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Tag: Time Person of the Year

  • Colorado Supreme Court Disqualifies Trump From Presidential Ballot

    Colorado Supreme Court Disqualifies Trump From Presidential Ballot

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    The Colorado Supreme Court banned President Donald Trump from appearing on the state’s Republican presidential primary ballot, citing the Constitution’s insurrection clause and Trump’s conduct during the Jan. 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol as disqualifying him from holding public office. What do you think?

    “I just want a week where I’m not talking about Colorado Supreme Court Justice Richard Gabriel.”

    Chuck Rusek, Aromatics Consultant

    “That’s okay. Like other Trump voters, I’m voting in several states.”

    Drew Kuipers, Celebrity Cataloger

    “Good thing he’s not running to be the president of Colorado.” 

    Daphne Hsu, Insect Namer

     

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  • Taylor Gets “Imma Let You Finish’d” Again With Accusation of Her Being Unworthy for Time Person of the Year

    Taylor Gets “Imma Let You Finish’d” Again With Accusation of Her Being Unworthy for Time Person of the Year

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    Once again, Taylor Swift has dominated the conversation and, once again, a large part of that conversation is whether or not she “deserves” something. In this instance, being Time’s Person of the Year, a still respected and aspired to cover in a world where print journalism (and most other forms of print) has effectively gone the way of the dodo. The ones calling out the tone deafness of her appearance on the 2023 cover (for perspective, fellow “influencers” shortlisted for the latest edition included Barbie and Vladimir Putin—yes, you read that right) are not just her usual detractors, though. They also happen to be Swifties themselves…arguing that, instead, the masses should be seeing Palestinian journalists on the cover. 

    This was highlighted recently by the hit-or-miss stylings of Saint Hoax, who extracted a number of comments from fans that included such sentiments as, “Big Taylor Swift fan and she’s absolutely had one of the biggest years of her entire career but hey actually maybe there are ongoing world events that could’ve been highlighted with this piece” and “As a Swiftie I’m incredibly proud of her but the real heroes are the journalists documenting the genocide happening in Palestine.” To get slightly meta, the comments about the comments themselves were more divided, with one user agreeing, “Taylor and Beyoncé: nothing more than money machines this year. The world is falling apart and they haven’t said a single thing,” while another said, “Oooomggg stop trying to take this away from her. A young woman makes it to ‘Person of the Year’ on Time magazine and what about these other people who are more deserving?? I’m not even a Swiftie but this is perverse.” Then there was the glib assessment, “Sounds about White.” 

    While the hype and praise around Swift has often made this listener repeat the Heath Ledger as Patrick Verona phrase, “What is it with this chick? She have beer-flavored nipples or something?” it does seem telling that, for the second most obvious time, her proverbial “trophy” is being denigrated/taken away. In fact, in the article itself she alludes to the years-long beef with Ye that started back at the 2009 VMAs when he was still Kanye West. And yes, it also involved fellow 2023 touring powerhouse (complete with theatrical release of said tour) Beyoncé. On that front, one supposes it’s comforting that the cast of characters in the mainstream hasn’t changed too much (mainly because Gen Z has produced a paucity of “stars”). And Swift wants to remind people of that by rehashing some well-marinated beef that started in 2016 (years after everyone thought it had all “calmed down” between Swift and West). With a little song called “Famous,” wherein the erstwhile West asserts, “I made that bitch famous.” The implication being that, thanks to his hijacking of her acceptance speech for Best Female Video of the Year at the VMAs, Swift’s star began to shine a lot brighter afterward. Barring the fact that this is one of the key examples that speaks to West’s narcissism, it’s a flat-out fallacy. No one got Swift to her position except for Swift (and, to reiterate, winning the birth lottery by being born to affluent parents willing to support what many other progenitors would balk at as a pipe dream). 

