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Tag: Vulnerability

  • Authentic Leadership Does Not Mean Bringing Your Whole Self to Work

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    Do you remember during Covid, logging on to online meetings, sometimes wearing pajamas, often with family members showing up in the background? Perhaps, this is what triggered the mantra to “bring our whole selves to work.” Authentic leadership is celebrated. Everyone should seek to be transparent. Right? Not exactly. 

    As a communication coach, I encourage my clients to consciously distinguish between transparency versus authenticity. Authenticity means being real, consistent, and true to your values. Transparency can lean into sharing everything. 

    I’m always authentic, but I don’t share everything I’m thinking, or everything I’ve experienced. Neither should you. Why not? Because being fully transparent can be interpreted as oversharing, which can be overwhelming and unprofessional. 

    The consistency of professionals

    A few years ago, I interviewed marketing guru and author Seth Godin for my Talk About Talk podcast.  

    “I have a whole rant about authenticity, as you know,” he said, highlighting the common assumption that authenticity means full transparency. “I do not know each other well. So I have no idea if you’re having a good day or not because you’re a professional. Professionals are consistent.”   

    Academic research supports Godin’s position. In a 2024 study from the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, researchers assessed 64 leaders and 162 followers over five days. The results proved that consistency was a key factor in predicting positive outcomes, such as work engagement and reduced emotional irritation. 

    Along with authenticity and transparency, professionalism and consistency have entered the debate. How can leaders consider this in a way that demonstrates effective leadership? Here are three things that I share with my clients to help them navigate the authenticity versus transparency tightrope: 

    1. You are always authentic. 

    Your words and your behaviors are valid and represent your true self. You do not misrepresent your opinions. 

    2. You are not fully transparent. 

    You do not share everything. Oversharing can be overwhelming for other people. It can also come across as unprofessional. Remember what Godin highlighted. “What’s most important is being professional.” In our interview, he provided some vivid examples. Regardless of whether “your cat had just thrown up behind the refrigerator, you had athlete’s foot, and you were cranky about all those things,” you still show up consistently.  

    3. You filter. 

    You consciously consider what parts of your thoughts and identities you share at work. I call this filtering. Researchers who conducted a 20-year review of academic research on authentic leadership call this bounded authenticity. You show up as consistent and professional. 

    Here’s the bottom line: Be authentic, but curate what you share. Consistently protect your professionalism and your boundaries. 

    The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

    The final deadline for the 2026 Inc. Regionals Awards is Friday, December 12, at 11:59 p.m. PT. Apply now.

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    Andrea Wojnicki

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  • Good Will Hunting: A Masterclass in Therapy and Emotional Growth

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    Take a deep dive into the therapeutic relationship as illustrated in the classic film Good Will Hunting, where a defiant genius and a compassionate therapist confront pain, grief, and regret in an emotional journey that changes them both.


    Good Will Hunting (1997) is a widely acclaimed cinematic masterpiece, offering one of the most compelling depictions of therapy ever portrayed on screen — and it remains one of my personal favorite movies of all time.

    The main protagonist is Will Hunting (played by Matt Damon) who is portrayed as an underachieving genius who works a modest life as a janitor at the prestigious MIT. Despite his intelligence, he’s emotionally guarded and frequently gets into brawls and run-ins with the law. One day he solves a difficult math equation on a chalkboard and is then approached by professors and faculty to pursue his talents in mathematics, but first he has to see a therapist and work out his personal problems.

    Will’s journey into therapy begins reluctantly with a typical “I don’t need to see a shrink” attitude. But after a series of arrests and getting bailed out, he’s court-ordered to start seeing someone. He cycles through five therapists, including a hypnotist, antagonizing each one to the point that they refuse to work with him. Will’s sharp intellect and deep emotional defenses make it nearly impossible for anyone to break through and connect with him.

    Finally he meets Sean Maguire (played by Robin Williams), a compassionate but no-nonsense therapist with a rich life of experiences, including deep wounds from his past, and accumulated wisdom. This article breaks down their relationship, session by session, to explore how it evolved throughout the film and potential lessons we can takeaway from it.

    First Meeting: Tensions and Boundary Testing

    Will’s first meeting with Sean begins with his usual strategy of intellectual dominance and boundary testing.

    He scans Sean’s office, searching for things to criticize, and immediately targets his book collection. “You people baffle me. You spend all this money on beautiful, fancy books, and they’re the wrong f***ing books.” Sean, unfazed, spars back, standing his ground while playfully naming books he assumes Will has read.

    Things reach a climax in the scene when Will begins to mock a painting hanging on the wall, which hits a personal nerve for Sean regarding the grief and loss of his wife. Sean’s reaction is striking and unconventional. After listening patiently, he suddenly grabs Will by the throat and threatens him: “If you ever disrespect my wife again, I will end you.”

    While it’s an unethical move for a therapist, this unorthodoxy shows Will that he is not dealing with an ordinary therapy. Both Will and Sean share working class Irish backgrounds in the hard streets of Boston. Sean knows this language and he is willing to speak it if it’s the only way to get through to Will. Sean thus establishes himself as someone who understands Will’s world, where strength and confrontation often dominate.

