Tag: Teacher Problems

Dear We Are Teachers,

I teach high school juniors. Last week, I got an email that said, verbatim and in its entirety: “Need a letter of rec from you no later than WEDNESDAY AT NOON.” This was sent on a Tuesday at 11:35 p.m. and I didn’t see it until I logged into my email at school. There was no way I could have written the letter before noon anyway, so I didn’t respond until after school. When the student’s dad complained about my late response, I reminded him that our student code of conduct says students have to give a full week’s notice when requesting a letter of recommendation from a teacher. Then the parent complained to my principal that my pettiness in ignoring his child cost him his college admissions! The entitlement is going to break my brain. Do I have to respond right away to rude emails from students? Or at all?

—RETURN TO SENDER

Dear R.T.S.,

I’m always amazed when people choose to be rude toward someone with the unique ability to make or break their situation. This student commands his teacher to write a letter at the last minute. What does he think that letter is going to contain, glowing tributes about his likeability and time-management skills?

I totally understand your feelings here. But with a time-sensitive, high-stakes issue like this, I do think a quick response/acknowledgement (as long as it’s during school hours) is best. Plus, the less you give parents to use against you, the better.

Responding promptly doesn’t mean you’re a doormat. You can still set healthy boundaries and help your student course-correct for the future. I would say something like: 

“Thank you for your email, [name]. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to write you a letter in time. Per our code of conduct, teachers need at least a week’s notice to write a letter of recommendation. I just don’t have the space in my workday tomorrow.

“I hope you’re successful in finding another teacher to write one in time. I would recommend revising the tone in your next request. Understandably, you’re up against a tight deadline, but communicating consideration and appreciation of the expediency you’re asking of your teacher will go a long way.”

The other thing I’d do? Next year, start off with a weeklong unit called “The Dos and Don’ts of Emailing Your Teachers” so you can keep the rude emails from students at bay.

Dear We Are Teachers,

A coworker on my team (9th grade bio) has really awful breath. We get along great. He is a super-nice guy. But his breath literally smells like a dingy turtle tank. During our PLCs, I can smell it three chairs down. I’ve tried offering him mints and gum before we start and he turns them down! I don’t know what else to do, and I’m terrified of hurting his feelings. Is it OK to go to my AP about this?

—TURTLE BREATH GIVES ME SHELL SHOCK

DEAR T.B.G.M.S.S.,

Poor guy. He’s had to have overheard mean comments from 9th graders. They’re ruthless.

This could be several things. It could be that he’s not practicing oral hygiene (or not practicing it adequately). But it could also be a condition I learned about via the movie The Holdovers: trimethylaminuria, or “fish odor syndrome.” There are other medical conditions that can cause this, too.

If you’ve exhausted the options to alter your behavior (and I agree, it would be weird to sit away from everyone else during PLC), I think you need to talk to him. If it were me, I’d be way less embarrassed if a loving coworker approached me than my boss coming to me with anonymous complaints.

Here’s what you can say.

“David, I love working with you. I feel like we can be honest with each other. There’s something that has been distracting me during our PLCs and when I work closely with you. Your breath has a very strong odor. Is this something you’re aware of?”

Ending with a question gives him a jumping-off point instead of an awkward silence. Anticipate possible responses and emotions—embarrassment, defensiveness, shock—and remain compassionate. Hopefully, he’ll either offer to try to fix it or give you strategies that his loved ones use to mitigate it. And if he responds that there’s nothing he can do (e.g., a medical condition), say, “Thank you for telling me. I won’t bring it up again.”

Dear We Are Teachers,

I’ve had repeated issues all year with an 8th grader I’ll call Charlie. My AP refuses to issue any official consequences for Charlie—but also won’t let me issue consequences. Charlie vandalized a desk the first week in August with a Sharpie. My AP told me that making Charlie clean the desk was “inappropriate” because “discipline is [his] job.” When Charlie cheated on an assignment, I was told to ignore our student code of conduct—which says cheating results in a zero—and “give him some grace” (full credit). On our first day back this semester, Charlie took my Starbucks drink off my desk when my back was turned and downed it. Our AP issued no official consequences, and when I told him I was frustrated at this pattern, he told me, “You know, you make it too easy for other people to get a rise out of you.” I am livid. Should I complain to my principal?

