaptability in a relationship? For example, if a family member becomes terminally ill or if I get my dream job in another city, how would you approach such situations?
This is a great personality compatibility test for couples. Think about those unexpected curveballs life throws at you: illness, job changes, mental health issues, etc. This question assesses your partner’s ability to navigate and adapt to change. It’s crucial to understand how you both approach such situations and whether you’re open to finding solutions and supporting each other through transitions. Aman says, “I feel it’s also great if a third person asks this question to the couple in an organic way, preferably in couple’s therapy.”
15. What are your thoughts on personal space and alone time in our relationship? How much time do you typically need for yourself?
Maybe you’re a cat person or dog person and you crave a couple of hours with your pet every day, while your partner enjoys occasional solo adventures to recharge. When you understand each other’s needs for solitude, you can create a healthy balance between togetherness and independence.
16. Reflecting on your past mistakes (either in this relationship or with your exes), what lessons do you think you can learn from those experiences to improve our future?
Aman says, “I think this is my favorite question on this list. It allows you to discuss exes in a new relationship so that the exes do not show up as some kind of zombies in your discussions. You can also talk about the circumstances that led to the end of your past relationships. Instead of asking your partner to list down the lessons, you can have a more casual conversation about what went wrong in the past and what could have been done differently.”
17. What do you think about personal boundaries and privacy (especially social media privacy) within a relationship?
Looking for questions to ask your partner to build intimacy? Discussing personal boundaries, including social media privacy, helps establish trust and respect. It ensures that both partners feel comfortable and safe in the relationship, and that your mutual needs are fulfilled or at least addressed.
18. How do you wish to divide household chores and daily responsibilities between us?
Maybe you’re an expert in the kitchen while your partner takes charge of the laundry and cleaning up. By finding a system that works for both of you, you can ensure a harmonious and balanced atmosphere at home. It’s one of the best questions to ask in a relationship when you’ve decided to move in together. Aman says, “I like this question because it’s a total game-changer. This kind of thing needs to be not only discussed, but also experienced. This is why, in many cases, it can be beneficial for couples to live with each other for a while before they tie the knot.”
19. How do you feel about engaging in hobbies for couples and experiencing new things together?
Discussing your preferences and expectations regarding hobbies allows you to create a fun and fulfilling shared life. It tells you if your partner dreams of hiking breathtaking trails together, or they enjoy trying out different cuisines at local food festivals. Such couples bonding questions explore the desire for common interests and new experiences.
20. What are your views on marriage, and do you see it as an important milestone in a happy relationship?
Do you envision a traditional wedding and a lifelong commitment, or do you prioritize a deep emotional connection over a legal contract? Such hard relationship questions are important in order to explore your perspectives on marriage. Aman shares a golden tip, “I think this is a good question to be asked on a third date. For instance, you talk about the things you like on the first date. On the second date, you discuss the values that are important to you. On the third date, you can discuss your views on marriage in general. But make sure you ease it into the discussion, instead of diving into it abruptly.”
21. What’s your ideal romantic vacation with your partner? Include details such as the destination, travel routine, eating plans, and sexual fantasies you’d like to try on vacations
If you want a magic potion to reveal a lot of things about your relationship (yes, with a swoosh), try asking such funny compatibility questions for couples. While talking about your ideal romantic vacation, you can learn the following:
Is your partner a morning person or a night owl?
You can discuss whether you both prefer a laid-back routine or a packed itinerary
This question helps you figure out your sexual compatibility with each other
Would you both enjoy spending time together in general?
It’s all about creating an atmosphere of passion, trust, and exploration where you can connect with your partner on a physical and emotional level.
Key Pointers
Compatibility questions for dating can help you understand your partner better and figure out whether you’re right for each other
You may try a couple questionnaire or an online compatibility test for couples to discuss these topics with your significant other – children, pets, physical intimacy, dream vacation, and hobbies
Discussing household chores and financial habits in the form of romantic compatibility questions for couples can help you avoid a lot of conflicts in the future
Remember that you shouldn’t dive abruptly into personal or delicate subjects in the early stages of a relationship. Instead, try to discuss these questions to test your relationship in a more organic manner
Just like individuals, compatibility can grow over time. If you want to fix compatibility issues in your love life, you can do so by engaging in open and honest communication with your partner. And whenever you want a handy reference to assess your bond at any stage of your relationship, our list of compatibility questions for couples is always here – ready to help you avoid a lifetime of squinting!
So, you are saying she seems interested but doesn’t text you back? Or are you afraid you may have been trapped in the infamous friendzone and can’t figure out how to get a girl to like you? You’ve binge-watched all her favorite TV shows, even bought a new shirt in her favorite color, and are now circling the idea of reading her favorite book to impress her – clearly, you have been bitten by the love bug and there’s no denying it.
You’re serious about catching her full attention and are doing everything you possibly can. While you’re working your fingers to the bone figuring out how to woo a girl, the answer to that might actually be a little different. Memorizing every page of the book “Girl, Woman, Other” because she bought it recently might not necessarily make her like you the way that you want her to.
Sure, it’s an added advantage, but there are other aspects that you should consider polishing if you’re as serious about this girl as we think you are. And that involves understanding the psychology of female attraction. Whether you’re trying to figure out how to make a girl open up emotionally or how to be irresistible to your crush, you’ve come to the right place. Let’s answer all those questions bubbling away in your head.
How To Get A Girl To Like You – 25 Tips
How to start talking to a girl and not sound too desperate? How to get in her head to make her think about you? How to show interest in a girl in a non-stalker way? Pretty simple, you have to master the tricks and trades of wooing a woman. Now that’s easier said than done. Plenty of men start pining for a woman and are then left clueless about what the right thing to do is.
If you’re trying to get a girl to like you in high school, you might just be thinking that those Snapchat streaks you send will get the job done. Spoiler alert: they absolutely will not. But the good news is, we’ve got a few tried and tested ways to make her want you that could potentially save you a lot of trouble. Here are 25 tips on how to make a girl like you:
1. Carry yourself confidently
And not in that way where you rev up your car engine outside her house or wink at the waitress in the restaurant. Your humble self still needs to be able to shine through. If you are a little nervous, don’t let that show too easily. It’s possible to subconsciously over-compensate for the lack of self-confidence by being too sassy or trying too hard to play it cool. She will be inclined to draw the curtains on this one since it’s one of the classic mistakes men make while trying to impress women.
So, if you’re trying to get a girl to like you without talking to her, the first step to take is to make sure you’re well-groomed and confident in your stride
The more you appear comfortable in your own skin, the more she might notice you
But you should tone it down. Take it from a woman, being smug will never work in your favor
Women like a man who can carry himself well, but overconfidence can just ruin the whole impression
Also, don’t let a lack of self-esteem come in your way. We believe you have great qualities and potential that she would appreciate
“How to grab a girl’s attention?” you ask. Funny pickup lines or even the cheesy ones sometimes do the magic. But there’s a fine line between casual flirting and saying utterly wrong things that are either too cringy or too presumptuous. There are many invisible boundaries that men often overlook and are tempted to cross.
Something like, “Roses are red, the grass is green, I love your legs and what’s in between” is sure to topple your dating game completely. More so if you’re trying to get a girl to like you over text, make sure as one of the nice guys, you don’t creep her out with your attempts at flirting. “How to make a girl feel safe over text?” should be your primary concern.
As a rule of thumb, don’t go overboard with sexual advancements immediately after matching on a dating app. Steer clear of the worst pick-up lines and don’t pepper them in unsuitable social situations. If a girl is not interested in talking to you and you use a cringy pick-up line, the only action you’re going to get is the bouncer throwing you out of the bar.
3. Maintaining eye contact is essential
Have you got dating anxiety jitters? We can understand. To make a girl pay attention to you when she is not can be nerve-racking as you are constantly on the edge of your seat, worried you’ll say or do the wrong thing. But looking away or staring at her hair instead of her face is only going to weaken the case you want to make.
Women love men with strong personalities. Someone who would look into their eyes so deep that they almost feel read and understood. Eye contact has the power to develop intimacy and establish a deep connection even between two strangers. You know why? Because research shows eye-locking releases love/attraction hormones such as phenylethylamine and oxytocin.
So try to maintain eye contact when you’re with her, because this shows her that you’re being attentive and receptive to her
Soften your gaze, keep your face relaxed, and dilate your pupils to make yourself seem attractive
Practice on a plant beforehand if you think it’ll help
How to make it obvious you like her? Hold that gaze for 3-5 seconds and she will know your intentions
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4. Ask her about her interests
This is an obvious one when it comes to tips on how to get a girl to like you back. It doesn’t matter how cute or successful you are, because the moment she realizes that you have no genuine interest in what she has to say, her initial attraction for you will just wear off. After all, where’s the fun in chatting with a self-centered person who is so full of themselves?
Ask the right questions to make a girl like you and let her know that you are fascinated by what she has to tell you. Even if she wants to talk about her rabbits for twenty minutes straight, it’s something you might have to bear. To really nurture any mutual attraction signs you may have with her, you have to be a good listener, a curious one for that matter.
The more you show interest and respect her for her opinions, the more she’ll feel comfortable opening up to you (provided you don’t ruin it with bad pick-up lines!). Plus, finding some common interests might actually help you build the foundation for a serious relationship given that you genuinely care about this woman.
5. Amp up your social media game
These days, our digital presence is just as important as the impression we make on somebody in person. Since we spend so much of our time online, that is the time you have to utilize to get to know your girl and eventually make her fall in love with you. Consider flirting over text, replying to her Instagram stories, or even asking her to play a game of chess with you online.
There are so many ways to form a deep connection or spend time with somebody online. And that sense of affinity actually helps you boost your self-confidence to ask her out on a real date. Plus, you get a good amount of time to sort out your thoughts beforehand and plan your next move accordingly. If you want to know how to flirt with a girl you already know, dropping by her inbox might be a great starting point.
Casual slippers, unkempt hair, and tattered jeans don’t really scream babe magnet. You might as well get stood up for showing up on a date looking like that. The best way to get a girl to like you is to invest some time and energy into grooming and dressing. We aren’t asking you to meet the conventional definition of handsomeness or spend hundreds of dollars on branded apparel. But a good sense of personal hygiene and clean clothes aren’t too much to ask for, is it?
How to get a girl to like you without talking to her? A well-groomed hipster beard or sexy stubble is always irresistible. Maybe you try some beard oils, hair creams, and colognes
Nothing attracts women like men who smell good. You better not skip on regular showers, flossing, and a musky perfume to create your signature scent
Don’t break the bank and purchase all kinds of new body products or clothes; just take a little time to get ready for her
Women mostly are very particular about a decent pair of footwear. Wearing running shoes to a date or showing up in joggers will only make her scream internally and defeat your purpose entirely
Take a little time to get ready for her
7. Compliment her often
One thing that girls love more than jewelry is words of appreciation. You don’t need a dating coach to explain how to get a girl to like you back with genuine, nice compliments. Calling her beautiful is a surefire way to make her feel special but complimenting someone only on their looks or physical appearance might sound a bit superficial.
To really make a girl interested in you when she is not, you must look below the surface and make her see that you appreciate her on a deeper level. As per the situation, find ways to slip in subtle compliments about her personality, her career, and other things that most people overlook about her.
For instance, paying attention to the little details like her nicely organized desk or her excellent driving skill will set you apart from the rest of the suitors. If you’re dating an independent woman, tell her how amazed you are by her work-life balance. It will certainly open doors to conversations and attachment and eventually make her want you as more than just a friend.
8. Plan fun dates
Texting “Hey, do you want to hang out? I’m free this afternoon, we can do anything you want” might seem like the right thing to say here, but it is really not. Do you realize you are giving her mixed signals? She would be all confused about whether you want to hang out as friends or you are actually asking her out.
Instead, say something like, “A new bowling alley just opened up next to the Starbucks around the corner from my place. Meet me there this afternoon? I’ve heard they have crazy good mac ‘n’ cheese wedges too” will work wonders. So, how to get a girl to date you and make sure she shows up?
Be very clear about your proposition so when she says ‘yes’ she knows it’s a date
“Should I offer to pick her up?” – absolutely! Plan the date well – the venue, the food, everything from picking her up to seeing her off at home
“I like her too much. Should I just tell her how I feel?” – we would hold back those 3 words to make a woman want you on a first date. This is where get to know her better not focus on making future plans
You know what makes you look desperate to a girl? Begging her to agree on going on a date until she wears off
There are different ways of pursuing a woman if she refuses the first time. Hopefully, you would choose a decent one and quit pestering her
9. Don’t chase after her
In continuation of the last point, let’s figure out how to get a girl to like you again after she has already declined you once. A girl is only attracted to a man who knows that he has better things to do than run after a girl all day. Sounds counter-productive but hear us out once. If she knows you’re unmotivated in life or your primary purpose is to chase a relationship, she’s going to think that you need to work on yourself. And thus, she won’t take you too seriously.
But when she knows that you have a stable job, other commitments that you like to take care of, hobbies that you enjoy spending time on, and people who love you, she will see you in a much better light. Wondering how to make a girl like you more than a friend? Then play hard to get every once in a while.
10. Be conscious of your body language
Hunched shoulders and crossing your arms are an absolute no-no if you want to tap into psychological tricks to get a girl like you. Your posture has to reflect your feelings and purpose here and reflect it well. See, we get that you have genuine feelings in your heart for this woman. But you have to give her the time to see the nice guy that you are, the real you. Meanwhile, most girls would fall for what’s on the outside and that is your body language, your confidence, and probably your manliness.
