The federal government’s Boeing E-4B Nightwatch — a military aircraft known, somewhat alarmingly, as the “Doomsday Plane” — touched down at Los Angeles International Airport this week, in what may be the famed aircraft’s first-ever LAX landing.
The plane is equipped to serve as an airborne operations center for the president, the Defense secretary and the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the event of a disaster that wipes out command centers on land.
Its sudden appearance at a busy commercial airport sparked a flurry of online speculation.
“WAR IMMINENT?” one X user posted, in one of several anxious social media responses to the plane’s appearance.
In this case, the plane was ferrying Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth to Southern California as part of his monthlong “Arsenal of Freedom” tour.
Hegseth spoke Thursday at a Long Beach manufacturing plant, Rocket Lab, the second stop on what the Department of Defense described as a monthlong tour of U.S. industrial defense companies.
The Defense Department later posted images on social media of Hegseth working out with the Reserve Officers’ Training Corps at UCLA.
Far-right activist Laura Loomer, Breitbart News reporter Olivia Rondeau and media figure L. Todd Wood accompanied Hegseth on the trip and shared photos of themselves with the plane online.
The E-4B is a militarized version of Boeing’s 747 aircraft, and is designed to withstand electromagnetic pulses and the heat of a nuclear attack. The Air Force keeps at least one at the ready at all times in case of an emergency.
As much as worry and fear can bring us to our knees sometimes, much of what people get challenged by is not about life changing, catastrophic events but rather the smaller things and the meaning that is made of them. Many suffer unnecessarily when their nervous systems are hijacked by worry and it usually doesn’t serve them well.
Your thinking can get fuzzy and convince you there is reason to panic as it feels like an emergency! If core beliefs developed long ago in your family of origin get caught up into this, it’s even more complicated. For example, consider how failure for someone who is perfectionistic and operates under the belief that they have to do things perfectly could impact them. Worries such as these can feel overwhelming because there is a lot at stake for us emotionally.
Here are some other examples of worries involving self-esteem:
“I’m worried about meeting this group of respectable people in my field. What if I don’t measure up?”
“I’m worried about my blind date tonight. What if he/she doesn’t like me?”
“I’m worried about my presentation at work tomorrow. What if I fall apart?”
If you allow this type of worry to consume you, it is not only distressing but can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy if you behave as if it’s already true.
If you aren’t particularly vulnerable to the above type of worries, you may still find yourself suffering unnecessarily with the “small stuff” type of worries. These are the situations where at the end of the day, does it really, truly matter? And in some of these situations you may actually have zero control over them yet you still get physiologically activated and panicked.
What if there is traffic?
What if it rains?
What if there is no parking?
What if the game is cancelled?
Here are 6 ways to stop worrying:
Stop getting ahead of yourself. If you live as if the future has already happened you are having an emotional reaction (worry) to something that hasn’t happened yet. Practice staying in the moment by trying this:
Focus on an object in the room with you. Notice it in a way you never have before. What color is it? What shape is it? Is it possibly more beautiful than you realized? Breathe slowly.
Put your hand over your heart. If you are worried, stressed or fearful, it’s likely your fight or flight system is activated and your cortisol levels are elevated. Oxytocin is an antidote to the stress hormone, cortisol. Many people can release it themselves.
Place your hand over your heart, close your eyes and imagine someone you feel completely safe with. A beloved pet will work too. As you remember feeling loved, sit with this feeling for at least 30 seconds. Notice the calm.
Practice self acceptance. Because worry can orbit around an unsure sense of self, it’s important to try shifting your self concept from negative to positive.
Decide on an affirmation for yourself (ex: I am lovable, I will be ok, etc). Every day, either say this affirmation aloud or in your head to help integrate this belief into your heart and mind.
Reframe your worry. Remember that your perceptions drive your worry. You are the only one who can assign your meaning to things. If you assign worry to a lot of things try to practice reframing it to something more productive.