    This moment lays the foundation for their relationship. Sean shows he’s human, not just a clinical professional, but also that he won’t be intimidated or dismissed by Will’s antics. It’s the first step in breaking down Will’s defenses.

    The Bench Scene: A Turning Point

    After their intense first meeting, Sean invites Will to a park, where he delivers one of the most memorable monologues in the film. Sean begins by admitting his vulnerability, sharing that Will’s comments about the painting kept him up all night and genuinely bothered him.

    By admitting Will’s comments hurt him, Sean shows he’s willing to show weakness, but then he sharply pivots to challenge Will directly, “But then you know what occurred to me? You’re just a kid. You don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

    Sean goes on to explain that despite Will’s intellectual brilliance, he lacks lived experience. Sean shares personal moments that defined him — seeing the Sistine Chapel in person, being truly in love with someone, the scars of losing friends in war, and watching a loved one die of cancer. These deep experiences illustrate the limitations of knowledge without life. Sean’s speech is a blend of tough love and empathy, forcing Will to confront the gap between his intellectual defenses and his emotional reality.

    good will hunting bench

    The bench scene sets the tone for the remainder of their therapy. Sean acknowledges Will’s brilliance but challenges him to live beyond books and theories. Sean leaves the door open for Will to continue having sessions with him only if he is ready to truly open up.

    Second Therapy Session: Silence

    The next therapy session begins with complete silence as Sean and Will sit across from each other. After two emotionally charged meetings and still lingering tensions, neither is willing to be the first to reach out or break the quiet.

    The entire hour goes by and neither says a word. While this may feel like an unproductive session, this is another important moment in their relationship. The power of silence acts as a reset button in their relationship.

    Sometimes, simply sitting in the same room without confrontation (“sharing space”) can be a meaningful step toward healing. It allows both Sean and Will to recalibrate, setting the stage for a more productive dynamic moving forward.

    Third Therapy Session: Humor and Opening Up

    The silence stand-off continues into their third session, with each still not willing to budge or say the first word.

    Finally Will breaks the silence with a dirty joke, immediately breaking the tensions in the room and reinitiating conversation in a fun and light-hearted way. After they share a laugh, Will begins to open up about a girl he’s been dating recently. Will mentions how he worries the girl is “too perfect,” and that getting to know her more would just shatter that illusion. Sean wisely responds back, “That’s a super philosophy, that way you can go through your entire life without ever really getting to know anybody.”

    Sean opens up about his wife and the quirks behind their love, like her farting in her sleep and waking up the dog. After all these years, these are the little moments he remembers and cherishes about her. No one is “perfect,” and it’s often the imperfections that make someone special to us.

    good will hunting laugh

    Robin Williams improvised the story about his wife causing Matt Damon to genuinely burst out into laughter during this scene.


    After more light-hearted banter, Will turns the tables and ask why Sean never got remarried. Will firmly replies, “My wife is dead.” Then Will, always testing and challenging, uses one of Sean’s lines against him: “That’s a super philosophy, that way you can go through your entire life without ever really getting to know anybody.”

    Fourth Therapy Session: Love, Opportunities, and Regrets

    Now on much more amicable terms, Will opens up with an honest question, “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never met your wife?”

    Sean accepts that there’s been a lot of pain and suffering in his relationship, but he doesn’t regret any of it, because the good moments were worth it and he wouldn’t trade a single day with her through good or bad times. Will presses to learn more, “When did you know she was the one?”

    “October 21, 1975.”

    It was game six of the World Series, the biggest game in Red Sox history – and Sean slept on the sidewalk all night with friends to get tickets. He recalls the momentous occasion when the Red Sox hit a game-winning home run and everyone rushed the field.

    “Did you rush the field?”

    “Hell no, I wasn’t there. I was in a bar having a drink with my future wife.”

    The story illustrates how Sean knew his wife was the one when he was willing to miss the opportunity of a life-changing moment (being at a historical sporting event) for an even bigger life-changing moment (finding love and his future wife).

    Will is incredulous and yells at Sean for missing the game. He asks, “How did your friends let you get away with that?” And Will simply replies, “I just slid my ticket across the table and said, ‘Sorry guys, I gotta see about a girl.’”

    Fifth Therapy Session: Facing Potential and Values

    In this session, Will begins to ask deep questions about what he wants to do with the rest of his life and what are the best uses of his intelligence and talents.

    After a job interview with the NSA, Will goes into a diatribe about how his talents could be hypothetically used for catastrophic consequences, like overthrowing foreign governments, destabilizing entire countries, or getting his friends sent to fight some war overseas.

    Sean asks him directly, “What are you passionate about? What do you want?”

    They discuss the honor of work, including construction work and Will’s job as a janitor and the pride he takes in it, even though society may not view it as the most rewarding job in the world. Sean prods further asking why he chose to be a janitor at the most prestigious technical university in the world, and why he secretly finished math problems, highlighting that there may be something else driving Will.

