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  • Not Feeling Sexy? These 18 Tips Will Help You Get In The Mood.

    Not Feeling Sexy? These 18 Tips Will Help You Get In The Mood.

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    Sexual desire is widely misunderstood. We expect the urge for sex to strike us spontaneously. And when it doesn’t, we assume we must not be that interested in having sex. But the truth is, many people ― women, in particular ― don’t typically experience desire this way.

    As sex therapist and psychologist Nazanin Moali told HuffPost, people have been led to believe that things are supposed to work like this: “First, they spontaneously want sex, then their bodies respond with erection or lubrication, which then leads to sexual activity and orgasm.”

    “However, for a large part of the population, desire is more often responsive — that is to say, first, something must feel good before one wants to be sexual,” explained Moali, host of the “Sexology” podcast. “Many feel sexual in response to the situation or context, rather than out of the blue.”

    It’s also important to know that our sex drives will ebb and flow throughout our lives for a variety of reasons, both internal and external.

    “Issues like medications and medical issues, relationship conflicts, financial and work stress, depression and anxiety, body image issues, poor diet, and the connections people have to their social media devices can all contribute to one’s losing interest in seeking out or receiving sexual gratification,” clinical sexologist and sexuality educator Lawrence Siegel told HuffPost.

    But if your low libido is persistent over time and it’s become an issue for you or your relationship, then it’s worth discussing with a professional. If the decreased interest in sex coincided with the onset of illness or injury or beginning a new medication, talk to your health care provider, as “there may be options and alternatives available that don’t have the same impact,” Siegel said.

    Making an appointment with a sex therapist can also be worthwhile, as they can help address issues such as low desire, desire discrepancy between partners, erectile dysfunction and difficulty having an orgasm, just to name a few.

    “If you’re not feeling sexy or sexual, for whatever reason, that’s 100% OK. Seriously.”

    – Francisco Ramirez, sex educator and co-founder of OkaySo

    A quick note before we jump in: If you’re just not in the mood for sex, for whatever reason, please don’t beat yourself up about it or try to force yourself into feeling differently.

    “It’s completely fine not to feel sexy and not want to have sex for that reason,” said Zachary Zane, author of “Boyslut” and sex expert for the queer cruising app Sniffies . “Sometimes, we’re just not feeling it! You or your partner shouldn’t pressure yourself to ‘get’ in the mood.”

    That said, if you’re feeling blah but do want to get that sexy spark back, the expert-backed tips below might help:

    1. Take care of your basic needs first.

    “It is hard to be in the mood when your basic needs aren’t taken care of, and so many of us are excellent at overriding our most basic human needs. Tend to the basics — hydration, food, rest, meds, movement — and then ask yourself what more you might be wanting.” — Chris Maxwell Rose, sexological bodyworker and founder of Pleasure Mechanics

    2. Too stressed to feel sexy? Address what’s on your mind or do something to wind down — or both.

    “If you’ve had a really challenging day at school or at work, or if you’ve got tons on your mind, it can be really hard to immediately switch into sexy-time feelings. When we’re super stressed, it can be that much harder to open ourselves up to a state of arousal.

    So, consider two options: No. 1: Take some time to deliberately tend to whatever’s stressing you out, even if just for a few minutes. Think: journaling or jotting down one small action you can take today for a less stress-filled tomorrow.

    Jena Ardell via Getty Images

    To help you de-stress, tap into what feels good in your body. Maybe it’s a warm bath or a pair of silk PJs.

    Or No. 2: Exercise self-care and good ol’ R&R. Whether it’s taking a luxurious nap, putting on your comfiest sweater, or sipping a warm beverage while taking a hot bath, take a moment to create a come-down period where you turn down the stresses of life and start to turn your attention to things that feel really good.” — Francisco Ramirez, sex educator and co-founder of OkaySo

    3. Be OK with however you’re feeling right now — hot or not.

    “Often we talk about getting in the mood — as if there is one singular mood or place that we should ideally be in if we are going to be sexual or experience sexual pleasure. Instead of getting in ‘the mood,’ attune yourself to whatever mood you’re already in, without trying to change that vibe.

    Meaning: if you’re not ‘feeling sexy,’ luxuriate in how you are feeling right now. Get in touch with your body’s own rhythm and vibe, without expecting that traditional feelings of ‘sexiness’ have to show up. It’s totally legit to feel snoozy, or neutral, or quiet, or lazy and still pursue partnered or solo sex, if that’s what you want to do.

    Ultimately, please, please, please know that it is so OK to not be in ‘the mood.’ Often, if we are wishing we were in ‘the mood,’ and then find that we are not, a frustration of not being where we want to be can quickly grow. If you’re not feeling sexy or sexual, for whatever reason, that’s 100% OK. Seriously.” — Ramirez

    4. Tap into your fantasies.

    “When I ask my clients about their fantasies, sometimes they tell me they have none. Sexual fantasies are thoughts, images and scenarios that help press that sexual accelerator. Even though it is normal to have sexual fantasies, many people feel uncomfortable, ashamed or embarrassed by them.

    If you know what you like, place yourself in that exciting fantasy, which helps you get in the mood. While it is important to be present with your partner, borrowing ideas from your fantasies might be just what you would need to get excited. If you are not sure what you like, you can just browse erotic fiction category online and see what you like. Also, if your partner is into it, you both can talk about your favorite sexual fantasies, which can also help you get in the mood.” — Moali

    5. Read or listen to erotica on the regular.

    “Listen to an erotic audio story for ten minutes a day. Whether you find the time while you are making your morning coffee, waiting in line at the sandwich shop, after you drop your kiddo off at school, walking your dog, stretching at the gym, or folding laundry, carve out a ten-minute pocket of time each day when you can dip into our imagination. Pop in your earbuds and remind yourself that your body isn’t just made for work and more work. It gets to enjoy pleasure, too.” — Ashleigh Renard, author of “Swing” and creator of the “How to Keep Monogamy Hot” video series

    6. Make your environment more seductive.

    “It’s easy to take for granted how our environment affects our ability to relax into sexy feelings. Is your bed unmade? Are your clothes unfolded? Do you live, work and cohabitate in the same environment every day? Think about changing up your environment by co-creating a sexy playlist with your partner, changing into something that makes you feel sexy, lighting candles, using scented essential oils or incense and even adorning your bed temporarily with textures that make you feel sensual — e.g. fluffy pillows, satin sheets, soft throws. Prepare the room or space to appeal to your partner’s and your senses.” — Luna Matatas, sex and pleasure educator

    7. Do some solo foreplay in the shower.

    “This accomplishes two things. One, after a shower, you’re clean and looking fresh; this will make you feel sexier. (It’s hard to feel sexy after a long, exhausting day of work.) Two, you get yourself in the mood to have sex.

    A sexy solo shower might just put you in the mood for partnered sex.

    Viktoriâ Olenberg / EyeEm via Getty Images

    A sexy solo shower might just put you in the mood for partnered sex.

    Personally, I ‘edge’ myself in the shower. In other words, I pleasure myself ― getting really close to orgasm ― but then don’t climax. When I’m out of the shower, I want to jump my partner’s bones. We often think of foreplay as something you have to do with your partner, and of course, you absolutely should have tons of foreplay with your partner, but you can also have foreplay by yourself.” — Zane

    8. Nurture your connection to your partner outside of the bedroom.

    “If you feel disconnected from your partner all day, no amount of ‘getting in the mood’ tips is going to change the lack of connection that’s needed for sexual intimacy to develop. Feeling seen, heard and supported will.

    This means you need to focus on what happens during the day to begin building the mood for the evening. If you’re going to be apart from your partner during the day, plan ahead.

    Set up a breakfast or lunch date where you can connect and be playful with each other, then build anticipation throughout the day with sexy texts. Let that morning heat simmer until the fire is aflame at night. Staying connected to a partner throughout the day can also mean more energy and less depletion while you tackle the hard stuff.

    “It’s easy to take for granted how our environment affects our ability to relax into sexy feelings. Is your bed unmade? Are your clothes unfolded? Do you live, work and cohabitate in the same environment every day?”

    – Luna Matatas, sex and pleasure educator

    Lastly, if you’re going through something difficult, initiate a heart-to-heart vulnerable conversation with your partner or enlist their support when you reunite. Carrying a heavy emotional burden alone typically acts as a heavy brake to sexual intimacy that can only be lessened when you feel seen and supported. Even if you’re going through something that requires your involvement alone, feeling supported lessens the emotional load and helps you become more available sexually.” — Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach

    9. Take some “pleasure pauses” throughout the day.

    “If you’re stressed all day, draining your fuel tank down to empty, infuse your day with what I call ‘pleasure pauses’ that will fill you up and keep you energized. These don’t just work for sexual desire. They reset your nervous system, helping you relax, and give you an energy boost when you might feel tired.

    Examples of pleasure pauses include: Taking time at lunch to enjoy your meal, sitting down to breathe in quiet room and let yourself relax fully into your seat by softening the pelvic muscles, activating your sensuality by stroking your own skin, getting hugs throughout the day.

    In and of themselves, these pleasure pauses don’t do a lot. But together, they fill your tank and feed your aliveness and mood for more.” — Fehr

    10. Move your body in a way that feels joyful or powerful.

    “Getting reconnected with your body can be a helpful step in feeling sexy! In a world where we can spend so much time on our phones and can be stuck in comparison, it can do wonders to just remember ’Whoa, I have a body! It can do cool stuff!” This might be a dance class (maybe a heels or pole class, if you want to put extra emphasis on tapping into sexuality), or whatever kind of movement is your jam! Go climbing, play some dodgeball, do some yoga!” — Eva Bloom, sexuality educator and the creator behind @whatsmybodydoing on Instagram

    Movement can help you reconnect to your body. Put on a playlist and dance, do some yoga flows outside, or whatever else tickles your fancy.

    MStudioImages via Getty Images

    Movement can help you reconnect to your body. Put on a playlist and dance, do some yoga flows outside, or whatever else tickles your fancy.

    11. Get a sext convo going with your partner.

    “Sexting is a fantastic way to increase anticipation, arousal, and confidence. Hearing how badly your partner wants to pleasure you or being told explicitly how beautiful and sexy you are can absolutely make you feel sexy ― and subsequently get you in the mood.” — Zane

    12. Find ways to add a little seduction to your daily routine.

    “Do you rush through your daily tasks on autopilot? Instead, make a habit of treating your body with the hands of a gentle lover. As you shower, dress, shave, or apply makeup, touch yourself slowly and with intention. Hair in your eyes? Tuck it behind your ear like a sexy barista-turned-love-interest in a rom-com. In the shower, lather up your body and rinse carefully like you have a sexy shower attendant. Next time your shoe is untied, imagine that your arms are full of grocery bags and the cutie at the bus stop kneels down to tie them and then looks up to hold your gaze. Whoa, it’s getting hot in here.” — Renard

    13. If sex feels like too much, focus on parts of the body other than the genitals.

    “It’s OK to say to your partner: ‘Hey babe, I want to be in the mood but I’m feeling slow to warm today, can we try slowing everything down?’ Slowing things down without the expectation of the kind of sex you usually have can take the pressure off of the need to perform sexiness.

    Try taking sex off the menu for the night and experimenting with other kinds of intimacy.

    Inti St Clair via Getty Images

    Try taking sex off the menu for the night and experimenting with other kinds of intimacy.

    You can slow down sex by massaging erogenous areas other than the go-to hot spots. Try scalp, hand or thigh massages. Use breath to send the touch sensations all over your body with deep inhales and exhales. Another way to slow things down is to take genitals out of the play for the night and try focusing on making out, chest play, grinding, dry humping. Sensuality can also show up with tools like eye contact, contrasting touch (e.g. hard to soft) and with dirty talk.” — Matatas

    14. Practice mindfulness.

    “Mindfulness is the practice of learning to be in the present moment. Research shows that people who practice mindfulness experience more desire. If you would like to experience lasting effect of mindfulness, it is important to dedicate time to it, daily. However, even in the moment, if you shift your attention to how your bed sheets feel beneath you, the scent of the room, or the sensation your partner’s fingers running down your body, you might notice a buildup of desires. Sometimes, we are so distracted that our minds struggle with computing sexual cues.” — Moali

    15. Role-play in public.

    “Sometimes couples get stuck doing the same things, over and over, which impacts their desire to have sex. If this is you, role-playing in public might be a solution. Pretend you’re meeting for the first time from the internet. Have a few drinks, dance at a club, have a nice dinner all while you sneakily touch each other’s sexy spots beneath the table or when no one’s looking.” — Moali

    16. Or role-play in your own mind.

    “Can you think of a couple who routinely appears ready to rip each other’s clothes off? Now, I am not suggesting we all go full-blown Kourt and Trav PDA, but how would you move around your house if you truly couldn’t wait for your partner to jump your bones? How would you walk? How would you look at them? How would you touch their shoulder as you passed them? Notice the parts of you that light up — and the parts that relax — when you have sex appeal and attraction coursing through your veins.” — Renard

    17. Attend a sex workshop that piques your interest.

    “For those of us with responsive desire, ‘feeling sexy’ or interested in sex is often a gradual process that requires receiving various environmental cues associated with sexuality over time. Taking a sexuality workshop can put sexuality into the forefront of your mind in a fun and curious way without pressure to actually have sex immediately.

    One of my top recommendations for sexuality classes you can take from anywhere in the world at any time are those from educator Luna Matatas! She has an amazing library with everything from ‘Banishing Bedroom Boredom’ to ‘Cannabis and Pleasure.’” — Bloom

    18. Remember the afterglow.

    “Take a moment to remember why you enjoy sex and what it feels like to be basking in the afterglow. It’s like visualizing stepping onto the beach while you are waiting in endless airport lines — actively thinking about the rewards will help your brain motivate through the early stages of the journey.” — Maxwell Rose

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  • “That ’70s Show” actor Danny Masterson on trial on 3 rape charges

    “That ’70s Show” actor Danny Masterson on trial on 3 rape charges

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    Danny Masterson, former star of the long-running sitcom “That ’70s Show,” is about to face three women in court who say he raped them two decades ago at a trial whose key figures are all current or former members of the Church of Scientology.

    Opening statements could begin as early as Tuesday in the Los Angeles trial of the 46-year-old Masterson, and while a judge has expressed her determination not to have the church become the center of the proceedings, it will inevitably loom large.

    Masterson is charged with raping the women between 2001 and 2003 in his home, which functioned as a social hub when he was at the height of his fame. Masterson has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

    One of the women had been Masterson’s longtime girlfriend. Another was a longtime friend, and the third a newer acquaintance.

    All three were members of the Church of Scientology, as Masterson still is. All three accusers have since left, and they said the church’s insistence that it deal internally with problems between members made them hesitant at first to go to authorities.

    “This is not going to become a trial on Scientology,” Superior Court Judge Charlaine F. Olmedo asserted at a pre-trial hearing. But she said she would allow its discussion as a reason why the women delayed reporting to authorities.

    Testimony at a preliminary hearing last year to determine whether Masterson should go to trial last year included frequent use of Scientology jargon that lawyers had to ask the witnesses to explain. And the trial’s witness list is full of members and former members of the church, which has a strong presence in Los Angeles and has counted many famous figures among its members. The list includes former member Lisa Marie Presley, the daughter of Elvis Presley and former wife of Michael Jackson.

    Masterson’s initial attorney in the case,Thomas Mesereau, emphasized his client’s Scientology connections, saying his arrest was the result of anti-religious bias from police and prosecutors. The lawyer attempted unsuccessfully to subpoena alleged communications between the accusers and actor Leah Remini, a former Scientologist who has become on of the church’s foremost detractors, authoring a book and hosting a documentary series.

