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Tag: thinking

  • 7 Problematic Ways of Thinking That Trip Up Even the Best of Leaders

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    If you’re like most leaders, you face an increasingly complex world where problems are everywhere and decisions must be made faster than ever before. In that pressure cooker, it’s tempting to fall back on distorted ways of thinking that guarantee poor results. The consequence: lost opportunities, unresolved issues, and overwhelmed teams engaged in never-ending damage control. Here are seven problematic thinking habits that can ensnare even the brightest leaders, as well as specific solutions to overcome them.

    1. Overanalyzing

    In an effort to be more thorough, overthinkers create complexity from simplicity. A potential solution turns into an uncertain jumble of what-ifs and maybes.

    Solution: Speed trumps perfection when the world is moving faster than you can. Be prepared to experiment, fail, learn, and try again. You don’t have to create the perfect prototype or the perfect outcome. Instead, you just have to learn.

    2. Rejecting ideas

    Actively ignoring an idea simply because it comes from outside the team or organization is a colossal waste of valuable insights.

    Solution: Stop ignoring what’s going on outside your four walls. Welcome and celebrate innovations developed elsewhere.

    3. Self-censoring

    This is when you instinctively judge and reject your own thoughts before you even share them with others. Self-censorship is one of the worst thinking flaws of all.

    Solution: Self-distance. Ask yourself, “What would someone I respect say about this idea?” This creates psychological space between you and your idea.

    4. Jumping to solutions

    You may find yourself defaulting to jumping directly to solving a problem instead of first identifying its true nature. It’s easy to skip this crucial step because it seems pointless.

    Solution: Focus as much on formulating the right questions as you do on finding solutions. Ask better questions and you will almost certainly discover superior answers.

    5. Staying in old patterns of thinking

    Your brain is hardwired to use the same thinking patterns that served you in the past, even if the game has changed. However, as Marshall Goldsmith explored in his best-selling book of the same title, “What got you here won’t get you there.”

    Solution: Invert your thinking. What does failure look like? How can you make this worse? Negative or “what if” questions sometimes unlock new ways of thinking.

    6. Accepting “good enough”

    When left to your own devices, you may settle for “good enough” answers. However, just think about all the mediocre solutions in the world that exist simply because they seem good enough.

    Solution: Break through mediocrity by synthesizing two opposing but mediocre solutions. Creativity emerges when you combine the best of both options in unexpected ways.

    7. Settling for less

    Do you find yourself scaling down expectations so you can win a quick but modest victory? In reality, when you do that, you’re just increasing the problem.

    Solution: Jump start stuck projects by taking a break to let your subconscious do some heavy lifting. Then, once you’re clear-headed, return and recommit to your initial, more audacious goal instead of the easier one.

    The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

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    Peter Economy

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  • Best of 2024: Top Self-Improvement Articles, Worksheets, and Highlights

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    Celebrate 15 years at The Emotion Machine with our ‘Best of 2024’ roundup, featuring top articles and worksheets on psychology, personal growth, relationships, and philosophy — then get excited for another year of self-improvement!


    2024 marks the fifteenth year of self-improvement at The Emotion Machine, making it one of the oldest and largest independent psychology websites on the internet – with zero plans to stop or slow down anytime soon.

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that no matter the ups and downs we face over the year, a steady commitment to growth always pays off on a long enough timeline. Over the past 15 years, I’ve had many rewarding highs and devastating lows, but at the end of the day, I’m better off today than I was before — and that’s the truest measure of growth. It’s the benchmark I’ll continue to use as I move forward in life.

    This year, as always, we’ve explored a huge range of topics related to psychology and self-improvement: from practical tips for emotional regulation to in-depth movie reviews to social analyses about the current state of the world. A quick look at the list below shows that The Emotion Machine is far more than just your everyday self-help blog, it’s a vast resource dedicated to education and knowledge in all its forms.

    Without further ado, here are our best articles and worksheets of 2024!

    Articles

    Our best articles of the year, broken down by category.

    Psychology and Mental Health

    Emotions Are Weakness: 5 Maladaptive Beliefs That Lead to Emotional Dysfunction

    Why the belief that “emotions are weakness” leads to suppression and dysfunction — and why accepting and embracing emotions plays an important role in happiness, health, and well-being.

    Rumination vs. Savoring: The Neural Dynamics Between Positive and Negative Thinking

    The same brain regions handle both rumination (negative replay) and savoring (positive replay) — here’s how to use this part of your brain in a new and healthier way.

    6 Common Factors Behind All Successful Therapy

    What makes therapy effective? These universal factors are the foundation for success, no matter the approach.

    Good Will Hunting: A Masterclass in Therapy and Emotional Growth

    An in-depth, session-by-session breakdown of Good Will Hunting – widely regarded as one of the best depictions of therapy in film.

    Positive Psychology Tools Are Most Effective For Those Who Practice Long-Term

    New research highlights the importance of consistent practice for maximizing the benefits of psychology tools.

    How Aesthetic Chills Boost Feelings of Acceptance, Inspiration, and Meaning

    Discover the power of “aesthetic chills” (or “goosebumps”) and how this unique sensation enhances awe, inspiration, and personal growth.

    The Worldbuilding of Inside Out 2: New Emotions, Belief System, and a Sense of Self

    A closer look at how the sequel deepens its exploration of emotions, identity, and belief systems.

    2024 World Happiness Rankings: USA Falls Out of Top 20, Youngest Hit Hardest

    What this year’s happiness rankings reveal about global trends—and why young Americans are struggling most.

    Motivation and Personal Growth

    The Will to Improve: Bridging the Gap Between “Talk” and “Action”

    How to overcome inertia and turn intention into meaningful action.

    The Pebble In Your Shoe: Tiny Frustrations That Can Ruin Your Day

    Why small, unresolved annoyances can derail your entire mood. Here’s why it’s best to fix them now rather than later.

    Deathbed Motivation: The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

    Lessons from those at life’s end, inspiring you to live without regrets.

    What If: The Power of Hypotheticals and Counterfactual Thinking

    How exploring “what if” scenarios sharpens your thinking and decision-making.

    50+ Destructive Patterns That Scream Low Confidence and Insecurity

    A comprehensive guide to identifying common patterns of self-doubt.

    The Domino Effect of Overcoming Your Fears One At A Time

    Tackling fears incrementally to build unstoppable momentum.

    50+ Motivational Latin Proverbs to Elevate Your Thinking to New Levels

    Ancient wisdom to inspire modern self-improvement.

    My Biggest Goal of 2024

    Written at the start of the year, this piece explores the ambition, mindset, and strategy behind setting my biggest goal for 2024.

    Intermittent Fasting: The Mind-Body Benefits of Conscious Calorie Restriction

    Exploring the science and mental clarity behind intentional fasting.

    Relationships and Communication

    The Art of Rejection and Saying No: One of the Most Underrated Social Skills

    Master the delicate but essential skill of turning others down with grace and confidence.

    The Compliment Sandwich: How to Give Constructive Feedback That Sticks

    Deliver feedback that resonates by balancing honesty with encouragement.

    Social Bonding Through Movies: The Emotional Magic Behind Watching Films Together

    Why sharing films with others can forge deep emotional connections.

    The Power of Sincerity – And How to Stop Hiding Behind Sarcasm and Irony

    Unlock the strength of genuine communication by breaking free from sarcasm and pretense.

    Finding Meaning in Virtual Worlds: How Online Gaming and Digital Communities Can Transform Lives

    Discover how online spaces can cultivate real-life growth, meaning, and connection, as shown in the documentary The Remarkable Life of Ibelin.

    Third Spaces: The Building Blocks of A Healthy Community and Social Life

    Explore the social hubs that enrich our lives and strengthen our communities, outside of home and work.

    The Many Faces of Deception: Understanding the Different Types of Lying

    Learn how to recognize and identify the diverse ways people bend the truth.

    14 Powerful Genre-Bending Films That Explore Love in Unconventional Ways

    Films that redefine love and challenge how we think about relationships.

    The Narcissistic Culture of “Image” and Excessive Self-Monitoring

    How excessive self-monitoring is eroding confidence and authenticity in our social lives.

    Philosophy and Meaning

    A Lifelong Project: Staying True to Your Mission in a Quick Fix World

    The power of commitment is a rare resource in a culture obsessed with instant gratification.

    One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy: Finding Meaning in Eternal Struggle

    An existential perspective on life’s inherent challenges and the quest to find meaning in them.

    Paradigm Shifts: A Complete Change in Worldview

    When you need to rethink everything you believe and let go of old ways of looking at the world.

    The Immovable Mind: Schopenhauer’s Daily Routine For 27 Years

    A case study on the unique and disciplined routine of the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer.

    The Beggar’s Gift: An Opportunity to Be Good

    From a Buddhist perspective, begging monks perform a powerful service by allowing everyday people to do something good and accumulate positive karma.

    Trader vs. Hero Mindset: Why A Healthy Society Needs Both

    Understand the balance between self-interest and selflessness for a thriving community.

    Information Pollution: The Tragedy of the Commons and Well-Poisoning on the Internet

    How the overload of misinformation on the internet is eroding trust, intelligence, and sanity.

    Worksheets

    At the start of 2024, I pledged to create at least one new worksheet every month. By year’s end, I exceeded that goal, creating a total of 16 new worksheets, including:

    Relationships and Social Connection

    Social Support Database

    Past Relationships

    Social Anxiety Hierarchy

    Thank You Letter

    Relationship Reigniter

    Focus: Tools to improve relationships, enhance social skills, and build stronger connections with others.

    Emotional Mastery and Self-Reflection

    Master Your Negative Emotions

    Burn Away Negative Beliefs

    Failure Analyzer

    Positive vs. Negative Self: A Dialogue

    The Five Whys Exercise

    Focus: These worksheets are designed to help users process emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and reflect deeply on their thoughts and actions.

    Goals, Habits, and Productivity

    Daily Routine

    Monthly Review Worksheet

    Mid-Year Reset Worksheet

    Mental Rehearsal

    Healthy Life Checklist

    Future Self Worksheet

    Focus: These worksheets help users structure their daily lives, track progress, and maintain a focus on long-term goals and habits.

    An Evergrowing Resource for Self-Improvement

    We now offer a total of 29 self-improvement worksheets, cementing our long-term commitment to providing practical, actionable advice. These worksheets are exclusively available to members — join today to gain full access to these transformative tools.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Paradigm Shifts: A Complete Change in Worldview

    Paradigm Shifts: A Complete Change in Worldview

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    Discover the power of paradigm shifts in driving individual and societal transformation, from overcoming cognitive dissonance to fueling scientific revolutions.


    When’s the last time you changed your mind about something?

    Many people are stuck in their beliefs and worldview, especially once we reach a certain age. Our map of reality is shaped most by early life experiences, including lessons we’ve learned from parents, teachers, and friends.

    A worldview can be hard to break out of on a purely psychological level.

    Once we are set in a view, we seek new information that continues to confirm these beliefs by only looking at sources that already agree with us. When new information contradicts these beliefs, we can easily ignore it or distort it to keep our map of reality intact.

    Accepting that we are wrong about something can be hurtful to our ego and pride, and in many ways our brains are designed to protect ourselves from this discomfort by simply ignoring contradictory information unless it has a real world effect on our lives. As Philip K. Dick once said, “Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.”

    The average person isn’t primarily driven by a search for truth, they just need a map of reality that is good enough to navigate their lives effectively and not get themselves into too much trouble, which includes social pressures to conform to certain beliefs or stay silent about others.