    Sean asks again what Will wants to do with his life, and he deflects by joking that he wants to be a shepherd on his own plot of land away from the world. Sean isn’t willing to waste his time and decides to end the session early. Will has a final outburst before leaving, “You’re lecturing me on life? Look at you, you burnout!”

    This session reveals how Will is afraid of his potential and talents, including the responsibility that comes with them. “I didn’t ask to be born like this.” He feels safe continuing to live in his hometown, work his everyday job, and hangout with his childhood friends. He’s afraid to dream bigger. There may be something deeper driving Will’s thirst for knowledge, but he doesn’t know his core values and motivations, and doesn’t truly know himself or what he wants out of life.

    Sixth Therapy Session: “It’s Not Your Fault”

    The next therapy session begins with Sean uncovering more about Will’s painful past, particularly his life as an orphan and the physical abuse he endured with his foster parents. Sean reveals that he, too, grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father, forging another shared bond between them.

    As their conversation unfolds, Will correctly guesses that his final psychological report likely diagnoses him with “attachment issues” and a “fear of abandonment.” He acknowledges that these issues may have driven him to push his girlfriend away, leading to their recent breakup. When Sean gently asks if he wants to talk about it, Will declines.

    Sean then shifts the focus, holding onto the reports as he says, “I don’t know a lot. But you see this? All this shit? It’s not your fault.”

    At first, Will politely agrees, brushing off the comment, but Sean repeats the line: “It’s not your fault.” With each repetition, Will’s emotional defenses begin to crumble, and he cycles through a range of emotions—politeness, confusion, anger, and aggression—until the weight of Sean’s words fully sinks in. Overwhelmed, Will finally breaks down and cries, releasing years of suppressed pain and guilt.

    good will hunting

    In this profoundly cathartic moment, Sean embraces Will, offering the safe and empathetic connection that has been absent from Will’s life. It’s a turning point where Will confronts his past without blame or self-judgment, finally opening the door to acceptance and healing.

    Last Goodbye

    In their last meeting, Will thanks Sean for all of his help and shares the good news that he has accepted an exciting new job. Sean, in turn, reveals his plans to travel and explore life on his own terms. They exchange numbers to keep in touch, symbolizing the respect and connection they’ve built.

    This moment underscores that therapy is often a chapter in life that prepares individuals to continue their journeys independently. Both Will and Sean needed to say their goodbyes and go their separate ways to continue following their paths in life. Will has learned to face his fears and embrace his potential. Sean has rediscovered purpose and fulfillment through helping Will. Their goodbye is bittersweet but profound, a reminder that growth often requires letting go and moving forward.

    In the final scene, Will leaves a letter at Sean’s place that reads, “If the professor calls about that job, just tell him sorry—I had to go see about a girl.” This moment beautifully exemplifies Will’s newfound courage to follow his heart and take meaningful risks.

    Conclusion

    The therapeutic relationship between Sean and Will in Good Will Hunting is a masterclass in storytelling and psychology. Through humor, vulnerability, and mutual respect, Sean helps Will break through years of pain and fear, while Will reignites Sean’s passion for life. Their journey is a powerful testament to the transformative potential of therapy — and how creating a space of acceptance, healing, and growth can change lives.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Finding Meaning in Virtual Worlds: How Online Gaming and Digital Communities Can Transform Lives

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    Virtual worlds and online gaming have become a new source of meaning, purpose, and belonging in today’s world, especially for those who struggle with loneliness, social anxiety, or physical disabilities. The new documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin shares the inspiring story of Mats Steen, a young Norwegian man with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, who built a meaningful life through the popular game World of Warcraft.


    The digital world is sometimes criticized for being a “shallow escape” from real life. However, for many it can be a reliable source of meaning, connection, and purpose—especially for those who may find it difficult to fulfill certain needs and values in their regular daily lives.

    The Remarkable Life of Ibelin

    The 2024 documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin is an insightful and heartfelt story on how people find real meaning, connection, and purpose through online gaming and virtual worlds.

    Mats Steen, a young Norwegian man living with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, found freedom and fulfillment through his digital persona, Ibelin, in the popular video game World of Warcraft. Mats’ physical limitations were significant, but in Azeroth, he experienced life without barriers.

    His parents only discovered the extent of his online relationships after his death, realizing that the world they thought was isolating had actually given Mats purpose and belonging. For eight years, Mats was an active member of the Starlight community, a guild within World of Warcraft that became like a family to him. Every evening, Mats would log in to talk, roleplay, and have fun with dozens of online friends. Throughout those years, he dedicated over 20,000 hours to the game and participated in conversations that filled more than 42,000 pages of chat logs.

    The documentary used these chat logs to recreate Ibelin’s life within the game, including sentimental and meaningful moments with his online friends Rumour and Reike. Viewers get to witness, through these virtual interactions, how Mats / Ibelin found a place where he was valued not for his physical abilities, but for his personality, humor, and kindness.

    Through this digital world, Mats was able to find a sense of purpose and belonging. As he says in the documentary, “Games are my sanctuary. I am safe here, feel valued and respected.”

