Category: Humor

Trump called Brad Raffensperger 18 times.

Trump obviously never purchased Brad’s book-“Integrity Counts”

Georgia’s Secretary of State protected himself by recording TRUMP’S EXTORTION phone call Jan 02 2021.

Trump blabbers- “it was a PERFECT CALL” … (so perfect in fact)- Mark Meadows and crooked MAGA attorney Cleta Mitchell chimed in-

(Neither will be saved by any bells).

For 60 painful minutes, Brad was called “A CHILD” berated as “SCHMUCK”- threatened with criminal liability- by an unhinged, dish throwing, tyrant- President.

Fortunately- Brad taped Trump’s insane malice – otherwise who knows?

Raffensperger’s Family could have suffered “some terrible car accident”.

Mob boss- EXTORTION – Words matter.

Trump saying “Shmuck” isn’t simply “vile or contemptable”- its Yiddish definition is “penis”.

Cassidy Hutchinson experienced President (MOB BOSS) THREATS.

Cassidy told her story knowing SOME tragedy might otherwise befall her … I assume Ms. Hutchinson is still hiding somewhere, with Federal protection.

Trump MOB speak- “Hey Blad, howz da family? Everyone in da MAFIA sez-stayin healthy iza challenge for Schmuck’s- bla,bla,bla”.

84 years ago- Nazi butchers repeated THIS inhumanity-

Field Marshall VonTrump 1939 (on the line) …” Mayor Soongone? -I NEED YOU TO FIND ME 11,780 JEWS!… What? You refuse? … your family vil be dismembered and sealed in 50-gallon drums!

Soongone- like Jamal Khashoggi, Journalists and Dissidents Mayors.

Trump and Kushner – henchmen, accomplices- bathing in Khashoggis- innocent slaughter.

A not so safe Saudi Consulate.

A boiled alive Turkish sauna- Jared Kushner and Trump Lavishly parsing BLOOD MONEY payments as LOCKS, STOCKS and BARRELS.

John likes to write about all kinds of things. So he does. You’re reading one now – enjoy!

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Signed: Glenn Jones

For-profit health care is literally killing us. Don’t take my word for it, ask a nurse!

No one needs another outrage to worry about, but here’s one that could literally be your last worry: Our for-profit health care hospitals are killing us.

Not that the staffers are going room to room snuffing out patients, of course, but hospital owners and top executives are nonetheless killing thousands of ill Americans entrusted to their care. They are doing so by deliberately short-staffing their facilities and shortchanging the sick and injured people they’re richly paid to serve.

At the core of this outrage is a fatal structural flaw in our health care system, namely that these are no longer “our” hospitals. Instead of being public or nonprofit entities for the common good, focused squarely on patients, hospitals today tend to be private operations controlled by corporate profiteers. Pitting patients against profits is no way to run a hospital, for it means money will ultimately rule over health (and over life itself). Ask a nurse.

These dedicated professionals are the solid pillars of American health. More than doctors and way more than administrators, nurses make a hospital function, providing the primary care and constant, on-site monitoring that are the essence of an ethical, healthy system. Yet, thousands have already fled the work they love, another third plan to leave this year — and thousands more are going on strike.

Why? Because the profit system demands massive staff cuts, leaving way too few nurses to meet the basic needs of patients, causing burnout among nurses… and unnecessary deaths of the people they care for. A damning 2021 study revealed that forcing fewer nurses to tend to an ever-larger caseload effectively killed more than 4,000 New York hospital patients in the previous two years alone.
Yet, the corporate powers insist on treating nurses just as a cost to be cut, arguing that hospitals must have “staffing flexibility.” In other words: cut nurses, raise profits.

SICK? INJURED? DYING? CALL WALL STREET!

Your doctor is out and unable to see you now. Not out for lunch or out on vacation — but out of medical practice.

America’s perverse health care system, which sublimates care to the profiteering demands of the Wall Street speculators who essentially own today’s system, has been driving out hordes of nurses, pharmacists… and now doctors. These practitioners take their Hippocratic Oath seriously: “First, do no harm.” Yet again and again they see corporate managers of hospital chains, physician clinics, etc. doing severe harm, routinely slashing staffing levels, eliminating services, rejecting low-income patients… and raising prices. All to prop up the profits of rich, absentee investors.

A prominent physician recently wrote that in 2021 alone, four times more doctors quit the profession than joined. He says his colleagues are demoralized by “the diseased systems for which we work.” The disease is money. The primary measure of “care” is now how much profit the system generates for its uncaring corporate owners, so one’s health is largely dependent on one’s wealth. The morally abominable result is that hundreds of thousands of preventable deaths are occurring each year. Yes, profit-based health care is a killer.