    Being that Swift is something of the queen of dredging up old material these days (what with rerecording all her previously released albums from Big Machine), it makes sense that she has an innate ability to catalog and recall every “era” of her life. And this was the era that spawned her Reputation phase, one that embraced being the “bad guy” à la Billie Eilish before the latter even really entered the collective consciousness (but insisted before Taylor on “Anti-Hero,” “I’m the problem“). Of course, there was nothing all that “bad” in what Kim Kardashian (then known, foolishly, as Kim Kardashian West) manipulated the media and the masses into thinking: that Swift had consented to Ye rapping, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/Why?/I made that bitch famous.” When the song came out, however, Swift reacted negatively, rightfully condemning the reference to her as misogynistic and unsanctioned. This prompted Kim K to release select portions of the phone conversation Ye had with Swift about the song that made it seem like she whole-heartedly approved. Never mind that no one bothered to ask her how she felt about the accompanying video, which was even more crass as it paraded naked wax figures (that look just like “the real thing”) of Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Kim Kardashian, George W. Bush (of all people), Donald Trump, Anna Wintour, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Ray J, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner and Bill Cosby (again, weird choice) lying in bed together. 

    With Kardashian’s damning “evidence,” Swift was fed to the media and internet dogs, branded with that damning word again: “calculated.” And, newly, “snake.” This betrayal and backlash is a moment in her life that is called out again and again in the Time article as a reason for why she is where she is now after the heartache of that treachery. For, despite the “pain” of being painted as the villain, Lansky notes, “Getting to this place of harmony with her past took work; there’s a dramatic irony, she explains, to the success of the tour. ‘It’s not lost on me that the two great catalysts for this happening were two horrendous things that happened to me,’ Swift says, and this is where the story takes a turn. ‘The first was getting canceled within an inch of my life and sanity,’ she says plainly. ‘The second was having my life’s work taken away from me by someone who hates me.’” Cue the lyric from Reputation’s “End Game” that goes, “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me.”

    That drama came first when Kardashian initially released the edited conversation Swift had with West and, second, when the complete recording was leaked in 2020 (a year when people had plenty of extra time to analyze such things). So it is that Swift can look back now and candidly say, “​​You have a fully manufactured frame job, in an illegally recorded phone call, which Kim Kardashian edited and then put out to say to everyone that I was a liar. That took me down psychologically to a place I’ve never been before. I moved to a foreign country. I didn’t leave a rental house for a year. I was afraid to get on phone calls. I pushed away most people in my life because I didn’t trust anyone anymore. I went down really, really hard.” Yet they say what makes a successful person—a hero, even—is someone who doesn’t stay knocked down (though, this is the sort of cheeseball line that, as usual, totally overlooks the many benefits of privilege). Having been part of the fame game for so long at this point, and weathering the many so-called controversies of it (though never anything even remotely as interesting as dancing in front of burning crosses or getting pleasured amid gender-fluid patrons in a The Night Porter-inspired hotel), Swift has learned to take the bad with the good. What choice does she have, after all, if she wants to remain in the spotlight? Which she very patently does.

    As she tells Time, “Nothing is permanent. So I’m very careful to be grateful every second that I get to be doing this at this level, because I’ve had it taken away from me before.” This, to be clear, is her subjective response to being discredited, and has little bearing on the actual album sales that occurred after Kardashian and West attempted to disparage her reputation. Lansky remarks on this as well, coming to the conclusion that if Swift felt canceled, then it’s valid. Life being so much more about feelings than objectivity these days. 

    And what Swift feels now is that her “response to anything that happens, good or bad, is to keep making things. Keep making art.” She then adds, in a moment of pettiness that can’t help but overtake her, “But I’ve also learned there’s no point in actively trying to quote unquote defeat your enemies. Trash takes itself out every single time.” More direct shade against not just West and Kardashian (still somehow raking in her millions as “a girl with no talent”), but also Scooter Braun. 

    As for those who call Swift’s decision to talk trash about that trash in what is theoretically a “classy article,” well, it’s obvious why she would more than “casually” “hint” at the feud that ignited the material on Reputation: she’s about to rerelease that album next, and it’s always good to prime the masses for the narrative that was going on during the period in Swift’s life when an album was initially unleashed. And she’s, needless to say, very much ready to take back that narrative (you know, the “one that [she] never asked to be a part of, since 2009”). It being one of the only examples of a time when she wasn’t totally in control of it. Of rerecording this album, Swift muses, “The upcoming vault tracks for Reputation will be ‘fire.’ The rerecordings project feels like a mythical quest to her. ‘I’m collecting horcruxes. I’m collecting infinity stones. Gandalf’s voice is in my head every time I put out a new one. For me, it is a movie now.” As it has been for everyone else watching the drama unfold all along. Just as they’re watching a repeat of what West did to Swift at the VMAs by witnessing the internet insist that someone else (multiple someone elses) is more deserving of what she was honored with. Clearly, in this context, the “competitor” is literally in another playing field. Nay, battlefield. Making it difficult for anyone who doesn’t want to offend to argue that Swift being attacked for accepting her place on the cover has nothing to do with Palestine.