    People can go through radical changes in beliefs though. Young adults and teenagers may go through “phases” as they come-of-age, where they question what they’ve been taught, rebel against orthodoxy, and search for their own meaning or purpose in life. These transformative years can lead to paradigm shifts that last a lifetime, such as adherence to new political, religious, or philosophical ideologies. Many may still return to their old beliefs later in life, but with a fresh new perspective.

    Learning about a new worldview, ideology, or philosophy doesn’t mean you need to adopt it – and it doesn’t necessarily lead to a paradigm shift. Often times learning about radically different belief systems can give us a firmer understanding of our current beliefs. There’s wisdom in learning about worldviews you find wrong, mistaken, or incorrect; at the very least, it will give you a better understanding of where other people are coming from.

    Paradigm shifts aren’t just new or updated knowledge, they represent a complete change in your perspective that makes you see and interpret old knowledge in a different way.

    This shift in perspective can be jolting and uncomfortable at first. We depend on worldviews to make sense of reality, so deep changes in perspective can often make reality feel more confusing or unstable at first.

    We often need to re-evaluate old knowledge and experiences through a new lens, and re-integrate them into a new and better map of reality. This is a mental shift that can sometimes take months or years before it is fully developed.

    My Paradigm Shifts

    My mind has changed a lot over the past decade, which hopefully is a sign that I’m learning and growing. When I first started this website over 15 years ago, my worldview was very different than what it is today.

    A few ways my mindset has changed:

    • Less Individualistic – During my college years, I explored a lot of libertarian philosophy that emphasized the individual over the collective. This is a common starting point in many “self help” circles too, which have an ethos of “take responsibility” and “pull yourself up by your boot straps.” While I still believe strongly in individual responsibility and initiative, I’ve grown to recognize the “no man is an island” mantra and focus more on the importance of social support, community-mindedness, and asking for help. This understanding has led to changes in my political and economic views too.
    • Less Materialistic and Money-Focused – It’s a bit embarrassing looking back on it, but I used to want to be rich and famous. I think a lot of it is just part of America’s narcissistic culture, where everyone strives to become some type of celebrity. As I get older, I’ve discovered new core values that have helped me focus on the more important things in life. I’ve also learned that a lot of my drive for money was really a drive for independence, and those aren’t the same thing. A person can make a lot of money and be trapped in their career to sustain their luxurious lifestyle, but a person of more modest fortune, who can be happy with less, often has more independence because they can then focus on other things in life. That was a counter-intuitive idea for me that took awhile to process.
    • Focus on Social and Cultural Forces – When I was younger, and likely a product of my libertarian days, I used to focus more on the importance of economics rather than culture. Generally, I saw things like music, art, and film as just a peripheral aspect of society, but now I’m beginning to understand their central importance. Every culture reflects and propagates a certain set of values, and a culture that promotes harmful and destructive values will lead to a harmful and destructive society. When I look at today’s world, I see a lot of cultural forces going in the wrong direction. I’m not pro-censorship in anyway, but I find many aspects of our culture need to be analyzed, criticized, and abandoned if they are hurting the happiness and health of a people.

    This is how my mindset has shifted over the years – and my mind will likely keep changing as long as I stay open to new information, new knowledge, and new experiences. At this point, most of my learning has happened outside of school and that’s a path I will continue on for the rest of my life.

    The Structure of Scientific Revolutions

    One of the most popular discussions on the topic of paradigm shifts is Thomas Kuhn’s 1962 book
    The Structure of Scientific Revolutions.

    Kuhn describes that scientific progress isn’t just an accumulation of facts, which he calls “normal science,” but also periods of “revolutionary science,” where anomalies are discovered that force scientists to look at a field in a completely new way.

    Common examples of paradigm shifts in science include:

    • The Copernican Revolution in the 16th century, where there was a change from geocentrism (“earth is the center of the universe”) to heliocentrism (“sun is the center of the solar system”)
    • Newtonian Physics in the 17th century, where classical mechanics discovered by Isaac Newton replaced previous models of Aristotelian physics.
    • Darwin’s theory of evolution and natural selection in the 19th century, which changed how humans viewed themselves in relation to animals and nature.

    Often there is initial resistance to accept new paradigms, which can go through heated periods of controversy and criticism among contemporary scientists and laymen.

    However, once these new paradigms were adopted, they allowed for research and discoveries into new phenomenon which ultimately expanded the boundaries of science and learning.

    New paradigms completely change how a scientific field is looked at. Thomas Kuhn used the example of the duck-rabbit optical illusion to demonstrate how new paradigms can change how we see old information:

    duck-rabbit optical illusion

    A duck or rabbit? It depends on your perspective.

    New paradigms can take awhile to be fully adopted. Old facts need to be looked at through a new lens. New books, research, studies, lectures, and textbooks need to be re-written from this new perspective, leading to a type of cognitive restructuring of society. The philosopher Immanuel Kant referred to the advancements of Greek mathematics and Newtonian physics as “revolutions in thinking,” and they take time to process.

    Generally, new scientific paradigms are better than old ones because they have more explanatory power over understanding natural phenomenon and predicting future outcomes.

    The best measure of scientific truth is its predictive power: if a new paradigm fails to better explain or predict a natural occurrence over a previous paradigm, then there’s no real point in replacing the old model (from a scientific perspective).

    Paradigm Shifts: An Antidote to Cognitive Dissonance

    Paradigm shifts are spurred on when new facts don’t fit into old worldviews. This leads to feelings of cognitive dissonance which is when someone is forced to hold two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

    Often the only way to reconcile this disconnect between facts vs. experience is to find a completely new paradigm that accounts for all old and new knowledge. This may require recognizing wrong or mistaken beliefs from your past, or cultivating a worldview with more complexity and nuance.

    Cognitive dissonance is a painful experience that most people choose to ignore or avoid. Many people double-down on wrong beliefs when they are passionately invested in them, which leads to excessive confirmation bias and conspiracy theories when beliefs continue to be held unchecked.

    At the same time, cognitive dissonance can be a catalyst for change – it’s a signal that we need to adjust our understanding of reality. This can become a real avenue for transformative thinking as long as you are honest with yourself, seek out diverse sources of information, and open-minded enough to see things in a new light.

    Conclusion

    Paradigm shifts are a part of learning and growing on both an individual and societal level. They are necessary for both radical self-improvement and radical scientific progress.

    While it’s important not to “change your mind just for the sake of changing your mind,” honest searches for knowledge and truth inevitably come up against walls that require a paradigm shift to get over and move onto the next stage.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Positive vs. Negative Self: A Dialogue (PDF)

    Positive vs. Negative Self: A Dialogue (PDF)

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    Our minds can sometimes feel like a battleground of different thoughts competing with one another. In this exercise, you’ll be asked to write a fictional dialogue between your “positive self” and “negative self.”


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    Steven Handel

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  • Emotions Are Weakness: 5 Maladaptive Beliefs That Lead to Emotional Dysfunction

    Emotions Are Weakness: 5 Maladaptive Beliefs That Lead to Emotional Dysfunction

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    Do you see your emotions as a source of strength or weakness? New research shows how maladaptive beliefs about feelings can lead to destructive patterns and poor self-regulation. Learn how to better navigate your emotional world by cultivating the right approach and mindset toward every feeling.


    Two people can experience the same exact emotion in radically different ways depending on their mindset and perspective.

    Ultimately, the beliefs you have about emotions are going to influence how you respond to them. This includes both helpful and unhelpful strategies you use to self-regulate your mood and feelings on a daily basis, which is one of the main pillars of emotional intelligence.

    Psychology research has looked into what types of beliefs about emotions are associated with maladaptive strategies. One new study published in Current Psychology identified two types of beliefs that can lead to emotional distress and the development of mood disorders: “emotional undesirability” (the belief that emotions should be avoided) and “emotional uncontrollability” (the belief that there’s nothing you can do to change your emotions).

    Both of these maladaptive beliefs lead to a passive approach to mental health. They amount to the idea, “All emotions should be avoided – and if they do happen there’s nothing I can do about it.” Naturally a person who holds these beliefs isn’t going to make much of an effort to listen to their emotions more closely or channel them in a more constructive way.

    For example, if a person is overwhelmed with anger and they hold these beliefs, they will always rely on their “default response” however destructive it may be: yelling at someone, drinking alcohol, punching a wall, or storming out of the room. The person doesn’t believe they have a choice in how they respond to their anger, they only blame others for their feelings, so there are limited options whenever anger arises. They say to themselves, “When I’m angry, I act like this! And that’s that!”

    When you remove any choice or responsibility for your mood and feelings (and how you act on them), you automatically limit your power. You end up becoming a slave to your emotions, rather than a master of them. That’s why these maladaptive beliefs can lead to serious emotional dysfunction and disorder over time, especially if we don’t learn the proper tools and skills for managing our emotions more effectively.

    Now let’s learn more about specific destructive beliefs about emotions and how they can hurt our mental health and well-being. Do you believe any of them (or used to in the past)?

    5 Destructive and Maladaptive Beliefs About Emotions

    People hold many misconceptions about their emotions, but these are the most popular myths:

    • Emotions Are Weakness – One of the most common beliefs about emotions is that they are a weakness that should be avoided. Whether it’s love, sadness, or fear, we are told to keep our emotions to ourselves, and any expression of them makes us imperfect and vulnerable. This is a myth especially common among men who strive to be as stoic as possible. Instead of listening to emotions and seeing them as a source of strength and knowledge, we bottle them up and are told to just “think with your head” and “be rational.” While emotions can be misleading and we should question our feelings instead of following them blindly or impulsively, the truth is emotions can contain a lot of power and wisdom when we can listen and respond to them in the right way.
    • Emotions Should Always Be Positive – Another popular myth about emotions is that we should always “feel good” and never “feel bad.” However, even the most emotionally intelligent person is going to experience their fair share of positive and negative emotions, because it’s an inseparable part of human existence. Negative emotions are not only inevitable, they provide a necessary function that helps us navigate our world and live better lives. All emotions – including sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, and grief – serve a purpose and guide us. Without the experience of pain we would put ourselves in danger, such as keeping our hands in a fire until it is burnt. In the same way, negative emotions are uncomfortable but necessary signals we need to survive.
    • Emotions Are Fixed and Permanent – Emotions come and go naturally, but in the moment they can feel solid and permanent. If you watch your emotions closely, you’ll notice they are always changing in various dimensions (time, intensity, frequency, shape), and if you wait long enough one emotion usually takes the place of another. This is the lesson of impermanence – it’s best encapsulated by the mantra this too shall pass, and it describes how every experience (sensations, thoughts, feelings, memories, imaginations) will eventually dissipate over time. Once you learn this, you realize that you don’t always have to act on every emotion to move past it, sometimes you can just sit and wait. There’s a mindful gap between every “feeling” and “action,” and we can experience an emotion fully without needing to directly respond to it.
    • Emotions Are Uncontrollable – In the heat of the moment, emotions can seem uncontrollable. Once an emotion becomes too intense, it can often hijack our brains and cause us to act in ways we later regret. One key aspect of self-regulation is creating a plan for negative emotions before they happen. First identify one emotion you’re stuck in a negative pattern with. Then when you are in a calm and peaceful state of mind, write and brainstorm new ways to respond to that negative emotion in that situation. Put it in the form of an “if, then” statement: “If I feel angry, then I will take ten deep breaths” or “If I feel sad, then I will write for 10 minutes in my journal.” You can change your natural response to intense negative emotions, but like all habits it takes time, practice, and patience.
    • Emotions Are Irrational – The last common error people make is believing that emotions are the opposite of thinking and that the two are completely separate. We falsely believe we need to choose between “thinking” and “emotions” in a given situation when often they are interconnected and work in tandem. Beliefs ↔ emotions is a two-way street. Thoughts can influence our emotions (such as an idea in your head that makes you feel good/bad), and emotions can influence our thoughts (such as a bad mood making you more pessimistic or cynical). Emotions are just another way of processing information from our environment. In fact our intuition and gut feelings are often described as super fast pattern recognition that happens below the surface of consciousness. In some situations, gut feelings can be a more intelligent guide for making decisions than our conscious logic and reasoning.

