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Tag: Short n’ Sweet

  • ‘Please Please Please’ Try Out These 5 Sabrina Carpenter Halloween Pumpkin Ideas!

    ‘Please Please Please’ Try Out These 5 Sabrina Carpenter Halloween Pumpkin Ideas!

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    On All Hallows’ Eve, when slinky bats take flight into the midnight sky, and the ghouls of the town hide their faces with pop culture masks, it’s easy for us to think what our faves would be on duty for. Perhaps some of them are better at picking the gory movies. Scenes inked with splatters of blood like the all-time classic Scream. Or that’s what another does, shrieking in fright upon walking out into a cobwebbed kitchen, finger sandwiches chopped off from their suspecting victims. You’ll have to shuffle around the others until you find an arrangement you like. We can tell you that our boy-splicing songstress, Sabrina Carpenter, will be carving out hallowed pumpkins!

    Her music video filmography is filled to the brim with candy. That is if you’re a horror geek. You’d prefer to ingest mouthwatering references instead of consuming peanut M&Ms! Recent times gave us a ‘Taste’ of Death Becomes Her, but her ‘Feather’ music video also stars fairyfloss coffins with “RIP BIT*H” in stringed alphabetical beads. It quickly made us realize that she most likely had Jennifer’s Body posters blue-tacked all over her bedroom walls. So, we thought we’d give you a treat: five of our top spooky Sabrina moments turned into ideas you can sculpt onto your pumpkins. 

    A ‘Taste’ Of Mischief 

    Sabrina’s squishy insides as the Halloween party’s punch, a voodoo doll with hair that wouldn’t earn it a Redkens commercial, and then, since everything is spooky on a Wednesday, Jenna Ortega joins the ‘Taste’-ing fun, too! This thrilling music video has so many moments that one could turn into a carved pumpkin. But the front-runner for us takes inspiration from a behind-the-scenes photo. Why not grab your bestie and recreate the iconic chainsaw massacre? In it, Sabrina stands with her hands on her hips, looking perplexed, blood coated all over her polka-dot ensemble, while Jenna is beside pouting with a chic pink saw.

    Nose-Wriggling Time

    For this one, we want to thank her stylish parents for not throwing a nod (that wouldn’t be the right spell) but rather wiggling their noses to a cauldron of witches. You know where we’re going with this: name alliteration! Two infamous blondes share the name, Sabrina, by the way! One of them is currently on her soldout headline tour, a fiesta of slumber vibes and cheeky towels turning into glitter frocks. The other is Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Why not combine the two and etch on our name- ring-wearing artist as a witch accompanied by a broomstick? Her cats Benny and Björn could even be Salem!

    Do Aliens Have Tinder?

    This feeling’s so alien / Need to know if you’re just a friend

    ‘Alien’ by Sabrina Carpenter and Jonas Blue

    If you’re going to swing into the VMAs on a fairy light swing held up by a massive astronaut, then you’ll likely encounter a couple of aliens along the way. At least Sabrina did! She even made out with one (dressed up by dancer Brooke Fong) in homage to Britney Spears and Madonna’s kiss long ago. So why not get extraterrestrial and sketch up a design of Sabrina as ET? We know Short n’ Sweet’s color is also blue. 

    At Midnight She Turns Into A Pumpkin!

    If space does not have wifi, we’d need to travel back to Earth for this one! Google’s our BFF when researching celebrities’ previous Halloween getups, and Sabrina is no different. Her most recognized one comes from November of last year as Rapunzel, already having the long blonde locks and only needing the frying pan, and then letting us in on Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen another time. Pick one of your favorite scary looks that she’s done thus far or one you envision her as in the future and recreate it on the pumpkin. 

    Widows Aren’t Only Black, So Is Our Killer Dress!

    We’ll provide another solution since you genuinely want to slice and dice your pumpkin into a parallel music video! Yep, ‘Feather.’ The one where she traps a sleazy business boy in the elevator and then uses his tie as a way to strangle him. Did we mention “parents advisory,” or does it only flash during ‘Bed Chem?’ You could give your pumpkin a black widow moment, or if you’d like to get more creative, the love heart crested boxing gloves only with a touch of blood. While she didn’t get a lick of it on there due to them shredding each other apart over her, it is the season of crimson!

    Are you already reaching for your paring knife? We can’t wait to see your Sabrina-inspired carving that’s better suited to flash upon the steps of a five-star haunted mansion! The type that would make even Scooby-Doo’s furry legs wobble. Once you’ve finished, tweet us your creations @thehoneypop and follow along on our other social media, Facebook and Instagram, for more spooktastic articles this Halloween season.