    Masterson’s lead attorney for the trial, Phillip Cohen, appears to be taking the opposite approach, seeking in a pretrial motion to minimize mentions of the institution, which has garnered much negative publicity in recent years because of prominent dissidents like Remini. Some potential jurors have been dismissed based on their opinions of the church.

    “I think leaving the Church of Scientology out of it is a good plan,” said Emily D. Baker, a former Los Angeles County prosecutor who now works as a legal analyst and podcaster. “I don’t think the general public has an overwhelmingly positive view, I think there is a lot of skepticism.”

    Deputy District Attorney Reinhold Mueller, the lead prosecutor, may want to tread carefully on the subject too.

    “It can feel heavy handed when you have the government bringing someone’s religion into a prosecution,” said Baker, who is not involved in the case. “I think there is a careful line to be considered. The church is not on trial, you don’t want to give jurors a sense that you’re going after it.”

    Masterson is charged with three counts of rape by force or fear, which could mean up to 45 years in prison if if he’s convicted.

    At last year’s preliminary hearing, one woman testified that they were five years into a relationship when she woke to Masterson raping her one night in 2001.

    Another, a onetime friend of Masterson’s who had been born into Scientology, testified that, in 2003, he had taken her upstairs from the hot tub at his Los Angeles home and raped her in his bedroom.

    The third woman said Masterson raped her on a night in 2003 after texting her to come to his house. She testified she had set boundaries and was clear there was to be no sex.

    One of the women, Masterson’s friend, unhappy with the way the Scientology ethics board handled her complaint about him, filed a police report in 2004 that didn’t result in charges. In 2016, she connected and shared stories with the woman who says she was raped while in a relationship with Masterson. Each would file a police report that year. Masterson’s former girlfriend said she did so after telling her story to her husband, who helped her understand that she had been raped. The third woman went to police in 2017.

    Masterson’s then-attorneys suggested in their cross-examination of the women that all had retroactively reframed consensual sex as rape, and said the age of the incidents made accurate memories impossible.

    The Associated Press does not typically name people who say they were victims of sexual abuse unless they come forward publicly.

    Masterson was one of the first Hollywood figures to be prosecuted in the #MeToo era. His is one of several high-profile sexual assault cases that have gone to trial around the fifth anniversary of the reporting of accusations against Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein, which transformed the #MeToo movement into an international reckoning.

    Weinstein’s second rape and sexual assault trial — he’s already been convicted in New York — is happening simultaneously, just down the hall from Masterson’s. In New York, civil trials have begun for actor Kevin Spacey and for screenwriter and director Paul Haggis, who are both being sued for sexual assault.

    Haggis is himself a Scientology dissident, and the judge in that case is allowing him to argue that the church is behind the allegations against him.

    From 1998 until 2006, Masterson starred as Steven Hyde on Fox’s “That ’70s Show,” which made stars of Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis and Topher Grace and is getting an upcoming Netflix reboot with “That ’90s Show.”

    Masterson had reunited with Kutcher on the Netflix comedy “The Ranch” but was written off the show when an LAPD investigation was revealed in December 2017.

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  • Pilot sues Southwest after colleague stripped naked in front of her during a flight

    Pilot sues Southwest after colleague stripped naked in front of her during a flight

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    A Southwest Airlines pilot is suing the company, her union and a former colleague who pleaded guilty last year to dead-bolting the cockpit door during a flight and stripping naked in front of her.

    Christine Janning alleges that Southwest retaliated by grounding her after she reported Michael Haak to the company and the FBI that it kept him employed despite an alleged history of sexual misconduct and that managers disparaged her in memos.

    She also alleges that the Southwest Airlines Pilots Association conspired with the airline and refused to support her. She is suing Haak for sexual assault. He pleaded guilty last year to a federal misdemeanor charge of committing a lewd, indecent or obscene act and was sentenced to probation.

    Haak’s attorney, Michael Salnick, said Wednesday that his client disrobed only after Janning encouraged him to and never did anything else. Neither Southwest nor the union responded to phone calls seeking comment.

    According to the lawsuit filed last week in Orange County, Florida, Janning had never met Haak before August 2020, when she was his co-pilot on a flight from Philadelphia to Orlando. She says Haak, a 27-year veteran of the airline, had used his seniority rights the previous day to bump another pilot who had been scheduled to command the flight. Janning believes that’s because he saw a woman was the scheduled co-pilot.

    Janning said that when they reached cruising altitude, Haak told her this was his final flight and there was something he wanted to do before retirement.

    “Consensual prank”

    She said he bolted the door so no flight attendant could enter. He then allegedly put the plane on autopilot, stripped off his clothes, began watching pornography on his laptop and committed a lewd act for 30 minutes while taking photos and videos of himself.

    Salnick said it was Janning who asked Haak if there was anything he wanted to do before retiring. When he replied he wanted to fly naked, she told him to go ahead and then made sexual advances after he disrobed, Salnick said. He said Haak rejected those and adamantly denied a lewd act occurred.

    At his sentencing hearing last year, Haak called the incident “a consensual prank” that got out of hand.

    Janning’s attorney, Frank Podesta, denied she encouraged Haak or made any advances.

    Janning said in the lawsuit that she was “horrified,” but she kept flying the plane while taking photos “to create a record.” The plane landed safely. And that wasn’t Haak’s final flight — he flew for three more weeks.

    Meanwhile, Janning didn’t report the incident to a Southwest employee relations investigator until three months later. She said she waited because her boss had disparaged her to a male colleague previously. She said she asked the investigator not to inform her boss, but she did.

    Janning says she was soon told that because Haak had retired, the airline’s investigation was closed. Janning then went to the FBI, who charged Haak. She alleges Southwest had sent Haak to a Montreal sexual harassment counseling center after a 2008 incident with a flight attendant.

    Retaliation alleged

    Janning said as retaliation for the FBI report, she was grounded for more than three months, costing her part of her salary. She was then required to take “unnecessary” flight simulator training before she could work again.

    She also alleged that on the day she was grounded, the airline stranded her in Denver and the FBI had to book her a United Airlines flight so she could return home to Florida. She said a Southwest manager sent a memo to more than 25 employees “that made baseless allegations” about her flying competency.

    Janning said that when she contacted the union, its leaders did nothing to help her but did write a letter to Haak’s judge during his misdemeanor case saying he had a “spotless” record.

    No hearings have been scheduled.

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  • Finishing Prematurely? These Tricks Can Help

    Finishing Prematurely? These Tricks Can Help

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    Finishing Prematurely? These Tricks Can Help

    The AskMen editorial team thoroughly researches & reviews the best gear, services and staples for life. AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service.

    Is your penis a little quick on the trigger, so to speak? Do you pop off before you want to? Have you seen the look of disappointment on your partner’s face as you prematurely end the fun? Don’t freak out — you’re not alone. As many as one in three men experience premature ejaculation at some point in their lives. It’s so normal, in fact, that the Mayo Clinic regards premature ejaculation as a “common sexual complaint” and insists, as long as it happens once every so often, you have nothing to worry about.

    RELATED: Everything You Need to Know About Premature Ejaculation

    “We actually diagnose ‘rapid’ ejaculation now, not premature,” says Nicole Prause, Ph.D, scientist at Liberos. “Many men who identify themselves as coming too quickly actually are not faster to orgasm than other men when tested, so the first thing to consider if you are concerned is whether your experiences might be normal.”

    While there isn’t exactly a golden rule to help diagnose me with rapid ejaculation, Prause says you shouldn’t be concerned if you’re only having penetrative vaginal intercourse for two minutes prior to orgasm. In fact, you should only really deem it an issue if you find yourself nearly always ejaculating within one minute of penetration, are unable to delay ejaculation and/or feel frustrated to the point where you avoid sexual intimacy altogether. At that point, it may be worth a trip to the doctor for a legitimate diagnosis.

    Prause assures that if you want to increase your latency to ejaculation, you will be able to do so with treatment. “Most men reporting this difficulty are actually lasting within the ‘normal’ range,” she shares, noting that if you have sex with women, most won’t desire long, rapid pounding intercourse, as it rarely leads to climax.

    “You may develop better skills in oral sex, slower touching, and similar positive sex habits due to having a shorter ejaculation latency that make you a superior lover,” she adds.

    If you are still concerned that you may have issues with finishing too quickly during sex, read below on what might be the cause (and see how it’s best treated).

    What Causes Men to Cum Too Fast?

    “There is some evidence that men with rapid ejaculation are more sensitive in their genitalia and more responsive to visual sexual stimulation,” says Prause. It’s worth noting that while several factors can contribute to rapid ejaculation, you may be surprised to find that most are not physical.

    Psychological problems such as stress and depression can aggravate this condition, and are far more common than a specific physical condition, such as increased sensitivity, inflammation of the prostate or a spinal cord issue. To better understand your problem, your doctor will need to discuss your sexual history with you. Remember that they are medical professionals and have heard all of this stuff before, so be open and honest. The more your doctor knows, the better they can help treat you.

    How to Properly Treat Premature Ejaculation

    Sometimes, premature ejaculation goes away on its own in a couple weeks or months without multiple visits to the doctor’s office. Alleviating stress is the best way to start, so treat yourself to some R&R and see how that goes.

    And the most important thing? Do not blame yourself or feel inadequate in any way, as this can amplify the problem. If it helps, speak openly with your partner about it to otherwise avoid miscommunication. According to Prause, the following three solutions are best for treating premature ejaculation:

    Squeeze Techniques

    If you get the sense that you;re about to ejaculate prematurely, you or your partner can squeeze the shaft of the penis just below the head with the thumb on one side and forefingers on the other. Squeeze for roughly 20 seconds, let go and you should be able to resume with your sexual activity.

    When done effectively for a prolonged period of time, the technique enables you to delay ejaculation with the squeeze. Eventually, as you become more comfortable with your sexual ability and endurance, you’ll eventually learn to delay orgasm successfully without the squeeze. This practice can be repeated as often as necessary, and often requires open communication with your partner.

    Numbing Creams

    Another possible treatment involves prescription medication that helps delay ejaculation. These anesthetic creams and sprays contain a numbing agent, such as benzocaine, lidocaine or prilocaine, which should be applied to the penis 10 to 15 minutes before sex to reduce sensation and subsequently delay ejaculation.

    “Numbing creams actually are helpful with men, but [as] these also get all over your partner, do not use them without your partner’s consent,” advises Prause.

    RELATED: Penis Health Care, De-Mystified

    Although topical anesthetic agents are effective, they have potential side effects to take note of, too. Some men report temporary loss of sensitivity, as well as decreased sexual pleasure. Sometimes through contact with the treated penis, female partners also report these effects.

    Antidepressants

    “The goal with medications is not to stay on them for the rest of your life, so you might plan to try a medication for a shorter (one to three month) period and see if this improves to the point that you might no longer need them,” says Prause. “The anorgsamic effects are very rapid, which is why a month ‘trial’ may be plenty to experiment with the effects of a drug-induced orgasm delay.”

    When this type of medication is given to treat rapid ejaculation, it can help to postpone orgasm for several minutes. Drugs used for this type of treatment include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as fluoxetine and tricyclic antidepressants.

    The biggest thing to remember when experiencing premature ejaculation is that, more often than not, what you’re experiencing is perfectly normal. And if these experiences become more commonplace, there are a number of effective treatments to assist. You just have to figure out what works best for you and your partner in order to put your worries — and your penis — at ease.

    Desensitizing Creams to Help Counter Premature Ejaculation

    Sometimes it pays to be prepared, and having one of these desensitizing creams in your nightstand can make all the difference.

    Doc Johnson Sta-Erect Delay Cream

    Doc Johnson

    Using the numbing agent Benzocaine, at 7.5% strength, even a small application of Doc Johnson’s Sta-Erect Delay Cream will help calm your nerves and make the fun last longer. Per the instructions, you need to apply this cream a full 10 minutes before you use it, so make sure you’re thinking ahead.

    $16.99 at Lovehoney.com

    Adam & Eve Go Long Delay Gel

    Adam & Eve

    Using scientifically proven Benzocaine as a desensitizer, the Go Long Delay Gel from Adam & Eve will prolong your pleasure and help you hold your erection, even with a very small application.

    $12.95 at AdamEve.com

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  • The Latest Climax Technique, Revealed

    The Latest Climax Technique, Revealed

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    The Latest Climax Technique, Revealed

    Sex trends ebb and flow much of the same way that trends in fashion, music and pop culture do. Someone tries out a new thing, whether it’s a different way of wearing a pair of jeans or a new baseline put to lyrics and, before you know it, everyone’s doing it. So, what’s the next trend when it comes to masturbation techniques? These days, some men will tell you that it’s injaculation.

    If you’re not familiar with the term, you’re not alone. Even though there has been little done in the way of research on the topic (and there’s still dispute among some people over whether or not it’s actually possible), the act has apparently gained popularity with certain holistic groups as well as from bloggers who tout the benefits of doing so regularly.

    RELATED: 7 Ways to Enhance the Male Orgasm

    Here’s a look at what it means, the pros and cons, and — if you’re inclined to do so — how to try it on your own.

    1. What is Injaculation?

    As you may have guessed, injaculation is, essentially, the opposite of ejaculation. “Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate physiologic processes even though they both occur at the same time or back to back,” explains Jamin Brahmbhatt, M.D., urologist at Orlando Health.

    “However you can have one and not the other. In urology we call [injaculation] retrograde ejaculation. This is where your ejaculate goes backwards into the bladder and then you eventually urinate it out.”

    According to Dr. Brahmbhatt, certain men are more likely to experience injaculation based on their medical history. “Medically we see this in men as a side effect of prostate medications, surgeries to open up the prostate channel, or men with spinal cord injuries,” he says.

    Sexual psychophysiologist Dr. Nicole Prause says that what’s being dubbed as “injaculation” also goes by another name, and is seen as less than desirable in her line of work — meaning, that lack of ejaculation signifies a problem.

    “Anejaculation, when ejaculate does not emerge, is usually exactly as described as ‘injaculation,’” she explains. “It also may be that ejaculate is not being produced, or other physical problems. Anejaculation and injaculation are not different — it is a lack of expelled fluid at times when it typically is expected, especially during contractions associated with orgasm.”

    As for who’s more likely to be able to perform the act, Dr. Prause says that age is a factor. “Most commonly, anejaculation is due to a weakened bladder neck, such as can occur with advancing age,” she explains.

    RELATED: The Science Behind Erections, Explained

    “Pressure is necessary to expel ejaculation. The bladder neck closes during this time to support that pressure. By putting enough pressure beyond the expulsion pressure, such as by pressing firmly midshaft in the middle of the penis, the bladder neck often can be forced open. This causes ejaculate to go back into the bladder, where it comes out in the urine later. This is so diluted, men are unlikely to notice that ejaculate in their urine.”

    What Real Men Say:

    “I experienced injaculation accidentally a few times before trying to make it happen on purpose,” says David, 26.

    “One time I was getting a blowjob from an ex-girlfriend and I definitely finished, but nothing came out, and the whole thing felt good but different than what I was used to. I Googled a bunch and realized what had happened, and tried to recreate it. It’s kind of a weird process and for me it felt a lot more mental than anything I physically did to make it happen — although I’m in my head a lot, so that might just be me. But I do think that injaculating has made a difference in the way that I experience orgasms normally.”

    2. Is Injaculation Good for You?

    As far as hard facts about whether or not injaculation offers any type of health benefits, the research on this act is virtually non-existent. However, there are plenty of injaculation enthusiasts that claim it leads to a more powerful orgasm — especially followers of holistic practices and beliefs.

    “Men who practice it list many benefits,” explains tantra instructor Helena Nista. “Sperm is full of nourishing minerals and elements that men don’t loose during injaculation, this then leads to higher levels of strength, vitality and wellbeing, more creativity, better clarity of thinking etc.”

