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Let’s face it: when you are married, it seems like a conflict is always lurking around, waiting to pounce on you and your spouse. When you are done with one, another one springs up unexpectedly around the corner, making you feel as if you are trapped in a vicious cycle. Conflict in marriage is normal and inevitable. Marriage is a union of two different people with varying personalities, perspectives, beliefs, and values.
Healthy conflict resolution can foster a deeper friendship between spouses, trigger growth, inspire creativity, and improve communication. On the other hand, unhealthy conflict resolution drives a wedge between spouses and is often a breeding ground for resentment. Do you and your spouse get embroiled in heated fights that leave both of you licking your wounds for weeks on end? Perhaps your fights involve name-calling, shaming, or even violence. They leave both of you reeking of bitterness, and you want nothing to do with each other for weeks.
Paul urged Timothy not to have anything to do with foolish arguments because they produce quarrels. He added that the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, and not resentful (2 Timothy 2:23-24). Conflict should be resolved amicably and respectfully to be constructive within marriage. Endless quarrels where spouses attack and put each other down only produce resentment, snuffing out the unity God ordained in marriage. Two cannot walk together unless they are agreed (Amos 3:3).
Did you know you can snuff out a fight with your spouse before it even rears its ugly head? Paul urged believers to walk circumspectly, not as unwise but as wise (Ephesians 5:15). You can apply godly wisdom and arrest destructive squabbles in their tracks before they spiral out of control. Here are four thoughts to consider.
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Keren Kanyago
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For years, maybe even decades, the belief that dating isn’t biblical has been taught for many reasons. One reason being that dating is strongly associated with pre-marital sex, and fornication is a sin. Also, many believers are taught to engage in courtships. Courtships include different stages of getting to know someone with the intention of getting married. However, to reach the courtship stage, you must spend time with the person you are involved with. What other way do you get to know someone you’re romantically attracted to and interested in than to date them? The notion of dating being unbiblical is one that’s been taught and learned because dating is considered an activity of the world, and it is not found in the Bible. However, the idea of courtships isn’t found in the Bible either. So, with this news, what does a believer with a romantic interest in someone do? How do believers get to know someone they’re interested in without stepping outside of the realms of the Bible? The answer is simple, pray and ask God what steps to take to get to know someone you are interested in and follow His guidance. Interaction with believers, humans, is natural. In fact, believers need each other to survive. How we interact with each other determines what relationships are developed. Asking God for guidance with everyone we encounter will help believers remain on the right path while meeting and engaging with the right and wrong people.
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Liz Lampkin
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My friend felt a nervous excitement when she signed up for the church women’s retreat — alone. It wasn’t easy to do, but she reasoned that spending a weekend with other Christian women would allow her to meet badly needed friends and integrate more quickly into the life of her new church.
Her confidence was short-lived. After Friday night dinner, she walked alone to the auditorium as other women strolled with friends, their happy chatter a reminder that she was an outsider. Oh well, at least I’ll get a good seat, she thought, trying to stay positive in an uncomfortable situation. She walked toward the front and was shocked to see every seat taken, saved by the Bibles that women had placed there before dinner. She moved further back, only to find the same thing. The only seat open was a corner one on the very last row.
Every Bible on every chair seemed to scream, “You aren’t welcome here. We already have friends, and you aren’t one of them”.
Of course, this was not the intent. Still, it was a memory she never forgot.
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Donna Jones
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“Marriage is work”! Does that statement strike a chord with you? Do you feel as if you breezed through dating and courtship only to hit a bump in the road in marriage? If you do, you are not alone. Many couples opine that there’s a stark difference between marriage and dating. In marriage, they realize that they need to exert mental and physical effort to keep the wheels of their marriage turning. What came so easily and naturally during dating seems to have morphed into work. Hard work. What exactly changed? Did God design marriage as hard work?
My best friend in high school and I had vowed to be best friends forever. We both could not envision life without each other. We vowed to keep in touch and climb mountains if necessary just to keep our friendship ablaze. Needless to say, we lost touch when we joined different colleges and only reconnected through Facebook eons later. Left unattended, our friendship wilted faster than we could say “best friend.” There’s not a single relationship on the face of the earth that can thrive without the input of the parties involved. Constant communication, physical meetings, and support during tough times are some of the demands of friendships.
Couples feel as if they glided through courtship and dating because the relationship was mainly fueled by romantic love. This made relating with your partner feel effortless. But let’s be honest: romantic love grinds to a halt at some point. Your heart eventually stops racing, and you cease getting breathless when your macho man or damsel walks into the room. As such, your spouse won’t automatically feel loved and appreciated until they see your loving gestures. Your relationship is no longer driven by romantic love but by intentional love, aka work.
So yes, as a husband, you will need to listen to your wife’s winding tales, show her affection, and date her regularly. As a wife, you will need to prioritize sexual intimacy, respect his decisions, and compliment him. You will need to do things that don’t come naturally to you just to enthuse your partner. You will need to put in some work because marriage is indeed work.
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We do not merely glide through our walk with Christ. Although salvation is a free gift of God, we must do our part to maintain our fellowship with God. Paul urged the Phillipian church to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2: 12). Peter also asked the church to be diligent to make their call and election sure (2 Peter 1:10). Although Christ finished His redemptive work at the cross, we have to stay connected to Him through prayer, reading His word and fellowship with other believers. He asks us to draw near to Him so He can draw near us. In other words, He asks us to put in the work.
Part of this work for married couples will include tending your relationship with your spouse. Your life as a married person is not compartmentalized. Everything you do, whether you eat or drink, should bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Jesus taught that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, and with all your mind, and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Your spouse is your “nearest” neighbor, and God commands that you love them as yourself. To accomplish that, you will definitely need to put in a lot of work.
God has a template for how couples should conduct their marriages. He uses the relationship between Christ and the church as the template. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord, and husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-28). Quite frankly, living out this template in marriage is no mean feat. As a wife, you may wonder why you need to submit to a flawed human being. As a husband, you may not feel like your wife deserves the kind of sacrificial love Paul talks about. Living in step with this template requires you to deny yourself and die to your flesh. And that’s work. Hard work.
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Paul wished that all men were like himself – single. He, however, acknowledged that each person had his gift. He had the gift of singlehood, while others had the gift of marriage. He advised those who could not exercise self-control to go ahead and marry(1 Corinthians 7:7-9).
“But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord -how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world-how he may please his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).
In the passage above, Paul doesn’t mince his words. He wishes everyone was without care like him. Here, he is referring to the responsibility that comes with being either a wife or husband. Paul, being unmarried, cared only about pleasing the Lord. But for his married counterparts? They did not have the luxury of being “carefree.” They had to think about how to please their spouses.
Paul’s message here is that choosing to get married is consciously taking on more responsibilities into your life. And to whom much is given, from him much will be required (Luke 12:48). If you are married, roll up your sleeves and do the work that comes with the blessing you enjoy.
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“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127:1).
As we have rightfully observed, marriage takes work from both spouses. However, all your labor in marriage will be in vain without God. You and your spouse cannot have a thriving marriage without God at the center. Millions of people across the globe have tried to build great marriages on their own, but their efforts have gone belly-up. We are to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. We are to acknowledge Him in all our ways, and He promises to make our paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6). Your marriage can only be made straight when you acknowledge God in all your dealings. Without Him, all your labor in marriage will be in vain.
King Solomon observed that only by God’s wisdom can a house be built and understanding be established (Proverbs 24:3). God wants couples to build their marriages only through the wisdom He provides through His Word. He wants couples to be like the wise man who built his house on the rock. When the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on the house; it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock (Mathew 7:24-25).
So yes, marriage takes work, but when we follow the wisdom in God’s Word, we build formidable marriages that glorify God.
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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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Keren Kanyago
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When should we care, and when should we not? As a Christian, this question can feel delicate and confusing at times. The Bible tells us over and over again to express care for those around us. We see commandments to love, to share the Gospel, and even to admonish other believers. But what exactly does the Bible say about people who don’t want to be cared for or people who want to continue making the same mistakes no matter how much you want to help?
There’s a certain older lady I know who’s Christian and has a transgender coworker. The coworker leans on her perceived identity and demands that others affirm her. Entitlement has led her to be ignored and ostracized at work. No one wants conflict or to offend. Despite the behaviors, the older lady wanted to show love to this coworker, realizing by just the transgender status alone that the woman was hurting deep within her soul. Despite having a desire to help, the coworker ended up getting the older woman in trouble with HR – an issue of misgendering, I was told.
While the lady told me she didn’t care what the coworker did, the fact that she shared with me unsolicited told me that she was hurt. I would be, too. You show love to someone who obviously lacks in that department, and then they turn around and stab you in the back. They put you and your job in jeopardy. Do you continue to show how much you care, or do you stop altogether?
We all encounter this question in one way or another. That could come in the form of helping someone overcome addiction whilst seeing and doubting their desire to be clean or trying to encourage someone who is bent on being cynical no matter what positive things occur.
When should we care, and when should we not?
Among other passages, the Bible has a couple of verses that can help us find clarity on the topic.
“Don’t answer a fool according to his foolishness or you’ll be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his foolishness or he’ll become wise in his own eyes.” (Proverbs 26:4-5)
Based on these two verses and a general understanding of the Bible and how Jesus operated, we can conclude two things. First, we should always care about other people. At least in the general sense, imitating God’s love for them. We should have some concern about their health, their salvation, and general well-being. Secondly, we should not always care about such issues as offending someone, not when our motivations are in the right place.