Consider something you often worry about. Is there another way you can see this situation? What is the worst thing that can happen if your worry is true. Is it the end of the world? Is there a solution or fix? Pick your worry battles.
Find a trusted sounding board. A friend can be called upon to help clarify your thinking. Get someone on your team, explain what you’re working on and how they can help. When you find yourself worrying, call on them to help you process.
Identify what keeps you stuck – and work on it. If you’ve tried the above suggestions and are not finding relief, a therapist can help you get unstuck. There may be prior experiences in your family of origin that explains why it’s more challenging for you. If going to therapy not an option for whatever reason, try my guide Family of Origin: Untangle Your Unhealthy Roots to help identify, understand and resolve relevant emotional wounds on your own.
Worry and fear are all valid human emotions. But living in a chronic or easily triggered state of either of them can lead to unnecessary suffering. Learning not to sweat the small stuff is a hallmark of resilience and guaranteed improvement in your emotional health as a whole.
Lastly, keep in mind that worry and fear can morph into clinical anxiety which if persistent enough may need additional resources for relief. The above exercises can help but if not sufficient, find a therapist for the support you need.
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If you are a resident of California needing help managing your worry, learn about my Marin Therapy practice. If you are outside of the state, the Psychology Today Therapist Directory is a good resource.
It doesn’t seem that long ago when I wrote a slew of articles to support the many under high levels of stress, worry and preoccupation during the pandemic. A common thread connecting my readers, clients and many people around me was uncertainty and loss of control. We sharpened our resilience and in many cases had to dig deep to learn what self-care during crisis looks like.
A recent Kaiser survey survey showed that 90% of the public believes there is a mental health crisis. Primary concerns are mental health issues with teens and children, and anxiety or depression in adults. Sources of stress include finances as well as politics and current events. According to the survey above, one-third of U.S. adults say they have “always” or “often” felt anxious in the past year, and another third saying they felt anxious “sometimes.”
In my therapy practice and personal life, I’ve seen chronic concerns about the existential threats of extreme political divide, war, uptick in incidents involving hate and uncertainty about the direction of Covid. We barely have had enough time to apply the salve on our prior wounds before our stress baselines started ticking up again. It seems that if so many people are experiencing some level of anxiety, it’s time to not only look at what’s driving that, but what to do about it.
Let’s take another deep breath.
What does your emotional health toolbox look like? Perhaps you had one and it’s put back on a shelf in the garage of your mind. Or maybe you have one but it’s a little slim on tools. Regardless, I’d like to offer things you might want to consider having in that toolbox during these ongoing unusual times. It’s totally up to you what you choose to take and what you leave. What is effective for one, may not be effective for another. But all of the tools below are research supported ways to build resilience, self regulate and develop more positive feelings.
1- Breathe. Your breath is an excellent anchor to the present and oxygen is an antidote to the stress hormone, cortisol. When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed or worried, take 5 slow and deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
2- Be mindful. With anxiety tending to live in the future, a good skill to help stay calm is the ability to bring yourself to the moment. This can be practiced by doing something as simple as closing your eyes and focusing on your belly as it rises and falls for a few breaths. For those of you who also spend a bit of time in front of the computer, I like this very relaxing guided meditation, Daily Calm: 10 Minute Mindfulness Meditation.
2- Take in the good. An offshoot of learning to be in the moment, the ability to notice and internalize the things that are good around you is a practice that can help calm the mind and invite hopefulness in challenging times. I love this quote by Rick Hanson, PhD, in the piece, What Do You Do When the Bottom Falls Out:
Outside you, there is the kindness in others, the beauty of a single leaf, the stars that still shine no matter what hides them. Right now as you read, all over the world children are laughing in delight, families are sitting down to a meal, babies are being born, and loving arms are holding people who are dying. Inside you, there is your compassion, sincere efforts, sweet memories, capabilities – and much more. Take heart with others, sharing worries, support, and friendship.