    What’s your perspective on your emotions? How have your beliefs about emotions changed over time?

    Personally, I once viewed emotions as mere background noise, something to be ignored or suppressed in pursuit of pure rationality and self-control. My journey into psychology and self-improvement changed my perspective. I began to discover that “emotions are powerful,” “emotions are a resource,” and “emotions are worth paying attention to.”

    This paradigm shift was foundational in shaping my approach to life and one of my core motivations for starting this website.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Rumination vs. Savoring: The Neural Dynamics Between Positive and Negative Thinking – The Emotion Machine

    Rumination vs. Savoring: The Neural Dynamics Between Positive and Negative Thinking – The Emotion Machine

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    Rumination is the cornerstone of depression and anxiety. It’s characterized by an excessive replaying of negative thoughts and memories. A new study finds rumination activates the same brain regions as savoring, or the replaying of positive thoughts. Can depressed people learn to use their brains’ natural abilities in a more constructive way?


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    Steven Handel

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  • The Immovable Mind: Schopenhauer’s Daily Routine For 27 Years

    The Immovable Mind: Schopenhauer’s Daily Routine For 27 Years

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    What does the daily life of a legendary philosopher look like? Learn about Arthur Schopenhauer’s unique routine that he consistently followed for over 27 years.


    Arthur Schopenhauer was a major figure in German philosophy throughout the 19th century along with Friedrich Nietzsche and Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.

    While he’s known for his pessimism and negative outlook on life, there’s no denying that Schopenhauer was an intellectual powerhouse of his time who influenced many great thinkers, philosophers, and artists long after his death.

    His book Essays and Aphorisms is a great introduction and overview of his philosophical ideas. It explains his core metaphysical belief of “world as appearance,” continuing the legacy of other idealist philosophers like Plato, Kant, and Indian philosophy, which warn about viewing the world strictly through a materialist lens.

    The beginning of the book provides a nice biography of Schopenhauer’s family background, education, and life history. There’s one interesting section on his daily routine that caught my attention and wanted to share; it’s always fascinating to gain insights into the habits and lifestyles of influential figures, especially potential role models we can emulate and borrow from.

    This specific routine characterizes the last third of Schopenhauer’s life:

      “From the age of 45 until his death 27 years later Schopenhauer lived in Frankfurt-am-Main. He lived alone… every day for 27 years he followed an identical routine.”

    Keep in mind, I’m only sharing this for educational purposes. I don’t necessarily recommend this way of living, but there are interesting lessons to takeaway from it, including how some of these habits relate to Schopenhauer’s overall philosophy.

    Arthur Schopenhauer’s Daily Routine

    Here’s a breakdown of Schopenhauer’s daily routine for the last 27 years of his life:

    • “He rose every morning at seven and had a bath but no breakfast;
    • He drank a cup of strong coffee before sitting down at his desk and writing until noon.
    • At noon he ceased work for the day and spent half-an-hour practicing the flute, on which he became quite a skilled performer.
    • Then he went out to lunch at the Englischer Hof.
    • After lunch he returned home and read until four, when he left for his daily walk:
    • He walked for two hours no matter what the weather.
    • At six o’clock, he visited the reading room of the library and read The Times.
    • In the evening he attended the theatre or a concert, after which he had dinner at a hotel or restaurant.
    • He got back home between nine and ten and went early to bed.”

    While Schopenhauer mostly kept to this strict routine unwaveringly, he was willing to make exceptions under specials circumstances such as if he had friends or visitors in town.

    Key Lessons and Takeaways

    This daily routine seems fitting for a solitary and introspective philosopher, but there are key lessons that fit with conventional self-improvement wisdom:

    • Early Rising: Schopenhauer started his day at 7 a.m., which aligns with the common advice of many successful individuals who advocate for early rising. This morning ritual is often associated with increased productivity and a sense of discipline.
    • No Breakfast: Skipping breakfast was part of Schopenhauer’s routine. While not everyone agrees with this approach, it resonates with intermittent fasting principles that some find beneficial for health and mental clarity.
    • Work Routine: Schopenhauer dedicated his mornings to work, writing until noon. This emphasizes the importance of having a focused and dedicated period for intellectual or creative work, especially early in the day.
    • Creative Break: Taking a break to practice the flute for half an hour after work highlights the value of incorporating creative or leisure activities into one’s routine. It can serve as a refreshing break and contribute to overall well-being.
    • Outdoor Exercise: Schopenhauer’s daily two-hour walk, regardless of the weather, emphasizes the significance of outdoor exercise for both physical and mental health. This practice aligns with contemporary views on the benefits of regular physical activity and spending time in nature.
    • Reading Habit: Schopenhauer spent time reading each day, reflecting his commitment to continuous learning and intellectual stimulation.
    • News Consumption: Reading The Times at the library suggests Schopenhauer valued staying informed about current events. It’s worth noting that he limited his news consumption to a specific time of day (but it was easier to restrict your information diet before the internet).
    • Cultural Engagement: Attending the theater or a concert in the evening indicates a commitment to cultural engagement and a balanced lifestyle.
    • Regular Bedtime: Going to bed early reflects an understanding of the importance of sufficient sleep for overall health and well-being.

    While Schopenhauer’s routine may not be suitable for everyone, there are elements of discipline, balance, and engagement with various aspects of life that individuals may find inspiring or applicable to their own lifestyles.

    The Immovable Mind

    Schopenhauer was known for his persistence and stubbornness – his consistent daily routine is just one manifestation of this.

    He wrote his magnum opus The World as Will and Representation in 1818 when he was only 28 years old, and he never fundamentally changed his views despite continuing to write and publish until his death at 72.

    Schopenhauer has been described as an “immovable mind,” never letting himself deviate from the course he was set out on.

    His two hour walk routine in any weather is one of the most popular examples of this. From the biography in the book:

      “Consider the daily two-hour walk. Among Schopenhauer’s disciples of the late nineteenth century this walk was celebrated fact of his biography, and it was so because of its regularity. There was speculation as to why he insisted on going out and staying out for two hours no matter what the weather. It suggests health fanaticism, but there is no other evidence that Schopenhauer was a health fanatic or crank. In my view the reason was simply obstinacy: he would go out and nothing would stop him.”

    While this immovability has its disadvantages, you have to admire the monk-like discipline.

    Schopenhauer was a proponent of ascetism, a life without pleasure-seeking and mindless indulgence. A lot of his philosophy centers around a type of “denouncement of the material world,” so it’s not surprising that a little rain and wind wouldn’t stop his daily walk.

    This way of living is reminiscent of the documentary Into Great Silence, which follows the daily lives of Carthusian monks living in the French mountains while they eat, clean, pray, and fulfill their chores and duties in quiet solitude.

    One of the hallmarks of a great routine is that it’s a sustainable system. The fact that Schopenhauer was able to follow this regimen for the rest of his life is a testament to its strength and efficacy, and something worth admiring even if it’s not a lifestyle we’d want to replicate for ourselves.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Past Relationships Worksheet (PDF)

    Past Relationships Worksheet (PDF)

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    Learn from past love to improve future love. This worksheet will guide you step-by-step so that you can take away the most important lessons from your past relationships.


    Download:

    Past Relationships Worksheet (PDF)

    Read Why It’s Healthy to Reflect on Your Past Relationships for more information.

    Check out more self-improvement worksheets here!

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    Steven Handel

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  • 6 Aspects Of A Balanced Person: A Complete Picture of Well-Being

    6 Aspects Of A Balanced Person: A Complete Picture of Well-Being

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    What are the six aspects of a balanced person? Physical, mental, emotional, social, work/financial, and meaning/spiritual. Learn more about each one and how to improve it!


    In life, there isn’t one single area that we need to focus on that is going to magically fix all of our problems.

    Instead there are multiple dimensions behind every “good life.” Each dimension requires our attention and each contributes to our overall happiness and well-being.

    Here are six aspects of life that come together to create a “balanced person.” By being more aware of these different dimensions in life, we can determine which areas we need to focus on more and work to improve.

    The different aspects of a balanced person include: 1) Physical, 2) Mental, 3) Emotional, 4) Social, 5) Work/Financial and 6) Meaning/Spiritual.

    If we focus too much on any one area, then we risk neglecting another one. For example, if you become solely focused on just work and money, you may end up spending less time taking care of your physical and mental health, or less quality time with family and friends.

    This is a common trap people fall into. They focus all of their energy and effort into one area in life while completely ignoring another. Often they need to reconfigure their core values and priorities before making a meaningful change.

    This is why practicing balance in all things is so important.

    Each of these areas is one piece of a much larger puzzle, and only when you have all of these areas working together harmoniously can you finally build a complete life that serves all of your needs.

    Here’s a detailed breakdown of each aspect of a “balanced person,” along with tips, tools, and practical advice on how you can start improving each one.

    While reading ask yourself, “Which aspect do I need to focus on the most right now? What’s one small change I can make to improve that area?”

    Now let’s dive in…

    1. PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

    health

    The “physical” aspect of life is all about taking care of our health, especially exercise, diet, and sleep.

    This includes what types of foods and drinks we consume on a daily basis, how often we exercise and keep our bodies moving, personal hygiene and cleanliness, as well as minimizing alcohol, smoking, and other harmful habits to our physical health.

    Our body is one of the most precious gifts we have – and without it we can’t exist. If we don’t stay healthy, we often can’t fully enjoy all the other aspects of life such as family, work, traveling, or leisure.

    Our health can often have a spillover effect into all the other aspects of our lives – for that reason, taking care of our physical health is often an essential first step on any road to self-improvement.

    No matter what the current state of our health is, it’s never too late to start changing our habits, even if it’s something small like stretching in the morning, taking daily walks outside, or starting an active hobby like Yoga, marathon running, or playing sports.

    A healthy body is a healthy mind. When we take better care of our bodies, we also feel more confident, motivated, and energized overall. That’s the beginning of bringing out your best self.