    Of course, all of this is self reported. But when practiced often enough, Nista says this can be leveraged for other sexual benefits in the vein of tantric sex. “There is also a much more advanced method, coming from the tantric and taoist traditions, where men can train their bodies to injaculate naturally, using awareness, relaxation and muscle control,” she explains.

    But while each person’s experience may differ, Dr. Brahmbhatt says to keep in mind that it’s all anecdotal. “There are some individuals that feel if you can learn to ‘injaculate’ on your own you can prolong that euphoric feeling that comes with orgasm,” he explains.

    “I don’t think there is any good science behind this theory. There are no known long term benefits or side effects to injaculation. I think it comes down to more a man being able to completely control and focus his mind during orgasm. The more a man is focused the more he may feel ‘good.’ I would be wary of any health claims that are found in blogs.”

    The benefits associated with injaculation also stem from the idea that the sperm that doesn’t get released somehow makes its way into the bloodstream — which Dr. Brahmbhatt says is unlikely. “This is not medically proven and impossible based on my education,” he says.

    Dr. Prause echos this sentiment. “There is nothing magical about this process,” she says. “It does not confer any health benefits. It is not known to be an effective method for birth control or STI reduction. It is just another quirk of the human body. It is not something to strive for nor necessarily avoid, unless you are trying to conceive (in which case you want the maximum amount of ejaculate to reach the vaginal canal).”

    Although injaculation may have one benefit for your partner. “Some women use this as a strategy to avoid swallowing ejaculate following oral sex,” Dr. Prause says.  

    3. How to Injaculate

    Because so much of what’s know about injaculation is either anecdotal — or is caused by a medical complication, aging or other factors often beyond your control, laying out a clear guide to injaculating successfully is a bit of a challenge. But if you’re curious enough to give it a shot, Dr. Prause has a few suggestions for what may work.

    “To see if your bladder’s valve is susceptible, you can press firmly at the very start of ejaculation in the middle of the penis shaft, such as with your thumb,” she explains. “In this way, you can release quickly if you experience any discomfort. This will not be effective in some men, depending on the physical features of their bladder neck.”   

    Dr. Brahmbhatt agrees that explaining a surefire way to injaculate isn’t straightforward — and what information is available online that details how to do so should be taken with a grain of salt. “Some of the claims have not been tested or proven to be effective,” he explains. “If there was a good medical way to educate men I would do it in the office — but there isn’t.”

    Still, where there’s a will there may be a way. “You can try to hold your penis, try to control your mind, but it’s all anecdotal,” he says. “Some say you should press your perineum to find that ‘G’ spot. All the pressure is doing is compressing your urethra and muscles around where your ejaculate comes out. So essentially you are blocking the flow of the ejaculate from forward to backward.”

    What Real Men Say:

    “There are a few diagrams online that helped me injaculate the first time,” says Kevin, 29. “If you haven’t found it yet, play around with your perineum. From my research it’s not in the exact same spot on everyone, but if you feel around long enough between your butt hole and your balls you’ll find it — it’s kind of hard and feels like a small nut. You want to press on it between your fingers hard enough so that you can feel that you’re applying pressure there, but not so hard that it actually hurts (which I learned the hard way the first few times I tried to do this unsuccessfully — and woke up sore the next morning).”

    “That’s the basics as far as the physical part of it goes,” he continues. “If you’ve never meditated before, I think having that experience helps you get there when you’re trying to injaculate. A lot of my mental focus was inward, and the first time I did this successfully I was visualizing a river that was running reversely which I think really helped. I’ve talked to other guys in forums about this especially on the holistic end of it, and they say that having your mind in the right place can make or break whether or not you can do it even if you’re following the physical instructions exactly, so something to keep in mind when you’re trying it. Don’t expect to get it on the first shot, either. It took me a few times but I’ve read stories of guys trying for months before it finally worked.”

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  • Ever Gone Soft in Bed? Here’s Why It Happens

    Ever Gone Soft in Bed? Here’s Why It Happens

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    How to Deal With Losing an Erection During Sex

    For a lot of people, erections are the foundation of sex.

    Especially if you think that sex necessarily involves a penis and a vagina, well, the penis isn’t much use for penetrating the vagina unless it’s erect. Which means, if the person who normally has the erection — or who’s supposed to have the erection — is experiencing erectile difficulties, good sex may seem like it’s completely impossible.

    That’s a major reason that so many men and their partners see erectile dysfunction or erectile disorder as such a frightening issue. It’s why so much money was spent on developing drugs like Viagra and Cialis. It’s part of why adjectives like “soft” or “limp” or “impotent” can feel so insulting to guys.

    But until it actually impacts you — and though ED is not uncommon for men in their 30s, it’s much less common for younger guys than it is for older ones — all this can feel like someone else’s problem. Why should you care about any of that? Younger guys often have the opposite problem — too many erections, rather than too few.

    RELATED: How Erections Work, Explained

    And then, in the heat of the moment, one day, you might suddenly feel the problem becoming much more personal. Why isn’t it getting hard? What’s going on? And, of course, worrying about your erection vanishing on you is exactly the kind of non-sexy thinking that’ll help it go away.

    Whether that moment’s ever happened to you or not, it’s worth understanding what’s happening when an erection vanishes mid-coitus. To help clarify the matter, AskMen spoke to a handful of people, including doctors and sexperts. Here’s what they had to say.

    Why Do Men Lose Erections During Sex?

    Firstly, men aren’t the only ones who lose erections during sex. Trans women and non-binary or genderqueer people who don’t identify as men can too. This article uses “men” in part because cis men make up a higher percentage of the population and thus people search for these terms and phrases more often.

    So what’s happening when someone loses an erection, regardless of gender? In order to understand that, first it’s important to understand how erections function to begin with.

    How Erections Work

    When a penis gets hard, it’s because the heart is pumping blood into the penis’s spongy tissue, called the corpus cavernosum — but it’s not coming back out as quickly.

    “During erection, the blood flow stops because of the veins compressing,” says Gigi Engle, ACS, SKYN sex expert, certified educator, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. “Keeping the blood in the penis makes the penis hard. This is a complex process that comes from signals in the brain sent to the tissues.”

    When the brain receives a signal from something that you find arousing, Engle says, the peripheral nervous system is stimulated. This releases nitric oxide and cyclic guanosine monophosphate, or cGMP, which dilates your blood vessels and relaxes smooth muscles.

    “All of this culminates together to cause erection,” Engle says. “The blood vessels are squashed and the blood doesn’t flow out. (This process is key in how Viagra works — a cGMP inhibitor).”

    As you may have realized by now, while it may feel simple and natural, biologically, it’s a somewhat complex process, which means that, if something goes wrong, it could be a number of different things malfunctioning.

    Physiological Reasons for Erection Loss

    “If a man cannot achieve enough blood flow in the penis to maintain a threshold blood pressure to trap blood in the penis, then the blood that has filled the penis will begin to leak out through the penile veins,” says Judson Brandeis, M.D., urologist and author of The Twenty-First Century Man. “Losing an erection typically occurs because the blood vessels leading to the penis are partially clogged, and the heart cannot push enough blood flow into the penis to maintain the erection.”

    Dr. Vipul Khanpara, MD, board-certified emergency medicine physician and chief medical officer for Rugiet Health, explains that that can be a factor if you suffer from “diabetes, high blood pressure, or prostate disease,” or if you’ve had “surgery, low testosterone levels, or prior COVID infection,” among others.

    “ED is a very common problem that affects >50% of men between the ages of 40 and 70, but it is relatively common in younger males,” he says. “[One study] showed an ED prevalence of 8% among men aged between 20 and 29, and 11% among those aged 30 to 39.”

    Psychological Reasons for Erection Loss

    “The other reason a man might lose an erection is to shift from a parasympathetic to a sympathetic state,” Judson explains. “There is a parasympathetic mode where blood flow is diverted to relaxation activities like digestion, waste production and procreation. The other mode is the sympathetic mode, which is fight or flight, where blood flow is diverted to muscles, the heart, eyes and brain. If a man is anxious about performance or something else in his life that is causing stress, blood flow will be diverted away from the penis.”

    In fact, while the physiological aspects may be more concerning, it’s psychological aspects that are the more likely culprit, according to Dr. Peter Stahl, SVP of Urology at Hims & Hers.

    “The most common etiologies are actually psychological, as the physical causes of ED usually result in difficulty achieving an erection in the first place,” he says. “In fact, inability to sustain an erection is actually the hallmark of psychogenic ED.”

    “Unfortunately, this becomes a difficult-to-control positive feedback loop,” Stahl explains. “Anxiety causes slight erection loss, which causes more anxiety, which in turn causes more erection loss.”

    Chemical Reasons for Erection Loss

    In addition to the physiological and psychological issues, Dr. Koushik Shaw, MD of the Austin Urology Institute notes that alcohol and drugs can play a part in erection issues, too.

    “The excessive use of alcohol or recreational drugs, such as marijuana, can pose an obstacle for achieving an erection,” he explains. When someone “consumes too much alcohol, the depressant properties of the substance make it difficult for their penis to become erect. This is oftentimes referred to as ‘whiskey dick.’”

    “On the other hand,” Shaw explains, “mild to moderate use of alcohol can serve to ease nerves and help with the stress and anxiety associated with the bedroom. Moderation is key.”

    As well, Khanpara notes that side effects from medications you’re taking can also impact your erections. Antidepressants, in particular, are known to affect sexual function and desire, and, ironically, both “elevated blood pressure and the medications that are used to treat it,” according to Dr. Shaw, can cause ED issues.

    Hormonal Reasons for Erection Loss

    Another potential cause of erectile dysfunction may be a hormonal imbalance, Shaw says, for instance due to low testosterone.

    “When a man’s testosterone, which is responsible for sex drive, is lowered,” he explains, “the obvious effect is less sexual desire and poorer performance in the bedroom.”

    “Additionally, the topic of cardiovascular health is extremely important for proper erectile function,” Shaw adds. “Proper diet, sleep and exercise are all important factors for maintaining adequate testosterone levels and cardiovascular health.”

    What to Do If You Lose an Erection

    Feeling an erection slipping away from you can be a terrifying experience — whether it’s with a long-time partner or someone you’re just getting to know. No one wants to feel like a sub-par partner, and especially for straight men, there are very few cultural scripts about how to be good in bed that don’t involve having a massive, rock-hard erection. If you can sense that you’re losing any claim to that, it can be profoundly demoralizing and cause a lot of self-doubt and anxiety.

    In the heat of the moment, Engle suggests using what she calls the “4-7-8 breathing technique.”

    “This is a technique used by therapists to help calm the nervous system,” she says. “Breathe in for four seconds, hold the breath for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds.”

    If something like that doesn’t work, Brandeis suggests you “laugh about it, relax and re-engage.”

    “Criticizing yourself or your partner will only make it worse and more likely to occur again,” he explains. You could, for instance, explain that it’s not your partner’s fault, and offer to try oral sex, or just deep kissing, or non-penetrative techniques for a while, as these may help restore your arousal and thus your erection.

    Still, that’s no guarantee that you’ll get hard again, especially if you can’t stop feeling self-conscious. Because of that, sometimes the best approach, according to Stahl, is to be prepared in advance.

    “Preparation could be use of psychological techniques to limit anxiety, or could be use of ED medications to support erectile function and sexual confidence,” he said. Cock rings, as well, can help mitigate erection loss.

    What to Do If Losing an Erection Happens Regularly

    If the first time feels shocking as well as frustrating and embarrassing, well, successive instances may be more familiar, but are likely to feel even more annoying and may make you even more frustrated and embarrassed.

    And, no surprise, that’s not exactly good for your sex life. Whether you’re single or partnered, as Stahl notes, if you don’t address the issue head-on, you might start to engage in what he calls “a pattern of anticipatory anxiety and avoidance of sexual activity.” In short, you might get so anxious and nervous around this stuff that you won’t be able to enjoy sex at all and might even stop trying to have it completely.

    According to Brandeis, if losing your erection keeps happening and doesn’t appear to be a psychological issue, “it is essential to seek medical attention.”

    That’s because, he says, “erectile dysfunction is an early warning sign of cardiovascular disease.”

    “The flaccid penis sends us a message that we need to improve our lifestyle, including better eating, more exercise, smoking cessation and weight management,” according to Brandeis. “If you do not take this seriously, 5 or 10 years later, you are likely to experience a cardiovascular event. This is why it is important to see a physician rather than order pills from an online pharmacy.”

    If it’s not a medical issue, however, it can be dealt with in a variety of ways, including seeing a sex therapist of some sort, as Engle points out. Still, you might be able to sort things out just between you and a partner, if you’re willing to think outside the box, she says.

    “Performance anxiety usually centers around fears about sexual ability, the hardness of boners, or lasting long enough in bed,” Engle explains. “Masturbating before sexual play with a partner can help you get some of that ‘energy’ out. This may help you last longer and feel more grounded. If you know you’ve already climaxed, the pressure comes off. Plus, orgasms release oxytocin and dopamine, which help to calm anxiety naturally.”

    You can also make this a romantic or sexy couples activity by engaging in mutual masturbation, she says.

    Another option, according to Engle, is working on your Kegels. While you may associate Kegel exercises with women, everyone has Kegel muscles, and strengthening them can have a positive impact on your sex life regardless of your gender.

    “The Kegels are the group of muscles that make up the pelvic floor,” Engle explains. “They surround the genitals and can aid in proper sexual function. A weak pelvic floor can cause erectile difficulties, because the PC muscles put pressure on the penile veins. The pressure prevents blood from leaving the area, making an erection possible. A lax pelvic floor can lead to issues with blood flow.”

    RELATED: Kegel Exercises for Men

    To help work them out, all you have to do is squeeze them, she says: “Try squeezing and lifting up, like you’re stopping the flow of urine (but don’t actually stop your flow of urine while taking a wee) and pulling the muscles up into your belly button. Hold for five to 10 seconds and then release. Repeat this three to five times daily. You can work your way up to holding for 30 seconds, as your muscles get stronger. This regime should be repeated every single day.”

    What If It’s Your Partner?

    If your partner loses their erection during sex, whether just once or twice or a regular occurence, you’re probably not exactly thrilled about it. It could feel like it’s your fault, like it’s a sign that you’re not attractive enough or doing the wrong things in bed; it could feel like it’s casting a pall over your relationship entirely.

    The important thing to remember, according to Engle, is that this is almost certainly more difficult for your partner.

    “Be empathetic,” she advises. “This is not a reflection of you as a sexual partner. Erections are as fickle as any other sexual function. They come and go with the drop of a hat — and context, mood, inner dialogue, anxiety all play a role. Try to be kind and respectful. Shame is not the game.”

    Similarly, you shouldn’t feel ashamed to talk about the issue either. Without criticizing or trying to shame your partner, opening up about how you feel can help break the tension, according to Khanpara.

    RELATED: How to Talk About Your Unsatisfying Sex Life

    “If you are the partner of a person who is experiencing this issue, it is very important that you openly communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner and encourage them to do the same,” he says. “ED is a very common problem affecting many relationships, and open and honest dialogue is key in identifying the problem and finding a solution that works.

    So how do you address the issue together? If your partner’s struggling with erections, regardless of whether it’s a physiological or psychological issue, a good idea to keep sex fun while trying to resolve the issue, Engle says, is, paradoxically, to “let go” of erections.

    “This may sound a bit counterintuitive, but achieving more reliable erections means removing erections for a hot minute,” Engle says. “When we put a ton of pressure on ourselves to maintain erections (or not ejaculate too quickly), we wind up upping our performance anxiety. Taking erections off the table for a week or two is a great way to remove that pressure, and therefore, have better sexual experiences.”

    To make it work, she suggests having “an evening where you explore each other’s bodies, without bringing the penis into it.”