    TO LEARN MORE ABOUT SABRINA CARPENTER:
    FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM | KOMI | TIKTOK | TWITTER | WEBSITE | YOUTUBE

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    Rachel Finucane

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  • The Fight For Shawn Mendes: Sabrina Carpenter vs. Camila Cabello

    The Fight For Shawn Mendes: Sabrina Carpenter vs. Camila Cabello

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    There are only a few guarantees in life: death, taxes, and women fighting over the same man. In terms of celebrity drama, the public has always loved pitting women against one another, especially in relationships. Take
    Olivia Rodrigo and Sabrina Carpenter over Joshua Bassett, Hailey Bieber and Selena Gomez over Justin, and most recently, Carpenter and Camila Cabello over Shawn Mendes.


    When
    Sabrina Carpenter’s highly anticipated latest album, Short n’ Sweet, debuted on August 23, fans tuned in. It was everything we expected: witty beyond imagination, an upgrade to her Pop Princess status, packed with songs of the summer and catchy throughout. But what we never expected were the songs taking obvious digs at Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello.

    To be honest, I didn’t even know
    Carpenter dated Mendes…and that’s on me for being a casual fan. But the proof is in the pudding, Carpenter and Mendes were spotted countless times last year on celebrity gossip page, Deuxmoi. The pair were flirting outrageously on Instagram. And then he was back with Camila.

    And that was it for a lot of us. We didn’t think twice as Mendes and Cabello cozily sidled up to one another, we just let them return to being the weird couple they always were. Then Sabrina started dating
    Saltburnstar Barry Keoghan and we focused on the short stack duo.

    But now, we had to go back in the archives thanks to
    Short n’ Sweet. Songs like Dumb & Poetic take obvious shots at Mendes, Sharpest Tool jabs at Cabello and so does Coincidence. The picture Carpenter has painted isn’t good, and Cabello has even taken a few swings in her own music.

    So if you’re just as lost on the Carpenter-Cabello-Mendes love triangle…you won’t be for long. Here’s the story of how Camila Cabello potentially stole Shawn Mendes back from Sabrina.

    Shawn Mendes and Sabrina Carpenter Relationship Timeline

    We all know how
    Cabello was with Shawn Mendes first. After two years together, the pair broke up in 2021. Then, after they were seen kissing at Coachella 2023, rumors were rampant about a reunion. Two months later, they called it quits again.

    But in the midst of it all comes Sabrina Carpenter. In what seemed like a quick whirlwind, Shawn and Sabrina quietly launched their flirtation on Instagram in December 2022. Mendes posted an Instagram where Carpenter commented, “was it cold tho.”

    By January 2023, more dating rumors swirled as Mendes was spotted in Paris and for absolutely no reason. While that may seem like nothing, Carpenter posts from the same 5-Star, Luxury
    Costes Hotel in Paris a week later. Now that’s suspicious.

    In February 2023,
    Deuxmoi has a sighting of Shawn Mendes and Sabrina Carpenter “on clearly a date.” The anonymous tip came with the description of Carpenter wearing a brown mini skirt and Mendes with a freshly shaved head.

    Screenshot of Deuxmoi post r/Fauxmoi on reddit

    Close to a week later, they are finally photographed in Los Angeles where
    People reports Carpenter is clearly wearing Shawn’s hoodie.

    Enter Camila Cabello.

    Fans began to notice how Camila Cabello was interacting more with Sabrina Carpenter posts on Instagram…even liking her BBC Radio 1 performance of Carpenter’s “Late Night Talking” cover. Screenshots have surfaced of Cabello liking countless Carpenter-related posts from around the time Mendes and Carpenter went public.

    By March 13, 2023,
    ET reported that Sabrina Carpenter and Shawn Mendes were dating but “trying to keep things low-key.” Somehow, this news got broken by The Cancelled Podcast.

    This doesn’t last long, however, because Carpenter and Mendes split up sometime between March and April of 2023…and then he’s seen in April with Cabello.

    While there are two sides (or, I guess three in this case?) to every story, all signs point to Cabello swooping in on Mendes immediately after (if not
    during) his relationship with Carpenter.

    And now, fans have noticed that one of Camila’s songs from her new album,
    C,XOXO, “June Gloom” is also about the situation. With lyrics like “If she’s so amazing why are you on this side of town?” and “We’re a house fire for sure/Hope it’ll burn out but it just gets bigger,” are potential nods to her rekindling things with Mendes.

    In a recent TikTok, Cabello even posts herself singing along to “June Gloom” which social media users are taking as her official admission to the beef.