Finding the balance requires some tact. There is always a time to care, but there are also times when we should not care. Let’s explore that balance and figure out what caring and not caring should look like in our lives.
In order to properly serve the people in your life, you will benefit them and yourself by understanding your motivations. Ask yourself why you care (or don’t). Scripture says that we love because God first loved us (1 John 4:19). God made us all in His image and planned our lives before a single one began (Psalm 139:16). When we see God as being the author of other people’s lives, not just our own, we tend to see them in a different light. We don’t want to leave them to our sins because, like God, we care.
If you’re the sort of person who doesn’t care about anyone who doesn’t affect your life, then you’re not seeing them as God does. That’s wrong.
God is not asking us to get emotionally invested in everyone we come across. That’s impossible. But we can show everyone we come across God’s love by acknowledging their humanity and wanting what’s best for them, even if we are not involved in that process.
One justifiable reason to not care, or to care less, is when you want what’s best for a person more than they want it for themselves. Whatever the circumstances, do you care more about the situation or the relationship than they do? That’s a valuable question when deciding whether or not to take a step back.
There’s a guy I’ve tried supporting on a number of occasions. He’s an elderly man who has not been able to find (or hold) a job in five years. Aside from listening to his anecdotes, I’ve bought him groceries, assisted him with applying for jobs, and especially tried to encourage him to change his perspective. His heart remains hardened, and his cynicism is as strong as ever. He insists that life is against him. Yet, he spends hours during the day not applying to jobs, but reading the newspaper.
How can someone so destitute waste so much time?
Caring more than the other person doesn’t necessarily mean we should not care at all, but we should draw a line somewhere so that we don’t overexert ourselves.
Caring requires boundaries. While we are called to love as God loves, we are not called to love them in a way that ruins us. Nor are we called to love everyone deeply. This is where you have to seek God for discernment. He wants us to carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). A difficult relationship or circumstance is no excuse to give up and stop caring. However, we need to know what is a healthy and realistic amount of difficulty. We should not default to our own understanding or the supposed wisdom of others either. God and His infinite wisdom. Caring too much can, at worst, jeopardize our faith and health. Care too little, and we are not representing Christ for that person. The bottom line is that you should care about the other person; the question is how much and how will that care be shown.
Offending people does not make you un-Christian. Read Scripture enough, and you will see that Jesus offended plenty of people. That’s why they wanted Him dead. Being Christian in modern America is enough reason to offend someone nowadays. That being said, there are plenty of occasions where offending is not only justified but good. If someone is being rude and they are unaware, tell them. That may hurt their feelings, but we benefit from being corrected. The same applies to how we discipline children or how we call out anyone for behavior that is problematic. Offending people is good, so long as your motivations are coming from a good place. Do you offend because you are trying to help the other person grow or for some other reason?
We can’t always take a hands-on approach to caring for people. There’s only so much bandwidth any of us possesses and only so many places we can throw our energy in a day. However, when we are hands-off with a person, we can always show our care through prayer. We aren’t always able to help people change, especially when we don’t know them well. On the contrary, God does know them well, and He is acutely aware of where they can grow and how they should go about doing so. Take your cares to Him.
We should care about people. Jesus did. Scripture tells us to. But we shouldn’t care too much to the point of idolization, nor too little to the point of not adhering to our faith. There’s definitely a balance to strike, but all in all, certain things we care about or not, but we should always care about people.
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Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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Aaron D’Anthony Brown
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“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10
Next month will be twenty-one years since I said, “I do” to my tall, spiky-haired blonde, blue-eyed heartthrob. Twenty-one years! That just seems so crazy to me. It still feels like yesterday, standing in a flower-draped gazebo on a windy day before family and friends pledging our love.
How did we get here? How quickly the time went by!
As I reflect on years of the past and the sweet and special ways we have celebrated our love, from the monumental anniversaries to the mini celebrations, I must admit that God has richly blessed us. We have been fortunate enough to take some nice little getaways or head out to a romantic dinner. Thanks to the help of my parents, we took a trip to Hawaii for our ten-year wedding anniversary and renewed our vows on the beach. It was truly amazing and marked memories that will last a lifetime!
This past year for our twentieth year we had high hopes of venturing outside of the States to experience the romance of Paris. A place I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. We had been saving up for this trip for quite some time and made a promise that for our twentieth we would do whatever we could to celebrate such a monumental wedding anniversary. But, then life happened, and due to unforeseen challenges and tragedy that literally brought us to our knees with grief, those plans were put on stand-by. It’s still a dream and God willing it may happen, one day.
Throughout the years, we’ve had many highs and lows when it comes to celebrating our union, and we just try to make the best of it. There have been times that we have celebrated holding hands at a softball field watching our daughter, to times we have cuddled up to watch a movie, popping in a pizza at 10 o’clock at night. In other words, our anniversary celebrations haven’t always been so grand. But, we do our best to acknowledge the season that we are in and honor the vows we took to one another, aiming to recognize the blessing of another year together.
Well, if you and your sweetie have that special day coming up, let’s discover some fun and simply sweet ways to honor your love and celebrate. It doesn’t always have to be a lavish trip or dining at an elegant restaurant. While those are nice and lovely gestures, there are so many creative ways that can fit within your budget and your family’s needs, while still fanning the flame of your marriage.
Below is a list of twenty-one ways (yes twenty-one) to celebrate your special day. Some ideas are fairly lavish, while others are a little lower-key, but, it’s just a starting point to get your wheels turning. It’s also fun to plan these things together, as it builds anticipation. So, open your heart to your spouse and see what strikes their fancy, then go! Go and celebrate!
Rejuvenate with a Stay-cation. When you can’t venture too far, a staycation may be the perfect option. Reconnect and enjoy a romantic getaway close to home that won’t break the bank yet gives you time to let the stress of life go.
Take a Cooking Class. Spice up your love by taking a cooking class. There is something simply romantic about preparing a meal together that forces closeness and brings excitement to try new flavorful recipes.
Book a Couple’s Spa. Ahhhh. Melt your cares away with a side-by-side couples massage. Let the aromas and release of everyday stress welcome in peace and tranquility.
Take a Road Trip. Family trips are fun, but when you travel with just your spouse, it opens up a segway to just enjoy each other’s company, and really focus on your marriage.
Go on a Romantic Picnic. What’s sweeter than taking a picnic basket and blanket to a local park and enjoying a beautiful day – together? Yeah, I can’t think of too many things better than that either.
Renew Your Vows. This is usually saved for those milestone anniversaries but can be done any time really. Reclaiming your love is always important, and there are so many ways this can be done. You can share the special moment with family or friends or simply say your vows just the two of you. But do what speaks to your heart and what will capture the essence of your love story.
This verse is one you may want to share: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Take a Dancing Class. Dancing is a great way to draw in and get close to one another. It also provides ample space for fun and laughter.
Go to a Comedy Show. Laughter really is the best medicine, right? Some great Christian comedians to check out are Tim Hawkins, Jeff Allen, Leanne Morgan, Taylor Mason, or John Crist.
Remember that “a cheerful heart is good medicine.” Proverbs 17:22
Check out a Local Museum. Whether you are a history buff or into the arts, explore new things and find something that speaks to you both, then go check it out!
Recreate Your First Date. I simply love this one! We have tried this a few times, and now the place where we met is no longer there, but it is still fun to take a trip back in time and go down memory lane. It opens up great dialogue and brings back those tender feelings.
Write Each Other Love Letters. This simply sweet way to honor your marriage allows you to be both romantic and vulnerable. Two things that are needed in a marriage. Share your whole heart with your spouse and watch the sparks fly.
Sip up at a Wine or Coffee Tasting. Visit a winery or coffee shop and take a class to find what you enjoy and what meets your preferences. Toasting to your marriage while savoring your palate and tastebuds may rekindle the romance in your marriage.
As Ecclesiastes 8:15 says, “Enjoy life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad.”
Play a Round of Putt-putt. Looking for more adventure and fun? Try your hand at a round of putt-putt. Let this bring out your playful side and maybe even add a little competition too.
Check out a Quaint B&B. A bed and breakfast are a great alternative to your average hotel. Not only do they usually have more of a personal flair while providing a delicious breakfast in the morning, but they tend to be pretty cost-effective as well. Bonus!
Replay Your Wedding Day. Bring out the scrapbooks, photo albums, and videos, and then… just reminisce. Share and talk about all those special memories that were created on your very special day.
Get Out on the Water. Get a kayak, go on a boat ride, or take a dinner cruise, but get out on the water and explore its one-of-a-kind beauty.
Visit an Arcade. Tap into your inner child and hit up a local arcade and see who the real “gamer” is! This is always a fun way to see who is truly more competitive.
Go to a Drive-in Movie. There are several drive-ins across the country, but if you can’t locate one nearby, check out a theater that does dinner and a movie. They always seem to offer a fun and different experience.
Get Artsy. Take a fun painting class. Many places offer painting classes just for couples, so go on a double date or get to meet some new friends! Then bring home a personalized pretty picture to hang on your wall.
Get Out in Nature. Get off the beaten path and go explore a hiking trail or nature park that is nearby. Let it draw you closer together while seeing all the beauty and goodness of God’s creation.