3- Identify your self-care plan. Everyone has their own experience of what feels nurturing. Be clear on what yours are and make time to do them. For some it’s exercise. Others enjoy soaking in a bath. Whatever you consider “self-care,” do it, especially if you feel challenged by your mental health. Creating predictability with rituals can help soothe a trauma response.
4- Hand on the heart. This is an exercise and powerful tool to restore a sense of calm and equilibrium in your body and brain.It can prevent a stress response or even calm a panic attack. See Mitigate the Stress Response with a Hand on Your Heart by Linda Graham, MFT about what it is, why it works and how to do it.
5- Take a media break. Maybe you need a break from the news. The “bad news” can feel unrelenting, especially if it is sought out too frequently. Can you check one time a day? Or perhaps skip a day? Create some space between the upsetting situation and you. This includes social media as most people by now are aware of the toxic potential for misinformation and attempts to manipulate emotions. If the topic of your distress exists in this funnel, it’s not worth it.
6- Seek support. Chances are good that there are others around you who have similar concerns and will be able to validate your experience. Who of your family or friends are good listeners? Let others in on your anxiety, depression or other mental health issue coming up. Monitor any shame around how you “should” be feeling. According to the Kaiser survey, many who are struggling with their mental health keep it to themselves.
Here are some of the comments from the survey:
In Their Own Words: What is the main reason why you don’t feel comfortable talking to your relatives and friends about your mental health?
“I don’t want anyone to know any thing about me. I am not a good sharer. I do not share my feelings.” – 47 year-old Black woman in Illinois
“I do not feel like they understand mental health issues and treat it like it should not be a big deal.” – 31 year-old White man in Tennessee
“There is a stigma and [I] don’t think people would really understand or be there.” – 29 year-old Hispanic woman in California
“Because it’s not considered manly. I’ve gotten funny looks and debilitating jokes when expressing my concerns in the past.” – 41 year-old Hispanic man in Texas
“Everyone is dealing with their own problems. Feels like an added burden on them.” – 34 year old woman in New York
“I don’t want to worry my friends or family with my own personal struggles.” – 37 year-old White man in Texas
“I’m not a very open person. I like to hide my feelings. I fear being judged. & I fear putting my problems onto people I love.” – 24 year old White woman in Florida
7- Help where you can. If you feel driven to do something in support of whatever issue or larger problem you are preoccupied about, seek out those opportunities if they exist. Volunteering reduces stress and increases positive feelings by releasing dopamine. For some people, just “doing something” to address the perceived problem can help them feel less out of control.
If you’ve been notice underlying tension or unease in yourself, you aren’t alone. Many are feeling more reflective and pondering what many of these larger societal challenges ultimately mean. I purposely did not name specific existential threats as mine or the ones I’ve heard people discuss might not be the same as yours. This piece is for anyone needing to get a handle on their chronic distress related to these times, from wherever you sit within them.
If your concerns are beginning to impact you more deeply from a mental health perspective, it’s important to take this seriously. Begin by getting out your toolbox to try a few things. If you need a little more help, consider a therapist to help guide and support you through.
It doesn’t seem that long ago when I wrote a slew of articles to support the many under chronically high levels of stress, worry and preoccupation during the pandemic. A common thread connecting my audience, clients and many people around me was uncertainty. No matter how people experienced it, the collective response involved some level of fear and loss of control. As humans can do, we sharpened our resilience and in many cases dug into what self-care during crisis looks like.
A recent Kaiser survey survey showed that 90% of the public believes there is a mental health crisis. Primary concerns are mental health issues with teens and children, and anxiety or depression in adults. One-third of U.S. adults said they have “always” or “often” felt anxious in the past year, and another third said they felt anxious “sometimes.” Sources of stress for adults in particular include finances as well as politics and current events.