    @camilacabello hope it’ll burn out but it just gets bigger 🙄
    ♬ June Gloom – Camila Cabello

    Not only that, but Cabello and Carpenter don’t follow one another on Instagram. Which could mean nothing, considering they have shown a lot of support for one another in the past publicly. Either way, the situation is intriguing.

    Wait…So Who Is Shawn Mendes Dating Now?

    While
    Cabello and Mendes split two months after the Coachella sightings, it appears that they may be back together again. It seems like old habits die hard with these two (remember those slow walks they did during COVID?)

    Cabello and Mendes were seen at the Copa America final on July 14 this year, where Argentina played Colombia. Not only that, but Mendes has also been liking Cabello’s Instagram posts. But, you never know.

    Songs on Short n’ Sweet about Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello

    Now that you’re all caught up on the drama and fully-invested…you’ll probably want to go back and listen to
    Short n’ Sweet! And since about half the album revolves around this love triangle, let’s break down which song is about who!

    “Taste”

    “Heard you’re back together, and if that’s true/ you’ll just have to taste me while he’s kissing you” sings the chorus of this song. If you need me to spell it out for you, this is clearly about Camila Cabello.

    “Coincidence”

    Ohhh boy, does this tell the entire story. Lyrics include “Your car drove itself from L.A. to her thighs/Palm Springs looks nice, but who’s by your side?” and “Trying to turn past into the present tense”, it’s clear who this is about. And Carpenter adds she’s not shocked they broke up again.

    “Dumb & Poetic”

    This is for you, Shawn Mendes. Notable lines include “Just because you talk like one, doesn’t make you a man,” “save all your breath for your floor meditation,” “you’d make a great wife/And I promise you those mushrooms aren’t changing your life,” Carpenter rips into Mendes…and this one is obvious.

    Potential Songs About Mendes

    While Mendes certainly isn’t the only sinner in Carpenter’s stories, there are a few questionable songs where it could be about her other exes. Songs like “Sharpest Tool” refer to finding God at his exes house, which could be a reference to either Mendes or Joshua Bassett.

    There’s also a general warning to men, “Lie To Girls,” where she promises you don’t have to lie to a woman to get you to like them…they’ll lie to themselves and make excuses for you if they like you.

    Finally there’s the breakup anthem that closes the ironically short and sweet album, “Don’t Smile,” where Carpenter begs her ex to cry that it ended…not smile because it happened. Again, could be a nod to Shawn Mendes and her wanting him to repent.

    Regardless, this drama has been fun…and with
    Short n’ Sweet potentially gearing up for a #1 Billboard Hot 100 chart spot, Carpenter comes out on top.

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    Jai Phillips

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  • Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega Compete Over Mid White Guy in Death Becomes Her-Inspired “Taste” Video

    Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega Compete Over Mid White Guy in Death Becomes Her-Inspired “Taste” Video

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    Some might initially be led to believe that Sabrina Carpenter’s video for her third single from Short n’ Sweet, “Taste,” is Quentin Tarantino-oriented with its cautionary opening title card (in a Tarantino-y font), “Parental Advisory and Viewer Warning: The following video contains explicit content and depicts graphic violence which may be offensive to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.” But no, it becomes quickly apparent that the Dave Meyers-directed video is a full-on homage to 1992’s Death Becomes Her. And while many attempts at homage in music videos turn out to be mere shot-for-shot re-creations (see: Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX’s “Fancy” or Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next”), Carpenter chooses to riff on the Death Becomes Her concept rather than totally copy each scene.

    Thus, the video begins with a close-up on a “girlie bed” contrasted by “masc” accoutrements like guns and knives, with Meyers sure to give an extra-long pause on the Prada lipstick (brand partnerships are so important, n’est-ce pas?). All the while, Carpenter creepily sings, “Rock-a-bye baby, snug in your bed/Right now you are sleeping/And soon you’ll be…dead.” Carpenter then wields one of the knives as a mirror while applying her lipstick, wanting to look her best before infiltrating her ex’s mansion with a machete. Trotting into the bedroom to find her ex and his new girlfriend sleeping (it reeks of the Betty Broderick narrative), Carpenter is unpleasantly surprised to find that the female body she starts to hack away at is filled with feathers instead of guts. Turns out, Ortega was waiting for her to show up and came prepared with a shotgun as her own weapon of choice.