Sit up straight and keep your arms wide – believe it or not, a good posture can make all the difference
Slightly raising your eyebrows and nodding along with a smile while talking to her shows that you are truly engaged in the conversation
Your body language signs need to make her feel welcomed and not pushed away
The more she subconsciously registers your openness and warmth, the more prone she will be to falling for you
11. How to make a girl think about you? Stay within easy reach
It’s no secret that guys are a little clueless when it comes to picking up hints from women. Even after she made the first move, our guy would still wonder, “That girl put her number in my phone the other day. What does it mean if a girl gives you her number?” Well, Joe, it means she wants to keep in touch; she wants you to give her a call sometimes.
To really become close to her and show her that you’re a dependable guy, you need to make her trust that she can lean on you in her times of need. That kind of comfort level can only be established through your actions. Even if you’re just friends, she needs to know that you are around and that you know how a woman wants to be treated.
If you are hoping to attract her back using female psychology and get out of the friend zone, you are in the right direction. Be it needing help because her car ran out of gas while she was out grocery shopping or looking for a plus one to take to a wedding, you’ve got to work on being her first choice. Next time her tire needs immediate changing, keep that jack ready and handy!
12. Make her laugh often
There’s nothing girls like more than a man who would crack her up every time they are together. In fact, “He makes me laugh” can be a valid reason to fall in love. However awkward you may feel you are, I’m sure you can come up with something better than knock-knock jokes to make her laugh. It’s without question one of the best ways to attract a woman.
Just start with your own funny stories and you’ll find your way from there. Pretty soon you will have your own inside jokes
The key is to be amusing and never let a dull moment take over the conversation
Even if you two are texting back and forth, send her funny videos or memes so she knows you’ve got a great sense of humor
If you’re wondering how to get a girl to like you online, you could even consider upping the humor in your social media stories. She might just reply to some of them
Also, let’s reveal a secret to help you with the non-verbal cues we were talking about earlier. If she has a thing for you she might even laugh at your lame jokes. So, don’t lose your nerve and look out for the hints she is dropping.
13. Bring up something that she has talked about before
Here we have another one of the psychological tricks to make someone fall in love with you. To really show her that you’ve been listening, along with keeping track of all that she tells you, you have to bring these things up every once in a while. “I’ve heard of this great barn that’s about 50 miles from here. I know you rode horses while growing up and thought of you when I heard about it. I can take you there sometime!” is sure to melt her heart.
In a way, it’s even better than telling a girl you have a crush on her because you have already made her feel special. And the chain of attraction is set in motion. The moment she knows you’re this considerate and are willing to remember the small details about her, there’d be no question in her mind about whether you’re boyfriend material or not. Show her that she’s on your mind a lot and she won’t be able to stop thinking about you!
14. Push and pull
Just like doors, using the push and pull technique with the girl you like can open a door to opportunities for you. Basically, you have to push her, which means showing her that you’re not too interested in her. And then pull her, by showing her that you really do like her.
If you’re looking to get a girl to like you in high school, this technique might just end up intriguing her enough to talk to you a little more than usual. However, note that this is a little different from a push-pull relationship, which can actually have very dangerous consequences.
Now the right approach to push-pull is to use the two techniques one after the other or even in the same sentence
For example, if you say, “If I were into blondes, you’d be the first girl I’d call” is an interesting seduction technique for you are pushing her but pulling her in at the same time
In short, this is your answer to “How to make a girl think about you?” The moment you withdraw, she will crave your attention even more
Make sure you don’t start playing games with her once she starts talking to you on a regular basis, please be courteous
Generally speaking, not every woman wants a guy with the IQ of a lemon who simply listens to everything that she has to say. An independent woman is going to love a guy who brings something new to the table for her to learn from. Isn’t that what a great relationship is all about? Helping each other to grow as a person?
Let’s say, you two have opposing views on the institution of marriage. One of you supports polyamory marriage, while the other endorses traditional monogamous marriage. Use this bait to your advantage to have healthy discussions with her. Give her a thing or two to think about. As long as the discussion doesn’t turn into a hot and messy debate, you should be just fine.
However, make sure you don’t make it seem like you’re mansplaining. If the conversation starts feeling like you’re only rubbing your knowledge in her face, she’s never going to want to talk to you again. And if a girl is not interested in talking to you, she’ll make it pretty clear.
16. Show her a more genuine side of you
Do you know how to get a girl to fall in love with you? You have to build a trust factor. And a girl will only trust you and fall for you when she knows you can break down your walls and feel that you trust her. Now, we don’t mean that you get to unleash the pent-up frustrations of all your past relationships or issues you had when growing up. But do give her a taste of who you are on the inside, especially if you two met on dating apps.
Even if it just means driving past the old house you grew up in and showing it to her, let her know that you treat her more than just a girl you want to impress over a cup of coffee. Even if you’re trying to make a girl interested in you when she is not, letting her see the intricacies of your personality might make her warm up to you. Isn’t it the best feeling when a girl likes you just the way you are? Raw and honest!
17. Create a good texting routine to make her feel special
If you’re big on texting, you’re probably looking for some healthy “make a girl miss you” texts. The only way to get to that stage is by creating a texting routine with your crush. We’d advise against overdoing it because that puts you at a high risk of being ghosted. But texting her at least once a day should not hurt.
Maybe start the day with a sweet good morning text or send her a pretty song at night before she crashes. Keep it recurring but not continuous so as to completely exhaust her. Figuring out how to get a girl to like you online isn’t really that hard, sometimes flirting with memes is all it takes. If you see that she is equally enthusiastic in her texts or you have a feeling you both want the same things, hit send to those special 3 words to make a woman want you. She might actually feel special, you never know.
18. Do drop some hints
Being in the friend zone can feel really gloomy for it is a dark, dark place. “How to make a girl like you more than a friend?” you ask. Well, to see the light of day, you need to convey your feelings to her in tacit ways. It’s crucial to not be overbearing because then she might just freak out and lock you in the friend zone for a long while.
So a little flirting every now and then doesn’t hurt to get out of the friend zone. Something like, “You’re adorable, any guy would be lucky to have you”, or a “What would you say if I asked you to come over?”, can be safe bets. This way, if she disapproves, you can run back to the friend zone area where you came from. Or, if fate is on your side, you might just become the ‘new boyfriend’.
“How to touch a woman to build attraction?” is a tricky business. Before you even consider touching her, the first thing you do is to make sure you’re close enough to her to warrant it. If you’re trying to get a girl to like you if she has a boyfriend, using physical touch is not advisable. If she’s a colleague or an acquaintance, don’t do it. Even if she’s a best friend or someone extremely close to you, it’s always a good idea to ask for consent before you hug her.
Even so, it’s no surprise that people are sensitive to touch much more than they let on. The simple grazing of your leg against hers when you’re sitting next to each other and watching a movie might seem like a small, irrelevant thing. However, it is something a woman consciously takes note of.
Now, this also doesn’t mean groping or grabbing her arm out of the blue will work out in your favor. But it does prove the point that the way you touch her can make a massive difference if you want to attract a girl who doesn’t like you yet. Caressing her hair, holding her arm or other types of kisses are all sweet ways to touch her…if she’s comfortable of course.
Touch her in a way that she feels the spark
20. Tap into the familiarity effect
One of the psychological tricks to get a girl like you is to use the familiarity effect to your advantage. We tend to gravitate toward those people we see daily, are routinely acquainted with, or are exposed to more. Nope, we are not suggesting you start stalking her tomorrow.
But if she does see you often in her social circle, run into you at the grocery store or perhaps you join the same yoga class together, there is an advantage there that cannot be dismissed. If you’re trying to get a girl to like you if she has a boyfriend (though we’d generally advise against it), this might be a great way to get started. Spend some time with her, get familiar, and get noticed.
21. Tease her
We know it may seem that doing anything that might aggravate her may not be the answer to how to attract a girl, but this really works! To form a connection, you have to shed any feelings of formality and dive into the arena of comfort and ease. Playful bantering is an easy way to do that.
Give her a funny nickname or point out one of her nerdy habits, but all without insulting her
Teasing will not only make her laugh, but it will also elicit intense emotions and all sorts of chemical reactions
However, make sure you’re not mean about it. Or else it will have the opposite effect and she might shun you completely
If you’re trying to get a girl to like you over text, maybe send her a funny meme that pokes fun at something she does
Or if you’re doing it in person, try to not make fun of extremely personal topics. Keep it light-hearted and funny, and you’re bound to make her laugh
22. Go out of your way to do something special
Serious about trying to attract a girl who doesn’t like you yet? Then show her that you are willing to go the extra mile for her by showing affection. Everyone can crack fun jokes, show up well-dressed to a date and say flirty things. But to really show her that you are the best man for her, you need something extra.
Bring her lunch to work or send ice cream to her place when she’s down. If she’s sick or busy, then run an errand for her to help her out. As small and simple as it may be, a thoughtful gesture will go a long way in showing her that you’re a keeper. However, it makes sense if you already have an established rapport with her. Picking up dry cleaning for someone you just met may come off as incredibly creepy.
Psychologists have come up with something called the Benjamin Franklin effect. According to this, when someone does you an act of kindness, they are inclined to do another! No, your motive here isn’t to get in a flurry of favors but to make her feel like you do rely and depend on her.
When she knows that you think of her as a close friend, she will want to think of you the same way. So if you’re trying to figure out how to get a girl to like you in high school, you can always ask her for help with homework and help her out a little when she asks for it. It’d be a great ice-breaker too, you could even start with a compliment by saying, “You’re so smart with math, can you please help me out a bit?”
24. How to make a girl like you? Cook for her
In case you didn’t know, women have a thing for men who cook, well, cook for her to be more specific. For one thing, it breaks the traditional gender role which is a major turn-on. Plus, after a thoughtful gesture like this, a girl can’t help but fall for you a little although she may not express her feelings immediately.
If this person is a colleague or goes to the same school, you could bring her a homemade lunch or perhaps surprise her with a picnic basket. Even better if you ask her out on a date and arrange a romantic candle-lit dinner, all made by you from scratch. It’s hard to neglect such a romantic gesture even for a girl who apparently is not that into you. We would say this is the best thing to do to make up for any setback if you need to know how to get a girl to like you again.
25. Accept her for who she is
Every woman is unique in their own way. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to make her fall for you other than accepting her just the way she is – kind and adorable, always hungry, a little eccentric perhaps. Isn’t that the whole point of loving someone? You can’t just welcome her beauty and expect her to take off the commitment issues at the door while entering into a relationship with you. Once she sees how well you deal with her shortcomings and do not treat her with contempt, she will naturally feel more drawn to you.
Key Pointers
Be confident, presentable, and conscious about your body language to attract a woman
Show her you depend on her and she can do the same
Do things to make her feel special, like planning a fun date or complimenting her
Be your most authentic self in front of her, be vulnerable, open up
Tease her, make her laugh, give her funny nicknames – sooner or later, she will fall for you
25 tips may seem long, but the journey of how to get a girl to like you isn’t. With the right approach, good intentions, and absolute honesty, making a girl think about you and want you becomes far less challenging than it seems. Eventually, she might try to look up your relationship status via mutual friends.
When that happens, don’t waste your time thinking, “Why would a girl ask if you have a girlfriend?” or “What does it mean when a girl always looks at you?” It means all your efforts have finally paid off and it’s your turn to savor some couples times with the woman of your dreams. Keep it real, keep it cool, and definitely ask her out soon!
The 3-day rule after an argument can be life-changing for couples. Imagine you and your partner had a fight. It could be about anything – the new TV, where you’re spending your Christmas holidays, sneaky use of the phone, kids, or money. Tell me honestly, is it always smooth sailing after an argument is resolved? If not, you’re not the only one in this boat. Most couples have serious quarrels which can lead to further tension. Not hugs, not kisses, not reconciliation. Sometimes, these arguments may also lead to a breakup or divorce in the (very) long run.
But is there a different way to handle arguments in a relationship? One where things go smoothly after a dispute? Fortunately, yes. It’s called the 72-hour rule after an argument. According to this rule, when a conversation gets too overwhelming or destructive, you should give your partner space for at least 3 days to smooth things over. If you want to know more or have any questions in mind, read on. With the help of Dr. Shefali Batra, a renowned psychiatrist and relationship coach, this article covers everything about the three-day rule.
What Is The 3-Day Rule After An Argument?
This is a rule that says couples should give each other space for at least 3 days after a relationship argument. It can work wonders when you need time to calm down or to wait before apologizing to your wife or husband. If you start speaking just after a big fight, things might get heated again. The same argument, the same disappointment. Instead, this rule helps you take a break before you talk it out. At the same time, the break period is not so long that it worsens the fight or makes you forget what the argument was about in the first place.
Dr. Batra tells us, “I’d seen a lot of my clients wonder what to do after an argument. Then they used this rule because they heard that it works. The psychology behind the three-day rule is a time-out. It is based on the premise that during a heated argument, it is difficult to have a logical conversation or meaningful communication. In this rule, an arguing couple stays away from each other. They do not communicate. During this period, they are able to find better ways to solve their problems.”