It’s time to be blunt: For-profit health care is the creation of profiteers and the politicians they buy. It’s insane to let their greed dictate the allocation and quality of this essential human need. Luckily, a better way is right in front of us: Medicare. This enormously popular public program of universal coverage for each and every American over 65 has proven to be an effective and fair system that is far cheaper and much, much more caring than Wall Street’s privatized scheme. So, let’s eliminate the profiteers by extending Medicare to all of us — every woman, man and child in our society. To help, go to: ourrevolution.com/issues.

National radio commentator, writer, public speaker, and author of the book, “Swim Against The Current: Even A Dead Fish Can Go With The Flow,” Jim Hightower has spent three decades battling the Powers That Be on behalf of the Powers That Ought To Be – consumers, working families, environmentalists, small businesses, and just-plain-folks.

Twice elected Texas Agriculture Commissioner, Hightower is a modern-day Johnny Appleseed, spreading the message of progressive populism all across the American grassroots.

He broadcasts daily radio commentaries that are carried in more than 150 commercial and public stations and on the web.

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Trump’s gift that keeps on giving: Grand Jury Foreperson Emily Kohrs didn’t just fall off a turnip truck & hit her head – she remembers all his phone calls!

Amused by the spotlight, Emily Kohrs, Georgia Grand Jury Foreperson, walks a thin line as she parses tidbits for hungry Americans!

A 30 year old Georgian who never voted in a Presidential Election listened to the crap the rest of the world digested years ago – G-d help us all if it backfires & back to square one!

But to her credit, Ms. Kohrs said she heard many, many phone calls by Trump besides the infamous & incriminating,

‘I just want to find 11,780 votes’ phone call.

Here’s just the Top Ten Trump phone conversations while President that Ms. Kohrs heard during these Georgia proceedings. 

10.  ‘I SAID 1/2 MUSHROOM, 1/2 VIAGRA’!

9.  ‘TELL CHINA I WON’T MENTION THE BALLOONS and, and NO STARCH IN MY SHIRTS’!

8.  ‘VLAD, YOU’RE CRAZY, BUT AREN’T WE ALL’!

7.  ‘THE TOILET’S ON THE FRITZ AGAIN – SEND THE COAST GUARD’!

6.  ‘MELANIA… #3 IS NOT THE CHARM’!

5.  ‘BARRON… FOR THE LAST TIME,  NO COCKER SPANIEL, MOM SAYS THEY SHED’!

  4.  ‘KEVIN, YOU’LL NEVER BE ‘SPEAKER’, BUT IF YOU ARE, THANK ME WITH KNIGHTHOOD – NO WINE…THE GOOD STUFF’!

3.  ‘IVANKA, YOU WERE THIS CLOSE TO BEING MY LAST FIRST DATE’

2.  On Speakerphone: ‘ERIC, DON JR. – LAST CALL TO FREEZE YOUR SPERM’!

And, #1 ‘NO, NO – NOT ‘HANG PENCE’ – HANGNAIL, Miss Pierce – YOU’RE FIRED’!

Marilyn Sands is a former 80’s Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker.Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights.Was up one night & wrote 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play.Her hilarious book “CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS” On-Line Dating Straight Lines is on amazon.com/dp/1733487409 And, “OWNING THE STAGE, RENTING THE BALLS”!My Life as a Funny Girlis on amazon.com/dp/1733487417 “Living proofyou don’t have to be a success to write a Memoir”!And yes, this bio is my OBIT too!haha

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Like any fox, the Fox News Channel does what’s needed to succeed.

Who says the Fox News Channel is broadcasting news that’s not exactly true?

Who wouldn’t believe the Fox story that the balloon that recently blew across the United States was actually sent by President Joe Biden and the Democrats as part of the “Deep State” conspiracy to spy on regular Americans?

Of course, that story reflects reality, Fox reported to its viewers, since it’s the network well respected and admired for its fair, balanced, and truthful reporting.

“Would we ever make up a story like that?” asked a Fox spokeswoman. She said Biden administration officials lied that the Chinese Communists sent the balloon to spy on U.S. military installations to cover up its own misdeeds and falsehoods to the American people.

Biden, she said, hid the fact that the balloon’s real purpose was to distract Americans from other, more pressing issues. Such as, she continued, illegal immigrants pouring over the U.S. southern border, the administration’s chaotic mishandling of the U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan, the spending of billions of U.S. taxpayers’ dollars to help defend Ukraine against the Russian invasion, and Republican Congressional investigations into the President and his allegedly corrupt son, Hunter Biden.

Also, she maintained, ultra-liberal billionaire investor George Soros was the mastermind behind the whole balloon thing as part of a Communist/Zionist plot to have Antifa and the Black Lives Matter movement take over the United States.

She charged that “Biden will do anything to get the U.S. population to stop thinking about high inflation that’s destroying the American Dream.”