    It’s here that the Death Becomes Her reference becomes clear, with Ortega—the Madeline Ashton (Meryl Streep) to Carpenter’s Helen Sharp—shooting a hole right through Carpenter’s stomach and sending her flying right over the balcony. When Ortega looks over it to see the resulting carnage, it becomes obvious that they’ve deviated from the original Death Becomes Her scene in opting to have Carpenter also land on two stakes in the white-picket fence that “padded” her fall. Carpenter might be down, but she’s not out, ready for instant revenge by lobbing a knife right into Ortega’s eye and flipping her the bird afterward.

    At the hospital where Carpenter manages to be outfitted with a pink “sexy” gown featuring white polka dots complemented by her thigh-high tights and heels, Ortega then comes for her revenge. And it’s here that the most obvious Tarantino tribute enters the fray, with Ortega dressed in the same nurse ensemble as Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah), complete with a white eyepatch that has a red cross detail on it. Defibrillating Carpenter into oblivion, Ortega has hardly seen the last of her as she reappears at her ex’s house that night, watching them from outside as they get all romantique by the fire.

    Carpenter quickly puts a pin in those plans (voodoo doll pun intended) by pulling out a voodoo replica of Ortega and bending its body in the most cringeworthy ways. Laughing to herself as she bashes Ortega’s doll head against a bush, Carpenter is rudely interrupted by the sudden appearance of another doll Ortega happens to have—one that, quelle surprise, resembles Carpenter (mainly because it’s blonde). Thus, she tosses the doll into the fireplace, in turn, causing Carpenter’s body to burst into flames.

    Things continue to escalate when, in the next scene, Carpenter attacks Ortega while she’s in the shower with this mid white guy (played by Rohan Campbell), who’s mostly just a trophy for these two women (much like Ernest Menville [Bruce Willis] in Death Becomes Her) as opposed to someone they actually seem to care about all that much. Conveniently, Ortega happens to be packing a scythe while in the shower, hacking away at Carpenter’s arm before chasing her back down the stairs and tackling/wrestling her.

    Convinced she’s finally won this time, Ortega is shown blissfully kissing Mid White Guy as the lyrics, “Well, I heard you’re back together and if that’s true/You’ll just have to taste me when he’s kissin’ you/If you want forever, I bet you do/Just know you’ll taste me too,” play in the background. Thus, it’s only right to hit that point over the head by having Mid White Guy turn into Carpenter while Ortega is in the midst of making out with him—fulfilling many a wet dream (though nothing will ever compare to the iconicness of the Madonna-Britney (and yes, Xtina) “union” at the 2003 VMAs), to be sure.

    While viewers might be titillated by the image, Ortega is anything but, whipping out a chainsaw to cut at Carpenter’s body anew, sending her backwards into the pool as she makes a bloody splash. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), it turns out to be a witchy trick on Carpenter’s part, as she then suddenly appears behind Ortega to watch Mid White Guy’s body sink to the bottom of the pool. It only takes a few seconds for Ortega to look “not that mad” about it.

    After all, this dude was so generic that all he can be referred to at the funeral is “Beloved Boyfriend.” And while the woman who must be his mother (hence, all the over-the-top sobbing) is noticeably upset about it, Ortega looks over at Carpenter with an almost grateful look in her eye as the two smile at one another and leave.

    For the final scene, Ortega and Carpenter are shown walking down some steps together sipping from either coffee or smoothie drinks (maybe Erewhon’s Short n’ Sweet smoothie?) as they kiki about “Beloved Boyfriend,” with Carpenter noting, “I mean, clingy. Lots of trauma, lots of trauma.” “Very insecure,” Ortega chimes in. Carpenter laughs, “’Very insecure!’ You kill me.” While it might not have the exact ending of Death Becomes Her (with Madeline and Helen opting to remain bitter frenemies rather than close besties), it does conclude with both of them at their ex’s funeral. And what better way to forge a lasting friendship than that?

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    Genna Rivieccio

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  • Sabrina Carpenter’s Short n’ Sweet Packs Some of Her Biggest n’ Bitterest Songs

    Sabrina Carpenter’s Short n’ Sweet Packs Some of Her Biggest n’ Bitterest Songs

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    Apart from Charli XCX and Chappell Roan, 2024 in music (much to Taylor Swift’s dismay) has belonged to Sabrina Carpenter. When “Espresso” first came out in April of 2024 (exactly one month before Carpenter’s twenty-fifth birthday), it didn’t take long for it to become a hit worthy of being deemed “song of the summer.” For yes, its pervasiveness only ramped up as the beginning of June rolled around and the single continued to take on a life of its own. The video’s summery aesthetic and color palette also contributed to its association with Lana Del Rey’s polar opposite emotion, summertime gladness. Frothy and catchy, “Espresso” was toppled from the number one spot only by Carpenter’s own subsequent single, “Please Please Please.”