—SORRY, Charlie

Dear S.C,

Whew! As we say around here, “Them’s fightin’ words.”

I can’t speak to whether or not your AP’s “consequences” were appropriate because I wasn’t there.

THAT SAID …

No matter what your AP thinks of you, it’s his job to support teachers with what they need to do their job effectively. Sometimes that’s discipline. Sometimes that’s helping connect teachers with PD they need to improve. And your AP has done neither. Plus, anyone with an ounce of emotional intelligence knows a statement like “you make it too easy for people to get a rise out of you” hurts more than it helps.

I’d do one more thing before going to your principal. Email this to your AP:

“I’m struggling with a student’s behavior. The strategies I’ve been using at the classroom level aren’t effective, and I’m worried that the behaviors will continue to escalate. Can we schedule a time for you to share your recommendations to support me in managing this student’s behavior?”

This language and the formality of an email should clue in your AP that you are documenting a request for him to do his job. And he should be grateful you didn’t cc your principal.

Take notes during the meeting. If he still refuses to give you any direction, support, or recommendations in curbing this child’s behavior, go to your principal.

Bring your meeting notes. (He made it too easy to get a rise out of him.)

Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.

Dear We Are Teachers,

One of the foreign language teachers at our school loves to talk about how the keto diet has changed her life. She will often hijack conversations with other teachers to talk about how keto could improve our health and solve seemingly all of our problems. This week, one of my students told me that she asked to go to the nurse for a headache. This teacher let my student go, but not before telling her that she could get rid of her headaches by going keto! I’ve complained to an administrator about this before, and she said she gave her a warning, but clearly she still feels comfortable prescribing this diet. Should I tell my admin again? It feels like tattling.

—KEEP YOUR KETO TO YOURSELF-O

If you have kids, teach kids, or know people who do either, you’ve probably heard of gentle parenting.

The parenting style has had a meteoric rise in popularity in the last few years, especially on social media. Unlike traditional “authoritarian” methods that focus on the child’s behavior, gentle parenting focuses on the parent’s behavior and creating a secure bond as well as a supportive environment for the child’s growth. This includes employing positive reinforcement over punitive measures and teaching values and behaviors through guidance rather than coercion.

“Gentle parenting is rooted in deep respect for children,” psychologist Sarah Ockwell-Smith told HealthDay. “In short, I describe it as ‘the way you wish your parents had treated you when you were a child.’”

If there’s any group of people (besides parents) who can get behind positive discipline, empathy-based guidance, and emotional regulation, surely it’s teachers, right?

Here’s the problem: Some teachers are saying the “side effects” of gentle parenting are creating behavior problems at school.

First, let’s look at what teachers are saying on the topic in this Reddit post.

It makes students think every part of the day is up for negotiation.

“I teach kinder so we always see several very attached and overly permissive parents and the consequences in the classroom—kids who are used to being coddled, used to getting their own way, etc.

“This year we have more than the usual number who are used to being in charge and are used being asked things like ‘are you ready to go?’ And ‘are you ready to eat?’ As opposed to ‘it’s time to go’ or ‘it’s time for lunch.’

“I have several that actually negotiate with me ‘we can go later’ or ‘I want to go now’ or my favorite ‘it’s stopped raining, we can go to recess now.’ Or just flat out say no when I tell them to clean up or line up.

“When I talk to the parents, they freely admit they let their kids decide when to go to the store, when to go to bed, when and what to eat, etc.

“And when I say school doesn’t work like that, we have a schedule and lesson plans and expectations, I just get helpless shrugs.

“We always have one or two like this, but this year, we have MORE.” —the_owl_syndicate

It assumes teachers can give the same attention to 30+ kids that parents give to one or two at home.

“I think where the two, this parenting style and a classroom, can easily clash is the number. You have one or two kids? Yeah, we can take the time to really work through things. You’ve got 30 all with their own individual needs and one teacher to manage them all? It’s not necessarily realistic to be able to do the coaching and the open conversation in the way it would probably need to be done.” —Gold_Repair_3557

It doesn’t account for the difference in stamina and frustration level between tasks at home vs. school.

“I think a lot of it boils down to: parents can live with their children’s behaviour at home, because they’re desensitized to it, or because their home is lacking the structure & expectations & demands of a classroom so they don’t see the behaviour.

