TORONTO, Canada – (Sports Satire) – The owners of the Raptors, Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, have expressed that there is a very strong possibility that the Raptors team may be moving to the United States.
Team General Manager Bobby “Iceberg” Webster explained that the majority of the Raptors players are American and they complain constantly that it is just to fucking cold up in the north country.
Webster said that two of the players say that they would like for the team to be moved to Laredo, Texas, where the average year round temperature averages 89 degrees.
He also pointed out that it ONLY snows in Laredo once every 18 years, and then it is just a trickle that melts as it hits the ground, so kids can’t even make a snowflea, so forget about making a snowman.
Raptors center Christian Kolokoc who wears number 35, said that he is tired of having to shovel lots and lots of snow just to get from his house to the neighborhood bar.
And point guard Malachi Flynn, who wears number 22, said that he is sick and tired of having to deal with icicles in his underwear.
Meanwhile, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has emphasized that if the team leaves Canada, then they will forfeit the $14.7 million security deposit.