Another Fox spokesman presented theories that aliens from other planets had sent the balloon as part of a plot to take over the Earth.

Secretly, this same spokesman laughingly told his Fox News colleagues off air “that if you believe those stories, I got some swampland in Florida to sell you.”

Then, of course, there was Fox News Host Tucker Carlson offering his absolutely well-sourced report that the 44-year marriage of Joe and Jill Biden was actually a “PR sham cooked up by political consultants.”

“Their love is as real as so-called climate change,” Carlson said. He added that he remains absolutely committed to telling the truth. Carlson called claims that climate change is happening on Earth part of a “liberal invention like racism.”

These totally believable stories come as Fox News previously alleged that voting machines by the Dominion Voting Systems Corporation had engaged in a conspiracy to rig the 2020 presidential election in Joe Biden’s favor.

Of course, there will always be people who deny the truth for monetary gain. In filing its $1.6 billion lawsuit against the Fox News Channel over false election fraud claims, Dominion said from the top down, Fox personnel “knew ‘the Dominion stuff’ was ‘total BS.’”

Dominion added that “despite knowing the truth–or at minimum, recklessly disregarding that truth–Fox spread and endorsed these outlandish voter fraud claims’ about Dominion even as it internally recognized the lies as ‘crazy,’ ‘absurd,’ and ‘shockingly reckless.’”

That’s Dominion’s brief, which you can accept at your own risk.

The late TV network newscaster, Walter Cronkite, considered the “most trusted man in America,” used to sign off on each of his newscasts with “and that’s the way it is.” Apparently, he said that to make his viewers feel better that the world wasn’t falling apart and that he’d never lie to them,

If you believe Fox, what Dominion says is not the way it is.

Fox News had a totally creditable response in its defense against Dominion that the whole issue was one of freedom of speech and press, which is protected by the U.S. Constitution. It quoted from the Bible that “The Truth Shall Set You Free.” Fox, being the network that always presents both sides of the argument, said its mission is to give Americans “the truth behind all the lies we’re getting from the fake news networks.’

When we hear Fox airing reports that that the Democratic Party and Hollywood elites are part of a cabal of satanic cannibalistic pedophiles, or that the Earth is actually only 4,000 years old, not 4.5 billion years old, why shouldn’t we believe it? After all, Fox is the same network that put on such emotionally stable and fair-minded brokers like Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell who proclaimed that Joe Biden stole the 2020 presidential election, and that Donald Trump is the real president.

We’ll accept those comments even if we hear that Fox News hosts reportedly were skeptical of the network’s stolen-election claims but not saying it on air publicly fearful of alienating its huge viewing audience of Trump voters.

Such alleged hypocrisy is just a minor technicality. Those reports, Fox said, are more made-up stories from “woke, liberal” news networks.

Anybody who knows anything knows the aptly-named Fox network is cunning like a fox, representing slyness, elusiveness, the mysterious, and adaptability. And isn’t that what any respectable news outlet like Fox needs to have in its arsenal to be successful in today’s dog-eat-dog media climate?

Eric Green has Donald Trump to thank for a number of his satirical articles. As long as The Donald is around, Eric will continue to have new material to write about him. Eric finds writing satire a welcome escape from the realities of life. When he’s not trying to be satirical, Eric has been a former newspaper reporter, ex-press aide to a U.S. Senator on Capitol Hill, and ex-writer in the federal government. He’s also the author of three mostly humorous books, the one he’s most proud of is called Temporary Insanity, Costa Rica, My Way. For fun, he practices playing Beatles songs on the piano.You can find more about him on LinkedIn.

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Since Roald Dahl has been put through the politically correct ringer, some other dead children’s book writers are being dragged out of their graves to be given a re-write by people today who are better, stronger, smarter, more sensitive than anyone else in world history.

A.A.Milne, creator of Winnie-the-Pooh, will be cut to shreds. A bear with no pants … pervert grooming children for fun times in the Hundred Acre Wood. So too Piglet. And the cruelty of Eeyore having his tail NAILED to his body! Sick!

C.S.Lewis, creator of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe … too much Christian symbolism, will offend non-Christians. And lions eat people, they don’t talk.

E.B. White, creator of Charlotte’s Web. This story is too sad for children to read. May be responsible for Generation X to have turned into sad losers. Spiders are not your friends, kids!

The Brothers Grimm … oh hell no! Cancel all that sick twisted – throw kids into the oven and the wolf dresses like grandma to eat you – lesbian symbolism!

J. M. Barrie, creator of Peter Pan … gay male symbolism, Lost Boys on an island, pirates together on a boat, no women except Wendy and a dog named Nana, a hook as phallic symbol, all wrapped up in a delusional child who refuses to grow up and accept the wonders and delight of being a bitter old adult for the rest of their life.