    Things to do:

    • Identify small ways to be more physically active. Often our days are filled with opportunities to be more active, we just need to take advantage of them. Try to cultivate an “everything counts” mindset when it comes to exercise, even if it just means taking a walk around the block, or stretching in the morning, or doing push-ups before lunch. Any physical activity is better than none at all – so seek out small and convenient ways to keep your body moving throughout the day. If you find yourself sitting for long periods of time, get up and do chores, take a walk around the office, or make a phone call while standing up. A sedentary lifestyle is one of the biggest risk factors when it comes to poor health, so finding any reason to stand up more is better than sitting.
    • Find exercise that “clicks” with you and your personality. Different things work for different people. Some people need to commit themselves to a gym membership to get themselves off the couch, while others prefer to work out in the comfort of their own homes. Your personality shapes what exercise you like, so it’s important you find activities that resonate and “click” with you, rather than trying to force yourself to do something you really don’t enjoy. All you need is that one hobby to take your fitness to the next level, whether it be finding an enjoyable sport (like Tennis, or Baseball, or Basketball), or even exercising through video games (such as Wii Fit or Dance Dance Revolution). Try to think of physical activities you enjoyed as a kid, that can often be a good place to rekindle motivation.
    • Keep a healthy and consistent sleep schedule. Sleep is one of the most important habits when it comes to your overall physical and mental health. Research shows that those who don’t get sufficient sleep (between 6-10 hours every night) often suffer worse health outcomes like a weaker immune system, higher risk of obesity, lower energy and stamina, and more stress and anxiety. If your sleep habits aren’t healthy or consistent, it will likely have a negative “ripple effect” on almost every other aspect of your day. When you’re tired and fatigued, you’re more likely to make mistakes at work or argue with your spouse. It’s important not only to get between 6-10 hours of sleep each night, but also to maintain a consistent schedule. If you don’t sleep much on the weekends, it’s difficult to “catch up” on those lost hours throughout the week. Try to go to bed and wake up around the same time each day if possible. Here are more important lessons behind a good night’s sleep, including recognizing that some people are natural “early birds” or “night owls,” and that’s something you need to recognize and work with.
    • Pay attention to your food and diet. There are many different diets out there to choose from – and people can have long debates about which one is better – but the most important thing is to not eat too much, especially junk food, fast food, soda, sweets, and lots of processed food. Use your commonsense. Experiment with different diet changes and see what works best for you. Different diets work better for different people – so there’s no “one size fits all” solution to what exactly you should eat or not eat. One simple diet change is to substitute all your soda/juice/sugary drinks with water instead. Drinking plenty of water is never a bad place to start – most people don’t recognize how dehydrated they can be throughout the day and how it effects them. If you’re trying to lose weight, one popular option you can consider is intermittent fasting where you allow yourself to eat for an 8 hour window each day and fast for the remaining 16 hours. You can also try the “One Meal A Day” approach, where you restrict yourself to just one big meal (with minimal snacking). In general, pay attention to how your body responds to the things you eat: What foods leave you tired and feeling like crap? What foods make you energized and feeling good?
    • Take care of personal hygiene and cleanliness. Proper hygiene is another important aspect of physical health. While it can seem like commonsense, basic habits like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, getting a haircut, trimming your nails, and washing your face are are all important things not to neglect. Not only does cleanliness prevent you from catching germs and getting sick, you also feel better about yourself when you present yourself in the best way possible (and smell good). Often we are surprised by how much better we feel after a fresh new haircut, or clean new clothes, or new cologne/perfume. When mental health is low, we sometimes neglect these basic habits out of laziness or apathy, which is why they are a crucial first step in self-improvement if we aren’t paying enough attention to them.
    • Minimize your bad habits. No one is 100% perfect and we all have a couple bad habits, whether it be eating too many sweets, or drinking alcohol, or staying up late, or smoking cigarettes. In general, it’s important to quit (or minimize) our unhealthy habits as much as possible. “Choose your crutches wisely.” Keep in mind the long-term consequences of your habits – while it may not feel like they are hurting you right now, their effects can often catch up to you in the future. When trying to quit any bad habit, identify your triggers and work from there to change to change your patterns. Often by creating more boundaries between you and your bad habits, you can overcome your urge to do them (until it’s no longer an automatic habit anymore). If you find that you have a serious problem with addiction or drug abuse, consider professional help (such as a therapist, psychologist, or counselor) – there are often local resources available in your area if you do a quick search.

    Please don’t underestimate the importance of keeping your body in the best shape possible. As Socrates famously said, “No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”

    Physical health is about much more than just looking and feeling good about yourself – it’s about living a life of vitality and longevity. You can have everything else in your life figured out, but if you don’t maintain your health you won’t be around very long to use or enjoy it.

    2. MENTAL WELL-BEING

    mental

    If you don’t take care of your body then it will slowly deteriorate – and the same is true for your mind.

    Just because you don’t have to go to school anymore doesn’t mean you can’t keep learning new things, keeping your brain sharp, and challenging your intellect.

    Reading books. Learning about new topics. Having deep conversations. Attending lectures and workshops. Following the news. These are all commonsense ways to keep our minds active and continue to update our knowledge and belief system as we move through life.

    Learning is a lifelong endeavor. Balanced people are always seeking new things to dig into and learn more about like a new hobby, new game, or new skill such as painting, chess, learning a new language, or playing a musical instrument.

    In addition, research shows that continuing to challenge our brain is an important way to prevent cognitive decline as we get older, including lower the risk of dementia and memory loss.


    Things to do:

    • Read more books. Reading is one of the best ways to keep your mind sharp and learn new things. Nonfiction books about science, history, philosophy, or self help can grow your knowledge and broaden your perspective on life; and reading fiction has been shown to have many cognitive benefits such as boosting empathy, creative thinking, and expanding your vocabulary. If you haven’t read a book in awhile, try to make it a goal to read at least one book this year. You can start with a book you already own but never got a chance to read, or ask a friend for a book recommendation, or get a card from your local library and explore countless books for free. Find a topic or subject that interests you and start there!
    • Learn a new skill. Learning multiple skills is a hallmark of being a balanced and well-rounded person. It’s never too late in life to dive into something completely new, such as playing a musical instrument, learning a new language, writing poetry, painting, or playing chess. A jack of all trades mindset can make you stand-out from others in unique ways. Many people have a talent or passion for at least one thing, but when you start combining talents and cultivating multiple interests it shows your range and flexibility as a person. Don’t limit yourself. There’s no pressure to become a “professional” or “expert” in everything you do, just stay on a learning path, have fun while doing it, and enjoy seeing the growth as you go.
    • Watch documentaries. Documentaries are a fun and easy way to explore new topics and learn about interesting things you otherwise wouldn’t experience. Depending on what you like, there are many different subjects to choose from: history, sports, biographies, science, inspirational stories, or nature documentaries (which have also been shown to boost positive emotions like joy, gratitude, and awe). I’ve made a lengthy list of recommended documentaries which I try to keep updated as I discover new ones. Check it out and choose one that catches your eye!
    • Monitor your information diet. Our current world is overloaded with information, including a lot that is wrong, misleading, or straight up lies and propaganda. Now more than ever we need to pay close attention to the information we consume on a daily basis. Try to find trustworthy news and educational sites where you can easily verify what they are saying from other sources. Beware of going down esoteric “rabbit holes” where people only confirm their own biases and beliefs. Actively seek out information from multiple sides so you’re at least aware of different perspectives and counter-arguments. The information pyramid is a great guide on how you should prioritize certain sources over others. In general, a peer-reviewed scientific study should be given more weight than some random influencer on social media. Keep in mind it’s also possible to consume too much and become an information junkie, where you’re addicted to learning new things, but you never act on it or put it into practice.
    • Spend time in active reflection. Give yourself time to think and digest, even if it’s just for 10 minutes while sitting with your first cup of coffee in the morning. You don’t always need to be filling your brain with facts to be a smarter person, you also need to know how to step back and contemplate what you know. Active and engaged minds are always taking advantage of opportunities for everyday reflection when sitting on the bus, taking a shower, or walking the dog. Often your best ideas and insights come in moments when you’re not trying to solve a problem directly but just mulling it over in your mind. Schedule time for solitude every now and then and don’t be afraid to sit alone with your thoughts.
    • Learn how your mind works. One essential component to being a more intelligent thinker is knowing how your mind works. We naturally believe we understand ourselves best, but psychology and neuroscience can sometimes reveal counter-intuitive facts and tendencies. To start, our minds are very susceptible to cognitive biases and logical fallacies that can muddy our thinking and understanding of reality. One of the most common errors is black and white thinking, where we believe a situation needs to be either “A” or “B,” but a third perspective, “C,” is the more accurate view. Our minds like to over-simplify things when reality can often be more nuanced and complex. Show intellectual humility. Be open to being wrong and be open to changing your mind in the face of new evidence and experience.

    Take your education seriously. Maintain a healthy and active brain. Even if you were never a good student in school, that doesn’t mean you can’t improve your knowledge and intelligence, especially once you find subjects you are deeply passionate about. Benjamin Franklin once said, “An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.”

    3. EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING

    emotional

    In the “Mental” section we covered how to keep our brains active and be more intelligent thinkers, but there’s also a whole other side of our psychology that we need to pay attention to as well: our “Emotional” side.

    Emotions can often seem like something that we have limited power over, but being a more emotionally intelligent person means becoming more self-aware and learning how to better respond to our emotions in the moment.

    We can’t ignore our emotions or push them aside forever, they are a necessary facet of life and we must learn to navigate our emotional world effectively if we want to live the best life possible.

    Remember that emotions are a resource, not a crutch. Every emotion serves a function or purpose, and if we channel our emotions in a constructive direction we can make great things happen.

    One important lesson is that even negative emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, or fear are helpful to a better life if we approach them from the right perspective.


    Things to do:

    • Learn the basics of emotional intelligence. There are 4 fundamental pillars of emotional intelligence that we need to cultivate: 1) Self-awareness (recognizing our emotions when they happen), 2) Self-regulation (knowing how to respond to our emotions and channel them in a positive direction, 3) Empathy (being aware of other people’s emotions and internal states), and 4) Social Skills (knowing how to respond to other people’s emotions in a healthy and constructive way). Certain people may be strong at some of these and not for others. For example, someone may be really empathetic and caring, but not know how to regulate their own mood and emotions, leading to burnout and emotional fatigue. An emotionally intelligent person must work on all four of these pillars.
    • Improve body awareness. All emotions have a physical component to them. When you learn how to identify the physical sensations behind each emotion, you’ll be much more attuned to your feelings in the moment as you’re experiencing them. This helps you to be more aware of your feelings before acting on them, and to recognize how emotions often want to push or pull you in a certain direction (“do this” vs. “don’t do that”). Every feeling serves a different function depending on its emotional valence (“positive” vs. “negative”) and arousal level (“high energy” vs. “low energy”). With practice, this improved body awareness can also boost your intuition, making you a better reader of your “gut feelings” and what they are telling you.
    • Learn to channel negative emotions. Negative emotions can serve a positive function if you know how to respond to them in a constructive way. If you struggle with any specific negative emotion (sadness, fear, guilt, or anger), then create a plan for how you will respond to it the next time it arises. For example, “If I’m angry, then I’ll go exercise,” or “If I’m sad, then I’ll write in my journal.” Emotions are energy that can be channeled in multiple directions. Write a list of the many ways you can respond to any negative emotion. Remind yourself you have a choice, and you don’t have to keep following the same pattern between negative emotion → negative behavior. One popular technique is opposite action, where you intentionally do the opposite of what a feeling is telling you to do (to reverse the cycle of negativity).
    • Practice meditation and daily mindfulness. Meditation is a great avenue for better understanding and regulating your emotions. It teaches you how to step back and just observe your thoughts and feelings without needing to immediately react to them. This space between “feelings” and “actions” is crucial for being a more emotionally intelligent person; it’s the main principle behind discipline, willpower, and self-control. Never forget that just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean you need to act on it. If you’re completely new to meditation, start with the 100 breaths meditation – a simple exercise where you just focus on your breathing. It’s also helpful to learn grounding techniques for when you feel overwhelmed, such as mindful stretching or a 5 senses meditation.
    • Embrace creative expression. It’s difficult to describe many emotions with only words so it’s important to embrace other ways of expressing yourself, such as through music, photography, dance, painting, drawing, acting, or film. Often when I meet people who don’t feel fully connected to their emotional self, they usually lack ways of expressing themselves through art and creativity. A creative outlet is often a prerequisite to better understanding and navigating your emotional world, even if you don’t typically think of yourself as a “creative person.”
    • Savor all of your positive experiences. Life is filled with many joys and pleasures throughout the day and we should try to savor them as much as possible. We have many positive emotions to choose from – joy, gratitude, peace, awe, excitement, laughter, and wonder – and there are a variety of activities that can lead to more positive emodiversity in our lives. Don’t just chase after the same positive experiences over and over again, seek new experiences, new hobbies, and new ways of enjoying life. Learn how to savor happiness as much as possible by being more present in the moment, creating positive memories, and reminiscing on good times.
    • Relax and manage daily stress. Last but not least, it’s necessary we cover stress management as an essential component to mental health and emotional intelligence. Stress is a normal part of everyday life, but if you don’t know how to manage it in a healthy way it can often have a negative influence on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors by making you more sensitive, irritable, angry, and bothered (even by little things that don’t really matter). Recognize when to push yourself vs. when to step back and recharge. In the complete guide on daily stress, you’ll find a great framework for reframing your “fight, flight, or freeze” response by viewing stress as a signal to pay attention to and guide you throughout the day. Don’t underestimate the importance of your comfort zone and use it as a place to recharge after a challenging or overwhelming day.