    Finding Love and Romantic Fulfillment in Virtual Space

    Due to his physical condition, Mats struggled to find love and romance at school or among real life friends. However, through his virtual avatar Ibelin in the game, Mats was able to experience rare moments of romantic connection that he never thought possible. For once, he was able to connect with people just based on who they are on the inside; as Mats observed, “Everyone looks good in this world, so looks don’t matter, it’s about personality.”

    In World of Warcraft, Mats formed a romantic bond with a player known as Rumour. Their connection began with playful moments, like when Rumour stole his hat “just to see what happens,” and gradually grew into a deeper and more significant connection over time. One of the most memorable moments was their virtual kiss, which Mats described as, “The closest thing I’ve ever been to a crush my entire life.” Mats would give her digital gifts and flowers, and she reciprocated by drawing a real-life picture of their characters embracing—a gift Mats would hang in his room.

    Real-World Emotional Bonds

    These digital connections often spilled over into real lives and deep emotional bonds.

    One day, Rumour mysteriously disappeared from the game and stopped playing. Mats only later found out that her parents had taken her computer away due to her poor grades. This sudden disconnect deeply affected Rumour, whose real name was Lisette, and she began struggling with depression because she could no longer connect with her online friends. Mats, finding out about her pain, wrote a heartfelt letter to her parents, pleading with them to return her computer and emphasizing the value of the relationships she had formed in the digital world. His support helped Lisette during one of the most challenging periods she faced, showing how genuine and meaningful digital bonds can be, even outside of virtual spaces.

    Another one of his gaming friends, Xenia, known as Reike in the game, struggled to connect with her autistic son. Mats encouraged her to try gaming as a way to bridge the gap, and through World of Warcraft, Xenia was able to find new ways to communicate and bond with her son, including giving each other “virtual hugs,” which was a big deal because her son struggled with human touch in the real world. Xenia also said that her son could now share things with her that he normally couldn’t in person or face-to-face, improving their overall ability to communicate and connect through the shared experience of video games. 

    These are just a couple examples of how Mats’ digital relationships had significant, positive effects on the real lives of those around him, illustrating the powerful potential of online communities to bring about meaningful change.

    Opening Up About His Condition

    Mats took a long time to open up about his physical condition to the other members of Starlight. Feeling completely protected behind his virtual persona, Mats could ignore his material reality and didn’t have to worry about people showing him superficial pity or sympathy because of his illness. 

    This hesitation to open up and be vulnerable unfortunately led to some missed opportunities, including missed phone calls and video chats with his online friends. And during a real-life meetup and party for all the members of Starlight, Mats ended up being one of the few to not attend.

    Despite his fears of vulnerability, Mats eventually found the courage to open up as his illness progressed. He shared his fears of dying without meaning anything to anyone with Reike/Xenia, who reminded him of the profound impact he had made on her life and her son’s life. She then listed all the other people he had positively influenced, proving just how meaningful his presence had been over the years.

    Ibelin’s Funeral and Legacy

    After Mats’ death, the emotional weight of his digital connections became evident. When his parents announced his death on his blog, there was an outpouring of emails filled with love, sympathy, and support for Mats / Ibelin and his family. One email read, “What mattered to Mats was being able to spread joy in our lives. And stuff I learned from his example has changed the way I think about life. I hope that wherever he is, he knows that he’s remembered and treasured, and smiling right now.” Five of his online friends from multiple different countries attended his funeral, showing how deeply these connections extended outside of the virtual world. The Starlight community also organized their own virtual funeral for Ibelin, which has now become an annual tradition to honor his memory.

    Studies Supporting the Value of Online Gaming

    A well-known study (PDF) by Nick Yee (2006) identified three primary motivations for playing MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games), such as World of Warcraft. Each of these motivations can be seen in Mats’ experience as Ibelin:

    • Achievement: The drive to accomplish goals, gain recognition, and feel a sense of success. Mats fulfilled important roles within the game, like his ‘investigator job,’ which gave him a sense of duty and made him feel valued and respected as a member of the Starlight team.
    • Social Interaction: The desire to connect, build relationships, and be part of a community. Mats was an active member of the Starlight community, where he built meaningful friendships both online and offline, including his connections with Reike (Xenia) and Rumour (Lisette).
    • Immersion: The desire to lose oneself in a fantasy world and experience life through a completely new perspective. Mats immersed himself in his avatar Ibelin and the virtual world of Azeroth, finding freedom from his chronic illness and experiencing life in a way that was uniquely empowering and uplifting. 

    In another related study published in Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, researchers found that players often experience deep social connections within their gaming communities which can help alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation, especially for those who struggle with social anxiety or shyness. And a study in Computers in Human Behavior indicated that the collaborative nature of online games encourages many pro-social attributes such as improved communication, trust, and shared purpose.

    All of these elements are evident in Mats’ story, where his participation in the Starlight community gave him a valued role within a group and elevated his sense of identity and self-worth – all of which are important pillars in building a meaningful life. For individuals facing challenges like physical disabilities or social anxiety, online games can provide an accessible way to fulfill essential psychological needs that may be harder to meet in the physical world.

