Tag: TIME Votes

At this point in election season, you might be as interested in voting your outspoken uncle out of the family as you are in casting your ballot for the next president of the United States. Differing political views can rip family members apart, making everyone feel like they’re walking on eggshells in the lead-up to Nov. 5.

“There’s a lot of stress that people carry knowing everybody is feeling tense about this,” says Jenna Glover, chief clinical officer with the mental health app Headspace. “Some people have actually lost relationships, and it’s important to acknowledge how that impacts our mental health.”

With that in mind, we asked experts exactly what to say to the relative whose politics you despise in order to keep (or restore) family peace.

“I won’t be talking about politics today.”

You know what they say: Never talk about religion, politics, or money in mixed company. Setting a clear boundary is one of the most effective ways to preemptively squash disagreements, experts agree. Make your intentions clear ahead of time: Before hosting your kid’s birthday celebration or meeting up for a Halloween costume party, reach out to family members and establish some guidelines, says Bradford Stucki, a psychotherapist in Provo, Utah. “Suggest a politics-free zone for the gathering,” he advises. Emphasize that you want to keep the focus on the kids, or the festivities at hand, and ask for a commitment to avoid polarizing topics. If the conversation still ends up turning in that direction, shut it down: “OK, that’s enough of that,” or, “We’re not talking about that here today.”

Read More: How to Set Boundaries With Relatives, According to Family Therapists

“Can you tell me a story that helps me understand how you came to believe that?”

If you’re sitting at the kitchen table with a family member, and they say something opposite of what you believe politically, take a breath and summon your curiosity. Then ask them to tell you about the personal experiences that shaped their perspective. “Our most polarizing conversations are often an exchange of talking points divorced from context,” says Jill DeTemple, a professor and chair of religious studies at Southern Methodist University in Dallas and an associate with Essential Partners, a non-profit that helps people build relationships across differences.

Asking for the story behind someone’s beliefs can help us remember that our family members are complex, and that their ideas might come from a place we recognize, even if we don’t also subscribe to them. “Maybe I disagree with my uncle, deeply, about guns, but his story about his sense of accomplishment and belonging after shooting his grandfather’s rifle for the first time will help me remember how kind he was to me as a child,” she says. DeTemple recommends asking yourself: “Am I having dinner with family because I want to convince everyone to think like me, or because I want to be reminded that I’m a part of something bigger?”

“If I heard only what was on your news feed, I’m sure I’d think the same thing, but I’ve had different experiences in my life.”

This approach resonates with Nealin Parker, executive director of Common Ground USA, an organization dedicated to peace-building. She thinks of it as a gentle reminder that even the most compelling news stories “don’t apply equally to everyone’s lives.” Plus, it can be a helpful way to remind people that the most well-informed and sincerely held opinions are often grounded in lived experiences, Parker says. That can open the door to conversations centered around a desire for mutual understanding.

“What kind of compromise or solution might work for both sides?”

Make a point to seek common ground in politically charged conversations, Glover advises. One way to do that is to raise the subject of potential compromises or solutions—which will help you and Cousin Bob come together, rather than focusing on how different your views are. Talk out how you’d both tackle a problem with the economy or health care that you feel strongly about. As Glover puts it: “How do we work to come up with a solution that’s inclusive and that’s helpful for most people?” These brainstorming sessions encourage people to feel like they’re on the same team, she says—and are more productive than picking a fight.

Read More: 11 Things to Say to Persuade Someone to Vote

“Tell me more.”

It might seem counterintuitive, but Parker likes this tactic because, if you can convince someone you really want to hear their perspective, they tend to shift from ranting into talking. “It can make people reconsider their most inflammatory comments, and sometimes even make them want to hear more from you about your beliefs,” she says. So the next time your brother starts bashing your favorite candidate, ask him to tell you more about where he’s coming from—and you might be surprised at how quickly the temperature in the room lowers.

“Could I have permission to share my point of view?”