    Emotions can “make us” or “break us” depending on how emotionally intelligent we are. They are a fundamental part of life, but we often have more power over them than we realize. Learn how to channel your emotions in a healthy and constructive way – become a master of them, not a slave to them.

    4. SOCIAL WELL-BEING

    social

    Healthy and positive relationships are an essential ingredient to happiness and well-being.

    No matter who you are, you crave some type of social connection; even the most introverted person on the planet will have a tough time finding happiness all by themselves.

    There used to be a time when I believed “I don’t need people to be happy, all I need is myself.” But over the years I’ve learned more and more that having social support and a sense of belonging is a basic human need that can’t be avoided.

    How strong is your current social circle? Here’s advice to get you started.


    Things to do:

    • Stay connected with friends and family. You should try your best to stay in touch with people who you already have a strong relationship with, especially family and old friends. There’s a simple power in checking in on people and preserving social connections you’ve already established. It doesn’t take much time or effort to show you’re thinking about someone: a simple text, email, or phone call is all you need to let people know you still care and value your relationship with them. You’d be surprised by how much other people appreciate you reaching out to them, even if you haven’t spoken to them in a really long time.
    • Embrace small social interactions. Every time you leave your home, there is opportunity for social interaction. To build your social muscles, embrace the power of 10 second relationships, such as saying “Hi,” to a neighbor or coworker, small talk with a cashier or cab driver, or sparking up a quick conversation while waiting for the train or bus. Research shows even super tiny social interactions can boost positive emotions and feelings of social connectedness. This can also be a great exercise for people who are very introverted (or have a lot of social anxiety) and want to start being a more social person. Make a plan to have a pleasant interaction with at least one new person every day.
    • Learn how to have endless conversations. One big concern for people when it comes to meeting new people is, “What do I say? What if I run out of things to talk about?” One popular technique known as conversation threading provides an excellent framework so that you never run out of topics to talk about. The basic idea is that every sentence contains multiple “threads” we can go down, and often the art of good conversation is being able to 1) Listen to what people say, and 2) Choose a thread to talk more about. Rinse and repeat and a conversation can go on forever. Also consider improvisation exercises so that you can be a faster and more creative thinker in the moment.
    • Improve communication and conflict resolution. It’s a cliché, but communication is everything in relationships. If you don’t know how to express your thoughts and feelings in an honest and constructive way, you’ll have trouble building genuine and healthy connections with others at home, work, or wherever you need to cooperate and work together with people. In romantic relationships, it’s important to know how to communicate your feelings without manipulating or being dramatic. In family and work environments, it’s important to know how to defuse heated arguments before they spiral out of control. The truth is people can be difficult and you’re not going to like everyone’s company. That’s natural. Conflicts have the potential to arise in any social situation, because people have different beliefs, values, and personalities that may be incompatible with each other. What’s most important is to teach yourself the best methods for conflict resolution so you can better navigate the complexities of your social world.
    • Find opportunities to meet new people. Most people make friends through work or school. Once we get older, it can become more difficult to find new connections or become a part of new social circles. Recent research shows that most adults claim to have “less than 5 close friends.” If you’re looking to expand your circle, there are many opportunities available to you. Depending on your likes, hobbies, and interests, consider going out more to music shows, bars, coffee shops, workshops, church/religious services, bowling leagues, adult education classes, sports events, or book clubs. Seek out local groups in your area or volunteer somewhere. You can also take advantage of websites like Meet Up to connect with like-minded people who live close-by. All it takes is one new friend to introduce you to an entirely new social circle. Be patient and don’t worry if you don’t initially hit it off with the first couple people you meet. Finding the right relationships that fit into our lives can take time.
    • Use social media and the internet to connect. The internet can be a great place to connect with like-minded people who we’d never meet in the real world. Online communities on social media, message boards, or video games can often provide a valuable source of social interaction, especially for people who don’t have many “real life” friends. The internet can be particularly helpful for connecting with others who have rare or eccentric hobbies, such as fans of a specific author, athlete, music genre, or comic book franchise. Unfortunately, many online communities can also become negative, competitive, and toxic (see the online disinhibition effect), so it’s necessary you build a positive digital environment that works for you. That doesn’t mean hiding in your own “echo chamber,” but it does mean cultivating a feed and followers who ultimately add value to your life and don’t subtract it. First focus on topics you’re naturally interested in such as science, technology, sports, or movies. Try not to be a passive consumer of information, actively enter conversations by asking questions or sharing knowledge with others. Often times we can build meaningful connections with people online that are just as important as those we find in the real world. However, while online relationships can have many benefits, we shouldn’t see them as a substitute for real world “face to face” interactions.

    Always remember that quality of relationships > quantity of relationships.

    You don’t need to be super popular or the life of the party to have a healthy social life. All you need is a couple really close friends who support you, trust you, and enjoy your presence. That’s everything you need to be socially satisfied.

    Healthy relationships are a fundamental aspect of happiness and well-being for everyone. Our need to belong to a “tribe” or group is hardwired into our brain, biology, and evolution. Like every other aspect of a balanced person, it can’t be ignored.

    Are your daily social needs being fulfilled?

    5. WORK / FINANCIAL WELL-BEING

    work

    Another fundamental aspect of a balanced person is work, money, and material concerns.

    At the most basic level, we depend on food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, and other necessities so we can live a healthy and dignified life.

    People that struggle to make a living can often hurt in many other areas: physical health (can’t afford good foods, healthcare, or medicine), relationships (can’t support family, no money for dating), as well as our mental and emotional well-being (stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem).

    Unless you win the lottery or have someone else to provide for you, finding a steady job or career is often one of the most focused on areas in life. From childhood up until we finish high school or college, we are constantly asked, “What do you want to do for a living?”

    A few people find jobs they love, many find jobs they like, and most find jobs they can at least tolerate. Balancing psychological needs with financial needs can be a difficult task depending on your current situation.

    While we don’t always get a choice in what we do for a living, there are important ways to give ourselves more power over our work life and financial life. Here are important guidelines to keep in mind.


    Things to do:

    • Focus on your strengths. Everyone has a place in this world where they add value. Before you decide what type of work you’d like to do for a living, it’s important to know what your natural strengths, skills, and talents are. If you’re friendly and good with people, you may excel at managing, customer service, or human resources type jobs. If you’re more introverted and creative, you may want to focus on writing, graphic design, computer programming, or freelance work. What type of activities are you typically good at (or at least above average)? What were your best subjects in school? What do you enjoy doing and why? Complete the strengths worksheet to discover more about your natural skillset. Ultimately, knowing your strengths will influence what types of jobs or career choices will suit you best – including where you contribute the most value.
    • Value education and experience. No matter what your job is, there are always new ways to learn and improve. The best workers in life are those who are always growing and mastering their craft. College is still an important part of education, but what’s even more important is to stay self-motivated and continue learning after school. Many people I know have landed successful jobs that had virtually nothing to do with what they studied in college. In several cases, they were people who taught themselves coding/programming, built a portfolio to show their work to potential employers, and climbed their way up the company ladder from there. All self-taught. You can also consider going to trade schools, workshops, mentorships, internships, and other forms of gaining knowledge and experience that are outside of the traditional college model. Any work experience is better than none at all – you just need to start somewhere and begin building yourself up.
    • Make the most of your job. While it’s rare for any of us to get our “dream job,” we can always make the most of our work life by being a good employee and doing our best. Use nudges to keep yourself motivated and productive throughout the day, learn mental strategies for getting things done that you normally “don’t like” doing, and make friends at work with bosses, coworkers, clients, or customers, because those are the people you’re going to be spending a lot of time with and it’s crucial you have healthy and functioning relationships with them. No matter what your job is try to see the underlying purpose or meaning behind it. What value does it add to the world? Are you proud of the work you do?
    • Live within your means. Regardless of how much money you make, one of the most commonsense rules for financial well-being is living within your means. This includes keeping a budget that you can maintain (for food, rent/mortgage, bills, gas, clothes, and leisure expenses), and not buying too much stuff you can’t immediately afford. Debt can be common at some point in our lives (due to student loans, credit card debt, medical emergencies, etc.), but try to be mindful to not put yourself in a hole that you can’t climb out of. Avoid luxury expenses that put you at financial risk. We sometimes over-extend ourselves due to social comparison and a “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality. We think if our friend or neighbor gets a brand new car or goes on an expensive trip, then we need to “one-up” them with a similar purchase. Many times people fall into massive debt because they are trying to chase status, fame, luxury, or exorbitant pleasures. In general, keep track of all your monthly expenses and find ways to cut back on spending that isn’t necessary. Learn about spending biases that can lead to overconsumption (like the allure of “FREE!,” the “Relativity Trap,” and “One Click” purchases). Big corporations are masters of psychology and persuasion. If we aren’t vigilant about our spending habits (especially if you enjoy retail therapy), then we’ll often fall for tricks that cause us to spend more money than we should.
    • Create a healthy relationship with material things. This article is about being a balanced person. Work and money are very important aspects of life, but materialistic beliefs can also backfire to hurt us. No one lays down on their deathbed wishing they spent more time in the office. Work-a-holics can end up focusing so much on their career that they neglect giving enough attention to their family, health, and well-being. Never forget that there is a lot more to a good life than just money and material things, despite what you may see glamorized in movies, TV shows, or commercials. Psychology research shows that after a certain point, increased wealth and income has very little effect on our overall happiness and life satisfaction. Being rich sounds awesome, but it won’t necessarily make you any happier than if you earned less with a stable and secure life. Take the materialism quiz to see if you have a healthy relationship with money and stuff.

    Remember, money is important but it isn’t everything.

    Financial well-being will often look radically different depending on the person. Certain people may be content with modest and minimal living, while others crave more luxury, adventure, and pleasure. Whichever lifestyle you choose, it’s necessary that money finds the proper role in your life without being completely consumed by it.

    One succinct way to define true financial well-being is “not needing to think about money all the time.”

    6. MEANINGFUL / SPIRITUAL WELL-BEING

    spiritual

    The meaningful or spiritual aspects of life can often be overlooked.

    We may occasionally ask ourselves big questions like, “Who am I?” “Why am I here?” or “What’s my purpose?” but we rarely translate these questions into our daily lives through action.

    For many people, religion is their main source of spirituality and meaning. Attending church, being part of a local community, prayer, and volunteering or giving to charities are common ways people boost meaning in their daily lives. Religion has been shown to improve happiness and well-being by creating a strong sense of purpose and community.

    However, we don’t need religion to have a meaningful life. There are many other sources of meaning, including art, culture, philosophy, literature, music, relationships, activism, introspection, and creativity.

    Where do you get your meaning in life?