“If your kid spends all their time playing video games and watching TikTok, and you never make them do chores or homework, you’re never going to see the behaviours that the classroom teacher sees. You’re never asking them to do anything they don’t want to do for an extended period of time like we are.

“If you’ve lived with your kid for 12 years (I teach middle school), then you know what they’re like and can ignore all but the worst of the behaviours at home because that’s just what you’re used to … that’s all fine and dandy, until they’re 1 of 30+ kids in my classroom and they’re impossible to wrangle because behaving like that at home isn’t seen as a problem.” —TheDarklingThrush

Children come to school expecting their teacher to have the same availability and time for them as their parents do.

“This is such an important point. I don’t really think of myself as an authoritarian teacher, in fact, I’m one of the teachers pupils will come to when they haven’t done something they should for another teacher to have me help them repackage what they want to say in an acceptable, professional way. I try and say ‘We’re doing this because …’ Or ‘This is important for …’ But I also simply don’t have time to work with every student in my room individually about why they should do something or the point of every instruction. Simply for logistics, I need at least the majority to do as asked if at all possible. One important part of Gentle Parenting absolutely must be different expectations in different places and that not everyone at every time has time and ability to negotiate and discuss with you.” —NyssaofTracken

It requires teachers to provide an explanation when they need compliance.

“My sister is committed to gentle parenting for her four-year-old. I’ve been impressed with her patience and ability to reason with her daughter, but what gives me pause is bending over backwards for every single ‘why do I have to’ question.

“I get the good intentions, but it also gives them the mindset that adults should have to explain themselves to children all the freaking time in order for them to do anything. That’s a hard adjustment for school.” —bitterbunny4

It makes everything seem like a big deal.

“From a parent perspective, I think it’s great to validate feelings and stop hitting our kids and calling it discipline, but I think the problem is that not everything needs to be a ‘big deal.’ Like if my kid falls and gets mildly hurt, just get back up, we don’t need to talk about how I realize that was scary for you and it’s okay to cry as long as you need to and all feelings are important. Something less than ideal happened and that’s fine, let’s just all MOVE ON.

“I think gentle parenting creates anxiety in a lot of kids because they’re looking to us to see how to handle their emotions, and the truth is that not every feeling needs to be dissected. It’s okay to say, ‘You’re fine!’ and that be the end of it.” —lemondrops42

It can foster fragility.

“This is a danger I see a lot with gentle parenting is it becomes all about the child’s emotions. I think it is great to teach kids how to identify and work through their feelings and give them plenty of outlets. But at the same time, the most important thing in the world is not one person’s feelings, and our actions are far more important than our feelings.” —ThymeForEverything

It shields kids from criticism.

“People often hyperbolize about how these kids are all little narcissists, and while that is not true on a clinical level, this is in fact the ‘recipe’ for how those kinds of pathologies form. NPD can result from either a counter-reaction (parents were highly invalidating, therefore kid’s psyche bounces back and learns to always center itself) or a reinforced reaction, which is more what’s being discussed here. That’s if the parents always center their child, shield them from criticism, and give their emotions too much attention.

“That doesn’t describe /all/ of my students. Many of them respond with apathy as a defense mechanism, which does in fact show that they have shame and guilt over their lack of achievement. However … it certainly describes /some/ of my students.” —inkstaincd

So, does this mean gentle parenting is bad?

Not at all. Evaluating most things from an all-or-nothing standpoint is rarely helpful. Plus, I think our world would be a better place if we all—teachers, parents, online comment sections—practiced a little more gentleness with one another.

Certainly from a teaching perspective, these reports are concerning. But I think what’s happening is more complicated than “gentle parenting = bad” or “gentle parenting results in these kinds of students.”

What if these behaviors aren’t the “side effects” of one single agreed-upon version of “gentle parenting,” and are instead the confusion that results from individual interpretation of a vague term?

One of the problems with gentle parenting is that it’s difficult to know exactly what it is or isn’t. There are no official “gentle parenting” guidelines or tenets. One popular thought leader within the gentle-parenting umbrella suggests children don’t need potty training (though every child is different, it’s hard to not spot a connection between this belief and kindergarten teachers reporting a sudden influx of children arriving at school in diapers). Another might suggest that adults should parent without using the word “no,” even though psychologist Sarah Ockwell-Smith, who is sometimes credited with gentle parenting, insists that “no” definitely has a place in the process.