It’s OK to share your perspective with people on the opposite side of the political spectrum—but Glover likes to start the conversation by asking for permission. Doing so is a technique commonly used in counseling called elicit-provide-elicit: First, you find out what someone else’s point of view is; then, you provide your own perspective; and finally, you ask the other person for their reaction. “The other person has actively said, ‘Yes, I do want to hear,’ and it puts them in a different place of openness,” she says. “And of course, if they were to say no, then that’s good for you to know. Why waste your breath on somebody who’s not going to listen?” In the 20 years she’s been employing this strategy, however, she’s never had someone opt out of hearing what she had to say.

“I’d like to have a chance to learn from each other, because I respect you but see the world differently.”

This phrasing is effective because it lets your family members know that while you may disagree with them, you intend to ground your discussion in respect and genuinely want to better understand where they’re coming from, Parker says. It’s essential, however, to mean what you say. If you don’t want to learn something from your relatives or maintain a relationship with them, that’s fine—but in those cases, it’s usually best not to engage. If you decide to proceed, aim to talk one-on-one—privacy makes conversations more constructive—and remember that good things don’t happen overnight. “One conversation is unlikely to result in significant change,” Parker says, but it’s a start to build on over time.

“Maybe we could revisit this conversation when we’re both feeling more calm.”

If you recognize that you and your family member are both on edge—maybe your pulse is starting to spike, or your chest is getting tight—it’s time to step away. “As humans, when we feel pushed, we’re going to push back,” Glover says. That all but guarantees the conversation won’t go anywhere good. By suggesting you revisit things later, “You’re basically letting go of the balloon that’s about to pop, and saying, ‘Let’s just take a break from this.’” That way, you can ensure neither one of you says something you’ll regret later, Glover adds.

Read More: How to Survive Election Season Without Losing Your Mind

“I mean, I’ll vote for any candidate who will boost the economy, cut my taxes, and…prosecute people who remove their shoes on the airplane.”

Sometimes, humor is the best tool to diffuse heated situations. That’s why a simple comedic device called the “comic triple” can work well, says Paul Osincup, a comedian and author of The Humor Habit. The idea is to list three things: The first two should be obvious or mundane, while the third is funny or surprising. By utilizing this technique, “You’re gently redirecting the conversation to a lighter topic: pet peeves,” he says. Your family members will likely start laughing and chime in, “I know, that’s so gross!” Or, Osincup adds, they might tick off the pet peeves they’d abolish if they were president. “When everyone is in on the joke, they feel more connected,” he says. “Shared laughter is empathy in action.”

“I’ll just be glad when all of the campaign commercials are over with—they’re ridiculous!”

Here’s another way to get a smile out of your family members. Describe what a political attack ad against you (or one of them) might sound like, Osincup suggests: “Kyle says he’ll make the best VP for accounting, but he still spends $8 a day at Starbucks. Would you trust your money to Cappuccino Kyle?” “You’re poking fun at a pretty universally shared experience—disliking political commercials—and then redirecting the humor to yourself,” Osincup says. He recommends giving yourself a nickname (preferably with alliteration) and delivering your ad in a booming, dramatic voice.

“Looks like the Cowboys might beat the Eagles this year.”

If things start going downhill at one of Glover’s family gatherings, she redirects to a topic that has the same energy, but feels a lot safer: sports. It’s much more fun, after all, to fight about football teams than political parties. And remember: If your family member won’t let the election go and is determined to pick a fight, you don’t need to participate. “Some people are going to continue to create an environment that’s not going to be healthy, and it’s going to impair your judgment,” she says. “Take control over what you can, and recognize that sometimes, there’s nothing you can do other than remove yourself from the situation.”

Political pundits would have a much easier job if they started predicting Americans’ stress levels instead of the outcome of the presidential election. No margin of error needed—it’s easy to see we’re all anxious. (Talk about unfavorable polling.)

According to a recent American Psychiatric Association poll, 73% of adults in the U.S. are stressed about the race. A 2024 Pew Research Center survey concluded that 65% of Americans always or often feel exhausted when thinking about politics, while 55% report feeling angry. Politics triggers sleep loss, shortened tempers, and obsessive thoughts. 