    Things to do:

    • Learn the pillars of a meaningful life. One excellent guide on how to live a meaningful life outlines five different pillars to focus on, including 1) A sense of belonging (having healthy relationships with those around you), 2) A sense of purpose (feeling that you contribute to a larger whole), 3) Storytelling (the life story we tell about ourselves, as well as stories and myths about the world we live in), 4) Transcendence (experiencing “awe” and “inspiration” in the presence of great things), 5) Growth (having a sense that you are evolving and moving forward as a person). All five pillars contribute to a rich and meaningful existence.
    • Spend more time in nature. Nature reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves, a whole process known as “life.” Nature is a fantastic source of meaning because it continuously inspires positive emotions like joy, amazement, gratitude, and awe. The best part is that nature is all around us – we don’t need to plan a weekend camping trip to experience it – instead just pay attention to everyday nature that is all around you: trees on the drive to work, birdwatching in your backyard, or spending time in your garden over the summer. Having pets to care for is another easy and wonderful source of nature and connection, even if it’s just a small fish tank to maintain. Nature also includes enjoying the beauty of a nice view such as sunrises, sunsets, mountaintops, storm watching, and star-gazing.
    • Take a complete picture perspective. Finding meaning requires being able to look at things from a big picture perspective. What influence do your actions have in the long-term? What type of impact will you leave on the world after you die? When you keep the complete picture in mind, you recognize that even super small actions can add up and have big results in the future. Your life doesn’t begin at birth nor end at death, you are part of an intergenerational chain of cause-and-effect that has stretched thousands of years. That’s a powerful thought if you can see the true significance behind it.
    • Embrace art, music, and culture. Artists are the creators of new meanings, especially famous painters, musicians, filmmakers, photographers, authors, playwrights, and dancers. Pursuing a creative hobby of your own is one fantastic way to infuse new meaning into your life. You can also embrace art and culture more by going to museums, art galleries, music concerts, and theaters. A lot of beautiful art is archived in online art and cultural exhibits, so you can discover a lot of new inspiration by just sitting in the comfort of your own home. Artists of all forms teach us how universal the human condition is. It’s a huge inspirational boost when you realize a book written over a hundred years ago resonates exactly with how you feel today. One of my strongest memories is attending a music concert of my favorite band with thousands of others listening and singing along. Creativity is one of humanity’s greatest gifts and there’s a lot of wisdom, beauty, and feelings of universal connection it can offer us.
    • Signs, symbols, and synchronicity. A meaningful life can be more about feeling inspiration and empowerment rather than thinking only logically and factually about the world. Embrace things you can’t always explain. If you feel like you’re getting a “sign” from the universe, accept it. Our minds often think unconsciously through the power of symbols, especially through reoccurring dreams or nightmares that may be trying to tell you something important. Meaning can be created anywhere if you have the right perspective. Many of my favorite moments in life are when I experience synchronicity, which is finding a connection between two things that seem completely unrelated at first. For example, if I start reading a book and then someone brings up the same book randomly the next day, I try to see that as a sign that I’m on the right path. It may or may not be true, but it is a simple and easy way to add more meaning to the little things in life.
    • Have faith that life is good. Faith may not have any role in science, but it does play an important role in good living. At the end of the day, one of the most important beliefs we can have is that “life is good” and things will generally work out in the end. One of my personal favorite quotes is, “Pray to God, but row to shore.” It shows us to have hope and faith in life, but still take action and try our best in the moment. Both faith and action are necessary ingredients to a happy and fulfilling life. A belief in God or a higher power can make this whole process easier. However, even if you can’t bring yourself to accept “metaphysical” or “supernatural” ideas, at least try to sense the oneness and interconnectedness of all things. These ideas are an endless source of power, strength, and resilience, even in the face of incredible hardships and tribulations.

    A “meaningful life” can be one of the most difficult areas of life to improve, especially while living in a world that is filled with nihilism, hedonism, and materialism.

    However, once you build a strong spiritual core you can withstand almost any difficulty or hardship. It can empower you to a whole new level that non-spiritual people don’t usually have access to.

    CONCLUSION

    To sum things up we must invest time and energy in all six of these aspects if we want to live a happy and balanced life.

    Once again, these six aspects of a balanced life include: 1) Physical, 2) Mental, 3) Emotional, 4) Social, 5) Work/Financial, and 6) Meaningful/Spiritual.

    Which area are you the strongest in? Which area are you the weakest in?

    Keep this framework in mind as you embark on a lifetime of self-improvement. Try the Daily Routine (PDF) exercise and use this resource as a guideline.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Ubisoft Wants You To Be Comfortable Not Owning Your Games

    Ubisoft Wants You To Be Comfortable Not Owning Your Games

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    With the pre-release of Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown started, Ubisoft has chosen this week to rebrand its Ubisoft+ subscription services, and introduce a PC version of the “Classics” tier at a lower price. And a big part of this, says the publisher’s director of subscriptions, Philippe Tremblay, is getting players “comfortable” with not owning their games.

    It’s hard to keep up with how often Ubisoft has rebranded its online portals for its games, with Uplay, Ubisoft Game Launcher, Ubisoft Connect, Uplay+, Uplay Passport, Ubisoft Club, and now Ubisoft+ Premium and Ubisoft+ Classics, all names used over the last decade or so. It’s also seemed faintly bewildering why there’s a demand for any of them, given Ubisoft released only five non-mobile games last year.

    However, a demand there apparently is, says Tremblay in an interview with GI.biz. He claims the company’s subscription service had its biggest ever month October 2023, and that the service has had “millions” of subscribers, and “over half a billion hours” played. Of course, a lot of this could be a result of Ubisoft’s various moments of refusing to release games to Steam, forcing PC players to use its services, and likely opting for a month’s subscription rather than the full price of the game they were looking to buy. But still, clearly people are opting to use it.

    But it remains strange why enough people would want to subscribe—and at $17.99 a month it’s not cheap—to a single publisher’s output. That’s not a diss of Ubisoft’s games—although you might want to apply your own—but something that would be as true were it Activision Blizzard or EA.

    You can subscribe to Game Pass, or PlayStation Plus, and get a broad range of hundreds of games from dozens of publishers, or you can pay significantly more to only get the games made by one single publisher, and indeed a publisher with a very distinct style of game. TV networks and movie companies tried this, and those numbers are thinning out fast, with many already compromising by returning their shows to the larger streamers.

    What’s more chilling about all this, however, is when Tremblay moves on to how Ubisoft wishes to see a “consumer shift,” similar to that of the market for CDs and DVDs, where people have moved over to Spotify and Netflix, instead of buying physical media to keep on their own shelves. Given that most people, while being a part of the problem (hello), also think of this as a problem, it’s so weird to see it phrased as if some faulty thinking in the company’s audience.

    One of the things we saw is that gamers are used to, a little bit like DVD, having and owning their games. That’s the consumer shift that needs to happen. They got comfortable not owning their CD collection or DVD collection. That’s a transformation that’s been a bit slower to happen [in games]. As gamers grow comfortable in that aspect… you don’t lose your progress. If you resume your game at another time, your progress file is still there. That’s not been deleted. You don’t lose what you’ve built in the game or your engagement with the game. So it’s about feeling comfortable with not owning your game.

    Tremblay goes on to say to GI.biz, “But as people embrace that model, they will see that these games will exist, the service will continue, and you’ll be able to access them when you feel like.” But…we know that isn’t true! We know how often services don’t continue, how many games are no longer available.

    One of my all-time favorite games was published by Ubisoft in 2003, called In Memorium (Missing: Since January in the U.S.), and that’s certainly not on its Classics range, I’m sure because the company long ago lost any rights to it. Luckily for me, I own a physical copy of it. But any number of other Ubisoft games from the early ‘00s I stick in its Classics site have no results. There’s no reason on Earth to think the same won’t be true of Ubisoft’s current games in 20 years.

    There are still plans for Ubisoft to add streaming access to Activision Blizzard’s games to Ubisoft+, as bizarre as that may seem given the publisher’s recent acquisition by Microsoft. It’ll also seem fairly redundant, given all the games will come to the far more ubiquitous Game Pass, where they won’t be behind the technical hurdle of streaming. And indeed Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown is already available to play via the Epic Games Store if you pre-ordered it there.

    If, for whatever reason, you just adore Ubisoft’s output, then yes—for $17.99 a month you can play Skull & Bones, Avatar, Assassin’s Creed Mirage, Anno 1800, and The Crew: Motorfest right now, which is a lot cheaper than buying them all individually. But you won’t own any of them, and you’ll need to keep paying that 18 bucks a month in perpetuity if you want to keep them, right up until you can’t any more.

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    John Walker

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  • 50+ Motivational Latin Proverbs to Elevate Your Thinking to New Levels

    50+ Motivational Latin Proverbs to Elevate Your Thinking to New Levels

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    Times change but wisdom stays the same. Check out this collection of inspirational Latin proverbs and find one that really resonates with you.


    Wisdom surpasses time and place. Powerful thoughts spoken hundreds and thousands of years ago still ring true to us today.

    One of my lifelong pastimes is collecting positive thoughts of all stripes. I have whole documents dedicated to inspirational quotes from people I look up to as role models, uplifting and motivational affirmations I’ve discovered over the years, and personal thoughts (every now and then I create a good one all on my own!).

    Latin proverbs, in particular, possess a special power. Many of us are already familiar with a few popular ones: carpe diem (“seize the day”), cogito ergo sum (“I think, therefore I am”), or veni, vidi, vici (“I came, I saw, I conquered”).

    These phrases have endured over the centuries, with some becoming part of our everyday discourse and others adopted as popular sayings in various institutions, such as primum non nocere (“first, do no harm”), a common saying in medicine and healthcare, or pro bono (“for the good”) a phrase in law referring to a lawyer working for no charge, or sic semper tyrannis (“thus always to tyrants”) which is often applied to politics and government.

    Here’s a compilation of the more popular and noteworthy Latin proverbs. These cover a broad range of subjects and ideas, but you’re bound to find a few new ones that resonate with you.

    50+ Motivational Latin Proverbs

    Acta non verba
    (“deeds not words”)

    Ad meliora
    (“towards better things”)

    Ad victoriam
    (“to victory”)

    Audere est faucere
    (“to dare is to do”)

    Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
    (“the stars incline us, they do not bind us”)

    Bono malum superate
    (“good will overcome evil”)

    Carpe diem
    (“seize the day”)

    Calamus gladio fortior
    (“the pen is mightier than the sword”)

    Cogito, ergo sum
    (“I think, therefore I am”)

    Cras es noster
    (“tomorrow, be ours”)

    Dictum factum
    (“what is said is done”)

    Duc, sequere, aut de via decede
    (“lead, follow, or get out of the way”)

    Dum spiro, spero
    (“while I breathe, I hope”)

    Ego te provoco
    (“I challenge you”)

    Est modus in rebus
    (“there is a middle way in all things”)

    Faber est suae quisque fortunae
    (“every man is the artisan of his own fortune”)

    Familia supra omnia
    (“family over everything”)

    Fons vitae caritas
    (“love is the fountain of life”)

    Fortiter et fideliter
    (“bravely and faithfully”)

    Gladiator in arena consilium capit
    (“the gladiator is formulating his plan in the arena”)

    Grandescunt aucta labore
    (“by work, all things increase and grow”)

    Humilitas occidit superbiam
    (“humility kills pride”)

    Igne natura renovatur integra
    (“through fire nature is reborn whole”)

    Incepto ne desistam
    (“may I not shrink from my purpose”)

    Magna est vis consuetudinis
    (“great is the power of habit”)

    Memento mori
    (“remember you must die”)

    Memento vivere
    (“remember you have to live”)

    Memores acti prudentes future
    (“mindful of what has been done, aware of what will be”)

    Morior invictus
    (“death before defeat”)

    Non ducor, duco
    (“I am not led, I lead”)

    Nosce te ipsum
    (“know thyself”)

    Omne initium difficile est
    (“every beginning is difficult”)

    Ordo ab chao
    (“order out of chaos”)

    Palma non sine pulvere
    (“no reward without effort”)

    Pax vobiscum
    (“peace be with you”)

    Praesis ut prosis ne ut imperes
    (“lead in order to serve, not in order to rule”)

    Praemonitus, praemunitus
    (“forewarned is forearmed”)

    Pro bono
    (“for the good”)

    Primum non nocere
    (“first do no harm”)

    Qui non proficit, deficit
    (“he who does not advance, goes backward”)

    Qui totum vult totum perdit
    (“he who wants everything loses everything”)

    Sapientia potentia est
    (“wisdom is power”)

    Si vis amari, ama
    (“if you wish to be loved, love”)

    Sic parvis magna
    (“greatness from small beginnings”)

    Sic semper tyrannis
    (“thus always to tyrants”)

    Sic vita est
    (“such is life”)

    Suum cuique
    (“to each his own”)

    Tempus fugit
    (“time flies”)

    Tendit in ardua virtus
    (“virtue strives for what is difficult”)

    Ubi concordia, ibi victoria
    (“where is unity, there is victory”)

    Vacate et scire
    (“be still and know”)

    Veni, vidi, vici
    (“I came, I saw, I conquered”)

    Verba volant, scripta manent
    (“words fly away, writing remains”)

    Vincit qui se vincit
    (“he conquers who conquers himself”)

    Vis medicatrix naturae
    (“the healing power of nature”)

    Recommended Exercise

    Which ones do you like the best from the list above?