    To be even more direct, in America, no one gives as much of a fuck about Palestinian journalists as they do about Taylor Swift. And that’s just the cruel, pure honesty that has ruffled so many feathers. In this regard, the editors of Time actually did do their part to assess “the individual who most shaped the headlines over the previous twelve months, for better or for worse.” Considering the latest Israel-Palestine conflict didn’t even pop off until October, that alone gives Swift a more competitive edge for the cover, as she’s been making headlines from day one of 2023, most notably when the world was “shocked” to learn of her breakup with Joe Alwyn and then appalled by her decision to go for Matty Healy as a rebound. Is it bleak and unfortunate that celebrity culture is more influential and headline-shaping than the everyperson risking their lives to report on unspeakable atrocities? Of course. Is it new? No. Is it worth diminishing Swift’s record-breaking accomplishments in 2023? Not really. Unless one is fond of the symmetry that brings us back to the very moment that Swift says sparked it all for her to work harder, better, faster, stronger (a song Kanye has sampled, yes): being publicly shamed and told that someone else should have gotten her recognition. Recognition that, at this juncture, is almost comical in its absurd reverence. Case in point, at another moment in the article, Lansky pronounces, “As a pop star, she sits in rarefied company, alongside Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, and Madonna; as a songwriter, she has been compared to Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, and Joni Mitchell.”

    All of these are extremely grandiose, over-the-top comparisons that give Swift a lot more credit than she’s due (ironically, the crux of the argument for why Palestinian journalists should be on the cover instead). Not because she hasn’t “earned her stripes” (even if it’s not as challenging to do so when, again, you have emotionally and financially supportive parents), but because, well, she’s just so vanilla compared to the aforementioned legends she’s being compared to. Even so, maybe it’s time that some people should just “let Taylor finish.” Like she said (despite being fined multiple times for not taking trash out), “Trash takes itself out every time.” Or, in this case, hyper-overrated pop stars doomed to “age out” of popularity do (at least when they’re a woman). Something Swift herself has openly admitted to waiting for, thus taking advantage of the spotlight while the world is fully committed to letting her bask in it. Genocide be damned.

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Taylor Swift Spills Tea On Rerecording, Getting Canceled In Time Person Of The Year Profile

    Taylor Swift Spills Tea On Rerecording, Getting Canceled In Time Person Of The Year Profile

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    Taylor Swift is Time’s 2023 Person of the Year, and in an interview, she opened up about rerecording her music, being canceled in 2016 and her relationship with football player Travis Kelce.

    “Make no mistake — my career was taken away from me,” the pop star told Time regarding the backlash she received after Kanye West released his song “Famous,” which contains a lyric referring to Swift, where he raps, “I made that bitch famous.” Swift went on to shade the song in a Grammy acceptance speech, and West’s then-wife Kim Kardashian clapped back by uploading an edited video on Snapchat of Swift seemingly giving West approval of the song. Kardashian’s video set off a social media storm at the time, leading to the trending hashtag #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.

    “You have a fully manufactured frame job, in an illegally recorded phone call, which Kim Kardashian edited and then put out to say to everyone that I was a liar,” she said of the incident which led to her being canceled. “That took me down psychologically to a place I’ve never been before. I moved to a foreign country. I didn’t leave a rental house for a year. I was afraid to get on phone calls. I pushed away most people in my life because I didn’t trust anyone anymore. I went down really, really hard.”

    She also shined light on her decision to rerecord her albums, telling the magazine that her dad and Kelly Clarkson encouraged her to rerecord her music after her original master recordings were sold to Scooter Braun, West’s former manager, and a man Swift says wanted the master recordings “for nefarious reasons.”