In my therapy practice and personal life, I’ve seen concerns about the existential threats of extreme political divide, war, uptick in incidents involving hate and uncertainty about the direction of Covid. We barely have had enough time to apply the salve on our prior wounds before stress baselines started ticking up again. It seems that if so many people are experiencing some level of anxiety, we need to not only understand what’s driving that, but what to do about it.
Let’s take another deep breath.
What does your emotional health toolbox look like? Perhaps you had one and it’s back on a shelf in the garage of your mind. Or maybe you have one but it’s a little scant on tools. I have some offerings for you to consider having in that toolbox during these ongoing unusual times. It’s up to you what you choose to take and what you leave as what is effective for one, may not be effective for another. Regardless, all of the tools below have been shown to foster resilience, improve emotional regulation skills and develop more positive feelings.
1- Breathe. Your breath is an excellent anchor to the present and oxygen is an antidote to the stress hormone, cortisol. When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed or worried, take 5 slow and deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
2- Be mindful. Because anxiety tends to live in the future, a good skill to keep your inner calm is the ability to bring yourself to the moment. This can be practiced by doing something as simple as closing your eyes and focusing on your belly as it rises and falls for a few breaths. For those of you who also spend a bit of time in front of the computer, I like this very relaxing guided meditation, Daily Calm: 10 Minute Mindfulness Meditation.
3- Take in the good. An offshoot of learning to be in the moment, the ability to notice the things that are good around you, is a practice that can help your mind find peace and invite hopefulness in challenging times. I love this quote by Rick Hanson, PhD, in the piece, What Do You Do When the Bottom Falls Out:
Outside you, there is the kindness in others, the beauty of a single leaf, the stars that still shine no matter what hides them. Right now as you read, all over the world children are laughing in delight, families are sitting down to a meal, babies are being born, and loving arms are holding people who are dying. Inside you, there is your compassion, sincere efforts, sweet memories, capabilities – and much more. Take heart with others, sharing worries, support, and friendship.
4- Take a media break. Maybe you need a break from the news. The “bad news” can feel unrelenting, especially if it is sought out too frequently. Can you check one time a day? Or perhaps skip a day? Create some space between the upsetting situation and you. This includes social media as most people by now are aware of the toxic potential for misinformation and attempts to manipulate emotions. If the topic of your distress exists in this funnel, give yourself a pause from this as well.
5- Revisit your self-care plan. Everyone has their own experience of what feels nurturing. For some it’s exercise. Others enjoy soaking in a bath. Fatigue can impact your emotional state so ensure that some kind of rest happens. Rest is not just physical but can be mental and sensory. I love this infograph, based on the TedX talk by Saundra Dalton-Smith, sketchnote by Anuj Magazine. Whatever you consider “self-care,” do it, especially if feel your mental health being grated on. Also, creating predictability with rituals can help soothe a trauma response.
6- Hand on the heart. This is an exercise and powerful tool to restore a sense of calm and equilibrium in your body and brain.It can prevent a stress response or even calm a panic attack. See Mitigate the Stress Response with a Hand on Your Heart by Linda Graham, MFT about what it is, why it works and how to do it.
7- Seek support. Chances are good that there are others around you who have similar concerns and will be able to validate your experience. Who of your family or friends are good listeners? Let others in on your anxiety, depression or other mental health issue, if it’s coming up. Monitor any shame around how you “should” be feeling. According to the Kaiser survey, many who are struggling with their mental health keep it to themselves.
Here are some comments from the survey:
What is the main reason why you don’t feel comfortable talking to your relatives and friends about your mental health?
