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Tag: sex life

  • ADHD Meds and Sex: The Surprising Effects of Adderall

    Adderall is the trade name for a drug that combines several slow-release amphetamine salts. This medication is commonly prescribed to treat attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and has been shown to be effective in treating symptoms such as poor concentration, impulsivity, and lack of focus.

    However, as with almost any medication, there are many unwanted side effects. Understanding how Adderall may impact your sex drive is key to maintaining a healthy relationship with your disorder and your sex life. 

    How ADHD Impacts Your Sex Life

    The first thing we’re going to discuss is how ADHD may impact your sex drive, and what people who have ADHD and choose not to take medication may go through. Some common scenarios that may affect adults with ADHD include:

    • Impulsively seeking sex: Sex addiction often intersects with ADHD and other disorders that result in high impulsivity. This means someone with ADHD may be more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors or sex with strangers.
    • Inability to be in the moment: Staying present in the moment is crucial for connecting with your partner, and can be a challenge for adults with ADHD, who tend to jump from one rapid-fire thought or impulse to the next. This may distract them during sexual activity, sometimes to the point of no longer enjoying the act or being able to perform.
    • Hyperactivity: Adults with ADHD may experience a high level of arousal and consequently frantically pursue sex to alleviate the tension. ADHD adults thus may be more attracted to edgier sexual practices like exhibitionism or fetishism. 

    Of course, not everybody with ADHD will experience these symptoms. We don’t judge, but it’s important to be aware of what activities are something you actually enjoy and which activities you’re performing just because you’re impulsive.

    How Adderall May Increase Sexual Desire

    Adderall is a central nervous system stimulant that enhances several neurotransmitters, including dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. Each of these also play a role in sexual desire. Since Adderall directly acts on these brain chemicals, it may increase blood flow to your sexual organs and increase sexual desire and enjoyment. It may also make you feel more focused, energized, and confident, heightening your sexual performance.

    Although some people may enjoy the heightened sexual desire, it can also be overwhelming, or make them feel so aroused that it distracts from their daily lives. It may also lead to the development of compulsive sexual behaviors, like compulsive masturbation. It’s important to be aware of how your body reacts to medication and let your doctor know if concerning behaviors arise. Sexual desire may return to normal after a few months of taking Adderall, but if it continues increasing, you should consult with your doctor.

    Abusing Adderall Comes With Serious Side Effects

    Some people may take Adderall without being prescribed or disregard their doctor’s instructions on how to take it in order to try and boost pleasure, sexual desire, and performance. Taking it in a manner not prescribed comes with serious side effects, such as:

    • Anxiety
    • Paranoia
    • Sudden, unhealthy weight loss
    • Fever
    • Confusion
    • Hallucinations
    • Seizures
    • Loss of consciousness

    How Adderall Can Put A Damper On Your Sex Life

    Sounds like a treat? It’s not all good news. Adderall can also have the opposite effect and decrease blood flow to your sexual organs, reducing your sexual desire and pleasure. In women, Adderall can also result in nervousness, headache, decreased sex drive, and painful periods. Moreover, other side effects like constipation, headache, painful menstrual cramps, diarrhea, and mood swings can also mess with your desire to have sex. 

    Managing Sexual Side Effects On Adderall

    If Adderall is seriously disturbing your sex life, or causing you discomfort, consult with your doctor about other options. Some ways to manage these side effects include:

    Lowering your dosage

    Your doctor may lower the dosage of adderall that you’re on in order to figure out what dose works best for you without causing distressing side effects. They may also have you take it in separate doses throughout the day rather than all at once.

    Changing to a different formulation

    There are two formulations of Adderall: Extended-release Adderall (also known as Adderall XR) and immediate-release Adderall. Your doctor may switch you to a different formulation and see how it impacts your body. Immediate-release Adderall only produces effects for around 4-6 hours, while extended-release Adderall can last all day.

    Sometimes, switching to a different formulation can help you have more control over the sexual side effects. If Adderall causes your arousal to spike in an uncomfortable way, switching to the immediate-release formulation can ensure that the heightened arousal won’t last all day.

    Switching your medication type

    Your doctor may also recommend that you switch to another kind of prescription stimulant, such as methylphenidate (Ritalin) or lisdexamfetamine (Vyvanse). Though these drugs may also cause certain sexual side effects, it’s important to remember that different bodies respond to medications differently. Someone who has sexual side effects on one type of stimulant may not have them on another, so switching from Adderall to Vyvanse or vice versa may help curb unwanted sexual side effects.

    Clara Wang

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  • How Ozempic Affects Your Sex Drive

    Ozempic, and other semaglutide-based weight loss drugs like Wegovy and Rybelsus, has been making headlines for its proven effectiveness at helping people lose weight. Such drugs can be a game-changer for those who have struggled with weight loss their entire lives, and are helping many people control chronic, life-threatening diseases like diabetes.

    Of course, all medications – particularly effective ones – inevitably come with side effects. Well-documented Ozempic side effects include injection-site reactions, fatigue, and a whole host of gastrointestinal issues that deserve their own post. 

    Whether by correlation or causation, one particularly interesting side effect of these weight-loss drugs appears to be the way it can impact libido. Below we delve into how drugs like Ozempic work, how it can affect your sex drive, and some ways to cope with ozempic-related fluctuations in libido.

    How Ozempic Affect Libido

    If you’re wondering if Ozempic can affect your sex drive, the short answer is: Probably.

    The body runs on a series of incredibly intricate, interdependent systems, and any disruptions in homeostasis will cause reactions in many parts of the body. If you lose a large amount of weight in a relatively short period, your libido will likely be affected no matter what drug you’re taking. 

    While there are anecdotal reports of how Ozempic impacts sex drive, the reports are often conflicting and more studies are needed to explain exactly how the drug impacts libido. It’s important to account for factors like age, hormonal balance, overall health, ozempic drug interactions (if you’re on other medications), and psychological well-being if you notice a change in your libido when on a medication. 

    If Ozempic Decreases Your Sex Drive

    A recent study suggested that non-diabetic men using semaglutide to lose weight may have higher incidences of erectile dysfunction. Researchers posit that it may be due to the way that the drug tilts the gut-brain axis, along with how weight loss decreases testosterone. Lower testosterone levels can also reduce sex drive in women, and the hormonal changes caused by the changes your body is undergoing may also contribute to a decreased libido. 

    A less sexy explanation lies in the unpleasant stomach troubles, including nausea, diarrhea, and constipation, that some Ozempic users may experience. When you’re experiencing the frequent bowel issues commonly reported in semaglutide use, your sex drive will naturally become less of a priority.

    If You Find Yourself Hornier After Starting Ozempic

    Most studies conducted on Ozempic don’t show any increases in sex drive, but some people report an increase in their libido after starting the drug. This may be due to how weight loss in certain people allows them to access a broader range of motion and move around more.

    Because you’re moving around more, you may have more energy and your natural endorphin levels may be higher. Moreover, the confidence boost that comes with being more comfortable in your body can also help you feel sexier and increase your desire for sexual activity.

    How To Deal With Sexual Side Effects

    If you experience significant personality or libido changes on Ozempic, you should always consult with your doctor. Below are some steps that you can take to manage sexual side effects, which your doctor may also recommend:

    Communicating With Your Medical Provider

    Discussing any concerns about your sexual health with your healthcare provider is an important part of your Ozempic journey. Your doctor can offer guidance, adjust dosage, or explore alternative treatment options.

    Modifying Your Diet

    Ozempic only helps you eat less; it doesn’t replenish necessary nutrients or help you adjust your existing diet. Getting all your necessary nutrients with a lower caloric intake is essential to healthy sexual function and overall well being.

    Consult with your medical provider or a licensed nutritionist to figure out a diet plan that fits your new lifestyle needs and meets all your nutritional requirements so that your body – and sex drive – is functioning optimally.

    Exercise Regularly

    Exercise boosts testosterone, can help regulate hormonal fluctuations, and gives you more energy – all of which can improve your sex life. 

    Seek Support

    Participating in a diabetes management support group or online community focused on healthy weight loss habits can help you access potentially important insights from other people who are going through the same struggles. 