    “I’d run into Kelly Clarkson and she would go, ‘Just redo it,’” Swift told the magazine. “My dad kept saying it to me too. I’d look at them and go, ‘How can I possibly do that?’ Nobody wants to redo their homework if on the way to school, the wind blows your book report away.”

    She added: “I respond to extreme pain with defiance.”

    Clarkson tweeted Swift in 2019 encouraging her to rerecord her music, writing, “just a thought, U should go in & re-record all the songs that U don’t own the masters on exactly how U did them but put brand new art & some kind of incentive so fans will no longer buy the old versions. I’d buy all of the new versions just to prove a point.” In October, Clarkson told E! News that every time Swift releases a rerecorded album, she sends flowers as a thank you.

    “You know what’s so funny? She just sent me flowers,” Clarkson told E! News. “She’s so nice. She did. She was like, ‘Every time I release something’ – ’cause she just did ‘1989.’”

    Kelly added: “I love how kind she is… She’s a very smart businesswoman. So, she would have thought of that.”

    In the wide-ranging profile, the singer told the magazine that she and Kelce were already a couple when she attended her first Kansas City Chiefs game to see him play. “We would never be psychotic enough to hard launch a first date,” she said.

    The musician’s last serious relationship with actor Joe Alwyn was significantly more low-key, considering the two were only photographed together a handful of times during their six-year relationship. Swift told Time that being in a public relationship means “showing up for each other.”

    “The opposite of that is you have to go to an extreme amount of effort to make sure no one knows that you’re seeing someone,” she said. “And we’re just proud of each other.”

    She also stated she isn’t sure how many times she’s broadcast during the games she’s attended so far and isn’t concerned about the added attention her presence at games brings or if her showing up results in “pissing off a few dads, Brads, and Chads.”

    She added, “I’m just there to support Travis.”

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  • Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

    Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

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    Henry Kissinger, former Secretary of State, national security advisor, and lover of carpet bombing innocent civilians, passed away at the age of 100. The Onion asked Americans how they felt about his death, and this is what they said.

    James Kessler, Psychologist

    James Kessler, Psychologist

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    “Look, being nice in life won’t get you a Nobel Peace Prize.”

    Sharon Thatcher, Teacher

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    “He wasn’t just a war criminal, he was our war criminal.”

    Whitney Plainfield, Administrative Assistant

    Whitney Plainfield, Administrative Assistant

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    “He would have hated to see anyone die painlessly and peacefully like this.”

    Lisa Johnson, Dietician

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    “I don’t want to diminish his legacy by citing the Cambodian government’s official death toll because I know the real number was much, much worse.”

    Gina Garroni, Delivery Driver

    Gina Garroni, Delivery Driver

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    “Is that what I ran over last night?”

    Christa Deacon, Guidance Counselor

    Christa Deacon, Guidance Counselor

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    “May he be as bloodthirsty in death as he was in life.”

    Melissa Stevens, Mortgage Banker

    Melissa Stevens, Mortgage Banker

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    “Love him or hate him, he’ll always be remembered as the best goddamn contestant Rock Of Love ever saw.”

    Dan Potter, Fireman

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    “I sprayed some agent orange on my kids today in his honor.”

    Brook Pratt, Pest Control Worker

    Brook Pratt, Pest Control Worker

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    “But he still had so many war crimes left in him.”

    George W. Bush, Former President

    George W. Bush, Former President

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    “I remember the first day of my presidency, he was nice enough to send me an unexploded IED.”

    Greg Bentley, Graphic Artist

    Greg Bentley, Graphic Artist

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    “But he looked so young in ‘Oppenheimer’?”

    Al Preston, Copywriter

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    “If we all close our eyes and say a racial slur at the same time, maybe he’ll come back to life.”

    Carter Jacobs, Electrician

    Carter Jacobs, Electrician

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    “Say what you will about the guy.”

    Barack Obama, Former President

    Barack Obama, Former President

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    “He taught me that war didn’t have to be fair. The most important part was that it was pointless and bloody.”

    Tom Buchner, Woodworker

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    “That’s what he gets for breaking into a house in a state with stand-your-ground laws.”