So here’s a recap on how it works: If an argument gets too heated, wait for 72 hours. It helps you take a break from your partner to cool off, make a mindful decision, and avoid acting in the heat of the moment. In this way, you refrain from saying hurtful things in a relationship. But first, you have to know how to use this rule effectively. Here are 8 ways to apply the 3-day relationship break after a fight with your partner:
1. Understand the purpose of the rule
Do you and your partner understand the purpose of the 3-day rule? Because that will help you trust the process as a couple. You’ll gain a new perspective and be clear about the reason you’re waiting to communicate after an argument. In this context, Dr. Batra says, “A lot of people start thinking that the three-day rule is just a break. They go out with friends, calm their minds, and come back to their partners. Most of them are in a better mood, and the issue is forgotten. That’s a bad idea. That’s not the right way to use this rule.”
2. Agree on the rule together
The 3-day rule is based on effective and meaningful communication. Therefore, when you use this rule after a huge fight, it cannot be an impulsive decision. You cannot stop talking to your partner for a few hours out of the blue. It will only make them feel guilty, mad, or afraid. That’s insensitive. You need to ensure that both of you agree it’s time to take a break. So follow these tips:
Discuss the benefits of this wait period with your boyfriend or girlfriend
Figure out what works best for you as a couple
Before you both agree on this rule, set realistic and clear expectations for what will happen after the three days when you revisit the problem
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3. Give each other space
Are you a couple that fights a lot? Are you and your boyfriend/girlfriend always arguing with each other? Chances are that, in such a situation, you’ll not be able to solve your issues as you’re busy fighting about your previous fights. For example, it starts with a missing sock and ends with cheating accusations. When a fight escalates in such a way, this rule can give someone space after an argument.
Space after a fight is really important. While following this rule, try not to text, call, or meet the person you’re dating. If you live with your partner, you cannot ignore them completely. Tell them you want a break and reduce the interaction considerably. Give each other space – some real space this time – and reflect on the argument.%
4. Treat your partner with empathy
When you give yourself time to cool off for a few hours, try to think about your partner’s perspective as well. In this way, you will be more empathetic in a relationship. You’ll also be able to figure out what to say to your girlfriend/boyfriend after an argument. You’ll understand why you feel guilty, mad, or afraid. Discuss what you can do to help each other during this period. If your partner/spouse needs something that is hard for you to provide, let them know beforehand.
5. Process the fight and reflect on it
Use the three days to think about the matter and underlying issues. Whether it was a decade-old argument or a silly fight, it might have affected you badly. So give yourself some time to process your emotions. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings during the 72-hour wait period. You may ask yourself the following questions:
Why did I respond the way I did?
What triggered my feelings?
Where is my irritation coming from?
What will bring me a sense of comfort right now?
What impact does this fight have on the future of our marriage or relationship?
What are the underlying issues in our marriage or relationship, and how can I address them constructively with my boyfriend/partner?
Dr. Batra says, “The right way to use a three-day rule is to do all the things that you like and calm your mind. But you also have to think about the conflict that you had with your partner. If you’re not going to think about it, you’re pushing the matter under the carpet. It’s not going to be resolved. It’s just going to come up the next time you argue. So use that time to think things over.”
“Think about how your partner must’ve felt. About how positively or negatively you communicated. About whether you were trying to vent your anger or trying to solve the problem. When you’re away from your partner, and you are less triggered, you will be able to reach better solutions.”
This rule can give someone space after an argument, but your situation may need something more than that. During this break, you may have a lot of unexpected realizations. For instance, after a fight with your boyfriend, you may start looking at the patterns of your arguments. Thinking about how he acts after a fight, you may realize your boyfriend has anger management issues in relationships. In such a case, talking to a family therapist can heal the wounds in your love life. If you want some professional help and guidance, do not delay it. Click here to reach out to Bonobology’s panel of experienced and licensed therapists.
7. Try some self-care activities
Think about the iconic fight scene between Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson in Marriage Story. Do you remember how drained their characters seemed, both emotionally and physically? Fighting in relationships can affect you deeply. This is because an argument with your partner can lead to the following:
Raise your blood pressure
Make you feel exhausted
Trigger a rush of stress hormones
Leave you feeling lonely, abandoned, misunderstood, or wronged
Now you know why it’s important to work on your well-being and alone time after such an overwhelming experience. Here are a few self-care tips that you can follow:
If you don’t go to the gym or spend hours working out, try mild exercises at home or go for a long walk to reduce your stress
Eat a healthy balanced meal and drink enough water to feel hydrated and energetic
Meditate for at least fifteen minutes in a day
Write down your thoughts and feelings to gain clarity after a heated argument.
You can write a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend (you need not share it if you don’t wish to) or start mindful journaling
Spend time with your family and friends so that you feel loved and supported. You can also share your emotions and discuss the problem with them for a fresh perspective
8. Plan how to revisit the problem
“If used correctly, the three-day rule can work very well. So take some time, calm your mind, and understand your partner’s point of view in a peaceful state. Then try to come back to your partner and communicate maturely. This will strengthen your bond in the future,” suggests Dr. Batra. So how do you stay mature post-conflict? The trick is to plan it with your girlfriend or boyfriend beforehand. When you and your partner are ready to have the conversation after the break, remember the following:
When Should You Not Use The 3-Day Rule?
This rule is not suitable for every tiff in your love life. Not everyone benefits from using it. There are some instances when no contact after an argument can only worsen the situation. Here are a few cases when you may want to avoid no-contact after an argument:
1. Don’t use this rule in an abusive relationship
If you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, taking a break from communication or making the first move may be dangerous. Your abusive partner may interpret this as silent treatment and cause you harm. Therefore, instead of taking this approach, seek help as soon as possible.
2. Time-sensitive issues don’t go well with a 3-day break
Imagine you are fighting with your partner on an issue that is time-sensitive. It may require immediate attention and quick decisions. Even if you both are not on the same page, take the most sensible step ahead with each other’s support. Instead of focusing only on your own feelings, look at the bigger picture.
3. Don’t use this rule just to avoid conflict
Not everyone understands the true purpose of this rule. Many couples take a break if the argument gets too heated, just to avoid conflict. They focus on their other commitments. This only makes the problems pile up and make your marriage/relationship all the more suffocating. Instead, dig deeper and address the elephant in the room. Spending time with your partner and having a heart-to-heart conversation can work like magic.
4. If both partners are not willing to participate, the rule will become ineffective
Maybe you’re thinking, “I want to change how he acts after a fight. We haven’t talked in a week!” You want to try this rule to make him value you after a fight. However, your partner is unwilling to do so. What do you do? What to do after an argument then?
This no-contact rule of a few days is based on a mutual decision in a marriage/relationship. You cannot give space after a fight and wait for 72 hours if your partner does not like this solution in the first place. If both of you are not on the same page about trying this rule, take some time and discuss it together.
Pros And Cons Of Using The 3-Day Rule
This rule is supposed to smooth things over after a big fight with your loved one. However, it comes with its own set of pros and cons. If you want to make mindful choices with the help of this rule, you need to understand these pros and cons. Here are the benefits of the 72-hour rule:
It gives you time to calm down, reflect on the argument, and plan how to approach your partner
It gives your partner time to figure things out after a quarrel
It allows you to give space to each other as a couple
It gives you time to miss each other and reaffirms your love
Instead of letting an argument get bitter and end your marriage or relationship, this rule helps to smooth things over after an ugly fight
It gives you a chance to apologize properly and make amends during conflict resolution
Now, what are the cons? What are the negative sides of dealing with relationship problems with the help of this rule? Dr. Batra gives us a list:
Key Pointers
According to the 3-day rule, when a conversation gets too overwhelming or destructive, you should give your partner space for at least 3 days to smooth things over
While following this rule, reflect on the fight, try to see your partner’s perspective, take this time to calm down, and indulge in some self-care activities
Avoid using this rule of you’re in an abusive situation, dealing with a time-sensitive issue, or trying to find a quick escape from conflict
If you don’t want to do anything rash after a fight, this 72-hour rule can help in conflict resolution. In fact, it can create a healthy relationship with excellent boundaries and communication. However, there may be situations in your love life when you’ll need a better intervention. In such a case, speaking to a family therapist or relationship coach can help you and your partner in your healing journey.
Distance is hard. All the songs about missing your lover make so much more sense when you are far away from the love of your life. Ever felt the pang of physical distance leave an empty void in your heart? There are many times when all you want to do is cuddle up next to your man and breathe in his scent. In times like these, try sending him these mega-adorable texts to make him smile at his phone. Tell your guy you miss him in a cute way.
We know of a couple whose marriage became long-distance due to professional reasons and the exchange of such cute texts saved their marriage! As you know, many long-distance relationships involve a time difference that can be frustrating and you might not be able to talk on a regular basis.
When she couldn’t get in touch with him before going to bed, she would send him cute texts to let him know he was missed. Little did she know that these texts meant even more to him. Being away from his family made him feel lonely all the time and he actually printed these out and hung them on his wall. We are happy to say they are no longer living apart and spend as much time together as they want.
If you’re wondering how to tell someone you miss them, there are many sources you can turn to for inspiration. And of course, technology has made it so much easier to convey your heartfelt emotions to your SO, despite the distance. If you want to take a look at some super cute ‘I miss you’ messages for him, you are in the right place.
How Do You Tell Your Man That You Miss Him?
There are times when all you want to do is leave whatever work you are doing and just run to your man. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him so much – it seems your mind is trapped in a never-ending loop of just one thought. Forget office projects and other commitments. All you want to do is simply be in his arms.
Do you want to write out poems for him to say that you love him? Want to send him long messages that he can’t read while working? Call him and disturb his busy schedule? What can you text him to convey this sense of yearning? How to tell someone you miss them? All of these questions only make the pain of longing far more acute.
We should be thankful that phones and modern technology have made this painful aspect of relationships, long-distance relationship problems to be specific, a lot less daunting. Imagine being away from your man at a time when phone calls weren’t easy and texting was not heard of.
If you think about it, this was actually just two decades ago. Google CEO Sundar Pichai could not call his wife, then-girlfriend Anjali, for six months at a stretch when he first went to the U.S. because he did not have the money to make an expensive international call. Fast forward to the present, now you can connect with your partner whenever you please and you can send him a cute text the moment you miss him.
But there is an added complication to it because sometimes, even though you are desperate to talk to him, you don’t want to come off as a clingy girlfriend. So how do you tell him you miss him without sounding needy? Relax, we have a solution for all your troubles. Whenever you are apart from your man and can’t shake off the ‘I miss him’ feeling, send him these short and cute texts:
1.“I read your old messages and was smiling like an idiot. People thought I AM an idiot”
Texts are the only things that keep you going when you’re away from your partner and reading old texts always brings back bittersweet experiences. This is a great way to tell your boyfriend how much you miss him and how much time you spend reminiscing about the good old days. Share a few of his old messages with him and you will get him smiling too. This will also be a great way to think back to your first few dates and laugh.
And, if you didn’t know, it gives you a chance to bring back the romance lost over the distance. Speaking from personal experience, when you show him a few screenshots of how he used to express his feelings that always made you feel so special, it will be like a reminder. You had a relationship filled with love and laughter. As you tell your boyfriend you miss him through text, you both can try to get back to those sweet lovey-dovey romantic days.
2.“I wish we could cuddle and talk about our day”
When the days are long and all you crave at the end of the day is spooning, this is the perfect text to send. This is something most couples really look forward to doing at the end of the day but if you are unable to do it, tell your partner so with a text. The answer to how to tell someone you miss them lies in sharing these moments of longing with each other as candidly as possible.
Tell him what you want to do after you both cuddle up through a cute text, and he will send you all the virtual hugs and kisses. He would be invaded with memories of the two of you spooning and your text will work wonders.
We know of a couple that timed their conversations so perfectly that they would video call when one was waking up and the other was sleeping so they felt like they were going to bed together and waking up together. How beautiful is that? Just the right time and right place to write those cute ‘I miss you’ messages for him, isn’t it?
3.“The celebration seemed incomplete without you”
What to text your boyfriend when you miss him? One of the rules of texting when dating to swear by is to use this form of communication to mix things up so that your messages don’t sound repetitive and boring. For instance, instead of saying, “I miss you” again and again, let him know that important life events and festivities seem a little bland and a little less complete without him.
This is a great way to tell him you miss him a lot. It is normal that you would miss him on important occasions. It could be your birthday or festivals like Thanksgiving or Christmas. You will both miss each other, but tell him that through a cute text.
Let me tell you a sweet, little story from our last holidays. So, my sister was all blue throughout the week and she just couldn’t bear the thought of spending New Year’s Eve alone without her boyfriend. She kept nagging me, “Hey, how do you tell him you miss him without sounding needy?” But in the end, all her efforts worked like magic, and Matthew showed up right before the ball dropped to give her the biggest surprise of all time! So, don’t think twice and text him when you miss him.
4.“I just need you to hug me to help me get through the day”
Some days are punches in the gut when nothing other than his comforting embraces can help. And you need a hug from him all the more if your boss had been particularly rude with you or your bestie just broke the news that she is shifting town. Text him you need a hug, he will give you one through texts. You will love it. He would too.
So much better than getting all pensive when the ‘I miss him’ phase kicks in, and kicks in hard. When you are far away from each other, lack of affection and intimacy in a relationship often becomes a big deal. Instead of giving up the whole thing on fate, you can take charge and make it happen. Text your boyfriend when you miss him – try to retain your intimate connection.