“I don’t want anyone to know any thing about me. I am not a good sharer. I do not share my feelings.” – 47 year-old Black woman in Illinois
“I do not feel like they understand mental health issues and treat it like it should not be a big deal.” – 31 year-old White man in Tennessee
“There is a stigma and [I] don’t think people would really understand or be there.” – 29 year-old Hispanic woman in California
“Because it’s not considered manly. I’ve gotten funny looks and debilitating jokes when expressing my concerns in the past.” – 41 year-old Hispanic man in Texas
“Everyone is dealing with their own problems. Feels like an added burden on them.” – 34 year old woman in New York
“I don’t want to worry my friends or family with my own personal struggles.” – 37 year-old White man in Texas
“I’m not a very open person. I like to hide my feelings. I fear being judged. & I fear putting my problems onto people I love.” – 24 year old White woman in Florida
8- Help where you can. If you feel driven to do something in support of whatever issue you are preoccupied with, seek out those opportunities if they exist. Volunteering reduces stress and increases positive feelings by releasing dopamine. For some people, just “doing something” to address the perceived problem can help them feel less out of control.
If you’ve noticed underlying tension or unease in yourself lately, you’re not alone. Many are feeling more processing and pondering what many of these larger societal challenges ultimately mean.
If your concerns are beginning to impact you more deeply from a mental health perspective, it’s important to take this seriously. Begin by getting out your toolbox to try a few things to alleviate your unease. But if you need a little more help, consider a therapist to help guide and support you through.
The stigma around seeing a therapist is not nearly what it once was. In fact, many understand that going to therapy doesn’t mean there is “something wrong with you” but rather there are things you may not be able to see or understand in yourself that a therapist can help illuminate, then guide you to remove the obstacles that have held you back individually and/or in your relationships.
When I first started my private practice many years ago, it was more common to see shame and embarrassment come up for people when they began therapy. They were less likely to talk about it with others as they feared the perception of that would be negative. Over the recent years, however, this has changed. Many freely talk about their therapists and that they are in individual and couples counseling. Needing a little support doesn’t have the same negative connotation it used to which I believe was a repellent to seeking help. The education around mental health has helped push that along immensely. “It’s ok not be okay,” has been instrumental in that. The challenges that we have faced societally in the last few years has also exacerbated the need for intervention around anxiety and depression, also normalizing these conditions.
More couples are coming into my therapy practice without being in crisis yet, which is so helpful. I more often hear them say they want to avoid bigger problems later, music to my ears, as I know the consequences of letting relationship challenges build up. The couples who have waited until resentment is high, emotional safety is low and their communication is ineffective, have a deeper hole to dig out of.
Whether there are obstacles blocking you in the way you see yourself, how you feel, how you relate to others or unhealthy relationship patterns, the benefit of beginning this work is clear. Those who have the ability to hold a mirror up to themselves and own their role, can look at the impact of their past and stay focused on making changes in their lives now, can reap the benefits of the rest of a life finally being unstuck. Why wouldn’t you?
Here are 10 reasons you need therapy now.
Your self esteem is in the toilet. It’s time to look at why that is and challenge any faulty beliefs about who you are.
Your conflict avoidance creates problems for you. The consequences of not dealing with situations are high over time, internally and in your relationships.
You are emotionally unavailable. Where did you learn it was not safe to be vulnerable? You can learn to be more emotionally available and connect with others in a more rewarding way.
You keep getting into bad relationships. Have you considered the possibility that it’s less about the problematic partners you have had and more about your choices? Why do you lean in towards unhealthy situations?
You are a perfectionist. Where did you learn that you had do do things perfectly? Is it possible this was learned as a way to feel more in control in a world you felt out of control? Perfectionism is a set-up as life isn’t perfect and things happen.
You struggle to manage your anger. Do you need to look at your history and what that anger is really about? Did it serve you at one time and no longer does?
You abuse substances. Are you using substances to medicate uncomfortable feelings? What emotionally needs attention?
Your relationship is disconnected. Couples who slowly move further apart from each other emotionally often have unresolved hurt feelings or unmet needs between them. The longer the disconnection, the more at risk your relationship is.
You are possessive and jealous. Where did you learn that the people you care about might leave you? It’s time to look at your vulnerability in relationships to stop behaving in ways that may ultimately push your partners away.