    With both of these songs giving listeners a taste of the sound to come on Carpenter’s sixth—that’s right, sixth—album, it was apparent she was going in a different sonic direction from the one on 2022’s Emails I Can’t Send. At the same time, it was also clear she was maintaining the same penchant for tongue-in-cheek lyricism. Of the variety that’s only been honed during the past two years since she became an “overnight” success. And it all starts with “Taste,” a “Perfume”-by-Britney Spears-reminiscent number in that it warns another woman that Carpenter has marked her (now ex-) man, whether he knows it or not, with her own indelible scent—or rather, “taste.” As Carpenter phrases it in the chorus, “I heard you’re back together and if that’s true/You’ll just have to taste me when he’s kissin’ you/If you want forever, I bet you do/Just know you’ll taste me too.” Whether Carpenter is referring to how his lips taste of hers or the ones she has “downstairs” depends on the listener’s level of raunch.

    Some have speculated the song could be directed at Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, but there’s also a tinge of “homage” to her love triangle drama with Olivia Rodrigo and Joshua Bassett during the bridge when she shrugs, “Every time you close your eyes/And feel his lips, you’re feelin’ mine/And every time you breathe his air/Just know I was already there/You can have him if you like/I’ve been there, done that once or twice/And singin’ ’bout it don’t mean I care/Yeah, I know I’ve been known to share.” Though, as a Taurus, probably not when it comes to food (and yes, “Taste” is arguably the most Taurus title for a song she could have come up with).

    Many of the lyrics also channel Rodrigo on Sour’s “deja vu,” albeit with a tone of more self-assured confidence. Like when Carpenter brags, “Hе’s funny, now all his jokes hit different/Guеss who he learned that from?” Trying out all the “tricks” he learned from Carpenter on this new girl, it smacks of Rodrigo accusing her own ex, “So when you gonna tell her/That we did that, too?/She thinks it’s special/But it’s all reused/That was our place, I found it first/I made the jokes you tell to her when she’s with you.”

    The tone shifts on “Please Please Please,” which offers a more country-infused sound (or “Dolly-coded” as people like to say) produced by Jack Antonoff—yes, Carpenter has officially joined that cult. And it works for her, clearly…what with “Please Please Please” marking her first number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. The song’s muse, as it were, also appears in the video directed by Bardia Zeinali. That’s right, Carpenter plays the reluctant Bonnie to Barry Keoghan’s Clyde. And after begging him, “Don’t embarrass me, motherfucker,” it seems that breakup rumors are swirling just in time for the release of Short n’ Sweet. But even if the rumors are true, the songs on the album make it evident that Carpenter is no stranger to disappointment in romance, no matter how brief.

    Indeed, like Matty Healy inspiring most of Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department, Carpenter admits that it was some of her briefest relationships that left her feeling the most bereft once they were over. As she told Zane Lowe, “I thought about some of these relationships, how some of them were the shortest I’ve ever had and they affected me the most.” The same goes for Lana Del Rey with a bloke like Sean Larkin, who inspired many songs in the aftermath of their mere six-month relationship. But to discount the intensity of one’s feelings just because a period of time together is short (and hopefully sweet) is to promote the suppression of emotions that our capitalistic society thrives on. One in which people are encouraged to constantly move on to the “next” thing (or person) rather than dwelling too long in one place, so to speak.

    As for the place Carpenter dwelled while writing Short n’ Sweet, it would appear that the album cover ripping off a French photoshoot for Cosmopolitan France (starring model Tiffany Collier) might have been inspired by Carpenter hanging out in France for a couple of weeks while immersed in penning the record. Thus, perhaps Carpenter was feeling too French not to borrow her album artwork from une photo française—after all, she wrote many of the songs while on vacation in a small town called Chailland. Oui, oui, très inspirant.

    Once again giving her best impression of Ariana Grande (as she did for “Nonsense”) on “Good Graces” (particularly during the opening when she makes random noises), Carpenter warns the ephemeral object of her affection that she can switch up her mood real quick if he starts acting a fool, alchemizing her love into hate. This much is confirmed when she chirpily sings during the chorus, “Boy, it’s not that complicated/You should stay in my good graces/Or I’ll switch it up like that so fast/‘Cause no one’s more amazin’ (amazin’)/At turnin’ lovin’ into hatred.” To sum it up, like Ari, she can switch positions, too—only we’re talking about the emotional kind.

