Why Sober Dates May Be Better for You

When doing research for this post, I was pretty interested and dare I say excited, to hear that there is a growing trend of people who are moving toward sober dates that aren’t built around alcohol. 

As an example, according to some recent research, nearly two-thirds of millennials and Gen. Z daters prefer alcohol free dates compared with the traditional boozy filled options of the past. 

Today, I want to explore this concept and share a few thoughts as to why sober dates may actually be better for you, and why they may actually be better for your overall success rate in finding a healthy relationship. 

The obvious answer – it promotes overall health. 

Before getting into some of the more unique and nitty gritty reasons why, it’s important to point out the big elephant in the room. Drinking less alcohol or drinking no alcohol is considerably healthier for you. 

I’ll spare you the soapbox speech about this, but I will point out a few connections with dating. People who drink less, tend to weigh less, have better skin, and therefore tend be conventionally-speaking, more physically attractive. You’ll have more energy, a stronger immune system, and you’ll even save money which can all directly and indirectly lead to better dates and better relationships. 

You’ll show up as the real you (and see the real them). 

While I understand how drinking alcohol on a date can make it feel like it’s helping to take the edge off, it also has a tendency to mask the real you. When people drink alcohol, they don’t always act like themselves. The problem with this is that if your date is enjoying their time with you, are they really enjoying their time with you? Or are they enjoying their time with the impaired version of you. 

The same goes for your date.

If they have had several drinks, you are only getting to see the impaired version of them and not what they are like on a day-to-day basis. 

All of this can lead to wasting more time, money, and emotions on someone that you later find out is not great for you after you have a few dates where alcohol is not involved. 

It can be safer. 

A lot of the times when you are going out on a date, you are going out with someone whom you have never met before. This in itself is already something that can be considered risky. 

Now, I do believe it is a risk worth taking because if you don’t, you will never be able to meet someone special. However, there are plenty of great ways to mitigate this risk that we cover in our dating safety guide. 

The problem when you drink alcohol on a date like this, is that you lower your inhibitions and you lower your ability to properly and quickly respond to something that may be a threat. In other words, going on dates is a risk that can be mitigated; however, when you start throwing alcohol into the mix, it starts to increase the risk profile of the activity to a potentially unsafe level. 

Not just that, you might end up doing something that you normally wouldn’t do on the date. There is a mountain of data around people taking part in sexual activity on dates when they normally would not have just because of the presence of alcohol. Additionally, you might say something that you normally wouldn’t say, that could end up being a huge turnoff for your date. 

So, the safety risk isn’t just if your date is a creeper or if you end up somewhere and something goes wrong. It also has the potential to embarrass you, and make you do something you just normally wouldn’t do. 

It saves money. 

I touched on this briefly earlier, but I really want to drive it home. The cost of alcoholic drinks has skyrocketed over the past few years. Going out and grabbing drinks used to be an inexpensive first date idea, but that is no longer the case. 

Will your dates still cost you money? Most likely. However, when you cut the drinks out of the equation, it can drastically lower the cost. 

For example, let’s say you were going out to dinner in Dallas, TX, where the average cost of a drink is around $15. Even if you both only have one drink at dinner, that’s an extra $30. If you each have two drinks, now it’s an extra $60. Even if you factor in getting a soda instead, that is only going to be a couple dollars per person so you’re still probably looking at $25 to $55 extra. 

It all adds up. 

What you should do? 

I feel like a broken record saying this, but I think it’s important. When I share my thoughts on things like this, I am not doing it to tell you that you have to make this sort of change in your life. All I’m trying to do is give you the information and let you make the decision you want accordingly. 

That said, here’s my unsolicited advice for those interested. If you are someone who likes drinking alcohol, consider avoiding it for the first three dates. After that, if you want to slowly work it in to some of your date nights, consider doing so while still being safe. 

Remember, just because you’ve gone out with someone a couple times, doesn’t automatically mean you know that you can be safe around them. Be smart when you work it in and never drink to a point where you don’t have full control over what is happening.