    Clara Wang

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  • Causes of Low Desire and How to Address Them – Intimina

    All couples evolve, and with them, so do their sexual relationships. It’s normal for sexual desire to increase and decrease, as it depends on countless factors unique to each person (biological, psychological, emotional) and life changes that affect a couple (responsibilities, children, financial problems, etc.).

    However, if low sexual desire affects your relationship, it’s necessary to identify the cause and address it to prevent irreparable damage. In this article, we’ll explore the causes and key strategies to tackle them.

    The Three-Year Crisis

    When we fall in love, the desire for the other person sweeps us away as if it were a drug, and in a way, it’s due to the novelty and the cocktail of hormones flooding our brains, especially serotonin (a neurotransmitter that regulates sexual desire).

    Serotonin levels spike so much that they create happiness and euphoria similar to the highs induced by drugs like ecstasy or LSD, leading to a form of addiction.

    Serotonin is also linked to other neurotransmitters and hormones like dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin (the “love hormone”), and testosterone – substances that influence emotions such as trust, tenderness, longing, euphoria, and pleasure. This explains why, at the start of a relationship, couples often can’t bear to be apart (or leave the bed).

    However, this hormonal high has an expiration date – approximately three years. Around this time, many couples face their first crisis, wondering if they are no longer in love and if the decline in desire signals the end of their relationship. But this doesn’t have to be the case, unless their bond is based solely on sexual pleasure and fun.

    If there is a solid foundation – desire, affection, tenderness, friendship, complicity, admiration (in other words, love) – the relationship will continue evolving on a deeper level, where desire manifests with varying intensity and in different ways.

    What Type of Lack of Desire Are You Experiencing?

    If your relationship is well-established and one or both of you are experiencing very low libido that affects your connection, the first question to ask is whether this lack of desire is general or just between the two of you.

    If the decrease in desire is general, you might be experiencing female sexual interest disorder or male hypoactive sexual desire disorder. These dysfunctions are characterized by a reduced (or absent) interest in sexual activity, erotic thoughts, or fantasies, as well as a lack of response to sexual stimulation – whether physical (such as lack of lubrication or erectile issues) or mental/emotional – causing distress, dissatisfaction, and frustration.

    Although men and women experience these disorders differently, their origins can be physiological, psychological, emotional, or a combination of the three, with a strong hormonal component.

    • In women, fluctuations in estrogen levels (the main female sex hormone) affect not only physical arousal (elasticity and lubrication) but also mental arousal. Estrogen is linked to “happiness neurotransmitters” (endorphins, oxytocin, serotonin), meaning that the higher their levels, the greater the sexual desire – and vice versa.
    • In men, the most significant cause of loss or lack of sexual desire is low testosterone levels – the primary male hormone responsible for regulating arousal and sexual desire.

    Thus, hormonal fluctuations can impact sexual interest and arousal temporarily or over time.

    What Causes These Hormonal Changes?

    • Natural life stages: Andropause, menopause, and pregnancy.
    • Diseases and dysfunctions: Vascular, heart, and nervous system disorders, diabetes, endometriosis, pelvic floor dysfunctions, vaginismus, hypogonadism, vaginal dryness, genital surgery (such as an episiotomy), fatigue, anxiety, depression, among others.
    • Medications: Antidepressants, anticonvulsants, blood pressure medications, opioids, and chemotherapy.
    • Harmful habits: Especially alcohol, smoking, and poor diet.

    If the lack of sexual desire is general, it is crucial to see a doctor to identify the root cause and receive appropriate treatment.

    However, if no medical condition or medication is responsible, or if the lack of desire occurs only within the relationship, other factors might be at play.

    Communication Problems

    The most common complaint in couples therapy is lack of communication and the psychological, emotional, and sexual problems it creates – such as frustration, resentment, low self-esteem, anxiety, emotional distance, and decreased sexual desire.

    One of the main causes of lost desire in a relationship is anger or resentment toward a partner – whether for ignoring needs, being overly critical, demanding, dominant, passive, or indifferent. If left unresolved, this can ultimately lead to a breakup.

    A painful ending that could be avoided through assertive communication – expressing oneself in a direct, balanced, sincere, and respectful manner, without judging, criticizing, making assumptions, or blaming the other person. Instead, assertive communication involves respecting and empathizing with your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and needs.

    Thus, the first step to preventing and resolving relationship conflicts is openly expressing (and allowing your partner to express) thoughts, feelings, and desires (including sexual ones) in search of a mutually beneficial solution.

    Stereotypes and Sexual Education

    Pornography and restrictive or nonexistent sex education have created harmful stereotypes that fill us with trauma, fear, and unrealistic expectations that we need to eliminate.

    • Women have been bombarded with negative messages about sexuality, the right to enjoy it, and the “appropriate” age for doing so.
    • Men have been taught to associate their masculinity and identity with sexual performance, penetration, and orgasm – placing immense pressure on them to be “sex machines” that guarantee their partner’s pleasure.

    This leads to common issues:

    • For men, the fear of “not performing as expected” contributes to low desire and erectile dysfunction.
    • For women, guilt over feeling sexual desire and body insecurities (overthinking how they look during sex) contribute to low desire and difficulty reaching orgasm.

    It is crucial for men to redefine “sexual performance” – it is not about mimicking porn scenes. Women, in turn, must let go of guilt and stop thinking they are “weird” or “promiscuous” for embracing their natural sexuality.

    To live a healthy and fulfilling sex life, we must replace negative conditioning with messages that normalize and celebrate sexuality as something natural and enriching.

    Apathy and Lack of Eroticism

    Over time, many people lose interest in eroticism and sexual play. They become less imaginative, less proactive, stop fantasizing, and lose excitement over things that once turned them on.

    One reason is lack of sexual stimuli – when we are too focused on other matters, we fail to notice things that would otherwise ignite desire. This creates a vicious cycle: the fewer sexual stimuli we provide to our brain, the less receptive it becomes, leading to greater sexual apathy.

    To break this cycle, we need to feed our minds with stimuli – erotic literature and films, flirty conversations, touches, kisses, and sexual exploration, both alone and with a partner.

    Stress, Exhaustion, and Routine

    The demands of work, financial struggles, parenting, household chores… Living in a fast-paced, demanding society drains us, weakens us, and even makes us sick. Stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and lack of sleep take a toll on our well-being, making it hard to enjoy life – and affecting sexual desire and arousal.

    To combat this, prioritize urgent tasks, delegate responsibilities, and make time for neglected aspects of your life that are essential for emotional balance.

    A couple must also make space for their relationship – separate from work, family, and societal obligations. Strengthen intimacy and enrich your sex life – not just as intercourse but through affection, laughter, tenderness, and connection.

    Simple actions can help – plan romantic getaways, engage in activities together, cook a special dinner, cuddle while watching a show… Nurture your relationship to prevent monotony.

    Final Thoughts

    It is normal for sexual desire to fluctuate, but if it becomes a problem, it’s essential to identify the cause and address it through communication, respect, and love. Sometimes, professional help (medical or therapeutic) is necessary. Your love deserves it.

    Gema Bocardo

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  • What Is Pegging? Your Beginner Guide

    What Is Pegging? Your Beginner Guide

    Pegging refers to a sex act where a woman anally penetrates her partner with strap-on dildo. While pegging is usually referred to in a heterosexual context where a woman penetrates a man, it can happen between people of all genders, such as lesbians who strap on for their female partners to peg them anally or vaginally or a trans man strapping on for a woman.

    When Did Pegging Come About?

    The concept of having sex with a strap-on may seem risqué, but people have been masturbating and having sex with inantimate objects for thousands of years.

    Although the name has changed over time, prostate stimulation and strap-on dildos have been used throughout history by heterosexual women and men who had a difficult time maintaining an erection. Strap-on sex can be confirmed in records and artifacts all the way back to around 12,000 years ago in ancient China, and then through the millennia in France, Greece, ancient Rome, and England. 

    Pegging arose in Western mainstream media when porn movies showing women anally penetrating men in the 1970s began to circulate.

    In the early 1990s, prostate play became more accepted, especially in European countries, and instructive videos and pamphlets came out illustrating ways to massage the prostate with toys or manually with a finger. The prostate was sometimes called the “A-spot,” the “P-spot,” or the male G-spot, and anal play became mainstream. 