5.“Even though you are away, your morning texts brighten up my days”
Distance does not matter when the love between you both is strong. And what better way to strengthen your bond than letting him know that he is the first thing on your mind every day. This is a cute way to tell your boyfriend you really miss him and that distance matters so little when someone matters so much! Plus, in your own sweet way, you make your guy miss you just as much every morning.
We know of a couple that made it a habit to text each other about something that reminded them of the other, every night before sleeping. If they could not do this, they shared something they admired about each other. Just when he needed her the most, the ‘I miss you’ messages for him rang on his phone. This bred positive feelings between them and they completed their long-distance relationship with love and gratitude for each other rather than anger or jealousy.
How to tell someone you miss them? With a cute, heartfelt text like this. We bet your partner would reply with something along the lines of: “Someday, my love, someday soon.” There couldn’t be a cuter way to tell him you miss him. Now he knows, he is the last person roaming in your thoughts as you wake up in the morning and right before you go to sleep.
Physical intimacy is what you miss the most when you are away from each other. Not being able to kiss him goodnight makes you feel sad. Send him a cute text to say how you feel. If you are feeling frisky, you can also make this text a little more explicit. These tips will definitely help you become a pro at sexting.
7.“Something good/bad happened and I want you to be the first person to know”
Even with the time difference and distance, you want to share all major life events with him first. The world can follow later. This will make him feel happy, special, and secure in the relationship. Anyway, he has always been the person with whom you shared all your important news so there is no reason for this to change. Just pick up the phone and text him.
Even if it’s an event that might alter the course of your relationship, he deserves to know it. And it should always come from you, not from a common friend. Perhaps you are feeling terrible and wish you could be there to hold his hand and share your thoughts with him in person. But for now, be honest with him, to yourself, and tell your boyfriend you miss him through text.
8.“I miss the way your warm hands feel against mine on a cold winter morning”
“I miss him” can mean missing his comforting touch at the end of a long day or his reassuring embrace when you’re overcome with self-doubt. Physical longing adds to emotional longing. You do miss holding hands when you are away from a person. This is a cute way to tell your boyfriend you really miss him. This also adds a poetic touch to the romantic things you say to him and brings out your creative side. Try to make this as personal and relatable as possible.
9.“Just a few more days and I will feel your breath on my neck”
How to tell your boyfriend you miss him through text? Count down to the next time you will see each other because this gives you the strength to keep going. Seduce him with texts about your fantasies surrounding the time you’ll be together again. Make sure you convey your excitement to let him know how much you’re looking forward to being with him.
This is the most exhilarating time for a couple who have been sulking over this tiring long-distance for months. Those aching days when you had to text your boyfriend when you miss him are finally coming to an end and it’s time to get drenched in the shower of hugs and kisses from your sweetheart. Spend these last few days hyping up his expectations so that he cannot wait to come back and wrap you in his arms.
10.“I would trade anything to have you mess up your side of the bed and then try and conquer mine”
Girl, just text him when you miss him and tell him you can’t do without the warmth of his hugs in bed. Messy, occupied beds over clean, empty ones – any day, over everything else. Missing him in bed when you wake up in the morning is natural. Tell him through a cute text that you want that messy bed and he would feel so wanted and loved!
There you go. When you miss your man, send him these cute texts to keep him smiling all through his day. How to tell your boyfriend you are missing him? You know now. So just go ahead and text away.
With the new Barbie movie already making headlines and about to make lines out the theater doors this weekend, it’s only crucial to adorn your abode, office, maybe your car and especially dress the part making sure you live your best Barbie (and Ken) life.
Here’s what I’m obsessing over:
Hair:
I travel light but I also like to travel in style which is why I can’t wait to show off the new BarbieCore inspired collection “Chain Reaction” by Sprayground at NYFW this September.
Travel:
I travel light but I also like to travel in style which is why I can’t wait to show off the new BarbieCore inspired collection “Chain Reaction” by Sprayground at NYFW this September.
Bath & Body:
Get those pearly whites like Barbie with the iO 6 series electric toothbrush by Oral-B the #1 dentist recommended toothbrush – manifesting your inner Barbie is just a smile away.
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Gift this Olive & Cocoa Pink & Gold Spa Crate to your bestie (or yourself). You’ll thank me later. I am head over heels with this set and did I mention, beautiful packaging! Soaps, hand creams, a tea bath, the perfect eye mask for all the Queen Barbie’s and and my favorite the Blackberry Rose Candle.
Home & Office:
Y’all the Southern country girl in me can not get enough of these super cute Puffin Drinkware koozies. Everyone on the boat will want to know what drink you got in your hand!
Light up your workspace with the Razer Huntsman V2 Tenkeyless – Quartz Edition– call my old school but I love this classic keyboard style that’s pretty in pink but also has an ombre of lights during my work session, it’s fun but also means serious business, perfect for Gamers too!
Villeroy & Boch is your perfect reason to host that dinner party and dine like a doll with their Rose Garden collection of plates and vases, pink-rose colored cocktail glasses & tumblers and even matching dessert bowles and flutes.
Because your future’s so bright, you need these TIJN – Eco-Friendly Jarno Fucsia Crystal Sunglasses. TIJN currently uses eco-friendly materials on over 52% of products with the goal of reaching 80% this year and aims to invest 5% of profits in sustainability by 2025.
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Stash all of your Barbie essentials, you know lip gloss, cell phone, keys and wallet in this super cute Stephanie Johnson crossbody backpack.
Fashion:
Spice up the evening out by pairing that little black dress/skirt with VienneMilano pink & magenta thigh high stockings. They are also offering 25% OFF with the code BARBIE. So one word: stock up!
Kristen Dress by Jude Cloth is seriously the must-have dress for every brunch this summer with your Barbie girls, because we need to Rose all day while looking cute.
Running an errand or taking the next flight out, Xero ShoesKelso Court-style Sneakers are pretty in pink, super light and extremely comfortable. They are great for women with larger and/or wider feet, I would know, these soles are an 11.
Grab your mini me s and put together a Barbie themed pasta night with Zia PiaPasta Gift Box, Barbie Edition. This Barbie Edition box set is truly special because each purchase supports Food for Soul’s mission to empower social responsibility, save food from waste, and nourish those who need it most.
Swoon Barbie Pink Lemonade has been my mid-day refresher – a much healthier alternative than that coffee shop pink drink next door to my studio apartment and considering that the drink was founded by a Type-1 diabetic, I know I am in good hands.
The best part is that 10% of the sales benefit The Barbie Dream Gap Project, which provides resources, curriculum, skills development and leadership opportunities to girls between the ages of 5 and 10 across the globe.
I know that Barbie herself will approve of Ithaca Hummus’ Lemon Beet Hummus for all your snacking needs this summer. Perfect for snacking, sandwich spreads and those summery charcuterie boards.
Take care of your gut this summer with Koe Raspberry Dragonfruit Kombucha. I love a good Kombucha but often find myself missing out on flavors because of the potent vinegary taste many Kombuchas have but Koe is different; it’s the perfect balance between tarty & sweet.
I love a good Kombucha but often find myself missing out on flavors because of the potent vinegary taste many Kombuchas have but Koe is different; it’s the perfect balance between tarty & sweet.
Bed
Last but not least, let’s not forget to throw the best slumper party ever like Barbie in these Hello Mello Slumber Party Satin Pajama Set, Part of their Beauty Sleep Collection, these silky satin pajama’s combat wrinkles and frizz, you know staying youthfu & timeless, like Barbie.
My husband gets angry if I disagree with him. He argues with me about every point I try to make and refuses to listen. I want a happy marriage and to stay calm. However, if I can’t express my feelings or discuss the issues I want to talk about, how is that a good marriage? My husband feels like I’m trying to start a fight when I bring topics up, which I’m not.
I honestly feel like his body language communicates he’s not interested. My husband claims that it is better not to talk, and that will resolve it. I don’t think so.
What can I do?
It can be challenging and frustrating when your spouse constantly disagrees with everything you say. Here are some suggestions for addressing this issue head-on:
Set the context
Let him know that you are distressed by the way you talk to each other. Tell him you would like to change and want his help. Use “I” statements to describe how his constant disagreement makes you feel. Encourage him to share his perspective.
Express your concerns calmly and assertively, and walk away if things escalate.
Accept that you both have valid opinions
Often when couples talk, they are trying to influence or persuade each other. You cannot do that right off the bat. If he feels you are picking a fight and you think he is, end the stalemate. Begin by asking him to “say more” when you disagree.
Try listening to him without interruption. Let him express his point of view before you speak. Ask thoughtful questions, and learn more about his point of view. Remember, understanding isn’t agreement.
Practice active listening skills when engaging in conversations. Pay attention to your husband’s words, tone, and nonverbal cues. Show genuine interest and reflect back on what he says to demonstrate understanding and validate his perspective.
This happens when either of your heart rates exceeds 100 beats a minute (85 for athletes). Learn to recognize when you or he are flooded.
He might raise his voice, his face might turn red, or he might turn away and refuse to look at you. Take a 20-30 minute break when this happens. Nothing constructive comes from a conversation with one or both flooded partners.
Establish boundaries
Learning how to disagree is both an art and a science. We teach this to our couples in science-based private retreats. Gottman’s research on couples revealed that anger is not the problem in marriages. What matters is the way anger is expressed.
The first rule is to be respectful and agree that name-calling and insults have no place in a loving marriage. Insulting your opinions (“That’s nonsense!”) or you (“Are you an idiot? How can you believe that?”) is out of bounds.
If you can’t agree to these boundaries see a professional.
Self-reflect
Reflect on not only what you say but how you say it. While it may be easier to see problems in your partner, start with yourself.
Consider how and when do you bring up topics and avoid these times:
When one or both of you are tired, hungry, or irritated.
When you are both weary and wary after arguing earlier.
When you don’t have time to spend on it.
When one or both of you have had any alcohol or drugs.
Express your own thoughts and opinions clearly and respectfully. Avoid being overly confrontational or dismissive of your husband’s ideas, as this can escalate conflicts.
Seek understanding, not agreement
Ask open-ended questions to get him talking. Look for common ground and address any underlying issues. It shows goodwill and positive intentions.
Highlight your common interests and goals to foster teamwork. Emphasize the importance of finding solutions that benefit both of you rather than focusing solely on individual perspectives.
Focus on problem-solving when possible
Give up trying to win arguments. Ask “how, when, and where” questions that help you problem-solve. Avoid “why” questions that often can’t be answered, anyway.
Focus on finding practical solutions first. It will give you both a sense of accomplishment and togetherness. The science of couples therapy has found that 69% of disagreements are perpetual, so stop trying to solve those. Instead, focus on the 31% that do have solutions. Find small wins and look for opportunities for growth and understanding rather than competition.
Explore the underlying issues
Inappropriate anger in men can often be a symptom of deeper underlying issues, including depression and a feeling of vulnerability.
Notice what triggers his anger and explore whether there are unresolved conflicts, unmet needs, or other factors contributing to his reactivity. Understanding the root causes can help address the issue more effectively.
Safety first and always
Remember, it’s imperative to prioritize your own well-being and safety in any relationship. If you feel unsafe or if your husband’s anger escalates to a point where it becomes a concern, consider developing a safety plan. This may involve identifying a safe place to go and keeping sensitive documents in a secure location. It may also involve reaching out to local resources for assistance and support.
Seek professional help
If your husband’s anger continues to escalate or it becomes difficult to address the issue on your own, consider seeking professional help. Verbal aggression is problematic and should be stopped. A couples therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support, and tools to improve communication and manage conflict more effectively.
Remember, resolving this issue may take time, patience, and effort from both partners. It’s a must to maintain a respectful and empathetic approach, even when disagreements arise.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between dating anxiety and your needs not being met. If you know your insecurity can lead your thoughts down irrational pathways, how can you figure out if something you’re stressing about is a real concern?
Instead of feeling insecure and waiting for someone to come to you and meet your unspoken needs, watch this week’s video and break free from the self-doubt and anxiety cycle.
Unlock the 67 Counterintuitive Text Messages That Create Real Momentum in Your Love Life . . . TAP HERE
Matthew:
A confident mindset has us asking the question, “Is this enough for me?” Not simply, “Do I need to work on myself because this affects me?” “Is this enough for me?”
Someone recently asked me a question. She said, “In the early stages of dating when you’re exclusive with someone, if someone doesn’t text me for a couple of days, should I be okay with that?” What she said was, “I read somewhere that if someone doesn’t text you for a couple of days and you have a problem with it, then you need to do some inner work. You need to work on your anxiety.” Have you ever been in a situation like this where maybe you’re in one right now, someone’s not texting you as much as you would like? Maybe there’s been a period of time where you haven’t heard from them, and you find yourself asking, “Is my anxiety the problem here? Am I asking too much? Am I just acting out of my own trauma, my own fears? Do I need to do work on myself so that this doesn’t affect me? Or is it legitimate that this is affecting me?”
I want to make a key distinction here that I made to her. There is a big difference between anxiety and needs. Anxiety is when our thoughts go in all sorts of sometimes irrational and mutated directions. Someone doesn’t text us for a couple of hours and all of a sudden we think they’re cheating. We message someone and they don’t text back within five minutes and we go, “They don’t love me as much as I love them.” We go in all of these directions that may not necessarily be true, may have no basis in reality, but that’s what anxiety does. It makes things that are often improbable or irrational, seem like they’re vivid and real. Anxiety has to be separated from our core needs. Our needs in a relationship are what’s the base level of affection or communication or love that I need and need to feel in order to be happy.