    Feeling Like You Made a Difference Somewhere

    One of the most meaningful aspects of Mats’ journey as Ibelin was his desire to make a difference in the lives of others. Despite his fears of dying without leaving a mark, Mats’ impact was undeniable. Through his friendships with Rumour, Reike, and others, he provided emotional support, created lasting memories, and changed lives for the better. His story reminds us that feeling like we have made a difference — whether in the physical or digital world —is a fundamental human need that gives life purpose.

    The annual virtual memorials held by the Starlight community, the heartfelt emails his parents received, and the international attendance at his funeral are all powerful symbols of the difference Mats made. His story shows that creating a positive impact on others isn’t just about physical presence, but ultimately the energy you give to others.

    Conclusion

    The Remarkable Life of Ibelin invites us to reconsider how we view digital spaces and the potential they hold for providing meaning, connection, and purpose. The emotional weight of Mats’ story moved me deeply—I’ll admit that by the end of the documentary I was tearing up a little bit, but that shows how powerful “just digital” relationships can be and how inseparable they are from our broader reality. For Mats Steen, World of Warcraft was more than just a game—it was a lifeline, a place where he could be a stronger and more confident version of himself, find love and romantic connection, and support his friends in a real and tangible way. His story is a powerful reminder that behind every avatar is a real person, and that the connections we form online can be just as enriching and life-changing as those we form in the physical world.  

    If you’re looking for more insightful documentaries, check out my recommended list of documentaries here.



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    Steven Handel

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  • Zero-day flaw in Check Point VPNs is ‘extremely easy’ to exploit | TechCrunch

    Zero-day flaw in Check Point VPNs is ‘extremely easy’ to exploit | TechCrunch

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    Cybersecurity company Check Point says attackers are exploiting a zero-day vulnerability in its enterprise VPN products to break into the corporate networks of its customers. 

    The technology maker hasn’t said yet who is responsible for the cyberattacks or how many of its customers are affected by intrusions linked to the vulnerability, which security researchers say is “extremely easy” to exploit.

    In a blog post this week, Check Point said the vulnerability in its Quantum network security devices allows for a remote attacker to obtain sensitive credentials from an affected device, which can grant the attackers access to the victim’s wider network. Check Point said attackers began exploiting the bug around April 30. A zero day bug is when a vendor has no time to fix the bug before it is exploited.

    The company urged customers to install patches to remediate the flaw.

    Check Point has over 100,000 customers, according to its website. A spokesperson for Check Point did not return a request for comment asking how many of its customers are affected by the exploitation.

    Check Point is the latest security company in recent months to disclose a security vulnerability in its security products, the very technologies that are designed to protect companies from cyberattacks and digital intrusions.

    These network security devices sit on the edge of a company’s network and serve as digital gatekeepers for which users are allowed in, but have a tendency to contain security flaws that can in some cases easily skirt their security defenses and lead to compromise of the customer’s network.

    Several other enterprise and security vendors, including Ivanti, ConnectWise, and Palo Alto Networks, have in recent months rushed to fix flaws in their enterprise-grade security products that malicious attackers have exploited to compromise customer networks to steal data. All of the bugs in question are high severity in nature, in large part due to how easy they were to exploit.

    In the case of Check Point’s vulnerability, security research firm watchTowr Labs said in its analysis of the vulnerability that the bug was “extremely easy” to exploit once it had been located.

    The bug, which watchTowr Labs described as a path-traversal vulnerability, means it’s possible for an attacker to remotely trick an affected Check Point device into returning files that should have been protected and off-limits, such as the passwords for accessing the root-level operating system of the device.

    “This is much more powerful than the vendor advisory seems to imply,” said watchTowr Labs researcher Aliz Hammond.

    U.S. cybersecurity agency CISA said it added the Check Point vulnerability to its public catalog of known-exploited vulnerabilities. In brief remarks, the government cyber agency said that the vulnerability in question is often used by malicious cyber actors, and that these kinds of flaws pose “significant risks to the federal enterprise.”

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    Zack Whittaker

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  • 6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

    6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

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    According to “common factors theory,” the essence of successful therapy lies in shared core elements, and the differences between therapeutic approaches are often less important than fulfilling these fundamental criteria.


    One frequent question people ask themselves when they first decide to seek therapy is, “What type of therapy should I get?”

    There are many different types of talk therapy to choose from. Often specific types of therapy are geared toward specific mental disorders. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy is common for depression and anxiety disorders, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy is common for bipolar and mood disorders, and EMDR is common among those with PTSD.

    How much do these therapies differ? How much does it matter?

    One interesting idea in psychology is “common factors theory.” The basic premise is that effective therapy isn’t necessarily based on any specific type of therapeutic tool or technique, but rather there are underlying factors behind all therapies that make them successful.

    Many therapeutic systems have been invented over the past century. Today, every popular therapist or coach has their own trademarked brand that’s sold as the absolute best approach to mental health.

    The less glamorous truth is that most successful therapies aren’t special. There’s significant overlap between different approaches, with a couple extra bells and whistles. However, at the end of the day the biggest reason they are successful is because they all meet fundamental criteria.

    Below you’ll learn more about these “common factors” behind successful therapy, including: collaboration, empathy, alliance, positive regard, genuineness, and individual differences.

