Tag: sologamy

As Miley Cyrus’ “Flowers” continues to dominate charts and shatter records in 2024, it bears reflecting on the why of its enduring success. And the longevity it will likely have even decades from now (depending on whether or not humanity can still access streaming services at that point). Over one year on from its initial release—January 13, 2023 (a.k.a. Liam Hemsworth’s thirty-third birthday)—“Flowers” remains not only resonant, but eerily evergreen…in terms of men being, well, rather useless to women. Particularly when it comes to seeking validation and particularly when it comes to representing them as elected officials.

If 2022 was “the year men flopped” (as if they haven’t been doing just that since time immemorial), 2023, the year that kicked off the Reign of “Flowers,” commenced as the year men were proven totally unnecessary. Granted, this might have already occurred on a more scientific level with the advent of artificial insemination. But, increasingly, the “need” for a man for “emotional support” (or much of anything else) is being called into question by women…well into 2024. Cyrus’ sologamist anthem provides no better example of that. To heighten the sentiment behind the lead single from Endless Summer Vacation, during the same week, there was also Shakira totally eviscerating her ex, Gerard Piqué, via her collaboration with DJ Bizarrap (unofficially called “Pa’ Tipos Como Tú”). It’s a track that addresses not only how he cheated on her with a much younger woman, but his many shortcomings as part of the male species.

That both singles were released in the same week is telling of a generally “hostile” climate among the collective female psyche that keeps asking: what “purpose” does a man actually serve in my life? Or perhaps more politically correct clarification is required in the present: what “purpose” does a “straight” man serve in my life? But it’s crystal clear to anyone who observes pop culture that the hetero male has been on the shit list for quite some time—no further sexuality exegesis needed. Just say “man” to a woman and it’s enough to evoke all manner of rancor. To a degree that is rarely on par with a man’s reaction to women. Possibly because men are “allowed” to exhibit venomous attitudes in systemic and passive aggressive ways all the time thanks to patriarchy, therefore they’ve channeled their unrepressed rage and chauvinism rather regularly. Regularly enough not to shudder at the mention of the opposite sex, only quiver and cower when that sex puts them in their place. As has been happening with more celebratory frequency (see: the Greta Thunberg-Andrew Tate exchange of 2022). 

Talking of jubilations, that’s precisely what Cyrus engages in on “Flowers,” which is an unabashed celebration of the self. And all the ways in which it can both survive and thrive without a man around to make a woman wilt rather than grow. To the point of surviving, “Flowers” also adds to the burgeoning list of post-breakup anthems, and goes one step well beyond the mainstay sonic trope for thumbing one’s nose at male callousness: Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” Unlike this classic in the canon of songs that champions female empowerment and the resiliency to be able to move on after a man arbitrarily decides to abandon a relationship (as was the case in Shakira’s situation), “Flowers” doesn’t necessarily suggest any intention of wanting (or needing) to pursue another romance after recovering from the last. This marks it as a very singular contribution to the post-breakup song arsenal in that it defies the convention of suggesting that not only will she move on, but she’ll move on to a new and theoretically “improved” dude. In “Flowers,” Cyrus inherently suggests that she is the only person she needs to simultaneously “get by” and thrive, and that no one (read: no man) will ever be able to love her as well or as caringly and sincerely as herself. 

While some would counter that the song is targeted primarily at her enduring muse (/ex-husband) of the past few years, Liam Hemsworth, there’s no denying her intent in rendering the lyrics as universally applicable as possible. Catering to the masses of women in this world that Cyrus knows have had or are having or will have the very same revelations after yet another botched attempt at seeking intimacy with a penis-packing human. For even Cyrus has fallen prey to the trap (more than a few times) of believing that she “needed” a man to validate her worth (whereas, at present, she merely wants one [Maxx Morando] for the presumable thrill). And she’s supposed to be pansexual, so what does that say about the “full-on” straight women who give far more credence to straight men than they deserve?

What’s worse still is that men could easily “keep” a woman if they just made a few slight improvements to their behavior. But a general unwillingness to budge on even the most basic things accumulates into one big pile of bullshit, eventually forcing a woman to put an end to her masochism. Among such basic acts is the occasional ability to express care through a token gesture. Like, say, something as cliche as giving flowers. A trope that Cyrus wields within the chorus, “I can buy myself flowers/Write my name in the sand/Talk to myself for hours/Say things you don’t understand/I can take myself dancin’/I can hold my own hand/Yeah, I can love me better than you can.” Yet she also seeks to decimate the notion that a man is “required” at all to receive flowers. This by declaring that not only is she capable of buying her own bouquet, but that she can also do the other things a man is “supposed to do” (per the established norms of societal, literary and filmic indoctrination)—especially since there’s so few other purposes they can serve in the present apart from at least providing the every-so-often romantic display. 