    In essence, consider having non-penetrative sexual acts, or ones where the (typically) penetrating partner takes a break. Engage in oral, in manual stimulation, in sensual massage, in pegging or anilingus, maybe even in mutual masturbation. Anything that takes the pressure off your partner to please you with their erection specifically.

    With the pressure alleviated, the space for that rock-hard erection to come back may open right up, and even if it doesn’t occur, you can have a lot of fun trying out alternative modes of pleasuring each other.

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  • Yes, Blue Balls Can Happen, So Here Are the Best Ways to Beat It

    Yes, Blue Balls Can Happen, So Here Are the Best Ways to Beat It

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    Yes, Blue Balls Are a Thing, So Here Are the Best Ways to Beat It

    You might not know what “blue balls” are (they don’t usually cover them in health class!), but chances are you’ve experienced them. Described as epidydimal hypertension in medical terminology, they’re that unfamiliar pain you get in your testicles when you’re extremely aroused for a prolonged period of time, but unable to achieve the relief of orgasm.

    RELATED: Keeping Your Balls Dry

    Masturbation or sex might be your immediate thought as an obvious cure, but is there anything else you can do in order to achieve some relief? Also, what’s actually going on down there when blue balls occur? Do they ever really turn blue? Do women ever experience the equivalent?

    To answer all of these questions and more, we spoke with Eric M. Garrison, clinical sexologist, best-selling author and professor of masculinity studies at William & Mary. Read on for what he had to say about everything you need to know about blue balls, including answers to frequently asked questions.

    1. What Is Blue Balls?

    When men are sexually aroused, their organs start to swell with blood necessary for penile erection. That blood is not released until either after a short period of time, or very close to orgasm. When you become aroused sans release, you’re stuck with too much blood in your male member — that’s where the ‘blue’ part of this situation comes into play.

    “If there’s too much oxygenated blood in the penis, this will make the testicles look blue,” says Garrison. “Which is how the phenomenon gets its name.”

    2. What Causes Blue Balls?

    You got all hot and bothered but stopped short for whatever reason, and never actually finished the job. As Garrison explains, the occurrence of blue balls is all a matter of blood flow.

    “Blue balls, or ‘involuntary testicular vasocongestion,’ happens when the male sex organs aren’t able to release the blood that swells during the arousal process,” he explains.

    3. Blue Ball Symptoms

    The more easily you’re aroused, the more likely you’ll suffer the wrath of blue balls. This is especially true for anyone young enough (or vigorous enough) to receive frequent, random erections.

    “Young teenage men might have it worse,” says Garrison, “because young men are more easily stimulated. For a teenager experiencing those constant erections, plus probably a lot of outercourse and heavy petting, there may not be that release. Plus, they may not be familiar with the process, or know that masturbation can get rid of it.”

    4. Can Girls Get Blue Balls?

    The short answer? They sure can. When women become aroused, blood rushes to the clitoris in the same way it does for men when they get an erection. “Women get erections,” explains Garrison, “but we only see a small portion, since the clitoral legs go back and down into the female anatomy.”

    “Blue lips” mimics the same feeling men get when things get stopped short, and though it’s common, it’s less recognized.

    “I’ve never heard a single person describe it as blue lips, but it can be described as that,” says Garrison. “I hear more cases of that vasocongestion in the labia than I do the scrotum.” 

    5. How to Get Rid of Blue Balls

    Of course, the obvious, quickest fix is to rub one out (or become unaroused).

    “If a person is experiencing that vasocongestion, the only thing that will alleviate it is if they walk away from feeling aroused,” says Garrison. “Eventually everything goes back to normal. Or if if that’s not the case, they can have an orgasm, which will allow everything to pack up and go home.”

    But if getting yourself off isn’t in the cards, and you’re impatient about this whole “waiting to become unaroused” thing, there’s something that may bring you relief faster.

    According to Garrison, anything that’ll immediately take you out of the fantasy or situation that’s turning you on will help get rid of blue balls faster.

    “If you were right in the middle of sex and you heard someone behind you start a chainsaw, or if lightning struck, any of those things would cause an immediate drop in sex drive,” he states. “Any immediate response like that will cause vasocongestion to go away faster.”

    6. How to Talk to Your Partner About Blue Balls

    If the person you’re with is constantly giving you blue balls, you should probably talk to them about it. However, you don’t want to bring it up in a way that makes it seem like you’re pressuring them to do something that they’re not comfortable with yet. How can you approach the subject, you ask?

    According to dating and relationship expert James Anderson, the way you frame it is important.

    “When you are talking to a woman about blue balls, you have to realize that many of them will not understand what it is, what causes it or what it feels like,” he says. “Broach the subject by saying that you know that both of you want your sex life to be as amazing as possible and that honest communication is critical for that. Just as you would want her to talk to you about anything causing discomfort in your sex life you want her to be aware of what blue balls is so you can prevent it together. You are not accusing her of anything here.”

    Just make sure you’re not coming off as a complainer.

    “A confident guy doesn’t need to whine or complain when it comes to blue balls,” adds Anderson. “Your best bet is to lay out the facts and approach it as an opportunity for the two of your to prevent this from happening in the future together. If you whine or complain at this point she is much more likely to think you are just using this as an excuse for more sex.” 

    Truth be told, blue balls has a stigma that comes with it that you’re going to be up against if brought up. To combat this, certified counselor and relationship expert David Bennett suggests taking your partner what it feels like for you.

    “Many women simply don’t understand that blue balls is an issue that many men experience when they are highly aroused, which causes intense testicular pain and pressure,” he says. “It’s not simply a way of saying a man is sexually frustrated or desires sex, nor is it some sort of thing guys make up just to get sex. A guy should explain the pain that he feels at the moment and how it’s treated via sexual release/ejaculation. However, he needs to explain it in a way that doesn’t imply a woman should feel pressured into having sex with him simply because he has blue balls. A woman shouldn’t feel pressured into doing something against her values over this.”

    And if the two of you aren’t there yet in terms of going all the way, sex expert Louisa Knight suggests exploring other ways of getting off together that you’re more comfortable with in order to prevent blue balls.

    “Reframe your understanding of sex to include a variety of sexual activities, including mutual masturbation,” she says. “This generally means that masturbation can be both a solitary and partnered activity, and a good way to connect sexually without full sex.”

    If you’re not on the same page sexually, Knight suggests addressing that as well in order to avoid blue balls.

    “Talk to your partner about why your sex drives are currently out of line, and be sensitive to that,” she says. “Consider the times of day when you and partner typically have sex – are you defaulting to sex just before bed when you’re both tired? Trying to find alternative times to have sex might more mutually rewarding and help you both feel more satisfied. Don’t pressure a partner for sex even when you’re horny, as nothing kills ardor faster than a sense of pressure and expectation.”

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  • Can This Wipe Stop You From Finishing Early During Sex?

    Can This Wipe Stop You From Finishing Early During Sex?

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    Can This Discreet Product Stop You From Finishing Early During Sex?

    Regardless of how old you are or how many times you’ve had sex, you’ve probably experienced premature ejaculation at some point — the name for the phenomenon when you climax earlier than you wanted to. 

    Not only can it be an embarrassing feeling, but it’s one many guys are desperate to eliminate from their sex lives. There are all kinds of home-grown methods for delaying ejaculation — switching positions often, spending more time manually or orally pleasuring your partner, thinking about un-sexy things or masturbating to climax right before sex, to take advantage of your refractory period. 

    Roman Swipes

    But if you’re looking for a tried-and-true scientific solution, well, there’s a product on the market that might be able to help make your premature ejaculation issues a thing of the past. Gents, say hello to Roman Swipes. 

    What Are Roman Swipes?

    Roman Swipes are single-use wipes that are just about the size of your average condom. Each one contains a small amount of benzocaine (an anaesthetic commonly used in topical pain-relief products), which allows you to last longer without completely numbing your penis. Basically, you still feel everything, according to the company. 

    “Swipes are also the only over-the-counter product for PE that has a clinical study connected to it,” George Koveos, Roman’s general manager, told AskMen. “You have much more control over where you place the numbing agent and how much of it you use to avoid overexposure and over-numbing. [The] swipes are portable, so you can take them anywhere without an awkward shape in your pocket or wallet.”

    RELATED: Not Lasting Long Enough in Bed? Time to Change That, Pronto

    How Are You Supposed to Use Roman Swipes?

    Roman Swipes condomsRoman Swipes

    The product’s portability and small size also allow for discreet usage.

    While being open about the situation with a long-term partner is probably the smarter move, you might not want to get into a big conversation about your P.E. issues with a casual hookup right before things get steamy. Just tell the other person you need a second in the bathroom, open the packaging, use the Roman Swipe around your penis (covering all of it), and let it dry for about five minutes. 

    Once the benzocaine in the product’s solution starts to take effect, you’ll be able to get it on without fearing that you’ll climax as soon as things start to get hot and heavy. 

    Do Roman Swipes Actually Work Well?

    In a world full of shady products trying to grab men’s attention to help them with issues relating to their penis, from size and shape to look and their capacity to get (and keep) an erection, it’s easy to be skeptical of a company making such bold claims. 

    But according to statistics Roman Swipes presented to the crowd at the 2017 American Urological Association Annual Meeting, using the product regularly for just two months can deliver up to a 340 percent increase in how long you last in bed.

    To put that in context, if you used to last a minute and a half, a 340 percent increase on that would be 6 minutes and 36 seconds, putting you right around the shift from “adequate” to “desirable,” according to a 2008 sex therapists study.

    How Do Roman Swipes Work on the Body?

    While the concept of a wipe that fixes your premature ejaculation issues in five minutes or so might seem magical, Roman Swipes are actually a simple, science-based success story. Using an anaesthetic like benzocaine to impact skin sensation is something that topical creams have been doing for a long time. As premature ejaculation is a case of too much pleasure rather than too much pain or itchiness, it makes perfect sense to try that same numbing impact on the penis. 

    Roman Swipes is a version that fits in your wallet, conceived and tested specifically for sexual usage to help you delay your climax. 

    “We wanted to bring a non-prescription option to the market to help our members last longer that captured the Roman essence: discreet and easy to use, but backed by clinical research,” said Koveos. “Swipes are the size of a condom and are applied to the sensitive parts of the penis just before sex. All the other existing over-the-counter options for P.E. are messy sprays or sketchy supplements, nothing you can just throw in your wallet.”

    Are Roman Swipes Safe to Use?

    For those already thinking of using Roman Swipes daily, there isn’t “any risk to everyday use,” explains Koveos. The company’s research determined that “this product is safe to use and doesn’t transfer to partners if used continuously,” he added.

    However, “Men’s Health” sex and relationships advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. suggests that you should use Roman Swipes in conjunction with a condom, even if you know both of you are STI-free, in order to make sure the benzocaine in the product is only impacting your sensation, not your partner’s as well. 

    RELATED: How to Choose the Best Condoms for You

    Are Roman Swipes a Cure for Premature Ejaculation?

    While the product can definitely have a positive impact on how long you last, that doesn’t make it a cure-all. 

    If your premature ejaculation is so severe that you find yourself ejaculating within seconds of engaging in penetrative sex every time, using Roman Swipes alone might not be enough to make you a sex master who engages in marathon sessions — and you shouldn’t try to pull it off by simply using more than one wipe at at time.

    Instead, Koveos notes you should add in other techniques, “whether through edging, the squeeze technique or other behavioral modification techniques.”

    RELATED: Here’s What You Should Know About the Edging Technique

    “While Swipes are used primarily for men with P.E., we’re helping men and couples looking to stay in the moment longer, whether for a special occasion or just to improve intimacy with their partner,” said Koveos. “If you and your partner are satisfied with your sex life, Swipes aren’t for you — but for many couples, Swipes can help improve their sex lives.”

    With luck, a combination of Roman Swipe use and different techniques like edging and thinking about other, non-sexual things will enable you boost how long you last over time.  

    Where Can You Buy Roman Swipes?

    You can get Roman Swipes delivered to your home by subscribing at the product’s official website, GetRoman.com. 

    Interview conducted by former AskMen contributor Joel Balsam.

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  • Prolong Your Pleasure With MYHIXEL’s CBT Method

    Prolong Your Pleasure With MYHIXEL’s CBT Method

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    This article is sponsored by MYHIXEL

    A Cognitive Behavioral Approach to Give Men Climax Control

    The AskMen editorial team thoroughly researches & reviews the best gear, services and staples for life. AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service.

    Millions of men worldwide suffer from premature ejaculation, and for the most part, they suffer in silence. It’s an understandably embarrassing problem, since nobody wants to disappoint a sexual partner, but some men are so consumed with the problem that they can’t envision a solution. They often stop seeking sexual intimacy entirely, preferring to remain celibate than risk being found out. There are treatments available, but shame and stigma often prevent men from asking for help or speaking with a doctor. And for men already in committed relationships, premature ejaculation can ruin intimacy and make every romantic expression fraught with tension and insecurity.

    That’s where MYHIXEL comes in: their innovative solutions help men address their problems and learn to control their climax in the privacy of their own homes. In their own studies, more than 8,000 men have successfully treated their premature ejaculation, with some experiencing a seven-fold increase in the duration of their sexual activity.

    What’s the secret to their success? They’ve developed a comprehensive methodology for tackling all the causes of premature ejaculation, as well as a treatment plan that’s fun and engaging.

    The MYHIXEL Solution for Ejaculatory Control

    MYHIXEL

    There are two main causes of premature ejaculation: one is psychological and the other is physical. In practice, most men’s problems are caused by a mixture of both, which is why MYHIXEL has two methods for ejaculatory control.

    The first involves an app purpose-built to help you develop greater ejaculatory control. It works in tandem with MYHIXEL’s unique pleasure device to simulate penetrative sex. Here’s what you need to know:

    MYHIXEL Play App

    The magic happens thanks to the ingenious coding of the MYHIXEL Play app, designed to teach you to control your orgasm through gamification. The app presents you with a series of exercises and challenges you need to complete to help you build up your stamina and eliminate your sensitivity.

    Once you’ve bought a solution, you’ll be provided with a personalized code. Download the MYHIXEL Play app on your phone or tablet (don’t worry – no one casually browsing your device will know what it’s for, and you can password protect it for added security) and enter that code, and you’ll be able to start the appropriate program. The conceit is simple: you’re traveling through space, and to progress, you need to hit certain masturbation milestones.

    From the outset, you’ll be able to choose one of two solutions (available in English, Spanish, French and German), depending on your needs:

    • MYHIXEL MED: The MYHIXEL MED course is specifically designed for men who suffer from premature ejaculation (defined as regularly ejaculating in under three minutes during penetrative sex). Load the app up and use it in conjunction with the MYHIXEL I to challenge yourself to last through various pleasure-inducing scenarios.
    • MYHIXEL TR: If you don’t particularly struggle with premature ejaculation but do want to gain enhanced control over your orgasm, the MYHIXEL TR program is for you. It’s designed to teach you greater control of your finer motor skills and develop your sexual capacity, so that you only finish when you want to. Think of it like an advanced course designed to make you a better lover and improve your sexual wellness.

    Important note: you’re meant to abstain from masturbation while using the MYHIXEL method, and to avoid having sex until you’ve at least completed the first level of the program.

    Perhaps best of all, MYHIXEL also connects you to a team of medical professionals who can help you discreetly discuss your problems and concerns, or offer advice to you as you move through the program. This is an especially great feature for men too shy to go to the trouble of booking a doctor’s appointment, as it makes the whole process easy, pain-free and private. If you select the MYHIXEL MED method, you’ll receive one free consultation with a trained sexologist

    MYHIXEL I Pleasure Device

    The MYHIXEL I is a pleasure device made from premium silicon and ABS (Acrylonitrile Butadiene Styrene) plastic. It’s designed to comfortably fit the male organ in an interior space that mimics the warmth, texture and feel of real penetration. There’s even a heating and vibrating function to complete the experience.