    6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

    One interesting study identified 6 common factors behind all “evidence-based” therapy. They also calculated estimates on how much each factor contributed to the overall variability of therapeutic outcomes.

    Here are the 6 common factors behind all successful therapy:

    • Goal consensus / collaboration (11.5%) – The most important factor is that both the therapist and client share the same goal and they’re willing to work together to achieve it. A goal can be anything from managing negative emotions, to stopping bad habits, to improving communication skills. If their goals mismatch (such as the client not wanting to change or the therapist wanting to go in a different direction), then it’ll be difficult if not impossible to make any progress. Both people need to be on the same page.
    • Empathy (9%) – The therapist must have a clear understanding of who their patient is and where they are coming from. This means being aware of their current thoughts and feelings, but also learning a comprehensive history of that patient’s past experiences and background. We build empathy by seeking knowledge and understanding about another person. Don’t try to guess, label, or project where someone is coming from. Ask questions and learn. A therapist must treat each person as their own individual case. A scientific study of n=1. Every person has a unique story and a therapist’s job is to learn each person’s story.
    • Alliance (7.5%) – Both therapist and client must see their relationship as a partnership where each puts in equal effort to realize their shared goal. For the therapist, this means providing advice, encouragement, compliments, and constructive feedback. For the client, this means putting in work outside of the therapy session (in everyday life) so they actually see changes and results. A healthy alliance requires three main components: 1) A shared bond between therapist and client, 2) Agreement about the goals of therapy, and 3) Agreement about the tasks to achieve it (practical advice, tips, suggestions, exercises, homework). Therapy has to be viewed as more than just talking once per week, but rather an impetus to work together, create a plan, and achieve real progress.
    • Positive regard / affirmation (7.3%) – It’s important that the therapist treats the patient with optimism, positivity, compliments, and encouragement. While a therapist sometimes needs to provide critical and constructive feedback, they should generally promote the patient’s self-esteem and core values. If a therapist tries to fundamentally change something about a person that they don’t want to, there’s naturally going to be conflict and difficulties. One idea known as unconditional positive regard was popularized by the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers. He highlighted the importance of being agreeable and respectful toward the patient’s core beliefs, values, and goals (even if you disagree with them). Rogers saw therapy as a tool to encourage self-discovery and self-awareness, not tell a patient exactly how they should live their life.
    • Congruence / genuineness (5.7%) – Both the therapist and patient need to be open, genuine, and authentic. If the patient feels the therapist is just “putting on an act” or “pretending to be nice,” they are going to want to pullback and disengage from the process. A good therapist needs to be just as vulnerable as the patient. This means sharing relevant thoughts and feelings, being honest and matter-of-fact, and being willing to express emotions when appropriate. One telltale sign of incongruence is when there is a mismatch in body language (including posture, facial expressions, or tone of voice). If a therapist’s words don’t match their body language, the patient likely won’t develop any trust or rapport.
    • Therapist differences (5%) – The last important factor, which may be beyond our control, is personality differences between the therapist and client. Not everyone is designed to get along with everyone, and sometimes the therapist and patient are just too different when it comes to attitude, temperament, background, or lifestyle. Many therapy sessions don’t work out simply because the therapist/patient relationship doesn’t seem to mesh right. This is why it’s recommended that a person tries out multiple therapists when first starting out. Then they can find someone that fits with their personality and a therapist to commit to long-term.

    These are the 6 most common factors behind successful therapy. They account for ~50% of the total variability in therapeutic outcomes, so there are still many other factors at play.

    In truth, different types of therapies have their advantages and disadvantages, and certain approaches may work better for some and not at all for others.

    Regardless of the system, successful therapy often needs to meet the basic requirements listed above. Without these common factors being met, no technique or approach is going to work.

    A Warning on Overspecialized Therapy

    A therapist needs to be flexible in their approach and try not to force fit everyone into their preferred model.

    The more a person is trained and/or educated on a specific field in psychology, the more they seem to be “locked in” to only one way of observing the human condition. They don’t talk to people as human beings at face value, but instead think, “How does this person fit into my cognitive/behavioral/psychodynamic/evolutionary model?”

    Expertise (and overspecialization) can narrow vision. A certain element of beginner’s mind is the best approach to therapy. Start with the basic questions, “Who is this person? What do they care about? What makes them tick? What do they want to change?”

    Assume nothing and ask questions. Learn about the person from scratch. Connect to them human-to-human and see where it goes.

    More concerning, certain therapies have become popularized and over-hyped in recent years. They’ve turned into commercial brands. “Cognitive-behavioral therapy” has become a buzzword in many circles because the average person associates it with the only “evidence-based” therapy.

    Of course I’m not against specific therapies. I’ve learned a lot of helpful tools and techniques from various systems (including CBT) that I still practice today.

    At the end of the day, I’m a pragmatist, so there’s almost no therapy, treatment, medication, or technique I’m 100% for or against. If it helps just one person, then it’s that much effective.

    However, in general, a good therapist needs to have a comprehensive understanding of how humans work. Tools and techniques can be in your back-pocket, but first and foremost you need to approach people as individual human beings seeking growth.