    Alejandro Sotolongo, Art Director

    Alejandro Sotolongo, Art Director

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    “Let he who has not carpet bombed Cambodia throw the first stone.”

    Paul Flannery, Line Cook

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    “This is just like Paul Walker all over again.”

    Lisa Hitchens, File Clerk

    Lisa Hitchens, File Clerk

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    “He put Cambodia on the map and almost took it off.”

    Dick Cheney, Retired

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    “Nobody’s perfect, but he came pretty close.”

    Dean Verecci, Software Engineer

    Dean Verecci, Software Engineer

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    “Oh thank god, the last war criminal in the American government is finally dead.”

    Kevin Spell, Physical Trainer

    Kevin Spell, Physical Trainer

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    “It brings a tear to my eye thinking of all the innocent people that will never get to die by his hand.”

    Gene Schaefer, Bus Driver

    Gene Schaefer, Bus Driver

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    “If you think that man was impressive, you should taste my wife Beth’s homemade potato salad. It’s out of this world!”

    Irene Stobbs, Accountant

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    “Oh no, Paula and Louis’s kid?”

    Nick Farrington, Dentist

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    “I just hope we don’t start tearing down all the Henry Kissinger monuments.”

    Jessie Untermeyer, Music Teacher

    Jessie Untermeyer, Music Teacher

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    “I hope he had just as much fun killing all those people as we had watching him kill them.”

    George Huntington, Retired

    George Huntington, Retired

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    “I’m not going to sugarcoat it—Henry had the mind of a supervillain, the heart of a serial killer, and the elegant gams of a va-va-voom showgirl.”

    Bashar al-Assad, President Of Syria

    Bashar al-Assad, President Of Syria

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    “Game recognizes game.”

    You’ve Made It This Far …

    You’ve Made It This Far …

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  • Trump Calls Political Enemies ‘Vermin’ In Veterans Day Speech

    Trump Calls Political Enemies ‘Vermin’ In Veterans Day Speech

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    Former President Donald Trump recently called his liberal political opponents “vermin” in a speech delivered on the campaign trail for the 2024 election, using the term in a manner likened to Hitler or Mussolini to dehumanize his rivals. What do you think?

    “He’s usually better with nicknames.”

    Casey Flint, Sneeze Analyst

    “Imagine what he wanted to say before his aides talked him down to that.”

    Brent Anzola, Task Distributor

    “I don’t trust people who say everyone’s human.”

    Alex Williams, Systems Analyst

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  • Signs Touting ‘Autoworkers For Trump’ At Michigan Rally Found To Be Fake

    Signs Touting ‘Autoworkers For Trump’ At Michigan Rally Found To Be Fake

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    Attendees at Trump’s autoworkers rally outside Detroit reportedly confessed to journalists that they were not union autoworkers, despite the signs they were holding saying “Autoworkers For Trump.” What do you think?

    “If Trump were still president, those jobs and unions would be real.”

    Vivian Heitman, Sleepover Chaperone

    “Even better. It’s time we have a president that supports real and fake jobs.”

    Scott Cummings, Dirigible Pilot

    “Who’s to say these people haven’t worked on a car at least once in their lives.”

    Melvin Husbenet, Systems Analyst

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  • Trump Could Lose Control Of Trump Tower After Fraud Ruling

    Trump Could Lose Control Of Trump Tower After Fraud Ruling

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    Donald Trump could be at risk of losing control of his New York business properties, including Trump Tower, after a judge found that the former president and his company liable for fraud. What do you think?

    “It should be returned to whomever he stole it from.”

    Emery Dawson, Unemployed

    “I hope it passes to a more honest Manhattan real estate developer.”

    Megan Starner, Smoke Alarm Inspector

    “He can still put his name in giant golden letters on a sensible townhome.”