    The term “pegging” became official in 2001, when seminal sex columnist Dan Savage ran a contest in his blockbuster ‘Savage Love’ column to find a catchy term for this sexual practice that appeared to be gaining traction in mainstream chatter. 

    Why Pegging Feels Good (For Givers and Receivers)

    Some men like being penetrated with a strap-on dildo thanks to the prostate, aka the male G-spot, a gland the size of a walnut located 2-3 inches in the anus that is packed with powerful nerve endings. The right kind of stimulation can result in full-body orgasms that some say are more complex than ejaculating by penis stimulation.

    Historically, a trick for sex workers to get their clients to ejaculate was by slipping a finger into their anus while administering oral or vaginal sex. Beyond the physiological reason of prostate stimulation, some men also enjoy the “naughtiness” of this type of sex act, or get aroused by it as an act of submission in a BDSM context.

    Women who love to peg men may also get a thrill from feeling what it is like to have a penis, or get an erotic power rush by being in the stereotypically dominant position. Giving pleasure to their partner is often a huge turn-on as well, and having your male partner enjoy being in a more vulnerable position can be a bonding experience for both partners.

    Plus, the clitoris can rub against the dildo or the partner’s rear, offering additional sensation for the pegger. For those looking for more stimulation while they are pegging their partner, there are also double-ended dildos and vibrators so both parties can receive intense sensations simultaneously.

    Pegging Tips

    For ladies who have engaged in anal sex, a lot of the preparation and tips are similar, except that you are on the giving end. It’s important to go slow and make sure your partner is comfortable so that you don’t cause them discomfort. Here are some other tips for a successful pegging session:

    • Use lots of lube: Remember that a strap-on may have more friction than a real penis, so use plenty of lube both on the dildo as well as in and around your partner’s anus.
    • Let your partner take the lead: If you’re not pros, start out each session by letting the receiving partner have full control over the depth and speed of their penetration. Rather than thrusting into them, first let them push back against you while you are stationary, so that they can get accustomed to the sensation on their own terms and stop if it’s uncomfortable. 
    • Don’t start thrusting right away: After you penetrate your partner, wait for half a minute or so until the muscles in their anus relax and the thrusting feels less painful and more pleasurable. Check in with them once in a while, and adjust your hips, angle, position, etc. as necessary.

    Clara Wang

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  • What Is Edging & What Is the Point of It?

    What Is Edging & What Is the Point of It?

    When it comes to sexual techniques, there are tons of terminology you may (or may not) have heard. Spooning, 69, footjob, missionary, quickie…

    Most are self-explanatory. But then, some get you curious enough to Google them up. Like, edging.

    “Wait!” you might say. “What is edging?”

    Great question—one that leads you down a path of exhilarating discovery.

    You see, edging, by any other name, is orgasm control. (Kind of like when Finch goes tantric on a ficus tree in American Pie 2.)

    Using this delayed gratification can be a powerful way to open you up to entirely new sensations and unlock experiences you’ve only dreamed of.

    What Is Edging?

    This sexual technique is where you (or your partner) get very close to orgasm but stop just before it happens. But what is the point of edging? Simply, it’s to make the final release more intense and last longer.

    This pleasure practice can help enrich your sexual experience. You can practice it during masturbation or with a partner, and it can involve using your hands, toys, or other sexual activities.

    However, it does take some work on your part—it demands awareness, control, and patience because you’ll need to keep high levels of arousal for a long time without going over the edge.

    It’s “all about tantalizing your nervous system and stretching your ability to feel more and more and more pleasure without any release at all,” according to Layla Martin, the founder of the VITA™ Method and trainer of Mindvalley’s Neo-Tantra Quest.

    By frequently surfing the urge—bringing yourself near to climax and then stopping—you build up sexual tension and energy. When this energy is finally released, it can lead to a much stronger and more enjoyable orgasm. (Cue Finch screaming, “Ah, Stifler’s mom!”)

    Common Myths About Edging

    There are plenty of sex myths out there. Edging, too, can be shrouded in misconceptions.

    Here are some of the more common ones and why they’re just, well, myths:

    • Myth #1: Edging is harmful. Actually, when done safely, it’s a healthy way to boost sexual pleasure and control. It doesn’t lead to sexual problems.
    • Myth #2: Edging is only for premature ejaculation. While it can help those who can’t orgasm or climax too quickly, edging is for everyone.
    • Myth #3: Edging kills the mood. On the contrary, the playful build-up can make sex even more dynamic and enjoyable.

    When it’s practiced correctly, not only is edging safe, but it can also enhance sexual experiences for anyone willing to try it.

    5 Benefits of Edging

    So delaying ejaculation can, as Layla points out, “enhance the experience of climax” and “help you climax even easier.” But what does edging do for your overall well-being?

    Urologist Rena Malik, M.D., highlights the pros in a YouTube video that has amassed more than two million views. Here’s what they are:

    1. It increases pleasure. As you build up the tension, it allows for a bigger release when your peak occurs.
    2. It enhances connection with your partner (if you’re doing it with them, that is). You can explore together and time your orgasms to be in sync with each other.
    3. It can be a learning process to understand your body better. You can learn what stimuli are pleasurable for you and aren’t.
    4. It can allow you greater control over the duration of intercourse and the amount of pleasure you can have for yourself and for your partner.
    5. It can prevent premature ejaculation, especially if you have issues like erectile dysfunction. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine by urologist James H. Semans found that the “stop-start technique” helps people last longer during sex before climaxing.

    With all these benefits, give it a try to see how it can transform your sexual experiences and overall satisfaction.

    A couple getting intimate

    How to Explore Edging

    The reality is, sex isn’t so much about the Big O or ejaculation (though it is a bonus). Sex, as Layla points out, is about “being in pleasure, in the moment.”

    That’s the essence of the golden question: “What is edging in sex?” It’s having your focus be on the pleasure of the moment.

    And here’s how you do it using Layla’s cheekily-named method: The C.U.M. Tool.

    C: Circular breathing

    “As soon as you start to feel turned on,” says Layla, “you want to do a circular breath.”

    Here’s how it works:

    1. Take a breath in through your nose or your mouth.
    2. Then exhale through your mouth.
    3. While breathing, imagine making a circle with your breath inside your body. Think of it as lifting pleasure from your genitals and spreading it throughout your entire body like a flowing river.

    What does this achieve? Circular breathing encourages deep belly breaths, calming your entire nervous system. What’s more, it helps distribute the intense buildup of sexual energy, which can often make you feel like you must climax immediately.

    So by spreading this pleasure, you relax and open up. And the more relaxed you are, the more you can enjoy prolonged pleasure without feeling overwhelmed by the urgency to finish.

    U: Unlock your vagus nerve

    This stage involves using your voice—humming, making sexual noises, or any vocal expression that feels natural during the moment. The reason? Layla explains that when you use these sounds, “it tones your vagus nerve, which again opens you up into a deep feeling of relaxation and safety.”

    Why is this important? When you’re relaxed, your body shifts from a state of stress to one of calm. This, then, helps expand your capacity to enjoy the pleasure without feeling overwhelmed. 

    Sometimes, as Layla points out, this might even lead to intense laughter—a natural reaction to energy moving through your body. Allowing it or any sound enhances your experience and helps circulate the sexual energy more intensely.

    M: Mind games

    Typically, there might be a limit—a “glass ceiling,” says Layla—on how much pleasure you think you can handle before feeling like you must climax.

    “What you want to do,” she adds, “is tell yourself, ‘I can feel more pleasure without having to come’ and, literally, you will train your nervous system to be able to feel higher and deeper amounts of pleasure without having to move over into climax.”

    Then, as you approach your peak, here’s what to keep in mind:

    1. Intentionally slow down,
    2. Stop the stimulation, and
    3. Simply relax into the sensation.

    While it might take up to, let’s say, an hour to reach a peak orgasmic state, this technique trains your nervous system to enjoy higher and more profound levels of pleasure. 

    FAQ

    What does edging do to testosterone?

    Some believe that delayed ejaculation might increase testosterone temporarily. 

    However, according to anti-aging and regenerative physician Dr. Amy Killen (who also happens to be the trainer of Mindvalley’s The Science of Great Sex Quest), broader research shows that regular sexual activity and ejaculation do not harm testosterone levels and may even be beneficial.