    Choose 1-3 of these Latin proverbs and find a way to integrate them into your daily life. Practice unconscious positivity: write one down and post it on your fridge or bathroom mirror, create a piece of art or music dedicated to one, or make one into a digital password.

    I have “cras es noster” (tomorrow, be ours) on the top of my whiteboard going into the new year.


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    Steven Handel

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  • Best of 2023: Recap, Articles, Worksheets, and the Future

    Best of 2023: Recap, Articles, Worksheets, and the Future

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    An honest review of 2023, featuring stand-out articles, practical worksheets, and a preview of the near future at The Emotion Machine.


    Another year is coming to an end. It’s time for my annual recap and roundup of best articles.

    To start, I’ll say this year was a good year for me overall. Not excellent, not bad – but “good.” It was more turbulent than past years and I certainly had low moments, but I adapted quickly and made a couple major habit changes that are going to payoff big in the future.

    Despite the chaos, I was remarkably consistent in my output this year. After a decade working on this site, creating new content is almost automatic for me. There’s no reason to assume I’ll be slowing down anytime soon, as new ideas and new projects are constantly coming to mind.

    The most successful endeavor this year has been my addition of self-improvement worksheets.

    Last year I pledged to make one new worksheet per month, so we already have a nice collection of 12 available going into the new year. These have received a lot of positive feedback so far and I’ll keep making new ones in 2024 (already have a long list of ideas).

    I’ll share more on my goals for 2024 soon, but let’s first take a look at the best self-improvement content that was published at The Emotion Machine in 2023…

    Best Articles/Worksheets of 2023

    Here’s a list of my best articles and worksheets from 2023 by category.

    Happiness and Mental Health

    A to Z Gratitude List (PDF)

    5 Senses Meditation (PDF)

    50+ Stress Relievers That Take 5 Minutes Or Less

    Fresh Starts: How to Use Landmark Dates to Spark a Change

    No Matter How Bad Things Get: If I Can Overcome This, I Can Overcome Anything

    Framing Depression as an Adaptive Signal, Not a Lifelong Disease

    The Drawing Effect: How Doodling Can Improve Your Thinking, Memory, and Emotions

    Habits and Motivation

    Strengths Worksheet (PDF)

    Goals Timeline (PDF)

    New Habit Worksheet (PDF)

    Renaissance Man: Why You Should Cultivate Multiple Interests

    Going Cold Turkey: Breaking Free from the Chains of Unhealthy Behaviors

    The Hidden Exhaustion of Mental Work: Why It Can Be Just as Tiring as Physical Labor

    Abandon Your TV: The Mental Benefits of Canceling Your Cable Subscription

    4 Japanese Concepts That Will Improve Your Well-Being

    Relationships and Friends

    Role Models Worksheet (PDF)

    The Big 5 Personality Traits: A Framework for Understanding Our Differences

    Conflict Resolution: 4 Principles Behind Constructive and Peaceful Negotiation

    Feeling Unloved: The Need to Be Appreciated

    Words Have Consequences: The Power of Language in Effective Communication

    How To Deal With Stupid People

    Thinking, Philosophy, and Wisdom

    Core Values Worksheet (PDF)

    Rewrite Negative Beliefs (PDF)

    Creative Self-Reflection Exercises (PDF)

    Explain Yourself: The Healthy Challenge of Describing Your Beliefs

    Mental Gymnastics: 7 Self-Sabotaging Effects of Over-Rationalization

    The Gish Gallop Effect: How Rapid Argumentation Distorts Perceptions and Beliefs

    Past, Present, and Future: Lessons from A Christmas Carol

    In-Yeon: Exploring “Past Lives” and Eternal Connections

    Near Future Plans

    I haven’t yet worked on my goals timeline, an annual tradition I do at the beginning of every year, but I’ll give you a quick peak at my main work goals in the near future:

    • Worksheets – As mentioned, I will definitely continue making one new worksheet each month. They are easy evergreen content and I’ve received compliments on them. The “Daily Routine” PDF will be coming out mid-January 2024.
    • Coaching – I’m bringing this back. Took most of the year off to focus on website but I think coaching is one of my better and more rewarding strengths. I already set up a calendar for easy scheduling and updated my coaching page.
    • Podcasting – I have too many thoughts per day that could be turned into valuable content but never materialize anywhere. “Everyone has great ideas, but not everyone acts on them.” Just pressing the record button and letting my mind riff is easy content that I think people will find interesting. I just need to suck it up and do it. I already have a Soundcloud (with a lot of old content) that I just need to reactivate.
    • Literary Agent – This is new territory for me. I’ve been working closely with an upcoming author friend and we’ve been making plans on finishing her first manuscript and sending pitches to publishers. She just finished the rough draft last week, but I’m going to be working with her more closely on editing, feedback, and reaching out to publishers once we have things tidied up. I still need to do more research but it could be a good avenue for me. It plays on multiple strengths: 1) Understanding the creative process, 2) Motivating people to actually finish their projects, 3) Finding people who have talent and potential, 4) Rooting for other people’s success. It feels like a natural outgrowth of a lot of my past work with creative people (at music venues, art galleries, and coaching various writers, artists, musicians, and filmmakers).
    • Articles – This isn’t changing. I’ll still be publishing at least one new or updated article every week. These make up the backbone of the website and I have no shortage of ideas and no reason to stop writing them anytime soon. If you want me to write about a specific topic, just use the contact page and let me know. I have many interests but it’s easier for me to cater to what you guys want. Feedback makes the site better.

    All in all I’m excited about 2024, and the ideas above feel like a perfect balance between “sticking with what works” vs. “trying new things.”

    Join Me In 2024

    If you find this work valuable to your life and want more, join me and support me going into the new year.

    My entire archive currently has over 850 articles covering a wide-range of subjects in psychology and self-improvement; and there’s plenty more to come in the future. I’m just getting started.

    To be honest with you, some of my earlier articles may not have aged as well as others. When you consistently produce content over 14 years, you inevitably release some less-than-stellar pieces. It’s a part of the process – having both “winning streaks” and “losing streaks” is a universal theme in life.

    Over the years, my beliefs, values, and interests have also shifted since I first started this site. There are things I wrote in the past that I don’t wholly agree with today. However, I choose to keep these old posts accessible because people often need different advice at various stages of their lives.

    I bet that’s not the hottest sales pitch you’ve ever heard. At heart, I consider myself a teacher more than a salesman, and that means being sincere, honest, and truthful before everything else. If you’re looking for “one trick” to magically fix your life, you’re in the wrong place. I don’t have those – never found them.

    All I can do is offer an array of tools, advice, and guidelines. You ultimately have to figure out what applies (or doesn’t) to your life. In truth, 80% of the content on this site may not interest you at all, but there’s that 20% that could be just what you need at this exact moment in your life.

    What I can promise you is that I’m one of the most dedicated writers on self-improvement currently going. I’ve seen thousands of other “self help” sites rise and fall over the years, but I keep chugging away no matter what.

    If you want to align with my commitment to happiness and well-being, then your first step is to join me.

    Better yet, get a Yearly subscription, for two simple reasons: 1) You’re committing yourself to a year of self-improvement, and 2) It’s cheaper. I’m honestly saying this from a self-improvement perspective and not a sales one.

    Let’s Go…







    You can cancel your membership at anytime. Please use the Contact form if you have any questions or comments.

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    Steven Handel

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  • 4 Japanese Concepts That Will Improve Your Well-Being

    4 Japanese Concepts That Will Improve Your Well-Being

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    Embark on a journey to well-being with these four profound Japanese concepts: Ikigai for purpose, Moai for community, Hara Hachi Bu for mindful eating, and Kintsugi for resilience. Discover insights to a healthier and happier life in the modern world by embracing the ancient wisdom of Japanese culture.


    Culture is a powerful force that influences the type of person we become. In the pursuit of well-being, different cultures can often teach us different lessons on what it means to live a good life.

    First, what is culture? The American anthropologist Edward T. Hall created the “Cultural Iceberg” framework to help us analyze the many factors that determine what a culture is. The theory illustrates that only 10% of culture is what we see (language, diet, music, fashion), while 90% of culture is hidden from us (beliefs, values, norms, and expectations).

    Here’s what the “Cultural Iceberg” looks like:

    cultural iceberg

    Generally we see the culture we grew up in as the default mode of being. This includes how people dress, what people eat, and what music they listen to, but also deeper aspects of life such as beliefs, values, morality, and how people approach life from a broader perspective.

    Culture, tradition, and social norms shape our map of reality, the choices we make, and how we navigate our world. If you’re raised in a society that only values materialistic goals like money, fame, or popularity, you’re naturally going to live a life in accordance with those values, especially if they go unquestioned.

    When we explore new cultures through traveling, reading, or meeting new people, we learn that there are many different ways we can approach life and the way we were raised isn’t necessarily the only way to live.

    One simplified but general way we can categorize different types of culture is Western vs. Eastern ways of thinking. Western cultures tend to be more individualistic, rational, and materialistic, while Eastern cultures tend to be more collectivist, holistic, and spiritual.

    Keep in mind, these are broad categorizations. Every country and culture is different. This also isn’t a judgment of “right” or “wrong” ways of thinking, but rather observing different personality types on a cultural scale.

    My experience from a Western perspective is that learning about various aspects of Eastern culture and philosophy (such as Buddhism, Taoism, or Confucianism) gave me a taste for different ways to look at the world and different perspectives on life that I otherwise wouldn’t have been exposed to.

    One popular country to look at is Japan which has a rich history, deep cultural roots, and long-held traditions that have been passed down over multiple generations. In this article, we’re going to cover four powerful Japanese concepts that provide universal lessons on how to live a healthier and happier life. Each concept reveals core values and beliefs that shape the way many Japanese people live.

    These powerful ideas include: Ikigai (“a reason for being”), Moai (“meeting for a common purpose”), Hara Hachi Bu (“belly 80% full”), and Kintsugi (“golden repair”). Now let’s dive deeper into each one!

