Valentine’s Day is built to be visible. Couples post photos, people share gifts, and the whole week can feel like a public scoreboard of who is “official.” If you are in a situationship, that visibility can make everything feel more intense.
If you have been thinking, “Why does this feel worse right now?”, psychology has a few solid explanations.
What a Situationship Does to Your Brain
A situationship is usually a connection with emotional closeness and ongoing contact, but without clear labels, expectations, or commitment. Research on uncertainty in close relationships shows that ambiguity can increase mental load, stress, and emotional insecurity because your brain keeps trying to predict what comes next .
Valentine’s Day acts like a spotlight on that uncertainty.
1. Social Comparison Gets Supercharged
Social comparison theory suggests people evaluate themselves by comparing their situation to others, especially when the “right” answer feels socially defined (
Around Valentine’s Day, you are exposed to more couple content and more romantic “signals” in public. In a situationship, that can trigger thoughts like:
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“Are we behind?”
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“If they cared, they would do something.”
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“Why am I not being chosen publicly?”
In romantic contexts specifically, research shows comparisons inside intimate relationships can affect self-evaluation and mood, depending on closeness and how you interpret the comparison (.
2. Uncertainty Can Feel Like Threat
When a relationship is unclear, your brain can treat missing information as risk. Research links relational uncertainty to stress responses during interactions, including physiological stress markers like cortisol (.
So if Valentine’s Day brings questions like “Are we doing anything?” or “What are we?”, that uncertainty can land in your body as anxiety, tension, and rumination, not just “overthinking.”
3. You Start Scanning for “Proof” of Where You Stand
Uncertainty reduction research in relationships describes how people seek information to make a confusing connection feel more predictable .
Valentine’s Day pushes that scanning behavior into overdrive, because it offers lots of “evidence moments”:
When you cannot get clear answers, your brain tends to fill gaps with interpretations, often negative ones.
4. A Holiday Can Trigger a “Life Check-In”
Certain calendar events act like psychological checkpoints, making people reflect on goals, identity, and whether their current life matches what they want. Researchers have described this as the “fresh start” effect, where temporal landmarks increase reflection and motivation to change.
That reflection can be helpful, but in a situationship it can also sting, because you are forced to confront the gap between emotional investment and defined commitment.
Why It Can Feel Worse Than Being Single
Being single is clear. A committed relationship is clear. A situationship sits in the middle, which can create ongoing uncertainty that your brain keeps trying to solve.
That is why the pain can feel sharper. It is not only loneliness. It is the uncertainty.
What To Do This Valentine’s Week (Without Spiraling)
If this is hitting you hard, these are psychologically grounded moves:
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Name the trigger. If your mood shift is coming from comparison, call it what it is: social pressure plus uncertainty
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Look for patterns, not one-day signals. One day is not the full relationship, but it can reveal priorities. Stress responses often spike when uncertainty is repeatedly reinforced
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Ask for clarity if you need it. Uncertainty reduction work shows people naturally do better when they can reduce ambiguity through information and communication
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Decide what you can tolerate. The goal is not to “win Valentine’s Day.” The goal is emotional safety and consistency over time
The Bottom Line
Situationships can feel worse around Valentine’s Day because the holiday magnifies what is undefined. Social comparison gets louder, uncertainty becomes more stressful, and your brain searches harder for proof of where you stand.
If it hurts, it is not “too sensitive.” It is often your mind reacting to a very real lack of clarity.
Kabi Ph.
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