    Carpenter’s brand of innuendo is also on full display here, especially when she delivers the double entendre, “I’ll tell the world you finish your chores prematurely/Break my heart and I swear I’m movin’ on.” It’s that easy for someone who knows her worth, which is why it’s additionally easy to turn ice-cold in response to not getting what she wants out of a romantic interest, singing “I won’t give a fuck about you” in a manner similar to Reneé Rapp’s intonation when she flexes, “It’s not my fault you’re like in love with me” on “Not My Fault.”

    Having only just warmed up on the innuendo/double entendre front, Carpenter’s next offering is “Sharpest Tool.” And while the title might give the impression that Carpenter is going to be in impish “fast mode,” the song is actually a slowed-down melody (furnished, again, by Antonoff) that finds her reflecting on the fleeting relationship she had with a guy who wasn’t sharp enough (“not the sharpest tool in the shed,” if you will) to understand how much he hurt her—though maybe his other “tool” was sharp enough to keep her wanting more.

    So it is that Carpenter laments, “Guess I’ll waste another year on wonderin’ if/If that was casual [very Chappell Roan of her], then I’m an idiot/I’m lookin’ for an answer in between the lines.” Alas, more often than not, there are no answers when it comes to the whims of male emotions (or lack thereof). The casual cruelty of the person Carpenter describes is summed up in the lines, “We had sex, I met your best friends/Then a bird flies by and you forget.” Being easily distracted is, of course, a signature trait of dumbness (apologies to the ADHD crowd). Worse still, the erstwhile object of her affection was able to so effortlessly flip the switch on his “goodwill” toward her, with Carpenter recounting, “Seems like overnight, I’m just the bitch you hate now/We never talk it through/How you guilt-tripped me to open up to you/Then you logged out, leavin’ me dumbfounded.” Due to the nature of the lyrics, listeners have posited that Joshua Bassett seems to be the most likely inspiration. Or maybe, as the next track is called, it’s pure “Coincidence.”

    Exploring an inverse dynamic to the one in “Taste,” the guitar-laden, country-ified “Coincidence,” produced by John Ryan and Ian Kirkpatrick, is Carpenter’s “told you so” vindication about an ex who did her wrong with his own ex (again, it smacks of referring to Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello). In this regard, “Coincidence” shares some lyrical DNA with Mýa’s 2000 hit, “Case of the Ex,” during which she paints the picture, “It’s after midnight and she’s on your phone/Saying, ‘Come over,’ ‘cause she’s all alone/I could tell it was your ex by your tone/Why is she callin’ now after so long?/Now what is it that she wants?/Tell me, what is it that she needs?,” adding in the chorus, “Whatcha gon’ do when you can’t say no?/When the feelings start to show, boy, I really need to know and/How you gonna act?/How you gonna handle that?/Whatcha gon’ do when she wants you back?”

    Carpenter fears the same from the ex in question on “Coincidence,” annoyed by the “sixth sense” that ex has for infiltrating his life when she can sense he might have a new girlfriend. Hence, Carpenter giving us the snapshot, “Last week, you didn’t have any doubts/This week, you’re holding space for her tongue in your mouth/Now shе’s sendin’ you some pictures wеarin’ less and less/Tryna turn the past into the present tense, huh/Suckin’ up to all of your mutual friends.” Saving the coup de grâce for the bridge, Carpenter then wields her gift for sarcasm by saying, “What a surprise, your phone just died/Your car drove itself from L.A. to her thighs/Palm Springs looks nice, but who’s by your side?/Damn it, she looks kinda like the girl you outgrew/Least that’s what you said.” But, by now, Carpenter herself has outgrown this dude’s antics, moving on with the eye-rolling assessment, “What a coincidence/Oh, wow, you just broke up again” (while echoing the tone of Selena Gomez on 2017’s “Bad Liar”).

    The mid-tempo “Bed Chem” switches musical genre gears again, embodying a more funkified, R&B vibe as Carpenter dissects the definition of “good bed chem” (hint: it has little to do with a guy’s personality). Undoubtedly spurred by her dalliance with Keoghan, one line in particular stands out for alluding to his “size”—which everyone became privy to at the end of Saltburn. In reference to that, Carpenter sings, “And now the next thing I know, I’m like/Manifest that you’re oversized/I digress, got me scrollin’ like/Out of breath, got me goin’ like/Who’s the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?” A white jacket being what Keoghan was wearing when the two first encountered at the Givenchy show during Paris Fashion Week. And, speaking of Givenchy, this track is also awash in the tone of the brand’s former spokesperson, Ariana Grande, known for her own sex-positive lyrical content as well (e.g., “everyday,” “side to side,” “positions” and “34+35”).  