    The MYHIXEL I is charged via USB (attached magnetically to the bottom of the unit), and the device is easy to clean after use: just remove the sleeve, being careful not to snap the wire attached to the vibrating mechanism, and turn it inside out while running it through lukewarm water.

    Pricing

    MYHIXEL

    The MYHIXEL MED will set you back $299, but you’re getting a lot of value for your money: the MYHIXEL I pleasure device, with vibrating and heating functionality; access to the MYHIXEL Play app and the MED program to help increase your sexual stamina; and a free consultation with one of MYHIXEL’s resident sexologists. Note that the online consultation is only included with the MED and not the $239 MYHIXEL TR.

    Final Thoughts

    When it comes to helping men with premature ejaculation, there’s very little MYHIXEL hasn’t thought of. First, they offer a private and discreet service that anyone can sign up to without shame. Next, their clever, science-based approach to the problem addresses both the physical and psychological underpinnings of premature ejaculation. The MYHIXEL I pleasure device is extremely well made and comfortable to use, while their MYHIXEL Play app deserves an award for its intuitive interface, secure design, and sophisticated and scalable approach to helping men control their orgasm. Finally, the included virtual consultation with a sexologist (for those who opted for the MYHIXEL MED option) can help you address any of your personal concerns in a way that’s private and stress-free.

    You don’t need to have an issue orgasming too soon to use MYHIXEL, either. Any man looking to gain greater control over his climax and improve his bedroom performance could stand to benefit from the MYHIXEL approach.

    MYHIXEL MED: $299 at MYHIXEL.com

    MYHIXEL TR: $239 at MYHIXEL.com

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  • From Length and Girth to Average Size, Let’s Talk Penises

    From Length and Girth to Average Size, Let’s Talk Penises

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    AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. To find out more, please read our complete
    terms of use.

    Do you know how long your penis really is? If you have those numbers, how does it compare with the average penis size?

    Those two questions are ones that many men spend much of their time obsessing over, but the truth is, if you’re worried about the size of your penis, you might be overestimating how much it really matters.

    RELATED: Why You Should Stop Worrying About Your Penis Size

    While there are a lot of cultural associations between having a big penis and being manly, that’s all they are: — cultural associations. That being said, you didn’t start reading this just to be told that measuring your penis is dumb, and we should all just get along and love each other. You came here for cold, hard facts about the length of your phallus, and everyone else’s, too.

    1-Inch Penis
    2-Inch Penis
    3-Inch Penis
    4-Inch Penis
    5-Inch Penis
    6-Inch Penis
    7-Inch Penis
    8-Inch Penis (and Bigger)
    Product Recommendations for Your Penis

    How Long Is the Average Penis?

    It’s a question that’s harder to answer than you might realize.

    First, penis size changes as you age, and both flaccid and erect penises often have little in common, size-wise. Measuring a significant number of penises in a controlled environment is tricky, too, and getting guys to self-report might lead to skewed results.

    It’s also worth mentioning that the average size shifts from one part of the world to another, leaving you with a bit of a moving target.

    RELATED: Penis Health Care

    Still, the fact that it’s difficult to nail down a concrete average doesn’t make men any less obsessed. And while many experts on the subject can’t agree on a single number, they’re still close enough to give you a good idea.

    “Across studies, researchers have found that the average erect penis is about 5.16 inches long and 4.5 inches wide,” says sexologist Shamyra Howard, noting that “90 percent of penises are considered ‘average’ size, measuring between 4-6 inches long.”

    How to Measure Your Penis

    It might seem obvious, but trust us, a lot of mistakes are made in the simple act of measurement.

    How to Measure Penis Length

    Take a ruler or tape measure and, beginning at the base of the penis, where the shaft meets your lower stomach, measure to the tip.

    These measurements are traditionally taken along the top of the penis. Basically, it’s from where your penis meets your pubic mound up to the tip of the glans, or penis head. If you measure along the bottom, you’ll get a totally different number.

    If you want to get really precise, you can take two measurements: one of your flaccid penis, and another of your erect penis.

    How to Measure Penis Girth

    Things get a little trickier when it comes to measuring girth, especially if you don’t have a flexible measuring tape on hand. Rulers and inflexible measuring tape don’t bend, and you need the flexibility of, for example, a rope or string to take an accurate measurement of your girth. If you only have a ruler on hand, though, don’t worry: you can simply take a small string (like your shoelace) and use that to measure your girth, preferably midway up your shaft. Once you know how much string is required to encircle your penis, simply transpose that string onto your ruler and you’ll get a measurement.

    When Does the Penis Stop Growing?

    Believe it or not, your penis likely won’t achieve its full size until you’re between the ages of 18 and 21, so if you’re a young man reading this, you very likely have a few more years of growth ahead of you.

    Now, knowing the average is all well and good, but unless your penis is 5.16 inches exactly, you might be in the dark about how yours fits into the bigger picture when it comes to penis length.

    To help you get a better idea, we’ve broken it down by various penis lengths, from 1 inch in length to 8 and over, discussing things like how common that length is, how it compares to the average, what you should know about your penis, how potential partners might react and which sex positions are best for you.

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  • The Right Way to Open Up About Your Inadequacies in Bed

    The Right Way to Open Up About Your Inadequacies in Bed

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    Feeling “Less Than” When It Comes to Bedroom Performance? Let’s Chat

    Despite the fact that sex should be a fun activity that people partake in together, it can feel, for many guys, like an uphill battle where they have to put on a mask (metaphorically speaking) to live up to unrealistic or imagined ideals.

    They might feel like their bodies aren’t sexy enough, their penises aren’t big enough, they can’t last long enough, get hard enough, aren’t experienced enough, and so on. Some guys worry about some of these, while others think of these things at the same time.

    RELATED: Premature Ejaculation Myths, Debunked

    Unsurprisingly, grappling with these fears internally typically doesn’t produce the best results when it comes to enjoying yourself or pleasing your partner. The best way to approach the situation, more often than not, is to simply open up about what you’re struggling with. But that can be daunting for men raised in a culture where admitting weakness is seen as something to avoid altogether.

    In order to get a handle on how to navigate conversations about perceived sexual inadequecies, AskMen spoke to a handful of sex experts about different things guys worry about in bed, why they can be so stressful, and what to do if your partner is unkind about something you’re sensitive about. Here’s what they had to say:

    Common Sexual Inadequacies Men Experience

    When men are worrying that they don’t measure up, there’s no limit as to how many ways they can arrive at that conclusion. But there are a handful of more common ones that guys tend to settle on.

    “As a sex advice columnist, I can safely say the biggest fear men have is not being big enough (i.e., penis size),” says Zachary Zane, brand ambassador for Promescent.

    To this list, Kenneth Play, sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, would add premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED), noting that people see their inadequecies as “an innate issue that is set in stone.” That’s hardly the case, though, according to Daniel Saynt, founder of the New Society for Wellness (NSFW), who suggests the issue is more of a psychological one for most men.

    “So many of the shortcomings that men deal with privately can be attributed to low self-esteem due to size of penis or body dysmorphia, depression, stress, anxiety, the pressure to perform or to have sex when they don’t want to,” he says. “Men are expected to lead. They are expected to know how to please [their partners.] They are expected to always come or be rock hard. They’re expected to always want sex and to know what we’re doing without any education outside of porn. They are expected to have a certain body type.”

    The list goes on. And to no real surprise, worrying about these kinds of things while in the act isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac.

    The Feedback Loop of Worrying About Your Sexual Inadequacies

    “The body and mind are deeply interconnected,” says Patricia López Trabajo, CEO and founder of MYHIXEL. “Many times, when we suffer any kind of psychological ailment — like stress and anxiety — it can also influence us physically. Suffering any kind of anxiety can bring about a cycle of health side effects (lack of sleep, weakened immune system, more stress, etc.) which,” she notes, can further exacerbate dysfunctions like premature ejaculation.

    And if you didn’t already know, “anxiety is a known libido killer,” notes Saynt.

    There’s a neurological phenomenon at work here that’s based on how the brain handles stress. In brief, there are two ‘modes’ your brain can operate in — the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The former is for survival mode: escaping from predators, fighting off enemies, etc. The latter is for relaxing and enjoying yourself.

    RELATED: How Your Nervous System Impacts Your Erection, Explained

    What’s noteworthy here is that it’s essentially impossible to remain sexually aroused when you’re in sympathetic nervous system mode. This makes sense, as when you’re running away from danger, you want all of your blood to be used by your legs and arms, not your genitals.

    But when your brain perceives a threat — even a psychological one, such as the fear that you’re not performing well in bed — it can activate the sympathetic nervous system, which undercuts your ability to both become aroused and achieve erection. In short, even the fear that you’re not a great lover can cause you to become worse of one.

    “Continued failure to perform can lead to men completely cutting themselves off from sex,” says Saynt. [Or] it may prevent them from experiencing sex in an explorative way, remaining rigid or feeling a need to always present a demenear of control or hyper-masculinity. This type of behavior is less communicative, and there’s a loneliness that comes with being unable to speak freely about sexual hang-ups.”

    Rather than thinking about how to please a partner, men believe the only way to please their partner is to live up to this masculine ideal, and when they fall short, they feel despondent. But there’s a solution to all this that’s not just pills, creams, penis pumps and the like: communication.

    How to Talk About Your Perceived Sexual Inadequacies

    Talking about something you’re struggling with is often a daunting prospect, and if you’ve been socialized as a man to never open up about your weaknesses, it can seem unthinkable to do so.

    That said, the vulnerability that comes with opening up in this way can be very sexy, and talking honestly about your perceived inadequecies in bed can make sex a space of communication and intimacy, rather than one where you’re hiding behind a facade and pretending to measure up.

    “Unspoken insecurity causes a lot of unintended harm for everyone,” says Play. “If you feel like you’re taking too long [to orgasm], for instance, and you don’t share [that feeling with your partner], it can kill the vibe and lower your arousal.”

    Another important reason to talk about your perceived inadequacies? Often, you’re the only one perceiving them.

    “The key to this question is perceived inadequacies, noting that these inadequacies aren’t actual inadequacies for your partner,” says Zane. For all the men worrying about their penis size, often, he notes, a great many are “completely average — even above average.” They’re perceiving a physical issue, but the real problem is one of perception and self-esteem.

    Even when it comes to PE and ED, the issue might be one that bothers you more than your partner. PE can be addressed with creams, with practice, and by simply changing your relationship to penetrative sex and focusing more on pleasuring your partner. Meanwhile, there are ways to cope with ED, like pills and cock rings, but if the issue is mental, finding ways to be more relaxed and triggering your parasympathetic nervous system instead of your sympathetic one could be all you need.

    But opening up about your struggle doesn’t need to be some grand production, necessarily, whether you know your partner well or not.

    “If you tend not to get erect or ejaculate prematurely, it’s worth saying something to your partner before you have sex,” says Zane. “Otherwise, your partner may think it has something to do with them. Odds are, they are nervous too! Sex can be nerve-wracking when you haven’t done it a while or are doing it with someone new. We’re all human here!”

    RELATED: Why Penis Size Doesn’t Matter at All

    In a more long-term relationship, issues that persist are worth addressing in a more serious way. One way to do that, Saynt says, is to schedule a chat about it.

    “If you want to be more honest about these issues, it’s important to set up times you can openly talk with your partner about sex and the things you may be feeling,” he explains.

    López Trabajo agrees that it’s better not to approach the issue in the heat of the moment.

    “In order to talk about it, it’s important to be in a calm and stable state when addressing the person you are talking to,” she says. “Do some research on your own, aim to get to a place where you feel comfortable with how you’re coping yourself, and aim not to transfer any stress, anxiety or blame to your partner.”

    She suggests trying to explore your own feelings about the issue, ways it’s impacted your sex life together, if at all, what impacts it might be currently having, and how the two of you might work to resolve it together.

    “Let it come naturally based on how you personally feel and what you’ve learned,” she suggests, adding that giving your partner encouragement about things they’re doing or have done that have been helpful can be a great conversational move. This is particularly true if you’re concerned at all that your partner might see the issue as being their fault.

    RELATED: How to Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety

    “Working through these issues does require you to have an understanding or patient partner, which isn’t always the case for men,” says Saynt. “Fear of losing a partner can run high for men who already experience anxiety due to sexual inadequacies, but talking freely and being able to communicate these issues with a partner is key to a relationship where sex is prioritized. Getting over your own mental blocks will be key in feeling comfortable to share what you’re feeling about your penis, your body or your ability to please a partner.”

    Examples of How to Discuss Your Perceived Sexual Inadequacies

    So how do you actually handle that kind of conversation?

    As Play notes, it’s a good idea to acknowledge that it’s something you have trouble expressing.

    “Open it up by saying that it is difficult to share,” he suggests. “Say that ideally, you’re not looking for a pity party or fake reassurance, but you just want to express the thought so it isn’t just only in your own head, and your partner can know you better. Then try to communicate whatever the issue is.”

    Saynt suggests phrasing it something like this:

    • “‘I want to talk to you about something I’m dealing with.’”

    “With this sentence, you’re saying it’s something you personally are dealing with, which will prevent your partner from thinking it’s something wrong with them.”

    Zane suggests copping to your nervousness, saying something like,

    • “‘Hey, sometimes, I can’t get hard when I first have sex with someone. It’s just because I’m a little nervous.’”

    If you’d prefer to be more frank rather than cute, López Trabajo suggests saying something like,

    • “‘This is difficult for me to discuss, but I really trust you and believe you’ll understand. I’m sure that having your support would help me to overcome this…’”

    “It’s OK to ask for support,” says Saynt. “Sometimes just speaking about it openly might help, so don’t keep it in. Let it out.”

    How to Respond If Your Partner Belittles You

    Most people are kind and courteous enough not to belittle someone who’s struggling, but not everyone.

    If your sexual partner is unkind (or simply a bit callous) about some aspect of your sexual interactions, whether it’s your spouse or a one-night stand, it can be useful to remember that they’re not just reacting to you.

    “Men being open about their feelings or their shortcomings is often met with negative reactions,” says Saynt. “Accept that this reaction isn’t necessarily the way your partner views you, but instead due to decades of social programming which has made it nearly impossible for men to seem weak without being punished for it.”

    If this is someone you care about and you’re willing to talk through the situation, there’s the potential for real learning to take place, according to López Trabajo.

    “It’s certainly not your responsibility to educate or take time for someone who is not respecting your body or your personal health,” she says. “That said, if you feel comfortable and stable enough to remain patient in a situation like this, it’s […] worth staying calm and politely explaining the facts.”

    As López Trabajo points out, sexual dysfunctions like PE “affect a very high percentage of people, [are often] related to psychological factors, [and] could happen to anyone.”

    “If you feel comfortable sharing how their mocking makes you feel, that’s another way to gently explain that what they might find funny is, in fact, hurting you,” she adds. “Sticking to the facts and using ‘I feel’ statements are generally good guidelines to help someone see your point of view.”

    However, if they’re not receptive to the reality that lots of guys struggle with issues like these in bed, and that an unkind emotional climate certainly isn’t going to help produce better sex, it’s OK to draw a boundary.

    “If it’s not a kink that the person desires to be made fun of, it’s absolutely not OK or healthy to communicate in this way,” says Play. If your partner continues to be cruel, he suggests you consider ending the relationship: “This is super destructive to your self-esteem and self-respect, and is either borderline emotional abuse or is abuse.”

    Life is short, and if someone really has that little respect for you, or anyone they consider not up to snuff, they’re not worth your time either. The world is full of people who can talk about sex like adults, who can recognize that human bodies don’t always look or act the way we hope, and that doesn’t mean a person’s unworthy of respect or damn fun times in bed.