    Ikigai

    a reason for being

    The Japanese concept of “Ikigai” is about finding a purpose in life. It directly translates to “a reason for being,” and it’s often described as the intersection between what you love, what you are good at, and what the world needs.

    Ikigai is a combination between intrinsic motivation (an activity you enjoy doing) and extrinsic rewards (an activity that creates value in the world and improves people’s lives). Psychology research has shown that ikigai is associated with elevated feelings of dedication, accomplishment, meaning, and fulfillment.

    This is in contrast to a lot of other cultures that just see work as a means to a paycheck or higher income, rather than reframing work as something that serves a higher purpose, both to yourself and society as a whole.

    Ikigai has been shown to benefit both physical and mental health. It can reduce stress and anxiety, which contributes to longer lives and less risk of cardiovascular disease and other ailments. In addition, ikigai is associated with greater resilience in the face of negative events. One interesting study found that ikigai helped people better cope with stress after an earthquake or natural disaster.

    Here’s a visual of what constitutes ikigai:

    ikigai

    If you can find activities that meet all of these requirements, then you’ve found your ikigai.

    Discovering your ikigai can take time and patience though. It involves careful introspection, understanding your strengths, passions, and talents, and finding ways to use those powers to fulfill the needs of the world.

    Once you find your ikigai, it’s important to align your daily activities with it if you want to build a more purposeful and meaningful life.

    Moai

    meeting for a common purpose

    Human connection is vital for our well-being, and the Japanese practice of “Moai” emphasizes the strength of communal bonds.

    Moai refers to a group of people who come together for a shared purpose, providing emotional, social, and even financial support. Often a moai includes family, friends, and neighbors within a local community. They will see each other frequently, talk and catch up on each other’s lives, and organize group activities such as game nights, fitness groups, music performances, or dance parties.

    This tight sense of community provides an important sense of belonging. It also comes with physical benefits like healthier lifestyles, exercise, social connection, and financial support if someone finds themselves in a tough situation.

    In today’s world, many people are suffering from loneliness and depression. One major cause of this is hyper individualism and atomistic lifestyles that no longer promote community values. Many Americans report having zero close friends and only 38% say they have “5 friends or more.” This is in stark contrast to the moai way of life which can often include 10-12+ lifelong friends.

    While there’s plenty of research showing the physical and mental benefits of social support, one of the most common examples of moai can be found in Okinawa, Japan, which has been identified as a “blue zone.”

    Blue zones are places around the world that are associated with better health and longevity. Often there are high numbers of centenarians in them (or people who have lived over 100). The recent Netflix documentary Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones by public health researcher Dan Buettner has a great episode dedicated to Okinawa that shows how the moais work there.

    Many health professionals and experts are now claiming we are in a “loneliness epidemic,” with over 1 in 4 adults saying they feel socially isolated. This can have serious health consequences such as increased risk of anxiety, depression, heart disease, stroke, dementia, and overall shorter lifespans. The negative effects of loneliness have been compared to the effects of daily cigarette smoking.

    As communities continue to decline and feelings of social alienation increase, the moai mentality is needed now more than ever.

    Hara Hachi Bu

    belly 80% full

    In a culture often associated with healthy living and longevity, the Japanese concept of “Hara Hachi Bu” teaches us the art of mindful eating. Translated as “belly 80% full,” this practice encourages moderation in our meals.

    Obesity is a growing problem around the entire world. Recent reports show that 39% of the global population in 2023 is obese or overweight, and this is a sharp increase from 23.9% in 2008. If this trend continues, researchers predict that over half of the global population will have obesity by 2035.

    One factor in this rise in obesity is having abundant access to ultraprocessed foods, including the convenience of fast food and junk food. The modern diet is filled with supernormal foods that hijack our natural instincts for sugar, salts, and rich flavor, which is why many people end up over-eating during meals or late night binging.

    The lesson of Hara Hachi Bu is more relevant now than ever. By reminding ourselves to only eat until we are 80% full, we encourage slower and more mindful eating. This lets you enjoy your meal more by paying attention to each bite and savoring it, rather than quickly moving from one bite to the next without fully appreciating it.

    Many people eat unconsciously. Often it’s eating while watching TV/movies, checking their phones, scrolling social media, or socializing with friends. Their main focus is on one thing, while eating is just something happening in the background. These distractions can lead you to eat more than you otherwise would.

    Slowing down your eating will lead to less consumption, better digestion, and improved body awareness of how you respond to certain foods, the best times of the day to eat (or not), and what it feels like to be “50% full” → “80% full” → “100% full” → “110% full.”

    Adopting Hara Hachi Bu not only contributes to physical well-being by maintaining a healthy weight but also cultivates a mindful approach to eating that can lead to a stronger connection with the food we consume.

    Kintsugi

    golden repair

    Derived from the Japanese words “kin” (golden) and “tsugi” (repair), Kintsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.

    Here’s what it looks like:

    kintsugi

    Instead of hiding the cracks and flaws, the practice of kintsugi embraces the broken parts by highlighting them in gold. It celebrates its imperfections, while at the same time making them stronger and more beautiful.

    Many find inspiration when applying this concept to their personal lives. It helps them to accept the challenges and obstacles they’ve had to face over the years – the physical, mental, and emotional battle scars – and see them as jumping points for growth and improvement.

    No one’s life is perfect. We all suffer from weaknesses, flaws, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. Our instinct is to hide them, ignore them, or deny them, but the paradox is that when we accept them is when we actually become stronger.

    Kintsugi promotes resilience, growth, and grit. It shows that no matter how many times you get broken, you can always repair yourself in gold.

    Conclusion

    Each of these Japanese concepts – Ikigai, Moai, Hara Hachi Bu, and Kintsugi – offers a kernel of wisdom that we can all apply to our daily lives.

    While these ideas are ancient, they are more relevant to modern living than ever before. Ikigai teaches us meaning and purpose, Moai teaches us social connection, Hara Hachi Bu teaches us mindful eating, and Kintsugi teaches us growth and resilience.

    Which concept do you need to embrace the most right now?


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  • Conflict Resolution: 4 Principles Behind Constructive and Peaceful Negotiation

    Conflict Resolution: 4 Principles Behind Constructive and Peaceful Negotiation

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    In a world filled with conflict and hostility, one of the most important skills we can learn in life is conflict resolution and our ability to negotiate peacefully and effectively.


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  • We Are Open campaign gets behind Napier CBD – Medical Marijuana Program Connection

    We Are Open campaign gets behind Napier CBD – Medical Marijuana Program Connection

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    The We Are Open campaign launched a few weeks ago to support Napier businesses.

    Napier City Business Inc (NBCI) is thinking outside the square with its latest campaign to encourage shoppers into the CBD.

    We Are Open was launched this month with a video showing business owners from different cultures saying “We are open” in their own language.

    “It was so cool. We wanted to send a very clear message, in a respectful and empathetic way. It was really easy to get everyone on board and we were so lucky it was a gorgeous blue-sky Hawke’s Bay day,” says NCBI general manager Pip Thompson.

    She says the campaign launch aimed to promote the people behind the message.

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    “We wanted to send the message that we have culturally diverse people who live and work in Napier and make it the wonderful place it is.”

    She says retailers and hospitality have had three “really dented” years.

    “I think everyone has just been hanging in there waiting for a really good season. This year was supposed to be that really good season.”

    Thompson believes a national communications focus on Napier city being the heart of Cyclone Gabrielle hasn’t helped.

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    “It was a rural disaster that did impact people from Napier’s CBD, but the CBD was unaffected.”

    She says when a tourist off a cruise ship asked her how long it had taken to clean up the CBD after the cyclone, she had an “aha” moment.

    “I realised this was what the world had…

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  • How to Talk to Loved Ones About Your Brain Health

    How to Talk to Loved Ones About Your Brain Health

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    Vincent Macaluso, MD, found out he had multiple sclerosis (MS) when he was in medical school. Today, he treats people who have MS at his clinic in New Hyde Park, NY.

    He understands that MS can change the way you think, feel, and act better than most people. He also knows firsthand how hard it can be to explain this to others.

    Symptoms like memory problems and depression happen because MS affects the way your brain works. Although these problems can have a huge impact on your life, other people may not always know you have them. Macaluso says it’s common for people with MS to look fine on the outside but not feel fine on the inside.

    It can go the other way, too. Tim Vartanian, MD, director of the Judith Jaffe Multiple Sclerosis Center in New York, says family members or co-workers may notice the changes first.

    Either way, it’s important to let those closest to you know what’s going on now and what could happen down the road. This helps them better understand any changes they see. They can also offer help when and if you need it.

    Cognitive Problems

    At some point, more than half the people with MS will have cognitive problems. (Some people with MS call it “cog fog.”) Vartanian says the most common symptoms are:

    • Slowed thinking
    • Fuzzy memory
    • Trouble with executive function — your ability to plan and do things

    And sometimes you just might not feel as sharp as you used to.

    People with MS can have some or all of these things. But for most, memory problems top the list. Vartanian says MS can affect recent memories or those in the distant past.

    For many, though, day-to-day symptoms are often mild. But even minor lapses can be a challenge. (Memory problems are one of the main reasons people with MS stop working.)

    To explain how this feels, try putting it in terms others can relate to. You could say, “Remember how upset you were when you couldn’t find your car keys yesterday? As my MS goes on, that could happen to me more often.” 

    People with MS should work with a doctor called a neuropsychologist who can suggest ways to sharpen the mind. This includes both mental and physical exercises. Things that can affect how well your brain works, like “depression, anxiety, and stress, all need to be addressed head-on,” Vartanian says.

    Let your loved ones know things that can help you manage the memory problems that come with MS.

    Keep it cool. Damaged nerves don’t work well in the heat. That’s why many (but not all) people with MS think and learn better when it’s cool. To improve focus, spend time with your friends in a cool, quiet place without distractions. (Step away from Netflix!) Let them know that’s the goal in case you forget now and then.

    Make to-do lists. Many people with MS say they lose track of bits of paper. Instead, you may use a small recorder you can hang around your neck or the voice recorder on your phone. And let your friends know you’re doing it so they can help.

    Set a routine. Put your car keys, phone, and glasses in the same place so you always know where they are. Let your loved ones know where that place is, so if they spot them someplace else, they can put them back.

    Sound the alarm. Use bells and whistles on your phone or computer to remind you to do things. Loved ones can set the same alarms so they can remind you in case you forget what the alarm is for.

    Put it on repeat. When someone tells you something, repeat it to them. That way, it’s more likely to stick in your mind — and theirs.

    Depression

    Depression is one of the most common MS symptoms. It can be hard to discuss. Some people see it as a sign of weakness. Others feel embarrassed or ashamed. And when you’re depressed, it’s normal to want to withdraw from others.

    But it’s important to share how you’re feeling with people close to you. Explain that depression is a natural part of the process of MS and it needs treatment, just like any other symptom. It isn’t something you can snap out of. And despite their best efforts, your friends and family probably won’t be able to cheer you up.

    Jessica Thomas is a social worker in Greensboro, NC. She has MS, as do many of the people she sees. She says that while a counselor can help manage the emotions of living with MS, people who are depressed may need medication, too. She also notes that people need an MS-free zone — “a part of life or a passion that MS may not interfere with.”

    Exercise is a crucial piece, too. It’s important for your overall health and well-being. It also helps almost every aspect of MS and may work better for depression than antidepressant medicine. So you can tell a friend that a workout partner can really help you stay on track.

    Also tell those closest to you that these things can help keep depression away:

    • Healthy ways to manage stress
    • A more plant-based diet
    • Plenty of rest
    • Help finishing your to-do list when you need it

     

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