    In fact, one study found that ejaculating regularly, especially in men over 40, could lower the risk of developing prostate cancer by helping to remove toxins from the prostate.

    So, while some people might prefer abstinence, Dr. Killen explains that “there’s no strong evidence that abstaining from ejaculation for long periods of time improves testosterone levels, sperm, viability, or athletic performance.”

    With that being said, it’s always best to choose what feels healthiest and most satisfying for you, even if it means delaying your release.

    Can you get “backed up” if you edge too much?

    Contrary to what some might fear, edging doesn’t cause physical harm or lead to any medical issues like prostate problems. Having said that, Dr. Malik highlights that it may cause “blue balls.”

    “The reason for this is that when you’re having arousal, blood flow increases to all the pelvic floor muscles, including those that are near the testicles,” she explains. Typically, the increased blood flow is released when you climax. However, when you don’t, “the blood flow hangs around and then causes this heavy pressure discomfort feeling.”

    The fact of the matter is, edging can be a healthy part of a sexual routine, provided you’re doing it with awareness and care for your body’s signals.

    How long should edging last?

    Edging is personal—how long it lasts depends on your personal preferences and endurance. There are some that might enjoy it for a few minutes before giving in to orgasm. Others might prolong it.

    If you’re just starting to experiment with this technique, taking it one step at a time is always advisable. So start with shorter periods, and extend the time as you feel more comfortable with edging.

    When it comes to sex and all that encompasses it, Dr. Killen’s advice might just hit the right spot: “Ultimately, it comes down to figuring out what you like and then communicating that to your partner. One type of pleasure is no better or worse than another, as long as you and your partner are both enjoying the ride.”

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    Edging is a great way to maximize your satisfaction. But it’s only one way. 

    The thing is, there are plenty of techniques that can amp up your sex life. For heightened pleasure. And for deeper intimacy.

    No, you don’t have to make like Finch and go tantric on a ficus tree. Instead, you can explore the wide range of transformative sexual wellness methods at Mindvalley.

    When you sign up for a free account, you have access to the first few lessons of the Mindvalley quests—Neo Tantra with Layla Martin, The Science of Great Sex with Dr. Amy Killen, and even Tantra Touch with Psalm Isadora. It’s a sneak peek, essentially, so you can see how these programs can help enhance your sensual education for better sexual health and pleasure.

    Welcome in.

    Tatiana Azman

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  • Dan Savage Explains Monogamish Relationships

    Dan Savage Explains Monogamish Relationships

    “Monogamish” might sound like a typo at first glance, a quirky misspelling of “monogamous.” But the term, coined by sex advice columnist and relationship expert Dan Savage, offers a distinct twist on the traditional mode.

    While monogamy is more on complete emotional and physical exclusivity with your partner, a monogamish relationship allows for a bit more wiggle room.

    That’s the beauty of it, though. It’s the perfect blend of commitment and exploration, and it can offer a fresh take on intimacy for the modern couple.

    So if you’re looking for a more modern approach to love or to reignite the flame in your relationship, monogamish might just be what you need.

    What Is a Monogamish Relationship?

    The “monogomish” definition is essentially monogamy with a little “-ish” to it. The meaning refers to a relationship that is mostly monogamous but allows for some level of sexual activity outside the partnership.

    What does the Dan Savage himself say about “monogamish”? Using him and his husband as an example, here’s how Dan puts it: “What monogamish kind of communicates is, you know, we are pair-bonded partners sexually into each other; we have a vibrant sexual relationship with each other, but we allow for attraction to others.”

    Think of it as a spectrum. On one end sits traditional monogamy, with zero tolerance for emotional or physical intimacy outside the relationship. On the other end lies the vast openness of ethical non-monogamy, where multiple romantic partners are a possibility.

    And monogamish? It carves out a sweet spot in the middle that allows you the exclusivity with the openness to explore desires and fantasies. You could flirt, attend erotic events, or even consume sensual content together—as long as it’s consensual between you and your partner.

    Because that’s the key, right? Communication. Especially with 60% of couples citing infidelity as the reason for divorce, ensuring you both know what’s okay and what’s not okay can be the thing that makes or breaks your relationship.

    Monogamish vs. Open Relationship

    Both love styles share a desire to move beyond the exclusivity of traditional monogamy. But it begs the question: What does it mean to be in a monogamish relationship versus an open one?

    With the former, there are occasional exceptions where you or your partner would be able to explore intimacy externally.

    It’s like that one episode of Friends where Joey finds out that his father has been seeing a woman who’s not Mrs. Tribbiani. It turns out, Mrs. Tribbiani knows about the affair but is okay with it as long as he’s still giving her the love and attention she desires. This is monogamish in a nutshell.

    An open relationship, on the other hand, focuses less on exclusivity. Instead, there’s more freedom for you or your partner to pursue other romantic and sexual relationships—this is usually under the agreement that it’s consensual non-monogamy (CNM). 

    King Louis XIV of France in Canal+’s Versailles, for instance, is a perfect example. He has multiple romances going on at one time, as does his wife, Marie-Thérèse of Spain.

    Regardless of whether you’re more open to one or the other, the bottom line is, knowing the differences between the two can help you determine what you and your partner are comfortable with relationship-wise.

    A loving couple looking at each other

    5 Expert-Backed Tips for Making Monogamish Work

    This relationship style can be an eye-opening experience. However, it’s not without its complexity.

    So how can you make it work? Here are a few monogamish relationship hacks you can keep in mind:

    1. Use the GGG

    GGG is another of Dan’s infamous terms, and it stands for “good, giving, and game.” 

    “It is what I think we should be for our lovers,” he explains during a stage talk at Mindvalley’s A-Fest 2017 in Ibiza. “And what we have a right to expect our lovers to be for us.”

    The concept suggests you should be…

    • Good in bed,
    • Give equal time and pleasure to your partner, and
    • Game for anything (within reason).

    Being GGG means actively caring for your partner’s sexual satisfaction and respecting your agreed-upon boundaries

    Think of it as a team effort. You’re working together to keep the spark alive in your monogamish relationship. And even though some outside experiences might be allowed, the focus is still on keeping your relationship strong and fulfilling for both of you.

    2. Know the “price of admission”

    Picture this: You pay for a thrilling roller coaster ride. While you’re on it, you complain the whole time about the price. 

    It’s the same in relationships, according to Dan. There will be things you have to accept about your partner, a kind of “price of admission” for being with them.

    “You’re not going to get everything you want,” he says. But you gain the joy of being with “The One.” 

    For example, maybe your partner leaves dirty dishes around. Initially, you might nag them to clean up. But eventually, you might decide it’s a small price to pay for a happy relationship.

    It’s a compromise, so to speak. As Dan points out, “You have to decide for yourself: ‘Is that a price submission I’m willing to pay to be in this relationship?’”

    3. Use the four magic words

    It’s no secret that healthy relationships rely on open communication. Research shows that good communication can lead to more satisfaction, and high satisfaction can lead to better communication.

    This is especially important when it comes to intimacy. So what does Dan suggest? Using the four magic words: What are you into?

    This approach is part of what Neelam Verma, a conscious dating expert and trainer of Mindvalley’s Finding Love with Integrity Dating Quest, calls “conscious conversations.” 

    “It’s when you speak from a place of honesty, authenticity, transparency, and intentionality,” she explains. “You don’t communicate from a place of fear, judgment, scarcity, or assumptions.”

    By expressing your needs and listening openly to your partner’s, you can build trust and understanding. This fosters a healthy foundation for intimacy and prevents the formation of trauma bonds, which can arise from secrecy, manipulation, or unmet needs.

    So, four words: What are you into? Simple. Straightforward. Powerful.

    4. Step away from toxic energy

    “Energy is powerful, and it gets entangled with those that we emotionally and physically connect with,” says Neelam. And when it comes to monogamish settings, you tend to get entangled with more than your partner, which means you’re more open to all kinds of energy, even toxic ones.

    “When you’re surrounded by unhealthy relationships and situations, you drain yourself of your life force, your energy,” adds the founder of Integrity Dating. That’s why she highly recommends breaking up with toxic energy, removing harmful influences and behaviors that disrupt the harmony of your relationship.

    This could involve setting boundaries with external partners who threaten the primary relationship’s stability. It also means avoiding gaslighting, jealousy, or possessiveness.