J.K. Rowling … good thing her books already made herself and her publisher a billion dollars, otherwise, her career would be over … many people are still working on how to balance ethics with having a fuck load of money!

And list goes on and on and always will, so anything you read to your kid today will likely be cancelled in the near future … and then who’s left?

Helen Bannerman, creator of Little Black Sambo?

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The American Food News Agency has just announced that the Whataburger food franchise has just surpassed the Burger King food chain in popularity.

AFNA writer Calypso Igloo writes that the Texas-based fast food giant has been kicking the collective asses of all the other national food franchises since 1950.

The orange-colored restaurants are noted for being cleaner, happier, and more patron-oriented than BK, which of late has gone a bit downhill due to their TV adds, which seem to focus on the fact that their lettuce is no longer imported from China.

Meanwhile, Whataburger is noted for starting off their employees at twice what other food chains, such as McDonalds, Wendy’s, and Jack in the Box do.

SIDENOTE: Whataburger also offers each new employee a $400 gift certificate to Best Buy, where they can purchase iPhones, iPads, iMicrowaves, and thousands of musical iCD’s.

A meteor has been reported to have landed on Russian forces in the Donbas region if Ukraine, killing entire platoons, blowing up tanks and artillery, and smashing entire cartons of cigarettes!

“Even God hates the Russian army,” said one Ukrainian woman. “He sent his bullet from Heaven to kill the enemy. Praise the universe and its falling stars!”

Putin couldn’t be reached for comment, so he just rounded up more Russians on the streets of Moscow and forced them into the military and told them “Smash them all like a meteor, or don’t come home.”

Big pressure on the Russian military to act like the “bullet of God”, but when you’re run by a madman, then expect mad ideas.

The Ukrainians are hoping for a few more meteors to fall in key locations, and maybe an earthquake or two right beneath where the Russians are sleeping in their cold cots.

Magically, a blue and yellow rainbow appeared in the sky right after the meteor fell. A rare meteorological event! (No pun intended.)

Ivana Trump’s grave has been moved on Donald’s golf course. Problem: the bitch ain’t dead!

Witnesses have said that during a full moon, if their balls land anywhere near Ivana’s grave, she reaches up out of the ground and snatches the ball – wrecking the shot!

This is blasphemy to a golfer!

Trump has had his ex-wife’s grave moved into the rough, surrounded by thick trees and a few crocodiles … and a priest was called in to see if he could “send the zombie bitch back to Hell!” so that she no longer steals Donald’s balls.

He worked hard for those balls, put them through their paces, shot ‘em good, got ‘em in the cup, and still his ex-wife comes out of the grave to destroy his perfect life.

Some zombies just don’t know when to stay dead. Especially when Donald has a good lie going.

A rare document from the 1930s, authored by Mao Tse Tung himself, confesses that Mao’s poetry was all stolen from a railroad worker in California named Wally “the Railroad Rider” Slackback.

Wally used to write poems and songs about unfair working practices in America and the formation of unions and holding strikes … this gave Mao a great idea for a new way to rule China with an iron thumb. So he copied some of Wally’s poetry and song lyrics and changed a few words to make them more palatable to the Chinese people … but guilt got to Mao.

He wrote: “I’m such a fake! I can’t believe people are buying this shit! I just tell them what they want to hear and they make me they’re god! God damn, I’m glad I got into politics. Hope no one finds out who Wally was – or I’ma gonna have to kill another 30 million of my own people to erase my past! At least I don’t start wars like those Yankees! When I kill, I kill at home. Hey, that sounds like a good lyric … but gotta change the word kill to, uh, maybe love? Sure, love always sells shit to moron losers. I’m a fucking superstar!”

Ah snap, Mao! No, you di’n’t! Yes he did … a fraud like all the other politicians … now get ready to hear John F. Kennedy’s love poems to Marilyn Monroe, originally written by Willy the Pimp from Philly.

LONDON – (Satire News) – The Royal Fog Research Group notes that the UK’s new king, Charles III, has invited the great President Biden to visit him and his stunningly sexy wife, Queen Consort Camilla Parker Bowles for a sit-down dinner and musical concert at Buckingham Palace.

The king says that he has hired the American band The Beach Boys to play at a royal event which will take place in Buckingham Palace’s Clementine Churchill Commemorative Ballroom.

Buck House spokesman, Nigel Foote, says that the group, which will also include special guests Piers Morgan, Len Goodman, Cheryl Cole, three Manchester United players, and VP Kamala Harris will dine on Prussian Vichyssoise, Leg of Mature Goat, Mincinian Steak sauteed in Stella Artois Beer, and for desert, Cherry Crumpets a la Canterbury.

SIDENOTE: King Charles III, and POTUS will discuss plans to invade Russia, if the senile, self-centered, habitual predator Vlady Nikita Putin does not stop acting like the second coming of Adolf Hitler.