    Successful therapy can’t be reduced to a checklist.

    The Gloria Tapes: 3 Therapeutic Approaches

    This topic reminds me of an old series of videos known as the Gloria Tapes.

    It was an educational film made in the 1960s to teach psychology students the differences between therapeutic approaches.

    The series follows a single patient, Gloria, who receives therapy from three distinguished psychologists of the time: Carl Rogers, Fritz Perls, and Albert Ellis.

    The therapy is limited since it’s only one session each, but you can get a good understanding of the radically different approaches by each therapist.

    You can watch each of the sessions here:

    Each of these videos reveals a different approach to therapy.

    Albert Ellis is most aligned with modern cognitive and rational-based approaches. Carl Rogers has a more gentle and humanistic approach. Fritz Perls has a direct and provocative approach (almost to the point of bullying).

    If I remember correctly, the patient Gloria felt the most comfortable with Rogers, but she actually went for a second session with Perls. I don’t know how to interpret that – it’s possible she felt “unfinished business” with Perls or she simply enjoyed arguing with him.

    None of this says anything about “successful therapy.” Just one session isn’t adequate to measure “success” vs. “failure” when it comes to a long-term process like self-growth. However, these examples will give you a taste for the different types of therapies out there.

    Ultimately, successful therapy depends on both therapist and patient. The most important factor is to have a healthy, working relationship and a “build together” attitude. Once you have that foundation, anything is possible.


    Stay updated on new articles and resources in psychology and self improvement:

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    Steven Handel

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  • Maria Conceição: Breaking Records to Help Underprivileged Kids

    Maria Conceição: Breaking Records to Help Underprivileged Kids

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    Some heroes wear capes. Others wear some sort of form-fitting suit. Maria Conceição, on the other hand, wears unassuming belted floral-print flowy maxi dresses.

    Don’t be thrown off by her choice of “capes.” It’s her life choices that’ve gotten her from being a toilet cleaner to an Emirates flight attendant to breaking not one, not two, but nine Guinness world records.

    Oh wow!” is an appropriate response to this incredible feat. But the mind-blowing, this-is really-what-deserves-the-proper-oh-wow reason behind it all? To lift hundreds of children out of abject poverty from the slums of Dhaka, Bangladesh.

    The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life has been honoring a promise I made to 100 mothers and families in Bangladesh that I was going to take them out of poverty,” she says on stage at Mindvalley University 2023 in Tallinn, Estonia.

    That commitment was made in 2005. And it’s one that she’s stuck to like glue, transforming it into a lifelong mission that has reshaped not just her own destiny but the futures of those she’s vowed to uplift.

    Watch the full 45-minute stage talk:

    Ep #033 | How Maria Conceição Broke 9 Records to Help Children to Transform Their Lives

    The Making of Maria Conceição’s Mission

    The hardship and reality of survival that come with poverty aren’t a stark contrast to Maria’s own upbringing. Born in Portugal to a single mother, her earliest memories are of a world far removed from privilege.

    When she was only two, her mother, grappling with joblessness, entrusted Maria to the care of Cristina, a kind-hearted Angolan refugee and widow who was also a cleaner. This new home, though crowded with Christina’s six children, offered Maria a haven of stability and warmth.

    Unfortunately, tragedy was not far behind. At the age of nine, her world was upended by Cristina’s sudden death, thrusting her into an uncertain future.

    Pretty much from that point, I was told the only thing I could expect to achieve in life was to be a cleaner,” she recalls. “At the age of 18, I told myself, if the only thing I’m going to achieve in life is to be a cleaner, I’ll refuse to ‘just be a cleaner.’ I’m going to be the Ronaldo or the Messi of the cleaning world.

    Off she went to Switzerland. Then England. Each move was driven by a desire to transcend limiting beliefs and carve out a different path for herself.

    But it was in Dubai, as an Emirates flight attendant, that the Maria Conceição arrived. Little did she know that a routine layover in Dhaka would expose her to the harrowing poverty of the slums—a haunting reminder of her own past and the catalyst for her life-changing commitment to the 100 mothers and families in Bangladesh.

    Breaking Records, Breaking Barriers

    Here are the facts (as per the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights): By 2022, 20.5% of Bangladeshis living in rural areas were in poverty. In urban areas, the figure stood at 14.7%.

    I understood what was the meaning of poverty, and I thanked God for everything I had and didn’t have. So what did I ended up doing? I ended up doing exactly what Cristina had done to my mother. I ended up promising these struggling families in the slams of Dhaka that I was going to take care of their children until they finished their education.

    — Maria Conceição

    Raising funds for such a cause is not as easy as going door-to-door. Not everyone has the same virtues or values to hand over their hard-earned cash.

    So what did Maria do? “I googled on the internet: What is the quickest and most efficient way to make money?

    Short of going to Ellen or Oprah or anyone famous (which she tried, mind you), the digital ether whispered back with an idea as wild as it was daunting: the world of extreme challenges.

