Category: Humor

Everything else failed: interviews, books, Netflix film, the Manhattan car chase. Still, the royal family remains loved and respected, not hidden behind sunglasses, making appointments with paparazzi.

How to convince the world of the horrors caused by The Firm or The Buckingham Palace mafia?

Gee, whiz! They have suffered. Look! Here comes that tear from her left eye. Please wait for it. It’s traveling up her elbow. and squeezing through her shoulder. Made it to her cheek. Bingo! Her eye is watering up. Wait for it. It’s parked in her eye. She’s looking glassy-eyed. It better pop. Here it comes. One tear down her left cheek.

Rap songs never have a melody but lots of mean criticism, vile words, and brimming with anger.

Writing a rap song is easier than cranking up that tear.

They’ll refer to Her Majesty, Queen of England as The Purse Lady who stole their happiness and inheritance, exiling them away from England.

“What rhymes with England?”

“Don’t know. Maybe the South Park people might help us out and collaborate?”

“William will be the new bastard, Kate the yacht girl, and you had the smallest room in the castle.”

“I think the maids had the smallest room.”

“Prince Philip said: You visit movie stars. You don’t marry them. So I’ll nail him, too.”

Kanye West declined to do their rap song.

So the Suits lady decided to do the vocal. She could even receive a Grammy, which would definitely change the narrative, equating her alongside all the marvelous and substantive national women entertainers and humanitarians, presenting a robust and independent image of a woman with a platform to incorporate as a universal expression of freedom. She is me!

Her husband will accompany her with maracas. Castanets were too tricky to master.

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The Houston Citizen Review Newspaper reports that the temperatures in Texas are so damn high that a woman who resides in San Antonio actually baked a loaf of bread in her mail box.

Reporter Bijou Overdown spoke with Mrs. Flatonia Kibbanowski, 78, who decided to see if she could bake a loaf of bread in her mailbox – and low and behold, after placing the dough in the mailbox, 25 minutes later the loaf was ready.

She took the loaf inside her home, where she and her husband of 60 years, Oliver Kibbanowski, 81, and two of their grandchildren ate the loaf with Land of Lakes butter.

The four said that it was the best damn bread they had ever tasted.

SIDENOTE: Mrs. Kibbanowski says that next she plans to cook a T-Bone steak in her mailbox.

The woman who became famous for having her vajayjay grabbed by the former Golfer-In-Chief, Donald J. Erasmus Trump, says that she heard from a very reliable source that the racist bigot has been placed on suicide watch.

Stormy would not reveal who the source is but info guru Andy Cohen says that he is 99.97% sure that the individual is Greg “The Swamp Monster” Gutfeld, who is the tax evader’s only remaining friend.

Meanwhile, iNews reports that Trump was recently spotted walking on the beach at his Mar-a-Lago complex totally naked and wearing a red MAGA cap, and pink Venus Williams designer tennis shoes, while singing the old Helen Reddy song, “I Am Woman.” ■

Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.

Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win.  In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.

After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.

Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.

Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.

Brace yourselves, because the Kardashian K Klan has just descended upon the Las Vegas strip in their signature style, turning Sin City into ‘K-Sin’ City! In a move that’s more extravagant than a Kardashian closet, the nation’s wealthiest siblings have taken the reins of the illustrious “Cleopatra’s Barge Gambling Casino and Hotel.”

Scuttlebutt Review got the exclusive scoop from the sassiest sister in town, April Jiggle. As the dust settled on this sensational purchase, Miss Jiggle couldn’t resist quizzing Kim Kardashian on the secretive purchase price. Kim coyly kept it under wraps, but we weren’t going to be left in the dark.

Our indefatigable information guru, Andy Cohen, spilled the beans and confirmed that the Kardashian K Klan had dropped a jaw-dropping $1.83 billion on their latest escapade. A casual purchase for them, right?

Jiggle notes this isn’t your ordinary Vegas joint. Oh no, the Kardashians are turning it into a K-Sin extravaganza! Get ready for statues of the Kardashian sisters in full Egyptian regalia and HUGE asses adorning the casino floor, a surreal sight that’s sure to turn even the Sphinx green with envy!

SIDENOTE: Kourtney Kardashian spilled the ‘K’-beans – the hotel will be hosting a motley crew of celebs including (you reading this search engines?) Taylor Swift, Celine Dion, Paul McCartney, Yo Yo Afro Woke, the British heavy metal band, Camel Toe, but the real stars will be the Kardashian sisters themselves, basking in the spotlight of their very own Egyptian-themed oasis. The stage is set, the dice are rolling, and Las Vegas will never be the same again!

The biggest ice cream maker in the world, Ben and Jerry, has just announced that due to dismal sales, they are discontinuing their Trump Banana Bigot Ice Cream.

A spokeperson for the creamery stated that only 29 pints were sold in the entire United States, and of those 18 were sold in Alabama, 7 were sold in Iowa, 4 were sold in Ohio, and one was sold in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (???).

One die-hard Trump supporter stated that the ice cream tasted like mulch and dust and that it gave him a horrible case of the runs.

Meanwhile, Ben and Jerry says that they will be replacing the Orange Orca whales ice cream with their newly developed Britney Spears Succulent Strawberry Supreme. ■

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Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Constitution received two amazing honors in 2006, winning both a Pulitzer Prize and the Reuben award for Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. This was the second Pulitzer for Luckovich; his first was awarded in 1995. He had previously received the Reuben award for Editorial Cartooning in 2001, but this was his first time to be named the overall outstanding cartoonist by a group of his peers. The Reuben awards are distributed each year by the National Cartoonists Society and are considered professional cartooning’s highest honor.

Impressive as these achievements are, they are only the latest in a long line of awards for Luckovich. He was a runner-up for the Pulitzer in 1987 before garnering the 1995 win.  In 1989, he won the Overseas Press Club’s award for the “Best Cartoons on Foreign Affairs for 1989,” and in 1991, he was awarded the National Headliners award for editorial cartoonists. In 1994, a Luckovich cartoon was selected by voters in a Newsweek magazine poll as one of the four best editorial cartoons of the year.

After freelancing and selling life insurance to make ends meet following his graduation from the University of Washington in 1982, Luckovich landed his first cartooning job at the Greenville News in South Carolina. After nine months at the News, Luckovich was hired by The Times-Picayune in New Orleans, where he stayed for four years before moving on to Atlanta.

Luckovich’s cartoons, syndicated nationally by Creators Syndicate, appear in more than 350 daily publications, including The Washington Post,The San Diego Union-Tribune, The Denver Post, Newsday, New York Post, The Cleveland Plain-Dealer, The Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Seattle Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Nashville Tennessean and the Houston Chronicle, and are reprinted regularly in Time, Newsweek and the New York Times.

Luckovich and his wife, Margo, have four children. His hobbies include exercising and collecting unique ties.