Rent a Cool Car and Drive. Take that cool convertible out for a spin with “your date” and let the good times roll! Literally!
Well, there you have it, my friends! Twenty-one creative ways to celebrate your marriage. May these merely be a springboard to go off of as you find ways to celebrate your love in a unique way that reigns in your love story. May God richly bless you both as you grow more deeply in love and have many, many more years celebrating together. Happy Anniversary!
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
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Alicia Searl
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“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
This popular, and often misunderstood, verse found in Ephesians unveils the beautiful image of a bride serving and deeply loving her groom. There are two key takeaways to this message that Paul so eloquently shares with the church in Ephesus. The first being that a godly marriage is all about submitting to Christ and seeking His way. The second being that we are called to recognize our husband as leader by taking on a Christ-like servant’s heart.
So, what does a godly marriage look like? Love and service! God designed marriage so we would serve one another in order to grow closer to Him (Ephesians 5:21)! The truth is a husband needs certain things that only his wife can supply, and vice versa. That’s because God created us to complement one another. And, when we do serve our spouse, we essentially share God’s love and exemplify Christ.
1 Corinthians 13 so beautifully states, “love is patient, love is kind…It protects, trusts, hopes, and always preserves. Love never fails!” Serving others pretty much follows suit. Service comes from a heart of longing to love your husband with patience, kindness, striving to protect him, trust him, and find hope in your marriage. When spouses serve one another, maybe even going to such lengths as to outdo each other in service, marriages thrive!
On that note, let’s unpack some ways to do just that and find some sweet and meaningful ways to serve your hubby:
More than likely, you have heard about the five love languages, developed by Gary Chapman. It’s basically the five different ways we give and like to receive love, which include: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. If we want to serve our hubby’s well, it’s important to get in tune with his love language (while also understanding our own). While we all need a little of all of these types of love, there are generally a few that stand out for each of us.
My husband is big on quality time, and I am a physical touch kind of girl, so many nights we just talk on the coach after our daughters go to bed and touch base about our day. He’ll often rub my feet, and it’s a great way we actively serve one another.
Think about your dear hubby and what love language he receives well. Then try a few of these ways to minister to his heart.
If he is a words of affirmation guy, try saying a few of these “terms of endearment”:
-“I trust you.”
-“Thank you for providing for us.”
-“You are a good man.”
-“You make me a better woman.”
-“I appreciate all that you do” (and name those things).
If he craves quality time, try being more intentional about your time together.
-Go on routine date nights.
-Play and laugh together.
-Actively listen.
-Try a hobby together.
-Cook together.
If he likes you to perform acts of service, then be mindful of your everyday tasks.
-Do his laundry.
-Clean his workspace.
-Make him coffee in the morning.
-Wash his car.
-Make his favorite meal.
If he enjoys receiving gifts, remember it is the thought that truly counts.
-Create things from the heart such as a photobook, scrapbook, or collage.
-Remember special dates and give a card or sweet sentiment.
-Have lunch delivered to him at work.
-Get his favorite snacks at the store.
-Have a special place for mementos from your travels or special events.
If he likes physical touch, be sure to express your love in physical ways.
-Hug him tight when he comes home from work.
-Rub his back after a long day.
-Snuggle up close during a movie.
-Be playful by nuzzling his neck or combing your fingers through his hair.
-Hold his hand.
There is a beautiful and wonderful way that God created a man and a woman, especially when it comes to living in harmony with one another. However, we can so easily take things for granted and quickly gloss over the fact that a man is more physically inclined, while a woman tends to lean more into her emotions. And, yes that may be more or less true, but without a clearer understanding of how God views a man and woman, we are missing the mark.
It’s obvious that men and women are different. But, if we really want to be the wives God is calling us to be, we must learn to understand the way God created our man! God’s design for manhood is simple, and it is called out in 1 Corinthians 16:13, when Paul says to be watchful, stand firm in your faith, “act like men,” and be strong!
It’s not hard to see that our culture today is afraid of God-fearing men, and rightfully so. That’s because they have a God that goes before them, stands beside them, and urges them to walk with faithful steps filled with passion and courage! Their mission is to lead and protect their family! They were initially created that way by a purposeful God!
What does this mean for us? We can serve our husbands by tapping into our emotions and getting into his head. In a good way, might I add. Start by praying for him and asking God to help your husband be the man he was designed to be. Then, with love, speak kindness, goodness, and respectfully proclaim strength over his mind to resist the schemes of this world and to stand firm in his faith. Because friend, faith-filled men are in a battle like we’ve never seen before. They need us to be on their side and gently (and tenderly) remind them that God made them to be strong and we truly appreciate that side of them!
My husband was raised by his grandmother, and so growing up, he didn’t miss a meal. Food was his love language – ha! When we met, I wasn’t the greatest cook, and let’s just say we had a few mishaps even well into our first few years of marriage. There were quite a few take-out menus stuck to our fridge, and the pizza deliver guy knew us by name. But, over time, I realized that food really spoke to my guy, and I needed to feed his soul. So, I called his grandmother, got some of her “famous” recipes, and found new ways to cook.
All that to say, we must find what feeds our hubby’s soul, and do so with a happy heart and positive attitude. Tap into his needs, and then do your best to meet them. If you are unsure what his needs are, then ask. It’s really that simple. If he doesn’t know or is unsure how to communicate them to you, start with a simple act of kindness or a thoughtful gesture. Cook his favorite meal or grab his hand and ask him about his day.
I know the scoreboard may want to come out here, as your inner needs declare, “What has he done for me lately?” And, I get it, trust me. However, if we shift our mindset and realize that when we serve (and give), it often grows into something beautiful. Remember that marriage is an act of obedience to God. We serve our husbands because we are called to and in doing so we are being chiseled to be more like Christ.
It is said that most men aren’t mushy-gushy, meaning they don’t really know how to tap into their emotional side. However, I would beg to differ. While it may not be every man’s strong suit, when they are around those they feel genuinely comfortable with and deeply love, they tend to let their guard down.
That means as our relationships grow, our men become a little more transparent and vulnerable with us. However, that in mind, as wives, we must honor and respect this place and handle it with care. What I mean by that is, when we damage this part of his heart, it can cause so much pain for his manhood. Let me provide you with a personal example. When my husband and I were first married, he threw out his back running on a men’s football team for his work. I tried to be there (at first) by rubbing icy hot on his back and talking sweetly to him. That allowed him to open up and share a few insecurities with me. I should have respected him and just kept nursing him to health. Instead…I laughed. His silence told me everything. I still feel bad about that!
Ladies, we must realize that “tapping into his heart” is not going to come quite as naturally for him as it does for us. So, take it as a distinct privilege and honor when he does share and decides to open up about his feelings. Then take it as an opportunity to serve him by listening attentively, respecting him, and extending love.
Lord, I lift up the marriages that have said those solemn vows and made a covenant with You. I ask that You bless their union and keep them safe from the schemes of the evil one. Please help them seek You on how to live as a faithful husband and wife, truly embracing the nature of Your beautiful design for a man and woman. Grant each of them sweet and special ways to serve one another so they can grow in their marriage and, more importantly, grow closer to You. I ask this in Your Holy Name. Amen.
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Alicia Searl
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Yes. You read that correctly. In our day and age, it is sad I must call this to the carpet, but it is regretfully true that many people get married (and even stay married for that fact) for reasons that are not motivated by love. Of all the ingredients a marriage needs to be successful, one that cannot be left out is love.
We know 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) teaches us all about love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
Is this the kind of love reflected in your relationship with your potential future spouse?
Some people marry for comfort, convenience, or companionship. But none of those should be the primary motivating factor. If the fruit of love is not being demonstrated in your relationship as an unmarried couple, then perhaps your relationship’s foundation needs some work before marriage. More concerning, if you are in a relationship with someone who treats you oppositely to what is outlined in the above passage in 1 Corinthians 13, you may not be in an emotionally healthy relationship.
Abuse in any form is unacceptable treatment, and it does not honor the principles of God’s love.
If you are in a loveless relationship now, why would you set yourself up to experience that for a lifetime? John 3:16 reminds us God so loved the world that He gave us Jesus, the greatest gift and ultimate expression of love. If you do not know the love of God through your partner, then something is fundamentally wrong in the relationship.
Love gives; it does not take away from who God has created you to be. Love elevates; it does not oppress and stifle your growth. Love celebrates; it does not suffocate or demean another child of God. Your fiancé should love and support you first as a sister or brother in Christ Jesus. Although love is sacrificial, it cannot be sacrificed in your relationship while engaged. Otherwise, you set your future marriage up for failure before it ever begins.
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Patrice Burrell
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We read in the Bible that “Keeping away from strife is an honor for man, but any fool will quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3). Though challenging, it’s clear that resolving conflict is biblical. So, what can we learn from the Scriptures to help us?
Someone has said that the best definition of conflict is this: two people. When two people are involved, conflict is inevitable somewhere down the road. Married couples, families, teammates, workmates, neighbors, friends – we’re all going to encounter conflict in our relationships. Now, the goal of life is not to live conflict-free. The goal is to resolve conflict in a godly way. So, I want to share six important biblical keys to remember when facing conflict.