    This is nothing new; tons of people have undertaken extreme endeavors for noble causes. Environmental advocate Roz Savage rowed across oceans to spotlight the urgency of protecting our planet. Adventurer Erik Weihenmayer, despite being blind, conquered the Seven Summits. Palestinian refugee Mostafa Salameh climbed Everest for peace and unity.

    Maria was about to be the next. The thing was, though, Maria was no seasoned polar explorer. Yet, she plunged into the challenge with an enthusiasm that belied her novice status, breaking records in her wake.

    She became the first Portuguese woman to go to the North Pole. Then, the first Portuguese woman to stand atop Everest. Then, running marathons (“seven marathons on seven continents” was just one of many), followed by attempting to swim from England to France, a climb up Kilimanjaro, Elbrus, Aconcagua, Denali, and Vinson, and “the first Portuguese woman to get to the South Pole and to get to Antarctica.”

    The path to these triumphs was strewn with logistical nightmares, physical exhaustion, and the constant specter of financial strain. But even in the face of these adversities, Maria’s resolve remained steadfast.

    Each record she shattered was not just a personal victory but a clarion call for the children of Dhaka—a signal that their plight was seen and their voices heard.

    Maria Conceição’s Undoubtable Ripple Effect

    The society I belong from,” says Shahin Khan, one of the Dhakaiyans Maria helped, “everyone says, ‘no, no, no, no, no.’ And [Maria’s] like, ‘yes, yes, yes, yes.’”

    Her impact is palpable. Children who once saw no path beyond the slum’s confines now dream of careers, of changing their worlds.

    It seems like her aspiration to be a “Ronaldo” came true. “She’s like a ‘Cristiano Ronaldo’ to all of us,” reflects Shoikat, another Dhakaiyan who’s known Maria since 2006. “It’s because of all the hard work that she has done for us and is still doing; she is doing it 24/7, never resting on any holidays. We see her every day working just for us to have a better future.”

    Shahin and Shoikat are of the hundreds of lives that Maria has changed. The latest? A group of 22, with the help of friends and advisors to the Maria Cristina Foundation (including several Mindvalley members). 

    We talk a lot about this idea of living your most extraordinary life,” says Vishen, the founder of Mindvalley. Maria’s, as he points out, is the epitome of what this looks like.

    [There are] very few people in the world who would inspire you by not only saying but also doing with you, sharing the journey with you. The mother of 600 kids, Maria, she has done that. She’s the best woman in the world.

    — Shahin Khan

    She’s planted the seeds of change—seeds now sprouting into young adults. “The rewards are outstanding,” says Victoria Alcober, a client relationship manager based in Dubai, U.A.E. “To see these young people thrive and get further in life, achieve what they would never dreamed of without Maria’s presence.”

    These individuals look to her as a role model, and consequently, they carry her legacy forward, spreading the message that from little things, big things grow.

    Be Part of the Story

    While her commitment is to the 100 families, Maria’s mission transcends the underprivileged in Dhaka. It’s a catalyst for a broader awakening—one where her work is not an exception but an inspiration for systemic change and to contribute to the greater good.

    I have never met anybody devoted to a goal like Maria is,” Victoria adds. “Whether training for the next adventure, pursuing great positions or internships for her students, or breaking a new record, she gives it all!

    But beyond the tangible goals lies a deeper aspiration. Her aim? To create a self-sustaining model of empowerment where every success story fuels another, creating a chain reaction of empowerment and progress.

    As Vishen points out, the goal is surely to raise funds to help the underprivileged. But it’s also to create more Maria Conceiçãos.

    The goal is to inspire you guys in some way to just think a little bit beyond goals, visions, accomplishments that might simply benefit you,” says Vishen, “but what can you do to create a greater impact on the world.”

    That’s the power of Maria’s story. It’s a true reminder of the impact one person can have, of the ripples that a single act of kindness can create, and of the enduring hope that can arise from the most challenging circumstances.

    One of the greatest lessons I got from Maria’s thing is that the Universe will bless you if you’re thinking beyond just yourself. Things will happen.

    — Vishen, founder of Mindvalley

    If you’d like to contribute to help continue the Maria Cristina Foundation mission and support its transformative work, consider donating to the Maria Cristina Foundation. Your generosity can fuel the cycle of empowerment and change, touching lives in ways that extend far beyond monetary value.


    Photo by Kersti Niglas

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    Tatiana Azman

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  • Stand Out With Confidence and Achieve Your True Potential With This Mindset

    Stand Out With Confidence and Achieve Your True Potential With This Mindset

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    Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

    Let’s face it. It’s not always easy to stand out, go against the grain or make a bold statement. It can feel easier to go with the flow than to swim against the current. When you step out, you can be seen and can feel uncomfortable. People might label you, point fingers and even judge you. You might even failing, and rightfully so because having anyone see you fail is terrifying. The horror of being in the spotlight keeps many people from ever stepping out and being true to their beliefs, opinions, and themselves. Fear keeps transformative thoughts and ideas buried, often resurfacing later in life when people ask themselves, “what if?”

    What if I had stood up for what I wanted? What if I had taken that risk? What if I had raised my hand and spoken my truth…. would my life have been different? Could I have made a difference? Would I have been happier?

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    Jen Sugermeyer

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