Category: Humor

What happens when you mix stereotypical 1950s America with sarcastic comments? Artist Anne Taintor decided to try mixing these two things and brilliantly succeeded, because her vintage picture parodies are hilarious. She has been so successful with her work that there’s even a calendar available on Amazon and the demand for it is pretty high so hurry up before it’s sold out!

If you like Anne’s work and this your kind of humor, check out her calendar on Amazon! Please note that this site is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.

Aaron was doing some work with a high-performance-computing platform. The kind of thing that handles complex numerical simulations divided across farms of CPUs, GPUs, FPGAs, and basically anything else that computes.

The system comes with a web GUI, and the code for the web GUI is… well… let’s just look at the comment on a method.

Oh yeah, we’re looking at PHP which generates SQL queries on the fly. And you know they happen via string concatenation. Even with that knowledge, however, it’s actually probably worse than you think.

public function select( $filter, $table, $groupby, $orderby, $order='desc', $limit=0 )
    {
        $filter_str = "";
        $groupby_str = "";
        $field_str = "";
        $is_first = TRUE;
        $join_annex = 0;
        $i = 0;
        if ( $table == MAIN_TABLE )
                $annex_schema = $this->getSchema( ANNEX_TABLE );
        else
                $annex_schema = null;

        if( $filter )
        {
            foreach( $filter as $field => $value )
            {
                if (($annex_schema != null) && (in_array($field, array_keys($annex_schema))))
                        
                        $join_annex = 1;

                if( $value != "")
                {
                           $filter_str .= ($is_first ? '' : ' AND ');

                        if( preg_match( '`^.*(*|?).*$`', $value ) ) {
                                $compar = ' LIKE ';
                                $value = strtr( $value, array( '?' => '.', '*' => '%' ));
                        } else {
                                $compar = '=';
                        }

                        if ( $field == PATH ) {
                                $match_array = db_path_match($value);
                                if ( array_count_values( $match_array ) == 1 )
                                        $filter_str .= $field.$compar.'''.$value.''';
                                else {
                                        $filter_str .= '(';
                                        $is_first_subexpr = TRUE;
                                        foreach ($match_array as $expr ) {
                                                if (preg_match( '`^.*(%|_).*$`', $expr ))
                                                        $filter_str .= ($is_first_subexpr ? '': ' OR ').$field.' LIKE ''.$expr.''';
                                                else
                                                        $filter_str .= ($is_first_subexpr ? '': ' OR ').$field.'=''.$expr.''';

                                                $is_first_subexpr = FALSE;
                                        }
                                        $filter_str .= ')';
                                }
                         } else {
                                $filter_str .= $field.$compar.'''.$value.''';
                        }
                    $is_first = FALSE;
                }
            }
        }

        if( $groupby )
        {
            $is_first = TRUE;
            foreach( $groupby as $field )
            {
                if (($annex_schema != null) && (in_array($field, array_keys($annex_schema))))
                        
                        $join_annex = 1;

                $groupby_str = $groupby_str.($is_first ? '' : ',').$field;
                $is_first = FALSE;
            }
        }

        

        $is_first = TRUE;
        foreach( $this->getSchema( $table ) as $field => $type )
        {
            if( substr_count( $type, "int" ) != 0 && $groupby && $field != "status" ) 
                $field_str .= ( $is_first ? '' : ', ' )." SUM(".($join_annex ? "$table." : "").$field.")";
            else
                $field_str .= ( $is_first ? '' : ', ' ).($join_annex ? "$table." : "").$field;
            $is_first = FALSE;
        }
        if ($join_annex) {
                foreach( $this->getSchema( ANNEX_TABLE ) as $field => $type )
                {
                    if( substr_count( $type, "int" ) != 0 && $groupby && $field != "status" ) 
                        $field_str .= ( $is_first ? '' : ', ' )." SUM(".($join_annex ? ANNEX_TABLE."." : "").$field.")";
                    else
                        $field_str .= ( $is_first ? '' : ', ' ).($join_annex ? ANNEX_TABLE."." : "").$field;
                    $is_first = FALSE;
                }
        }

        try
        {
            if ($join_annex)
                    $query = "SELECT ".$field_str." FROM ".$table." LEFT JOIN ".ANNEX_TABLE." ON $table.id = ".ANNEX_TABLE.".id ".
                                ( $filter ? " WHERE ".$filter_str : "" ).
                                ( $groupby ? " GROUP BY ".$groupby_str : "" ).( $orderby ? " ORDER BY ".$orderby." ".$order : "" ).
                                ( $limit > 0 ? " LIMIT $limit" : "" );
            else
                    $query = "SELECT ".$field_str." FROM ".$table.( $filter ? " WHERE ".$filter_str : "" ).
                                ( $groupby ? " GROUP BY ".$groupby_str : "" ).( $orderby ? " ORDER BY ".$orderby." ".$order : "" ).
                                ( $limit > 0 ? " LIMIT $limit" : "" );

            $result = $this->connection->query( $query );

            $i=0;
            while( $line = $result->fetch( PDO::FETCH_ASSOC ) )
            {
                $returned_result[$i] = $line;
                $i++;
                if ($i > MAX_SEARCH_RESULT)
                {
                    echo "<b>ERROR: max result count exceeded</b><br>n";
                    return null;
                }
            }
            $result->closeCursor();
            $this->rowNumber = $i;

            return $returned_result;
        }
        catch( PDOException $e )
        {
            echo 'Error: '.$e->getMessage().'</br>';
        }
    }

There’s just so much in here. We start by detecting if we need to join to an ANNEX_TABLE based on whether or not our query target is the MAIN_TABLE. We loop over the filter, possibly joining to that table. We munge the comparison field with a regex, to see if we’re doing an = comparison or a LIKE comparison.

The whole thing is a tortured pile of string munging and SQL injection and so much complexity to handle all of the weird little cases they’ve included.

The code is bad, through and through. But I think my favorite bits are the error handling: we just print an error to the page, complete with hard-coded </br> tags, which, um… the break tag is not meant to be an open/close tag pair. Even if we’re doing older XHMTL style, the correct way to output that would be <br />.

Special credit to this line: echo "<b>ERROR: max result count exceeded</b><br>n";, and that poor, useless n hanging out at the end, too.

Employers are always on a lookout for responsible employees stating that they are looking for someone who is very responsible. This guy has the perfect answer, so we’re are pretty sure that telling recruiters “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.” is exactly what they want to hear.

Chiara Matto has a brilliant Instagram account where she makes fun of overly polished and unrealistic influencer photos that can be found in abundance on social media. Sometimes her boyfriend even helps her out for parodies of couple photos. Scroll down to check out our favorites!