Your worry overtakes you. What can your history tell you about why you assume the worst or get preoccupied over the possibility that things will go wrong? Future-tripping around things that haven’t even happened can be exhausting.
These are just some of the common issues that lead people to seek help. The reason I suggest that you might “need therapy now” is that I want to encourage you to minimize your own suffering as soon as possible. I also understand that despite therapy being more acceptable, there are still many things that can block people like fear of facing difficult things, a belief that looking back won’t be helpful or possibly being uncomfortable with the idea of sharing their lives with a stranger. But I still hope to provide you a kernel of inspiration to try.
The stigma around seeing a therapist is not nearly what it once was. In fact, many understand that going to therapy doesn’t mean there is “something wrong with you” but rather there are things you may not be able to see or understand in yourself that a therapist can help illuminate, then guide you to remove the obstacles that have held you back individually and/or in your relationships.
When I first started my private practice many years ago, it was more common to see shame and embarrassment come up for people when they began therapy. They were less likely to talk about it with others as they feared the perception of that would be negative. Over the recent years, however, this has changed. Many freely talk about their therapists and that they are in individual and couples counseling. Needing a little support doesn’t have the same negative connotation it used to which I believe was a repellent to seeking help. The education around mental health has helped push that along immensely. “It’s ok not be okay,” has been instrumental in that. The challenges that we have faced societally in the last few years has also exacerbated the need for intervention around anxiety and depression, also normalizing these conditions.
More couples are coming into my therapy practice without being in crisis yet, which is so helpful. I more often hear them say they want to avoid bigger problems later, music to my ears, as I know the consequences of letting relationship challenges build up. The couples who have waited until resentment is high, emotional safety is low and their communication is ineffective, have a deeper hole to dig out of.
Whether there are obstacles blocking you in the way you see yourself, how you feel, how you relate to others or unhealthy relationship patterns, the benefit of beginning this work is clear. Those who have the ability to hold a mirror up to themselves and own their role, can look at the impact of their past and stay focused on making changes in their lives now, can reap the benefits of the rest of a life finally being unstuck. Why wouldn’t you?
Here are 10 reasons you need therapy now.
Your self esteem is in the toilet. It’s time to look at why that is and challenge any faulty beliefs about who you are.
Your conflict avoidance creates problems for you. The consequences of not dealing with situations are high over time, internally and in your relationships.
You are emotionally unavailable. Where did you learn it was not safe to be vulnerable? You can learn to be more emotionally available and connect with others in a more rewarding way.
You keep getting into bad relationships. Have you considered the possibility that it’s less about the problematic partners you have had and more about your choices? Why do you lean in towards unhealthy situations?
You are a perfectionist. Where did you learn that you had do do things perfectly? Is it possible this was learned as a way to feel more in control in a world you felt out of control? Perfectionism is a set-up as life isn’t perfect and things happen.
You struggle to manage your anger. Do you need to look at your history and what that anger is really about? Did it serve you at one time and no longer does?
You abuse substances. Are you using substances to medicate uncomfortable feelings? What emotionally needs attention?
Your relationship is disconnected. Couples who slowly move further apart from each other emotionally often have unresolved hurt feelings or unmet needs between them. The longer the disconnection, the more at risk your relationship is.
You are possessive and jealous. Where did you learn that the people you care about might leave you? It’s time to look at your vulnerability in relationships to stop behaving in ways that may ultimately push your partners away.
Your worry overtakes you. What can your history tell you about why you assume the worst or get preoccupied over the possibility that things will go wrong? Future-tripping around things that haven’t even happened can be exhausting.
These are just some of the common issues that lead people to seek help. The reason I suggest that you might “need therapy now” is that I want to encourage you to minimize your own suffering as soon as possible. I also understand that despite therapy being more acceptable, there are still many things that can block people like fear of facing difficult things, a belief that looking back won’t be helpful or possibly being uncomfortable with the idea of sharing their lives with a stranger. But I still hope to provide you a kernel of inspiration to try.