If parents are grabbing isolated bits of advice from #gentleparenting on Instagram or TikTok, they could be trying to make sense from two or more accounts with completely different—even contradictory—methods. And if they feel pressured or shamed to use that parenting advice at all costs despite their child’s individual needs, I think that’s one (of many) ways we get kids who are struggling at school.

There will always be different styles, trends, and approaches to parenting. That’s a good thing.

Maybe the “best” thing parents can do is choose a style that works for their family and periodically evaluate, tweak, and adapt that style based on feedback. Feedback from the child as well as from stakeholders in the child’s life—teachers, coaches, caretakers, and other “village” members invested in their success.

Even Dr. Becky Kennedy, a popular clinical psychologist that many place under the “gentle parenting” umbrella (even though she doesn’t define her work this way), insists that her parenting advice is not to be taken as the end-all-be-all for every child. Here’s a quote from her interview with Adam Grant back in February:

“I think it’s been helpful to just, just remember that there’s no one size fits all approach. Right? That these ideas, everything I put out there, and I wanna make this clear, after receiving this criticism, is meant to be considered with skepticism, to see how it resonates, and then to be combined with what you know about yourself and your family. You are the expert, and these are frameworks and ideas to consider if useful.”

—Dr. Becky Kennedy

Jessica Grose of the New York Times puts it this way: “There’s more than one way to raise kids who thrive.” I think most teachers would agree that our students who thrive can, most of the time (and in an age-appropriate way):

• Follow directions from a teacher
• Practice kindness to their classmates
• Respect boundaries set by staff, teachers, and classmates
• Bounce back from small emotional hiccups independently
• Accept routine critique/feedback as a part of learning

And if your child can’t do these things, but you’re aware of it and working on it? Teachers are thrilled that you’re trying—trust me. These are skills we’re all still learning.

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Dear We Are Teachers,

Confession time. While inebriated at a bar on a night out on holiday break, I saw the parent of one of my students. She seemed super excited to see me. Caught up in holiday frivolity, I asked someone in her group to take a picture of us and had her hold my leg. When I remembered what happened the next day, I could have died of embarrassment, but that pales in comparison to what happened next. My principal forwarded me the parent’s complaint that, to be fair, said exactly what happened. She attached the photo and added, “You may want to talk to your teachers before your next break about decorum in the community.” My principal’s note to me on the forwarded email: “Let’s talk about this when we get back.” Am I about to get fired?    

—HOLDing my breath … and leg

Dear H.M.B.A.L.,

I doubt your principal will fire you. You didn’t post the picture. This wasn’t on school hours. You legally visited an establishment known for both alcohol and frivolity. (Unless you teach at a private school, in which case they can fire you for whatever they want.) At the very worst, I could see the argument that a parent felt pressured to hold your leg, a sentence I can’t type without laughing.

Also, what an earth-shatteringly boring parent. “Decorum”? Someone’s been watching too much of The Crown. If we’re going to be held to Supreme Court Justice standards in our private lives, we’re going to need Supreme Court Justice pay.

If your principal was really mad, you’d have a different email. Actually, you wouldn’t have an email. They would have called you. Or sent the dreaded “Call me ASAP” email. Certainly they wouldn’t rely on a teacher checking email over break for an emergency.

To me, this email says, “I actually have to craft a response to this nonsense because my emails are public record, but I cannot be bothered to deal with this on break.” I suspect your principal will call you in when you get back to 1) laugh at your situation, 2) joke about the parent’s seriousness, 3) recommend an apology, and 4) ask you to maybe go easy on the leg-holding in the future.

Dear We Are Teachers,

It’s my first year teaching at a new high school, but my 10th year of teaching overall. At this school, students are obsessed with performance. Every time I put grades in the grade book, I have at least five emails within 20 minutes from students asking when they can retake the exam to get as close to a 100 as possible. I don’t feel like I’m doing real teaching anymore—just designing and redesigning exams so everyone can have an A. What can I do about this?

