‘The Secrets of Hillsong’: Carl Lentz’s Confessions About His Fall From Grace

“I’m tired of this damage,” Carl Lentz announces in the new FX docuseries The Secrets of Hillsong. Speaking for the first time about his public fall from grace three years ago—when he was ousted from his position as the titular church’s celebrity pastor and his extramarital affairs came to light—Lentz looks back on his rock-bottom realizations. “I’m tired of putting people I love through pain. The decisions that I made, the pain that was caused, the betrayals involved…I take responsibility for those.”

Lentz speaks with surprising candor in the four-part investigative docuseries, premiering May 19, which advances Dan Adler and Alex French’s definitive reporting of the Hillsong scandals for Vanity Fair. His life looks much different than it did about 10 years ago, when Lentz was the charismatic figurehead of New York City’s fast-growing Hillsong outpost—lording over rock-concert-like sermons, serving as spiritual adviser to Hillsong’s most famous disciple, Justin Bieber, and sitting for interviews with the likes of Oprah Winfrey. 

When The Secrets of Hillsong director Stacey Lee filmed Lentz with his family for the docuseries this year, the ex-pastor was living an under-the-radar existence in Sarasota, Florida, reporting to a run-of-the-mill advertising job in a nondescript office.

“When I talked to Carl at his new job, I think being someone that wasn’t the boss, the lead, or responsible for a bunch of other humans was little bit of a respite,” Lee tells VF in a Zoom call. “He genuinely had never seen the world from the middle-management perspective, and I think that was incredibly humbling for him.”

In the docuseries, Lentz says that the mounting pressures of his role as Hillsong ambassador contributed to his downfall. He had gone from doing two services a day to up to five or six, becoming a public figure thanks to his friendship with Bieber and other celebrity congregants. “If you have issues in your life, influence and power and position will exacerbate all of them,” he says, before revealing that he began liberally using prescribed ADHD medication to keep up with the frantic pace of his life. “Any sort of drug mixed with any sort of sexual addictions mixed with any sort of pressure is going to create a storm of problems.”

In her conversation with VF, Lee says that talks with Lentz and his wife, Laura Lentz, about participating in The Secrets of Hillsong progressed slowly.

“It had been almost two years since they were very abruptly fired,” explains the filmmaker. “Rather than come out and give their perspective on every accusation, they disappeared. They figured out their own personal dynamics, their family, what was going to happen with them and their kids.” When she approached the family members, she says, “they were trying to think about what the next part of their life would look like.”

When pitching the couple on the docuseries, “we wanted to make it clear that they would have to walk through the fire and [that Carl would have to] answer for a lot of the accusations from that 10-year period that were problematic,” says Lee—like the allegation that Carl sexually abused his family’s nanny, who was also a member of the Hillsong community. “We are talking about incredibly damning accusations…not things that you can just walk back.” (Lentz was not charged with a crime over the allegations.)

The filmmaker asks Carl point-blank about those particular allegations in the docuseries’ second episode. “I am responsible for allowing an inappropriate relationship to develop in my house with someone that worked for us,” he replies. “Any notion of abuse is categorically false. They were mutual adult decisions by two people who lied profusely, mainly to my wife.” He also admits, “I’m responsible for that power dynamic…and I failed absolutely miserably.”