Aiden Walker, Unemployed
“I’m in too much student debt to afford dates.”
Olivia Garcia, Sales Associate
Maggie Everett, Graphic Artist
“I met a nice skeleton when I fell down a well!”
Jayden Martinez, Tutor
“I was lucky enough to have my fringe religious sect assign me a reproductive partner at birth.”
Liam Smith, Student
“I’m actually developing an AI algorithm that can simulate the exact experience of falling in love in virtual space.”
Emma Brown, Nanny
“I just gaslight random people into believing that I’m their wife of 30 years.”
William Asher, Gig Worker
“I’ve met all my romantic partners by driving a car 200 mph down the road while wearing a blindfold and seeing who I hit.”
Peyton Highley, Student
“I’ve had some luck with websites. They’re like apps, but on the computer.”
Noah Everett, Social Worker
“My boyfriend and I met when we were both struck by the same bullet.”
Sophia Felker, Copywriter
“One day I woke up and he was levitating over me, his head spinning in circles.”
Ava Johnson, Student
“By threatening to jump off my dorm and making a move on whichever bleeding heart tries to save me.”
Brenna Orlen, Office Manager
“I met a lot of people after I went to the hospital because of the lead poisoning I got from my Stanley cup.”
Samantha Clarke, Student
“I just talk to the voices in my head when my mom refuses to give me my brain medicine.”
Kylie Jenner, TV Personality
“I just let my publicist set me up with whoever.”
Charlotte Wigley, Unemployed
“I am a half-elf warrior who always shunned mortal society. That is, until the dark, handsome, and mysterious Zark Tella came along.”
Austin Norton, UX Designer
“I climb Mount Destiny and spin the Ancient Wheel of Lust.”
Brayden Randolph, Credit Analyst
“It’s such a boomer move, but choking on a big T-bone steak in the middle of a fancy restaurant is a great way to meet someone who knows the Heimlich maneuver.”
Hayden Myers, Student
“The metaverse, duh. It’s where all the cool teens are!”
Carter Griffin, Influencer
“Oh, everyone in Gen Z is so dependent that all of us are just constantly fused together into a sexless pile of flesh.”
Lucas Patel, Student
“I’ve opened myself up to dating things beyond our mortal coil—orbs of light, spirits of unknowable age. You get it.”
Devin Hartman, Real Estate Developer
“I simply look for the individual with a birthmark that spells out the other half of the prophecy.”
Liam Donovan, Sustainability Influencer
“I’ve cut out all the noise and now just obsessively stalk Zendaya around Los Angeles.”
Oliver Bennett, Experience Developer
“I’ve developed a parasocial relationship with a Twitch streamer and just use that to fill the void.”
Ethan Montgomery, Programmer
“I fire a flare gun up into the heavens and scream, ‘Bring me love!’”