—this isn’t learning

Dear T.I.L.,

Firstly, what’s your school’s policy on retaking tests? It sounds like you need to talk to someone with administrative power about establishing some boundaries. For your sake and your students’.

Here’s what I’d discuss with an administrator and eventually with your department:

• Baseline eligibility for a retake, e.g., below a 70, 85, whatever.
• A possible limit on the increase in score, e.g., they can make up to an 90.
• Alternative forms for retakes. Can it be in essay form? Can they correct their mistakes on the exam based on feedback? This way, you don’t have to create a new exam every time.

Getting an administrator’s stamp of approval will keep criticism at bay. Certainly it’s important to allow new demonstrations of learning. Still, it doesn’t need to be at the expense of turning schools into perfectionist factories. There’s more to teaching than grades.

Dear We Are Teachers,

My self-contained 3rd graders have gone rogue when it comes to PBIS. They don’t care about the rewards. They repeatedly point out the loopholes (it rewards “bad” students who occasionally make a good choice over students who consistently choose the right thing). It came to a head this week when our principal announced that the two classes with the most tickets would participate in a “snowball” fight in January in front of the school, and my class booed. How am I supposed to create buy-in with kids who outright refuse?

—PBIS AVERSE

Dear P.B.I.S.A.,

First: LOL.

Your students aren’t alone in thinking PBIS is flawed. Here’s what you do: Have your students write their own rules.

Seriously. How do we create a fair system? What kind of rules promote positive ethics? What (realistic) rewards would motivate them? This is a picture-perfect activity for gifted kids. Real-world. Higher-order thinking. Creativity.

Although my gifted teacher heart is filled with affection by their righteous anger, it would be good to have a chat with them about the booing bit. When you have a few spare minutes, tell them you have some thoughts to run by them. Ask if every system works for everyone. Ask them if it’s good to show respect for a system even if it doesn’t work for you. Instead of lecturing them, let them come to the conclusion themselves.

Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.

Dear We Are Teachers,

After an observation, my AP told me that I am way too timid and meek with my students, and that this is partly why they walk all over me. He said I needed to “develop a more commanding presence with my body language.” Is this a fair criticism? And if so, how do I do it?

—My body is fluent in “Pushover”

Dear We Are Teachers,

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and it has shed a ton of light on certain behaviors and patterns in my life. I’ve been thinking about letting my boss know about my diagnosis so she can better understand why certain things deeply bother me (like my super-loud AC unit) and how she can support me better (like understanding I might need help prioritizing tasks). Do you think this could help more than hurt, or vice versa?

—Always Doing, Hardly Done

Dear A.D.H.D. (I see what you did there!),

I’m glad that your diagnosis has been helpful to you! It seems like you feel empowered to apply the knowledge of how ADHD affects you in the workplace and advocate for yourself.

Only you can make the judgment call on whether and whom you tell. I know people with ADHD who only tell the people in their closest circles, and I know a fellow teacher* who is very open about his ADHD at school as an advocate for students and himself.

My advice is to consider your comfort level with the implications for sharing your condition.

On one hand, revealing your diagnosis would grant you a certain level of accommodations and support under the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act). An employer might be quicker to get your A/C unit fixed knowing they need to stay ADA compliant. You might inspire other teachers or staff to ask for what they need to perform at their best.

Consider how many people you want to know about your diagnosis too. The teacher I mentioned earlier has had his ADHD weaponized multiple times in contentious parent-teacher conferences. He also wonders whether his openness was a factor in not getting a leadership position he applied for. (An important note: Discrimination based on ADHD is illegal, but some employers may sidestep it by claiming other reasons for rejection.)

Unfortunately, even with the leaps we’ve made as a society acknowledging and protecting people with conditions like ADHD, it’s still stigmatized in some circles. Evaluate whether you feel more comfortable right now as an advocate and pioneer, just sharing it with trusted coworkers, or somewhere in between.  

*Even though he’s anonymous, I have his permission for sharing his experiences.

Dear We Are Teachers,

I was collecting money for our upcoming 5th-grade class field trip in an envelope that I keep in the very back of one of my desk drawers. I had about $180 in it the day before I was out sick and had a substitute. I left a note telling her where it was if a student had money to turn in. When I came back, the envelope was totally empty. I reached out to the sub and she said she has no idea where the money went. None of my students have any idea either. My principal just wants to reimburse the missing money and be done with it, but it really bothers me that I think the sub is going to get away with stealing. What would you do?