    This practice helps maintain a healthy emotional environment where both you and your partner feel secure and supported, no matter what external activities may be going on.

    5. Be the love of your life

    “We all desire love and a partner who accepts us for who we are, and we know that relationships are about unconditional love,” Neelam points out. “But many of us have never learned that it’s about unconditional love for ourselves first.”

    Look at it this way: You can’t truly give love unless you have a full cup to pour from. By prioritizing self-love, you fill your cup with happiness, worthiness, and strong boundaries. You radiate confidence and self-respect.

    This releases the pressure of looking for someone to make you happy. And dating? It becomes a place where two souls are connecting, growing, and evolving together instead of completing each other.

    How Do I Know If a Monogamish Relationship Is Right for Me?

    There’s a unique blend of emotional intimacy and exploration when you’re monogamish. But is it the right fit for you?

    Here are some questions to consider:

    1. Do you value emotional exclusivity?
    2. Are you curious about exploring desires outside of the relationship?
    3. Can you openly communicate boundaries?
    4. Are you comfortable navigating potential jealousy?
    5. Are you willing to put in the effort?

    Take time to answer these questions honestly. It’ll help you determine if this relationship style aligns with your values and desires.

    FAQ

    Is monogamish the same as polyamory?

    While both share some openness, there’s a key difference:

    • Monogamish prioritizes a primary partner but allows explorations outside the relationship with clear boundaries and open communication. The emotional connection remains primarily with your main squeeze.
    • Polyamory involves having multiple romantic relationships, all with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Love and emotional intimacy can be shared with several partners.

    Ultimately, the choice between the two depends on what your relationship goals are.

    How can I deal with jealousy in a monogamish relationship?

    Jealousy is bound to strike up in any kind of relationship, including monogamish ones. After all, we’re only humans.

    Handling this kind of reactive emotion begins with knowing yourself and talking openly. When you feel jealous, notice those feelings and talk to your partner calmly. Avoid blaming them.

    By sharing how you honestly feel, you can both understand each other better and find comfort. Also, agreeing on rules that make both of you feel safe can help keep that green monster in check.

    How do I communicate about boundaries in a monogamish relationship?

    Boundaries are not meant to restrict or control. It’s there to help create a safe and enjoyable space for exploration within your committed relationship.

    Here’s how you can express yours:

    • Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when…” That’s way more constructive than “You shouldn’t be…”
    • Listen actively to your partner’s perspective. Acknowledge their feelings and concerns without judgment.
    • Be open and honest about what kind of exploration feels comfortable for both of you. This could include types of activities, frequency, and communication preferences.
    • Renegotiate your needs and desires, which may evolve over time, and make adjustments as needed through open and honest communication.

    Remember: By communicating openly and respectfully, you can establish clear boundaries that work for both of you.

    Love Deeper, Connect Stronger

    Love is a great purpose to have in life. However, as Neelam Verma points out, “We can only love each other to the extent that we love ourselves.”

    That’s the basis of her Quest, Finding Love with Integrity Dating, at Mindvalley. It goes beyond swiping and superficiality; instead, it guides you to build confidence and attract amazing partners, discover your true desires and stop settling, and learn to communicate for deeper connections.

    That’s exactly what Matthew Cook, a content web developer from Mullumbimby, Australia, learned:

    “Having experienced considerable periods of being single because of the lack of availability of someone with the right values and lifestyle choices and being put down for choosing integrity. It feels good to be supported and positively visualize and affirm the presence of a partner with integrity.”

    When you sign up for a free Mindvalley account, you can access the first few lessons of Neelam’s Quest.

    It’ll be the start of a beautiful journey. And it’s going to be worth it.

    Welcome in.

    Tatiana Azman

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  • Your Guide To Unforgettable Phone Sex

    Your Guide To Unforgettable Phone Sex

    Looking for a new way to spice up your sex life? Pick up the phone.

    Phone sex isn’t just relegated to old movies or long-distance relationships, it’s also a great way to test out role-playing, explore your auditory sensuality, and add suspense and excitement in your relationships. Experimenting helps you learn more about yourself and strengthen the mind-body connection.

    Read on to learn more about phone sex, how it can benefit your sex life, and some tips for steamy lip service.

    What Is Phone Sex, Exactly?

    Phone sex is a blanket term referring to the act of engaging in, discussing, or hearing sexual fantasies or acts auditorily. In today’s era of smartphones, you can also include videocalls as well as texting or voice messages (aka sexting) under the phone sex umbrella.

    Essentially, phone sex is when you’re sharing anything erotic over the phone, and just like in-person sex, doesn’t necessarily have to culminate in an orgasm. Oftentimes, phone sex only involves one person physically pleasuring themselves, while the other builds connection and mental stimulation. Engaging in this type of partner play can be highly erotic and validating even if there isn’t a physical climax. 

    Benefits Of Phone Sex

    Adds suspense and excitement in a relationship

    Whether you just started dating or are looking for ways to spice things up in a long-term relationship, phone sex can be a great way to build suspense and add excitement.

    For example, if you have a date later in the day, or if you and your partner are busy working all day and can’t see each other until the evening, start building up tension by teasing your partner with sexy calls, texts, or photos throughout the day. It’ll keep you on their mind and build excitement for both of you leading up to the physical encounter.

    You can also schedule a phone sex date and employ these methods to add tension. Mystery, tension, and suspense all add to eroticism, because sexiness is all about imagination.

    Keeps the spark alive for long-distance relationships

    For people in long-distance relationships, it can be difficult to maintain a sense of physical intimacy. Getting creative with phone sex and talking about what you want to do when you finally see each other can keep you in each other’s minds and keep the spark alive.

    A way to test out role-playing

    Role-playing can be intimidating, especially if you haven’t done it before. Phone sex is a great way to try things out that you aren’t as comfortable doing in person, at least not yet, and act as a gateway to roleplay without physically dressing up.

    Get creative over the phone with a sexy “dominant” voice or high-pitched “schoolgirl” tone. You can also keep the natural seductiveness of your voice, make up a sexy scenario or fantasy, and let your imagination do the talking. 

    Tips For The Hottest Phone Sex

    Scheduling sexy time

    Some people may think that marking “phone sex” into their calendar is the opposite of sexy, but it can be a good way to start.

    While it’s great to be spontaneous and flow naturally, it can be difficult to know if the other person is also in the mood. It’s hard to pick up signals and context over the phone since you can’t see the person. Plus, planning it out ahead of time adds anticipation into the mix, increasing the excitement leading up to the call.

    Incorporate some inspiration

    Seek inspiration by scrolling through some porn, or revisit sexy photos and videos of your partner if you have any. Describing a scenario you can already picture in your mind is a lot easier than trying to make something up on the spot. Another option is to read erotic literature and branch off one of the scenarios you find arousing.

    Don’t be afraid to use toys

    Toys aren’t just a good way to help physically pleasure yourself during phone sex, but also a great way to spark some sexy conversation. For example, if you’re using a vibrator, tell your partner exactly how you’re using it, where you’re putting it, and how it feels.

    You can also have your partner tell you exactly what to do with the toy (or vice versa) so that there’s an additional layer of connection and BDSM play.  

    Have fun!

    Don’t take yourself too seriously, relax, and have fun. Since phone sex is mostly an auditory format, it opens unique avenues of mental exploration and stimulates the most powerful erotic tool: The imagination.

    Phone sex, like our imaginations, can get a little weird, so laugh it off if things get awkward! Laughing together helps with bonding and trust, so even if your partner says something that makes you giggle or you think you’re being silly, it’s still a good time.

    Clara Wang

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  • Sexual Intimacy: Meaning, Benefits And Ways To Improve

    Sexual Intimacy: Meaning, Benefits And Ways To Improve

    In the realm of human connection, sexual intimacy stands as a potent catalyst, capable of transcending mere physicality and nurturing profound emotional bonds. Beyond mere pleasure, it entails fearlessly expressing our deepest desires, establishing a judgment-free haven for vulnerability, and embracing each other’s bodies. A robust sexual relationship acts as a conduit for transformation, nurturing acceptance, desire, and admiration, thereby forming the bedrock of a healthy partnership. 