So from that point of view, instead of asking yourself, do I need to work on myself because I want texts more frequently than every 48 hours, ask yourself, what do I actually need from my intimate relationship? Would I like someone who texts me every day? And of course, there are limits, and that’s where we have to explore where is anxiety playing a part? Because if I’m expecting someone to text me every five minutes, then my anxiety is probably playing a massive part here. But in the average relationship, connecting each day is not abnormal. And if you speak to many people in healthy relationships, they will tell you that’s not abnormal. Now, are there some healthy relationships where people go longer periods of time without speaking? Of course, there are, but this is where you have to ask the question when it comes to your needs, what’s right for me? Self-awareness, know thyself, what’s right for me?
I know that for me, my partner, not texting for 48 hours wouldn’t be enough. I know that I like more communication than that. So for me, that would not be right. But I don’t think of that through the lens of anxiety. I think of it through the lens of how connected I want to be to someone. So I want us to start to make that distinction: anxiety and needs. And when it comes to our needs in life, we all have to make decisions about where to put our time and energy. In a relationship, we’re going to put a lot of time and energy into one person, and that one person is going to be responsible, perhaps solely for meeting our needs for that romantic intimacy. We’re not going to get them from anywhere else because that would be a betrayal, at least within the context of a monogamous relationship. This one relationship needs to meet those needs. Otherwise, why are we going to put so much energy and time into it? The stakes are pretty high.
A confident mindset has us asking the question, “Is this enough for me?” Not simply, “Do I need to work on myself because this affects me?” “Is this enough for me?” See, if we’re in a place of anxiety and someone doesn’t text us for two days, our thoughts go to, “I’m not enough.” But if we’re coming from a confident place and someone doesn’t text us for two days, we say, “Oh, this person might not be my person. This person might not be right for me because they have such a radically different style of communication to me. It doesn’t make them wrong, but it might make them wrong for me.”
And by the way, confidence goes one step further than asking the question, are they enough for me? Is their behavior what I need in my life? Confidence is creating the culture where that’s possible. Insecurity goes into every relationship, following the lead of somebody else. Confidence goes into every relationship attempting to create the culture that you actually want. So if you’re coming from a confident place, you don’t sit there for 48 hours waiting for someone to text you and then being anxious that they didn’t. Confidence is, I’m going to reach out to you because I want to teach that culture that that’s what I want in this relationship. And if I find that it’s always me who’s leading, then sooner or later, I’m going to get out. But right now, I’m going to be bold and create the culture that I want. And if we’re confidently reaching out to someone, we of course want to do it in a way that gives value.
Anxious communication is: “I’m going to reach out to you to try to get value from you. I’m going to reach out to you to get approval, to get validation, to get reassurance, to feel whole again.” Confident communication is: “I’m going to reach out to you to create value.”
Now, I know when you’re coming from an anxious place, it can be very hard to create that value. And for many of us who have never learned what that actually looks like, we’ve got no model, no examples for doing it. I put together 67 different ways that you can reach out to someone that create value, that don’t come from an anxious place, but a confident place, that creates the culture of communication that you want to have. It’s called the Momentum Texts, and it’s only $7, but it gives you the 67 messages that create value and create momentum and the culture that you want to have in your relationship. It practically shows you how to do what I’m talking about here in this video.
But no matter what, don’t just ask the question, “Am I being too much? Or do I need to work on myself?” “Do I need to work on myself?” is a valuable question. But there’s another valuable question to be asking. “Is this person right for me?” Because one way to be miserable and anxious your whole life is to stay with someone who can’t actually give you what you need. And it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them having a style that is not compatible with yours. So go check out the Momentum Texts when you get a chance, momentumtexts.com is the link. I will see you over there and thank you as always for watching the video.
The husband wife relationship is like a tricky dance routine that requires balance, coordination, and rhythm. You have to know when to lead and when to follow, and sometimes you need to switch things up mid-song. A perfect marriage is like the Macarena, but way more complicated.
Some days, you and your partner are in sync, and everything feels like it’s falling into place. Other times, it’s like you’re stepping all over each other’s toes, and you just can’t seem to get it right. But don’t worry, it happens to everyone.
The key to making it work is to find that sweet spot where you’re both comfortable and in tune with each other. It takes time, patience, and a lot of practice, but with a little effort, you can create a dance that’s uniquely yours. However, what are the key elements in achieving this delicate dance? And when you do find those elements, how can you turn them into a stronger, more fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship? Let’s find out.
What Is Most Important In A Husband Wife Relationship?
Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it’s not always easy. Building a successful husband-wife relationship takes effort, patience, and understanding. While every couple is unique, there are certain key elements that are crucial for a healthy and fulfilling marriage such as:
Communication
Trust
Respect
Emotional support
Intimacy
These elements are also helpful when dealing with husband and wife relationship problems. By understanding these key factors and prioritizing them in your relationship, you can build a perfect marriage that lasts a lifetime.
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1. Communication is the key to a successful husband-wife relationship
Good communication holds true for not just married couples but all kinds of relationships that exist in the human race. It’s important for partners to hold an open space for each other. Research has stated that in a relationship between husband and wife, couples who communicate openly and effectively are more likely to have a successful, satisfying, and happy marriage.
Studies have also shown that couples who engage in constructive communication, such as active listening and expressing empathy toward each other, report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and intimacy. On the other hand, couples who engage in negative communication patterns, such as criticism, contempt, and defensiveness, are more likely to experience marital conflict and dissatisfaction.
2. The foundation of trust is a crucial element of a loving relationship
Another important factor in a healthy married life is trust between husband and wife. Trust plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy married life, especially in daily life interactions and decision-making. Couples who trust each other are more likely to have a satisfying, strong, and stable marriage.
Research, too, has shown that couples who have high levels of trust report greater relationship satisfaction, commitment, and intimacy. It’s also obvious that with trust, the possibility of husband wife cheating with others reduces tremendously.
3. Mutual respect is the glue that holds real happiness
Mutual respect is also crucial to building a successful and happy marriage. Couples who respect each other’s opinions, values, and boundaries are more likely to have a fulfilling and thriving bond. Mutual love fosters a sense of safety and security in the relationship, which allows one’s spouse to feel valued and appreciated. Ultimately, it forms the foundation of real happiness in a marriage and is the glue that holds the relationship together even during difficult times.
4. Building emotional support
Providing emotional support to each other is crucial in a marriage. If your spouse feels that they can’t connect with you or rely on you in their moments of vulnerability, then they might start to feel isolated and drift apart from you. Studies have shown that couples who offer emotional support to their partners are more likely to have a stable, satisfying marriage. When both partners support each other’s dreams and ambitions, it also fosters a sense of respect and trust which is the backbone of any healthy marriage.
The best way to build emotional support is when a husband holds his wife’s hand during difficult times, and vice-versa. Creating a safe and nurturing space to express your emotions and needs help you feel supported and loved. Being there for each other during times of stress, illness, or difficult life transitions can strengthen your bond and intimacy. This is true even in situations where there may be a suspicion of husband wife cheating with others.
5. Beyond the bedroom – Physical intimacy strengthens married life
Physical intimacy is an important aspect of a husband wife relationship rules’ book. It’s not just about sex, it’s also a unique expression of love between a husband and wife. Studies have shown that couples who prioritize physical intimacy, such as cuddling, hugging, and kissing, report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and overall well-being.
Regular relation between husband and wife in bed also helps with:
By prioritizing these elements in your emotional, physical, and sexual relationship, you can build a strong and satisfying marriage. It’s important that the husband holds his commitment to the marriage and continues to work on the relationship, and so does the wife. They must make time for each other, whether it’s through regular date nights, meaningful conversations, or shared experiences. By investing in one’s relationship and prioritizing what matters most, one can create a deep and lasting connection with one’s spouse that brings real happiness and fulfillment to both of their lives.
Husband Wife Relationship – 9 Expert Tips To Improve it
Once you have kids, it can be tough to work on the following aspects. Esther Perel, the famous psychotherapist, says that having a baby is a big psychological change that affects everything and everyone. Your priorities shift, roles are redefined, and the balance between freedom and responsibility undergoes a massive overhaul. So it’s important to reflect on what your relationship needs once you have kids and adjust the points below in order to meet those needs.
Here are 9 expert tips to help you strengthen your bond and create a more fulfilling and satisfying life together. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been together for years, these tips will help you build a relationship that can withstand the test of time.
Husband Wife Relationship- 9 Expert Tips To Improve it
1. Practice active listening
Listening actively is a critical aspect of effective communication in a husband wife relationship. Active listening involves more than just hearing your partner’s words – it requires you to fully engage with what they are saying and show that you understand and respect their feelings and perspectives. If your partner feels that they aren’t being heard by the one person that matters to them the most, they might feel rejected or unimportant, and that cannot be a sign of a healthy husband-wife relationship.
Active listening can be challenging, especially when emotions are high or the conversation is difficult. However, by practicing this skill regularly, you can improve communication with your partner and build a stronger relationship. So, next time you are having a conversation with each other, remember the following points:
Give them your full attention
Show that you value their thoughts and feelings
Validate their perspective
2. Communicate openly and honestly
Open and honest communication is a cornerstone of a healthy husband wife relationship. It builds the foundation of trust between husband and wife, and can help you navigate the most challenging of situations in the relationship.
When both partners are open and honest with each other, they can build a strong and trusting foundation that can help them through any challenges that come their way. So, it’s important for you to communicate your needs, feelings, and expectations with your partner clearly and respectfully, and encourage the other to do the same with you. By doing so, you can build a more meaningful connection that can last a lifetime.
3. Prioritize quality time together
Making time for each other regularly is an essential part of maintaining a strong and healthy relationship between husband and wife. With busy work schedules, household chores, and other responsibilities, it can be easy to let quality time with your partner fall to the side. However, carving out dedicated time for each other can help strengthen your marriage and foster feelings of togetherness on a daily basis, even when you’re apart.
By prioritizing quality time (including the relations between husband and wife in bed) and engaging in activities that you both enjoy (maybe like a date night), you can build a more fulfilling and satisfying husband wife relationship that lasts. So, make sure of the following:
Make time for each other regularly
Be fully present in the moment when you are together
Take time out to engage in intimacy
Let go of your gadgets when you are together
4. Show affection and appreciation
In married life, small gestures of affection and appreciation can make a big difference. When you take the time to show your partner that you love and appreciate them through thoughtful actions, kind words, and physical touch, you can improve your mutual connection. On the other hand, if your partner feels that you aren’t being affectionate or appreciative enough, then they might start to believe that you don’t value them enough to be loving or caring toward them.
You can see the love between husband and wife through acts of kindness, compliments, sexual relationship, and physical affection. These small gestures may seem insignificant, but they can help create a positive and supportive atmosphere, and help you build a deeper connection with your spouse.
Some day-to-day examples of such gestures are:
Leaving a love note or sending a thoughtful text message during the day
Preparing a favorite meal or treat, just because
Offering a sincere compliment for something your partner has done or achieved
Forgiveness is an essential ingredient for a happy, loving, and healthy partnership. When you forgive your partner for their mistakes, you are able to let go of any anger or resentment that may be holding you back from being your complete self in the relationship.
One way to practice forgiveness when there are husband and wife relationship problems is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings. When your partner has hurt you, it’s important to gently let them know gently how their actions have affected you and to express your desire to move forward together. This can help create a sense of understanding and empathy between you and your partner and can pave the way toward forgiveness and healing.
6. Respect each other’s individuality
Allowing your partner the space to pursue their own interests and goals can also help promote a sense of independence and self-esteem in both partners. When you have the freedom to explore your own passions, goals, and interests, you can develop a stronger sense of self and gain a greater understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses. This can lead to increased confidence, self-esteem, and a greater sense of fulfillment in both your personal and professional life.
Respecting your partner’s individuality is an important aspect of husband wife relationship rules. It will make the dynamic a safe space for both partners.
7. Collaborate on household chores
Sharing household chores is an important step in building a successful and equitable relationship. When both partners contribute to the household chores, it promotes a sense of teamwork and mutual respect. Moreover, sharing the load of household chores can help alleviate stress and improve the overall quality of life for both partners.
It’s also important to recognize that the division of household chores may change over time, depending on the needs of the family. For example, if one partner is going through a particularly busy period at work, the other partner may need to take on more work for that period of time.
8. Set goals together
Setting goals together is an effective way to build a shared sense of purpose and direction in a married life. Both partners should feel like they are working toward something meaningful. This can promote feelings of unity and teamwork.
Working toward shared goals can also help improve communication in a husband wife relationship. By regularly discussing your individual and couple’s progress, you can develop better communication skills and learn how to work together effectively and gently as a team.
9. Seek professional help when needed
There may be times when seeking professional help is necessary to work through issues and improve the dynamic. Many couples experience challenges and conflicts that they are unable to resolve on their own, and a trained therapist or counselor can provide the guidance and support that the relationship urgently needs. At Bonobology, we offer professional help through our panel of licensed advisors who can help you embark on a path toward recovery.