—Righteously Indignant

Dear R.I.,

First, thank your lucky stars your principal isn’t making you pay it back yourself.

My next recommendation would be looking at the cameras for students who popped in to grab a forgotten lunch box or binder while the sub was out. Your sub knew where the money was, but she also knew that you knew. You know who also probably saw you get an envelope full of money out from the same location every day? All your students. The ones who still listen to their amygdala.

But if your principal doesn’t want to investigate it any further, you’re kind of stuck. Just take this L and move on.

I will say this too: I don’t suspect kids because I think they’re bad or greedy or any of that other “kids these days” crap. (I am firmly on team Teenagers Forever). Also, I don’t think subs are infallible, as I have walked in on one eating the leftover takeout lunch I was saving … from my personal mini fridge. This is just my hunch as a former teacher and armchair detective.

Now go ask your principal for a lockbox!

Dear We Are Teachers,

I recently got a warning for napping at my desk during my conference period and lunch. I didn’t want to ask my boss but: Why is this a problem? Availability-wise, isn’t it better than going off-campus, which other teachers do all the time during their conference period?  

—ASLEEP ON THE JOB

Dear A.O.T.J.,

As a person who cannot nap, I am both jealous and empathetic. I understand your point, and I think we might be better as a culture and a people if we adopted a regularized rest time in our country beyond preschool.

That said, because the United States is largely not currently a nap-at-work culture, your principal’s issue with your snoozing may be more about the optics than the actual logistics.

Think about it from their perspective: They have a lot of stakeholders in the building at any given time. If a parent volunteer wants to poke their head in and say hi, or if a district administrator wants to tour the school, sleeping at your desk might send a negative message about you or the principal’s leadership. If a student or teacher sees you napping and tells the wrong person, I could easily see them using this (unfairly) against you.

It could also just be logistics. Check your contract. It might list sleeping on the job as a punishable offense.

If napping isn’t forbidden in your contract AND:  

• You’re getting enough rest at night.
• A short nap improves your performance for the rest of the day.
• You’ve had a physical recently to rule out any medical conditions that may make you sleepy.
• You don’t mind a little boundary-pushing.

I say test out some strategic napping locations not visible from the door. Lock your door. Set a timer. Nap your little heart out during your lunchtime, which most states protect.  

Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.

Dear We Are Teachers,

I got my master’s in Curriculum and Instruction this past May. I knew it would mean a pay increase and saw the bump on my first paycheck plus our cost-of-living raise this year. This week, I got an email from the district saying they have been overpaying me and because it was my responsibility to report it, they said I can either pay it back or work Saturdays until the debt is paid. What is this nonsense?

—OVERWORKED AND OVERPAID

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The pre-Thanksgiving teacher exhaustion is real.

One year, I went almost a full week in which I forgot one of the four very simple steps to make coffee.

Another year, I called a window “the see-through wall” and a spoon “the circle stick.”

In an event I am reminded of via text several times a year from my former coworkers, I completely forgot about my (daily!) responsibility to walk kids from the bus into school and ran—past the bus full of confused kids and our bus driver, waiting—into the parking lot because I couldn’t wait to go vote and also because my brain was broken.

An important point: Teacher exhaustion is, at its core, more worrisome than it is funny.

Teachers shouldn’t be this tired. If we funded schools appropriately, paid teachers what they deserve, restructured teacher retirement systems to be, I don’t know, livable, maybe we wouldn’t have teachers trying to order their morning coffee from trash cans in the drive through thinking it’s the intercom system.

Another important point: We can hold two seemingly opposing thoughts at once.

Yes, teacher exhaustion is a bummer and we deserve better. But when you are in the thick of it, sometimes knowing you’re not alone—and being able to laugh at the ways you’re not alone—is the healing balm you need in the moment. (And honestly, sometimes the bonkers things we do out of exhaustion are really funny.)

Midway through November several years ago, long before Pandemic Tired™ was invented, I asked my readers how exhausted they were. They did not disappoint. I laughed, I gasped, I shouted “NO!” out loud alone by myself. I knew almost immediately that this question would be a yearly tradition. Since then, I have added to this list every year.

