The owner of a strip club in, yes, you guessed it… Florida, has heard the Def Leppard hit, Pour Some Sugar On Me, one too many times, and has officially banned the song from being played by any of the strippers in his club—no matter how hot they are. With one exception.
“Yep, that’s it,” said the cigar chomping owner, Frankie Stickybills. “If I hear that freakin’ song even one more time, I’m gonna put my head through the fricken speakers.”
Indeed, Mr. Stickybills estimates that he has heard the song somewhere between ‘many many thousands and many many millions of times.’ And although his math may have been fuzzy, he said he sure couldn’t forget the best stripper routine he ever saw to the song, back in February 1997.
“And if Purple Velvet Panties ever walks through that backdoor by the dumpster again, I’d sure as hell let her play that song. The things she could do with her *%$&*@! were beyond anything i’ve ever seen. But only her. Otherwise—NO MORE P-S-S-O-M ALLOWED!!”
Mr. Stickybills is so fed up with the song, that he is now petitioning the Southern Union of Southwestern Florida Strippers, SUSFS, to ‘put this song in the hall of fame of stripper songs, and mercifully let it die.’
And, upon a quick survey of those in attendance of Mr. Stickybill’s establishment, most agreed, let the song die.
“Yeah, they say that now, but after about 20 drinks from the dollar well, it’s a whole different story. Come on back after 3AM. That damn song’ll come creepin’ outta the pole, like some kinda creepy stripper pole cockroach infestation. Agggggh.”
Mr. Stickybills then rustled around for a minute in his desk and took several pills.
SUSFS hasn’t said if they will boycott The Shady Whistle, but as longtime stripper, Lacy Muffins explains, “The facts don’t lie. Half of our income comes during that damn song between the hours of 2AM – 6AM. And that’s a god given fact! Who’s gonna pay for my vet? Huh?!”
We are still not sure if Miss Muffins was talking about a car, or sick pet, or maybe a tranquilizer connection—
So, the Florida stripper saga continues.
And, as a further update on a completely different topic. No sightings of Tiger Woods at the PGA National Golf Tournament, just down the road in Palm Beach Gardens.