Key Pointers
Communication, trust, respect, emotional support, and physical intimacy are the most important aspects of a successful husband-wife relationship
YA few ways to improve your married life are by practicing active listening and open communication, spending quality time together, showing affection, harboring respect, and collaborating on household chores
Seeking professional help when needed is also an important aspect of improving your marriage. You don’t have to wait for a disaster to hit you; go to a couple’s therapist before things get worse
By focusing on these little things in your daily life together, you can work toward building a stronger connection with your spouse. Even small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness can go a long way in showing your love and appreciation for each other.
Remember, a healthy and happy husband wife relationship ages well, just like wine. By following these expert tips and putting in the effort, you can build a relationship that will stand the test of time. And who knows, maybe someday you’ll be the one giving out expert advice to other couples. Here’s to your long and happy journey together.
You know these people. Maybe you’re one. The kind that manufactures chaos in every aspect of their life, but we will focus on drama in dating as wow, that can be explosive!
Plus, drama queens/kings are exhausting. To be around. To be friends with. Complaining. Whining. Seeing the sky falling…every day.
So, you wonder why you can’t see the prices on my site and you need to do a 15-minute call first? Exactly this reason. I like to talk to each person, learn a bit about them and their attitude and expectations. Make certain we are in tune and a good fit so we are doing everything possible for successful dating.
Sure, we all have baggage but this is over the top cynicism I’m referring to. Maybe it’s not you but you surround yourself with drama. Or you’ve initially had friends like this before you extracted them from your life (or maybe you kept them). Why have friends who are narcissistic, talk only of themselves and don’t bring any light into your day?
(Don’t miss the questions at the end of this article)
Do you do drama? Let’s find out:
1. “There are no good men out there. They are all taken.”
Really? There are 128 million singles in the US and lots are men.
2. “Online dating is sooo unnatural. I only meet people organically”.
Ok, but you’re reading this, right?
3. “I’ve dated every decent man/woman on Bumble”. (Insert any app/site)
Oh, what about those new people joining every week. They don’t count? Funny when I go online with a client how we “suddenly” find 5 or 6 good matches.
4. “ I’ve dated every (insert religion) in New York, Chicago, Orlando. “
This one is just silly. And, yes, I do hear this occasionally. Yes, if religion, ethnicity is important to you, I totally get it. Makes sense. But broad, sweeping, know it all statements like this are just …. hindering and jeopardizing your love life. You have NOT dated everyone in your religion, ethnicity, etc….this is just procrastination, negativity or I’m not sure what.
5. “I put my profile up. I never make the first move. Online dating just does not work”.
Ohhhh-kkk, you’re living in the 1950’s or exhibiting prima donna traits. The most successful singles online are constantly reaching out in a friendly, casual, personalized manner…and also have many quality dates.
So, think about these questions:
Am I in general positive?
Am I happy with my life?
Do I have a good circle of friends that bring each other up?
Do I laugh a lot?
Do I exercise?
Have I tried anything new this year?
Have I made a new friend this year?
Do I get outside?
Do I eat somewhat mindfully?
Do I talk to distance friends? (Not text but talk)
Do I have a hobby I love?
Am I curious?
Do I read?
Just some things to think about. If you answered at least 6 with a resounding yes, you are on the right track.
Happy dating! Also, thank you to my clients who have referred there friends this month: Michael, Christopher, Jeff, Thomas, Michelle, Carrie and Laura—I always appreciate this vote of confidence,
Warmly,
Andrea McGinty
Founder, 33000Dates.com
Founder, It’s Just Lunch (sold)
Dating Coach, Relationship Coach, Writing Dating Profiles and Dating Consulting Services
You’ve discovered an affair. Or maybe (and this is much better…) he’s told you that he’s involved with someone else. You want to know if your marriage can survive and is he still thinking about her. Are you a fool for having hope?
Wives come to us with these questions:
Does my husband love his affair partner?
Has he fallen in love with her?
Does my husband still have feelings for his affair partner?
Every individual and relationship is unique so this post can’t give you definitive answers. Just know that affairs are a time of emotional turmoil. You might suspect that your husband may be missing his affair partner, and you might be right.
But you need more than to be right.
If you want your marriage to continue, you will want to have a greater understanding about how to approach this delicate situation effectively.
“Wedlock is the deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue.”
The opposite is also true. Affairs offer their own biochemical cocktail that makes that deeply calm marital bed look boring. It also makes people do troubling things that are outside of their normal character. But the good news is that most people come back to their senses and most marriages survive affairs.
Falling in love or developing strong feelings for another woman as a married man is complicated and confusing.
Even when the sex doesn’t match the quality of what you have together, it is filled with anxiety and newness. This can be mistaken in the brain for “hot” or “steamy.”
There is a thrill in meeting clandestinely. The “dutiful” man becomes the “naughty boy.”
He both flatters and is flattered. He doesn’t see a rounded picture. He’s blinded.
He now has validation that he’s wanted outside of his marriage.
He gets focused attention. It’s brief. It’s time-limited. And it’s forbidden.
He spends time in new (sometimes more upscale) locations and breaks his normal routines. Experiencing novelty increases dopamine. Dopamine, itself, reinforces pleasure-seeking behavior.
He desires and feels desirable. He is chasing, being chased, or both. That feeling is intoxicating. Do you remember it? It might be painful to remember when he pursued you or you him and how good that felt. But take a moment to remember it.
He may now discover some needs being met he didn’t realize he had.
Now let’s look at the contrast with you, the hurt partner and what you are left with:
He’s emotionally withdrawn
Maybe he’s ashamed or embarrassed. This causes him to become emotionally distant or detached from you. He consciously or unconsciously compares his relationship with you to that of his mistress. It is an utterly unfair comparison for all of the reasons I stated above.
If he is emotionally or physically “holding another woman’s hand” he may display less interest or investment in you. He seems preoccupied or lost in thought.
He’s secretive
He may have a lot to hide or believe he does. His phone, computer, or other personal belongings now have telltale mysteries he doesn’t want revealed.
For him, it could be a feeling he wants to last. He is trying to protect the affair from the harshness of scrutiny. Your scrutiny and his own logical brain.
He’s defensive
He may become defensive or evasive when you question his activities or whereabouts. Ask questions, and you get partial or minimal answers.
He sees himself as wanting to be free and you as the voice of reason, authority, and practicality. He doesn’t want to be reasonable. He wants passion, excitement, and thrills. At least for now, he does.
But that is often half the story.
The other half is that he might dimly or clearly realize that his actions are a self-absorbed indulgence. A cruelty to a woman who doesn’t deserve it.
He may blame you
He might begin to devise excuses why he has done this to you. He tries to focus on your faults.
Your attentiveness becomes “clingy.” Your understandable need for reassurance becomes “needy.” If you are conscientious, you are “demanding.” If you are more casual, you are “sloppy.”
He considers his penis a “metal detector” of his true desire
You may find that your husband can’t stay hard in bed (keep his erection) when sexual. He may believe that his penis is a “metal detector” of his true desire. However, consider his internal chaos and ambivalence.
Sex is now one more sphere that he needs to assess, evaluate, and judge. He stops thinking about sex as a way to show you his sincerest feelings for you.
It is now a performance. Yours, his, or maybe both. His sexual actions become a demonstration of his worthiness, your adventurousness, or how “real” this marriage is.
Don’t worsen this swirl of myths by implying that his failing erection is an accusation against you or your marriage.
Decreased intimacy or sexual interest
Is it any wonder that he appears sexually disinterested? Avoids bedtime? One moment he is intensely demanding sex with you. The next, he rejects your advances.
During sex, his emotional vulnerability may be equally inconsistent. You might want to ask, “Where are you?!” He seems detached. You ask yourself, ‘Is he still emotionally attached to his affair partner?’
Increased irritability or agitation
It is an emotional turmoil of guilt, confusion, or longing for the affair partner. It leads to mood swings, irritability, or even anger. If this is out of character, it might be quite noticeable.
If he is more easily dysregulated, his emotionality is more pronounced.
He wants to be alone.
He doesn’t want to leave your side.
He wants to talk.
He doesn’t want to talk.
He seems depressed and hypomanic
…all within moments of each other.
Nostalgic or melancholic behavior
If your husband has broken it off with his paramour, it would be unusual for him not to reminisce. He might feel sadness or longing when he recalls certain reminders or situations. It may have nothing to do with the woman he’s involved with. Instead, it has to do with the man he felt himself to be when he was with her.
You become visibly upset driving by the restaurant he took her to. He is feeling nostalgia for how that date made him feel about himself. Perhaps powerful, in charge, sexy or suave. Shame, lust, desire, and guilt are powerful feelings.
Increased focus on appearance and self-improvement
Your husband suddenly begins paying more attention to his physical appearance. He dresses differently. His colors are brighter, sharper; he wants better clothes.
He goes to the gym regularly now. He spends more time in front of the mirror.
He is taking better care of himself. Maybe you’ve been nagging him for years, and now he wants only salads for lunch. He’s cutting back on red meat.
You might suspect that he is still seeing his affair partner, and he might be. Or it might be a new image of himself that the affair brought on.
You want him to feel positive about himself. You want him to be his best self, right? But understandably, you don’t want this to be because of another woman.
It could also be an indication that he is trying to impress someone or recapture the feelings associated with the affair. You may wonder if this “new man” has space in his life left for you. You may also wonder if you want to be a part of his life, even if he does.
Talking becomes challenging
The troubling thing is that while honest communication during this time is paramount, it is usually hard to come by. There are a confusing array of emotions that flood both of you.
You want to squeeze information from him but then become enraged when he tells you. You want him to give you both honest and reassuring answers. Often he can’t do both.
And some answers you might think you want. You might not know it, but they will hurt your healing if you do. Details of his sex with her will haunt your own marital bed.
Signs do not definitively prove anything.
You may want signs that your husband misses his affair partner. You want to know if he has moved on or might still be seeing her. But signs should not be taken as concrete evidence. These signs are not definitive proof of anything. Approach the situation with sensitivity and realize that you can’t be objective and neither can he.
You might not be able to do this alone.
Consider seeking professional help, such as marriage counseling, to navigate this difficult situation together. Find a safe place to help you process all of these intense emotions and come to a better understanding. We do this clinical work over a weekend. You can end up stronger together, as impossible as that might sound to you now.
Men do have it tough! They have to be strong and fearless. They are expected to provide for their family. They are not allowed to show their vulnerable side, to be emotional or express their fears and regrets. As a spouse, though, there are some ways you can encourage your husband and help him through this maze of patriarchy.
Research indicates that many men face backlash when they do not conform to the patriarchal norms expected from them. For example, a study in 2015 (as mentioned in the above research), showed that men who express their needs and display any hints of vulnerability were immediately labeled as “weaker” or considered “lower in status.”
Society has a lot to answer for when it comes to upholding these rules of ‘masculinity.’ When you uplift and motivate your husband, you not only express how much he means to you but, more importantly, that you believe in him. Show that you are there for him – when work gets stressful, when life gets him down, and when he feels depressed and unmotivated. ‘One day at a time’ just got much easier, with you by his side, lifting him up with your encouraging words.
12 Ways To Encourage Your Husband
There is no denying the influence spouses have on each other. In any supportive, communicative relationship, your partner is the first person you turn to in good times and bad. As the years go by, it’s easy to forget this and take each other for granted. But the little things you do for each other can keep your relationship healthy. As a spouse and his main cheerleader, here are 12 ways to encourage husbands and make a difference in their lives.
1. Send him little notes
If daily love notes ask for too much, why not just surprise your hubby once in a while with a little reminder about how much he means to you, his capabilities, or why your relationship is so important? A little note tucked into his jacket or left under his pillow can mean the world to your pillar of strength. Hey, even an Instagram or blog post extolling his virtues wouldn’t be amiss if he’s really feeling low.
Not just perfunctory goodbye kisses before he leaves for work or tired pecks before turning in for the day. No, we are talking about kissing each other as you both did at the beginning of your relationship. When everything was magical and full of promise. Remember that feeling? Odds are many husbands would like to be reminded as well.
3. Treat him well
And by this, we mean pepper his week with little treats that he loves. After all, no one knows him better than you do! Buy him his special coffee, do a chore that he usually does, or cook his favorite meal. For many husbands, doing something small is a lovely way to show you care and that you haven’t stopped thinking of them. These little gifts and acts of kindness also serve as a tool for strengthening your relationship.
4. Say a little prayer to encourage your husband
If you are religious, there’s nothing more potent than praying for your husband. Asking him if there is anything he would like you to pray for also gives you an insight into what may be troubling him. Your prayers and the fact that you are holding your husband close to the holy spirit and God in your heart will surely give him the confidence boost he needs.
Other times, visiting a spiritual leader (depending on your beliefs) can also help your husband work through his doubts and trepidations. There are a spate of recent studies that examined instability in marital relationships. Almost 86% of these cases reported greater stability when paired with a strong religious or spiritual background.
For more expert-backed insights, please subscribe to our YouTube Channel.
5. It’s all about what you say
Sometimes, the best way to encourage your husband is to just say it aloud. You might be struggling to find the right words of encouragement for a man you love because you’re new to a romantic relationship, or shy, or just not good with words. Whatever the reason, we’ve got you covered.
6. Time to ‘really’ listen
It’s important to listen actively. To hear your husband out without judgment. Let him vent. Offer him a safe space to express his fears and sadness. It’s not easy for men to show their vulnerability. Let him show you his gentle and quiet spirit and unburden his cares. When he does this, make sure you are his rock (and a non-judgemental one at that).