In times of conflict, seeking wise counsel from trusted friends, family members, or a mentor is essential. Share your struggles with someone, a third party who can offer guidance and support. It’s often an outside perspective that can shed light on a situation and provide a calming influence. Proverbs 15:21 reminds us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors, they succeed.”
Proverbs 26:4-5 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool as his folly deserves, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” When you’re in conflict, refrain from attacking a person’s character. Don’t become disrespectful and condescending. Don’t threaten, and don’t interrupt. Honor the Lord in the manner in which you conduct yourself. Take the high road when you’re in a conflict.
We learn in Proverbs 10:12 that “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions.” Be quick to grant forgiveness when you’re wronged and seek forgiveness when you are in the wrong. Don’t delay when it comes to forgiving.
The goal in conflict resolution is not win-lose, where I win and you lose. No, it is for both sides to win, unless the conflict revolves around a clear biblical principle that cannot be compromised. A win-win is certainly favorable, with both sides feeling respected, heard, and validated.
Life is filled with conflicts, and Jesus calls us to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers. What’s the difference? Peacekeepers avoid conflict at all costs, but peacemakers deal with difficult issues to enjoy real peace. As one man told me concerning his business partner, “Sometimes we have to go through the tunnel of turmoil to get to the tunnel of love.”
Proverbs 13:10 says, “Pride leads to conflict.” Now, when our pride is wounded, we can easily lash out at the other person. And when you feel that anger rising up within you, do a quick inventory to see if this is coming from wounded pride. If so, hold your tongue. Step away from the conflict until your emotions settle down. Remember, God is opposed to the proud but gives grace to the humble.
Anger is especially challenging, so I want to dive deeper into how we can manage this human emotion. We know from Proverbs 16:32 that “He who is slow to anger, is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.” So, I want to share three important lessons on the subject of anger.
Proverbs 14:29 tells us, “He who is slow to anger, has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered, exalts folly.” Most people don’t understand anger very well. Not all anger is wrong or sinful. If we watch the news and see horrible injustices taking place or wickedness displayed before our eyes involving children or the defenseless, we should get angry. This is called righteous indignation. It’s right to be angry about these things. God gets angry about these things. But righteous indignation is not the anger that gets us into trouble. Unrighteous indignation brings strife into our marriages, families, and relationships.
The Lord asked Cain in Genesis, “Why are you so angry?” Unrighteous anger boils up when things don’t go our way when we have expectations that don’t get met. You’re running late and get stuck in traffic, or your computer dies, losing all your work. When those things happen, we tend to blow our tops. Cain was angry because God did not accept his sacrifice. Unrighteous anger also boils up when we get hurt emotionally. Every hurt always turns to anger. It’s the other side of the same coin. Every angry person you meet is a hurting person. And we’ve all heard that hurting people hurt people.
First, we must give all our expectations to God when things don’t go our way. Just cast your cares upon him and consider it all joy, as James tells us in chapter one. Refuse to blow a fuse over whatever is happening that’s making you mad. Just say, “Okay, Lord, you’ve got this; I give it to you, and I will put it in the joy column.”
Then, give all your hurt feelings to the Lord. Psalm 62:8 says, “Trust in Him at all times.” Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. We all have hurts, so give those hurts to the Lord. Don’t keep those bottled up in your heart. Pour them out to him and let God bring healing.
Finally, we must truly forgive all those who have hurt us. I know that’s a tall order, but if God can forgive us of all our many sins, then he can enable us to forgive from the heart those people who have hurt us. Forgiving those who hurt you is letting the captive go free, only to find that the captive was you.
If you put these six keys into practice in your life and your interpersonal conflicts, you will be amazed at the change in outcome. We want to be doers of the Word, not just hearers who delude ourselves. Consider these things, put them into practice in our lives, and trust God amid conflict, knowing He’s at work. We need to be soft clay in the hands of the Master so He can mold us into the person He wants us to be.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Andrii Yalanskyi
Dr. Jeff Schreve is Pastor of First Baptist Church, Texarkana, Texas, and the founder of From His Heart Ministries. He is a passionate communicator of the Scriptures whose love for the Lord and love for people comes out in every sermon he preaches. He can be heard hosting American Family Radio’s “Real Truth for Today” and Pray.com’s “Weekly Wisdom with Jeff Schreve,” from which this piece is taken.
Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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Dr. Jeff Schreve
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We all want deep, godly friendships like Jonathan and David had, who were so close that the Bible tells us their souls were knit together! (1 Sam 18:1). But two big obstacles stand in the way: awkwardness and time constraints.
You might find you have the time to invest in people around you, but bringing up God just doesn’t feel natural. If you do have people in your life that you feel comfortable sharing vulnerably with, it can be difficult to find the time. Or you might be running up against both obstacles in your life–and hard.
Friendships where you both are genuinely helping each other to find strength in God take time to form, and there’s no shame in not being there yet. But the fact we live in this day and age actually does afford us some upsides, and with the technology and vast resources available to us, there are many ways we can initiate getting deeper in our friendships.
I have been lucky enough to have put most of these tips into action just in the last few months, and the fruit of it in my friendships and walk with God has been so sweet. The majority of my close friendships happen to be long-distance, which has meant I’ve had to get creative with staying in touch with my friends in a meaningful way. I wanted to do more than just catch up with them every few months–I wanted to continue learning from each other as we walk with God.
At the same time, the small ministry I am a part of at my church has been growing in their intentionality too, so I am stealing a few of their ideas as well. Wonderful things happen when people are committed to growing in their relationships with God together!
These tips could apply to one-on-one relationships, small groups, or your whole ministry. Read over each one and pray for God to show you opportunities to put them into practice. You might be surprised who is interested in doing one or more of these with you, and God will surely move!
I put my favorite tip up top because I have found this to be so effective in my life. What you do is this: Pick a specific podcast series or topic to find podcasts on, pitch it to a friend, small group, or ministry group, and agree to listen to an episode once a week or once every other week (virtually is just great).
Of course, you could meet more or less often than that–but I wouldn’t recommend going more than two weeks without meeting for the sake of momentum. And you don’t have to necessarily listen to the podcast at the same time as each other unless you want to.
I think the reason this tip works so well is because it is fairly low-lift for both parties and because there are so many options available. Podcasts are free; you can listen to them while you are working out, doing chores, or doing other life things, and they are absolutely rich with points of discussion.
There are literally hundreds of spiritual podcasts to choose from, but my favorites to discuss are The Bible Project, The BEMA Podcast, and Wild at Heart.
All three of the above options have series dedicated to different themes, so you can agree to meet just for those 3-5 episodes, or what have you. This way, no one feels like they HAVE to commit to something long term, but can grow in a concentrated way for a short period of time.
It might be so mutually beneficial, though, that you’ll want to keep going!
Recently, one of my best friends and I went through the Bible Project’s series about generosity because we’ve both been struggling with feeling abundance in our life. It was so helpful to process what was both encouraging and challenging from what we were learning. And because we met every week, we could see how the material applied to our lives in fresh ways.
There’s nothing more helpful to build a new habit than to have some accountability. Reading a daily devotional is a goal for many Christians, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. Whether it’s a physical book or a digital series you are going through, having someone to talk to about what you’re reading can not only help you to do it to begin with, but make your study so much richer and your friendship that much deeper.
I would recommend YouVersion’s Bible app. This isn’t just a Bible app, but a devotional app as well! They have so many plans to choose from, including options for shorter and longer reading plans.
You can pick a 3-day devotional to read with a friend, text about what you’re getting out of it each day, and if it’s helping you both, pick a longer one. You could study out a particular topic, like anxiety, or a particular Bible study, like a Gospel book.
This app even has a setting where you can invite friends to do the devotional with you and send reminders to read! Pick a topic, study it out, and either discuss your findings every day or at the end of the series.
Last Christmas, my women’s small group wasn’t feeling very merry and joyful like we felt we were supposed to be feeling, so we picked a series about the hope that baby Jesus brought with him. It was a special experience we all still talk about to this day!
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This is similar to the devotional tip but more long-term. Books can take months to go through, especially if you’re just discussing one chapter a week–but that can be such a great thing. This longer time gives all of you a chance to see deep change happen and have more opportunities to walk together as friends.
Many Christian books have a workbook attached to them, like Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. They come up with discussion questions for you, so no one is burdened. It’s just up to you to decide how many pages to read, how often you want to meet, and how you want to do it.
My out-of-town friend and I are reading through a book about wholeness right now, and it could not have come at a better time. We read a chapter or two, Facetime each other every Sunday night, and process what we got out of it and what we want to keep focusing on. I can feel our friendship deepen already as we truly walk with each other as sisters in Christ.
The Bible isn’t black and white, as much as we may want to pretend it is. That means there are big, huge gray areas that affect our daily spirituality without clear answers.
Big topics like gender roles, homosexuality, and social injustice are topics that are so vast and so volatile that it can be overwhelming to study out on your own. Part of me wonders if God did this on purpose so that we would have to rely on each other to wrestle and come to conclusions!
If you or people you know are struggling with a hot-button topic like these, see if they would be willing to discuss it with you. It isn’t about changing anybody’s mind or pushing an agenda, but rather about engaging in scripture the way it was meant to be – together!
My ministry is currently studying out homosexuality together. We’ve been meeting once every other week or so, eating a meal together, and then going through scriptures where homosexuality is mentioned. We research the culture in which it was written and share our own personal beliefs and experiences. And it has been so wonderful!