Here’s what teachers have told me about this time of year.

“Went to blow a kiss to my teacher neighbor BFF as I walked past her door…”

“…but instead couldn’t focus and blew one while making awkward eye contact with the teenage boy standing next to her.” —Megan

“Complimented my students on their cursing. I meant cursive!”

—Ashley

“Called my teaching partner Chris three times in the space of an hour.”

“Her name is Britt. I’ve worked with her for three years.” —Mikell

“This morning a colleague and I were BOTH so tired we panicked when our weekly meeting disappeared from the schedule.”

“We called a supervisor to find out what happened. It’s scheduled for tomorrow, like it has been, every week since the first week of school.” —CJ

“Transfered ’email Kelly’ onto every to do list for the last five weeks because I can’t remember who Kelly is or what I should tell her.”

—Liz

“Was VERY close to yelling at a boy who I thought had a vape in his mouth.”

“Turns out it was a Kit Kat.”  —Gaby

“Tried to mute a student using the smartboard remote.”

—Diana

“Emailed the parents about how cold it will be on Friday for field day…”

“…except I was looking at the weather for DC. I live in Houston.” —Meg

“Told my 1st grade class to BYOB, instead of MYOB (mind your own business).”

—Laura

“I asked a student to, ‘Please recycle this for me.’ It was a Chromebook…”

—Stephie

“Sent an email with the word ‘premenstrual’ instead of ‘premature’ in regards to a job offer.”

—Lisa

“Called a bandage a blood catcher.”

“Student: I have a paper cut. Me: do you need a blood catcher?” —Marci

“Told the cashier that I was not worried about the meat un-colding.”

“He responded, ‘…Thawing?’ I teach ELA.” —Shelley

“Tried to unlock my dog with my key fob.”

—Emily

*Note: another reader followed up and asked whether she’d meant “car.” Nope. She meant dog.

“I tried to order coffee from a garbage can at the drive thru.”

—Christina

“Tapped a word in a printed book, repeatedly, to find out the definition.”

—Leah

“Put cat food in my coffee maker.”

—Madison

“I was so tired I found a stick of butter in my purse when I got to school one morning.”

—Holly

“Texted a parent that I was bored at work today when I meant to text my husband.”

—Kelly

May this list serve as the following:

• A reminder that teachers deserve better
• A historical document that hopefully future generations can look back on and reflect with grave solemnity about how little America cared about working teachers into the ground
• Solidarity (and hopefully a belly laugh) for teachers Going Through It

Dear We Are Teachers,

I’m a high school librarian. A week ago, I turned on the lights in a partitioned area of the library and was shocked to see my coworker and a 9th-grade student stand up from behind a bookshelf. (The library was supposed to be closed for testing.) I didn’t see anything, and my coworker said they were looking for a book, but I had a gross feeling about it. I told my principal immediately, and unfortunately it now looks like my instincts were correct.  

Yesterday, my principal asked me to lie for her. She told investigators that I spoke to her in her office at 2 p.m. instead of when I really did (at 11:30 a.m.), and asked if I would corroborate this story if I’m interviewed as a witness, so it looks like she reported it earlier. I felt pressured in the moment, so I said yes. But now I feel sick about potentially having to lie to investigators. What do I do?

—Sick AT HEART

Dear S.A.H.,

It might feel unfair that your principal’s timing is being called into question when your coworker is the ethical dumpster by comparison. Regardless, don’t lie to investigators.

If you lie to police, you will likely have to tell that same lie again under oath in court, which is perjury and punishable by a fine, jail time, or both. There are all kinds of ways to prove that you were in her office at 11:30 a.m. instead of 2 p.m. Cameras. Computer activity. Geotracking on phones. Eyewitnesses. And if a defense attorney can prove you and your principal were in cahoots to lie, it would be easy to have a jury believe your story is also unreliable. And the culpable teacher may get off scot-free.

Plus, if you tell investigators you talked to your principal at 2 o’clock and they determine the teacher and student left the library at 11:30, who’s to say you weren’t the one who delayed reporting?

I understand that you respect your principal, and it seems she may have made an honest mistake while trying to put out other fires. But she shouldn’t be asking you to lie. Instead of admitting to something that puts just her job at risk, she’s now asking you to put your job in jeopardy too. That’s not fair.