    Salvador Ocampo, Paternity Delegator

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  • Rudy Giuliani Puts Himself Up For Adoption

    Rudy Giuliani Puts Himself Up For Adoption

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    NEW YORK—In the wake of mounting legal troubles, including an indictment in Georgia on felony charges of tampering with the 2020 election, sources reported Friday that former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani had put himself up for adoption. “Little Rudy needs someone to take care of him, and he has so much love to give!” said Giuliani, formerly a lawyer for Donald Trump and currently his alleged co-conspirator, adding that he hoped to be taken in by a warm, kind, rich family who would be able to pay off all his legal fees as well as any damages he would need to pay after being found liable for defaming election workers. “I would kiss my new mama and papa on the cheek every single day. You could buy me candy and maybe even the $6.5 million luxury apartment I just put up for sale. Then I could live there again and we would be so happy! Oh please, oh please, I’m all alone in this big world.” Giuliani went on to state that if he were to be adopted, it would be the best thing that had ever happened to him, “including 9/11.”

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  • Trump Indicted For Trying To Overturn 2020 Election

    Trump Indicted For Trying To Overturn 2020 Election

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    Former President Donald Trump has been indicted for his attempts to overturn the 2020 election, the third time in four months that the former U.S. president has been criminally charged. What do you think?

    “I’m sure seeing his beloved supporters jailed has punished him enough.”

    Daniel Welsh, Product Demonstrator

    “The rule of law has always been very biased against him.”

    Graciela Asnes, Lab Organizer

    “I wish I loved my job enough to destroy the country.”

    Jonas Murray, Janitorial Supervisor

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  • Biden Forgets Nation’s Name

    Biden Forgets Nation’s Name

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    WASHINGTON—At a press event Monday held to address the student debt crisis, President Joe Biden made a speech during which he appeared to forget the nation’s name. “Instead of saying ‘the United States,’ President Biden began using words like ‘bud’ or ‘amigo’ to project familiarity, but it was obvious he couldn’t remember the name of the country he had come into East Room of the White House to talk about,” said Casey Pritchett, a journalist who attended the press conference, observing how Biden frequently furrowed his brow, squinted, and paused during moments when he seemed to be struggling to remember that citizens of the nation he governed were called Americans. “At one point he said, ‘Education is the cornerstone of a free and prosperous society, and so we must ensure the next generation of our fellow, uh…our buddies—the people here in this place where we live—are able to afford college.’ Then he stated talking about opportunity, but instead of saying ‘the American Dream,’ he just called it ‘the Big Awesome Dream.’ I’m not sure he knew where he was.” Biden later issued an apology for the gaffe, saying he had consulted a history book to refresh his memory and confirmed that he lived in the Algonquian fishing village of Nacotchtank.

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  • Elon Musk Sues Mark Zuckerberg For Being Better At Profiting Off Someone Else’s Idea

    Elon Musk Sues Mark Zuckerberg For Being Better At Profiting Off Someone Else’s Idea

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    SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming the Meta CEO violated his intellectual property rights, Elon Musk filed a lawsuit against Mark Zuckerberg Friday for being better at profiting off someone else’s idea. “He clearly violated the law by copying my idea of taking another person’s idea, but making way more money off it than I would have,” said Musk, adding that Zuckerberg misappropriated his trade secret to take full credit for someone else’s creation, but turned it into a money-making venture instead of a complete failure. “If you want to take someone else’s idea, that’s fine, but to not immediately lose billions of dollars after doing so infringes on my rights as a tech entrepreneur who is bad at making business decisions and has never had a single original idea in his entire life. I demand that Zuckerberg immediately cease and desist from doing what I do and being way more successful at it.” At press time, Musk was searching for another company with ideas he could buy to use in court against Zuckerberg before inevitably running it into the ground.

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  • Andrew Tate Offers To Train Elon Musk In Cage Match With Zuckerberg

    Andrew Tate Offers To Train Elon Musk In Cage Match With Zuckerberg

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    Ex-pro kickboxer Andrew Tate, who is currently under house arrest after being criminally charged with rape and human trafficking, has offered to train Elon Musk to fight Mark Zuckerberg after the two billionaires this week agreed to a cage match. What do you think?

    “Offering to help someone is a total beta cuck move.”

    Bria Powell, Turkey Slicer 

    “Having all three in the same place would provide a great opportunity to seal off the room.”

    Diego Armin, Coral Bleacher

    “Something tells me Elon’s already learned an awful lot from Andrew Tate.”

    Pete Fuller, Unemployed

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