Even if we all come to different conclusions or no conclusion at all, we can have confidence that the Spirit worked in us as a group to bring closeness and revelation of scripture. It has taken a lot of courage and vulnerability to go here as a ministry, but we’re all better for it.
As cheesy as this idea may sound, it was actually so encouraging for my ministry to do together this past month. The idea is this:
Everyone gets a “bingo” card with various challenges on it to foster spiritual depth. The challenges can be things like “Text someone an encouraging scripture,” “Host a meal,” “Open up about a current struggle,” or “Go for a prayer walk with someone.” Have the people in your ministry come up with the challenges together and mark them off as they go.
Whoever the first person is to get “Bingo!” by marking off challenges on their card, wins! The prize could be anything from bragging rights to a free meal.
If you want your small group or ministry to grow in relational depth, this is such a fun way to start it.
For my ministry, this game didn’t turn everyone into best friends in two weeks. But it did give us reasons to get together with new people, reminders to think of others when we read our Bibles, and ideas of how to build one another up. If nothing else, it was just encouraging to see everyone on board towards a common goal.
I hope these ideas spark something in you. Become a really good listener and open your ears to opportunities to intentionally grow in something with someone. Not everyone can make the time at every stage of life, but God will provide exactly who you need! And with all of the amazing resources out there, you will certainly find something to help you grow. The Holy Spirit is good that way.
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Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor at Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience him deeper. Check out her handmade earrings on Instagram and her website for more of her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavors.
Hearing Jesus is a devotional journey through the gospels, where we explore the teachings of Jesus chapter by chapter. If you’re seeking to live a life that reflects God’s, this podcast is for you.
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
Stock Footage & Music Courtesy of Soundstripe.com Thumbnail by Getty Images
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Kelly-Jayne McGlynn
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Growing up, children and adults alike marveled at my household. Three children and two parents married for decades. What I didn’t realize until later in life was that having both parents in the house was once the norm. These days, such households are the exception.
Over 20 million children in America come from fatherless homes. Depending on where you live, that number can be as high as 60%. The older I become, the clearer I see the effect of fatherless homes, and not just fatherless homes, but broken homes.
Parents who don’t get along. Children who don’t get along with their parents. There are children who don’t keep in touch with their parents, out of choice. Others who don’t like, even hate their parents. Young kids with their faces stuck on screens and chasing false identities. The divorce rate is high, and so many children are born out of wedlock that many of them don’t see a purpose to marriage.
Certainly, there’s a lot of pain and suffering going on in the world today. How much of this pain traces back to the home, to our broken families?
Hurt people hurt people, as the adage goes. The full truth is that we’re all hurting in one way or another. Each of us carries some degree of brokenness (Romans 3:23).
We will never be perfect people on this side of life, but we can strive to be better. Our families will never be immaculate, but we can work to improve them. And when we can’t control a circumstance, or a person, or many people, we can and always should pray. Here are 5 prayers for a broken family.
Lord,
My family and I have been caught up in conflict for far too long and for so many reasons. I don’t remember when our problems started.
We can’t get together anymore without someone saying or doing something that offends another, even on holidays. I’m saddened by all of this and afraid that there will never be an end to the conflict.
So, I come before you now, eagerly asking you to soften our hearts, to help us make amends with one another. I pray that we would strive to embody the grace and forgiveness that you have toward us. Give us kind words and gentle hearts. Show us a better way to interact. Help us end the conflict.
We’ve bickered for so long, but conflict doesn’t have to last forever. I pray that it won’t. Help us embrace a godly love much like the father did the prodigal son. With the hurtful past behind us, we can move forward in a healthier and united future.
Amen.
Heavenly Father,
With all that’s going on in the world, conflict within the family feels like an unnecessary problem added to all the things happening. We can, however, reconcile, but we don’t see a need. Everybody wants to be right, and at times, even me. Lord, I pray to you with a request to soften our hearts. Remind us of the importance of forgiveness. A grudge is a burden, one that we carry and remind ourselves of constantly. But when we choose forgiveness, we let go of the burden and choose to embrace your way of living instead. Please help us to see your way as the better way. Help us to trade words of cruelty for words of affirmation and trade resentment for reconciliation.
Your way is better.
Thank you, Lord. Amen.
Lord,
If we could tally all of our sins over the years, the number would exceed anything that we imagine. The number would cause us to grieve and feel shame. The number would damn us to Hell, and yet you chose to forgive us.
I thank you for the forgiveness afforded to us through Jesus, but I would be a liar if I claimed to forgive just as easily.
Lord, my family is embroiled in animosity and even in the moments when we aren’t, the tension is palpable. We don’t like each other, and the reason is that we have not chosen to forgive. Too often do we act like forgiving is the end of the world. We would much rather have revenge than let something go.
I’m sorry, God. I ask that you forgive me and my family. Help us to get right with you, and then get right with one another. Forgiveness is the way to living life without the need for retaliation, to living life joyfully with family.
Help us to forgive and become more like your Son.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
God,
We can’t erase the past. I can’t. My family can’t. But we do have control over today and how we walk into our future. Lord, I ask that whatever hurt was done in the past, we would choose to forgive one another. We can’t erase the hurt, but you can heal us. Please any and all of our broken relationships. Take our family’s broken pieces and make us whole again. And as we come back together, I pray that our love will be stronger than ever before.
Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen.
Lord,
I thank you for the family that I have. Thank you for the good times and the bad, the times when I was able to serve them, and the times when I was served. I thank you for the best memory and the worst, the moments of laughter and the times when we couldn’t help but cry.
I may not always see eye to eye with my family, but I recognize the blessing in my life that is family. I recognize that not everyone has a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a cousin, and so on. And so, I am grateful for those that I do have, the moments we do share.
Thank you for being a part of our lives even when we chose not to recognize you. Even when we still do.
I pray that as we move forward into our future, day by day, you would draw us not just closer to one another but to you. And as we draw near, help us to love one another more and more in a way that you have shown.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Valentina Shilkina
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Aaron D’Anthony Brown
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We’ve all had difficult friendships in our lives we’ve had to break off. I’ve had a few friendships in my life where the relationship became so toxic that I had no choice but to terminate the relationship. As kids, we’re so eager to make friends. When we get to be adults, it becomes even more difficult because sometimes people do and say things that cause us to distrust them. When we don’t trust people, it’s difficult to build a friendship.
I have been in a situation where friends from church lied and betrayed us. We wanted to continue being friends with them, but the lies and the betrayal just hurt too much, and the wounds were way too deep to continue the friendship. Given the mistrust that formed in the relationship, we severed the friendship.
If you find you’re in a toxic friendship with someone and you’re in the process of breaking it off, here are some things I’ve learned about a broken friendship:
First, once trust is lost the relationship is severed–You cannot have a friendship based on mistrust or betrayal. Although God calls us to forgive them, it doesn’t mean we can maintain or restart the friendship. Repentance would have to be at the heart of the friendship being restored. Although it’s true God can do anything in our lives, including reconcile friendships, the reality is both parties must accept responsibility and repent of behavior for a relationship to continue in a healthy way. Jesus calls us to forgive those who have hurt us, but he does not want us to enter into the same friendship again so those people will hurt us once more. We are to be good stewards of everything, including our hearts.
Second, friendships are based on equal effort–If you find that your friendship is one where you give way more than you receive, it may be time to break off that friendship. While it’s important to sacrificially give to everyone in your life, friendships are the catalyst for deep fellowship, intimacy, and connection. If any of those things are not present, the relationship cannot continue. If after your broken friendship, you feel you can no longer continue the relationship it is okay to grieve and move on. Take some time to heal before pursuing another friendship. A person who only takes and never gives is being reckless with your emotions. God does not want us to become entangled with another person’s sins. Protect yourself when you can and strive to move on so you can receive the benefit of the human connection you need.
However, people don’t always do grief well. When we experience any type of loss, it’s tempting to cover our deep wounds and say, “It’s okay, Jesus is my true Friend,” or “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Although the statements may be true, it’s not an excuse for not grieving your loss. Any friendship you lose is subject to sadness and grief. All those emotions are normal, but it’s important not to stuff them away but to express them openly. If necessary, consult the help of a professional to help you process the grief. A counselor may have some practical strategies for you to process and accept the situation before moving into another relationship. Allow him to help you brainstorm strategies so you can grieve your loss. This is not only important for your spiritual health to grieve that relationship but also not take that baggage with you into future friendships.
Third, a friend that ghosts you is not your friend at all–I’ve had friends who, when asked to meet up again, aren’t truthful. Instead of telling me directly that they don’t want to meet anymore, they simply don’t respond at all. Too often in Christian churches, we mistake cowardice for grace. Instead of talking openly about our feelings, we cover them up even though we’ve never fully processed the wound. If someone avoids or ghosts you, they were never really your friend in the first place. You deserve friends who love you and are willing to go through the hard times–both good and bad. People who don’t have the maturity to talk to you directly are not being gracious; they’re being cowardly.
Fourth, look at the example of Job–Job believed he had friends who would love him unconditionally. Instead, they told him all the ways he must have been sinning to receive God’s wrath. This caused Job not only to be in physical pain but also emotional and mental pain. Sometimes breaking up from a friendship, although painful, maybe in your best interest. People who simply cover things over with platitudes are not mature enough for friendship.