    Carpenter, however, might just have managed to one-up even the most sexual of Grande’s lyrics with the verse, “Come right on me, I mean camaraderie/Said you’re not in my time zone, but you wanna be/Where art thou?/Why not uponeth me?/See it in my mind, let’s fu…fill the prophecy.” Like Dua Lipa on “Good In Bed” from Future Nostalgia, Carpenter makes it her mission to establish what creates unforgettable bed chemistry. Usually, it relates to being disconnected in every other way but the physical. Or, as Lipa phrases it, “I know it’s really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad/Messing with my head, head, head, head, head/We drive each other mad, mad, mad, mad, mad/But baby, that’s what makes us good in bed/Please, come take it out on me, me, me, me, me.” Or, even more directly, “Yeah, we don’t know how to talk/But damn, we know how to fuck.”

    As for the song that brings us to the second half of the album, “Espresso,” there’s little that can be said about it that hasn’t been already—not least of which is the expansive commentary on the polarizing neologism, “That’s that me espresso.” A phrase that some might find both “Dumb & Poetic,” as track eight on Short n’ Sweet is called. In fact, the title of the album has proven to be quite on-brand, with six of the twelve songs clocking in at under three minutes. And “Dumb & Poetic” happens to be the shortest of all at two minutes and thirteen seconds. But Carpenter says all she needs to in that time (occasionally channeling Chappell Roan’s “Coffee”), including, “Gold star for highbrow manipulation/And ‘love everyone’ is your favorite quotation/Try to come off like you’re soft and well-spoken/Jack off to lyrics by Leonard Cohen.” Though no one wants to hear the comparison right now, there is a faint tinge of Katy Perry’s “Ur So Gay” (minus the country twang) in the skewering tone designed to eviscerate this “man’s” false sense of masculinity. Which Carpenter knocks down completely with the final verse, “Don’t think you understand/Just ’cause you act like one doesn’t make you a man/Don’t think you understand/Just ’cause you leave like one doesn’t make you a man.”

    The musical tone switches up once more on “Slim Pickins,” another track noticeably produced by Antonoff, who Carpenter seems to keep on retainer for her most country-sounding fare (which bodes well for Lana Del Rey’s forthcoming Lasso). With its soft guitar background, Carpenter gives another great Dolly impression as she commences her tale of woe with resigned pluckiness: “Guess I’ll end this life alone I am not dramatic/These are just the thoughts that pass right through me/All the douchebags in my phone/Play ‘em like a slot machine/If they’re winnin’, I’m just losin’.” Once more alluding to the importance of a man’s size, Carpenter delivers another double entendre when she bemoans, “God knows that he isn’t livin’ large,” further adding, “A boy who’s nice, that breathes/I swear he’s nowhere to be seen.”

    As for the chorus, it’s among the most memorable on Short n’ Sweet, with Carpenter declaring, “It’s slim pickings/If I can’t have the one I love/I guess it’s you that I’ll be kissin’/Just to get my fixings/Since the good ones are deceased or taken/I’ll just keep on moanin’ and bitchin’.” Carpenter even offers up something for the grammar nazis (which is ironic considering her “Espresso” lyrics) by shading, “This boy doesn’t even know/The difference between ‘there,’ ‘their’ and ‘they are’/Yet he’s naked in my room.”

    She then goes ultra-country (we’re talking “make Miley jealous” level) for her finale verse, during which she assesses, “Since the good ones call their exes wasted/And since the Lord forgot my gay awakenin’ [surely, another nod to Chappell]/Then I’ll just be here in the kitchen/Servin’ up some moanin’ and bitchin’”—as most single white ladies are prone to do.

    As are they also prone to having a soft spot for Diablo Cody movies like Juno, which just so happens to be the title of the next song. And, in case there was any doubt as to whether it was about that specific movie, Carpenter sings, “If you love me right, then who knows?/I might let you make me Juno/You know I just might/Let you lock me down tonight.” Of course, Juno’s name was in honor of the goddess (called Hera in Greek) of women, marriage and childbirth, so it still holds that dual reference as well. Hardly the first “pop girlie” (that odious term) to use film as a song’s inspiration (Charli XCX and Lana Del Rey both have plenty of those), Carpenter does Cody proud when she also pronounces, “Hold me and explore me/I’m so fuckin’ horny.” After all, it’s Carpenter herself who said, “Those real moments where I’m just a twenty-five-year-old girl who’s super horny are as real as when I’m going through a heartbreak and I’m miserable.”