As researchers found last year, even election-related anticipatory stress—like ruminating over the social gathering you’re going to with people who support a different candidate—can adversely affect health. “It has immediate consequences,” says study author Shevaun Neupert, a professor in the department of psychology at NC State University. “It’s getting under our skin in ways that are affecting our health on a day-to-day basis.” Research has long suggested that stress can make people more susceptible to colds and the flu, as well as debilitating chronic illness. “If someone is having a strong reaction, and it’s impeding their day-to-day functioning, it’s important to talk to someone,” she says. “It’s a very common experience—but that doesn’t mean it’s a healthy one.”

With that in mind, we asked experts to share strategies that can help us all survive election season, sanity intact.

Do some problem-analysis

While researching anticipatory election stress, Neupert landed on one particularly effective coping strategy: problem-analysis. “It’s when people think critically about what they think will happen, and why they think it might happen,” she says. “Like, why is it you think you’re going to have this argument about the election with an acquaintance tomorrow? And could you try to understand their perspective ahead of time?” As you reflect on those questions, brainstorm how you’ll respond to each point they bring up, she suggests, with the goal of preventing an argument and still engaging in a productive conversation.

Read More: Do You Really Store Stress In Your Body?

Problem-analysis helped Neupert’s study participants protect themselves from the damaging effects of stress during the event they were worried about. “There was no significant decrease in their physical health,” she says. “We’re aware the messaging could be, ‘Elections are stressful. People should just put their heads in the sand, and wait until it’s all over’—which isn’t great for democracy. So we’re trying to understand ways that people can stay engaged but still preserve their mental and physical health.”

Put your thoughts on trial

In addition to brainstorming how you might handle future election-related stress, it can be helpful to challenge the existential fears you have around the presidential election. Colleen Marshall, chief clinical officer at the mental-health clinic Two Chairs, calls this technique—which is common in cognitive behavioral therapy—putting your thoughts on trial. Let’s say you think life as you know it will go up in flames if the candidate you’re pulling for doesn’t win. First, ask yourself what evidence you have that that’s true: “You’ll have to hear their name for four years, and it’s true they’ll have an impact on policy, and some of those policies might impact your life,” she says. But what evidence do you have that your belief your life will be over is not true? “I’d be like, ‘Well, they probably won’t impact who I’m married to, where I live, or where I go to dinner on Friday night. They’re not going to impact what job I have, what I do for fun, or where I travel.’” Identifying “anxiety thoughts”—as opposed to factual thoughts—typically quells people’s nerves, Marshall says. She’s found it’s an effective antidote to catastrophizing and black-and-white thinking.

Set boundaries around news consumption

For some people, not tuning into the news causes anxiety to swell. Others benefit from setting firm boundaries around media intake. “You can control how much news you’re consuming, and how much you’re letting it intrude into your daily life,” Marshall says. For example, consider allowing yourself 30 minutes a day to catch up on the news, muting notifications from news apps, or turning off your phone one day a week.

Read More: How to Stop Checking Your Phone Every 10 Seconds

Marshall sometimes works with military families who have a loved one deployed, and she coaches them to designate a trusted person who funnels essential news to them. That way, they don’t have to be glued to their screens, anxiously refreshing their apps to see if anything has changed. Closer to home, Marshall’s husband is a history professor, so he likes to stay up-to-date on all things politics—but she doesn’t. “I check in with him, like, ‘Hey, anything going on?’” If there is, he lets her know: “Actually, you probably want to turn on the news because Biden stepped down and Harris is now running.” Enlist a trusted friend to help you stick to your news consumption boundaries, too, she advises, and have a conversation about what warrants an update.

Prune your social accounts

Social media has altered the way we get information during elections—for both better and worse, says Dr. Laura Erickson-Schroth, chief medical officer of The Jed Foundation, a mental-health nonprofit. While information on platforms like Instagram is often appealing because it feels digestible, the algorithms driving these sites “can push us toward the same kind of content and opinions over and over,” she points out. “It can be really stressful to see those same kinds of difficult issues raised repeatedly.” That’s especially true if you belong to a group of people worried about safety or rights, she adds—and you’re seeing, for example, frequent headlines about decreased support for LGBTQI people or immigrants.