It’s important to surround yourself with wise people who understand Scripture and know the grace of Jesus. It’s also important to treat everyone the same way you would want to be treated. Therefore, we should speak openly and directly to everyone and if there’s a conflict, do whatever we can to resolve it. Matthew 18 gives us a good guideline for what we should do in this conflict. If we have an issue with someone, go to them directly and point that out. This is a way not to resolve conflict but rather to point out their sin for the good of the church. If the person doesn’t want to hear it, bring someone along to mediate the issue so that both can speak honestly about their feelings. Sometimes a misunderstanding occurs, and a friendship is lost because of a misunderstanding. Verify the facts and make sure you know the whole story from both perspectives. If the person doesn’t want to continue the friendship, it’s best to simply cut it off.
It’s not easy to break up our friendship but there’s hope in knowing Christ will never leave us alone. In the dark days of feeling alone after a broken friendship, Jesus wants to meet our needs. Jesus knows what it is like to lose friendships, especially after Peter betrayed him by denying his involvement with Jesus. Allow him to heal you spiritually through the gift of the Holy Spirit, allowing him to transform you into a Christ-like character through these friendships. Consider what you’re gaining rather than what you’re losing. A friend who doesn’t treat you as a friend, takes more than they give, and is someone you cannot trust cannot be your friend anymore. In the end, you’ve lost your friendship, but you will gain spiritual renewal, restoration, and the ability to move forward in freedom. Freedom is a great gift from God, and he gives it despite loss and brokenness. Jesus wants us to have friends, but he also wants us to put Jesus first. Jesus would never allow someone to treat him in a poor way or undermine his authority.
Any friend who is selfish or untrustworthy is truly not a friend. It’s not easy to cut off the friendship, but in the end, it will afford you more freedom than you’ve ever felt before. Then you can move on and invest in other friendships that may be rich and rewarding experiences for your life.
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Michelle S. Lazurek
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We said “I do” over 16 years ago. Wow! That’s crazy to write out. In our wedding photos, you see a 20-something couple grinning ear-to-ear, clueless about the tests, trials, and triumphs ahead.
Now in our late-30s with five kids under 10, you can imagine all that our marriage has been through. But we’ve also laughed hard and loved deeply. We once were two, and now we’re a family woven together.
Along the way, we’ve learned a few unexpected secrets to building a marriage that goes the distance. These pillars keep us grounded when storms hit, united in our purpose, and willing to daily choose “us.”
I want to share them with you today. If you’re dreaming of a marriage that stands strong for the long haul, read on.
When I was a brand-new husband, I imagined that our marriage was going to be full of passion and excitement and that those feelings would simply last forever.
But we quickly found out just how untrue that was. Marriage has seasons of struggle and times that will test your commitment. As reality set in, I had to anchor to something more.
I discovered that marriage is far more than a legal contract or piece of paper. According to the Bible, the covenant of marriage is sacred because it involves not just us but God.
We stood before God and promised faithfulness, service, and love until death do us part. Our union is exclusive and permanent. We became one flesh in a bond and promise before God.
This covenant perspective changed everything. During times when feelings faded or circumstances crushed dreams, we could still say: “But God, we made a vow, and we need you to help us keep it.” Clinging to this truth stabilized us when storms hit.
We had to rely fully on God’s power to glue us back together, humble ourselves, and move forward in unity. And He has been so faithful to do that again and again!
Early on, we saw marriage as being mostly about us. We wanted to feel happy, satisfied, and loved in the relationship. When things got rocky, I thought, “This marriage isn’t working. Why, Lord?”
Slowly, God opened my eyes to the truth that marriage isn’t ultimately about my feelings or “what I get out of it.” Marriage is a ministry meant to reflect the love of Christ!
We are called to lay down our lives for each other and love each other without condition and out of love for Christ. Our union is meant to serve as a light and blessing to others.
Embracing this shared purpose changed our entire outlook. We started asking, “How can we honor God and point people to him through our marriage?”
Instead of tearing each other down during conflict, we build each other up in love. We parent our kids with wisdom and grace so that they grow to follow Jesus. We open our hearts and home to welcome others.
United in vision, we now weather hardship not just for our sake but for the sake of witnessing God’s faithfulness to the world. Our trials have a purpose in glorifying Him!
Let’s be real: some days, your heart wants to shut down. Resentment, exhaustion, and disappointment can brew just below the surface.
During those times, we have two options:
The second option might sound nearly impossible when you’re hurt or worn thin. But over the years, I’ve learned that willingness is essential for intimacy, communication, and sacrifice.
Here are some ways to offer a willing heart:
I constantly have to check my heart. Will I embrace opportunities to love, listen, and be present? Or do resentment and stubbornness shut me down?
Pursuing willingness doesn’t mean being a doormat. You can still set healthy boundaries! But it does mean bearing each other’s burdens, forgiving quickly, and giving your best even when you don’t feel like it.
The more you exercise willingness, the easier it becomes. You reap exponential blessings in your bond.
If you’re navigating difficult seasons or feel like giving up, take heart: it is possible to build a marriage that stands the test of time. God desires to use your union for His glory!
When you anchor to Him as your rock and refuge, you gain perspective. The storms still rage, but you have a secure foundation.
I urge you to reject hopelessness and cynicism. Your sweetest victories, most overcoming testimonies, and deepest intimacy are still ahead.
Commit to covenant, seek purpose, and choose willing love. One day, you’ll look back in awe of how the Lord sustained you through it all.
Here’s to marriages built to last!
For further reading:
Building a Strong Marriage: How Humility Leads to Unity and Safety
How to Pray for Your Wife: 6 Prayers Influenced by How Jesus Prayed for His Church
Christian Community: The Secret Ingredient for a Stronger Marriage
Building a Strong Foundation: 6 Divine Callings for Every Marriage
How to Pray for Your Husband: 8 Specific Areas to Pray Over Your Husband
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Aaron and Jennifer Smith
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Losing a spouse is the most stressful event in a woman’s life, with divorce and moving trailing close behind.
A widow does not just experience the loss of her husband but also her way of life. She may lose friends, financial security, companionship, parental support, sexual intimacy, plans for the future, etc. The list is long and devastating. Essentially, a widow is forced to rebuild a life from scratch.
She is often faced with deep personal reflection and is journeying to find a new way of life. When a widow comes to a place in her grief where she may be able to open her heart to someone new, she is often faced with scrutiny and judgment from those around her.
When my husband passed, I felt like I was living in a fishbowl as everyone around me watched my grief and was on the edge of their seats, waiting for my next move. Will she start dating? How long will it take for her to move on?
There is one thing for sure. A widow never gets over her late spouse. She will heal and begin to envision a life without him, but that does not mean she stops loving him.
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When I started dating, I faced many judgments from those who didn’t understand that I could open my heart to someone new but still love my late spouse. I often liken it to having a second child. You don’t push out your first child to make room for another. Your heart simply expands to make room for another baby in your life. It is the same with a widow getting remarried. She can place her late spouse in a different space in her heart. This takes time, intentionality, and many tears, but it is possible.
I prayed for the hearts of those around me to expand and accept the changes in my life, even as it made them wildly uncomfortable.
I had to intentionally let my late husband sit in a different space. After a decade, he is safely in my heart as my best friend and the father of my children. I no longer think of him romantically, and that is okay. I have been remarried for nearly nine years, and we have had to walk down many rough roads.
My new husband has learned to be patient with my unpredictable emotions when anniversaries roll around. He has had to process a lot within himself as a second husband and allow space for my late spouse to reside in our home in a small way.
When I remarried, I had two small boys. They were crushed when they lost their daddy but were excited to welcome a new man. Their little hearts hurt then, and they still do now, but we have healed miraculously. I understand that it can be more complex if you have older children, as getting remarried may be less well received. This may take more time to be accepted, and the guilt may take over, but if the Lord is leading a widow, He will support her.
If you know a widow and are struggling with her life choices, give her grace. She is only trying to rebuild a life that was shattered. She is not aiming to harm anyone or cause more heartache; she is simply trying to live.
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I am sorry for your loss. Losing a spouse guts you to the core and threatens everything you ever thought about life and everything you ever thought about yourself.
When you are ready to find love again, you may experience deep guilt. You may feel like you are cheating on your husband and breaking your vows. Those are all normal feelings. Embrace them, accept them as usual, and push through them. Ignore the judgment coming from all the voices around you. Your choice to get remarried is between you, God, your new spouse, and no one else.
Lift us your desire to be married again to Jesus and follow Him in His leading.
Biblically, it is a good thing for a widow to remarry. We read in 1 Timothy 5:14, “So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.” When your husband passes, you have fulfilled your vows until death do you part. You are free to love love again and free to marry again. Take a deep breath and rest in this truth.
God has a special place in his heart for you as a widow and is profoundly concerned for you.
God is “a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows…in his holy habitation.” (Psalm 68:5) Jesus cared for his widowed mother and condemned those who exploited widows.
Getting remarried after the death of a spouse can be complex and challenging. You will be bringing grief into a new marriage. There will be situations that arise that are difficult for your new spouse, especially on anniversary days or when a memory triggers you.
But it is all okay. It is possible to walk the narrow roads of remarriage with Jesus. He will be with you to help you navigate the rough waters and use them to bring you and your new spouse closer together.