As a married couple with several years under your belts, it’s perfectly normal to have a perfunctory sex life (at best). Experts, however, insist that maintaining a physical connection is extremely important for any relationship. Hugging, foreplay, kissing, even holding hands, and sexual intercourse can help strengthen your emotional commitment and can support your husband during hard times.
8. Date night, anyone?
Keeping aside time for only each other can help show your husband that you value your marriage and are ready to make time for it. No talk about kids, in-laws, school, or finances. Let your date night be sacrosanct and only about the two of you. It might seem strange at first, but we promise, once you make this a regular feature, it can make all the difference in your husband’s life (and yours).
9. Speak up to encourage your husband
If you feel strongly about what a good job your husband is doing – speak up. If you love the way he looks after the kids – tell him. If you want the world to know what an amazing man he is, share this openly. Being verbal about your spouse is a great way to take the situation into your own hands and make it much better, especially if he’s feeling insecure. It’s also lovely to do when you don’t know how to encourage husbands when work is stressful, or worries are bogging them down.
10. Gratitude is a powerful engine
Gratitude makes the world go round. Once you realize this, the rest falls into place. Encouragement for your husband is as easy as being thankful and showing it. Show him you love him by being grateful for how he treats you and everyone else, for his contributions to your family, and for how far you all have come. The list goes on. After you make that gratitude list, be sure to share it with your spouse. He needs to know what you are thankful for as well.
11. Take over from him
Does your husband just hate doing certain chores? Well, surprise him and take over. Helping out without being asked is a lovely way to lighten the mood when he’s mired in anxiety or anger. Uncomplaining is the operative word here, so remember to do these little tasks without making it all about you.
12. Be truthful about your concerns
Speaking the truth can be very difficult, but sometimes, it’s necessary. If you need to address a concern or if your husband has hurt you in any way, being honest can help you and him deal with hard emotions. Needless to say, cushion your words with compassion and empathy. This would encourage him to be a better person, partner, and father.
According to a study conducted by The British Association for Counsellors and Therapists, the most common relationship problem brought to the therapy table was miscommunication. Couples thrive when concerns are aired out in a safe space. Communication, as we know, is a two-way street.
25 Things To Say To Encourage Your Husband
So, you now know how to present encouraging words for your husband, but what do you say? Let us help you out. Feel free to use any of these in any way you want. Mix them up. Add personal details. Use pet names and terms of endearment. Make them completely yours.
I love you so much. Morning, noon, and night – you are the one for me.
I love you for being you – how you are at peace with yourself and the things you have achieved.
The longer I know you, the better you look. I’m one lucky spouse.
I’m so proud of how far you have come. Our family has made it through difficult circumstances thanks to your strength and tremendous influence.
I love how you never give up.
You are the best thing in my life. Thank you for being my husband today, tomorrow, and forever.
7. You are the first person I run to for advice. I often wonder what I would do without you.
8. Make your partner happy by saying – You are the smartest person I know (and let’s hope you feel the same way about me!)
9. Your respect and love are all I need, yet you give me so much more than I ever imagined for myself.
10. Here’s a little reminder that you matter the most to me.
11. Never forget, you are so strong. Whenever you are afraid, look back toward the past and see how much you have overcome.
12. I am proud to be your spouse and best friend and be able to support you in spreading God’s word.
13. I think our family life is based on faith, respect, and encouragement for my husband and the kids. A happy marriage indeed, don’t you think?
14. Remember to return to God’s word and pray whenever you are overcome by negative thoughts and life is a challenge.
15. As parents, we are the foundation of our family. As my spouse, you are the reason we are happily married. I am very grateful.
16. Thank you for working so hard. Our family is well-provided.
17. I love that I can trust you with anything and that we can talk about all our hopes and dreams.
18. I believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to.
19. I appreciate you, and I hope you know that.
20. In good times and bad, I want to be the one beside you all the way.
21. Your dreams and hopes are what make you, you. As your partner, I want you to know that your feelings matter, and I will always support you.
22. I don’t even want to imagine a life without you by my side.
23. The joy of being happily married to you is incomparable. Even after all these years, you are the one for me, and I feel the same way as I did on the day we got married.
24. No matter what the challenge is, we got this, baby. It’s you and I against the world.
25. The other day, someone asked me the secret to our happy marriage. I have to admit that without my dear husband’s leadership qualities and your ability to be strong for the whole family, this relationship would have died a long time ago.
Key Pointers
Men are like women – they also need kind words of encouragement and support through their dark days
Always be your husband’s cheerleader. Be his rock and his safe place so that he always turns to you in times of need (PS: Your husband needs to be this for you as well, don’t forget)
There are different things one can do to encourage husbands. It’s not always about words. Sometimes, just a hug or a joint prayer will do the job
One last gem of wisdom. If you do all these nice things and offer all this encouragement and you receive nothing in return, the best advice would be to let it go. Accept the fact that many marriages are a balancing act of giving and receiving. And at times, one spouse needs to give more than the other. The guiding force behind it all is to express your love without expecting anything in return. Build each other up selflessly, and your family and marriage will be stronger for it.
Speed dating is making a comeback following the pandemic with live dating events for singles rising by over 60% in the beginning of 2023. But we’re not just talking about awkward little speed dating events in small towns. In fact, some areas are seeing upwards of 200% more attendees! With the obvious growth of this style of dating and matchmaking, more and more people are taking notice-and asking questions.
The two biggest questions we always hear are one-what can I expect when speed dating (which we cover in our speed dating guide), and two—what types of people go to speed dating events?
The second of these two is what we’re going to look at today. Maybe you’re wondering if you fit the mold of the type of person that should be attending. Or maybe you’re considering giving it a go and want to know what types of people you may run into?
Regardless of the reason you’re asking, we’ve got the answers for you. Here are the 8 kinds of people you can expect to see at a speed dating events.
1. Singles looking to try something different.
They say that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If more traditional dating methods just aren’t working for you, it might be wise to try something new. Well, that’s what a lot of the people going to speed dating events are doing.
While we’re not fans of the word “normal”, it’s the best we can come up with to make our point here. There are “normal” singles who go to speed dating events.
While there are some other types of folks you may run into at these events, the bulk of the attendees are “regular” people who are just looking to try and shake up the ways they are meeting other singles.
2. Busy singles looking for something more efficient.
The other large group of people who go to speed dating events are people who may not have as much free time in their schedule as they like. One of the nice things about speed dating is it’s a very intentional and deliberate form of meeting other people for potential romantic relationships.
If you spend an hour at a random happy hour hoping to bump into someone versus spending an hour at a speed dating event, the number of singles you meet will be wildly different. For this reason, a lot of the singles who go to speed dating events are just “normal” people with busier lives looking for a more efficient method of meeting new people.
Before we go on to the next groups of people you’ll meet at speed dating events, we want to share an important disclaimer…
Please keep in mind as you read the rest of this article that the bulk of people attending fall into the first two categories we’ve already talked about. Most of the people attending these events are regular folks just looking to meet someone special.
In the coming sections, we’re going to outline people who are a bit more of outliers and potentially unsavory, but they are generally few and far between. Additionally, a good speed dating event will do a good job of policing this up if necessary.
3. Singles who love to drink alcohol…maybe a little too much.
Almost all speed dating events either take place at a bar or have alcohol served as part of the event. Generally, there is a pre-mixer time before the actual speed dates start where people can grab drinks. While there’s nothing wrong with having some drinks, we have heard quite a few stories of people showing up and having one-too-many.
Now, does this mean they are an alcoholic or a lush? Sometimes yes. However, sometimes it’s people who haven’t been out in forever and are nervous and try to cover that up just a little too much with some social lubricant.
The point here (that is not that groundbreaking) is that events built around alcohol are going to attract people who like to drink alcohol.
Yes, every now and then you’re going to run into someone who is a bit odd or a bit creepy. It happens. There is only so much vetting that can be done and there really isn’t an easy way to check and see if someone is odd in a bad way before they attend an event.
However, if someone does something at an event that is out of line, most good speed dating events will have them removed.
The one drawback to speed dating is that you generally are asked to spend a couple minutes with everyone at the event, so that does tend to attract a few people who take advantage of that…
Again, this shouldn’t be a deterrent not to go (because there are going to be strange people anywhere), but it’s just something to be aware of. Have a plan to talk to the staff if you ever feel uncomfortable.
5. People who are lying about their age.
Sadly, people are not always the most honest when it comes to dating. One of the things that people tend to lie about the most- is there age.
Most speed dating events are based around a certain age group on a certain night. For example, Tuesday nights might be for everyone in their 20s, or 40s on Fridays (you get the idea…).
Depending on the quality of the speed dating event, they may or may not be checking IDs (or checking them close enough) when people check in. Additionally, some people may have fake IDs to make themselves appear younger or older.
Why would people do this? Well, sometimes older people want to date younger people. And unfortunately, in some cases they are willing to be deceitful to make that happen.
Again, a good speed dating event will have checks and balances in place to handle this but even those systems are never perfect.
6. People who love to talk about themselves.
No idea why, but speed dating events tend to attract people who like to talk way too much about themselves. Sometimes this is just from nervousness, sometimes it comes from trying to show off, and sometimes it comes from ego. Regardless, it tends to showcase a little bit more prominently because you only get a few minutes with each person.
Learning to tell the difference between those who are just nervous and filling the silence (and may still be a desirable person to date) and those who are just egomaniacs, is a strong skill for anyone getting into speed dating.
7. People you’ve gone out with before.
When you meet someone anywhere, go out with them, and then split up, the odds are high that you will see them at that place again. This doesn’t end with speed dating. If you meet someone from an event and it doesn’t work out, chances are that both of you are going to “go back to the well” and look to meet someone else at the same spot.
This shouldn’t be a reason not to go, but it’s something to be aware of so it doesn’t catch you off guard.
8. Shy people.
The last group on our list of people who go to speed dating events is not part of our “bad list” of attendees. We decided to mention them last as we wanted to add a few extra words of encouragement for those that fall into the group.
A lot of people who attend speed dating events do so because they are shy. Why? Well, because speed dating events are there to help people who may not be the best at approaching someone and striking up a conversation.
What this means for you if you’re not shy is that you may see some people who take a minute to come out of their shell. And if you are shy, you won’t need the courage to start the conversation anymore, but you still will need to be prepared to be a participant.
The words of encouragement we wanted to end with for those who are shy are this. Kudos to you for looking for a way to get out there and meet someone special. Try your best to have fun, and be prepared to go to more than one event. The first one may be a slow night, or there may not be a lot of people that you connect with.
That’s okay. Stick with it and at least give it a couple go’s to see if it’s for you or not.
One last thing we want to say-if you happen to fall into one of the unsavory categories, do something about it!
If you’re someone who talks too much about yourself, learn to ask questions of others. If you’re a bit of a lush who drinks too much, try an event sober or limit yourself to only a few drinks. The better you can present yourself, the better results you’re going to get!
You’ve just come home from an upsetting workplace interaction with your boss where you felt disrespected, invalidated, and emotionally abused.
You are looking for an emotional connection. You want your husband to pay attention to your hurt feelings. You want to feel safe. You want to feel like your family member understands and cares about you and your feelings.
So you begin to talk about what’s happened, and your partner responds inappropriately. How can you change that pattern that is so destructive to your mental health?
They don’t share your emotional reactions to the events you describe: “Hey, I’d be happy if that’s all I had to put up with!”
Your response: “I’d like you to slow down and put yourself in my shoes for a moment. I know you put up with a lot at work. I’m talking about me now. Please try to listen.”
They want you to “get over it” or “accept it and move on:” “Look, you are too sensitive to criticism. You have to just to let it go.”
Your response: “I am sensitive, and that’s a good thing. My emotions tell me when I’m being taken advantage of or abused. Right now, I’m hoping you will try to understand what this is like for me.”
They don’t want to hear what you have to say: “Hey, I’ve got a lot on my mind right now. When are we having dinner?”
Your response: “I’m sorry I didn’t read you well. I want to set aside time after dinner to tell you about my day and hear about yours.”
They look down on you or judge you: “That’s nothin’. You should hear what I have to put up with!”
Your response: “I do try to listen to what you deal with. Right now, I’d like you to respect what I’m telling you and what I’m dealing with.”
They don’t take you seriously: “Ya, ya, I know. Every day for you sucks…”
Your response: “Are you being sarcastic? Because I’m being serious right now, and I’d like you to listen to me.”
They say or imply what you should feel: “You should be happy he did that!”
Your response: “Maybe that would be your response, but right now, I’m talking about mine. Please don’t tell me what I should be feeling and try to hear what I’m actually feeling…”
He gets mad or upset at you when you express your feelings: “Enough already with your gripping!”
Your response: “Hey, this is the third time I’ve tried to talk to you about what’s going on with me, and every time you get angry. What’s going on? I’d like you to listen to me instead of getting angry.”
He doesn’t take your side or agree with how you’re feeling: “Hey, that was a compliment, not harassment!”
Your response: “Maybe it sounds like that to you, but my experience is very different. I want to tell you about it. Will you please listen?”
He acts like it’s not okay for you to feel the way you do: “Everything is harassment these days. That’s why every guy has to walk around on eggshells, worried about saying the wrong thing!”
Your response: “It’s very hurtful for you to respond to me this way. This isn’t a political issue, and it’s what happened to me today. I want you to listen to my side of the story and try to understand.”