It’s important to acknowledge that “these apps are designed to deliver content that will get more likes and keep us on longer, and not necessarily provide useful information,” Erickson-Schroth says. From there, take steps to make your social-media experience as healthy as possible: Set daily time limits, change up the accounts you’re following, and search for particular topics you’d like to see more of—which will train the algorithm to send them your way. You can also log words and phrases that you don’t want to see on Instagram, and you won’t be shown any suggested posts in your feed that contain them.

Make a plan for tricky conversations

Spend time reflecting on what kind of personal boundaries you want to set around talking about politics. Inevitably, you’ll encounter differences of opinion—and things can get heated fast, Erickson-Schroth acknowledges. Before engaging in a conversation, she suggests asking yourself: “Am I in the emotional headspace to have this conversation? Am I already feeling stressed out, on edge, or angry?” If the answer is yes, change the subject.

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If you do choose to engage in a conversation with someone who has different political views, approach it with curiosity—and the understanding that you probably won’t change their mind, Erickson-Schroth says. If that’s your goal, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead, treat it as an opportunity to learn where they’re coming from. If things start to dissolve, she recommends interjecting: “This conversation is really challenging for me. Could we talk about something else?”

Carve out time for whatever de-stresses you

Prioritize relaxation—whatever that might mean for you—during the tumultuous months leading up to the election. “We need to do things we call wellness, like practicing mindfulness or being out in nature, and making sure to get enough sleep and exercise,” Marshall says. “All the things that keep you balanced overall.”

It can be helpful to reflect on how you successfully coped with tough times in the past, says Kristin Papa, a psychotherapist in San Jose, Calif. If you were waiting for your doctor to call with nerve-wracking test results, did you journal? Seek out social support? Take a long bath? “Maybe you did physical activity to get the energy out,” she says. “Making connections to past experiences can help you deal with this one—I tell clients, ‘Let’s just turn the volume down.’ It’s finding a way to get to the point where you can live your life and do what you need to do,” rather than becoming stuck in an election-related frenzy.

Focus on what you can control

Many people struggle with a lack of agency—or feeling powerless, like you’re “just one vote”—during election season. Reclaim a sense of control by getting involved, Erickson-Schroth suggests. Civic engagement promotes positive mental-health outcomes as well as a sense of social connectedness, including among young people, she says.

Read More: 11 Things to Say to Persuade Someone to Vote

What might that look like? Whatever speaks to you: You could write postcards encouraging people to vote, Papa says, or connect with local organizations about volunteer opportunities. Or, consider attending rallies, canvassing on behalf of your favorite candidate, or making a donation to an important cause. What matters most “is realizing that you can’t change everything, but you can do what you can within your own emotional capacity and time,” she says.

Make a plan for election night

We might not know who the next president of the United States is by midnight on Nov. 5—but we’ll likely be in for a tense evening as preliminary results are broadcast. If you know the stress will get to you, plan accordingly: Marshall, for instance, has a friend who goes on vacation every four years during election week. “She’s already taken time off work, because in her mind, it’s done; she voted. Like, ‘Why am I here, just living through the anxiety?’” Marshall’s friend knows herself well enough to understand she won’t enjoy election night, so disconnecting from the news cycle suits her well.

You don’t have to book a plane ticket to make election night more palatable. Marshall suggests thinking through who you want around you—or whether you’d rather be alone to process the news—and how you want to manage your nerves. (“I probably would not recommend drinking,” she clarifies. “It does relieve anxiety, but it’s not the healthiest choice.”) Consider planning activities you enjoy, like getting takeout from a favorite restaurant, doing a hot yoga class or pickleball session, or even buying some new candles to light around your living room.

Practice radical acceptance

No matter how the election turns out, some segment of the population will be disappointed. If that’s you, consider practicing radical acceptance, Marshall urges—which means removing emotion from the situation, and accepting it for what it is. “Part of our suffering is trying to argue away reality,” she says. “What’s nice about the election results is once they’re in and clear, you can just sort of accept reality: Factually, where are we? And then make your decision from that point of view.” That might mean increasing your political activism, or on the flipside, tuning out politics altogether. But until then, do your best to keep your anxiety in check. “We don’t actually know yet what the outcome is going to be,” Marshall says. “Why are you planning for it today? It’s not going to help.”