    Elsewhere, she serves Britney Spears’ “Perfume” yet again by urging her object of desire, “Mark your territory.” On “Perfume,” Spears is the one to assure, “I’m gonna mark my territory.” As any girl would when there’s a “whole package” involved—another dick innuendo Carpenter makes when she effuses, “Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit/God bless your dad’s genetics, mm, uh.” The Ariana Grande connection is also renewed when Carpenter teases, “You know I just might/Let you lock me down tonight/One of me is cute, but two though?/Give it to me, baby.” For it channels Grande on “34+35” when she gets to the point with, “You might think I’m crazy/The way I’ve been cravin’/If I put it quite plainly/Just gimme them babies.”

    Unfortunately, Carpenter has to endure the same path as Juno MacGuff in terms of being left heartbroken by the one she loves, as poetically explored on “Lie To Girls” (another Antonoff track). Capable of being as hard on herself as the boys who disappoint her, Carpenter opens with a verse featuring the lines, “I’ve never seen an ugly truth that I can’t bend/To something that looks better/I’m stupid, but I’m clever/Yeah, I can make a shitshow look a whole lot like forever and ever.” As can most women, when they want to. After all, love is blinding, in addition to blind. So it is that Carpenter crafts one of her most indelible choruses yet: “You don’t have to lie to girls/If they like you, they’ll just lie to themselves/Like you, they’ll just lie to themselves/You don’t have to lie to girls/If they like you, they’ll just lie to themselves/Don’t I know it better than anyone else?” And yes, this is Carpenter at her most Gracie Abrams-sounding (after all, there’s a reason Swift chose both women as her openers on The Eras Tour).

    None of this bodes well for Keoghan, but hey, who’s to say the two won’t get back together again, Bennifer-style (though we’ve all seen how that works out)? As for the arrival of whenever their “final” breakup might be, Carpenter is ready with an “anti-needlepoint” platitude, showcased in all its glory on the dreamy, 60s-inspired “Don’t Smile.” And it’s a one-eighty of a finale in terms of how Carpenter kicked off the record with the overly confident “Taste,” during which she promises her ex’s new “piece” that she’ll always be on his mind (and body)—the benchmark/gold standard for every girl that follows. On “Don’t Smile,” however, Carpenter doesn’t sound quite so self-assured as she chooses to challenge the cliché, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Carpenter instead posits, “Don’t smile because it happened, baby/Cry because it’s over.” The former version of it is in keeping with that other false consolation, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” Something Ariana Grande repurposed for “thank u, next” by singing, “Say I’ve loved and I’ve lost/But that’s not what I see/So, look what I got/Look what you taught me.”

    Carpenter is much less “kumbaya” about the demise of love, admitting, “I want you to miss me, I want you to miss me/Oh, you’re supposed to think about me/Every time you hold her.” This, too, is another Olivia Rodrigo-esque moment, particularly when she tells her ex on “happier,” “I hope you’re happy/But not like how you were with me/I’m selfish, I know, I can’t let you go/So find someone great, but don’t find no one better.”

    The chill vibes of the song (both musically and tonally) belie the urgency of Carpenter’s need for her ex to continue pining away for her long after “the end.” Because, lest anyone forget, Carpenter already admitted on “Please Please Please” that ego plays a big part in the reason why women get so upset over breakups. So it is that she elucidates some of her coping mechanisms via the verse, “Pour my feelings in the microphone [more hyper-specific references to being a singer]/I stay in, and when the girls come home/I want one of them to take my phone/Take my phone and lose your number/I don’t wanna be tempted/Pick up when you wanna fall back in.” This, too, being a sexual double entendre for falling back in…to her vag.

    But Carpenter appears to have the last laugh if one goes by the bonus track edition of the album, which concludes with “Needless To Say,” a shade-throwing ditty that finds Carpenter coming on strong with her “subtle” takedowns. For example, “How’s the weather in your mother’s basement?” Always ready with a barbing quip, Carpenter wields some of her biggest n’ bitterest moments on Short n’ Sweet, for an effect that proves her pop prowess is hardly a flash in the pan. And perhaps that stems mostly from refusing to let others tell her what to do in the studio, with Carpenter informing The Guardian, “I’m very lucky that I don’t have people around me telling me what to do—I’m also a Taurus, so if they did, I’d probably get a little stubborn.”

    When then asked, “Is she a tyrant in the studio?,” Carpenter ripostes, “I’m a tyrant in life.” Indeed, many a dictator/political mastermind has been a Taurus. Luckily for music enthusiasts, Carpenter is nothing but a love dictator…who loves dick (to conclude in the spirit of a Carpenter outro).

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    Genna Rivieccio

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