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  • 4 Key Tips to Ensure You Stay STI-Free

    4 Key Tips to Ensure You Stay STI-Free

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    4 Key Tips That’ll Help to Keep You STD-Free

    Sexually transmitted infections are a unique kind of infection — at least, in terms of how we think of them.

    STIs (often referred to as sexually transmitted diseases or STDs), despite not being fundamentally different than catching a cold from shaking someone’s hand, get a very bad rap. People stigmatize both the diseases and the people who catch, carry and spread them, and often associate them with forms of sex that they disapprove of — like promiscuity, sex work, or queer sex — rather than the much more banal reality.

    The truth is, many infections are transmitted in very prosaic circumstances, between people not doing anything particularly out of the ordinary. Disease transmission doesn’t only occur between people at the margins of society, and being young and otherwise healthy won’t protect you from contracting a sexually transmitted infection if you’re not being smart about your safer sex practices.

    RELATED: Choosing the Best Condom for You

    So what’s the best way to stay informed about STDs, STIs, and everything in between? Here are four tips to keep in mind:

    What to Know About STDs (and How to Avoid Catching Them)

    1. Things to Know About Condom Use in Preventing STIs

    Condoms being highly effective against preventing STI transmission is not just an urban legend. Besides abstinence, using a single, properly applied condom for the entire duration of each session of intercourse is the best bet you have when it comes to not catching an infection. But there are lots of things guys still don’t know about condoms.

    For starters, not all condoms are created equal. If you’ve been avoiding them due to a few underwhelming experiences, well, it might be time to re-think that strategy.

    “If your condom doesn’t feel good on you, it’s not that condoms are awful,” says Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackandJillAdult.com. Instead, she says, you might just not have found the right condom for you yet. “Condoms come in such a wide variety that you can look for ultra-thin, condoms that add sensation, condoms with texture, and dozens of other styles to find something that feels good,” she adds. “Not liking the feeling of a condom is no longer a good excuse. There are literally too many options out there.”

    Of course, beyond just size, thinness and other aesthetic factors, there’s also the question of material — which can be an incredibly important one.

    “Not all condom materials are compatible with every partner’s body,” says sex educator Janell Ariela, B.A. “It is very common when folks experience irritations, rashes or some type of reaction due to condoms. Certain condoms may also have lubricant that can cause an allergic reaction. It is best to check in with partners to see which condoms or condom materials best mesh well with their body.”

    2. Things to Know About Preventing STIs in Other Ways

    Of course, STI prevention doesn’t begin and end with putting a condom on during penetrative sex.

    “If you are sexually active, there will always be risks,” says Ariela. “That is why sex educators call it ‘safer sex’ rather than ‘safe sex’ because there is no ‘safe’ sex. We can only try to reduce risks so we can make it safer for you.”

    According to Ariela, one of the most important points when it comes to being safe has nothing to do with what you actually do in bed. In reality, what you do at the doctor’s office matters most.

    “Unless you decide to become abstinent, transparency is key,” she says. “Getting tested and being honest with your status can impact STI transmission.”

    Getting checked regularly and being able to tell your partner that you’re infection-free — or that you are carrying something — can be a huge factor in the safer sex practices the two of you undertake, and as a result, in potential transmission.

    Of course, apart from condoms, there’s also pre-exposure prophylaxis, or PrEP: a medication you can take daily that can help protect you from contracting HIV. It’s important to note that even if you’re prescribed to something like PrEP, you’re not immune from contracting various other STIs.

    RELATED: Here’s What It’s Like to Realize You Have an STI

    “Pre-exposure prophylaxis doesn’t protect you from other STIs,” notes Ariela. “It’s important to inspect the side-effects of PrEP and other drug-based approaches and to be honest with your doctor or nurse to figure out if they will work well with your body.”

    As well, because it’s a relatively new drug, you might not be able to get your hands on it easily. “There are medical institutions that aren’t educated on PrEP and won’t authorize it to you because they lack that education,” she adds, which is why it’s best to keep yourself educated on all preventative options out there.

    3. High-Risk Behaviors You Should Stay Away From

    Far from the image of a seedy brothel as the site of most sexually transmitted infections, often people catch STIs simply because the person they’re with seems like someone who doesn’t have any.

    “Many times we trust a person based on their appearance, how long we have known them and many other reasons,” says Ariela. “This […] thinking usually associates [an image of trustworthiness] with being free of STIs, which leads to not using condoms.”

    Another high-risk behavior when it comes to STIs, according to Ariela, is alcohol or recreational drugs. “Substance abuse can hinder your ability to make sensible decisions, which usually makes you more ready to take part in risky behaviors” she says. Lords, meanwhile, says that pressuring your partner into agreeing to unprotected sex isn’t just a jerk move — it’s also a great way for STI transmission to occur.

    “Teasing your partner’s body with ‘just the tip’ isn’t cool,” she explains. “If they’ve asked you to wear a condom, and you’re making them wait or doing the ‘baby, baby, it’s OK, it’s just the tip,’ then you’re violating consent, and potentially putting both of you at risk. Full penetration isn’t the only way that STIs can be passed from one partner to the other.”

    Another important factor is your approach to oral sex. Think you’re off the hook from contracting STIs by sticking to oral? Well, think again.

    “Some men do not link oral sex with STIs,” notes Ariela. “There is this mindset that if they receive oral sex and not have intercourse, they will be fine.”

    Mackenzie Riel of TooTimid.com agrees that unprotected sex can be an avenue where men let down their guard when it comes to safer sex. “Oral sex is also another common form of STI transmission,” she says. “Some STIs that are specifically oral illnesses [and] can be transferred through oral sex via mouth to genitals. This can happen if an individual were to perform oral sex on a partner that has an STI in/on their genitals.”

    If that’s not concerning enough,  “many forms of STIs are actually even more painful when experienced orally,” adds Riel. Meaning, if you’re not sure of your partner’s STI status (or your own), the smart choice is to either forgo oral sex entirely, or to practice it with either a condom or dental dam, depending on the situation.

    And finally, if you weren’t certain … no, the human body isn’t the only place you can catch an STI. Items you may incorporate into sexual play could carry diseases that could be easily transferred to either person involved with their use.“Using sex toys that your partner hasn’t cleaned,” says Riel, is also a potential way to get an infection. “When using sex toys during sex, you should always either be the first one to use it, or make sure it’s thoroughly cleaned as they can easily hold onto harmful bacteria.”

    4. What to Do If You’re Concerned You Have an STI

    If you do engage in unprotected sex and are concerned that you might have contracted something, it can be a scary experience. The first thing you should do is get tested to be sure of your STI status — whether at a health clinic, a hospital or a doctor’s office.

    “Make an appointment and get tested as soon as you’re able to,” says Riel. “It can be a scary and overwhelming experience for anyone, but what matters is getting a proper diagnoses so you can start treatment if there is an issue. If you can’t do that immediately, try to clean the area where you may be infected as well as possible. The area may be sensitive or itchy, so be mindful and gentle of it as you clean it.”

    If the idea of making that happen seems overwhelming, it might benefit you to reach out to someone you can trust, as they’ll be able to help you in the process.

    “Find support to get tested,” says Ariela. “When we can find a support system, it can motivate us to want to get tested. If someone lacks a support system, there are many clinics or centers that can offer the support and most likely have better information and guidance.”

    When you get the results back, don’t keep them a secret — especially if they show you have an STI. That means telling recent partners who may have contracted an infection from you (or from whom you may have contracted it), as well as future partners.

    “Share those test results with your partners,” says Lords. “Just like you should discuss what you like and don’t like with a partner and what kind of STI and/or pregnancy prevention methods you’re going to use, you also need to talk about your STI status, too. It’s all part of making sure both of you can give enthusiastic and informed consent to the sex you’re about to experience together. You can use at-home testing kits, too, which means there’s no real excuse not to know your STI status.”

    RELATED: STIs That Show on Your Face

    Thanks to advancements in medicine, treatments exist for many STIs, and even serious ones are no longer the death sentence they once were. As well, online communities and dating sites specifically for people with STIs can help de-stigmatize them and make living with one less unpleasant than it once was.

    At the end of the day, a commitment to making choices focused on your sexual health and a willingness to get tested regularly (and let’s not forget transparency about the results of those tests), you’ll significantly reduce the likelihood of contracting an unpleasant infection in the first place.

    Have fun, but be smart, too.

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  • Everything You Need to Know About Dating With an STD

    Everything You Need to Know About Dating With an STD

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    Here’s Everything You Need to Know About Dating With STDs

    The AskMen editorial team thoroughly researches & reviews the best gear, services and staples for life. AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service.

    Newsflash: Your dating life is not over just because you discover that you have an STD (sexually transmitted disease) or STI (sexually transmitted infection). In fact, the CDC estimates that nearly 20 million new sexually transmitted infections occur every year — that’s more than 2 million cases of the three nationally reported STDs (chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis) in the United States alone.

    “Most people don’t realize they are at risk for STIs, but the truth is that anyone who’s ever had anal, oral, or vaginal sex is at risk,” says Julia Bennett, the Director of Learning Strategy at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. “In fact, about half of people will have an STI at some point in their life.”

    RELATED: The Best Proven At-Home STD Test Kits

    Everyone deserves to have a safe, healthy and pleasurable sex life, and being able to talk about safer sex, getting tested, and the risks of STIs is a really important part feeling empowered. “Talking about that stuff can feel challenging, but the most important thing is that we do talk about it,” notes Bennett.

    Below, you’ll find the ins and outs of STD, STIs, and everything in between. Enjoy the free education.

    What are STDs and STIs?

    STDs and STIs are diseases/infections that are passed from one person to another through intimate physical contact including vaginal, oral, and anal sex. While there are many different types of STIs, the most common ones you’ve probably heard about are HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and syphilis.

    Some are curable bacterial infections (gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis) as long as you seek medical treatment and take the proper regimen of antibiotic medication. “If you have one of these infections, get treated and tested again later if your provider says you need to,” says Bennett. Sometimes, you might have an STI and not even know it, as is often the case with chlamydia, for which symptoms might not appear for months or years.

    Other STIs (like herpes and HIV) are viruses that stay in your system forever. For those, you can’t be cured, but you can treat the symptoms, and in many cases, can significantly reduce them or not feel them at all.

    For HIV, a retrovirus, the drugs used to treat it are called antiretrovirals (ARV). Although a cure for HIV does not yet exist, ARVs can keep you healthy for many years, and greatly reduce your chance of transmitting HIV to your partner(s) if taken consistently and correctly, according to the HIV.gov website.

    Once you have a diagnosis, it’s important to follow your doctor’s plan of care. “Left untreated, STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhea can cause serious health problems like PID, infertility, and potential deadly ectopic pregnancy,” it reads on the CDC website. Plus, without treatment, it’s more likely that you’ll pass the STDs to your partner.

    The Right Way to Tell Your Partner That You Have an STD/STI

    If you’re currently living with an STD/STI like herpes or HIV, that doesn’t mean you’ll never land a date again. It does mean you have an added layer of responsibility when it comes to being open and honest with new partners.

    The first step is to remember that having an STD doesn’t make you dirty or a bad person. “You’re a human who happens to have a health condition,” says Bennett. The best thing you can do to prepare for the conversation is to know your facts, and go into the chat with a calm, positive attitude.

    “There are lots of myths out there, so reading up and being ready to answer questions your partner might have can be really helpful,” she adds. Make it clear that you’re telling them because you care about them. As for the right time, ideally, you’ll want to let your potential sex partner know before things get intimate. Before you bring up the subject, it might be a good idea to practice what you’re going to say out loud to yourself or with someone you trust. “This can help you figure out what you want to say so you feel more confident and comfortable,” notes Bennett. 

    It’s important to be prepared for different kinds of reactions. “Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about how you might feel if someone told you,” she says. “It can feel scary but having an open dialogue can also end up bringing people together.”

    What if Your Partner Tells You They Have an STD/STI?

    First things first: Remember to take a breath. Before you say something that sounds insensitive, this is someone you care about. A great way to start might be: “Thank you for telling me, I appreciate your honesty,” says Bennett. Then you can ask some questions about how they are living with the STD, what treatments help, and what you both can do to prevent it being transmitted.

    Most important whenever you’re having the STD talk? “Avoid the blame game. It can be hard to tell or know when you got an STI or who you got it from. Be open, get tested, and get treated as needed,” she notes. If you’re hung up on how to talk to your partner if they have an STD/STI, check out Planned Parenthood’s informative YouTube series on “talking about safer sex, testing, and STDs.”

    Having Sex When You or Your Partner Has an STD or STI

    Safe sex is always important, but it becomes increasingly vital when you and/or your partner has an STI. Bennett says that condoms and dental dams are the key products that can significantly reduce the risk of transmitting diseases during vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Oh, and don’t forget the lube. “A lot of people don’t realize that lube helps prevent condoms from breaking, and it reduces the chance of skin tears,” she says.

    Just as important as using protection during sex is staying on course with your prescribed treatments. Especially in the case of bacterial STIs, finishing out your antibiotics is a must.

    If you’re in a situation where you find out you have an STI/STD while you’re already in the middle of a relationship, Bennett suggests talking to your healthcare provider to see if Expedited Partner Therapy (EPT) is right for you. EPT is the clinical practice of treating the sex partners of patients diagnosed with chlamydia or gonorrhea by providing medications to the partner without having to be examined.

    Dating With Herpes

    If you have genital herpes, you’re just like 1 out of 6 Americans. “It’s really common and is largely a skin condition, but there is a lot of stigma around it in this country,” explains Bennett. The bottom line is you can have herpes and still have a healthy sex life — dating with herpes is totally fine! “There are lots of things you can do to help prevent transmitting, like staying on medications and practicing safe sex,” she adds.

    Dating With HIV

    An estimated 1.1 million people are living with HIV in the United States. However, thanks to advances in medicine, for many people, the virus is practically undetectable, thus eliminating the risk of transmitting HIV to an HIV-negative partner through sex, says the CDC.

    However, for people who are in an ongoing relationship with a partner who has HIV, a doctor may recommend taking Pre-exposure prophylaxis (or “PrEP” medication) for added protection, along with using condoms and other safe sex practices.

    Dating With STIs

    If you find that it’s hard to meet new partners when you have an STD or STI, just remember you’re not alone. In fact, there are even dating sites and apps that can help connect you with people who also have STDs/STIs. These include:

    Positivesingles

    The site and app boasts to be the largest herpes and STD dating community. With 15,000 daily active members and counting, informative blogs, and real-life stories, it’s not just about hooking up — it’s also a support and information network.
    Check out Positivesingles

    MPwH

    MPwH logo and dating app screenshots

    While this app/site is geared for helping those living with herpes find a dating match in their area, it’s also a great place to chat and discuss managing symptoms, dating life, and more. The big key here is that your privacy is 100 percent protected.
    Check out MPwH

    POZ Personals

    Poz Personals logo and screenshots

    Brought to you by POZ, the print and online brand for people living with and affected by HIV/AIDS, Personals is the top dating service for people living with HIV or AIDS. Signing up is free, but there is also a premium membership option available.
    Check out Poz Personals

    Just as with other health conditions, it is possible to live a normal life — and date! — after you’ve been diagnosed with an STD or STI. As long as you follow your doctor’s treatment to the letter, maintain open and honest communication with your partners, and take precautions to practice safe sex, you can enjoy dating just as before. Get yourself back out there.

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  • Unique New Couples Game Improves Relationships

    Unique New Couples Game Improves Relationships

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    Adult role-playing made easy and fun through a novel approach just in time for Valentine’s Day!

    Press Release
    –


    updated: Feb 25, 2021


    CALGARY, Alberta, February 5, 2021 (Newswire.com)
    –
    Naughty-Nights.com (“Naughty Nights“) today announced the launch of its new website and experience-based couples role-playing kits that bring a novel approach to creating excitement and intimacy in relationships. Couples order personalized kits that allow them to play out common fantasies and feel a deep sense of immersion over multiple days, culminating in an unforgettable night. Naughty Nights is proud to have designed an inclusive approach suitable for all gender identities and orientations, with anyone being able to play any role.