Cyrus is not the only one of late in the pop arena to use flowers as a larger metaphor for male inutility. In 2021, Billie Eilish was equally as scandalized by the fuckboy behavior implicated in not even bothering to offer up some goddamn flowers. This being evident on the Happier Than Ever single, “Lost Cause,” during which she laments, “Gave me no flowers/Wish I didn’t care/You’d be gone for hours/Could be anywhere.” This comes after Eilish highlighting the fact that she had to be the one to give him flowers, stating at the beginning of the song, “I sent you flowers/Did you even care?/You ran the shower/And left them by the stairs.” In other words, while she exhibited care for him and their relationship with this thoughtful expression, he, in turn, displayed his total lack of care by not even tending to the flowers—choosing to “water himself” instead. This being a grander allegory for the intrinsic selfishness of the male gender. With the latter lyric, Eilish also seemed to be loosely referencing the 1999 hit from Blink-182, “All The Small Things.” A track from a man that specifically calls out his own appreciation of “little gestures” (so why can’t he understand hers?). Among the few non-repetitive lines in that single being, “​​She left me roses by the stairs/Surprises let me know she cares.” And the least a man can do to return that care is put the fucking roses on display right away. 

In a more pronounced form of repurposing a male song from the female response perspective, Miley’s “Flowers” overtly reworks the chorus from Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man,” in which he sings, ​​“I should have bought you flowers/And held your hand/Should have gave you all my hours/When I had the chance/Take you to every party ‘cause all you wanted to do was dance.” Of course, these “insights” tend to come when it’s already too late, and a girl like Cyrus is explaining, “I didn’t wanna leave you/I didn’t wanna fight.” But, in the end, she had to leave for her own sense of self-worth. Which Cyrus can only truly find without the man she ephemerally thought would “complete” her. Thus, her braggadocious flex, “Yeah, I can love me better than/Yeah, I can love me better than you can.” 

Apart from Eilish realizing this before Cyrus via a flowers analogy, so did MARINA that same summer of 2021, with a song also entitled “Flowers” from her Ancient Dreams in a  Modern Land record. Referring to her five-year long relationship with Clean Bandit member Jack Patterson, MARINA comes to the conclusion, “I would rather not/Betray myself just to keep/Your love at any cost.” The cost so frequently being ignoring the “little things” that add up to one big revelation: he ain’t the one (a similar epiphany had by Drew Barrymore as Julia Sullivan in The Wedding Singer). 

MARINA expounds, “With every careless action, you let me slip away/If you just bought me flowers, maybe I would’ve stayed.” The flowers, as usual, are emblematic of something more telling: care. Consideration. Or rather, the absence of it. So, instead, she left Patterson and bought flowers for her damn self, posting a photo with a bouquet in April of 2020 on her Instagram account and captioning it, “I ordered flowers to: myself from: myself And let me tell you, it felt surprisingly great.” Cyrus, it appears, would tend to agree. 

MARINA was, in fact, so determined to stay true to herself and her standards for how she should be treated that she even broke up with Patterson at arguably the most vulnerable time to do so: during the lockdown phase of the pandemic. Thus, at one point in the promotion cycle of the record, she declared, “I’m not seeing anyone at the moment, but I’ve always enjoyed my own company. I’m pretty good, fortunately, on my own.” As are many women (more and more) at this juncture—for it’s just so much less disappointing than trying to make it work with a man. More often than not, a toxic presence in a woman’s potential for “blooming.” As MARINA phrased it, “The seeds we planted grew/But not like roses do/We had the thorns and leaves/But the buds, they never bloomed/And now my future gleams/With colors bold and bright/In a home that’s filled with love and hope/And a life that just feels right.” “Just right” because, as Miley has pointed out more bluntly, “I can love me better than you can.” 

To be sure, not every woman—far from it—will be so eager to jump on the anthemic single’s message in practice as opposed to theory (part of that theory translating to dancing one’s ass off alone in their room to it). Most especially the women who are not in the same income tax bracket as the likes of Miley, Billie and MARINA. For the feeling of “radical independence,” in this society, is inextricably linked to having money, and mounds of it. This being the obvious reason for why men have been so determined for so long to keep women out of the game as “exceptional earners” (to use a Britney phrase). As that glass ceiling persists in being shattered, the question of a man’s relevance to a woman’s existence will continue to have an easy answer: he’s not.