Remember to keep God in the center of your marriage. Allow space for grief and memories to live in your home. Talk about your spouse, especially if your children lost a father. Expect to face guilt for loving again, but know that no matter how you lost your spouse or whether or not he gave you a blessing to love again, you are in a blessed space when you choose to walk down the aisle again.
It’s all okay. God knows the inner workings of your heart and your grief and will help you every step of the way.
It may seem unfair that you have to deal with the world watching you and making you feel guilty about your decisions, but that is, unfortunately, the life of a widow. God is keenly aware of the intricacies and hears your prayers for help. I pray blessings over you, sweet Widow. It is brave to love again. It is courageous to open up your heart.
“Draw near to Jesus, and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8
Related Content:
9 Things to Know about a Widow’s Grief
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Heidi Vegh is a writer, speaker, and ministry leader living in Gig Harbor, WA. She is a remarried mother of four, navigating the blended family life after the loss of her first husband to cancer in 2013. She longs to use her writing as a way to encourage others who have experienced loss and guide them on the road to healing. She contributes to her blog found at www.mrsheidivegh.com , sharing stories and devotionals of faith stemming from her loss and healing, mothering, and her blended and complex family. She graduated from Southern New Hampshire University with a degree in Creative Writing and English and is working on her first book. Heidi is the Women’s Ministry Director at Gig Harbor Foursquare and has a deep heart for sharing Jesus with women and encouraging them in their faith walk. When she is not writing she loves to travel, read, craft, and experiment in the kitchen. Visit her Facebook and Instagram (@mrsheidivegh) to learn more.
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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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If you are currently grieving, here are five prayers for your grieving heart.
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Heidi Vegh
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Hey there, are you a girl momma too? Well, welcome to the club! As a mom of three daughters, I am always on the hunt for fun ideas and special ways to spend time with each of my girls. Now that I have two teens, let’s just say that this momma has to get a little (or a lot) creative. And let me tell you – I am so thankful it is fall! Bring on the harvest festivals and many mother/daughter date ideas. Yahoo!
Yep, I really do love fall! There is just something truly special about this time of year. It’s as if the whisper of the wind and the glow from this sweet season waft in with an open invitation to spend time with those we dearly love! As cute scarecrows and plump pumpkins make their debut once again, they carry a warm welcome that declares, “Come on in, get cozy, and soak it all in – the sights, the smells, and all the fall flavors.”
So, maybe, like me, you are ready to relish this season and create some lasting memories with your precious daughter, but you need some ideas. Well, my sweet “girl momma” friend, you have come to the right place. Below, you will find merely a few ideas to get you started. Whether you have a sweet little miss or an adoring adult, there is something to meet every momma and daughter. But let me assure you, nothing is too crazy or costly, as this is more of a means to bond with your sweet girl, keeping it simple yet fun! At the same time, realize that taking some time (even briefly) for a festive fall mother/daughter date will cultivate your relationship and be so worth it!
And now, without further ado, here we go, my friends; let’s step into fall together with our dear daughters and enjoy the moments and the glorious gifts this season has to offer!
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Alicia Searl
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Today marks three months since my husband and I got married. I wish I could tell you that time slows down, but the old adage that it only speeds up is proving to be accurate. In the blink of an eye, we’ve traveled time and space from July 3rd to October 3rd. Almost one entire 9-weeks as a high school English teacher might say, or summer to fall for those of you who possess 9-5 careers.
While it might sound cliche or concerning, one thing that Ben and I wanted to emphasize before we got married was premarital counseling. While premarital discipleship is generally encouraged, marital counseling is often frowned upon. It’s a myth, however, that only people who are having trouble in their marriages should participate in marital counseling. Ben and I started premarital counseling a few months before we got married, and we’re still pursuing it now (as marital counseling).
In a recent session, our counselor encouraged us to continue having fun and pursuing one another. We always took this seriously during dating and engagement because we wanted to emphasize our friendship over our romance. It also helped greatly in adhering to boundaries.
But just because you’ve caught the fish, per se, doesn’t mean you let it off the hook and swim away. In other words, just because you’re finally married doesn’t mean you stop pursuing or having fun with your spouse. In fact, it’s essential that you prioritize those dates to foster and grow your relationship as a married couple.
I’ve heard it said that while sex and romance can be fun in marriage, and are essential parts of it, you’ll spend most of your time just hanging out with the other person. This is why marriage coaches and counselors strongly encourage you to be friends and make sure you just enjoy being with the other person.
Typically, in Ben and I’s relationship, I’m the one to plan and schedule dates. I always have a never-ending list of options in my mind, and because I love to explore and travel, I’m always thinking of the next idea. Ben, on the other hand, struggles with thinking of fresh or new date ideas. I believe there are probably a lot of guys out there that can relate. And though I’m generally good at coming up with this list, I’ll be honest in saying that making room for dates post-marriage has proven to be a challenge.
Between laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, teaching, writing, dancing, and running, I have started to have trouble prioritizing our dates. I’ve even run dry of ideas because I’m so distracted by things I need to do, places I need to go, and assignments I need to complete. Maybe you can relate?
If you’re in this boat, I want to encourage you with three simple ways you can prioritize your relationship tonight–even when date ideas run dry:
One of the best tips Ben and I have learned for prioritizing our relationship and having dates might sound oversimplified, but it’s been a game-changer. Choosing to have dates outside of the house not only requires us to move around and go somewhere but also helps me to not cave and start doing chores.
When you’re home, you’re constantly surrounded and bombarded by stimuli. Especially stimuli that look like piles of laundry, mounds of dishes, and 3,000 other tasks bombarding your brain. By removing yourself physically from the home, you’re creating space to get out, go somewhere (even if it’s just a local park or theater), and get away from tasks and to-dos that might otherwise try to entice your attention.
Although Ben and I still struggle with this, the second piece of advice that has helped us greatly when dates run dry is focusing on letting loose. Letting loose simply means not taking ourselves so seriously, remembering to be playful, and laughing a lot. Some days, this is easier than others, and there will probably be times and moods when you just simply don’t feel like laughing. But that’s okay.
The emphasis here is to aim for smiles and laughter. Even if it requires telling old jokes and stories or watching a few silly videos on YouTube while you try out stupid “dad jokes” on one another, the laughs, in the end, will be worth it. Sometimes, taking the time to unwind, relax, and let go together can be just as rewarding.
At the end of the day (or date), perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is focusing on each other. Especially in the day and age in which we live, overstimulation through TV shows, phones, social media, and sports can be distracting to our relationships. I know for me, I hate nothing more than talking to someone who is physically present but mentally isn’t.
Focusing on each other during your date time is crucial to connection and communication. Put the phones away, look into one another’s eyes, and take the time to bask in the presence of your loved one. These are memories and moments you won’t have again, so don’t take them for granted.
If you’re struggling to make time for dates, or your well has simply run dry, be encouraged. You’re not alone. But having dates doesn’t have to be a daunting and terrifying task. It merely asks you to spend time with the one you love by prioritizing that time, getting out, and focusing on each other. How will you pursue your spouse this week?
1. Go for a hike
2. Go to the movies
3. Create your own movie night at home
4. Explore an indoor amusement park
5. Check your city for local events
6. Recreate your old date favorites
7. Get dressed up and go out for the night (think fancy dinners and dancing)
8. Take a dance class (I’m biased on this, but it creates great chemistry!)
9. Take a cooking class together (or create your own at home)
10. Go on a double date with friends
11. Go for a run
12. Go for a bike ride
13. Find an online scavenger hunt that takes you through a local town or city
14. Play board games
15. Learn to play an instrument and sing together
Happy dating!
Agape, Amber
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Amber Ginter
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When they get married, every couple sets out to have a happy marriage. Couples often have ideas about how to achieve this happiness, often focusing on their own needs rather than the other person’s needs. When those needs go unmet, however, it can quickly turn into discontent, causing the couple to turn on each other to look for fulfillment. But that fulfillment only comes from Christ. Couples buy every self-help book or other resource to help them have a happy marriage. They may also go to counseling to work on their issues, which is a great first step. But there are some things couples can do to give themselves the needed attitude adjustment. Here are five simple habits for a happy marriage:
Couples who are unhappy in their marriage need to ask themselves: are my needs focused on myself or the needs of my spouse? When each spouse vows to take the focus off themselves and place it on their partners, they can have a more fulfilling marriage. Seek to put your spouse first in everything. This can range from simply helping out with chores to sacrificing your time and resources to take them out of a toxic situation that is harming them. Marriage takes sacrifice. But in this culture, sacrifice is a thing of the past. Couples often feel if their needs are not being met, they can simply get a divorce or put up a boundary that does not leave room for open, honest, and direct communication.
Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
People who take this verse out of context believe the woman must allow the man to do whatever he wants. But a man who is doing his part to give himself up for her and put herself first as Christ did for the church will find a woman who wants to submit to him. This passage directs couples to put each other first. When each person can put aside their own selfish needs and focus on the other, they’ll have a much easier and ultimately happier marriage.
Related:
What Is Submission in Marriage?
Above all else, couples need to put Christ at the center of their marriage. That means seeking the Lord on every decision moving forward. This is everything from how to spend their money to how to divide household chores and to how to raise their children. As humans, couples will run into issues that cause this conflict. But if both seek the Lord and his will for their lives, it will be easier for them to yield to the Lord and not to their own opinions. Christ sought for couples to have easier lives if they are yoked together with someone who has the same beliefs and perspectives. For the areas in which they disagree, Christ asks them to put aside their differences, cast their cares upon the Lord, and watch him work as they seek his will for their lives.