    Benefits of playing a Naughty Nights scenario include:

    • Improved Intimacy. Bond over a shared romantic experience that encourages open communication.
    • Fun and Exploration. Role-playing gives both players a chance to get out of their heads and routines in a fun new way.
    • Better Sex. Talking openly about our needs is the foundation of sexual trust, making way for better sex – permanently.

    How does Naughty Nights work?

    Naughty Nights’ two-phase approach to role-play is unique. It helps players get highly immersed in their game’s world as they complete fun, purpose-designed tasks. 

    In the first few days of play, couples interact through the game and with each other in novel ways like secret letters. These interactions help players share desires and boundaries comfortably. This phase also encourages them to get into the character and eliminates a lot of the awkwardness involved in role-playing. 

    In phase two, players have a meetup, where they receive suggestions or tasks that are open-ended, allowing for as much exploration as players want while still challenging them.

    The first kit launched by Naughty Nights, just in time for Valentine’s Day, is a “Student & Professor” scenario.

    Naughty-Nights.com kits are available now and ship worldwide for $39.99 CDN (~$32USD). For more information on role play for couples, adult role play games, and to learn more about Naughty Nights scenario kits, visit www.Naughty-Nights.com.

    About Naughty Nights: 

    Naughty Nights is a new adult game company taking a radically different approach to couples’ role-play. Naughty Nights believes in the power of role-playing as a tool to enhance communication, increase intimacy, and prompt exploration, leading to happier and healthier relationships. Allowing couples to have novel experiences in the comfort of their own homes, Naughty Nights focuses on immersion, guided-yet-open gameplay, personalization, and inclusion. While the best options to date in this space have been awkwardly buying costumes or taking verbatim orders from a book, Naughty Nights delivers an unparalleled, fun experience for all couples looking to bring more excitement to their bedrooms.

    For more information contact:

    info@Naughty-Nights.com

    OR 

    Bryce Lokken, Chief Game Officer

    Bryce@naughty-nights.com

    Source: Naughty Nights

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  • We Had Experts Predict New Sex Trends That’ll Emerge in 2021

    We Had Experts Predict New Sex Trends That’ll Emerge in 2021

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    Here’s What Sex Will Be Like in the Year 2021

    If you had “the whole world will be massively impacted by a global pandemic” on your list of 2020 predictions last January, congrats on your prescience. For the rest of us, knowing what the future holds is a more inexact science. 

    But that’ll never stop experts from attempting to prognosticate, and while sex might seem like a more frivolous subject to some than epidemiology, anyone who’s ever caught a sexually transmitted infection or dealt with some kind of sexual dysfunction can tell you that sexual health is no laughing matter. 

    In order to give us an idea of what 2021 might look like in sexual terms, experts for Astroglide, one of the world’s foremost lubricant manufacturers, took a peek under the covers, as it were. Here’s what they foresee: 

    5 Sexual Health and Wellness Predictions for 2021

    1. Talking About Sex Won’t Be as Taboo

    Most of modern North American history has been marked by a distinct sense of taboo around sex. Discussions of sex are censored in ways big and small, from the FCC to awkward silences and quick subject changes in conversations. 

    According to Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sexologist, that may shift in the very near future. 

    “My hope is that discussions regarding COVID testing will normalize conversations related to health and safety and this ought to include talking about STI testing and harm reduction,” she says. “Even public health units have openly discussed kinky sex (from glory holes in Canada to sex with masks on in the U.S.) and mainstream headlines have reflected this more open discussion. Hopefully this will lead to more detailed and meaningful conversations about all types of sex — kinky, vanilla, and everything in between.”

    2. Sex Will Become Increasingly High-Tech

    As old-fashioned as a simple conversation can be, it should hardly be a surprise to see sex following the wider world’s trend towards the high-tech. 

    RELATED: Best High Tech and Interactive Sex Toys on the Market 

    “Not only have our meetings moved online, but sex and relationships have also become more digitized,” says O’Reilly. “From online dates to online orgies, ingenuity has shown that the possibilities are endless.”

    While high-tech sex products are still at the margins in many cases, companies like plusOne are now sold by Walmart, and the annual tech expo CES decided to feature sex toys in 2020 and going forward. The future for sex tech looks bright indeed. 

    3. Either “Friends With Benefits” Will Be Popular…

    This one sort of depends on how prevalent coronavirus transmission continues to be in 2021. While advances in vaccine research may lead to freer interactions in 2021 than in 2020, the pandemic’s impact on our social lives is likely to still be felt. If the vaccines aren’t completely effective, quarantine-like measures may stay in place on and off for much of the year. 

    In that case, one-night stands will be out of the question, potentially leading to more “friends with benefits” situations. 

    “One way people are meeting their sexual needs while minimizing risk is to have a regular quarantine hook-up buddy,” says Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex researcher. 

    “In the next year, we’re therefore likely to see people having a smaller number of one-night stands and more friends with benefits.”

    4. …or STI Rates Will Probably Spike

    On the flip side, it’s possible that vaccine advances will make coronavirus a thing of the past in 2021. If that happens, an expected uptick in sexual activity means we should prepare for a spike in sexually transmitted infections. 

    “As 2021 starts and we see the advent of one or multiple coronavirus vaccines, people will slowly return to regular life,” says Dr. Joshua Gonzalez, Astroglide’s sexual health advisor. “I suspect that may result in a significant increase in sexual activity (especially because all of us will have been quarantined for the better part of a year by then).”

    While the heady release of a return to some semblance of normalcy might lead to many people feeling like it’s time for a sexual free-for-all, STIs will still be a thing, even if COVID isn’t. 

    “More sexual activity often translates into an increase in the prevalence of sexually transmitted infections,” adds Gonzalez. “If and when you resume some semblance of a normal sex life, make sure to practice safe sex and get tested regularly.”

    5. Our Views of What Sex Is Will Broaden

    Regardless of whether the sex you’re having is with a quarantine buddy or a host of strangers, it may not look the same as the sex you used to partake in. 

    There’s much more to it than just basic penetration, and people have increasingly begun to realize that, in part due to the way the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted people’s lives. 

    “Because we can’t go out and interact with the world the way we used to, and we don’t know when or if things will return to normal, people are being a bit more creative in terms of how they go about meeting their sexual needs,” says Lehmiller. “For example, in the next year, we’re likely to see people incorporating more technology into their sex lives, such as by relying more on sexting, cybersex, and sex toys that can be used from a distance.”

    RELATED: Why Every Guy Should Master Non-Penetrative Sex

    Good sex is primarily about two people connecting in an erotic way, whether that involves just body parts, toys, accessories, or more. It doesn’t take a crystal ball, but rather just a little bit of imagination. 

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  • Sharing This Breath: What Sex Looks Like for Me as a Graydemisexual Ace

    Sharing This Breath: What Sex Looks Like for Me as a Graydemisexual Ace

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    Hi! My name is Grace, and I am a graydemi ace. I’m what I’ve previously called an “IAMsexual” who has a lot of sex, just not likely the kind you’re imagining. Re-imagining sex as acts that de-center the mainstream idea of sex feels important to understanding how I navigate my relational world. Let me provide you with a scene of what my “IAMsexual” world of sex looks like.

    We are walking on the shoreline of a vast body of clear turquoise water under the warming rays of the sun and gentle whispering of humid winds.

    [We breathe.]

    It is the early part of the evening just before sunset. We walk inside a bubble of quietude, not saying much of substance. We are just taking it in, arriving together.

    [We breathe.]

    We are enraptured by kairos time, the time that is measured in moments rather than in seconds, minutes, or hours. In kairos time, it’s time to take a seat and settle into the sunset with some light sweet snacks. Time to enjoy the kind of snacks that fill our bellies and our hearts.

    [We breathe.]

    The sweetness of our food yields audible sounds of pleasure and reverence. In between silent bites, we meet each other through our moans, sighs, deep breaths, and “thank you”s, all because of our awe at the sunset paired with the deliciousness of taking this sweetness into our spiritual, emotional, and physical bodies. We are present. We have arrived.

    We exchange reflections on the experiences in our bodies invited by this time of day. We share about what sensations are invited into our bodies — by the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon and how we track that in this moment and in moments beyond this one. I love being with this time of day near big waters.

    [I breathe.]

    You offer me your breath. Shotgunning, you call it. I’m impressed by your boldness and am ready to lean in. Your offered breath smells enticing, with hints of clove. I take your offering in. It goes down smooth.

    [We breathe.]

    Sharing this breath is intimate, even more intimate than kissing for me.

    The sun is down and the moon has risen. We are enjoying alone-together time. Alone with our own breaths and the sensations of our shared breaths. We are together in the pulsing. I ask about what you are experiencing in your body. You give me delicious details and I’m aroused by your attention to word choice and your facility at describing sensation. We giggle at nerding out about what feels like such a simple question inside of a simple experience.

    [We breathe and giggle some more.]

    I share my own sensations and, in a bold move, make a request to experience a new one. I ask you to rub your hands over my two-day-old shaved head to the rhythms of the waves. You joyfully, enthusiastically, affirmatively consent and oblige. It’s electric and so, so good.

    More Radical Reads: Stop Assuming Everyone Wants A Partner: 5 Ways You’re Erasing Asexual and Aromantic People and What To Do Instead

    Night has fallen. It’s time to go. We reground by dipping our toes into the water, thanking each other, thanking the water and thanking our respective ancestors.

    [We breathe.]

    We depart, separately and wholly.

    Hot sex, am I right?! That was a sexy time and yet, for many folks, this would either be considered incomplete, a missed opportunity or simply foreplay for the “actual” sex. For me, it’s all sex — delicious, nuanced, and multitudinous sex in its individual acts and in its totality.

    I wish to normalise customising sex language inside of relationships so that we may be in shared understanding and curiosity about what is pleasurable and sexy for each another. Sharing this excavation process inside the question of “What is sex for you?” unlocks an intimacy that itself borders on sex for me.

    This is where folks often ask me some version of,  “If everything can be sex to you, then how is sex sacred or meaningful or distinguishable from the mundane?” To that I respond with a “thank you for your curiosity” and proceed with my spiel: I practice sex from a place of inquiry that explores the question, “What if everything is sacred and/or meaningful?” From that place of inquiry, all acts of coming together meaningfully become open to being experienced as sexual acts for me.

    More Radical Reads: At the Intersection of Asexuality and Queerness

    It is a practice of seeing even the mundane as magnificent. It is the place of abundance where I am defined by my fullness rather than a lack. It is the place in which everything gets to be whole onto itself. I get to be whole, unto myself, so that when I’m in a meaningful coming together with another person, it’s out of desire for the experience of wholeness that comes from wholeness, not a desire for wholeness that comes from a lack of being my own whole.

    I know this isn’t how everyone experiences it. But it is how I experience sex, and since this is about me right now and my IAMsexuality, it stands to reason that this is but one of many ways to be a graydemisexual ace.

    No moralizing, no judgment, just my Black (Gr)ACE. 

    [Feature image: Photo of Grace B. Freedom, a Black non-binary person with short dark hair, facial hair, and pierced ears. They’re wearing a dark hooded jacket with a reddish patterned scarf and are standing in a clearing in an autumnal forest, golden brown leaves scattered at their feet as they stare up at the magnificence of the yellow-leaved trees, a reverent smile on their face. The sky is grey and chilly. Source: A. De La Cruz.]

    Grace B Freedom (all pronouns combined with they/them pronouns) is a Black Genderfluid Queer creator of the Black Love and Care (BLaC) Ethic . She is supported by a grant from the Effing Foundation to write the My Black (Gr)Ace series. They have been described as a penetrative and inescapable force, but mostly they want to be in deep conversations that are guided by mutual tenderness and curiosity that center a BLaC ethic . You can find them asking a lot of questions and sharing their freedom practices on Instagram @madquestionasker and you can follow her writing on patreon @madquestionasker.

    TBINAA is an independent, queer, Black woman run digital media and education organization promoting radical self love as the foundation for a more just, equitable and compassionate world. If you believe in our mission, please contribute to this necessary work at PRESSPATRON.com/TBINAA 

    We can’t do this work without you!

    As a thank you gift, supporters who contribute $10+ (monthly) will receive a copy of our ebook, Shed Every Lie: Black and Brown Femmes on Healing As Liberation. Supporters contributing $20+ (monthly) will receive a copy of founder Sonya Renee Taylor’s book, The Body is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self Love delivered to your home. 

    Need some help growing into your own self love? Sign up for our 10 Tools for Radical Self Love Intensive!

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    Shannon Weber

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  • Everything You Need to Know About Human Sexuality

    Everything You Need to Know About Human Sexuality

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    Struggling to Understand Your Sexuality? Here’s What You Need to Know

    Despite making progress in our understanding of human sexuality in recent decades, as well as major and important strides in changing laws and attitudes towards gay, lesbian and trans people, much work remains to be done.

    One area of sexuality that we seem to only now be grappling with is bisexuality. Perhaps because of some holdover from our prior puritanical ways, when we liked to see things in stark black-and-white terms, the idea that someone could be attracted to a wide range of people still seems incomprehensible to many of us. We like binaries and labels, and struggle to come to terms with both ideas and sexualities that defy those norms.

    RELATED: What It’s Like to Come Out of the Closet, As Told by 13 Proud Gay Men

    According to clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., bisexual men and women “may have a more challenging time coming out than those who identify as gay or lesbian.” Heteroseuxal people can take it for granted that the expectations of their close friends and family will align with their own sexual preferences, but gay men and women have never had that luxury. Because of that, “coming out” – revealing your sexual preferences to loved ones – has always been an important and anxiety-producing decision, even one fraught with the possibilities of emotional rejection and physical harm.

    That’s part of what makes the findings of this PEW Research Center Study so surprising: fully three-quarters of gay and lesbian adults interviewed had revealed their sexual preferences to “all or most of the important people in their lives,” but fewer than 20% of self-identified bisexual adults had done the same.

    One possible explanation for this difficulty is in our continuing refusal to regard sexuality as something fluid and changeable, rather than a rigid and predefined idea.

    “I don’t believe people fall into rigid categories,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., licensed psychotherapist and author of Gay Relationships for Men and Women: How to Find Them, How to Improve Them, How to Make Them Last, with 40 years of experience counseling individuals and couples. “History, social taboos, experience and opportunity all play a part. The categories are just for our convenience in talking about it.”

    In fact, in her decades of experience, Tessina has personally witnessed these categories collapse. “I have clients who began thinking they were straight, and had subsequent gay or lesbian relationships, and I’ve had clients who’ve gone the other direction,” she continues. “Some of my clients have gone back and forth. Other clients knew they were gay as young as six years old, and have never wavered from that.”

    In other words, you shouldn’t expect to know right away (or even once and for all) whether you are gay, straight or bi, and you shouldn’t feel the constant pressure to put a label on yourself.

    Klapow advises that you take your time and don’t feel like you need to rush toward some final conclusion about yourself.

    “Recognizing and confirming bisexuality can be complex in part because individuals may need time to assure themselves that they are attracted to both same-sex and opposite-sex individuals,” he says. “Hesitation does not mean that someone is not bisexual, but giving enough time to explore attraction to both sexes is critical.”

    He adds that “the key is to give oneself time, experiences interacting with same- and opposite-sex individuals, and permission to explore feelings of attraction.”

    Both Tessina and Klapow encourage anyone struggling with their sexuality to consider seeking a qualified therapist or guidance counselor, with whom they can openly and safely share their concerns.