Meet with her and say, “I understand why you want me to do this for you. But after weighing the risks, I just can’t agree to lie about something that could potentially weaken the case against [teacher], put my job at risk, or land me in jail.”

Remember: The biggest thing at stake here is not your principal’s employment. It’s the student’s safety—and the safety of other students if this teacher gets to return to campus unscathed.

Dear We Are Teachers,

Several weeks ago, two coworkers approached me at lunch and asked if I was struggling to manage the behavior of a particular 7th grader that I have for P.E. and for science. I said no, and we met to talk about strategies or approaches they could learn from me. In short, I learned these teachers were way more organized, patient, and forgiving than I’ve ever been! We put it together that this student is hostile and defiant to all his female teachers, but practically jumps to do what I and his other male teachers say. We have a behavior meeting coming up with both parents, the student, and all seven teachers. Is it appropriate for me to point out this sexist behavior?

—NOt ALL MALE TEACHERS

Dear N.A.M.T.,

Don’t point it out. Ask them to find the pattern.

“Let’s see if we can figure out why your teachers are reporting totally different behavior from you. Would you say you behave the same toward all your teachers?”

“Which teachers do you find easier to respect? What about last year’s teachers?”

Make a T-chart on the board or a big Post-it.

“OK, let’s look at this. You find it easy to respect Mr. Harris, Mr. Patel, and Mr. Zang. You find it harder to respect Mrs. Evans, Mrs. Castillo, Ms. Perez, and Ms. Le. Why do you think that is? What do you think this group could do to be more like this group? Is there something they could do differently?”

Be ready to hear other thoughts the student might have. He will likely provide a few statements that don’t quite pan out at first (“Well, those teachers just don’t like me” or “I respect the teachers who respect me.”). Let these thoughts have their space, but challenge black-white statements.

I wouldn’t be shocked if the parents or student admitted aloud that it’s about gender, but trust me—they’ll receive your message loud and clear. Once the student realizes all his teachers know the jig is up, I have a feeling he’ll be a lot more agreeable (or at the very least, neutral).

Dear We Are Teachers,

One of my high school students has been coming in before school to talk about her relationship with her boyfriend. I never told her what to do or made any judgments about her boyfriend’s behavior, and she decided independently to break up with him. Apparently during the very ugly and drawn-out breakup, my student mentioned, “Even Mrs. Taylor thinks you’re toxic.” Well, now the mom of the boyfriend and my principal are both furious with me, even after I explained my approach and even after my student verified that I never actually said it. I don’t get it—the expectations are always changing. Are we supposed to be a listening ear for our students or shut them down when the conversation goes outside of school? What do you think?

—The expectation goalposts keep moving

Dear T.E.G.K.M.,

I recommend taking this one on the chin. Reiterate that you didn’t offer prescriptive or evaluative guidance. Clarify that your intentions were to provide a listening ear. Apologize and move on.

BUT.

It sounds like you and the rest of the faculty could use some clarity on teacher expectations for being a safe person to talk to. With all the conversations about domestic violence, relationship safety, mental health, and other SEL topics that teachers are literally asked to facilitate with their students, are teachers also expected to cut their students off when they sense a question coming that’s not about academics?

Before you meet, decide what you want to ask. Here are some good starter questions.

• Should we tell students that they can talk to us about things that are weighing on them? What are the caveats?
• At what point should teachers turn a conversation over to an expert—and who is that person on our campus?
• If teachers aren’t a trusted resource for students, do all students know where to turn instead?

Depending on how comfortable you are with spicy questions, you may want to ask in writing whether this plan has been vetted by a mental health professional. 🔥 You can tell them I sent you.

Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.

Dear We Are Teachers,

I have perhaps the most irritating student I’ve had in my 10-year career. When I emailed his parents that he was being disrespectful and disruptive in class, the father emailed back asking what exactly he said and how exactly he was being disruptive. Eventually this escalated to a heated parent conference that my principal sat in on. Halfway through, the student’s mom said, “Do you even like [student]?” I was so caught off-guard, I didn’t know what to say. Later, my principal said I should have said yes—that I’m supposed to like all my students. I enjoy almost all of my students, but I think this expectation is absurd. Who’s right?  

—You can’t make me