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Couples can have a happier marriage if both seek to be good stewards of what God has given them. This means both people caring for their home, their bodies, their children, their finances, and possessions, among other things. While we all make mistakes and are far from perfect, if each partner has good time management and dedicates a portion of their time to care for the things God has given them, it will demonstrate how much they care for each other. Another great way to be a good steward is to make time for each other. Investing in your marriage is an investment in the covenant between man and wife. This is also an investment in the gospel message as it seeks to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. If couples are doing everything they can to achieve intimate connection communication and striving to make each other better in their relationship, taking care of other areas of their lives will become much simpler.
Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” A couple needs to understand that once they get married, they are no longer bound to their former immediate family. This Scripture dictates that husbands and wives must come together to create a new family unit. This does not mean they have to forsake their parents and siblings altogether, but rather re-prioritize so their spouse is a part of their new family. That new family should come first, period. For example, if there is a conflict between parents and spouse, the spouse’s feelings, opinions, and perspective should come before the parent’s.
This is the same for any children. While the children are a necessary part of the family unit, you must put your spouse and their feelings ahead of your own children’s. You have eighteen years with your children, and then they grow up to have their own lives. But when you got married, you vowed to be with your spouse “till death do you part.” You’ll be with your spouse much longer than you’ll have your children in your home. Set a good example of what a healthy marriage will look like by putting each other’s opinions first, even if there are moments when you don’t agree with your parenting strategy or the other’s perspective on life.
Although both couples vow to share every part of their lives together in a marriage, there are times when couples need to set good boundaries with each other in situations where trust has been broken, or unhealthy patterns develop. Part of your vows and marriage is to honor one another. But when the trust has been broken, or one person consistently violates someone else’s space, proper boundaries must be put in place for a happy marriage to be sustainable. Talk openly about this situation and let the other person know the boundaries you were going to set. Don’t simply set the boundary and then not communicate why and what you are doing. It will be unfair to your spouse if they violate that boundary to understand where the line ends and where their access to you begins. If the partner consistently crosses over boundaries because of control or selfishness, ask them to seek the help of a professional to help them process why they do what they do. It is not honorable for someone to constantly break boundaries and create unnecessary emotional stress. Seek to set these boundaries for her time and then remove the boundaries once you feel the person has repented. Slowly build back your trust by granting them greater access to your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
Marriage can be one of the most difficult relationships in your life. But it could also be the most rewarding. Although our true happiness only comes through Christ Jesus, Jesus places men and women in marriage covenants so that they can achieve the same contentment and joy we will feel with Jesus in heaven. By putting the tips above into practice, you may find a healthier and happier marriage in the new year.
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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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Michelle S. Lazurek
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I popped a DVD into the player, opened the lid to a takeout meal, and pulled up the covers; this quickly became my Friday night routine. It was the third weekend in a row I was spending alone. I moved to Montreal shortly after college, hoping to make new friends. We would fill our weekends with late-night dinners, excursions to nearby towns, and experiencing everything the big city offers. Yet, there I was, on another Friday night, the only friend being a cashier at the local Chinese takeout. The subway system overwhelmed me, so I didn’t do much traveling. The few times I did venture out alone, I couldn’t shake the intense feeling of loneliness. So eventually, I stopped trying and settled into a routine with me, myself and I.
As a social butterfly, I’d never had problems making friends. I prided myself on having multi-friend groups, choosing to surround myself with people of different races, cultures, and backgrounds. Being easy to talk to and open to new experiences, I thought I was good company. So why was I finding it such a challenge to make adult friends?! If you are in a similar situation or a new set of circumstances, try one or many tips to help you make and keep adult friendships.
It always amazes my husband that my girls can play effortlessly within minutes of meeting another child as if they have known them all their lives. Whether it’s the local playground, beach, or a bus ride a thousand miles from our home, they can make instant friends. Yes, my girls have a natural outgoing disposition, but they don’t overthink before they act. They aren’t riddled with “what-ifs” or “what will they think?” Instead, another child is an opportunity to make a new friend!
If you want to make friendships as an adult, you must start thinking like a kid! Don’t think about what could happen or even think past the introductions. Start with, “Hi, my name is,” or “Is this seat taken?” or maybe, “I just wanted to introduce myself.” And let the conversation flow from there.
I would be remiss if I didn’t strongly encourage you to join a local church. Church is one of the best ways to make friendships. There’s a good chance most people are Christians and, therefore, have a common interest: faith. This is a bonus as the hope would be with a shared faith, your priorities and extracurricular activities will focus on “good, clean fun.” While this doesn’t mean being members of the same church guarantees the same stance on engaging in certain activities, it’s an excellent place to start.
If you are already involved in a local church, consider joining a sports league, taking an art class, getting back into dancing, or reigniting your passion for another childhood pastime. There are numerous adult clubs, groups, and meetups; Facebook, Meetup.com, or a simple internet search will tell you how to get plugged in. Are you passionate about helping underprivileged youth? Do you feel a strong desire to help those less fortunate? Sign up to volunteer at a local charity or non-profit organization. Many big cities have festivals and events requiring staff and volunteers; consider helping. Not only will you meet other volunteers, but who knows who you might connect with in passing.
One great thing social media offers is an easy way to connect with old friends. With the ability to search by location, groups, and events, one can quickly see if a long-lost friend is in the area. A great way to meet new people in your community is through mutual connections with friends or acquaintances. There are also online book clubs, political forums, and interest groups through social media, and when meeting in person isn’t an option, these provide social outlets, support, and connection.
Listen, I know it is impossible to form relationships with every kid’s parent your child talks to, especially if you have social kids like me. I am not advocating you form bonds with every parent out there, but pick a few of your child’s closest friends and invite them over as a family. Like making friends at church, you already know that you have at least one thing in common: your children. Chances are, even if you are opposites, the deep desire to see your children happy and form friendships will help to foster friendships among the adults. At the very least, it will allow you to get to know your child’s friends better.
In a world where it is becoming increasingly common to live years next to someone and never meet your neighbor, break the cycle, and knock on some doors. If cold calling your neighbors gives you hives, say hello at the mailbox, wave when they pull in their driveway, or pause the mower and introduce yourself next time they are outside. Neighborhood friends make some of the best relationships for multiple reasons. You have a built-in walking buddy, an impromptu game night companion, and, if you are lucky, a house sitter when you go on vacation. Only having to walk a few steps makes friendship rather effortless once you get past the initial pleasantries.
The reality is making friendships as an adult can be difficult. We are trying to balance our careers, marriages, families, and other responsibilities, all while working not wholly to lose ourselves in the middle of it all. It may take a few tries, but I suggest you get off your couch and make some friends; even if they don’t become bosom buddies, you’ll make some good memories in the meantime, which is well worth it!
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The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
So when sin is not being confronted, or even viewed as sin at all, it’s time to address it with the hope of gently helping to restore believers caught in its web. Here are 10 sins that often go overlooked in Christian community.
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Laura Bailey
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It sounds simple, but it can profoundly affect drawing the two of you closer. After all, there is something therapeutic about taking a walk. In a society that tends to literally be on the run, taking a walk requires you to slow down and enjoy life – together.
My Uncle Owen and Aunt Alice, who have been married 65 years, have discovered the beauty of taking a walk together. Having raised four children and weathered the storms of life together (including the loss of their two oldest sons), they still try to walk together at least three times a week.
“Talking isn’t so important while we’re walking,” Owen said. “When you’re walking, you can be together, and you don’t have to talk. And other times, it’s good to have that time together because we do get more of a chance to talk.”
Try walking with your spouse in the evenings, before or after dinner, as a way of reflecting on the day, talking about your blessings, or reconnecting away from the busyness of life. Even if you can only do it once a week, find your “walking day” and make it an activity you do together – for your physical health, as well as for your relational health.
Have you ever just taken a day to play together? We make sure our children have regular play days when they’re young. And when we were teenagers, we recognized the value of playing, as well. But playtime can never go away in a relationship if you want to cultivate a closer connection. If you’re a hard worker and feel guilty taking a day to play, consider it an investment in your marriage. Also, consider it a spiritual activity. God wants us to play, enjoy life, and have some return for our labor.
King Solomon, known as the wisest man who ever lived, penned the purpose of life in Ecclesiastes 3:12-13: “I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil – this is the gift of God.”
Did you get that? Playing is a gift from God! God knows you will one day leave this earth, so in addition to glorifying Him with your life while you’re here, He wants you to enjoy this life, as well, within the means of right and pure living – and especially with your spouse!
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Steve and Rhonda love the loud roar of motorcycles. To them, that’s play. “We have motorcycles and love to go for long rides,” Rhonda said. “It’s an inexpensive way to travel and an enjoyable way to spend time together and be quiet.”
My husband and I enjoy taking a day to hike, even if it’s near our home. Exercising together feels like play for us, and we’ve realized both – exercise and play – are necessities, not luxuries. Take at least one day a month to play (although one day a week is far better), and here are some ideas if you don’t yet have any:
Are you starting to get inspired? There’s nothing that will bring back your youthful vigor than taking a day to play together. Consider it a form of worship. And go for it!
Photo credit: ©GettyImages-monkeybusinessimages
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Cindi McMenamin
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