    “Having close friends or a psychotherapist can be helpful in creating a safe space to verbalize the feelings and explore them more deeply,” said Klapow. Tessina also stressed the importance of emotional resilience: “Be prepared for some negative responses, from both gay and straight friends. Try telling someone you trust to have a good reaction before telling anyone else, and ask that person to be your support system.”

    Above all, know that you can proceed at your own pace. The decision to share your sexual preferences with someone is deeply personal, and you should do so only when you’re comfortable with yourself and comfortable with that person.

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  • 7 Pros and Cons of Not Having Sex for a Long Time

    7 Pros and Cons of Not Having Sex for a Long Time

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    7 Surprising Side Effects of Not Having Sex for a While

    There are plenty of reasons why your sex life may be null and void recently.

    In the age of social distancing amid the coronavirus pandemic, singles quarantined alone haven’t had access to those steamy hookups they once enjoyed on a regular basis. Even those who are holed up with a significant other aren’t getting intimate quite as often, with The Kinsey Institute’s “Sex and Relationships in the Time of COVID-19” study showing 44% of participants’ sex lives on a steady decline. Pandemic aside, there’s other reasons dry spells happen: a dip in your libido, or your partner just isn’t in the mood as often as you are.

    RELATED: Why You Should Wait to Have Sex

    While these sexual hiatuses are totally normal regardless of the reasoning, it’s worth taking a look at the side effects of abstinence. AskMen spoke with a few experts to decipher what exactly happens when you don’t have sex for a long, long time.

    Pros and Cons of Abstaining From Sex for a While

    Con: Feeling More Stressed

    Ever noticed how sex is a killer stress reliever? Whether you’ve got a ton of looming deadlines, you’re dealing with family drama or there’s a global pandemic going on, getting laid seems to help you cope a little better. Why? Well, sex releases endorphins, which reduce feelings of discomfort and pain and boost feelings of pleasure.

    If you can’t use sex to cope, all that stress may feel less manageable. This sex-stress connection may help to explain why an Oregon State University study determined that couples who had active sex lives were much happier at work, and a 2006 study in the medical journal Biological Psychology found that people who were getting busy regularly had lower blood pressure levels than those who weren’t.

    Keep in mind that sex isn’t the only way to experience an endorphin rush — you can also trigger a release of these feel-good hormones by exercising, laughing, meditating, or even eating spicy foods.

    Pro: Lowered Risk of STDs and STIs

    It’s not all doom and gloom when you’re not getting any since your risk of sexually transmitted diseases and infections goes way down. Herpes can be spread through kissing or skin-to-skin contact, and you can catch some STIs without having sex, but on the whole, odds are pretty slim that you’ll contract anything when you’re not getting any.

    As Rebecca Torosian, an intimacy behavioral therapist, says, “Masturbation is the safest form of sex known to us.” How’s that for justification to rub one out?

    Con: A Dampened Mood

    Remember those aforementioned endorphins? Well, when you’re not getting those sex-induced pick-me-ups, you may notice a slight difference in your mood.

    “You may find yourself missing the positive endorphin and oxytocin releases that emerge when enjoying a satisfying sexual encounter,” explains Torosian. “Loneliness and separation anxiety may develop into a depressive state.”

    To be clear, just because you stop having sex doesn’t mean you’re going to become depressed. The good news here? You don’t need to have sex to reap these benefits, as Torosian says masturbation is just as effective at triggering the same chemical releases that lower stress and make you feel happy.

    Pro: Better, Hotter Sex the Next Time You Have It

    You know how that buffalo chicken calzone tastes even more delicious after you’ve been eating healthy all week? Well, you’ll probably get the same effect when you stop having sex for a while.

    “Science suggests that a sex fast can enhance sexual desire,” says sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD., host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast.

    For one, you’ll have some time to think about what you want out of sex, and maybe you’ll even come up with a few new things you’d like to try.

    O’Reilly also notes that a sex suspension can relieve some of the performance pressure that men experience in the bedroom, allowing them to shift their focus away from the frequency of encounters and more toward the quality of those interactions. Best of all, she explains that you may find that the intensity of the pleasurable response you get during sex is significantly heightened when you do become sexually active again.

    Con: A Slightly Weaker Immune System

    Did you know that regular orgasms may actually help you to ward off illness? Psychologists Carl Charnetski and Francis Brennan Jr. conducted a study in which they collected saliva samples from 111 college students who were having sex once or twice a week. What they found was that those samples had an extremely high concentration of the antibody immunoglobulin A, which plays a key role in immune function and is known to fight the common cold.

    If you’re not getting busy regularly, keeping your immune system from getting that boost, there may be a slight chance you’re more prone to getting sick. That said, there are plenty of other ways to keep your immune system in tip-top condition: getting plenty of sleep every night, taking certain supplements, staying physically active, and maintaining a healthy diet.

    Pro: Time to Embrace Other Life Issues Head-On

    Sex is just as much of a mental and emotional experience as it is a physical experience. If you’re in a relationship where the sex hasn’t been as fulfilling for either of you as it was in the past, there’s a chance that’s because you’re missing out on some of the other crucial components.

    However, experts say a sex break can allow you to dive into some of the deeper issues that may be getting in the way of intimacy.

    “You have an opportunity to allow negative feelings and emotions to surface that we may be using sex to avoid,” explains Torosian. “This may create the perfect circumstances to address them and thereby deepen your trust and capacity to be vulnerable and more emotionally available and truthful with your partner.”

    Con: A Hit to Your Confidence or Self-Esteem

    Don’t be surprised if you feel like you’ve lost a little of your mojo after a long stretch without getting any.

    “Losing confidence in one’s sex skills can happen whenever there are long intervals in between having sex,” says Torosian. “This is similar to the self-doubt that can arise when not engaging in any physical engagement that had once been consistent. In addition, this can feel more intense because you can also be grieving the loss of intimacy.”

    Here’s the thing, though: Self-touch can counteract that negative effect.

    According to O’Reilly, some of the advantages to masturbation include potentially improved sleep, fostering a stronger connection to your body, and improved sexual functioning as you get to know your physical responses.

    “Just as there are benefits associated with having sex, there are also potential benefits to abstaining from sex,” she says. “It can leave you with more time to focus on other goals related to health, fitness, work, school, spirituality, travel, or learning a new skill.”

    Torosian agrees, adding, There is no cause to be worried about not having sex for a while. This time may be spent developing other (neglected) areas of our lives, such as exploring new fields of interest — and it may be a good time to explore a deeper understanding of our sexuality.”

    The bottom line? Going without sex may come with a few possible pitfalls. but it’s not the end of the world. Besides, you don’t need a partner to experience a mind-blowing orgasm. In the end, you may just find your sex life more satisfying than ever after your little hiatus.

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  • Give Your Bedroom Game a Boost With These 10 Supplements

    Give Your Bedroom Game a Boost With These 10 Supplements

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    Give Your Bedroom Game a Boost With These 10 Supplements

    The AskMen editorial team thoroughly researches & reviews the best gear, services and staples for life. AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service.

    For men, sex is a source of pride. Right or wrong, how much sex we have – or how good we are at it – is how a lot of men judge their masculinity. So it’s only natural that we want to perform our best every time, right?

    One of the biggest hindrances to good sexual performance is erectile dysfunction. According to the Cleveland Clinic, ED is an issue that affects over 50% of men; with 1 in 4 of those men being younger, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

    But ED isn’t the only reason that you may look to supplements to help with sex.

    RELATED: Take Charge of Your Sexual Health With These Products

    More and more men nowadays are becoming concerned their sexual prowess as well. Increasing sex drive, performance, and sexual stamina has become a concern for men too; and turning to supplements can help increase these factors.

    So, are there supplements that can help with all of the above? Yes.

    But before we get into those, we need a quick overview of how and why they work.

    How Sex Supplements Work

    There are two main ways in which supplements can help improve erection quality and performance. The first is by increasing blood flow.

    The precursor to a healthy erection is a good supply of nitric oxide (NO). When NO is released, it relaxes the muscles surround the blood vessels in the penis, allowing the blood vessels to widen, and more blood to flow through. After the initial arousal state, the body releases more NO to help you maintain an erection.

    When the body can’t release enough NO, this is when erection quality suffers.

    The second way in which supplements can help improve performance is by directly influencing testosterone.

    Low testosterone has been linked to a number of issues, including decreased libido, lowered sexual performance, and erectile dysfunction.

    Certain supplements, like DHEA and fish oil, work by positively affecting the hormone production that are precursors to testosterone.

    Similarly, zinc and magnesium have positive affects on testosterone, by decreasing the body’s production of estrogen.

    Other supplements, like the ones below, work to directly affect testosterone levels, while also positively impacting erection quality, and sexual performance.

    Now that we know the ways in which supplements affect our sex lives, let’s take a look at some of the best ones out there that are going to help you improve your sexual health and performance.

    The Ten Best Supplements For Sex

    1. L-Citrulline

    While L-arginine is one of the more popular natural sexual aid supplements out there, L-citrulline may actually work better; according to this study.

    The reason? Well, as we talked about above, when nitric oxide is released, it helps you achieve an erection.

    And while L-arginine is a precursor to NO, the study shows that supplemented L-arginine moves through your system too quickly to have much of a positive affect.

    On the other hand, L-citrulline is the precursor to L-arginine, and sticks around your system longer, having a better effect on improving blood flow.

    When supplementing with citrulline, the malate form is the best, because it assists with delivery and absorption.

    $39.96 for 1.1lb at Amazon.com

    2. Vitamin D3

    Vitamin D3 can work to both help increase testosterone levels, and assist with blood flow.

    This study found that Vitamin D3 plays a significant role in the production of testosterone; while researchers at Johns Hopkins found that men deficient in D3 were also more likely to suffer from ED.

    In addition to its whole host of other benefits, D3 works to keep the cells within the blood vessels healthy, resulting in better blood flow.

    Even if you don’t have problems downstairs, D3 is too beneficial to not supplement with anyway.

    $14.99 for 360 count at Amazon.com

    3. Panax Ginseng

    Ginseng has long been a powerful and popular supplement in Western medicine due to its aphrodisiac qualities. However, research suggests that it may go beyond simply increasing your sex drive.

    Studies have shown that supplementing with ginseng can help a man’s performance in the bedroom, including producing better erections and increasing testosterone.

    There’s also some evidence to suggest that ginseng could help increase fertility and delay ejaculation, but those affects aren’t as well observed.

    Still, ginseng has been used for many years for treatment of sexual performance issues, so the history is there.

    $24.99 at Amazon.com

    4. Niacin (Vitamin B3)

    Niacin helps increase blood flow and reduce inflammation, while also helping the body increase the production of sex hormones.

    And because both ED and high cholesterol typically go hand in hand, taking niacin can also help improve blood lipid profiles, resulting in lower cholesterol.

    See, better sex, better health.

    $12.96 at Amazon.com

    5. Yohimbine

    Yohimbine is created from the bark of a West-African evergreen tree, and has long been used to help improve sexual performance.

    It works similarly to other nitric oxide boosting supplements by increasing the release of NO in the nerves of the penis.

    Yohimbine also has other possible benefits, in that, it’s one of the few supplements shown that can inhibits body fat storage, by blocking the receptors that signal the body to store fat.

    Unlike most other supplements on this list however, yohimbine can come with some negative side affects, including elevated blood pressure and increased anxiety.

    $7.50 at Amazon.com

    6. Horny Goat Weed

    Aptly named, horny goat weed has been used for centuries in China for the treatment of erectile dysfunction, and low libido; among other conditions.

    While the benefits are still relatively untested, recent studies have shown promising results for the improvement of erections with horny goat weed. The active ingredient, Epimedium, blocks the effects of enzymes that restrict blood flow to the penis; similar to the way ED drugs work.

    Those studies also show that horny goat weed likely provides few side effects than current ED drugs.

    $10.86 at Amazon.com

    7. Folic Acid

    Folic acid is another B vitamin that has been shown to improve the release of nitric oxide.

    This study showed that men suffering with ED had significantly lower levels of folic acid than those who weren’t; so it only makes sense that the two would be connected.

    Folic acid can also be used to help treat and manage a number of other non-bedroom related issues.

    $14.99 for pack of 2 at Amazon.com

    8. Rhodiola

    While rhodiola was originally used for treating fatigue, in recent years there has been more evidence found of rhodiola helping increase testosterone, libido, and erection quality.

    The reason for this is believed to be rhodiola’s affect on the area of the brain responsible for receiving and controlling hormonal response: the hypothalamus. It may help with premature ejaculation, because of its affect on the sensory parts of the nervous system responsible for that.

    Rhodiola is also fast-acting, so popping it before you start getting busy can help increase your performance.

    $18.99 at Amazon.com

    9. Pine Pollen

    This is exactly what you think it is: the pollen from pine trees. And while there’s not a lot of science on this one, it’s been used in traditional Chinese medicine for hundreds of years.

    Pine pollen has tons of reported physiological benefits, but specifically to sex, it’s been reported to increase libido and erection quality by those who’ve used it.

    The reason being, pine pollen contains natural steroidal forms of testosterone, DHEA, androstenedione, and androsterone; all of which can help increase testosterone and libido.

    $22.95 at Amazon.com

    10. Maca Root Powder

    Another ancient herb that has been used by various civilizations for many years is maca root.

    Though not many studies have been done on maca, a few have shown that it has positive effects on libido; including for those who take anti-depressants that reduce sex drive. Moreover, according to this study, maca may improve sperm count and sperm mobility.

    No one is really sure why maca may improve these things, as most of these functions are related to hormones; which maca has not shown to affect.

    Still, maca shows promising, yet limited, results; and when combined with other libido-enhancing supplements, can be a particularly affective option.

    $10.99 at Amazon.com

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  • Your Favorite Rubbers to Use, According to Our 2020 Condom Survey

    Your Favorite Rubbers to Use, According to Our 2020 Condom Survey

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    Your Favorite Rubbers to Use, According to Our 2020 Condom Survey

    No two condoms are alike.

    That means when choosing what to wrap your member with, it’s important to consider all your options. Brands promise a lot to consumers, but this is your penis we’re talking about. It deserves the best, so finding the best condom is vital.

    But what do you prioritize when making your selection? Is overall brand trust the biggest thing? Do you rank material, price, or level of sensitivity above all? Or is there nothing specific that you look for, grabbing the nearest box off the shelf at your local bodega without much thought?

    RELATED: Most Men Buy ‘Large’ Condoms, Claim They’re Packing

    In our attempt to come up with a clear answer to this question, AskMen polled over 1,000 men and women for its 2020 Readers’ Choice Condom Survey in the hopes of uncovering which rubber is truly the king of all rubbers. 

    And the winner is … TROJAN CONDOMS

    Call it a photo finish, but Trojan came out victorious with the number one spot because of its fit, packaging, material, with consumers likely to recommend it overall.

    “They do what they say, and that’s what I want,” commented one reader. Another said he prefers Trojan because they’re “very good condoms, reliable and don’t cost as much. My partner agrees as well.”

    K-Y users helped it earn the title of second place with their condoms’ value, sensitivity, and lubrication being a few reasons why wearers select ’em over other brands. Clap for Lifestyles, the next favorite at number three, with Durex coming in at number four.

    Care to take a guess what the preferred material was for men? Well, to no real surprise, 35% of survey takers went the ultra thin route (like you’re not even wearing a condom at all), 27% selected latex, and 15 percent with with textured/ribbed.

    9% of men said that they’re not too picky when it comes to the material on their peen, 7% percent went for non-latex, and 5% went towards lambskin.

    As for where people purchase their condoms? 39% of men and women see no problem with picking ’em up at their nearest drugstore, 25% head to the supermarket, and 17% go the discreet route with shopping online. Other options saw bodega coming in with 8%, and sex shop or free clinic tying at 3%.

    Still looking for up your condom knowledge? Click here for some more information on how to choose the best condom for you.

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    Sean Abrams

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