Tag: work relationships

Some people are insufferable. You don’t want to be around them because they talk nonstop about how awesome they are.

Other people are just as accomplished (if not more so!), and are great people you want to spend time with. Obviously, you know they are super accomplished, so at some point, they must have mentioned what they do.

What’s the difference? How can you get credit for what you do without sounding like an annoying know-it-all?

Build strong relationships first

If you walk into a room of strangers and say, “Yes, it is I, the person who developed the system you use every day!” people may be impressed, but they will think you’re insufferable.

Lorraine K. Lee, author of Unforgettable Presence, said on the Stacking Benjamins podcast, “If you have strong relationships with the people with whom you’re sharing the work, that is very important. Relationships are the foundation of business, and if people know you and they know your intentions and your personality, it’s very unlikely they are going to think…[they] are just bragging all the time about themselves, they’re just trying to be helpful.”

You can certainly see the difference. When your friend or respected colleague accomplishes something, you are proud of them and rejoice in their success. 

So, building strong relationships first is the most important thing. This isn’t to say you can’t accomplish anything at a new job until you’ve become besties with people. In fact, being best friends isn’t necessary to a strong relationship.

How to build relationships at work

Gorick Ng, the author of The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right, gave a four-step process to building relationships at work. Writing at Harvard Business Review, Ng says to:

1. Break the silence. This is easy enough–say hi, introduce yourself and don’t wait for others to introduce themselves first.
2. Turn “Hi” into “Hi again.” This is reaching out a second time. It may be saying hi in the hallway again, or saying, “It was lovely to meet you today” in a text. Just do it a second time.
3. Turn “Hi again” into “Let’s chat.” Ask them for their input or advice on what you’re working on. Or, ask them to share their story and ideas with you.
4. Turn “Let’s chat” into “Let’s build a relationship.” At this point, you can share your goals and hopefully some of the people you chatted with can be helpful, but keep in mind that helpfulness goes both way — you should be looking to help others.

Note that none of this requires you to share personal information. You can build great professional relationships without letting them know about your marital issues or workout routines.

Once you have strong relationships, you don’t need to worry about bragging around the people with whom you have relationships. But one more thing is very, very important: Recognizing other people’s successes.

Recognize and acknowledge others

If you have strong relationships, you will also want to credit those people with successes. So, if your success was 100 percent your own effort, then yes, take that credit! Tell other people. But if your success involved others (which almost all successes do) make sure you acknowledge that.

Leanne Calderwood, a personal branding expert, explains that recognition not only serves to make others happier and well respected, but it boosts your visibility as well. She writes:

“In any group — be it your workplace, your circle of friends, or your online community — the person who consistently recognizes others takes on a leadership role. Leadership isn’t always about titles or formal authority. It’s about influence, support, and the ability to inspire others to perform their best.”

So, yes, if you want others to hear about your successes, you can talk about them, but first make sure you’ve built relationships and that you recognize others for their successes and their contributions to your success.

That way, you won’t come across as insufferable.