    Once you understand sexual intimacy, meaning the importance of sex in a relationship, you’ll realize that sex undeniably plays a pivotal role in constructing enduring relationships. Let’s understand the importance of sexual intimacy in a relationship with insights from relationship and intimacy coach Shivanya Yogmayaa (internationally certified in the therapeutic modalities of EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT), who specializes in different forms of couples counseling.

    What Is Sexual Intimacy?

    Shivanya emphasizes that good physical intimacy in relationship is one of the most important factors because it makes you feel accepted, desired, and admired. It can also help balance your mental health. Sexual intimacy involves:

    • Deep emotional connection: Sexual intimacy involves open expression of desires and fantasies, fostering a profound emotional bond beyond physical interactions
    • Fearless expression: Partners communicate their sexual needs without judgment, creating an accepting and non-shameful space
    • Vulnerability and healing: Intimacy nurtures vulnerability, allowing partners to address past traumas together, leading to mutual healing
    • Mutual exploration: Understanding the difference between lovemaking vs sex is necessary here. Partners openly share their sexual desires, building a unique connection and a sense of admiration
    • Lasting bond: Sexual intimacy is key in cementing and strengthening the bond between a couple and creating a strong, lasting relationship through trust, understanding, and fulfillment

    Shivanya adds, “Sexual intimacy, meaning that you’re open to trying and exploring something new, makes both partners feel free to explore their fantasies. If there are any vulnerabilities involved, meaning if there’s been some past trauma related to sex in childhood or teenage years, they’re able to bear that in a comforting and non-judgemental space with their partner. They can talk about their triggers such as negative reactions or resistance when they’re touched.” 

    Related Reading: 11 Expert Tips On How To Increase Physical Intimacy In A Relationship

    How Sexual Intimacy Impacts Relationships

    Sexual intimacy serves as a potent adhesive for relationships, binding partners both emotionally and physically. It instills feelings of acceptance, desire, and contentment, cultivating a profound connection that fortifies their bond. According to a study, emotional and sexual aspects of intimacy in a romantic relationship are important markers of a couple’s relationship satisfaction. It’s not a sex vs intimacy scenario. Each presents a distinct yet interconnected aspect of relationships, but both are equally important.

    relationship intimacy
    Sexual intimacy improves relationship satisfaction

    “Besides bringing various health benefits for both individuals, nurturing sexual intimacy helps a couple’s relationship flourish with heightened closeness, contentment, and a mutual sense of being cherished and wanted. A vibrant sexual life often translates to enhanced overall relationship satisfaction,” adds Shivanya. This fulfillment breeds confidence in one’s body and improves vitality, positively influencing interactions with others.

    Both genders experience distinct sensations – women feel immersed in love, while men derive a sense of accomplishment from satisfying their partners. This shared fulfillment extends beyond the personal realm, influencing their interactions and even leadership capacities. Thus, emotional and sexual intimacy become catalysts for mutual prosperity and a healthy relationship.

    Related Reading: 11 Confessions By Married People On Why They Stopped Having Sex

    Benefits Of Sexual Intimacy

    “Sex is like a lubricant that keeps the relationship moving like a well-oiled machine by enhancing the physical and emotional well-being of the partners equally,” explains Shivanya. It gives both partners the confidence that they can count on each other, making them feel secure in their relationship. Partners also feel like they have something to look forward to when they come together. When sexual intimacy is not fulfilling, the love, care, and touch too are not fulfilling. In such cases, both feel unsafe in the relationship.

    When two people don’t feel safe in their relationship, they might not open up to each other. But in this case, physical touch can work as a love language. Sometimes, a loving touch speaks louder than words. By touching each other tenderly, partners can make each other feel safe and desired. It opens up space for a lot more in the relationship. The benefits of sexual intimacy go beyond the pleasurable aspects and also include: 

    1. Enhanced emotional bonding

    Engaging in sexual intimacy fosters deeper closeness in a relationship between partners. The release of oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘love hormone’, during physically intimate moments promotes feelings of trust, affection, and attachment, reinforcing the emotional foundation of the relationship. You’ll feel closer to your romantic partner if you’re engaging in more intimate sex. 

    Related Reading: Sexless Marriage Effect On Husband – 9 Ways It Takes A Toll On Him

    2. Stress reduction

    Sexual intimacy can be a natural stress reliever. If you are in a sexless relationship, it affects stress levels in life. An intimate relationship triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s feel-good chemicals, which can help reduce stress and anxiety levels, leading to a sense of relaxation and overall well-being. 

    3. Improved sleep quality

    Following moments of sexual intimacy, the body releases a hormone called prolactin, which is associated with feelings of relaxation and sleepiness. This can lead to improved sleep quality and overall restfulness, enhancing both partners’ physical and mental health.

    4. Better immune system

    There are several health benefits to having a good sex life. Studies suggest that engaging in regular sexual intimacy can enhance the immune system. It increases the production of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that helps protect the body against infections, making individuals less susceptible to illnesses. According to this research, sexually active women face a lower risk of cardiac events later in life. 

    5. Pain relief

    The release of endorphins during sexual intimacy not only reduces stress but also acts as a natural pain reliever. These chemicals can help alleviate headaches, menstrual cramps, and other forms of physical discomfort. 

    Related Reading: You Want To Talk To Your Wife About Lack Of Intimacy? 8 Ways To Do It

    6. Heightened self-esteem

    A satisfying sexual connection with a partner can also help you feel better about yourself. But sexual rejection, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect. Shivanya says, “Positive sexual experiences and the sense of acceptance from one’s partner can significantly impact self-esteem and body image. Feeling desired and admired can lead to improved self-confidence and self-worth.” 

    7. Calorie burn

    Sexual intimacy can be a form of physical exercise, burning calories and contributing to improved cardiovascular health. While it may not replace a regular workout routine, it can complement an active lifestyle. 

    8. Relationship satisfaction

    A satisfying sexual connection often translates into overall relationship satisfaction. Open communication about desires and preferences fosters trust, understanding, and a shared sense of fulfillment, promoting a healthy and long-lasting partnership. It is one of the core values in a relationship. In long-term relationships, both partners must have enough physical contact and sexual pleasure. Without physical closeness, the health of the relationship will suffer. 

    More on happy couplesMore on happy couples

    Tips For Improving Sexual Intimacy

    Sexual intimacy is a journey that requires effort, patience, and a willingness to grow together. By actively nurturing your connection and embracing vulnerability, you can create a fulfilling and passionate sexual relationship with your partner.

    Improving sexual intimacy in a relationship requires openly communicating feelings with your partner, trust, and a willingness to explore and connect with your partner on a deeper level. Here are some tips to enhance sexual intimacy:

    1. Communication is key

    To ensure a successful marriage or relationship, talk openly and honestly with your partner about your desires, needs, and boundaries. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and fantasies. Shivanya recommends the following tips for clear communication to improve your sexual experiences:

    • Open dialogue: Foster better sexual intimacy through honest conversations about desires, boundaries, and fantasies
    • Active listening: Deepen your connection by listening to your partner’s needs and preferences without judgment
    • Non-verbal cues: Enhance intimacy by paying attention to body language and reactions, responding intuitively
    • Timing and setting: Choose appropriate moments and comfortable settings for intimate discussions, ensuring both partners are relaxed
    • Feedback loop: Regularly exchange feedback to refine and explore new experiences, nurturing a fulfilling and evolving connection

    Related Reading: 7 Things No One Tells You About Married Sex

    2. Prioritize emotional connection

    Building emotional intimacy outside the bedroom strengthens the bond inside it. Engage in meaningful conversations, spend quality time together, and show affection and appreciation for each other regularly. Shivanya recommends sexual intimacy exercises like using intimacy cards. Games like these can help in opening up, especially when you’re a new couple. These playful cards dedicated to the sensuality and sexuality of both partners help even if one partner is very hesitant in expressing their wants and desires. Even non-sexual touch helps a lot in fostering this intimacy.

    types of intimacytypes of intimacy
    Intimacy begins outside the bedroom

    3. Explore each other’s fantasies

    For deeper sensual intimacy, it is important that both partners feel open and free. Be open to trying new things and exploring each other’s sexual fantasies. This can add excitement and novelty to your sexual experiences, deepening your connection. Whether your partner wishes to experiment with different approaches or use sex toys and aids to spice things up, indulge in their fantasies. That’s the key to improving physical intimacy in relationships.