He makes you feel that your emotions are unimportant: “Oh, so what. Things happen. It’s not a big deal.”
Your response: “It is a big deal for me. I am still upset about it, angry and confused. It would help if you took what I’m feeling seriously right now.”
He gives you advice about how you should have handled it or tells you he’s going to get involved: “Hey, I think you should have told him…” or “I’m going to call that guy and tell him to back off!”
Your Response: “Right now, I want you to hear me and try to understand what I’m feeling. I don’t need advice just yet. I need to express my feelings to explore them.”
Nonverbal dismissive behavior
At other times, he gives you the silent treatment, especially when you talk about your complaints about the relationship. The dismissive behavior may be a one-sided smirk or eye roll showing contempt, a knitted brow to show disapproval, or clenched fist in annoyance or anger. Maybe he waves you away or turns his back to you.
You personally feel invalidated. You feel bad. You get the message that your emotions are wrong or inappropriate.
Or at least that’s how it feels. You don’t factually know your husband’s intentions, only his objective behavior.
Where dismissive or disapproving behavior comes from
Children learn from families how to respond to emotions. When parents can read their child’s face, they can mirror back and give words to the internal sensations that the child feels.
The Dismissing Parent
The Dismissing Parent ignores or disengages, ridicules, or curbs all negative emotions. They feel uncertainty and fear becoming out of control.
They try to distract the child (“Do you want an ice cream?”) or hope that the passage of time will cure all problems. “This, too, shall pass.” These children may want love and attention but feel unworthy of it.
The Disapproving Parent
The Disapproving Parent is similar to the dismissing Parent but more negative, critical, controlling, manipulative, and authoritative. They punish emotional expression. Feeling angry is enough without the child having to misbehave.
With both types of parenting responses, a child learns that there is something wrong with them for having these bodily sensations. Long-term, the child cannot regulate their emotions easily. Expressing feelings is inappropriate or unacceptable.
They believe that something is inherently wrong with them for having strong emotions. They learn to dismiss, deny or not recognize anger, sadness, loneliness, or other human emotion.
These parents are often misattuned to the child, are reserved and without warmth when the child needs closeness or reassurance, or are clingy when the child needs time alone. They are easily overwhelmed by emotion and become absent or disengaged.
Learning to become emotionally responsive
Gottman calls positive parenting Emotional Coaching. We can draw parallels with spouses. Emotional Coaching is a research-based method. The goal is to teach children how to regulate their emotions.
Meta-emotion
This research examined how people feel about emotions. It helps them explore whether some emotions are more acceptable to them than others. It invites them to look back into their families to investigate who could express what feelings.
When your spouse ignores your feelings, it might be time to talk about your “feelings about feelings” and reflect on how your family managed emotions.
Once you do that, you can follow the upcoming five steps.
Observation
This requires learning to look at your partner when they enter a room or talk to you. Adults can learn to recognize small “microexpressions.” Watching their partner’s face helps them identify feelings.
Valuing
What to do when he dismisses your feelings?
Your partner can begin to slow down and value both your emotions and his own. Sometimes a partner denies feelings that appear on their face as sadness or anger (“No, I’m not feeling anything. I’m just tired…”).
If they come from an emotionally dismissive or disapproving family, they may need to pay attention to the sensations in their bodies. Only by doing so can they identify internal trends and link these to possible feeling states.
In the same way, you can interrupt destructive patterns like pushing away, rejecting, or trivializing your emotions.
Here are some examples:
Empathize and validate
“You’re angry about that. Of course, you are. Makes sense. .”
Invest in helping your partner learn to label their emotions with words.
“So you say it upsets you like you are responsible somehow if I’m feeling angry about work.”
Learn to be a relationship coach and set limits appropriately
Everyone is entitled to their feelings, but not everyone is entitled to express those feelings in destructive ways. In healthy relationships, spouses are clear about limits. Model an appropriate expression of emotions.
You can lay out clear boundaries in your marriage. You can also label signs of emotional abuse.
“You may tell me how you feel, but not how I feel.”
“My feelings matter. Showing indifference or disregard hurts my feelings and is disrespectful.”
“You are entitled to your opinion. I’m hearing that your opinion minimizes or disapproves of my expressing my emotions; that’s not okay.”
“There is no such thing as a “wrong” feeling. But there are inappropriate ways to express emotions. Right now, I’m just talking to you about mine.”
“Your getting angry at me for expressing feelings about this situation is hurtful and damaging to me.”
“Violently expressing anger is dangerous and abusive. I will never hit or harm you. Anger is a feeling, but abuse is an action.”
“I feel ridiculed right now. Ridiculing someone for feeling a certain way is contempt and damaging to a marriage.”
“Please spend time and slow down enough to gain understanding and insight into how I’m actually feeling, not how you imagine I might feel.”
Label defensive. Keep the conversation focused on the behavior you want, not what you don’t want.
Accept responsibility for the emotion when appropriate. If you are blaming him, accept responsibility for doing that.
When your partner ignores your feelings it is sometimes easier to withdraw than to take constructive action. Whether it is your wife or husband who is dismissive of your feelings, don’t give up. Regardless of where it comes from, you can learn more observant and accepting of the expression of feelings. You and your partner can learn to empathize and validate to become better relationship coaches to one another.
An old proverb says, “Sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you.”
Nothing could be further from the truth. If you are experiencing verbal abuse, your relationship might have started out very differently. You may have been told how special you are, how deeply they care for you, and how perfect you are as a couple. Things gradually change over time.
We can define verbal abuse “a type of psychological/mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed to a victim. Verbal abuse can include the act of harassing, labeling, insulting, scolding, rebuking, or excessive yelling towards an individual. Wikipedia. You experience anxiety when disagreements arise.
Your spouse may belittle you, make fun of your most vulnerable weaknesses, and act like it is a joke. When you point out how hurtful it is, they may refuse to talk to you or take you seriously. Over time, this can make you lose confidence in yourself or your skills and talents.
The negative effects of name-calling
If you are a victim of physical abuse, you have the national domestic violence hotline to turn to for help. But when you are a victim of name-calling, your sense of self-worth is undermined, and you may not even see it as domestic violence. Some victims of verbal abuse even contemplate suicide after suffering from this for years. You may find it challenging to set boundaries that will be respected.
Forms of verbal abuse and signs of verbal abuse
Sudden, unpredictable, angry outbursts
Verbal and emotional abuse can happen when you least expect it and in reaction to little things. Your spouse may suffer major mood swings, act threateningly, or raise their voice.
Their volatility and extreme ups and downs cause you to walk on eggshells around them. You are unexpectedly hit with a flood of insults. Feeling scared, confused, or intimidated is a normal reaction.
Deflecting Responsibility
Your spouse may blame you for “triggering them” and expect you to change your behavior. No history of abusive parenting or current mental health issues excuses verbal abuse.
We are all responsible to get the help we need to treat our own problems and not offend others. They may project blame outward to other people (including your children). Abusive behaviors may be explained by their alcohol/drug use or past experiences in bad relationships.
Intentionally saying things to hurt your feelings
In healthy relationships, there is trust that your partner won’t intentionally do anything to hurt your feelings, even in anger. In abusive relationships, even perceived slights can be justification for an attack.
Punishing you for being honest
In a good relationship, you talk about your life and share feelings with each other. If you are uncomfortable with something that happened or with someone, you can say so. They may not like what you have to say but will respond to your honest feedback in a considerate way.
In a verbally abusive marriage, your partner punishes you for saying what you think. You watch your words or hide your feelings for fear of their reactions. They may act “hurt,” “wounded” or enraged by legitimate complaints. They may question your reality, insult your judgment, or attack other people you care about in response to your honesty.
Insulting independent activities
When your spouse belittles the time you take outside the relationship, including your hobbies, work-related activities, or friendships, this is verbal abuse. They may tell you your gym membership is a “waste of time because you should lose weight first.” They may insult your friends when you spend time with them.
They may call you “selfish,” “vain,” or a “bad parent” for taking time away to care for yourself and other “me time” activities.
Belittling your achievements
There are many forms of bullying. When you are proud of yourself and share your achievements, they may minimize the importance of your efforts, negatively compare your achievements with theirs, or remind you of other areas where you are deficient. Instead of cheering you on, they actively undermine your self-confidence.
Covert verbal abuse
This form of verbal abuse hides inside the context of the conversation. It can be sandwiched into innocuous or even complementary language. Sometimes the abuse is revealed in the tone, facial expressions, or how the words are said.
Instead of being direct in their verbal abuse, covert abusers can deny the negative intention behind their words, using the guise of ambiguity. This way, they can avoid responsibility if challenged.
Your spouse may cloak their abusive language with concern, love, charm, praise, false empathy, and smiles.
Abusers know you and understand how to play on your insecurities and vulnerabilities. They will indirectly undermine your achievements, your values, and your self-worth. One abusive husband told his wife with total conviction that he was her “biggest supporter.” He followed up by saying:
“I know you have to be harsh with people at your work. People see overweight women and don’t take them seriously. You’re a success despite this.”
When challenged: “Are you calling me fat? Also, I don’t think I’m harsh with people!” he deflected that he doesn’t feel that way, but he knows other people do.
Covert abuse leaves you doubting yourself, questioning what others think of you, and taking on your spouse’s narrative and perspective about the world, your relationship, him, and you.
While verbal attack takes many forms, they are psychologically damaging and are considered forms of emotional and physical harm to the victim. Living with verbal abuse takes a huge toll on our emotions, mind, body, soul, and spirit. If you are in such a marriage, getting objective help can sometimes change the dynamic. Don’t ignore it or hope your behavior will change it. It won’t.
Isn’t it amazing how a good night’s sleep can make the world seem like a brighter place? Have you ever noticed how everything seems a bit easier, a little more manageable after you’ve had a good, deep sleep? Well, that’s not just in your head. Sleep isn’t simply a luxury or a delightful indulgence – it’s a necessity. An integral part of our lives that often gets pushed to the backburner amidst our frenzied, hustle-bustle routines.
High-quality sleep is the most efficient battery charger for your body and mind. It renews and replenishes your energy stores, helps to consolidate memories, and primes your brain for the next day’s challenges. In fact, sleeping well is perhaps one of the best, scientifically-proven happiness boosters around. When you’re sleep-deprived, everything feels like a colossal effort. Your mood dips, your motivation wanes, and your cognitive abilities slow down. The world looks grayer, your goals seem far away, and joy becomes elusive. It’s like trying to climb a mountain with a heavy backpack.
In contrast, when you’ve slept well, it’s as if you’ve shed that heavy backpack and sprouted wings. You’re more likely to be optimistic, motivated, and able to tackle problems effectively. Getting sufficient sleep leads to better decision-making, heightened creativity, increased productivity, and more positive interactions with people around you. Sleep well, and you’re setting yourself up for a happier and more fulfilling life.
You might be asking, “But how do I start sleeping better tonight?” If that question resonates with you, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive into a fascinating journey into the world of sleep and discover some effective strategies for enhancing the quality of your slumber. The rewards? A happier you, starting from tomorrow.
Discover Your Unique Sleep Needs
Not everyone requires the same amount of sleep. While the general guideline for adults is between 7-9 hours per night, this can vary based on individual needs. To start sleeping better tonight, knowing how much sleep you require is essential. Keep a sleep diary for a week. Record when you go to bed, when you wake up, and how you feel in the morning. Look for patterns and listen to your body’s cues. Your sleep requirements may also change with lifestyle factors or stress levels, so stay tuned to your body’s signals.
Maintain a Consistent Sleep Schedule
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Your body thrives on consistency. It loves routines and predictability. By establishing a consistent sleep schedule – going to bed and waking up at the same time daily – you align your sleep with your body’s natural circadian rhythm, leading to more restful, restorative sleep. Make a commitment to prioritize your sleep schedule. Sleeping in on weekends or staying up late binge-watching your favorite show might be tempting, but remember – quality sleep equals a happier you.
Choose the Right Mattress
Never underestimate the power of a comfortable mattress. Imagine lying down on a bed that’s too hard or too soft. Neither scenario spells out good sleep, does it? Your choice of mattress directly impacts your sleep quality. Consider factors like firmness, material, and size. For those seeking space and comfort, there are California king mattresses for sale that offer unparalleled luxury and room to stretch out. These spacious mattresses can provide a significant upgrade to your sleep experience. Investing in a good mattress is an investment in your sleep – and, ultimately, in your happiness.
Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment
Creating an environment conducive to sleep can work wonders for your slumber. This involves factors like temperature, light, and noise. A cool, dark, and quiet room is ideal for sleep. Consider investing in blackout curtains to block out light or using earplugs or a white noise machine if you live in a noisy environment. The goal here is to provide an environment that signals to your body: “It’s time for sleep.”
Develop a Relaxing Bedtime Routine
A bedtime routine is like a winding-down ritual, signaling to your body that it’s time to sleep. This routine could include activities like reading, taking a warm bath, or practicing deep breathing or meditation. Find a routine that suits you and stick to it. This ritual can become an oasis of calm, helping you transition from the rush of the day to the serenity of sleep.
Sleeping better is about understanding your unique needs, being consistent, investing in the right tools and environment, and establishing a soothing pre-sleep ritual. Commit to these strategies starting tonight and experience the life-changing magic of restorative sleep. Remember, a well-rested you is a happier you, and your journey toward greater happiness begins tonight with a good night’s sleep.