    Related Reading: Intimacy Anorexia, Causes, And Impact On Romantic Relationships – And Ways To Deal With It

    4. Focus on foreplay

    Spend time on foreplay to build anticipation and arousal. This can heighten pleasure and create a more fulfilling sexual relationship and physical intimacy for both partners. You can either try out some sexual intimacy exercises or try to fulfill each other’s sexual fantasies in bed. 

    Here are a few exercises that might help:

    • Desire mapping: Each partner creates a list of their desires and fantasies separately. Both then share and discuss them openly to explore mutual interests
    • Sensory exploration: Blindfold one partner and use various textures, temperatures, and sensations to heighten awareness and build trust
    • Roleplay: Experiment with role-play scenarios, fostering new perspectives and igniting fresh passion
    • Tantric breathing: Engage in synchronized breathing during intimacy to deepen emotional and physical connection, promoting a more intense experience

    5. Be mindful and present

    Sex and emotions are intricately linked and affect relationship intimacy deeply. Focus on the moment and be present during your intimate encounters. Emotional closeness is extremely important for a relationship to be successful. Eliminate distractions and allow yourself to fully engage in the experience. Take time to explore your partner’s body. This will also make it easier to resolve any sexual intimacy issues as and when they arrive.

    Related Reading: 5 Ways Exercise And Fitness Improve Your Sex Drive

    6. Take care of your health

    Physical well-being plays a significant role in sexual intimacy. Sure, sex has several health benefits, but the converse is also true: being healthy is important for a good sex life. Here are a few tips to help you maintain good health:

    • Regular exercise: Engage in physical activity to improve cardiovascular health, maintain weight, and boost overall energy, impacting sexual vitality positively. You can even try couples’ workouts for sexual intimacy to complement your fitness regimen
    • Balanced diet: Consume nutrient-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains, promoting proper hormonal balance and circulation
    • Adequate sleep: Prioritize quality sleep to enhance mood, reduce stress, and support healthy hormone production. This is crucial for sexual well-being
    • Stress management: Practice relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing to reduce stress levels that can hinder sexual function
    • Open communication: Discuss health concerns with your partner and healthcare professionals, addressing any issues affecting sexual health promptly

    7. Experiment with sensuality 

    There are several ways to deepen physical intimacy for enhanced physical closeness. Create an impromptu date night at home and explore sexual acts beyond intercourse, such as sensual massage, kissing, or taking a bath together. These activities can foster a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. Trying new things in the bedroom will make the intimate act more fulfilling and ensure mutual pleasure. 

    Related Reading: If You Really Want To Make Your Wife Happy Give Her Some Me Time

    8. Seek professional help if needed

    Issues related to sexual intimacy can arise at any time in any relationship, whether you’ve been together a long time or are still in the initial stage of dating. An unsatisfying sexual connection can take a toll on other aspects of the relationship, driving partners apart. 

    If you or your partner face challenges related to sexual intimacy, consider seeking guidance from a sex therapist or counselor. They can help you identify the root of the issue and equip you with the necessary tools to overcome it. If you’re looking for help, skilled and experienced sexual health experts on Bonobology’s panel are here for you. 

    Key Pointers

    • A fulfilling sex life helps improve mental health, and sexual health. The benefits of a good sex life can be seen clearly in healthy relationships
    • A good sex life can enhance feelings and improve personal relationships as well. Try out new and intimate sex positions to keep things interesting
    • Physical touch and physical closeness are important components of healthy relationships
    • Not connecting sexually with your partner can affect the relationship negatively
    • Sexual intimacy in marriage sometimes takes a backseat. Try to revive it through experimenting with your desires and kinks
    • If nothing else works, scheduling intimacy is also a good way of getting back on track

    Sexual intimacy, a vital aspect of human connections, goes beyond physical pleasure, encompassing sexual affection and a range of intimate expressions that nurture relationships. If you’re still wondering, “Why is sex so important in a relationship?”, it is because, among other things, a healthy sexual relationship can improve the mental health of both sexual partners. 

    However, the effects of lack of intimacy in a relationship can be detrimental, leading to emotional distance and potential sexual dysfunction. By recognizing the significance of different types of intimacy and addressing sexual intimacy issues with care and understanding, couples can cultivate a deeper and more fulfilling bond, enhancing their relationship and overall quality of life.

    5 Reasons Why Intimacy Among Couples Fades And How You Can Prevent It

    Want To Talk To Your Wife About Lack Of Intimacy? 8 Ways To Do It

    15 Real Reasons Your Wife Avoids Intimacy

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  • How To Process Grief of Reproductive Trauma

    How To Process Grief of Reproductive Trauma

    Today, we’ll be discussing a very sensitive topic. That is, reproductive trauma.

    And while it can be difficult to talk about, it is definitely something that needs to be discussed in general. 

    To start a global conversation with the right support is the goal. But this may be thinking big.

    That is why, with the resources we have, we would love to approach the topic. 

    With many individuals facing unbearable pain because of it, both physical and psychological, we hope to offer comfort in the form of tools that may help you to deal with this kind of trauma.

    The term ‘reproductive trauma’ may seem slightly vague. 

    And the way in which we’ll talk about this very sensitive subject is in such a way that it covers any form of loss that involves the process of becoming a parent. 

    Some examples of reproductive trauma include, but are not limited to:

    In other words, reproductive trauma is a spectrum. And everyone who experiences it will have a unique experience that often encompasses grief and feelings of pain. 

    Reproductive Trauma: A Gateway To Other Forms of Pain

    In the realm of reproductive trauma, it is possible for the trauma itself to give way to another form of heartache and pain. One that is not related to their reproductive trauma.

    For example, if someone has experienced a miscarriage they could also be dealing with the pain associated with not becoming a parent. 

    They may have mentally prepared to have a child and/or created a special space in their home for their unborn child—all of which can result in the shattering of a dream. This makes this kind of trauma extremely difficult and complex.

    Having said that, there are ways to work through the trauma. 

    Reproductive Trauma: A Qualitative Study 

    At the end of 2022 two researchers, Clay and Marjorie Brigance, conducted a study while they were experiencing reproductive trauma first-hand (infertility followed by a complicated pregnancy).

    The study was designed as a duoethnography, which is a collaborative research method where the researchers themselves are the test subjects.

    In this case the two researchers, who are a couple, used open dialogue as a means to compare and contrast their experience as well as tools such as listening, interrogation, and questioning themselves and their partner. 

    Throughout the study they documented their trials and tribulations through in-depth conversations and journaling. What they found was that the experience of reproductive trauma is ambiguous, making it hard to actually grieve. 

    “When a physical death occurs, we have rituals to process this loss. However, there is no ritual with the grief of infertility or early pregnancy loss. We often suffer in silence,” says the research couple. 

    Their biggest takeaway from their study was that it’s important to talk about it, so that it is no longer a scary secret. That, and how crucial it is to really sit with the feelings without trying to fix them.

    “The more we can talk about it, the more we can normalize it,” says the researchers. 

    The Results: Trauma & Attachment Styles 

    At the end of the study, the couple had some interesting findings. 

    They found that their unprocessed trauma led to decreased empathy, which brought about an avoidant-insecure attachment style. 

    This kind of attachment style is when, instead of craving intimacy, a person will be wary of closeness with another and they will try to avoid emotional connections. Instead, they would rather rely on themselves during their time of pain.

    Additionally, they found that when they did process their trauma by having empathetic communication and spiritual connection, their attachment style was more secure couple attachment. 

    This attachment style is made up of a person appreciating their own self-worth and their ability to be themselves in a relationship. They also actively seek support and comfort from their partner, and are happy for their partner to do the same. 

    With these results, the researchers were able to summarize their findings into three different ways in which people could overcome reproductive trauma. 

    3 Ways To Help Overcome Reproductive Trauma

    If you, or someone you know, is experiencing reproductive trauma, these three pieces of advice may be helpful: 

    1. Realizing that you are not alone

    As mentioned above, dealing with reproductive trauma can be difficult because it can be ambiguous. It’s hard to accept or work through trauma when you don’t know how to do it, and it can feel extremely isolating. 

    But, it’s in these times that you should remind yourself that you’re not alone. The more you talk about it, the more solace and grieving you can experience. 

    For this, it’ll prove invaluable for you to find a community or person(s) who truly understands you and can empathize. 

    2. Sit with the emotions, don’t try to “fix” them

    In the study, it was found that when one partner validated the other’s feelings, it was more effective than trying to “fix” or “solve” them. 

    “If you want to experience relational closeness, it means sitting with the pain,” says Brigance. “This could come in a comment like, ‘This is just so hard. I see your hurt.’”

    3. Don’t let outside opinions get to you or sway how you’re feeling

    It’s natural for people to want to give you advice or guidance. But just because everyone has an opinion doesn’t mean that they are true or valid. 

    If you choose to listen to outside advice, remember that not all of it will be helpful. Everyone is allowed to have thoughts and feelings on parenthood, but it is only you who knows what your trauma feels like. 

    In times like these, leaning on your partner or a mental health professional may be the best thing to do as you grieve.

    If you are going through reproductive trauma, we hope that these tips and information have helped you in some way. 

    Talking through your pain however, as opposed to trying to fix it, could just be the best way to deal with your grief (and if you have one, become closer to your partner). You are not alone, and your feelings are valid.

    Helena Lorimer

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  • Trump Proposes ‘Press the Meat’ Show – Bill Tope, Humor Times

    Trump Proposes ‘Press the Meat’ Show – Bill Tope, Humor Times

    “Press the Meat” is set to debut in two weeks, and reportedly will feature the ex-president’s wide-ranging sex exploits.

    Former President Donald J. Trump has gone public with a proposal for a programming alternative to NBC’s storied political affairs program, Meet the Press, which has been a Sunday morning mainstay for more than 75 years. Trump will call his new show “Press the Meat,” and it will feature news reports, testimonials and current events concerning the ex-president’s wide-ranging sex life.

    Press the MeatSaid PTM executive produce Tucker Carlson, the show will debut on Dec. 5 which, he said, “is Long Dong Silver’s birthday.” The famed porn star is the person after whom “the Donald has modeled his whole career.” According to Carlson. Trump became associated with Silver during the ex-president’s sexual affair with Stormy Daniels, which never happened.

    Press the Meat will appear on Trump’s platform Truth Social and will be divided into three segments: 1) A Synopsis of all things sexual and manly that Trump has been up to over the previous week; Celebrity Spotlight: a summary of all the “hot, voluptuous, beautiful people that the president has nailed;” and 3) a Studied Comparison of Trump’s sexual organs with the clearly lesser genitalia of his political opponents. (Nikki Haley will be contrasted with Melania).

    Unlike Meet the Press, which is available to viewers at no cost, Press the Meat will require viewers to donate a $100 “love offering” to the coffers of the Trump PAC, which goes to pay for Trump’s attorney fees and political efforts in the 2024 election cycle. Trump tells viewers not to feel bad about the subscription fee because,“The joke is really on the lawyers,” remarked Trump, “because in the end they won’t get paid anyway.”

    Press the Meat will run ads for Trump Enterprises, encompassing such products as Trump Steaks, Trump Steak Knives, Shzitka (Trump Vodka), as well as mentorships at the revamped Trump College for White People (TCWP), an institute of higher learning which opened its doors this month.

    Sign up for Press the Meat today, urges Carlson, because the first hundred thousand subscribers will receive life-size cutouts of the “true size of Trump’s hands.” Non-subscribers will receive two cutouts.

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    Bill Tope

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  • Tips on How to Maintain Intimacy When You’re Tired

    Tips on How to Maintain Intimacy When You’re Tired

    When you’re in the midst of the whirlwind of life, sometimes the most important things fall by the wayside. We’re looking at you intimacy.

    Life can be tiring, we get it. Between jobs, school, kids, working out, maintaining a social life, and all the other things you’re juggling, sometimes one of the last things you prioritize is your intimate life. Although it may not feel like one of your top priorities, it is a vital part of most people’s lives, from your relationships to your relationship with yourself and self-care. 

    Single people, before you click away thinking this doesn’t apply to you, this is for everyone. You experience intimacy in your romantic relationships but also in your friendships and even with yourself. No matter what the dynamic is, being burnt out can take a toll on your relationships. So how do you maintain intimacy when you’re tired?

    The Intimacy Catch 22

    Here’s the conundrum: Feeling close to yourself and other people is a vital part of life. Intimacy helps with stress management, increases feelings of well-being, and adds an extra layer of love and juiciness to life.

    Intimacy makes you feel better, especially when things are tough. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the first things to disappear when you’re under stress. That’s the catch-22. Even though it’s one of the things that helps you the most, it’s difficult to maintain when the pressure of life is on. 

    This is a quick reminder that intimacy is a lot more than sex. While that can certainly be a part of it, intimacy is the overall feeling of closeness that you have in your relationships. This includes physical intimacy like sex and cuddling, and emotional intimacy like being honest with each other and feeling comfortable talking about what’s on your heart and mind. 

    Sometimes you need a little shove in the right direction to remember how to fill up your own cup. Ofen filling up your cup means turning to those around you. 

    Talk About Your Needs

    Your partner is not a mind reader. If you’re craving more intimacy in your relationship – you need to tell them. You may both be caught up in your own little stressful worlds of work and life, making it that much more difficult to connect. 

    It’s probably not either one of your faults, life can be hard and these things happen, but you can take steps to help remedy it. You want to bridge the gap that’s developed between you two without blaming anyone.

    Here are some ways to approach this conversation:

    • “I know we’re both busy, but it’s important for us to make time to connect.”
    • “I love you, and I don’t want the stress of life to keep getting in the way of our relationship.”
    • “It may not seem like it right now, but you’re my favorite person and I want to spend time with you.”

    Tapping into intimacy can sometimes be more complex than saying dropping one of these lines, but they’re a good start. When things are really tough, or you’re dealing with serious life stressors, you may need outside support to help facilitate the conversation. 

    Go to A Couple’s Therapist

    People often think of couples therapy as something people go to when they’re about to break up or get divorced. But therapy is for anyone who wants another way to improve their relationship with themself and everyone around them. 

    Couples’ therapy gives you a dedicated space and time for you to discuss whatever is happening in your own lives as well as your life together that is getting in the way of your relationship. Your therapist can help give valuable, objective insights that can give you clarity on your relationship, as well as practical tools for you to use to help maintain intimacy. 

    Just like any relationship, finding the right therapist can take time. But it’s an invaluable tool when trying to maintain intimacy in the middle of your busy lives. 

    Schedule Mini-Dates

    A lack of intimacy sometimes comes down to time. You’re short on time so even if you have the best of intentions, you don’t leave time for intimacy. 

    One way to help deal with this is by scheduling mini-dates. If you don’t have enough time for a weekly date, this at least gives you time to check in with each other, and have little moments for love when you need it most. 

    Looking for some mini-date ideas? We’ve got you covered:

    • Take a lunch break together for a sweet little meal with one rule – don’t talk about work!
    • Spend 10 minutes in the morning to cuddle and talk about any dreams you had last night, or what you want to focus on today.
    • Make time to cook dinner together, even if it’s something simple you have time to connect without screens and do something you need to do anyway.
    • Run errands together. Again, have fun doing something you have to do anyway.
    • Make time for a quickie before dinner – sex is important!

    Maintain Intimacy with Yourself

    Intimacy starts with yourself. Maintaining intimacy with your partner (if you have one) is that much easier when you’re feeling connected to yourself. Although we’re emphasizing the importance of connecting with your partner, it’s ok to prioritize time for yourself.

    When you make time for yourself, you’re able to show up that much more fully in your relationship. It may seem like you don’t have time, but even just a few minutes here and there can make a world of a difference.

    These are some tips on increasing intimacy with yourself:

    • Develop a morning routine like journaling, stretching, or reading with your morning beverage.
    • Try a self-care practice like meditation, yoga, or breathwork. 
    • Solo therapy can be essential for your well-being, and in turn, help your relationships.
    • Masturbation is a great way to connect with yourself and bring a more spicy version of yourself to the table. 

    We know how frustrating it can be to feel disconnected from your partner, or that your needs aren’t being met. Especially when life is wearing you down. You and your relationship are worth it. Take a little extra time and you’ll be amazed at how much more smoothly the rest of your life seems.

    Natasha Weiss

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